#I haven’t really been passionate recently so this is like my first art for dungeon meshi I’ve drawn this month

[lucraven]

Summer Falins from today bc I’m burning out

[dotzines]

Artist Spotlights!

🎤 _creativert_ 🥁 AbelDraws 🎷 Amaari

🎺 andiavang 🎸 Antonia

Interview below the cut!

Introduce yourself

🎤 HI! I'm a geeky, introverted artist who likes to explore many artistic mediums, but really only posts digital art. I kinda like to draw anything and everything, but recently I've been trying to focus more on my OC's! Besides art, I love reading, playing video games (despite the fact that I haven't played many recently) and I like writing stories too. In the future, I plan to create a webcomic story with my OC's. I hope you enjoy my work! Here's where you can find my Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_creativert_/

🥁 Hi! I'm Abel. I'm a Design and Mech engineering student, but my passion is art. I love drawing and currently I'm working on my dream project, a comic named FIVE. This takes most of my free time, but besides that I'll be either rping, watching a movie with my friends, reading (usually webcomics) or listening to some tunes while charging my energy up. I preffer digital art over traditional, you can fix mistakes so very easily... I also get more freedom with a program than with the limited tools I own (and it looks way cleaner and nicer when I upload a digital pic than a traditional, but my photography skills are to blame there lmao)If you want to read my comic, it's up on tapas! https://tapas.io/series/FlVE But if you'd rather see some illustrations and doodles you should check my tumblr: https://abel-draws.tumblr.com/ 🎷 Hi! I'm an avid 3-d and 2-d idol fan as well as a bee fanatic!! Drawing/painting is mostly a hobby for me, but in the future, if time ever allows it, I'd like to sell every so often. My default medium is digital using program SAI but sometimes I'll pick up a pencil/watercolors for traditional pieces. If you'd like to take a look at some of my other works/doodles, my art twitter is here @ https://twitter.com/hiwamaari . 🎺 I’m predominantly a digital artist! But I also crochet, sew, and embroider! I’m Andiavang across all platforms! 🎸 Hi, my name is Antonia, I'm an artist who does traditional hand drawn art. I love to draw and listen to music, often in tandem with each other. You can find me on tumblr @chibiranmaruchan

Do you do commissions post? Where can we find the info?

🎤

🥁 https://abel-draws.tumblr.com/post/184015135166/commissions-are-open-i-renewed-my-commissions 🎺 https://andiavang.tumblr.com/post/186764888718/commissions-are-open-all-payment-through-paypal

Do you listen to music (or tv shows/films/anything else) when drawing?

🎤 Yes! I actually create a new playlist every month filled with songs that have recently come out, or new songs I found that I really like! Generally, I'll listen to music when sketching but once I get to the lineart and colors, I'll listen to podcasts. For podcasts, I really like story podcasts and true crime podcasts. A couple of my favorites are Crime Junkies, Myths and Legends, The Bright Sessions and The Edge of Sleep.

🥁 *Yes*. All the time. I don't usually watch shows while drawing because my atention is all focused on the piece at hand, so... I miss most of it x'D so I preffer listening to music by a mile. It also helps me get myself in a nice mood for drawing <3 🎷 I mostly listen to music, generally one song or album of whatever artist I'm vibing to at the time. Constant repeat lately has been Blackbear's Anonymous album and Mesemoas. 6th single, Crossing Threads. Solid 12/10 🎺 I mostly listen to music! Sometimes I listen to a Podcast instead 🎸 I do listen to music while I draw, if I'm on a tight deadline where I need to focus, I listen to the Pokémon mystery dungeon red and blue recuse team OST. If I have plenty of time to draw, then what I listen to depends on what I'm drawing. it may be where I am getting inspiration from or connected to the aesthetic of the drawing or directly connected to it.

What’s your favorite music artist/band? If you could ask your favorite band/music artist one question, what would it be?

🎤 Oohhh, this is pretty hard honestly. I don't really think I can choose a favorite, but no matter who I'd choose, I'd probably ask them who or what encouraged them to keep going along the path they chose.

🥁 Currently it's panic! At the disco, I'm listening to all their songs on loop constantly lmao. They have such great songs, they inspire me a *lot*. I even created a character based on one of their songs, he's the one I'll be drawing for this zine!:DI'd ask them about the meaning behing lots of their songs <3 The interviews at hand do not satisfy my curiosity enough lmao.I also love Halsey (her first album is my fave), Set it off, Maldita Nerea (a Spanish group) and plenty of musicals (Hamilton, Be more chill...) 🎷 I've so many favorite music artists its so hard to choose, but if I had to pick one, the male J-idol group ARASHI. And if I had to ask them a question, I'd ask them if they're happy and enjoying life well. 🎺 My fave band is Placebo! If hav to ask them what their inspiration would be for their early songs 🎸 My favourite artist is Hikaru Utada and I would ask her if she likes her pre-existing songs, some being based on her life, being used for kingdom hearts or if she would prefer to make songs specifically for the game, about the game itself?

Do you play an instrument? If not would you like to play one? Which one?

🎤  I have a guitar, but I'm still learning how to play that, and definitely want to dedicate more time to that in the future. I'm also kind of interested in learning the piano or violin!

🥁 Nope, but I *wish*, I have such admiration for people who do, seriously. Live music is the best. I'd love to learn how to play the piano, the guitar or maybe the ukelele... But I doubt I will, at least for now, my hands are pretty full with college and comic making. 🎷 I wish I could play the piano and any string instrument. Maybe violin or the harp. 🎺 I used to play the drums 🎸 I can play basic piano. I used to play a recorder when I was much younger.

Which song(s) are you going to draw?

🎤 Magic Island by TXT and Audio by Sia, Diplo and Labrinth

🥁 King of the clouds, by panic! At the disco. 🎷 To the Me of Those Days - KOKIA 🎺 Special K by Placebo 🎸 Sanctuary by Hikaru Utada & Slow dancing in the dark by Joji

What do you expect from this zine?

🎤 To see everyone create a work they're proud of based off of a song they like!

🥁 I just really liked the theme, I have all kinds of imagery and videos in my head about several songs I'm obsessed with. It's a nice excuse to draw a pretty, fleshed out illustration and to learn some new songs in the way from the others' pieces<3    🎷 To be introduced to many different genre's of music and to hopefully find a song/genre I didn't expect to like! 🎺 Mostly just to interact with different people and artists! Make same new friends! 🎸 I expect to see a wide range of music presented, of different genres and both lyrical and instrumental. I hope the music resonates with the individual, something they're proud to share with the other participants and the eventual readers. I would like to have a journey through the zine, experiencing different emotions from everyone's art pieces.

Anything else you want to add?

🎤 Everyone has been super nice so far, and I really look forward to seeing everyone's pieces!

🥁 Best of lucks to everyone participating! I can't wait to see everyone's pieces together :D 🎷 Thank you for taking interest in this zine!  All the artists have put in so much love into each of their pieces. It's been a pleasure to see so many different styles, their works-in-progress and I'm equally excited to see everyone's final product. I hope everyone is able to enjoy all the wonderful artworks being created and produced for all the songs being represented here when the zine releases.  ^^

[aurimeanswind]

Your E3 Predictions!—Sunday Chats—6/3/18

I’m very excited about this week’s Sunday Chats because it’s all about E3 predictions! This time next week, we’ll BE INSIDE E3! I’ll have seen Microsoft/EA/and Bethesda’s pressers come the next Sunday Chats, and I’ll be writing about them, probably! I may or may not do a Sunday Chats, but we’ll see!

To catch folks up, this week has been a full-force build up to E3 for me. A new Episode of Get Acquainted posted, with my friend Brandon Gann, who is just an incredibly wonderful and amazing loquacious individual, and we spend two plus hours talking E3! We had a ton of predictions and great conversations around all of them! You should give it a listen!

http://irrationalpassions.com/brandon-gann-e3-predictions-get-acquainted/

On this week’s Irrational Passions Podcast we had my other good friend Logan Moore on to make some E3 BETS! Nabeshin was kind enough to put together 25 amazing bets for us and a ton of lightening round bets on top of that, and it was super fun. You can watch the video version of that WITH bonus content right now, and the fully edited version will post on Tuesday.

So it’s all about E3, but before we get to that, a little personal update.

Personal Update for June

So any one close to me will no that the last week of my life has been exceptionally difficult. Some folks close to me, both physically and emotionally have been making decisions that have been pretty toxic, I can’t lie. It’s led to a pretty unhealthy living situation that I’d rather not get into, and whether things blow over, get worse, I’m not sure. I obviously don’t want to spill any personal juice here, but anyone who has seen me out here tweeting like the dramatic boi I am on the inside about how I need some good vibes, that’s a general overview of the situation, if you were concerned.

I’m thankful for all my close friends out there texting me, checking on me, and making sure I am doing okay, even if I’m not. It is upsetting that this just so happens to coincide with the busiest time of the year in video games, so if this bleeds over into our content over on Irrational Passions I apologize. Sometimes its a bit unavoidable.

Anyway, I appreciate you all taking the time to interact and be a part of my silly Selfie Saturdays or Sunday Chats, it means the world. I’ve been working hard with the team @ Irrational Passions to make some really fun stuff, including a new show that acts as a spiritual successor to our roundtables from 2017 Game of the Year talks.

That’s all we need to dwell on in regards to the bummer business, let’s get to games!

What’s on Tap

Moonlighter

So I just started this tonight and I have to say: right away I just love it.

The idea is you live in a small town that neighbors these ancient ruins that lead to these very dangerous dungeons, and once upon a time travelers and adventurers used to come here to explore those dungeons, and merchants would sell supplies and goodies to gear them up for those journeys. Eventually it grew too dangerous, but you are someone who Moonlights as an adventurer and runs a shop on the front end.

You dive into these dungeons and get awesome treasure and loot and goodies to then sell in your shop to expand your shop, get better weapons and armor, and continue deeper into the dungeons. It’s an amazing idea, and it’s executed on so well.

The game sustains such a great and rewarding loop, and it’s also got tons of charm and amazingly well executed on pixel art.

On top of that the UI is also just very good? It’s super slick and smooth. 

I’m only a couple hours in but I just adore it. Mike Burgess, producer at IP, did a video review on it that I saw the first cut of today and it’s actually what sold me on it. See it soon!

Detroit Become Human

I’ve already said so much about this game I’m exhausted. I love this game.

It has so many issues and in spite of all that, I genuinely adored my time with Detroit.

Our roundtable discussion was about this very game, so look for it soon.

Dark Souls Remastered

This game is still so good. I think I may like it even more than Dark Souls 3, a game I picked up just very briefly a few weeks ago.

I’ve now got the power to fast travel and am just warping around and exploring again. I even dipped my toe into the DLC area which I have never seen before. 

It’s excellent, and seeing it run smooth has been super rewarding for me, a longtime fan of the title.

Your E3 Predictions

Let’s get to it! This week, something I haven’t done in a bit, I asked you for your boldest E3 predictions, and while some of you gave me a good joke, a lot of you came back at me with some great predictions!

Let’s get into it!

Remember to look for my tweet on Sunday afternoons/evenings with #SundayChats in it and respond to it with your reply to be a part of Sunday Chats!

Now listen, I know this was clearly written as a joke Sam, but I think that this announcement is coming, just not here. It’s a PSX announcement, if ANY, because that’s the only place it can be really gernally accepted as an “announcement”. It’d get a big riot of an applause.

I’d love this. I think they have such a “robust” (#branding) library of handheld games that it’d make too much sense to carry them over to their now partially handheld big console.

Will it happen? Well, I mean Nintendo has said no virtual console on Switch. But they’ve changed their mind, even if it has been rare, in the past before. While it could happen down the line, this up coming direct is about 2017, so I don’t think we’ll see it there.

Nah John.

You need to stop.

But... Well

I mean maybe?

MAYBE.

Maybe?

Finally. Some announcements we, as “hardcore gamers” care about.

Some cars

Fuckin.

On stage.

The cars have sex.

And birth a motorcycle.

I love this Peter. I mean, for some reason I guess folks think that Emma Stone will be the female actress pulled into Death Stranding, and I think there will likely be a big female reveal at some point, I don’t know why everyone thinks it’ll be Emma Stone? I bet there is a good reason out there, I just don’t know. I’m not complaining, Emma Stone is great.

I am definitely with you on the “deep dive”, though I don't think there will be a long explanation of things, just a nice gameplay demo. My theory I posited on Get Acquainted was like an 8 minute trailer that leads into about four minutes of gameplay at the end, but it’s just enough cinematic that we’re convinced there will be no gameplay, and then BOOM. There is.

I could see them saying 2019 at the end too, though I doubt they’ll hit it.

YOU DONT BRANDON GOODBYE.

Nah of course. 

We talked about this on our show, obvs, everyone please go listen to it, but NO FINAL FANTASY 7. IT WONT HAPPEN. Square Enix needs to figure that shit out, and so they’ll come back to it when it, and more importantly, THEY’RE ready to.

Here’s hoping for some dope Xbox Avatars.

I mean, it’s gotta be the time, right? I need to know what this Resident Evil 2 Remake looks like. I know the director was out there talking about it not terribly too long ago, and it just feels like ages since we heard about it. With Capcom announcing RE7 and then releasing it 6 months later, on top of Monster Hunter World’s recent success, they are on a great path! Time to continue it!

As for DMC 5 I mean everyone seems convinced it’s coming and I just don’t care.

I love the Rocksteady prediction, because they’ve been cooking that bad boy for a good long while. I hope it’s Superman because I have supreme faith they’ll knock it out of the park. Maybe even an origin story? I’d love to see Rocksteady do one of those.

And I do, also, believe that Shadows Die Twice is Tenchu.

Dishonored getting a reboot I just don’t see happening. I think it’s time Arkane moves onto some new IP. Something that is hopefully a bit more eye-catchy so they get get back into a popular circle, then maybe spend a few years making iterations of that. Maybe in a few years past that they can return to Dunwall and take another crack at Dishonored.

Doom 2 can be wherever the hell it wants and I am HERE for it. But judging by the sounds of things that may not be at this E3, and that’s okay. It makes me sad, but it’s okay.

Man. I fucking wish.

Them or Bioware. I’d love to have just an original story told at Hogwarts where you create your character and go through 7 years at the school and it’s great and it has dialogue wheels and it’s great. Feed me Bioware.

It’d never happen tho.

This would be very cool. I feel like this Star Fox Grand Prix rumor is too big to ignore, but it’s still a little far fetched. I wonder how they’d sell it, if it is real.

Honestly, not that far out there. Kingdom Hearts don’t give a fuck about Red Dead.

Here is my thing, I just don’t think an ARMs character will make it into the Smash roster because no one cares about ARMs and I don’t think they’d be crazy interesting. Who would it be? Twintelle? I mean she is super cool, but who knows!

THey’d make great assist trophies, and I know that’s a slight but I’m sorry.

PUT GENO IN.

Anyway, if they put Banjo and Kazooie in I’d literally start crying right then and there, and it may happen, who knows, but I would. I’d cry.

I think there could be a direct apology. It depends. I think within 15 minutes or so we will know if EA has changed their tone or not. Hell, within 2 minutes we’ll know. If they want to actually be well regarded, they need to start making big moves, and right now, they’re not. Period. Come out and own up to what you’ve done wrong, or GTFO. They need to make up ground on the PR front, even if they’re still making money hand over fist. 

I’m sorry times are tough Silver, but know that I’m sending good vibes your way!

I wonder if Microsoft would make such a bold move. Regardless, it’s a great bold prediction. I hope that they are gonna give it some more time, and let this generation cook a little more. I’m digging my Xbox One X, and them implying a replacement is coming next year or so would bum me out.

Finally. The battle Royale Battle Royale we’ve all been waiting for. 

And as the dust settles, there’s sha’boi Griffin. Standing on top. Winner of them all.

And let’s not front: I’d kill to listen to Donald Glover sing Parappa songs.

Thank you all so much for your predictions! I’ve had a ton out there all week, and the Get Acquainted Episode I think has them out there in the best way. Go check them out! Either way, I’m so excited for E3, not necessarily to see if my predictions came true, but just for the hype of it all and my inevitable editorial after its all said and done about my thoughts and feelings coming out of it.

So. Big Sunday Chats update. I may be making a BIG CHANGE to Sunday Chats in the coming weeks. There is some ironing out I need to figure out personally, but I just wanted to give you faithful readers a little heads up. This could be something that becomes a proper part of IrrationalPassions.com, and for that, I’m very excited. The biggest thing is it may mean I start soliciting questions on Saturday! Stay tuned for my twitter for that.

It wouldn’t be a big change for you all, so don’t stress about it too much, but I wanted to seed it out there.

I love you all and your support, especially in these dark dog days of summer I am in. Thank you for the perpetual good vibes. 

I hope you all are here for the E3 hype, but if not, that’s okay. Regardless, thank you for reading, and

keep it real.

(the Naruto kick not only continues, but never ends.)

[thereoncewereflwrs]

in where my body is an anthology, and literature knows more about people then we do

Today I feel ugly, my facial features angular and put together in a way that makes me feel like someone cut pieces of faces from a magazine and placed them together to create me. My clothes feel confining, probably because I haven’t worn regular clothes since lockdown and probably because I’m fat and most of my clothes fit this way anyway. Today I crave a discipline my body and mind cannot give, and this desire makes me melancholy and agitated. I keep thinking about this boy - or man, because he’s over 25 and at this stage even if we don’t feel like adults we are still deemed thus by society - who sent me a link to a tumblr page at 4 in the morning last night. I had been asleep, going to bed as early as 6 or 7 these days with little energy spent, but had woken up to the link and a casual text forewarning of nudity. The post, titled “why chloe moretz eating spaghetti from wooden boxes? why everyone lookin in the camera?? WHY SOME DUDE SUCKIN DICK???” (linked) had several comments below the picture (which showed exactly what was titled - Chloe Moretz eating spaghetti, several people in the room looking directly at the camera, and two dudes in the back, with their pants down, glimpsing over their shoulders at the camera while one of them received oral stimulation by another man). The comments all posed questions about the absurdity of this picture, revealing pieces of it to be false or photoshopped, and finally presenting the “legitimate” picture of the two men receiving blow jobs, that culminated in a scene with a large black bear walking casually by as they did. I’m confused by this, and if I’m honest, I’m also disturbed. It’s not that I’m without a sense of humor. Most of the time I believe my humor to be flexible and sarcastic, as long as it’s not offensive or insensitive. But like most of the absurdities of men, I’m confounded as to where the humor of such a post lies. Is it the homosexual blow job itself? Is it the actress consuming a meal in public? Or the fact that someone decided to photoshop such random components together in an attempt towards the casualness of such absurdity? Clearly there is something humorous about this, otherwise it wouldn’t have received such attention (241,846 notes on tumblr), and I’m left thinking that maybe I’m more ordinary and less obscene in my character after all. But beyond that, I wonder why this man decided to send me this at the time that he did. How did he come upon the link? And why, at a time when you can presume a stranger to be asleep, did he think of me and decide to send it? 

We had met only once before, and had been talking casually for the last couple of weeks. This mostly consisted of me listening to him talk about how tired, stressed and hopeless he was about the current state of his life and the world in general. It has not been an unusual connection; most of my intimate interactions with men have been like this - men needing to be heard and I playing the role of a vessel to be poured into. It’s only lately that I’ve found the act of “making space” rudimentarily extractive and imbalanced. And a lie to myself. There have been these small ways in which I’ve consented to this “extractive” practice, you see. Listening endlessly to men talk about their unloving fathers, their insecurities around mediocre sexual performance, their lack of careers or intelligence, any culmination of experiences that they deem traumatic, etc., This willingness towards extraction on my end has come about from a configuration of ideas I’ve put together in order to convince myself that this is the ultimate level of intimacy, and thus one I’ve been craving all along (to know what is not knowable to others, to know what hurts or is tender or needs healing). 

In other ways I’ve not consented to what’s been extracted - my body, my emotional entanglements, my intelligence, my victimhood that comes along with the rage of my own vulnerability. Tumblr-man is not different or far from this pattern of giving and taking, of capturing both the spaces available and the spaces I wish to be beyond grasp. I considered a series of actions to acknowledge the text he sent me, to reduce awkwardness and thus affirm that he was not wrong in sending me adult porn unsolicited or without evidence of past history of such behavior being acceptable. I considered creating further space through question and curiosity, to let him know that while I might not have appreciated it, nothing was off limits when he deemed it actionable. But as of now I can only muster enough energy to think about my own psychological patterns. My contract with this phenomenon (the “rudimentary extractive” one) makes me want to dig deeper into the superficial agreement of our relationship, to a place where I reach farther then surface level grief or joy. I want to hear, and have heard, deeper sensory, sensational information that at once makes me feel as much as the person is feeling by telling me something they’ve never considered uttering to a stranger before. I know this is just my own lack of experience around me. I am bored and perhaps numb from the lackluster stimuli that is at my disposal, and thus I want to find it in others - in men - so that it can replace my sense of unworthiness in myself with a false, brief sense of importance to someone else.  

I’ve lived in the South almost all my life. I’m more regionally Southern then most of my current peers, and yet, the culture of ‘Southern living’ did not meet me until I moved to rural Tennessee. Here we eat boiled peanuts (a practice I learned came from the dietary patterns of civil war soldiers) and biscuits with gravy and sometimes fried chicken. Here the tea is sweetened unbearably so, and moonshine is a thing, although never anywhere authentically anymore. More then anything my fat body despairs at these dietary rituals. I feel alienated from my own practices and find it hard to enjoy things. It’s really not that uncommon, however. As a millennial, feelings of alienation and displacement are common.

Tumblr-man (which previously I’d deemed LARPeg - since he both enjoys this strange phenomenon called live action role playing, and being pegged) tells me he is jealous of my ability to enjoy reading. He, in a bizarre series of events, is a Creative Writings major at an obscure liberal arts college in Asheville, NC (the same one, he informs me, that James Franco went to). He tells me that he really “likes the idea of dropping a big plot piece...” and that “writing a big, long, cheeky complaint with lots of pith is very attractive” to him. He recommends I read ‘Consider the Lobster’ by David Foster Wallace, and I do, mostly because I’ve read everything he’s sent my way thus far, and I wasn’t going to prove my own behavioral patterns wrong that day. He sends me memes about Dungeons and Dragons and LARPing that I assume I’m suppose to understand but I do not, although by his own admission, an immigrant like me is not meant to, and is hardly to blame for not understanding “cultural references.” I don’t get it, either LARPing or D&D, but I read both essay assignments he wrote for the semester around a fictional LARPing scenario. I do this because he’s a socialist, and half Venezuelan, and because I can’t help my own internal desire to show a man that I am fully engulfed in his own preferences and passions. I am not entirely foolish, I express my own passions and desires, and hardly authentically adopt theirs, but if he does not ask I do not say, because it’s always easier to listen and be seen listening, then to explain and feel the potential signs of disinterest and boredom. I am not boring. But men can be, and I do not wish to engage with bored men. Anyways, I read ‘Consider the Lobster’, the essay in the book titled the same, and it was, surprisingly, spectacular. How thrilling that something, anything, this particular man had suggested spoke to me in such a way. I preceded to read reviews and an excerpt from a New York Times article titled “How Should a Book Sound? And What About Footnotes?” in where DFW says “Most poetry is written to ride on the breath, and getting to hear the poet read it is kind of a revelation and makes the poetry more alive. But with certain literary narrative writers like me, we want the writing to sound like a brain voice, like the sound of the voice inside of the head, and the brain voice is faster, is absent any breath, and it holds together grammatically rather than sonically." I find this beyond interesting - it jolts me deep down where I safe keep my ideas around literature and its realities. I want to send it to Tumblr-man because it reminded me so specifically of what he had said right before recommending DFW: “I only recently have come to understand that the real sort of fingerprint of a writer can be where they place periods and commas. Because “She left, yesterday.” And “She left. Yesterday.” Sound similar if read aloud but read differently.” I wonder now if he, too, read this quote and had his sense of literature jolted in an inexplicable, but concrete way. 

I’ve once again picked up ‘Normal People’ by Sally Rooney. Thus far, my favorite lines are as follows (of the first U.S edition by Hogarth publishing group):

“This “what?” Question seems to him to contain so much: not just the forensic attentiveness to his silence that allows her to ask in the first place, but a desire for real communication, a sense that anything unsaid is an unwelcome interruption between them” (pg 26);

“One night the library started closing just as he reached the passage in Emma when it seems like Mr. Knightley is going to marry Harriet, and he had to close the book and walk home in a state of strange emotional agitation. He’s amused at himself, getting wrapped up in the drama of novels like that. It feels intellectually unserious to concern himself with fictional people marrying one another. But there it is: literature moves him. One of his professors calls it “the pleasure of being touched by great art.” In those words it almost sounds sexual. And in a way, the feeling provoked in Connell when Mr. Knightley kisses Emma’s hand is not completely asexual, though its relation to sexuality is indirect. It suggests to Connell that the same imagination he uses as a reader is necessary to understand real people also, and to be intimate with them” (pg 72);

“Connell paused and took another drag on his cigarette. This was probably the most horrifying thing Eric could have said to him, not because it ended his life, but because it didn’t. He knew then that the secret for which he had sacrificed his own happiness and the happiness of another person had been trivial all along, and worthless” (pg 80);

“He kisses her closed eyelids. It’s not like this with other people, she says. Yea, he says. I know. She senses there are things he isn’t saying to her. She can’t tell whether he’s holding back a desire to pull away from her, or a desire to make himself more vulnerable somehow” (pg 96).

I am struck by the way the book’s composition demonstrates a realness unfamiliar to the readings I often take on. The book reads the way people speak, and cares very little about the grammatical composition of words/sentences. Instead, characters and their thoughts and the narrators own mind speak the way one speaks in ones mind, unfiltered, scattered with anxiety and directness, with an approach to ones own truth above all else. ‘Normal People’ reads almost opposite to the narrative guidelines David Foster Wallace deems necessary, and yet, it embodies his sentiment almost as if the two had been birthed from one another. I wish I and those around me were as brave and as vulnerable as the compilation of sentences in this book. And yet, we’d all fall apart doing so. I want to recommend ‘Normal People’ to Tumblr-man, along with a series of other writings I have not yet finished but have found impactful nonetheless. I know, ultimately, that I won’t, in the same way I won’t send the NYT’s article. Maybe this is an inability to be seen on my end, or a foolish willingness to be something for somebody else without being an actual something to that somebody. Or maybe it’s too much labor and I’m satisfied with thinking through these things on my own, knowing the depth of my own thoughts without needing them to be seen or understood. In the same way my ears strain and struggle to hear noise while wearing my noise canceling headphones while no music plays, my body strains and struggles, leaping for noise and yet feeling bound by the confines the lack of it creates. 

I think about my own mortality often, and wonder whether this existence, this very moment even, I am dead or dying, with only a delusion of existence playing forth in my mind. These thoughts cause congruent sensations in me - anxiety, because of the potential of this reality that has not been proven incorrect or impossible in my mind, and strangely, a dissociation that elevates me beyond that anxiety. I think to myself, and know deep in my bones, that it is true, that it turns out I’ve been dead all along, and that my body has just been decomposing in motion this whole time, waiting for my bones to turn to ash. 

[topicprinter]

Hey! Nathan from Project Hatch - Recently spoke to Ricardo Evangelho about creating a Dungeons and Dragons Campaign Setting.How did Hit Point Press come about?Hit Point Press builds and develops third-party gaming accessories for tabletop and role playing games. We started out as a company making unofficial tokens for Magic: the Gathering (M:tG) before branching out into other tabletop and roleplaying games.ImageThe product you've just launched is called “Humblewood.” How does it work with Dungeons and Dragons?Humblewood is a world in which you get to play as birdfolk and other forest animals instead of the usual human, elf, and dwarf races.Humblewood was made to be compatible with the 5th edition. Wizards of the Coast released an Open Gaming License (OGL) which allows creators like us to build within a defined scope. As a result, we can use the specified subset of 5th edition rules to create our campaign setting.You launched Humblewood on Kickstarter. How did you get so many pledges?We’d been building the Humblewood community for almost a year before launching the Kickstarter. We previewed the campaign using teaser images and a free early playtest document. Additionally, we have garnered experience through previous successful Kickstarters. We invest in our community and because of that, we are lucky to have a group of people that have backed us on multiple projects.Our backers also enjoy how collaborative the Humblewood project is. We have a Discord channel that is quite active. We use the Discord to listen to community feedback and share previews of some of the content we’re building.Additionally, we work with 30+ artists - the artists are very engaged with the work and have been invaluable in the development of the visual language for Humblewood. We are so lucky to have such a strong artist team who are excited about the project. The Humblewood team actually found a lot of our artists through their social media or creator channels so it is extremely rewarding to have them, in turn, post and share their Humblewood work with their fans.What other forms of marketing do you use?Our main method of marketing is Youtube sponsorships. We sponsor channels that talk about role playing games. We also enjoy actively seek out newer channels that have a passion for roleplaying games.Towards the end of the campaign I saw you made $150k in a single day and the total campaign reached over $1 million. How did you manage that?!Again, really, this goes back to our amazing community. Getting a $150k in one day was in large part because of community members and content creators supporting us. The Humblewood Kickstarter reaching over a million dollars was all thanks to them. We had a sizable group right there with us on the Discord chat, cheering the campaign on.Updating the stretch goals on the fly was also a big help in getting the campaign to $1 million. I think promising that we would immediately begin work on a follow up to Humblewood if we hit $1 million dollars helped. Some existing backers told us the commitment to a Humblewood sequel motivated them to increase their pledge to the $300 tier.It was an emotional day for us. We spent every second we could communicating with the community. I will admit though, a last minute advertising push didn’t hurt.How did you push the average pledge value up?It is going to sound like a broken record but it comes down to understanding and listening to what your community wants. We don’t design the campaign, launch it, and forget it. The team continued to engage with our backers and regularly update what we offered at the different tiers based on the feedback.With our Kickstarter, we also incentivized backing at higher tiers with strong savings. Normally, the Humblewood book will retail for $50 and while it was offered to backers for $30. The box set was also offered to backers for $30 under the retail price. It’s important to us that we acknowledge those who believed in the vision from the start.Furthermore, we offered a limited edition box set at $100 that was only available through the Kickstarter. The box set included the contents of the base box set, but had an alternate foil cover for both the box and book. Collectors especially like the exclusivity of items like these.Finally, we had a $300 tier that included everything that the campaign was offering.You received a lot more pledges for the Humblewood campaign than your earlier Kickstarters - What lessons did you learn from your earlier campaigns?Our other Kickstarter campaigns helped us get our sea legs and helped us deliver a solid Humblewood campaign for our backers. In a previous campaign, we didn’t properly account for shipping rates. During the fulfillment of another campaign there was an unannounced customs inspection and so we learned to incorporate surprises like this into our timelines. The other campaigns, each increasing in size, helped us work out logistical kinks, and therefore, when we had a campaign as successful as Humblewood, we were seasoned. Even on Humblewood, there were some new lessons learned. Every Kickstarter is definitely a learning experience!Did you actually make a profit on that first campaign?This may sound a little strange but we don’t expect to make a profit on our Kickstarter campaigns. We use them to raise funds for the production. We think of it a little more like a pre-order. The campaign for Humblewood raised over $1 million but most of that was already allocated for the production of books, miniatures, art, writing, and the additional commitments unlocked through stretchgoals.We usually recover and, if we are careful, make profit afterwards with our post campaign sales.You almost use Kickstarter like a launch pad then?Exactly! The Kickstarter helps us pay for the initial production. When the campaign ends, we typically try to purchase enough inventory to cover double the amount of orders we’ve received. That way we have some product to sell after the campaign.How do you go about building a game and testing that people will actually want to play it?We knew Humblewood was a significant undertaking and it’s why we offered a free playtest through our website six months prior to launch. We thought Humblewood was special, but needed to know if this was something people wanted.Every time we updated the playtest, everyone got sent the new version as a free update. Overall we released five different versions of the playtest, which were downloaded over 20,000 times.Providing these playtests allowed us to build a community, as well as get good, constructive, feedback from them about what was and what wasn't working.What is it that tips the balance? What would make you say we're going to dismiss this idea? And have you dismissed an idea in the past?Usually ideas get dismissed before we even start sharing them with the public. We do a lot of behind the scenes research and prototyping, only putting an idea out to our community if we feel confident about it.We've had many projects where we'd start, talk, create prototypes, and then discontinue the project entirely. There are even projects we haven’t taken the first steps with and are sitting on a list of “things to explore.”It’s been a few months since the Humblewood campaign finished. Have you shipped? How are post-campaign sales?For the base book and box set, we're still on track for our projected goal of October. Right now we're preparing the final assets and getting them sent out to the printers. After that, our miniatures will be ready for November.Post campaign sales have been encouraging and we anticipate that during the holiday season will be really busy. After backers have gotten their rewards we will be refocusing on post-campaign sales. Going to PAX Unplugged this December is part of this refocus and will give us the opportunity to get a sense of how the community is receiving Humblewood.Are you working on other projects at the moment? Or are you working on reinforcing this game and its sequel?We actually have about ten other projects on the run at present, not all of them related to Humblewood.We have dedicated Humblewood team working on the Humblewood Kickstarter stretch goals that were unlocked. The Humblewood artists are also working on style guides and more art.At the same time we have others exploring new concepts and building ideas for future projects.How did you break into the industry?I started Hit Point Press (previously Cardamajigs) as a company that focused on M:tG. I began by selling my own designs as tokens and giving them away free as a downloadable printable PDF.I had another full time job when I started Cardamajigs, so as sales started to pick up I brought in someone to help with fulfillment. Being an avid D&D player, he suggested that we use the newly released OGL to create reference cards. His thoughts were, even if the project didn’t succeed, at worst, he would have reference cards for his own campaigns.To gauge interest, in-house, we printed 500 test sets and mailed them to interested players around the world. That helped us understand who our audience was and enabled us to see if the reference cards were something players would use.How do the unofficial Magic: the Gathering tokens sell now? How is that part of the business doing relative to Dungeons and Dragons?Comparatively, the tokens are now a fraction of the business. Most of our team is now focused on the 5th edition content we're building. That being said, given my love for the game, I don’t think the M:tG side of the business will ever go away.You're based in Canada, I guess you sell a lot to the U.S. and nationally within Canada. Where are your other markets?Eighty percent of our market is the U.S, eight percent is in Canada, four percent is in the U.K, two percent in Australia, and it dilutes from there.‍Day to day, what apps do you find useful running the business?For communication we use Discord which allows us to talk with our community and internally with our team and collaborators.For building, we use Adobe Suite. Without it, we couldn't build our projects.For e-commerce we love Shopify, it's a great sales platform we use for all of our sites. Plus, it’s Canadian!For project management we use Teamwork. This software helps us organize the many projects we're building simultaneously and keep in contact with our remote team members.Are you looking into launching into any other games apart from Magic: the Gathering and Dungeons and Dragons?There's always new games coming out. It's a matter of finding where we fit in with the game’s community.Right now, the market we're in aligns with our vision so we want to keep expanding our existing offerings.My final question, would you ever sell the company or is it a project you really love?I am really in love with the work I do. Hit Point Press is 100% passion for me. Loving my work is important to me and I believe it shows in what I make. So, at the moment, I couldn’t dream of selling Hit Point Press. I am too excited about what we are doing, about our community, and I wake up everyday reinvigorated because I have the opportunity to build new things.If you enjoyed this post, the original post is here.

[aegisroleplay]

My guest today is Aiden Fowler, a recent transfer from facility 36 in Charlotte, North Carolina. Mr. Fowler, welcome. I understand you have, in addition to the ability to psionically manipulate ink, some degree of skill in the more common manipulation of ink: through pens. How long have you been an artist?

Uhh… I don’t know, I guess for as long as I can remember? My mom said I never stopped scribling, that I used to write on the walls and all kinds of furniture. I was a little of a troublemaker, honestly. It was one of these things that no matter how discouraged I got about, I always tried again and again and again… Sometimes with a break, but something was always compelling me to draw once more. And to be honest, I loved it. I was terrible at the start, but it never stopped being fun! …Oh, did I, did I escape from the question? I uhhh, I t-think I got… carried away. Sorry about that.

Not at all, it is very interesting how your hobby and your powers are related. In my experience that is quite unusual. Do you ever use your powers to directly make art, or only to erase lines you want to make a second try at?

Oh Is it? I had no idea, I alaways thought that people chose hobbies closer to their powers… But maybe that’s more a matter of adaptation? Use my power to directly make art? No, actually… That just seems wrong. As in, my attention would have to go all into the action and less into the oject I’m drawing, or the idea I’m inspired by, you know? To me, art is more about feeling than technique, so doing something like that would be the opposite of what I want. I wouldn’t be satisfied with the result. So yeah, I just use it to erase things. Quite handy when you choose pens to draw with! Maybe even a bit of an unfair advantage… (laughs)

(chuckles) I can certainly say, as a journalist, there have been times when I wished ink could be unspilled! I am curious what you mean by ‘wrong’ in this context? Is it just that you are used to laying down ink in the traditional way and haven’t practiced with your powers? Is the mental manipulation less exact or harder to control? Have you ever tried more of a ‘Jackson Pollock’ approach, just scattering ink for a sort of abstract expression?(

Definitely harder to control. Theres a huge difference between picking my pen and writting with it, and floating the ink in the air and carefully placing it down in the pattern I want. I mean, uhhh drawing on the air! It’s like drawing with my finger on the air, except that makes the ink travel through … the paper! In this case. I don’t know, it’s going to take an insane amount of concentration. If I get startled for example, it’s going to throw ink everywhere. Which is…not pleasant. I just prefer the pen. It’s having a sudden extra line VS ink splattered on god knows where… Yeeeaaaahh, I’ll have the extra line please! I, actually haven’t! Would probably need to cover everything with paper as to not make a huge mess… Again. But! That actually sounds fun! …I wonder how much paper I’d need to protect my entire room…? Maybe I could use some spare plastic instead?

You know, I think I would talk to Mr. McNabb about that. I have the impression he is used to dealing with accidental spills of various kinds, and I bet you could convince him to get the whole class to do abstract art as a study in emotional expression. And with minimal arm twisting, you could probably get some extra credit in the class for clean up afterward!

T-the whole class?! Oh no! I-I bet the teacher has more important things to do, and already has a class plan figured out… I would just get in the way of that… And, I don’t know… Painting by myself is fine but, I’ll …probably find a way to screw that up in front of the class… I’d rather just keep things the way they are, you know? Higher chance of success, I guess… Or at least, less chance of failure.

I think you may overestimate how thoroughly planned teachers lessons are at 108 At any rate, I certainly wouldn’t encourage you to push too hard against the boundaries of your comfort zone. Have you thought at all about how your talents could be used in the service of a blue card? It occurs to me that police use sketch artists all the time when interviewing witnesses…

T-thanks… I-I just prefer to stay in the back and do my thing… Don’t need much attention or anything of the sort. Uhhhh… A blue card? Me?! Are you sure? I’m not exactly …useful you know? I can barely keep myself from freaking out about things, and then there’s the asthma… I mean, If I just stay in the office all the time…. Maybe? Buut… I don’t know, I can’t see myself doing anything important, really. I’m just someone who likes to draw and read, there’s not much.

I think you sell yourself short Aiden. Never underestimate the value of a rich inner life. It can give you insights more brash straightforward people tend to lack. Artists too, tend to notice things others overlook. Hero work is more than flashy fight scenes with terrorists: most of the real work is of a more mental nature such as canvassing for witnesses and crime scene investigation.

…But art is one thing, and, all of these are a tad different… I can’t see myself being an investigator or anything or the sort, I’m not even that smart. I may use smart words once in a while, but I just them somewhere and thought they were nice. Nothing that enlightening. I, don’t know what you’re expecting from me, but… I’ll probably let you down.

Its not me you should be looking to impress. I can’t be let down; I am a reporter. My job is to uncover the truth and spread it. Having expectations to be let down is one of the first things to be excised. The truth is what it is, and expecting it to be different is a fools errand. That said, there is such a thing as a self fulfilling prophecy. How you see yourself is largely how you will become, if you repeat it often enough and believe it hard enough. Let’s just say I see potential in you, as do your teachers. Nobody is pressuring you to develop this way or that. Be yourself! But be open to the possibility that you may surprise yourself someday… Sorry. I think I have been hanging around with Anneliese too much. You should talk to her instead of me. What do you see yourself doing in ten years time?

Oh, I have her card. I really should got there but, I start wondering if I could be showing up on a bad time and interrupt something and it gives me butterflies on my stomach just to think about that… So, I didn’t go yet. I need more time to find the courage to. It’s complicated. What I see myself doing in ten years? Uhhh, art college? Maybe? I haven’t given it much thought to speak the truth. There’s things I find fascinating like languages and history, though the second one is more, I love reading history books, sometimes. Not sure if that’s enough. And then there’s what I already do such as art and I guess organizing things, if it counts? Does it count? I-I don’t really know…

Anything you are passionate about counts. Trust that and it will take you to interesting new places. In the meantime, welcome to facility 108. I hope you will enjoy your time here! Thank you. And I am! Someone set up this Dungeons & Dragons table… What was the name? Nix? And whoa! I was surprised people still played that! I thought that was just something my friend Mark had taken out of the treasure chest. This old table RPG game few knew about… That one was all digital though. I think I prefer having the actual books and admiring the printing live. Anyway, that was a blast! Scary at first, but soon I got used to people and it got enjoyable. I’d love to play again, actually. Anneliese was there actually. But I still didn’t talk to her, oops… I really let that opportunity pass. No worries. There will be plenty of time for that. Thank you for the conversation, Mr. Fowler.

You’re welcome uhhh, what was it Kate? Sorry, I’m terrible with names. Also, sorry that the interview was so messy and such. I’m just very very bad at this kind of thing. I’m glad that you could bear with me through all that! (laughs)

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Barrett All #17: Aiden Fowler My guest today is Aiden Fowler, a recent transfer from facility 36 in Charlotte, North Carolina. Mr.