#I hope this is a fair response idk how many people share my kinda experiences

[parts-of-a-sonnet]

(I hope its okay to reply like this if not lmk!)

In regards to identifying olds- most of the time returning members for me would seem to suddenly have their own concept of self or be in the process of developing one or... In my experience some of them would be "blurry" for a while actually because they still had a lot of dissociative barriers between us For Reasons. It took me some time in therapy to actually identify them more accurately and accept them more. I think it's a go at your own pace kind of thing. I've personally given them nicknames and "pronoun vibes" before properly getting them asserted to me at times. They were more like temporary ways of identifying until they gave me their own.

Just maybe also try to be clear that you're just giving them a temporary way to identify that they don't necessarily have to follow. That you'll respect them if they find themselves being very different. This is just a way to manage the present situation and that situation can change.

On this note I just want to comment on the barriers/ differentiation- if it provides you comfort and makes things less scary I don't think it's bad to try to sort out how to identify them. Imo if they are a dissociated part they prolly have a reason for being dissociated that might take time to accept and come to terms with and differentiating can be good for getting you to go at your own pace. (saying bc I tried to take in newly discovered olds asap as my experiences and feelings and uhhhhh it didn't go well lol)

hey guys, genuine question here!

how do yall go about discovering new alters? not new splits necessarily, but older alters/fragments that you didn't know about.

i ask this because i don't know how i should handle this - realizing i have, yet again, another alter i didn't know about. they often come blurry and unclear, and i have this urge to name them and write down their pronouns as soon as i can, because the blurriness is uncomfortable.

the "fleshing out" process is done with the new alter themselves, of course. as the host, i ask them guiding questions and sometimes even press a bit for an answer, because I'd rather be wrong than identity confused.

i know this might be unhealthy, but in this early stage of system discocery i seem to strive for more barriers/differentiation between my alters. i have no professional guidance as of now, so I'm turning to you guys on tips, tricks, and other wisdom you may have to share.

should i want and work for more separation, or should i refrain from it and wait for stuff to clear up? should i encourage alters and sort of "take them by the hand" to figure out their own identity, or should i just leave them alone?

any input is welcome, and thank u for reading! <3

[mischiefmanaged71]

Turning Tables (2/8) - Joaquin Torres x Reader

Summary: Nothing riles up Y/N more than stubbornness, especially when those she cares about get hurt. Y/N checks up on Joaquin when he arrives back from a mission gone bad.

Author’s Note: Continuation of my series! Hopefully I’ll be able to complete this series. I’ve planned to write at least five chapters. Like, reblog and comment if you enjoyed it! Should we have a counter by the end of the series how many times Y/N calls Joaquin ‘Flyboy’. IDK I love that she calls him that and it’s a cute nickname 

Warnings: FLUFF, slowburn

Pairing: Joaquin Torres x fem! reader

Word Count: 1.5K

You were relaxing at home when you got the text from Sam. Joaquin got injured on a mission in Switzerland, investigating the Flag Smashers. He had tried to arrest one of their members, or who he thought was the leader of the heist, when he was knocked down and unconscious by the incredibly strong individual.

You thanked Sam for letting you know and grabbed your keys to rush to the Airbase. 

As soon as Joaquin’s plane arrived, you were there, walking up the airstrip to interrogate him.

“What happened to keeping me updated?”, you approached him with furrowed eyebrows.

“I was kinda preoccupied in the moment.”, gripping a bag over his shoulder.

You sighed, clicking your tongue and tilting your head.

“All you had to do was ask and I would have been there.”

He waved his hands, his bruised orbital causing him to squint slightly.

“It's just a broken orbital, Y/N. I’m fine, honestly.”

“You’re lucky all you got was a broken bone. I gave you my number so you could call me in for these types of missions.”, you shook your head. 

“Look, it was just supposed to be recon, it happened to turn sideways.”

You left out a huff as your hands travelled to your hips. Your lips pursed but you made eye contact with Joaquin’s slouched posture and tired eyes. A patch of blue and purple bloomed under his eye along with a scatter of scratches and cuts. 

You stepped closer, gripping his arm delicately,

“The last thing I-,we want is for you to get hurt when we could have stopped it. I’ve faced all sorts of threats in the past so nothing really fazes me anymore.”, you chuckled.

Joaquin let out a breathy laugh, nodding his head as you rubbed his arm.

“Also, Sam can be annoying sometimes so it’s refreshing to hear someone else’s voice.”, earning a slight chuckle from Joaquin as he gripped his injured side.

“What I’m saying is, you don’t have to do it alone.”

Joaquin relaxed his shoulders, feeling the work of the last couple days hit him.

“I know, it’s just - I’m still trying to get used to it, ya know? Having people there for me. It’s been quiet these five years.”

Here is where you had two differing experiences. Almost half the universe had been blipped out of existence. 

For those that remained behind, they had to move on without their friends and loved ones. 

For those that came back, they had to get on with what they lost - time and coming home to a place that was changed.

“I know that must’ve been really hard. I barely recognise half of the places I walk by. Everything is so different now…”, you trailed off.

Once you returned, your family was broken. Natasha and Tony had sacrificed themselves to bring everyone back, Steve had left them to return the stones in the past and Wanda…

Wanda left after Tony’s funeral. Vision was gone and so was Natasha - her grief was different from the rest. 

You had all drifted apart after the Blip, trying to find your way to who you are now. After Steve left the shield with Sam, you’d always wondered what would happen next. Bucky was trying to adjust to the times, still recovering from his trauma. The US Government had mandated therapy for him with a weekly therapist but he didn’t seem to like her much at all. Y/N knew the therapy was good for him, but the therapist’s methods were questionable in her mind. 

They were all changed by what happened, but they were trying to find normalcy. They came back into a world far different than before. They were different people from before it all happened.

“I didn’t call you because I thought it was nothing at the time. I’ve been tracking these guys online for months. They’re dangerous and I didn’t want to drag anyone else into it unless I was sure.”

Joaquin ducked his head down to play with your hand, 

“I wouldn’t be able to deal with myself if something happened to you.”

You paused for a moment at his revelation, gripping his hand tightly in response.

“That’s different-”, you shook your head

“How? How is it different?”

“I’ve got powers to protect myself, you don’t have to worry about me.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that I do.”, he shook his head.

You both paused, sighing in the silence before you decided to jump back in to break it...gently.

“I’ve had my fair share of broken bones but I gotta say, that looks painful.”, you pointed at his bruised cheek.

Joaquin rolled his eyes and chuckled, nudging your shoulder.

“Well some of us aren’t invulnerable. Also pretty sure the guy who knocked me out was enhanced.”

“No shit...and this is why we always?...listen to Y/N, yes!”

“Oh, c’mon! You’re gonna milk this for ages, aren’t you?”, Joaquin groaned.

“Yup.”

A smirk grew on your face at his grimace.

“Ok ok, how about we grab some food? My treat?”, he opened his arms in defeat.

You scoffed, slapping Joaquin’s bicep, 

“Are you kissing up to me, Flyboy?”

He swatted your hands, a grin playing across his face as he chuckled,

“No… but would it get me back in your good graces?”

You pondered on it for a few seconds, nodding furiously at the proposition to dinner.

“Hmmm, I’ll have to consider it. I’m craving Italian food. Pizza?”

Joaquin nodded his head along as you both walked towards the front entrance where you had parked your car.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

You walked side by side, slowing to meet his pace. He had a slight limp as he favoured his left, being cautious about his sore side.

“You better not say you like pineapple.”, Joaquin jabbed.

You huffed, eyes widening in shock.

“And what is wrong with pineapple on pizza?!”

“Aside from the fact it’s disgusting! Fruit does not belong on a pizza.”, he scrunched his nose in disgust, laughing at your aghast expression.

“Tomatoes are a fruit!”, you pointed out.

“That doesn’t count!”

You nodded your head as you unlocked the car, 

“I think it does.”

Grabbing his bag off his shoulder, you placed it in the backseat, opening the passenger side. Nodding your head to the side, you gently nudged Joaquin to sit, pushing the door closed behind him. Jogging over to the driver’s side, you got in  and plugged in your seatbelt before reversing the car.

“Well since you’re paying, why don’t you decide this time, Flyboy?”, you glanced to the side as he relaxed in his seat.

“Alright but don’t come at me with those glowing hands if you don’t like it.”, he grinned.

You shook your head,

“Yes, because pizza toppings are the peak of my tolerance.”

Your eyes track back to the road in focus, the radio peaking through. Joaquin’s head leaned against the window on his hand as the rumble of the car lulled him to sleep. You got lost in your thoughts as you continued along the road.

“You should take better care of yourself, Flyboy. I don’t wanna come down here again and see you hurt.”

“I’m-I know that we haven’t known each other for that long. Heck, I only met you six months ago.”, you spoke softly.

“It’s been a tough adjustment since I got back. I haven’t really felt like myself at all - but then here you are and everything just…”, your rambling filling the quiet.

“It's better… I-”

You glance over at Joaquin but his eyes are closed shut, his head leaning against the window. He’s sound asleep, looking far more relaxed and peaceful than when you first saw him. 

Your chest tightened as you scanned over the bruising scattered over his smooth, tan skin. 

“Let someone take care of you for once.”

***

Thanks again for reading, lovelies xx 

Hope you enjoyed it and tag me in TFATWS fics!

Comment if you’d like to be tagged. I’ll make a Masterlist...when I figure out how to create one (lol).

TAGS:

@asoftie4bucky @remmysbounty @cjsinkythoughts @bubblegum28universe  @farfromjustordinary  @hocusbowie @alainabooks143 @marvelnerd18 @samscaptain @alexlynn16 @dontstahpmemeow @plllover86 @petewentzfrommcr80  @literallyjustfanfiction @captainbarness @parkjammys @the-and-sign-anon @nialeesato 

[anonymoustalks]

i'm like the laziest student there. and administratively, i'm not doing so hot at the church i'm interning at. so i've been asking myself what in the world it is that I really want to do

(6-20-20) You both like religion.

You: hi

Stranger: helloo

Stranger: how's it going

You: it's going fine

You: I'm not religious

Stranger: cool

Stranger: so what's your view on life. broad question i know

You: I thinkk there needs to be more love everywhere

Stranger: true

You: the world needs to be flooded with love

Stranger: were you religious before?

You: nope

Stranger: atheist? or something else?

You: I guess I'm kinda atheist

Stranger: why kind of?

You: I feel like atheist has the connotation of strongly rejecting the existence of god

You: whereas agnostic doesn't have that semblance of strong rejection

Stranger: yeah kinda

Stranger: so you feel in between?

You: well, I feel like I've leaned too much into science growing up

You: and there is no evidence suggesting or not suggesting the existence of god, therefore you can't reject it

Stranger: okay, fair enough

You: anyhow what's your view on life?

Stranger: i'm with you on the fact that there needs to be more love in the world. but i'd add that our definition of love needs more substance

Stranger: something needs to inform or understanding of love

Stranger: our*

You: mhm what do you mean by substance?

Stranger: weight, meaning, concreteness

You: ohh as in love is just too vague of a term?

Stranger: mm not exactly

Stranger: it is vague

Stranger: hm

Stranger: yeah i guess that is part of what i'm saying lol

You: lol

Stranger: we need to know what we mean by it

You: mhm I'd love to hear some examples of what you mean

Stranger: oh boy. i'm not prepared

Stranger: love is such a profound word

You: oh was it too heavy? ^^

Stranger: any questions about what life should be like is heavy haha

Stranger: at least for me

Stranger: they all got a lot of existential weight

You: mhm, well I guess I can start with what I mean, if that helps?

Stranger: hmm here's a start. at what point is an act not an act of love, or at what point is an act an act of love?

Stranger: or actually

Stranger: we could go back further. why love in the first place?

You: mhm I think love is a subjective feeling that a person feels for another

You: and many people define love for themselves in different ways

You: as for why love in the first place -- I think love is a natural human emotion

Stranger: but there's an objective side to love as well. it needs an element of selflessness in order to be love

You: mhm is there?

Stranger: greed and hate are also natural human emotions, but they're not something we should practice.

You: very true

Stranger: but love is different because it promotes corporate happiness

You: as for the selflessness, I think that a love a parent has for their child is commonly regarded as selfless, although a child's love for (idk their grandparent) isn't always perceived as selfless I think

Stranger: yeah, it's a different kind of love

You: are there any bad kinds of love?

Stranger: love for money?

You: lol

Stranger: i would call that lust

Stranger: a lust for money. lust is like a perversion of love

You: mhm

You: so I'm kind of a hippie

You: I think all (or most) expressions of love are pretty much good

You: although I think hippies have this perception of being sex-positive as well

Stranger: word

You: but I think offering love to people, no matter the kind, doesn't necessarily seem bad to me

Stranger: i have a Christian background

Stranger: but i try to be sympathetic (understanding) to other views. just to grow more as a human

You: mhm I think I'm really sympathetic to many christian values

You: but it's weird because I don't think I can really call myself christian

Stranger: offering love to others is great. i just have to make sure my understanding of love is informed by God

Stranger: christianity can get tricky with all the denominations and what not

Stranger: but once you learn to navigate the conversations, it gets better from there

You: mhm

Stranger: hmm

You: are you on this tag a lot?

Stranger: i actually just started using this tag yesterday. also just started chatting with strangers yesterday

You: ohh cool

You: did you have any good conversations?

Stranger: some interesting ones. all pleasant

You: it's nice that they're pleasant

Stranger: yeah

You: I like omegle because I get to learn about other ppl

Stranger: true. one of the reasons why i'm chatting here

You: yup

You: I think my best to like every person that I come across

Stranger: academics will make you arrogant if you're not careful, so i'm kind of using this platform to get better at understanding people

You: ahh are you like an academic?

Stranger: definitely not a scholar

Stranger: but i'm pursuing my masters in religion

You: ohh wow

Stranger: and majored in philosophy (doesn't really mean anything tbh)

You: that sounds really fancy haha

Stranger: it's just a lot of thinking and reading and being bored out of your mind

You: so when you study religion academically, do ppl normally focus on one religion?

You: or is it more comparative?

Stranger: hmm

Stranger: it's comparative to an extent

Stranger: so mainly i'm just studying reformed christianity

Stranger: but we'll interact with the quran. maybe read some articles written about/against the validity of the christian faith

You: right and is getting a masters in religion different from studying theology or going to a theological school?

Stranger: oohhh my bad

Stranger: i kept it general

Stranger: my masters is in divinity. i'm at a theological seminary

You: ahh okay

You: and are you thinking of becoming a pastor?

Stranger: i'll be honest, i've been asking myself that and have been struggling real hard cause of it lol

You: awww

You: what do most people do?

Stranger: most people will get ther masters in divinity to become pastors

You: mhm

You: do you need much of a degree to become a pastor?

Stranger: depends on what kind of church you'd pastor for

Stranger: lots of churches these days would want to know your credibility

You: mhm

Stranger: and make sure you don't come in with some hocus pocus shit

You: right

You: if this isn't too hard on you, if it okay if I ask why you have doubt about your career?

Stranger: a degree definitely helps

Stranger: oh yeah i'm open to questions

Stranger: my initial struggle was that i was torn between seminary and pursuing more of the arts

You: arts?

Stranger: yeah like dance, music, drawing

You: mhmm

Stranger: my passion has always been for the arts. but on the other hand, i have this strong conviction to learn more of the Bible and share it with other people particularly young inquisitive people

Stranger: learned that these two things aren't necessarily mutually exclusive

You: right

Stranger: so i went ahead and went to seminary

You: but you're still conflicted right now?

Stranger: but. i'm like the laziest student there. and administratively, i'm not doing so hot at the church i'm interning at. so i've been asking myself what in the world it is that I really want to do

You: ahh

You: that sounds difficult

Stranger: especially cause being a pastor isn't something i can put upon myself

You: hm what do you mean?

Stranger: i'm gonna use the language of Christian's for a second. you have to be "called" to ministry in order to do ministry

You: ahh

Stranger: i can't just casually pick it up as if it were a trade

You: you don't feel it?

Stranger: man idk. part of me feels like it's because i'm lazy and clouding my judgement.

You: right

Stranger: the other part of me just wants a good breather. just kinda want to live for myself for a second

You: it sounds really difficult

Stranger: not worry about anyone but me, just for a moment

You: is it overwhelming?

Stranger: but what excuse do i have when i've been fucking it up with my laziness?

Stranger: emotionally overwhelming

Stranger: since i internalize all my thoughts and try to process everything

Stranger: i've been holding out okay, but quarantine got me in my feels lol

You: mhm right yeah

You: it's a lot to go through

Stranger: anyway, that's a summary of my story

You: I want to say I support you but I don't know anything haha

Stranger: lol it's all good

You: maybe you need a morale boost?

Stranger: honestly, words of encouragement can go a long way

Stranger: maybe

You: like mean, it's easy to think we're not cut out for something

You: but having a little bit of support get push us there

You: and it's only at the end that we know that we're at someplace we're meant to be

Stranger: yeah amen to that

You: I mean, I assume that's what people mean when they refer to "my family's support" after a long road of things

You: but I think everyone experiences serious... even dramatic doubt at times

You: and sometimes you just need someone to tell you that you can do it

You: that you'll get there

Stranger: mhmm

You: sorry I don't want to spew too much haha ^^

Stranger: nah you're all good. i do it every sunday hahaaaa

Stranger: poor kids

You: haha

You: I think it's a really incredible profession (is that the right term) to be in

You: like it matters so much

Stranger: yeah it's a profession

Stranger: vocation w/e you wanna call it

You: so much responsibility

You: I guess to hold the people that you're guiding, right?

Stranger: yeah, there's a lot to it

Stranger: can be intimidating at times

You: mhm

Stranger: trying to make sure you're humble

Stranger: trying to love the little punks

You: yeah haha

Stranger: hoping to God your mind is in the right place for the sake of your group

You: right

Stranger: and the politics you gotta play with the older people in church. most exhausting part

You: mhmm the politics?

Stranger: some churches are a little two faced

You: meaning?

Stranger: kind of have to be socially adept to be aware of what might be going on between the elders of the church

Stranger: what the church might feel about the head pastor

Stranger: and what they might feel about you

You: right

You: it sounds really complicated

Stranger: and to be able to act accordingly. it's all real petty stuff. not all churches are like this

You: I think I saw a NYTimes article about being conflicted in a church ever since trump was elected

You: like about how some church goers switched to going to more conservative churchs

You: or things like that

You: idk if it's a common thing

Stranger: hm

Stranger: it's more common than it should be

Stranger: members leaving a church to go to another

Stranger: sometimes its justified, sometimes its a lack of commitment and care for the church

Stranger: but yeah, i think this is why i want to define love the way God would have us define it. If I can emulate that, I'm sure it'd help the church

You: mhm, I think I didn't totally understand your explanation haha ^^

Stranger: that's okay

Stranger: i'm just saying love is important and i need to be loving for the sake of the church

You: mhm

Stranger: anyway

Stranger: oh yeah

Stranger: i was curious earlier, what makes you reluctant to call yourself a christian?

You: oh I don't believe in god, really

You: it feels ungenuine for me to say a prayer when I don't believe in him per say

Stranger: makes sense

You: that said, I really support churches

You: I think it's a little bit sad when it feels like American is drifting less and less religious I guess?

You: or to be more specific, I guess it's just a revulsion towards religion

You: that I don't think is totally fair

Stranger: yeah, i feel that

You: because I think churches do great things for their communities

You: history aside

Stranger: haha yeah the history

Stranger: and the things we did in the name of god

You: yeah I hear that a lot -- "christianity is bad because the crusades"

Stranger: i'm sure you know, but it's such an unfair assessment of christianity

Stranger: since it was just evil men using that title to their advantage

You: yup ^^ or well I think all people are flawed

Stranger: yeah, the depravity of mankind

You: I think it means a lot to seek improvement for yourself

Stranger: yeah. not an easy task to do

Stranger: since you have to constantly point out where you are falling short

You: yup

You: sometimes I wonder if I should go looking for something like an interfaith church or something haha

Stranger: that would be interesting

You: idk what they're like at all though

Stranger: hmm

Stranger: this is probably my own biases speaking, but i'd imagine a lot of them would have trouble explaining their worldviews

You: mhm yeah I know nothing about them, so I can't comment

Stranger: i'm guessing they'd be very welcoming though

Stranger: given the "inter" aspect of the group

You: mhm inclusivity is one of my values

Stranger: it's so hard going into churches though

You: going into?

Stranger: like visiting them and trying be part of the community

You: ahh yeah

You: it sounds like a lot of effort

Stranger: for me personally, christian churches would not be my first thought for places to go to for healthy communities

Stranger: healthy, real, non-awkward communities

You: hm? how so?

Stranger: it's probably just because of my observation of churches around me though

Stranger: it's just that churches around me aren't really the greatest at welcoming outsiders

Stranger: they either overcompensate, or just can't interact

You: ahh

You: yeah I can't comment haha; I've never been in that kind of situation

Stranger: hm. as a pastor, i'm supposed to be encouraging you to find yourself a church, but here i am discouraging it lol

You: loool

You: ^^ it's okay, you mean well

Stranger: i mean. if you find a good church, you've found yourself a group of good people. if do decide to find a church, i wish you the best

You: mhm

You: do you find if I ask what denomination you're affiliated with?

Stranger: ask away

You: oh that was the question haha

Stranger: oh

Stranger: presbyterian

Stranger: i don't know if I want to be with the OPC or the PCA

Stranger: both presbyterians though

You: ahh are they very different?

Stranger: very slightly

Stranger: like it almost doesn't matter

You: would you say your church fits in the evangelical category or not really?

Stranger: hmm

Stranger: to be honest, i'm not all too sure what the evangelical category is

You: I was going to ask that haha

Stranger: i just know "evangelical" has been used as a broad term for christians

You: yeah there's an "evangelicalism" wikipedia article

You: it says that 1 in 4 christians in the world can be considered evangelica

You: was just curious if you had a more specific definition to it

Stranger: hm

Stranger: it's been used in more than one way i'm not sure how to define it

You: mhm okay

Stranger: probably not gonna say anything more than that so i don't spread misinformation

Stranger: i will say that they do seem very "spreading the message" oriented

You: ah okay ^^

You: I feel like I am clicking around a ton of random links now

You: what do you think of Liberal Christinaity?

You: or liberal theology

Stranger: oh liberal christianity

Stranger: oooh hot topic at my school. at least for the freshmen

You: ahh how so?

Stranger: some would say it's not christianity at all

Stranger: since it compromises some very important things about christianity

You: yup

You: what would you say is the majority view at your school?

Stranger: about liberal christianity?

Stranger: or in general

You: yup

Stranger: we're against it

You: mhm is that common at a seminal school?

Stranger: hmm

Stranger: some are more aware

Stranger: while others kind of just offer the view there

You: what do you mean by more aware?

Stranger: they might be aware of the discussions revolving around liberal theology

Stranger: but haven't been required to do the ground work to really see why or why not liberal theology is not christian theology

You: mhm

Stranger: while other seminaries (i can only think of one) are more open about liberal theology

Stranger: my school straight up rejects it

You: haha

Stranger: couple others in the area do too

You: is it a regional thing?

Stranger: hmm not really

Stranger: it just happens to be that professors in other schools studied at my school

Stranger: my school was founded as a response to liberal theology

You: ohhhh

You: wow

Stranger: the founder couldn't stay at his old seminary while at the same time teaching what he in his heart knew was wrong

Stranger: so he left

Stranger: and started a school with his own money

You: right

Stranger: took a few brilliant thinkers along with him

Stranger: boom

Stranger: the birth of a humble little seminary with a lot to say

You: yeah

You: I mean I know very little

You: all I know is that some churches are pro-lgbt and others aren't

Stranger: ah

Stranger: a complicated discussion for sure

You: are the pro-lgbt ones liberal christianity?

Stranger: it's usually that way

You: mhmm

Stranger: although, i don't know by how much

You: yeah I was curious about how much of it was geographic

You: like I'm from new england

You: and a lot of the churches in the big cities are pro-lgbt

You: like you can see it posted outside even if you don't go in

Stranger: ohh

Stranger: i guess geography has some correlation to it, but not a necessary correlation

Stranger: guess it has to do with culture

Stranger: and how certain regions are responding to cultural changes

You: mhm

Stranger: anyway, i should head out and get ready for tomorrow. it was awesome chatting with you

You: okay, have a great night!

Stranger: if you happen to look for a christian church

Stranger: try a presbyterian one. i mean, that's my "bias"

Stranger: but

You: haha okay ^^

Stranger: oh but if they're wack

Stranger: don't feel bad about moving on to the next

You: mhm alrightie

You: thanks for everything!

Stranger: thank you for listening!

Stranger: jesus loves you!

You: haha

Stranger: haha. peace

You: byebye!

You have disconnected.