#I haven't finished a single thing in literal years so I'm proud of the 1k I got down before my brain clocked out

[piratefalls]

an 8x06 fix-it where tommy gets home, admits to himself that he's being an idiot, and turns around.

By the time he walks through his own front door it's been an hour. An hour since he broke Evan's -- Buck's, he reminds himself, knowing it's useless, that it'll always be Evan -- heart, and his own in the process, and he just...stands there in his living room. He stands there among the dark furniture and a stack of blankets and his widescreen tv, shelves full of odds and ends he's collected over the years. He stands there and keeps trying to convince himself that he did the right thing.

Tries to convince himself that it means nothing when he looks at his couch and sees them curled up, Evan's head resting on Tommy's shoulder as he tried so hard to stay awake through Mannequin. Sees the recliner and remembers the way Evan's hair felt as he carded his fingers through it, the warmth of his skin as he pressed a kiss to his birthmark.

Keeps trying to convince himself even as he looks straight ahead to the kitchen, sees himself coming in the door one night after a long shift to find Evan had not only made dinner - a roast and potatoes, something warm and comforting to help usher in sleep by the time they both got to bed - but set the table, an ivory taper candle burning bright in the center. Remembers how nice it was to come home to the warmth of another person's presence.

His conviction wavers when he looks down the hall and sees the first time he pulled Evan toward his bed. Knows that if he walked to his room he'd see shadows of the way Evan looked standing there, no shirt, pants unbuttoned, begging Tommy to just touch him already, what are you waiting for. The place where he heard Evan gasp and moan, felt him tremble and shake in his arms, remembers the way his eyes widened the first time he made Evan come. The many nights they spent after that wrapped up together under the covers, Evan's fingers tracing the curve of his spine as he hummed his contentment into the skin of Tommy's shoulder.

The full spectrum of regret hits him in the chest like a punch when he sees Evan's hoodie thrown over the back of the couch. Sees the remote control pack hanging off the arm of the recliner that's only there because Evan got sick of searching for the tv remote whenever he came over. Sees the little toy helicopter Evan bought him because it made me think of you.

Looking at it makes him ache. Makes him long and want in ways he never has before, and he’s still scared. Still afraid of being burned even though this time he's the one who set himself on fire. What did he think it would accomplish, breaking two hearts to protect one? In the end his is still in pieces on Evan’s kitchen floor, all because he pushed up some imaginary deadline on their relationship. It's stupid. He's stupid. It's all so deeply stupid.

He looks around and Evan's fingerprints, proof that he was here, are everywhere. His house - his life - is filled with Evan, tucked away in every nook and cranny, his heart a steady cadence of a name he's not sure he has a right to say out loud anymore. He sees his future, haunted by a ghost of his own making, and he asks himself, What have I done?

Then a moment later: What if it's not too late to make it right?

He pulls his keys out of the dish by the door and all but runs to his truck. He backs out of the driveway faster than is probably advisable (he's pretty sure he hits a curb, but it doesn't matter, it's a guaranteed fix but his relationship is not). He pushes the limit part of speed limit, and is at Evan's building in record time.

He knocks on Evan's door but there's no answer. Tommy's not really surprised, even if his heart squeezes tightly in his chest; Evan's not obligated to open it, or even acknowledge his presence at all, but Tommy needs to at least try. He doesn't have a key - they didn't quite get there - so he reaches into his back pocket for his phone. It rings before he gets a chance to even unlock it, screen lighting up with Evan's face, soft with sleep after a night of marathon sex that took place after two weeks of conflicting schedules. After another second, he swipes to answer.

"I know you probably don't want to see me, but can you let me in?" The pause on the other end lasts just long enough that Tommy checks to see if the call has disconnected. "Buck?"

"First of all," he responds. "Never call me that again. Second, what are you talking about?"

"Bu--Evan... I'm standing at your front door."

He hears Evan snort on the other end. "Well that's unfortunate, because I'm currently standing at your front door. Full of righteous indignation and a desperate need to call you an idiot to your face."

Tommy can't think of anything to say except, "I'm so sorry. I should have talked to you instead of walking away. I shouldn't have assumed anything. I just got --"

"Scared," Evan finishes. "I know. And I came here to tell you to suck it up, because I'm scared too, but you're worth fighting for. We're worth fighting for." Evan lets out a deep sigh. "I'm sorry, too, by the way. I should have asked if you were ready to have that conversation instead of jumping straight to you moving in. And I probably should have started by telling you that I want to live with you because I love you."

Tommy grins, heart nearly beating out of his chest, so full of hope it could burst. "You think you can find it within yourself to tell me in person?"

Evan groans after a second. "How do you know about that?"

"It was an open channel, Evan, everyone heard Bobby say that."

There's a moment of silence before Evan responds. "So we should definitely talk about this. And, like, so many other things. Will you wait for me at the loft?"

"I'll be here."

"And once we get done talking about how you're an idiot and how we should both practice better communication, I expect a lot of groveling. I mean a lot."

Tommy's grin spreads. "As you wish."

Evan groans again, and it's the best thing Tommy's ever heard.

"Hey, Evan?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

He can practically hear Evan smile as he murmurs, "I know. I'll see you soon."

And Tommy's so sure in that moment that, with a little bit of work and a lot of talking, everything is going to be fine. Maybe even forever.