#I haven't decided which one I think is more likely/funnier

[idkwhatever580]

Embarrassed

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x enhanced!reader (Reader has powers like Wanda's but pink because I'm the author and I can do what I want, and my fav color is pink)

Prompt: Reader's best friend Wanda informs reader about this new thing she learned with Agatha that amped up their sex life. Reader decides to try it out with Nat, and the outcome is better than expected.

Warnings: SMUT, enchanted strap, bondage, slapping, daddy kink (daddy is not a reflection of your gender just a term I used i swear!) cumming without permission?/warning?, swearing, tmi? (Is there such thing as tmi between best friends?), teasing. Top!Reader (semi soft)

A/N: I already had this in my drafts partially finished but then I got a rq and I thought I could incorporate it into this so yeah :) thanks for the request @keirannoa420 <3 (I made reader afab but I think I made them gn for everything else I hope that isn't a problem!)

Today is a simple day for the Avengers. Almost nobody is on a mission today, so everyone is doing their own thing to decompress and rest. Especially since last week was horrible. It was just mission after mission for you and the others.

From what you know, Tony and Bruce are in their lab, Steve and Buck went on a date after visiting Peggy's grave to give her the monthly flowers, Clint went back with his family, Thor and Loki are back at Asgard until needed, Nat is reading in her library, Agatha is in a therapy session (she is still healing from her witchy trauma, good on her!), Vision is probably floating around somewhere, Peter is with Aunt May, the rest of the younger ones are out and about, while you and Wanda are catching up on a much-needed yapping session.

"Omg did you hear what happened on Sam and Tony's mission yesterday?"

You sit up being intrigued, "No, what happened?"

She giggles at the thought of what happened, and says, "He- he"

She can't even tell you what happened without bursting into laughter. "He what! Oh my gosh stop laughing and tell me what happened!"

Your need to hear what happened overpowering your patience, but Wanda eventually can control her laughs into a soft snicker every now and then, "He had to run into the building instead of his usual flying, and he ended up slipping and falling on his back and rolling around because it was raining! Sam got the whole thing recorded thanks to redwing!"

You burst into laughter at the thought of Tony slipping, this surely hurt his ego more than anything. You gasp and say, "Wait... can I see the video? Do you have it?"

She laughs and grabs her phone, "Of course I have the video! I would say I'm surprised you don't have it, but I forgot your phone broke."

You roll your eyes at the reminder of not having a phone to do your daily social media things, but Nat says you need a break from your phone. Joke's on her, you're just bothering her more. (She secretly likes it)

You're drawn away from your thoughts when Wanda holds her phone to your face, the video of Tony slipping funnier than you pictured.

(volume is not necessary for this one)

You both started laughing so hard that tears fell from your eyes, but you both eventually calmed down and were able to change the subject. "So, how's Aggie? I feel like I haven't seen her in months even though I've only been on a mission for a week."

She smiles softly and says, "She's good. Her twice-a-week therapy sessions are really impacting her in a good way. I think she might be having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the Avengers though. She still gets overwhelmed sometimes. Which is what I was scared about. I didn't want to bring her into this space after nine whole months of secretly dating just for her to regress on her progress, but I think she is getting there. Her communication skills are definitely getting better which is helping me accommodate to her needs you know?"

You smile and nod knowingly, "Yeah, I remember coming here for the first time from being a S.H.E.I.L.D. agent, it was terrifying, but my relationship with Nat only grew from where we were. Something is bound to blossom from her too. Anything else interesting with you two?"

Wanda sends me a small smirk and says, "I've been trying out new spells and tricks to cast and I happened to fall upon an interesting spell."

You raise an eyebrow with a tentative voice, "Interesting how?"

She giggles and says, "Okay, so obviously we talk about our sex lives a lot together, but this spell just made bedroom time way better. It's a spell to make an inanimate object basically a part of you. You can feel it and everything that happens to it. So, I tested this spell out on a certain strap-on that we use and let me just say I've never felt so good before. I think you should really try it on Nat, the first time I did it to Aggie, she literally cried because she felt so good."

You raise your eyebrows suggestively and say, "That is quite the interesting find Wands. I'm impressed. You'll have to show me the spell. I think I might try it out on Natty tonight if I can do it right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a few tries of this new spell with Wanda, you're able to feel everything that happens to the tv remote in your leg. You smirk at Wanda and go to exit the room just as Agatha comes back. You send your goodbyes and almost sprint to Natasha's library, making sure to stop by your room to get a certain backpack.

The joys of having your own floor with Natasha means that the things on that floor are only used by the both of you, unless otherwise provoked. So, you know nobody is going to be walking into this space. This also means that you guys can literally fuck anywhere on that floor, but you are so excited to try this spell on her.

You slow down right before you enter and you saunter in, even though Nat has her noise cancelling headphones on, so you know she won't hear you. You come up behind her and softly rest your arms on her shoulders slowly creeping down to kiss her cheek.

She pulls off her headphones and says, "Hello detka. Do you need anything?"

You simply nod your head and give her a soft kiss on the lips to distract her before carefully snatching the current book she is invested in. She lets go of it but not without a pout, "Baby, I was reading that."

You carefully set the book down after putting a bookmark in. Then you walk around and pull her headphones off her ears which makes her even more confused. Until you sit in her lap and snuggle up to her neck. She softly smiles and starts rubbing patterns on your back. "Aww baby, did you want cuddles?"

You nod your head innocently and she says, "Well I can do that while also reading my book so can I have it back?"

You shake your head, and she realizes there's something else you want. She raises an eyebrow, and skeptically says, "What else is it? Did you do something?"

You pull away from her neck and shake your head, "No, I didn't do nothin', but I'm 'bout to."

She furrows her beautiful brows in confusion but notices the glint in your eyes. She knows this look; she has seen it a million times before. How could she miss it? So, she pouts and says, "Aww is my detka a bit horny?"

You nod your head and whisper, "I want to try something new today."

She smirks and nods, always willing to try everything once, well, almost everything. "Of course, detka, what is it you were wanting to try?"

You smile and say, "You're gonna have to wait and find out."

She rolls her eyes at your antics, but you kiss her on the lips and the words that were on the tip of her tongue fade away quickly.

You both start making out softly, a tenderness infiltrates your hearts that only you two can replicate with each other. The kiss quickly turns aggressive though. Her hands falling to your hips to steady them when they start to move on their own, while yours go to her hair to softly tug on the luscious, fiery locks.

Moans start to spill out of you when your core starts to rub on her thigh, and she starts to unbutton your pants trying to get directly to the source, but you push her away. Before she can question your antics, you reach behind her lounge chair to grab the backpack and wave it in front of her face. She smiles and you both stand up to undress yourselves, not bothering to do it for the other, instead choosing efficiency.

Once she has the strap securely tightened around her hips, you push her back down and sit just before the silicon cock, butt resting on her thighs. "I need you to hold still and be quiet for a moment, okay?"

She furrows her brows and says, "Wait, what are you doing?"

You smile at her and say, "I just need you to trust me so I can work my magic." You kiss her doubts away and whisper, "I think you're going to quite like this."

You cast the spell silently and when it is done, you look in her eyes and there is nothing, but confusion written all over her face. "What did you do?"

You smirk and spit on your hand before softly rubbing the tip of the dildo making her hips jerk. "Woah."

You smirk and say, "Woah indeed. Did that feel good?"

She nods her head and says, "Seriously Y/n, what did you do to me?"

You giggle and say, "I made you be able to feel everything like it is your own."

You shimmy your body down to be eye level with the pink sparkly attachment, and you look up into her eyes with yours being doe like from this angle and you slowly take her length into your mouth.

This new sensation causing Nat to moan helplessly and thread her fingers through your hair. You softly start to play with yourself and stretch yourself out, while making sure to not give her too much stimulation. Once you deem yourself ready to take her, you pull away and Nat glares at you. "Why'd you pull away?"

You smile and kiss her worries away, "So I can do this..."

You grab the attachment and slowly slide yourself onto her. Moaning at the size. She always seems to be so big even when you take her all the time. She moans extra loud when you take her to the hilt, and suddenly her hips jerk and her eyes roll to the back of her head.

You force her to look into your eyes and then you start to bounce up and down while grinding onto her.

Although you are feeling very good, your sole intention is to make Nat feel good today. "How does it feel baby?"

She opens her mouth to say something, but only a measly gasp is heard. After a while, she finally is able to conjure a sentence, "Fuck... it feels- so good."

You smirk and say, "Yeah? You like feeling this pussy clench around you?"

She whimpers and nods her head biting her lip to stifle her sounds. Usually you wouldn't let that slide, but since it is her first time feeling this, you'll give her some grace.

You start to bounce up and down on her cock more aggressively and her hands tighten around your hips. She is completely still excepting the few involuntary thrusts her hips make, which make you moan at the spot she hits when she does this.

Nat's head is thrown back and she finally lets go of her lip, allowing all the beautiful sounds to tumble out of her throat. Her pathetic noises are so hot to you and even hotter when she tries to speak, "Y/n I- it feels, I-"

All of a sudden, her words are cut off with an almost pornographic moan, which makes you so wet because you never hear her be this vocal. Her hips start thrusting into you uncontrollably and her hands are scratching into your hips, not that you care.

You furrow your eyebrows as hers raise in surprise and embarrassment. You slow down and say, "Did you... did you just cum?"

Natasha lets out an exhausted breath and looks at anything but you, until you move her by her chin to look into your eyes. When she sees your eyes, she tears up a bit, "I'm sorry I don't know what's wrong with me! I usually last way longer than that! I wasn't even prepared for it; it just sprang up on me."

She starts to ramble, so you shut her up with a kiss and when you pull away you chuckle softly, "Natty baby, I don't know why you came so fast, but I'll bet you it has something to do with the fact that this spell makes you feel things you've never felt before huh?"

She nods her head, and you smile, "Do you want to keep going or do you want to stop?"

She frowns and says, "I want you to cum."

You smile and shake your head, "That's not what I asked darling, I asked about you."

She thinks about it, and then a nasty thought pops into her brain, and she says, "I wanna keep going."

So, you nod your head, and keep moving and grinding on her, this time she makes it about five minutes before the same thing happens.

You become beyond confused as it looks like she just came again. Once she calms down, you tentatively ask, "Did you just... again?"

Her eyes widen and her face turns redder than her hair. She tears up a bit and tries to shove you off of her to inevitably run off and hide from her embarrassment, but you push on her hips, and she moans again. She still tries to get away, so you cut her thoughts off with soft tone saying, "Darling, don't worry, it's okay if you did, you know? It is a new sensation, and it is normal to have a crazy reaction to it."

She previously covered her red face with her hands to hide, so you carefully pull her hands down and smile at her small frame. "Tasha, why are you hiding from me?"

She finally cracks and says, "Because! That was so embarrassing! I've never finished that fast! So, I am embarrassed because I didn't even get to last long enough to have fun, and don't even mention the fact that you didn't get anything out of it!"

You pout at her with fake pity, "Oh darling," You brush her already sweaty hair out of her face and clench your pussy on her strap making her moan at the feeling, "You don't have to worry about that, trust me, we are going to have fun all night. You'll be begging me to stop."

She timidly nods her head, and you say, "Is that okay?"

She nods and says, "I really want to keep going."

You smile and nod your head, but before you can start riding her again, she pulls you off of her swiftly and flips you over on your hands and knees, slipping right back into your wet cunt.

She leans over to whisper in your ear, "I'm gonna fuck this pussy so hard."

You can only moan in response because she's already thrusting deep and hard into your insides. You consider giving in to her and letting her take over, but you already made your mind up ahead of time and she is not getting in your way. So, with a flick of your wrist, she is flipped over, and ropes appear and tie themselves around her wrists.

You crawl up to her as the pink glimmers fade from your eyes, and shake your head, "Thought you could get away with it huh?"

She doesn't answer and you slap her breast making her jerk and yelp out, "I asked you a question, didn't I?"

She meekly nods her head, and you say, "Then I expect you to answer it."

She nods her head again and you say, "Don't make me ask again."

"Yes! I thought I could get away with it! Please daddy!"

You bite your lip at the power trip you're getting from this, but you make sure to soften up and check on Nat knowing she only uses 'daddy' when she's extra sensitive, "I want you to use the color system just like always, okay? Can you tell me a color?"

She doesn't even hesitate before saying, "Yes! Green, please daddy!"

A sigh falls from your lips at hearing that and you nod your head. "Okay baby, you know I'm not gonna be nice to you right?"

She whimpers and nods her head closing her eyes to center herself. You smirk and flip her over, making the dildo hit the bed when you push her hips down on the bed.

She moans out and you lean forward, your lips brushing softly over the shell of her ear, and you whisper, "Do not cum."

Her eyes widen and she shakes her head knowing she's already sensitive from previous orgasms, and she whines out, "No! Please daddy!"

You chuckle at her desperation and say, "If you're good tonight, I'll find a spell to make it so that you can cum in me too."

She shudders at the thought of being able to "breed" you and both of you feel it, so regardless of how much she already wants to cum, she nods her head and takes a breath to prepare herself.

Right before you are about to start, she yelps out, "Wait!"

You freeze in worry that she doesn't want this anymore, so you pause and look to her and let her speak. Her words come out the first time a quiet jumbled mess so you say, "What was that babe?"

She looks over her shoulder and says a little louder this time, "Can I hold a pillow?"

You think about it for a moment, and ultimately decide that if you're not going to comfort her until after, she might as well have something else to find comfort in, so you nod your head and she grabs a pillow. Once she is situated you wait for her queue and when she nods her head you begin to massage her ass a bit before pulling back and landing a harsh slap on her butt.

Natasha's hips jerk away from your hand, and in turn makes her strap rut against the bed stimulating her. She lets out a mix between a moan and a groan because she feels good, but she also knows you put limitations on her.

You continue your assault on her now red and pink ass, and the lewd sounds that are emitting from Nat's throat are making you more wet than you'd like to admit.

You slap her ass again, and she starts to uncontrollably hump the mattress, and you won't allow her to cum without asking so you grab her hips and lift them from the bed before she can stimulate herself any further. She groans and pleads, "Please. ugh please I need it!"

You simply chuckle and shake your head, "Need it so bad you're willing to give up cumming for a week?"

Her eyes widen at that threat and she whimpers knowing she might not be able to hold back since the last two came out of nowhere, but you lay her back down and say, "two more, then you can cum again."

She nods her head, crossing her fingers that she makes it, and out of nowhere the second to last slap is let out on her skin. It is way harder than all the others, so in turn, it makes Nat almost forget about what you said. Almost.

You hum and rub her ass tenderly, not letting her know when the last one is coming, and the second she whimpers again you pull back and hit her ass so hard it has her shoving her hips back into you.

She catches her breath and rolls around. You tell her to hold still as you are about to disenchant the strap, but Nat says, "Wait, baby, what are you doing?"

You furrow your brows and say, "I thought you said you were done after this orgasm?"

She nods and says, "I held it, I wanna cum with you on my cock."

Her eyes are so sweet and soft you simply can't refuse, so you let her win this time, riding her cock until the both of you come, and then you end up just laying together in a moment of tenderness.

"I love you detka."

"I love you too Natty, I'm glad you liked the surprise."

"Oh, I loved it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Masterlist

Taglist

@ilovesnat @ihartnat @marvelnatasha12346 @moistblobfish @justarandomreaderxoxo @lovelyy-moonlight @symp4nat @ale-estrabao

Comment to be added to the taglist!!! I have a list of prompts coming out after this :)))

A/N: I hope y'all liked it!!! (Did you catch my Love and Death reference???) Also, I apologize for the rushed ending, I really needed to get this out.

[morelikeravenbore]

Sebastian Sallow, the yapper.

And other such headcanons.

I woke up this morning with the most pressing desire to word vomit some random Sebastian headcanons. These are all based on my fic How to Make a Villain but I've used "you" in place of Aurélie's name for delulu's sake. 

I literally haven't proof read this so. 

*chucks*

✨ He's enchanted every single pocket in every item of clothing he owns and keeps EVERYTHING in them. Books, sweets, potions, wiggenwalds, quills, parchment, plants, rocks, a snitch, notebooks, food. Good luck doing his laundry or trying to find ANYTHING he needs. 

✨ Hoards sentimental items the way a magpie hoards shiny things. Yes, that twig you fiddled with during your first conversation is INCREDIBLY important to him and he'll never ever get rid of it. 

✨ He interrupts a lot but it's only because his brain whizzes at a zillion miles an hour. 

✨ Can't sit still.

✨ Definitely has adhd. 

✨ Constantly snacks on sweets (which he keeps in his enchanted pockets, usually loose because he lost the box.) His favourite is Every Flavour Beans, he'll scarf them down by the handful and isn't put off by the disgusting combination of flavours. In fact, he the worse the flavour combo, the funnier he thinks it is. Do not accept any sweets he offers you because who knows how long they've been in his pockets. 

✨ His innate optimism is what keeps him toeing the line between light and dark but is ultimately what saves him. 

✨ Can always make you laugh even during the most stressful times. 

✨ He needs some ONE to fight for rather than some THING. Hes incredibly goal oriented but as long as it centres around his loved one/s. Will fight harder for you than he will for himself. 

✨ Is overly physically affectionate and will never ever stop touching you, hugging you, smooching you, playing with your hair, poking your face, lifting you up, dragging you around by the wrist, sleeping on top of you, pinching you, tickling you. 

✨ Sleeps like 3 hours a night, somehow manages to function.

✨ HIGHLY intelligent, like I'm talking gifted kid level kinda smart.

✨ But also highly impulsive which explains his whole "genius who does a lot of dumb shit" thing. 

✨ On account of his childhood trauma, he will literally BEG you to marry him but will take a bloody ridiculously long time to decide to have kids.

✨ Speaking of marriage, his love for you runs DEEP but he's about as romantic as a slug so expect his proposal to burst outta him on a whim.

✨ He won't hesitate to defend you, threaten for you, commit Muggle violence for you, duel for you, but he treats you soooo gently. 

✨ Certified yapper. Sometimes he'll wake you up in the middle of the night to yap. Sometimes he'll want to show you how high he can karate kick for like fifteen minutes straight.

✨ He hates cutting his hair and usually grows it out all wild and unruly until you can't take it any more and force a haircut on him.

[shiongenkai]

TD Captain Swap

I have crafted a captain swap so hilarious to me I need to talk about it so here's the stupidest thing ever.

Frostheim: Yuri

Vagastrom: Jin

Jabberwock: Ed

Sinostra: Alan

Hotarubi: Taiga

Obscuary: Haru

Mortkranken: Subaru

My insane ramblings below the cut.

My basic premise is that one day Darkwick is like. In order to promote harmony across the houses and establish rapport with one another we will be assigning captains to a new house for the next month. And then they do that. And it all falls apart immediately.

Frostheim

Yuri voice ill never go back. And then Darkwick is like okay you're too biased against them go make up!! And Yuri seethes so hard something in his body pops.

First off, nooo way he gets along with Tohma or feels comfortable in Jin's room. Secondly, Kaito? Kaito. Literally no way that guy won't scream every other day. It's not even that he dislikes Yuri, it's just that the rumors are too Big for Kaito not to freak out every single time. And Luca of course will not help this concern ever, and will ask for Yuri's history and why he seems so familiar with Frostheim stuff, and Yuri will have to decide how far morals can carry him.

Somehow someway everyone in this scenario comes out appreciating Jin just like. A smidge more. His Frostheim runs as smoothly as Yuri's Frostheim but there's something slightly more dignified about it.

Vagastrom

I really just need a Jin Leo bitch off. Leo trying to get info from Jin except he soundproofed his room again, Jin not giving a shit about what the two of them do which makes it considerably less fun despite neither Sho nor Leo being willing to admit that, Jin using his stigma when MC is around to force Leo to do things. It's technically functional, like Vagastrom doesn't fall to chaos after Jin asserts his dominance on day one, but it's like. Everyone misses Alan so bad. So bad. Sho and Leo would never admit it to his face but they prefer their captain over Jin even if most things haven't really changed.

Also I think the only reasons Jin would leave his room is if Leo was bothering him too much and even then it would take a bit. I think Sho's life wouldn't be changed a whole lot but he'd miss the sparring and also find Jin's philosophy like.... not strange or bad but too different???? Like yeah it's annoying to spar every day but it's also fun. That's his enrichment...

Jabberwock

This is what inspired it all. The exact sequence of events was that I thought to myself, wouldn't it be funny if Ed was in Jabberwock since it's usually pretty sunny and it requires a lot of work? And then I thought, and also Towa is there. And then I remembered Towa hates Ed and I laughed so hard I cried trying to envision Ed announcing that he's replacing Haru for the time being and Towa trying to electrocute him.

Ren and Ed would also be funny because as long as Ed leaves Ren alone I'm sure he'd be fine. And doubly so if he draws Towa's attention away from him. But I can't tell if after that it'd be funnier if Ren gets annoyed because Ed is actually high maintenance and if Towa isn't doing it then Ren definitely has to. And he'd hate that. OR Ed has seen all his movies and knows all his games and keeps trying to talk to him about it but in a way that pisses him off about it and he's like mad about that. Either way I can't imagine anyone in this house is happy about this arrangement and it's killing me to imagine.

Sinostra

You'll have to stick with me for this one because it's a very specific dynamic in my mind that I'm not very good at articulating but basically. Romeo is at first glad Taiga can't mess things up anymore (even though deep down he misses him) and glad Alan is capable of scaring people straight just by Looking but then Alan is like hey this operation isn't very honorable. It's a low blow to threaten and intimidate and cheat. And then they butt heads about it endlessly.

Which is why Ritsu has to come in and be the equalizer but Alan can't take him seriously because he's like you're way too skinny you have no muscle what is your diet what's your trianing like. Spar with me. And Ritsu, embarrassed and offended, is like ILL HAVE YOU KNOW IM WORKING ON IT. And Alan genuinely offers to help but Ritsu is too used to Taiga and lowkey assumes Alan is making fun of him. And Alan is sincere. So he keeps going.

Hotarubi

PLEASEEEE PICTURE IT. THINK ABOUT IT. Think about the Haku Taiga prologue dynamic and make that daily life. Now add in the fact that Hotarubi is meant to be traditional Japanese themes with grace and tranquility and then imagine Taiga is there and try to tell me that's not the funniest shit ever.

And then add in Zenji. We already know Taiga can see or sense more than others so I would bet everything he could probably sense Zenji in some way, which he honestly probably wouldn't care about but I think he'd care a lot about the doll or the biwa. Basically I think he'd try to eat it. I think he'd try to eat something and it would be chaos and hilarious and please just imagine the three of them together. Please. Please. Please.

Obscuary

House Simulator. This is the only truly fully functioning house with no problems outside of Lyca complaining about noise and annoyances and so on so forth. And that is because Rui and Haru are so used to doing like 100% of the work all the time that they both try to do it and end up finishing all the work in half the time since they've split it and now they randomly have free time??? And it's so strange??

Haru helps with breakfast and cleaning and taking care of the animals and chores and so forth and Rui helps with Peekaboo and relieving Haru's exhaustion and it's basically such a functioning pair that it's almost scary. Like Lyca is scared. But also Haru smells bad and is too high energy and LOUDDD so he's in his rebellious teenage phase atm.

Only downside is that Haru has too much bar access and has to be cut off but it's a small price to pay for a house that isn't up in flames by day one. Unfortunately it can't last bc Haru would miss his animals and Rui would feel too worried about hurting Haru so when they swap back both have made peace with it. And Lyca will still kick rocks they couldn't have Subaru.

Mortkranken

I think Subaru would become a legend very quickly but not because he's this secret medical genius but because he seems to have this uncanny ability to guess things. And the secret is that he is using his stigma fully on accident and seeing what they were up to and then Jiro is figuring it out from there. And he keeps trying to give Jiro credit but nobody will listen.

He's also squeamish. Like he can't handle blood so when Jiro is like 'Move that to the other table please' Subaru is happy to and moves this weird lump under a sheet and the sheet falls off and its a severed arm and Subaru faints. and Jiro laughs for a second before putting Subaru on the table and making sure he's like actually okay. And they are both very patient with one another and very cordial. But it's so so awkward. And Subaru honest to god does not know how to take care of Jiro and is constantly having to ask Yuri how to do things except Yuri is always occupied by Frostheim so Subaru has to follow Jiro's instructions and they are both praying Every Day.

And that's also why they're both happy when its over. Not because it was bad or they dislike each other but bc they're both glad Yuri will come back and it won't be Does Jiro Die Today Roulette. and then Subaru goes to Haku and grabs his shoulders and is likep lease do not start dying ill cry right in front of you forever. and Haku just nods slowly.

[yuumcbr]

TWST X Obey Me!

Just an idea for a crossover that I have in my head.

An important factor for the AU is that MC sees the brothers as family and vice versa, as if they were older brothers.

Yuu (mayor of Ramshackle) = MC from Obey Me!

The AU would take place after graduation, where Yuu dates a boy from TWST and they start living together (since Yuu doesn't have much to go to).

Let's say that Yuu can't use magic anymore because of Michael's ring, maybe TWST increased the magic containment effect, or just decided not to use it because he doesn't know how strong his magic is, or even wanted Grim not to lose his place in the NRC (since he is the magical part of both of them) and after graduation Yuu got out of the habit of using it.

Well, somehow Yuu, Grim and her boyfriend get in touch with the queen of the rose kingdom.

Why her? Well, in one of the events of Obey Me! (Like a dame) Diavolo says he is friends with the Queen Rose and the event has roses for everywhere.

We imagine that the brothers haven't had much contact with Yuu since he went to NRC, maybe little letters sent by Sam's friends on the other side (in this AU they are mini-Ds, probably from greed).

However, in Obey Me! the Queen of the Rose Kingdom goes to Devilton and doesn't seem to have any trouble going from one world to another, she can help Yuu do the same.

So when the Queen of the Rose Kingdom meets Yuu, maybe at a ball or festival she attends and the two exchange contacts.

Now think about it, the boy from TWST who is dating Yuu decides to take things to the next level and asks her to marry him.

Yuu already knows the boy's family, they live together and maybe even work at the same job.

Not to mention that Grim acts like a real child, even though he graduated from college.

Yuu obviously accepts and asks if he would like to meet her family first.

The TWST boy knows that Yuu came from another universe, so it might be a shock.

Even more so when he finds out that Yuu is a long-time friend of the Queen of the Rose Kingdom.

And even more so when he finds out that his family is made up of the 7 deadly sins.

I guess it's best not to tell him about his position as a royal advisor, right?

Or that Yuu is an apprentice to the world's first wizard Solomon.

And that he's capable of using magic.

Yuu literally hopes he doesn't freak out.

Now, there are some TWST characters that I think could date Yuu and would make the story funnier:

1.Rollo Frame (it's self-explanatory)

First, if you get Idia to propose to you, congratulations.

You definitely talked a lot about your older brother Levi to him, so he was expecting a bit of chaos when he met your family.

But what he didn't expect was that when he crossed the portal into the Rose Kingdom, he would end up inside the gate to Tartarus!!

He doesn't know whether to focus on collecting data for STXY or get ready to meet his family.

Wait, if you lived here before studying at NRC, and this is the land of the dead… don't tell him that you…

Please, calm this poor guy down!

The best option is to never mention that you died and came back to life in a moment (lesson 16). Just say that you came for an exchange project with the Human Kingdom and discovered that you had relatives here.

Which is the honest truth.

Finding out that you are the royal advisor of Devilton and one of the most powerful people in the place scares him a little too much.

Either the people here are too weak, or you are stronger than he imagines! He discovers that you are some kind of Ultimate Final Boss around here!!

And your family is capable of destroying an entire country in a matter of minutes, how did he get into this situation? He just wants to go back to his room and exile himself from all this craziness.

Idia.exe has stopped working.

When the two are alone:

Idia: Ahhh… when I get back I'll have so many reports to do…

Yuu: Sorry *smiles*

Idia: How come you never thought of saying you lived in hell? Literally!!

Yuu: ….

Yuu: I think I already know what will cheer you up…

Idia: … *sees you getting your DDD and calling someone*

Yuu: Oh, hi Lucifer, how are you? I was wondering if I can take Cerberus for a walk? Besides missing him terribly, Ortho and Idia admire him a lot.

Okay, you just won Idia's heart again.

Ortho is taking a lot of pictures, pictures that if he hadn't seen them in person he would say were fake edits from the Internet.

Nee nee Mayor, do you think we can see Cerberus more often? I definitely want to increase my intimacy level with him, I don't want to miss this limited time event.

He just looks so shocked and stays silent for a long time.

Upon arriving in the city, the two of you are stopped by countless people who welcome you and complain about the city.

Why would they complain to you, anyway? Huh… what do you mean by royal advisor?

You're one of the most important people in this place? Why have you never told him that?

I mean, he knows you can't go back home, but he figured that when he found a way, he'd come back without thinking twice.

You've been working at the Al-Asim house all this time as a servant when you're literally a royal advisor from another kingdom?

You wouldn't be that stupid, right? Why would you do something like that?

Okay, Jamil's head is spinning.

He definitely wishes your clothes had a hood like they used to when you explain to your family that you decided to live with Jamil no matter what.

He would definitely be shocked if he found out that you could take an immortality potion, but decided not to take it to be with him.

When the two of you are alone:

Jamil: You could have a better life than being a servant.

Yuu: It wouldn't be better if you weren't in it.

Yuu: I don't care what I have to do, we're together, understand? I'll never let you feel alone again, that's a promise!!

Jamil doesn't know what he'll say to his parents when they ask about his family or when his sister tells him to tell them every detail of the trip.

But he knows he's with someone who will always put him first and won't let someone like that go.

A promise, huh?smiles slightly I think I can get used to this!

I imagine Ruggie will react the same way when you called Malleus Tsuntaro in front of everyone when you two get to the house of regrets.

I mean? You live in a gigantic mansion and inside it looks like each tile costs more than all the money he's ever earned in his life!!

Ruggie is very careful not to bump into or break anything, only for one of his brothers to enter the house and accidentally destroy a wall.

Wait, he came riding a dragon?

Okay, Ruggie thought there was no way a group of people could cause more trouble than you and that group of freshmen, but your brothers managed to prove the opposite.

I don't even know what he would say when he saw Beel's appetite or when he tried Solomon's food when his brothers said they would throw it away.

During dinner:

Yuu: I should let you know that I will be officially leaving my duties in Devilton

Asmo: Huh? Are you leaving for good now?

Yuu: No, I just don't think I will be able to coordinate my work in Devilton with the wedding organization, not to mention that there is no way to convert Grim to Taumarks.

Lucifer: In that case I will talk to Lord Diavolo

Ruggie: What was your job here? - he says while eating a buffalo egg.

Levi: They worked as royal advisors, (tch these guys really don't know how to use a mage in battle) - he answers while playing an online video game.

Ruggie: Huh?

Ruggie may not have expected so many surprises like these, but he can't deny how happy he was when you and your brothers started thinking of ways to make him, you and the entire community you live in prosper.

You really are full of surprises, huh Prefect? Shi shi shi!!

Okay, I got a little carried away, but now it won't be running around in my head so much.

Thanks for reading this far!!

[anouchard]

Hello *𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲*

I am making malevolent themed bracelets. I am making one yellow one that says “slay king“ and one golden one. However, I cannot decide which of my two chosen phrases to put on the gold one.

I read all of your malevolent live reactions and I think you are very funny :D so I see you as a trusted source of malevolent funnies

Should I write “fuck your eyes“ or “JESUS CHRIST ARTHUR“ on the golden bracelet? Do you have any other (likely funnier :D) ideas?

Sorry this is so long :v

Have a. Nice day ╰( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆*:・ﾟ

Hi *narrows eyes, stares disconcertingly*

Gosh, what a privilege! I'm glad I come across as funny - I'm really VERY serious in real life.

...

I can't even say that with a straight face.

Anyway, thank you!

"JESUS CHRIST ARTHUR" is making me laugh every time I read it, so I guess I'll have to go with that one.

There are SO many great lines though. If you haven't listened to Benevolent, that one is an absolute gold mine (as is one of my favourite characters more generally. The John nicknames alone are superb.).

If you want something more serious, maybe "Nothing gold can stay"?

God, what a show.

Have a lovely day!

[kasagia]

Our little game

~Part 2~ ~Part 3~ ~Part 4~ ~Part 5~

Pairing: Klaus Mikaelson x witch! reader Summary: You and Klaus have been playing this game between yourselves since your first meeting. One day, you two would fight with each other like dogs, and the next day, you would flirt and act like people completely mad with love. But whatever was between you two, you would never lose this game and admit that you fell for him. He would only use you for your power, right? At least that's what you were telling yourself all this time. Words count: 4,2k

I had no idea what I was doing here.

Wearing one of my fancy black dresses, I was staying in the middle of Mikaelson's compound in New Orleans, with hundreds of people surrounding me.

I was definitely making a huge mistake.

But a few hours ago, when my Mystic Falls gang tried (and failed) to kill these crazy heretics who came to our town two weeks ago, I could only think about coming here.

I needed to find a safe place to stay until Damon or Stefan called for my help.

But after hours of driving here, I wasn't sure if I still wanted to be a part of their group. Yes, I loved them all, especially Bonnie, who became my main "witch-teacher" after I found out I was like her, but sometimes I felt used by them. My power was stronger than any typical witch's. Even Bonnie was surprised to see the things I was able to do until my strength was exhausted and my nose started to bleed.

One day, Damon said that I was their greatest weapon. Then I burst out laughing. Now I'm not so sure how much the black-haired man was joking and how much his words were true. But I had to keep the promise I gave myself and stay with them, if only for Bonnie's sake. She would have killed herself trying to protect her friends, and I wouldn't let that happen. After all she did for me, I have to repay her debt of gratitude.

I turned on the radio while driving to nowhere and heard one of my favorite Mikaelson's, beloved, old songs, which was "better when it played at ball without this strange background sound." That's when I remembered Rebekah and her last words before leaving for New Orleans with her brothers: "You know, if your gang falls apart, you can always come to me. It would be funnier to have a partner in crime against Nik."

After a lengthy moral debate within me, I decided to fuck Salvatore's opinion of me and visit their nemesis. If Damon was so smart to make and realize his own crass plan without telling anyone, I could do something really stupid too and spend a week (or more) with Rebekah. After all, no one could control me.

Then it seemed like a very good plan.

Now with so many people around me, I decide that I have made a great mistake.

I totally forgot that four days ago, Bekah told me about the "engaged party" of Katherine and Elijah. (Thank God for my magic. At least I could turn pants and a T-shirt into a pretty dress.) I sent my gift to the happy couple with separate, joking congratulations to Katherine for "entrapping her Mikaelson after a long couple of centuries" without actually intending to attend the party.

Elena and Caroline would skin me if they knew that instead of buying them fancy birthday presents, I spent my money on something special for my best friend's big day.

In retrospect, I'd like to see their faces. They would be invaluable. Especially Damon's.

"My God, look who arrived!" a familiar voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Hi Beks." I turned around to face her.

"Hi Beks? You appear here without telling me or Katherine anything; you hide in the crowd with a mean expression on your face, and all I get after months apart is a simple "hi"?"

"Well, in my defense, I was thinking about bringing you wine, flowers, cake and saying, "I'm sorry, baby,"  but I figured it would be only a waste of time and my money because you're going to yell at me anyway. Also, your boyfriend would be jealous." she started laughing and pulled me into a hug.

"I haven't seen you for too long."

"Bekah, we were talking yesterday morning."

"You called her yesterday and didn't call me?!" I heard Katherine's resentful voice behind me.

"You look gorgeous, honey. Engagement suits you." she gave me an unimpressed look. "Oh, c'mon. Don't be angry. I'm here now, ready to give you compliments and fight with your fiance's brother, who loathes you. Now, show me the ring. I want to see how much money Elijah was willing to spend on you." she burst out laughing, waving her ringed hand in front of my eyes.

"You realize you're not getting off so easily? Besides, something must have happened for you to suddenly decide to come."

"We can talk tomorrow. Tonight, it's about you and your undying love for her brother." I pointed to Rebekah.

"Talking about my brothers. We'll use some help with Nik's composure for the rest of the evening."

"It is so bad?"

"Yes. He's been following Elijah and trying to convince him to change his mind since this morning." Katherine complained. "He doesn't leave us alone, even for half a second."

"Do you two really think I'm able to "charm" him for the rest of the night?"

I asked, doubts about his supposed affection towards me. Since our first meeting, I and an original hybrid have had a kind of love-hate relationship. At the beginning, we only had short, verbal skirmishes, then it evolved into an open war (he tried to hurt Bonnie, so I gave him a headache and snapped his neck. After that, he used one of his hybrids to crack my car, so I convinced Rebekah to steal his car keys and give them to me. He gave up after two weeks of our teasing and after I (with little of Damon's help) ruined all his dark plans. The original hybrid bought me my own car, trying to bury the hatchet between us.) After a month of these events, the hatred between us began to develop into a kind of mean-companionship. At least no one had tried to gouge out the eyes of the other one anymore. Our "game" developed so much that one day he began to tease me with flirtatious phrases. And it's not true that I choked on my drink and blushed like a teenager from a romance book when he called me for the first time his "innermost, darkest pleasure," whispering it with his seductive tone, which he undoubtedly used for many women before. It was at our school party in the style of the 20s. Since then, I've figured out how to play by his new rules. I couldn't be worse than him.

"Well, you're doing your job even now. He's been staring at you for about five minutes, and you haven't even used any magic. I think we all know why, but you're too stubborn to admit it, so you might as well use his soft spot for you as reparation for your silence for 3 days."

"It's not a soft spot or any other stupid feeling you assume. This is a game."

That was our way of communicating: by circling around, lulling the other person's vigilance, and attacking when he least expects it. At the end of the day, I was just a toy for him—a mortal witch who was never scared of a 1000-year-old hybrid. He proved it after he moved with his family to New Orleans, and I never heard from him again.

"I like spicy stories, but please, keep my brother's kinks away from me. BOTH of you. It's just disgusting." Rebekah shuddered.

"I'm not…"

"Did I hear something about kinks? Y/N darling, it's a pleasure to finally see you here!" Kol suddenly appeared from nowhere. He got closer to me and gave me a strong hug.

"What the bloody hell? You should be on Hayley's tail!"

"Relax, sister. Our brother's formal one-night stand peacefully came back to her husband and wolves. Which means I'm free for the rest of the evening.     Y/N do you want to dance with me?" without waiting for any response, he took my hand and led me to the dance floor, where other couples were dancing.

"Alright, what did you do?" I asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I have no idea what are you implying. I just wanted to dance with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time."

"Kol."

"Y/N."

"Okey, okey. Don't look at me like that. In a nutshell, there is a girl." Oh, I've heard about her. I was curious how much of the original's interest in this girl was genuine.

"My God. I never expected to live to see the day Kol Mikaelson finds his epic love." I cut him off with a smirk.

"She is a hag like you, by the way." he continued, ignoring my taunt. "She doesn't want to know me, but she loves me. I just need a little magic of jealousy, and voilà, I'll be kissing her at the end of this night."

"And you didn't think, Sherlock, that acting like this would make her think that you only play with her?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. The gears in Mikaelson's head began to turn.

"F*ck. So what should I do? I've tried everything. Flowers, jewelry, old grimoires, unexpected almost-dating, puppies, cats, and all of this modern stuff."

"The idea of coming to me with a "love problem" is as ridiculous as expecting an answer, but I will try my best because you are kind of my friend and seem desperate. I don't know if you thought of it, but speaking with her and making a true confession seemed too simple, didn't it?" I said it sarcastically.

"You mean… "L" word?" he cleared his throat, ashamed.

"For the love of God, Kol Mikaelson! Do you love her?"

"Of course."

"Then get out of my eyes and tell her, not me." he disappeared as quickly as he had appeared, leaving me alone in a sea of people.

"Little bastard." I said it to myself while trying to get out of there.

But someone made sure I wasn't left alone for too long.

"Hello, my love."

I would recognize that voice even on my deathbed, and I undoubtedly knew that he would someday be the reason for my death.

"Hello Klaus." I turned around to look him in the face. He had grown more handsome since the last time I saw him, which worried me a lot. I tried to hide my unwanted emotions behind a sarcastic smirk.

"If you're wondering if Stefan or Caroline sent their regards, I'm going to have to disappoint you."

"Actually, I'm wondering who I have to kill." I frowned, not understanding him. He swept me into his arms and whirled me about the dance floor as the orchestra played. "I knew you were planning not to go to this party. Katherine was very upset about that."

"So you must have had an enjoyable couple of days." I can't stop myself from interrupting him. He gave me a small smile, shaking his head in amusement. I was so close in his arms that I could feel his every breath adjust to mine.

"You don't usually change your plans, so it's obvious that your bunch of stupid friends must have done something impressively dumb. And quite possibly, it has to do with the emergence of competition vampire's group in Mystic Falls."

"You seem quite well informed, especially for someone who doesn't care about anyone but his family."

"Ouch. As mean as I remembered."

"And you're as irritating as always. It looks like no one changed."

I sighed as I looked around the room. Mission successful - Katherine talks to Elijah. The only problem was that they looked like they were gossiping about me and Klaus…

"Tell me, did you miss me?" Klaus' taunt diverted my attention.

I thought for a moment about how to answer his question. Of course, I missed him. I frequently found myself recalling memories of us in locations where I was at the time. But as I said to Rebekah and Katherine, there was no bond between me and Klaus. We were just two bored souls who were looking for entertainment. We liked messing with people and making fun of them. That's all. There is no feeling involved. But it doesn't mean I will miss my chance.

"Yes." I whispered this while staring into his ocean eyes, never taking my gaze away from him.

He was surprised by my bold, direct statement. He leaned slightly closer to me. His gaze was moving from my eyes to my lips.

"I was bored as no one was trying to hurt me or my friends. Fortunately, Miss Salvatore came back with her own, special family." I got a little closer to him so I could whisper in his ear. "And then we had a new member of our group. Enzo. He's incredibly handsome and was an excellent substitute for your company."

He moved his hand slowly as he extended his arm to encircle my back. Then he dipped me deeply, looking at my eyes all the damn time.

"Be careful, my love. You may fall for him, of course, if you have a heart." he whispered, tightening his grip on me. I held my breath, too enchanted by the moment to respond to his taunt.

I should feel uneasy, distrustful, and disgusted that I am at his mercy, for he could drop me at any moment. Instead, all I could feel was being hypnotized by his blue eyes until he helped me get back on my feet again.

"Every girl would love him. He has dark hair, plays the guitar, and speaks with an English accent. Everyone's type, espessialy mine." I said, when I came back to my senses. If he wanted to tease me, I'd make sure I was a worthy opponent. I just had to keep my emotions under lock and key.

"So your "type" has to have an English accent? It's good to know."

"Yeah, but not as old as some of the people who live here. Also, not this one who wants to get closer to me only to use me for my power."

"You really think that little of me?"

"Is it truly important what I think about you?"

"No, not if you want me to remain a stranger to you. Not at all. But I'd like to think that we are more than we're willing to admit."

"Are you drunk?" I asked, taking a step back to examine him more closely. He began laughing at my reaction, drawing me closer to him once again.

"No, my love. I'm honest. But I'm not sure if there's a big difference between these two."

"You're honest only if you know it's in your interest. Clearly, you want something for me because you've been nicer to me than you have in the last few years. But you have to know I'm not that stupid to let you control me." I got out of his arms and went out in search of a room free of anyone.

"Running away isn't a solution, Y/N! I hope you know that." He shouted as he followed me. We came to a halt as we entered his art studio. Of all the fucking places in this huge villa, it had to be the den of the big bad wolf.

"Katherine has managed to escape you for more than 500 years." I said this without giving him a single, damning look. I much preferred to admire his works.

"Yes. Because she wanted. I'm not sure if you share her desires." He grabbed my arm, turning me to face him.

"What kind of fucked-up game are you playing right now?!" I yelled, yanking his hands away from me. He confused me. We never crossed that unspoken line in our banter. Few months apart, and now he shares the attitude of our crazy friends. That kind of playing wasn't fun at all.

"Did I bring up a sensitive topic? You're not ready to finally stop lying to yourself?" I laughed, mocking him.

"I've never claimed to be a saint." I growled at his face.

"You also never admitted being a sinner."

"That's good I've always wanted to be an anti-hero, then." I whispered, looking into his mesmerizing eyes, not even realizing that as we talked, we were getting closer, as we were suddenly a foot apart. I felt his hand slip around my waist like a snake. He pulled me closer and then I found myself pressed between his warm chest and cold wall.

"If only you weren't such a paranoid woman and suspected me of using you whenever I wanted to get closer to you. Maybe you would understand who you should be scared of and what is truly between us."

"Said the man who murdered his biological father because he was afraid Ansal would endanger Hope."

"You seem quite well informed, especially for someone who doesn't care about me."

"Katherine and Rebekah are gossipers. You can't blame me for listening to them."

"You have an excuse for every circumstance, don't you?"

"It's not my fault you can't accept the truth. Whatever you've been taking today, you'd better take less of it. It's damaging your immortal, ancient head." I started to turn towards the door, but he stopped me by grabbing my hand.

"Don't turn your back on me, love." he threatened, keeping his firm grip on my wrist.

"Or what are you going to do? Dance with me again? You're right, it's so dangerous and horrible that I can't take it anymore." I ignored his warning and tried to leave the room.

He used his vampire speed and pinned me against the door. He leaned in, his eyes closed, and rested his brow against mine. In a silent, peaceful room, our hard, synchronized breaths were the only sound I could hear. My world shrank to just the two of us. The party outside was long forgotten by me.

He rubbed the tip of his nose on mine. I shivered as I got close enough to him for the first time to feel the warmth of his lips (and yet they were so far from mine).

"You have no idea… what you're doing to me."

His deep, hoarse whisper reminded me of who was standing in front of me and why I couldn't give in to my inner, treacherous desire. Before his lips could catch mine in his intoxicating trap (and possibly destroy me for any other men), I wrapped my hands around his neck and pinned him against the door, keeping a decent distance between us.

When he felt a piece of wood on his back, he opened his eyes, looked at me, and gave me an impressive glance. He giggled sinisterly, sending a shiver down my spine.

"For your own good, if you're not ready for a fire, don't play with it, love." I leaned slightly toward him, still catching his gaze with mine.

"Who said I wouldn't be the one to burn you?" I whispered against his neck, placing a burning kiss on it.

His soft, strangled moan after I gently bit into his skin was enough reward for my patience and a sign to stop before things got deeper.

I slowly took my hand from his arm and put it on the doorknob. I smiled on his neck because he was too preoccupied with the feeling of my lips to notice anything. I decided not to tempt fate anymore. Hybrid could easily take control from me (which wouldn't be good for me at all). So I pulled the handle and opened the door. The original nearly fell down because of my sudden, unexpected move.

I left Klaus behind in my haste, casting a quick glance behind me. It was definitely worth it. His look of indignation will stay in my mind for a long time. This battle was mine. We gonna see what future bring.

I walked into the room in a magnificent mood and took the glass of wine from one of the waiters.

"Can everyone get together, please?" Elijah caught everyone's attention. "Thank you. I wanted to thank everyone for coming to our engagement party. Me and my beloved fiance are very happy to see people around us who are wishing us a long, beautiful future." the crowd began to applaud, interrupting his speech for a moment.

"Such a diva." I whispered under my breath as I sipped my wine. Rebekah somehow heard this and tried to hide her laughter.

"But I didn't gather you all here just to talk about my luck. We wanted to announce who, from our closest friends, will be the second-most important couple at our wedding. My best man and Katerina's maid of honor, I don't think it will surprise you that my best man will be my brother Niklaus."

Klaus stood on the stairs next to the couple, wearing his trademark sly grin. He scanned the crowd. His gaze lingered directly on me, and he didn't want to take his eyes off me. The little bastard must have been up to something.

"I've been thinking about this since the day we got engaged, and to be honest, the decision wasn't as easy as it seemed to be. It was my desire to have this person as my maid of honor, but circumstances indicated that, unfortunately, my dream would not come true. You don't know how happy I was when I heard a few hours ago that she agreed. So without further extensions. My chief bridesmaid and best friend, Y/N Y/L!"

Applause erupted around me. It took me a second to recover from the shock and climb the stairs. I was standing right in front of this smug son of a bitch.

"Thanks for asking." I said to Katherine when Elijah ended his speech and people spread around.

"Klaus didn't tell you?" she asked, looking at her future brother-in-law.

The original just shrugged.

"Don't worry, Kath. I won't make a scene. I'm not going to play according to the script of this drama queen. It will be a pleasure to be your maid of honor."

"I'm not a drama queen." the hybrid interjected, frowning.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." I responded, giving him a small look.

"If you're so worried about my good sleep, why don't you join me in my bed, love?" he asked, coming to my side, so I had to give him my attention.

"Ha ha. Not even in your wildest dreams."

"In my wildest dreams, we don't need a bed, love." he said, casually adjusting the strap of my dress on my shoulder. His icy fingertips brushed against my heated skin, right next to my collarbone.

"You're the thousand-year-old father of a little girl. You don't think it's time to act like an adult and not a horny teenager?" I asked, grabbing his hand and pulling it off me.

"Ouch. But then you wouldn't even notice me." he pretended to be offended. He also tightened his grip on my hand without thinking of letting go. I fell into his trap with my own fucking wish.

"Believe me, it's impossible to miss you. I've tried. Many times." I growled, trying to free my hand from him.

"Aw, is that your way of telling me I'm special to you?" he asked, clearly amused by my annoyance. I've never seen such a huge smile on his face.

"Yeah, like a plastic, red punch cup at a school party," he laughed, reluctantly releasing my hand.

I turned to say something to Kath, but then I realized that she had left us in the middle of our conversation. I sighed as I was alone with him again. It's going to be a very long week (or month).

"By the way, when are you going to tell me I'm Katherine's maid of honor?" I asked, favoring him with my look again.

"It must have slipped my mind when you were passionately kissing my neck, love."

"Oh, I remember. You were moaning for me like a street lady."

I turned to leave, but he suddenly wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his hard, well-built chest. He placed my head on his shoulder and cupped the tip of my right ear with his lips. His fangs came out, reminding me of his superhuman strength. Sometimes I forgot that the man I was teasing could easily break me with a flick of the wrist. Of course, if I let down my guard and drop my magic for a moment. We both knew that was impossible.

"Maybe I should return you a favor, and then we will see which one of us is making the most tempting moans?" he whispered suggestively and placed a small kiss under my ear. "What do you think about it, love?" he asked, rubbing his nose against my neck. He took one deep breath before placing his revange-wet kiss there.

And then, when I was burning for even his littlest touch, he just walked away like nothing happened.

I stood there, frozen in shock, watching his receding silhouette (definitely with a proud smirk on his face).

There was only one thing in my head.

1:1 motherf*cker

[vashti-lives]

i haven't seen anyone else mention this so i feel compelled to bring it up

So Running Close to the Wind was the first book by Alexandra Rowland that I read-- as someone who is too much of a killjoy to like Our Flag Means Death I got extremely excited at the prospect of some fictional queer pirate shenanigans-- but while buying the audio version I noted with some confusion that A Taste of Gold and Iron was already in the family audible library.*

I still started with the pirate book because I'm very picky about royal romances and also tbh at the time I didn't really understand it's relation to A Taste of Gold and Iron anyway, but after enjoying it so much I decided to give A Taste of Gold and Iron a chance and yeah it was great! It took me a minute to get into the headspace for it after Running Close to the Wind but Evemer being an absolute judgemental bitch in the beginning of the book really helped with that.

Anyway now that I've read it it's really dawning on me how much funnier Running Close to the Wind is with the context of A Taste of Gold and Iron because like... oh my god Avra and Teveri and Julian are going to fully ruin Kadou's life for at least a year. Possibly closer to three years! It's gonna take a while for Araşt to recover from this.

To be clear I love Kadou and Evemer but class solidarity means I am fully on the side of giving up the trade secrets. There is however no question that this shit is going to push Kadou into having at least one nervous breakdown; which unfortunately I do find darkly funny. Sorry Kadou, but you're a prince and you have a family that loves you you'll be fine.

Also the fact that these two books have the same setting and more or less take place at the same time is just, so wild. It's like if the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise also had movies that were more or less straightforward period romances and the primary reason you knew they shared a setting was because Captain Norrington's brother was a side character in the the period romances and he occasionally referenced the fact that his brother was off dealing with pirates.

This is extremely fun and crunchy world building and I think more authors should do it! But oh my god to write a book where you casually talk about a character's blue roan horse (a real horse color which is a silvery gray) AND THEN to write another book in the same setting where Blues Clues dogs also exist. Amazing. 10/10. Obviously Julian's reaction tells us that in most of the world blues clues dogs are not a thing but seeing a whole book's worth of this more orderly version world is a whole different matter.

*which I for sure did not buy and nobody else in the family will admit to buying it either, a mystery compounded by the fact that the second chant book is also in our library, but the first one is not???

[lukkabloom]

Fun Facts abt the residents according to Ikevamp Radio (ヴァンなま) Part 1

Found a playlist of Ikevamp Radio that occurred multiple years ago so I decided to collect my findings about the residents in a list. I haven't seen anyone translate it or talk abt it so I decided to do it for a bit of fun. Anyways, here are episodes 1-3!!

Some quick things to note before:

Vincent/Aramaki Yoshihiko (Makki) is the MC, Sebas/Morishima Shuta (Morishi) is a guest (but he’s in every episode he might as well be the 2nd MC). They also have other people as guests in some episodes (other ikevamp VAs or others related to the game itself)

Episodes 1 & 2 occur before Ikevamp’s release

most of my findings are from a segment from the livestream where the residents (mainly Vincent and Sebas) talk to each other & ask each other questions about the lives while they spend some bonding time in the thermae. The segment's called "I love yu" which is a pun on "I love you" and yu (湯) which means "hot water" or "bath"

There are also other segments where the VAs draw based on a designated theme & the viewers vote on the best art (van Gogh's drawing section), and another one where the VAs read the summary of the game in their in-character voices (but the VAs interrupt and make it funnier & less romantic) called "Ikemen Vampire, a guidance for you" (I won't talk abt these sections much tho)

ALSO!! This is not a translation of the whole livestream, just bits and pieces of it. I don't have the time and energy to do that

Episode 1: feat. Leonardo's VA Tsuda Kenjiro

Question: Which historical figure/genius do you respect the most?

Napoleon: Oda Nobunaga

Mozart: Johann Sebastian Bach

Leonardo: Michelangelo (which I thought was interesting since real-life Leo and Michelangelo had some beef w each other)

Morishima (Sebas’s VA): Newton (bc of the apple & theory of universal gravitation), Edison

Tsuda (Leonardo’s VA): van Gogh

Aramaki (Vincent’s VA): Liu Bei, Zhao Yun (I think that's who he was talking abt? I'm not familiar much w/Chinese figures' names in jp---they're read differently in Eng)

The other VAs joke that Aramaki’s similar to Napo in the sense that they both admire soldiers/military commanders

Question: Favorite part of a woman’s body? (This sounds so wrong in both jp & eng)

Napoleon: from the neck to the shoulder, he's prob talking abt the shoulders to the neckline or vice versa（首から肩まで）

Mozart: voice (so he can understand what his partner’s thinking & feeling)

Leonardo: thighs (bc it’s soft & he likes lap pillows)

Tsuda said Leo’s a bit of a pampered/attention-seeking child (甘えん坊), and not an ore-sama (which he thought Leo would be), an unexpectedly cute reason considering how reliable Leo looks

Vincent gets a bit sad when he’s bathing alone

Leo can sing a song that he’s only heard once (as expected of a genius)

Sebas can be seen hanging the sheets outside from Vincent’s room

Leo’s unsatisfied that there’s only men in the mansion (this was before MC stumbled to the mansion)

Vincent doesn’t want women in the mansion bc he wouldn’t know how to act in front of them

Sebas thinks Leo is an expert in handling women, Leo is confused when he became one

Leo’s weak against Vincent’s pleas/suggestions (honestly who isn’t??)

Sebas thinks it’s impossible for a woman to stumble upon the mansion (foreshadowing)

Leo thinks that fate will play a trick on them, his mumbling confuses Vincent and Sebas (more foreshadowing)

Episode 2: feat. Jun, singer of Ikevamp theme song "Rouge"

Jun is a repairman who fixes things around the mansion… HE'S ALIVE IN THAT ERA???? (Idk if its canon)

He also sings “Rouge” while he works which means the song exists in the 20th century (again idk how much of this is canon)

Jun also sells milk in the mansion, acting as a different person as the repairman, although Sebas & Vincent are suspicious of him (he literally just enters the bath to sell milk to Vincent and Sebas lol)

Vincent and Sebas talk about MC, she has arrived @ the mansion

Vincent worries abt her since she is surrounded by vampires in an unfamiliar environment, but to Sebas, it looks like MC enjoys her life and is headstrong (aka Vincent is just nice to others, nothing new)

Vincent believes that Sebas is cool and can do anything, to which Sebas indirectly disagrees (he coughs)

Sebas is weak to Vincent’s innocent eyes (just like Leo from the previous episode, again, who isn't?)

Sebas breaks the 4th wall talking abt a popular romance game where you can fall in love w/vampire-turned historical figures

This is literally the beginning of how Sebas goes ooc (becomes weirder) throughout the series (is it even ooc if it’s basically approved by official??)

Sebas says that Theo is overprotective of Vincent, Vincent comments that he’s supposed to be the older one

they also introduce my fav segment (Can you tell me... your name?) where they have listeners vote on quotes they want the VAs to say, and they will say the line w/the listener’s names so it sounds like the VAs are speaking to them. Vincent's & the guest (if there is one) will have legit cool lines (like “(y/n), Don’t let go of me” or “(y/n), you’re the only one in my eyes”) but Sebas always has one funny line as one of his options (ex. “Hey, do you wanna have a takoyaki party?” or “Do you want to fry one more sanma?”) and every single time the weird line gets voted and ITS FUNNY AS HECK

Also in the same segment the viewers will sometimes submit funny names for the VAs (especially Sebas) to say & it adds to the laughs

Ex. for Sebas’s “Hey, do you wanna have a takoyaki party?” some viewers gave names of Anpanman characters (a children’s anime in Japan) so Sebas will literally say things like “Jam-ojisan, hey, do you wanna have a takoyaki party?”

There was also one whose name was Tako (octopus in japanese) so Sebas would say “Tako, do you wanna have a takoyaki party?” so he’s asking the octopus to have a takoyaki party where the octopus will be eaten (the irony as well as the dark underlying meaning behind it is very funny)

Also the way the other people are laughing while Sebas’s VA is trying to keep his cool is so hilarious

It’s predetermined and agreed upon the Ikevamp staff that Sebas (or Morishi) is willing to do/say weird things for the audience

This whole segment is a whole ride in and out of itself

Episode 3: feat. Leonardo’s VA Tsuda Kenjiro once again

Sebas once again breaks the 4th wall by referencing episode 1 of the show

Sebas teaches Leo the basics of manzai (a type of japanese comedy)

Leo says “Vannama” (the name of ikevamp radio) and “tendon” (the food and a manzai phrase)  in a weird accent further proving that he doesn’t understand Japanese (or maybe it's bc the two phrases are too specific idk)

Sebas tells Leo to ignore what he’s saying as he is saying metafictional expressions (メタ発言) basically how he is breaking the 4th wall, and Leo just accepts that as another one of Sebas’s quirks

Vincent comments that Leo’s very manly, Sebas further compliments him saying that Leo is a man amongst men

This episode has one of the funniest (imo) “Can you tell me… your name?” segments ever. Vincent and Leo’s VAs had amazing lines, but Sebas… oh gosh where do I even start. (ok Leo’s VA did say “Ushi (cow), wait for me by the bed,” and “Namamono (raw food), wait for me by the bed” & that was funny too but…)

One of the options for Sebas’s lines (and the one that was ultimately chosen to be said) was “Do you want to fry one more sanma (a type of seasonal fish eaten in fall)?” and the viewers got crazy with this one.

There were some legit names but most were for jokes, choosing names going along with the theme of fall foods and creatures (tuna, matsutake, karaage, grasshoppers, etc.)

There was “Akashiya, sanma mouipikki yaku?”(Akashiya, do you want to fry one more sanma?) which was the funniest one. Akashiya Sanma is a very famous Japanese comedian and it’s very genius of the viewer to connect the person with the food. I laughed straight for like 10 min when I first listened to this (I still laugh just remembering it. The double-entendre!!!)

Literally any episode with Tsuda is chaotic (this isn’t the last time where he shows up)

At the end of the episode, Vincent’s VA couldn’t stop laughing and messed up his lines multiple times (I don’t blame him everything is just so funny)

[trivalentlinks]

Why I love Benoit Blanc (Knives Out, Glass Onion (which is very good and I recommend watching!))

(and why I think he's fundamentally different from the standard whodunnit detectives)

non-spoilery upshot: He's kinder, and more importantly, more dedicated to directing his intellect at being kind. Also, he is more willing to let others shine and take centre-stage.

[Heavy spoilers for both Knives Out and Glass Onion. Major plot points for both movies are spoiled. The ending of Knives Out is explained in detail.]

[This can be read without watching either movie, but both movies are big on twists and turns, so I wouldn't recommend spoiling them for yourself if you haven't seen them and intend to.]

I've seen some reviews say that the detective, Benoit Blanc is just like the standard whodunnit detective, if a little funnier, and I must disagree. I mean I love detective stories, and I love all the standard whodunnit detectives, Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot, Columbo, Miss Marple, Miss Fisher, etc, especially Sherlock Holmes and Miss Marple who were instrumental in my learning to enjoy reading as a kid, but Benoit Blanc stands out to me in a lot of ways, many of which Glass Onion really highlighted.

For one thing, Benoit Blanc goes out of his way to reassure and comfort the victim or the scared bystander or anyone who needs it. I mean, all the standard whodunnit detectives do, too, (Holmes's kindness was a large part of what made me fall in the love with the character the first time I read the short stories as a kid) but Benoit is good at it. Like he's brilliant, they all are, but you really get the sense that he's directing that intellect to making sure that he says what the victim needs to hear.

In the case of Knives Out, for example, a wealthy, obnoxious guy had managed to trick a nurse into believing that she had given his grandfather the wrong vial of medication and thus killed him, but it turned out that the bad guy had used a syringe to switch the meds to try to get her to give him the wrong one to begin with, so she had in fact given him the right medication all along.

(She had given him the medication, then looked at the vial and realized that it was wrong, and decided that she had killed him. He (the grandfather) then tried to cover for her by theatrically committing suicide.)

When Benoit explains to everyone that the bad guy had switched the medication, the nurse says, "So when I accidentally switched the medications, I actually gave him the right one."

To which Benoit could have just agreed and moved on, but he makes a point to say "You gave him the right one, yes, but not accidentally."

He then explains that she gave him the right one because she is a good nurse. He shows her that even with the labels taped over, she could tell which one was right because there's a slight difference between the tensions and viscosities of the liquids, because she's done it a hundred times, because she's a good nurse.

Benoit then tells her, with tears in his eyes, that if the grandfather had listened to her and called for an ambulance when she realized that she'd given him the medication from the wrong vial, instead of trying to cover for her, he'd be alive.

And just. He didn't have to go that hard. I'm not convinced that Poirot, Columbo, Marple, Fisher, or even Holmes would have gone the extra mile in this way. They might have explained that she knew because of the tension and viscosity, that she knew because she's done it a hundred times, but they wouldn't have paused and made sure she was them when they added, "You knew because you are a good nurse."

With Glass Onion, it works a bit differently; Helen is also scared and a bit lost for a lot of the movie, but she has no reason to feel guilty about her sister's death. Instead her overwhelming feeling about it is justified rage.

This one is interesting, because initially, Benoit doesn't quite know what to do with Helen's anger, though even at the start he subtly helps her channel it into bravery when she's scared and unsure. But by the end, he has seen and listened and observed enough to know exactly how to help her work with all that fire inside her.

Which leads me into another thing I love about Benoit that sets him apart from other detectives: the way he includes the victim. Most detectives just listen to what the victim has to say about the crime, and then go off and investigate on their own or with their friends, only informing the client of the results at the end, but Benoit goes out of his way to ensure that Helen is included in every aspect of the investigation.

And, of course, in the end, he passes her a glass of liquid courage and a little something else and encourages Helen to get her own vengeance in a show that would please anyone's inner pyromaniac, allowing her to have the spectacularly satisfying ending that she gets to tell him about later.

And that makes Benoit Blanc fundamentally different from Poirot, Marple, Fisher, or Holmes, who are always the ones centre stage for the satisfying ending.

And one final point regarding the review I read that said that Benoit was similar if a little funnier: I actually don't think Benoit Blanc is necessarily that much funnier than other whodunnit detectives. The movies overall are funnier, since they're definitely comedies, but Poirot, Columbo, Marple, Holmes (in the original and all the adaptations) and especially Fisher can be pretty funny at times.

But the humour surrounding Benoit Blanc is different from the other detectives in that it's never really at the expense of anyone other than Benoit himself. Holmes, Columbo, Marple and Fisher are often funny because they're biting, whereas that's not really what Benoit's about. The humour is more about his being lovably bumbling with the accent and the swimsuit and the setting off the ridiculous smoke detector and then hilariously failing at hiding the cigarette, etc.

And I love that for him.

Love the humour, love the kindness, love the humility, love the willingness to cede the stage for the final satisfying ending.

-

PS: I also love that Benoit Blanc is canonically queer and living with his partner, who the director says "And there’s nobody in the world I can imagine in bringing me more joy for Benoit Blanc to be with." And Daniel Craig says "No spoilers [but] who wouldn’t want to live with that person?" [source] Love this for him, too, but I'm not sure this sets him apart from the other detectives; Miss Fisher is canonically queer and Sherlock Holmes is canonically queer in several adaptations, I think.

[soahbee]

Okay, this day was such a teen rom-com!!!🤧

After the exam, my friends and I usually discussed the assignments, but I was wildly looking for R and the philosophy teacher. (let's call him M) obviously bc I was curious, he really is as handsome as my friend said on the phone yesterday. Bc of course I didn't really notice other teachers besides R. So after my friends went for coffee, I went to spy and literally hid behind one of the big plants from where I could spy on the corridor where the philosophy classes were held.

I tried not to be suspicious, but I don't think I even noticed myself, I was so focused on seeing that certain handsome teacher. Are there seriously any teachers here who are as hot as R? I doubt! I have to see him, you know, and you have to concentrate on that!! lol

and now come the comedy girls *movie scene*

I was trying to peek, a direct question "What are you doing?" suddenly came from behind me and I was sooooo scared that a "Jesus fuck" left my mouth. YES, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I SAID.💀 I think everyone can guess that my extremely hot teacher R was standing behind me, (so who else obviously…) who made such a surprised face. I was completely taken aback by his voice, and I told him that you "scared me" and he looked at me in confusion and then asked:

"What are you doing behind the bush?"

I simply answered: "I'm spying" As if it was the most natural thing in the world and I could see that he was a little confused, so I decided to initiate, and then I asked him to come closer, bc I didn't want anyone else to hear us.

✨Now there were two of us standing behind the bush, which was damn unsuspicious✨ (of course STUPID)

I told him that I only wanted to see the philosophy teacher, but how could I say that in a way that wouldn't be misunderstood??????? NOT POSSIBLE. So I could see R's face getting more and more grim as I whispered fiercely to him like an idiot teenager then he asked:

"Why are you spying on M?

I to be honest with him, so I told him that a couple of my friends think M looks good and I just want to make sure.

Actually, I knew very well that there was nothing to react to this, so when R just stared at me in amazement, I told him to forget it was such a girly thing. Then our awkward situation was finally interrupted by the end of class and the students were just coming out of the room, and I remember very well that when I wanted to hide behind the bush, R grabbed my shoulder and specifically pushed me away from the bush while saying softly:

"Haven't you seen spy movies? No one hides so conspicuously"

At that point I had to laugh, and I'm still laughing now as I write this to you girls, bc yes, it was so funny, even though He wasn't laughing at all, in fact, he was very serious. But ahh he grabbed my shoulder (awwww) Then M finally came out and guys I have to say, this man is really good looking. Of course, R will always be my first, I just thought I'd give my opinion. So, after quickly analyzing the man, I turned back to R, who I think I shocked with my scene, but before I could open my mouth, he was faster and said:

"I don't think I want to know but I'll ask anyway. So what do you think he looks like?"

I never thought that I would talk to another teacher with him as if we were best friends, but looking back now, it's even funnier than it was then. He seemed to be interested in my opinion, so I told him that the girls were right, and upon closer inspection, M really looks good. I thought he would think me was childish bc of the whole situation, bc when I was hiding behind the bush, he cut his head like that. But now it's like he's making the same face, only with different emotions, which I don't know what it was, but it's definitely different. Then he folded his arms in front of him again and then I noticed my bracelet on him and oh my goodness I was so happy for him that I had to grin at him. YES, THAT'S MY BRACELET! WEAR MY BRACELET!🎉 I jumped for joy inside, but then he spoke:

"But he's not too old?"

My mind was completely elsewhere, so at first I didn't understand who was old, but then YES *good morning* I realized that M was still the topic, bc I was the only one who wandered off for a few seconds.

So I quickly snapped: "like you?"

It was sooo funny to see that R coming after me in the hallway telling me not to say he looks 50 years old. he immediately started explaining to me that He is not old at all and that M is about 45+ years old etc etc. 😭😭😭

So that was the point of the day and obviously not that I survived my exam anyway. Bahahhhaha 🙈

[bloodgulchblog]

Can you believe we're over half way through this season and it's still not good?

(This is a rhetorical question, I super can.)

S2e05.

We dive right in where we were with Vannak dead, Jimmy Rings injured, and everything on fire and exploding.

But Halsey sees something.

It's a bird!

It's a plane!

It's.... LAERA AND KWAN!

The gang shoots a brute and bails onto the ship with Kwan providing covering fire.

But Riz decides she's going to go back for Vannak's body and I genuinely think for 5 seconds that they've just straight up killed her too.

We get a flashback to James Circle being super fucked up with Cortana in his brain after the end of the 1st season (the thing we started this one with flashbacks to) and get slightly more information: Halsey asking Parangosky to help him... somehow.

(Also I didn't talk about this last time but: Parangosky is still secretly working for ONI, which makes her whole subplot make more sense but also I don't care about it and it was much funnier the other way.)

Anyway they haven't killed Riz yet but considering this is the second time they've acted like it, I'm not holding my breath.

Okay, everyone knows how bad this can be, cue title.

Makee is crying about Reach. You and half this fandom every day, Makee.

We get more confirmation that Arby's is trying to be who I think he is trying to be. (Still can't be assed to look up what this character's actual name was, it's not Thel 'Vadamee so I'm very relieved and otherwise don't care.)

He's mad that Makee stopped him from killing Jonas Oval.

Makee and Arby's still have the flash drive with Cortana on it. Arby's doesn't give a fuck about that, but Makee tells him it's important and he's like okay fine then you figure out what to do with it.

Then we're back on the boat.

Jimmy drags his injured ass over to Riz and Halsey shows up.

Jimmy starts tearing into Halsey about treating them as weapons instead of people. The reflection on how he hurt Riz earlier is alright, but I just consistently hate how this actor emotes this character and between that and how hamfisted the writing always is, I can't enjoy anything about this.

(I do miss some lines of dialogue when i do screencap piles like this, just because of the nature of how I'm doing it and how I'm limited on images, but I promise nothing of value is lost.)

The emphasis on family as the thing that defines humanity makes something itch about this for me.I'm out of images already. I'll finish this scene in the next post.

[tum-bakery]

Howdy howdy!! Sorry I haven't been active lately ^^|| been getting sucked into other fandom stuff off tumblurb. Hope you've been doing well and have had easy days!! To try and make up for my crimes of not being here to see your incredible arts, I leave tummy thoughts!

Someone catches a raccoon-esque character having tried to p much rob them of their food, only to see the character had mayhaps gotten too greedy and is just in a sort of mental food coma trying to remedy their stuffed belly. Funnier if the character awkwardly waves their hand like "heyyyy..." when caught.

A pregged char feeling the absolute weight of their later term belly as they're trying to cook something that'd require two hands, yet not being able to even complain or huff about it before their partner unknowingly comes up from behind to hold up their belly to be loving. Funnier if usually preg char doesn't like being bugged when cooking so this is usually a teasing sort of thing the partner does, which makes the partner surprised when they're not playfully swatted away and told to wait til food is done.

Big gruff dwarfen char having a partner that's known for being a tall species like an elf or smth- and either the tall partner is pregnant and the short partner tries to make gadgets to help them rest their belly on as support & loves to dote on them and the belly often, or short partner is the pregnant one and tall partner is rather awkward but excited around the other - kinda acts like they're worried they're too big and could hurt the baby but gets encouraged to have cuddling sessions with the belly to reassure them. Doesn't carry the short partner exactly bc they know it will earn a stink eye esp during hormonal feistiness, buuut does try to make things easier and help support the belly whenever and however they can.

Fantasy royalty figure that expects their new court jester to just mock their belly like others they've stopped hiring in the past did, but the mockery-based entertainment surprisingly doesn't and reaffirms that they actually really like their body and wouldn't dream of making fun of it. Royalty x jester shenanigans ensue as the royal char gets more confident with themself and the jester gets to be more hands on with their body love off work. Bonus points if the jester gets to gain a bit of happy weight too with their partner.

I'd go on but I fear this ask is already too long lmao sorry cjdnd

No need to apologize friend!!!! (I'VE BEAN MEANING TO POST THIS FOR MONTHS) It's good to see you in my inbox and BOY HOWDY DID YOU BRING ME GOODIES.

Long post ya'll lets strap in!!!

I LOVE the idea of some sort of Raccoon or better yet a Possum or even a Bear hybrid getting into some left overs and going HAM. The idea of them being a self admitted GARBAGE DISPOSAL, and being willing to pick up left overs or out of date foods to fill up on. What if they ended up pairing up with a convenience store worker, who at first just caught them rummaging but instead decided to... welcome them more to enjoy the out of date goods. The hybrid is unashamed but SO surprised to be welcomed in any way and are putting on a LOT of weight now that they have the means to-

Something always warms my heart about characters that aren't usually touchy or who don't like to be bugged getting some TLC and melting into it. I can imagine their partner cooing to them that what they're cooking smells so good, and really just leaning into the affection they usually aren't allowed to give.

OKAYACTUALLY THIS RIGHT HERE??? I love it SO MUCH. I really personally love the idea of a short, THICK, bearded dwarved lady having a total dainty beanpole of an elven boyfriend. I love the idea of either of them being pregnant, and the other being so doting and I'm... I'M ROTATING THEM IN MY BRAIN AUGHHHHHH. Not only that but I think the shorter one would carry it BETTER, because elven babies are less dense, whereas the elf carrying this HEAVY dwarven baby, built like a calf in the way that they can probably WALK fresh out the womb. Good thoughts good thoughts. Maybe mutual preg where they crave things the other likes, and both deal with the woes of their particular babies.

I've always dug on how Jesters also are somewhat ... political advisors, so the idea that this royal figure has actually always been stifled by having people always comment on their weight- its almost a relief when their new jester starts teasing other things. Because their BELLY is fine, and should not be the focus (unless... it's for praise perhaps hehe.) Or saying stuff along the lines of "my liege, your best work is not typically done on an empty stomach!"

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: Under the Mistletoe Collection

4/5. Releeases 11/12/24.

The Vibes:

—Christmas anthology

—Holiday romcom

—Everything from brother's best friend to "dressed like Santa"

Heat Index: 7/10

The Basics:

A set of five romantic Christmas stories!

The Review:

All by My Elf by Olivia Dade is the tale of two coworkers who end up in stuck in a snowed-in traffic situation, in a food truck sort of deal—oh, and she has a massive crush on him and believes he's hooking up with her best friend. Is he? I mean....

I'm 90% sure this "the roads have stopped because snow" deal was in part inspired by the travails of Virginia senator Tim Kaine, and if so, I am SO happy about that. I will tell everyone about how Tim Kaine survived on an orange and optimism in his car anytime. But in this case, it's two people versus one Tim Kaine, and also, the hero has sexy glasses. It's breezy and light and honestly may be my favorite Olivia Dade thing I've read, with a sexy game of "never have I ever" and a hero who made me go "Oh, WOULD". Also, there's a lot of cuddling with "is that....? In his pocket...?" content.

Merry Ever After by Tessa Bailey tells the tale of a thrift store employee/single mom who decides, after farmer rips a pair of jeans because he's Too Big, to make him jeans herself! Also, there is Christmas.

Um... I'm not sure how I feel about this one. It was funny. It was kind of sexy at points. I... wish he hadn't been a farmer. I feel like him ripping his jeans would've been 90% funnier had he been more "angry embarrassed" versus "shy aw shucks" embarrassed. Luke seemed nice, but I wasn't sure about where he was on January 6. I did appreciate him liking her "sturdy hips" though. This just may have "Boy is Too Big"ed too close to the sun for me.

Cruel Winter with You by Ali Hazelwood puts a somewhat depressed doctor at crosshairs with her best friend's brother—who was also her close friend, until.... the Incident. With the power off, the two decide to play Truth or Drink, which brings up some uncomfortable memories (and new confrontations).

This is the strongest of the bunch, and it really got me. Hazelwood manages to inject just the right amount of angst into a short story. It's not over the top, it feels super realistic, and if you're a fan of long-term pining... This is it. I also really loved that this is a best friend's brother story with a twist—not a huge one, but I don't think I've read any other stories with a heroine who's older than the hero. It added to the sweetness of it all.

Merriment and Mayhem by Alexandria Bellefleur focuses on an accident-prone woman who keeps getting the same firefighter at her beck and call whenever she's in trouble. She's not in town forever; he wants to make the most of the time they have. What's a girl to do when she doesn't do hookups?

This was fine; although I really liked The Fiancee Farce, I haven't found anything else by Bellefleur that super works for me. But I get why she works for other people. This is pure sugar. There isn't much conflict, really, aside from "I don't do casual". It's all very straightforward. The sex is hot. I honestly didn't know how Everleigh like... survived, though. So many hijinks!

Only Santas in the Building by Alexis Daria has a comic book illustrator who's, yes, a bit of a shut-in recovering from loss, decide to seize the day at a Santa-themed holiday party by hooking up with the neighbor she's long had a crush on. And yes, they are both dressed like Santa.

So much fun! So hot! So Santa! I love Alexis Daria's voice, and she manages to take a pretty low-stakes story and punch it up with character and heart. And again. It's really hot. I loved the chemistry between our leads here, and you totally felt the vibe that they'd been longing for each other for quite a while. It's to the point, and it did what it needed to do.

The Sex:

Varies! Every story has explicit sex, however. The highest heat story is probably Bailey's Merry Ever After, though Bellefleur's Merriment and Mayhem comes (haha) in second and Only Santas in the Building is quite steamy. But to me, the heat level for each story suited the tone of the story itself, if that makes sense.

While there were standouts and "could've been better"s, this is ultimately a really fun, enjoyable Christmas anthology. And honestly, few things say "Christmas" to me like Christmas anthologies.

Thanks to Amazon Original Stories and NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[incorrectshantaequotes]

Shantae Headcanons - Couples/Romance

So! This is a bit different! Currently, I'm trying to get my writer brain back in gear (or more accurately get it focused on Shantae) so I can finish up that Halloween fic that is very late right now, and I tend to find that my writer brain is far more stimulated when I write down these headcanon posts. So, naturally, I got to thinking about what to write a headcanon post about, and I figured, "hey! romance is a fairly good topic!"

The only issue with that is, well...as any long-time followers of this blog will know, aside from Shantops and Skylo (and also Twitchegar but they're fairly minor characters so yknow), which are fairly locked in as my headcanons at this point, I don't really have any solid headcanons for couples. Even with some couples that make frequent appearances on this blog, I'm willing to go for different options if it's submitted or if it'd make a particular quote that much funnier. And, honestly? I do not see that changing as I write these down.

...buuuuuuuuut that isn't going to stop me from writing down headcanons regarding what these characters are seeking out in a relationship! And also writing down how the dynamics for a character's various options would work out. So, with that in mind, let's hop to it!

NOTE: EXTREMELY LONG POST UP AHEAD. Like I say that a lot but good god this is a long one. I thought I ran into a text limit like twice and for good reason. You've been warned

Shantae/Rottytops

Starting strong with the fan favorite half-genie and zombie couple...when it comes to who started crushing on who first, obviously, Rottytops was first, like, right from the get-go - with her initial internal thought of "oh hey this girl's cute" rapidly spiraling into "I would propose to her on the spot without hesitation." Shantae, meanwhile, only started reciprocating around Pirate's Curse, but while she might not show it as blatantly or as frequently as Rotty, she is equally down bad for the zombie.

I imagine Rottytops as something of a casual flirt - before she met Shantae, during the games themselves, and even after they've gotten together to some extent! She enjoys getting a rise out of people, and flirting with them is both fairly simple and something she doesn't mind doing. She's definitely had a few relationships before Shantae, but nothing particularly serious. All of which is to say that, when she started having actual, deep, serious feelings for Shantae, Rotty had absolutely zero frame of reference, which was both frightening and incredibly exciting at the same time.

Rotty's exact reasons as to why she's so attracted to Shantae are...basically what's stated in-game, but to dig deeper into it, it's that right from the start, Shantae has looked at Rotty - a zombie girl who introduced herself by trying to eat Shantae's brains, a known trickster who wasn't that well-liked even among her fellow zombies, and who Shantae has no reason to trust or have any faith in, especially right after Risky's Revenge - and saw someone who could do better. Someone with potential to do good. Granted, that sentiment was initially expressed as frustrated disappointment, but even then Rotty was dumbfounded once she absorbed the implications of that. Even her brothers haven't expressed that kind of faith in her...more because they think she's fine as is than anything, but still! And while her initial reaction was to try and cling to that bit of faith before what she felt to be an inevitable loss of it, eventually, Rotty decided to take up the hard task of actually improving herself, and doing good, showing Shantae that that tiny bit of faith wasn't misplaced. And that one change in philosophy really made all the difference.

As for what draws Shantae to Rotty...well, after she realized that Rotty was never really malicious, and just trying to connect with her the only way she knew how, she naturally started viewing her a lot more charitably. And it was with that fresh perspective that she started noticing a few things. Like, for instance, how adventurous Rotty is. Daring. Bold. Everyone else Shantae knows tends to think at least a little bit before they say something, but Rotty is never afraid to speak her mind. She is loud, outspoken, and everything Shantae can't - refuses, really - let herself be, and as someone who's always at least a little worried about presenting herself as an ideal hero, a shining beacon to look to and inspire, there's something very appealing about a girl who just. Doesn't give a shit about any of that. And what really did it for Shantae is just how outspoken Rotty is regarding her. Rottytops has seen some of the aspects Shantae views least charitably about herself, mainly her temper, and in spite of it all, Rotty sees the world in her - and as the queen of self-esteem issues (even if most of them were ironed out post-Pirate's Curse), there's something very awe-inspiring about that to Shantae. Especially as Rottytops became more of an ally, her mind just...she had to wonder. Consider the possibilities. Something about the prospect of getting closer to Rotty got her heart racing, and yet- Rotty would have said something if she felt the same, right? Did she really want to risk losing it all?

Then Seven Sirens happened, and as Shantae and her friends were heading home, her mind happened to wander back to the moment where she encountered "Fillin" in her cage, and without the stress of dealing with the Sirens getting in the way, she then properly processed...literally everything in that scene, and that was when it clicked for Shantae that, "oh. OH. I don't think either of us are normal about this, actually." That was what finally compelled Shantae to confess, because, well...even if she was wrong, after all the shenanigans Rotty went through to get in just because she thought she might not be invited, she was fairly certain a love confession wouldn't get her to leave. And she was right on that front! Very, very right.

Their exact relationship hasn't overtly changed that much on Rotty's end, it's just that Rotty's turned her more subtle flirting into something significantly more blatant. She loves showering Shantae with affection, both physical and emotional, both because she feels Shantae deserves more of it and because she enjoys how easy it is to fluster Shantae with her flirting. She's also made more of a habit to let Shantae in on her schemes, which Shantae appreciates since it helps avoid another Fillin incident - not to mention, it lets her help Rotty be more reasonable with her schemes, pull her back when she might be going too far or redirecting her efforts if she thinks they might be a bit much...and, on the occasion that one of Rotty's schemes is perfectly fine and harmless, give Shantae a chance to lend a helping hand. Never let it be said that she doesn't have a mischievous side to her.

As for Shantae, she doesn't have nearly as much dating experience as Rotty does, so while she'll gladly return the favor when it comes to giving her affection, she doesn't do it to quite the same frequency as Rotty does, at least in public - partially because some irrational part of Shantae's brain is worried about doing too much, partially because Shantae personally likes to be a bit more deliberate with her affection. When in private, however, she's willing to get very intimate in a way that Rotty's previous relationships have not prepared her for in the slightest. She'll hold her close, whisper sweet nothings in her ear, slowly run her hands through Rotty's hair and down her back...and, honestly, Shantae would be lying if she said that there wasn't any appeal in flustering Rotty just as much as she can fluster her.

Rottytops personally gets a bit thrilled about the idea of Shantae having a darker side to her - I mean, just look at her initial reaction to Nega Shantae in Friends to the End - and it's a subject that comes up rather frequently in her more wild fantasies. Though, if push were to come to shove...she fell in love with Shantae for her kind and caring nature, and ultimately, Rotty prefers Shantae as she is. Although she'd never publicly admit it. She has a reputation to maintain as a bad influence, after all! That being said, Shantae is a lot more willing to play ball than you might think, at least in private, and has a few ideas of her own that she'd be far too embarrassed to try with anyone else, much to Rottytops' delight.

The most anyone else knows about that last part is when, one time, Rotty was walking home with about two dozen obvious bite marks and a dopey smile on her face, and Sky felt the need to stop her because she was worried that Rotty had run into a pack of feral zombies. She did not understand why Rottytops burst out laughing until she brought it up with Shantae and the half-genie went about as red as her outfit, muttering that she didn't think it was THAT obvious...at which point, Sky resolutely decided to never ask about Shantae and Rotty's private life. Ever.

Sky/Bolo

Moving on to our OTHER main protagonists...Sky and Bolo, despite being the only two characters who actively pursue romantic relationships in the games, have somehow never caught on that a potential romantic relationship with the potential to fill both of their needs is right there, and I imagine it takes them a little while longer for either of them to catch onto that little fact yet...as in, several months after Shantae and Rottytops have officially begun dating longer. I internally like calling this ship "Three Feet in Front of You" after the famous Mulan bit of "You missed! How could you miss, it was three feet in front of you!", because if that isn't a perfect summary of their relationship up until they actually start dating, I don't know what is.

I'm not going to get into how they start dating because I have an entire fic about that - a fic which I really need to get to writing the other three chapters for at some point - but the tl;dr is that Rottytops, tired of waiting for them to get their heads out of their asses, decided to play matchmaker, and while said plan...didn't quite work the way she intended, it DID ultimately help get them together, albeit in a very roundabout way.

Both Sky and Bolo are bisexual. For Bolo, it was more of a quiet "huh" realization, with a very casual acceptance and slight change in lifestyle, but nothing particularly groundbreaking for him. Probably realized it before the events of the games, even. Sky, on the other hand...as I've said before, I imagine she was repressed for a WHILE on account of her parent's pressure, so she just assumed she was straight because she did experience attraction to men, and it wasn't like her parents would accept any other option. right? Or so she assumed. So, what exactly got Sky to realize she was bisexual? ...Rottytops. It was Rottytops. And that is a secret she fully intends on taking to her grave - no pun intended - because she knows Rotty would never let her live it down if she knew.

That being said, Rottytops was not Sky's first sapphic crush, at least beyond anything superficial. This is going to slightly spoil that fic I mentioned earlier whenever I DO get to finishing that second chapter, but that honor actually goes to Harmony - Rotty's plan to get Sky and Bolo together involved using Harmony to inspire jealousy in Sky, but what happened instead was that Sky quickly found herself to be incredibly attracted to the half-genie, and ended up asking her out. The relationship was short-lived, but they're on good terms, and Sky has entertained the idea of opening up her and Bolo's relationship and bringing Harmony in...but it'd take a while for her to bring up that possibility to Bolo, both because she'd want to get a good feel for what a stable, long-term relationship feels like before potentially shaking it up, and because Sky feels incredibly guilty about how she acted back then, even with Harmony being understanding, and it'd take a long time for that guilt to fade. Everyone agrees that Harmony was a significantly better choice than Barracuda Joe and Armor Baron, though.

Sky has a very specific type that pretty much all of her romantic endeavors fall under. She looks for someone who's...responsible. Someone grounded. Strong, both in a physical and metaphorical sense, someone she feels she can entrust her life to and be safe with. Barracuda Joe counted as a high-ranking lieutenant in the Ammonian Army who plays the straight man to Ammo Baron's over-the-top antics, Armor Baron...was at least able to act the part as a trusted authority figure in Armor Town up until he pulled out the rug from under her with his enchanted armor, Harmony goes without saying, and even if he can be a bit dense sometimes, Bolo was the one who taught Shantae how to fight, and he was shown to act as a babysitter for a bunch of zombie kids, so he can clearly be responsible if the situation calls for it. Bolo, meanwhile, is a lot less picky, more just looking for someone who appreciates him for who he is and doesn't automatically write him off as some meathead, and Sky is more than happy to oblige on that front.

Another criteria for Sky's romantic partners that Harmony accidentally introduced is "do Sky's birds like them?" Both Harmony and Bolo pass this criteria with flying colors, with Sky's birds absolutely adoring Harmony, and Bolo being the only human besides Sky who they trust and can really handle them. This has been a major relief for Sky, as she can often worry about how her birds are handling things without her whenever she leaves for an extended period of time, so having someone she can trust to keep an eye on them is...nice! Especially considering how both Shantae and Rottytops swear that Sky's birds are demons in disguise after one extended babysitting session. She had no idea they could get that agitated just from her not being there.

Sky and Bolo aren't the most physically affectionate couple, especially compared to Shantae and Rottytops, but that's more because they just show their affection in significantly different ways. For Sky, that comes in the form of meticulous planning, though she's thankfully toned it down to a much more reasonable level from the control freak/"planning their marriage after only a few hours" level of planning shown in Pirate's Curse. In Sky's eyes, the best way to show her love to Bolo is to give him the perfect date, or the perfect gift, and the level of planning and scheming she will do to achieve that is enough to impress even Rottytops. Bolo, meanwhile, is the more physically affectionate of the two, but for the most part his love tends to come in the form of gifts, whether it be traditional things like flowers and chocolates to the significantly less conventional when he puts his metalworking skills to good use. Sky actually finds herself more interested in the latter than the former, because Bolo's fairly good at doing metal sculptures - even if the finer details can escape him - and she's found herself far more entranced by the level of love and heart he puts into them than any of the traditional gifts she used to daydream about. It's a surprise for both of them, but it works.

Sky's always supported Bolo and helped with his insecurities, but now that she's DATING him, that support has become a lot more vocal. She's formed an unofficial alliance with Rottytops with the mutual sentiment of "if anyone talks shit about either of our partners we will beat them to death," and the intensity of this alliance is honestly a bit frightening for both Bolo and Shantae, but at the same time extremely flattering for both of them.

Risky Boots

This section is going to be a lot shorter than the other ones, because, well...I don't really ship Risky with anyone? And the amount of people she CAN be shipped with is very slim, especially considering that she is absolutely a lesbian in my mind and there is no budging on that front. It also doesn't help that romantic relationships require a lot of emotional vulnerability and getting Risky to be emotionally vulnerable in any capacity is like pulling teeth through a maze made entirely of knifes and trying not to get a single scratch. Buuuuuut, she IS the main antagonist of the franchise, and I have thought over a few options before, so getting into those now...

Risky/Empress Siren: AKA the "hand in unlovable hand" route. Noooooooot even remotely healthy for either party but it's definitely an option! In this case, I imagine the relationship springs up relatively naturally after Seven Sirens - Empress Siren survives, pulls herself together like I've described in my previous Siren headcanon posts...and at some point, her mind wanders to Risky. The treacherous pirate who hoodwinked her, keeping her just out of reach of pure ultimate power, and ultimately equally responsible for her downfall as that accursed half-genie...but. She's cunning, incredibly vicious, has a lofty ambition, and isn't exactly bad on the eyes, either - all of which are traits Empress Siren can admire and approve of. So, compared to Shantae, who she just actively wants dead, Empress views Risky both as a respectable and worthy rival AND as a potential romantic prospect. She either wants to kill Risky in a climactic battle or to have her as a consort when she launches her reign over the world; they're interchangeable to Empress, really, and either way she WILL openly flirt with Risky...though, exactly what Empress Siren considers flirting is not quite what most people would consider flirting.

Naturally, Risky is not at all enthusiastic about this, for a multitude of reasons - Empress Siren is vile even by her standards, she doesn't appreciate being viewed as some sort of prize, and she's still a bit pissed about the whole "stealing her body" stunt. Yes, she expected Empress Siren to betray her in advance and made sure to prepare properly, but she wasn't expecting it to happen it like THAT! ...But. As much as she hates to admit it, Empress Siren is a formidable opponent, and her twisted affections are one of the few weaknesses she can readily and easily exploit, so sometimes it's more practical to just suck it up and play into it, if only so she can get the upper hand. And if she has the occasional fantasy of a better world - one where Empress Siren isn't an egomaniacal ex-tyrant to make the Pirate Master proud, one where she's interested in Risky for who she is rather than what she has to offer her, one where Risky could, just maybe, have a partner who wouldn't be scared of her reputation or her many, many enemies, one who could keep up with Risky in a fight and on the sea, one who she could share her self-proclaimed throne as the Queen of the Seven Seas with? Well, that's none of Empress Siren's business. Even if sometimes those fantasies are the only way Risky can manage to lock lips with the siren without giving the game away. ESPECIALLY considering that, actually.

Risky/Giga Mermaid: If you want an actually HEALTHY relationship for Risky that's also at least somewhat feasible...Giga Mermaid. This sounds like a crack ship and I can't really blame you if you think that but let me explain my reasoning here. As I sorta went into near the end of the Risky/Empress Siren section there, on top of literally ALL the aforementioned issues I mentioned before, I imagine Risky would have a few...concerns about how her lifestyle would affect the life of any potential romantic partner. Empress Siren side steps all of those concerns and would be PERFECT if not for her entire personality being a red flag in and of itself, but Giga Mermaid also manages to avoid most of the concerns Risky would have. Intimidated by Risky's reputation? Well, she's giant, so I imagine that not a lot actually intimidates her to begin with, and besides that Risky saved Giga Mermaid in Pirate Queen's Quest, marking her as one of the few people Risky has actually been nice to and meaning she actually has reason to see Risky in a positive light. Risky's enemies? After Techno Baron kidnaps her twice, Giga Mermaid would definitely invest in better security, and with her size and at least some magic she can hold her own in a fight when she's actually thinking straight. Risky being at sea most of the time isn't an issue for someone who's naturally aquatic, either. The only real potential issue is how Giga Mermaid would react to Risky's ambition, as well as one on Giga Mermaid's side: her reputation as a ruler. Oh, and also how they would even meet up again, but I have that covered.

The way I'm envisioning this would start is fairly simple: Risky's out on the sea, figuring out her next plan after Seven Sirens, and she finds that resources on her ship are running low, so she elects to head to a nearby island for a quick and quiet supply run...only for Giga Mermaid to suddenly emerge from the water and stop the ship in its tracks. After a bit of outraged raving from Risky, Giga Mermaid very calmly explains that the island Risky's trying to head to is currently home to a secret but very IMPORTANT meeting between a bunch of major political powers, meaning that the island is currently armed to the teeth. That gets Risky to shut up real fast. Right now, that island is a death trap for any criminal there, let alone one so infamous as Risky. Even with a disguise she'd get figured out pretty quickly with so many on the look out for potential miscreants who might want to crash the party, and she can't exactly go on the offensive with her supplies being low...so Giga Mermaid gives her a simple offer: she'll give Risky that favor Risky insisted she owed her for saving her life back then, stowing Risky and her crew away somewhere secret and away from prying eyes until the meeting is done in a few days. It burns at Risky's pride a bit, but she really doesn't have any other option that ends in her favor, so she takes Giga Mermaid up on that offer.

Once Giga Mermaid settles her and the Tinkerbats in, Risky initially assumes that it's going to be a quiet couple of days without much to do, except...as the sun begins to set on the first day, Giga Mermaid shows up, done with the meeting for the day, and just. Talks to her. Initially she tries to ask about Risky in an attempt to understand her more, which naturally results in Risky dodging those questions like the plague, but the pirate ends up opening up more the second day when Giga Mermaid comes in steaming and vents about some of the politicians she had to deal with, inadvertently revealing more about herself in the process. This continues on as the days go by, with Risky gradually becoming more comfortable with Giga Mermaid, up until the sixth and final day of Risky's stay, where she can tentatively call Giga Mermaid a friend...and, possibly, a bit more in her dreams. But she's also sure it won't last. And when all the other political parties leave, and Risky is finally able to get her supplies, she bids Giga Mermaid what she assumes to be a final farewell, because she isn't giving up being the Queen of the Seven Seas for anyone, not even for royalty, and having a friendly relationship with a pirate has to be a breaking point for her, if just because of her reputation...only to abruptly have those assumptions thrown out the window when Giga Mermaid bluntly informs her that she doesn't care what wild assumptions people might make about her for hanging out with a pirate, and for that matter she isn't going to fight Risky on her ambition either.

Naturally, Giga Mermaid's blunt confession confuses Risky to the point where she gets right in her face and asks if she's lost her mind. Giga Mermaid admits that, while she does have a few issues with Risky's choice of career, she can acknowledge that Risky is her own woman and she can't exactly STOP her. She does, however, have one suggestion: speaking from her experience dealing with other politicians and her own royal court, there are quite a few corrupt nobles out there. Ones that people probably wouldn't miss if they were gone…and also happen to have quite the mass of wealth to their name. If Risky shifts targets from large towns to those few nobles, she'll get just as much, if not MORE than she did before, and still maintain her fearsome reputation as Queen of the Seven Seas without anyone questioning her too much. It'd just be that who fears her the most would be a bit, ah, shifted, is all. And…Risky has to admit that she raises a valid point. Incredibly valid, actually. Some could accuse her of becoming soft, sure, but those voices wouldn't be quite so bold with a sword at their throat. The only real potential protestor to all this would really be herself. And while that's not enough to sway her completely…Risky does say she'll think on it.

And so, the unlikely friendship carries on, albeit meeting in secret - more at Risky's insistence than Giga Mermaid's - with Risky gradually leaning more into morally gray territory rather than being an outright villain as she speaks more and more with Giga Mermaid, even if she'd never admit it. And then - it happens. Risky doesn't know what prompts it. Maybe it's being at sea with no one to interact but the Tinkerbats for a while, maybe it's the way Giga Mermaid laughs when she regales the queen with the tale of how she utterly humiliated a major noble - one who, coincidentally, happened to give Giga Mermaid a lot of trouble during that fateful political meeting - or maybe it's just because she's wanted to do it for a while, but during one of their meetings, Risky ends up kissing Giga Mermaid. Just a simple peck on the tip of the queen's nose, nothing more, but it's still enough to get Risky to freeze up, internally reprimand herself because what is she DOING, and immediately start barking out half-baked threats to keep Giga Mermaid from mentioning the incident to anyone…which all promptly fall short in the face of the surprised, but sly smile on Giga Mermaid's face. She wasn't EXPECTING for Risky to feel that way towards her, but she isn't complaining, and casually mentions that there's a spell she uses whenever she has to go to a political meeting not in her own kingdom, and therefore not built for her size, that she'd like to show Risky next time they meet. Confused, but mostly just relieved that Giga Mermaid isn't going to say anything, Risky agrees to see the spell. Cut to a few days later, when something suddenly stops Risky's ship. She instinctively looks around to see if she can spot Giga Mermaid…only to hear her clear her throat at a considerably quieter volume than usual. Risky turns around to see the Giga Mermaid at a more human size with the slightest of smirks and a raised eyebrow. Turns out, that's the spell - something that shrinks Giga Mermaid down to a more manageable size, if only for a few hours. And that's when she gives Risky another offer: a true, proper kiss this time. Risky takes the deal without any hesitation.

OKAY. Risky/Giga Mermaid scenario over. So, what relationship could possibly top that? …honestly, nothing; that scenario ended up being more intensive than I expected, but! Anyway, for the last Risky ship, I have one quick offering: Risky/Squidsmith. This one is definitely a crackship since the two haven't even interacted, but it IS pretty funny to me because, if you don't already know, I headcanon Squidsmith to be Bolo's mom, as detailed here. So the way I imagine this working is that Risky ends up walking into a bar where the Squidsmith is at after a long day of work. And in a brilliant moment that shows exactly where her son got his denseness from, she proceeds to not recognize Risky at all and casually flirt with her. Risky attempts to dissuade her, but Squidsmith is insistent, and eventually…Risky sighs, deciding to humor the woman and stay at her temporary home for her work for the night. And then that night goes very well for her, so when Risky happens to run into Squidsmith again…she a bit more easily persuaded this time. And the next time. And the next time. And the next time…and all the while, Squidsmith STILL doesn't connect the dots, and does not until word eventually spreads to Shantae via Bolo and she promptly realizes just who Bolo's mom has been dating. Naturally, hilarity ensues.

The Half Genies

So! Onto the half-genies! These four tend to be subject to the whole "whoever I ship is subject to whatever would be funniest" phenomenon the most frequently, since I don't really have any particular ships in mind for them. There's still more to talk about than Risky, though...which, uh, might not QUITE be the right thing to say considering how long that Risky/Giga Mermaid section ended up being. Hopefully I don't have to break up the list this time.

Starting with a half-genie I've already mentioned - and have notably more solid headcanons for - Harmony! I've only very briefly mentioned it before in a different post, but I firmly think she's asexual, though still open to romantic relationships of the sapphic variety. There's a certain level of irony to this because Harmony is also built like an Amazon, and there are a lot of people who find her attractive...and Harmony, through a combination of the aforementioned asexuality and just not having a lot of social interaction to go off of, has been completely oblivious to this up until recently. Up until she was used for the set up for Rottytops' plan to get Sky and Bolo together that ended up resulting in her briefly dating Sky, to be precise. It was her first experience being in a romantic relationship, and even if it wasn't exactly perfect by any stretch, Harmony still thinks of it fondly. If Sky were to approach her with the prospect of including her in Sky and Bolo's relationship, she'd be more than happy to say yes.

Harmony is actually fairly similar to Shantae when it comes to romantic relationships - she may be incredibly confident in herself, with a lot of experience in defending her town, being a leader, and keeping a calm and level-headed demeanor, but a romantic relationship is still a relatively new and exciting prospect for her, so she can be a bit nervous, especially in public settings. To be quite honest, though, she doesn't mind. It's actually part of the appeal of a romantic relationship to her, that she's so incredibly new to the whole thing and vulnerable in a way she normally isn't. Harmony takes her duties as a Guardian Genie very seriously, making herself a pillar of strength and self-confidence that others can look up to and depend on...but that doesn't mean that Harmony doesn't want some support herself, sometimes. And sure, with the Half-Genie festival she's gotten some friends who are more than willing to help in that regard, and she's very thankful for it, but- part of what appeals so much about a romantic relationship to Harmony is the prospect of someone who she can always trust to have her back when it all gets to be a bit too much. Someone she can trust to protect her at her weakest, and someone she can protect in turn. It's part of what made Sky so appealing to her - she'd heard how Sky helped Shantae through some of her lowest moments, and then seeing Sky with her birds, being so gentle and caring and kind...she may not have been the one to ask for a relationship, but she accepted it incredibly quick.

With all that being said, I, uh. Don't really have anyone I ship with Harmony besides the whole "did previously date Sky"/"would be open to a Sky/Bolo/Harmony polycule" thing. Like, I see a lot of people attracted to Harmony, sure, but not so much in a romantic relationship with her. In all honesty besides the polycule scenario I think Harmony's best romantic option would probably be a civilian? Which we don't really have any particularly stand-out examples of, so...yeah. I did have a fic idea for where Harmony strikes it up with that one zombie tourist girl NPC we see in Seven Sirens, though. Unfortunately I do not remember any of the details in the slightest so you'll have to get back to me on that one.

Getting to the other three...the two most prominent ships involving them are here are Zapple/Vera and Plink/Vera, and while I still don't plan on locking down a solid headcanon for which one I'd go with...I will say that, at least in the early days of the blog, I tended to lean more towards Zapple/Vera, but I have been seeing the appeal of Plink/Vera these days. So, getting into those ships now-

With Zapple/Vera, I imagine the dynamic doesn't really change much from the one I've given them as friends. Zapple is similar to Rottytops in that she can be a bit of a troublemaker, but whereas Rottytops just loves causing problems on purpose, in Zapple's case it's moreso because she has at least five different conspiracies in her head at all times and doesn't fear god. Vera's used to this just from knowing Zapple for so long, but dating her ratchets up the intensity somehow just because her dating ideas really aren't too different from the multitude of times she's gone "hey Vera you know what would be a cool idea" or went "Vera there's no time to explain we need to commit arson." You can never say a date Zapple plans is a dull one, that's for sure. But she's also a lot more...attentive to Vera than before. She's always known Zapple cares, willing to help her with any problem that arises and helping lift her spirits with her dry sense of humor and sheer enthusiasm, but now she pays attention to Vera's physical and mental health with the same paranoid intensity she gives her various conspiracies, declaring herself Vera's medic and fussing over the smallest things in a way that Vera finds both hilarious and heartwarming. As for Vera's side of things...again, it's similar to before, where she acts as a grounding presence for Zapple both in terms of her more adventurous ideas and her wild conspiracies, it's just that it's gotten notably easier - partially because Zapple is more willing to listen to her, and partially because Vera's found that any sort of physical intimacy makes Zapple's brain short circuit, and she's more than willing to take advantage of that if it keeps Zapple from staying up all night with a conspiracy board.

As for Plink/Vera...while the two might PHYSICALLY be far apart, when you have friends with teleportation magic, any given "long distance" relationship becomes a lot easier to manage, and this one would be no exception. Vera's taken a liking to showing Plink some of the natural wonders of Siren Island she never got around to seeing during her brief stay with the Half-Genie Fesitval, and seeing her eyes light up with delight at whatever Vera shows her is always worth a smile in her eyes. Plink, meanwhile, doesn't come up with the date ideas that often, but when she does, they're always spectacular. One particularly memorable moment in their relationship for both Plink and Vera is when Plink took Vera up a grassy hill late one night, refusing to elaborate what for to avoid spoiling the surprise, sitting her down, and then using her magic to let Vera see what was effectively the supernatural equivalent of an aurora borealis, with equally fantastical sights and colors to be seen. Both of them are also fairly physically intimate, with Vera being especially so when Plink is distressed, holding her close to calm her down. Meanwhile, Plink will give Vera hugs and hold hands with her often, but can be a bit nervous to take it beyond that. Doesn't mean she hasn't, though. Overall, just a particularly nice relationship...nothing crazy, but neither Vera nor Plink mind that at all.

Slightly breaking the mold and going back to Zapple here - ever since I've written my updated Siren headcanons post, which I linked earlier in Risky's section, one ship idea involving Zapple that showed up out of nowhere but has grown on me is Zapple/Octo Siren. Again, this makes more sense if you read that headcanon post, so I recommend you read that, but anyway…after all the Sirens are redeemed, I imagine Octo Siren just. Lives in Zapple's house now. They threw her in there when they kidnapped her for her own good, and she sees zero reason to leave after the fact. I stand by this regardless of whether they'd be in a romantic relationship or not, but it also happens to make for a great starting point for one! Because, as mentioned earlier, Zapple's brain short circuits with physical intimacy, and pretty much all of the Seven Sirens have zero sense of personal space. Which, well. Zapple DID catch onto that a bit with Lobster Siren, but she just figured that she didn't get out much and shrugged it off. It was only when the dust settled and everyone could let out a sigh of relief that she realized that, oh, no, they're all just like this. And now she's living with a girl that is not only fairly attractive, around her age, if a bit older - or at least the equivalent of that by Siren standards - and she shares a mutual understanding with, but also just...has a habit of casually draping herself over Zapple like she's a living lounge chair? Forget short circuiting, something in Zapple's brain has caught fire at this point and the fans are working overtime in a feeble effort to solve the issue while smoke blows out her ears.

Meanwhile, completely oblivious to Zapple's plight, Octo Siren...well. She has to admit, there's actually something of a romantic spark in her heart regarding Zapple, what with the softer side Zapple showed her that fateful night, the way she can relate to her mental struggles, the more wild side of her life that seems both a bit frightening and exciting at the same time...but, she also doesn't want to make the same mistake did with Shantae, even if the half-genie wasn't dating Rottytops at the time, and she's about...75% sure that Zapple and Vera are dating. So, Octo Siren doesn't say anything, intending to latch that romantic spark down, only to find it growing stronger and stronger until one day, she finally cracks a little and asks Zapple if she and Vera are dating. Whatever response she was expecting, it was not Zapple snapping her head over to Octo Siren and very bluntly informing her that Vera and Plink are dating, and also you have been driving me insane for the past three weeks for the love of god please date me.

Needless to say, after a lot of confusion and some explanations, the two ended up dating. Now with something of a proper sense of boundaries, Octo Siren has actually toned down how physical she is with Zapple, which is both a slight disappointment and a MAJOR relief because, as nice as all that contact and touching was, she also kinda needs her brain intact to do her job properly. Octo Siren will still drape herself over Zapple like she's a lounge chair, though, especially if she can tell Zapple's had a long day or that she's making a bad decision for herself - like, say, staying up all night to figure out conspiracies. Octo Siren doesn't have that many date ideas, but everything I said about Zapple's dates regarding the Zapple/Vera ship applies here as well, and while at first Octo Siren finds herself terrified...she also loves it a little? It does not take long into her and Zapple's relationship to become an adrenaline junkie, though thankfully one with more common sense, much to Vera's relief. Zapple is also equally attentive to Octo Siren, which is maybe a bit weird for her since she really hasn't anyone hovering over her like that in her life, but still rather flattering. Octo Siren has found that a good way to keep Zapple from committing to a bad idea - or just to receive a LOT of comfort after a particularly bad day - is to fake having a minor cold, and then watching as Zapple drops everything to help Octo Siren out.

Holly Lingerbean

Now, ending on a bit of a high note...Holly Lingerbean! Some of you are probably wondering WHY Holly in particular instead of, say, the Barons, but I went with Holly for three reasons: firstly, I am incredibly biased. Holly is one of my personal favorite Shantae characters just because she hits a lot of the right buttons for me. Secondly, there's only like two things to talk about for Holly, whereas with the Barons I'd probably have to break up their list twice just going off of Risky and the section with the half-genies. Thirdly, she's like half the reason I had the idea to write this PARTICULAR headcanon post in the first place, but I'll get to that in a bit.

Getting into the first ship, which long-time followers of the blog are probably expecting a bit...Holly Lingerbean/Nega Shantae! These two actually fairly consistently show up in my quotes as a couple, whether that be in a romantic sense or a platonic one, and, well...to be completely honest, I don't really ship the two romantically, it's just that: A.), Holly's like, one of the only few characters Nega Shantae could plausibly be interacting with besides the main four and Uncle Mimic, so it makes sense to put them together, and B.), like I mentioned before, Holly's one of my favorite Shantae characters, and she and Nega Shantae have a very interesting dynamic where, with Nega Shantae's over the top villainous personality, it's maybe one of the few times Holly can actually reasonably play the straight man, and obviously Nega Shantae can play the straight man to Holly just as well. So, in other words, this was mostly a pairing formed out of convenience that serves the actual gimmick of this blog pretty nicely...but, uh, again, I honestly don't ship them that seriously. I DO think they could work as a couple, but I'm personally not that invested in figuring out the specifics. I imagine they'd give off old married couple vibes, i.e. Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck in the Looney Tunes Show.

Now, to the main event...some of you are probably aware of the Holly redemption AU I have going on with Living Memoir, though I haven't really added to it beyond that initial fic. But that's hardly for lack of trying! I've had plenty of ideas for it, some of which have shown up in other places - hell, the thing about Giga Mermaid having a spell to shrink herself down to a more normal size is actually from one of those fic ideas - and when it got around to pride month last year...well. I ended up having an idea. An idea completely out of left field, mind you, but one that seemed only captivating, so I mused on it. And mused on it. And then I mused on it a bit too hard, and it has been driving me insane ever since, DOUBLY so after I did my updated siren headcanon post and my brain was filled with ideas anew. But I have had approximately no place to really talk about it...until now, when I wrote this headcanon post specifically talking about couples. So, without further ado - Holly Lingerbean/Lobster Siren! ...I swear I can make this make sense

I'm not going to go too much into how they meet because I DO plan on writing that fic at some point, but to make a long story short - Shantae teleports to Siren Island with Holly, still early on in her path to redemption, in order to talk with Zapple and Vera and figure out where Harmony is, since she figures Harmony would be the best mentor for helping Holly expand her magical repertoire beyond...existing, and also messing with memories. Holly, meanwhile, doesn't really care too much about all that jazz, and just wants to get a tan...or at least act like she's getting one. But, as she manages to set herself up in a resort and get out the tanning board, she happens to spot someone out of the corner of her eye - Lobster Siren, currently hiding the best she can and spying on her. Vaguely knowing who she is from Shantae's brief rundown and not really having any thoughts about Lobster besides "huh, she's kinda cute now that I see her in person," Holly asks if she can get the waiting staff so she can order a drink. When Lobster doesn't respond, Holly remembers that she doesn't speak English, and considering her silent nature, opts for sign language instead. She is beyond pleased with herself when she gets a response, Lobster Siren asking in sign how she knows that - ha, success! - only for that pleasure to promptly shatter into a million pieces as she's informed that the particular sign language she's speaking is several centuries out of date.

Legitimately distressed from this news, as taking the time to learn that language to speak to the deaf and mute was one of the few achievements about herself she could still hold high, Holly does what she deems to be the most healthy and normal method of dealing with this issue and very quickly speedwalks away from the problem, ignoring Lobster Siren's cry of concern. This seems like a perfect plan up until Lobster Siren, very quickly fed up with being ignored, teleports directly in front of Holly and physically holds her in place so she can get her to stand still and tell her what's wrong. Because, with Lobster Siren...well. She'd been intending to avoid Holly - first impression spotting her arrival with Shantae a biiiiiiiiit too similar to Empress Siren for her tastes - but now that she's actually interacted with her...there's clearly something different going on here. Empress Siren only bothered learning the language of the surface to better convey her superiority to them, while Holly, as rude as she might have been at first, clearly learned sign language to actually TALK to people considering her reaction. So, beyond feeling a bit guilty for inadvertently causing Holly distress, Lobster Siren wants to take the time to understand Holly better - both how she knows a language lost to time, and how she is as a person. Holly, meanwhile, had pretty much all of her thoughts leave the room as soon as Lobster Siren grabbed her by the wrists and looked at her with that intense gaze, as her status of "mildly interested" very quickly spiraled into "down atrocious," and it goes from there.

Holly is a similar case to Zapple where physical intimacy makes her brain go blank, only with the main difference that she has not had any kind of physical intimacy for a good few centuries, so it is notably worse. Less touch starved and more touch drought. Also, since Holly's not the best at reading people and Lobster is not the best at communicating, for a good while Holly completely misinterpreted Lobster's complete lack of personal space as her being physically possessive, which, ah...really, only made Lobster Siren that much more attractive to Holly. As big as her ego is, it's all mostly hot air, so the idea of someone finding her valuable, someone treating her as important and worthy, even if she's not busy being a hero or a showman or whatever and just being HOLLY? To the point of them physically pulling her close, as if to say "back off, she's mine?" Oh, that gets Holly's heart racing and her brain to melt out her ears. Even when the misconception is cleared up, her immediate first thought is "okay I know you aren't actually like that and that's fine but maybe you could act like you are? for me? please? pretty please?" And Lobster Siren...is actually completely fine with that, since, as previously established, all Lobster Siren did for Holly to think that was act as her usual, lack of personal space self, so she just...deliberately does that afterwards. And Holly loves it.

As for Lobster Siren's end…she's not down as bad as Holly is, but once Holly does tell her exactly how she feels? She can't help but love her back. For one thing, Holly's one of the few people she knows who isn't either frightened of her - i.e., most of Siren Island's tourists - or babies her, and instead just…treats her with respect like an actual adult. Sure, the two aforementioned groups are getting better at that, but Holly did it right from the start and has no intention of stopping. It also helps that, even if Holly's not the best person in the world by a long shot, she is willing to try and get better, which is very admirable in Lobster's eyes. And, what ultimately ends up sealing the deal for Lobster Siren, at least when it comes to turning their friendship into an actual romance, is just how deep Holly's devotion is for her. How much Holly wants to be with her, how much she sees in her that, honestly, Lobster Siren doesn't see in herself most days, how she is 100% willing to spend the rest of her life with her, without hesitation, and without regret. It's frankly surprising how devoted Holly is to Lobster, but she finds it very sweet...if not mildly concerning at times. Again, down atrocious. Once, Holly described an elaborate fantasy she had of Lobster Siren within minutes of them first meeting to her, of her dragging Holly down to the depths and then showing her all the incredible underwater sights, holding her close to make sure she doesn't fall into the abyss of the sea, scaring off any undersea predator that dared draw near, and Lobster politely waited for her to finish before interjecting with a concerned [So did you forget the part where you need to breathe?] in sign, to which Holly went, "Huh? Oh, no, I'm a memory; I don't actually have to breathe if I want to. Why? Are you interested?"

Holly may not be much of a physical fighter, but if you cause Lobster Siren distress in any way, well...she can certainly verbally eviscerate you, and she is damn good at it, what being a former villain and all. Shantae, Bolo, and Lobster Siren are all quietly relieved that Sky and Rottytops don't like Holly enough to include her in their unofficial "if anyone talks shit about our partners we beat them to death" alliance. They fear what the world would look like if they did.

[wren-writes-things]

Let's see... 1, 9, 12, 13 for the fandom ask games? :)

Oh hey Pixel! Thanks for asking.

OTP? 

Probably Sasharcy (of course in the context of Sashannarcy). I absolutely adore all variants of the Calamity Trio but I just tend to drift towards them. My guess is that the personality contrast, and possibly just how much they both need to grow and forgive each other. I don't know it just intrigues me.

I also really like platonic Zelink from the BotW/TotK iteration.

9. Write a recommendation of someone else's fic you enjoyed!

Hmm... Pixel go read your own fanfic! Joking, probably

And I Know I Kissed You Before (But I Didn't Do It Right) - BearerOfTheBitterMoon (liminal-lesbian on here) - Okay I could put all of Mara's fanfics on here. Her writing style and story concepts are just amazing. But we'd be here all day, so we're not going to do that. This one specifically though, was just such an emotional rollercoaster (without leaving with permanent emotional trauma, ex: The Three Body Problem). It's very sweet, it's very sad and it all just feels so real. If that makes any sense

A Witch In Wartwood - Disect - I haven't finished the sequel fanfic yet, but I love this story. It had a very creative take on a Swap AU, and it did a really good job at capturing the essence of the original show while also completely being it's own thing.

Pinpoint - i'm-at-my-limit - Okay, I need to get caught up on this one, because I love the concept and I find it's characterization really interesting but I'm also behind by like two chapters because I wasn't reading as much for a while.

Across The Seven Seas - Heart_Wit_Strength - Did I successfully trick you into thinking I wasn't going to say this? Did it work? Seriously though this is one of those fanfics that I read, immediately reread and proceeded to think about for the next three days. I actually have fan art of it that I need to complete some day. I don't know what you did, but you succeeded at it.

Then there's this one fanfic about Sasha that I really like, but I cannot find it or remember what it is called.

(I have quite a few others that I really liked, these are just the four that were in my brain apparently)

12. What's the funniest or craziest AU idea you've ever come up with?

So the same week that I created Daren, I also created what I call that Devil in the Details AU. Which is one of those AUs where it could be angsty, but I decided it was way funnier to write absurd shenanigans.

Basically Marcy, a lonely and aimless college student, opens a music box (gifted to her by her academic mentor, Andrias) and ends up with Darcy as the devil on her shoulder. Then Anne and Sasha are sent by heaven to prevent her from becoming corrupted and taken over by them.  

Of course, it’s a massive train wreck. 

Darcy is trying to convince Marcy that she should trust them. But because Sasha and Anne are almost always there they can only accomplish this through underhanded life coaching. (Though when Sasha and Anne aren’t there it’s manipulation is more direct).

Sasha is a nearly fallen angel who has taken to giving beneficial but selfish advice and also physically attacking any devils that she ends up paired with. 

Anne is just trying to get Sasha back on the right path and to find a way to get rid of Darcy so Marcy can go back to a normal life.

Then Marcy who was incredibly lonely finally has a social life and people that she can get engaged in her interests. So she’s convinced this is a great thing and is scheming to make it permanent. 

And from this queue all of the comedic shenanigans that could possibly come out of it. But also Anne and Sasha helping guide Marcy into making a life for herself that she really wants rather than what everyone kept telling her she wanted. While Darcy of course tries to counteract that because they assume she searching for a very specific type of success and do not understand any other idea.

13. What's a character or ship you haven't written/drawn yet but would like to some day?

So ironically the answer here is also Sasharcy. I’m not sure how this happened but we have two Sashanne centric AUs (TOH and BotW) and two Marcanne centric ones (Witch Marcy and also BotW). But none of them have focused on Sasha and Marcy specifically (aside from post breakup in the Witch Marcy AU). It's a really interesting occurrence

[jellyfish-grave]

(screaming into a megaphone) I THINK THE FRENCH BAC IS BULLSHIT (huuuuge ramble under cut. Read at your own risk)

listen. I have arguments.

Finals are coming for me like. Right tomorrow, yeah? Yeah. The written trial consists of two options: You can either write a dissertation on a given subject (which you have studied through the year. There's only 4 parcours in the year) OR you can make a text commentary (but it's on a text you've never heard of before and it's not linked to any of the parcours you studied).

On paper it sounds okay (if not slightly unfair that both exercises are judged the same way, despite the fact that you have much more knowledge to back up your dissertation if you chose that). It tests the student's ability to think for themself, to use knowledge that was given through the year or to use personal culture in order to make an interesting reasoning!

The first time they tried this out they realised "hmmm wait everyone is failing, maybe that's cuz the expectations are too high" and yes! Exactly! That's cuz we're introduced to the exercise of dissertation the very same year that we're expected to make a full one. Before that? Barely mentioned. We make around 4 of them throughout the year, and we're never EVER given a full example. The only examples we get are detailed plans, but never a fully written out dissertation.

You'd think "oh, then the simple solution is to either lower the stakes, or introduce the exercise earlier in the education, right?" and yeah that does sound logic. But what change was made, you ask? Oh. Simply give all the answers through the year.

That's right. We get full on answers for the full dissertation during the year, and you could argue that the subject isn't the same during the year compared to the end of the year's prompt, however. All subjects basically boil down to the same core elements but written out differently. They decided that since students of our age aren't capable of making clear and complex reasoning/analyses of a given subject, they should just. Give us the answer.

This kills the entire purpose of the exercise. I don't think of myself as some literary genius or some shit, but i do think I'm capable of basic reasoning. But that's not what's being tested here.

Besides, if your dissertation plan doesn't fit their exact expectation, your entire work will be labelled as out of subject, completely killing the idea that multiple people can think of multiple reasonings. Which is. Yk. The entire point of a dissertation.

I know I'm being overly dramatic, but for people like me who have horrible memory problems, I just feel like this is entirely unfair. This isn't constructed at all because I didn't try to, my brain is turned off after 5 hours of memorizing the exact order stuff should be brought up in. We aren't allowed the fucking books the subject is about during the trial. What's the point in that?? At what point in life will you actually need the skill to be able to make a literary commentary without the actual support???

Even funnier! Yk how I mentioned you can also make a text commentary? Yeah! You don't get the answers for the text commentary during the year. And the expectations haven't gone down. It's basically a suicide to pick that unless you've got huge personal culture to enrich your arguments. It's highly unrecommended by all my teachers so far for a reason.

Should I even go on about the oral trial? You need to site by heart the exact explanation of the text (one out of 12 extracts your studied during the year) line by line out loud. It's bullshit. You get 30 minutes to prepare (which. Btw. Isn't enough.), then you have a grammar question (really the only fair thing about this whole thing.), and then you need to present one of the 4 (8 for some people) books you had to read during the year. You can thankfully choose the book, but this is STILL learning a lesson by heart.

It's not teaching you critical thinking. It's not valuing your opinion, it's not valuing a student taking risks and talking about a subject in an interesting way, because you're expected to do the exact thing the teachers want. A very specific plan. Even the main question your entire work is centered around is just a rewording of the subject.

What is the point? What. Is. The point.