#I have tied my parents up with duck tape and locked them in a closet

[squarebracket-trickster]

Salad (with feta) made from greens grown in our garden: check Cinnamon bun (with cream cheese) from local bakery: check Macha Latte from local coffee shop where they know me and have my order memorized: check Free cookie from local coffee shop: check Pretty sundress: check Other humans *gone* and cannot distract me: check Blue sky, warm but not too (migraine) warm weather: check Backyard full of flowers, ocean view, and cats: check

Now. Square. Open the damn word doc.

It's been MONTHS since you've touched your draft. Stop avoiding it.

If this doesn't dopamine me out of executive dysfunction, idk what will.

[beepbeeptraumaalert]

Tips for living with abusive parents: from me, an former abused kid

When I was doing some research on this, it pissed me off how many websites with articles on the subject were just like “just leave and cut ties with family” when uh. Kids exist?? Minors who can’t legally get away from their crappy parents?? Anyway if you’re in this situation, I feel you, and here are some tips.

1. Document absolutely every piece of abuse you can. Even if you don’t have access to or can’t video tape conversations/fights, keep a record (digital or otherwise) of dates and times, exact words said, and injuries. I know after a blow-up from your parents writing those horrors down isn’t exactly the first thing on your mind, but it can come in MAJOR help if you end up filing charges or trying to get emancipated as a minor. Just be sure to keep physical records extremely well hidden.

2. Cliche of the year, but talk to someone about what you’re experiencing. But be sure to find someone who won’t rat you out thinking that forcing the issue will solve everything. School counselors were particularly bad about this in my experience, but they are still a source worth checking out. Therapists, friends, teachers, neighbors, etc. can all be a huge help in keeping your sanity while living with your parents and may be able to give you shelter if shit really hits the fan. Domestic abuse and mental health hotlines have literally saved my life several times in the past. There are also text hotline options if you have social anxiety/are nonverbal. Remember to delete any texts or calls from your phone history just in case.

3. Squirrel away money if you can. Ask around your local banks to see if you can open an account without your parent co-signing anything. If you get birthday money, odd jobs here and there, whatever, tuck it away for later if you can. A resource stash can come in super handy if you find yourself in a jam and knowing that I could afford food for a while if forced out of the house gave me a huge sense of empowerment when I was in high school.

4. Know that you may have to abandon pieces of yourself, including your dignity, to keep yourself safe. Whether it means staying in the closet, or ducking your head and saying yes sir when every bone in your body aches to fight back, there will inevitably come choices between being yourself and being safe. It’s a horrible thing to endure and no one ever deserves to be treated that way, and you deserve absolutely no judgement no matter which side you choose. You are not a coward for obeying your abuser and you are never “asking for it” by standing up for yourself.

5. Especially if you can’t express yourself freely at home, try to find little forms of self-expression through non-destructive means. Write angsty poetry, paint stick figures, sneak into your school’s auditorium to play the piano. It doesn’t have to be good. You never have to show it to anyone if you don’t want to. But having an outlet for the shit you’re going through is a necessity for your mental health.

6. You will develop many, many coping mechanisms. Some of them will be strange or hard for others to understand. Some will be unhealthy. You will have so much freedom in your adulthood to examine these behaviors and decide which ones no longer serve you, but for right now, do what you need to survive. Just do your best to channel them into things that aren’t actively harmful/dangerous to yourself or others. If you people-please to avoid getting hurt, I love you. If you have imaginary friends at 17 that help you get through the day, I love you. If you have to check your bedroom door lock 30 times before you go to bed, I love you. There is no “right way” to deal with trauma.

7. You will escape someday. I know growing up in an abusive household raises you to believe the whole world is bleak, but I promise it isn’t. There are beautiful things in the world and good, kind people who will love you so loudly you will forget what being forsaken felt like. If you take nothing else away from this post, remember this and hold it tight: you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You deserve kindness. You don’t have to earn those things. Your parents neglecting to give you those things is a failure on their part and not on yours. Hold on, darling. Life will get better, you will get away from them, and you will be glad you survived.