#I honestly wasn't supposed to write this at all I have writing deadlines coming up but I shitted this out for vday so pls take it

[zuzsenpai]

Full story (so far) of the work project from hell that's lost me vacation time, lost me sleep and hair, caused a number of panic attacks, and literally gave me my period when I'm not supposed to have periods and haven't had one in a year and a half.

I'll put it under a cut because I'm sure most of you don't want to read all this shit. I just wanted to vent and get it out.

So around the beginning of September, a video project request came into our office. The way it was explained to us by the project coordinator in marketing (who I will call "Sam"), was that it was going to be a TV spot as part of a big campaign that the CEO is requesting. The topic is letting people know that our healthcare network has a zillion awards for all 15 of our hospitals, compared to the other healthcare network in our area (this is a VERY common marketing strategy for us even though it's been proven the public does not give a shit which network has the most awards). It's a very dull "look at us and our awards and stats" video that, again, the public couldn't give a shit about. But the CEO wants it because ego.

We were told the video needed to be produced in two weeks, because the CEO wants to see the campaign ASAP. This means, for my team, that we don't have time to shoot new footage for this campaign. We were given a pretty mediocre script (we do not write the scripts), with directions to get it professionally voiced and to use old footage we've already shot in order to get this done in time.

That's where I became involved. I'm not a videographer (I do the animations and various other things). I know how to edit, and I know how to edit fast. But if this were a piece we had time for (that had a much better script), our video team of FOUR videographers would have handled this. But I got the project because of the bullshit reasons that I "know where all our footage is" and "can edit fast".

This was a week before I was supposed to go on vacation. I was supposed to go on vacation for a week and a half. My manager (who I will call "Betsy") KNEW I was going on vacation, but she still gave me the project. I know I should have given it to the video team and that point, but I didn't. That was my first and biggest mistake.

The higher-ups in marketing took their sweet ass time choosing an ending tagline and creating graphic design elements I could use in my video. I still didn't have them by the end of that week. We had our voiceover guy record half a dozen taglines that were supposed to be chosen from, just so something could be eventually edited in.

I had a draft that didn't include the tagline or graphic design elements ready by the end of the week. Meaning the day before I went on vacation. My second and almost just as big mistake was saying I would work on it over vacation. But honestly, this was for the CEO, and the VP of marketing hadn't approved my raise yet and I am always feeling like I would be the first on the chopping block if we needed to downsize the department. So I wanted to prove myself.

Anyway, while I was on vacation, I kept all the channels open: Teams, Outlook, etc. I had a VERY hard time relaxing because I knew at any moment I'd have to pick this project up. I also have massive burnout and just could not get myself to chill out. Anyway, a couple things happened by Thursday of that week: the tagline was finally chosen, the script changed and a whole 20 seconds was added to the video, and the graphic design elements came in. Keep in mind the project was supposed to have been done in two weeks. Meaning by the literal NEXT DAY. That wasn't happening at this point, so I was given a new deadline of a first draft by the following Wednesday.

I scrambled to coordinate the voiceover guy coming in again even though I couldn't be there. I scrambled even harder to find 20 more seconds of footage while I was over 100 miles away and had incredibly slow access to our video server. In fact, I could barely view or download video at all. I panicked for DAYS trying to get video downloaded, but it was just NOT happening.

I cut my vacation short and got in by Tuesday morning that next week. I had a single day to figure this video out. I was able to manage it by the skin of my teeth. I sent the draft on Wednesday and eventually heard back that Sam, the VP of marketing (who I will call "Ken"), and a few other higher-ups in marketing loved it. Great. The end!

Except the Chief Strategy Officer (Ken's boss), suddenly needed to approve it. I will call him "Ray". So Ray is new at his job and apparently needs to have his fingers in ever single piece of marketing that comes out of the marketing department. This is the opposite of how the old guy who retired used to do it. Ray is also the CEO's son-in-law. So, a Jared Kushner if you will. He's trying to prove himself and in the process, he is micromanaging to the extreme. But also it takes him forever to make decisions. Great combination there, all around.

It takes Ray over a week to even look at the video, during which I start getting other projects with quick deadlines. And when Ray does look at it, he comes back with the unhelpfully vague comments of "it's unsophisticated", "doesn't look like a sleek big city ad" and "is not emotional". So he rejects it and asks for a completely new video to be done, ASAP. Marketing collectively loses their minds in a bad way. The project coordinator (Sam) decides to inform me of this by immediately sending me an email outlining everything that was "wrong" with the video, despite having originally said he loved it. He told me a new one needed to be done and it needed to be done FAST. It needed to look like a polished, high budget, big city ad.

Well that wasn't getting done. I told him this. He didn't care. Ray gets what he wants. Even though Ray did NOT say that's what he wanted from the beginning. Even though I made a good video based on the shitty script I was given. The script that was supposedly approved by Ray himself. The script that had no story, was unemotional, and given an unreasonable deadline to get produced into a video.

This was last Thursday. I had a breakdown in my office, sobbing and hyperventilating. I decided I would finally bring in the video team. I needed one of them to do this. I needed to be done with it. I had 4 other projects with deadlines fast approaching (all of them animations, so I was the only one who could do them). Betsy called an in-person meeting with her, myself, and the 4 videographers.

I was still having a massive panic attack as I tried extremely hard to be normal in that meeting. I tried my best to explain to the team what I needed. The videographers were super angry on my behalf that I was even given the project in the first place, and they were extremely willing to redo the video from the ground up. I was grateful beyond belief. My video was scrapped, which sucks, but I didn't care at that point

A few days later on the following Monday (this past Monday), around 4PM, I was told that Ken decided we were going to go over Ray's head and "just edit the video we already have into a sleek, emotional, big city ad". Using the same script and most of the same footage. Just "make it better". Ken's reasoning was that this video was for the CEO and not Ray. And the CEO wanted it weeks ago.

Because this was an update to the existing video, Betsy informed me that I had to jump back on the project to make the edits. The edits that were a nebulous "make it better". I knew the project already and I can edit quickly. So it's mine again. Again, I had 4 other projects with deadlines of THIS WEEK. I had to send emails apologizing to a few people for not having the projects done.

So I spent Monday evening (at home) and all of Tuesday (yesterday) fucking around with the video. I asked the video team their thoughts on what would make it better and "sleeker", and they came back with things like "no amount of tricks and transitions is going to make that old footage look any better". So, unhelpful as fuck. Sam just kept saying "use tricks from big city ads! Just copy them! make it emotional!"

I did what I could. I found an emotional song, I used some flashy transitions, I slowed down some footage for dramatic effect, and I found a few pieced of stock footage that looked more "polished" than the footage I had. Granted ALL of the footage I originally used was local. It was our hospitals and our doctors and our staff. It just wasn't shot for this video. I tried to keep as much of that local feel in as possible, because I know the CEO likes that. I neglected projects for this. I stressed about this. Couldn't sleep. Got my fucking period after a year and a half on birth control.

I sent out a draft at 3PM yesterday. To Sam and Ken. Didn't hear back, but that's pretty normal (Ken sends work emails at like 10PM). 4:30 rolled around and I got up to leave. Betsy called me into her office as I passed by.

Betsy: I have something I need to tell you.

Me: ?????

Betsy: This morning Ken told me that we farmed your project out to [freelance video production company that we sometimes use].

Me: I'm sorry what.

Betsy: I didn't tell you because I didn't want it to upset you or hurt your feelings.

Me: But... then why did I work the project all day????

Betsy: Because I think we needed to show Ken what we are capable of.

Me: But that's irrelevant. He asked the other company to do it.

Betsy: Yes but I think he really wanted us to do it.

Me: So I sent a draft to Ken after he'd already farmed it out to the other company?

Betsy: Yes. But I sent him an email explaining it.

I didn't know what to say. I was furious. But Betsy is in charge of asking Ken for my raise, so I waited until I got to my car to start crying and screaming. I was in a bad state last night.

Got in this morning to an email from Ken just saying "Please find time to discuss tomorrow afternoon". So essentially a "see me after class". This could go one of three ways.

He could tell me he likes it and here are a few edits (unlikely, though he DID like the original and it's not too different from that?????)

He could tell me it needs a lot of work and changes and I need to do it ASAP (likely and stressful)

He could get mad I wasted my time, which is entirely Betsy's fault (likely and gets Betsy in a load of trouble)

The meeting with him is at 3PM tomorrow. I'm working from home because I need it at this point. I'm so sick of this. I'm so done. I'm even done typing about it right now because I am just so out of steam. I have so many deadlines and I'm so burnt out and I am so exhausted.

[altraviolet]

Out of curiosity, do you have any tips for writing a long multichapter fic?? I have recently come up with a fic idea that I realize is going to take... multiple chapters. How do you stay motivated/what's your process for planning? Tysm for answering and if you've answered before sorry! Do you have a tag for your writing advice?

Hi!

I have a lot of tips :)

I do have a tag for writing advice. It's "writing advice." My writing advice is on my pinned post and I just double checked and made sure all the posts under "Writing Advice" are properly tagged. There's a post there that talks about my organization, which is something you've asked about, but you may find other helpful info there as well. If, after you read the answer to your ask and all the writing advice posts, you still have questions, feel free to hit up the ask box again :)

Cut for length!

>How do you stay motivated?

Sometimes I don't, honestly. People who read TEG while it was being updated know this xD There were a few times when 6 months passed between chapters, and then 3 chapters would be updated within a week. Since it's fanfic - it doesn't have due dates or deadlines and you're not getting paid - all that motivation really does need to come from inside. And if it's too draining? Then maybe fic doesn't get written that day.

I can honestly tell you that motivation on TEG waxed and waned quite a bit. It didn't help that right as I started posting it, the pandemic hit. Seeing as how we in the US are about to embark on a newly destructive four years, I say: if you don't have have the motivation, if you're really drained, don't push yourself. Fic is supposed to be fun. There were a lot of times TEG really wasn't fun, but I pushed through it because I felt a lot of pressure to do so.

That might not be helpful, lol. But I'm giving you permission to go easy on yourself.

But, let's say you don't want to go easy. Here are ways you can stay motivated:

the story won't get completed unless you complete it. so if you want to see it done, you HAVE to do it. logical and sound reasoning. there is no escape. get to work. call this the Shockwave Motivation Method, lol

excitement. oooh if you're excited about your fic, that will help a lot. getting to write out the scenes you're most looking forward to may help you get through the boring scenes [note: if you the writer find a scene boring, the reader probably will, too. consider changing or removing that scene]. this is probably the most healthy and enjoyable way to keep yourself motivated while writing fanfic

watch videos/read books about writing. or podcasts, or whatever kinda thing you like. absorbing information about writing will help you feel more knowledgeable and confident, even if just a teeny tiny bit

related to 3: go back and read/watch the canon that you adore. rekindle your love for it. remember why you want to write the fic that you're writing

spite? let's be brutally honest, here: if you read something popular that you think sucks, and you think you can do a way better job at it, prove it >D write that thing. show everyone that Premise X can actually be done well, and you're the one who's gonna do it well

schedules? some people do well with scheduling. actually this is what pro novelists do: they have word count goals they meet extremely regularly. if you write 500 words a day, you'll have ~2 novels a year done. make some goals and stick to them. self-imposed deadlines will stick as much as you can make them stick, which is why they don't work for everyone, but the people who can use this method WILL get results

There are tons of videos out there about any/all of these methods (especially scheduling/word goal/sprints related topics). I highly recommend you check some out. It comes down to this: you gotta write in order for the thing to be written. Anything you need to do to get that done is what needs to be done. Barring, like, you know. Illegal stuff. lol

Oftentimes for me, starting is the hardest part. If I can get my damn brain to start, then things will usually flow.

One thing I've found recently that helped jumpstart brainstorming (which isn't the exact same thing as Motivation To Do The Entire Writing Process, but bear with me) was changing the way I usually get my thoughts down. I always type at my desktop into a word processor. That way everything is digital: easy to move around, delete, duplicate, etc etc. For the new fic I'm working on, idk, I just felt like writing on paper with lots of different colored pens. It was soooo fun. I got these pens. Paper Mate Ink Joy Gel 0.7. I'm heckin' not sponsored but I LOVE these pens. They're super vibrant and actually dry pretty quick, and they're pretty. I love them so much I got another 10 pack of just the purple color xD [Note: the pens are thicker than normal gel/ballpoint pens. If you have arthritis or other hand issues, they might be too big to be comfy.] What I enjoyed was being able to write "Rodimus" in red pen and then writing a bunch of stuff about him, then drawing a line, writing "Soundwave" in blue pen and writing a bunch of stuff about him. Which sounds incredibly trite but the colors made me happy, and the full effect on the page lends itself to another layer of organization. I found I couldn't get myself to sit at the computer and write, so I wrote in a notebook. I'd show you some pics of how nice it all looks, but it's spoilers for the next fic.

tl;dr if the current literal method of writing isn't working, try another one. One of my good fic writing buddies goes for walks and takes her phone and records snippets and thoughts as they come to her. Maybe there's a method that will spark your motivation out there :)

Okay hopefully that helped with the motivation question. I didn't get super personal about it - I don't mind, and can, if asked - but let's keep moving.

>what's your process for planning?

Oh boy. Okay. My process will probably not work for you, because it is a MESS. I can describe it for you: maybe something in it will help.

First, please read this post: I've been curious what program(s) you write with and how you manage the organizational part of writing such long works.

That post explains how I organize medium and long length fics. It answers your question from the organizational aspect. There are screenshots xD Here's the tl;dr from the top of that post:

tl;dr I currently write in a free word processor called OpenOffice. I use Headings to generate an index and use that to navigate around a single document. I have multiple documents that each serve a different purpose- at the minimum, there's a doc for the story, Notes, and Graveyard.

And here is the broad summary from the bottom of that post:

To be really honest with you, I enjoy this system because it keeps things broadly organized, but within the docs there is a lot of messy stuff happening. I think of things, jot them down. Forget them. Rethink of them again later, jot them down. Now I have 2 scattered, slightly differently phrased similar ideas. If I think of things while at work, I scribble them madly onto scraps of paper and take them home, then try to fit them into the Notes somewhere. (Then I tape all the little papers into a notebook like a weirdo, lol, but I can't let them go!) I also have a ton of notes in my phone for when I think of stuff while in bed. I move it into Notes or write it into scenes as needed.

I write scenes out of order. I try to make timelines. I write more scenes: the timeline is no longer correct. I try to make a new timeline. I write more scenes. There are words everywhere and I just do my best :'D

The way I wrote TEG partially included keeping everything in it in my head. Obviously not every single sentence verbatim, but, when I was writing it, I knew exact phrases (the phrases are starting to fade, nearly a year later now). So if I was writing a future chapter and wanted to go back and double check what an earlier chapter said, I would do a search for the phrases I knew were in that scene. Towards the end of writing TEG my brain literally hurt. This isn't a method I advise, lol, but it works for me. I've tried to be more organized in the approach for my next fic, but it's already spiraling words over various docs and journals and I even have an ornate diagram going on in Photoshop right now.

You may already know the terms "planner vs pantser" or "gardener" or... whatever the other terms are. There's a spectrum of approaches to planning for writing, with "planner" on one end and "pantser" on the other. Planners do what you think they do: write intricate timelines, write chapters in the order they occur in, stick very strictly to the plan. Pantsers (from "fly by the seat of your pants") just start writing. Haphazardly. Pantsers tend to have to do a lot more editing at the end.

Most people fall within this spectrum somewhere, and many are towards one end for one story, then maybe flop on down to the other end for another story. There are a zillion videos about "planners vs pantsers," so that's another subject you could look into watching. If you know you're definitely on the planning side, you can search for videos by people who are also planners, and may have hints for you.

I'm definitely a pantser that tries really really hard to plan and stay organized. And, interestingly, as a fic goes on, it becomes way easier to plan for me. So maybe it would be more accurate to say: the brainstorming stage and writing the beginning and middle are more pantsy, and writing the end is more planny, for me. It could be any kinda thing for you :) once you know, you'll be able to work to your own strengths.

Hopefully you found something helpful in all the above. Check out the links, find some videos, relax, and dive in. If you have more specific questions, feel free to send 'em.

Happy writing! :)

[coraniaid]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks to @isagrimorie for the tag!

1 How many works do you have on Ao3?

14

2 What's your total Ao3 word count?

452,732

3 What fandoms do you write for?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and technically Angel, I suppose, but not really), Mass Effect (but not recently)

I've also tried writing some Avatar: The Last Airbender and Farscape and Person of Interest works over the years, but nothing that I've finished yet.

4 What are your top five fics by kudos?

Coexist: Season 3 Buffy AU in which it was Giles, and not Jenny, who was murdered by Angelus in Season 2 [27 chapters; 277,084 words; various POVs but mostly alternating Buffy/Faith]

Last Year's Rain Didn't Fall Quite So Hard: Season 4 Buffy AU in which Faith wakes up from her coma having forgotten about killing Allan Finch and everyting that happened afterwards [one shot; 16,904 words; Buffy POV]

Together: Season 3 Buffy AU in which the Homecoming Dance goes a bit differently [one shot; 2,711 words; Faith POV]

Done: post-canon Buffy fic set a few years after the end of Season 7, with Buffy having mostly stepped back from being an active Slayer [one shot; 4,312 words; Buffy POV]

Mixed Signals: post-canon Buffy fic looking at Faith's changing relationship with Buffy since first meeting her [one shot; 4,919 words; Faith POV]

5 Do you respond to comments?

Not often or promptly enough. I try though: I really do appreciate the comments I get a lot.

6 What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Think this is a toss-up between two different canon-compliant Faith POV one-shots: One Girl In All The World and Calling.

7 What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Together is the happiest and fluffiest thing I can imagine ever writing.

8 Do you get hate on fics?

I don't think so? None that I can remember anyway. (I do use the block and mute features on Ao3 though, so maybe I'm just blissfully ignorant.)

9 Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. Just don't have the talent for it.

10 Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't have any published crossovers but I do have very vague ideas for a Buffy/Farscape crossover that I sometimes play around with in my mind. (Largely inspired by the joke of taking the couple of times Crichton makes references to 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' which his crewmates don't get, and pretending that they're right to assume he's talking about a person he knows rather than a TV show he used to watch.)

11 Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge (and honestly I'm not sure I'd want to know if I had?).

12 Have you ever had a fic translated?

If I have I don't know about it (and I would love to know if I did!).

13 Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I think it might be fun, but I'd probably have to change the way I write a lot.

14 What's your all time favorite ship?

Moya!

I mean, look at her!

(Oh, okay, it's Buffy/Faith, if that wasn't obvious.)

15 What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'd love to finish either of my uncompleted Mass Effect fics (the first and longest, Residuum, is actually fully planned out and has been for years: I just got stuck on writing a particular chapter and never managed to come back to it; I had a fairly detailed plan for Night Winds in Nos Astra when I posted the first chapter but then I decided I hated it and never figured out how to fix it.)

16 What are your writing strengths?

Dream sequences. Internal monologues. Foreshadowing. Planning. Quoting bits of canon back at the reader in hopefully interesting ways. Hopefully getting the characters' voices sounding reasonably accurate.

17 What are your writing weaknesses?

Deadlines. Brevity. Physical descriptions. Titles.

18 Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I haven't really thought about it much before, honestly.

19 First fandom you wrote for?

Mass Effect is the first fandom I submitted anything for anywhere online. I wrote some Avatar: The Last Airbender fic before that though (a long Azula POV AU that I would kind of like to come back to one day, though I'd probably have to rewrite it from scratch).

20 Favorite fic you've written

Realistically, I think popular consensus must be correct that Coexist is the best thing I've ever written (though I sometimes wish I'd spent more than a minute thinking up a title). It's definitely the work I'm proudest of, and I think it contains some of my best writing (and ... well, most of my writing, based on the numbers I just posted). But I have a bit of a soft spot for some of my earlier Mass Effect fics, which aren't incredibly polished but I learned a lot from working on, and for Last Year's Rain Didn't Fall Quite So Hard as well.

Tagging: @juanabaloo @beatriceeverytuesday @explosionshark @bodytoflame-ao3 and anyone else who wants to do this.

[max1u3]

Re-Watching Origin Stories

I was re-watching Origin stories and was only a few in when I came to Kiriko's.

Everything is you know, not making sense because of the age differences between her and the Shimada brothers, and then, it starts to just make even less sense.

She basically says in her story that she didn't pick either her mothers way of protecting people, or her Grandmothers, instead she combined the both into a more renegade style.

Cool, chill, whatever.

Then it shows this at the very end:

Like who are these people??

They all look pretty young, and by the looks it it they're all dressing up as Japanese spirits or Yokai.

Those are five sick character designs and all we've heard about them is this single screen grab and some possible references in the Yokai short story?

In the Yokai short story, three characters are mentioned, Ryōta, Nobuto and Sakura. We're introduced to them as Kiriko is meeting them for a festival.

We also learn that Ryōta and his friends do illegal jobs on the side to slight the Hashimoto gang - which are the group of thugs that run the area, Kanezaka, where Kiriko lives.

Here are the bozos in Kiriko's short:

This fight always gives me chills ngl, it's so well animated and staged, it's a wonder to watch.

Also, just have to point out a little line of consistency (that could also be considered laziness considering you've view on it).

But, this Bozo: (from Kiriko's short)

First appeared in Hanzo and Genji's short:

Which came out seven years ago now.

I guess it depends on your point of view. Would it be considered lazy because they couldn't be bothered to make another lackey. Or, is it consistent to use a character they'd already assigned to the Hashimoto group seven years ago.

Guess it can be a little bit of both.

Anyway, getting a bit off topic.

The Yokai short story basically depicts Kiriko stopping her friends from blowing up a warehouse in-case it caused collateral damage, and instead they just sabotaged the weaponry inside the warehouse.

She brings them around from the destruction by telling them a story she heard the Shimada brother's father tell them when they were younger.

At the end of the story they talk about forming a group of that strikes from the shadows at the Hashimoto, and the word Yokai was specifically mentioned.

Which is what these look like:

I'm not sure about the two women, but I'm fairly sure the green one on the right is supposed to represent a Kappa and the brown animal mask on the left is a Tanuki. I'm assuming the one in the back is supposed to be an Oni, sort of like Genji's skin.

So, could this group contain some of the members mentioned in the short story? Are some of them Ryōta, Nobuto and Sakura?

Just from names alone, I would assign the Oni in the back as Ryōta, the Tanuki as Nobuto and the girl holding the umbrella as Sakura.

It would make sense for them to be there if they were mentioned in the short story, which honestly, I feel like should have taken place during their little groups peak.

And included descriptions.

The writing of the short story was kind of weak as well and I just skimmed over most of it quickly. There were a lot of flowery descriptions and analogies, but other times things were too blunt and straightforward. It wasn't a thrilling read to say the least.

Although, it's difficult to make 6 pages good or thrilling, so I suppose they worked with what they had.

If the short story had taken place when the gang had all come together, and it detailed a more complicated heist against the Hashimoto it would have been a much more interesting read.

Plus Blizzard would have had the opportunity to develop more lore, instead of putting loosely put together ideas out there for the sake of time.

Trust me, I know what people will be willing to cut out and half ass all for the sake of meeting deadlines. I'm an art student.

So, I feel the writers are less to blame here and the Blizzard managements are more in the blame.

They keep mass producing these heroes with the bare bones of lore, and then chuck them into the game. It makes more sense for the newer heroes to have less lore, but some of the older heroes have just as much lore as the newer ones; less in some cases.

Surely the writing team hasn't been too pre-occupied with OW2, since well, there was a shortage of new heroes for years and the missions turned out to be... not what we thought.

I just don't understand how Blizzard can keep putting out these strands of lore and then not follow them up.

It drives me up the wall.

If Blizzard was a blanket they would have too many lose threads to count when it came to Overwatch Lore.

Just! Please give us something more concrete Blizzard!

Write more books, draw more comics, release more lore, release more lore centred events!

The Overwatch universe is a plethora of amazing stories to be told and Blizzard is missing on almost everything!

[castle-dominion]

castle 6x17 the belly of the beast

the russassin episode liveblog

meh I honestly don't feel like doing a plot heavy ep rn. It sounds draining.

uwu not your husband? lmao this is so cute

Okay, stop describing my life. RC: Yeah, I find deadlines … inspiring.

"You could convince me <3" "yes we do that's so true"

She is not on call babe.

sus I like how at least becks tried to tell gates she wasn't on call

I love ryspockett sm. More bras sthan a marching band lol "detective?" *three detectives are there*

Why is this so quiet tho? Why not let ryan in? english better than we do lol.

Inter act.

Yeah of COURSE she attempted suicide when y'all leveraged her into this.

lol beckett russian moments

sus. I'd take ryan in on this. Heck I read a fanfiction where beckett is all like "ooh trauma" & castles like 'see someone' "wdym? a shrink?" 'no' "castle I love you but i ain't talkin to u." 'glad u thought of me but no, someone who knows what you're dealing with.' "Esposito chatted w me abt ptsd before but he is not touchy feely in a figurative emotional sense" 'girl i didn't mean him either. i meant the one who has done undercover narcotics operations & been fricking water tortured.' "o ryan. ya u right castle. my B."

lol castle zombie games I love how he stops his game as soon as he worries.

VG: You don’t have to do this. You can walk away and I’ll take the heat. I love her.

voiceover

the real elena is NOT intimidated.

it is SO easy to spot a cop.

Elevators have cameras? no?

Dun dun dun! Sally pendrick moments

Green intro

lol dinner plans XD

Yeah it's an elevator.

lol rysposito listening in

except neither of those are true. they would have done this to elena too

love her door & tha audio

wow an hour

what thing? there a camera in there? or is it just the mic?

why tell her to get on her knees & then maker her stand? so close to her. rly sus. I thought she swallowed it but that wouldn't work well.

Ooh martha rly pretty! Love her! Ha, pray for me.

rysposito turned off their phones, sending castle straight to voicemail? also martha & ryan & esposito we need more interactions with the three of them.

Nice place. big gun. move packages she says. The act he says.

Good music. Obviously they did an audio commentary & I love it but yk w/e

This man ain't lazarus. no way. Da aka (chair thing)a

Yes please, whiskey or water

btw good caption choices, but I would still like the original language written even though it has "speaking russian" AND the translation.

why write it down on paper?

that's a bold request.

a bedroom.

Apparently the where-should-people-be question was a thing.

why she callin esposito? instead of straight up 911? also their phones would be wired to pick up 911 or calls to the pigsty. Couldn't they get her a phone call with lazarus at least?

she be noisy.

I loooove especkett this ep is actually good i love first names Audio remains the same when he put her on speaker. why did i say remain not stay? more letters to type. Also harden is a pretty hot guy for being the age he is.

If I were her I may have sat down facing the door on the edge of the desk.

At least she made contact. I heard The ukraine, bounced all over The europe lol

Oh no castle shows up. Gates I love her sm she is genuinely so much better than the fandom implied.

Niec room.

who are these ppl coming out of the car?

Why are esposito AND ryan AND the narco captain here?

Blood oh no! officer dead? If they took elena then becks is done for but if elena fled (which we will know in the future) then beck is fine

fricking no babe that is not how a paperclip works, Rip a hangnail if you want easy access to blood.

the uncertainty of not knowing if you'll make it out. I love this letter.

Becks is much less afraid looking now.

"I'll take it." they not giving her any intel? Oh they are.

the list? is she supposed to know abt the list? she's good. Are there guns in the house? curiosity keeps me alive.

so obv we're all like "whats going on who even is this guy" but where did she get the beet juice & ketchup to look enough like blood? chocolate syrup?

Ah she came out the back door. Show him what? do u usually take a souvenir to prove? Like I said. the apckage is delivered. What if he moved while they were still watching.

OH SHE'S LEFT HANDED

she's the contract killer lol this is great Love esposito kind of holding castle back

calling gates the homicide captain

poor guy still covered in beet juice lol Poor mr potter.

you can't but she is good at what she does

501 the nameplate says. who has this many guns tho? also isn't this new york? who has a house in new york even mr potter the attorney?

Harden watching her love it.

Make sure that there is no bullet in the chamber & the safety is on before you lose your legs to a gun going off in your crotch there becks What kind of a gig is this gal talking about?

I'd hate standing in a doorway guarding with my back to an open door.

wow lol an ugly basement. of vourse.

it suits him? lol the sound. Oh & the stairs were cgi. HOLY CRAP THAT IS A LOT OF NEARLY-NAKED WOMEN COUNTING MONEY. WHY.. WHY ARE THEY NOT WEARING MUCH?

wHO is screaming in there?????!?!?

future foreward

blood in the place

WAIT

WAIT NO HOLY CRAP OH NO THIS IS LAZARUS? WE KNOW HIM. GIRL COVER YOUR FACE WITH YOUR HAIR MAYBE. I love the "you are not" instead of aren't or you're"

Oh yeah she did break glass with him. Good scene. I'm glad they brought back vulcan simmons. He never confirms he's lazarus.

she texts javi again, not castle, not gates, not fowler, not ryan. 41319 becks badge # I would not be the one to send "address" before writing the address.

I love this stuff. rly good. Def better this way, glad they cut the scene.

VS: Let’s do without all this Kabuki theater, Detective. It’s undignified. KB: (harshly) Do you want undignified? Then wait ‘til you see what I do to you. So hot

I like how he says mama. mamma. Love the audio too & underwater. didn't the MIB remotely turn back on a cell phone once? ew still water, ew bubble on the eye. Ooh simmons took off his jacket. Vulcan simmons is an amazing character & I love him. At least Ryan made a joke & then got his knee almost shot out & then rescued. poor becks looks like she's been longer.

Harden my beloved. *sends her down a hill for no reason* It could make her body easier to be tracked

A few of them are your new neighbours lol

Yeah he probably has a better deal with these ones lol. Ohhhh she was sent in with a gun bc elena usually uses a knife!

Good scene here. Love it a ton. artistic.

He wanted her to live bc he owed her but he was willing to kill harden?

Oh they literally never found her! it was 6am when she called them after elena saved her, they were sitting there waiting thinking she was dead trying to find her, they never succeeded. I could read a fanfic abt the hours between when we last had contact with her got the cell phone & when we got her call & found her & saved her. I'd love a fanfic of finding her.

what sense of honour has this lazarus chosen to keep her alive?

love her bruises. "heart attack" It's impossible to know *she knows*

love her fur coat. nice & warm. warm to help her after being chilled this entire time.

Next tmie u see each other it's fair game, but then you will no longer be even, one of you will kill the other & then you owe them you owe letting them kill you even tho they're dead so that then you'd be even. doesnt make any sense.

But yeah I did fine with this plot heavy one. never took a clip tho. Considered it when esposito was figuratively holding castle back.

[rawraminirawr]

Today was supposed to be a big deal. (For me at least) But something happened and now I can't celebrate or do any of what I had been planning for weeks. It's my one year Vella-versary, and I'm so sad because I won't get this week or this day back. Just as I won't get back that other (even more special) day earlier this week.

A year ago today, I hit the publish button and published my first Episode. I summoned and gathered the courage to put my writing out there for the world to see and took a leap.

I went from writing two books/series (that I wasn't even sure I would ever do anything with) to working on drafts for six and publishing the first drafts of four of the six in serialized format as I write them.

I may not be getting even remotely close to as many reads as some authors do on the same platform, but a year ago I didn't have any. And honestly, I've just been proud of myself for following through on something and not quitting, for even having the courage to do this to begin with.

This month (for the first time since last July when I discovered Vella) I haven't published any new episodes at all or promoted any of my stories. So I don't have any reads, not a single one for all of July. I was originally okay with that as I spent the end of June and early July focusing on writing for fun again and building up content to be able to publish (and actually schedule in advance) episodes more consistently, without having to worry so much about the looming deadlines I always end up setting for myself.

AND I wasn't worried about it because I had planned to at least promote my existing, ongoing stories, my 50+ live Episodes the week of my Vella-versary (this week) and celebrate on my social media and the (new'ish) author pages I finally set up. But THAT, goddamnit...is what led to this emotional mental rollercoaster I've been on for the last six days, and the reason I couldn't promote this week and am not celebrating now (like I originally planned). I still had one more author page, one more platform I needed to work on and reestablish myself after being hacked/my accounts stolen back in November. And when I tried to do so, I saw something I didn't know about, something that blindsided me and ripped my heart in two, causing everything to crumble and come crashing down around me.

I haven't been able to write or even edit a single word of an episode for any of my stories since then. I wasn't able to work on the promotional stuff I needed to finish and get ready for this week/today. And now I can't even stand to be on that one social media platform (or any of them now really) and I didn't even finish getting it up and going. I'm still not doing so great mentally and emotionally, and now I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. To make matters even worse, I woke up two mornings ago with a horrible stiff neck and back. Couldn't hardly turn my head and I couldn't move very well and when I move certain ways it causes spasms or some of the muscles to feel like they are seizing up. By yesterday morning I had pain and problems with my left shoulder and arm in addition to my neck and back. Uggggh.

It's been such a shitty week and I feel like I just can't win. And of course, now I can't do anything on my laptop until my neck and back are a little better, so even if I could focus enough to work on my stories or promote, physically I just can't right now. Using my phone to even write this is difficult. But I need to vent.

This is the only platform I feel comfortable venting on. So here I am...wishing I could scream until my voice gives out because crying for days didn't help, and I still feel like this.

[husbandhannie]

hi livvie <333 i saw your post about trying requests and was wondering if you have any thoughts about being neighbours with c-c-chan? 🤧 totally no pressure and dw at all if you don’t end up writing it 💗 i hope you’re doing well!!

chihuahuas

pairing: dino x reader

word count: 980

genre: fluff

warnings: none

a/n: ah sol, thanks for sending! i made this uni au because i'm looking at my accommodation pictures these days. also this wasn't meant to be so long, but i started writing and well.....you know how much i like writing chan haha. not proofread, i honestly don't know if i'll ever do it.

taglist: @itsveronicaxxx @husbandhoshi @zurikyo @leejungchans @junhui-recs.

you’re barely out the door when the object rolling towards your feet grabs your attention, followed by the call of your name in your neighbor’s exasperated voice. a closer look reveals the offending item to be a bottle of glue, and you bend down to pick it up so you can hand it to its owner.

the first time you met lee chan, he was carrying a basket of clothes down to the laundry room, wearing adorable dinosaur-printed pajamas and sleepy eyes. it was the week before the start of your master’s, and he had introduced himself as ‘the guy in 111’. “let me know if you need anything”, he had said, before getting flustered at the sight of underwear poking out of his basket. even flustered and sleepy, he was beautiful.

(he looked beautiful later that week too, when he ran into you on his way back from the gym, sweaty in a sleeveless shirt. you’re proud to say you managed to keep your cool in front of him, only letting out a scream into your pillow when your door was securely closed.)

“thanks”, he accepts the bottle, “slipped from my hands”.

you’re not surprised. it seems like he’s carrying a third-grade teacher’s craft supplies - large sheets of colored paper folded up in his arms, and a transparent folder that contains scissors and some cutouts of - wait, are those dog pictures? 

“i can see why”, you smile, “um, what’s all this for?”

you know his major is education, but you doubt his assignments include making posters. maybe he’s supposed to work with kids as part of a project? the image of lee chan bending down to help a kid glue cute dog pictures on a poster comes to your mind before you can help it, and - 

no. you can’t do this today. you don’t have the strength. 

“uh, we’re supposed to decorate the common room for world animal day”, he adjusts the supplies in his arms, “didn’t you know?”

oh yeah, you do remember reading about that on the bulletin board below. while you’ve never been the one for decoration and related activities, you’re even less inclined this week, with the number of assignment deadlines you have. thankfully, there’s only one left now.

“i think i read about it”, you answer, “and you decided to, what, make an entire poster by yourself?”

“no, i - “, he sighs, “the guys and i collected material and only some cutting and pasting was left, so we played a game to decide. and well”, he shrugs resignedly, “guess who lost”.

“oh no”, you shake your head in mock sympathy, “it was rock-paper-scissor, wasn’t it?”

“hey, it’s a perfectly fine - “

“i know, i know”, you grin, “what’s the subject of the poster?”

maybe you can take some time out to help him if he’s making a poster on cute dogs. 

“uh, chihuahuas”, he manages to push the folder up, urging you to pick it up, “and how, uh, expressive their expressions are?”

“what?”. is he serious?

“yeah”, he tries to convince you, “take a clipping out, you’ll see what i mean”.

you take the first picture out and, well, realize he’s not completely insane. it’s a chihuahua alright, making a face that can only be described by the string “aaaauuuuughhhhh”.

“oh god”, you take out one more, letting out a cackle at the indescribable yet vivid emotion on the dog’s face, “oh my god. this is brilliant”.

“i know”, he exclaims, laughing with you, “there are so many of them too. we really found more than we thought we would”.

you say nothing, just snap the folder close and put it back to its original place, trying not to focus on how ridiculously buff chan’s arms feel. 

it’s quiet for a moment then, the two of you just looking at each other, neither commenting on how close you’re standing, and how your hand is still on his arm. 

“well, i should - “

“would you mi - “

both of you pause, grinning. 

“you first”, you offer. 

“well”, he clears his throat, his ears an endearing pink, “i was wondering if you could help me? paste these, i mean? if that’s okay?”

“ah”, you smile slightly, fighting the urge to fix your hair, “i will, if you take me out to dinner later”.

fuck, where did that come from? 

do you want to go out with lee chan? yes. he’s cute, hot, sweet, thoughtful, hardworking - 

you get the point. 

but did you plan on asking him out today? asking him out ever? no. 

it must be those freaking arms.

“um”, his eyes widen while he considers his response, “like a date?”

“no? unless you want to”.

what? 

chan looks at you, clearly trying to figure out what the hell you’re talking about. 

oh, well. if you’re doing this, might as well do it properly. well, what’s the worse that could happen? it’s not like you live right next to the guy or anything, right? not like you have to avoid him in hallways if he rejects you. 

“i mean”, you start, proud of how confident you sound, “if i help you, take me out to dinner. like a date”.

chan blinks once before a grin takes over his face, his eyes shining by the strength of it. you think your heart skips a beat. oh, you’re down bad. 

“sure”, he answers excitedly, “it would be my pleasure”.

“great, then”, you close your door and make your way into his room, picking up the folder from his arm on the way, “let’s do it”.

a few seconds pass. chan hasn’t moved. one look over your shoulder shows him staring at you, an almost dreamy look in his eyes. stop, you want to say, we haven’t even been on a date, i can’t fall in love with you yet.

“c’mon”, you shoot him a teasing look, “the chihuahuas are waiting”.

[whaleofatjme1920]

This is a letter for Toby from Creepypasta. It is semi-romantic, I suppose? It was written with a romantic mindset and coming from me, this is the most romantic I'll be on main. 😂

Dear Toby,

I've never been good with words and I've rewritten this letter a thousand times. It can just be so hard to reach you sometimes, so - despite my awkward writing - I hope this letter finds you in good health.

With the semester over, I have found myself with a lot free time. I've taken up drawing (or doodling) and I'm curious to see how long it'll take before I get bored of it, lol. I'm working on a sketch of you, actually, so I hope you don't mind. I'll do my best to do your portrait justice!

I hope you haven't been getting into too much trouble, though I know its hard to ask that of you, and that you've been taking care of yourself. The holiday season is fast approaching and I guess that's just put me in a sentimental mood. I write about you often, you're an inspiration to me and - I don't know - I just hope you're doing well!

Yours Truly,

J ♡

[Disclaimer: Letters To Those you Hold Dear is a special event I'm holding from December 9th - whenever I feel like closing it! The absolute deadline is December 21st. Find guidelines here so you can send a letter or two to those you hold dear <3]

Hey J!

Gods do I feel that deep within my soul. Jeff's dog doesn't like me AT ALL. Trying to get him to send a letter back to you on my behalf is damn near impossible. Had to give it to Hoodie and then pass it off to that nightmare in smiling form. Hearing from you always makes me so happy. I love hearing from you. I'm doing alright, really tired from work but hey, what can you do? The work of a proxy never stops, and I'm honestly worried the boss is gonna make it even harder because he knows it's the holiday season. Humans have their amazon prime, and well, boss has us.

Congrats on your semester being over!! Was it good for you?? Tell me all about your classes when I'm able to see you again. I'd also really really like to see your doodles and drawings when I get back. I always look forward to the things you'd draw! I really miss doodling on napkins with you when we were waiting at restaurants or just in the house. Sticky note reminders... All those cute little things. Anything done by you is really good. I know you're gonna capture my beauty to its full potential lmfao. I believe in you babe. Here's a little doodle of a thumb's up to convey that further!

Y'know, I really miss video games ahah. Can we play some of those when I get back?? I hope you're doing well too. I have Masky and Hoodie, hell even Kate to remind me when I forget. Now it's my turn to remind someone I care about! Have something good to eat and drink some water - Masky suggests I drink more water too. Hope to be back for the holidays, it'd suck if I wasn't there by your side. Take care of yourself, and remember that I love you.

Miss you,

Toby

[fandom-collective-writers]

Love letters (Victor x MC)

Fandom: MLQC

Pairing: Victor x MC

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 1262

Author: @rikumorimachisgirl

A/N: Thank you, @voltage-vixen for the vote of confidence and for reading through this first.

Disclaimer: I do not own MLQC or its characters, but I own the idea for this fic.

Victor Li 

CEO

Loveland Financial Group

February 14th

Dear Mr. 27-year-old CEO, 

Please consider this as my intent to resign as a business partner. I no longer wish to produce shows under your portfolio nor do I require your financial assistance to fund my company effective immediately. Now, before you start rolling your eyes and call me an dummy (which I resent, by the way), I'd like to tell you that I've thought this over, and I'm positive that this is for the best. 

You are the worst person I've ever partnered with - you ask me to work under tight deadlines, only to order me to rest and take it easy after working me into a frenzy in the first place. You also don’t even spend five minutes reviewing the reports I spent days writing only to nitpick the most minute of flaws. On top of everything, you are always waking up at odd hours of the night to hear my voice, then turn around and insist I fall back to sleep….how do you honestly expect me to fall back to sleep after being woken up by you?  

You have no respect for privacy - you grab my notes without permission, read through my diary, and even check my emails when you think I don't notice. Thanks to that, you now know my favorite restaurants, my dream destinations, and my honest opinion of your work ethic. So much for secrecy!

You have no concept of work-life balance - you send me emails and ask for reports even while you're supposed to be off work, you join my conference calls while you're with your family, and you sometimes drag me to have dinner with them just so we could continue talking about work. 

In the last twelve months, I have worked more hours than five regular employees in your company have. I have foregone days off in favor of accompanying you on your trips and scouting for possible locations to shoot for new episodes to meet your ridiculous deadlines. I have also blurred the lines between work and personal time so I can anticipate your calls, which could happen anytime between the time I step out of your line of sight to the time I make my morning coffee. I am exhausted from a lack of rest and sleep as you invade my every thought. 

Yes, my every thought. Day and night!

I'm not even sure when it started, but somewhere between you walking me home in the rain, teaching me how to dance, and cooking for me at Souvenir, my heart started to feel funny. At first, I thought it was just a case of nerves because I always get nervous when you boss me around; however, the feeling I've been getting lately is far different from that. It happened a lot more frequently after - when you held me in your arms in the dark hotel room to keep me safe while the rain raged outside, and that time you picked me up at the airport because there was a snowstorm and you knew I had nowhere to sleep, and the skillful way you dove after me when I slipped and fell in the pool because of my drunkenness. You've made my heart pound faster and harder than it should more times than I can count, but I think the worst incident of all was when you invited me to your aunt's wedding rehearsal, not as a guest, but as a bride. Your bride. I bet you had no idea how breathtaking you looked in your three-piece suit, or how hard my heart pounded when you reached out to me that my whole body shook. I'm positive you had no idea how you've kept me up all night after the rehearsal, replaying everything that happened in my head - from the way you held me like I was a delicate piece of China, to the way you looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl you've ever laid eyes on. I also realized after that incident that I simply can't start or end my day without seeing you - or even hearing from you at the very least. I have come to look forward to waking up to your calls or text messages and find that I can't sleep without hearing your voice, too. I realize that I have fallen in love with you, and that, for me, is a big problem. 

I can't continue to work with you in the light of these new circumstances. I maintain a strong work ethic and believe that it is impossible and improper to mix business and pleasure. Having said that, I'd like you to please accept my resignation as your business partner effective immediately. And once you've approved of my resignation, please accept my invitation to go out on a date this Valentine's day. 

Yours truly, 

(Y/N)

--------

(Y/N)

Miracle Finder Producer

February 14th

Dear Dummy, 

I'm writing this in response to the letter that Goldman handed to me right before I stepped into the boardroom for the Quarterly Business Review. I had intended to read it after the meeting, however, my assistant wore a cheeky smirk on his face that meant your letter was probably worth spending a minute or two to read. And while I was hoping to be entertained by whatever was written on your note, I certainly wasn't expecting you'd be so bold as to confess your feelings on paper. Your courage, I feel, should be rewarded, which is why you're receiving this note. 

I have to admit that you have given me a ton of headache since we first met. I knew, right when I laid eyes on you again after, that you would be nothing but trouble. I was hoping to be wrong about my intuition for once, but the more we spend time together, the more I knew I was right. 

You have all the right attributes for someone in the wrong field of expertise - you are too kind-hearted, too considerate, too trusting, and too easy-going for your good. It's hard for me to understand how you could be so forgiving, and how you always choose to see the good in other people even when they have the meanest intentions towards you. You always barely meet the deadline, and your reports are always poorly written despite my constant corrections and advice, it's a wonder your own company hasn't fired you yet. Your decision-making skills are highly questionable, I would've been bankrupt if I relied on you to call the shots. 

Yet, despite all these, I couldn't take my eyes away from you even for a minute. I know when you're nearby and I scan the room the minute I step in to find you. Your smile is so silly, I find myself smiling at you when you're not looking. Your messages are often nonsensical, yet I don't mind receiving and reading them over and over. I close my eyes and picture the rest of my life, and I see you in it - with me. 

That said, I can't accept your resignation as my business partner. I feel you've still got a lot to learn about me and LFG, since I intend to keep this within the family. And if you get my meaning, I'd like to also say that I accept your invitation to go out tonight and would like to ask you to bring a change of clothes with you. After all, it seems we've got a lot of time to get to know each other better tonight. 

Yours always,

Victor

[palimpsessed]

So @captain-aralias​ did one of these and invited other writers to do the same. And I wasn't really going to because it feels a bit late now and also I've done quite a few other year in review posts for 2020. But then I got to thinking that it would be really nice to have one of these for each year to look back on and compare, which convinced me. So, here we go!

If you’re a writer, I’d also encourage you to steal this. Tag me on your post so I can see your thoughts! 🥰

List of Complete Fics for 2020 1. At the Top of a Tower, With You- General, 900 words 2. Use Your Words- Teen, 16k 3. A Man of Letters, or Five Times Baz Retreats and the One Time He Doesn’t- Teen, 54k 4. To the Manor Borne- Teen, 43k

Total: 4 fics, 113k words

Every one of these fics was written for an event, which, realistically, is the only reason they got finished. I have so many ideas I'm working on all at once, and I came into fandom with a focus on making art, so to actually find the motivation to sit down and write/finish/post a fic was entirely deadline based. And it's a technique I'm sure I will also employ in 2021.

Best/Worst Title?

Well, I've mentioned a few times before that I usually have a title before I have much in the way of a fic concept. I don't really dislike any of the my titles, because they all did exactly what I needed them to do, which was help me focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the fic. Comparatively speaking, though, I can answer this.

Best: Use Your Words - succinct, idiomatic, a book quote/motif that also has the potential to be a spell, does what it says on the tin, is probably what all of us are constantly yelling at Baz and Simon to do throughout the books and the fic itself

(Honorable mention to A Man of Letters because that title forms a perfect heart shape when viewed on mobile on AO3. ❤️)

Worst: At the Top of a Tower, With You - this is also a quote and it fits the fic perfectly, but it is a bit of a mouthful and it has a comma in the middle of it, which, while I love commas, feels a bit off-putting in terms of a title - also, it's always kind of bothered me that it's a Baz WS quote used for a CO-era Lucy POV

Best/worst summary?

Again, I don't really dislike any of my summaries.

Best:

To the Manor Borne: The gang decides to spend Christmas together at Pitch Manor. Romance, hijinks, and holiday cheer ensue.

Anything that lets me use the word hijinks is always good! - it's short and sweet - it does a fair job of setting up the premise for the fic and giving highlights, without giving anything away

Worst: A Man of Letters

I'm not going to include this one because it's so long, I had to cut down the version I posted on tumblr to fit in the AO3 field, which is really why I rank it below my others - it effectively sets up the world of Simon and Baz in Regency England prior to where the story starts, but it is prohibitively long - and it's set up, not summary, so it also loses points for not doing what it purports to do - I could have said exactly what this fic was in one sentence: "Simon and Baz meet at several Regency-appropriate venues over the course of a London season and reflect on their acquaintance in letters", but instead I did the full book jacket version because it was more interesting to me.

Best/Worst First Line?

Oh, this is interesting. I can honestly say that I have no idea where this will go. Going to pull up my docs and find out! Okay, since I only have four fics to consider, and I'm feeling split, I'm going to do two for each. I feel good about my words, but I will say that half of my first lines actually provide information, and the other half are incomplete thoughts. Those were stylistic decisions I made, but when taken alone, it does somewhat limit the effectivness of a sentence when it can't stand without the rest of the paragraph. Perhaps that decision will lure readers in for more?

Best:

In the end, we wind up at Pitch Manor. (To the Manor Borne)

I know that you won't be surprised when I tell you that I do not like writing letters. (A Man of Letters)

Kind of interesting that these both contain key words from the titles 🤔

Worst:

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this. (Use Your Words)

I love how the title seems to be answering Baz's question when the two are put together like this 😂

Strange that it should end here, where it all started. (At the Top of a Tower, With You)

The title also seems to complete the first line in this one, too. I'm learning about my writing as this goes on, so that's cool!

Best/Worst Last Line?

Hmm. Okay, again, no idea. Also, a little leery of including last lines for anyone who hasn't read the fics they're from yet. (Tho I guess it's unlikely those people would be reading this😆) But let's see what we've got.

Use Your Words and A Man of Letters have very similar final lines, and both are somewhat spoilery.

Best: The ending of A Man of Letters felt risky to me, in the way that it is formatted and changes tone from the rest of the story. It was something that happened as I wrote it and I loved it. I had no idea if readers would like it, if they would feel like it worked as an ending, but I felt strongly enough about it to let the entire fic hinge on that and I think it really paid off. So, without giving you the actual last line, which is only one word, I'm going to say that one is my best ending.

Worst:

To the Manor Borne: "Carry on, Simon."

It's not bad, it's just not mine.

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, fewer than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I did not set out to write any fics in 2020. I was supposed to be taking a break from writing. I've been an aspiring novelist for half my life now, and have been going through major ups and downs with my writing. I decided I needed to re-evaluate and figure out if writing was something that was even going to be able to make me happy anymore. The answer is: YES! Just…not original fiction. At the moment. I'm happiest when I can write for the sake of writing and not have to DO something with that writing. Which is why discovering fan fiction was AMAZING!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

To actually answer the question, yes, I wrote more than I thought I would. I also wrote exactly as much as I thought I would, simply because these were all things I signed up for (with the exception of my Countdown fic, but I committed to it as if it were something that required a sign up).

I have a lot more ideas for 2021, but I don't know how many of them will come to fruition. I'm not putting pressure on myself to have to do anything beyond what I sign up for again, because it did work out so well for me starting off.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I mean, the pairing and the fandom were in no way a surprise. 😆 They're my only ones, so those were both a given. The genre is also not surprising.

What's your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest?

A Man of Letters, without any hesitation. I adore it so much. It's the kind of fic I know I will unabashedly sit down to read over and over, even if I'm the one who wrote it. I had one reader to please and it was ME. By far, my most self-indulgent fic.

Okay, NOW your most popular story?

That depends on the metric.

To the Manor Borne leads in Comments (107), Kudos (153), and Hits (1992), and Use Your Words leads in Bookmarks (26).

But since To the Manor Borne is top in 3 out of 4 metrics, I'll say that one.

Story most upderappreciated by the universe?

I mean, the least popular by a wide margin is At the Top of a Tower, With You, but I don't know if I'd call it underappreciated. It's short, it's angsty, it's got a very unusual style, it's Lucy POV, it's the first fic I wrote and posted. I didn't really go into it with high performance expectations. I'm proud of it, I just didn't expect it to be popular. It would be nice if more people read it, but I'm not broken up over it.

Story that could have been better?

I'm not even going to touch this one. Everything can always be improved upon, but if I go down that route, nothing will ever be done. This is one of the things I have come to appreciate about traditional art versus digital. With traditional, there is only so much you can do before something is permanent and you have to live with it. It's an exercise in letting go and acceptance. Digital is flashier and more flexible, but I could (and have) spend months on a single piece and never feel satisfied, never stop tweaking. I think that's also the reason I started to hate my novels.

Sexiest story?

Based purely on overall vibes, I find the understated tension of the Regency the most appealing, so I'm going to say A Man of Letters. I didn't actually stray into sex territory in any of my fics (though Simon and Baz have had sex by the time To the Manor Borne starts, and refer to it, and probably do it "offscreen"), but A Man of Letters is the one that feels sexiest to me. Lots of thirsting!Baz and feral!Simon and sensual hand touching (how risqué!) - and YEARNING. That, to me, is the sexiest vibe of all. So. Much. Yearning.

Saddest story?

At the Top of a Tower, With You - for this one, I tagged "angst without plot" and I stand by that. It's Lucy losing her connection to Simon at the end of CO and trying to find a way to reconcile herself to leaving him alone again. I gave it as much of a hopeful bent as I could, with the refrain of Baz's spoken "love" to cling to, but it's very sad.

Most fun?

To the Manor Borne - All of my fics have their fair share of angst, but this one also has some good, silly, holiday fluff thrown in. Since I wrote it for the Countdown, each chapter was based on a different prompt, which led to this one going in all sorts of directions no single fic probably ever should. Plus, it has the most Shepard, and Shepard always makes things more fun.

Story with the single sweetest moment?

Oh my god. I don't know. No, never mind. I do. It's To the Manor Borne, but it's split between the two gift giving scenes, the Constellations and Secret Santa/Gift Giving prompts. These were private moments between Simon and Baz, sharing themselves with each other, being vulnerable, and communicating. It's the gifts they give each other, yes, but it's more so the reasons they chose those gifts, and how they show part of themselves and share their love for each other, through those gifts, that had me in tears writing those two scenes. I'm super proud of them.

Hardest story to write?

Use Your Words - it was written for an exchange and that made it really hard to write it knowing there was this pressure of making my gift-ee happy with the fic. I'm proud of it, and they really liked it, but the anxiety was too much for me.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

A Man of Letters - if there is a fic better suited to me as a writer, I haven't met it. I started writing after reading Pride and Prejudice in high school, so I started out writing Regency and I spent years and years and years of my life obsessed. When I transferred into college, an administrator I had never met before heard my name during orientation and said, "Oh, you're the Austen scholar." (It is a small, private college, and I was a transfer, so the pool of students was even smaller. But still. Many years later, I'm clearly not over it.) I also did my senior thesis on an epistolary novel (Frances Burney’s Evelina), and my English Lit emphasis was for that time period. So, I felt like I had been preparing for this fic my entire adult life. 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I don't think so. I tend to let my writing be dictated by the characters, so I'm always following their lead. Sometimes they'll do or say something that surprises me and takes me down a route I didn't necessarily foresee, but I don't think there was ever a point where one of them did something that made me rethink who they are as a character.

Most overdue story?

I will say A Man of Letters, since that one felt like a culmination of my seventeen-year-old self's wildest writing dreams. But I should probably say the Scooby Doo AU I still haven't managed to finish, because that one has been a WIP since I joined the fandom. Oops. (I'm hoping when I look over this in a year, I can feel smug that it's finally done.)

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Writing at all was a risk for me! And writing fan fic for the very first time! Writing an entire fic told only through letters. And then ending it in a completely different style from the rest of the fic. Doing a multi-chaptered fic for the Countdown, using a different prompt for each chapter, and publishing a chapter every single day for thirty days (with the exception of two days that had art). Signing up for fandom events in the first place!

What I learned from taking risks in my writing is the same thing I learned when I took risks in my art this year. I have a much better appreciation for what I've done when I push myself, I feel better about the end product, and I like it longer. I think it's really good for me to challenge myself creatively.

This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most?

Oh boy. Um. Therapy! Both Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne had their big HEA moments built around sending Simon and Baz to therapy. I don't think that's likely to change for future fics, either. I feel like therapy as the theme for 2020 seems very fitting. (Also, I think I keep sending the boys to therapy because I'm trying to get myself there…)

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Just to write what I want to write, have fun, not put any pressure on myself, and to take risks in my writing and my art because it will help me to grow.

[axe-trio-commanders]

Home is where you read your books

Alright, posting a little late, but I’ve kinda been wanting to write out that first scene for a long while now. HoT and personal story spoilers inbound, and just a little implied death.

      "Gixx? We need to talk."

The asura looked up from his desk with no hint of surprise, taking the papers he was holding and dropping them onto his desk to align them, giving the charr before him a knowing smile. It was a little… sad, seeing her look this tired. Sure, her fur had always been a little ruffled and burnt- he was honestly surprised she'd never burnt any books with that torch of hers- but there was a light in her eyes, something that'd always made them seem larger than most charr, that was… gone, now. It wasn't hard for him to guess what it was- or, more accurately, who.

"Well I should hope so. You're so very behind on your work for the Priory, Magister."

She let out a long breath, but he could tell she was smiling a little. "I'd thought helping liberate Orr would be enough to cover that."

He clicked his tongue. "You may have helped liberate it, but you certainly have yet to study it. You may be the commander, but you will always remain a member of the Priory. Work and all."

The charr rolled her eyes, but he could tell there was tension released from her shoulders. He knew full well she'd loved being here- and he certainly wasn't about to let go such a well-traveled member of his order.

"Yeah, I hope you're a little more lax about deadlines than usual, then." She paused, tapping on the desk with one claw, thinking. "But that's, uh… not what I wanted to talk about."

"Then what was?"

"It's the, uh… the new recruit."

Gixx hardly flinched. "Are you two not getting along?"

"I- no, she's actually pretty nice-"

"Then I don't see the problem."

The charr sighed, giving him a pleading look. "Gixx, I'm not ready for an… apprentice."

"And what makes you say that?"

"It's- look, I'm hardly a role model as far as the Priory's concerned, as far as anyone's concerned. I barely did anything on-time when I didn't have anything else to be doing."

He nodded, smiling fondly. "Oh, you were a distinct pain in my ears, yes. But somehow, you still hold the highest rank in the order. That isn't an accident, magister."

"...Isn't it?"

Gixx clicked his tounge disapprovingly. "I do not make mistakes. That isn't all you're worried about, I presume."

"But I-"

Gixx held a hand up. "That wasn't a question. My intel tells me you've been moping about in Caeladon for a month, now."

She stiffened, fur standing on end. "What intel?!"

"The marshall," he replied evenly. "You've worried him."

He saw her ears fall, eyes breaking contact in favor of the intricate details in his desk. "...I wasn't 'moping'."

"Yes, you were. You simply have an oddly productive way of doing so." He paused, watching her closely for a few more moments before he let his voice soften. "I am not going to tell you to simply move on. That does not happen. I am not going to tell you that this will be the same- but it will be something new. And it will be something good."

She raised her gaze to meet his again, but failed to respond- and he took that as acknowledgement, smiling and leaning back in his chair. "And besides that, magister, I've yet to meet another charr who would take meeting a Canthan revenant who'd died a small number of centuries ago so very well in stride!"

The charr balked slightly, mouth open. "She- what?!"

He sighed, shaking his head. "Ah, my apologies- I'd assume that in the week-long scenic route you took to get here, you would've learned that. Ah, well." He'd wave her towards the door. "Now, go on- I'm sure she's told you of your assignment. I expect the both of you to get into far more trouble than you're worth, and fail to report to me until I'm up to my eyes in paperwork."

She stared at him for a few more moments before eventually managing a nod, tapping at the desk again before taking a step back, nodding again.

"I- yeah. I uh- ...thank you."

He'd watch her bound back out of his office, taking in and letting out a breath. It was going just about as well as he hoped- Ev, as a Canthan from such a long time ago, would know next to nothing about Tyria; and if he knew anything about Zori, she'd love to share just about everything she knew. A week into the priory, and the once-nervous bright-orange charr had been more excitable, expressive, and eager to share than any other big cat he'd met.

He supposed Sieran really had been infectious.

---

The Priory was… quiet, these days. Too quiet for his liking. There was… less of them- significantly less, after Maguuma. Even here, in the heart of the Priory, the dragon's influence had reached- though just barely. It had… shaken them. Shaken everyone. He was… ashamed to say a small amount of blood had been spilled in the panic- though even that was nothing compared to the losses suffered in the jungle itself.

But, they… they'd won, somehow. If only barely.

No one had yet come to him with a report on exactly how- it'd only been a week or two since the commander had recovered, he supposed- so he'd have to assume it had something to do with her and that new team she was with. Really, if he was in the mood for bragging, he'd boast of the lion's share he held in that group- Miss Delequa, Ev, and, in fact, the commander herself- but… he wasn't. Looking over obituaries and apologies to send to loved ones did that to a person. Normally, he wouldn't be handling these personally- but with so many of them to send...

It was for that reason he was now wandering the halls of the library. Silence felt a little more natural here, and he'd… like to take his mind off of things for a while.

He'd turn a corner, and catch a rather familiar sight- someone had moved the shelves. Only slightly, and there weren't any books littering the floor; it was careful and methodical, something only one who'd wandered these halls for years upon years would notice.

What was distinctly odd is that it hadn't happened for a while- not for a lack of looking, of course, it simply used to happen often enough that it wasn't hard to catch… at first, he'd suspected something was being stolen, but none of the books had ever been taken, none of the pages ever missing, and there were never signs of tampering- and it was always moved back by the time he looked again, so he'd left it alone for the time being; it had stopped, after all. But now… well, he simply wanted to know what had changed, was all. He'd take a few steps closer, studying the wall behind it; it seemed to bend somewhat inward, one of the rougher walls of the mountain they'd built the place into; perhaps it formed a sort of small alcove, a small hiding place away from the rest of the library? Perhaps a secret entrance. He didn't quite mind those. As long as things were put back in their proper place, it was no loss to him; Whispers had a good track record of that so far, and they tended to have a strangle-hold on the things.

It wasn't… the most well hidden, though- and, in the library's relative silence, he could hear the soft sounds of breathing. Slow, steady breathing- listening a little closer revealed two distinct patterns to it, in fact.

Now- normally, Gixx did not pry. Not into personal matters, at least. Offered his assistance when it was clearly needed? Yes. Demand information on the location of certain lost relics? Absolutely. But, so long as jobs were being done and everything important was recorded, he seldom found the need to infringe upon his own order's privacy.

But no one was here to watch him.

And so he'd treat himself with just a small look behind the bookshelf.

And, really, that was all it took- bright orange was hard to miss, and he'd always found it to be faintly amusing as the choice for an ash-legion-born charr, even if it did happen to match her fur. Only very slightly more effort let one see the choice of violet and black of her companion- the human she'd currently half-curled herself around, both of them fast asleep- a few books in a couple of stacks placed neatly on the floor, which in itself was surprisingly dust-free for a small space behind the bookshelf; though he'd notice with a mix of distaste and amusement the several notes tacked onto the back of said bookshelves.

And then, he'd simply walk away again- mood lifted, if only a little. He had been right- of course he had been. He had, of course, known far before Trahearne's letter that something was wrong- Zori hadn't visited the library, not once, since Claw Island, except by necessity. And before that, well… she'd practically lived there.

Before that, Sieran had always been with her.

But now… if one good thing- one small, good thing had come out of this mess… evidently, the commander had someone to care about again. Someone to care about, someone to care about her in turn- someone to make new, fond memories with. Priory members often worked best in pairs, after all.

And, though likely only for a small time, she was back home.

[writing-wyns]

seven years

I had an idea, and then I did the idea. And then it spiraled out of control. 

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!!!! Here’s some pointless fluff featuring your fave boys except they’re like almost 30 years old and still gross as ever. 

Enjoy!

AO3

Bokuto swears that there is something definitely up about sci-fi movies. Not a bad something, but it whooshes around in his stomach, making it twist and knot and he wants the feeling gone. It’s makes him wiggle in his spot on the couch like he’s got a bad case of the ants in the pants and for all he knows, maybe he does. He’s happy, for sure, he’s happy because Kuroo is there, sitting on his feet like he always does and looks damn good in their home: the lights from the TV are soft on his form, contrasting the nightfall shadows, it highlights his angled nose and dyes his already dark hair with shades of pink and red.

His hands are clammy and he touches his fingers to the palms before wiping them on his tshirt with a look of mild disgust. It’s not a bad feeling he has, he knows this for a fact, but he’s positive his stomach just folded in on itself, and that is definitely not good. It’s when he wiggles his toes, where they’re wedged under Kuroo’s ass does he realize just what in the hell is up.

“What are you smiling for?” Kuroo asks, looking at him now. His eyes are squinted because of how dark it is, but the TV flashes onto his face for a quick second and all Bokuto can see is pure joy.

“I’m not smiling,” Bokuto says, but he knows it’s a lie as soon as he says it because his cheeks burn, like he’s been smiling all this time, and - holy hell - he has been.

Kuroo is smiling too now, it grows slowly, creeping up on his face like the morning’s sunrise. “Yes you are,” he singsongs.

He’s giggling -giggling of all things - like a fucking school girl, and he throws his head back on the armrest of the couch, slaps his hands over his face as a cover, and mumbles out around a laugh, “I am definitely not smiling.”

“You are clearly smiling you goober,” Kuroo’s laughing too now. Bokuto’s thinks they’ve caught some weird new disease. Where the symptoms include: spontaneous smiling, random outbursts of laughing, and in severe cases - like himself - not being able to look your boyfriend in the eye. “C’mon Kou, spill the beans,” Kuroo says, his hands are on Bokuto’s knees now and he’s shaking them, as if he could shake an answer right out of him.

“I’m not telling.” His cheeks ache now, and he’s one hundred percent positive that if you looked up ‘face splitting grin’ in the dictionary it would be a picture of him at that exact moment.

Bokuto can feel Kuroo crawl up his body, laying on top of him til they’re face to face, the only thing blocking them from looking at each other is the permanent fixture of his hands on his own face.

“I can’t believe you’re really gonna leave me hanging like this,” Kuroo says to his hands. Bokuto can feel him tug at his wrists and he presses his fingers to his face in resistance. “It can’t be that bad can it?”

Bokuto wants to scream. His heart is in his stomach, or maybe his stomach is at maximum whoosh, maybe his whole entire organ system has exploded, or - or something. “It really is that bad,” he mutters into his hands, “It is so so bad.”

“Like on a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?”

“Thirteen.”

Kuroo is laughing so hard at the admission that Bokuto can barely make out the “oh my god” he manages to choke out. It’s a pretty opportune time to sneak a peek at the man above him, Bokuto thinks, but dear god was he wrong,; because Kuroo’s face is bright and grinning, beaming that lopsided grin he does when he just can’t help himself. Where his eyes crinkle at the ends, and his teeth show, and his nose scrunches up ever so slightly; and Bokuto doesn’t know what the fuck his organs are doing, but it is so goddamn painful that all he can do is let out the weakest of groans as he slides his body even further across the armrest and off the couch.

Kuroo slides down his body with the movement, his chin coming to a rest on Bokuto’s chest, nothing but amusement in his voice when he asks, “What now?”

Bokuto huffs out a breath, his hands haven’t left his face for a single moment, and presses his fingers even harder to his skin, desperately trying to hide that stupid smile that just won’t go away. “You promise you won’t laugh?”

“I will not make a single sound,” Kuroo promises.

“Okay?” Bokuto breathes out the question to himself, and he hears Kuroo echo the word. He takes in a deep breath, filling his lungs, lets it go all in one breath, and says, “I like you so much, like a whole lot, and I am physically dying.”

There’s one whole second of silence til Bokuto tentatively moves his hands away from his face and chances a look at Kuroo, his hand flying back up immediately at the sight.

“You said you wouldn’t laugh!”

Kuroo’s lips are pressed so thin, mouth twisted off to the side, that he can barely manage an, “I’m not!” without completely losing it.

“You’re smiling,” Bokuto accuses.

Kuroo takes a deep breath, a sad attempt to smother the bubbles of laughter that are threatening to escape. “You didn’t say I couldn’t smile.”

Another pained groan makes its way out, and Bokuto’s face is so flushed and red he doesn’t think he’ll ever return to his normal state. “I can hear you laughing you know,” if Kuroo wasn’t laying on top of him, Bokuto would have kicked him. Off the couch, preferably.

“We’re already dating,” Kuroo can barely talk he’s laughing so hard, “for years!”

“I knoooooow,” he says dragging the word out like it hurts.

“I can not believe I am being confessed to seven years into a relationship,” Bokuto interjects with a ‘shut up’ but it doesn’t look like Kuroo wants to let this one go anytime soon. “And you’re embarrassed? Gotta admit it, that’s my favorite part.”

“I take it back, I don’t like you at all. You’re the worst.”

Kuroo wiggles back up, like a giggling little snake on a mission, til he’s right in Bokuto’s face, all smug smiles. “Seven years, and you ‘like’ me? Honestly Kou, I’m a little insulted.”

Bokuto lets his head fall back against the armrest, muttering “when will you stop?” under his breath, Kuroo ignoring his obvious suffering all the while.

“I mean, you’d think after seven fucking years, someone would be, oh I don’t know, in love? Is that what you meant? Don’t tell me you were too embarrassed to tell me you love me? I won’t judge you, ya know, I’m pretty irresistible.”

“That’s it!” And Bokuto is slapping a hand over his mouth because obviously Kuroo does not know how to shut up on his own. “What can I do to make you drop this?”

Kuroo pries the hand off his face, fixing Bokuto with a look that speaks trouble.

“Say it,” Kuroo demands, like he’s got Bokuto right where he wants him.

“Say what?

“Tell me you love me and I won’t mention any of this.”

Bokuto is trying his best to glare at him but he must be doing an awful job because the smile that was already on Kuroo’s face only grows bigger. He slaps a hand over his lips again, but he can feel the upward tilt of his lips in that signature grin of his, and if that wasn’t already enough, Kuroo had taken to wiggling his eyebrows. And it is both the worst and the cutest thing Bokuto has ever witnessed in his life.

I’m a goner, Bokuto thinks. He has died and gone to heaven because of this man, he’s been resurrected and only to die again because of him and he’ll do it a thousand times over. It’s something he knows for a fact, something that is indisputable, and it grinds his weak, fragile heart into a pulp. A small little pulp because the world’s biggest idiot is lying on top of him with a smile that has reached his eyes, a pulp because it’s been seven goddamn years and he’s still not over it.

And he never will be.

“Kuroo Tetsurou,” he moves the hand from Kuroo’s mouth to his cheek, cupping it gently, thumb stroking in small circles. There is nothing special about the way Kuroo looks in that moment, there’s a day old beard on his jaw, his age has long since started to show, and he’s wearing that same old ratty tshirt from college, and yet - Bokuto is positively melting at the sight. “Kuroo Tetsurou, I am positively and absolutely head over heels and disgustingly in love with you.”

“Disgustingly?” Kuroo asks, his own personal way of trying to keep cool.

“Disgustingly.” He affirms, and Kuroo is nuzzling his cheek into his hand at the word.

The happiest little sound filters out of him, bubbling over til it fills the entire room. Its contagious and Bokuto can’t stop himself from laughing too. “Lucky for you,” he says, scooching closer and closer, their eyes crossing, “I too am positively and absolutely head over heels and disgustingly in love with you.”

They’re giggling way too much to kiss properly, like a couple still stuck in their honeymoon phase, and maybe they are. Maybe they never learned how not to be in the honeymoon phase, still caught up in the whirlwind of crushes turned first dates and tentative kisses on their parent’s doorstep.

It’s been seven years, still stuck in their honeymoon phase, and Kuroo is smiling way too much when he tries to kiss him, his lips instead finding the bridge of Bokuto’s nose and it only makes them laugh even more. He is content and pleased and thrumming like he’s on cloud nine itself with Kuroo peppering kisses all over his face, their laughter never coming to an end.

“Seven years?” He says, kissing Bokuto on the cheek and snorting.

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” And Bokuto is squealing, pushing his face away but it’s been long seven years and he couldn’t be any happier if he tried.

[bluestringss]

I'm writing this at around 2am, almost 3. I couldn't sleep. I'm in a stranger's condominium unit with my relatives. It was supposed to be a staycation and a treat for my aunt and uncle. I'm just a plus one. Not actually writing about this.

For the last three months, I have been working on our book series--proofreading, counter checking, and all the necessities for textbook creation. Honestly, not all that. I've been only doing what I have been doing for that last four years in the job. Except, I have more responsibilities now. Being a Production Editor made so much difference. I still feel like an Editorial Assistant. I miss being an EA but I like being a PE.

Since last October, I have been seriously talking about leaving my current job and look for a higher paying one. I have financial obligations. But somehow, I couldn't bring myself to look for a full-time job (been searching for part-time ones every now and then). I always give excuses which makes me think, "Do I love my job?".

Scrolling through my Instagram Stories Archive, I found my answer. I had posted the screenshot below on my IG Story.

I grew up with barely knowing what I like. I have a strong opinion on my dislikes but I can't really say what I like out loud.

2018 happened. I switched jobs for my sanity. The current job gradually became my comfort zone. My colleagues and bosses let me adjust in my pace. I don't know if they knew. But I was in a bad shape mentally and emotionally. It took me a while to adjust but I did.

The thing is working on a publishing house has been my dream job (but I never said it out loud because I was scared). Being accepted into one was an answered (unspoken) prayer. I didn't know what it'll be doing. But I was eager to learn.

Three years into the job, my immediate boss left and I got promoted with her and our supervisor's recommendation. I guess I was fit enough for the title of a Production Editor.

Working on a publishing house is time-consuming, especially during printing and reprinting season. It is overwhelming, stressful, and draining. This has been what I have been feeling for a few weeks now. Two months ago I was still going out and catching up with friends in between deadlines. But right now, I felt like I have to reserve all my energy for my deadlines. I also have to work on weekends.

This brings me back to what late actor Kim Joohyuk said on one episode of 2 Days and 1 Night Season 3. If you're doing something you like, despite the exhaustion, it'll be hard for you to quit.

I don't think I'll quit anytime soon although I keep saying this to my friends. For the first time, I found something that I really love. It's hard to let this go.

But I'm scared that if I stay longer, I'm letting opportunities go because I chose to stay in my comfort zone. I'm worried that I should be doing something else that could really help me be contented, I wasn't just looking. I'm worried that I'm wasting my life in this job. But really though, how stable is it outside of this job?

Also, I am well-aware my English is not really good. How am I still on this job? I'm good at pretending (and I work really hard). But I'm working on it so when the time of me leaving this job comes, I'm prepared and confident

It's 3:30 am and I'm still wide awake. Is my insomnia back?

[kyurilin]

For the fanfic questions ALL OF THEM. Just kidding, 2, 7 and 37!

you know I would fully believe you'd make me do all of them and for you I would without hesitation, mostly because by the end of it I would have devolved into madness and it'd be funny (to me only probably)

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

Enemies to lovers, really. Like straight up, starting with it being as cliched as like villain and hero kinda dynamic. I love that shit so much and think it would be so fun to write

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Oh god I have so many things I've written

I was gonna try and pull a section out of one of my 2017 cars fanfics because I do honestly like it and to stay on brand but I immediately found a typo and realized that it was making me cringe into the afterlife to reread so I gotta find something different

Ah fuck I keep going back to Present Mic's Totally Bullshit Life but it really is about the best thing I've ever written

Their shared trauma is painted in every still tense on occasion moment where they avoid mentioning Oboro. Their shared trauma holds their hearts in a grip that kept them from ever getting closure from each other. Their shared trauma is a silenced scream on the roof of UA, a hand white and lip bleeding from holding someone else's hand too tight and trying not to scream, a broken promise to keep in touch and an argument in a cafe.

Like this story flipped back and forth between utter shit post and somewhat well thought out bits like this and this is just some of my favorite from where the story was more serious. Basically this is the closest you get to seeing exactly how I think shit out in my head for stories and I could quote the whole story as a "favorite thing I've written" and I do every time one of these ask games happen

37. Talk about your current wips.

So like I have two big ones, one that I'm supposed to be working on and one that lives so rent free in my brain it should be illegal, both for the anime that I cannot escape My Hero Academia, because I totally needed to write fanfic for an anime

The first that I'm supposed to be working on is called Crumbling Rooftops and it's the only time I've ever joined a fandom event and I'm doing TERRIBLY. I want to keep it mostly secret because it WASN'T on my huge pinned posts of story WIPs until like March but it's really good I promise

The other that I'm going to immediately jump back to when I finish the only story I've ever written on a deadline is called Stray, and it's a soulmate adjacent OT3 story where three idiots get drunk at a party and get matching tattoos then forget who the other two idiots are only to, years later, have it come back to haunt them. It's an idea that kind of hit me in the face out of the blue in December of 2020 and now that I've shared it with someone I might actually finish it sometime this decade

[realtalk-tj]

hi penelope, thank you so much for all the questions you've answered, i'm so so grateful that you've put time into this. you seem like you had a great tj experience; do you have advice for how to find a good balance at tj and do well but not get burnt out? how to get enough sleep? honestly just any general advice for tj or motivation would be helpful, i'm struggling a bit and I look up to you

Response from Penelope:

LOL I'm honored that my answers and experiences have been helpful to you! I suppose that is what makes answering asks on RealTalk fun for me :D

Brace yourself, though, because this is going to be long.

I actually haven't talked a whole lot on here about my earlier years of TJ (partially for good reason). I came from a middle school where I was able to finish all of my homework while the teacher was teaching and still get the highest score in the class, so getting used to the difficulty of TJ was something I really struggled with. My grades weren't great freshman year, and I'd fight constantly with my parents about it. They thought I wasn't trying hard enough, but I thought I was putting my whole effort into class and still doing poorly. Until COVID started, I wanted nothing but to get out of TJ, get out of NOVA, and get out of my parents' influence as soon as possible. (I even pondered the thought of writing a countdown till graduation in JS lmaooo)

The pandemic for me was a big turning point that actually was a good thing for me. I had a lot of friends who struggled during virtual school and while I did in my classes a bit, I definitely thrived in terms of figuring myself out. Whether it was how to get motivation or what I wanted to do, I used a lot of that time to nail down the things that mattered to me (and the things that didn't) and how I could most efficiently and effectively get those things.

It's hard to avoid getting burnt out at TJ, because things are always in motion. There's always something coming up, and you end up feeling guilty for taking time off. I was definitely burnt out during that time -- between all of the time I spent doing homework, my activities, and sleeping, I didn't have any time for relaxing. (My parents would beg to differ, as they would argue I spent plenty of time texting my friends, but I digress. We'll touch upon that in a moment.)

Of course, as you've probably heard a million times, sleep is super important. Set a time when you're going to bed. Find someone to hold you accountable for it. I'm a zombie if I sleep less than 7 hours (honestly the bar should be 8, but oh well), so I always try to make sure I head to bed before midnight. When I was a freshman, I actually hit 9 hours pretty much every night and even 10 sometimes! This went down to 8.5 sophomore year and 8 junior year, but if you block it into your schedule, it'll always happen. If you have that looming deadline of "sleep" waiting for you, you'll get more things done because "what happens if my assignment's not done by bedtime??" With enough sleep, you'll definitely function better in class, so you won't burn as much time on things like reviewing something you didn't pay attention to in class because you were tired, if that makes sense.

The regularity of a sleep schedule (among other schedules) can really get you into the mindset of working when you have to be working and relaxing when you should be relaxing. When I get home, I usually do a workout and then shower, because that gets me out of the academic mindset of school. I do this at the exact same time every day so my body always feels the same way before I try to do anything brain cell heavy. This works to clear my head so I have improved focus when I do my homework. You could also take a walk or just get some sunshine!

When it comes to actually doing your homework, do all of the short term assignments on the day it's assigned. Everyone looks at me a little crazy when I say I do this, but it helps you avoid procrastination (which is honestly the biggest issue that leads to burnout from my observation). List out all of the homework that you have to get done in a certain day, and figure out what makes you more efficient. Do you prefer doing short assignments early so you know they're out of the way, or do you want to do the tedious things first? Divide things into small chunks, which can make completing the assignment feel easier.

You can also motivate yourself to finish the work by leaving all of your "play" time for later. Do all of your homework on Saturday so your Sunday can be free. Of course, this doesn't work for everyone, especially if you have weekend commitments, but the takeaway is to not leave it all for the last minute. Last year when we had Mondays off, I would get all of my homework done early and my entire Monday would be free. It was awesome and very liberating to even just do nothing all day before we started another week of school.

Beyond the sleep and homework aspect, I would say the majority of my time (both work and spare time) goes to my activities. Don't overcommit, because then you'll end up being miserable. At the same time, activities can be so wonderful for relaxing and socializing. If you realize that an activity is no longer being enjoyable or beneficial to you, step away from it if you can! (I am pretty bad at this, though -- my friends can attest that I am the kind of person to say yes to something I don't really want to do but I still feel obligated to do it.) You'd be surprised how often clubs end up being stressful and toxic to the point where they're no longer fun to you.

Most of all, organization is key. Use tools like Notion and Google Calendar to figure out your schedule and lay out assignments, activities, and events. It doesn't have to be super complicated and you definitely shouldn't spend too much time on your organizational infrastructure, but this organization can really help you pinpoint when you need to get things done. You'll also be able to remember things like when you have to go to special events that you wouldn't have remembered otherwise!

With this all this advice having been said, I'm also not a super social person and my activities are either at school or remote. Most of these activities don't rely on other people having time, so my schedule is super flexible. My experience at TJ has been pretty drastically different compared to my classmates. I rarely go out with friends because my parents won't let me drive alone and I also have a pretty limited source of income. I spend the time some of my classmates are hanging out with friends doing my homework instead, and when they're doing their homework, I do other things that I enjoy, whether it's chilling with my family or exploring the woods near my house alone. I think it's super important to define your TJ experience on your own terms. This is what I want, and I'm happy with it.

I know so much of this is easier said than done, but just try to incorporate elements into it and see what works. Just be flexible with things and breathe. I promise everything will be okay! Feel free to reach out to our email if you want to talk with me personally about *exhales* personal TJ experiences (and this goes out to anyone else who just needs someone to talk to)!

I'm reading this over again and it is ... really long LMAO

[mama-ghostie-61542]

A Thousand Lifetimes

Rated M++ for language and themes

If you recognize it, IT AIN'T MINE.

Sorry for the OOC-ness

Chapter 4

Wolf--

"If I hear the word 'Mom' anytime in the next five minutes, you are, all three, gonna lose grandparent privilege's! Enough with the fighting. 'Kala, you need to get over there and do your homework."

"But, Mom," my younger son shouted. "I can't do it alone."

"Yes, you can, dear. All you have to do is write the words in the blanks."

Mornings here were always crazy. This year, they got worse, with all three kids home all day and me working three jobs from home, while taking a few classes to keep up my certification. But what would do my head in were the constant conflicts of scheduling the boys services around project deadlines. Especially when my childless brother was my boss...One of them.

A text came through ~'Hey, Bry, do you have those reports ready? I have to submit them to the bank this afternoon.'

Loveland Demolition was well known in the Midwest, and had been doing well before the pandemic, but now, we were expanding again. I dug around in my ever expanding pile of outgoing paperwork for the fax copy of the expense reports my brother wanted. Why everything with this end of the family business went through me, I would never know. Maybe it was because he had named me our VP of NE Operations. Like I didn't have a decent job already. I mean, I didn't get my Doctorate for it to look pretty on my wall.

Speaking of, I have a class in 15 minutes. Botany of Common Herbs.

I sent off a quick message, ~ I faxed them yesterday. Did you not get them before the boys did?~

My brothers pit bulls were notorious for grabbing the pages as they fell out of the fax machine and shredding them.

A few minutes later, he replied, ~Dammit, Pita! The Pain got 'em. Already in transit?~

~Yep. UPS grabbed it yesterday. Email?~

~Ok. No. Need hard copy. Will reschedule with the bank. Do good in class today!~

About that time I got a plastic cup thrown in my general direction with my oldest son yelling, "More water! Please, Mommy."

Thankfully, my Botany Professor understands me being a little late, as she has a Downie of her own.

I get his water, and as I am standing at the sink for a few seconds extra to breathe, I feel a cold spot on one hip and the pressure of a thumb on my cheek.

'You are amazing, my Queen. You've got this.'

I smile as the feeling, and the ghost of his smiling eyes fades. How does he always know when the stress is getting to me and just what to say; just what to do. It's like I don't have to say a word, he just knows.

Great....Now I am gonna be all giggly the rest of the day. Probably gonna get an email from my Professor, too; nosy old bat.

Kihyun PoV

It was almost 22:00 when I felt the wobble in thin silver thread that connected us. As I reached for it, I felt her stress and frustration start to bleed through and somehow, instinctively knew what to do. It bothers me when she gets this stressed, because she forgets to take care of herself. And then the tension lodges in her back, manifesting as a knot just to the left of her spine.

Settling myself into my meditation, I could almost see her standing at the sink, working on something. Always working, this girl; whether it's on her actual job, her side hustle, an Etsy store where she sells knit caps, or the boys' homework. She ALWAYS has something going on. Her brothers hare-brained decision to expand the family business does not help in the slightest.

As I settle in, I can hear the din of the kids yelling, a timer going off on something, and from some where, another louder ding. She is amazing, how she can just take it all in stride. Some how, I know, she just needs a second to breathe, so I imagine my hand on her hip; stopping her right where she stands.

I visualize my hand cupping her cheek, and whispering to her, 'You are amazing, my Queen. You've got this.' I can't help the smile that spreads across my face as I see her smile. That soft, sweet smile, that just borders on the verge of blushing. I send how I feel seeing her smile down that thread and, some how, just know that she will be smiling all day now.

Awakening from my meditation, I glance at the clock. Hmm. Time for bed. But first, I am curious about the next chapter. How in the hell, with everything else she has on her plate, did she find the time to write this.

I set back on my bed, my pillows piled up behind me, and start reading.

Still Joey

I couldn't sleep so I got up at sunrise and made coffee. Sis woke up a little while later. I heard her alarm go off and then, I heard her sniffle a little. As she stumbled to the kitchen for her morning coffee, her whole bearing was like all the wind had been sucked out of her.

My heart went out to her.

"Sis. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Joey. Just my own brain. Think I am going crazy. That's all."

I'm right there with you.

"Explain," I said.

Rather than use actual words, she put on 'Comatose' by Too Close To Touch. "This says it better than I ever could."

I set aside the story and brought up the song. As I sat there listening, I could almost feel how hurt she was. How she thought she was going crazy. I wanted, so much, to fly to her, where ever she was.

"Sissie," I sighed, "What is the matter?"

"I think I am losing my mind, Joey. I just don't want to remember, if remembering is always going to hurt. I'm afraid that it will cost me the one of the two things I am most afraid to lose; my kids or my mind."

"You aren't going crazy, Sis. Who told you that you were crazy for feeling like that?"

"Mom. According to her, I am. Apparently, it is all just a construct of my own mind. Can't be real because it's all in my head, but it is all that I could ever dream of. It makes me want to sleep until it is real. I want to forget the way his voice sounds, cause it hurts too much to hear it when I am alone. I want to forget the color of his eyes, but I see it everyday in my coffee. I want to forget it all, so it doesn't hurt anymore. There is no way he can be real. No way his smell can be real. The more I remembered, I guess, the more I want to forget."

"Bryn, tell me about him?"

"What does it matter? He is no more than a fantasy my own mind created," she said as she dug in a cabinet and added a more than generous amount of Jack Daniels to her coffee.

"Bry! Really??"

"What," she groused as she sipped on her coffee flavored whiskey.

"It is barely sun rise and you are already drinking. What would he say if he caught you?"

"Doesn't matter," she grumbled as her bottom lip pulled in a little and blinked rapidly, a sure sign she was fighting back her own tears. I could see her start to fold in around herself.

'No, my dear, I am very real. And very disappointed.'

"Bullshit," I yelled. "It does matter! I will prove you wrong. I'll prove to you that he is very real," I growled in my own temper, as I leaned over the table at her, "and I know him. He would be so disappointed in you, right now. Instead of working with the connection, you were trying to drown the memories in whis-," I came to a dead stop as I realized what was actually happening. "How long have you been fighting them? The memories, I mean."

'Told ya. Wait. What!? She'd been wrestling with our memories? Oh, my stubborn Wolf, you were never meant to carry them all yourself.'

She deflated and slid the mug away from her. Resting her head on her arms, she whispered, "I was 14 the first time I remembered anything. At the time it was no more than a whisper, a cold spot when I was upset or hurting. Which, lets be honest, was a lot of the time back then. When I was 16, I finally worked up the courage to talk to someone about my dreams. My mistake was telling Ma."

I cringed. I had heard nasty stories about her mom, but sat still and let her continue.

Is her mother really that bad? How much of this had she been keeping from me.

"She went off and let loose a litany of my supposed short-comings. I still remember it, to this day. 'You are so stupid. Why would any man, especially one like THAT, want anyone like you. Anyone else would be better than YOU; you stupid, worthless, ignorant, ugly, child.' After that, I went back to keeping it all to myself. This one," she said as she brought up Forest Blakk's 'Find Me', "Says it all."

I put on the song and knew how it had hurt her for years. My anger burned when the artist spoke of being told you were crazy. 'I want her, you Crazy Bitch. Good Mother, Please,' I started, before thinking better of the prayer that had been on my tongue a moment ago. 'Please watch over her, Grandmother.'

Hearing her own mother call her those things, was tough to listen to. But I could tell she still wasn't finished yet. I let her go, she had years of this pain to offload.

"As I got older, it changed. I was almost 26 when the burn of a kiss landed on my cheek. My ex-husband, at the time, saw the blister it left and went ballistic. Woke me up by kicking the end of the bed. 'I want a divorce. I don't know who he is, but I plan on making you pay for it. Now, get your stuff and get out.' And I paid for it, alright. Didn't even bother to ask if I had it the night before, just assumed I was sneaking out. I never did. Looking back now, maybe I should have left the first time accused me. The ink wasn't dry on the divorce papers when he got remarried. Literally, got them both done in half an hour."

"Are you kidding me? He wanted to accuse you, but he...," I will admit that I was finally starting to see just how messed up her life had been. "Did you love him?"

'Messed up,' I thought, 'No, Sir. Her life has been a craptastic shitshow of epic fucking proportions. Honestly, I would like to know what fucking moronic bastard ordered this shitastical fuckfest for my Queen! I'd like to fucking throat punch him.'

She shook her head. "No. My mother sat it all up. Literally walked into the house Friday afternoon and said, 'You are getting married on Monday at 9.' He was getting deployed and she thought he would be a good fit for me, that she would get grands out of the deal. She didn't find out he was fixed until he was already gone. That is where I learned to keep my hair really short. He used to drag me around by it and scream about all of the things I did. The next day he would scream and drag me around by it to yell about all the stuff I didn't get done."

"So it was more or less arranged?"

"Yeah. After that, I met the asshole. The day he left, I had just buried a brother, and I had lost my job; all on my birthday. After all that, I fell into a deep depression. To the point where I would wonder sometimes why I was still breathing. It was in that place that I saw him. It was no more than his eyes, the exact shade of my coffee, and that voice, but still; if not for him..." she trailed off, a haunted look in her eyes.

After a few minutes of her staring off into space, I prodded, "If not for him?"

She turned and looked at me, "I wouldn't be here. I would have cut ties with this world and willingly walked right into that darkness. I can remember him telling me once, 'Don't you give up. Don't you dare give up. Get up, keep moving.' It was those eyes though, watching them seem to burn in the darkness. They stayed with me so much that I drew them at least a thousand times."

"Really?"

"Yep. Dark eyes that burn," she chuckled. "Got called crazy for that one, too. 'Why do you always draw the exact same thing, ya crazy bitch? How about a tree or a nice mountain. Why is it always those damned eyes, Not that a worthless bitch like you can draw anyway.' So yeah, there's that."

"Hold it. She actually called you worthless?"

Bryn just nodded. "Multiple times, and ugly quite a few times. At the end with the ex, she told me, 'I hate that when I, and she stressed the 'I', put a block in your path, you seem to dance around it and go off into the woods and still end up on the other side. That you whip off of the beaten path, going God knows where, on some barely visible game trail, and somehow still come out on the other side, just where you meant to be'. She said nothing pissed her off more than my ability to adapt."

'That's my Ghostie,' I thought as I smiled proudly. 'Her ability to see things others miss, explodes lower minds.'

Now, I have seen pictures of her mom and old photos of Bryn when she was younger. Let me tell you, when she was young, Bryn was coltishly pretty before becoming ethereal. Not that you could tell it now. Now, she jokes that she traded looks for brains about the time she got her doctorate.

"So, how did you end up with Clark?"

"He was there and I was getting tired of waiting, tired of my Auntie's trying to set me up with whatever boy they could find. One tried to set me up with her ex-nephew. That was nothing but awkward. We are still good friends, almost family. He has said before, 'I love you to bits, but that is icky, you are like a sister to me. Now, please, go throw on a skirt, you have amazing legs and should show them off.' That boy can turn up the girlfriend vibe in 3 seconds...flat.

I know someone who can do that. Weird.

"In the end, I got tired of the pitying looks I would get at the family things. Truth be told, when I told him to either commit or get out, I thoroughly expected him to take off at a run, like he couldn't get away fast enough. Before I knew what had happened, he told everyone I had proposed and picked a Saturday. After that, it was a whirlwind and I almost took off."

"Took off? Eloped?"

She snickered. "No. Ran away. Far away."

"Oh. So you almost pulled a runner?"

"Oh yeah. Had my bestie stand up with me because I knew that if Haka showed up and objected, he would have knocked Clark to the floor to give me time to run."

'I very nearly did show up.'

I thought back to what I said when he finally left.

"What did I say?" I stood there, leaning on the doorway, arms crossed over my chest, fingers tapping on my bicep. The look on my face was thoroughly parental.

"That it would never work."

"And....."

"You were right, I was wrong, I am sorry."

"You gonna listen to me from now on?" My face was passive, but there if she had looked she would have seen the anger in my eyes. I wasn't mad at her, I was more than a little upset with him, though.

"Yes, Dear."

"Good Girl. I'll be home as soon as I can." I cupped her face, kissed her forehead, and said, "Don't do it again. Next time you won't get away with it, my stubborn Wolf."

"Next time?"

I was turning to head back to my body, "First one doesn't count. It was arranged. This one, you got swept up in. Don't do it again. Now, go to sleep."

I had to breathe a minute against the anger building in my chest. Then, I went back to the story.

"You call him 'Haka'? That's cute."

"Yeah, he's Heyhaka, the Elk. Haka, for short. Then there is Sweet Pea, and the occasional Assbag."

"And is he often a jerk?"

"Nah. Only when he is making promises he has no intentions to keep."

'Listen here, Lady! I fully intend to keep them when they are made, Woman!'

"I really don't think he would make them if he didn't intend on keeping them, Sissie. Sometimes, circumstance gets in the way, and then they don't get the focus they deserve. How does he phrase it?"

"All he says is 'Soon'."

I laughed. "The word 'soon' is not a promise. It's an open guarantee."

"What?"

"It's a half promise. He can't put a time on it so he just says soon. You know, sometimes you can be kind of dense."

'Exactly. You are kind of thick sometimes, Darling.'

Bryn's cheeks pinked. "Aww, shut the fuck up," She laughed.

"You've got a potty mouth!"

My jaw dropped. 'Naughty.'

"Like you didn't know or don't have one of your own. Has he not told you the extent of my sailor's mouth?"

"He doesn't know that I know you. I get to hear about everything from both sides. Kinda makes me wanna poke my ear drums out sometimes."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. You two are fuckin' perfect for each other."

'I guess we are, huh?'

About that time, the kids started waking up. Davidd was first, followed by Mattie, and then Darryn. I was sitting on the couch, getting the walkthrough of how to turn on the cartoon channels when Mattie climbed up next to me and curled up in my side.

"Morning, Munchkin," I said cheerfully.

She sagged against me and whispered, "Morning, Uncle Joey. Can I have some new milk?"

I was taken aback by the simplicity of the request. "Shouldn't you be asking your mom for that?"

"I would but Daddy called and him and mama got into another fight."

'And that just cashed out my good night.', I thought as I could have sworn I heard a knock at my door.

A-N:) Please don't shoot the messenger. Spirit put up some of the tags. Lol.