#I just figured it'd be fun uwu | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tartrazeen · 1 year ago

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This is so damn long that I don't even know what to do with myself.

Drama! Angst! Romance kinda! Bickering! Slow morph into fanfiction sorta! It was in my head and had to get out, so I apologize for nothing uwu

10. Ivar, Rohan, and Deirdre

There's a lot among these characters that speak to me. Angus, as much as I love him and have totally put him at the centre of this, can't be the only one who gets attention. It'd be a little too self-indulgent, but more importantly, I can give him better attention when I've figured out the stories, since there'll be more for him to play with after.

Rohan's thing is one of those "starts complicated but is really simple" arcs. I'm having fun disguising it so the others see someone trying to get through a door he didn't even know was open, then trying to rip it open when he thinks it's suddenly closing without him. In doing that, he's bowled everybody over (including Angus), and the others are concerned (including Rohan himself). But while I love the thought of him going too far or Angus realizing he needs a hand with Rohan for once, I'm not a fan of 'hiding it from the others' plots. Especially not with these two, and for two distinct reasons:

One, in my head, Rohan has always been able to tell when he's crossed a line. Whether he can stop himself from crossing it is the angsty bit I play with, but there's no one who beats themselves up over mistakes more than he does. It's too integral to his character to take it away, since this is the guy who ran off when he found out Maeve was his mom, then came back to Kells out of guilt and shame to admit it. Not even to some select people to help keep it a secret; he immediately told the King of Kells that he was the Queen of Temra's kid and gave proof. So he's not gonna hide anything he's done that's 'bad', and he's not gonna force someone else to hide it for him.

Two, Angus is absurdly unafraid of Rohan's capacity to hurt him. It's my favourite part of their friendship, 'cause as much as Angus is a powerhouse from moving at a 10 in every fight, we get more signs that Rohan only spars at a 6, that he stops to let others yield before he's forced to ramp up, and that he does these things 'cause he's physically strong and is trying to handle his strength. But idk if I've said this already: despite that, in the episode where they learn he's Draganta and Angus makes fun of him, Rohan sasses back, and Angus' response is to stand up. Deirdre intervenes, but the plan damn well seemed to be knocking respect into someone who's half a head taller.

It's not about fighting, though. It's about Angus knowing he can manage this guy. The number of times Rohan's exploded and Angus just tells him to calm down, and the equal number of times he was shocked Rohan didn't listen and went off to do something dumb anyway, plus those other times Rohan panicked and ran away only for Angus catch up and grab him in that state - like, you know the episode where Maeve compels Rohan to come to Temra and Cathbad literally warns that he's been enchanted? Angus grabs him once, gets shaken off, and despite the obvious DANGER face Rohan is making, Angus grabs him a second time. If Kells was a zoo and Rohan was the tiger exhibit, that's Angus climbing into the cage to pet the kitty. And since he never gets the "Idiot mauled at the zoo" headline for it, only a "Wow This Man Raised A Tiger From A Baby And They Still Have A Beautiful Bond" TikTok montage, he expected Rohan wouldn't hurt him. It happened, but then it was a mistake, so it ended with Angus like, "it's a tiger and accidents happen, what're ya gonna do :3" ("Quit going in the tiger cage." "No.")

If it's not a mistake, there's Angus standing up. It's Rohan's chance to yield to Angus, because the one time he doubles down to continue fighting, it gets a whole-ass episode that still ends with Rohan having to apologize. Sure, Angus was sad and wanted his friend back too, but he didn't even turn around after Rohan said he was sorry. So for me, what's integral to Angus is telling the accidents apart from the real attacks, and not hesitating to jump on those accordingly. After all, his sword was out exactly as fast as the other two when Rohan was enchanted. :P

So that's what this mini-series is doing. Angus is going through hell with the pressure Rohan's put on him, but it's Rohan getting carried away and Angus working to absorb that enthusiasm rather than Rohan purposely forcing Angus into anything. The difference is if Angus gets hurt, that's a line being crossed, not the goal. Cue Rohan being horrified or Angus losing his shit, both of which mean Rohan loses his friend entirely.

Everyone has their eye on this; it's why Ivar's so deeply involved. Where they differ is in how close Angus should get be allowed to it. Deirdre and Garrett notice things they try to 'fix' on their sides, because they don't like how he is when there's any movement towards him getting truly hurt. Lines don't have to be crossed, 'cause the problem's about potentially crossing it. Angus sees everything up to his line as fair game, or else why have a line at all, and while Ivar can't talk him out of that mindset, he can at least see whether the next thing would land on the 'good' side or finally shoot past, and then by how far.

But Rohan.

He's not as strict as Deirdre and Garrett because he knows how Angus thinks. But he's not as accommodating as Ivar because... well, he knows how Angus thinks. His friend will take on the max of what he can handle, and something unexpected would drop onto him and break everything, and if Ivar would just tell him exactly what Angus was saying, Rohan could predict what that thing would be with far more accuracy.

That's exactly why Ivar isn't doing it.

A dangerous game seems to be brewing beneath them. Ivar's gives Rohan enough news to gain a better sense of where Angus is, but not enough for Rohan himself to know. At the start, that was all to let Angus have one person who'd let him talk freely. As these relationships went on, however, and the others began going places Rohan couldn't, Ivar wondered if he'd also been protecting this from being used as an edge to 'persuade' Angus along, steering him in certain directions.

Those two might've seen each other every day because they shared a hut, but Rohan's sulking when Angus didn't see him 'enough' was new, and felt eerily precise in falling within what Angus would enable. Enabling it meant there was less of Angus to go on as he'd been, but the latest change wasn't to have Rohan back off. It was to orchestrate a new connection between Deirdre and Garrett. More time available for Angus to finally reclaim, and while he did keep most of it for himself, some of it did go to Rohan.

Ivar's story is considerably more complicated than Rohan's. There's a lot of care for how Angus is, but there's much less self-reflection. While Rohan's tormenting himself with guilt over jealousy and selfishness, Ivar's sizing up the damage it'll do if it lands on Angus next. And Rohan agrees, even if it has to only be in principle, and tries to find the outlets he can elsewhere.

That does land on Angus, who's back to thinking Rohan's avoiding him, but it gives him his time to spend with Deirdre and Garrett - and the three of them are having fun. Ivar's being careful, you see, because he's not doing what he's quietly accused Rohan of. Angus needs to control his own life again, and any of it gained by getting air from one of them won't be for Ivar's own benefit. Not directly, at least. If Angus seems more relaxed when he stops by Ivar's room in the evening, albeit bittersweet in how Rohan's given up insisting on daily dates, then it's a pleasant consequence of his progress.

It's one more way to ensure they never cross that line again.

They're both still affected by it, though Angus insists it bothers Ivar more than him at this point. Occasionally he'll relent and admit it's nice to have his freedom back, since he lost touch with how to be the happy peasant enjoying a meal at the royal table. Then Angus moves on from talking at all because surely that's depressing, and his visits are meant to be a happy peasant enjoying a meal at a royal table.

It goes on like that. One night, there's nothing Angus talks about. He wants to focus on Ivar instead, and if anything, thank him for what they've already and endlessly gone over.

And then it goes on like that.

The creeping sense of failure starts to prickle at Ivar's mind. He and Rohan still meet to discuss Angus and how they should help, and Rohan corroborates his worries: if Angus isn't talking, something is wrong. It's possible a nuance is lost with what little Ivar's able to safely say, but from of Angus' own mouth before, royals can't be argued with. Ivar is a royal, and Angus was insisting everything was fine.

Rohan, at least, is no stranger to that feeling of failure. It's truly good to have him for these talks. Ivar needs anyone who understands.

The next time Angus visits, Ivar asks him if he's alright. There's a change in the thief's expression, if only momentarily, before he says he is. Ivar says he's pleased to hear it, accepts this answer with no argument, and moves on to the rest of the night without resistance.

It becomes their worst fight.

Angus doesn't come by for several days after. Rohan comes over for all of them. Funnily enough, his overbearing presence offers some comfort. Ivar grants Angus a bit of credit in choosing to keep Rohan around in that state, but decides not to draw any parallels in the insistence to see Ivar daily.

According to Garrett, things are going well with Deirdre. Angus was happy to leave them alone - although if Garrett's honest, he would've preferred if Angus gave it more time. Ivar passes it along to Rohan. Garrett is deeply grateful, and Ivar's vindicated in what he'd thought from the start: nobody adjusts that fast. Angus bouncing from those lows and pretending as if they'd never happened in the first place was disrespectful in every way Angus explicitly feared being. They should have been past this, and Angus should've been able to say he wasn't fine, it was still in his mind, but he wanted to ignore it. Rohan might've been willing to live with extrapolations from bits and pieces of a conversation, but Ivar left every possible opportunity for Angus to be honest for once.

Angus tells him that he isn't fine, it was still in his mind, and he wants to ignore it.

Then he leaves for significantly longer.

The others continue to see him.

It's Deirdre who visits next. Ever-loyal Rohan chose Angus again, who Deirdre says was seething. It isn't a fight like those two would have, where they only allowed each other's opinions, and yet still discarded those opinions until they were bored and eventually made up. Angus wanted everyone's thoughts on this. No opinion was worse than the last, because he couldn't even muster the focus to block out everyone else in his rage. Apparently, that privilege was reserved for only the highest tiers in Angus' life.

Ivar tried to apologize and end this. Angus asked what was ending. Ivar asked what else there was. Angus had many, many choices of words, but no answer.

The breaking point was inevitable. Their group was in disarray, their training awkwardly shuffled, briefings unattended in full - and Angus was the one to make the sacrifice, deciding he had the least to lose in the eyes of the king should someone need to be blamed. Rohan hadn't talked Angus out of it, letting him run off again to wherever. Ivar didn't protest it or comment. Those briefings were the clearest his mind had been in quite a while. He felt like himself again, not a nanny or a reckless debaucher.

No one had to choose anymore. Ivar didn't need to strain himself trying to help someone who had plenty of help as it was. Even Deirdre was involved in this now, as Angus had deigned to tell her for, ultimately Rohan's sake, and Deirdre had taken it upon herself to simply broach the subject of her demands with its keeper. And Rohan had conceded those demands. And both of them had reaped the rewards. Even as Ivar had been the one to manoeuvre them through the concerns that Deirdre had raised regarding Rohan's threats to take his entitled obsession to new heights, never sure what news would tip him over or put him on the attack, because the man had as much self-awareness as the princess apparently had restraint.

"I wonder what's wrong with me," Garrett said.

Ivar's rant, finished by then, didn't know what the other prince was getting at.

"Deirdre's self-absorbed, you're transactional, Rohan's spineless," Garrett said, "Angus tells everybody what they want to hear, and I'm in all of your company. I wonder what's wrong with me."

Ivar thinks on this puzzle for quite some time. Eventually, he answers, "Didn't Fin Varra say you don't ask for help?"

"That doesn't make me special. None of you do that," Garrett snaps. "Wait here. I'll fix this for you."

How Garrett had passed a test of 'humility' was its own miracle.

How three other Mystic Knights sat through Garrett telling them all what their problems were felt like a secret test that failed to even reward them with weapons.

"I'm going to find Angus. You have until I'm back to prepare your decision." Parchment appeared in Rohan's hands. "What the three of you decree will be how Angus behaves with you in the future."

Rohan spoke for all of them when he indignantly replies, "I'm not decreeing how he behaves."

"Why not? You're royalty, Rohan. We decree others' behaviour every day," Garrett says. "If you're worried you'll be treating him as your subject, think of how well you're doing with him as your king."

"He won't follow it," Deirdre points out. "He hardly listens to us as it is."

"Then you have nothing to lose nor fear," Garrett tells her. "'Nothing' is an answer."

And Garrett leaves.

Deirdre's the first to give her opinion, as predictable as the opinion herself. For her, the matter had already been decided. Angus was free to choose whoever his heart drew him to, which was no less than what she would expect for herself.

Rohan, with significantly more hesitation, agreed. They couldn't tell anyone how to behave. This mess had started that way in the first place. In fact, when Angus had them all engaged separately, it'd been the smoothest things had been among them.

Rohan, whether he knew it or not, was referring to the first of Angus' many broken nights in Ivar's arms, where the crushing weight of these two in particular had nearly destroyed him. Rohan's unrelenting insistence to involve himself while Ivar had been telling him Angus was fragile had been the largest contribution to this mess that they were still attempting to clean up.

So under Deirdre's skillfully drawn proposal for Angus to choose among them freely, Ivar wrote, "Angus will choose Ivar."

Perhaps he could have been more subtle, or sown coyer seeds of introspection. But frankly, Garrett had eaten lunch, and Angus tended not to keep him as long when he did.

The first draft came with a minor victory for negotiations. Garrett received a break in the screaming long enough to receive a ripped scrap with "Wait" hastily scrawled on it. They'd unanimously approved, then went back to it.

There was no second draft that night, but there was an update. Rohan, as he lived with Angus, was tasked with delivering it: discussions would continue in the morning. Details would not be shared in advance. It wasn't until he reported back the next day, arriving at Ivar's room with several more scrolls of parchment, that Ivar realized how worried he'd been about what Rohan would actually say. The relief that overtook his fear was palpable to both of them - but shared as well. Rohan had stuck to those words, ones that took an hour on their own reflect all three perspectives, and Angus had had a single reply to that official, unified announcement: "Should've done that with Maeve."

The rules were established. Breaks were to be held intermittently. Food was arranged to be sent. The shouting hadn't fully stopped, despite their best efforts, but the castle's doors were thick. The fury had soared effortlessly into the hall, but it would have only sounded like blather. The rumours were inevitable but sufficiently incomplete, and based more on titillating expectations than any truth of what was said. They would deny everything as they left this room, leaving whatever was said behind unless transcribed onto their agreement. The agreement itself would likely need to be burned, as they couldn't very well have it left out in the open - or hidden like a dragon egg.

It seemed no excuses were needed to dissuade the king from interrupting, either; Deirdre's assurances that they wouldn't kill each other was enough. There'd been debate on whether Rohan should return to the hut or stay with Cathbad, but ultimately, they'd decided Rohan should go to keep the other two aware. There'd been further debate on whether the three should rotate, but that ended up as the breakthrough for the real progress to begin: Deirdre loved staying with Angus but refused to stay in the hut, Ivar loved Angus in his bed but they always bickered after sleeping for longer than a nap, and Rohan just missed him. Deirdre put it the best, which Ivar meant with the inclusion of the battle it kicked off, by rolling her eyes.

So much frustration, hurt, anger, betrayal, embarrassment, shame, and regret poured out of them. For starters, of course Rohan was allowed to miss Angus. But he couldn't use that answer for everything, as if he inherently missed Angus more. That pulled out the problem they'd been dancing around in terms of - as Deirdre put it best again - "the fucking friendship," as if none of theirs mattered to Angus or Rohan. What did it say about how close they were when the only claim Rohan had was the passage of time? And truly, since Deirdre and Ivar had actually had their hands on Angus, Rohan failed to establish any time-related claims since this wasn't about his and Angus' friendship.

It wasn't about dates, Rohan had said. Not only had he learned that himself, but Angus' endless complaints about told where to be and what to do had driven them all crazy. And for what it was worth, Ivar's horrendous - Ivar hadn't expected such a harsh word, but 'horrendous' was what Rohan used - insistence that Angus perform enough of a miserable dance to satisfy some need to have it in the open, when Ivar had taken such glee in gloating that he was the only one Angus could talk to in confidence. Rohan had let them have their space when it had been killing him not to interrupt, and whatever else he'd planned on saying was cut off by Deirdre's cynical bark of laughter at 'space'. Ivar agreed, though he was slow to speak as he attempted to digest Rohan's words.

He let the other two yell about entitlement to other people's time while he sat on his bed to consider the accusation.

After however many minutes passed, Ivar interrupted for their thoughts. Did they think, as Garrett had, that he was transactional?

Rohan and Deirdre seemed confused at first and slowly disagreed. But then Rohan said, "Unless you mean with Angus," to which Deirdre added, "Yes, you're transactional with him."

They proceeded to elaborately explain how nights with Ivar demanded a set amount of revelations before the prince was happy, drawing from details they couldn't come up with on their own - ones Ivar had sworn to never share with anyone outside of this room, and so had been from Angus choosing to throw them away on his own. When he had needed to talk, they said, there used to be peace following it. Lately, and contrary to Ivar's budding assumption of having been making Angus worse, Angus was distraught at how much worse Ivar was making things for himself. Deirdre missed the finer points she hadn't been privy to, but whatever Angus had done to spark this fixation, Ivar wouldn't move off of it. It'd taken Angus putting the words into Rohan's mouth to have him finally stop asking. If that was all that 'talking freely' won him, Angus was better off kicking the trees.

Rohan landed the final blow: this was - accordingly to Angus - what Ivar wanted as pay. While he'd gone along as best he could, he thought he'd rather have Ivar bored than wallowing in Angus' agony. And then - still according to Angus - Ivar got bored. No matter what he felt for the prince, it wasn't worth the price to keep chasing it, and neither was picking through the corpse of what remained.

Ivar wanted to know what Angus had felt.

With more defeat than he'd heard from their leader in months, Rohan bitterly remarked, "He doesn't tell you everything, I guess."

Deirdre, whose fists were gripped tightly enough in her sleeves to turn her knuckles white, slid below that bitterness with her own: "Yet still more than me."

Their final debate is nearly silent, made through only the softest whispers. It's to decide whether they ask if Angus loves any of them. Deirdre doesn't see the point, as having to ask seems like its own answer. Rohan thinks the question is unfair, as Angus can't win with anything he says.

It's Ivar who finds merit in asking, but not by framing it as a question. To Ivar, they've already done the impossible. They've drawn blood from this stone, getting more from their thief than any of them knew they'd wanted in the first place, and certainly more than he intended to provide. Garrett put them in here to write a decree. Instead of endlessly reworking the terms of their covert, haphazard, or nearly non-existent arrangements, tell Angus what they wanted. Define it as they all saw fit. Let him see what he was truly up against, and decide from there what he was willing to give.

Deirdre asks if they should write their own. Rohan says no, as knowing Angus, he'll say yes to all three to keep the peace. They'd be back at this in a week, and the simple truth of Rohan's insight breathes new focus into Ivar. They'll write it together, then. All of it. Even parts for each other if somebody's failed to find their words.

That night, their update for Angus is that the discussions would continue in the morning. And that they miss him.

Angus' message back is not to do too well at this, or Garrett will be insufferable.

And he misses them too.

I'm playing with the Mystic Knight polycule today 😝

I've never actually considered polycules in a fandom before, but as soon as @schimmelspore put it in my head, I dunno - this time, it clicked. This show lends itself so well to one because each character gives you a concrete personality to work with. It means even when certain dynamics aren't getting the same kind of screentime to show you what would happen, it's still easy to picture how it would be playing out somehow.

The dynamics all have something unique about them too, which might be why I've never thought a lot about polycules before. What I've been stuck with is "Okay, you two date like this, and you two date in the exact opposite way, and then when you switch, here's how you make sure all these exact same roles are in play but with different people doing them." Like a constantly self-enforcing hierarchy where every single one of them has a clear rank within the group, or a checklist of 'top/bottom/verse' that everyone has to complete. Or like a rote partner swap. Not fun for me.

But this is fun, because if two or three people are together at a time, you can't just slip in someone else without changing absolutely everything about how they interact with each other. Their relationships are distinct, and there's an equally distinct consideration that has to be made when someone else is added to the mix. There's always a slight moment of, "Is this person intruding on what these other ones are doing, even if they have all independent relationships outside of this?"

The best part is how I feel totally free from the boringly standard, "This person's a top and therefore also the dom, and this person's a bottom and therefore also the sub" fandom patterns. Like - putting aside how these characters seem so fluid across those anyway, since it's not something that just gets boiled down into sex, it feels like as soon as the tone or mood changes, everything else could change on a dime. There's a certain level of receptiveness that I get from them where they adapt to each other rather than inherently stick to their 'assigned role'. Even purposely 'sticking to a role' is situational.

There's just so much drama in this group that nothing has any reason to be consistent. Especially with the royalty factor involved in terms of who has a title, who grew up with a title, who's willing or able to put titles aside at any given moment, and how that holds up to the relationship that exists outside of any titles at all, there's a constantly shifting balance of power. To me, there are as many times where someone's insisting royalty plays a part in an interaction as there as times where it's purposely inverted, subconsciously maintained, mutually cancelled out, or inevitably overruled by the rest of the relationship (particularly where Angus is involved for that one). And like I said, depending on the tone or mood at that moment, that can all shift and shift again. Someone says something off-handedly and - bam. Things change, and there's a new question on whether they try to ignore it, notice and embrace it, or stop to figure out what it means.

And that's before we start counting the number of brain cells involved to realize, "ohhhhohohoho these guys are doomed if they pull on that thread" or "they are not gonna fucking notice that 🙃"

So for me, even though this hyperfixation of the past-several-months has been filled with many, many scenarios and daydreams of everybody getting along (or not lmao), one thing I haven't visualized is how everyone would get together. Obviously I have my favourite dynamics within everything either along the way or after everyone's discovered this can exist for them, but I'd like a little fanon narrative for how they first come together - so I can immediately reimagine it in forty other different ways 😝

Yaaaaaaay here we goooooooooo

1. Angus and Rohan

Not like you'd think! I don't see these two getting together right away. In fact, I think they'd be dead last in getting officially together, and that it'd almost represent the polycule being 'complete' - quote unquote. :)

It's almost like they're bookending the whole thing: they're at the heart of this, they're the ones with the first connection of any kind (canonically!), and they're the ones with the most increasingly obnoxious "will they or won't they" that serendipitously serves as a springboard for everyone else to learn new things about themselves, mostly 'cause the others get to take a look at these two's mess and go, "LOL we are not fucking doing that."

But yes, they are my foundation for everything else. In my mind, if it wasn't for Rohan, Angus would very happily shack up with the other three at varying levels of shallowness or sincerity, but they would be entirely independent of everyone else. In other words, Angus would be cheating on all of them with all of them, and there'd be nothing bringing them all together. Rohan's the door to something 'real' - something Angus can't carelessly break and throw away, can't really outrun, and can't neatly separate into 'public' and 'private' relationships since Rohan doesn't 'do' that kind of discretion. Rohan's a painfully all-in type of person; he's the walking embodiment of a powder keg. Compared to him, everyone else is on the 'manageable' end of the scale when it comes to Angus confronting some genuine feelings, since everyone else is automatically less intense than Rohan is, and by the time these two actually figure something out with each other, those genuine feelings for everyone else stop being as scary to grapple with - 'cause again, everyone else is a thousand times less intense about it.

Likewise, if it wasn't for Angus, nobody would be getting together at all. Deirdre is too prim and proper about being a princess to initiate anything herself. Ivar's a guest in this kingdom, and while I could see him openly pursuing someone else in Kells - or Garrett, actually - I don't see him going anywhere near Deirdre (his host) or Rohan (waaaaay too much work to get him on Ivar's level). If Ivar did go after anyone, I definitely don't see it connecting to Deirdre or Rohan eventually. Those two are quite content to stare in sadly from a window, pining for romance with some theoretical soulmate that might've been in that cancelled season two lol. And Garrett? 😑 The reason Garrett wouldn't be bringing these people together is "Garrett." 'Nuff said.

It's Angus who's that common ground. :D It's Angus who's universally approachable, enticed, willing, and rule-breaking enough for "Hey, you wanna make out a little" to be a question any of them could actually be brave enough to ask (not Rohan; I mean the others), and for "Hey, you wanna make out with us" to be a question they get asked without immediately slapping the asker in the face and saying no. Unless that's their 'thing' and it's actually how they say yes. 🤔 Angus is too open for anything for his own good lmao, I love him.

So yeah - Angus is everyone's initial connection to each other, and Rohan's what turns it from being a fun romp that can end whenever into a full-blown committed relationship. Not to say that everyone's going to be as ungodly serious as Rohan is, but he's going to at least show that that is on the table. And I said 'initial' connection for Angus, because I do think some of these relationships could exist even if things fall or drift apart, but there wouldn't be something with just Rohan, Deirdre, Ivar and Garrett that could last. Angus needs to be in there to do a surprising amount of maintenance and distractions across these competing personalities. They'd kill each other without him, is what I'm saying.

But as for how they - Angus and Rohan specifically - are with each other...

My God. These two. A mess.

I'm not as concerned with whether or not either of them consciously know or suspect anything. I have my preferences, which I'll get to in a sec, but given how both of them are, they're - hilariously - gonna act the exact same way no matter what combination of 'knows' and 'doesn't know' you'd use.

My favourite is that Rohan felt something for Angus back when they were kids. He consciously remembers the moment, and in my head, it was just that they were lying in the grass and making up stories about the stars, and Angus happened to look over at Rohan in a way that stuck in Rohan's mind forever. And in a very 'Angus' way too, so Rohan keeps seeing reminders of it again as they're growing up, since - like... well, it's Angus' face. That's just what his face is. And sometimes there'll be a moment where Rohan's like, "Hm, like that one night," and then go back to whatever it was he was doing - which he's become very good at, since he mostly thinks it's a neat childhood memory.

That's 'cause Rohan, our resident genius (even though he gets a tiny pass because he was a kid when this started), has taken this feeling as proof that they're best friends. The thought that it might not be platonic or familial has not even entered the farthest reaches of his mind, and every parallel sign he sees in other people's romantic relationships translate back to him as, "Haha that's almost like me and Angus. :3 Anyway, back to sweeping or whatever tf it is I do as as an apprentice." Sexual? OH-HO-HO that's an embarrassing thought, but it's totally normal because they live together and anyway Angus says he has dreams of 'lovely maidens' so it's basically the same thing and they don't have to talk about it. Ever. Hahaha.

And in my head, even though I have different ideas for what starts that conversation off, Rohan only 'gets' it after he's talked to Ivar. This is completely separate from anything Ivar has going on with Angus, btw, because Ivar can be trusted to compartmentalize his friendship with Rohan and his one with Angus.

Rohan - for one reason or another - asks for Ivar's opinion on him and Angus. It's a somewhat generic question 'cause Rohan's never said this shit out loud and usually doesn't even question it, so Ivar gives it an equally generic answer. But Rohan's not quite satisfied with that and tries asking again, still wildly generic but more insistently about it, and the repetition is enough for Ivar to see that Rohan's trying to get at something in particular but isn't sure how. They talk for long enough that Ivar gets it, and then continue talking long enough for Ivar to explain it to Rohan. Slowly. Multiple times. Small words.

And this is Rohan having to really, really push back on what he's hearing, getting borderline defensive to cover an increasing sense of panic (classic Rohan), because if what Ivar's saying is true (it is), then that means the entire friendship since at least that night under the stars has to be re-evaluated. And Rohan's brain has only got one little hamster running in its little wheel, so this is a long process that ends with the conversation winding down as he's completely consumed by his thoughts, only to pick up again a few days later when Rohan's gotten exactly 3% further in putting it together.

The only good news is that with him being so caught up in his thoughts, he has nothing to act on yet because he doesn't understand it - so even if he's being quiet and frowning while that hamster's spinning as fast as it can, Angus can ask if everything's alright and Rohan can honestly say, "Yeah, just thinking," without it feeling awkward or concerning. This is normal for Rohan; it's what he always does when he's thinking about something big, and Angus is comfortable moving around him like this as he's staring intensely at a wall and poking him in the face when he's stopped eating again. He'll just snap out of it when he's done ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

But then finally, the hamster's finished. And then finally, Rohan gets it. And that is when it suddenly becomes incredibly awkward for Rohan to be around Angus at all. Which is - uh... when Angus starts being a little worried, because it starts to seem like Rohan's avoiding him as if he's been the problem all along. But Rohan's there insisting "EVERYTHING'S FINE" in a way that means Angus shouldn't take offence, so Angus does the only thing he really can do and carries on as close to normal as he can until Rohan figures his shit out.

And oh 👏🏽 my 👏🏽 god 👏🏽 there 👏🏽 is 👏🏽 that 👏🏽 mess 👏🏽

The number of conversations Ivar gets pulled into with Rohan trying to check and double-check - thank God Ivar thinks it's funny and is being patient with him because it's funny, or Rohan would honestly implode. I kinda imagine that these conversations happen so often that Garrett stumbles onto one of them at some point, and even though they both freeze so Garrett doesn't hear anything, Ivar decides to just invite Garrett into this since who else would love to watch a human being tear himself to pieces by squirming? Garrett. Fuckin' Garrett. Of course. They probably wouldn't invite Deirdre since is Man Talk and she's a Girl™, but no one really escapes because Rohan is all-consuming and the story will eventually find you and he will take that as permission to unload all of his angst onto you too and then take none of your advice.

It should go without saying that Rohan is doing a fucking awful job of playing it cool around Angus back at home. When he isn't avoiding the guy, he's being a weird little teenager who just got his first crush, and that includes all those annoying moments of staring, stammering, walking into shit, completely forgetting to talk, talking in totally meaningless strings of words and almost-words, and then trying to brush it off with a power pose and a deliberate silence.

So Angus isn't having a good time.

Except that within that, there are still times where Rohan actually manages to relax and me a normal human being again. Conversations get past the awkwardness and finally start flowing again, chores get done, patrols are walked, herbs are picked, they don't train together because Rohan's a tragedy, and it's... nice. It's familiar. It's the closeness they've always had and it feels effortless in those moments, and as fun and safe and warm as it always has.

And then the conversation naturally peters out and Rohan is looking at Angus, wondering how he didn't see this between them before, grateful to have this with someone who's so easy to be close to...

... and just stares way too fucking long and goes back to making an ass of himself. And then runs off to go find Ivar and Garrett, who are - I cannot stress enough - loving this. It's so dumb.

As for Angus, idk, I kinda always thought he knew Rohan was clingy and touchy and generous beyond any other friend he's had, but took one look at Rohan and said, "That is a small hamster and a tiny wheel, he's got nothing backing that up," and wrote it off as harmless. Was it a crush of some kind? Maybe. Or maybe Rohan was just 'like that'. Either way, it wasn't causing Angus any problems, he enjoys the attention overall, and if it wasn't for Cathbad being shitty about 'bad influences' on Rohan, Angus could've happily lived without a single reminder that Rohan was a bit too attached at times.

So all of this? What Rohan's doing right now? It's very inconvenient at best. But at worst - and it's a race for Rohan to figure something out before Angus makes this conclusion - his idiot friend just decided he's in love with Angus after all, which would be horrible 'cause Angus does not need to deal with that. They've made it too far for Rohan to screw up what was a perfectly stable arrangement, and if that's what Rohan's trying to do, ruin it, then Angus is gonna be mad as hell.

And that's the first step in the polycule. :D

2. Angus and Deirdre

The complete and utter opposite situation is happening with these two. They've been openly flirting for a while, and the tension's always been there between them. Obviously with Deirdre being a princess, there's a line that can't be publicly crossed, but there's a lot that be heavily and plausibly denied.

It's mostly teasing from Angus at first - making fun of the princess as a joke with Rohan, then as a joke for just his own sake, and then as a joke that Deirdre starts to anticipate. She moves from being reproachful and scolding, reminding him of his place, to drawing a loose sense of enjoyment out of having someone she can return fire on. There's some calibration, I guess, in how hard they're allowed to go with that (again: princess), because some jokes carry a bit too much truth to just put out there. But Angus is surprisingly patient and Deirdre's actively checking to see if something went too far, and they're able to forge a shockingly healthy way to communicate.

They learn to gauge each other's reactions to see if their jokes landed like they intended, and they especially learn how to walk back what they said without killing the momentum overall. They're able to riff on each other, pause, take the feedback (which might be just be a purposely scrunched nose), and replace it with something better, or actually break character to explain what the problem was before going back to it, newly enlightened.

Angus and Rohan could never.

The effort and care put into learning how to tease each other, finding the line and carefully skirting it, and occasionally warning the other that they're going to try purposely crossing the line to see how it feels, becomes such a welcome way to talk that they start actually talking. Deirdre asks questions about life outside of the castle when the villagers are able to speak freely, and Angus gets curious about royal stuff and - well, Deirdre herself. On his side, some of it is just to be polite, and some of it is a hunt to find more things to tease her with later, but sometimes he's genuinely interested. She'll lie across his chest, head tucked under his chin, crown off because she's almost poked his eye out twice on that thing, and he'll idly play with her hair while she tells him what she remembers about her mother. He doesn't reciprocate on those topics, but he likes listening to her through it and being able to ground her while she's holding onto him. Maybe it's cruel to let her open up when he has no intention of sharing the same, but he's able to comfort her and distract her before she ever slips too far. He has a lot of practice with that.

Btw, they are absolutely the first two to get in bed together. This is all "deep conversations in the afterglow" talk - they absolutely had to burn off their energy before they could slow that far down again, and most of the time, 'comfort and distract her' just means Angus brings her back for the next round before he has to go to the hut. He can't exactly spend the night, and it's best to leave everything on a high note - which they can hit, because they have somehow mastered talking to each other. I have to imagine that at one point, they rolled over and high-fived. That seems like the bad influence Angus would be on her. 😝

There's discretion in their private relationship, because they're both highly motivated to keep this quiet. Deirdre can't risk anyone knowing she's been with anybody before her marriage, especially someone like Angus, so she keeps it tight-lipped. And Angus agrees with that, on top of having Rohan as his other consideration. In Angus' mind, Rohan and Deirdre are such an easy answer to his problem: it doesn't matter whether Rohan's got a crush on him or not if there's a bigger, more official relationship between Rohan and Deirdre. Then Rohan's accounted for! Problem solved! And Rohan likes her, at least agreeing with Angus every time Deirdre's brought up, so they're halfway there already.

Except that Rohan's also been very slow to act on any of it. And for all Deirdre asks about their friendship, she doesn't seem to ask about Rohan for her own sake. So yet another reason to keep from reciprocating too much (beyond it being none of her business anyway) is that he doesn't want her to get too attached. Sex is fine - sex is just for fun, but the emotions are what make or break it. Fortunately Rohan being Rohan will sweep anyone away in those once he's got his mind set on someone, so it's only a matter of managing Deirdre until then and keeping her in a pleasant state of satisfied and noncommittal fun.

... And then she wants to date him.

As in 'publicly'.

Maybe 'date' is the wrong word, but she certainly wants him to escort her to more and more shit. She volunteers him for it without even asking - like she was Rohan, right down to the terrible communication - and then stares at him with pleading, guilt-laden and royal eyes while she waits for him to answer, "Don't you want to go with me?"

And he, being a peasant, can only get so close to saying 'no'.

So she hears 'yes' and keeps doing it.

He's always quick to reassure Rohan that it's to punish him or something, haha, their little joke, dragging the common thief to some who-the-hell-cares as her guest to parade him in front of those who properly matter. Rohan (who, as I mentioned, is working on that hamster wheel about Angus) seems to accept this without much convincing, assuming he heard what Angus said in the first place. And Deirdre, of course, is expertly convincing everyone else that this is just as friends. He's only got to worry about Rohan - and, uh, apparently the king, who just wants to make extra sure that this stays 'professional'.

There are only like two dads in this show and they're both suspicious of him. 🤣 And I wonder why he's got such a complex...!

3. Angus and Garrett

This one's fun, because it's Garrett.

Garrett has such weird arc in the show. To this day, I think the worst decision they made was having the episode where he leaves for a bit be so far after he's already disappeared (he's gone in episode 28 but isn't shown to be sailing away until episode 39 for some reason, then disappears again to come back for the final fight 🙄), but even within that he's got an odd arc. He starts off as super arrogant and dickish, which is a blast! Then he gets schooled by Fin Varra and comes down a little, then gets kinda neutral-to-nice near the end of the show. He really loses his spice. Less fun.

But in all the time we see him, we never see him get to a point where it'd make reasonable sense for him to tie someone to a tree.

Angus, as far as I can tell, has a unique way to get under Garrett's skin. On purpose too - he openly laughs at Garrett in that episode with the drageen ("ummm a baby dragon is called a drageen" shut up rohan, no one asked), and he's merrily scamming Garrett out of the Dragonbow later too. In fact, the only other real spice we get from Garrett at all is when he asks Angus what happened to the Dragonbow, 'cause other than that, the guy stays fairly bland.

So to me, Angus is having fun tormenting Garrett once he becomes a Mystic Knight, partly as revenge from Garrett's (justified?) decision to tie him to a tree and gag him, and partly because it's another royal who's overly prim and proper and look how much fun he's been having with Deirdre. And Garrett's even easier to rile up because he never lets himself stoop so low as to 'return fire'. It's heaven.

And then Garrett comes back and he's boring now. :/

'Fixing this' is the key to getting Garrett tangled up in what's to come. 😏 Sure, there's probably something going on with Lynette over in that wherever that Garrett was visiting, but Lynette was such a nice princess - even nicer than Deirdre - and that's boring. Garrett's boring. Garrett used to be so much fun and now he's all patient and helpful and a team player. And Angus takes it as a personal challenge to see just how far that patience and helpfulness will go, 'cause it wasn't that long ago he was tied up, and he known he can get that side out of Garrett again.

Their dynamic is an excellent "Why don't you make me shut up" deal, which fits the first episode where we even got Garrett, and balances End-Show personality with more of the defining characteristics we know him for. He gets to be both, because just like Deirdre, there's a separation between his private and public relationships: one, he's as arrogant and unbearable as ever, and two, he's a changed man who's found some peace from having to brag about his accomplishments all the time. And Angus is ecstatic that the switch between public to private is so immediate now that he's cracked through the shell.

I see these two as being purely physical, in a way where when Rohan starts complaining about how in love he is with Angus, Garrett doesn't see the need to mention what he's been doing behind closed doors. It isn't any of Rohan's business really, and it doesn't interfere with whatever mess those two have made of their confusingly devoted friendship.

Besides, if Angus wants to stop, they can stop. It would simply mean Angus loses.

And as Garrett was pleased to discover, Angus hates losing to him as much as Garrett hates losing at all.

Their situation is almost like a permanent state of combat. Angus should've balked by now, and Garrett shouldn't have ever come close to balking, but he starts to realize what kind of person would willingly choose to live - and be best friends with - someone like Rohan. For all the complaining he'll do and concern he'll show and caution he'll preach on the battlefield, Angus is kind of... crazy? Apparently? And as he's alone with Angus one moment being casually asked if he'd like to yield, and with Rohan the next hearing him whine about how difficult it is to decide what to do, Garrett slowly starts to gain a low note of empathy for the mighty, great, and legendary warrior Draganta, hopelessly defeated by telling his friend, "I like you."

The curiosity that it stirs has Garrett making the first move emotionally. It's not that they don't talk outside of their private wars, but they don't have the same friendship as everyone else. Despite things going well with Rohan and Ivar out on the battlefield and as fellow royals, newly or not, Garrett's still a 'guest'. An outsider. In a land that he was meant to one day rule alongside Deirdre. But good luck finding any help with that from Rohan, who's back to learning how to walk in a straight line. Ivar is more helpful in theory, but Garrett needs someone who's from this land.

Angus.

Obviously.

But to strike up such a conversation so suddenly might have been off-putting to the peasant, so Garrett tries to soften it by trying to get to know Angus better.

The first thing he 'knows' is to cut that shit out and get to the point. Fair enough.

So they talk about Deirdre, and while yes, Angus is guarded in what he says, there's plenty of useful information for him to work with. Importantly, there are plenty of useful events that Angus would rather genuinely choke than have to keep going to. Perfectly normal events in Garrett's opinion, but if Angus is going to throw a fit and waste that energy on Deirdre (who he very much knows about, since Angus at his most guarded is still fairly careless), then Garret gains nothing and might as well go in his place. And Angus is delighted to start arranging that.

But that still leaves one matter unsolved. And as noted earlier, Garrett hates to lose. So his attention starts to turn towards Angus' reluctance to start talking about himself, expecting to have to push, and is floored by the total lack of resistance. Instead, Angus dryly drops a list of facts about himself, sucking away any of the thrill of the hunt that Garrett was readying himself for. In their world, this counts as another loss, but the truly frustrating part is that Angus isn't playing it as one of his taunts. It's serious; Angus truly isn't interested in talking about himself. About things, sure, and about others, but he seems to have predefined himself as 'uninteresting' without any input from Garrett (who had also prepared to agree with that assessment, but wanted to make it himself). And that drives Garrett right up the wall. It's the first true challenge Angus has ever posed to him, and it's as inexplicable as it is insurmountable.

So Garrett does what he always does: refuses to be defeated.

He needs information, just like he needed it for Deirdre. Except now he needs it about Angus. And of course, the resident Angus expert iiiiiiiiis broken oh right Rohan is useless.

But.

Ivar isn't.

And Garrett isn't a fool.

The talks they've been having with Rohan have been including more insight from Ivar lately, and it's surpassing what even Rohan could've known pre-hamster.

(ya know what? i know these posts have a text limit on mobile, so i'll just post this here and continue it in the reblog. :3 please forgive any typos you see in this one - i'm just moving right along, which unfortunately locks them all in 🥲)

#mystic knights of tir na nog

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