#I hope someone's heartstrings will be tugged as well haha

[ikkosu]

you want pharma and prowl? I’ll give you pharma and prowl!! Them both as romantic rivals trying(and failing) to woo reader (gn, can be whatever species) cause they are both losers (affectionate) they keep trying to flirt with reader, but are so jealous and possessive they keep getting in each others way, which is not helping their image in front of readers eyes. Maybe reader is a secretary and has worked under both, and their personality(and bod) attracted them in the first place . Here’s your pharma and prowl <3

author’s note : YESSSS YESSSSS THIS IS THE CONFLICT I NEED. ILL GIVE YOU A SMOOCH FOR THAT IDEA ALONE ANON. I’m a sucker for these tropes on goddd. Also don’t mind me as I change it to a medic, since it’s more flexible for me to work with <3 possible three some later ;;)) also, whoo! This is a lot longer than I expected.

ONLY ONE WAY UP THE HIGH WAY

summary : prowl and pharma finds themselves as rivals when they pine for the same darling pet and thus the inevitable egos clash.

You hate rom-coms.

Now, you might be a hopeless romantic; delving and losing yourself in romantic stories, tugging even the most deepest heartstrings which gets you all giggly and kicking your feet. What you hate, however, are bland characters. A random, mix and mash kind of chemistry, forced with no substance, set up as a love triangle.

Which is, quite literally, what's occuring right now.

You see, you’re a medic up in Delphi for some time before being paired up as Prowl’s buddy-buddy partner, because Chromedome insists someone needs to look after that unruly cop who’s always destined get himself killed.

And so you do. Upon Ratchet’s introduction to the Autobot SIC he’s not exactly someone friendly. He's, ah, rigid and prickly, the know it all by the book, kind of prickly. His unresolved anger issues takes quite the toll wheb you tend his wounds or even so much as to touch his arm. Though, demure as you are, you know when to stand up for yourself when the situation gets out of hand. And this kind of resistance managed to ease down his sharp edges. Now, he’s still a prick, a tolerable prick more accurately, but you’re both good pals!

Or so, that’s what you thought.

One unassuming day, you were lounging off as usual in the main area, gathering your bearings after another tough match with the hoards of patients when your communicator buzzes with a ping. It's a message from Pharma.

An Autobot base will be set up here in Messatine at due time. Will be expecting your arrival promptly.

Ah, Delphi. How long has it been, seven years? Meeting your mentor again was something of a, well, it wasn't far from a dream. Wasn't really a need, either. But it's definitely something, at least. Besides, Prowl said he had to monitor the new crew in case they messed up the communication systems, again. So, you decided, with a hopeful heart, to follow along with the Coppa to Delphi.

Yeah, bad decision. Whomp, whomp.

That hospital might have it's up and downs, and while saving patients might not be it's strongest suits, it's decor are definitely a catch to mind. Goodness, since when did they have the funds to do that? The stark white of the tiled floor ( since when did they had marble designed pillars? ) embellished with grey, engraved carvings stumped your prior, blatant distaste of the facility.

It's safe to say you're surprised.

You're sauntering across the halls of the hospital, admiring the added features of new wards, machinery and nurses, when you bump into a wall that is, apparently, Pharma. Your, uh, very, very nice superior who you squint at your notes is definitely obsessively clingy BUT very smart , but also crazy. Like, mad crazy. Haha....

Why do you attract people like this.

"And, who ..? is this?" Condescension spools from his tone as he sizes up the Autobot SIC with a careless wave of his hand like he's some newly discovered specimen.

"Their partner." He makes sure to emphasize the 'partner' like it's a bullet. "The 'who', here is a Prowl."

"Oh, is it now. I didn't expect you to move on that quickly, dear."

"You're in a relationship?" You feel his glare on you; it's not a question.

"No, he's just—"

"Kidding! I'm only kidding." Pharma gives a hearty laugh. "My, my, officer. You know, tight muscles are a sore to deal with if you're not going to loosen them anytime soon."

"No thanks. I'll stick with a stroke."

"Ah, the ever so pessimistic. Pleasure to meet you then, officer. I've heard lots about you."

The doctor gracefully extends a hand to which Prowl ignores and then replies without much a look to him.

"If that's so, then I'm not very pleased."

The hand falls sharply, so does the smile.

"Oh, good,"

You swore you heard a joint breaking when he snaps his neck to your direction, and while you look away, you knew the chesire grin-like smile on his face is nothing but a threat.

"Very, very good." He straightens up. "How about a tour?"

Honestly, you expected the two would be more civil since they’re both so heads over heels about their reputations in front of another superiorly defined character. What you didn’t expect, however, is intruding in a tug of war that materialized from, seemingly, out of nowhere.

Right, the doctor insisted on an individual tour of your own. He suggested Ambulon show Prowl around, while he would take the pleasure of doing the same to you.

Obviously, Prowl isn't having any of that. So, you're currently between them, one arm in Pharma’s grip and the other in Prowl’s unrelenting grasp. You wince as their digits dig into your skin. If they're not careful, that's gonna leave a mark for sure.

“They already know their place around the medical facility, Jet-fuel. I’m sure they’re able to handle themself just fine without your guidance,”

“Oh, yes indeed,” Pharma, despite Prowl’s 100 degree glare, grits through his forced grin and yanks you back by the scruff of your collar, right into his chest, “I invited them here, I might as well show them around. If I didn’t know any better you’re trying to hog my staff.”

You know better than to voice your opinions. Their inner brain workings, all the cogs and mannerisms were already familiar; operating under their influence is like treading around a field of broken hards bound to prick you at any moment lest you misstep.

"Your staff?” The Autobot SIC scoffs. “Im not hogging them. It's long gone. They're not working for you, anymore. But I'm sure you're not aware of that since you've got a stick up your ass."

“Not quite, actually. Before they became your little pet—“

“They're. Not. My. Pet. I’d prefer it if you didn’t reduce them to some mindless animal—"

“Doesn’t matter. they’ll be fine. I know you haven’t you heard about this since you’re new here but Delphi has its new additions around the facility. I’m merely trying to greet back an old prodigy of mine back. In fact, they’ll be fine without you.”

"Oh, really." Prowl's up in his face now, grinding his dentas.

"How about you push my buttons and let's see where this leads?" Pharma taunts with an obvious tick on his under-optics.

That’s last week and you’re surprised when Prowl is frequenting your work station more often, always nagging you about your reports and how you ‘incorrectly’ structure them. That's strange, he never does that. Why is it only now he's bothering you about it?

When you asked him to take a look, however, he merely tosses it elsewhere and hands you his own datapad for you to look through. Of course, Pharma pops up round the corner and chastises the strategist for hogging his medic’s working hours. He says it's 'unethical' use of Power-play and authoritism and that Prowl should be locked up in jail.

Even worse, they’ve had this tug of war battle where they would try to ‘woo’ you when they can. You weren’t surpised; Pharma’s quite full of himself, so obviously he’s got territorial problems, even though you're not sure why he's so possessive over you. But later you realized he IS the entire problem. Not singular, not plural, he’s a walking embodiment of a complicated problem.

It gets worse when you're trying to do your work and here they are barging into your cubicle with another problem. At this point, you’re convinced it’s just a fight Pharma puts up because he hates sharing his pets. Now? He’s gotten too far down the rabbit hole to get up. For sentient robots who’s been through a war and back, they’re so damn petty.

Pharma’s idea way of flirting is more up and personal, he doesn’t care about your personal space and he never will. Brother in Christ, this mech does NOT leave you alone. AT ALL. He touches you whenever the time allows him to and you knew he's doing that to get under the lesser affectionate Cop-bot's skin, who finds physical touch repulsive.

Sometimes, you feel his hands up on your waist, your back against his chest as he leans over to regard your report, chin on your shoulder. If he’s feeling more bold, he often puts in his two cents of insinuating a quick session in the office which you, uh, politely decline because you’ve got a meeting with the new interns.

There's always another time, he'd jest. Yeah, well, not so funny. He’s clingy, obsessive and despite the charming suave-esque front of a Bond Villain he puts up, he’s easily the best person you can turn into a pile of seething venom.

“My little pet, I think it’s high time Prowl has his duties transferred off elsewhere, don’t you think?” His optics are twitching, and his unusually sharp talons pierce the metal desk. “ Not that I mind, that rancid Cop-bot has been getting in my nerves, recently. Wrong, this, regulations that. Can you believe it, he terminated half of my crew for, as per his words, carrying out unsanitary operations! Thats defamation! A false accusation. It takes a whole restraint not to shove him down the grinds of the accelerator.”

Please, don’t.

“He’s just monitoring the district, sir.” You maintained a neutral tone. He’s at your desk again. And, instead of trying to woo you into his bed he’s complaining. Oh, my god. I’ve got a report due tommorow. And you’re complaining. Someone, help me.

“Well, he’s not monitoring anything anytime soon with how much blood he’s leeching from your body. I should've known better than to agree with his demands to stay in your office as well. He’s stuck to you like a damn mosquito.”

Like, you're any better. You deadpan.

Prowl, on the other hand is aware and accepted the fact that he’s definitely not the most likable or the best lover kind of material out there. And, to take someone like YOU to like him, someone playful and fun, not ripping out his head every two seconds, is a blessing in and of itself.

He can't even stay a second around someone without pissing off their early descendants. So, with his glock locked and loaded he takes 'counteractive measures' to ensure that nobody is going to take that moment of happiness away from him. Even if in unethical terms he’ll have to ensure it.

“You’re been forty five meters off from your office.”

You let out a startled yelp, swivelling around to meet Prowl, oh thank god prowl, who's expression is pinched, lips pressed in a thin line and his hands are intertwined behind his back, military-like.

“I’m buying drinks,” You clutch the myriad of snacks and drinks in your arms, blinking away your pounding heart. “ H-how’d you find me?”

Prowl merely glances at the contraption on his wrist where, when you crane your neck to look over, is a circular radar with a blinking red dot.

“You’re to notify your disappearance when necessary.” He grunts out and turns on his heel. “Let me know when Jet-fuel decides to harass you again,”

Weird. Still, you brush off his disdain for the medic as nothing when instead his, ah, paranoia (?) goes on for months. That one instance youre in the bathroom? Yeah. Hello, there. I'm just walking. Totally not peeking. Totally not—

Is that a new sock?

"Prowl!"

"I'm checking if there are cameras here."

"It's a bathroom?!"

"All the more reason why I should ensure there isn't."

What's more strange is the fact that there's a blatant evidence of someone meddling with your schedule. And, you had an inkling their tug of war session travelled even to technological seams.

This rivalry continued on (despite, literally, the entire hospital's annoyance) until you eventually lost it.

It was a Friday night.

A party was held in the lounge. The younger mechs had set the celebration up to mark the lethargic end of July. Of course, since you’re invited to the party, the two came along despite not being known as party-dwellers themselve. So, it was quite a sight for the young mechs to see.

You thought they’d tone down the hostility a little and even warm up with how much time they spnd trying to one up the other. That's enough months to start a relationship, God damnit. Unfortunately, you’re not able to drink freely without the two mechs pushing against your personal space. Prodding, blabbering away about how skimpy your outfit looked. You're wearing your uniform.

At some point you drink in defeat, squished between their two frames as either tries to stop you from drinking your misery out while the other eggs you on with another bottle.

After the party they insisted dragging you back to their quarters. You’re not even halfway into your room when they start bickering again.

“Don’t you have anything better to do, Prowl?” His name is a venomous jab in the guise of a forced, seething smile. “Your presence in the hospital is unnecessary as the security guard up front. A mandatory monitor check doesn’t require you here all the time. If i didn’t know any better, you’re deliberately trying to distract them so they’ll end up in your berth.”

You hold back a vomit as Pharma nabs you into his hold, the alcohol seething your veins aren’t doing much for your psyche and you stare dumbly at the floor, wanting to retch over it.

”I’m checking up on my partner.” Prowl stands his ground then tugs you into his chest again, “Doesn’t have anything to do with you, Jet-fuel.”

“Oh, it does, actually.” Another tug back, “ It’s called harassment and I'm going to report to your superiors for pestering one of my medics.’’

“Your medic?” He scoffs. “You’re a sad sorry bunch who’s got no chicks up his ass. If I didn’t know any better you’re manipulating them into caving into a newly registered scheme. A play toy, plaything, exhausted for pleasure. Don’t think I know you used to work with the D.J.D, Jet-fuel.”

“Call me that one more time and I’ll ensure your processor isn’t he only thing I’m dislodging from that helm."

“Illegal malpractice of surgery is an offense. Is that a threat, Jet-fuel?”

“Oh, you’ll see, Officer. You’ll see just how skilled I am with my Servos.”

They’re both at already each other’s throat, servos clenched, door wings, jet-wings flaring and blasters at the ready. The Engex they’ve ingested earlier only prompted the hostile ambience and as they were about to—

“Why won’t you both fuck me already!?”

In a fit of annoyance, inebriation and stupidity, the three horsemen of your misery, the words left your lips before you even think. They stop bickering and it felt like forever as they did a 180 , full, joints creaking swivel of a ‘What did you just say???’ baffled expression thrown at your direction.

But you’re still seething and only then you’ve realized your slip-up, you’re a crumpled mess on the floor, palms wide and open, clutching your face that’s unrelentingly burning. Pharma looks like he's been kicked in the crotch and Prowl looks like he's seen God.

Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.

“Both of us, hm?” You hear Pharma muse and whether or not Prowl is considering the prospect, all you want to do as of now, is to rot in this hole you dug for yourself.

[saintsenara]

How has being a doctor influenced your writing or ig your viewpoints/person? Currently I’m a med student - haven’t really come across many doctors who also write ff (perhaps I’m not talking to the right people haha). Can you tell me a little more about what meds like for you?

thank you for the ask, anon - and i hope your training is going well.

i'm not going to talk about my speciality etc., for internet safety reasons, and i've received another ask which i will one day get around to answering on wizarding medicine as a science. but i will talk about how medicine has affected my experience in fandom and influenced my writing.

my writing process looks, i think, fairly ruthless from the outside. i’m not somebody who tends to agonise over things like word choice, i never have anything beta-read or seek advice on plot lines as i’m writing, i don’t need little routines or dedicated time to write [i’m a whenever and wherever girly], i hit publish and move on, and i’m generally good at not getting upset by criticism. and that decisiveness is undoubtedly a skill which has been honed by working in medicine, but, like other aspects of my personality which affect both my writing and my career - e.g. that i’m extremely good under pressure, someone with good intuition, able to hyperfocus, a lateral thinker, possessed of a very strong stomach, someone who doesn’t need to stick rigidly to a routine, and emotionally resilient - i’ve always been like this.

and i’ve also always been someone who has a preference for characters who aren’t the good guys.

my writing tends to favour the flawed, the lonely, the grieving, the furious, the self-destructive, and so on. i find the virtuous quite boring, and i really dislike the puritanical streak which a lot of fandom discourse [and, indeed, all media discourse] has developed in recent years. i think it’s incredibly dangerous that liking particular themes, tropes, or characters in fanfiction has come to be equated with the reader’s real-world views and morals, and i think it’s equally dangerous for us to have any assumption that moral purity is possible from either fictional or real people.

that i think this is partially because i’m not fourteen - i remember well the righteousness of youth, and i’m glad that social media wasn’t anywhere near as pervasive then - and i am sympathetic to the fact that a lot of this purity discourse is just teens trying to self-actualise.

but it’s also because it’s something that's completely impossible to do as a doctor if you’d like to be capable of doing your job properly. you will never have a perfect patient, you will never like a perfect character, you will treat them anyway.

when you’re training, i think it’s easy to end up with the assumption that your difficult patients will either have reasons for their difficulties which are so understandable that you can have compassion for them with ease [e.g. the nice young person being slowly locked-in by als who lashes out in grief and rage at how their life is being cut short] or so cartoonishly malicious that you will enter a state of clinical detachment and treat them with nothing more than cool professionalism [e.g. the elderly racist who refuses to be treated by a black doctor]. and you certainly will have lots of patients who fit these extremes of the spectrum.

but you will mostly have people who are very messy and complicated and human. who will be incredibly unpleasant and yet will also tug at your heartstrings. who will be in pain and will be afraid and will be funny and interesting and grieving and who will also have done things in their lives which are horrifying.

your patients will be cruel. they will be sleazy. they will treat the nurses with contempt [do not be the sort of doctor who does the same]. they will be bigoted. they will be rude. they will be annoying. they will be sly. they will lie to you. they will be malicious. the list is endless.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will make bad decisions again and again - the sixty-a-day smoker who needs oxygen to breathe is probably still going to light up the second they’re out of the building, the person who barely survived covid because they didn’t get the vaccine is going to continue to refuse to take precautions to protect themselves - and you will be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as just not making that bad decision.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will choose to be and to remain ill-informed - they will tell you that vaccines can turn children trans, or that the pharmaceutical industry is suppressing the truth that homoeopathic remedies cure cancer - and you will be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as just changing your worldview overnight.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will end up in hospital for reasons which are directly and incontrovertibly their own fault - they will be the eighteen-year-old who thought they’d be fine to drive after a couple of drinks and has now killed their friend and given themselves irreversible brain damage, they will be the drug dealer who got stabbed by a rival in a robbery-gone-wrong - and you will be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as making a different choice when so much in life is a coin-toss.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will end up in hospital and also be bad people - they will be the child molestor brought in from prison in cardiac arrest, they will be the parents who went to the bar rather than watch their child in the pool and are now having to be told that all resuscitation attempts have failed - and you will be infuriated and you will understand that even the very worst people in the world can be afraid and in pain.

you will treat them anyway.

you will also learn a very important lesson: it is tremendously easy to kill someone.

you will see one failure to check the mirrors while driving, one punch in a pub brawl, one bump of mdma offered to a friend on a night out, one instance of seeing red, one split-second decision which takes a life. and you will recognise that the killer probably thought of themselves as a good person, but that isn’t how this works.

because, of course, the cold, hard truth is that you probably think of yourself as a good person. but you’re going to kill someone too.

not intentionally - I hope. but you are going to act too slowly to begin treatment, or be convinced that someone’s pain can’t be as bad as they say and triage them wrongly, or assume that a patient with dozens of instances on their records of trying to score opiates by claiming to have abdominal pain is lying again, or think that you know better than the patient and their family, or be misled by the charming demeanour of people who are abusing their children. you are going to make a mistake in surgery, or because the lab was backed up, or because you’re tired, or because a&e is at breaking point. and somebody is going to die because of it.

the only thing you can do to stave off that inevitability for as long as possible is to never believe yourself infallible. don’t think of yourself as flawless, or righteous, or moral, or a brilliant genius who works alone. question your expectations; examine your biases; listen to patients properly; be aware of the realities of medical misogyny, racism, and ableism and never think yourself incapable of them; show your unpleasant patients as much compassion as your nice ones; be good to the nurses - they will save your bacon - and be just as good to the porters and the cleaners and the people who work in the morgue; stay educated; inform yourself about the actual experience of people who have, for example, been sectioned, or otherwise treated without respect by the medical system; leave your own problems at the door when you step onto the ward; don’t keep silent if you think one of your colleagues is dangerous; get a second opinion whenever you need to; accept that failure is inevitable; keep trying; recognise that nothing and nobody is ever simple.

treat them anyway.

so too in your life in fandom. never think that you alone have spotless interests, nor that your favourite characters are flawless. examine why tropes or interpretations of characters which allow them to be imperfect make you uncomfortable; examine your biases - is your slash heteronormative? is your portrayal of a non-white character stereotypical?; be nice to your commenters, and take as much as you can of what they say in good faith; remember that people writing fic are real and have complex motivations and experiences; regard it as your duty to confront portrayals of the violent and the cruel with as much compassion as you can; keep writing; recognise that nothing and nobody is ever simple.

write them anyway.

[silvfyre-writings]

Aizawa Cares Pt. 24 (MHA Fanfic)

Hi, yes, I forgot to post this yesterday omg. I got in the car to work this morning and went "shit, I didn't post the chapter" but here it is now! It's time for Aoyama to shine! I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!!!

Okay, so, usually the way I work is that I try to be a chapter ahead so that if something happens I still have something to post. Well, I've now not gotten ahead. And it's also heading towards December so I'm becoming rather busy ugh.

The next update, as a result, will come on the 1st January, 2023.

HOWEVER! If I do complete the next chapter before then, I will post it, but just in case I can't get it finished in time, that date will be the next chapter post. Thank you all for understanding and I'll see you all in the new year (with this fic at least, and hopefully sooner haha)

Aoyama is crying.

It certainly wasn’t a strange sight for Aizawa to walk in on, and it wasn’t the first time that he’d walked in on one of his students crying. Hell, he often caught Midoriya crying about some thing or another at least once a day; he was surprised Midoriya even had any tears left to cry out by now.

But yes, Aizawa was no stranger to tears. The only question he had was what Aoyama could possibly be crying about. Nothing immediately came to mind; he hadn’t put his class through the usual rigorous training he did, and he hadn’t heard about the other teachers giving them a test so bad that even Yaoyorozu had been brought to tears. Poor Ectoplasm hadn’t realized just how hard he’d made the test until his students had approached him for help—something that they never did unless the situation was dire. Or someone got hurt. But all was well and mathematics had yet to claim a life.

That still didn’t tell him why Aoyama was currently on the kitchen floor, an empty packet of cheese in front of him, and sobbing his heart out, and Aizawa was a little terrified to find out just what could reduce the boy to such tears in the first place. “Aoyama?” Aizawa questioned as he approached his student, coming to crouch beside the boy, resting a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “What happened?”

Aoyama looked up at him, tears running down his cheeks. “Someone ate my cheese, Aizawa-sensei.”

Oh. Aizawa glanced at the empty cheese packet sitting on the floor. Yep, it was definitely empty and Aizawa had honestly thought that Aoyama had eaten it, but clearly that wasn’t the case. He’d witnessed just how passionate the boy was about his cheese, often sharing different kinds of cheeses with his classmates; however, unless Aoyama actually offered, the class knew to leave the cheese alone. But this time, one of his students had broken that rule.

“Did you do what I told you all to do?” Aizawa asked gently.

Aoyama nodded. “I put it in a container and labelled it and someone ate it!” The boy’s words rose until his voice was practically wailing.

“Alright, I know it’s upsetting that someone ate your food, but I need you to calm down for me, okay kiddo? Take a breath and wipe your tears.”

Aoyama did as he was told, his lip wobbling as he tried to stop himself from crying. It tugged at Aizawa’s heartstrings. It was such a simple thing to get upset over, but that didn’t mean that Aoyama’s feelings were any less valid. So, he reached over and tugged the boy into his side. His student lost the fight against the tears and began to cry again. This time, Aizawa let the boy cry it all out on his shoulder.

“Write down what cheese it was that was eaten, and I’ll try to get it replaced for you.”

Aoyama nodded into Aizawa’s shirt, a muffled ‘thank you’ coming from the boy.

Aizawa was going to find out who ate that cheese if that was the last thing he did, but first, he needed to help Aoyama calm down. He continued to hold onto Aoyama, not saying anything but just holding his student carefully. After some time had passed, Aoyama seemed to calm down, his sobs quietening into sniffles, and his tears coming to a halt. Still, the boy clung to him and showed no signs of moving.

"How about we get you to your room and you can have a rest?" Aizawa suggested.

Aoyama simply nodded, and didn’t resist when Aizawa guided them both into a standing position; Aizawa then leading his student up the stairs to his dorm room. The entire walk, Aoyama didn’t say anything, just kept his head down and finally pulled away from him when they reached his room. A quiet ‘thanks’ came from his student, and he watched as the door slowly shut behind Aoyama.

Letting out a sigh, Aizawa pinched the bridge of his nose, mentally preparing himself for the following conversation he had to have with his class. Hopefully, whoever ate Aoyama’s cheese would own up to it, and fast, because he did not want this to become a regular occurrence; a detention and buying replacement cheese should be enough of a deterrent. As he made his way back down the stairs to the common room, he tapped out a message and sent it to his students—minus Aoyama of course—telling them all to come to the common room immediately.

Now all he had to do was wait.

One by one, his class trickled into the dorm, eyeing each other anxiously and slowly approached where Aizawa stood. He’d put his most unimpressed face on for this moment, eyes narrowed. It had the intended effect, for none of his students dared to speak, only taking a seat wherever they could. Midoriya walked into the room, his entire body trembling. If it were any of his other students, Aizawa would take it as a sign of guilt, but this was Midoriya, who quite frankly, was easily frightened. Still, Aizawa watched the boy sit next to Iida and Todoroki, politely nodding at them before turning his attention to Aizawa.

All he was waiting on now was the stragglers, those that had probably been in the midst of something when his message had gone through. And he was right when Bakugo stormed into the dorm, drenched in sweat and ranting about being interrupted; the rest of the boy’s friend group following behind.

“Please don’t sit on anything, Bakugo.” Aizawa said, not feeling up to trying to get nitroglycerin out of the furniture.

“I’m not stupid!” Bakugo snarled, and continued to stomp towards the bathrooms. “I’ll be back!”

Aizawa let Bakugo go, turning his attention back to his class, taking a mental count of who was here. Everyone had arrived, which meant that once Bakugo returned, he could begin. It didn’t take long for the explosive boy to return, free of sweat, yet Bakugo still chose to sit on the floor.

“Right, we can begin.” Aizawa said, but before he could continue, he was interrupted. By Iida naturally.

“But, Aizawa-sensei! Aoyama is not here and you said everyone had to be here in your message!”

“Aoyama is not present because he is the reason I have called you here.” Aizawa narrowed his eyes at Iida, who straightened and gave a single nod. “Now. I do not care what your opinion on the matter is, nor do I want you teasing or mocking your fellow student for what I’m about to bring to your attention. Aoyama did not ask me to do this, I did. Am I understood?”

“Yes, Sensei.” His class echoed quietly, each one of them looking uneasy.

“Now, I am aware that Aoyama likes to share his cheese with you all, and that’s his business to do so. However, Aoyama has expressed that the cheese in the labelled containers is only to be eaten by him, as is the rule in this dorm.” Aizawa pulled out the empty container he’d picked up on the way, showing the labelled lid to his class. A few of them seemed to pick up on what the problem was and paled. “One of you has broken this rule. One of you decided to ignore the fact that the food in this container was not yours and ate it anyway. And I expect that whichever one of you did this, will be mature enough to own up to it, because your actions caused your classmate a great deal of distress, and that is unacceptable.”

Aizawa paused to let the words sink in, yet no one immediately owned up to the cheese. He imagined it was because the culprit was scared of what might happen to them if they did. He did tend to forget how threatening he could be when he wanted to, and that his students were about as forthcoming as rocks when he was actually mad. He sighed, and lessened his glare. “The punishment will be the following; detention, buying a replacement of the exact cheese that was given, and a handwritten and verbal apology to Aoyama.”

Finally, after several minutes of tense silence, Sero raised his hand, doing his best to avoid making eye contact with anyone. “It was me, Sensei.”

Aizawa nodded. “Everyone else but Sero, leave. Now.”

His class was quick to take the escape, practically fleeing the room and heading upstairs. Not one of them seemed to want to dare to leave the dorm with how angry he was. Sero’s friends gave him sympathetic glances as they too, fled upstairs, and soon it was just him and the boy in the room. Aizawa stared at Sero and sighed. “Why did you eat Aoyama’s food?”

“I—I don’t know.” Sero said. “I want to say it was an accident or something, but I honestly don’t know. I just wasn’t thinking I guess.”

“I’m disappointed. I thought I’d taught you all better than this.”

“I’m sorry, Aizawa-sensei.” Sero dropped his head even more, looking thoroughly ashamed at his actions.

“It’s not me you have to apologize too.” Aizawa said. “It’s Aoyama.”

“I’ll do that, Sensei.”

“Of you go then.” Aizawa tilted his head towards the stairs. “You’ll have detention for three days after school, and need to replace the cheese you ate. I expect it done ASAP.”

“Yes, Sensei.” Sero said, standing and quickly making his way towards Aoyama’s room, understanding Aizawa’s dismissal for what it was.

Aizawa sighed, hoping that Sero’s punishment would be enough to stop such a thing from happening again. Hopefully.

 Aoyama was crying. Again.

But this time, he wasn’t crying alone.

Aizawa didn’t know what he’d walked in on just now, but he almost wanted to walk back out and let the students involved handle the situation, thinking it was just a minor disagreement or something similar. But then he saw the same distressed look on Aoyama’s face that the boy had worn a few days ago after the cheese issue, and Aizawa knew then that he wouldn’t be able to leave the situation alone.

“What’s going on?” Aizawa asked as he approached the students trying their best to calm Aoyama down. Yaoyorozu… Ashido… Midoriya… and Sero. A quick glance up the stairs showed more of his class looking on anxiously; trapped on the other side of a wailing Aoyama. It was then that Aizawa saw it; shattered glass at the bottom of the stairs. Ah, shit.

Aizawa knew exactly what it was that had been broken, for it had been a glass sculpture of a building in France that Aizawa didn’t know the name of, but recognized. It was an important possession of Aoyama’s—a gift from his parents if he remembered correctly—and Aizawa wanted to know just how it had ended up broken.

Ever the voice of reason, Yaoyorozu was the first to speak. “It was an accident, Aizawa-sensei. Midoriya tripped down the stairs just as Aoyama was coming up them. We heard the crash and came to investigate, but by then, they were both in tears.”

Aizawa glanced over and Midoriya, taking note of the equally distressed look on his student’s face, and the rapid waterfall of tears running down his face. Aoyama was similarly distressed, but being much more vocal about it. “Midoriya—”

“I’m so, so sorry, Sensei!” Midoriya said in a hurry. “It was stupid of me to trip over my own two feet, and I tried my best to dodge Aoyama, but I couldn’t do it in time, so then I tried to save the sculpture, but I just made it worse, and I can’t apologize enough, and—”

“Midoriya, breathe. Aoyama, I need you to do the same.” Aizawa interrupted before Midoriya could really get going. His student followed his instruction—Aoyama taking a little longer to understand what was being asked of him—giving Aizawa time to approach, resting a hand on both his and Aoyama’s shoulders. “Now, are either of you hurt?”

Both students shook their heads, although Aizawa could see some puncture wounds where the glass had penetrated, and he wasn’t blind to the way that Midoriya was gingerly holding his arm. Aside from a few bleeding spots, Aoyama seemed to be fine, which was good considering he’d probably been squashed by Midoriya in the first place. Teenagers will be teenagers, I guess. Aizawa turned his attention to the students at the top of the stairs, scanning the crowd for the ones he wanted. “Iida! Todoroki!”

Two heads peered through the crowd, pushing their way to the front. “Yes, Aizawa-sensei?” Iida asked, quickly coming to stand just behind his classmates.

“Can you and Todoroki take Midoriya to Recovery Girl, please?”

“Sure thing, Sensei.” Todoroki nodded, quickly helping Midoriya to his feet.

“The rest of you, go back to your rooms.” Aizawa ordered, pleased when the rest of the kids scattered like mice. Now that there was only a small group of people, Aizawa could focus his attention on Aoyama. “Hey, kid, how can we help?”

“You—You can’t.” Aoyama sobbed, reaching for the broken glass, only to be stopped by Sero. “It’s broken!”

“I know.” Aizawa soothed, rubbing gentle circles into Aoyama’s shoulder with his thumb. “But maybe we can fix it?”

Aoyama’s entire body shuddered as the boy tried to gather his words. “It was a gift from my mother. She—she made it herself. And now it’s gone!”

Clearly, Aoyama was too distressed to actually listen to what Aizawa was saying. But thank god that Yaoyorozu was still here.

“It’s okay, Aoyama.” The girl smiled gently. “I’m sure if you tell your mother what happened, she’ll be happy to help you get it fixed. It was an accident that it got broken. I could easily make another for you as well if you’d like, but I think it’s more about the sentiment, isn’t it?”

Aoyama nodded; his sobs having died off. “Maman made it for me before I came to UA, as a way to remember her while she was in France still.” The boy paused. “Do you really think she won’t be mad?”

“Of course not!” Yaoyorozu said. “She’s your mother! How about we write her an email together? Sero and Ashido can gather all the glass and we can try and get it all sorted out.”

“Okay.” Aoyama agreed, letting Yaoyorozu pull him up, both students disappearing back up the stairs before Aizawa could stop them. He’d wanted to make sure that the minor injuries from the glass were alright. He’d just sent Yaoyorozu a message asking her to do that for him.

“Will you two be alright?” Aizawa asked his two remaining students who looked a tiny bit annoyed and being put in glass cleaning duty.

“Sure, Aizawa-sensei.” Ashido smiled at him. “We’ll just use Sero’s tape to clean everything up and take it to Momo! Although it would’ve been nice if she asked us first.”

“Would you rather be the one that has to comfort Aoyama and talk to his mother?” Sero retorted.

“Good point.”

Aizawa sighed, turning on his heel and leaving the two students to clean up the mess. Now he had to make the trip to Recovery Girl’s office to check on Midoriya. Why are my students such a mess? Why?

 

By the sixth time that Aizawa had walked in on Aoyama in tears, he was ready to get to the bottom of the what was the reasoning behind all the waterworks. Aizawa was all for his students expressing themselves, but this was more than the normal emotional distress he’d encountered over his years as a teacher. This time, Aizawa had had to hunt down Aoyama, for the boy simply hadn’t shown up to class that day, and no one seemed to know where he was. His class certainly hadn’t enjoyed the lecture that had come from that little titbit of information, but maybe that would teach them to pay more attention to whether their fellow classmates had actually left the dorms in the morning.

Anyways, Aizawa had left his class the moment Ectoplasm had walked in, and made his way over to the dorms, quickly climbing the stairs to the floor of Aoyama’s room. He was worried about his student, especially after the many breakdowns over the past couple of weeks. Aizawa stopped outside of Aoyama’s door, gently rapping his knuckles against it. “Aoyama? Are you in there?”

Aizawa listened carefully, pressing his ear against the door. He could faintly hear the sound of something moving in the room, but it was too soft to distinguish whether it was Aoyama or something else inside. “Aoyama?”

Aizawa carefully pushed the door open, not wanting to invade his student’s privacy, but also wanting to make sure that his student was actually in there and alive. The room was dark, a stark contrast to what he’d heard about the room in passing conversation. His eyes were drawn to a massive lump in the bed, the covers drawn over to hide the lump from view. The lump was shaking, the bed rattling in response, which explained the noise that Aizawa had heard from outside.

“Aoyama, are you alright?” Aizawa crossed the room and perched on the edge of the bed. He carefully pulled the covers down to reveal his missing student, cheeks splotchy and tears running down his face. “Oh, kid, what’s wrong?”

Aoyama’s eyes met his own, and the tears began to fall even faster, and the boy’s sobbing grew worse. Aizawa’s concern shot through the roof, all sorts of possibilities running through his mind for what could possibly be causing this kind of breakdown. At first, he thought Aoyama could be injured—a valid concern since his class had been sparring yesterday—but he didn’t find anything as he scanned the boy. Next, he thought it might be sickness, but it was hard to figure out if the heat Aizawa could feel was an actual fever or just from all the crying. Whatever was causing the breakdown, it certainly wasn’t going to stop anytime soon, so Aizawa just carefully pulled Aoyama into his arms, letting the boy cling to him and cry into his short.

Aizawa rocked Aoyama from side to side as the boy continued to cry, although his wailing was starting to quieten down, the sobs descending into silence. The tremors remained, and occasionally Aoyama would hold his breath; Aizawa felt a little bit of pride in that moment that his student was trying to calm himself down. He continued to soothe Aoyama for some time, just patiently waiting for the boy to calm down enough to tell him what was wrong.

“It’s okay, Aoyama. You just tell me when you’re ready.” Aizawa said, hugging Aoyama just that little bit tighter, ignoring the snot and tears that were slowly staining his shirt. He could handle a little mess if it meant that his student was comfortable.

Finally, the crying stopped, the silence that followed broken by the occasional sniffle and cough. “Aizawa-sensei?” Aoyama whispered, his voice cracking slightly.

“I’m here, kid. What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry, Aoyama. But you can talk to me.” Aizawa said, running a hand through blonde hair. “I want to help, if I can.”

“It’s stupid.” Aoyama sighed into Aizawa’s shirt.

“It’s not stupid if it got you crying like this.”

Silence followed his words, but Aizawa didn’t push. He just patiently waited for his student to find the words he needed. Several times, Aoyama made to speak, but failed to follow through; still, Aizawa did not push. Pushing would only bring back the tears.

“I miss home.” Aoyama finally said. “Not… home here, but home home.”

“Home home?” Aizawa was confused for just a moment before he remembered that Aoyama hadn’t been born in Japan like the rest of his students. “You mean France?”

Aoyama nodded. Aizawa could feel tears start to dampen his shirt again. “I miss France, and my parents. They went back after the dorms were built. And I can’t visit them…”

He’s homesick. Aizawa finally put the pieces of the puzzle together; when Aoyama had been crying over his eaten cheese, when he’d been crying over his broken statue that had come from his mother. All of those had been reminders of home for his student, and all of them had been broken in some way. It wasn’t surprising that Aoyama had broken down.

All of his students missed home one way or another, but most of them could be soothed with a late-night phone call, or an organized visit. Something that was near impossible when your family lived in another country entirely. And for once in his life, Aizawa didn’t know how to help. The solution would be to arrange time for Aoyama to visit his family, but the current situation with the League made that impossible. A phone call could help, sure, but he doubted that it would. And it wouldn’t be right of him to ask for Aoyama’s parents to just fly back to Japan—considering his students track record with bad parents, he wasn’t willing to risk it either—even though that would probably help Aoyama the most.

“How can I help, kiddo?” Aizawa asked.

“You can’t.” Aoyama let out a single sob. “You can’t help me, Sensei.”

“Let me try at least. Is it just you missing home?”

Aoyama nodded. “Maman and papa are busy. I haven’t—I haven’t heard from them in ages.”

“Okay, okay, it’s alright. We’ll sort something out.” Aizawa ran a hand down Aoyama’s back. He racked his brain to try and figure out what time it would be in France; not something he’d ever had to think about before. Once he figured it out, he couldn’t help but wince. If he tried to call Aoyama’s parents, it would be well into the night.

But if it calmed his student down, it was worth losing some sleep. At least, in his opinion, it was. Aizawa pulled out his phone and found the number he was looking for, only hoping that it was still the correct one. He held the device up to his ear, listening to it as it rang. Aoyama didn’t question what he was doing, nor did he seem to notice.

“Hello?” A tired, accented voice came through the phone. “Who is this?”

“This is Shouta Aizawa. Am I speaking with Ms Aoyama?”

“You are. You’re Yuga’s teacher, aren’t you?” Aoyama’s mother questioned, sounding much more awake. “Is everything alright?”

A competent parent. Finally. “Yuga’s just feeling a touch homesick. Would you be able to speak with him for a bit. I’m aware it’s late and—”

“Put my son on the phone.” Aizawa blinked as he was interrupted, not expecting the woman to interrupt him.

He pulled back from Aoyama and held his phone out to his student. Aoyama just blinked at him. “Your mother is on the phone, if you’d like to talk to her.”

“Maman?” Aoyama shakily took the phone from Aizawa’s grasp, tears welling in his eyes once again as rapid French began to filter through the phone; Aoyama responding in turn.

Aizawa found himself trapped, since Aoyama was still clinging to him, so he resigned himself to his fate and just made himself comfortable, pulling Aoyama into a one-armed hug. He didn’t have a clue about what was being said on the phone, and he could hear another voice had joined the conversation—Aoyama’s father if he wagered a guess—but whatever it was that was being said, it was helping, for Aoyama was slowly starting to relax, looking happier than he had in the past few weeks.

It wasn’t a solution to Aoyama’s homesickness, but it was a start to helping him.

He’d talk to Nedzu and Aoyama’s parents later to see if there wasn’t a way to allow Aoyama some time to go to France, or if they could bring his parents over to Japan for a visit.

And if they couldn’t sort something out, well, Aizawa would just have to learn French, wouldn’t he?

[m1ckeyb3rry]

No because if Raichi just shut up he’d pull LMAOO also if he didn’t say weird shit like “man I can’t play my sexy soccer”??? I guess that’s more tame already for bllk boys but uh

Ouu ok now that you mention it I can imagine nsfw accounts probably get more hate comments…like in a way just because it’s nsfw it’s more polarizing in a way where people can use the fact that’s it’s nsfw as an excuse to talk shit and whatnot….tbh I also think you’re probably safe?? But either way I got your back tho o7

LMAOO no literally it’s impossible to not throw at least one meme moment out there…but also HAHA I can’t wait not only to read it but also to see how long it ends up being LMAOA I’m placing my bet here and saying 15k for now

AHAHAHA honestly when I first started diving into the “manga only” characters I also felt that way…but hey I mean who’s stopping you from having two men to dedicate your blog to!! My b for fueling those thoughts LMAOAO the Karasu ideas were just too good though hehe

I’m ngl I completely forgot notes were a thing HSGSHS ok but yeah honestly really just a matter of popularity because that Sae tag is overflowing (also just generally even on social media like tiktok almost every other bllk post I see involves the Itoshi bros like) trust once people are shown tabieita it’s over for your notifications…(bro I’m STILL not over them not showing Karasu in the trailer??? We just got his chin like NO I need to see the hair too please Otoya did look majestic in that though!! Also in a recent interview some animating director I think acknowledged how s1 had to be a bit rushed because of deadlines but they have more time producing s2 so I’m hoping that means animation glow up?!?!)

YEAH HE WAS CAPTAIN IN FWTKAC!! But literally like honestly he should’ve been captain for the u20 match too Rin was NOT leading anybody let’s be real…also I was under the assumption that captains didn’t have to be the aces or main strikers of their team either? Like aikus a defender too ugh we could’ve had captain Karasu but whatever!!! I’m fully believing that in some point in time he was captain of Bambi

LOSERSEXUAL LMFAOOOOO TRUE!!! Something about the sad loser boys tugging at y/n’s heartstrings…I’m crying because literally Hiori canonically does NOT leave the house and Karasu would be there like “babe I can deal with all the taxes and finances and I’m captain and I style my hair and I’m smart and can read social cues too and I have friends and-“

Sassy younger sibling who humbles and puts their older sibling into place when they get a big head due to popularity >>>

LMFAO MALE PATTERNED BALDNESS I did not know that was the name for that type of buzz though so, the more yk!!

Well you guessed correctly I was giggling kicking my feet like “omg the smash reference and Otoya finding out sheik is a girl mentioned” HAHAH Otoya not realizing his own feelings is now my favorite>>>

Ok wait but the real question is HOW MUCH WERE THOSE CUPCAKES?? I’ve seen many a ridiculously priced dessert and I’m curious about how much you imagined them being LMAO

No me too I can never imagine myself being with a cheater or even being much more than surface acquaintances with one!! It just doesn’t really make sense to me but FR honestly you wrote it really well because when I read that I could FEEL the teenage dumbassery like this is definitely more so a stupid boy still in puberty limbo who doesn’t really know how to go about actually loving someone and is kinda just recklessly having fun in a way that society has kinda established

I LOVED IT it had the exact vibe of “oh no that’s just my homie that I like spending every second of everyday with nothing more than bros though” that I had imagined Otoya would have if he ever actually loved someone SHSHS CANNOT WAIT have fun writing the Karasu one I just KNOW it’ll be a delight to read

Also wait I’m gonna mash the light novel thoughts here too

And yeah I know a bit!!! Definitely not 100% fluent by any means but enough to be able to consume media and have most everyday conversations I just mainly can’t do super niche technical terms LOL It does take me a bit longer to read than if it were in English No you’re not dumb at all LMAO that’s exactly what I meant when I mentioned translating earlier on HAHA

As mentioned before though I’ve only gotten through like chapter 1 of yuki’s so far partially because of slower reading but also because I got sidetracked doom scrolling after trying to dig for a tiktok LMAO

BUT I almost cried looking at the index though one of the later chapters for yuki is “a lifetime’s worth of tears” GOODBYE I think we all know what that’s about :,,,)

Once I finish read them in their entirety I’ll come back and slap more formal summaries of each chapter but basically YUKI IS SUCH A SENTIMENTAL BOY SHSGSH basically first chapter details his first day of elementary school/entrance ceremony (he’s got a loving set of parents thank god) but basically he’s a rather mature boy and is pretty stoic and shy so he worries about making friends. As he’s walking in there’s Sakura trees in the yard that are causing petals to fall and yuki grabs one and stores it in his pocket (that’s where he gets his “fetish” from ig LMAO) In the end he befriends his seatmate and another girl, and ofc the way they first meet is just via self-intros and reading each others name tags and the name tag part is highly emphasized in the chapter!! His seatmate makes it a point to stare at his name tag and the girl literally like yanks his shirt to get a better look at the name tag (LMAO). Anyways, first day goes well and yuki goes home with his parents all happy and whatnot until he gets home and starts changing into home clothes and realizes his name tag isn’t with his jacket like he thought it was supposed to be!! He gets all frantic because the name tag was really special to him, since his mom had handwritten his name onto it and (this next part is more implied) it was a memento of his first day at school where he managed to make friends! So he literally runs out like mom I can’t find it and his mom’s like “oh no! We’ll just have to order you another one then” and yukis like “No..that one was special..” so literally right before they plan to eat dinner he runs out back to school to try and search for it and ofc (as the non negligent parents they are) his parents chase after him!! They end up going back and forth tracing their steps from their home to school like three times and yukis like on the ground searching under cars and just checking everywhere and after their third try his parents are like “it’s time to go home kenyu…we’ll order you another don’t worry! You must be hungry now” and begrudgingly on the verge of tears yuki’s like ok…and goes to take some sakura petals from the ground at least to make up for it but turns out his name tag was buried under the petals shdgshsh he’s so happy he’s crying tears of joy* and he’s glad he didn’t give up and his parents are hugging him as he cries and he thinks to himself “God was looking out for me, as long as I don’t give up, these sorts of wonderful things will be sure to happen” and it ends with “His honesty and determination gave birth to a small miracle”

It was so cute he really held that name tag close to his heart even after just one day!! And he’s very perceptive..like when his parents were getting ready to go back home he realized that they’re probably also exhausted and you can kinda feel that he feels bad about that which is why he reluctantly agrees to going home! He was also really nervous entering school LOL even his parents were a bit worried that he was too quiet/stoic to make friends

Ok onto reading more so I can come back here or maybe by the time I’m done I’ll have just decided to compile a large list of summaries LMAO

-Karasu anon

please ignore how crazy quickly my chronically online ass is responding to this LMAOAOA but yes i feel like raichi is missing a certain smth that would allow him to get away w saying bs?? like if we look at the unholy trinity of making sexual comments while playing soccer we have shidou which like ok that’s just shidou, karasu who is so chill normally + established as a menace that it kinda cancels out, and aiku who’s hot enough that it’s acceptable somehow?? raichi doesn’t have any of that going for him plus we have literally never seen him play “sexy soccer” a day in his life so what is he even talking abt 😭

i agree i think nswf/dark content accounts naturally are more susceptible to hate just because they’re writing abt things that may or may not be acceptable to the general public so people freak out abt that and their automatic response is to hate…honestly it’s a shame LMAO i’ve also seen a lot of stuff on tik tok where younger people in fandom make fun of older members of fandoms and it’s just like 😭 who do you think is making half of the content you consume 😭 because it for sure is not your fellow twelve year olds who are still learning grammar 😩 personally i am many years away from being even close to thirty so i don’t take it PERSONALLY per se but idk it’s just sad i wish people would abide by the whole “live and let live” policy because why is it hurting you that some random adult you will never interact with irl likes watching anime or writing fanfiction?? HAHAHA anyways rant aside yes i think i’m in as much of a green zone as you can get in terms of being safe from hate so i try not to worry too much 😩 like what would people even be mad abt…sorry for writing too much abt karasu ig???

I LOVE THE KARASU IDEAS DON’T WORRY LMAOO he’s my king nagi just gets the “first bllk character i hyperfixated on” award so he will probably remain number one for a while just because of that 😭 although like as much as i love him i know for a fact that irl i WOULD be going for karasu because as much as i like taking care of other people i have been too spoiled for my entire life to ever go for someone who wouldn’t continue a that trend i fear that nagi may not fit the bill 😫💔 he’s still my man though it’s ok

HAHAH we avoid the itoshi bros here as you well know 😌 unless it’s a request or they’re a second lead i will NOT be writing those mfs!! on this blog we care about side characters only 😍 and nagi…he’s kind of his own thing though LMAOAOA and yes it looks like the animation will be much better which i’m super excited abt!! i didn’t hate the bllk animation for s1 that much either so it really can only get better for me

OKAY I THOUGHT SO and yeah i feel like karasu lowkey acted like the captain for the whole u20 game too?? like he was making calls and plays on the field (even though lowkey isagi stayed ignoring him KDCJSJS) as well as arguing w the ref got injured AND ego called him the heart of the team so idk why he wasn’t the captain…rin being captain made no sense bro didn’t even like his teammates 😭 i think it was just to further show that he’s the “best” but he did not have one captain-like moment in the entire game 😩 i’ll cry if he’s the captain of the u20 world cup squad…give me captain karasu/aiku or give me DEATH jinpachi ego ik you see karasu carrying pxg and bossing everyone around pls give him what he deserves (i wouldn’t mind aiku though just because he’s the oldest out of everyone and def has experience as a leader)

LITERALLY KARASU IS CRASHING OUTTT what does hiori have that he doesn’t (besides an erotic left leg) like he’s sobbing on the floor BEGGING y/n for a chance and she’s just like 😍 you mean that man hasn’t seen the sun in a week ⁉️ i NEED him 🤤 (hiori is none the wiser he just thinks karasu is up to his usual nonsense and he doesn’t have enough social intelligence to realize a girl into him)

heheh i love throwing little references to our convos into my fics i think they rlly add a certain layer to them (otoya sheik scene vs karasu drowning scene who will win) i’m glad you appreciate them!! and YES oblivious otoya my king i love him sm

$50 USD is what i had in mind!! that’s why y/n freaks out like otoya is hooking her up with the GOOD shit meanwhile he can’t even be bothered to spend $10 on the girl he’s actually dating LMAOAO he is actually insane a little bit 😓 the way the bakery wasn’t even having a sale so he had to have KNOWN y/n wanted cupcakes from there, went inside for specifically that purpose, texted his sister to make sure he was getting the right ones, and then spent a lowkey ridiculous amt of money all because he “wanted her advice” like i need him to be so serious rn…

yeah that’s also why i didn’t have y/n actively pining for him until he decided to better himself!! ofc she very clearly liked him a lot but she was far too aware of his nonsense to do anything abt it until he fixed himself and came to HER as a better version if that makes sense?! ofc it was her advice that made him realize what he had to do but she didn’t put in a drop of emotional labor it was all him!! i think that’s the only way to handle a character like him without devaluing the mc or making her seem stupid for getting w such an obvious red flag

that’s the vibe i wanted to give off like he thinks they’re such good homies that his strong emotions are because of their friendly bond!! i bet you he mentally little-sister-zoned y/n for a hot minute because there was “no other explanation” for why he liked her so much and she was best friends w his little sister so it only made sense to his dumbass

OKAY YAY I’M GLAD I DIDN’T MISUNDERSTAND that’s rlly fun!! japanese is such a cool language there’s so many intricacies to it which i think are so fascinating (but make it rlly hard to learn i’m sure). i’m bilingual too in that i can speak hindi fluently (and better than a lot of people who actually live in india can) but sadly i cannot read or write it so i’m always jealous of people that can read another language

the doom scrolling on tik tok is unbelievably real my tt screentime is so bad 😰 it makes up for it by being the source of many of my greatest ideas (that’s how i justify it) as well as my favorite edits…just the other day i saw an edit of marc snuffy (the ubers coach) and his one friend that committed suicide to the song “forever young” i lowkey teared up (not actually but ykwim)

STOPPP MY HEART YUKI IS SO SWEETTTTTT and he actually had a kind and normal family YAY!! i feel like this reaffirms what we were talking abt where he just doesn’t care about random people’s lives which is why his egoist bible entry is what it is but he’s def rlly caring for the people he’s close to 🥹🥹🥹 ugh the way he invented greenflagism…also PLS he started young w those cherry blossoms jeez 😭 yes pls keep me updated w the ln idk how long it will take for it to be translated so i am relying on you 🫡 in return i will give you bfb karasu’s version 😈 i think that’s a fair trade 🤫

[this-is-krikkit]

Hello Kit 🤎

Long time no see but I am back in your ask box for your Fic Writer Ask Game! And I choose 1, 4 and 24

Friendly warning: I am going to send you at least one prompt within the next minutes 🤎

hey Livia, long time no see indeed! missed you, hope you're well ♥️

thank you for this ask and the others (man, you weren't kidding about that warning haha! i'll get right on those as well ♥️♥️)

1. the last sentence you wrote

this is from a yuri on ice fic i'm currently working on:

“I thought you said I could stay over whenever I want to, no questions asked,” Yurio challenges, the sharp and distinct —to someone who knows him well enough, anyway— apprehension in his voice tugging at Yuuri’s heartstrings with much more force than its normal trademark bite of half-performative anger. “Or did you not mean that?”

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

okay so i don't know if you watch bsd, but i've decided i'm going to write an AU for that in the universe of the sharp objects mini series from a few years back. they're both fucked up media with an obvious mental health issues fetish, so why the fuck not, right? no idea where exactly i want to take the plot though, it's veryyyy early stages of that fic-pregnancy.

24. how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

i always feel creative, what do you mean like blank page syndrom?? never met her, who is she??

more seriously, i try (it's hard, but i try really hard) to not focus on my writing at all. either i rewatch/reread canon material to remember i love these characters and don't actually want to strangle them to death because they won't write themselves the way i want them to, or i dive into a different fandom. sometimes, that doesn't help though, because the shittiness i feel about this hobby seems like it'll infect every other fandom like a disease, you know? so before it spreads, i cut myself off from anything related to fandoms and just... pick something else to do more (run some errands i'd put off, work on my thesis some more, bother my cats again, annoy my girlfriend for the umptieth time, go out with some friends...). when i was working, it helped that i was so busy i didn't really have time to think about it: if i felt creative during what little free time i had, i'd write, if not, i'd fucking catch some sleep before the next shift x)

✉️ send me some fic writer asks!

dividers source

[artist-in-space]

Mark in OneShot Part 6- The Heartbreaking Plea of Help 

I don’t know. This is when Niko arrived in the Tower and Mark couldn’t contact Niko. This part tugged my heart so bad and made me feel so sad when I was watching. The way that Mark was desperately calling out to Niko-who couldn’t hear him- caught my attention (and my brain nagged me to make a comic of it). So yeah, here ya go @markiplier , I hope you like my little presentation.

[staracha]

ice.cream

a/n: hello, hello. i’ve had this in my notes for the longest and finally came about finishing it up. i, very much, love hyunjin’s lyricism in this song and thought i’d write something inspired by that in the pov of hyunjin. almost like an elaboration or extension of the song! i was intending for it to be longer but… i like how it turned out and the length isn’t my biggest concern as a result haha. hope you all enjoy it :)

hyunjin can’t help but stare at the waffle cone in his hand as the ice cream starts dripping down the sides. the flavors are blending into one ugly and sticky mess that has him mesmerized. he contemplates on whether he should try and savor every last drop or give up entirely and trash what’s left.

he wiggles his fingers as he adjusts his grip and grimaces a bit at the cold cream that’s covering his hand. eating the ice cream now won’t change its current state, but he wants nothing more than to treasure the sweet taste and deal with the cleanup after.

symbolism is interesting in the way that the melting treat makes hyunjin think of the person he feels sickeningly drawn to as of late. it makes the situation far less sad and ugly. it makes it seem more beautiful even if it is disheartening.

but hyunjin doesn’t like seeing the negative side to things. he sees everything in rose colored tint and ignores the slight sting he feels from time to time. although he considers himself hopeful, his friends consider him foolish. foolishly in love, he’ll say with a chuckle and his friends will crack a smile and shake their heads.

he knows they mean well when they express their concern. it’s not easy to ignore hyunjin’s predicament. not when he gives out more than he’ll ever get back. you don’t love because you expect to receive love in return, he says to them. they coo and touch their beating hearts that warm at his words. their worry settles down at his sweet words and he’s content with having them at ease. it also eases his own worries and serves to convince himself as well.

he wants to believe in love. he wants to prevent himself from thinking that love hurts. love and heartbreak are two separate feelings. if he gets his heart broken in the end, he only has himself to blame.

why blame the person he has feelings for if they merely exist? that isn’t to say hyunjin has control of what he feels, but he still entertains the ideas that come with harboring feelings for someone. he can’t help who he falls for and that person can’t help who they are.

they may not have the kindest demeanor or be the friendliest. though, there’s those rare moments when he gets just a glimpse of their charming smile, even if rare. those childish words that teeter between bitter sarcasm and playfulness. he feels his heartstrings tugged by such acts and words. the rarity of it makes him cherish it far more than anyone else could.

part of him knows he’s deluding himself. making assumptions that are more than just a reach, but nearly a leap. he convinces himself that he’ll get more of those warm and heart fluttering moments the more he gets to know and spend time with them. hyunjin gets giddy at the thought that one day he’ll make them feel just as he’s feeling now.

he tries not to disappoint himself in the reality of it all: that all his hope will be for nothing. he twists and turns all the aspects of the situation just to make his story of love rather than hurt. he’s hopeful for their sake just as much as his own.

because in his eyes he sees them as nothing more than perfect even if a bit complicated, he’ll continue to love them until he’s left with nothing at all. love is everything and maybe he’ll get that in return someday. if he’s left empty with no one to refill his aching heart then he’ll have no choice but to attempt to love himself the way that person couldn’t.

somehow, he’s more than okay with that. he’ll gain that love back even if it doesn’t come from another. even if love is everything, it’s also never ending. no matter if the ice is cold because ice cream is just as cold and much sweeter.

[study-and-be-gay]

The very beginnings of analysis of an article about Wilfred Owen. Those who know me in real life will quickly tell you that Owen is by far my favourite war poet, perhaps even my favourite poet altogether. I do also love Siegfried Sassoon but personally there’s a much more melancholy aspect to Owen’s poetry that tugs at my heartstrings. 

Please ignore the history revision underneath I’m a mess atm haha

For my exams we have to be able to quote critics and debate with them, which led to me writing what was essentially an essay down the side of the page when someone tried to say that Owen’s poetry was bad haha. If you’re a fan of his/you haven’t read any of his work please interact or drop a DM! Absolutely love talking about his work and I’d highly recommend all of his poems.

Mocks are getting ridiculously close but I’m trying not to think about it. I’m working at a steady pace and doing the best I can and I suppose that’s all I can do. Definitely buying myself a fancy coffee at the end of it all though. 

Hope everyone’s doing well, stay safe loves <3

Date: 24/11/21

[life-rewritten]

THE GIANTS OF THAI BL 2020 AKA SHOWS STEALING MY HEART IN NOVEMBER

UPDATE AND UPCOMING ANALYSIS NOVEMBER 2020

It's the moment I've been waiting for since the excruciating silence of Thai BLS during the lockdown. It's November, the month of thanksgivings, the month of pre-Christmas jitters, nanowrimo and the month that has finally made me realise we are so close to ending this godforsaken year. Still, most of all, November means that we are getting buttloads of shows that are about to take my breath away. This year has been such an exciting year for BLS because of the increasingly amount of companies and directors willing to produce and release different types of BLS. In this list, we have awaited sequels, delicious plotlines and shocking comebacks. But most of all we have lots and lots of romance and men. Which of these have you been waiting for? Let me know. Let's squeal about it. November is going to be so great!

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows?

Shows already airing

1.I TOLD SUNSET ABOUT YOU/ INTERPRET, MY LOVE, WITH YOUR HEART

Genre/Themes: Romance, Melodrama, Coming of Age, Angst, Drama, Childhood friendship

Country: Thailand

Verdict: So finally I rise from the memories of poorly produced bls, and pains of bad acting, and toxic writings, and traumas of stiff actors and homophobic agendas to finally say that without a doubt. Nadao has produced another masterpiece after my other favourite (Non) BL; Greater Man academy. Nadao stuns me, and for a very long time, I couldn't understand that this was how everyone was feeling, one because I wasn't fully educated or in the know about the company, I only saw tv shows in Thailand that were produced by GMMTV and to be honest I didn't think there was anything else above that standard in shows apart from Lakorns and Movies. (I know Sacrebleu) Getting to know and watch Nadao shows has been an experience, and for BL, I am hooked and ready for what else they have to offer. The only qualms that prevent me from gushing about the show are how international fans are treated. It took me a very long time to forgive ITSAY for its subbing platform (and price range), and that's why I refused to watch it with positive feelings. After episode 2 though, I'd be a fool to hold on to resentment when there is no doubt that this BL (despite not knowing if it's a sad ending. I'd hate if it is but it wouldn't change anything) is the best BL of this year. With ridiculous, incredible production, outstanding breathtaking cinematography, beautiful and talented actors and writing so good it blows me away. Episode 2 left my heart in pieces, but in a good way, I haven't recovered from the angst.

Ratings: 4.5/5 Would have been a 5/5 if the pricing made sense but also I'm terrified about a sad ending which I won't be too happy about.

2. FRIEND FOREVER/ OUR LOVE IS SICK

Genre/Themes: Romance, Music, Coming of Age, Angst, Drama, Childhood friendship, Rich vs poor,  Bullying 

Country: Thailand

Verdict: It's a pity this show is not available for international fans. Because I think people would actually love this show the way I do. It's so precious, reminds me so much of my first ever BL Lovesick (made by the same production team so makes sense) but better. What can I say about this show, really adorable cast, actually so good on the screen, great chemistry, and good storylines that keep me hooked. I am so in love with surprisingly one of my favourite couples this year Tin and Sea. I have such a great time watching this show, and I enjoy also analysing and just piecing together some of the mysteries in the show. It's been so good so far, and I can't wait for more. The first episodes are a little slow-paced, but it gets better as you keep watching it. I'd advise you to watch the director's cut because that has all of the storylines in the episode instead of the tv version which is more censored and has a lot of deleted scenes that mess with the flow of the storyline. Still, one of my favourite Thai shows right now. 

Ratings: 4/5  I think 4/5 is a fair score just because of some confusion when trying to watch it internationally and getting the right version and I do think the story feels like a whiplash between the different styles of writing of the main two couples. Go watch this though if you haven't, dm me and I'll show you how. 

NON-THAI

3. GAYA SA PELIKULA

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Angst, LGBTQ+ Education, Contract relationship, Haters to lovers

Country: Philippines 

Verdict: Normally with verdicts, I have so much to say about a show, also when I analyse I can write essays and essays of information. When it comes to this show, I'm speechless. I'm in awe; I'm crying just even trying to explain how great this show is. How great Fridays are because of this show. How upsetting and damaged I am when the end of the episode occurs, I literally mourn waiting for the next episode the next week because it's too long. This show pulls you in, and it never lets you go. I'm mindblown by the writing of this show, mindblown by the acting, by the production, music, but most of all I have become a mess because of this meta in this show. I have cried so much because of how much I care about this show, the characters are all fleshed out, are so powerfully written, and emotionally tugs at your heartstrings whilst still educating and representing LGBTQ community fantastically. I don't know what we did to deserve a show like this. Maybe its because after years of waiting for something to finally show up and just be unproblematic and be so great with no questions, no confusions, no struggle, this show is just that. And I will be forever thankful to the whole team that brought this to us

Ratings: 5/5 I would give this more than 5 if I could. That's how much this show means to me. 

4. CHERRY MAGIC 

Genre/Themes: Romance, Comedy, Supernatural, Office drama, Slice of Life

Country: Japan

Verdict: Kurosawa and Adachi. That's it. That's the reason for the 5/5 stars when it comes to watching this show. First of all, I like Japanese romantic comedy shows, and anime, and manga. So seeing cherry magic come to life as this amazing form of that makes me so happy. Typically with Japanese BL, everything feels so serious sometimes, and then sometimes it feels too crazy and over the top. But Cherry Magic just feels like a warm hug when you watch it; you can't help your self but to smile and giggle at Adachi's adventures realising that he can read minds because he's a virgin at 30 years old. To add to that, he is given Kurosowa this incredible, amazing, wonderful non-toxic man who absolutely adores him and unconditionally is there for him. I just like what? Where do I get my own Kurosawa? Like it just feels so unfair haha. But really cherry magic is full of great acting, fantastic plot and unique as well. Every character is also written well, and all have interesting dynamics. We also have another side couple who is so funny and ridiculous but also just cute and heartwarming. I have a great time watching this show and the fact that it's ending on Christmas day? Already tells you what this show is, a gift and its a great one. 

Ratings: 5/5 I want my own Kurosawa. That's it. That's all I want Universe.

Shows Upcoming

5. THARNTYPE 7 YEARS OF LOVE

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy,  Mature, LGBTQ+ Representation, Internalised homophobia, Sequel

Country: Thailand

Verdict: This is a complicated show to gush about. First of all TharnType, the series in 2019 was one of my favourite shows that brought me back to this BL thing. I absolutely adore all the actors, and I also loved the storyline like I said before there's something about Mame's writing that I appreciate, I think most of her strengths is found in TharnType. Because of this, this sequel is one of my most anticipated show this year. However, I feel conflicted because I hate sequels. I hate couples having to go through the weird-ass, shallow, conflicts that just end up ruining the meaning of their previous show and leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth about the couple I once loved (Looking at you Together with me the next chapter still traumatised honestly). Enough of the negatives, Tharn and Type from the trailer looks like it's going to be a wild ride, I can even see the great chemistry that made me fall for MewGulf, and I'm so excited to see the new couples and characters. I also am so excited to see TECHNO again and laugh with him every Friday. We also know that the awaited wedding between our couple is also going to be in this show. And that's going to make me bawl like a baby. Let's hope we don't have too many toxic or troublesome storylines, let's hope we don't have too many breakups and fights (because that hurts so much seeing Mew cry) and let's hope we finally have a sequel that is better than its predecessor. 

Ratings: 4.5/5  This is how I feel about it, I don't think I can rate it as 5/5 because of all the worry and anxiety at what the storyline entails—still a great show to look forward to. 

6. MANNER OF DEATH

Genre/Themes: Romance, Crime, Mature, Angst, Drama, Mystery, Thriller, Haters to Lovers

Country: Thailand

Verdict: Think about it. Why wouldn't this be number one on everyone's list of upcoming BLS? We have the return of one of the best actors in this genre MaxTul the actual godfathers of Thai BL; we have an incredible team here with a director that has won multiple awards, with a storyline that is unique to Thai BL, we're getting crime, detective, mystery BL with mature characters who are not in university? As if that's not enough, we also have a really incredible plotline about this forensic doctor who falls in love with someone who we are not sure if we should trust because he could be a murderer! Like oooh yes please, the drama, the angst, the thrill?? I'm ready for this; I am so prepared to give my whole heart and attention on this show. I want it to be so good, to defeat the shows of 2019 that came and took our hearts away, to be the best BL ever. It's so difficult not to raise my expectations when it comes to this show when I know we have a great cast, great chemistry, non-stiff acting, and just a really non-toxic author as well. I look forward to this so much. Only issue/question? Where is the trailer? Hello WETV, where is our teaser? Why don't we know the date for when this is coming out? I want it out now. But I'll try and be patient okay? 

Ratings: 5/5 I can't think of how this show won't be good. And that's really worrying. But for now, I'll keep my expectations high and wait.

7. TONHON CHONTALEE 

Genre/Themes: Romance, Coming of Age, Angst, Comedy, Childhood friendship, GMMTV

Country: Thailand

Verdict: Podd and KHAOTHUNG, (my sun, my heart, my favourite person ever) Sorry just gushing over my two faves. GMMTV has shocked me this year with the announcement of this show. First of all, Khao gets to have a show where he's the main lead. I've been waiting for this, and I'm so proud and excited for him. Not only that obviously, but TonTonChontalee looks really good with a vibe of a  comedic spin to one of my favourite shows Theory of love. I am ready to see Podd act so stupid as Ton and at the same time sob when he finally realises that Chon is the one. I'm so ready to see Khao act his socks off, and the show looks so funny, so fun and just like the chemistry between two is definitely a winner. I cannot wait for this next Friday. And it also has Mike and Toptap! What's not to love? Seriously though I'm praying this is successful, and it helps both Podd and Khao to dominate GMMTV. Let's find out next Friday.

Ratings: 5/5 For Podd and Khaothung. Just worth the rating.

8. GEN Y THE SERIES

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Angst, 2moons Fanfiction, Haters to Lovers

Country: Thailand

Verdict: First of all 2 MOONS Reunion! What?? Very shocked to see this show tbh one because it's like a direct copy of 2moons the series; the same cast, the weird alternations to the same name, the same kind of plot as well. Channel 3 has finally decided to invest in BLs,  one of the biggest companies in Thailand, so the budget is high, the actors are known and famous, the production is good. This is so exciting to see. Also, 2moons was one of my favourite past BLs the whole time it was airing, and I had a massive affinity for Kimmon and Copter, so it's great to see them play their characters again but with a better budget and now glow up and grown. Their acting seems to have improved, Kit and Ming's storyline being the main focus is also really lovely to see. I also love seeing Bas and the other actors from other Bl series (The Moment actors) and I'm excited to know more about the new cast as well. So yeh this show has a great potential to win my heart as well, and the competition is not easy at all. But with a great company behind them and an exciting premise, this can also be a winner. 

Ratings: 4/5 I'm intrigued by this show, and I look forward to seeing what it brings.

November is such an exciting month for someone like me who just loves watching tv and analysing and just seeing romance bloom. These couples, stories and actors have a great potential to be the best things of 2020 so far, each of these shows holds evidence that they're worth paying attention to and honestly I've missed seeing Thai BLs that make me so excited so much. I've missed these actors, I've loved each and every one of them, and I can't wait to see them this month on my screen. What about you, guys? What do you look forward to? Who are your favourites? What are you worried about when it comes to these comebacks. Let's discuss.

[cuppasunu]

someone in love ⋮ haechan

synopsis: [requested] “can i request an imagine where haechan gets jealous because the members are also close with her”

warnings: none

pairing: haechan x gn reader

genre: fluff | oneshot

w/c: 570 words

— masterlist

»»————————-««

He’s quiet and pouting.

That’s how you know Haechan is sulking.

Frantically rummaging through your whole day trying to pick out what might have caused this, you sneak glances at his troubled expression. Slinging your guitar to the side, you tap on the bus stop seat to tell him to sit. 

“Yah- Haechan-ah..” 

“Hm,” he answers, though clearly avoiding your stare.

“You know if you’re going to walk me home, you should at least tell me why you’re mad,”

“I’m not mad-” he protests, turning to your face before immediately retracting back to his pouting state. “Since when were you that close? Are you besties now, huh?” he whispers, barely audible from how quiet he mumbles it. 

Well, that’s slowly breaking the ice. You started poking on his arm trying to get him to look at you again. it’s not working

“Baby.. babe.. Haechan-ah... Come on, look at me,” wooing him with a smirk as you noticed how he’s failing to keep that serious expression. “Why? Why can’t I be close with who?”

“You promised we’ll spend the day.. but instead, you were focusing all your attention on Mark,” he sighed, realizing how ridiculous he sounds complaining. “I was preparing some snacks for us and when I came back, suddenly you were looked so close to hi-”

Interrupting his ramble, you surprised him with a peck on the cheek.

“Out of all the people.. Mark?” you chuckle, “So you are jealous. Haha, that’s cute.”

He stares in disbelief, not knowing whether it’s about you laughing at his childish reason or the kiss he wasn’t ready for. Haechan looks down at his shoes, trying to hide his flushed cheeks.

“Here’s why I was hanging out with Mark today,” you say, opening the guitar case on your side.

He raises an eyebrow, curious at what you were going to show him. Glancing from left and right to see if there were people around, you start playing some strings to check if the guitar is tuned.

“I actually asked him to teach me this song. I didn’t go to you because it was supposed to be a surprise.. You know- for you.”

“For me?” he freezes, gaping at what he just heard. His face grows even redder when you nodded as a reply—your smile tugging at his heartstrings.

Lately, I find myself out gazing at stars

Hearing guitars like someone in love

Sometimes the things I do astound me

Mostly whenever you're around me

 The sweet melody fills the scene as you try to remember the chords from earlier. 

Lately I seem to walk as though I had wings

Bump into things like someone in love

Quickly checking his reaction, you blush at how Haechan is beaming at your impromptu serenade, obviously growing shy from the lyrics of the song.

Each time I look at you

I'm limp as a glove

And feeling like someone in love

Finishing your performance with the ending chord, you were caught off guard as you suddenly felt Haechan’s lips pressed on yours. 

“Someone in love, huh?” he teases, not showing any sign of grumpiness he just had minutes ago. 

“Yeah, yeah.. Are you happy now? So now, stop being jealous for no reason, okay?” you answer, scrunching your nose to tell him off.

“What- I’m never jealous..” 

You may have fallen for a dork but you are so glad to be in love with this particular one. 

»»————————-««

— masterlist

a/n: hiii! i’m sorry i have kept you waiting on this one but it’s here and i hope you like it <3 also i just realized that this can act as a sequel to my previous haechan fic too.. so adorable gaah

song: like someone in love by bruno major

[idontmeantosoundrudebut]

Many of Horror (Chapter one: This secret goodbye)

Fandom - How to train your dragon (movie franchise)

Ship - Eretlout (+ background relationships)

Wordcount - 3748 words

Fanfic summary - Moving on is hard, especially from something that doesn’t want to be forgotten. But it’s easier when you have someone with you who understands that mind-scarring agony, it’s easier when someone will hold you in the dark when all the monsters come out to play, it’s easier when you’re loved. But Eret is going overseas and Snotlout is left alone in a cold bed. 

The dream is back and he feels sick. Sick in the head. (I really can’t think of a good summary for this, so sorry my dudes)

Tags/Warnings for this chapter - Mentions of past child abuse

So I have yet to finish this Fic yet but I’m just so excited to show it to yall that i just had to give you a little teaser!!! This fic takes place a year after HTTYD3 but the dragons never leave and Stoick never died because Hiccup deserved a whole family for more than one day (Dreamworks, i’m talking to you asshole)!

Also please check out The colour of friendship by Sarahenany and The colour of family by Thurdsday26 on the Archive because it they are big inspirations for this fic and if you love Spitelout bashing and Snotlout whump and found family then, oh boy, that is truly the jackpot of all Snotlout whump fics! Also, the title of this fic is based on the song Many of Horror by Biffy Clyro and this to the first like three lines and you’ll understand why! 

Please enjoy and give me any feedback that you have, negative or positive, do not hold back bitches!!!! Haha lol bruh

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Eret is leaving today, but he'll be back in a few weeks, a month maximum if the summer storms keep at bay (Ruffnut prayed briefly to Thor before bed last night. She doesn't know why; it was an impulse thing). He, along with six other crewmates, will be sailing far up north to the port-island he once called home to establish a trading route for Berk and to perhaps arrange a meeting between Chief Stoick and the chief of his native village. The Northmen are good people, Eret had reassured during a council a week back, who've long been held under the sole of Drago's boot and will gladly reward those who levered that pressure with both miscellaneous goods and a long-lasting alliance.

The only problem with this grand adventure is that they'll have to travel dragon-less.

The Northmen too have been terrorised by dragons for generations and they will not hesitate to net, bludgeon, and flay the first dragon they see, even if said dragon has a rider on their back. Act first and ask later kind of folk, a mindset which Ruffnut is very familiar with. Eret predicts that the concept of living with dragons in peace and harmony is one his people will be suspicious of for a time, but he assures that they'll warm up to it eventually. So, the first few trips will be dragon-less and slowly they'll weasel their Berkian values in, a very cunning plan indeed if Ruff didn't say so herself.

So today is the day of departure and she's on her way to the docks for the send-off, alone for a change. Tuffnut, eager to be out the house and tired of waiting for her to finish braiding her hair, had nabbed Barf and Belch and left her on her lonesome to walk. At first, she'd been peeved to all Hel, rightfully so, muttering to herself about how easier life would be without her dolt of a twin till she remembered just how peaceful, well, peace was. As vexing as Tuff is, Ruff cannot deny her sibling love for him, but she also cannot deny the simple serene beauty of silence.

She's striding down a street of huts, the docks insight, when she hears a terribly familiar voice.

"You better be back in two weeks, if you're not, I'm coming after you,"

Snotlout.

Ruff pauses mid-stride and takes a step back, looking into a narrow alleyway between two huts. She steps closer and presses herself against the left hut wall, slyly peeking her head out to gaze searchingly into the shadowed alley where she'd definitely heard Snotlout's voice. As mad as she is (and she is mad), she isn't to the point of hearing imaginary voices in the shadows (not for a few years, at least).

There. Stuck between a wall and a bulky silhouette, is the short and distinctive shadow of Snotlout Jorgensen. The figure Snotlout is pressed against lets out a hushed laugh, head bowing and if wasn't for that laugh, she'd definitely be able to identify him solely for the dark outline of his facial profile.

Eret, Son of Eret.

Oh, this... This is interesting, very interesting indeed.

"No promises, we might have to delay returning if we see a storm on the horizon," Eret informs and Snotlout makes a displeased snort, to which Eret adds in response, "But if we don't then, we'll be back as soon as we can. Snotlout, you won't even know I've left,"

"It already feels like you've left me," Snotlout murmurs, head hung low, and it catches Ruffnut by surprise, that statement because it's such a vulnerable thing for Snotlout to say and the way he says it, quiet and anxious, is so alien to her.

The use of the word "me" too, makes her mind turn and burn with theories because there is something so very deep in the small, added word. She doesn't know what yet, but there is something painfully human about it.

Ruff watches the shadowed duo, transfixed as Eret lifts a hand to Snotlout's chin, tipping his head up so that they are looking at each other.

It's such an abnormal gesture for her to witness, especially between two people with whom she's never associated such tenderness before.

Eret has always been this tall, handsome, foreign stranger with a silky voice and a self-assured walk, who is as handy with a sword as he is on a boat, who's always there to help and give back to the people who gave him a better life. Snotlout has always been this hot-headed, confident loudmouth who is way too short to be as brave as he is and is way too good at singing for Ruff to admit, who's full of unyielding loyalty and howling laughter. But most importantly, they hate each other.

Or, now that she thinks of it, they did hate each other.

The last few months have been lacking the usual rivalry between Snotlout and Eret and she doesn't know why it's only hitting her now. At some point, they two of them became friends and she's pretty sure she isn't the only one who hasn't noticed, which is so peculiar because she, and the others, have seen the two of them hanging out at the sawmill and flying together at dusk to light the torches. Gods, they drank with each other last night and there hadn't been a single crass word spoken. When did this happen? She and the rest of Berk have gone blind!

"Snotlout, I'll be back. Soon. I can't promise you when, but I'll be back, and next time I go north, you can come with me," Eret assures, and though Ruff can't see Snotlout's features, she can feel the atmosphere lifting and hear the smile in his voice.

"Yeah?" There is something so hopeful and childish in the way he breathes that word, something that tugs at Ruff's heartstrings.

"Yeah, I'm sure I can convince Hiccup to spare you of your very honourable duties for a few weeks,"

"Hey, shut up!" Snotlout's foot jerks out sharply to jab Eret in the ankle, the former laughing breathlessly in response, "My work is honourable, okay? Someone has to test all those crazy weapons Hiccup cooks up and I'm the only man for the job, no one else is as brave as I am," He exclaims, all confident and cocky and familiar to Ruffnut.

"You're sure right about that," Eret says as he again raises his hand and, this time, it comes in contact with Snotlout's cheek, she can see the faint movement of his thumb smoothing over the skin beneath his eye. His voice is awfully soft with a terrible fondness that Ruffnut sometimes hears in Hiccup's voice when he speaks about Astrid or vice versa, it's a tone that she automatically links up to people who are fiercely in love.

Oh, Freya, they're in love.

"You gotta head down to the docks, Eret, you'll be late to leave... or whatever," Again, that insecure whisper is back and by Gods, it sounds so brittle and shaky that Ruff almost considers the thought that Snotlout might be crying.

She would be if she was about to be separated from her lover for an unknown amount of time, Ruff ain't afraid to admit that, but if Snotlout is afraid of anything, it's expressing feelings and emotions (He's afraid of proving he's human, proving he's weak). But then again, maybe it's easier for Snotlout to air out his inner thoughts in front of Eret because, well, they're in love and to be so intimate with someone, they're eventually going to see all the ugly parts that you hide beneath the pretty façade. Eret has probably seen the old insecurity they all know that still lurks deep inside Snotlout, raw and unfiltered, a thing from his youth that made him angry and afraid, a thing that was just as damaging as the scars on his flesh.

Ruffnut, nor anyone else on Berk, will ever forgive Spitelout for what he did to Snotlout. She will gladly say that the day he was exiled was the best day of her life and she will not be alone in the statement. Cruel, merciless, cold-blooded bastard deserved to be Blood-eagled if you ask Ruff and Tuff (probably Hiccup too, no one was more enraged than he was.)

(Ruff has never been afraid of Hiccup, except for once. He's far too lanky, too merciful, too kind, to be a scary guy. But that day, when Snotlout had lifted his tunic in the clubhouse and revealed the ivory scars that were striped across his back and chest, she'd taken a step back at the sight of the inferno that had kindled in his eyes, at the sudden look of mercilessness that had steeled his features, at the trembling fists clenched at his sides. He looked like a man ready to kill, like a man ready to burn then world to the ground, like a man ready to give it all up just for revenge. She was afraid of him that day. So, so afraid that she had nightmares about him for days afterwards.)

"I'll be a bit late, the lads won't mind," Eret says lowly, drawing Ruffnut from her walk-in memory-lane, and she feels her heart tug as he bows his head to press against Snotlout's, "I'll stay here. With you,"

Forehead touching, especially in Viking culture, is the tenderest way to touch the ones who mean dearest to you. Be it a lover, a blood-relative, a shield-brother, anyone who is buried deep in your heart. And here, in the shadows of an alley, hidden and quiet like a forbidden dream, two people hold each other. Soon, they will have to let go and isn't that the most heart-breaking thing? Letting go?

Her heart feels too big for her chest and she almost feels like a changed person by witnessing this, witnessing something she was never meant to see. Will love be like this for her too? Terribly tender and awfully soft? She doesn't know, Gods, she shouldn't be here.

Ruff tries to drag herself back but she's like a moth to a flame, unable to pull herself away from this blindingly beautiful display of love, so raw, so real. She never imaged Snotlout to fall so easily to soft caresses, but of course, he would. It is always our deepest wants that will bring us to our knees and all Snotlout has ever wanted is love, a gentle hand, a place to bury his heart.

They share a deep and long kiss. It makes her feel lonely and she doesn't know why. They part, breathing on each other's lips and holding each other tightly because they know, they know, they have to let go any moment. Their foreheads are still touching.

"Promise me," Snotlout whispers and she sees the silhouette of his Adam's apple bob as he swallows thickly, "promise me you'll come back. To me. Eret, promise you'll come ba-"

A quick but meaningful kiss quietens Snotlout's desperate pleas and Ruffnut has never heard him beg before, not like that, not like he's afraid that Ragnarök is about to fall upon them. Eret cradles Snotlout's face with his large hands. They are so close, they've almost become one shadow.

"I promise you, Snotlout," Eret vows, quiet but vehement, his lips brushing against Snotlout's, "I promise that I will come back to you,"

Another kiss is shared between them, sealing the oath that Eret has made and therefore making it unbreakable. Eret will return, he has to, and Ruff doesn't know what will happen if he doesn't. Something tragic, something unbearable to watch, something she can't allow to happen. She will not see Snotlout ruined again. So, she promises herself that if Eret does not return, she'll fly herself up to Valhalla, drag him back to Berk and the Gods best keep themselves to themselves and not get in the way of her mission, lest the know the true wrath of a Thorston woman.

"Come on, before Hiccup starts a search party," Snotlout says, voice stronger now that the promise of returning has been made, "Selkie's gonna want a proper goodbye too or she's gonna follow you the whole way,"

Eret nods in agreement and peeks his head out of the alleyway, looking up and down the street in search of any unwanted bystanders. In the sunlight, his eyes glitter amber and Ruffnut can make out his hand, large and golden, curled around Snotlout's.

"You sure you can handle her? I know that-"

"Gods, Eret, she's the timidest Thunderdrum I've ever seen! If I can handle Hookfang and a borderline psychotic Terror, among other things, then she's going to be a piece of cake," He reassures, almost sounding offended, and Eret chuckles softly as he gives Snotlout a fond look.

Ruff watches them step out from the alley into the sunlit street, hands no longer intertwined. She can make out the red flush on Snotlout's cheeks and the faint wetness beneath his eyes, which he wipes away hastily. The two of them share a look, secret and quiet, lips curled into gentle smiles, fingers twitching with the longing to touch. Then, as sudden as lightning, the tender-faces fall away and they leave, together but still somehow so far apart. They enter the real world not as lovers, but as friends, as a secret waiting to reveal itself.

For a few moments, she stays where she is, staring into the unlikely place of a secret lovers' farewell. Who knew that a place like this, small and dark, would hold such a tragic and beautiful moment? Ruffnut feels a mixture of emotions, the biggest one being happiness because bless the Gods, Snotlout has found love and if anyone deserves it, it's him.

At the after ceremony of Hiccup and Astrid's wedding a year back, a drunk Snotlout had suddenly embraced her tight and long and said; I'm gonna be alone forever, Ruffy, but that's okay, I got you guys, so... I not really alone. And being just as drunk as he was, she'd laughed and poured him another drink, dancing with him till the sun came to steal the night. She didn't remember what he said till a few days after and it had filled up with such a fierce and sudden sadness that Tuffnut had dragged her home, demanding an explanation for the terrible look in her eyes.

That's the thing with a twin like Tuff, the second her mood changes, he can sense it like a hunting dog catching the scent of blood. She can do it too, but Tuff has never been one to hide his true feelings while she, similar to Snotlout, would rather avoid the conflict of talking sentiments (even with Tuff). Her brother has to drag it out of her most times, corner her and say stupidly melancholic stuff like;

I can smell it, sister. You're sad.

Tuffnut is a curse and blessing all at once and she wouldn't have it any other way.

But anyway, she's overjoyed to see Snotlout in love and loved, but she's also anxious about it. Anxious in a way an older sibling is over a younger sibling when they start to dabble in dangerous things, in things that can get them hurt. And if love is anything, it's dangerous. If love can do anything, it can get you hurt.

Snotlout has been hurt enough. Snotlout has endured and lived through torture and torment, through betrayal and loss, through things she can't imagine surviving. She will not see him hurt again, not by Eret, not by love, not by anything. He doesn't deserve it.

The others will also share her feelings when they discover this secret love story, that she is sure of. Especially Hiccup, who in the past few years has become like an older brother to Snotlout (like the same way that Stoick has become a father to him, the same way Valka has become a mother to him). He takes his new sibling occupation very seriously and it is comical, the wiser brother and the reckless brother always at odds but always there to protect each other.

There's a headache brewing in her temple. Gods, she's been thinking and overthinking again.

It'll be fine, she reassures herself, stepping away from the alley and making towards the docks, the Gods wouldn't curse them all with more bad fortune, would they?

It's probably the most stupid question she's ever thought, in hindsight.

When she gets to the docks, it's jam-packed with dragons and Vikings alike, friends and family saying farewell to the crew and wishing them good fortune on their journey. The sky is clear and blue, perfect for sailing, and Ruff concludes that she wasn't the only one begging Thor to keep his storms to himself.

Immediately, her eyes are drawn to Tuffnut, dangling upside down from Belch's neck as he converses with a bemused Fishlegs. She's tempted to go over, but not yet, she has to do something first.

She quickly surveys the area, seeing one of the Berkian members of Eret's crew giving his vermilion Nadder a thorough farewell and a Northman kissing his Shield-maiden fiancé goodbye.

The Northmen, Eret included, were intrigued to see such wild and free women when they first came to Berk. Berkian women are hearty and frightening and hard to impress, daughters of wolves, bearers of warriors, the fiercest things on the battlefield.

So it had been a cultural shock to them, Eret had admitted one day, for their home only holds women who sew the clothes and make the food, who bear the children and tend to the house, who are quiet and timid and easily won over by a half-assed sonnet. Most marriages are arranged and many daughters are traded for land or gold, true love is a rarity to come by. Eret is proud of his home, but these are the parts he is ashamed of.

Astrid was the first woman Eret had ever seen to hold a weapon and he'd never met a woman as savage as Ruffnut before. Ruff will forever be proud that she was Eret's first taste of wildness.

There. She's found who she's looking for.

Eret kneels on one knee before Selkie, his beauty of Thunderdrum. She's orange like a sunset, pale and washed-out, with white flecks scattering her hide like parted clouds, matching her ivory belly, and Ruffnut has never seen a dragon with eyes that blue before. Selkie lets out an unhappy groan as she presses her face further into Eret's hand, eyes low in her grief as she listens to his whispers. Ruffnut can't make out what he's saying, but she's sure it's everything soft and reassuring.

Snotlout is close by, she notices, watching Eret with an open fondness. If Hiccup or Astrid walked by right now and took notice of the raw love in Snotlout's gaze, they would immediately know the truth. Clearly, she isn't the only one thinking this because Hookfang, stood beside his rider, nudges Snotlout with a warning hiss in the back of his throat. Never let it be said that Hookfang doesn't look out for Snotlout, he's ornery and easily distracted, but he makes up for it all with his loyalty.

Soon enough, the ship is ready and it's time to go. People gather along the docks and make their last hurried farewells. The drums begin and the chants of fortune echo across the waters, there's an intoxicating atmosphere permeating the air. Ruffnut hurries through the crowd, easily shoving unmoving folk to the deck in her haste because she has yet to speak with Eret. He's shaking hands with Chief Stoick and is about to go up the gang walk when she suddenly lunges herself at him.

"Ruffnut!" He gasps, surprised and clearly a bit uncomfortable, but he'll have to deal with her for the moment, "Thought you weren't going to- uh- show,"

"Course I was, idiot, and anyways-" She leans her head close to his ear and wraps a hand around his bicep, digging her sharp nails into his flesh threateningly as she whispers, "-I have to remind you to keep to that promise, Eret, son of Eret, I'm not going to have Snotlout hurt again. I was robbed of my revenge last time, I won't be again,"

When she pulls back, she flashes him a smile with too many teeth and bats her lashes with an intimidating gleam in her eyes. She's given this look to men who are now dead and it is Eret's choice if he wishes to be added to that mass grave. Eret stares back at her with shocked eyes, cheeks slightly red, and he clenches his jaw as he swallows thickly, rubbing a hand over the raised welts on his bicep. The drums echo across the water and the chanting voices chase after in earnest. After a bewildering moment, Eret gives her an awkward but thankful smile and nods his head in understanding.

"I'll keep that in mind," He says and all the tension in his muscles seem to slip away as Ruffnut softens her menacing gaze on him, clapping him boisterously on the already injured shoulder.

"Atta boy," She cackles, shoving him up the gang walk as she calls after him, a throaty laugh colouring her words, "You better be back in two weeks, you son of an Eret, or I'm coming after you!"

To her delight, she hears him laugh back at her.

The ship finally departs from the dock, sail high and proud as its pushed by the encouraging wind and the waves part smoothly as the bow cuts through the water, sure and steady. Some of the crew hang off the ratlines, saying goodbye to Berk (for now), and Eret stands, tall and almost warrior-like, on the stern. The salt-touched wind carries his dark hair and the sun reflects off his dark eyes, they glitter with a sadness that Ruffnut wouldn't have noticed if she didn't know the things she knew. His smile is melancholic, Gods, he already looks homesick. He's looking at someone and she already knows who.

Turning to look at Snotlout, she can see that his hands are balled up into white-knuckled fists, that his smile is forced and pained, that his eyes shimmer with tears.

Snotlout has always hated goodbyes. Especially ones that aren't supposed to last. Because they always do.

[jalapeno-princess]

Broken-Hearted Girl

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 8.7K

Summary: After a petty argument escalates into Mark saying some things he didn’t mean, the two of you end up breaking up on your third anniversary. For the rest of the week, you find solace in your family and you learn how to live with a broken heart.

A/N: I don’t even remember how I stumbled upon this song but after listening to and falling in love with one of their other songs “Friend’s Don’t” by Maddie and Tae, I already knew I was going to like this one also. I recommend you listen to it while reading this imagine, the song really does tug on your heartstrings. I’ve been extremely busy for the last few weeks and so I wanted to put a hold on writing (even if just for a few days) but I’ve actually been staying up till the wee hours of the morning (I feel as if I might have insomnia but who knows) and I actually had a really bad mental breakdown earlier, so I needed something to help calm me down and take my mind off of my negative thoughts. Writing is my favorite escape from how cruel this world can be sometimes (although, my writing is literal shit haha) (and i really don’t care for how I ended this and I’m actually kind of unimpressed with this story) but I hope you guys enjoy it! (I have never been in a relationship before so I haven’t experienced the pain of a heartbreak (and I’m sure knowing my sensitive ass I would actually die)

Hey, mama, how do you get a red-wine stain Out of your favorite dress? Black mascara off a pillow case Cure a one-too-many headache Mama, can I come and maybe stay a few days? This weekend or next And hey, how do you get a red-wine stain Out of your favorite dress?

How does he sleep at night? Mama, the nerve of this guy To leave me so easy Am I gonna be alright? I wanna kick myself for fallin' so hard Mama, can you die from a broken heart?

This was not how tonight was supposed to end. Usually, anniversaries were meant to be extremely romantic. They were meant to celebrate the amount of time you’ve been in a relationship with your significant other and to relish in the love that you had for one another; yet here you were, storming out of your boyfriend—well, now ex-boyfriend’s truck towards your apartment with tears streaming down your face. 

You were too focused on getting inside and just collapsing to the ground that you couldn’t even remember how the night ended so terribly. Just a few hours ago, Mark picked you up with the intentions on surprising you for your third anniversary together. 

The two of you practically couldn’t even keep your eyes, let alone your hands off of each other to the point where Mark was just going to say fuck it and show you just how much he loved you and how happy he was to be able to call you the love of his life with his head between your thighs. However, things didn’t go as planned. 

In fact, you had a hard time processing that he told you he planned on spending the rest of his life with you just a few moments before the argument broke out. As soon as you unlocked the door and stumbled inside, you immediately sank to your knees and let out the most heartbreaking cry you didn’t think you were capable of. Not once in your life did you ever cry as much as you were right now. 

Sure, you’ve lost a few loved ones, failed a couple of very important tests here and there and sometimes you and Mark would watch some of the saddest movies every now and then but nothing ever hurt you as much as Mark’s last words did. 

My life would’ve been so much easier if you weren’t in it. 

Each word felt like a stab in your gut. At the time, you knew you said some things that you didn’t mean and that you were sure had a negative effect on him; but nothing you said was even half as bad as hearing him practically say he regrets your entire relationship. 

It made you overthink the last three years of being with him. Mark was in more or less words, the perfect boyfriend. He was quite the gentleman; he always held doors open for you, pushed you on the inside whenever you’d be walking on sidewalks, pulled out chairs for you, always asked how your day was going and if you were eating all your meals on time. 

He knew your coffee order by heart, he’d buy you cute little things he would see that he thought you would like and he even made you a few playlists of songs that reminded him of you. He took care of you as if you were the most delicate little dandelion; but that didn’t mean he wasn’t rough or dominant behind closed doors. 

Mark knew you like the back of his hand. Three years would do that to someone; he knew each and every mole, freckle, beauty and birthmark on your body. He was well aware of the scar on your knee that was shaped like Texas and how you got it from playing football with your cousins. If perfect was a person, it would be him. 

Everyone who knew of him wanted to be his friend. Mark was a social butterfly; he had a tendency to be friendly and kind to whoever he encountered. His golden heart, extremely kind and generous personality was got you to fall in love with him; on top of his indescribable good looks and charismatic charm. After knowing each other for over seven years, you’ve grown accustomed to having Mark in your life. 

Even before the two of you started dating, he was there for almost every milestone in your life. He was there when you got accepted in to the college of your dreams, he was there when you got an internship with a company you’ve been wanting for a long time, he was there for your first time getting drunk at the young age of 16 and he was the one to rub your back as you threw up the following morning. 

With that being said, he was also there during some of the darkest times in your life. When your grandmother passed away from cancer, it felt as if your entire world fell apart. She was your best friend and you were completely devastated as soon as your mom called you and told you the news of her passing. Mark was at baseball practice around the time that you were heading to the hospital, but once he heard of what happened, he wasted no time in making his way to where you were and pulled you in to his chest the moment his eyes landed on your frail figure. 

It took months of grieving, crying over her absence and Mark constantly whispering sweet words of comfort for you to come to terms with her death and you were entirely grateful that you had someone so patient and understanding as Mark was to be there for you during such a traumatic time. What was going to happen now when he was the reason why you were so distraught? 

Losing your grandmother was extremely painful and even after all these years, you weren’t completely over her death. However, knowing that man you loved more than life itself no longer wanted anything to do with you was a different kind of pain. Although there were a few times in your relationship that you and Mark would disagree, not once did a fight escalate this badly before. 

Your relationship was one that everyone around you seemed to envy. Everyone and their mothers knew just how much Mark loved you and it was obvious by your words and actions that you felt the exact same way. His mom always used to tell you that your love was one for the ages; you both cared for one another in ways that only people who were genuinely in love could experience. For two people who’ve been in a relationship for as long as you and Mark have, you were still in the so called “honeymoon stage” where you constantly had to be around each other even if all you did was laze around all day doing nearly nothing. 

Just being in his presence always made you feel so at ease; so serene. Home wasn’t necessarily a place you lived in or just a roof above your head. Home wasn’t just a place that gave you shelter; home was where you felt the safest, the most comfortable and home was where you were happiest. For the last seven years, Mark Tuan was your home and now, you were homeless. You always felt so protected and loved whenever you were around him and you hated every moment spent away from him. 

The more time you spent crying on the floor, the more you came to the realization that tonight’s events actually happened and Mark was no longer your person. Although neither of you actually called it quits, you knew by the tone of his voice and in his facial expression that it was over. Even if he were to come back to you within the week begging you for forgiveness, you don’t think you could ever forget how his words screwed you up mentally and physically. 

When you decided that you had cried all the tears you had in your body and that you were wasting your time crying over someone who couldn’t give less of a shit about you, you got up from your spot right in front of the door and slowly sauntered off in to the kitchen. Anyone who knew you were aware of the fact that you hated alcohol. 

You weren’t a heavy drinker, and you were sure it’s because you spent your teenage years getting high and wasted to the point where it was no longer fun to do now that it was legal. The bottle of red wine that was in the back of your cupboard was a gift from Mark’s friend Jackson for your birthday a couple of months ago and you didn’t want to seem rude by not accepting it since you didn’t care for red wine or just wine in general. 

But now, you were extremely grateful for his choice in gifts and you made it your responsibility to finish the entire bottle in one sitting before you went to sleep. That’s if you could even find it in yourself to even go to bed. Your mind was filled with thoughts of Mark and what he was doing right now; if he regretted what he said, if he knew you were currently suffering and beating yourself up about the argument. 

How could the two of you go from being seconds away to ripping each other’s clothes off, to you drinking imported red wine straight from the bottle to take your mind off of your broken heart? As you continued to drink the wine, it was in that moment of sitting on your kitchen floor and banging your head on your refrigerator that you noticed your front door had a dent in it. You wouldn’t be surprised if you were to go up to it and see that you broke it by how hard you slammed it out of anger, but at this point you didn’t even care. 

Your mind, your heart and your body were so numb that nothing else seemed to matter and if anything, the door represented your mental state and your relationship. Seeing as how you were the definition of a light weight, it didn’t take you long to completely knock out on the hard tile. Although that last sentence continued to replay over and over; taunting you as a painful reminder that you were living your actual nightmare, it was the fact that he gave up on you so easily as if you meant nothing to him that really killed you. 

Was he planning to breakup with you and used this argument to actually go along with it? How long ago did he decide he no longer wanted to be with you? Everything seemed to be going so good for the two of you; so when did he decide he had enough of your relationship? You weren’t surprised when you woke up the next morning with an extremely painful migraine and a crook in your neck. 

This is why you despised any type of alcohol and never understood why Mark and his friends constantly went out to bars whenever they hung out. However, you felt as if this was going to be your way to ease the pain and knowing that alone made you want to cry again. After taking a few moments to process what you were going to do for the rest of the day, you got up to take some pain killers and to look at your current state to see how much of a mess you probably were. 

Almost half an hour later, you found the strength to get up and walked to your bathroom. Your head was throbbing and your bones ached from sleeping on the floor, but nothing hurt even half as much as your heart did. As soon as you saw your reflection, you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. You looked horrible. Your hair looked like a bird’s nest; tangled and all over the place. You had mascara stained on your cheeks, your eyes were puffy and if you weren’t so numb, you would’ve screamed at the wine stain in the dress you were wearing; your favorite dress to be exact. 

Mark bought you that dress a couple of months ago because he knew it would look good on you and he was right. The first time you wore it, it didn’t stay on for too long. It was your favorite dress for many reasons; not only did your boyfriend buy it for you, but as someone who was extremely insecure with her body, no matter how many times Mark would make it known how much he loved your body and thought you were the most beautiful and sexiest woman to exist, the dress made you feel beautiful. 

You wore this dress with so much confident but now, it was stained with a deep maroon color right around the chest area and it was a brief representation of the hell you were going through. Like the fool that you were, the fool who was madly in love with the person you wished you could hate right now, you checked your phone to see if he tried to get in touch with you at all and you felt your stomach sink when you saw nothing. 

No texts, no calls, no voicemails, no “I’m sorry, I made a mistake”, no “I love you” or “I miss you.” Couples went through breakups all the time so why did you feel pathetic for something you weren’t at fault for? The rest of the week felt like you were dreaming the same nightmare over and over again. You could still see the anger and rage in his eyes when he told you that you were annoying and that he wasted his night with you when he could’ve gone out with his friends. You were sure there was a chance he was with them right now and you didn’t care at all. 

If he was so quick to let you go without a care in the world, you weren’t going to allow yourself to cry over him no matter how much you wanted to. But you were only human. Three years may not be considered “a long relationship” and you were still kind of young to get married and settle down but you knew Mark was the man you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with. The two of you talked about your futures on multiple occasions and every time Mark would talk about his plans, you were in each one. 

On the fifth day, you came to terms with the idea that it was really over. You tried lying to yourself by thinking that he was going to come back and that he just needed some time to calm down, but you gave up on that idea entirely knowing how Mark could be. Two things about the older boy that you could do without was his pride and how stubborn he could be. 

He tried his best not to show you those sides of him because he didn’t want you thinking negatively of him or being afraid of him; however there were occasions where he would get in to it with one of his friends because he always had to have the last word. With that being said, you knew Mark wasn’t going to give in. He wasn’t going to initiate reconciling with you even if that’s what he wanted because that’s just who he was. 

A week away from work was what you needed to really try and get yourself together again. It wasn’t until your mom called asking how you were doing and if you and Mark wanted to stop by for dinner that you realized you weren’t okay nor were you ready to go out and put on a fake smile while pretending nothing was wrong. When your mom called you, you let her go to voicemail multiple times. 

Although your mom was your best friend and you probably needed someone to be there to comfort you during your heartbreak, you weren’t ready for pity or sympathy. The only person you needed was Jack Daniels. You hated what you had become in less than a weak and you hated that you allowed Mark to have this effect on you. It was only natural for you to be responding to your breakup in this way; you were only human. But you were now a pathetic alcoholic who was wasting her time crying over a man who was no longer in her life. 

Three shots of vodka, two beers and one shot of tequila later and you absentmindedly left a lengthy voicemail to your mom, telling her exactly what happened all the while begging her to let you stay at your parent’s house for a couple of days. Maybe even weeks. Deep down, you knew you needed to be around people no matter how much you enjoyed being alone because your mind always found away to think about Mark. 

You told her how Mark yanked out your heart and stepped on it repeatedly. You told her about getting drunk every single day for the last week, how much you hated him for what he was putting you through and how you hated that you were letting such a stupid boy control your emotions. You also asked her if your dad could come over on one of his days off to take a look at your door. She didn’t take long to respond back to you nor were you surprised when you heard her knocking on your door while she quickly pulled you in to her embrace once you opened it. 

“Oh yeah sweetheart, you really broke your poor door. Come here baby, mama’s got you.” 

She helped you bring your bags to the car and the two of you stayed in silence the entire ride to your parent’s house. You had a feeling she had a few questions she wanted to ask you and that there was a couple of things she wanted to say but you were glad that the only noise in her car was the sound of the air conditioner. You weren’t ready for any kind of human interaction or a conversation you knew would drive you even more crazy. 

All you wanted was for your mom to rock you back and forth like how she used to when you were younger and tell you that everything was going to be okay even if you lost all hope on it being so. When she pulled up to the garage, she told you to stay put so that she could help you get out of your car and you felt like such a child. Out of all your siblings, you were the closest one to your mom and even if you were an adult living on your own with a full time job and everything, you were always going to be her little girl. 

Seeing your child cry was always painful for a mother, but because the reason behind your sadness was something out of her control, she felt like she couldn’t do anything but console you and get you whatever you needed to try and make you feel better. Once you made it inside of the house, she led you to your old bedroom and let you get settled in so that she could prepare you something to eat. You didn’t have the heart to tell her you weren’t all that hungry; you haven’t had much of an appetite in the last week and you were sure she noticed your sudden weight loss. 

A part of you wanted to ask her to forget about it, especially because being in your old room brought back so many memories of Mark and how he would sneak in on school nights and how the two of you would stay up talking about anything your hearts desired. Being alone wasn’t something you’d think you’d ever get used to, especially because Mark was like your shadow. Wherever you went, Mark followed and unlike most people who would probably complain about his clinginess, you enjoyed it profusely. 

Knowing that Mark always craved your presence and needed to be around you to maintain his sanity made your heart flutter. This has been the longest you had to be without him and every day felt like an entire month. It’s as if time went by frustratingly slow because the universe was aware of your heartbreak and wanted to make you suffer for whatever reason you were unsure of. 

Taking a look around your old bedroom, you could feel your chest grow heavy when you saw the few pictures you had of you and Mark from when you were growing up and tears were soon building up at your eyes. The two of you looked so happy together; you were just a couple of kids who dreamt about so many wonderful things that life had to offer. Little did either of you know that one day, you would fall in love with one another before you could even comprehend the meaning behind that silly four letter word. 

You silently cursed to yourself for getting all worked up again; you came to your parent’s house as a way to heal on your own and to surround yourself with people who love you and care about your well-being. You just needed to have some kind of support system or else you’d drive yourself crazy back at your apartment thinking about what you could’ve done to have prevented the breakup from happening. The gentle knock on your door took you by surprise and you almost ended up dropping the frame. 

She released a long sigh before she walked over toward you and took the picture from out of your hands. The last thing your mom wanted to do was to make you even more upset by saying something to trigger you or cause you to overthink. But she couldn’t handle seeing you so broken; so defeated especially because you were an actual ray of sunshine. Your smile alone could light up an entire room and your personality was so bright and bubbly, people enjoyed your company because of your enthusiasm. 

As much as your mom liked Mark to the point where she would secretly plan out your future wedding with his mom whenever they’d go out to lunch together, she wanted to find him and make him regret what he did to her baby girl. She was shocked to say the least when she got your voicemail and at first, she couldn’t even understand what you were saying because your speech was so slurred and she couldn’t hear a word you were saying through your tears. Mark made it known to his surroundings that you were his entire world and all he cared about was making sure you were well taken cared of and that you were happy, healthy and got everything you deserved. You were so agitated just by seeing his photo and you wanted to scream. 

He was probably already over the entire thing and although it killed you to think like this, you couldn’t help but feel as if he was already looking for someone new. Why else would he have left you so easily? There must’ve been someone on the side but who were you kidding? That man planned an entire night out for you; to celebrate your life together. Your mind came up with all these different reasons for the breakup so you could get some closure but you weren’t stupid. You knew Mark loved you, you just couldn’t find a reason why he would tell you he regrets your relationship and wishes he never met you. 

You despised yourself for trusting Mark with your entire being; for allowing him to see each and every part of you. The good, the bad, the ugly. You hated that he was the only man you’ve ever loved with your entire physical, mental and spiritual being. You were upset with yourself for falling so hard for him and giving him the control to do such a thing to your heart. The feeling of being in your mom’s arms again after moving out almost two years ago was extremely comforting and very calming. 

She ran her fingers through your hair and continued to stay silent and waited until you stopped crying completely before telling you exactly what was on her mind. After your sobs slowly died down, she tapped on your forehead to get your attention. 

“Sweetheart, have I ever told you the story of when your father left me back when we were in college?” 

You shook your head in disagreement but widened your eyes in shock at her revelation. From what you were told, your parents were college sweethearts. Your dad fell in love with her when one of their mutual friends asked him to pick her up from work once and he was extremely grateful that their car was in the shop at that time or else he would have never met his soulmate. 

They’ve been together for over twenty years and not once have you heard this story, but now you were heavily interested. You always loved hearing stories about your parents relationship; it gave you high hopes for your own relationship and since you were going through a breakup right now, you could only hope the story would lift up your spirits. 

“We were together for only three months at the time and it was the first relationship I had where I genuinely cared for him. He was so kind, so flirtatious and used the cheesiest pickup lines to make me laugh. I knew he was going to be someone special in my life. Unfortunately, at the time your dad was the only one in his group of friends that was in a relationship. They told him that being in a relationship was “lame” and that he was still so young to be wasting his time being tied down to one girl. He tried to defend and fight for our relationship, but his friends continued to pester him over it, so he broke up with me. I was devastated, I cried for hours on end and couldn’t eat anything. But he showed up only three days later with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a bucket of fried chicken. He told me he loved me and refused to be without me. It was quire romantic if you ask me.” 

You giggled at the idea of your dad asking your mom to take him back with some Popeyes. You were upset to hear that your dad’s friends coerced him in to breaking up with her. However, you were happy to hear that it didn’t take too long for him to realize your mom was it for him.

“He’ll be back y/n. I know he will. That boy—he loves you. He doesn’t need to say it out loud, I can tell in his actions and with the way he looks at you that he’s head over heels in love with you. His mom also mentioned it a couple times; he’s—what is that word kids your age use these days? Whipped for you? She said he has stars in his eyes whenever you come up in conversation. It’s serious when a boy talks about you to his momma. One day when the two of you are married with a family of your own, you’ll look back on this little bump in the road and laugh—“

“Please don’t say that. You didn’t see the way he looked at me when he told me all of those hurtful things. It didn’t even feel like he was my boyfriend, it was as if I was looking at a stranger. It makes me wonder, did he ever really love me if he had no problem leaving me?”

“I’m serious y/n. I don’t know what things were said that night or how things ended up the way they did, but when it’s real, when it’s love, you just know. He probably looks just as bad and if not worse than you do. I know it hurts. Breakups are rough, especially because it’s obvious you and Mark were made for one another. But what have I always told you? If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it’s yours forever and if it doesn’t, well baby, it just simply wasn’t meant to be. He was probably just in the heat of the moment and said some things he probably didn’t mean. I’m sure he’s regretting this entire thing. Mark’s a smart boy; if he knows what’s best for him, he’ll be yours again in no time. Until then, get out of this funk y/n. There’s so many wonderful things in the world to do and to be grateful for. Do you really want to look back on your twenties and regret wasting your time crying over a boy when you could be doing so many different activities and go on so many adventures?”

You released a frustrated sigh and shook your head again. She was right. You were tired of crying and drinking so much. There was only so much alcohol your body could handle and it wasn’t worth all the hangovers. 

“Maybe we should tell your dad what happened so he can mess around with him a little bit and teach him a lesson.”

The idea and the way your mom said it made you let out a genuine laugh. Your parents were always so protective over you and it was probably because you were so kind-hearted that people tended to take advantage of how polite you could be. However, even if she meant it as a joke, you were nervous at what your dad would do if he found out about what Mark said to you and how the breakup was slowly killing you. You were a daddy’s girl and your dad never failed to do anything to make you smile; even if it meant scaring your ex-boyfriend which you knew you didn’t want him doing. 

Your mom stayed with you for a few hours until it was timed for her to make dinner and you ended up falling asleep because of how mentally exhausted you were. No matter how much your mom loved it whenever you stayed over, she didn’t want you to get used to running away from your problems and hiding when things got too difficult. She wanted you to learn to live without him on your own. Your mom knew that you were going to be okay. Maybe not right now, but one day you would heal from this entire situation and realize that your breakup was a learning experience. 

Plus, you had to return back to work sooner or later or you would lose your job completely. A cloud of sadness came once your dad pulled up to your apartment complex and they offered to walk you to your door but you weren’t sure if you’d allow them to leave if they did. They both pulled you in for hugs as they said their goodbyes and you actually cried as you watched them drive away. Why did life have to be so complicated? You were so unhappy to the point where you thought you would actually die from a broken heart. 

The aspect of dying from a broken heart was extremely devastating; you’ve heard about it on multiple occasions. It was normal for people to be so sad, so distraught and have no energy or motivation to do anything. They wouldn’t eat, sleep and only spend most of their days crying out what was left of their hearts. You didn’t think going through a breakup would cause this much damage to you and your well-being; but contrary to what your mom told you, Mark wasn’t just any boy. He was the owner of your heart and you understood that he could torment you like this because you allowed him to. 

You stopped by the mailbox to see if you got anything before heading up to your apartment. When your parents were driving you back to your place, you decided that you would actually get up and do something today. Whether it was tidying up your place from how messy it had become from your one too many drunken stupors, or going to the cleaners to get that wine stain out of your dress. As you began to approach your unit, you noticed there was something sitting right in front of your door. 

The closer you got, you realized that it wasn’t just something, it was someone. Your heart felt as if it was about to jump out of your chest when you realized exactly who the person was slumped up against the wall. It was exactly a week since your fight and you weren’t sure if it was what your mom had said about your love and how beautiful it was, or because you were miserable without him but you wanted nothing more than to wrap your arms around him and beg him to come back to you. 

You expected to be angry if you were to see him again because of all the trauma you suffered through; yet seeing him tugged on your heartstrings and it was as if you pushed the entirety of the last week to the back of your mind. When Mark heard footsteps coming towards him and he looked up to see who it was, he had to hold himself back from running towards you. Your mom was right, just like she normally was. 

This week was one of the worst weeks of his entire life. He was suffering without you. He never hated himself more than he did when he said all those things and he hated himself even more for not running after you as soon as those spiteful words fell from his mouth. You were the best thing that has ever happened to him, and if things were to end up differently that night, he would’ve been able to show you exactly what you meant to him in more ways than one. 

He wanted to call you, to text you and to tell you how stupid he was and how he didn’t mean a single word that he said to you but words were never his forte. Nor did he want to give up his pride even if it meant preventing this last week from ever happening. It was all his fault, or so he kept telling himself and he couldn’t go one more day without you in his life. It was too much for his heart to withstand. 

He was going to do everything in his power to get you to forgive him, even if it meant having to stay away from you for a little while longer for you to completely heal from this experience. As soon as he drove away from your apartment that night, he knew he fucked up and accidentally punched a hole in his wall out of anger. He was so selfish; so insensitive and didn’t think that his harsh words would have any negative effect on you. 

After hearing your little jabs at him, he wanted to hit you where it hurt the most but if he knew then what he knew now, he would’ve kept his mouth shut and just dropped you home so that you both could calm down and not say everything you both said to one another. You let out a deep breath and tried to prepare your heart to hear why he was there and to be ready to fight if the situation called for it. 

“Hey.” 

You looked up at him and you could feel tears brimming at your eyelids. He looked so tired and you knew for a fact that he must’ve cried with how his eyes practically mirrored the puffiness of yours. The dark circles under his eyes were more prominent and his face looked smaller than it already was. It made you cringe; Mark was never one to portray himself as someone weak or someone who had feelings and emoted whenever something was up with him. If he had a problem, he’d deal with it on his own and this was no different. 

Good. He deserved to have suffered as much as you did. 

“Hi. How long have you been here for?” He shrugged before scratching the back of his head; something he normally did when he felt like he was in the wrong or whenever he was embarrassed and you took it as the former. 

“Um—since Wednesday I think.” 

Your eyes widened in shock at his answer. Wednesday? So that means he was sitting outside of your apartment for the last three days? 

“Wait, you’ve been here for three days? Are you crazy? Mark, you could’ve gotten sick! It’s cold out here! And what about food? Have you even been eating? You look so malnourished, why would you—“

“You and I both know why. I fucked up. Big time. It took me a while to think about it at this perspective because I was just so mad and I wanted to blame you for the way things ended that night but I came to the conclusion that this was my fault. I’m the one who fucked up something so amazing, so beautiful and so perfect because I was a fucking asshole y/n and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” 

In order to prevent wandering eyes of your neighbors, you opened the door and motioned for him to walk inside so that the two of you could have your privacy. 

“Shit y/n, what happened to your door? You have to practically force it open—“

“You don’t want to know. My dad is supposed to come over this weekend to try and fix it. I think the hinges must’ve came out or something. Can I get you something to eat? Drink?” 

He shook his head and you could see in your peripheral vision that he was hesitatingly reaching out for your hand, probably in attempts to bring you to the couch so he could continue the conversation from where the two of you began from but he just walked over to the living room and took a seat. You wanted to hear everything he had to say and you were going to make it a point to let him know what this breakup did to you. 

His focus was on the multiple empty bottles of alcohol sitting on your coffee table and because he was well aware of how much you hated alcohol, it was apparent that you must’ve had it really rough if you felt the need to turn to alcohol for solace. When he felt like he was ready to talk, he turned around to face you and released an exasperated sigh. 

“I’m sorry it took so long to come here—oh, these are for you. I actually had to go back to the store because the first two bouquets actually died probably because they weren’t being watered and I bought your favorite cookies—but I got hungry so there’s only three left.” 

He handed you the beautiful bouquet of sunflowers and you giggled at the sight of only three cookies in a big container but it made you smile nonetheless. 

How romantic. 

You politely thanked him and placed both of the gifts down on the table before speaking up. 

“You should’ve called me, I wouldn’t allow you to have waited out here for me. Are you crazy Mark? What if something happened to you—“

“Then so be it. I’d probably deserve it. Fuck, you don’t understand how much of a mess I was without you and how much I’ve been suffering because the image of your pained face would not leave my mind once this entire weekend. I had a feeling you weren’t home when you weren’t answering the door but then again, you could’ve looked through the peephole and decided you wanted nothing to do with me and I wouldn’t have blamed you. The old lady next door was kind enough to offer me some food here and there but I’m sure she probably thought I was a thief or something when she first saw me. I should’ve called but you and I both know why I didn’t. I kinda wanted to give you your space because I’m sure what I said probably got under your skin. I ruined our special day and I’m sorry if I broke your heart—with the way you’re looking at me I’m sure I hurt you pretty badly huh.” 

You looked up at him with a melancholic look in your eyes; that had to be the understatement of the year. If you didn’t have your family around to help you take your mind off of your failed relationship, you were sure you would have ended up in the hospital sooner or later. 

“You broke me Mark. You made me feel like I was worthless. You made me think there was someone else or that you fell out of love with me and I genuinely wanted to die. Pathetic right? I just—I didn’t know how to function without you and waking up every morning felt like a chore. At some points I felt like I couldn’t even breathe. I’ve heard heartbreaks caused by breakups were an unfathomable pain that are impossible to bounce back from and some people even die from a broken heart I just never would’ve thought it would happen to me. Especially because we were so happy; so in love and I would have never thought one stupid, meaningless argument could cause us to separate. You made it seem like leaving me was so easy and hearing that you wished that we never dated in the first place is what truly fucked me over. I became a fucking alcoholic because of you—I blamed the entire breakup on myself even if I didn’t say anything that I knew would inflict any sort of pain to you because the idea of hurting you hurts me. It’s sad to know you don’t feel that way.”

“That’s where you’re wrong y/n. I regretted everything that I said as soon as I said them but the damage was already done. Please believe me when I say this, I didn’t mean a fucking word. That was just the anger and the irritation talking for me. My life before you always felt so empty, and once you came in to it, you made everything so much better. You filled my life with color and made my heart soar by just the mere thought of you. I could never regret you or our relationship; you’re all I could ever want or need in this hell forsaken world. You know the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you—“

“BUT YOU DID MARK.” 

You didn’t mean to yell, but it was all the built up emotions you’ve been holding in that finally released itself and you knew you wouldn’t be able to forget the way he shivered at your tone. Not once in the many years of knowing you did Mark ever see you so mad. You were always such a shy and introverted person; he didn’t think you were capable of such an intonation. He hated that he was the reason for your hostility and he was afraid that it was too late. It may have only been a week, but what you went through was enough to change your warm-hearted personality in to a cold and aggressive one. 

“Nothing will ever change the fact that you gave up on us—on me. If you knew there was a chance that your words would affect me the way that they did, then you wouldn’t have said anything at all; but you said it all without hesitation like you did mean it. I was coming to accept our breakup for what it was. Sure I was hoping you would come back; hell this is the closest I ever felt to God because I found myself praying every single day for him to show me a sign. For him to heal me and make it known that I would be okay. I’d be lying if I said I’m not the least bit content that you’re here but—I really don’t know what to make of that.” 

To your surprise, he made his way toward you and reached for your hands. As intimidated he was by how you were acting towards him, he knew he had to grow some balls and man up, or he would lose you forever and the tiny box that was in his pocket would no longer have any use. 

“I don’t know what to say or do that would explain how sorry I am and how much I wish I could go back in time and prevent any of this from happening. I don’t know how to stop you from hurting, and to get you to forgive me—I‘ll do anything to fix this y/n. Please—tell me what to do. I can’t—I can’t lose you. Tell me you don’t love me, and then I’ll—I’ll—fuck, there’s no way I can let you go. Please baby—you asked God for a sign and I came here tonight to try and fix my mistakes. That has to mean something right?” 

Hearing him sound so desperate, so willing to do whatever you wanted him to in order to bring your relationship back to what it was made you feel so many emotions. As much as you wanted him to give you some time to think, you knew you’d take him back. It was going to take some time to forgive him, and to get his words out of your mind completely, but Mark was everything you ever wanted for the rest of your life. 

Why were you going to continue suffering on your own and staying away from him when all you wanted was to have him back in your life? You cupped his cheek softly with your palm and placed a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. Feeling him smile against your lips sent a fire through your veins; Mark’s kisses always had quite the effect on you. His lips were so pink and so pretty and you loved every single moment that they were pressed against yours. 

“You can start by paying for my dry cleaning. I got a huge wine stain on the dress I was wearing because I got drunk.” He giggled in to your neck before placing a chaste kiss there. 

“Done. You silly girl. God, I missed you so much baby. I also think I have something that could win me some brownie points but I hope tonight ends the way last week should have.” 

The question of what he was referring to was at the tip of your tongue, but before you could emit anything, he was now kneeling on the ground right in front of you and pulled out a red box. Your heart began to race on a you put two and two together; he was going to propose to you. 

“I know, this is probably not how you wanted this to happen and I promise you I had different ways in mind on doing this—but after losing you, I realized that it didn’t matter how, where or when I would ask you to spend the rest of your life with me; all that matters is that I did. I was actually planning on proposing you at the beach once we were finished eating, but I chickened out like the coward that I am. And I guess I was irritated with myself and took it out on you that night and I know I said it so many times, but I will continue apologizing until I make up for all the pain I’ve put you through. I’m sorry y/n. I don’t deserve you—I don’t deserve being able to do this right now but this last week without you made me realize that I can’t live if I have to do it without you.” 

He grazed your wrist with his thumb and you were sure he did that to calm down his nerves, but it was so cute. You loved seeing him so flustered and so nervous and you loved knowing that you were the reason behind his now shy demeanor. 

“I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can remember. Every time I would drop you back home once we hung out back in high school, I felt this emptiness in my chest. Then I realized how much I loved hearing you laugh knowing that I was the reason behind it. I loved spending time with you and being around you. I loved the feeling I got whenever we were together. You and I can literally do nothing but I’m my happiest when I’m with you and that’s when I realized you were more than just a friend to me. These last few years with you have made me the happiest man alive. You mean everything to me baby—I wish I would’ve told you this sooner so we wouldn’t have wasted time apart but I’ll make up for it the rest of my life—if you let me of course. I’ll take good care of you my love. I’ll continue to love you and give you the world on a silver platter. Y/n, will you do me the greatest honor and marry me?” 

You were sure if someone else were in your shoes, they probably would’ve said no right off the bat. Heartbreak really did change a person. It made your whole aspect on life change for the worse and you knew you weren’t the same person you were a week ago. But you’ve dreamt about this situation on many accounts. There were times where you’d sleep over Mark’s place and you’d stay up looking at him in admiration and thinking about what your future together would look like. 

Sure, you would have preferred this surprise before all the unfortunate events that happened, but you were excited and speechless nonetheless. You sank to your knees and sat down on his lap; bringing your hands up to his face and pulling his lips up to yours. You couldn’t help the snicker that fell from the back of your throat when you felt a tear fall from his eyes on to your cheek. His hands were tight on your waist as he deepened the kiss, licking and sucking on your lips before all but gently shoving his tongue in between your teeth. When you felt his excitement pressing against your core, you pulled away and ignored the choked out whine that fell from his lips as you placed your forehead against his. 

“Yes. I would love to marry you Mark. I love you so much, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Thank you for coming back to me love.” 

The way he was looking up at you pulled on your heartstrings; you couldn’t wait to tell your mom of the news. You knew she would probably hit you with “I told you so” but she would also be extremely happy for you. He abruptly stood up and took you with him, wrapping your thighs around his waist. You knew exactly what his plans were as he made his way to your room and you were excited to say the least at what he was going to do with you.

Once the two of you entered the bedroom, he didn’t waste anytime throwing you on to the bed and attacking your face with kisses as he ran his hands along your body; needing to touch you everywhere. Right as he began dragging his fingers along your clothed heat, he gripped at your chin and made sure you were making direct eye contact with him. 

“You know, since your door is already broken, I don’t see any problem in breaking your bed also—ow! What? You’re going to be my wife one day soon, so it’s only natural for me to want to fuck the living shit out of you in celebration of our engagement—I’m actually starting to reconsider this whole marriage thing. Give me back that ring, I’m gonna go sell it and buy me the PS5–“

“You wouldn’t dare Tuan, I’ll end you—“

“Just shut up and let me love you damnit.” 

You couldn’t stop the laughter that came after his little complaint. You still had yet to process that Mark was currently on top of you, ready to make love to you and to show you just how much he missed you. He playfully poked your cheek to break you out of your trance and squeezed your butt as a force of habit. 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

“I’m just really happy, that’s all.”

 He gave you his signature cheeky grin and left a long, sloppy kiss on your lips. 

“Good. That makes the two of us, and that’s the only emotion you’re going to feel now that you’re stuck with me. Now, let’s make up for lost time shall we?”

Can you ask daddy if he's got time To come and look at my front door? It got slammed last night And now it don't close right And just promise that you won't tell him everything And keep that pistol in the drawer Mama, please don't say I'm gonna laugh about this someday You didn't see the way he drove away

How does he sleep at night? Mama, the nerve of this guy To leave me so easy Am I gonna be alright? I wanna kick myself for fallin' so hard Mama, can you die from a broken heart? Oh, a broken heart

Can your knees give out from prayin' so hard? (Prayin' so hard) Can you go blind from cryin' in the dark? (In the dark) Was it ever really real If he don't feel like I feel?

How does he sleep at night? Mama, the nerve of this guy To leave me so easy Am I gonna be alright?

How does he sleep at night? Mama, the nerve of this guy To leave me so easy Am I gonna be alright? I wanna kick myself for fallin' so hard Mama, can you die from a broken heart? A broken heart

[anashins]

i rarely cry over fics since this is just what i do for pastime and to learn more english but your story really did tug something🫀 this is fiction between an idol and a character but i felt the perspective of a child losing a parent, the pain of the “other half” when they’re left behind, and starting over as a family who is missing a member. it hurts just by the way u wrote it and i hope none of us will experience this. i wish the best for everyone. if someone sees this message of mine who have experienced this or is currently goibg through it, i hope for things to get better soon for you. take your time to heal.

i also realized that y/n or/and jae in this story was like my mom. she claimed to be married to make my siblings and i look like we’re in a complete family and to not be talked about by others. she also kept her relationship from us because she didn’t want to disappoint or for us not to be happy since she isn’t with our dad even though hes bad and we dont like hin. but only ur story i got to realized that my mom and the characters you made are the same with one thing — they want to be a good parent first. they want to put their children first.

im usually a silent reader but i just wanted to leave this feedback (?) since i really felt stuff and have related to it. you really are a great writer. it was realistic and heart warming from the kids friendship to the development of the couple. this message and the previous messages you received isnt much to tell how talented u are with what youre doing ❤️ hope you do more in the future! a lot of us will be here to read & support you

(sorry if this message was too long and sorry if my english is bad its not my first language! ❤️ i did my best though i hope i said most correct haha)

Hello dear!

First of all, your english is perfectly fine! Don't worry about that! English is not my first language either, but as long as we give our best, that's all that matters 😊

Thank you for sharing your story and message with me/us! I hope everyone gets the chance to read about your experience. For people who have not been in this situation, to get a better insight from someone who has been through, and for people who have been through, to feel a connection or get another, deeper perspective.

When I first started writing the story, it was just something nonchalant inspired by a comedy movie, but I haven't expected it to get received so well, especially the topic, let alone to deeply touch my readers. Words cannot describe how honored I feel to read messages like yours.

I hope you stick around and I also hope I will be able to write stories that will not only tug on your heartstrings, but also make you happy in the future, I wish you all the best 💜💜💜

[mxchowind]

Hello! Um I would like to ask for a match up for my friend please!She's a 147cm straight female and an Enfj,Aries, Ravenclaw. She has long straight/wavyish black hair and huge puppy brown eyes she loves to sing but she's too modest and shy,her singings great but she's insecure,she can be a little too nice which makes people dislike her as they think she has ulterior motives,she's also kinda like a doormat, she's always kind to people even if they dislike her..

She's honestly the sweetest angel but she can be pretty cunning and smart too, she's top of our year, can cook, bake and sing well, she literally does everything well but she's too modest and always puts herself down, and always puts others first, she's worried about making people mad or guilty as she's quite a crowd pleaser but that's what's charming about her! She's really pretty too like too pretty, she always gets the most chocolates during Valentines!

She's actually not just short but really Petit too! She has really small feet, ears, and hands but she doesn't mind it and actually likes it! She says she feels warm and safe when she holds hands with us friends or other people with bigger hands! She is really affectionate and loves to give and receive hugs and head pats, and even though she's small she's really strong!!(like super strong!!) She can be very daring and straight forward too! when it counts at least!

She loves wearing other people's clothes too and since she's really Petit she looks absolutely tiny in other's clothes She is super duper cute and ( a little manipulative haha ) can really put her huge puppy dog eyes to use! overall she is a really warm and sweet girl!! I'm sorry that it's super long...and I understand if you only do a part of it or if you feel uncomfortable with doing it!! Oh and please take your time doing this match up! Don't stress yourself and Please put yourself first and remember to take care of yourself!! Stay safe and healthy!!💮

HELLO THANK YOU FOR POPPING IN AND I WILL MATCH HER UP NOW!!!! you must love your friend a lot its so sweet akjsfskkdgkdfhj so i will try my best to put in lots of efforts in this!! im not sure if you wanted me to write the headcanons in third person or second so i will just go with second!!

i match her with.. 

Diluc from Mondstadt and Tartaglia/Childe from Liyue! well childe isnt rlly in liyue but HE APPEARS THERE IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN PASJDSFJSKDJGKJSG okay yes sorry i keep ont alking to myself i am d e admeat and broe i literally need more pics of tartaglia i already used this one before what am i d o i n g

Diluc:

He loves how short you are, and adores the colour of your hair, the length of your wavy locks, and to every bit of you. 

Diluc admires your will to stay strong even if people expresses direct hate. He’s always there, when you can’t take it anymore, you can turn to him, because he’s always been a supporter, your supporter, after all. 

But if those people keep on bothering you with such audacity, Diluc cannot withstand it and will make a move. He is known to make his moves at night, after all.

His first step is a letter. To warn those people. Most of the times it works well, but if they harass you physically- sorry but they have to say goodbye and look at that claymore haha. 

No, Diluc doesn’t go that violent of course, but he make sure his opinions are heard so they stop coming. 

Aside from fending you in the dark, he loves hearing you sing. Your voice is like a calm sea to him, with every melody expressed he feels- at ease. Whether it’s after a long day at work, signing off papers, or just being together with you, he requests you to sing. Because you two are in his private quarters, you’re no longer as shy and he would praise you with so much love. 

When Diluc come home from an exhausting day, you would often bake for him to relax, and not to mention your skills are over the top, he enjoys it more than the chef’s dishes. Perhaps he should just live with your cooking. 

Because of how small you are, he would envelope you into hugs and hold your hand, he enjoys looking at your petite features all the same. Your eyes- there’s something irresistible to them, so he asks if he could kiss you. 

In which, the answer is always yes. 

His kiss is always gentle, nothing too rush of that sort. He takes his time, telling you that his heart belongs to you, and you only. Diluc proves his loyalty, always. It’s impossible to catch him somewhere with another female, because his whole existence is devoted to you. 

One time, you borrowed his clothes and oversized jacket, and surprised him when he came back from a day of work. 

What to say, you looked absolutely..

adorable.

It was so hard not to hug you right there, he endured and waited until it was just the two of you, alone. 

Then he went in length to make sure you know you’re loved. 

What a buffoon of a man, but yours only. 

Tartaglia:

He finds your height- interesting to say the least.

Both of you are cunning, and engaged in complicated matters, so you became a great help to his bank affairs, always helping to lessen his load. 

Childe likes to pick you up, bridal style and all. Reason is, the beating of your heart against his brings calm over him, and he could just forget about being a Fatui. 

When he brings you to visit Snezhnaya, it’s truly cold there so he lets you borrow his clothes and coats, dressing you in those oversized attire which he found funny- yet adorable at the very same moment. 

Your eyes bring such tremble and a tug at his heartstrings he might as well pass away on the spot. Childe loves seeing you like this. 

When it comes to his identity- he wished for you not to find out at all, but he still told you after your pursue on the said topic. 

Hearing such terrible things he has to do- you gave him a warm embrace and patted his head, whispering ‘‘it will be okay, I’ll be with you, no matter what.’’

‘‘Even if my hands are tainted with blood that no water can afford to wash away?’’

‘‘Even if that. Your hands are warm, so stay with me, Childe.’’

That was heartfelt to him, because he was so close to shedding tears- his long broken heart finally coming back in one good place. 

That aside, he does tease you a lot on your small hands, or petite ears- but your eyes are really beautiful, well, you are beautiful to him. 

Childe especially enjoys it when you sing the songs of his childhood, those ever-so-familiar melodies rushing back to him. Not to mention- he is rather protective of you. 

‘‘I hope this is only for me to hear, because I absolutely adore the way you sound, my angel!’’

You blush quite hard at his flirts everytime, but he does like teasing you. 

You never made him mad, and the man would always jump into a fight despite you saying there’s no need- 

So he single-handedly beats the living daylight out of ruin guards.

just for fun.

You’re worried, of course, but the way he fights is also exquisite- almost like art, a dance. If he comes back with a scar- you would scold him, then express your worries. 

‘‘You’re such a worrywart, my love! But it’s fine, i’m so glad to have someone that hold concerns towards me.’’

[imaginedanganronpa]

You know that thing in movies and shows or whatever where it’s raining and one person is really upset and crying and at some point their love interest just kisses them?? haha.. if it’s not weird, can I request that with hajime, amami, shuichi and kokichi? the one crying being the reader?

This is so cute! This gets alittle Angsty, but I promise it turns into Fluff. I hope you like it!

Hajime Hinata, Rantaro Amami,Saihara Shuichi & Ouma Kokichi Kissing An Upset S/O In The Rain!

Hajime Hinata

You were well-aware that Reserve Course Students get a lot of shitfrom the Ultimates, like yourself. They were seen as lesser-than, steppingstones if you will. Even the school’s staff treated them differently andReserve Course teachers and staff were viewed with a different light thanUltimate Course faculty.

The atmosphere around the Reserve Course was just… negative, forthe most part. It’s no wonder that they developed a dislike for the UltimateStudents, who often thought they were better and placed themselves onhypothetical pedestals. 

You were different, though. While you are an Ultimate, you didn’t see the Reserve CourseStudents any differently. In your eyes, they were still valuable members of theHope’s Peak Academy family and the shit they got from others left a sour tastein your mouth.

Maybe you were a little bit biased since you had friends in theReserve Course; one of these friends included Hajime, whom you’ve had a crushon since the beginning of the school year. He was kind and generous, and itdidn’t matter that he was in the Reserve Course – it just made it moredifficult to see him. 

And sure, some of your Classmates didn’t agree with your friendships.Everyone knew of your affiliation with the Reserves, but you tried to not batan eye at them.

At the end of the day, you strolled down to the Reserve Courseside of campus to walk home with Hajime, where you found a group of yourClassmates huddled around the entrance. Furrowing your brows, you pushed pastthe crowd to see one – a boy in your Class who was constantly talking down toothers – holding Hajime by the collar.

“You’re just in the Reserves! We don’t fuckin’ need you here! Thisis our school!” He spat in your friend’s face,causing you to wince. Raising your voice above the crowd, you caught theattention of the bully who promptly dropped Hajime to the ground with a thud.

“Oh, (Y/N). You’re a Reserve Course-sympathizer. Isn’t he your littleboyfriend?” You narrowed your eyes at the harsh words, trying to hold youremotions back. Did everyone know about your crush?

One by one, your Classmates slowly started to back off. Youwouldn’t hesitate to get security involved and they knew it. Hell, you’ve hadto get help from Juzo before because of the disturbances they caused. 

But they’ve never targeted Hajime or your other friends before, sothis time didn’t sit well within you. It tugged at your heartstrings and youhad to use all of your power to hold back your tears.

Your expression gave it away - that you were upset, but you stillstood your ground. It started to rain, to make matters worse, and the weatheronly pissed you off even more because you weren’t in the mood to get drenchedtoday. 

The crowd trickled down after it started raining, so you stormedoff causing the group to disperse, with the bully giving you one finaldeath-glare. The sound of footsteps behind you was drowned out by the rain. Youhad an umbrella, but in this moment, you didn’t really care.

“(Y/N), wait!” Hajime called for you but you ignored him, tooupset to look at him right now.

You couldn’t stand it, even though he wasn’t badly injured. He wasscruffy and had some scratches and messy hair, a bit of an unorganized uniform,but it was nothing major. Still, it hurt to look at him and knowing that youcouldn’t have stopped it.

The tears flowed freely down your cheeks, wetting your skin. Therain mixed in with your tears as you finally let it all out. You despised theway the Reserve Students were treated, especially your friends. It broke yourheart and made you feel powerless. Continuing to march away from Hajime, youcovered your face as you wept and stomped your foot angrily.

You finally paused and your knees buckled, but Hajime caught youbefore you could fall to the ground. Instead, you collapsed in his chest and hesupported your dead weight, hoisting you up and resting his forehead againstyour own. “It’s okay, I’m fine, see.”

His soft, reassuring smile only calmed your nerves a little bit.You were still fuming with both frustration and sadness. You could see thebruise forming around his lip as he smiled but the boy didn’t pay attention tohis wounds - he was more concerned with you right now.

He held you like that, as you cried into his chest and the raincontinued to pour above you. Both of you were soaking wet but that was theleast of your worries. Hajime hated listening to you cry, and an idea popped inhis head that may potentially get you to stop.

Lifting your chin with one finger, he closed his eyes and leanedin slowly before pressing his lips against yours. 

You gasped against the kissbut fully welcomed it, letting yourself relax into his hold; and it worked, itgot you to stop sobbing. The rain trickled down your nose and dripped into hischin as your lips stuck together.

Hajime held you like that for a long while before pulling away,the blush apparent on his cheeks. You smiled and wiped your eyes with yourthumbs before shyly giggling and staring at the ground.

“I knew that would make you laugh,” he said slowly as a sheepishgrin formed on his lips, “I’ve always wanted to kiss someone in the rain.”

“Me too, and I’ve always wanted to kiss you.” The innocentflirting caused Hajime to bite his bottom lip from embarrassment, nodding inagreement and telling you he felt the same way. Then, he offered his arm to youand cocked his head to one side, gesturing for you to move.

“We should go home and get out of the rain.” He replies, and youreluctantly take his arm in return, passing him a warm smile.

Rantaro Amami

You were just having a bad day – it was one of those days where itfelt like everything was going against you and everything that could go wrong,did.

The first thing that happened was that your alarm didn’t go offand you were late to work. Then, you got stuck in traffic and nearly had arushed driver slam into the passenger side of your car. 

Then, you locked your keys in your car and then you got bad newsfrom your family. What else did this day have in store for you?

The weather had been pouring rain all day as well which certainlydidn’t improve your mood and you’ve been feeling like a stressed-out emotionalwreck all weekend – this was just another Monday for you.

However, your loving boyfriend, Rantaro, did everything in hispower to help. He cooked you dinner and offered to massage your shoulders, butnothing seemed to work and you were still as stressed-out as you were thismorning. You were so over today and all you wanted to do was sleep.

As you stood to go to the bathroom, you accidentally jumped up toofast and your phone slipped out of your pocket, plummeting to the ground andshattering on impact. You stared at the brittle, broken screen for a moment andlet out a single sigh before storming out of the house.

For some reason, your fight-or-flight instincts kicked-in and toldyou to run – to get out of the house and go on a walk, even though it wasraining. You completely forgot about the weather, though, and got drenched themoment you stepped outside. 

Releasing a frustrated scream, you were already soaking wet andgoing back now wouldn’t change anything, so you pressed onward.

You must not have noticed Rantaro following you until you heardhim call your name. Glancing over your shoulder, you noticed how wet he hadbecome. His baggy clothes clung to his body, revealing his collarbones andtoned chest, and he had to push his beautiful green locks out of his eyes so hecould see, but he looked like a hot mess.

“I want to be alone, go away!” You cried to him defensively inhopes that he would retreat back into your house. He didn’t listen, though;instead, Rantaro followed you closely behind and called your name.

“You’re not okay, (Y/N), so I’m making sure that you don’t gethurt or do something stupid,” he put blankly. You wondered what he meant bythat for a moment before dismissing the thought entirely.

You didn’t say a word in response and kept trudging forward, noclear destination in mind. You just wanted to get away for awhile and have sometime to breathe. If that meant wandering around aimlessly in the rain, then sobe it. Rantaro would give in eventually, wouldn’t he?

In reality, he was just trying to be a thoughtful boyfriend. Hedidn’t want you getting lost or hurt and he cared about you too much to let youwander around the streets in the rain, especially when you were upset.

“Leave me alone!” You repeated as tears finally broke and youreleased all of your emotions that have been building all day. Once you startedcrying, you couldn’t stop. It was almost like a flood-wall cracked andeverything came rushing out.

Rantaro wasn’t going to give in so easily, though. “No,” he sighs,“(Y/N), stop.” His voice was cold yet commanding, but you weren’t in the moodto listen right now. You were being stubborn, which was unusual, at leasttowards him. It’s unlike you to give him the cold shoulder like this.

You remained silent, afraid that you would start sobbinguncontrollably if you said anything. Your voice was hitching in your throatin-between cries.

Honestly, you could use some of his love and affection right now,but you were beginning to feel like you caused too much of a scene to go backright now.

All of your emotions swirled in your head and you suddenly feltawful for treating Rantaro like this. Sure, you were having a bad day, butnothing was worth getting him riled up as well. You wondered why he wouldn’tgive you any personal space, but a part of you appreciated it because it meantthat he cared about you.

Why were you even acting like this in the first place? You stoppedin your tracks and let your shoulders fall. You felt Rantaro’s strong armssnake around you, pulling you into his chest as you subconsciously turned onyour heels and lowered your head into his body, unable to look at him.

“I’m sorry, I’m just upset and I’ve had a bad day,” you hitchedin-between words, your stomach did flips which made you feel nauseous. Yourboyfriend squeezed you, nodding his head reluctantly.

“I know, I know, I’m not upset with you.” He sounded genuine butyou couldn’t believe it, not after the way you were acting. “No, you’rejust saying that. I’ve been rude all day and you shouldn’t have followed meand-”

Suddenly, you felt a pair of lips touch yours. It took you amoment to process what was happening as Rantaro’s mouth worked against yourown. The rain continued to berate you both, your bodies sticking together likeglue as he pulled you closer. His hair was sopping wet as it stuck to yourforehead, somewhat obstructing your view but that didn’t matter.

You kissed back, melting into the embrace. You felt one dropletroll down your face and onto his, the water falling from your faces landed onyour lips and made the kiss wetter than it already was.

His hands cupped your cheeks lovingly, and you didn’t even mindthat he cut you off. Once Rantaro finally pulled away, you both sighedsimultaneously as he smiled at you. “I’m not upset,” he repeats.

You smiled it him, giggling at his appearance. He looked like awet dog, but you likely didn’t look any better. He smiled at you before peckingyour lips once more, still cradling you in his arms, before offering to carryyou back to the house piggy-back style.

You obliged as Rantaro lifted you up, the rain hitting your backas he made his way towards your home. Wrapping your arms around his neck andresting your head between his shoulder-blades, you smiled to yourself - thiswas the first good thing to happen to you all day.

Saihara Shuichi

Since Saihara worked as a Detective, he was often put on edge from some of the crime scenes he has witnessed and had to endure. Sometimes, he came home and was more frustrated than usual but you were normally very understanding, unable to imagine some of the things he’s witnessed while working.

Even the sweet Saihara could have his moments where he genuinely upset you, though. As much as you loved him, he could be a pain at times. Regardless, you try to not hold it against him.

But tonight is one of those nights. He rarely talked about the things he     witnesses at work or about his day because he doesn’t want to upset or     traumatize you, so he spared you the gory details. You can always tell     when he had a rough day at work, though, because of the way he carries himself; his body language doesn’t lie.

When he got home, he collapsed on the couch in a huff and kept his head hung low. You took the responsibility of cooking dinner for him and bringing it to him, tucking him into the couch while you’re at it, because you thought he’d appreciate it. However, once you approached him, Saihara snapped at you.

“Leave me alone, (Y/N). I’m not in the mood.” You furrowed you brows and frowned at him, setting the plate on the side of the couch as you hovered over him warily. “I was just bringing you dinner, I figured you would be hungry.”

The dark-haired man shook his head whilst refusing to look you in the eye. “No, I’m not. Leave me alone now.” His blunt responses caused you to sigh angrily before stomping back towards the Bedroom. Under his breath, you heard Saihara scoff and mutter something, but you couldn’t quite make out what it was.

His attitude sent you over the edge and that was the breaking point. “What? I’m just trying to do something nice for you!” You started to slightly raise your voice, which the Detective clearly didn’t appreciate. The conversation escalated from there and sent the two of you into a full-blown argument.

You two didn’t argue very often, but when you did, it was bad. He re-positioned himself and leaned forward, scowling at you angrily; if looks could kill then you would’ve dropped dead.

“You have no idea what kind of day I’ve had, (Y/N)!” Saihara yelled, causing you to clasp your hands together and almost laugh. “Yeah! That’s why I’m trying to do something nice for you!”

“Well,” Saihara responds bluntly, “I don’t want it!” Typically, you would     give him space and realize when to back off, but all of that went out the     window tonight. 

But if he wanted space, then you would surely give it to him. Gathering your belongings in a rush, you stormed towards the door as your partner watched you carefully. After you’ve had enough, you marched out of the house, shooting him a dirty look in the process.

You never got up and left the house like that, and that’s how Saihara knew he fucked up. He slowly stood and followed you down the driveway, watching it pouring rain from the safety of the front door. He didn’t want you to walk around in the rain like that, so he followed closely behind, regretting getting angry at you.

All he wanted to do was apologize, but you were too far ahead and didn’t respond whenever he called for you. Instead, you kept moving forward and told yourself he’d give up eventually. You were a sobbing mess and you weren’t sure if the wetness on your face was the rain or your tears.

You also didn’t want Saihara to see you crying like this so you hung your head and tried to ignore his looming presence. This was all too-much for you to handle and your knees startled to buckle as you cried to yourself, clearly upset as the argument replayed over and over in your head.

“(Y/N), stop!” Saihara’s voice snapped you back into reality. You paused mid-step, realizing that he’s followed you all the way to the end of the street despite that it was pouring rain. You turned on your heels and defensively retorted, “Don’t tell me what to do! Leave me al-”

Before you could finish your sentence, the Detective crashed into you, his lips connecting with yours as he wrapped his arms around your frame. You almost fought back but realized that that would be futile, and instead melted into his embrace. 

Saihara kissed your lips hungrily, as if he was starved. All he could think about was you as he mumbled apologies in between breaths, still never breaking the kiss. He held your body tightly as if he never wanted to let you go.

The rain caused your hair to stick together, your clothes both clinging to your bodies which would be a pain to wash later. That didn’t matter right now, though. You kissed back, matching his passion as you tangled your fingers into his hair and let your tongue dance against his lower-lip. You     licked some of the diluted rain-water, wincing at the taste.

Rain trickled down your cheek and caused goosebumps to rise on your skin as you both sighed, ripping away from the kiss. Panting, you sheepishly smile at one another, a blush forming on your cheeks.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Saihara mumbled once more. Nodding, you respond, “I’m sorry for getting upset.”

He was still holding you in his arms, leaning forward to kiss you once again. This time, there wasn’t as much movement or passion - but the kiss was still filled with love as his eyes fluttered close. The rain got in your     eyes which clouded your vision, but you followed his movements and     reciprocated happily.

Thetwo of you stood like that, kissing in the rain until your hearts were full. What a perfect, romantic way to resolve an argument.

Ouma Kokichi

You’ve had a massive crush on Oumafor quite some time now – ever since you two met last year. You’ve kept yourfeelings to yourself, though, because he was constantly poking fun at you andyou took this as a sign that he didn’t feel the same way.

Granted, he did this with everyone, but there was just nothing special about you that would make you think otherwise - at least in your eyes.

You were already upset enough with Finals coming up quickly and the pressure ofsucceeding falling on your shoulders. It is mid-April and it has poured rainalmost every day for the last week, so the weather was certainly taking itstoll on your mood.

But you were determined to have a good day today – it was Friday and theweekend was upon you. Honestly, the refreshing break was something you needed.

Throughout the day, though, Ouma continued to push your buttons. “Wow, (Y/N), you look like Hell.” It was true, you didn’t have much time to getready this morning since your alarm didn’t go off. Rolling your eyes, youpushed your feelings away and tried to ignore him but the thought of themischievous boy kept invading your mind, distracting you from the lecture.

And today, Ouma was really getting on your last nerve. He kept making passing comments about your appearance or the way you kept staring at him. Everything he said got under your skin and made you wonder why you had feelings for him in the first place. He wasn’t this crude to you when you first met, but he’s only gotten worse, especially towards you.

Ouma wasn’t the nicest person, but your crush was far too intense for you to simply wave it away. It drove you mad, especially on days like today.

Maybe he caught you in a bad mood, but you snapped and stormed off as soon as the bell rang. All you wanted to do was get away from him before you confessed your feelings or snapped at him, having to bite your tongue so you didn’t spill your heart out.

You heard a soft patter of footsteps behind you, followed by Ouma’s voice. Youhuffed angrily, feeling the tears forming on your lash-line. He called afteryou but you paid no mind, rather upset with him although you didn’t want him tosee the effects he had on you.

“(Y/N)! Will you wait up?!” Ouma’s voice sounded dire and frantic, though youassumed this was your feelings playing tricks on you – it’s not like heactually cared about you.

As your feet hit the pavement outside, you realized that it was raining.Sighing, you nearly broke down then and there because today was supposed to bethe only nice day out of the entire week so you didn’t bring an umbrella to school with you.

It didn’t matter – you just wanted to get home right now. Your feelings for Ouma had been driving you up a wall all day and he seemed to be everywhere you went today; you couldn’t get away from him. His voice stillcalled for you and you pushed back, glaring over your shoulder as you continue tomarch forward. “Are you going to follow me home, Kokichi?!” Your voice wasfurious and intense, getting your point across.

As you glanced over your shoulder, you noticed that he didn’t have an umbrella,either. His hair stuck to his forehead and his white clothes were somewhattransparent, though you couldn’t make out his pale body underneath. Youdiminished the blush before it could become too obvious and turned away, puffing out your cheeks.

“If I have to!” He responds. This sent you over your edge as tears fell fromfrustration, wetting your face and mixing with the rain droplets.

The rain had you absolutely drenched and caused your hair to stick to your face. You could hardly see, but you knew this route by heart. You were clearly upset, fed up by Ouma’s teasing and the bad day you were already having.

Then, you felt a hand wrap around your wrist and twirl you around. “Will youstop and listen to me?” He cried, though you fought against his restraint. Asyou lashed against him, he sighed and then used two fingers to hold your facestill.

And suddenly, Ouma crashed his lips against yours. Your eyes widened and you weren’t able to smother the blush that appeared on your cheeks. Reluctantly, you kissed back as the rain trickled down your skin and soaked both of your faces.

He held you gently, his hands rising to find your face and held the back of your head and neck lovingly. This was a surprising gesture coming from the boy who made it his goal to torment you daily. With that thought, then… why was he kissing you now? Was this a prank?

But your body was frozen - cold from the rain water and still in shock from the romantic gesture. You gasped for air when Ouma pulled away, a very obvious blush forming on his cheeks.

“Sorry, agh,” he muttered, “I didn’t know how else to get you to stop. It’s just that… I know I tease you a lot and I was being an asshole today. It’s just because… I like you, (Y/N). I’m sorry if that was too forward.”

You’ve never seen Ouma be so sincere, and you blinked from both the confusion and rain water clouding your vision. You each looked like messes - drenched and sopping wet, trembling from the cold. He sheepishly smiled and all you could do was nod your head, finally confessing your feelings.

Ouma’s eyebrows jumped, not expecting his crush to be mutual. Then, he took a prideful step forward and reconnected your lips once more. This time, the kiss was more passionate and confident. You tasted the rain water on his lips as droplets rolled down your face, dripping off the tip of your nose and your chin, making your hair stick to your skin flatly.

You never expected to kiss Ouma Kokichi - nevertheless have your first kiss in the middle of the pouring rain. Regardless, this shifted your mood drastically and… maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

- Mod Rantaro

[lightscamerabitchsmileee]

Happy Birthday Taylor ❤️❤️

I know I’m a little late writing this but @taylorswift I literally can’t believe that you’re 30 now I feel like it was only yesterday when I listened to Tim McGraw on CMT and instantly loved it from the first listen at that time you were 16 and I was 13 and like with many as a fan I got to watch you grow from country girl-next-door to the legendary pop queen that you are today your music has been an important part of my teen years and still important to this day as an adult every album that you’ve made has helped me at a certain point in my life including your latest album Lover ❤️❤️.

Your first two albums your self titled debut and Fearless were a huge part of my junior high to high school years I remember in high school when songs like Our Song, I’m Only Me When I’m With You & You Belong With Me was truly my jams and there was sort of a reliability to it 😊😊 The Best Day was definitely one of my favorites at that time because it reminded me of my mom and my family in general & Jump Than Fall, The Outside, Picture To Burn & Fearless were some other faves that I enjoyed around that time too (although I love every song on both albums 😊😊)

I think the moment where I knew that I truly became a full on Swiftie was when you released Speak Now your self-written masterpiece that’s not only my favorite album of yours but also the most relatable to my life it came out at the perfect time in my last year of high school when during that album cycle I graduated, went to university and also gotten into my first serious relationship and had my first breakup songs like Sparks Fly, Ours, Enchanted & Mine represented the relationship aspect part of my life while songs like Last Kiss & Haunted represented the early part of my breakup (Red took care of the rest haha), Never Grow Up is probably one of my favorites on a personal level it really struck a cord with me when I first moved away from home to go to university I remember my first night in Rez and I listened to that song and nearly cried because I was homesick and this song really got me through it and then there’s Long Live the song you wrote for the us fans and I just couldn’t get over how amazing that song is and it still holds up to this day especially now where it really is “the end of a decade and start of an age” haha but this album is what truly made me a Swiftie 4 life ❤️❤️

Red came after that and by this time I was going through my first breakup and if any album really got through it was this one (along with your other albums at that time haha) songs like I Almost Do, Come Back Be Here, Treacherous, Sad Beautiful Tragic and especially the best song you ever written All Too Well these songs definitely tugged at my heartstrings because those songs really related to what I was going through at the time it was therapy for me and songs like 22, Holy Ground, State Of Grace, Red, Starlight & Everything Has Changed definitely helped with the healing and making me smile and dancing and singing it all away (22 was even a better song when I actually turned 22 and jammed to that song the whole year I was 22 haha) and Begin Again is literally the perfect closer because it represented what was to come and it was the song I needed to move on. This was the album where you experimented with pop and I literally loved that you took that step and I loved seeing you evolve as an artist and that love grew even more when you released 1989.

1989 was your big bold crossover into pop and while I did love your country-side I was all for your pop pivot and when I hear Shake It Off I was literally dancing and singing to “this sick beat” and it was on repeat every since and still is to this day my go to get up and dance song every time. At this time you started trying to connect with your fans a bit more and this was when you joined Tumblr and being the super fan that I am like everyone I was pretty excited because I was on Tumblr (had it for 2 years at the time) and I was trying so hard to get you to notice me and one day on October 18th I was casually blogging and trying to get noticed by you and all of a sudden you followed me out of the blue and I was so incredibly happy I was jumping up and down and blasting your music at 2 am in my dorm room in Rez (I was lucky I didn’t wake anyone up haha 😂😂) so in awe that someone as famous as you would follow my little blog and I can’t thank you enough for following me and liking and reblogging my posts all these years so thank you from the bottom of my heart for that 😊😊

Anyways when 1989 came out it was amazing I remember taking two buses to Target to buy the album the day of the release and I remember coming back to my dorm room and just listening to the album over and over ❤️❤️. At this time I was in a second relationship but it was short lived and I was still in university at the time but I ended up failing later (by only half a point) and I had to come back home and get a job to try and go back and I remember being very upset I did a lot of soul searching and finding myself at this point and this album got me through those times and you & 1989 really taught me how to truly love myself and that I don’t need a relationship to make me happy and I stayed single for almost 4 years. Every song was just magical and fun like Wonderland, New Romantics, I Wish You Would and especially Style one of my all time favorites and slower songs like This Love, You Are In Love, Out Of The Woods and Wildest Dreams really tugged at the heartstrings a bit.

My favorite moment during this time was when I did an album review for 1989 as a Communications Studies project for my university newspaper The Muse and I remember taking a picture of the article when it got published and posted it on Tumblr and trying to get you to notice it and anyways a few days later you liked my review and I was literally so happy and was jumping up and down and couldn’t believe that the biggest pop star on the planet loved my review I never forgot it even to this day literally the best day of my life (until I meet you someday that is haha) so thank you for liking it and hopefully I can get your thoughts on it someday 😊😊.

Reputation came next and by 2017 I was back in the big city, I have a best friend and later found the love of my life Kim today ❤️❤️ Repuation while not the most relatable to my life was such an interesting and fascinating listen start to finish it was Taylor like we never seen her before and I really liked the badass side of you Taylor haha calling out the haters and the press doing things on your own terms and taking an emoji like a snake and turning it into a symbol of empowerment and I just loved that 😊. Look What You Made Do was such a jam through and through and Ready For it was the perfect starter ❤️❤️. The album was amazing Getaway Car is all time favorite on the album with its hint of 1989-ish synth pop throwbacks, Delicate was my favorite single because it was such a lighthearted pop song to bop to, End Game was truly amazing and probably the most relatable to me was the last two songs Call It What You Want and New Years Day where it definitely to when I met my Fiancé early last year ❤️❤️

And finally we get to Lover an album that I can honestly say is your best since Speak Now and truly another relatable album that reflects my life with my fiancé ❤️❤️ the title track is our song actually as it totally relates to our relationship and we are planning on making this the song that we are gonna dance to when we have our wedding ❤️❤️ and other songs like The Archer, Paper Rings & Daylight all reflect my relationship with Kim in some way and that make me truly happy ❤️❤️ and my favorite out of all them is Cruel Summer it’s such a jam and probably one of your best Taylor honestly 😊😊 and other songs like The Man & Soon You’ll Get Better are just amazing 😊😊. It goes to show that even to this day Taylor you still make such a huge impact on my life and I don’t know what I’d do or where I’d be if you and your music wasn’t there and for that I thank you so much for being a major part of my life ❤️❤️

So to conclude Taylor I truly grew up with your music and it was amazing to watch you grow as an artist and grow as a person you’re a fighter, you’re an independent strong woman, you’ve overcome many obstacles, You’re kind, generous, hilarious, you care about your fans and go above and beyond for us every day whether it’s 13 hour meet and greets or the secret sessions or Swiftmas or inviting one of your fans into your house or paying a fan’s student loans you’ve always took the extra mile and that’s one of many reasons why I love you and why you’re my favorite artist of all time you’re also very vocal about many issues that are near and dear to your heart like LGBT rights, voting rights and (especially recently when it comes to trying to regain ownership of your music) artists and other musical acts rights in the industry. You’re an inspiration to many thank you for being that voice.

I’m so happy that you and your music exist and thank you for being such an important of my life musically you’ve always been my role model and you and your music inspire me every single day. Happy ThirTAYth Birthday Taylor I hope you had the best day 😊😊 thank you and I love you and I hope someday we get to meet 😊😊