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yourlocalmerchgirl · 6 months ago

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Hopeful

Soft! Jackson Joel Miller x Neurodivergant/ ADHD F!reader

Summary: Joel hasn't felt hopeful since before the outbreak, that is before he meets you when he arrives in Jackson. Hes falling for you, but you couldn't possible fee the same way, could you?

Soft! Jackson Joel miller x Neurodivergant\ ADHD reader AU

MDNI 18+ NSFW

Warnings: unspecified age gap (i wrote this with reader in her early 30s and Joel in is early 50s but no ages are specifically said) soft Joel, concerned Joel, protective Joel, Neurodivergant, audio overstimulation, anxiety. He falls first. Match maker Ellie. Smut. Oral (F! receiving) Fingering, heavy make out sessions. Joel's chatty. body imagine issues, low self-esteem. Swearing, dirty talk. Praise.

A/N: Man this story really got away from me! what i thought would be a short story turned out to be rather length but im proud as hell of this story and i hope you enjoy!

There’s not a lot of descriptors about reader other than eye color and mentions of curves/ plush but they can easily be changed.

Hopeful.

Hopeful wasn’t something Joel felt since before the outbreak. But when he met you, it started brewing slow and low just below the surface until he couldn’t deny it anymore, couldn’t push it away any longer. You made him feel hopeful.

“Dude if you stare much longer the whole town is gonna notice.” Ellie teases as she jabs Joel with her elbow.

“Oh stop it, I wasn’t staring”

“You’ve been looking at her for like 10 minutes, just go sit with her”

Joel turns away quickly feeling his face getting red. He thought he was doing a better job of keeping his fondness for you hidden. He figured there was no way you’d share the same feelings, why would you like a guy like him? Old, beat up, and someone the whole town talked about. He figured there just wasn’t any way.

“She don’t want me bothering her” Joel shrugs

“Im not lying when I say she asks about you when you haven’t been to the stables yet.”

A slight smile tugs at Joel’s lips, he always asks Ellie about you too.

“Go sit with her”Ellie nudges him

Joel let’s out a nervous sigh and makes his way over to your table.

You’re fully engrossed in your book that you don’t notice Joel standing there for a moment.

“Is this seat taken darlin’?”

You don’t even have to look to know it’s Joel, you’d know his voice anywhere.

You chuckle, looking up at him with that smile and those big beautiful hazel eyes he loved so much.

“What’s funny?”

“Unless Ellie and Dina are sitting with me, that seats never taken”

Joel frowns at your comment.

“You want some company? It ok if I sit?”

“I’d love some” you say trying not too seem to eager but your bursting with butterflies over Joel wanting to sit with you. Your smile happens automatically, like it always does with Joel.

You’d been fond of Joel since him and Ellie arrived in Jackson. Despite all the whispers about him in town, his presence always calmed you in a way nobody ever had, you couldn’t explain it even if you tried. You absolutely adored Ellie from the moment you met her, Joel always telling you she trusts you in a way he’s never seen before.

The two of you fall into comfortable small talk as you both finish breakfast.

“Didn’t see you at the town dance last night”

“That’s because I didn’t go, you went?”

“Well Ellie and Dina wanted to go cause they’re always reading about dances in the diaries they find, so I went too. Plus Ellie’s always teasin’ me that I need to get out more”

“I don’t normally go to stuff like that, I’m too awkward and I don’t want people asking me to dance because they feel bad.”

“Now I’m sure there would be lots of people who’d like to dance with you” Joel has all he can do not to tell you he’d show up to dance with you everytime if he knew you’d be there.

“That’s really kind of you to say, but incase you haven’t noticed the people here don’t really know how to take me.”

“You headin to the stables?” Joel already knows the answer. He knows it’s not your day to work at the stables but he asks anyways because he doesn’t want the conversation to end.

“ No, today I’m working on getting the little town library set up, now that you and Tommy are finished building the shelves, I’d like to open it soon.”

“Y’need any help? I’m off my normal duties today”

“Oh no, it’s ok. You don’t have to do that. I don’t want to bother you on your free time”

“It’s really no trouble at all, I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to help” Joel’s jokes, smiling at you.

Your laugh.

He’d give anything to hear your laugh over and over again.

“And I guess I wouldn’t accept if I didn’t want help and company” you teased back, trying to stifle the giggle that bubbles up.

She wants company, my company?

The two you you load up the first wagon full of books and wheel across the center of town to the little store front soon to be the The Jackson Town Library.

“Here we can unload them. Then I can keep making the trips back and forth with the cart while you set them up in the shelves”

“Sounds like a deal to me. Why don’t we make like 3-4 trips and stop for the day. Because if not we’re both the type of people to work on our whole day off.”

“You got yourself a deal sweetheart”

Joel can’t help but smile as he turns to make the second trip. There was just something about the way you made him feel at ease, that he couldn’t get over.

When Joel returned with the second load of books he found you and Ellie chatting as she was helping you.

“What was it like to have a birthday party and sleepovers?” Ellie asks you.

“What makes you ask that?” You ask chuckling a little.

“Well I’ve been reading about them in the people from before the outbreaks diaries but I never had either of them”

“They were fun for a lot of people, I um didn’t really have a lot of friends, so my birthday parties were always mostly family. And I only ever went to a few sleep overs. I was always so excited to be included when I got to go to them.”

It breaks Joel’s heart listening to you and Ellie talking. It wasn’t fair that Ellie never got to experience what life was like before the outbreak, never really getting a childhood. Hearing you talking about how hard and lonely your life was even as a child tore him up. You were different sure, but you had a heart of gold. You were so caring, always supporting everyone who needed something and all you wanted was love and care in return.

He wanted to be that person for you so badly, the one who made your heart soar with all the love and support you never had. To be the one to make you laugh on the good days and take you into his arms and take the pain away on the bad days.

He’s not sure exactly when he started to fall for you, but it was coming on faster and stronger by the day.

“My birthday is next weekend, could I have a birthday party?”

You looked up locking eyes with Joel

“Of course you can, we can throw you a birthday party Ellie” you smile at him as you answer.

We. She wants to help me throw a birthday party for Ellie? There’s no bounds to how wonderful and caring this woman is.

“ I of course want to invite you, Dina, Jesse, Ethan, uncle Tommy and Maria. Ooo can I have a sleep over?”

“No boys are sleeping over”

You can’t help but laugh at Joel’s abrupt response.

“Eww no of course not, but Dina and (y/n) could stay over couldn’t they?”

“ yes if they want to they are more then welcome”

“Oh this is awesome, I gotta go tell everyone!”

“Wait, shouldn’t you ask if (y/n) wants too?” Joel’s looking at you to gage your reaction

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world”

Ellie smiles wildly as she runs out of the store front.

——————————————————————

The day came for Ellie’s party, and you loaded up your wagon with all the supplies and headed over there early to help set up.

“Jesus you’ve got a lot of stuff, you didn’t have to go through all this trouble”

“I know but I really wanted to make this as special as I could for her. She deserves to have the experiences she never got too”

Your big heart made Joel’s soar, you were so kind and thoughtful.

“ I do have a big surprise for her, for all the kids really”

“Oh yea? What do you have up your sleeve?” Joel teases.

“So I went through some boxes that had been in the house in one of the closets. I never bothered to before because it’s not like I really have a lot of stuff so they weren’t in the way. But I wanted to see if there was anything I could use for Ellie’s party and man I hit the jackpot”

Joel just smirks and raises a eyebrow signaling you to continue.

“Well one I found another Will Livingston pun book, which she’s going to love and I found a Nintendo console with a bunch of game cartridges. I figured we could teach the kids how to play and then Ellie can keep it”

There it is again, we. Maybe I’m reading into this to much. But I can’t help but feel like she actually likes spending time with me.

“Shit, they’re all going to love it! Man I haven’t played with one of these in ages”

“Me either, I was never any good at them and the sounds drove me crazy”

Joel relished moments like this, when you pulled back the curtain you shielded yourself with and let him see you.

You sat there completely content and full of joy watching Joel teach the kids how to play each game before he joined you on the couch as they went crazy battling each other.

As the kids cheer and the Mario music blasts Joel looks over to see you struggling. Your eyes shut tightly, chest rising and falling quicker than normal

“Hey, want to have a drink in the kitchen?” Joel whispers as he places his hand lightly on your arm.

“Please” you whisper, embarrassed that Joel saw you like that.

You sit at the kitchen table while Joel takes out two glasses with ice and pours whiskey doubles into them.

“Everything alright darlin’?” Joel ask as he takes his seat sliding your glass over to you.

“Oh..yea..everything’s alright” you say staring down at the amber liquid. Embarrassment flooding your system.

“I ain’t gonna push you if you don’t want to talk and I know I probably ain’t your first choice of someone to talk to, but just know you can talk to me.”

Joel desperately wants to know about your struggles, what makes you the way you are. He wants to be the one that helps you through life, the one who makes the bad days good and the good days better. But he pushes aside the thoughts that you’d want to be more than just friends, if you even considered him that. Because after all why would a girl like you like someone like him, could he really be that lucky?

You think about your answer for a few beats, and realize there’s no use trying to lie to Joel. There was just something about Joel that was comforting, that made you feel safe, but in a different way than the way you felt with Tommy you just couldn’t put your finger on it.

“No its not at all like that. I like talking to you.” You don’t miss the way Joel’s eyes light up a little.

“It’s just….I usually just retreat into myself, it’s easier that way. Most people don’t want to hear about my weird issues that can’t be solved with a why don’t you just ignore it?, why can’t you just change? Can’t you be a little less weird?” You said with a defeated shrug.

You wanted to talk to Joel, but part of you hoped he would just change the subject and move on. Because your quiet sure he doesn’t actually want to hear about your ADHD and all the weird idiosyncrasies that came with it.

“Well I’m not most people” he drawled as he lightly touched your arm. Nodding his head to encourage you to continue.

Truthfully he wanted to hear anything you wanted to tell him, Joel wanted to be your comfort point, the person that you went to for anything. To be the person you felt the safest with, to let your tired shoulders relax from holding up that wall around yourself. Letting your true self shine, free from judgement and surrounded by the love you deserve.

“I have sensory issues, especially with audio and textures. It’s hard to explain and it’s been along time since anyone wanted me too, so bare with me because some of this isn’t going to make a whole lot of sense.”

“You take all the time you need sweetheart, there no rush or pressure. I’m here for you”

Joel can’t help but notice your eyes soften and body langue relax a little when you realize he’s got you, that he’s hear for you and truly listening.

“I get overwhelmed easily by a lot of sounds happening at once, like in there with the sounds of the game and all the yelling and cheering at the same time makes my brain feel scrambled up. Like I can’t sort any of it out, it just sounds like one big mixing bowl of sounds. And when that happens I get anxious, my heart starts to pound, my ears ring and sometimes I lash out coming off to aggressive in the moment to try and make it stop.”

“ you’ve been around enough at the stables, you’ve probably heard me come on a little to strong with a razor sharpe tongue when it all gets to much. I always feel so bad, I never mean to snap. But sometimes when it’s so overwhelming it’s like I have no control of my tongue and I just blurt it out before I even realize I’m saying anything.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Ask me anything you’d like and I’ll do my best to answer”

“I don’t want this to come out wrong, I’m realizing now this might sound a little weird. But I’ve noticed you fuss with your clothes, like your pulling them away from your skin constantly, is-is that part of the sensitivity?”

You can’t help but look at Joel for a few beats to long, stunned by his question. Not because of the way he worded it but because of the context of his question, that fact that he’s picked up on your discomfort and is curious about it instead of just asking why you can’t just deal with it like everyone else ever has.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean t’make you uncomfortable” Joel says taking your silence as a bad sign.

“No, you didn’t at all. I just got lost in the thought of you being so observant but always wanting to know.”

“I always want to ask if your alright but I never want to pry, I know you like your space”

You can’t help the smile that dances across your face.

“You can ask me anything Joel, if I’m not comfortable answering I’d tell you.”

“But yes, the clothing thing is part of it. The texture of some fabrics against me make me want to crawl out of my skin. It’s hard sometimes for me to fall asleep too because the way the blankets and sheets touch my skin doesn’t feel right. I know it’s weird, I can’t really explain it.”

“It’s not just with clothing or fabric either, it’s physical touch too, which is the worst to get people to understand. I hate being touched, the feeling of most people touching me makes my skin crawl. And they love to brush it off by being like oh well I’m a huggy person or oh I’m just a touchy person so it’s ok.”

“I’m sorry, I know Ellie hugs you all the time and I know I touched you earlier”

“See now this is the most frustrating and complicated part about this. There are people like you, Ellie and Tommy that are in my bubble that I’m comfortable with, that I trust, that that kind of contact is welcome from.”

She likes when I touch her? Am I a welcome presence for her? I’ll drive myself crazy thinking about this too hard, but maybe just maybe she’s trying to tell me she feels the same as I do?

“Then the flip side of it is that there are also sounds that bring me so much comfort, like songs that I could listen to on repeat without batting an eye. The sound of someone’s voice that brings me back to earth when the anxiety is unrelenting. A scent that soothes me beyond explanation.”

Joel can’t help but let his thoughts run wild, indulging in the thought that you might be talking about him. He’s about to ask about your comment when Ellie barges into the kitchen.

“Oh sorry to interrupt” she says when she realizes you two are deep in conversation.

“Oh no it’s ok, you probably just saved me from really embarrassing myself” you chuckle

Joel doesn’t miss the way you stiffen up, as if you feel like you’ve said to much.

“ I’m ready to watch my birthday movie but I’m also really ready for the guys to leave so it’s just the four of us, could you kick them out?”

“ course I can do that, we’ll be right in”

You quickly get up from the table to follow after Ellie.

“Hang on, sweetheart” Joel says softly as he reaches for your arm.

“Can-can I give you a hug? Or rather would you like a hug?”

You can feel the embarrassment really take hold as you pull your eyes to the floor. He had no idea how much you wanted a hug from him and you had no idea how badly he wanted to hug you.

“I would like that” you said meekly as you nod your head. If Joel wasn’t listening intently, hanging on your every word he would of missed it

He takes a few steps closer to you hesitating for a couple beats before he wraps his arms you.

As if you’d been waiting for this moment, your entire body relaxes under his touch. Joel can’t help but notice they way you bury your head into his chest as you wrap your arms around him tighter. The way you stay there in his arms for longer than he expects, like your completely at ease in this moment.

“Thank you….thank you for listening. For letting me talk.” You whisper

“Thank for trusting me, for letting me in” he whispers back.

——————————————————————

It had been a few months since Ellie’s birthday party and Joel couldn’t help but boil over with happiness at seeing more of you. You started coming around often and listening to him play guitar on the porch after your walks with Ellie. You started joining them for family meals more in the mess hall, though Joel couldn’t tell you he called them that- not yet anyway.

Because honestly he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to decide he wasn’t the type of person you wanted to spend alot of time with. It’s why he didn’t press you on wether or not you were coming to his birthday gathering at the tipsy bison tonight that Tommy was putting together. He didn’t want you to feel pressured.

You slip into the dimly lit tipsy bison about 45 minutes before Joel’s party is supposed to end. You were so nervous to come, that it took alot for you to actually leave the house. You realize as you slip into a table in the dark back corner that you also forgot his present at home too.

Somethings seriously wrong with me when I remember to bring my security book and not this man’s damn present.

You scan the room and see Joel and Tommy talking to a few people at the bar. Nervous about interrupting you open up your book and try to block out all the loud chatter.

Joel scans the small crowd hoping to see you when he over hears Caleb talking to Tommy.

“Why would she come to something like this if she’s not going to speak to anyone?”

Joel follows Caleb’s motion, feeling a tugging in his chest when he lays eyes on you. You’re sitting in the dark corner of the Tipsy Bison hunched over your book, rubbing your finger back and forth on the cover. Something Joel picked up on that you do when your anxious as a way to sooth yourself.

“Sorry we can’t all be rays of fucking sunshine like you” Joel hears Ellie snap back as he’s making his way over to you.

The closer he gets to you the more his heart pounds. When was the last time I ever felt like this if ever. Joel doesn’t know when it started happening but he can’t fight it any longer, he’s falling for you hard and fast like a fright train. You consume his every thought, which terrifies the hell out of him but he can’t turn back now, not even if he tried.

“Hey there sweetheart, you came” for one fleeting moment Joel feels nervous, maybe you don’t want to be bothered because after all you didn’t even tell him you were here. But that all melts away the moment you look at him. The smile that touches your eyes, the shimmer of happiness that dances across your face.

“Hey!”

“It ok to join you?”

“Of course, I’d love that. As long as I’m not taking your time away from anyone else?”

“There isn’t one person in here I’d rather talk to”

The way you beam up at him as you quickly but your book back in you’re bag says it all. This is another sign of yours that Joel’s picked up on, you only do this when you’re comfortable and want to talk to someone. You always do this when you see him, he trys so hard not to read into that but at this point it’s impossible.

The two of you sit and talk for a bit. You can’t help but be consumed by all things Joel when you were around him, and you loved that. The way he looked at you like you were the only other person in the world or the way he made you feel when ever he was near was both to much snd not enough. Your feelings for him charging full steam ahead, there’s no way you’d stop them even if you had the option.

But could he really feel the same?

“Well I should go I don’t want to take you away from your friends to long”

“Oh, let me walk you home”

“No no it’s ok, I’ll be alright, it’s your party” you say frowning, not wanted to inconvenience him in any way.

“Sweetheart…I can promise you most these people ain’t here for me”

You pause for a few beats

“Ok, in that case I’d love that” unable to control the sincere wild smile that dances across your lips at the thought of Joel Miller walking you home.

“Um ah- would you like to come in for a minute? I ah have a gift for you but I forgot it when I left for your party” you smile sheepishly up at Joel as you reach your little house.

“You have a gift for me?”

“Yea…I made you a birthday present”

Joel follows you inside your house, and instantly the scent of you is filling his senses. He watches as your disappear down the hall and into a room, unsure if he can follow you mixed with not wanting to scare you has him staying in the kitchen.

“Here it’s not much, but I wanted to do something” you say nervously handing him the small gift wrapped in a scrap piece of fabric.

You lean back against the counter as Joel takes the gift, unwrapping the corded string holding the fabric around the gift like wrapping paper.

You’re overcome with anxiety watching him, making it near impossible to look at him. What if he doesn’t like it? What if it’s to much? Joel doesn’t miss the way your fidgeting around nervously.

As Joel pulls back the last fold of fabric he reveals a smallish leather bound note book. As he turns it over in his hands the light catches right for him to notice stitched into the cover in a slightly different colored string than the leather is his name.

“You made this for me? Christ it must of taken forever” Joel asks as he runs this fingers over the the letters.

“D-do you like it? I hope it’s not to much?” You say sheepishly, retreating into yourself as your wrap your arms around yourself.

“No no, it ain’t like that. I love it, I’m just surprised you took the time to make something for me of all people.”

“It took me about two months to do, because I worked on it when I had the energy after rounds at the stables. But I wanted to do something special for you, because.. well because your special to me. When I heard you saying your note book for your patrol and maintenance notes was almost full I got the idea to make this without knowing how to go about it”

“Nobody’s ever done anything like this more me before. Is it ok if I give you a hug sweetheart?”

When Joel takes you into his arms he expects you to be tense before you relax like the few times before,but not this time. No this time was different, this time you melted under his touch immediately burying your face in his chest. He can’t help but think maybe you’ve been needing his touch, his comfort as much as he needs yours.

You feel him pull back from the hug, making you painfully aware you held on to him for a few beats to long. You’re anxiety takes over as you pull back, you’re gaze dropping to the floor immediately.

“Sorry. Sorry, I made that weird”

“Give yourself some credit sweetheart, you never make anything weird. I just wanted to look at you, that’s all”

Pulling your gaze back up, your met with his beautiful deep brown eyes. They’re filled with a soft tenderness as he reaches up caressing the curve of your cheek.

Joel’s large warm hand comes to cup the side of your face, smoothing his calloused thumb back and forth over your cheek bone. His heart thunders in his chest when you lean into his touch, looking more free than he’s ever seen you. Almost as if you’re letting him see a glimpse of yourself from before the world fell apart. He also sees a lightness in your body language that he only notices when the two of you are together.

His eyes flicker between your lips and your eyes a few times, trying to search for any fear or discomfort.

Fuck it.

Your eyes flutter closed as Joel’s lips connect with yours in a soft and tender kiss. Your mind in desperately trying to process everything as Joel takes your stillness as hesitation and pulls away at the exact moment you brain catches up.

“Sorry I misre-“

“Wait, Do it again” you whisper

Joel grabs both sides of your face as he lowers himself back down connecting with your soft lips again. Only this time you don’t hesitate, you return the kiss as you bring your hands to loop round his neck, your fingers sinking into the hair at the nape of his neck. Joel skims his hands down your sides resting them on your hips, a action that makes you gasp as you tilt you’re head up.

“Is this ok?” He whispers as he pulls back enough to rest his forehead against yours.

“Yes” you whisper back, running your fingers deeper into his dark graying hair. This action unlocks something deep inside Joel as he hooks his one hand around your lower back and the other around the back of your head pulling you closer to him. When you resume kissing it’s more passionate and frantic than before and as Joel licks along the seam of your bottom lip begging for entrance you tilt your head up immediately allowing him to deepen the kiss. As your warm wet tongues dance together the grip you two have on each other tightens. Neither of you wanting to show the other how terrified you both are of the other slipping through your fingers if you not holding on for dear life.

As you both pull back to catch your breath you can’t help the giggle that escapes you.

“I guess it’s safe to say you liked your present?”

“It’s safe to say I like more than just the present sweetheart”

He can’t possibly be saying what I think he’s saying can he?”

“I’d invite you to watch a movie but I moved the only tv into the bedroom because it helps me sleep alone and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable”

What I wouldn’t give to spend every night next to her. I never want her to feel alone.

“I’d be more than comfortable with that but only if you are”

Christ I could get lost in the big hazel eyes of hers.

“I honestly would love that” youre trying to hide your smile not wanting to come off too eager but it’s impossible.

You lead the way to your bedroom, once inside you gesture to the bed, “you can pick the movie and make your yourself comfortable I’ll be right back.”

You beeline it for the bathroom, splashing some water on your face and looking at yourself in the mirror. You take a few deep breaths trying to tamp down the anxiety.

Did I really just invite Joel Miller to watch a movie with me in my bed and he accepted? When did I get so bold?

Making your way back to the bedroom you see Joel sitting up with his back against the wall with the few pillows against the wall next to him.

The way your smiling at him makes him feel like it’s just you and him in this world, I feeling that nobody has ever given him before.

“Why don’t you have any pillows you rest your back on?” You say as you settle in next to him.

“I just want to make sure your comfortable, I’ll be fine”

You laugh, that beautiful laugh Joel has come to love so much.

“Well I certainly don’t need all of these, you should be comfortable too” you say as you hand him a couple.

Joel absolutely melts at this action. It speaks volumes to him that your advocating for his comfort as well as your own without even thinking about it or being asked too.

As he’s settling back against the pillows Joel notices you rolling one of your shoulders back as it’s it’s bothering you.

“You alright sweetheart? I’ve been noticing you rolling youre shoulder a lot this week, it botherin’ you?”

“Oh yea… it’s fine, I just tweaked it at the stables. Shimmers stables doors been sticking and the saddles are a little high for me sometimes, but it’s fine. I just gotta go easy on it for a bit”

Joel feels a wave of concern mixed with anger, but not with you with himself.

I should of asked sooner, she shouldn’t be getting hurt at work because of something I could of helped fixed. I need to go down there and fix something.

“ let me take a look at it sweetheart”

You’re embarrassed, your sure he thinks your the biggest idiot as you turn facing your back to him.

“Where does it hurt?”

“It hurts kind of along my shoulder blade”

Joel starts feeling along your shoulder blade applying light pressure.

“Ugh right in there” you quietly groan

“It’s a little swollen, maybe a pinched nerve…I could rub it, try to work it out for y’ou if you’d be comfortable with that.”

“Wait…really?”

“Please don’t feel like you have too, it’s ok”

“It’s no trouble sweetheart”

Joel helps you settle back between his legs as he slips his hand into the neck of your shirt messaging his thumb along your shoulder.

Joel doesn’t miss the relaxed sigh you breath out as your eyes get heavy and you slowly fall back until your back is completely flush again his chest, your head on his shoulder.

He wraps his arms around you tightly, looking down to see you completely asleep in his arms. He leans down softy placing a kiss on your forehead. Warmth slowly creeps up his spine, over his shoulders and deep into his chest. This is what safety feels like, you- are what safety feels like. Joel doesn’t have to have his walls up with you. He can relax, let his guard down, not have to be in a constant state of fight or flight around you. The more Joel let’s this realization consume him, the heavier his eyes get and before he can stop it he starts dozing off.

He snaps awake 10 minutes later to the feeling of you squirming in his arms followed by the sounds of mumbles and whimpers in your sleep. You cry out briefly before you roll over, clutching him with your head buried in the crook of his and your chest flush against his own. Joel can feel your heart pounding against his chest.

“Shhhh baby girl it’s ok, I got you. You’re with me. Your safe” Joel speaks softly rubbing his hands up and down your back.

The moment you hear his voices, the tension drains from your body and your cry’s stop as you fully relax against him.

“Don’t leave me please…I need you ” you’re soft voice speaks against his neck

Joel holds you tightly, unable to shake the memory of you telling him that someone’s voice was soothing to you, that it made you at ease when ever you heard it. He’s 100% confident that you were talking about him.

“Im not goin’ anywhere sweetheart” Joel says as he squeezes you tighter and kisses the crown of your head.

Your so incredibly raw and vulnerable in the moment as you look up at him, your eyes swirling with comfort mixed with fear as you sleepily sit up.

——————————————————————

The next time Joel opens his eyes it’s early morning, your curled up to him, your head on his chest. He can’t help but think he won the lottery. The idea that a women like you would take comfort in him, that you’d want him by you’re side. Joel will make it his mission to make sure you never feel alone again, that he’s by your side for the rest of your life. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve you in his life because he sure as hell didn’t feel like he deserved it.

Joel’s pulled from his thoughts by you sleepily stretch and sitting up. His hand is firmly on your lower back keeping you steady.

“You sleep ok?” He asks slipping his hand under your shirt to rub your lower back.

“I don’t think I’ve slept that deeply since before the outbreak, I’ve never really been a good sleeper”

Christ she’s so beautiful first thing in the morning, givin’ me that cute sleepy smile as she tells me how she slept well next to me.

“Where you able to sleep?”

I can’t tell her I slept better than I have In 20 something years.

“I did get some sleep”

“You hungry? We could go grab Ellie and get breakfast in the mess hall”

Ellie. Fuck I have no idea if any of this is ok with Ellie. I can’t do this to her. I don’t want to drive a wedge between her and Joel or her and I. She’s been though enough I don’t want her to think I’m trying to break up there family.

“ Oh, no it’s ok. You go a head I’m sure you and Ellie have stuff to do today” you say as you you stiffen to sit up straight, the feeling of panic crashing in like a wave.

“No it’s no trouble at all, she should just be over Dina’s anyway” Joel feels your body going ridged, he can tell by your eyes that somethings changing.

“ I have so much to do at the library still before it can open, I’m really not hungry. I’ll just grab something before breakfast ends.” You say swinging your legs over the side of the bed and hurriedly looking for clean clothes.

Joel feels it, he sees it your body langue that somethings wrong. He doesn’t know what flipped the switch but he’s desperate to fix it.

“You should take it easy on your shoulder, rest it so it don’t get worse”

Your body relaxes, your eyes softening briefly at him being protective, showing concern for your health before going ridged again.

“I promise I’ll go easy on my shoulder, I just desperately need to get some projects done. Everyone’s counting on me to get it done and open soon.” Your voice sounds strained and pleading like your trying to convince yourself and much as you are him that you believe what your saying.

“Can I at-least walk you there?”

The walk into town was quiet, neither of you saying much. Just the silent sound of you both battling your own inner self doubt.

“You sure you don’t want breakfast?”

“I’m sure….I’m not very hungry” your voice is soft and strained, almost as if your trying to hold back tears.

Joel cups your face pulling your gaze up to meet his.

“You let me know if you need anything sweetheart, can’t have you hurtin’ your shoulder worse.” Joel drawls before leaning in, closing the gap and placing a soft kiss to your lips. You return the kiss briefly as you run your fingers over his patchy beard.

“I promise I’ll go easy on myself”

Joel can’t shake the feeling that somethings wrong. You never skip breakfast because you get very hangry if you don’t eat in the morning.

Did I scare her? Did I move to fast? Did I make her uncomfortable in some way?

It hits Joel like a ton of bricks as he turn onto his street.

Ellie. She’s worried about how Ellie will feel about us. She’s worried it will drive a wedge between her and I or with them.

Joel stops up the steps and frantically grabs his tool bag.

“Your to old to be staying out all night and then doing a terrible job sneaking back in the next morning” Ellie teases behind Joel.

“I gotta do some extra work in the work shop and at the stables but when your done with your green house shift, we need to talk”

Joel’s never had a way with words like most people, he’s never been eloquent speaker. His love language more came in the form of acts of severance or in words of affirmation. He spends the next few hours building a safe sturdy step stool for the saddles, fixing not just Shimmers stable door but all the horses stables doors so none of them had the possibility to stick and tinkering around and fixing up anything he could find.

You stay at the library for several hours trying completely the simplest tasks, but without much success. Your just going through the motions as your mind is a mile away, thinking about Joel.

Resigning to the fact that you were getting nothing done, you decided to go home to take a hot shower to sooth your racing mind.

As the hot water streams over your body and the steam fills your lungs your mind drifts to Joel. You haven’t stopped thinking about how you can still feel his lips on yours. How he makes you feel seen and heard without any judgement what so ever.

Youre heart aches from how deep your feelings for Joel go, even if it feels like you don’t deserve having him in your life. But you need to apologize to him for how abruptly you retreated back into yourself when the feelings felt to real this morning.

Joel’s nursing a glass of whisky when Ellie gets back from her shift at the green house.

“What’s up Joel, everything alright?”

“Yea, nothin’ bad I just, I like someone and wanna talk about it”

“Oh congrats, your getting soft in your old age. Did you finally become friends with your horse”

“Jerk, no I like a woman. I like a woman, I wanna date her. But are you ok with that?”

“Your so bad at this, why are you being so awkward?”

“We’ll Christ, I’ve never done this before, had this kind of talk. I never brought anyone around Sarah. I don’t know what I’m doing”

“Wait… is this about Y/N?”

Joel nods cautiously

“Man you really are dense aren’t you?” Ellie playfully pokes.

“What’s so funny?”

“Joel.. I’ve been trying to set you up with her since we got here. Tommy’s been helping too”

“What? Really? You’re ok with it?”

“You guys are perfect for each other, it’s so obvious you two really care about each other, at least it is too me because I get to spend time with you guys together away from everyone else.”

Joel just stairs at her stunned

“Look I never wanted to admit this because it sounds stupid, but the times when it’s just you, me and her…it’s feels like we’re a family, like I actually have the family I’ve been dying to have my whole life. She got to know us and excepted us the way we are without listening to all the whispers around town and I think that’s fucking beautiful.”

“I gotta go see her”

“I swear to god Joel don’t fuck this up, she’s the happiness we both deserve, but yes, go to her, go right now”

Joels out of the house and down the street before his brain catches up.

Your scrambling around the house trying to get dressed as fast as you can before you get to anxious and decide not to go to Joel’s when you hear a knock at the door.

“The book drop off box is on the porch” you yell down the hall, figuring someone was trying to pick up or drop off books they borrowed since you weren’t at the library. But you hear who ever is is knock again.

“The book pick up is also on the porch” you yell again hoping the person hears you and gets the point,but they do it yet again. Completely flustered at this point you rip your shirt down over you head and pad angrily to the door.

“The book drop off and pick…” you aggressively swing the door open, stoping dead in your tracks at who’s on the other side.

“Joel” you whisper in surprise. All you can do is stare for a few beats to long at how the evening light highlights his already beautiful features.

“Sorry, this a bad time sweetheart?”

“No…sorry I just thought you were someone else”

You immediately pick up on his change In body langue and quickly follow up with “I just thought it was someone trying to pick up or drop off books” you watch as he relaxes right away again.

“I…I um was actually on my way over to your place”

Before either if you know it your smashing together in a kiss like two magnet’s. The kiss is all teeth and tongues, it’s desperate and awkward, messy and beautiful. Your both clutching on to each other like the other might fly away as Joel walks you backwards through the door way as he pushing the door closed with his foot.

As you both pull back for air Joel cradles your face with his large hands, caressing your cheek bones with the rough pads of his thumbs. His deep brown eyes lock with you hazel ones ands it’s as if they rest of the world doesn’t exist, like it’s only the two of you left on earth.

“I’m so sorry about this morning, I wasn’t trying to be weird. I-I I just…I scared myself with everything”

“It’s ok sweetheart” Joel says as he kisses you softly.

“I talked to Ellie, she’s ok with us being a thing. Honestly quiet excited about it”

You’re speechless for a moment, as you eyes start to well with tears.

“Joel, you didn’t have to do that, I’m sorry if you felt like you had too”

“I did have too, because it’s important to me”

“It’s…it’s important to me that you did”

At hearing that Joel lunges forward again capturing your lips in a kiss pulling you flush against his chest. He swallows the gasp that escapes your lips when he takes your bottom lip between his teeth. You snake your arms around his neck tugging the hair at the nape of his neck. The growl that, that action elicits vibrates through your chest.

“Bedroom?” Joel grits out, his deep voice drips with desire mixed with love.

Joel can’t convince himself otherwise any more, he loves you.

“Bedroom” you echo

Joel’s walking you backwards down the hall to your bedroom when he turns slightly pinning you against the wall just outside your bedroom.

“Are you sure about this sweetheart?” He pulls back just enough to lock eyes with you.

You nod your head yes.

“I need to hear you say it sweetheart. I don’t want to push you farther than your comfortable going because i thought it was ok.”

“I’m sure about this Joel, I want it…I want you”

Joel let’s out a low groan as he attaches his lips to your jaw, nipping his way long it until he reaches that soft spot where your jaw meets your neck. He sucks hard and then soothes the spot with his tongue as his hands sneak inside the hem of your shirt squeezing your plush sides. This earns him another tug at his hair as you let out a whimper. Joel’s head spins from how breathless you are already for him and he hopes you can tell how breathless he is for you.

Joel rips his shirt off at the feeling of you raking your hands up and down his chest. He’s been touched starved for so long that the desperate need for your touch, to feel your skin on his takes over.

Most people wouldn’t describe Joel as beautiful, but you always found him to be. You thought as you took in the sight of him shirtless.

Joel watches you nervously as you trace over old scars on his chest. He’s afraid you’ll want to run and hide from him bearing his soul to you in a way he never has or ever wanted too. But the moment you press your lips to the scars on his chest this worry melts away. You pepper every scar you can see across his chest, arms and shoulders with kisses before you make your way to his neck. You sneak your hands around him to slide them up his back as you reach his ear.

“Every part of you is beautiful” you whisper as you kiss along his jaw.

Joel feels dizzy from your words as your lips make it back to his. Never in his life has anyone ever called him beautiful much less been this tender and sensual with him. He can’t get enough, as he grabs at your waist again. Pulling you tightly to him as he presses you firmly again the wall causing your shirt to ride up.

“It’s ok… you can take it off” you breath

Joel wastes no time ripping your shirt up over your head.

“Your so fuckin’ gorgeous” he growls as you arch into him so he can unhook your bra.

You let the straps slide down your arms until it falls to the floor between the two of you. You’re mind goes blank from Joel’s intense gaze. Slowly he slides his hands up your torso to your breasts. They barely even touched you and your nipples are already hardened peaks. The sensation of him rolling them beneath his slightly calloused thumbs as he’s squeezing your breasts hits you hard. Your eyes flutter shut as your head falls back against the wall, if your not carful you might just climax from this alone.

“Fuck…your skins so soft” Joel growls as he pulls you away from the wall and into your bedroom, not stopping until your legs hit the end of your bed.

His eyes burn right through you as you slid your pants down, leaving yourself in just your panties as you climb on the bed.

The two of you hold each others gaze for a few beats as Joel undoes his belt and steps out of his pants. You instinctually spread your legs to make room for him as the bed dips down. He doesn’t care how long he has to draw this out, Joel’s not stopping until he’s explored every inch of your body. Making you feel like the goddess that he sees you as.

Your eyes flicker from his eyes to his hard outline straining his boxers and back to his eyes. The way he playfully smirks at you makes you realize just how exposed you are to him, making you start to wrap your arms around your body to cover yourself.

“You ok sweetheart?” Joel asks rubbing circles into your thighs.

“Do you want me to cover up some?”

“What?”

“Wait why would I want you to cover up?” He half huffs, confused

“Im not the skinniest…I don’t look as good as you”

Joel hates the idea that someone(s) made you feel like you weren’t worthy because your body isn’t their ideal body. He’s loves your curves, the plushness of your skin.

“Everything about you is gorgeous, and if it s’ok id like to show you just how gorgeous I think you are.”

You frantically nod and with that Joel dips his body down kissing right above your clothed clit, pulling a whimper out of you. He then moves to your hips, kissing them both before kissing all the way up your stomach til he reaches your breasts.

He licks along the swell of your breast, pulling your peaked nipple in between his teeth as he palms the other one with his free hand. Then does the same to the other.

“So fuckin’ sexy” Joel whispers against your breast as he swings his leg over to straddle one of your legs.

He crashes forward, his rock hard bulge pressing into your hip to capture your lips in a passionate kiss. Your hands automatically plant firmly in his hair as his tongue dances with yours. Making his way down your neck sucking the soft skin where your shoulder meets your neck between his teeth, then sooth it with his tongue. You know it’s going to leave a mark, you want it too. Even if this is just for tonight, you want Joel to mark you as his. But you had no idea how much he wants that too. To make you his.

Joel plunges his tongue back into your mouth as he dips his free hand where you need it most. His finger grazes your clit has he slips it through your slit, deep into your core with a audible squelch. You both swallow each others moans.

A breathy moan escapes your lips as he gathers some of your wetness to your swollen clit with tight circles.

“Christ baby…y’so wet. This all from me?” Joel breathes, as you pull back. He wants to see the pleasure he’s giving you.

“All day…a-always” you breath unable to get more out.

“Fuck” Joel groans as he pulls down your panties, seating himself back between your legs.

“Fuck..baby you feel s’good around my fingers”

Joel’s trusts his fingers in and out of you at a steady pace.

“J-Joel…it’s feels s-s good” you say through a stifled whimper.

“Don’t hold back baby. Lemme hear ya. Wanna hear how good I make you feel.” Joel purrs as he’s stroking that soft spongy spot so well.

Your climax crashes over you like a wave against a rocky coast. You couldn’t stop even if you tried.

“Fuu- J-Joel…it feels so good”

“Thats it baby let go”

You clench around his fingers perfectly as you fall over the edge.

“Doin’ so good for me sweetheart. Soundin’ so beautiful.”

Joel leaves a trail of kisses and praise in the valley between your breasts and down your stomach.

“Can I taste you sweetheart?” He growls as he nips at the insides of your thighs. Pupils blows wide open when you lock eyes with him.

“Please” you whine

Joel gives a few kitten licks up your center to watch you squirm, then dives in like a starved man eating his last meal. You thrusted your hips forward grinding into his face desperately chasing anything he’ll give you. Joel’s harder than he’s ever been before, head dripping with pre-come at the feeling of you grinding on his face to chase your release.

He’d give you this every single day if you’d let him. He doesn’t even care about his own release. He could drown in between your legs and die a happy man seeing the pleasure he gives you from his tongue on your face.

Tag List:

@vee-bees-blog @vie-is-punk @musings-of-a-rose-writes @iamsherlocked-1998 @frecklefacelm @thatoneobsessedlinguist-writes @alyhull @sj66 @merci-killing @whenmondaycomes @ellishamae25 @romabloo @jennaispunk @elizabeth4th @runningmom94 @closetedconsumer @alongfortheridereader @thegingerlily @starlite41 @sirensheartbeat-blog @pedropascalfan221 @vivian-pascal @mads198-9 @f1shb0nez @almodovarispunk @pedroslittlelady @collection-of-fucking-chaos @megjohnston23 @pascalispunks-blog @skully-skeleton-bone0106

@peanutweanut @joelalorian @mssalmighty @mountainsandmayhem @zipp7201 @folkloreandfall @steadydragongalaxy @ceceliamariee @starrynight57-blog

@nahchiefimgood @i-love-taylor @hc-geralt-23 @hopelessromantic727 @casispunk @ctrlaltdel3te @drewharrisonwriter @teddyitalia @mexicanfolklore

@enchantingfireduck @thatwierdgirlmaddi-blog @art-estrange @amy

@chiefevelyn @niallsblckgirlfriend @unnecesarysstuff @horses1012ans @morgaussy @jellybeanxc @stxory @lavenderallergy8 @sj66 @spacecowgirl1111 @tupelomiss @hauntedpoetsdepartment @aromanticfever @regalwhovianbrowncoat774 @sweetperfectioncloud @honeymarvel @samarav @is-being-ignored-a-hobby @elliaze @kjo770 @amyispxnk

#the last of us #joel miller #pedro pascal #fanfic #joel miller x reader #neurodivergent #joel miller x f!reader #adhd #joel the last of us #joel tlou #ellie williams

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m1ckeyb3rry · 5 months ago

Note

hii!! First of all ur theme is so aesthetically pleasing and I love all the nagi. I like binge read all of your event works and *chefs kiss*. Could I request a piece for karasu with the theme of like academic rivals/classmates? No worries if not, hoping ur doing well and taking care of urself!

On an unrelated note I saw that post about rude comments and im so sorry that’s happening to you! I honestly don’t know what drives ppl to bother leaving nasty comments esp when it’s not like they’re being forced to read anything T-T Hoping to send you a bit of love to counter those trolls!

── FIVE WAYS TO KILL A CROW

Synopsis: Crows are clingy birds, and Tabito Karasu’s feelings are hurt easier than you realize. (part two here!) (part three here!)

Event Masterlist

Pairing: Karasu x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 9.1k

Content Warnings: academic rivals to lovers, karasu is an asshole, reader is also an asshole, jealous karasu 😍, hiori randomly pulls up at one point for some reason??, yukimiya requests to follow one (1) person and accidentally causes the most dramatic pseudo breakup ever

A/N: anon i used to pray for times like these 😭😩 LMAOAO karasu is my fav (behind nagi ofc) but i’ve never gotten around to writing him so getting this request made me SO excited HAHA. i haven’t done anything rivals/enemies to lovers before so fingers crossed this doesn’t feel too awkward or unrealistic or rushed anything!! and yayyy i love my little nagi theme (and also nagi in general) i’m glad you like it too!! and my writing too, you’re so sweet 🥹 there will always be jerks unfortunately but lovely people like you make it all worth it 💖 thank you again and i hope this is kind of what you were looking for 🫶🏻

Additional: part of my 500 follower event! see the event description and rules to make a request of your own.

ONE: POISON IT

You could hardly contain your smile as you sauntered up to Tabito Karasu’s desk, your exam held behind your back. He was sitting by himself — his seat partner was sick this week, from what you had heard, so he had taken the chance to spread out his things and stretch his legs. When he noticed you, he raised his eyebrows, mouth tugging into a frown at your amusement.

“What?” he said. You brandished the paper in front of you, irises sparkling as you leaned over to rest your forearms on the desk.

“I got full marks on the last Chemistry exam,” you said. Karasu made a face at you, snatching the test from your hands and scrunching his face up as he inspected it.

“Seriously?” he said.

“Seriously,” you said. “What did you get?”

He crossed his arms and looked away. “Not telling.”

“You definitely failed!” you said in delight, taking back the exam and laughing at him. “How embarrassing. You failed the easiest test of the year, and yet you consider Chemistry to be one of your best subjects? I can’t wait to see how badly you do during finals week.”

“I did not fail,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I got a ninety-eight.”

“Ninety-eight! That’s even worse than outright failure,” you said. “You were so close to perfection, and yet in the end, you fell short. It must sting for things to work out like that.”

“Yes, I’m positively wounded,” he said dryly before batting his eyelashes at you. From anyone else, the rapid switch in demeanor would’ve left you reeling, but the shifting mood was to be expected from him. “Will you give me a kiss and make it better?”

You rolled up your test and smacked him on the head with it. “No.”

“Anyways, my overall grade in the class is still higher than yours, because rankings were updated today and I’m still number one, so I’m not sure what cause you have to be boasting,” he said.

“Hm, but did you notice who’s number one in Modern Literature?” you said, pulling out your phone and opening the school’s app, which listed each class’s rankings in every subject. “Yup, that’s right, me.”

“Good job, Y/N!” he said, clapping mockingly. “Shall we have a party? It’s a big occasion — the mediocre number two has finally done something of such note that she’s number one for the first time in her life.”

“I’ve been number one plenty of other times!” you snapped. “For your information, I’ve been first in the class in mathematics and history every year since middle school, so who are you to be acting like this is a first? If anyone’s mediocre, it’s you!”

He raised his hands in the air innocently, his trademark smirk gracing his features once more now that he had succeeded in irritating you, as was his typical goal.

“Alright, alright, no need to be upset,” he said. “It’s not good for you. Clouds your judgment.”

“In what way?” you said.

“I mean, somehow, you got the two of us confused,” he said. “And we’re nothing alike.”

“I did no such thing,” you said.

“Well, I seem to recall you calling me mediocre, but between the two of us, the subpar one is obviously you,” he said, flicking your forehead. You slapped his hand away.

“You — the bell is going to ring, so I’m going to go back to my seat, but just so you know, you’re way more mediocre than me, Mr. Two-Percent-Short!” you said.

“Stellar comeback!” he called out. “My ego is bruised beyond healing!”

“Good!” you called back, ignoring the sarcasm. “Maybe it’ll return to a more normal size. Your head has grown too big, it’s almost as ridiculous as that hair of yours!”

“Leave the hair alone!”

During your free period, you decided to go to the library for some peace and quiet to work on your homework and find some of the sources you needed for your next research project. For belonging to a high school, the library was surprisingly extensive, and you had managed to find relevant information for every other project you had ever done in it, so you had high hopes. Unfortunately, it seemed this latest assignment was more obscure than anything you had completed before, so on your second lap of the shelves where the books, if they existed, would be located, you resigned yourself to giving up.

Just then, a volume caught your eye. The cover was shiny and pristine, the spine still unbent with newness. Crouching, you pulled it out, and when you saw the title emblazoned across the cover in bright yellow lettering, you began to laugh, making a beeline to the checkout counter with it tucked under your arm.

“Hey, Y/N! How was your morning?” your best friend said as you set your things down next to her in the cafeteria. You hummed in agreement, searching the room for a familiar head of dark hair. “You good? Looking for someone? Let me guess: your secret boyfriend that you’re keeping from the rest of us.”

“Yeah, I’m looking for Karasu,” you said before the rest of her words registered. “No!”

“You’re finally coming out and saying it?” she said, holding her hands to her heart and pretending to swoon. “I’ve been waiting for you to confess.”

“He’s not my secret boyfriend that I’m keeping from everyone, I’m just looking for him!” you said.

“Could’ve fooled me,” she said. “What do you need him for, anyways?”

“I got a book for him in the library,” you said.

“Right, and this is the guy you hate? Your ‘mortal enemy’ or whatever?” she checked.

“Yes,” you said.

“But you…got a book for him from the library, and now you’re looking for him so that you can give it to him?” she said. You scoffed.

“When you put it like that, it sounds different than it really is,” you said. “Trust me, this isn’t a nice gesture or anything. You can consider it revenge.”

“When are you going to get over this stupid rivalry?” she said. “He’s not even that bad, you know.”

“Not even that bad? Not even that bad? Are we talking about the same Karasu here? I’m referring to Tabito, not his older sister,” you said.

“Ah, I think so? He’s a nice guy,” she said.

“He is the spawn of the devil! And he’s the one who started it, so I’ll stop hating him once he apologizes and means it,” you said.

“Do you think he even remembers that?” she said. “It was in middle school.”

You glared at her. “I remember it. If he doesn’t, well, that’s just more of a reason for me to dislike him on principle.”

“Okay, okay, whatever you say,” she said. “Sorry for complimenting him. He’s awful and rude and mean. I think he’s sitting outside with some of his soccer friends, if you still want to find him.”

“Thank you!” you said, instantly forgetting that you were upset with her for taking Karasu’s side instead of yours. “Watch my stuff, okay? I’ll be right back.”

“See you soon,” she said. “Have fun. Actually, maybe it’s more realistic for me to just tell you not do anything that’ll get you expelled.”

You waved her off as you marched out to the courtyard where Karasu and his friends were lounging, their chairs positioned in the shade so that they did not overheat while they ate. None of them noticed you approaching until you were tapping Karasu on the shoulder and smiling at him sweetly.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” he said, sounding oddly flustered. One of his friends snorted, and more than a few chuckled, but you ignored all of them in favor of setting your bag on the armrest of Karasu’s chair.

“Hi, Karasu. I was in the library earlier and I saw this book that reminded me of you, so I took the liberty of checking it out,” you said.

“Oh,” he said. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“You’re so considerate, Y/N!” one of his friends said.

“We’re all so jealous of Karasu here,” another friend, the one who you believed had snorted, said. “You’re way too pretty for him.”

“Shut up,” Karasu said, sticking up his middle finger at his friend, though none of the group paid him much mind. In fact, it seemed to egg them on more, as they continued to hurl jabs at Karasu while simultaneously incessantly complimenting you.

You didn’t respond to any of them, instead pulling out the book and handing it to Karasu, interlacing your fingers and waiting for his reaction. At first he seemed confused, and then dismay dawned upon his features as he realized what he was holding in his hands: a copy of Chemistry for Dummies.

“What the fuck?” he said. You patted him on the shoulder.

“It’s only suitable,” you said. Suddenly, his expression cleared, and he beamed at you, which caused unease to brew in your stomach. You knew for a fact that he was about to say something infuriating, and you mentally prepared yourself to respond.

“What a roundabout way of telling me you need tutoring! Of course, I’m happy to help you anytime you want,” he said, tilting back in his chair so that he could cross his arms over his chest arrogantly.

“Why would I want tutoring from someone who does worse than me in the class?” you shot back, crossing your own arms in retaliation.

One of his friends whistled. “She got you there, Tabito.”

“Enough out of you,” Karasu said through gritted teeth. His friend winked at you and mouthed ‘nice one.’

“Look, man, all I’m saying is that if you want to ask out such a beautiful girl, you’ve gotta have a little more finesse than that!” he said.

“He can have all the finesse in the world, but I’d still say no,” you said. His friends hollered with raucous laughter, which caused Karasu’s face to turn red, but you only pressed the book into his hands. “It’s due in two weeks. That should be long enough, right? Make sure you return it on time, please, I don’t want late fines.“

“I hope you go into debt because of this stupid book,” he said.

“Aww,” you cooed. “You’ll be the one paying it off, so it doesn’t matter to me. See you around, Karasu — or, hopefully not.”

TWO: SHOOT IT

You and Karasu had met in middle school. The two of you had been assigned to work on a presentation together, and he had told you during your first meeting that because you were a dunce, you should just listen to him and do whatever he said. Ever since that day, you had done everything you could to show him how much better than him you were; for his part, he found great joy in getting on your nerves and so took part in every argument with pleasure.

You had long ago proved his middle school self wrong, by anyone’s standards, but at this point it was a habit for you to hate Tabito Karasu as well as a habit for him to hate you back. And of course, habits were hard to form but harder to break, so you would probably continue in that manner until the day you graduated and left him behind for good.

It was just the two of you who did not get along. Your friends were cordial with him and his ilk, and you did not really mind his little group all that much, crude though they sometimes were. After all, it was just in the manner of teenage boys, and when they were not taking advantage of your presence to make fun of Karasu, they were actually a pretty agreeable sort.

In fact, your friend groups tended to coexist most of the time, even having lunch together every now and again — though they were always careful to ensure that you and Karasu were kept entirely separate, or else you both were guaranteed to ruin the cheerful camaraderie with your sharp tongues and quick tempers. The measures they took were admirable, but unfortunately, they were not always enough. After all, what were precautions when compared with inevitabilities?

“Oh my god!” you squealed. “Guys! Oh my god, oh my god, I can’t believe this is happening?”

“Can’t believe what’s happening?” your best friend said, speaking for everyone at the table. They were all tuned in to you now, wondering what the big news might be that would bring about such a reaction from you, given how put-together you tended to be.

“Do you remember that one model I happened to meet while I was out last weekend? Kenyu Yukimiya? He just requested to follow me on social media!” you said.

“No way!” your best friend said.

“Way!” you said. The only warning you got was an arm pressing against your back, and then your phone was abruptly snatched from your hands. You gasped, spinning in your seat and scowling when you realized that the culprit was none other than that scavenging crow, Tabito Karasu.

“What the hell? He’s average at best, why are you so excited?” he said, scrolling through Yukimiya’s profile, his eyes narrowed critically. “Y/N, don’t you have any standards?”

“You’re probably the only person in the entire country who doesn’t find him gorgeous,” you said, exhaling dreamily as you took your phone back from him and stared at the artful manner Yukimiya was posing in for his profile photo. “He was even better looking in person. And sonice, too! They don’t make men like that often.”

Karasu frowned and swiped at your phone again. You held it out of his reach, reaching across the bench to press your foot against his chest, effectively holding him back from further attempts at thievery.

“Let me look at him again!” he said.

“Um, no,” you said. “I don’t need you making more fun of him. I know you’re jealous, but expressing it like this only makes you uglier, just so you know.”

“Looks like they’re back at it again,” one of your friends said, massaging her temples.

“Yup,” one of Karasu’s teammates said.

“Ugly? Ugly? You’re calling me ugly? Have you looked in a mirror recently? Also, get your gross shoe off of my shirt!” Karasu said.

“I have looked in a mirror recently, actually, and incidentally I’ve also been keeping an eye on my follow requests. Guess what? I’m obviously good looking, since a legitimate model wants to follow me! How many celebrities request to follow you, huh? I bet the answer is zero!” you said, though you did do him the favor of swinging your leg back, allowing him to brush himself off in disdain.

“Lots of soccer players want to follow me,” he said. “I’m quite good, you know.”

“That doesn’t count,” you said. “It has nothing to do with how you look. They’d request to follow you no matter how hideous and poorly styled you and your hair are.”

“Are they seriously arguing about which of them is worse looking?” Karasu’s teammate said.

“I suppose so,” your friend said. “They’re both really hot, though, so I don’t know what the big deal is…”

“Geez, they’ll take any excuse to go at it, huh?” Karasu’s teammate said.

“Pretty much,” your friend said.

“Guess all of that tension has to go somewhere,” his teammate said.

“Exactly,” your friend said, shaking her head as she finished up her lunch.

“That model probably only works for horror magazines!” Karasu said. “It barely even counts!”

“He was in Vogue Japan,” you said smugly. “Look it up, stupid.”

“So what?” he said.

“So he’s handsome,” you said. “Like I said, it’s okay if you’re envious of him, as long as you accept it instead of doing this whole weird denial thing. I don’t blame you for it — in fact, I thought you would be. You don’t have much going for you overall, do you? In all honesty, it’s only natural for you to feel like this when faced with what you lack.”

Karasu’s eyes widened, and then he stood abruptly, picking up his bag with one arm and haphazardly pulling it onto his back. “Goodbye.”

“Bye,” you said, not really caring one way or another what he did with himself. Actually, you would prefer it if he wasn’t there, interrupting your meal and your daydreaming about your impending romance with Kenyu Yukimiya.

“Wow, Y/N,” your best friend said once Karasu was gone. “You’re kind of dumb, you know that?”

“What are you talking about?” you said.

“It’s not her fault,” another one of Karasu’s teammates said. “He’s not much better.”

“Huh?” you said.

“Never mind,” your best friend said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I have a migraine now.”

“Want some ibuprofen?” Karasu’s teammate said. She accepted it gratefully, and nothing more was said on the subject. The rest of lunch passed in a peaceful manner, though strangely, Karasu did not return.

It should’ve made you happy. You wondered, then, why it felt so odd without him there, like there was a gaping maw sitting in the place that should’ve been occupied by him.

THREE: DROWN IT

Ever since the day that Yukimiya had requested to follow you, you and Karasu hadn’t spoken. He refused to make eye contact with you in the few classes the two of you had together, keeping his gaze lowered to his work and his shoulders hunched away from you. You didn’t even try to talk to him; something told you that it would not be well-received, and you weren’t anywhere near confrontational enough to bring up his odd behavior, so the time without him dragged on and on, seemingly without end.

At first, you were happy, and you told your friends as much. It was a much-needed break from the constant aggravation he brought you, and you found your classes without your competition to be almost boring in their simplicity.

“The more you say you’re happy that you and Karasu aren’t talking, the less it sounds believable,” your best friend said, taking a sip from her juice box.

“Believe it! This is what I’ve been wanting since middle school,” you said.

“Is it?” she said. “It sounds like you’re kind of upset.”

“Am not!” you said. She shrugged.

“Sure,” she said, drawing out the word. “Definitely not.”

“Why would I be upset?” you said.

“You tell me,” she said.

“I’m telling you that I’m not upset. You’re the one with the theory, so give me some evidence to substantiate it,” you said.

“Fine,” she said. “You talk about him all of the time, even when you guys are getting along — or, at least, your twisted little version of being friendly, which isn’t friendly by anyone else’s standards but it seems to work for you two, so I won’t comment further. You keep telling us that you’re so delighted he’s leaving you alone, but you do this thing with your face when you say it that makes it super obvious you’re not. It’s not the kind of behavior you’d display when discussing someone you hate as much as you claim to hate him. Finally, there’s a reason half the school thinks you guys are dating, and it’s not just the obvious aesthetic appeal of that match.”

“What? I thought you were just trying to bother me when you brought that up!” you said. She shook her head.

“No, it’s a common misconception. It’s why no one’s ever asked you out. They all think you’re already taken. Actually, the other day, a guy asked me if I thought he might have a chance with you now that you and Karasu had broken up,” she said.

“What’d you say?” you said, half in horror, half in fascination.

“I told him probably not, and that you and Karasu hadn’t broken up, because you were never together in the first place,” she said.

“Oh, okay,” you said.

“Should I have said something else?” she said. You shook your head.

“No,” you said. “What else would you have said?”

“Dunno,” she said. “Look, you need to cheer up. I’m sure that if you just try to talk to him, things will go back to normal in an instant. Then you can return to complaining about him like usual.”

“Talk to him? About what?” you said. She gave you an incredulous look.

“You were pretty mean to him the other day, Y/N,” she said.

“It wasn’t any meaner than what he says to me on the regular,” you said. “And what I say to him in return. I don’t see why he’d be more or less offended.”

“I think it was a little worse than what you typically say,” she said. “Plus, the context was different.”

“How so?” you said. She shook her head.

“That’s for him to explain, not me,” she said. “Come on, don’t be stubborn. Work things out with him. I miss hanging out with the guys.”

“Ah, so that’s why it matters to you,” you said. “Sorry to say it, but I don’t have any plans at attempting conversation with him anytime soon. Like I said, things are finally calm and stress-free for me. He’s the one being immature, as always, so why’s it up to me to make things better?”

“Immature?” your best friend said. “You’ve held a grudge against him since middle school.”

“And?” you said. She squinted at you before pursing her lips.

“Well, I guess the two of you really are made for one another,” she said.

“What?”

The next week would mark the beginning of the swimming unit in PE class, which you were actually looking forward to. You loved to swim, you had ever since you were a child and your parents had brought you into the water for the first time, and the thought of getting to earn a good grade for something you liked doing in the first place was an agreeable on.

In preparation, you decided to stop by the pool after classes were over so that you could acclimate yourself to the motions of the strokes once again. The swim team’s practice had been canceled, and no one else ever used the pool, so you would have the place to yourself, which was just about the closest thing to heaven you could imagine while still living on Earth.

Changing into your school-issued bathing suit and putting your things into a locker, you tied your hair back so that it was out of the way and stepped into the steaming indoor pool deck. The water was a bright cerulean shade, the lanes split by lane-lines which alternated colors to match your school’s emblem. When you dipped your toe into the deep end, you found it was warm, not cold like you had feared. The school didn’t splurge on heating the water of the rarely-used pool, so usually, it was all but freezing. You supposed that they must’ve had complaints from last year’s PE classes, so they had restarted the heaters in order to ensure that no one had any cause to whine about the temperature this year.

For a moment, you just sat on the tiled edge, your legs swishing about in the water, the heels of your palms pressing against the lip of the pool as you closed your eyes and luxuriated in the tangy scent of chlorine. So lost were you that you almost didn’t notice the door swinging open, but the clang of it shutting was unmistakable. Thinking it must’ve been a confused swim team member showing up to a practice that wasn’t happening, you opened your eyes, your lips parting to issue a reprimand that died before it could take shape.

It wasn’t a swim team member. It was Tabito Karasu, wearing a pair of swim trunks and nothing else, his jaw taut and his fists clenched as he inched towards the water. He hadn’t even noticed you, and you didn’t feel inclined to announce yourself, so you let your elbows dig into your thighs, your chin resting in your hands as you observed him.

You had known that he played soccer almost as long as you had known his name. It was the entire reason he was so popular and well-regarded in the school, and an inextricable part of his identity, but until now, you hadn’t quite considered what that actually meant. After all, you only ever saw him in the loose, modest clothing of the school’s uniform, so why would you jump to the conclusion that he was so — so — well, you were loath to admit it, but he had a striking body, and, now that he wasn’t being all cocky and maddening, you could appreciate that even his face was of a similar quality.

Blinking, you cocked your head as he extended a graceful foot towards the first stair leading into the shallow end. Water splashed against it, and he yanked it back like he had been scalded. You could not help yourself from giggling as he did this once and then twice again. On the third attempt, you forgot that the two of you weren’t acknowledging one another and cupped your hands around your mouth to amplify your voice.

“What are you doing?” you said.

“Who — Y/N? I didn’t realize anyone else was in here!” he said, stepping back from the pool and straightening his shorts, though there was nothing wrong with them that required straightening. You sprang to your feet and walked over to him, leaving wet footprints in your wake as you peered at him curiously.

“I was just going to do some laps to ensure that I’m at my best for the swimming unit next week. Did you have the same idea?” you said.

“Something like that,” he said.

“What’s with that whole ritual, though?” you said. “It’s not that cold. You should just get in.”

“Definitely not,” he said. You furrowed your brow.

“Okay,” you said. “Why are you at the pool, then, if you don’t want to go in the water?”

“It’s nothing you need to be concerned with!” he said. “Why are you so nosy? Just go away.”

“I was here first,” you said.

“Fine,” he said, spinning on his heel. “I’ll go, then.”

“Wait! Karasu, wait,” you said, grabbing onto his wrist as he made to leave. “Look, we don’t have to talk to one another or anything. We’re experienced enough at ignoring each other, so there’s not an issue in both of us being here.”

“Is that what you want?” he said.

“Yeah, sure,” you said. He swallowed hard, his throat bobbing, and you thought he would say something, but he only nodded curtly.

“Fine,” he said. You gave him an expectant look, but he did not move from the spot he was rooted in, so you thought that you might as well take the initiative. Looping around to the deep end, you inhaled and then dove into the water headfirst, staying under for as long as you could before finally surfacing and allowing yourself to settle into the familiar undulations that came with swimming.

After a few laps, you took a break, peeking up over the concrete to look at Karasu, who was still standing stubbornly in place, his nose wrinkling whenever he glanced at the pool.

“Hey,” you said. “Are you scared of the water or something?”

He froze. “Who told you that?”

“No one?” you said. “It’s pretty easy to tell as an onlooker. Were you planning on trying to get over your fear by coming to swim when no one was here? That’s dangerous if you don’t know how. You could drown.”

“I’m not scared of the water,” he said.

“Really? Then why’re you just standing there?” you said. His mouth opened and closed a few times, and then finally he hung his head in reluctant defeat.

“Whatever,” he said. Judging by the way he tensed immediately after the confession, he was expecting you to say something cruel, but you only boosted yourself out of the water and tapped him on the shoulder.

“I can help you, if you’d like,” you said. “I’m good at swimming.”

“Why would I want your help? And why would you even offer it in the first place? This is just one more subject you can beat me in, and that’s all you care about, so save it,” he said. “Congratulations, Y/N. You get to be number one this time.”

He looped a dry towel around his neck and left you standing alone, shivering and dripping pool water, a puddle forming around your feet as you gazed at the door he had vanished through.

The class rankings updated again after the swimming unit was over. You were in first place. Karasu didn’t even make it to the top ten. You wanted to celebrate the victory — it was the first time you had beaten him so thoroughly, after all — but for some reason, it didn’t really feel like something worth celebrating.

FOUR: STONE IT

School without Karasu was lonelier than you thought it would be. You hadn’t realized just how much you relied on him until he wasn’t there anymore. Without him, there wasn’t anyone you could exchange looks with across the room when somebody said something ridiculous in class. There wasn’t anyone who you could talk to in the minutes before the period began. There wasn’t anyone who made you push yourself to be better. What was the point of being first if Karasu wasn’t on your heels, ensuring that you stayed on the top for fear of losing to him? It was boring and lonely to try if he wasn’t doing the same.

You and he were still one and two, but it didn’t matter much anymore. The rankings were just numbers. They didn’t mean anything when Karasu still refused to even exchange pleasantries with you. Why would you want to compete when the other party didn’t share your interest? Now, if you managed to pull out ahead of him, it felt more like you had kicked a dog that was already down than if you had actually won anything. When he got first over you, it didn’t fuel your ambition any. You just wished he would come over and gloat instead of sitting there so solemnly, like none of it had ever mattered to him in the first place.

You couldn’t understand why he was so angry. What had you said that was so egregious? You hardly remembered the conversation you had had with him, it was that thoughtlessly done. You really hadn’t meant much if anything by it. One second, the two of you had been squabbling as you were prone to doing, and the next, he was so furious that he couldn’t bear to interact with you even still.

The day you were ambushed was nondescript. It was just like any other Wednesday, and you were walking back home from school when you were forced to stop in your tracks. A tall man — no, he was a boy, probably a year or two younger than you based on his soft and innocent expression — was barring your way, his arms outstretched and feet planted firmly in the ground to prove the depth of his conviction. He had pale hair and sky-colored eyes framed by the longest eyelashes you had ever seen on anyone, man or woman, with a small mouth pinched into an expression of discontent and lines like tire tracks between his eyebrows.

“Who are you?” you said warily, reaching for your phone, though you hardly knew who you would call. The setting was wrong for this to be a mugging, as it was sunny out and you were on a well-traveled street, but you didn’t really know what else to expect from the stranger, who could certainly outmuscle you if it came to it despite his lovely appearance.

“Yo Hiori,” he said. “I play on Bambi Osaka with Karasu. You’re Y/N L/N, correct?”

“Oh, one of the soccer guys?” you said. “Uh, hey. Yes, that’s me. Is something the matter? I’ve never seen you before. How do you even know who I am?”

“I’ve been watching Karasu for a while,” Hiori said with the utmost of seriousness, his hands dropping to his sides now that he was sure you weren’t going to run past him. “He’s a pretty fascinating person.”

“I’m sure,” you said, thinking to yourself that this Hiori kid was more than a little weird. Did Karasu know that he had acquired such a shadow? You supposed he must’ve. He had always been the observant type, so there was no way someone like Hiori would’ve escaped his keen notice.

“He’s been kind of down in the dumps recently, though. Even our coach noticed it. His playing hasn’t suffered too dramatically, but he’s the captain of the team, so he’s the guy everyone relies on for a funny pep talk or a word of advice when things are going south. Nowadays, however, when he’s off the field, he just sulks,” Hiori explained.

“I see,” you said. “That’s terrible.”

You meant it, too. Karasu without his asshole quips and ready jokes was a different person entirely. A person who you missed more than you could let on, even to yourself.

“It is,” Hiori said. “I took it upon myself to do some digging, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason is you.”

He was definitely a freak. You vowed to bring it up with Karasu, if he ever talked to you again. Even if he was already aware, it felt like a moral or civic duty of yours to ensure that he was fully informed about the extent that this child was inquiring into his life.

“What kind of, uh, digging do you mean?” you said, neatly avoiding the second thing he had said.

“It was pretty simple,” Hiori said. “One of the guys asked Karasu if he was acting off because he broke up with his girlfriend or something, and he got so mad that he left practice early. I opened up social media as soon as I got home and saw that you’re the only girl he follows, so by process of elimination, I figured the two of you were having some trouble in your relationship.”

“Relationship? I think you’re misunderstanding,” you said. “There’s no relationship. You could hardly even consider us friends.”

“Oh!” Hiori said. “I’m sorry. He’s mentioned you once or twice, so I just thought — and given what he said — and his reaction and all — no, I really am just sorry. It was wrong of me to make that assumption in the first place.”

“It’s alright,” you said. “I’m told it’s a relatively common misconception, so I can’t blame you. At least, it used to be. We haven’t really spoken in a while, so I guess everything thinks that it’s over, even though it never began in the first place.”

“You haven’t spoken in a while?” Hiori said. “Why not?”

“I think I said something that offended him, and we haven’t been on good terms since. Not that we ever really were in the first place,” you said.

“You did? He’s a pretty rational person, so it must’ve been something terrible for him to still be angry about it,” Hiori said.

“Maybe, but I don’t remember saying anything like that,” you said.

“What if you tell me how your last conversation went? Maybe I can help you,” he said.

“Sure, since you’re apparently the resident Karasu expert,” you said. “Wanna walk with me? I was heading home, but we can go to the convenience store and get some snacks or something instead. I don’t want to get in trouble for standing around in front of some random person’s house for too long.”

“Sounds good,” Hiori said. “There’s one a couple of minutes away, so we can head in that direction and keep talking as we go.”

“Great,” you said. “Okay, so the last time we talked…I think it was when Kenyu Yukimiya requested to follow me.”

“Who’s that?” Hiori said.

“He’s this model I met while I was shopping one day. Absolutely breathtaking,” you said. “Just really a stand-up guy. We’ve hung out a few times since then, he introduced me to the girlfriend I did not know he had, the works.“

“Yikes, unrequited love?” Hiori said with a wince.

“It was more of a celebrity crush. His girlfriend is super sweet, though, so I can’t complain. Anyways, I would consider them both casual acquaintances. The type you call to have a coffee with, but not the ones that help you move into a new apartment, you know?” you said.

“Uh, sure,” Hiori said in a tone which suggested he had no idea what you were talking about but was too scared to inquire further.

“Moving on, Yukimiya requested to follow me, and of course this was at the peak of my celebrity crush, so I started fawning over him, which prompted Karasu to take my phone and start insulting him,” you said.

“Interesting,” Hiori said.

“Then I called him ugly, and he called me ugly — that’s pretty standard for the two of us, so don’t look so shocked! After that, I said something about how I had expected him to be jealous of Yukimiya, since he didn’t have much going for him overall, so it made sense,” you said. “That’s when he left and things got weird.”

“Okay, I think I get it,” Hiori said. You waited for him to explain further. He smiled at you pleasantly.

“Right, so are you going to share with the class or am I meant to read your mind?” you said after a moment.

“I don’t want to give anything away that I shouldn’t,” he said. “But it’s a pretty simple issue to fix. Try thinking about what you said from his perspective.”

“He has a dumbass perspective. It’s impossible for me to think that way,” you said automatically.

“Do you think that he dislikes you?” Hiori said, taking two bottles of Yakult down from the shelf, handing one to you and keeping the other for himself.

“I’m not really sure how he feels about me, to tell you the truth,” you said.

“I don’t think he does,” Hiori said. “So, try thinking about someone you like and then imagine them saying to you what you said to them. Would you be inclined to be nice to them after that?”

“Well…” Your tongue was heavy and leaden in your mouth, and you ducked your head as you searched through your wallet for money. “No, not at all. I’d probably hate them for a really long time. Maybe forever.”

“That’s possible,” he said.

“Do you think he’ll hate me forever?” you said.

“Most likely not. Like I said earlier, he’s a rational person. I think that if you say sorry and sincerely mean it, he’ll forgive you. There’s a chance he won’t, though; you’ll have to listen to what he says and accept it,” Hiori said.

“But when? I hardly have the chance to see him in school. He just avoids me, and the building’s so big that it’s all but impossible to track him down!” you said.

“We have a soccer game in the evening today,” Hiori said. “I’m heading over there in a bit. Wanna come? You can talk to him once it’s over.”

“Am I allowed to?” you said.

“Why wouldn’t you be?” Hiori said. “If anyone says anything, just tell them I invited you. Here, I’ll give you the address and time now, and you can decide if you want to show up.”

“Okay,” you said, typing out his instructions in your notes app. “Thanks a lot for your help, Hiori.”

“Anytime!” he said. “Hope to see you at the game!”

“Even if I don’t go, I’d still like to meet you again. You’re a pretty cool kid,” you said, reaching up to ruffle his hair. “Kind of weird, if I’m being fully honest, but cool nonetheless. Karasu’s lucky to have a teammate like you.”

He grinned, and it was a tender, shy thing, as if he was earnestly seeking your praise or approval — like how a cat would bring a dead rat to its master or a child would show their parents a treasured drawing. “Thank you. Even if you don’t try to talk to Karasu…maybe you can still come anyways?”

“Alright, then,” you said. “Since you asked so nicely, I guess I have to. I’ll be there.”

FIVE: TAME IT

The sun was nearing the horizon, but it still had not officially begun to set by the time you settled in the bleachers on Bambi Osaka’s side. Besides a couple of women your mother’s age and an elderly man who must’ve been someone’s grandfather, there weren’t any other spectators. Hiori had mentioned that this wasn’t a particularly serious game, as they didn’t even need to beat the team to make it to Nationals, so it was more like a friendly exhibition game than anything — hence the low turnout.

“Hello, dear,” a woman said when she noticed you sitting by yourself. “Are you friends with one of the players?”

“Yes. Um, Tabito Karasu? I’m his classmate,” you said. Technically, you were there on Hiori’s goodwill, not Karasu’s, but for you to not mention Karasu would be like a betrayal. You weren’t sure if it was him or yourself that you’d be betraying, but either way you did not want to chance it.

“You’re one of Karasu’s friends? Lucky you, then,” she said. “He’s a delightful boy, or so I’ve heard. This is my son’s first year on the team, and he was really nervous to join such a prestigious organization, but ever since his first day, all he can talk about is how amazing his captain is. Karasu’s tough on all of the players, but he really works hard to make all of them feel welcomed, too.”

Bambi Osaka’s team took the field, and you smiled when you saw Karasu in the front, his name across the back of his jersey, a pair of black gloves covering his large hands, an insolent leer on his face as he greeted the other team’s captain. He had not noticed you yet, and you were not sure if this was for the better or worse, because you wanted him to see you, but you didn’t want him to be distracted and play poorly as a result.

“He’s a wonderful person,” you agreed. “He’s the only one in the entire school who can keep up with me, academically or otherwise. I didn’t realize until recently how much I admire him for that.”

The woman’s eyes crinkled around the corners with the ease that came from a lifetime of happiness. For some reason, you thought that she knew something you did not, or could not, but it wasn’t uncomfortable that she did. It seemed to you that being left in the dark was just your lot this time around, and you found that oddly enough, it felt acceptable.

“Is this your first time coming to watch him?” she said.

“Yes, it is,” you said.

“You know, he has this habit before every match of scanning the stands, like he’s looking for someone. I thought it might be his parents, but at the last match, just about his entire family showed up, and he still seemed disappointed,” she said.

“That’s a shame,” you said noncommittally, not sure what else you should say. The woman shrugged.

“Well, I wonder what it’ll be like today,” she said. “There he goes.”

True to her words, Karasu was craning his neck towards the Bambi Osaka side, his eyes darting from person to person until they settled on you. You raised your hand hesitantly, waving at him, knowing that he probably wouldn’t reciprocate.

He turned away almost immediately, but not before you saw him fight back a smile — not the smug type he generally donned, but one you had only ever seen on him once or twice. It was one that made him seem charming and boyish and sweet, that made you want to take back every negative word you had ever said about him. Only now could you understand that it showed who he really was, that at his heart Karasu was that kind of person, not anything like the facade you were so accustomed to, which he showed you for the sole reason that it was what you unconsciously demanded of him.

You had judged him to be horrible, and so he became the bane of your existence. You had told him he was good for nothing, so he disappeared like he really was just that. Everything you said, Karasu went along with gamely, and you wished you could’ve known that earlier, so you would’ve spent less time hating him and more time comprehending these intricacies, which entranced you in the way a spider’s web entranced a butterfly.

“Looks like I don’t need to worry about that child any more,” the woman said as the referee blew the whistle to signal the start of the game.

“Pardon?” you said. “Were you talking to me?”

“No, no,” she said, shaking her head. “I was just musing to myself. Ignore me. Let’s watch the game; I have a feeling that some of our players are going to go all out today.”

Bambi Osaka completely annihilated the other team. Maybe the match didn’t matter, but none of them played that way; instead, they were aggressive and focused, with Karasu at the forefront of every goal they made, commending his teammates and deriding his opposition in the same breath.

That was something you had not expected — he had a massively foul mouth when he played soccer. You had thought that he was rude when he spoke to you, but the things you overheard from him whenever he ran by within earshot made your conversations seem tame. You couldn’t help but pity the poor defenders that he shoved past and spat barbed-wire abuse at.

He was merciless and beautiful and you could probably spend a dozen more hours watching him play without even a trace of boredom, but by the time the sky had turned gold and the sun had dipped towards the ground, the game was over and the members of Bambi Osaka were packing up their things to leave for the night after yet another landslide win.

You snuck onto the field once you were extremely assured that nobody would be upset with you for it, making your way over to where Karasu was chugging a bottle of water.

“Hi,” you said when he was finished, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and tossing the now-empty bottle into his bag. “You played really well.”

“Thanks,” he said. There was impatience but also longing in his voice, like he wanted you to say something so badly but he knew you would not, would never, and so he would rather get the conversation over with and move on with the business of his life than stick around and waste time with you.

“I’m sorry,” you said.

“What?” he said.

“I’m sorry,” you said. “Karasu, I’m really sorry. I don’t think that you have nothing going for you. I don’t know why I said that. Well, I do, it’s because I wanted to have the last word like I always do, but I don’t mind if I don’t have it this time. Or any other time. Or ever again.”

“What?” he repeated, as though he had been rendered dumb by your confession.

“I miss you,” you admitted. “I didn’t believe I could, but apparently, I can, and I do. A lot. I know that I’m unpleasant and disparaging and haughty when it comes to you, but I won’t be that way anymore if you forgive me for my vices one last time. If it means you’ll talk to me, I’ll be a fool. I’ll be in second place. I’ll be an idiot. But please, please forgive me.”

He took a deep breath. You handed him the bottle of kombucha that you had bought on your way to the game because you saw him drink it so frequently that you figured he must like it. He accepted it gingerly, holding it with the delicacy of a newborn, unscrewing the lid and sipping on it pensively.

“Alright,” he said.

“Alright?” you said.

“I’ll forgive you,” he said. “But on one condition.”

“Anything,” you said.

“You better not do anything as dumb as trying to be mediocre on purpose because you think it’ll make me feel better. What the hell is that proposition, huh? It’ll make me feel worse if anything! I like you because you’re unpleasant and disparaging and haughty and whatever else you said, not in spite of those qualities. I’m sure you heard me while I was playing…anyone who isn’t you would probably be terrified of me when I’m like that,” he said. “Just, y’know, I’m a person with feelings, too, so keep that in mind if you can. Oh, and don’t wait so long to say sorry next time, because it’s seriously annoying for me to feel all out-of-sorts for ages!” he said.

“That’s it?” you said.

“That’s it,” he said. “Hug?”

Ordinarily, you would’ve said no, but you were so weepy at the reconciliation that you nodded and let him embrace you, his arms caging you against his chest, holding you to him so that you could not escape.

“Ew!” you shouted when you registered what he was trying to do, shoving him off of you as he cackled and released you without much of a fight. “Gross, Karasu, you’re disgusting! Get away from me! I can’t believe you did that!”

“I can’t believe you fell for it!” he said as you frantically tried to wipe yourself off, though it was largely in vain. In your emotional state, you had forgotten that he was still drenched with sweat from the game, and you were now reaping the consequences of your poor decision making.

“You’re a bad person,” you said.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “Whatever you say.”

“I probably deserved that one, though, so I won’t hold it against you,” you said.

“Smart decision,” he said. “Wait. Unrelated, but whatever ended up happening between you and that model dude? What was his name again?”

“Yukimiya? He has a girlfriend,” you said. “Oh, well. What can you do, right? I’m not upset about it. Besides, everyone and their mother thinks I have a boyfriend already, so it’s probably for the best that it worked out like this. I wouldn’t want his modeling career to be ruined by home-wrecking allegations or anything.”

“It must be a pretty serious not-relationship you’ve got there, if it’s the career-ending type,” he said.

“I’d say it’s pretty serious, yes,” you said. “He’s an awesome guy. You’d like him.”

“I’ll respect it, then,” he said. “But…if you ever find yourself not-breaking up with him, then, uh, let me know. I’ll take you on a date somewhere. We can argue and reminisce about the day we met over dinner or something. It’ll be super romantic.”

He said it casually, but you were more familiar with him than either of you ever could’ve predicted you’d be. He was secretly nervous about how big of a risk he had taken, fiddling with the zipper of his soccer bag, avoiding your eyes while he waited for your response. You let the silence stretch on for a minute, just to make him squirm, and then you poked him in the ribs.

“Karasu,” you said.

“What’s up?” he said, and he must’ve been trying very hard to keep his cool, but his anxiety transmitted through the endearing crack of his voice.

“I have to tell you something,” you said.

“Go ahead,” he said.

“I’m not-single now,” you said. “So. Will you take me on a date this weekend?”

He lit up, so bright that you were all but blinded by the brilliance of his joy. Then he cleared his throat and pretended to check the non-existent watch on his wrist.

“You’re in luck,” he said. “That works for me. I’ll pick you up on Saturday for dinner.”

“Great,” you said. “I look forward to it.”

“Hold on, don’t go just yet,” he said. You paused, about to ask him what else he needed when he stooped over and pressed his lips to your cheek. “Thanks for coming to my game. I’m not really sure how you knew I was playing, but I’m glad you could make it either way.”

“Um — uh — Hiori told me, he told me you were playing, and, er, where to go and what time and all,” you stammered, trying to wrap your head around what had just happened, replaying it in your mind over and over.

“Hiori? I should’ve known he’d be the type to meddle like that,” he said. “I’m not even going to ask how you know each other. The answer will probably make me feel vaguely discomfited, so I’ll abide by an ‘ignorance is bliss’ policy.”

“That’s probably for the best,” you said, composing yourself, though internally, you were imagining what it would be like if you had turned your head, if instead of your cheek his lips had landed somewhere else. “Okay, I should go now. See you on Saturday?”

“One last thing. You’re pretty transparent, you know,” he said, grasping your chin in his left hand and leaning in. Your eyelashes fluttered shut as he grew closer and closer, but right when his mouth was a hair’s breadth from yourself, he chuckled. “Also, pretty gullible.”

Instead of kissing you like you had anticipated he would, he tackled you in another hug. You squealed in protest, but he held fast, his body rumbling with laughter as you simultaneously struggled to escape and clung onto him as tightly as you could.

“I hate you,” you said when your half-hearted efforts proved to be entirely futile.

“Sure you do,” he said.

“You’re the worst,” you said.

“Absolutely,” he said.

“I’m being serious here. You smell!” you said.

“Well, that’s plain rude of you to say,” he said, messing up your hair in what you were sure he deemed to be a punishment, as if being crushed against his sweaty form wasn’t punishment enough.

“Let go of me, you idiot crow!” you said.

“No can do,” he said. “Crows are clingy birds, you know. Even the idiotic ones. Ask me again in twenty years and maybe we can revisit the issue.”

“Karasu!”

#karasu x reader #karasu x y/n #karasu x you #karasu tabito #bllk x reader #bllk #blue lock #academic rivals to lovers #reader insert #m1ckeyb3rry milestone #m1ckeyb3rry writes

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usagii-bun · 1 month ago

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alhaitham x reader! fluff

🐇 in which you give your hard-working boyfriend a little treat!

i saw this reel on instagram from this old movie, and i wanted to write with haitham > <

this is just a little something ive just written and wanted to post until im done with the professor alhaitham x cam girl reader fanfic on AO3.

enjoy <3

The study room in Alhaitham's house was quiet, lit by the soft glow of candles and infused with the faint scent of parchment and ink. Books and scrolls were stacked high on wooden shelves, their wisdom stored for those who had the patience to uncover it. You stood in the middle of it all, a bit nervous but determined, as Alhaitham sat at his desk, eyes flicking between his book and you.

He glanced up, his calm demeanor never faltering, though the subtle arch of his brow hinted at his curiosity. You had promised him something “interesting,” yet the stoic scholar didn’t seem entirely convinced. His grey-green eyes tracked your every movement, sharp and discerning, as though he was already analyzing what you were up to.

You moved towards the bookshelf, your fingers brushing over the spines of ancient tomes. “Alhaitham,” you called softly, a small smile tugging at your lips, “I’m going to show you something. Something... yum - yum”

His brow furrowed slightly. "yum-yum ?" he repeated, his voice calm but laced with skepticism. “Are we discussing a culinary experience now, or is this another metaphor?”

You smirked, your heart racing as you took two hefty volumes from the shelf and set them on the floor before him. You stepped up onto them, your brows furrowing when you didn't reach his height even with those two books and quickly pulled a third, placing it on top, you smile— raising yourself just high enough so you were at eye level with him, towering over him ever so slightly. You allow your arms to rest on his shoulder as you smile at him.

"Standing on books?" Alhaitham’s tone shifted to one of mild reproach. “Books are meant for reading, not as makeshift platforms. You shouldn’t—”

Before he could finish his protest, you leaned down and pressed your lips gently to his, silencing him. The kiss was brief, just a soft brush that left a spark between you. You pulled back, watching for his reaction. His usually composed expression faltered for a moment, eyes blinking as if trying to make sense of what just happened.

“Now, that’s what I’d call a ‘yum,’” you teased, leaning down again, this time with more intent. Another kiss followed, a bit deeper, your fingers brushing against his cheek. Alhaitham’s posture remained composed, but you could feel the tension in him. He wasn’t used to losing control or being caught off guard. Yet, something in the way he responded, the way his lips hesitated before moving with yours, hinted that he was hardly unaffected.

“Curious,” he murmured, his voice softer now, though still measured, “but hardly an efficient use of time.”

You grinned, enjoying his resistance to giving in fully. “You haven’t seen the real ‘yum yum’ yet.”

Before he could utter another word, you kissed him again—this time fully. Your arms wrapped around his neck, and Alhaitham, though reserved, let out a quiet breath of surprise. His hands hovered near your waist, uncertain but not entirely refusing the embrace. The kiss deepened, both of you losing yourself in the moment as the world outside the study seemed to disappear.

You pressed against him, causing him to lean back until you both collapsed onto the couch behind him. The fall was gentle, cushioned by the plush fabric, and you found yourself on top of him, your body pressed against his, lips still locked in a fervent kiss. His usual aloofness was melting away, though not entirely. His hands found your waist, fingers brushing your sides with an almost tentative touch, as if testing the waters, reluctant to lose control entirely but no longer pushing you away.

When you finally pulled back, both of you were slightly breathless. His eyes, sharp and intelligent, bore into yours, studying you with a mixture of curiosity and something else—something unspoken.

“You know,” he said in his usual low, smooth voice, though there was a new, subtle edge to it, “I wasn’t expecting this when you promised something... interesting.”

You laughed softly, your forehead resting against his, feeling the warmth of his breath against your lips. “Maybe you should expect the unexpected more often, Alhaitham.”

He regarded you for a long moment, his sharp gaze unwavering. "Perhaps," he replied with a slight quirk of his lips, a rare expression that could almost be called a smile. "But don’t make a habit of standing on my books.”

With a soft laugh, you kissed him again, knowing full well that you’d already won this round.

—usagiibun2024

#al haitam x reader #fluff #genshin x reader #alhaitham x female reader #genshin impact #alhaitham #alhaitham x you #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham genshin #alhaitham genshin impact #genshin fanfic #genshin x you

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paigebueckersmommy · 7 months ago

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guilty as sin?: so it goes: pt. 2

paige bueckers x fem!reader

warnings: p eating, nipple sucking, teasing

read part one first

you couldn’t sleep last night due to your excitement of going to paige’s apartment and couldn’t focus in your class. after your class, you texted paige.

Y: hey i just got out my class

P: heyy im excited for u to come over

Y: me too :)

P: see u later ma can’t wait

you look up from your phone smiling walking back to your dorm. you get back, eat lunch then you shower.

you facetime your friend and explain to her everything. you get her help with picking out an outfit and wonder if your taking this all too seriously? what if she was just trying to make friends? last time you checked, friends don’t call other friends ma, but if they did, you liked it.

paige called you and insisted on picking you up. when you finally heard her knock on your door, you jumped up with excitement. you opened it, paige dressed in grey sweatpants, a white t shirt and her blonde hair long against her back and shoulders.

“hi paige,” you answered the door with a smile you couldn’t hold back. “well hello to you too.” paige said with a bigger smile than you did.

on the walk to her dorm, you talked about your majors, classes and professors you did or didn’t like. when the thought came to your mind you had to tell paige immediately. “oh hey you know my boyfriend? yea i broke up with him last night.” you say, holding intense eye contact with her. paige looked down, raised her eyebrows and giggled. “oh really?” paige said. “yea.”

“so, just wondering, are you bi? straight? i mean i respect it whatever it is.” paige says releasing her hands from her pockets. “oh i um haven’t really figured it out yet. i mean i know i like women i just- i grew up with religious parents and was thought it was wrong. but now i don’t live under their rules.”

“ohh. that makes sense i was kinda confused when i first started having thoughts like that too.” yiu smiled, she smiled in return.

when you finally reach her dorm, she pulls keys out of her pockets unlocking the door. as she walks in, you following her, “i share with my team but they’re out right now.” you nod your head in response, looking around as you follow paige to her room.

“wanna watch a movie ma?” paige says grabbing her remote and plopping down on her purple comforter. she pats the spot next to her, signal you to lay next to her. you guys agree on a movie, not really paying attention as your mind was busy with the thought of being in paige bueckers bed.

you look over at paige, admiring her. when her eyes catch yours with a smile, you look away flushed. “what’s the matter ma? do i got you worked up?” paige says with a grin sitting up. “depends, do you want me to say you have me worked up?” you say in a seductive tone. “i wouldn’t complain..” paige says pressing her face to yours in a passionate and deep kiss, her hand cupping your face and the other riding its way to your upper thigh. paige quickly removes her face from yours to say, “can i fuck u ma?” after she quickly puts her face back to yours.

“yes paige,” you say she’ pulls off her shirt leaving her in her white sports bra. she kisses you again as she pulls off your leggings. after she pulls them off she begins to take off your shirt, discovering you had no bra on. “you little slut,” she says after adrmiring your bare tits for a moment smiling.

her mouth latched onto your tot, her hand playing with the other. you gasp, “shit paige i need you.” you manage to breath out. “oh yeah?” paige says moving her mouth back to your boob as her tongue finds its way down your stomach when she meets your clothes pussy. she starts biting and kissing the inside of your thighs.

“please paige,” you say desperate for paige’s mouth. she licks a strip up the center of your clothes folds which causes you to moan out her name. she moves your panties to the side when paige adrmires your glistening pussy. “all this for me baby?” paige says with a grin. “yes paige only for you.” you breathe out.

she flattens her tongue and starts working it on your clit. “shitshitshitshit,” you moan. paige flattens her tongue against your entrance as her magical mouth starts working against you and that’s when you knew that you wouldn’t last much longer. “fuck P i won’t last,”

when your legs start to shake and paige is leading you about how good your taking her mouth and about your being a good girl. you release over her tongue when she starts praising you about your taste but it gets muffled becuase you’ve never receive head this good, your a bit out of it.

after your recover, you and paige talk. “i don’t want something casual, i want something real. y’know?” paige says looking in your eyes. “yea me too P.”

“hey, how about we play a game? i have a pen. im gonna write something on you and before you open your eyes you have to guess what i wrote.” paige says smiling. “okay paige,” you say with a giggle.

you close your eyes and feel the cold ball pen on your upper thigh. when it lifts, you can hear the smile in paige’s voice, “okay guess.”

“uhmmmm i don’t know can i look now??” you say. “ugh fine.” you open your eyes and see paige looking at you, as you look at the black inked ‘mine’ on your upper thigh.

you giggle/smile as paige takes you in for another deep and passionate kiss.

#paige bueckers #uconn wbb #paige buckets #uconn huskies #uconn women’s basketball #paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers smut #nika muhl #kk arnold #spotify

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sturnxies · 4 months ago

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within these walls. m.s

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: 𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴, 𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘔𝘢𝘵𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯’𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘴. 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘶. 𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦, 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵. 𝘔𝘢𝘵𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮. 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥. 𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦.

warnings - smut, dom!matt x sub!reader. this is my first fic and I haven’t read a book in like 5 months so sorry if its mid..

———————————————☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙———————————————

you walk into the bathroom of the triplets house, in the hallway of Matt’s room. the sound of silence heard other than nick and chris talking in the living room. walking out of the room, a familiar hand pulls you in the opposite direction. it was Matt. pulling you into his bedroom.

“Matt!?” you gasped, before Matt covers your mouth. “not now.” Matt grumbles, pushing you to sit on his bed. Matthew locks the door, turning to you. he locked eyes with you, palming his cock through his pants. you stare in shock not knowing what to do.

Matt whimpers before pulling his sweatpants and boxers down. falling to his ankles. his length being exposed. fully jerking off to the sight of you. “Matt!- oh..- uhm..” you managed to speak through shock. Matt stepped closer to you, before pinning you to the bed. both hands above you head.

you were completely helpless under his stripped body. Matt teased, slowly pulling your clothes off. he got to your wet panties, chuckling. “all wet for me?..hm..” he commented. “please..please Matt..” you beg. “what, ma?” Matt pondered.

“please..i need you.” you urged. matt looked you in the eyes. Seeing how desperate you really were. “you’re going to take it. like a good girl.” he stated. watching you nod out of dedication. his hands made their way to your hips. his cock teasing your entrance.

“matt please..” you whimpered, before gasping as he lined him self up, entering your slit. slowly thrusting before picking up the pace with your muffled moans. your hands claw his back as he sighs in pleasure. “fuck..” matt moans, slowing his pace.

muffled moans and whimpers of pleaser slip from both of you. “holy -shit..” matt sputtered, groaning at how you tightened around him as clapping noises surrounded you two.

“m-matt” you choked, small whimpers still coming from your mouth. “yes, baby?” he sympathized. “matt..i-im close..please” you plead, your moans getting louder. “a few more minutes, princess.” he whispered with a low groan.

Minutes go by of you begging and pleading before you reached your breaking point. releasing your warm liquid, covering his bed and his cock. “you did so good baby..” he appealed, before pulling out of you. a small whimper coming from both of you.

matt is kneeling infront of your trembling body. he gets up, getting a towel. cleaning you up. earning a quiet hum from you. matt puts your clothes on for you, and his. but doesn’t let you go quiet yet. he lays next to you, pulling you into his arms. kissing the top of your head.

you made low hums as a response to his actions. “please don’t go..” matt whines, pulling you closer. “matt..I have to..” you groan back as a reply. “fine..” matt sasses. letting you go. you walk to the door of his room.

you look back at him before leaving, as if saying “I’ll come back” causing him to smile as you leave the room. you walk back into the living room. Nervous you were heard.

“what took you so long in there?” chris questioned, nick nodding and agreeing. “oh..!nothing..” you lie. “hm..okay..” nick speaks with suspicion as you sit on the couch. “me and matt just..had a conversation” you mutter, loud enough for them to hear. “oh really?” chris asks.

“yeah..we worked things out..” you answered. “finally..” chris sighs out of relief. “I’m sick of you two arguing every time you come over!” nick jokes. “mhm” you hum awkwardly. “something wrong?” Chris suspects, looking you up and down. “n-no..im fine!” you reassure. “okay..” nick says making sure to keep an eye on you.

———————————The end!

edit: I hate this

-adiorxie 🤤

#Spotify #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #matt x reader #matthew sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo smut #matthew x reader #chris x reader #fanfic #oh my days he’s so fine #im busting #im purring #meow #fine shyt #im busting as we speak

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cherryskyies · 1 year ago

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hello! could I request some Thomas Hewitt × fem!reader headcanons, on how he'd manage living with a s/o who's really sensitive to the heat? as in she's had a hard time living with him since she can't wear too much clothing (cause it's hot), nor too little (cause of his family), is constantly moving from task to task so she doesn't feel it as much, tries to spend as much time as she can down in the basement with him since it's cooler, etc.

I don't really know where I'm going with this since I always manage to get the most hyperspecific scenarios in, but it's sort of a domestic intimacy fluff + a dash of smut setting? please do ignore if it's weird though lol

have a great day! :))

Thomas Hewitt w a heat prone s/o

i haven’t proof read this yet im at work so hopefully it’s decent 🫶🫶

masterlist | navigation | ao3

Thomas would worry, keeping you away from outside work as much as he can. He knows the Texas heat can be deadly, especially if you’re not used to it like he is.

He’d clear out a room in the basement so you could stay with him away from the heat and not have to witness him “prep” dinner. He might even move his room down there, the lack of windows makes for a cooler environment than his upstairs bedroom.

Thomas would collect clothing from his victims and attempt to sew modest but thin outfits to give you selection when your limited options are being scrubbed.

Luda May is very understanding as well, often leaving the easier house chores for you to do so you can be comfortable while still being of use to the family and on the rare occasion you are outside, she has plenty of ice cold tea ready for when you are done and Thomas is right beside you helping speed it along.

He is always checking on you, feeling your forehead and having Luda May check you over to be sure.

At night when it is just you and Thomas, you strip down to your undergarments to prevent overheating in your sleep. Thomas is especially nervous when you do this, asking permission to touch you anywhere and having a difficult time keeping his hands in one place — he needs to feel all of you.

If he does all the work and you lay pretty would it still be too hot? The answer is yes, but you’d never tell him that.

#slashers #headcanons #oneshot #slashers x reader #angst #fluff #slasher headcanons #x reader #thomas hewitt x you #thomas hewitt x reader #thomas hewitt headcanon #texas chainsaw massacre #slasher x reader #slasher fandom #slasher #slasher community #thomas x reader

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oneofthetorturedpoets · 1 year ago

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Hey idk if you’re still taking requests or not, but if you are could you please write one where Melissa and Reader were in a long term relationship and decided to have kids but after the first couple rounds of IVF doesn’t work, which causes Melissa to overthink and end their relationship. And after a few weeks reader starts to feel sick and finds out she’s pregnant but when she try’s to tell Melissa she finds out she’s blocked so she decides to not to not wanting to mess up Mel’s life. And after a few years they run into each other only Reader has a little red head, you can choose how you want the gaps and the rest to go just please a fluffy ending

not again

“what ever the stick says, it will be okay” you said, trying to mentally prepare yourself, melissa gently grabs your hand.

“i’m here with you, my love” you turn the test around, looking at the results. ‘negative’ written on the small screen.

“fuck” your heart drops, tears immediately filling up your eyes. melissa takes you in her arms as you fall apart.

“it’s okay, you’re alright” her hand runs down your back at an attempt to sooth you.

after hours of crying you finally fell asleep in melissa’s arms, she holds you tight as she silently cries. it’s been almost a year of you guys trying to get pregnant, the ivf treatments are exhausting, the proof is in your eyes. you’ve been obsessing over getting pregnant, trying day in and day out, hoping for something to work. you and melissa haven’t had time for each other, it’s been months since you’ve went on a date, it’s creating a hole in your relationship.

all of this thinking causes melissa to spiral, what if it’s her fault you can’t get pregnant? shes the one who brought up the ivf idea, she’s the one pushing so hard. melissa is already 55, why is a 55 year old trying to have a baby? why is she’s messing with a 20 something year old? you have your whole life ahead of you, what does she give you? melissa starts panicking, she jumps out of bed, wiping her eyes. she grabs a suitcase, stuffing it with all of her clothes and important belongings.

once she’s all pack, she walks over to your side of the bed, staring at you one last time. her hand reaches out tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. she leans down, kissing your lips with as much passion as she can manage. she pulls her wedding ring off, sitting it on the nightstand next to you, walking out of the room, leaving you there alone.

your eyes flutter open, the sun beams in your eyes. you roll over, patting the other side of the bed, you feel the cold sheets. you sit up, leaning over to grab your phone, looking at the time ‘8:43’. she shouldn’t have left the house yet.

“melissa?” you call out as you get up. no reply is heard so you make your way to the kitchen “are you here?” you continue through the house until you find a note left on the coffee table in your living room.

‘i’m sorry. i’m sorry i let the insecurities get the best of me. i’m sorry i’m leaving you like this. i’m sorry i couldn’t give you a kid. you are the love of my life, but im not yours, you’re young, you still have your whole life ahead of you. i don’t know how i got so full of myself, thinking we could work. i hope you find someone who is able to give you the life you deserve, im sorry that wasn’t me. i’ll love you forever, y/n/n’

you drop the paper, tears falling down your face as you stand still, in shock of what you just read. you let yourself fall onto the couch, sobbing into your hands.

“you’re pregnant!” your doctor says as she moves the screen to show you, your ultrasound. you couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“w-what?” your heart fills with hope.

“you’re pregnant, the test showed a false negative. congratulations, y/n. you deserve this” she says before leaving you to sit with the news. you pull out your phone, searching up melissa’s contact. your thumb hovers over the call button before pressing it, you hold the phone up to your ear.

“the number you are trying to reach-” the phone calls out, your heart drops once again. you can’t even contain yourself anymore, crying out. how are you supposed to raise a kid on your own?

five years later.

you decided to move to back to philly, you never would’ve left if it wasn’t for melissa. walking into your new place, you breathed in the new smell, feeling content with your surroundings.

“where’s my room, mama?” your daughter, ann, asks while pulling on your pant leg.

“come on, i’ll show you!” you pick her up, walking her down the hallway.

after unpacking, you and ann were beat. you felt like your back was going to break if you lifted another box.

“can we get ice cream? please?” she pleads, giving you were best puppy dog eyes.

“hmm, i’ll have to think about it” you say jokingly, while tapping your chin.

“mommm” your daughter whines, chuckling slightly.

“alright, we can go. just because you’ve been a huge little helper” you poke her stomach, gently as she giggles and tries to run away from you.

you open the door for ann, letting her run into the shop. she’s leans onto the glass, looking over each one of them.

“calm down, baby. we aren’t in a rush” you say, picking her up so that she can see the flavors better.

Unbeknownst to you, melissa is sitting at a table. her heart is in her throat, unable to think. she can’t look away from you, was that really you? after all this time, you look different. your hair is darker, your smile lines slightly more visible. you’re much happier.

melissa stares at the kid in your arms, her red hair more vibrant than she’s ever seen. you must have the life she imagined you had.

“melissa?” in the time it took for her to gather her thoughts, you had already saw her. she couldn’t face you, not after how she cowardly left you. melissa was up and out of the store faster than she’s moved in years. unfortunately to her, you were faster, already on her tail.

“melissa! wait!” you call out, trying to sped up “you don’t get to run away this time” you grab her arm, stopping her. she turns around, her eyes meeting yours. her gaze softens, she missed being this close to you.

“i’m sorry, i cant-” you cut her off.

“you left me, in the middle of the night with a fucking note” you say, stepping closer to her.

“language, mama” your daughter says in a stern tone, your head clearing. you step back, away from melissa.

“i’m sorry, honey. it won’t happen again” you kiss her forehead “go back inside and see what flavor you want” you say, setting her on the ground. she runs inside.

“how old is she?” melissa says, her voice cracking slightly.

“four, almost five” you say before taking a deep breath “she’s yours melissa” her eyes widen as she gasps.

“she-she’s mine?” you nod, melissa walks up to the window, watching ann point at the ice cream “what’s her name?” she looks at you.

“ann y/l/n… after you” the guilt builds up in her chest, she left you with a kid to raise by yourself because she was too selfish.

“can i meet her?” she whispers.

“she deserves to know you” you walk inside before her. she lets out a shaky breath, trying to contain herself as she walks inside. the little girl turns to her and smiles at her.

“hi, i’m ann” melissa’s heart melts “who are you?” melissa looks up at you, unsure of what to say.

“baby, this is your other mama, the one i tell you about” the girl gasps.

“really!?” you nod, smiling “i’ve been waiting for you! mama says that you’ve been in outer space, helping the aliens” melissa chuckles.

“yes i have been, they told me to tell you hi” ann jumps into melissa’s arms, hugging her tightly.

“please don’t leave again” she says to her mom. melissa grabs your hand, the spark you always had years ago, came back, shocking you. you smile down at her.

“i never will, hon… not again” she says as she stares at you.

#abbott elementary #fanfic #melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti #lisa ann walter #melissa schemmenti fic #law #law fic #wlw fiction #fem!reader #my fic #angst with a happy ending

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waittheydontloveyou · 5 months ago

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Im so pro body positive. I love myself. I love my body.

I’ve even had to relearn how to love my body with the weight gain recently (the past 1-2 years). But i don’t really see this being talked about. The cons of weight gain OUTSIDE of science and diabetes and high blood pressure…at least I haven’t read these things in any circulating article on body positivity. I realize doctors will blame everything on weight gain or being a woman. But anyways here you go. TMI times infinity:

New to me things Re: Weight Gain:

Pain: Let’s talk about how bad getting fat fucking hurts. My weight gain has been slow but recently it kinda spiked. So maybe I will eventually get used to being this heavy and carrying ME around. I’m not sure. I don’t even want to find out

Mobility: It’s affecting my mobility. Like it hurts so bad to just sit up. Walk around. So much pain holy shit.

Flexibility: lol at bending over if I drop something…Not without causing a scene or making horrible pain noises.

Feet: my foot grew at least half a size, so new shoes. And width. Like. Also ankle/feet swelling after work.

Ass: And then there’s the fact that it’s almost scientifically impossible for my to reach and wipe my own ass. I do. But it’s a struggle. And HURTS to try and reach around. (I use a squeezee bottle to clean mostly but still). Even harder is showering and trying to reach back there. Like. I’m so embarrassed. I swear I’m not dirty but just taking notice.

Driving: Buckling seatbelts has become a new struggle and it barely fits.

Shame: Over all these things. Over preventive shit like the high blood pressure and diabetes (I don’t have it yet but still). Over not being able to control my weight like most of the people I know.

Regret?: I’m on tons of psych meds bc I was abused my entire fucking life. So now that I don’t want to die… I’m fat and in pain which is stressful and depressing and challenging✨

Anyways.

I have a doctors appointment in August for a physical/pap etc and I plan to discuss my options re weight loss…since I’m not able to do this on my own. I’m embarrassed about it. But this is where I’m at right now and all I can do it ask for help and try my best.

Fín

Ps. I have a boyfriend who is very positive about my body and makes me feel beautiful and sexy and desired, I’m just at a point where it hurts to just exist and I need to lose some damn weight.

#body positive #body postivity #weight loss #weight gain #fat

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timetodecidedjo · 3 months ago

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POOLVERINE NATION

i wrote it. i wrote the Friends fic.

i apologize in advance if it’s not as good as it could be, im a little rusty bc these 2 literally pulled me back into fic writing and i haven’t put anything out in years 🤣 it’s also not beta read so my apologies if it sounds jumbly and grammatically fucked up lmao.

if ya feel like reading some of my other work, you can read more on AO3, username xuaerduobb.

thank you for the motivation and for feeding into my fixation @greatsnakestintin and @avenging-captain ❤️💛

“Good morning!” Dopinder announced as he strolled into the apartment, a bit early to pick up Althea to take her to the grocery store. Logan typically did most of the since he was usually the one making all the meals, but every now and again, Al would want to get out of the apartment and do it herself. Al liked to hit the stores early in the morning before the crowds got to be too much, so Dopinder was instructed to be at the apartment for 7AM. He didn’t mind helping her out, and if anything, he really enjoyed the company.

Logan, just finishing making the three of them breakfast, sat down next to Wade at the kitchen table, his coffee now at an acceptable temperature. Wade was already suited up (sans the mask so he could eat) because he had a debriefing that morning at the Avengers Headquarters and was leaving right after he finished his breakfast. Logan took a sip of his black coffee from the Spice Girls mug he had found in the cupboard just as he felt Wade’s hand rest on his thigh underneath the table.The merc used his fingers to brush up against Logan’s blue flannel pajama bottoms, causing a shiver to roll up his leg. He took a deep breath as he soaked up Wade’s touch, trying his best to not arouse suspicion to the others.

You see, Wade and Logan, up until the last few months or so, had been at each other’s necks, bickering and squabbling at everything and nothing. Eventually, one magical night when they were both out working a small job over a few days in another city, it happened. After a long night of working a stakeout, they retreated back to the crummy motel they were staying in and had the talk. You know, the talk two people have when they’re both deeply in love with each other but won't admit it. It was the talk where you stay up all night just happy to be there to listen to what the other has to say, even if it’s mostly utter nonsense. Truthfully, both men had grown so tired of the constant fighting that was really just flirting in disguise. Logan had been the one to initiate the kiss that would turn into months of secret sex capades all the while they were falling more and more in love with each other. It had been absolutely perfect with no one else butting in on their developing relationship, and let’s face it, the sneaking around was a hell of a lot of fun too. They just wanted to keep it for themselves for a bit while it was still so new, so they couldn’t mess things up just yet.

“Punching the clock early this morning, DP?” Dopinder asked as he sat down on the old tattered couch in the living room. He turned his body to the side so that they could still talk from across the room.

Wade took a big bite of his scrambled eggs and swallowed them down with a sip of coffee made just the way he liked it. Logan always got it right.

“Crime doesn’t take a day off, Dopinder. Someone has to stay vigilant to protect the world against evil. You know, like wicked senators or money hungry Girl Scouts.”

“I truly admire your willingness to stand up for the little guy, Mr. Pool,” Dopinder grinned, stars practically shooting out of his eyes.

Logan rolled his eyes and groaned, looking over at their friend across the room.

“He’s going to a meeting, don’t feed into his bullshit.”

The merc glanced over at Logan and then at the imaginary audience in front of him.

“He’s just jealous because he’s basically my house husband now, but it’s fine. We’ll talk about it later in couple’s counseling, which we both desperately need, but not for our relationship. Mostly because of all the other life altering trauma.”

“Welp. Daddy’s off to work, kitten,” Wade said as he stood up from the table with his mask in his hand. The merc leaned down to plant a big juicy kiss on Logan’s lips, wanting to savor it as much as he could before having to leave for the day. When their eyes met, Logan looked at Wade with so much love and adoration… until both idiots finally realized what had just happened, and boy, did it hit them both like a ton of bricks. As far as everyone else knew, Wade and Logan didn’t kiss and they weren’t romantic with each other. Wade was no stranger to being touchy feely with pretty much everyone, but this wasn’t just being touchy feely and this wasn’t just anyone. This was Logan. This was Wade and Logan.

Wade, making an executive decision, walked around to the other side of the kitchen table and took Al’s chin into his hands, pressing a kiss to her lips.

“Have a great time at the supermarket, Althea. Make sure to grab some more French toast sticks. We’re running low.”

“What the fuck! What the hell was that about?!” Al screeched in her chair as she tossed her fork down onto the plate, causing a sharp pang in everyone’s ears.

Wade continued on his kissing rampage and planted a big one right onto Dopinder’s mouth, a total look of shock and horror plastered all over his face.

“Dopinder! Always a pleasure!” The merc chimed and walked away as he pulled his mask over his cancer ridden face. Logan stood up and followed Wade out of the door, keeping his cool as best as he could and trying to play all of this off as if it was nothing but Wade being Wade. He shut the door behind them and smacked his boyfriend on the shoulder.

“I understand why you did what you did and I appreciate it, but did you have to kiss Al? She’s fuckin’ blind, idiot!”

Wade just stood there and stared at his lover for a second, probably the longest he had ever gone without saying anything while he was conscious.

“Do you not remember when she almost caught us a few weeks ago? She hears everything, honey badger. Everything! The walls are paper thin. I had to cover my bases.”

Shaking his head in disbelief, The Wolverine sighed and smacked his hand to his face, knowing full well he was going to have to try to come up with some kind of story where he stabbed Wade in the hallway for kissing him.

“Please come home to me in one piece,” Logan pleaded when he looked up, using his best puppy dog eyes.

With one swift movement, the merc had pulledc his mask off to give Logan one final kiss until he could come home later in the day.

“Always, peanut.”

#deadpool #wade wilson #marvel #poolverine #deadpool and wolverine #wolverine #logan howlett #deadclaws #fanfic

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drivestraight · 2 months ago

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hi!!!!

so, obviously im here to talk about eat them alive cause i genuinely haven’t been this insane about a fic since all to play for was published. I decided to read it yesterday night as a lil treat because I love your writing, even though I was very much weary of the landoscar tag (i unfortunately do not get the hype, but ill try anything once 🤷🏼‍♀️). WELL. little did I know that the landoscar tag would be the LEAST of my worries.

im a firm believer that oscar piastri is, in fact, just as batshit crazy as any of them and boy did you do that justice!!! the oscar pov? Sensational, literally everything I wanted AND more: I often feel like in fics people get tricked by his personality and tend to make him very flat, gray and boring, but you wrote him exactly how I wanted to see him. A very calculating person who also feels things deeply, ruthless to the point of almost being cruel, but never robotic or cold.

now, I don’t particularly care for Lando irl. he just doesn’t do it for me but MAN……..the absolute lando torturefest this fic was made me ACHE. the fact that he just couldn’t make himself stop from falling for oscar despite still being INSANELY bitter about the whole abu dhabi situation and his consequent lost championship. the way he just kept IGNORING every kind of hint that the thing with oscar was going to end in tragedy for him!!!!!!! (maxf made me insane. him being right about oscar from the get to and yet still having to watch as the mother of all psychological tortures unfolded cause lando was a goner. OUGH)

Max……oh Max. I love how you can just tell he’s your favourite from the way you write him (this is a compliment, not at all some kind of dig btw). He’s always the catalyst, willing or not, and somehow his presence just trickles down into every other character’s story. Haunting The Narrative personified. Oscar taking his place in rbr just to go apeshit and be compared to mad max. Max playing involuntary mind games on lando with his team radio, triggering the most INSANE lando meltdown ever. I was PRAYING for a maxcar happy ending and you gave it to me!!!!!

Now, a list of moments where I had to put my phone down and stare at the wall for a minute:

- oscar not giving position back in Abu Dhabi. Did I see it coming? Yes. Did it make me gasp in shock either way? Also yes.

- the whole entirety of the landoscar portion of this story. the fact that the tenderness between them was built on NOT acknowledging all the terrible things they were doing to each other in the car. the fact that they just wanted to be sweet and loving and caring but couldn’t fight against the Big Bad Championship Issue and we’re doomed from the start.

- Oscar trying to work up the courage to tell lando he was gonna leave mclaren for redbull and lando being like. Hey, don’t worry, I know. I do too. I WAS GOING INSANE HERE. what if I loved you and you were about to betray me.

- the whole golf scene between zak and oscar. the way my heart dropped when I realised zak wanted to push lando out of the team, their golden boy from the start, cause he just didn’t think he had that dog in him and that he would get chewed up and spit out by oscar in a matter of years. OSCAR ACCEPTING RBR’S OFFER AS THE ULTIMATE ACT OF LOVE TOWARDS LANDO.

- somehow it didnt click in my head right away what Alex going to mclaren meant. AND THEN. carlos, OH RIGHT CARLOS. him defending against lando cause he thought Lando knew, him being stuck in williams despite the whole carlando narrative and the fact that he was, allegedly, such a big part in the development of mclaren. what the hell

- the scene between oscar and lando. You know the one. Oscar being like: you are too emotional that’s why nobody told you I was leaving!!!!!! and lando responding with: no I am not!!!!!!! with tears in his eyes. SENSATIONAL. “It’s not my fault you made up this whole fantasy in your head that we were together, and we were in love.” right. Okay. 👍🏼 im so fine about this actually.

- retired max and seb in rbr’s garage made me bawl for some reason. maybe it’s me being a seb fucker, but the mental image of the two rbr’a golden boys together is terrible in the best way.

- the scene between daniel, max and oscar. HUH. I loved all the hints at the absolute nuclear bomb that was maxiel but without making the story about it, chefs kiss (that’s exactly what maxiel is all about imo! the what if’s and the heartache and the wrong timing of it all. maxiel IS not about fulfilment and happiness baby)

Honourable mention: charles being oblivious to the chaos and having an identity crisis trying to muster up the courage to buy lube. delicious

To wrap this infinite rant up, I just wanted to tell you that you truly do have a special talent in writing and you’re probably the only author whose fics I will always read, despite pairings or plot lines. This fic in particular was VERY well-crafted and I compliment both you and lia for it; your minds work in ways that align very well with my taste, and thank god for that tbh! Hope you have a great day and just know that I’ll be thinking about this fic for a very long time. 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

uno reverse - an infinite response below the cut ❤️

in a way, this might be the closest thing i get to a fic commentary, so thank you for the detailed ask:

the variety of people who came into this For the landoscar tag vs those who were hesitant about the landoscar tag... what a beautiful collection of people...

re: oscar pov, thank you so much! one thing i really love about oscar is like. how much he pushes back IRL about how people view him as unemotional except. literally everyone around him, mark, andrea, and even his mom are like - yeah oscar's so unflappable and calm at all times. whereas to oscar he's time and time again been like. i do get emotional i just don't show it, etc. so i'm happy that you liked this characterization of him :) calculating but feels things deeply, ruthless for a purpose, casually cruel but only in pursuit of some greater goal, but not robotic or cold. yeah !!!!

even though maybe this fic might've tricked some people... don't get me wrong... i'm a massive landolover... no1 landolover on the planet... aka i love putting him through situations... and yeah. he fell hard for oscar. So So Hard. he fell and he fell hard and Max (f) saw it and was like. i can't fucking sit and watch you break your own heart. i can't do it. i can't watch you do it. and lando knew all that and knew better but still, he took the risk and it blew up in his face. for me lando in this fic was the most human because it's like. the only reason why maxcar got each other so well/worked so well is because they were so willing to sacrifice everything else in their lives, and other people, for what they wanted, without any sort of contrition. that sort of singleminded abandon/focus/dedication to one thing, racing etc., is just, like - this isn't to say that the other drivers don't have that same want or dedication, but the really interesting point i was trying to get across was - how much are you really willing to sacrifice. how much are you willing to give up, what other parts of your life are you willing to be flippant about. you can't put all of your care and effort into one thing without forsaking some other parts. for oscar, the parts he was letting go of/giving up was lando, etc.

and yeah it was like. lando saw all the signs in monza, zandvoort, etc. but he just - ignored it. when you have these little hints that don't fit into your worldview, it's easy to ignore how they fit into the puzzle, it's hard to see things you're not looking for even if they're right under your nose. besides, oscar had a contract. besides, to lando, oscar loved him. and even if oscar did love him, which he did, it just wasn't in a way that lando could understand.

and yeah... the max f of it all... he was right about it from the start. he knew how the story would end and he was right in the end, but no matter how much you care and no matter how much you know, you can't really control how other people act. he told lando again and again that oscar would fuck him over in the end. [not in the fic... just in my mind... and also in my notes lmao]. and lando ignoring everything he said re: the fights/fall outs between them, is what led max to be like - yeah, fuck this. i'm not watching you break your own heart. [but then he goes and picks up the pieces post-zandvoort, obviously... the nortrell of it all...]

to finish off the triangulation - max! he really is my favorite <3 it comes out in everything i write ls;jdflksajdf he really was the catalyst for this whole fic like. so much of what happened between landoscar, in a way, was kind of a direct consequence of max, even in the smallest ways. he retired, so oscar left mclaren. he told the media in zandvoort, so we got that terrible fallout. he might not have been the main character in the real story, but he was a catalyst. he haunted the narrative. even retired, in 2026, everyone still thinks about him, everyone still talks about him re: sky sports commentators. but in the end, he was really just - this guy who's retired, with his cats in monaco, playing iracing and minecraft on stream, and fucking oscar in between, etc. something about maxcar who just - are untouchable only because of their perceived lack of care, when truly, they are both people who deeply, deeply care - but only about certain things. only about the things that matter.

re: oscar not giving the place back. One of the very first plot points of the fic. very lovely and special to me. an eye for an eye. but not something malicious, not something done out of revenge. just - this is how it's going to be, so i'll return it in full measure. it wasn't that deep. really, oscar just did it for himself

re: landoscar. yeah... it was the not talking about things. it was the fact that they were able to be happy and in love only during the summer break, when nothing else mattered. but in the end it always comes back to the racing...

re: WHAT IF I LOVED YOU AND YOU WERE ABOUT TO BETRAY ME... EXACTLY... lando was. so sure. that oscar was going to say i love you then.... he was so sure...

re: the golf scene. YEAHHHH. this was a really fun moment for me. it was why it was necessary for lando to not be doing so well before the summer break. yes he already lost a championship (2024), but it needed to be convincing, at least results wise, that zak would want to drop him. it's that sort of ruthless attitude, i feel like, where you hedge your bets and try to pick the right horse given the information you have. the point i was trying to make was that people started to see a future with oscar more than they did with lando. oscar just kept on driving - and he did well for it. but zak scared oscar off.

in the end, the thing was that oscar did care deeply about lando, enough that he'd leave the team. i think it was in part oscar leaving bc he knew that mclaren would never be His team/he wanted to make a team for himself, but it was primarily for lando's sake. in that moment, in summer 2025, he did it for lando. he wouldn't take that away from lando. he already took a championship from him - which he didn't feel sorry about, but he knew that that was what he did. and he was aware that he would probably break lando's heart. he was aware of all of this, but he knew that leaving was the only way out, and he needed an out. even worse than leaving, to oscar, was staying at mclaren and having them push lando out. someone has to leave first. this is a very old story. there is no other version of the story, etc.

re: carlos. yeah RIP carlos. anyway i've been asked about why alex. and really it was just like - oscar left because he knew there couldnt be 2 number one drivers at mclaren, so i needed a convincing no2, who was still pretty solid.

re: qatar. yeah... yeah... i was literally writing like. all of this fic. all of the 50k before it, to get to qatar (maybe an exaggeration because of course there were big moments before it that i was ultra jazzed about writing, re: silverstone, re: zandvoort, re: spa, but qatar was like, the BREAKING POINT, where all the emotions come out, finally, where it's the point of no return for oscar - where everything he'd been keeping inside, all of the reactionary emotions from people's vitriol over the course of 2 seasons, and being pushed over the edge by lando saying that if he won, it wouldn't be his, bringing the whole tabloid narrative of him being mark's revenge into play - where it all comes out, and oscar can't take any of it back).

and the fantasies. yeah. oscar saying that it was all a fantasy when. deep inside. he was also making one up in his head too, is the thing.

re: max and seb <3 red bull golden boys forever.

re: maxiel. yeah man. i feel like. idk. i feel like in the context of max and red bull, daniel will always be a part of it, and i'm glad you thought that despite (or because of) the scarcity of maxiel, the emotional impact was still significant. what ifs, heartache, and wrong timing. you get it.

re: charles. bro was just doing his own thing for all of 2025-2026. the charles side story is so funny to me. Maybe one day i'll write it in length. oscar literally was just like. idgaf abt ur crisis rn.

LASTLY - thank you so much! it's always a really big honor to me to hear that a lot of people read my fics even if it's not their preferred ship, and that they'll trust me to deliver a good story, and i'm really happy that people liked this one so much!

and ofc. Lia helped develop like the majority of this plot with me. this fic is just as much hers as it is mine. our neural link is like this 🤞

TO WRAP UP. im so happy you enjoyed the fic, and thank you so much for the kind ask <3

#eat them alive asks

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