#I haven't been this sad and angry and scared in years. I'd go to therapy but talk therapy isn't going to fix this situation

[brown-little-robin]

what is up I'm back, I'm still doing bad due to the unemployment and the horror of having to feed myself into the American human-crushing machine and the fascism, but I'm hanging on!! !!

[solarisii]

It's okay to be sad, angry, afraid, depressed. And it's okay to talk about and vent those feelings. Don't let uounir anyone else say you're a burden or being annoying by discussing your feelings. Anyone who says that isn't worth your time.

Thank you so much. It's just difficult ya? Like I don't want to hurt, scare anyone away, trigger anyone else, and/or like you said (and I've said before) be a burden or be annoying. A good number of my problems are still happening/reoccurring so it also just feels like every vent is basically the same.

Part of my vents honestly I think is just to be heard and understood by folks. Despite my own communication difficulties.

And uuuhhhh sorry, this in and of it's self kinda became a vent below so...

I'm trying my best but all of my best has felt like it's been chipped away. I'm depressed, chronically anxious both generally and socially, feeling useless and like a burden because I can't work and recently I haven't even been able to make much art. Feeling like a failure in my transition because I think I maybe on too low of a dose but am too afraid to ask and that i have basically haven't been able to present differently like 99% of the time. On top of that years of low-key abuse came to a very explosive point a couples years ago and that scrambled everything harder. And I've had some bad doc experiences, with one as a teen telling me I'd be dead by 30 and it's hard to shake that being 30 now. Really feeling that running out of time. With my most recent appointment talking about some of my failings with my own health has the endless repeating thought of "I'M GOING TO DIE IM GOING TO DIE IM GOING TO DIE SOON FROM EITHER MEDICAL OR FASCISM" which isn't a great thought , let alone me being crammed in-between the thought of how I should just die.

And there's things that like logically I know but for some reason I can't use/implement anymore. Like apologizing too much and rewording it to be thank you. I just can't anymore it feels like such a lie because I am so sorry for bother someone or sometimes just for existing. Or not using words like failure(failure is a step not a permanent point or affliction), burden(that's just being, it comes with existing), or useless (by who's standards) to describe myself but like I don't have other words to describe these feeling and thoughts eating through me.

Then there's the basics of like Get exercise! (makes me actively suicidal, idk why), Get good and consistent sleep! (I've literally never been able to), Eat well!(I don't have an excuse for this I just fucking suck at it). I'm in therapy and I've gone through like 8 meds, each one/combo taking weeks to try and only for it to sometimes just make everything almost worse. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if there's something wrong with my brain to make that many not work but.

I'm so so so so tired I'm in both physical and emotional pain, and have been hopeless for months now. I'm trying my best I swear I am. Right now I'm stuck just trying to get through each day and stay alive. I AM sad I AM angry I AM afraid and I AM depressed. I just wanna be a happy weird dog girl who play video games, draws, and has wonderful times with her friends who is atleast somewhat understood. I want it so bad.

[crawlincreepz]

It's so refreshing to see creepypasta stuff again after, like, 12 years lol. It's nostalgic.

I've recently been super into Lost Silver again, got so into it that I wrote a whole character sheet for my version of gold, and found your Headcanons while looking through some stuff! I love them very much. I didn't think many other people had the HC that he's definitely ANGRY alongside sad. It's super believable to me. I love all of your HCs for him. They're super good.

Would you feel like blessing us with some more sometime?? I haven't seen HCs that aren't x reader, and yours are just great. I'd love to hear more about the boy!!

anon you have no idea how much this made my day!1 i’m so glad ppl agree with the whole angry gold HC, he 100% has anger issues.

now, here are some more Lost Silver headcannons.

We’ve already gone over how angry Gold feels with himself and how stupid he feels for treating life so selfishly. Poor guy really needs therapy. (Is there such a thing as ghost therapy..?)

Gold has an unusual obsession with rainy weather. He’s a glitch! You’d expect him to hate water, but no! The sounds are therapeutic to him, also the pokémon like it as well. It’s one of the only times he allows his mind to rest.

He’s not threatening toward people. Gold has no intentions of hurting others, as he believes his demise was his fault and his fault alone. Why should others pay for his foolishness? Don’t get me wrong, Lost Silver is a powerful entity, but just because the boy died doesn’t mean he’s lost all of his morals. ..Maybe he’s lost a few, but come on. I’m trying to say Gold doesn’t kill like his other creepypasta “friends”. He’s capable of doing so, but doesn’t see the point in it.

His voice is more gravely and echo-y side. Not deep, but definitely not normal. It almost sounds like he’s talking in a big empty room on the rare occasion Gold actually talks. It’s a bit uncomfortable to listen to at first, with how unsettling it sounds, but you’ll get used to it.

Well, since we’re on the topic! On the rare events Gold would talk, it would be in one-to-two-word responses usually. I would say it’s not because he doesn’t want to talk to you but come on, we all know he absolutely despises talking to people he doesn’t know. Often he will scare others with how quiet he is. Gold could have been in the room for hours before you found out he was even there! Really, it’s terrifying. Even if you ask him: “How long have you been there?!”, he would give some unhelpful ass answer. “Long enough.” Like, what the fuck does that mean, man?!

It’s kinda funny, though.

On a sad note, Gold often “lets” his emotions get the best of him. There are times late at night when you can’t stop the angry torment in your mind. He can’t help but wail endlessly into the void until his throat gives out, unable to do anything else but scream out every bit of emotion left in his body. They always sound angry, his cries of regret and intense pain for the fate he thought he could escape. After all these years, he’s never going to accept that death indeed caught up to him. No matter how hard the boy tried, he could never escape the inevitable. Now he must pay the price.

After his death, Gold never really focused on wanting a partner. He’s aware he’s too emotionally unavailable for one. It wouldn’t be a healthy relationship with Gold, and he knows that. Maybe one day, if he ever gets his shit together, that is. But we all know it will be quite a while before that. Plus, he can barely make friends with his attitude! How in the world would he get a partner?

Game nights between Gold and Glitchy Red are incredibly chaotic. Seriously, never be in the same room as them on a game night. You’ll hear insults you never knew EXISTED, and god forbid they pull out Mario Kart or Smash Bros. One of the only times Gold has zero problems talking... *Shivers.*

Gold totally always wins in Smash bros, BTW. Red hates it.

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: [Sends article] He's out Bea: 4 years early Bea: Fucking 'good behaviour' Caleb left the chat 3 hours ago Fraze (Caleb) joined the chat 3 hours ago Fraze: I'll kill him. Finding him won't be hard Fraze: The cunt couldn't do one decent thing and rot behind bars Fraze: Fucking hell. Where are you? Is anyone else with you Bea: Good one Bea: You'll just take his place and YOU will get life Bea: He's smiling, he fucking loves it Bea: Won't be surprised if I'm subjected to reading 'his side of the story' next Fraze: I'm not gonna stand around doing fuck all like I had to as a kid Fraze: I'll take my punishment if it means wiping the smile off his face at the same time Bea: Nothing's changed, can't change anything Bea: that was it, that was the punishment, my closure, now its done Bea: Oh, and leave me alone? Great Bea: Besides, you have people who give a shit about you, unlike him, people who you can't do that to Fraze: I'd never do that. Fucking never. Wherever I am Fraze: But I'd be doing this for you, 'cause you can't ruin your life for this cunt again Fraze: You're the one I care about. I'd do anything for you Bea: I didn't ruin MY life Bea: HE did, end of Bea: I'm not under illusion anyone can do anything about it anymore Bea: left those dreams on the playground Fraze: I didn't mean it like that Fraze: What so I can't do anything? Fuck that Bea: Sorry to say, babe Bea: get angry if it helps you sleep at night Bea: I'm sick of being angry Fraze: I don't give a shit about helping myself Fraze: There has to be something I can do for you Bea: What? Bea: I'll just book myself into therapy when I can afford it Bea: repress it all like a good girl Fraze: Talk to me. I ain't a shrink granted but it won't cost you more than a drink like Bea: What do you want me to say, Fraze? Fraze: Fuck I don't know, Bea Fraze: What do you wanna say Fraze: Be honest Bea: Nothing Bea: I wish I didn't have to think about it and remember it Bea: never mind talk about it Bea: I wish it never happened because I don't wanna be that girl Bea: Its pathetic, I'm pathetic and I hate it Fraze: It did happen, yeah, but it doesn't make you pathetic Fraze: You ain't that, never have been Bea: Yes, I am Bea: What could be more pathetic than an abused orphan Bea: everything about it screams pity me and I don't want that Fraze: No. You're smart, brave, determined, beautiful and that's not the half of it Fraze: That's what happened, not who you are Fraze: Who's pitying the best student at Cambridge? Come on. Bea: I'm hardly shouting about who I am and where I've come from, am I Bea: but its still the truth, even if I hide it forever Fraze: Nor am I. Why have we gotta? Fraze: The truth is he shouldn't be out. Ever Fraze: And that shit shouldn't have happened to you Bea: Because its all fake, a lie Bea: Well it did Bea: I doubt he'll be able to pull that shit again, looks on death's door the miserable fat cunt Bea: Who's going to let him near their children now? Fraze: We're real Fraze: Fingers crossed, save me a job, yeah? Bea: Yeah? Bea: Ok Fraze: Bea, don't Fraze: You know it Fraze: I love you Bea: Even so Bea: still can't make it work Bea: still gotta fuck around Fraze: We are making it work Bea: If that's what you wanna call it Bea: Sure Bea: Functioning, super healthy Fraze: I never said that Fraze: Christ, we keep having the same fight about this for one thing Fraze: But we're not giving up Bea: Only because we're stubborn Bea: doesn't mean its a good thing Bea: Perhaps we should Fraze: Fuck you. You don't get to push me away Fraze: Not 'cause of him Bea: I can do whatever I want Fraze: Yeah you can Fraze: But don't lie to me or yourself that this is what you wanna do Bea: Is it a lie? Bea: Why else would we have made up that stupid rule Bea: Obviously over it Fraze: Speak for yourself Fraze: You aren't speaking for me now. Simple as Bea: Bullshit! Bea: I've not slept with anyone else Bea: you have Fraze: So what? Fraze: That doesn't mean I don't want you Fraze: I do Bea: That's exactly what it means Bea: Don't be ridiculous Fraze: You're being fucking ridiculous Fraze: I didn't go behind your back once. I wouldn't Fraze: If not for this agreement bullshit I wouldn't have looked at anyone else Bea: You can say that 'cos you haven't had to try Bea: it was for your benefit Fraze: You agreed to me to it along with me Fraze: You didn't tell me you weren't fucking around Fraze: I thought it was what you wanted Bea: Because I know you Bea: I'd rather at least be able to front like it was my idea Bea: than just get fucking cheated on Fraze: Clearly you don't Fraze: Fuck you Fraze: I don't know how many times I can tell you that I love and want you Bea: That's what he used to say too Bea: Just words Fraze: Don't you fucking dare put me up against him Fraze: I'm nothing like him Bea: Calm down, I'm not calling you a kid fucker Fraze: Don't tell me to calm down Fraze: You're calling me a piece of shit that's enough Fraze: I'd never hurt you. Ever. In any way Bea: Look Bea: Sorry, alright? Bea: I didn't mean that Bea: Not intentionally but you can't say that like its fact Fraze: Why can't I? It's a fact for me, living by it Fraze: I'm a lot of things, yeah, but I'm not that to you. I won't be Fraze: Like I said, I'd do anything for you. Tell me what you want me to do Bea: Because you can't control me or what hurts me Bea: Stop caring Bea: Can't you see where it ends? Fraze: Stop twisting it Fraze: I'm not trying to control anything except this now, you pushing me away, 'cause it's fucked Fraze: Look, I know where we end Fraze: Marry me. I mean it Fraze: All this bullshit can just stop Bea: Why would you say that? Bea: Now, REALLY Fraze: 'cause I love you Fraze: It'll happen one day why not now Bea: No, it won't Bea: I don't want to get married Bea: I'm trying to make something of my life not end it prematurely Fraze: I'm not stopping you Fraze: A ring wouldn't either Fraze: What the fuck happened to doing it together? Bea: What happened is we obviously can't Bea: We want different things, we're in different places Bea: It is what it is, Fraze Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: You're scared Bea: Of what? Fraze: Fuck knows. You tell me Fraze: He did a number on you and you think I'm gonna Fraze: You're safe with me. I let you know that when we met. Nothing's changed Bea: You were just a kid then Bea: you didn't know what you were promising and you certainly don't need to stick to it now Bea: some fucked sense of duty Bea: I just told you I didn't want to be a sad pity case Fraze: Maybe not then but I do now and I'm still saying Fraze: It's love, that's what it's been since I was 7 Fraze: And I told you, you fucking aren't Bea: Fraze Bea: The answer is still no Fraze: You don't have to marry me, just don't fucking leave, yeah? Bea: How can I? We aren't together now already Fraze: You know what I mean Fraze: Fuck's sake Bea: Anyway Bea: just had to tell someone Fraze: Bea Fraze: Come on Bea: I can't Bea: I can't do or say what you want me to Bea: I'm sorry Bea: I really am Fraze: Fuck sorry Fraze: I want you. End of. I'm not asking for any more than that Fraze: What's hard about that all of sudden? Bea: Are you kidding me? You're living what's hard about it right now too, yeah? Bea: Either that or you're full of shit Bea: I can't keep missing you all the damn time Bea: it hurts too much Fraze: We knew it was coming Fraze: You're telling me you'd rather call it quits forever than miss me for a couple more years? Fraze: How'd that hurt less? Fraze: You're full of shit Bea: Fine, make ME say it Bea: because we'll get over each other Bea: we'd have to Fraze: If there's someone else just say it Bea: There isn't Bea: Don't try and make it into something it isn't Fraze: It's that London lad Fraze: I'll fucking kill him Bea: Bronson? Bea: That is ludicrous for so many reasons, which you'd be aware of if you took any time to listen to me, or try to get to know him Fraze: Don't turn this around on me, babe Fraze: He's the one pretending 'cause he's out for what he can get, with you Fraze: just friends, yeah? Fuck off Bea: That's not a thing that happens in real life, babe Bea: who knew you liked chick-flicks so much Bea: you think I wouldn't notice if I was slowly being wooed by my 'asexual' friend? Bea: the word alone makes him uncomfortable never mind this story you're concocting Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: And the point is, you have noticed and you're loving it Fraze: Gone off me 'cause you want him, but it's a big fucking joke, yeah? Bea: Oh, fuck off Bea: Even if he was into me, WHICH HE'S NOT, doesn't mean I HAVE to reciprocate it, WHICH I DON'T Bea: What do you even want me to say on this? Like, its not real, you're making it up Fraze: Go fuck yourself Fraze: Or him 'cause you clearly wanna Fraze: Trying to make me step aside like it's my idea Bea: Shame I can't, ey? Bea: 'Cause by this stupid fucking agreement I'm well within my right to anyway so Bea: why are you getting so angry? Fraze: You know why Fraze: I don't have feelings for any other girls Fraze: I'm not spending all my time with them like they're my girlfriend Bea: So I'm not allowed friends now? Bea: You have friends, I don't accuse you of fucking them or being in love with them Bea: My God! Fraze: Why am I the cunt for not wanting you to fucking replace me? Fraze: Christ sake Bea: Because I'm not! Bea: And if you can't take me at my word on that then tell me Bea: how do I prove that to you? Fraze: Stop pushing me away Fraze: And take me at my own fucking word Bea: I'm not pushing you away because there's someone else Bea: and you know it Fraze: What the fuck do I know? Fraze: You're messing with my head Fraze: Being fucking stupid Bea: I'm not trying to Bea: that's what I'm telling you Bea: leave Bea: don't get pulled in by my mess Fraze: Bea Fraze: Stop this shit Fraze: Enough now, yeah? Fraze: I'm not begging Bea: I can't Bea: Alright Bea: It ain't that simple Fraze: What's complicated Fraze: Don't act crazy Bea: That's right Bea: I'm crazy Fraze: Fucking hell Fraze: I'll call you when you've caught yourself on Fraze: Not getting nowhere Bea: Don't Bea: I don't want to talk to you Fraze: Don't answer Fraze: I can't make you Bea: Yeah 'cos I need you blowing up my phone Bea: Just leave me alone Fraze: I don't need you turning this on me Fraze: I'm trying Fraze: it's you doing this now Bea: Hey at least I didn't propose Fraze: Fuck you Bea: Fuck you right back