#I hold to that. Even when intaking qbfs content I do so with the firm belief that Hitori does not have romantic feelings for Kazuaki

[i-am-literally-deranged]

I'm so sorry that my ask came at an unfortunate time for you. I completely 100% relate to having a ship that is that distressing to you. My intention with this was really two things

1. I have a lot of opinions and enjoy sharing them. You've probably noticed that by now. If there is something one can have an opinion on, I have one, and very much want to share it to whoever will listen. I like being part of the conversation.

And more importantly

2. I wanted you to know that I'm on your side. Like, I know that you definitely aren't intentionally drawing lines in the sand here. But I couldn't shake the idea that somewhere in there you were mentally filing people in your head into a sort of "us" and "them" category, and the idea of being wrongly filed just didn't sit right with me. I wanted you to know that my posting habits weren't actually an accurate picture of my beliefs. I don't disagree with you, and I never did.

You started the conversation about qbfs right after I rbed that qbfs comic, and while I don't necessarily think it's a direct causation, I did worry that that was what spurred you to make your post when you did. I felt bad about the idea that I may have made you uncomfortable, and felt worse about potentially being misunderstood. I consider you my friend, and care about what you think of me.

I relate so heavily to your description of how shipping culture affects you. I absolutely absolutely do. I've ejected myself from entire fandoms because of my own personal revulsion towards certain ships, and the hostility of not shipping the most prevalent ship. I don't even mean people being hostile personally, but the inescapable nature of shipping and how it starts to feel like walking through a minefield of potential Day Ruiners whenever looking at fan content, making a fandom a hostile environment. I have extensively blocked tags for series that I love, because seeing certain parts of the fandom literally make me sick. I GET IT. I see myself in a lot of what you're saying. Or rather, I see a lot of the me a few years ago. And I remember how it made me feel when people I enjoyed interacting with in the fandom would support these ships that I had that kind of reaction to, and it didn't feel good. It felt like a weird sort of betrayal, even as much as I knew that it had absolutely nothing to do with me and that I should just let people enjoy things. Like "Ah, so you're one of Those." And maybe you don't have that problem, and don't get that feeling. I wouldn't know. But I felt a real need to tell you "No, no, I'm NOT one of those! I don't actually think this is right either! I'm still trustworthy." Because I do feel somewhat betrayed when that happens. And whether you think like that or not, I didn't want to let you feel that sense of betrayal the way I would in your shoes. So my response (as always) to that was to try to explain myself, and my actual stance on the issue.

I'm not a qbfs guy. I'm someone who really enjoys Yun's art, and she draws a lot of qbfs so I've just learned to appreciate qbfs. Adaptation. My intention was never to like, suggest that being a reformed hater was a better response to things. I just wanted to explain why I would think one thing, and then sort of say another. (Dislike qbfs but support qbfs content) I'm sorry if that didn't exactly serve its intended purpose.

Anyway, don't worry, no kablooeys here. I think I understood you well. I know that none of this is actually That Serious. The reason that I'm kind of approaching it with an attitude like it's a serious issue is not because it actually is one, or because I think you are actively upset, but because, well, it's important to me. I'm confident enough to step past the cringe and terminally online-ness of it all to admit that this is genuinely really important to me, and I think it's important to you too. I care very deeply about our little fictional guys. I invest a lot emotionally into their stories. It makes me genuinely really upset when I feel like people are misrepresenting them, or disrespecting them in fandom. So I think that this topic deserves my sincerity. You haven't done anything to make me believe that this should be treated seriously for your sake, so I'm treating it seriously for my own sake. I fully recognize that it isn't that serious, but the way these characters are treated is important to me, so I am going to take the conversation about it seriously. That's just how I am. So please don't concern yourself with my response being disproportionately sincere. You were perfectly fine, and said nothing incendiary. I'm just taking a very casual and not serious discussion in a really overly sincere way because I can, and it feels right to do it that way.

I am currently foaming at the mouth with desire to participate in the qbfs discourse that you're starting but I'm currently way too busy to sit down and organize all my thoughts and write a cohesive response how I would want to!!! RAGE AND FURY AT THAT!! KILLING KILLING KILLING VIOLENCE!! But anyway I'm going to do my best to sum up my thoughts for you while I've got a minute, since I don't have the time for a full on response post.

I've been meaning to explain my feelings on qbfs and shipping in Hatoful in general for like forever, and just haven't had the chance and also haven't wanted to unnecessarily start any drama. It's the same reason why I have just never spoken on the subject of Shuu. I Dislike Him, but I have close and beloved mutuals who are Shuu lovers and I don't want to diss their boy to their faces. I have close and beloved qbfs mutuals and I don't want them to feel like I don't like it when they talk about their ship, or that I'm being fake when I hype them for it. So I just never said anything about it.

I wanted to say that I know that I look like a qbfs guy. I'm not actually a qbfs guy.

I formerly had a VITRIOLIC HATRED of the ship way back when, and resented its very existence, specifically because it felt like such a misunderstanding of Hitori.

I've really come around on enjoying qbfs content though, because I DO actually find it interesting to explore. I started looking at qbfs in the fandom like "Okay, well this isn't what really happened. Let's set aside canon for a bit and step outside, and explore an idea in a vacuum." And I found that while I still didn't ship them, or feel like they should be together in any capacity, that it could provide a lot of other things that I did like. Explorations of sides to these characters that I didn't typically look at. Concepts that I found interesting. And quite frankly, I'm a sucker for angst. But I understand why you not finding anything interesting in the idea of romance would find absolutely nothing of value here. Because as far as I'm concerned, that IS the only value here.

Basically, it's that I didn't want to be angry at something that made other people happy. So I made myself stop being angry and approached the idea from another angle, and once I did I found things about it that I enjoyed.

So I don't want you to mistakenly think that I'm a qbfs guy. I am a reformed hater. If you had showed this post to me like two or three years ago you would have found someone enthusiastically agreeing with you, and offering to get the pitchforks and torches. I was MAD about this ship. Nowadays my attitude towards it is a lot more "Holy shit two cakes!" In that it makes more people draw and talk about Hitori, and I'm just happy to see more of that.

So I guess my overall statement here is that I am by nature a Hater, and my original, Purer Hater Form would be framing your post up on the wall. But unfortunately I've been trying to become a chiller guy, and found that when I don't take things so seriously that at the end of the day it makes me happy when people draw Hitori, and for me that still includes when he's with Kazuaki.

over a full week has passed since i received this ask and i'm finally able to respond.

i'll be completely honest. when i first read this, i was overstimulated and anxious and defensive and i figured reading a longer message about hatoful boyfriend my favorite game hatoful boyfriend would distract me and help relax my thoughts. boy was i wrong! i was anxious and defensive and so my immediate response was anxious and defensive. and i was aware of that. i could absolutely tell my brain was getting upset at things that were not there so i had to take a step back and just straight up forget about it for a while so i didn't react in a way that was upsetting. and then when i decided i was ready to respond, EVERY SINGLE TIME something got in my way. fuck you responsibilities!! but now i have some time and i no longer have god's punishment of sensory overload ruining my thoughts and now i can share.

i totally respect your point of view. it's not for me! but i respect it.

i think something in my original post that i was trying to get across was that i think, well honestly most ships that could be brought up within hatoful, but obviously in particular qbfs reduces the characters involved to tropes and limits the emotional impact behind them. i get how you or somebody else could see it differently, especially considering i'm aromantic and completely disinterested in romance and you're not. but i'm completely turned off and, a lot of the time, made uncomfy by the ship. for a while i didn't know how to respond without just saying "yeah but it makes me uncomfortable. i'm glad you like it though," but i think i have more to say than that.

i personally genuinely dislike the content. i don't like how it makes me feel. while you may be a reformed hater, i'm not sure i can be because we dislike(d) it for different reasons. i think we agreed that it doesn't seem accurate to character (which i can't pretend doesn't bother me. it absolutely does. if you haven't picked up on this fact yet i am a Stickler for canon), but i also have the. Repulsion. that prevents me from ever really feeling comfortable with it. i, personally, DON'T like when my mutuals post about it, and i try to avoid it when i can. but i do that with most ships, hbf related or not. i just really find myself resenting a ship between kazuaki and hitori because it's the main ship in the fanbase that people talk about, meaning i have to dodge around it the most, making me associate most of my negative opinions with shipping culture with it.

at the same time though, i tried to make it really clear in my posts that i am not annoyed with any specific individual who posts about it and i don't think anybody's wrong for thinking it's fun! i like when people have fun :] i'm glad you're able to just see it as more content, especially considering the size of our active fanbase.

honestly i really just wanted to defend aroace hitori. because it is real. it is true and real and while i did also want to vaguely express my frustration with having to face something that makes me feel bad from time to time i really just wanted to make it known that he's aromantic and he will always be aromantic and i will always be right. i hope you agree with me. you never said whether or not you did, though i believe in june you did say it was a valid assumption and so from that i will take that you believe i am right. because i am. did i say that?

i hold respect for your ability to move past your hater-y ways. my conscience itself holds me to my own but your progress is worthy of applause. and i will shake your hand in mutual understanding while also wanting to avoid the content as much as i can.