#I joke I kid...no but foreal tho -.-

[tainted-sweet-meats]

still alive : P HI HI LOVELIES! I'm just busy with life, working on a medical career, and going to concerts. So life has been pretty busy. Drew my sona in a DIY hoodie with a tool patch on it while listening to Sober and The Pot on repeat.

[uberff]

Chapter 21

Robyn

For the two minutes that Eric’s been here, I’ve been in his arms with tears rolling down my face. When I told him that all of the tests came out positive, he made his way over to my house. After Winter and Jaylen stormed out, I was by myself with no one to express my feelings to. While they were peeling off, E was pulling up. I mustered up a nervous smile and hugged him tight. I always felt safe wrapped in his arms.

“Whatever you wanna do, I’m with you, Rob.” He mumbled against my neck and I nodded as he rocked us from side to side in the middle of my living room. “Don’t give them negative thoughts no clout. Look at me,” I looked up at him and he swiped my tears away with his cold hands.

“If ain’t nobody else here for you, I’ma always show up ‘bout you. You hear me?” I nodded and looked away. He brought my eyes back to his gaze. “I’m serious, Rob.”

“Okay.” I whispered and he kissed my forehead. “You wanna talk to me about this game-plan we gotta set?” He asked and I shook my head. I just wanted to sleep, honestly. This shit has to be a dream.

“Why, baby girl?” He asked, walking me over to the couch.

“Eric, I’m scared. Everything in my life has been temporary. Literally everything and I’m scared that if I give you my all, I’ll be assed out again. This time with a baby, I don’t know what to do with a kid right now.”

“If you give me your all, I’ma match it. Fuck them niggas who realized that you was the truth the minute you walked out they lives. I met you a few months ago and I can’t fathom losing you now. You mean something to a nigga, I admit this shit is happening fast but we got the chance to create something beautiful together. If you not with it, let me know. I’ll slide you the bread and let you handle that.”

“I don’t want you to go. Meeting you was so refreshing but everything is happening fast and I didn’t mean for it to happen, I-“

“Baby, I was there too. We was gone in the moment, we could’ve been more careful but shit happens. My genes are strong and handsome as fuck, you that distraught that we about to have a shawty?” I smiled and leaned on his shoulder.

“No. If it would’ve happened later on in life, I would’ve been bouncing off the walls. It’s just that my business is just now starting up and we haven’t known each other for that long.”

“Miss me with that shit. If I’m interested, I’m an observant nigga. I felt like I’ve been knowing you for my whole life. Know your beautiful ass like the back of my hand.” He turned his hand over and I read over his tattoo. Loyalty.

“I’m an open book. I let everyone know too much.” I admitted and he put our foreheads together. “We gotta change that. Niggas take advantage of vulnerability. Ain’t nobody stepping over my baby mama no more.” He laughed and I smiled, hitting him softly.

“You’re not scared?” I asked and looked off into space. Thinking deep into the future. Is it a boy or a girl? What kind of mother would I be? My life is literally about to change forever.

“Lowkey. I have nieces and shit so I guess they’ve been practice this whole time. We gon’ figure it out together, baby. Don’t worry about nothing. I ain’t gon’ stop ya business grind, you got the whole nine months to keep snatching edges and shit.” He smiled and I mirrored it. “Gimme kiss.”

I held his face and pecked his lips softly. “From this point, I’ma have you and whoever in there.” He rubbed my flat stomach and put me on his lap. “For life, Robyn. Fuck everybody and they opinions on our dynamic.”

“Thank you.”

“We gon’ spend plenty of time getting to know each more. Your picky and perfect ass gon’ drive me crazy but I’ma love every second of catering to you.”

“Really?” I mumbled playing with his chain and overthinking again.

“Yes. I’m loyal to those I got love for.”

“Same but it all went to waste.”

“Charge up. You was loyal to the wrong ones. A real nigga here now.” He massaged my ass and a smile crept on my face when I saw his.

**

”Damn, you need me to fye you up? You sound stressed.” Qua asked as he sat up from my bed. I shook my head no, as he rose an eyebrow. He knew I’d never turn down a blunt from him.

“I can’t smoke.” I laughed, before I stopped once I realized that I had to tell him what was up with him. I didn’t know how he was going to react. I just prayed that it wasn’t like Winter’s reaction. Girl almost made me fight her ass. She was being hella judgemental, so I ain’t talked to her in weeks and I don’t plan on it.

“Why not?” He put his blunt back in his pocket. I sighed, scratching my head thinking of how this was gonna come out.

“I’m uh... I’m pregnant.” I said as I looked up at his face. He took his glasses off, giving me a look.

“Please don’t do that Qua, please don’t. You’re the only person I know that’s hella understanding, you never judge.” I begged as he sighed. When I say Qua never judged, he didn’t. He’d tell me whenever I fucked up or when I was in the wrong, but he’d never judge me. I could go out and get a train ran on me, and he wouldn’t judge me at all. He’d just be like, “aye, that’s yo business.”

“I ain’t judging you, a nigga just shocked. I gotta keep it a 100 witcha, though.” He shrugged, patting the spot next to him for me to sit on.

“Ain’t no point in trying to make you feel like shit, cause it’s already done but I’m disappointed, ma. You know I always told you to stay strapped.” He joked, but was still serious at the same time. I laughed because he always told me to keep a condom on me because now wasn’t the time for kids.

“But nah foreal, I ain’t even met dude yet. What if he a lame? How you know he gone be a good father? You finally got to open ya store, and I’m telling you now.. a baby hard work. You had a whole lotta’ goals to pursue before having a baby.”

“I know that.” He grabbed my hand, placing it inside of his.

“Just be careful, and start making smarter decisions. Congrats ona’ baby. How far along you is?”

“I haven’t went to the doctor yet, so I have no idea. Should be only a few weeks.”

“Whenever you go, let me know. You ain’t been hitting my line lately.”

“I know, I’m so sorry. I’ve been super busy.”

“You good, I understand. Hella people been hitting you up for they Valentines fits. People been hitting me up to try to get in contact with you.” I smiled.

“I love you so much, Qua. You’re always here for me. From the day I met you, you were so caring and concerned.” I hugged him as he laughed, wrapping his arms around me. He really had a big heart.

“Gotta be. You a sweet person and ain’t ever hurt a fly. Shit, you even taught a nigga a lot.I luh’ you too.” He squeezed me, before tickling me.

The only thing that could be heard were my loud giggles as I squirmed around, trying to get out of his hold. “Qua! Stop, oh my god!” I laughed, uncontrollably as he continued to torture me.

He finally stopped and let me catch my breath. “I’m bout to head out tho, shoot start at 11 AM tomorra’.” He stood up, embracing me into a big hug. He was so long that he had to bend down.

“Bye, be safe! Tell the boys I said hi.” I said as I watched him walk out to the car that his driver was picking him up in.

**

Next Day

“You just tryna see my dick, that’s all.” Qua said as I bent down to measure his waist. I rolled my eyes, playfully punching his skinny ass.

I was designing outfits for all three of them for one of their upcoming video shoots, and I was actually excited for it. I barely got to see Qua, so working with him would be dope. Fun as well, because they were always joking around. I knew exactly what I had in store for them.

“All done.” I smiled as I stood up. His collar on his shirt was fucked up, so I started to fix it up for him.

“You always getting a nigga right.” He laughed, looking down at me through his Gucci shades.

“Good, cause yo ass was lookin’ like Dracula wit’ dat’ damn colla’ up like dat’.” Offset said making everyone laugh except Qua. He was forever talking about somebody.

“So what time do I need to come tomorrow?” I asked as I grabbed my essentials. Qua stroked his goatee, thinking to himself before he spoke.

“Bout 9.”

“AM?” I questioned.

“Fasho.”

“Y’all better be providing breakfast.” I planned on sleeping in tomorrow, because I’ve been working back to back. On top of that, I had a doctor’s appointment after this.

“Yea, this sausage.” Set said, making Qua smack him upside the head. I ain’t even gone lie, I had to laugh at that one cause I wasn’t expecting that.

“You got a way home?” Qua asked as I shook my head no. I know I had to get a car, ASAP. I didn’t mind taking Lyfts here and there, but having my own car would be nice. Plus, I hated asking for things.

“No, I was just gonna call a Lyft.” I said as he gave me a look before taking my bags out of my hand, walking outside to his car. After putting my bags in his backseat, he opened the door for me an

“I’ll holla atcha’, Batman.”

“Bye, Upset.”

“Be smoo’ Robyn!” Take yelled out and I blew a kiss to him afterwards. He was so sweet, and always stayed to himself. It was cute.

Once everyone else left, I realized that Qua and I were still sitting in the driveway. I look over and him, and he looked deep in thought so I decided to not interrupt him.

“I gotta tell you some shit..” he spoke, taking my attention away from the Popeyes a few feet away that smelled really good.

“Tell me then.” I rose an eyebrow, as he looked nervous as hell. He was never nervous.

“I know we tried this shit befo- nah fuck it. Forget I brought it up.”

“Qua! You’re so aggy for that!”

“I’m sorry mama, I should’ve just kept it to myself. I’m throwed as fuck, and I ain’t tryna say some shit that i ain’t gone remember.”

By now, I already knew what he was going to say and I didn’t wanna be in that awkward position, so I just forgot about it like he asked me to. Well, it’s a little too late for that, because the rest of the car ride.. we were quiet and there’s never a dull moment with us.

Once I got back in my apartment, I noticed Eric sound asleep on the couch. I’m guessing my presence had woke him up, because he kept moving. “Hey, where you been at?”

“Oh, I was styling a few guys for their video shoot today.”

“Cool, I had just stopped by to make you some dinner but you took long as fuck, so I fell asleep. My bad.”

“Oh no, you’re fine. I’ll just make something quick.” I disappeared into the kitchen, looking inside of the fridge so that I could make a sandwich. As soon as I got my ingredients out, it took me out 10 minutes to perfect the sandwich. Once I was done, I put everything back and started to walk back into the living room to sit on the couch with E.

Biting into my sandwich, I moaned at the taste. This was the best meal I’ve eaten all day, to be honest.

“How was ya day?” He asked, bringing my feet on top of his lap to massage them.

“It was pretty smooth. I woke up super early, but they had breakfast which was great. Everyone was pretty easy to work with, so time went by kinda fast. What about you, babe?” He started to talk, but the way that sandwich just hit the spot and how good he was caressing my feet, bitch I was out like a light.

Jasmine

I was happy to be out that nerve wracking ass center, but I was hella irritated to be back at my bullshit ass job. I hated it here, but the money wasn’t gone make itself and I had bills to pay.

My dad spoils the fuck outta me, and he doesn’t even want me working, but that’s bogus to me. I ain’t bout to live off of his hard earned money, I can’t. I wanna be like him one day, and I know I have to start from the bottom to get to the top.

I know exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but I just didn’t know where to start. I can’t just quit my job, up and leave and go follow my dreams. Well, I can but shit ain’t as easy as 123, feel me?

I snapped outta my thoughts once someone came to my register. Looking up, it was the same guy that I had met from the center. Jaylen.

We had been talking for a couple of days, and he was cool as hell. Fine as hell too, but my daddy warned me about his type. I know he ain’t shit.

I started to wonder why he was even in such a fucked up place like the center. He seemed like a put together dude, but then again you can’t judge a book by its cover.

I️ was at the center for my anger/mental issues. It had nothing to do with drugs. If anything, them shits helped.

My dad insisted that I️ get help, and I️ did. Not only because he told me to, but because I️ wanted to. I️ was starting to become a whole different person, and I️ wasn’t feelin’ it. I’d yell, curse, everything in the book at people for the littlest reasons. I️ couldn’t go out like that anymore. Hell, I️ was starting not to like my own damn self.

Ever since I️ came to the center, I️ learned that the anger I️ had built up was from growing up. Growing up, I️ never really had support from my mother and everyone I️ thought that I️ could trust, turned on me. Everyone that said they’d always be there for me left. Eventually, a bitch like me just said fuck it and stopped caring about sappy ass shit like that and turned cold hearted. People hated it.

I️ hated it, but it was my only choice. I️ ain’t ask to be that way, but I️ was tired of people fucking me over. I️ got in too deep of that mindset, that I️ didn’t even recognize myself.

I️t all started with my mom. I️ hated that bitch. As I️ started getting old enough to notice things, I️ realized that she’d cheat on my father multiple times while he was out working his ass off day to night to provide shelter for us.

She be gone for weeks and come home as if nothing happened, and after a while.. my dad never said anything because he loved her too much.

I’ve had plenty of plays, games, pageants, you name it. Every single one, I waited and waited for her to show up like she said she would, and she never did. She always stood me up. Eventually, she just stopped coming around and nobody knows where she is, nor do I care. She’on care about me or my daddy, so why should I care about what she got going on?

Shit I even had friends that I’ve shared my deepest and darkest secrets with, stop talking to me over a nigga.

I watched the love of my life.. end his life in front of me while I screamed and begged him not to. I tried to help him every chance I got to, but he always shut me out and told me he was okay. I knew he wasn’t and that’s why I never let it go. He was at a really low point in his life, and outta no where.. I wake up from my nap because he’s making a lot of noise because he’s drunk. Once I gained my vision, I noticed that he had a gun on him. Knowing that he was depressed, I tried to take it from him immediately. He’s screaming at me to give it back, while I’m trying to calm him down. I’m crying, telling him that it’s not worth it and that I truly care about him and love him dearly. Shit, he’s one of the best things that’s happened to me.

He watched me get on my knees and beg him not to do it... And he did it. Right in front of me.

Til this day, it still fucks with me and I feel like that plays another big part towards my built up emotions. The center has actually helped me in a way, and I didn’t think it would. I was glad that I checked myself in. I’m doing way better than what I was, trust me.

“Damn, what you over there thinkin’ bout?” Jaylen’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. I forgot he was even here.

“I’m sorry, I was thinking way too deep. What brings you here? I know you ain’t come to just buy no candy.”

“I was on the block and I wanted to stop by and see ya pretty ass face.”

“You ain’t smooth.” I smirked, bagging his candy. He seen his total on the screen and slid his card to pay.

“I got you over there blushing though.” I bit my lip, and tried to hide my face behind the screen as he laughed. I wasn’t blushing, I just liked to smile.

“Nah, not even.” He waved me off, taking the receipt out of my hand.

“You should let me chill wit you when you get off.” He suggested and I thought about it for a second. That ain’t sound too bad, plus I was off tomorrow.

“How you know I ain’t got something else to do?”

“You probably do, but all I know is.. ima be at ya crib tonight at 10 so don’t try to make no other plans.” He winked at me before walking off. I smiled shaking my head, not even realizing how hard I was blushing.

Ugh, I hated this feeling.

A couple of hours went by, and I was finally off of work, which made me happy because I ready to get the hell away from these people.

I ended up at my dad’s house, because I hadn’t seen him in 2 days and that was just too long for me. My daddy was literally my best friend.

He was on the couch with a Cigar hanging outta his mouth, making me laugh. “I hope yo ass brought some food cause you be quick as hell to eat up all of mines.”

“You didn’t cook? That’s the only reason I came over, daddy.”

“Hell no, today my relax day.” I rolled my eyes, because he always said that. Everyday was his relax day, let him tell it.

“I got the flowers and card that you sent today. Thanks, you almost made me cry in front of those people.” My dad made it a habit of sending me flowers on a daily basis, and I loved it. It’s the simplest things that makes my day.

“I try, I try.”

“Somebody gone appreciate you one day, old man.”

“Shit, about that-“ he started to talk until a woman’s voice cut him off.

“Victor, you coming back to bed?” I looked towards the direction of her voice and seen a really beautiful woman in a red robe, peeking around the corner. I gasped.

“Daddy!” I said loudly, covering my mouth. I’m over here 24/7, never have I heard or seen this woman.

He chuckled nervously and told her to come out to the living room. I did not wanna meet anybody coming out of his room in a robe.

My dad excused himself, making me sigh as my big brother came in, making shit worse.

“Eyyy, wassup baby sis.” I rolled my eyes and ignored his presence, moving his arm from around me.

“Why you gotta all Hollywood errytime a nigga come around? You’n never show me no love.” He was hella irritating. I barely saw him because of this dumbass shit he be doing, and he tries to send me all types of designer to make up for it but I could care less about that.

Izzy was one of the biggest drug lords out here in NY. He started off just selling when he was in high school, but I’m guessing the man that ran the whole business got sick, and Izzy was the only one that everybody respected besides ole dude, so he passed it down to him.

He was smart as hell, and had way more full ride scholarships to college than I did, but he let the drug life get the best of him. He dropped out when he only had half a semester left to graduate.

Ever since then, he was always getting into trouble. I wasn’t trying to be in none of his drama, so I just told him to stop talking to me in general. He and my dad claim that I’m wrong for it, but I don’t see how. He ain’t about to get me shot up. I love him to death, but nah.

“Cause you’re stupid, Iz.”

“Ion’ wanna talk about that shit while I’m at home, Jas. When you gone get over it? I been doin’ this shit since I was 16, ya attitude getting mad old now.” He sat down next to me on the couch.

I looked over at him fixing the collar on his Gucci shirt so that all 5 of his chains could show. One thing I could say about him was that he always cleaned up nice. You’d never catch him looking bummy.

“Because I care about you, and it pisses me off that you wanna ruin your life over something so dumb. You’re better than this.”

“Am I dead?”

“No, but if you don’t stop this shit, death or jail is right around the corner. You just got out for doing a 3 year sentence a couple of weeks ago, and what do you do? Go back to doing the same dumb shit.”

“So you think you Oprah or sumn’?” I rose an eyebrow at his sudden attitude.

“Think about your fam instead of yourself sometimes. Daddy lost his best friend to the same shit you doing right now. He tried telling him over and over that it wasn’t worth it, and right when he finally listened.. he got killed.”

“Aye sis, times be hard and I work too hard to be making minimum wage. I refuse to slave for a muhfucka’ for some little ass pay.”

“There are so many options out here, and you and I both know that you got the money to do whatever you want. You got enough money to where you don’t even have to work for the rest of your life! Go do something you love!”

“Like what, since you know everything.”

“Are you serious, Iz? Everybody knows music is your thing. It always has been. Invest in yourself! Produce!” He brushed over his waves, thinking about what I was telling him. I hope it wasn’t going one ear out of the other.

“Tell you what? Ima think real hard about that one and get back to ya on it.” I nodded with a smile, embracing him in a hug.

Well, we were getting some where. Usually he’d just shut that down on the spot and tell me no straight up, and he never told a lie.

“Let me spend a night at ya crib.”

“I’m having company tonight.”

“Who? Bet not be one of them pussy ass niggas you be fuckin’ wit.” Literally every dude stopped talking to me once they found out Izzy was my brother, and I don’t know why. He ain’t nobody to be scared of, these niggas just pussy. But then again, I haven’t seen the other side of him and I don’t want to. The Izzy I knew was sweet as hell, smart, and putting a smile on someone’s face. Hell, he was scared of clowns. If he saw one, he’d scream like a girl.

“Boy I don’t say nun’ bout all these nasty girls you be messing with.”

“I’m grown.”

“Oh so I’m not?”

“Nah, you gone always be baby sis.” I rolled my eyes and stood up to grab my purse. He swore I was his daughter.

“I’m out.” I started to walk towards the door. I would tell my daddy bye, but knowing him, he was probably up there doing something with that woman of his.

“Hold up rude ass, let me walk you out.”

Jaylen

I️ drove to Jasmine’s house, with the top off as I danced around to Drake’s Passionfruit that was blaring throughout my car. To say that I️ was in a good ass mood was an understatement. I️ smoked before I️ left the house, and a nigga was feeling good.

I️ know being around Jas was gone make my high even better. It took her some time to even get a bit comfortable with me.

After meeting her at the center, I ain’t see her for a couple of days. I got released, went to the store and seen her there. We ate together at some bomb ass spot, and exchanged numbers instantly. I talk to lil mama almost everyday and she cool as fuck. She the only person I know that can relate to me on some deep shit.

Being around her took my mind off of Robyn, completely and I was loving that shit. I️ wasn’t trying to start a relationship or no shit, and she wasn’t either. We were chillin’.

I️ pulled her into the driveway of her home, impressed because her shit was better than my condo. I needed to get on her level.

She was hella spoiled by her daddy, and I️ knew he bought her this nice ass house. I️ respect that she doesn’t just live off of her dad though. She be working even though she doesn’t have to.

Grabbing the bottle of Henny that she asked me to bring, I️ locked the doors to my car. Once I️ made it to her doorstep, I️ rang the doorbell as I️ waited patiently for her beautiful ass to answer the door.

“I’m comingggggg!” I️ heard her sing, making me chuckle. Shit, I’d love to hear her scream those words more often.

I️ pushed my dirty thoughts away, because I️ knew she wasn’t giving me any play no time soon.

The door swung open, and she stood in front of me with a big smile on her face. Without thinking twice, I️ embraced her into a big ass hug, squeezing the fuck outta her. She smelled like strawberries and shit.

“Hey.” She said as she pulled away, shutting and locking her door.

“Wassup? What you do all day?”

“Hung out with my dad.” She sat down on the couch, taking the bottle of Hennessy out my hand. I️ chuckled at how ready she was.

“Damn you ain’t playing no games, huh?”

“I️ gotta work for the rest of the week after tomorrow, I️ need this.”

Jas worked in retail, and she hated it. She had went to college for four years, but she doesn’t know what to do right now so she’s just working. She claims she doesn’t have any talents, but I know exactly what that shit is.

“Drink up, mama. I️ need that shit, too.” She popped the bottle open, and took that shit to the head in no time. I️ sat up, widening my mouth as she downed that shit with no problem.

“Damn, slow down.” I️ laughed, taking the bottle away from her mouth. She had drunken half of it already.

She wiped her mouth, smiling as she turned the music from her TV up. Getting this shit over with, I️ chugged the other half of the Henny down just as she did. When I️ was finished, I️ sat the bottle down on the table, rubbing my stomach because I️ was hungry as fuck.

I ain’t been drinking like I used to so I couldn’t just down that shit like it was water no more.

“What you got to eat?”

“Our favorite.”

“My fat ass got a lot of favorites.” I sat back in against her couch, with low eyes, laughing. She chuckled right along with me.

“Wings, boy.”

“Oh aight, that’s cool. Where they at?” I licked my lips, sitting up so that she could show me where the fuck they was at.

She stood up, holding her hand out for me to grab. I grabbed it, looking at her booty the whole time she led the way to the kitchen. She wore this little ass skin tight dress on purpose. If I ain’t respect her, I would’ve been fucked.

Pushing that thought away, we both walked into her kitchen.

I looked on the island and saw a box of Wings sitting there with my name on it. With no hesitation, I said my grace and started to dig in. She started to walk off but I pulled her back.

“Where you going?” I said with a mouth full of chicken. These wings were bussin’ and cussin’ right now.

“To my room. You fine but ion’ wanna watch you eat playa.” I laughed.

“How I’m post to know where ya room at?” I questioned, looking around. She acting like her house ain’t have a thousand rooms in this bitch.

“Upstairs, first door. You can’t miss it. I’ll leave it open for you.” I nodded and left her skip off to her room.

As I started back eating, I pulled my phone out because I was lonely as fuck down here. Watching a couple of Basketball highlights for a good 20 minutes, I was finally finished with my food and I was still hungry.

Cleaning up my mess, I put my phone in my pocket and went turned off the lights in the kitchen. Walking around the corner, there her stairs were so I walked up them. Her door was cracked open, but I decided to be a creep because I heard her talking to herself.

I realized that she was making those little voices like she always did. She need to be put in somebody’s movie for that shit. She swore she wasn’t talented. Voice acting was for her, foreal.

“You up in here acting like you Shrek and shit, but you ain’t got no talent?” I questioned as she jumped and turned around.

“You scared me.” She put her hand on her heart. I took her hand, interlocking both of them with mines, bringing both of us down on top of her bed.

I know she felt how hard my dick was because I felt how wet she was. I licked my lips, looking her in her eyes. I knew she wanted it as bad as I did, but she wasn’t gone give it up yet. I wasn’t gone pressure her either, so I just laughed and stopped playing with her ass.

“Jay you got me wetter than an ocean right now.” She huffed, going to the bathroom that was in her room.

“Come drown me then.” I winked at her she smirked, which turned into us busting up into a fit of laughter.

“Real shit Jasmine.. you need to get into voice acting.” I said as our laughter died down. I swear she was gone thank me once she realized it’s what she should’ve been doing a long time ago.

“Jay, you gone ruin my b-“

“Nah Jas, foreal. You stay complaining bout ya job. Go do something you love.” She sat down next to me and sighed.

“I just... I don’t know where to start Jaylen.”

“Start taking classes whenever you don’t have to work and go from there, ma. I promise the shit gone be worth it. Believe in yourself and God.” I suggested. She looked over at me, taking in what I had just said.

“Yo, ain’t nobody ever believed in me the way that you do.” She said

“Cause you got a gift, Jas. Ain’t nobody believe in me either, now I got muhfuckas paying millions for my shit.”

Growing up, nobody cared that I could draw. They’d always tell me that it wouldn’t get me any where and to stick with hooping. Except my mom and pops, but that’s about it. I obviously ain’t listen to they ass though.

“That’s great, you really just inspired me. I’m gonna do some research tomorrow morning. Thank you.”

“No problem.” I spoke, as my eyes scanned around the pictures in her room. I stopped atone family picture when I seen a picture of a fine ass woman.

“She bad.”

“My crackhead ass mom? Eh.”

“Crackhead? Yikes, why you gotta put her business out there.” I was laughing because she said it so nonchalantly.

“I hate that bitch.” She rolled her eyes, quickly taking the family picture down. Well then...

“Who that jawn? Since we being nosey?” She questioned, pointing towards towards the gold locket I had on my neck of me and Rob. She gave it to me months ago, and honestly.. I got so used to never taking it off, that I forgot I still had it. I twirled it around with my fingers, before taking it off and tossing it out of her window that was open. No doubt Robyn and I was done. Our last convo gave me the confirmation.

*Flashback*

There were a million emotions running through my body right now, that I️ couldn’t even describe what I️ was feeling. Shit was like Deja vu all over again.

She sighed heavily, putting her head in her hands. “Can we talk?” She didn’t say anything but that wasn’t gone stop me. She was gone hear whatever I had to say.

“Why?” Was all I️ asked as she looked up at me with no words.

“I️ didn’t mean for this to happen, Jaylen.” I️ tried my absolute best not to spazz or strangle her. I️ was beyond pissed, my nigga. That fucking rehab shit paid off, because I️ would’ve been got disrespectful.

“Why was you fucking that nigga, anyways? Now you just an easy piece of pussy, huh?” I️ sat down on the edge of her tub. Robyn was irresponsible and clueless as shit, but getting pregnant by a nigga she only knew for a short period of time wasn’t her. I hope she don’t think I don’t know about her getting pregnant by King Kong either.

Just thinking about her letting another nigga get up in what’s mines broke my heart. I just can’t believe she let him get her pregnant.

“Excuse me? And the same exact reason you went and fucked kayla.” I️ sighed, rolling my eyes because she was forever bringing up old shit. Here I️ am trying to change. She the type of person to bring up some shit that happened when you a kid.

“I’m over that shit, dude ion even talk to her ass no more. She engaged, wit a baby and ion’ want them problems. You always so stuck on me fucking up that you don’t even know how to admit when you wrong, too.”

“I’m wrong for trying to move on?” She scrunched up her face.

“Nah you fucking wrong because you seen me trying to turn my life around for you yet you still go and fuck this nigga. Raw at that. You foul bro. Yea, I did my dirt and I know I was wrong for fucking Kayla, but she’s outta my life completely now. I cut her off for you. I went to rehab for you. I quit smoking and drinking for you. Did all this shit for you, and you wanna sit up here and act like shit all sweet? I’m fucking hurt, Robyn. That was supposed be my baby that you having.”

She remained quiet, with her head in her hands because she knew I was right.

“Jaylen, from day one when I met you, you were fucking rude and a jerk. I thought that maybe you’d change but you didn’t. That attitude that you had is the attitude that pushed me away. Don’t sit up here and act like you weren’t the one that kissed another woman, either. That’s the whole reason we’re not together.”

By now, I was fed up by her bringing up old shit.

“No the reason why we ain’t together right now is because you don’t know how to fucking move past shit and you insecure as fuck. I’m damn near begging you, and ya ass won’t even consider hearing me out. Fuck you Robyn.”

*Flashback Over*

“Just an old bih I used to deal with. Nobody important.” I smiled, as she shook her head followed by laughter.

As she started doing lord knows what, my mind went off into a place that I didn’t want it to be in. That’s because a nigga only smoked one baby ass blunt and had half the bottle of Henny. If not, shit my mind would be on fucking Mars.

Trying to snap outta my thoughts, I put my focus on Jas’s dancing in the mirror. I was admiring that shit until I heard what she was dancing to.

“Think I got him covered for the weekend..” she grinded against her chair.

“Stop singing that thot ass song.” I mugged her as she continued to sing it, slightly making me mad.

Once she seen my face, she cut the music off, smiling. “Aww Jay, I’m sorry.” She apologized, straddling my lap. I shook my head no, ignoring her apology.

“Come on, I said sorry.” She poked her bottom lip out. Looking up at her, our eyes met with each other’s and locked. Before anything else could be said, her lips crashed into mines. My hands found their way to her ass.

She was gone give me blue balls, we been kissing all night and she was killing me with this teasing shit.

**

Jas was literally passed out on her bed, so I took that as my queue to leave. It was bout 3 in the morning and I had to be up by 7. I’ll make sure to text her in the morning.

Getting my shit, I made my way outside to my car so that I could go home. Since it wasn’t traffic at all, I got home within 15 minutes.

As soon as I got in, I spotted my dad sitting on the couch watching Power. “Nigga these bootycall hours, where you been?” He questioned as he paused the TV. How this nigga gone question me in my own crib?

“Nah not even pops, I was chillin’ wit a friend. Is Jayla in my bed?”

“Yea why?”

“Ima sleep in the guest room cause I’m high as fuck.”

“Nigga when ain’t you?” I chuckled, waving him off as I started to make my way towards the guests room. Pops ain’t like the fact that I smoked, but he was just gone have to deal with it. I used to smoke bout 3 or 4 blunts everyday before I went and got help. Now I only smoke 1 like three times a week. I don’t drink anymore. I only did it earlier, because it’s a new fucking year. That’s progress.

Kicking my slides off, I stripped out of my sweats and t-shirt before plopping down in the bed. Swear I drifted off to sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

[virginia-werewoolf]

Hello to all!!! It’s been a crazy few months and I haven’t had the time to really go on Tumblr much less post about everything going on in my life but i am going to today!!

I’m currently finishing up my senior year of high school and lemme tell u - it’s been wild!!! But so fun. This last Relay for Life was probably my favorite one yet & I wish I could just have one more. When I went my freshman & sophomore year I was still so, so shy and only talked to people I already knew. This year, though, I talked to the new speech & debate kids and they were some of the sweetest people I have met in high school!! I always get so nostalgic for speech and debate when I am around the newer kids in the club. I can’t lie - being in that club was the only time throughout my whole high school experience that I felt as though I was a part of something good. I quit because it did stress me out a bit and I wanted to join photography my sophomore year and just always kind of found an excuse not to go back after that (even though I always knew I should’ve). Prom was nice - we ate at the Venetian and danced our lil hearts out at Panis Hall. I felt moderately pretty. I got into an argument with my best friend, Vincent, that night - he’s been a real dick lately & I couldn’t put up w it anymore that night in the Red Rock parking lot!!! I have been holding a few grudges against him since then but this weekend I have gotten some time to think it over for the first time & I think I’ve made my peace with him!! After prom was the Disney trip - which has been a WILD ride for a few months now. There was a lot of fishy business going on w the stuco advisor but finally - LITERALLY 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE BUS LEFT - I got a seat on the bus!!!! I wasn’t ready at all because I didn’t want to pack a bunch & get excited just to end up having to go to math that day - but I had such a good time in my bummy school clothes & 2 best friends!!! Even if I didn’t get to take pictures and we didn’t get to finish exploring California adventure because we were all grumpy and tired. The bus ride with Vincent was so fun and I didn’t really think about all the things I was upset at him for. On the 24th, then, we had grad walk AND senior awards!! I did the travel grad walk with Ni-Ni and we got to go to our elementary and middle schools + pat diskin in our caps and gowns with all the current students lining the halls cheering us on!! It was so pure. The elementary schoolers were so so so cute n proud of us & it was the first time it rly set in that this is happening!!! Plus I saw my 4th grade teacher and she remembered me BY NAME. I foreal cried on the way back to the bus bc of it. Awards night was nice too - I sat next to a kid I hadn’t talked to since middle school but it wasn’t awkward and we made jokes to each other all night!! It was kinda cute. Like it really felt like we were all in this together. I luvvvved cheering on my friends & just other kids in my classes who I may not talk to much but it still feels like we’re on the same boat supporting each other!! I got my Ronald Mcdonald award that night + my hispanic educator award (two scholarships totaling $1500!!!!) I also have to go to a HUGE district wide ceremony & read part of the speech that won me the hispanic educator award the day after graduation!! Yikes but I’m excited. I think that’s basically all the senior events left except maybe the senior bbq??? But that’s not a big deal. I’m not sure if there’s a senior sunset and I know I posted about being upset that I didn’t go to senior sunrise but on the bus ride home from Disney, I woke up for a split second and saw the sunrise over the California desert with my best friend sleepin next to me, his arm latched onto mine & maybe that’s enough.

BUT YEAH. IM FUCKING GRADUATING. My checkout card is signed !! My 7th grade english teacher who i am super close to has her flight booked !!! Can u believe it!!

Work-wise, I was having a really hard time for a while. I was desperately looking for another job & was about to transfer because the theatre made me want to kill myself!!! My exs friends and my managers were talking so so so much shit abt me. They said some of the worst things they couldve possibly said about me - and were so condescending at a time where i was extremely insecure because i was hung up over a boy that treated me like shit & had just lost so many friends. I couldnt even imagine staying until summer - but the universe helped me out and made it so that 2 of my most condescending managers transferred & i stopped getting scheduled so much with my exs friends and things just got… better. I stopped crying everyday - or any day - at work and actually turned down an interview because i figured id just wait until july to look for another job (thats how long im required to stay at my current to qualify for a 10k dollar scholarship i think i have a good shot at getting!!). I dont feel trapped and dread going to work anymore anymore and its so so so relieving. For a second there, it really had such a strong hold on my life and im so glad thats over. It was not healthy at ALL

Driving wise - ive been driving a lil bit a few days a week now and im really enjoying it !! It is not as scary as i thought itd be. I still have a lot to learn but i think im doin pretty good + i have 3k saved up for a car & im so excited !!!

This summer is also gna be super fun - im gna throw so many parties bc all of my bffs are leavin im august for college + spend a week explorin LA w my sister which im so excited abt !!! Im super broke atm bc i had to borrow a bunch of money from my mom for grade nite & am trying to pay it back asap but hopefully any grad money will be enough to cover it so i can buy books n cute knick knacks freely while im on vacay!! Especially since my body decided to hit a second fuckin puberty this winter & none of my summer clothes fit me anymore :( ive been dressing so bummy lately bc of it but ive been too busy to care. I gotta get clothes b4 going to LA tho!!! Other than that though i really just want this summer to be abt me. I feel like even tho i KNOW i need time to myself, i always try to get the most out of literally ANY possible relationship in my life :( its such a bad thing but i hate passing up opportunities like that bc what if, u know? To love and be loved in return is what I always thought i wanted most in this world!!! But i think i just need to consider where situations like this are really going before i compromise the time i set aside to work on myself for it. SO unless i can really see something going somewhere, this summer is goin to be about reading, writing, filming, and taking care of myself !!! I want to eat better (vegetarian & vegan whenever possible!!) and exercise and take care of my skin and just get shit done in general (maybe learn to knit finally???) Im even gonna start a bullet journal!!! I think it will help keep me feelin like myself as well as stay productive & organized in college + its just such a cute hobby Not to mention my sister is ENGAGED?????? My BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! I will save the sappy stuff for later posts/my maid of honor speech but she really deserves this more than anyone. It hurts to see her movin out after 18 years of sleepin 10 feet away from her - if it were any earlier than this i wouldnt have been able to handle it - but im excited to be independent & im sure we’ll be sendin each other funny memes and visiting each other 24/7!! She is my best friend after all, and im just so happy to see her happy that i cant even be that sad abt losing our early morning laughs and late night talks - at least not yet!! Maybe it just hasnt set in yet