#I have spent the last 10 minutes going through notes on that last post I rb and I’m lmao

[faithinlouisfuture]

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[thoughtfulfiction]

Hike of a Lifetime

Author’s Note: Set in the 2022 offseason after Justin’s labrum surgery in January 2023. Rewriting my first Justin fic is a full circle moment for me so I hope you like this one!

The last two hours of your life had been spent going over orders of Gatorade protein shakes, protein pack quick bites that usually contained some sort of cheese and sausage, various brands of Greek yogurt, apples, bananas, blueberries, granola bars and anything else you could think of to stock the weight room with while you were on vacation. You had been the head nutritionist for the UCLA men's basketball team for the last year, making customized, ever changing meal plans and consulting with the health care staff to enhance your athlete's performance to the best of your ability.

After the team's loss to Gonzaga in the NCAA tournament known as March Madness, you ran to Eugene, Oregon at the first opportunity you had to go see your sister Chloe. March up until this point was one busy day after another, truly living up to the name. Most days you didn't even feel like you got to sit down for more than 10 minutes at a time due to the constant travel and meetings you had to attend. So you took a week off and as soon as you closed your laptop today, you were going to enjoy being one with nature.

Chloe had moved to Eugene two years before you got your LA job, working as a team photographer for the University of Oregon's football team, allowing the two of you to see each other during conference play more often, which had done wonders for your relationship. It's one thing to be siblings but you could genuinely call her a friend now, which was both weird to say aloud, and nice.

"Do you want the good news or the bad news first?" Chloe steps into the living room, breaking you out of your vigorous typing. You look up and groan at the guilty look on her face. That was definitely an I have a work emergency and I’m going to be leaving you, look.

"No. You're not canceling on me. I got here two days ago and I have yet to really be outside. How am I supposed to enjoy some of the most beautiful scenery of my life if I'm stuck at the house the whole time? Does spring ball even matter anyway?"

Chloe laughs, heading into the kitchen to grab a snack. You'd recently lectured her about how although cereal is a grain, she can't consider it a food group and she needs to introduce more of a balanced variety in her diet. Unless she enjoys her daily 4pm sugar crash. She surprises you by pulling out a bowl of overnight oats from the fridge, with strawberries on top. After giving her your nod of approval, she gets back to the issue at hand. "Yes, spring ball matters. But I promise you it will not take me that long, I'll be back before you know it."

You huff out a breath, trying to come up with a solution. "What if you have one of your interns do it? Mine are really holding down the fort this week, I'm obviously working from home to help them out a little and I think you should do the same."

"Well our jobs are a little different. I can give them things to edit and post but I don't want to have to approve every single one of their photos and make sure they're featuring the right position groups and players based on a schedule that I created in my head. It'll just be easier if I'm there to walk them through it and then I can come home and we'll have a relaxing week until you have to be back in messy Hollywood."

"It's just Los Angeles, not Hollywood, genius. I still work at a university just like you do," you laugh at her exaggerated version of the place you now call home.

She rolls her eyes, stepping away from her food to grab her keys. "Same difference. It's all polluted air and earthquakes anyway."

Finally finished with your task, you stand up to snatch the keys out of her hand and lead the way to the garage. "Whatever, I'm in clean air now and would really like to be able to experience it. So I'll be dropping you off and getting to my hike."

You get out of the car and the sun immediately hits your skin, not in a way that’s intense but rejuvenating, bringing you back to life. The scent of early spring, mixed in with the sweet smell of freshly bloomed rhododendron sparks a further revival. The air really is different here. Life is more…undisturbed.

Families are getting out of their vehicles without a crushing sense of urgency that you’re used to, people are laughing and enjoying each other’s company and you’ve been to this park before so you feel somewhat comfortable navigating the terrain on your own, opting to quiet the sounds of the world by listening to a podcast during your leisurely stroll. Without even making it a mile on the trail, you spot a friendly black dog making his way over to you, nudging your leg with his wet nose, essentially demanding that you pet him. You usually probably wouldn’t have but the serene energy of the space you’re in brings it out of you.

“Well hello there, buddy. Who do you belong to?” You bent down to search for a name on his collar. “Dylan, that’s a cute name. Should we go find who you came here with before someone has a heart attack?” You laughed softly as the dog happily panted away and let you grab onto the leash. Before you could even take a step, you heard a booming voice calling out the dog’s name.

The distressed figure comes into view and lets out a sigh of relief. “Oh my gosh, thank you so much for grabbing him. I’m so sorry if he’s bothering you, I bent down to tie my shoe and this guy decided to make a break for it.”

“He’s taking advantage of the fact that you only have one good arm.” You point out, remembering the shoulder surgery announcement you saw in the LA Times. The man was probably getting used to having both arms again. “No worries, he’s sweet. And super friendly.” You handed him the leash and he thanked you again.

“I seriously owe you, my mom would’ve killed me if I lost our dog when I just got home.” He chuckles nervously. God his laugh was cute. “I’m sorry, I never got your name. I’m Justin.”

“I know.” You smile. “It’s nice to meet you though, I’m y/n. Hope you enjoy the rest of your hike.” You grabbed your AirPods and went to place them back in your ears to finish getting lost in your own little world once again before he stops you.

“Wait—maybe we could finish out the hike…together? You know, just so Dylan doesn’t take advantage of me again.” Maybe he was just being cautious because there was no way he was flirting with you…right?

Those green eyes were going to get you in trouble and you knew it. But you were on a beautiful scenic getaway and hiking with Justin Herbert wasn’t going to come around every single day.

“Let’s do it. Wouldn’t want you to hurt your shoulder even more chasing after Dylan. Bolt nation might collectively collapse if anything happens to you so I’m calling this a public service.”

He unsuccessfully tries to stifle a laugh. “What a Good Samaritan you are.”

Justin was funny. And sweet. And the most fun company you’ve had in a while. You talked about your job, the entire NCAA tournament and what you both thought about being in LA. Even though you both lived very different lives, it was filled with sports and schedules and meetings and practices and there were a lot of things to bond over. Before you knew it you’d been out there for three hours and Rachel texted you to let you know she was done and ready to resume your sisterly activities. He took a look at your deflated expression.

“Do you need to head out?”

“Yeah, unfortunately.” You whispered. “This was fun though.”

He readjusts the hat on his head. “Yeah this was great. Um, I meant what I said earlier though. I owe you.” He gestures towards the phone in your hands and you hand it to him watching him type in his number, texting himself immediately so he has yours.

“Maybe we could grab dinner or something before you head back to LA?” He states pensively, holding his breath a bit until you answer.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

The two of you head back to the parking lot and you give Dylan one more pat on the head. You look up to meet Justin’s gaze, shy smiles painting both of your faces. He walked you all the way to your car and waved goodbye as you drove away to meet Rachel.

While you waited all you could do was stare at your phone, Justin had given you his number and you had his. He’d put his actual contact information in your phone AND had asked you to go to dinner. None of this felt like real life, what kind of person stumbles upon an NFL quarterback on a normal hike?

“Why are you smiling like that? It scares me.” Chloe interrupts your thoughts. You hadn’t even realized she opened the door and got in the car. “Did that hike change your life or something?” She finished with a dry laugh.

“I’m not sure, but I think it may have…”

Rachel nods her head slowly, desperately hoping to understand what’s going on. “Yeah okay whatever. Let’s get some lunch because I am absolutely starving.”

You put the car in drive, your phone notifying you of a text from its spot on the dashboard car mount. Rachel grabs it and asks, “who the hell is Justin and why is he asking if you’re free tomorrow night?”

“Just some guy I met while hiking, no big deal,” you tried and failed to be nonchalant. She knew you way better than that.

“If it’s really no big deal then tell that to the gigantic smile on your face. You’re going on that date. I’m texting him back to let him know you’ll be free.”

All that Chloe knows is his name. The rest of it you decide to keep to yourself not only to respect his privacy but you want to keep this special thing for you and only you. In case this doesn’t go anywhere, you’ll always have the memory of today and whatever happens on Friday to look back on fondly. And by telling your sister you’re putting a little bit more pressure on it, like this has to become something. You don’t really know this guy yet, only the small tidbits that he shared on the walk and that his family dog’s name is Dylan, who would run away with any stranger if enough treats were offered.

There are so many things going through your mind as you change your outfit for the fourth time tonight. What if he thinks you’re boring? Or he’s boring? What happens if the two of you run out of things to say and you’re just sitting in the restaurant in awkward silence until someone decides to call it a night? Even worse, what if this is the best date you ever go on, you fall for him and then never hear from him again because he’s an NFL quarterback and you sometimes spend three hours a day planning out breakfast options for 18-22 year old basketball players.

You glanced in the mirror, slinging a tiny black purse over your shoulder with a subtle smirk on the way out the door at your final clothing choice. Chloe mentioned that the car outside being a super nice Porsche and you made something up about thinking that he worked in finance or a job closely related to that so she wouldn't keep digging for more information. All she followed up with was "have fun and be safe."

Ambrosia's staff walked you and Justin into the restaurant by the back entrance into a private room, which was the most abnormal part of the night. The rest of the evening was spent consuming seafood stuffed mushrooms, pasta and sharing a classic tiramisu, the best one you'd ever had in your life.

The nerves that once seeped through every pore were quickly replaced with what a vacation was supposed to feel like. Conversation flowed easily, there was no pressure to be perfect or funny or overly sexy. Justin was so…normal. He was pretty, not in a way that was intimidating because you really weren’t sure he realized how attractive he actually is. But pretty in a sense that everything about him made him more attractive. His ability to actively listen to the words you say and bring them back up when it’s relevant. The way his dimples are more pronounced when he laughs. The way he stops mid conversation to say thank you to the service staff every time they refill his water. There wasn’t a bone in his body that wasn’t filled with humility and kindness. Everything he did was gentle. And on top of all of that he paid without hesitation.This date truly had been a breath of fresh air.

“Thank you for tonight, I had a lot of fun.”

His lips curl into a smile, “this was probably the best first date I’ve had.” He doesn’t know why he’s just admitted that to you, but he’s glad it’s out there now.

“Me too,” you stand up out of your chair after he does, a collection of butterflies appearing in your stomach when he places a hand on the small of your back, before encasing his hand with yours to lead you out of the restaurant.

“When are you heading back to LA?” He asks. You only know that because you’re reading his lips and not listening to a word he’s saying. You really want to kiss him.

You hesitate to lean in, bringing your focus back to his eyes, meeting his soft gaze. “I’ll be here for a couple more days, then it’s back to work. What about you?”

“Tomorrow…” he begins, slowly losing his train of thought when a little bit of the light goes out in your eyes. Should he kiss you before he leaves in the morning or wait until you’re both back in California with busy schedules and no clue if and when you’ll see each other again? “…I don’t want to leave now due to some unforeseen circumstances,” he laughs, “unfortunately I’ve got some stuff to take care of. But I’ll call you and we can maybe do this again?”

“Yeah. Definitely. I’ll see you around.” He gave you a warm hug on the way out and you watched him walk away to his car, smiling to yourself at the thought of a second date. You couldn’t wait for that phone call.

Two weeks later...he still hasn’t called. You would’ve been surprised had you not prepared yourself for this very scenario. Even with all of this so-called “preparation,” the radio silence from him still stung. Who would’ve thought this would happen? The NFL quarterback is busy with his offseason recovery while the girl he went on one singular date with continues to replay minute by minute interactions they had. No one could’ve seen this coming. The thought of that date feels like so long ago and the fact that you can remember it in vivid detail is a feels a little humiliating. You can’t even look at an Apple Watch without your stomach ending up in knots.

You've closed your office door today, taking a few hours to yourself in between meetings. Earlier in the day you and the rest of the staff had to sit through a Tyr presentation, listening to the representatives of the brand try to sell you their endurance sports drink and leaving you with some samples. Then you had CLIF come in with some new energy chew flavor samples for the guys to try. All of the boxes of products now sat in your office and you really hoped to spend the rest of the day going through the food budget, managing receipts and preparing for your first year presentations for when the new freshman arrived sometime in June. You were glancing back and forth between Whole Foods receipts and Amazon orders when your phone rang. Too busy and in the middle of crunching numbers, you ignored the call. Then it started ringing again. You stop what you're doing, assuming that if someone is calling you twice in a row, it must be urgent. The contact name flashing on the screen has you frozen in time.

It was Justin.

Even though you've been alone in your office for a while, you look around to make sure you're not making this up and this is actually happening. He's calling you. Finally.

"Hello? Who is this?" You can hear him shuffling around, probably walking around in a circle aimlessly just like you are. Despite your best efforts to seem unfazed.

"I deserve that," he cringes. "I'm so sorry for not calling you sooner."

"What—what made you call me now?"

He can tell your voice is softer than when you first answered, and he missed hearing it. "Um...life got a little ahead of me and that's not an excuse. I just—didn't want you to think that I wasn't ever going to call," he pauses, "can I make you dinner? Tonight? If you're free. And we can talk in person."

You look at the door with a sigh, contemplating your entire existence. And then you think...fuck it. "Yeah sure, I'm free tonight. Text me your address and I'll be there around 7?"

"Seven works, I'll see you tonight."

His house is perfectly spotless. There is just no way that a single adult man in his 20s is naturally this organized and clean. Even the cat, who he introduces to you as Nova, a gorgeous Bengal walks around like she owns the place, greeting you briefly (sizing you up) before trotting away without a second glance. Justin walks you into the kitchen where he's in the middle of plating the meal. He just looked good doing normal things, filling glasses of water, opening and closing the fridge, taking off his apron. You really needed to get a grip. "It smells great in here chef, what's on the menu?"

He laughs a little, presenting his dish like he's the star of a Food Network show. "Tonight I've made for you a Traeger filet mignon seasoned with the Traeger seasoning and chimichurri sauce with a side of roasted garlic mashed potatoes and asparagus."

You happily clap for his A+ presentation and he gives you a bow. "Justin, this looks amazing! I can't wait to dig in."

The man leads you to the table, setting the plate down in front of you before grabbing a seat right next to you. "So...let me explain."

Taking a bite of your food, you shake your head. "You really don't have to explain yourself, we went on one date. There's nothing to explain I mean—”

"Yeah there is. I want you to know that I wanted to call sooner, I really did. But I came back and had to meet with doctors to make sure my recovery was on track and then the draft happened and then I had to talk about the future of my contract and I didn't want the craziness of my life to overshadow what we have going on. The last thing I wanted was for you to feel like you're being put on the backburner."

Unbeknownst to you, he had also been replaying that date...more often that he'd like to admit. Anytime he had a minute to himself he thought about calling, seeing what you're doing. And then there was a meeting, or a draft party or someone needing him to be somewhere. But you were always on his mind and he was glad to now have life slow down a little bit to show you he really did care.

"I get it. Definitely thought you forgot about me there for a second. A few seconds," you correct yourself. "But I knew you were busy and we're here now so you're forgiven. Especially because this steak is incredible."

"Well thank you," he smiles sheepishly.

He begged you not to help him clean up but you insisted. After everything was put away he gave you a tour of the place and then you sat on the couch looking for a movie to watch until the stack of puzzles on the shelf caught your eye.

"You haven't unwrapped this one. Is it new?" You note the plastic wrap lining the box on the shelf meeting you at eye level. The flowers look familiar but you can't exactly remember where you've seen them before.

“There's a lot of flowers at the park we met. Any rhododendron I see now," he nods at the box in your hand, "makes me think of you. So I bought this. Figured we could do it together.” The way he's looking at you when you turn around makes you feel warm and tingly inside.

Something about being with him is addicting. You feel physically drawn to him, this pull, an invisible hold that he has on your heart that soon makes you want to run for the hills. But you know that the second you’re away from him it’ll feel like an important new part of your life has been ripped away. It almost felt like the universe had sent Justin to you as an apology for all men. Even doing something as simple as a puzzle feels like the most romantic thing in the world. All of the pieces are laid out on the table and you tackle the corners first, working from the outside in. You're sitting so close to each other that your arms are touching, reaching and grabbing at the puzzle pieces in sync like a well oiled machine. He pulls you into his lap toward the end when there's a few pieces left, giving you a high five when all 300 pieces are in their rightful place. Your hand is in his once again, like it belongs there, holding you close and steady.

He lets you go momentarily to cup your face, a look of adoration adorning his that makes your chest clench. “I’ve been thinking about kissing you for the last 22 days," Justin whispers, his face so close to yours you can feel his breath on your lips.

"Then why are you still waiting?" You whisper back, barely able to finish your sentence because he's nipping at your bottom lip, teasing you slightly as he runs his thumb across your jaw. You're a puddle in his hands, his lips on yours kissing you with his heart pounding against his chest like he's never kissed anyone before. The kiss is so simple yet the most intense experience either of you have been a part of and you want more. Both of you are fighting for dominance, a somewhat rough dance of tongues and a little bit of teeth increasing in intensity the longer the kiss lasts. You moan into his mouth, feeling him begin to stand at attention underneath you, deepening the kiss by pulling him in even closer by his hair. The other hand is wrapped around his thigh, squeezing his leg and producing goosebumps across his entire body. He had to take a few moments to recover, slightly out of breath at the kiss that he was convinced had just changed his life. "Was that worth the 22 day wait?" You ask with a laugh, holding his head in your hands.

He nods, still incapable of speech, blowing out a breath of relief when the tightness in his pants continues to go down. You lazily make out throughout the entirety of whatever movie he puts on, more than making up for lost time.

You have to be at the facility early for morning workouts so Justin walks you out to your car, pulling you in for one more kiss. "Text me when you get home so I know you made it safe?"

"I will."

Justin lays in bed that night looking at your goodnight text, already planning the third date in his head because he needs to somehow make it better than tonight was. He doesn't have any ideas yet, he just knows he can't get enough of you.

One year later...

You were back in Eugene at your favorite park, ready to get back to your favorite scenery.

"Are you excited?" You ask Dylan, who barks excitedly as you hold onto his leash. That must mean yes.

Justin laughs beside you, grabbing onto your hand. "You ready?" He gives you a kiss on the forehead before the three of you begin your hike.

[xx-riffraff-xx]

❆ ~ settled in the silence after ~ ❆

premise; Zayne deals with a mass casualty incident at the hospital. You pick up the pieces afterwards

warnings; HEAVY ANGST, death, hospitals, skipping meals, fainting from skipping meals, dissociation, guilt, self-doubt, evol backlash, hand-wavy doctor jobs

a/n; i went insane on call with a friend and wrote this monster. enjoy. (p.s. this post is pretty this time!)

friend's note; HE COOKED!

Zayne wakes before his alarm, as usual. The gentle light of the coming dawn drifts through the blinds. He gently brushes a strand of hair from your face. You were snoring softly. You’d deny that you were if he mentioned it to you. The two of you would “argue” about it until Zayne softly admitted that it was one of his favorite parts of his morning to know you were sleeping soundly. You’d blush and reach up to kiss him. He had to wait until after his shift at the hospital to play this game with you again.

He kisses your forehead softly and allows himself an extra couple minutes to burrow his nose in your neck. This is what he needs to face the day ahead of him. He crawls out of bed and sets about getting ready for the day. You’ll be greeted by the scent of coffee and breakfast on your nightstand when you wake up and no memory of the last gentle kiss he plants on your temple before he leaves. He takes the lunch you left for him in the fridge last night.

Akso Hospital is nothing out of the ordinary when Zayne first arrives. The hours tick by slowly, spent seeing patients and filling out paperwork. Then...

6:37 P.M. The ringing of a phone call from another hospital in the city disrupts his peace. The hospital is in shambles. People are dying. The Hunter’s Association is already on scene, instantly his mind flits to you. Second, to the influx of transfers soon to hit the floors of Akso Hospital. Zayne springs into action, communicating and organizing the response. They’ve got a big storm coming.

6:59 P.M. The first patients from the attack flood the hospital. Nurses and doctors and surgeons sprint through the halls. Ten patients in critical condition, their hearts in danger of stopping any moment. Zayne works quickly and effectively. The thoughts of the bodies still waiting to be saved settle heavy on his chest.

7:30 P.M. There are now thirty, fourty, fifty new patients in need of immediate medical attention. Zayne prays you aren’t hurt. He’s performed more sutures and blood transfusions than he can count in the span of half an hour. Under the harsh operating room light, another patient’s heart beats feebly in his hand.

8:41 P.M. Akso Hospital is out of beds. Zayne resigns himself to a long night. Yvonne calls other neighboring hospitals to see if they have hands or room. There’s nothing. Every hospital in the area is stretched thin. The Wanderer attacks continue.

9:18 P.M. A Wanderer breaks into the waiting room of Akso Hospital. It is frozen before it has the chance to attack anyone else, but Zayne doesn’t know for how long. There are more patients than there are beds. Victims crowd the waiting room despite the Wanderer. You are the hunter to respond to this particular attack. Zayne forces himself to focus on the task at hand, fights through his desire to fold you into his arms and forget this ever happened. He hasn’t eaten today. You’d be upset at him for that. He can’t help it.

10:43 P.M. The Metaflux fluctuations are finally under control. The flood of patients stems, but the system is still overwhelmed. Neighboring hospitals are swamped. Asko’s supplies are running out. There is so much pain. The suffering in the building seeps into Zayne’s body. He needs rest, but he has to keep going. It’s not over yet. The patient under his care does not make it. She is not the first.

12:45 A.M. The flow of injuries is neverending. Zayne has seen so many near-deaths in the past six hours that they blur together. Evan Mullaney, Jane Bridgers, Beatrice McCarthy, Kye Ingram, Oliver McCarthy... tens of others whose names he never got to know. Countless others who never made it to the hospital in the first place. Breaking the news to families is devastating every time. He has to keep going.

3:27 A.M. The urgency has slowed just enough that he can swap places with other nurses and doctors so they have the chance to sit for a moment, get something to eat, or close their eyes for twenty minutes. There are still tens of patients waiting for beds to open up, their condition steadily deteriorating. The weight of their families’ worlds threatens to crush him where they’re settled on his shoulders.

5:00 A.M. Zayne pauses for ten minutes. He cannot allow himself to stop for longer than that when there are so many people who need him. The first thing he does is check that you’re okay. The lunch you packed for him is finally opened. He can barely bring himself to stomach any of it.

8:56 A.M. Akso is working with little to nothing. Zayne uses his evol to cauterize wounds. They’re out of suture kits. He doesn’t know when they’ll get more.

12:27 P.M. The neighboring hospitals are at capacity, but stabilized. Zayne does not stop.

1:43 P.M. Zayne is nearly forced to stop. His vision swims as he walks down the hallway, pausing briefly to hold onto the wall for support. His blood flows icy cold in his veins. Frost creeps up his collarbones. He cannot stop. He has to keep going.

3:12 P.M. Dr. Greyson brings him something to eat and suggests he drink some water. A patient crashes before he can even refuse. Pain and suffering and despair permeate the walls. If he ever leaves Akso, he doesn’t think he can scrub it from underneath his skin. The hospital’s staff are exhausted. It does not get better. It only gets worse.

5:13 P.M. Zayne collapses. He’s out on the hallway floor for barely a minute. Dr. Greyson and Yvonne fret over him. They’re both as exhausted as he is, if not more. He eats to appease them. He cannot stop, there are still patients who need him. His fingers are frost-bitten.

8:34 P.M. The tension eases. Neighboring hospitals can accept patients for transfer, slowly. Zayne can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. Almost.

12:19 A.M. Things have calmed down at Akso. There are extra hands on the way, but they won’t arrive until morning shift. Zayne will fill that space until then. Yvonne sleeps for a few, precious hours. Dr. Greyson has a full meal. Dr. Zayne is salvation for everyone in the hospital. His joints are stiff with cold. He cannot stop. He has to keep going.

7:09 A.M. After forty-eight hours straight of tragedy, the delirium is setting in, even for Zayne. Astra-sent help and supplies finally arrive. The waiting room slowly empties. Low-risk patients are cared for and sent home. Zayne tends to his regular patients as their primary care physician. He supresses his shivers. The tragedy is over, but he has to keep going.

4:45 P.M Paperwork, so much paperwork. Death certificates, discharge papers, treatment plans. He had no time to do any of it. There were at least two hundred victims that he cared for or helped care for. The stack of paperwork is inches thick. It hurts to hold his pen. His handwriting is atrocious. He writes anyway.

6:02 P.M. You show up in his office.

Time no longer matters, because you are there. The rest of the world fades back in around you. He’s so tired and hungry. He missed you, he missed you so much. The lunch you packed him is still on his desk, mostly untouched. All that matters is that you aren’t like the pallid, bloodless, lifeless faces he’s seen in the past thirty-six hours. You are blessedly alive.

He’s so caught up in the euphoria of missing you that he doesn’t register your reinforcements. Dr. Greyson and Yvonne enter behind you. You rush over, immediately checking him over. He brushes you off. “I’m fine, I’ll be home later tonight. I have to finish this paperwork.”

Dr. Greyson introjects. “Zayne, you’ve been awake for over two days straight. Go home. The paperwork can be finished another time.” He is promptly ignored. Distantly, he hears Dr. Greyson and Yvonne leave. A hand is placed on his chest.

“Please, love. Come home. You’ve given enough.” You plead. Your resonance slowly warms his joints. You are so warm. And under that warmth, he caves. An exhausted nod is all the permission you need. You take his keys from him and guide him downstairs. Zayne thinks he hears snide remarks made at his slumped form. The guilt claws his insides until he sees the faces he couldn’t save trapped under the rubble of his soul.

He blinks and he’s home. With you. The guilt grows greater. You settle him on the couch, bringing a bowl of soup to him. “Please eat.” You say softly, settled on the couch with him. The gentle act nearly shatters him. He gathers you in his arms and sets you on his lap, clinging to you like it’s the last moments before the world explodes. Or perhaps, he’s settled in the silence after. He tucks his cold nose into the crook of your neck.

“You need to rest, love.” You whisper to him as you nestle a kiss in his hair.

“Please. Just... Can we stay like this?” His voice breaks. Your heart breaks with it. This self-sacrificial, overworked idiot is going to be the death of you.

“Of course, love.” You are mindful of how much time passes so he doesn’t have to be. You made sure his soup was extra hot when you put it in the bowl, you knew this would happen. You saw the Wanderer attack first-hand. There was no way he could’ve saved everyone, but Astra knows he tried.

You count fifteen minutes before you try to convince him to eat some soup, twenty-five before you actually manage it. You draw him a bath. He’s exhausted, his coat is splattered with blood. You gently wash his hair and face. Zayne had thought the pain and suffering couldn’t be scrubbed from beneath his skin. Yet somehow, you made it seem effortless. The guilt doesn’t fade, but it... eases. Settles.

Soon, you’re snuggled in bed together. You hold him close and whisper sweet nothings into his hair. You expected him to pass out the second his head hit the pillow, but instead he’s tense.

“I have to go back. They need me.” Zayne states. There’s an undercurrent of desperation to his voice, but he doesn’t seem to be able to let go of you.

“Love, you are exhausted. You can’t save anyone until you save yourself.” You run a hand through his damp locks, resonating to melt the ice creeping up his neck. “Dr. Greyson told me you fainted. Do you know how worried I was?”

“I didn’t have time to stop. There were so many victims...” He trails off, gripping you tighter, curling further into you. “I tried. I promise, I tried.”

“I know, you did everything you could with what you had available.”

“It wasn’t enough.”

“Zayne... you are talented and capable, but there’s only one of you.”

“I could’ve done more. I’m sure of it. Do you know how... agonizing it is to look someone in the eye and tell them that their loved one is gone?”

You’ve walked this path before. Zayne blames himself for every patient he can’t save, every patient who has to endure waiting long hours in pain. “I know. I’ve seen Wanderers rip apart families. I’ve seen the hurt and suffering that comes from it.”

The crook of your neck is damp. You pretend not to notice, as you always do. “It wasn’t your fault, Zayne. You did everything you could with the resources you had available to you.” Zayne doesn’t say anything else, but you feel the weight of the world relax off his shoulders. You stay pressed together until morning. You both have a busy day of nothing to get to tomorrow, after all.

[jeankluv]

Birdie - Satoru Gojo | Chapter 19

words: 3,8k

summary: While everyone adored him, you stood apart in your feelings. It wouldn't be accurate to say you hated him, as " hate " was a strong word, rather, you harbored a profound dislike towards him. The problem was he knew that and his irritating presence seemed to persistently cling to you whenever he crossed your paths. Now, you found yourself paired with him for your semester project, and the thought made you wish to hurl yourself out of the third-floor window. Three months of working alongside him loomed ahead. Adding to the discomfort, you were currently under the scrutiny of hundreds of eyes, each gaze feeling like a murder attempt. It seemed everyone coveted the opportunity to collaborate with Gojo Satoru, except for you.

tags: modern au, college au, fem!reader, academic rivals, he fell first, fluff, old money Gojo Satoru, abusive parents, slight slow burn, Satoru is a softy, secondary couple (Geto Suguru x oc), a bit of angst, no use of y/n, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, Gojo plays basketball, Gojo needs a hug

notes: it’s been quite some time since I updated right? I feel bad for not posting new chapters, but life is kinda busy. Also some major events are about to happen on the next Birdie chapters and also I think there might be between 10-15 chapters left with everything I have planned. But don’t worry bc a new Gojo fic is coming soon!

materialist | previous chapter | next chapter

Jujutsu Kaisen materialist | ao3

You rolled down the window of Satoru's car and enjoyed the smell of the sea that began to fill your nostrils. You had left Tokyo early that day, so you could get to your destination on time. You had spent the previous night with Satoru so he wouldn't have to pick you up and you could go straight from his apartment.

The traffic wasn't too heavy and your journey was becoming pleasant, while the GPS's voice told Satoru which routes he should take to get there. Closing your eyes, you let yourself be invaded by the sensations, enjoying the warm day at the end of May and the smell of salt water.

“We will be there in 20 minutes.” Satoru broke the silence inside the car, you looked at him and hummed in response. “You mentioned you were raised here right? What was it like?”

“It was…” You started thinking.

Memories of your childhood and teenage years came to you, the hot summers where you went to the beach with your grandmother, the ice creams before returning home. Those distant and almost erased memories with your mother, which you remembered with love and affection.

But not all of them were good memories, because you also remembered the glances, the whispers of people watching you walk and how everything became stronger and stronger with the passing of the years. And you still feel in your bones the worst memory you have of that place, one that you wanted to bury with all your might at the bottom of the sea.

That was why perhaps you wanted to bring the people you loved to that place, because you wanted to flood it with happy and beautiful memories.

“Good…” You simply said. “I can’t wait to show you around.” You smiled at him and he gave you a brief look before smiling back at you.

The car felt silent once again and a feeling started to grow on your chest. As much as you wanted to hide it, you were tense and anxious over that trip, not because Satoru was going there but because of what happened last year.

It made you sick to your stomach and you didn’t want to go through it again. You didn’t want Satoru to met him. To meet your father. You wanted to show Satoru so many things, but the idea of ​​walking and running into him made your hair stand on end.

Your memory drifted to one year ago, when you went with Kyoko.

1 year ago

“Should we buy some ice creams before going back to the motel?” Kyoko suggested as both of you were packing the towels.

“Sounds good.” You said as you closed your bag.

You started walking, Kyoko walking beside you. The two of you chatted animatedly as the hot summer sun hit your skins. You had gotten a few days off and you had decided to spend them with your best friend, in a place that you held dear to your heart. But Kyoko was someone important and deserved to get to know you better.

You walked to the ice cream stand near the beach when you heard a deep voice calling your name. At first, you didn't notice, but a shiver ran through you when you realized who it was, who the owner of that voice was.

You turned slightly and felt a sharp pain in your head, painful enough to make you close your eyes and bring one of your hands to your head.

Kyoko called you out. “Are you okay?” She said with worry.

“Yeah, yeah, I just…” But your name came out of his throat once again.

“You okay?”

You snorted and stood up. “What do you want?” You said as dryly as possible, without showing an ounce of emotion.

“I… I saw you and I wanted to check on you.”

You tried not to laugh. “Well, don’t do it.” You turned around and looked at him again. “Come closer again and I’ll call the police, you have a restraining order. Remember it.”

He called you out again. “What happened back then… was a terrible mistake and I’m sorry.” He said and you closed your eyes, trying to shut everything down. “I was desperate for money and I thought…”

“You thought going back to the daughter you abandoned, who was completely alone and take away all her money when she was just 17, was okay?!” You shouted, Kyoko took your hand, trying to calm you down. “And on top of that…” You turned around and looked at him. “You already forgot what you took from me?!”

You looked at him with tears rolling down your face and feeling the curious eyes of everyone around.

Present day

“Birdie…” You felt a small touch on your cheek and the present hit you again.

Your eyes met his, he was looking at you. Like always. But his gaze reflected his worried look. You tried to smile, despite feeling shaken by the memories that just hit your head.

“You okay?” He whispered softly. “You seemed to be drifting away.”

You shook your head and slowly blinked. “Yeah… it was nothing.”

He nodded and placed a kiss on your cheek. “Good… we arrived at the hotel…”

You looked outside and yeah, you were there. The door opened and Satoru’s hand appeared in front of you, surprising you on how fast he got himself out of the car.

Satoru took your hand and walked before you and was the one that took care of everything at the hotel. You tried to be there, but honestly your mind felt like it was somewhere else. You found it difficult to concentrate. You had assured Kyoko that your escape would be peaceful, but at that moment your mind was failing you again, filling up with ideas or scenarios that could happen.

Satoru's warm hand gave you a security that you needed but still wasn't enough in that moment of internal despair. You didn’t want to ruin things, no when that was your first time going out as a couple, so you simply put the best of your smiles. And fake it.

Hoping for Satoru not to catch you up on your lie, you made yourselves busy.

“Let’s go to visit the temple that it’s here.” You said with enthusiasm.

You and Satoru walked through the streets that had once been very familiar to you, where you had laughed, cried and been angry. Every corner hid a memory that seemed distant now but that made you smile when you remembered it.

Your feet stopped moving as your body reacted to the place you were in. Satoru turned around, still holding your hand as he watched you.

“Is something wrong?” He murmured as he approached you.

“This was the family home.” You said wistfully. “It still looks the same.”

Satoru didn’t need to do more to put his arms around you. He had noticed your vulnerability in your voice, the sadness that accompanied you as you remembered the place where you grew up, where you lived with your mother, with your grandmother.

You closed your eyes, letting yourself be embraced by Satoru’s arms and warm, and trying to calm down your shaken heart.

A little calmer, Satoru took your hand and led you through the streets, as if he already knew them. Before turning the corner you took one last look at what was once your home.

Satoru Gojo pov

Satoru would occasionally turn his head to look at you, your gaze still a bit lost and his heart was in his chest at the sight of that look, he wanted your eyes to smile and shine again. The smell of the sea filled his nostrils and a smile formed on his face when he remembered the day he asked you out.

“Birdie…” He whispered, causing your eyes to meet his. “Shall we go to the beach?”

“But… we didn’t bring our bathing suits, they’re at the hotel.” You said. Satoru smiled.

“I want to walk with you along the shore again like that time…” Your face lit up and began to blush. “Is that look a yes?” You nodded and Satoru laughed and pulled you towards the beach.

The sand burned your feet but that didn't stop Satoru from pulling you closer to the sand. Satoru hadn't wanted to ask you, but he had noticed that even though you had tried to hide it, something was still on your mind and it was something that didn't let you be calm. He wanted whatever was on your mind to disappear and for you to enjoy your moments together.

Satoru enjoyed your laughter as he splashed water on you and watched your face light up. What could he do to keep that smile with him forever? He wanted to cherish that smile, you, what you had, everything.

“‘Toru! Stop!” You laughed.

“Why? It’s funny.” He said with his dimples popping out. “Look at you… so cute.” He hugged you. “My pretty birdie.” He said closing the distance between your faces and kissing your lips.

You opened your eyes and looked at him. “When are you going to tell me why you call me like that?”

“Like what?” Satoru started to play dumb.

“You know what, don’t be silly.”

“Maybe one day…” Satoru kissed your cheek. “But now, let’s have fun okay?”

You continued playing on the beach for a while longer. Satoru kept making you laugh as he splashed you with salt water, not wanting that smile on your face to fade away. When the sun began to shine brightly in the sky, you decided to go to a bar on the coast to eat something and rest.

The bar was small but cozy, with wooden tables and chairs scattered across the sand, offering a perfect view of the ocean. The scent of grilled seafood filled the air as you and Satoru found a spot near the water. The sea breeze felt refreshing against your sun-kissed skin.

“Wait here, alright?” He said standing back up.

“My cocktail, order it with extra ice.” You said and Satoru nodded like an obedient puppy.

You waited on the terrace looking at the sea. The sea breeze moved your hair, which had become slightly wavy due to your entertaining session of playing in the sea. He bit his cheek and looked away from your figure to order your drinks.

“Excuse me?” Satoru heard someone approaching him.

“Yeah?” He looked at the person talking, it was a 50 years old man. “Do I know you?” Satoru asked him.

“No, no, we don’t know each other.” The man said and Satoru could notice his nervous posture and how his eyes moved from one side to the other. “I saw you arrive with that girl over there.” Satoru tensed as the man pointed his finger at you. “And I was wondering if…”

“Who are you?” Satoru asked with a frown.

“Oh… I… I am that girl’s dad.” Satoru clenched his fist.

Your father? Was that the bastard who left your mother when he found out she was pregnant? Satoru took a deep breath, not wanting to rush into anything.

“I was wondering if it would be possible to talk to her…”

“No.” Satoru cut him off.

Satoru’s eyes scanned that man and he noticed how disheveled he was and Satoru couldn't ignore the smell of alcohol that emanated from all over him.

“Why?” Satoru asked, with a cold look, his blue eyes had been replaced by a dark color. A look that made anyone tremble.

“Well she is my daughter and…”

“Answer me and don’t lie to me.” Satoru watched as the man swallowed and wiped his hands against his old pants.

Pathetic.

“I need money okay?” The man blurted. “I know she has savings from her mother and…”

“Enough.” Satoru said. “You want money? That’s the only reason you want to talk to your daughter?” The man felt silent and a laughter escaped Gojo’s lips. “You truly are a disgusting piece of shit.”

“Hey…” But as soon as he saw Satoru’s face, words stood hanging in the air.

Satoru glanced in your direction for a moment, you were concentrating on taking pictures of the view from where you sat, and then his eyes fell back on the man. It was hard to believe that you had his blood on you.

Satoru took the man by the arm and led him to a more secluded spot, one where you wouldn't see them. “Don’t you ever come near her again,” Satoru whispered. “I’ll give you 1,500,000 yen, but if you show your filthy face in front of her again, I’ll see that you end up in prison. Do you understand?” The man gulped and nodded. “Oh, and one more thing, get away from this prefecture and Tokyo, you understand?”

Satoru wasn’t usually this kind of person, making threats. But he knew enough about you and your family to know that you probably wouldn’t want to meet this man, or have him anywhere near you.

The man nodded and wrote down his phone number on a crumpled napkin, which Satoru reluctantly put in his pocket. Before another threat could leave his lips, the man who called himself your father was gone.

Satoru closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he really hoped that once that person received the money he would never stand in front of you again. You didn't deserve someone like that with you.

With the tension still on his shoulders, Satoru faked a smile and walked out with your drinks to the terrace where you were waiting for him with that warm look he had discovered.

“Here…” He left your drink in front of you.

“Thank you. It took you time, what happened?”

Satoru didn’t like to lie, not to you at least. “Oh just, just a man making a show.” He cracked a smile.

“Oh…” You nodded and drank a bit of your cocktail. “Oh god!” You closed your eyes. “It’s so sweet.”

“Really?” Satoru asked.

“Yeah… do you wanna taste it?”

“Not really, I’m not a fan of alcohol and besides I’m taking you somewhere later.” He smiled cockily.

You opened your eyes with surprise. “You taking me somewhere?”

“Yeah… I did my research before coming and found a place we could go to see the sunset.” Satoru looked at your eyes and he saw how they started to glow.

“That’s fantastic Satoru.” You smiled.

Satoru smiled back and took a sip of his drink, but his shoulders still felt tense. His gaze occasionally drifted towards the entrance of the bar, a trace of worry in his eyes. He was trying to enjoy the moment, but the thought of your father showing up unexpectedly again and this time you seeing him, was a constant undercurrent of anxiety.

Noticing his uneasiness you decided to address it. “You seem a little strange. Everything okay?”

Satoru managed a casual smile. “Oh yeah, I was just thinking about how unpredictable things can be. But don’t worry about it. I’m here to have a good time with you.”

You gave him a reassuring smile. “Well, let’s focus on having a good time. We have the whole afternoon ahead of us and then you’ll take me to that place right?” You gave him a smile.

With a nod, Satoru took a deep breath and tried to relax. The conversation turned to lighter and more pleasant topics as they both continued to eat and enjoy the beautiful view. Despite the lingering tension, you both managed to savor the day and found comfort in each other's company.

As the two of you continued to enjoy your meal, the atmosphere around you began to feel more relaxed. The sunlight danced across the water, casting a warm glow over everything. Satoru watched your face, which was illuminated by the reflection of the ocean, and took in every feature of yours, admiring how beautiful you were. You and Satoru laughed as you shared stories and chatted happily, the tension from earlier slowly fading from your shoulders.

Satoru could see how the sadness that had been over your eyes that morning had disappeared and now there was only brightness.

The lively atmosphere of the bar added to the feeling of tranquility. Other customers were chatting and enjoying their meals, and the sound of laughter and clinking glasses mixed with the rhythm of the waves.

“You know.” Satoru said, leaning back with a contented sigh. “I’m really glad we did this. It’s been a while since I felt this carefree and relaxed.”

You smiled and reached across the table to touch his hand. “Me too.” You patted his hand and he returned the gesture. “You may not want to talk… but what about your parents?” Satoru felt a small pang in his heart and shook his white hair.

“I haven’t talked with them since the party…” Satoru shrugged. “They haven’t called, I haven’t called…” He quickly noticed your gaze. “If you are worried about what happened… don’t worry, I talked with my grandmother and she was worried when she heard what happened, apparently most people at the party started blaming Naoya and days later anonymously someone posted an article on a famous magazine talking about the behavior of one of the Zenin clans younger members…”

“You…?” You gasped with surprise.

“Not me.” He smirked. “You should invite Utahime to drink some beers once we are back.”

“Utahime?” You opened your eyes.

“Yeah, her parents are the owners of the magazine and so she made them put the article… the Iori family doesn’t like the Zenin family too much, so this was their best opportunity.” Satoru explained.

“Wow!” You said with surprise. “So… is it true what they said?” You asked. “That the elite can bring people down if they want to?”

“I guess it is… it’s nasty and dangerous because it could come back to you, but these families have been doing it for years now and they won’t change.” Satoru explained. “But let’s stop talking about them… the sun is almost down so we have to hurry up.” Satoru held your hand.

The two of you walked to Satoru’s car and headed towards your destination. The sun continued to set, painting the sky in deep shades of orange and violet, its warm light reflecting off the sea and casting a golden glow over everything. Satoru’s hands gripped the steering wheel as his eyes remained focused on the road, following the silent instructions of the GPS. You glanced at him from time to time, sensing that something about this trip was important to him.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going or will it remain a surprise?” You asked, smiling softly.

Satoru smiled, but kept his gaze straight ahead. “It’s a surprise. You’ll see soon enough. I promise it’s worth it.”

The car moved smoothly along the coast, the sound of the waves fading as the road curved inland. With the setting sun casting long shadows across the landscape, everything outside the window seemed to slow down, creating an almost dream-like feeling.

After a while, Satoru’s expression softened. His earlier tension seemed to fade as the familiar sight of the destination came into view. The GPS announced the final turn and you felt the car slow down as you entered a quiet, secluded area surrounded by lush greenery and hills.

Satoru parked the car and turned off the engine. He looked at you, his smile now gentle and sincere. “It’s okay, we’re here.”

You got out of the car, feeling the cool evening breeze on your skin. As you looked around, you noticed a small path leading up a hill. Without saying much, Satoru took your hand and began to lead you along it.

At the top of the hill, a stunning view unfolded before you. The sea stretched endlessly into the distance, the sky now painted in soft pinks and purples. Below, a hidden cove shimmered, its shore empty and quiet. The only sounds were the distant songs of birds and the soft rustle of leaves.

“Satoru…” You murmured, amazed by the view your eyes were seeing. “How? How did you find this place?” You turned to look at him, who was proudly smiling.

Satoru exhaled, feeling proud of himself. “I’m glad you like it. I spent hours online trying to find a place like this.” He joked with a smile.

You turned to him, surprised. “You found this online?”

He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah… Did some digging to find something special near your hometown. Wanted it to feel… personal.”

Your heart warmed at the thought of him spending time looking for such a hidden gem, just to create a moment like this for you. “Satoru, this is... amazing. You didn’t have to….”

He smiled, and softly touched your cheek."You’re worth it…”

For a moment, the world seemed to stop rotating. The gentle breeze, the distant sound of the ocean, and the soft light of the evening all came together to make the moment feel timeless.

“I love you…” He let out his soft yet emotion-filled voice. Your heart raced, feeling like it could explode in your chest. “And I want to cherish you.” He continued, his hand gently brushing yours. “Protect you, be someone you can always count on. I know I’m not perfect, but when I’m with you… I want to be better. For you.”

A gasp escaped your lips and your hands went up to his face. Satoru’s eyes were watery and even if Satoru wanted to hide it he couldn’t. “What’s wrong ‘Toru?” You called him by that affectionate nickname.

Satoru sighed deeply, the weight of the decision pressing down on him. Should he tell you? Or just let it go? After all, this was something that involved you directly, something that affected you deeply. But he didn’t want to burden you with it either, he didn’t want to drag negative emotions into this perfect night you were sharing. You seemed so happy, so at peace, and the last thing he wanted was to tarnish that with something painful.

Yet at the same time, the idea of ​​keeping something from you didn’t sit well with him. Satoru had always promised himself that he would never hide anything from you, that he would never keep secrets that could build walls between you. He wanted to be open with you about everything, no matter how hard it might be.

You noticed his internal struggle, the way his gaze seemed distant, his body tense beside you. “Satoru?” You asked softly, your thumb tracing gentle circles on the back of his hand. “What’s wrong? You know you can tell me anything, right?”

He swallowed hard, feeling the sincerity in your voice, the trust between the two of you. And that was what made him make the decision: trust. He couldn't break that, not even to spare you the awkwardness. You deserved the truth, even if it was hard to hear.

“At the bar, a man approached me…” Satoru held your hands tightly as he began with his blue eyes fixed on yours.

— if you want to be tagged on the chapters, comment

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[pekoehoneyncream]

Captain John 'Bravo Six' Price Headcanons

Part One!

Words: 500~

TW: None (sfw)

Part Two

Okay! Here are the promised headcanons!

The brainrot is intense for these boys rn, so the volume of headcanons kinda got outta hand. I didn't wanna slam y'all with the full 800+ words of headcanons that I've made for Price alone, so I decided that I'll post half now and half later.

That said, Thank you all again for the Huge response my poll got, and without further ado onto the The Headcanons!

His preferred drink is Green Tea with a spoonful of honey. He loves getting to sit, relax, and slowly sip his way through a nice hot cup of tea. If he’s in a rush or just needs to wake up he drinks coffee instead.

Takes his coffee with the smallest bit of sugar and no milk. His team argues that three grains of sugar can't make any difference, but Price insists that he doesn't like coffee straight black, he needs that bit of sweetness. The team once tested him by switching out his coffee for an identical cup of straight black coffee. Price's disgusted spluttering showed them that he can indeed easily taste the difference.

Cannot just sit down and do nothing. Always needs to be doing something. This man is a category five putterer. Just goes about absently neatening up, putting things back where they belong, pulling books forward to be level with the edge of the shelf, squaring papers with the corner of the table, wiping down the surfaces, adjusting his kit so it’s settled properly. He’ll do the same to the team as well. Mindlessly untwisting straps, pulling tight buckles, zipping pouches, pulling down the rucked-up hem of Ghost’s mask, straightening Gaz’s cap, correcting a stray hair in Soap’s warhawk.

The absolute worst at remembering names, constantly asking the team what this or that person's name is. Has a little notebook full of reminders that are only useful to him, the privates and FNGs think he's marking down performance notes, but he's just desperately trying to remember that one rookie's name before they leave eyesight. “Price, this just says ‘Michaels - Red Hat’, do you expect him to always wear a red hat?” “No, but I remember the hat, then I remember the face that was wearing the hat, and that face is Michaels'.” “Price, that makes no sense.” “Give that back and get. Have you nothing better to do? Go on, get!”

Paints his nails. He got a voucher for a free spa day as a birthday present one year, it included hot-rock therapy, mud-baths, a massage, and a mani-pedi. He went into it with a ‘fuck it, when in rome’ mentality and just said yes to everything while he was there. They explained that gel-polish is hardier and longer lasting than regular polish, without being super hard to remove like acrylics, so he went with gel-polish. At the time he just got a clear polish, but these days he does it himself and wears whatever colours he wants to. Has his own polishes and his own little uv lamp and everything. He could die on a mission tomorrow, he doesn't have time for your small minded ideas about masculinity. Before he was Captain of the 141, he actually got written up by a superior, not for wearing polish, but for wearing a nail-polish colour that wasn't a colour that's in regulation.

Loves water. Yes in the staying hydrated sense, but mainly in the swimming sense. He grew up with a creek behind his house and he spent every spare moment he could splashing around in it. To this day his favourite place is the beach, or anywhere with a body of water. A swimming pool is a poor replacement in his opinion, but he'll take what he can get.

Constantly loses track of time in the shower, his personal water bill is consistently exorbitant. When he doesn't have time to spare he sets a timer, when it beeps at 5 minutes it reminds him he needs to actually start washing up, and when it goes off at 10 minutes he forces himself to get out. When he has the time he sets the timer for 30 minutes.

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed!

If you have any thoughts on the headcanons or ideas you'd like me expand on or things you wanna squeal about or prompts you want me to write PLEASE hit me up! My ask box is open 24/7 and I'd love to hear from you!

PekoeHoneynCream's Masterlist

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

The Start of Something New

Summer of Bad Batch 2024 | Week 10 | Prompt: "Just when were you planning on telling us that?"

Summary: This was the start of something completely new for Tech, and Hunter couldn’t be happier for him. POV: Hunter Rating: G (Word Count: 2971)

Read on Ao3

Notes: Yes, this is another Tech Lives story! The first part of the story takes place pre-"Tipping Point" (episode 14 of season 2); the second part of the story takes place post-epilogue/post-my other Tech Lives work. ( @domino-twinss This isn't exactly a chapter 2 for Lost and Found, but it kinda works as an unofficial follow up?)

Hunter leaned back, resting his elbows on the garden wall in Shep’s backyard, and closed his eyes briefly, welcoming the slight breeze that played across his face. He had just returned from a long but productive day helping move supplies to rebuild more of the homes damaged in the tidal wave. Tech had apparently finished his task of restoring power to the dozen or so homes that had been completed, for he had already been sitting at the table looking at his datapad when Hunter had arrived. Wrecker and Omega, who had both spent the day down at the docks, should be coming back any minute…

Hunter heard the telltale sound of running footsteps, and smiled as his brother and sister burst through the gate. Omega greeted him with a happy grin and a wave, but it was to Tech that she directed her first statement.

“Lyana says the reason why you came in late last night was because you asked Phee to go out on a boat with you,” she declared, her face bright with curiosity as she rested one hand on Tech’s forearm and slightly shook it in her excitement.

“When were you going to tell us you spent time with Phee?” Wrecker asked in barely concealed delight.

Hunter, his brows raised in mild surprise at this revelation, awaited the answer. He had assumed Tech had been on the Marauder completing one of his many research projects yesterday evening; he would never have guessed his brother had actually gone out with Phee.

Tech, who had remained completely unperturbed by Omega's enthusiasm, now glanced up from his datapad, looking slightly puzzled by Wrecker's question. “I wasn’t planning on saying anything," he replied. 

Omega and Wrecker both visibly wilted in disappointment at this answer, and Hunter had to bite back a laugh. Omega quickly recovered, though, and eagerly patted Tech’s arm again.

“Well, since we know about it… Come on, tell us! How did it go? How did you decide on taking a boat out at night?" 

Tech shrugged. "Phee mentioned she is interested in sea creatures, and many of the species found near this island have bioluminescent traits that are especially well observed at night, even with a full moon. I concluded she might enjoy some time on the water to see them.”

“You spent the entire time talking about the creatures and bioluminescence, didn’t you?” Hunter cut in drily.

“Most of the time, yes. What else were we supposed to talk about? At any rate, Phee is already remarkably well versed in marine science, and she was quite interested in learning more about the aiwhas on Kamino. I was more than happy to oblige.”

“I still can’t believe you weren’t going to tell us about it,” Wrecker protested.

“We’ve all spent time with Phee before, you know,” Tech stated, as if that fully explained his lack of disclosure.

“Yeah, but not on a date!”

 “This was not a date. It was simply a friendly outing.”

Wrecker groaned in frustration, but Omega piped up again. “Well, we’d still like to hear about them!”

At Omega’s plea, Tech sighed and capitulated. “Very well, if it’s so important to all of you…”

“Good, you’re all back!” Shep called from the doorway. “Oh, Tech, Phee told Lyana and me how much she enjoyed last night.”

“That is… gratifying to hear,” Tech said steadily, seemingly ignoring Omega’s giggle, though Hunter got the distinct impression that, in this particular situation at least, the more solemn Tech appeared, the more embarrassed he was actually feeling. 

“Dinner is about ready,” Shep continued gamely, “just a few more minutes.”

“Anything I can do to help?” Omega offered, moving toward their host.

“Well, if you want, you can help Lyana get the plates,” Shep smiled.

“I’ll come with you,” Wrecker instantly volunteered.

As the others trooped into the house, Tech silently put down his datapad and stood to follow them, turning back when Hunter spoke.

“Are you going to invite Phee to join you on more friendly outings?” Hunter asked, careful to keep any hint of amusement out of his voice.

“I intend to, yes,” Tech replied without hesitation, before his expression shifted; and while Tech often wore thoughtful expressions, Hunter had never before seen this particular brand of introspection on his brother’s face – it was almost as if Tech, for the first time since he had learned to speak, was grappling for the right words to express his thoughts. “She… is an exceptional woman,” he finally finished, a touch awkwardly though clearly sincere.

And as Tech made his way toward the door to join the others in the house, Hunter smiled.

This was the start of something completely new for Tech, and Hunter couldn’t be happier for him.

*******

Hunter, glancing out the cabin window, saw that Tech had returned from his visit with Phee and had taken up position standing by the low wall that separated the property from the long stretch of rocky soil leading out to the beach some distance away.

Gesturing to Batcher that she should stay where she was, curled up comfortably by the table, Hunter stepped outside to join his brother. It was perfect weather, a light breeze was stirring the air, and Omega would have been enraptured by the scenery of the sunset if she were here; but Tech had already pulled out his datapad and was taking notes. Hunter smiled a bit – despite time, aging, and critical life experiences, some things never changed, and Tech’s curiosity combined with his need to always keep his mind and hands busy were among those things that remained constant.

Any concerns Hunter may have had about Tech being able to adjust to life on Pabu with brothers who had changed so much in the intervening years had been short lived. The impossible had happened – the entire family was reunited – and the growth and life-altering changes they had each experienced in the past decade or so only served to enhance their immense gratitude for the chance they had to all be together again. Tech had offered to continue helping Omega and Echo with decryption and other coding tasks for their rebel missions, but only in a remote capacity; he sympathized with the Rebellion’s cause, of course, but he wanted to stay on Pabu. And while Phee had said nothing aloud upon hearing of this decision, none of the brothers had missed the fact that her stays on Pabu had progressively lengthened over the past year.

Hunter knew Tech and Phee had become extremely close ever since Tech’s return – the spark of mutual interest that had existed early on between them had quickly grown into a flame – and the two of them spending the entire day together had become the norm; but as he stood next to his brother now, Hunter could tell something was different, something had changed today - and Hunter couldn't be more thrilled.

“So, when were you going to tell us?” he prodded.

Tech looked at him, eyebrows slightly raised, but couldn’t keep a small smile from playing on his lips: he knew Hunter knew exactly what had happened. “Tonight,” he replied levelly, “when Omega contacts us. She always includes Echo in her transmissions, and that way we can tell the whole family at once. At least, that was the plan,” he finished wryly. 

“Do you have a date set yet?”

“If Omega and Echo can come by month’s end, we will wait for them; if not, it may be sooner. Phee and I want to be married before we begin any travels.”

Hunter was careful to keep his expression and his voice steady, even as his heart now sank. “So you won’t be staying on Pabu?”

Sometimes Hunter wondered if Tech had somehow developed enhanced senses of his own; based on the glance Tech gave him now, Hunter thought the other must have somehow sensed his dismay. “This is still our home, Hunter. Phee says she was already considering retiring for some time before I returned, and you know she hasn’t set off on any acquisition operations for months now. But the news of what the Empire did to the refugees on Ghirtin II really shook her. She says it’s high time a liberator of ancient wonders became a liberator of modern people. She wants to do more to help those displaced by the war, and I want to help her.”

Hunter nodded and even managed a smile. He had known the moment he had witnessed Tech’s face light up upon first seeing Phee again that his brother was as devoted to her as he was to his siblings, and devotion such as Tech’s knew no bounds. And Hunter had been thrilled both for his genius, quirky brother and the strong-willed, witty woman who had always been such a loyal friend to the entire family; he had known they would make each other immensely happy, and Hunter, who had only ever wanted all his family to be safe and happy, couldn’t wish for more.

But…

“What is it, Hunter?” Tech asked almost gently.

Hunter sighed. “I’m happy for you, Tech," he said sincerely. "I know you and Phee will take care of each other – and really, the two of you combined will be unstoppable. It’s just…" taking a breath to give himself time to gather his thoughts, he continued, "It’s been almost a year, but it still feels like we just got you back. I don’t…” he trailed off, feeling that it would be far too selfish and shameful for him to say aloud I don’t want to let you go again.  

It was moments like these that made him realize he had never, ever fully released the grief and shame of his failure as a leader, as a brother, as he had watched Tech fall out of sight on Eriadu. Even now, after finally and unexpectedly being reunited, and with so much good happening in their lives in spite of the stranglehold the Empire had on the galaxy, Hunter still felt the pang of regret of all the years missed, all the time Tech had spent lost and alone, working so hard on his own to regain his lost memories and discover where he belonged…

Hunter couldn’t look at his brother, and blinked rapidly to will away the tears.

He felt Tech place a firm, reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I know,” Tech said in a voice that prompted Hunter to look at him despite the threat of tears; and in the long moments of silence that followed, the look in Tech’s eyes said it all: he not only knew exactly what Hunter felt, he understood – and he wished Hunter would finally forgive himself for circumstances that had been outside any of their control.

“We’ll be here on Pabu far more often than we will be away, though,” Tech now continued matter-of-factly. “Besides, compared to any trouble Phee and I may find ourselves in, we all are in significantly greater peril whenever we allow Wrecker or Crosshair to man the boats during fishing expeditions.”

Hunter snorted – this observation was unfortunately all too accurate – and Tech gave a small smile.

“Well, just let me promise you what I promised Omega: if you or Phee ever need us, we’ll be there,” Hunter said.

Tech nodded. “It is, perhaps, obvious; but if you ever are in need of anything, you only need ask,” he replied.

Grinning now, Hunter slipped his arm over Tech’s shoulders, with Tech soon following suit so that they stood arm in arm, side by side, brothers as they always had been and always would be, come what may.

The sun’s last rays were now slipping beneath the horizon, but there was still enough light in the minutes before twilight that both brothers could clearly see Crosshair and Wrecker now coming up the path to the cabin. Hunter and Tech turned to greet them, and Wrecker waved as he drew closer, before abruptly stopping and dropping the package he was carrying, a wide smile stretching across his face as he looked at Tech.

“Don’t tell me, you and Phee are getting married!” he exclaimed.

Sure hope Tech and Phee weren’t planning on keeping this quiet, because with how loud Wrecker is, the entire island knows about it now, Hunter thought with amusement. 

Tech, as usual, was unflustered as he replied, “Well, since you clearly already know about it, there's not much point in me telling you.”

Crosshair’s initial look of surprise at the revelation now turned into a smirk. “Did you ask Phee, or did she have to ask you?”

Instantly intuiting that an overly detailed explanation was forthcoming as an answer, Hunter settled in for the inevitable as Tech replied: “Well, we came to what might be termed a mutual understanding regarding our status as partners some time ago; but last week I came to the conclusion that it was time for me to issue Phee a formal request for her agreement to our eventual commitment to each other as spouses, and I completed that objective today."

"Tech, you can just call it a proposal, we all know what that is," Hunter muttered. 

"Wait, you were planning this for a week?" Wrecker said. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Yeah, we would have helped," Crosshair added. 

"That is precisely why I didn't tell you," Tech said candidly, earning outraged squawks from the other two and a chuckle from Hunter. 

"She said yes, so I guess you did it right even without our help, Tech," Hunter said, clapping his brother on the back. 

A new thought had obviously struck Crosshair, for he now frowned a little. "Wasn't Phee talking a few weeks ago about wanting to help transport refugees or something?"

"That is correct," Tech nodded. "I'll be going with her."

"So, you won't be living here anymore?" Wrecker asked, looking rather crestfallen now. 

"We will, we'll only be traveling occasionally."

"Oh, well that's alright then," Wrecker smiled, lightly knocking against Tech's shoulder. 

Crosshair couldn't hide the flash of sadness in his eyes upon hearing that Tech would be leaving, even if only for a short while; but his smile was genuine. "Good man, Tech," he said; and Hunter knew that, while any separation would be painful, Crosshair would fully support his brother in this decision. 

"You're going to tell Omega and Echo tonight, right?" Wrecker asked eagerly. 

"Yes," Tech said, adding wryly, "though at this point, if Phee and I didn't tell them, you probably would." 

"We should head in now to get all that put away before she contacts us," Hunter interjected, nodding at the large package of supplies Wrecker had dropped; and the brothers moved to act on Hunter's suggestion. 

They had put away the supplies and just settled in to await the transmission when a brisk knock sounded on the door and Phee let herself in. One look at the brothers, and Phee shook her head ruefully. 

"They all know already, don't they?" she addressed Tech. 

"Yes, though I myself did not tell them," Tech answered. 

"I should have known they'd figure it out themselves," she said, settling down next to Tech and sharing a quick kiss with him before grinning cheekily at Crosshair's usual grunt of mock disgust at the display. Tech took her hand in his, as had long since become his custom; and she squeezed his hand affectionately in return as she continued, "We just waiting on the rebels now?"

"As usual," Crosshair nodded. 

"Do you want to share your news first, before Omega catches us up on her end?" Hunter queried.

Ever since Omega had joined the Rebellion, Phee had joined in on every transmission whenever she happened to be on Pabu, and was well aware of the typical flow of these conversations. Now, she glanced at Tech before shaking her head. "Nah, let Omega go first. No need to break tradition."

"Any minute now..." Wrecker said. 

At that moment, the communications array beeped to indicate an incoming transmission, and Wrecker lunged forward to accept the message. Omega's image, with her bright smile and uplifted expression, blossomed into view before them; surprisingly, Echo appeared directly beside her, rather than coming in as a separate transmission. 

"Hi!” Omega greeted them before excitedly continuing, “Guess what? Echo and I have been assigned to the same mission! Can you believe..."

Omega's eyes had been roving over her audience; now, her gaze falling on Tech and Phee, she abruptly paused, eyes widening, before she let loose an ecstatic high pitched squeal. 

"You two are finally getting married??!?"

The surprised silence that followed was quickly broken by Wrecker bursting into a hearty guffaw, and Hunter couldn't help chuckling at the sight of Phee's stunned face. Tech, of course, remained composed as ever, though his lips curved up into a smile. 

"How could you tell?" Crosshair, clearly holding back a laugh, asked Omega. 

"I don't know," Omega replied, waving her hands helplessly at them as if this would help explain the unexplainable, "it's just obvious!"

"Good thing we didn't try to elope," Phee joked.

Tech just shook his head resignedly before saying, "If these three" - gesturing to Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair - "figured it out, I'm not surprised Omega did as well."

"Congratulations," Echo put in, nodding cordially at the pair. This was all he managed to say, however, before Omega erupted with more questions. 

"How did Tech propose? Or did you ask him, Phee? When is the wedding? It'll be on Pabu, right? Can you wait for us to come? Will you be getting your own house now?" 

And as Tech and Phee began explaining all their plans, Hunter, quietly basking in the celebratory atmosphere, sat back and smiled. 

This was the start of something new for Tech and Phee, and Hunter couldn’t be happier for them. 

@summer-of-bad-batch

[districtunrest]

wip wednesday (hijacked version)

another week, another tag game! please share your last sentence; or, if you don’t have one, share a plot bunny or idea!

tagged by @thelettersfromnoone - thank you!! I am so excited bc I actually have 4 WIPs right now!! me!! who only ever works on SOO!! granted, they are all SOO-adjacent

so I will share something from each if that's okay 🤓 bc this is momentous for me, lol

tagging @ongreenergrasses @lasthaysileeshipper @atleastmymomlikesme @mollywog @carnationhes @lorata

firstly, chapter 28:

Hazelle doesn’t go home. She goes to the only place she can think of and lets herself inside. 

When she finds him leant against the kitchen counter, eating oatmeal, he greets her with a very bemused look.

“Sure, come on in,” says Haymitch, his mouth full, as she crosses the kitchen to him. She notes in a distant way that he’s in his underclothes. 

Facing him, Hazelle opens her mouth to tell him what happened - only to turn and vomit into his sink.

second, this new cut scene (kind of) I've spent the last two days working on, that details Haymitch's detox in D13 through medical and nursing notes... I'll try to make it more accessible before posting, but here's the first entry:

Triage Note, signed by Nurse Alara

Patient H.A. presented to triage with complaints of facial lacerations and trauma to the left eye. Pt stated, “Doesn’t matter how it happened. I just need it checked out.” Pt reported he was sent here upon arrival to D.13 via hovercraft.

Height: 5’10”. Weight: 201 lbs. 

Vital signs: T 37.1, HR 89, BP 149/82, RR 18, sO2 99% on room air

Left eye bloodshot and watering. Laceration noted to eyelid, with dried and oozing sanguineous drainage. Sclera intact. Vision intact and equal. Pupils equal and reactive.

Lacerations x 10 to bilateral face, from eyebrow to jaw. No active bleeding. Cleansed with antiseptic solution and sterile gauze. Butterfly bandages applied to 4 lacerations with deeper wound beds.

Followed up with Pt about hypertension. Pt stated, “We just started a war and my district is on fire.” Pt became impatient and expressed wanting to leave. Smell of alcohol noted to Pt’s breath. 

Belongings searched by security. Small bottle of spirits was found. Informed Pt of policy regarding prohibited substances. Alcohol confiscated per contraband protocol. 

Attempted to obtain a blood and urine sample but Pt refused. Pt arguing with security. Informed Pt of protocol for active alcohol abuse. Pt expressed disagreement with this. Notified Dr. Billmore. Orders for involuntary admission.

Total triage time: < 30 minutes.

third, the cut scene about Selene and Kennet, two 20-something year olds who meet in the Capitol during the war and end up at Haymitch's house after the boarding house fire:

The soldier lying in a heap on the pastel tiles is still onto holding his rifle. He stirs a little and swallows a groan, taking a second to come to in the dark. Selene steps back and checks their surroundings as she waits. It's clear but only for now. The Peacekeepers tend to flock to activated pods for survivors.

She knows better than to run away or hide now. He might be awake enough to hear her and assume the worst, and she’ll have a hard time explaining herself as it is, let alone with her back turned. 

Selene hasn't seen a rebel up close this whole time. He's thinner than she would have thought. She's heard all they eat in District Thirteen are little flavorless cubes that have what they need for the day - and more, if they enlist. But she also heard they ate cake, when Annie and Finnick got married. 

All Selene knows is heresay; she hasn't watched television for almost two years now, ever since the shop went bankrupt and her family couldn't keep her above ground anymore - the funds originally set aside to support her through University, gone like everything else.

lastly, the Alice cutscene, where we get an outsider perspective on Haymitch & Hazelle at a sewing circle, that's really more of a triangle:

"Anyway, sorry I'm late - and loud. My kids make me crazy. Should've just kept myself home."

"That'd be for the best," agrees Haymitch Abernathy.

Alice startles, sound and all.

He's sitting off to the side, in a way where he could see her enter before she could see him. For such an uninterested expression, his eyes pin her in place with a bright, needle-like gaze, as though he can read her next move but no matter what it is, it'll bore him.

Which is probably true, because Alice has always thought herself more of a lover than a fighter - or a runner - but that's neither here nor there.

She intends to say hello but what comes out of her mouth is, "Since when do you sew?"

"Since my mom taught me," Haymitch answers, not bothering to look up again from the scrap blanket in his lap. Even from the door, Alice can see the white thread that marches along its seams, replacing what's been pin-basted together.

He did answer her question but she's not any less confused.

[sweetmariihs2]

Cedric Masterlist update - and the search for the STF magazines 💫🎂

I have like. A whole notes file full of links I've been collecting to add to the Cedric masterlist, and at the same time I've bought and scanned around what, 7 stf magazines? That I own.

That's a part of the notes file that I have, there are more links (some of the links are from some of you guy's blogs, it's an honor to have them in my masterlist)

I want to add these links to my masterlist BUT I need to add the links to the magazines first, since we can't know for sure how many links a Tumblr post can support

That's A LIE since my masterlist has more than 100 links counted and they all still work

So since I'm prioritizing the links to the magazines I'm still going to put on Google drive (and the (money to buy) and hours I spent scanning each one of them), I can't add the links that I have collected my notes app because I don't know what's the link limit

Since not all the magazines that I bought has Cedric in them, some of them logically would be cut out of the masterlist, which would make things really messy cuz the most organized option would be to have all of them in the same place

So I'm thinking about making them a separate post and add a link to it in the Cedric masterlist instead.

BUT I CAN'T DO THAT YET

All of the magazines in brazillian portuguese that I found to buy on Google... I... already bought them... (they were three) and they're already scanned and in my hands muahaha

So the best places to search for the rest are, obviously, on the internet, and SHOCKINGLY, in person.

Because I live in a small brazillian town, I go to magazine stands since I was a little girl. In my town there were some, and you could find those official and unofficial magazines quarterly made, themed around characters such as Monster High, Strawberry Shortcake, Disney Princesses and of course Sofia The First

In that small town that I live in, unfortunately all the magazine stands changed a lot and they don't sell that stuff like they did some time ago. Now many are just street vendors. There were like, three of them in my town? When I tell you it's small, IT'S BECAUSE IT IS

And because it is small, when we (me and people from my town) want to go to better hospitals, consult with doctors, even shopping with a major variety of shops, we go to the neighboring town that's a little bit bigger than ours

AND SURPRISINGLY THE MAGAZINE STANDS THERE ARE STILL ALIVE AND SELLING REAL MAGAZINES

I guess a huge reason behind it is the interest that people are having in buying japanese mangas, and I'm seeing a lot of manga there, and because that town has a little more movement than mine, people are constantly passing through and buying, keeping those sellers' shops and the culture of reading on paper still alive

Whenever I go there, it's because I need to see a doctor, dentist, or rent dresses for a party or wedding, I never go just "to go". I'm autistic so I don't usually leave my town without one of my parents, I'm a little scared actually (help, I can't get used to my age) but I'm thinking about taking courage and trying at least once to being able to shop, without having to follow my parents everywhere they go or hearing complaints about them wanting to go home already. Because when I go with my parents to do something specific there, we can never go to places that I want to visit, like stores for example, except when they are on the way to the place we're going to, and it needs to be fast or else they're gonna start to rush me

The last time I went there, for an eye exam, there was a magazine stand near the doctor I went and I managed to find two STF magazines in the short 10 minutes I was there, with my eyes dilated with eye drops, that is, without seeing almost anything. There are five magazine stands there (I just looked through google maps) that I've never visited, even the one I went to and I couldn't look for the magazines properly because of my parents rushing me and my blurred vision. I actually made a post about my visit there and the magazines that I bought.

Furthermore, a friend of mine visited some stationery stores there and brought me as a gift a card of STF stickers, which I use in my sketchbook, and told me that she went to 5 stores and all of them had STF stuff, including more cards of stickers. I got a card that had some Sofias and a Fauna sticker on it, my friend told me that there are other cards with Flora and Merryweather that complete the set, the same with Amber, but she only brought me one as a gift she knew I would like. I really want to look at these stationery stores too, and find her other sisters to add them to my sketchbook 🥺

But yeah, going back to the subject, I still belive I didn't found all the available STF magazines in my region yet. As shocking as it may be, it's easier for me to find them in person than on the Internet, I'm lucky enough that my region has things like this, magazine stands that sell some really old stuff simply because no one bought them in 2015, and they are still there waiting to be bought.

As soon as I go there and FINALLY look everywhere I can (I'm 100% sure I'll find more magazine issues), and finally scan them, to finally make a post listing them, then I'll be able to add the link to the blog in my Cedric masterlist.

But I can't because I have to wait for a day when one of my parents has to go there, OR MAYBE, have a conversation with them and prepare myself to leave the city alone for the first time, and it would have to be on a day when I don't have classes to go to, plus I want to call a friend so I won't have to go completely alone. WAIT THIS WEEK I HAVE IT, IT'S TOMORROW, SHOULD I?

I think it's very close and I won't be able to prepare properly, plus I would have to talk to my parents first and schedule everything with my friend. I don't think it will happen tomorrow. I think the best thing to do is wait for my parents to have something or work to do there, and take a few minutes out of their visit to go to some magazine stands and stationery stores. I can go alone but I never did this before HELP it's one hour away 😭

I'll ask if my mother if she would like to go there just to do some shopping and spend some time together, she sometimes likes to go and buy some things there, we'll see

Telling you all this may make this masterlist and magazine thing seem like a lot of work, but I actually love doing it, it's therapeutic

live laugh love hyperfocus ❤️

Edit: I forgot to add something to this post so I made a part two.

[ladyofthewolfsbane]

They’re Made of Meat: How the Texas Chain Saw Massacre Forces Us to Confront the Horrors of Slaughter

This will be an analysis focusing on my interpretation of TCM and how it criticizes the meat industry. 

11/8/23 note: I originally posted this on my old horror blog. Since I privated my old blog, I wanted to post this here.

Disclaimer:

Three things before we start. First, given the nature of this analysis, I will describe the deaths of animals (as well as their mistreatment) and the fictional deaths of humans. I will use some images of animals in making my argument, but I’m not using images of dead animals.

Second, I am a vegetarian for ethical reasons, so my perspective will be undeniably biased. If me just mentioning that bothers you, this might not be the analysis for you.

Third, I’m not saying all of these things were intentional on the director’s part. This is simply my interpretation of the movie.

All that said, let’s begin.

You enter a dim room, and something feels … wrong. You have spent the last several hours in a hot metal vehicle, cramped with your companions. Now that you’ve left the vehicle, you’d hoped that this new place would provide some help and relief.

But this new place is dark and smells of decay.

You hear a sound and call for your friend. You come forward and walk up a ramp towards a strange room, and —

A hulking figure appears from nowhere and strikes your skull. You collapse, your feet flailing and clattering against the metal ramp. The hit downed you, but you still remain conscious. It takes two more strikes before you lose consciousness.

What I just described is the death scene of Kirk from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

What I just described is also the hypothetical destruction of a cow that entered a slaughterhouse and was improperly stunned with a captive bolt gun and who had to be stunned twice before being rendered insensible.

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre criticizes the meat industry by performing the very same trick I just played — by forcing the characters and the audience into the perspective of livestock. It accomplishes this by putting the characters in the position of animals sent to slaughter when each character encounters the Sawyer family.

Themes of slaughter and the meat industry enter the movie early on. Within the first 10 minutes of the movie, the characters pass cattle awaiting slaughter. At least one of the animals is clearly suffering — the audience is given a quick shot of a cow panting and frothing in the unforgiving summer heat.

Franklin then begins to describe how cattle were previously slaughtered with a sledgehammer, but a captive bolt gun is now used to stun them prior to bleeding. During his description, the ethics of meat is explicitly questioned.

Pam says, "People shouldn’t use animals for meat." From the beginning, Pam is essentially setting up the thesis of the movie — animals suffer for meat consumption, and we shouldn’t do it. She has heard the information and come to a conclusion.

However, Sally simply wants to look away. She says, "Franklin, I like meat, please change the subject."

Sally does not want to confront the reality of where meat comes from and what animals go through to provide her the meat she enjoys. Ironically, she will eventually be almost put through the slaughter process that she originally refused to confront.

Soon, the protagonists pick up the first member of the Sawyer family — the Hitchhiker. (Note: I know the family members are given names in TCM 2, but since I’m only talking about the first movie, I won’t use those names here.)

The confrontation of meat production continues as the Hitchhiker describes how his family has historically worked in the meat industry.

These two scenes being set at the beginning of the movie and the detail they go into about cattle slaughter frame the movie as a criticism of meat production.

Now, I’ll go into specific scenes. It won’t be a blow by blow recap of the movie, though I will go in order of events.

The first to be killed is Kirk. Kirk’s death closely parallels that of the slaughter of cattle. He enters an unknown area and travels up a metal ramp, not knowing what fate awaits him. His death occurs with little warning and is performed dispassionately. As mentioned at the beginning, his legs flail and kick before he dies, similar to cattle struggling during improper stunning in undercover slaughterhouse footage.

Leatherface’s weapon is even a sledgehammer — previously used in slaughtering cattle, as discussed at length by Franklin and the Hitchhiker.

Additionally, the sliding metal door that Leatherface slams is similar to the sliding metal door of a knock box that cattle are herded into so that they can be stunned.

Indeed, the entrance to Leatherface’s room is even surrounded by what appears to be cattle hides.

Soon after Kirk’s death, Pam comes to find him. She stumbles into a room covered in chicken feathers and filth. The floor closely resembles the living conditions that broiler chickens are forced to deal with inside factory farms. They are packed closely together and stand in layers of feathers and their own filth. In that room, there is even a chicken held in a small cage, perhaps paralleling the tiny battery cages factory farmed chickens have been kept in.

When Leatherface finds her, he treats her just as dispassionately as Kirk, and he hangs her on a meat hook like a side of beef.

Now, I think it’s time to discuss the Sawyers a bit more. The Sawyer family treats the protagonists in the same way that they would treat any non-human animal. In the Sawyer’s minds, it makes sense. Humans are, just like any animal, made of meat. To them, there is nothing that makes a human different from a cow.

While the movie primarily focuses on the plight of the "livestock," there is also some focus on how the meat industry is toxic to the workers as well.

In one scene after Jerry has also been killed, Leatherface is visibly in distress. People have been coming to his home in quick succession, and he feels he has had to kill them.

Slaughterhouse workers are often pressured to increase speed on the line, resulting in stress for the workers and lowered welfare standards for the animals they kill. According to the article Meatpacking: A Closer Look Inside a Secretive and Dangerous Industry, slaughterhouse workers are at a high risk for anxiety and PTSD. 

Later, Leatherface is berated and threatened by the Cook because the Cook believes he has performed below the standards expected of him. This parallels the pressure and mistreatment slaughterhouse workers may face from supervisors. 

"Some said their supervisors screamed and humiliated them to keep up production speed," Meatpacking: A Closer Look Inside a Secretive and Dangerous Industry said.

Returning to the protagonists, there are many striking scenes with Sally. Of all the characters, her experiences put the audience most directly and vividly in the position of an animal meant for slaughter.

The most disturbing parallels begin after she has escaped the Sawyer house for the first time. In this section of the movie, she goes to the gas station and briefly thinks that she is safe. Of course, she isn’t. 

The Cook recaptures her and proceeds to treat her like an animal, such as prodding her and beating her with a broom to get her to go where he wants.  Slaughterhouse workers have been caught on undercover footage similarly beating pigs with paddles and sticks and using electric prods to herd them. 

Then there is the infamous dinner scene. Sally is tied to a chair, staring in terror and screaming while the family mimic her cries and laugh at her. Her screams of distress mean no more to them than the bellowing of a cow or the squealing of a pig. In fact, there are even the sounds of pigs squealing and grunting in the background while she screams. Intermingling her sounds of distress with the cries of animals cements that they have become one in the same in this scenario. 

There is a lot of undercover slaughterhouse footage that captures workers mocking and taunting the animals that are clearly in distress, paralleling the Sawyer’s mockery of Sally. 

This mockery and verbal abuse in the meat industry likely comes from what I mentioned earlier — the need of slaughterhouse workers to disassociate to do their jobs. This causes them to see animals as objects to take their frustration out on rather than living things that can suffer.

"The worst thing, worse than the physical danger, is the emotional toll," said a former slaughterhouse employee in Slaughterhouse: The Shocking Story of Greed, Neglect, and Inhumane Treatment Inside the U.S. Meat Industry. "Pigs down on the kill floor have come up to nuzzle me like a puppy. Two minutes later I had to kill them. … I can’t care."

There are moments when the Cook seems to have twinges of regret about what they’re doing, saying he takes no pleasure in killing, that they shouldn’t torture her.

But he believes the killing is necessary. He has to shut down his sympathy for Sally. Just like the former slaughterhouse worker quoted above, he can’t care.

Eventually, the Sawyers decide to allow Grandpa to kill Sally. They lean her over a bucket and hand him a sledgehammer, again using the same method to kill her as they would to kill an animal. All the while she screams and cries and the verbal abuse continues.

 The Hitchhiker uses misogynistic terms to refer to her, similar to workers using such terms for female animals trying to escape their fate.

And Sally does manage to escape her fate. 

I doubt this was intentional, but there is a striking parallel between her escape and the rare cases of cattle escaping from slaughter. She smashes through a window and runs for her life in any direction she can and ends up on a road where chaos ensues. 

There are cases of cattle escaping slaughter by breaking through a fence and running the streets, which causes similar confusion and chaos to Sally’s escape. A notable example are the "St. Louis Six," who were six cows that escaped slaughter and were later taken to a sanctuary. 

Sally, too, is helped by kind strangers. One of the most notable strangers who helps her is a cattle truck driver that throws a wrench at Leatherface. While his job is to transport cattle to slaughter, he has unknowingly saved a woman who has escaped the same fate as the cattle he transports. 

At the end of the film, Sally escapes in the back of a truck, covered in blood and laughing. 

At the beginning of the film, she said, "Franklin, I like meat, please change the subject."

By the end, Sally could no longer look away. She could no longer ignore reality of the meat industry, for she had been dragged to a slaughterhouse herself, now no different than the meat she enjoyed. And the audience, too, is forced to witness the terror of the slaughterhouse through Sally’s eyes.

[bad-surprise]

⭐️directors commentary of your choice please?

i held onto this for a minute because i knew i wanted to wait until the fic was complete (same for museum, that’s sitting in my inbox for now)

apologies in advance, this is a long one.

but i thought you might

haladriel modern au | E | 135.4k | 26/26

but i thought you might (bitym) began as a promptfill i posted on december 9th, 2022— the day i created my fandom twitter account.

at very basic level, bitym is a story about purity culture and the impact it has on those who grow up within it, even if they believe they never bought into the conditioning. it taught me that i love writing about sex— particularly deeply psychological sex scenes that reveal new info about the characters and their relationship, motivations, and overall dynamic.

it really only exists because my husband had covid that week, and because i was exposed but tested negative we were isolating separately. i had a lot of time to fill and spent a lot of it daydreaming, listening to music, and writing little bits of a story in my notes app. there was a very clear moment where hal’s voice just clicked for me and the first chapter came together from there. chapters 1, 2, the last half of 4, and 5 were all written first, back when i thought it would be an 8k one shot. i still have the draft of this, along with another one shot version of it.

it was inspired by memories of high school, particularly one off-campus lunch senior year where a friend confessed that she and her boyfriend had sex and she enjoyed it and didn’t know what to do with that. i believe my response was “i’m pretty sure you’re supposed to like it,” but she started crying. hal and gal’s high school is largely based on the private religious school i attended, and when i imagine their campus, that’s the image in my mind.

i really struggled to find a title, and sort of impulsively chose a line from home by daughter because i thought that song captured the right vibe.

personally, the story only becomes something i’m not embarrassed by around chapter 6. i knew what i was writing towards at that point but only in vague terms. going back into hal’s pov there for the first time since chapter 2 really clarified things for me. i’m not proud of it until chapter 10.

note: spoilers for the entirety of but i thought you might below.

many of my favorite elements were happy accidents, including the introduction of luthien, the two year time jump in chapter 11, the entire diner scene, and hal going to therapy. in conversations with my husband, i was adamant for so long that bitym!hal would never go to therapy. i underestimated what he would be willing to do for gal.

i didn’t really know the ending until around march, and a key aspect of it changed while drafting the penultimate chapter. the original ending i had in mind was incredibly dark, much closer to the shark in your water. it was initially going to be a story about hal thinking he was free from the religious conditioning but turning out to be just as toxic as fin, and galadriel coming to terms with being trapped. i was terrified when this changed and so so scared that hal would lose empathy from readers because of what he did, but ultimately that doesn’t seem to have happened.

the process of writing felt like constant excavation. i felt my way through the story intuitively, with a very flexible list of some plot points in my mind, but i was pretty much flying blind here. i’m so glad it worked out alright in the end.

easter eggs/random bits of info

references

“but they say you have the voice of an angel” is a reference to the music of the ainur

many celebrian moments were inspired by tiktoks and reddit posts.

“the last person i dated was awful” from chapter 17 (i think?) is the only morgoth reference in the whole fic. i debated including him but it ultimately felt like too much work to add it in and i don’t think the story needed it.

when hal’s telling galadriel how he lost his virginity, he says “she had a boyfriend anyway”. this is a reference to the song sex by the 1975.

in chapter 18, the event the girls go to is a reference to revolve tour (the girls who get it, get it)

the conversation hal and gal have about the differences in sex ed for girls and guys at their school is intended to slightly reference “then why is it not gone from here?” in the show, which is largely how it felt for me to leave evangelicalism before recovering from a lot of the related trauma. i didn’t believe it anymore, so why was it still strangling me all the fucking time?

depression as anger turned inward comes from my therapist, who knows i used it in this fic.

takes 20 attempts for halbrand to get the ring right because 3 rings for the eleven kings + 7 for the dwarf lords + 9 for mortal men = 19 before he forges the one.

hal is an aeronautical engineer working in the defense sector. this is a reference to some legendarium stuff around sauron in numenor.

writing process + personal shit:

in the first draft, hal was morgoth’s son and there was a plot point involving the theft of the silmarils.

the nursing student line in chapter 1 is based on some people i knew at university.

i am too embarrassed to read chapters 2 and 3. like i just want to curl up and hide whenever i think about either of those chapters, i think they’re terrible.

there are many “deleted scenes” from bitym that just didn’t fit into the narrative in the end, so they live in the unused scenes folder in my scrivener project. one of these scenes— a description of hal’s apartment— actually ended up being used for museum, and another scene i deleted was reworked for chapter 7 of shark.

i wrote the infamous chapter 5 car scene in the middle of the night, during what felt like a dissociative state, because i knew if i wasn’t exhausted my inner critic would start shame spiraling due to my own religious upbringing.

every single purity culture experience in the text, with the exception of chastity club and the purity pledge, is something that actually happened in my life. the only reason i didn’t do a purity pledge is because i missed youth group that week.

“they cannot convince her she’s sinned” is 100% from my own experience of being surprised by my complete lack of guilt lol.

i really want to have a longer convo about the consent stuff in it because i’m fascinated by some of the responses i got to the chapter 5 car scene. some people were really angry with me for it, which was interesting bc i really had the archive warning on there because of the birth control tampering.

i fucked up the time skip in chapter 11 and added an extra year. this changed the story dramatically (and is why the ending ultimately changed) but i prefer the way it turned out. i also fucked up the age gap between fin and gal, and don’t ask me what grade celebrian is in bc basically i cannot do math to save my life.

i find it really interesting how many readers seem to think galadriel’s POV chapters are more reliable than hal’s, because i definitely see it the opposite way.

i get super nervous about the references to their jobs because i’m terrified of getting something wrong but definitely don’t know the ins and outs. i do research, but i still feel super inadequate there, which is why you never see her at work and only see him at work twice.

chapter 13 (diner scene) was so difficult to plan, but once i decided to use those two songs, it became fairly straightforward. it’s one of my favorite chapters in the entire story.

you probably know this by now if you’ve read chapter 25, but their first kiss being in a closet was 100% deliberate.

i’m so so proud of the sequence with the pregnancy tests in chapter 15.

i decided celebrian would be in this while writing chapter 6.

the drive home from the bachelorette party was written about five days after i started working on bitym.

i knew as soon as chapter 6 that hal would wait until celebrian was born to tell galadriel that he loved her, but holy shit it was so difficult to wait that long.

the scene I’m most proud of is the opening to chapter 23.

misc. in universe info:

the night out with elrond and miriel in chapter 22 stresses me out so much bc gal doesn’t understand what she’s doing and it’s such a horrible position for hal to be in, seeing how she’s basically asking him to come out to her before he’s ready. this all happens only a few days before galadriel leaves for the first time.

hal doesn’t know that galadriel doesn’t think they’re a couple until B+L’s wedding. his response when she tries to bring it up earlier is because he’s worried officially defining it its going to either set him up for failure, or scare her off completely, but in his mind, they were basically together together as soon as he said “yeah, i think i’ll keep you” in chapter 5.

there are subtextual references to substance use issues in hal’s family. this is why he doesn’t drink much or do drugs— though by his 32nd birthday his attitude is a bit more relaxed, considering that their second child is conceived while both of them are drunk lol

in chapter 12, galadriel left her car in accessory for too long and the battery died. hal is fully aware of this and totally could’ve just jumped her battery but he missed her and wanted an excuse to spend time with her.

galadriel’s apprehension about motherhood doesn’t come from a lack of interest altogether, but because the only model she’s really had is one of 100% loss of identity, which is something she’s not willing to do. initially, i planned on this being her ultimate fate and good lord i’m so happy i didn’t go there.

i’m very careful in hal’s therapy sessions to have him refer to “people” he’s dated/slept with, rather than “women.”

galadriel’s friends 100% thought she was sleeping with hal AND celeborn in high school, hence their confusion at her response to finding out they were sexually active then.

hal’s parents aren’t actually homophobic or biphobic, they just didn’t know how to handle that situation and so they sort of pretended it didn’t happen. and if you want to know what happened, it’s just your usual homophobic bullying— the boy he liked turned on him to avoid being a target himself.

hal has had panic attacks his entire life but wasn’t diagnosed with panic disorder until shortly before galadriel moved out for real. he’s very resistant to using rescue meds and thinks he should just be able to tough it out.

they split bills proportionally based on income, with hal contributing 66% and gal 34% around the time of celebrian’s birth. galadriel doesn’t know much about hal’s finances until they buy the house.

i loved seeing how responses to amarie changed as she challenged expectations in the later timeline. i feel really bad for her— it’s implied in the final chapter that she married fin when she was 20 and he was 24, and she dropped out of college as a result. what they’re struggling with by the end is the fact that she wants to finish her degree and has made peace with the fact that they don’t have kids— more of that will be in peppermint for sure.

another aspect in the background that i knew about but decided against mentioning is that celebrian was born just before covid, which is a huge part of why they fell out with galadriel’s family. hal’s health anxiety meant nobody was getting anywhere near his baby and they were not feeling that at all. this might come up a little in peppermint, we’ll see. i doubt i would directly mention covid, just the fact that both of them were working from home for a large part of celebrian’s first few months.

celebrian’s first word was fuck. hal insists it doesn’t count. gal disagrees.

both hal and gal can be read as neurodivergent. it’s revealed in peppermint that celebrian does have adhd. hal also can be read as meeting the diagnostic criteria for borderline personality disorder— that was unintentional but i think it makes a lot of sense.

significant influences on bitym

films/tv

like crazy

normal people

about time

saved

couples therapy

the worst person in the world

before midnight

lady bird

500 days of summer

non-fiction

leaving the fold: a guide for former fundamentalists and others leaving their religion by marlene winell

complex ptsd: from surviving to thriving by pete walker

hold me tight by sue johnson

adult children of emotionally immature parents by lindsay c. gibson

three women by lisa taddeo

fiction

normal people by sally rooney

beautiful world where are you? by sally rooney

little rabbit by alyssa songsiridej

the unbearable lightness of being by milan kundera

atonement by ian mcewan

musical theater

the last five years

spring awakening

once

my favorite lines

Fighting is foreplay, so they never fight fair. Grievances are grenades, painstakingly primed for maximum impact. If the situation escalates to all-out warfare, consequences take a brutal turn. All hope of a ceasefire hangs on her eventual surrender to submission. — chapter 8

“Stop fucking running from what you want,” he murmurs, slipping his free hand beneath her shoulders, golden hair tangled around his wrist and laced between his fingers as they sink into her skin. “You’re not scared of me, you’re scared of yourself.” The words sear into her with the precision of a cautery pen, burning through any vestiges of self-denial still humming in her mind, loosening each thought at the root. — chapter 10

Galadriel murmured the words over and over again, whispering them against his lips, pressing them into his mouth, until the taste of each syllable was as familiar to him as the salt of her tears. — chapter 11

“Deciding to leave is very different from deciding to not love you anymore.” — chapter 13

If Galadriel is sunlight, Celebrian is made from the stars. — chapter 21

“I’d be first in line at the gates of hell,” Hal says slowly, with all the steadfast solemnity of a vow or a prayer, “if it meant I could keep this beautiful fucking life of ours for just a little longer.” — chapter 25

“You can stop beating yourself up for this shit, honey.” Hal’s thumb brushes her temple. “It’s not on you to fix something you didn’t fucking break.” — chapter 26

Maybe Hal was right. Maybe these moments only matter because of their fleeting, ephemeral nature. Maybe that overwhelming ache she once believed would shatter her served as a method to hollow out space for feeling to inhabit— this precious alloy of quiet contentment and contagious joy, irresistible wonder and the recalcitrance of love, all bound together by a strand of defiant hope. — chapter 26

“I might never be able to heal the parts of you— of us, of our family, our life— that I’ve broken. But you have my word, Galadriel,” his voice drops, each syllable low and firm, carrying the weight of an oath, “I will keep trying— until my last fucking breath, until the end of the goddamn world.” — chapter 26

that was probably a lot more than anyone wanted to know haha, so i’ll stop myself there. this fic means so fucking much to me and i’m so so proud of it. i never thought i’d be capable of writing anything like it and it’s so overwhelming in the best way to know that it means a lot to other people too.

hopefully this answered a lot of questions, but my ask box is open for anything at all— i could talk about concepts in and the process of writing bitym for days (i’m usually holding back bc i don’t want to be annoying) so please feel free to reach out with whatever.

and again, thank you all for everything. you’re amazing.

[wildsupernova]

oh, brother.

summary: after a trip to indianapolis, steve starts a long distance relationship with the lead singer of a band performing at a popular grunge bar. little does he know he’s actually dating his best friend’s sister.

word count: 2.4k

warnings: vulgar language, insinuations of sex

authors note

i’m gonna be honest with you guys, this is kind of a shitpost chapter just so i can put something out while i work on more serious stuff lol. i don’t really know how i feel about it but hey, i think it’s pretty funny, so enjoy.

x reader prompts list | full masterlist

Steve had no idea Eddie had a sister until he started dating her.

Looking back on it, it should have been obvious. Despite minute physical differences in appearance, they were practically the same person; same attitude, same likes and dislikes, same sarcastic looks and semi-annoying attitude. Eddie had talked about her once or twice, never really knowing enough about her to share any useful information. All he’d ever said was that his uncle told him he had a sister he’d never met. 

Steve had only met her on a roadtrip to Indianapolis with Robin. It was an impromptu trip to mark Robin’s last summer before college (even though she was only enrolled in community college a half hour away), with Robin claiming she wanted to enjoy her ‘last few days of freedom.’ They’d already spent the first half of the week with the rest of the group, so when Robin suggested she and Steve pack a few things and spend the weekend in Indianapolis, Steve was quick to fill his bags and grab his keys. 

They’d been itching for something to do since driving into town, dropping their bags off in their cheap motel rooms and aimlessly driving around town to find something to do. They’d seen a few small paper signs taped to light posts about a concert going on in the basement of some grunge bar, deciding it was about the only thing they could find that wasn’t closed at 10 pm on a Thursday. After a 15 minute drive through downtown Indianapolis in an effort to find a place, they finally pulled into the dark parking lot behind the building and made their way down the ramp to the basement. 

The basement was probably no wider than the basement of Steve’s house, packed from wall to wall with teens and young adults that were drunk, high, or both. A small stage sat against the wall across from the bar, a few stage lights hanging from the ceiling and a black curtain cutting off the stage from whatever laid behind it. The band’s equipment sat on the stage; a drumset, an electric bass, a guitar. The bright purple guitar sitting next to the microphone stand reminded Steve a lot of Eddie’s, making a mental note to tell Eddie about this place next time he tagged along.

Steve and Robin didn’t know how long they had been standing there before the stage lights kicked on, the second hand high and alcohol all mixing together thanks to a bar that didn’t card and a smoke circle going on in one of the far corners. Anyone else from Hawkins might have had a heart attack seeing it, but Steve was just glad nobody had started popping pills or snorting lines; he’d been to far too many parties with those kinds of people. 

Steve, deciding to spend the night sober considering he was the one that had to drive the two of them back to the motel, was on Robin babysitting duty, despite the fact that he was doing a really shitty job of it; she’d already found her home with one of the other girls in the venue, drink in hand and distant look in her eyes. When he went over to make sure she was alright, the other girl assured him she was sober and Robin was in good hands, so he decided to let her have her fun for the night and mingle amongst the crowd.

As soon as the curtain on the back of the stage opened, the crowd started to go wild, sending out whistles and cheers at the performers that began to fill the stage. He hadn’t seen the name of the band on the sign, nor was it anywhere in the venue, so he didn’t know what to expect. This wasn’t exactly his usual hangout, only coming to places like this whenever Eddie landed a gig or wanted to get loose for the night. He decided to just stand to the back of the crowd and watch as the band set up, eyes never leaving the stage as the last band member came through the curtains. 

You were probably one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen, basked in the red and blue stage lights shimmering a few feet above you. The black leather skirt you wore covered very little, so short it was a wonder it covered anything at all. A white t-shirt covered in colorful paint splatters was tucked into it, covered by a leather jacket littered with patches, doodles, and pins. The fishnet tights that adorned your legs were ripped in various places and disappeared under the tops of thick black combat boots, with a belt loosely hanging around your waist that tied everything together. Your maroon painted lips curled up in a confident smile, and you winked at Steve as the two of you locked eyes. 

He was hardly able to focus on anything except you, taking note of the way your eyes closed when you got particularly into your performance, or the way your black painted nails shimmered in the light as your delicate hands wrapped around the neck of the guitar. He drowned in your cover of Pat Benatar’s Heartbreaker, and let every note flow through him and cover him like the smoke floating around his head. 45 minutes later and the set was over, much to his dismay, and he sighed as he watched you walk back through the black curtains behind you.

Fully prepared to leave and never see you again, he went on his search to find Robin, finding her engaged in a heated game of drunk Rock-Paper-Scissors with the group of girls she’d found a home with at the beginning of the night. Steve, deciding to let her be, decided to take a seat at the bar, nursing a Coke to pass the time.

“Quite the show out there tonight. The usual?” The bartender, a thin blonde woman wearing the most extravagant goth makeup Steve had ever seen, spoke to someone behind Steve’s back as she dried out one of the glasses. The woman she was speaking to sat down in the barstool next to Steve’s, leaning her top half on the bartop.

“You know me better than anyone.” The bartender nodded and smiled in response, setting off on getting you your drink. Steve glanced at you out of the corner of his eyes but didn’t say anything, much to your disappointment. “I’ve been waiting for you to say something to me all night. Figured you’d at least come a little closer to the stage.”

“Didn’t want to bother you.” He saw you swivel the barstool towards him, legs crossed and leaning one arm against the bar. 

“Pretty face like yours could never be a bother.” Steve felt the redness rush to his cheeks. “First time here?”

“Is it that obvious?” You laughed.

“Let's just say you don’t exactly look like one of the regulars here.” You thanked the bartender as she put your drink down in front of you, a red concoction of alcohol he didn’t know. You took a sip, barely flinching at what had to be heavy liquor based on the vodka bottle he’d seen the bartender pick up earlier. “Where are you from?”

“Hawkins. A couple hours away from here.”

“I’ve got family there, an uncle and a brother. Never been to a place like that, not really my thing. What brings you to Indianapolis?”  

You and Steve shared small talk for what had to have been an hour, based on how far the hands of Steve’s watch had moved, but neither of you were in a rush for the conversation to end. The conversation had quickly become flirty, a tone initiated by you, and the next thing Steve knew he was driving you back to his motel room. 

He spent the rest of the weekend traveling around Indianapolis with you, spending time at parks, restaurants, practically anywhere that provided any sort of entertainment. When he left to drive back from Hawkins, you exchanged numbers and vowed to stay in touch, and before either you knew it, you were embroiled in a 3 month long long-distance relationship. Robin often made fun of Steve for driving to Indianapolis a few times a month just to see you, but he simply ignored it and kept his usual routine. 

He was ecstatic when you called him and said you were coming down to Hawkins for a few weeks to see family, planning out everywhere he could take you in town (which really limited his options, but he was being optimistic). He really should have connected the dots when Eddie had mentioned his sister from Indianapolis was coming down to Hawkins to meet him and his uncle, but he was too clouded by hormones and his own stupidity to see the signs. 

Now here he was, sitting on top of one of the picnic tables in Eddie’s trailer park, patiently waiting for Eddie’s sister to show up. Eddie had been begging Steve and the rest of the group to meet her ever since he heard she was coming down, barely giving them a choice. Steve had been engaged in a conversation with Robin when the car pulled up, Eddie rushing forward to greet the driver. Steve froze when the door opened and she stepped out. 

“So, naturally, I said- hey, dingus, you still with me?” Robin slapped his arm to try and get his attention, and when she followed his line of sight, she practically cackled like an evil witch. 

Because you were standing there a few feet away, hugging the long lost brother you had met only a few days ago. Your brother. One of Steve’s best friends. Steve was dating his best friend’s sister. 

Oh god. 

He slapped Robin upside the head to get her to shut up, shooting down the barrage of questions now being fired at him from Nancy and Jonathan. He tried to stay casual when the two of you walked over, but the moment the two of you locked eyes, both of you went red as a tomato. 

“Steve?”

“Hey, Y/n.” Eddie’s head ping ponged back and forth between the two of you, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

“Wait, you two know each other?” Robin got up from her seat and hid the ear to ear grin on her face, tossing her empty beer can in the trash.

“I am going to go get another beer before this shit storm hits. Good luck, you two.” She held up a salute as she walked back towards the trailer. You cleared your throat, putting on the most innocent smile you could muster.

“You know that guy I was telling you about over the phone? The one I met at the bar?” Eddie still didn’t connect the dots, only looking at you with a confused expression. “Eddie, that guy was, no is, Steve.”

The words hung in the air for a second, the silence far more deafening than anything Eddie was going to say. Nancy covered her mouth in an effort to hide the laugh threatening to slip from between her lips. Jonathan’s lips were pursed to stop from smiling, and Steve could see Robin peering out from around the corner of the trailer to watch from a safe distance. When Eddie finally registered it, he clenched his fists and took a breath. 

“WHAT?” The next five minutes were a shit show. Nancy finally let out the laugh she’d been holding in, Jonathan let himself snicker and smile. Steve only sat there and flushed red as Eddie threw a variety of particularly vulgar words at him, yourself trying to hold him back and prevent anything from turning into a physical confrontation. Eventually, you dragged him back to the trailer, shutting the door behind you to shut him off from the group and calm him down. Robin came back laughing, fresh beer in hand. 

“Oh god, what are the odds?”

“I cannot believe that she’s the girl you kept talking about! You call her everyday, how did you not know?” Nancy wiped the tears from her eyes, shaking her head.

“He hasn’t just been calling her everyday, he drives there every other weekend to fuck her, too.”

“Robin! Come on, you’re just making it worse.” He held his head in his hands, trying to hide the red flush on his face. “How was I supposed to know? When she talked about her brother that lived in Hawkins I never thought she was talking about Eddie!”

“Yes, because it’s so difficult to figure out when Eddie also kept talking about his sister from Indianapolis.” Robin rolled her eyes. Steve sat there for a second and sighed.

“Wow, I am an idiot.”

“I wasn’t gonna say it.”

A few moments later, he heard the door of Eddie’s trailer open and then slam shut, looking up to see Eddie stalking towards him, red in the face. He braced himself for something along the lines of a punch, but Eddie only pressed a finger to his chest.

“You do anything to her and I swear to god, I’ll kill you.” Steve only offered a nervous nod in response, watching as Eddie sighed and shook his head. You appeared behind him, biting your bottom lip. “God, I need a drink.” 

When Eddie left, you approached Steve, letting out a relieved sigh and a smile.

“Hi.” He smiled at you. 

“Hi.” You shoved your hands in your pants pockets, rocking back and forth nervously. “If I’d known, I would have told you. I told Eddie he couldn’t blame you, since he never even told you my name. And I guess since I never told you his.”

“Well, let’s just hope the awkwardness has faded.” The two of you shared a laugh, and then fell into introductions and re-introductions with the rest of the group sitting at the table. Despite a few sideways glances from Eddie, the rest of the afternoon went smoothly, and by the time the sun dipped below the horizon, you were relishing in the feeling of family.

And hey, at least you wouldn’t have to go through the awkwardness of introducing Steve to your family, considering he already knew them.

[sheliesshattered]

Despite my lack of posting in the last few weeks, I did actually manage to finish my velvet Yule dress in time to wear it on the 21st, to a live performance of the Nutcracker. I was working on it up until an hour or two before I needed to get ready -- which is to say, a day or two later than I had hoped to finish it -- and then with the holidays and liminal space week, I'm just now getting around to writing up a post about it.

In my last update, I was in the midst of replacing the center front panel of the dress, less than a week before I planned to wear it, to fix a problem with the fit. I mentioned in the notes of the post on the 16th, when I had decided I needed to do this in order to really be happy with the dress, that I re-drafted the center front panel earlier this year to work better with stretch knits -- and then forgot I'd done that when I cut out the velvet, and cut the stretch center front rather than the original. Here's the two center panels on top of each other, to illustrate the difference:

I gained some width through the bust, where it was pulling a bit before I put the sleeves on, and a lot of width through the shoulders, which is where the fit problem had really made itself known. This whole maneuver was risky, especially with so little time left to go, but it turned out that the process of picking out the seams went really quickly, maybe 10 minutes total. The cotton thread just slid out of the silk velvet. I spent significantly more time pinning the new seams in place than I did taking out the old seams.

I did end up hand-sewing the shoulder seams, where the center front, center back, side front, and side back panels all come together in a sort of four-way intersection. If it's off by so much as a millimeter, it's obvious, and so getting it to meet up correctly was much easier to do by hand -- and even then I had to wiggle it around to get the matching exactly how I wanted it. It ended up better than it had been before I replaced the center front panel.

As soon as I was able to try the dress on with the new panel, I knew I'd made the right choice. The fit was much better, no more weird pulling. It took me about a day and a half of work total, but it was worth it in the end.

Once that was done, I was able to do the hem on the neckline, using a thin strip of flannel like I did on the sleeve ends. I had thought I would be able to do a machine blind hem on the neck (and the skirt hem) because there's plenty of room to get it into the machine (unlike the sleeve hems, which are so narrow I knew I had to do them by hand). But I couldn't figure out how to get the blind hem secured with pins or clips in a way that wouldn't injure the velvet, so I ended up doing it by hand with a prick-stitch that's fairly invisible in the velvet pile -- on Friday morning, when I intended to wear it Saturday evening. That just left the skirt hem to finish.

Leveling the hem is always a bit of an adventure, since I don't have a mannequin, but with the nearly-floor-length dresses I've been favoring lately, it's relatively easy: while barefoot I place pins where the skirt hits the floor, use those pins as a guide to pin out a nice curve across half of the dress, cut just below that line, and cut the other side to match. Then when I turn up a hem, it ends up being just a little bit off the floor when I'm not wearing shoes, and slightly higher than that when I wear shoes, such that it still feels floor-length but I never actually step on it. It's weirdly easier than trying to hem something to knee-length.

But by the end of the day Friday the 20th, I had only gotten as far as cutting the hem to length and sewing the flannel facing to it, and then realizing I was going to have to hand-sew it rather than do the machine blind hem. After a small breakdown at not being nearly as close to finished as I hoped, I slept in fits and starts and spent the rest of the night making a plan for finishing the dress during the day on Saturday while still leaving enough time to actually get ready to go out in the dress.

For all my angst and worry the night before, the dress hem came together pretty easily, and I even had time to sew on a hook-and-eye above the zipper and then take a little nap before I needed to start getting ready for the evening.

Jack was kind enough to take a picture of me when I first put the dress on, with my hair still up in twists:

Earlier in the year, I made a double-strand necklace with the tiny garnet beads left over from my Rhaenyra cosplay (I ended up doing less than half of the beading I had planned to on that dress) and it was the perfect match for the burgundy velvet of this dress. Once I was fully ready to head out for the evening, Jack took another few photos of the finished dress:

For the evening at the Nutcracker performance, I layered my 25 yard burgundy cotton skirt underneath, both for warmth and for the extra volume in the skirt (as seen in both the full-length shots above) and warm nice-looking boots with warm socks, since I'm always cold, and then my beloved leather jacket over top. We hadn't been to this particular theater before, so we left with plenty of time to get lost or have to search for parking -- and then the drive went off without a hitch and parking was easy, so we had some time to grab a couple of photos in front of the theater, which was nicely decorated for the holidays.

I've had a pin on my Pinterest board since August with someone wearing a black leather jacket over a floor-length burgundy dress, and I was quite pleased with the final look. Jack wore his Very Fancy Santa hat, made of the same velvet, so we both looked nicely festive. The Nutcracker was amazing, and I think the Long Beach Ballet may have my favorite staging and choreography of all the Nutcrackers I've seen over the years.

Overall I'm really pleased with how my velvet Yule dress turned out, and so relieved that I managed to finish it in time to wear it to the Nutcracker performance that was basically the only opportunity I had to dress up this holiday season. But now that the dress is done -- and no changes that need to be made -- I can add it to my collection of reliable stand-bys to wear when I have the chance.

I have a little bit of the velvet left over, and a few ideas for what I might do with it, but all of that will have to be left for my 2025 plans. Happy new year everyone!

[spyral-out-keep-going]

Ok Hozier concert thoughts in order of the set list but also no order for the random things I remember

Awesome venue (Blossom Amphitheater). If I lived closer I’d go to so many shows. Also we drove through a little bit of the Cuyahoga National Park on our way out. It was a dark forest but would love to go back someday

Cool set! It looked like a scarf kinda, then the lighting and visuals changed it and the “scarf fringe” became the roots underground! Which like makes way more sense - it’s related to the album duh (yes I did have an edible before the show)

Opener Joy Oladokun was fantastic! Will be listening to more of her music. (Also the way she left the stage was so cool. The guitar sounded on all atmospheric and it was just neat)

Omg Hozier and band started off with De Selby pt 1 & 2 and it was magical. Like. It sounds like the album. But better even??

Also we stood up when he came out and didn’t sit down once - the energy was up!

Jackie & Wilson, From Eden - yes yes love them!

Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene was another one that somehow? Was better live

Dinner and Diatribes - loved the visuals they had on the screen at the back of the main stage and off to the sides. (I posted a short clip of this one)

Speaking of I didn’t record any whole song, just tried to catch all the talking bits between songs. He named all kinds of crew (and individual thank yous. Very nice) and at the end we all sang happy birthday to one of his crew team members!

There one bit where Hozier was like if you’re down there then who’s up here on stage? And the screen shows a dude with Hozier-like hair and beard got the crowd laughing - funny guy!

Next song was Francesca - 10/10 beautiful one of my favorites I love it

It Will Come Back - excellent dirty guitar and the lows he gets to make me shiver

Like Real People Do - so pretty

I, Carion (Icarian) - SO HAPPY he played this I wanted to cry

Abstract (Psychopomp) - he introduced it by of course mentioning the animal thdid mention before they started playing that “it ends on a happy note because it died a very quick death. It was fine. It didn’t suffer. Too long. It didn’t suffer too long. Happy Tuesday” (And that is a direct quote because I got that on video). Like… Sir 😆 Happy Tuesday I guess lol

Would That I - chilling the vibe a bit more - but got the crowd harmonizing which sounded so great

Just to get the crowd hype for Too Sweet!

Almost (Sweet Music) - beautiful vibes again

Eat Your Young - his voice hitting those high notes!

And of course Take Me to Church - powerful beautiful and got the progress flag out at the end 💗

They all went off stage but he came back alone (now hair up in a ponytail!) for an acoustic Cherry Wine performance. Gorgeous

Unknown - I will sha la la anytime anywhere

Nina Cried Power - another one of my favorites! And he introduced it by of course mentioning Ms. Mavis Staples and how big and small ways we can make a difference each day, and segued into the power of protest and what it’s achieved and then basically repeated what he said at Lolla (& maybe other shows?) about calling for ceasefire and a free Palestine and contacting our representatives. Like over 5 minutes and well worth it because it needs to be said. and acted upon.

Last one was Work Song. Just a perfect end.

So many kudos to the band

And seriously a tornado touched down in the area so the venue told everyone to shelter in our cars so my friend and I watched the clouds for a funnel and heard the sirens a few times and thankfully it passed and the show went on! Just a 30 minute delay of the gate opening. I know everyone there was manifesting the end to the severe weather lol

I will definitely try to see him live again. 100% with every penny! Oh yeah and Hozier thanked everyone and recognized the money spent to see him and other artists.

Very classy guy. Quality

[jenevawashere]

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats: how about no

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?  I wanted Wanda Maximoff in the X-men movies. I had a vision for it and I might revisit it someday...

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6mwovYLQUxzDlP3bR1L5GS?si=baa885e9c42c4fc9

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that? seven. It has become more enjoyably as my writing style has changed. I edit as I go because I write in chunks, then go back and edit when I hit a metaphorical wall.

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis: ok! good luck decoding this shit: 📍🛑🔩👁️🍫

🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help? none of them are on here that I know of but Q and S. Maybe G depending on who...

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love: I have a whole list. So instead, here's a shit ton of my bookmarks. https://archiveofourown.org/users/FriendofthePhoenix1234/bookmarks

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?  5 in the main

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis: How do you tag on here? Seriously, not a joke I have yet to learn that skill.

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both? Original or existing characters.

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before: I'm allergic to watermelon. No idea how the fuck that is possible but it happens.

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time? Short answer? Life. Long answer? Also life. And procrastination.

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favorite ships or pairings: uhhhhhhhhh NEXT!

🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual? shit if I know. Just hang out and say hi every once in a while. If we share fandoms, then cool! *shrugs in idk*

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now: finally having a job, a few projects to switch through, and my cat.

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? fic notes. See previous wip related question to try and figure that out

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character: I'm gonna have to come back to this one. Brain overloaded when this question came up

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project? recently? (more on a personal level in terms of weirdness) a bunch of information on science related topics. I was the arts kid in a stem class so you can imagine how weird searching for that stuff is.

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on: "Be the kool aid man."

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best? My doctor who fics and literally anyone else that isn't me and has a much better understanding of the whoniverse.

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity: there's no advice from me. It happens, sometimes for months on end and it sucks.

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh: Oh boy! We have another list! "Burn it. Burn the jacket." "A fire? At the sea parks?!" "Hamburger (the H is silent in this context)" "Surprise harmonica" and I'm going to stop listing things now...

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work? ANY! Seriously, even if it's a single emoji, please say something. Kudos can only do so much, and that's assuming I count them.

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate: I just spent a good five minutes trying to remember what character I hate. I think I've blocked them out in all honesty.

🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told? I have the memory of a goldfish, you expect me to remember that?

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately: I hate Hate HATE gathering basting stitches SO MUCH 

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? Music.

🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing: what you think is bad, someone else will think is good. What you think is good, someone else will think is bad.

🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises? depends on a lot of factors here. Need more specifics.

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here: *panics* Have 58 instead! *awkward jazz hands*

Lars had forgotten his keys at work. He had made it all the way to the door before he realized he couldn’t get into his flat - apartment according to Americans. He still called it the “wrong thing,” no matter how many times he was corrected. 

“Of fucking course.” He rolled his eyes as his shoulders slumped in defeat.

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username? X-men fan. Jean Grey is a favorite. That's where all the Phoenix stuff in my original username came from. The one on here is a pseudonym.

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them: I ask again. HOW DOES ONE TAG?

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them: Cat and no. You don't deserve picture of my baby floof.

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it: ...am I allowed to say a whole book? If yes, then the Scarland Art Book that was literally just announced.

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately? Stuff I don't like.

[presumenothing]

assorted translation notes on the novel opening sprinkled with peanut gallery comments (or possibly vice versa, idk):

yes that is a cluedo reference in the case title i couldn't stop myself and i'm not sorry

"…of the sixth month": not july, because this is in lunar calendar

"lucky pattern lotus parlour": ok i spent like at least One Whole Minute considering whether or not to talk myself out of this one. still didn't, still not sorry, alliteration funny

"bingshan town": could also be pingshan, flip a coin

anyway li lianhua arriving in their main street with his wholeass house like. it's Free Real Estate

"town god/local shrine": original term here is 土地庙 for the record. anyway who's gonna write the crackfic where li lianhua wakes up one morning in some random town to find that the locals have set up an entire shrine offering right outside complete with massive incense burner and all

wait hang on li lianhua was spring cleaning for TEN DAYS STRAIGHT??

"surname Li, named Lianhua": if anyone has come up with a better way of rendering 姓李，叫莲花 please tell me because i haven't

pov you're swiping through tinder when suddenly one of the profiles is just like Jianghu's #1 Most Very Mystery every biodata field is We Just Don't Know, Man and the pic is a badly circled cryptid sighting (idk i don't use tinder)

(li lianhua voice) "excuse you i didn't do two things i just did the same thing twice. technically speaking"

"lifelong learner": well Actually what the results for 皓首穷经 kept insisting on giving me was "hoary head" but i didn't go with that, so there but for the grace of me goeth you, shi wenjue

im sorry but the true utter crack au where he picked 李乌龟 instead (because yknow. turtle. house and all) and we are forced to live with the consequences

yunhe my dude you should've just bought a roomba instead of wasting your money on that incense and letter paper

"precious softwood": specifically nanmu, which (to collective unsurprise) was also used for shipbuilding, among other things

just........ the sheer over-the-top hercule poirot short story energy of this entire intro part, really

"king of hell": none other than 阎罗王 ofc

"a sound of dismay": he straight up "aiya"s here. i just could not figure out how to work it in for the life of me

"dust and sawdust": curse this stupid language that made both of these words contain dust this sounds So Awful

it has been 0 days since li lianhua last said "ah" (the counter never moves past zero)

toss em eggs, bystanders, we believe in you

(cheng yunhe walking in) you live like this??

"could only work with what he had, dead or otherwise": the original actually invokes 死马当活马医 (a saying which Literally means "treat a dead horse as a live one"), blast the english language for not having an equivalent

fang duobing's intro paragraphs? 10/10 sheer hilarity no notes

....why is "commit robbery"" up there on the list next to "plant crops"

"melancholic young master": 多愁公子 (he's got 99 worries and somehow li lianhua is all 100 of them)

how HAS fang duobing known li lianhua for literally just as long as he's been in the jianghu tho

ok three crackfic proposals in one post is a bit much even for me but. the one where li lianhua keeps accidentally digging up non-dead people/lost treasure/unmentionable secrets when actually he just wanted to borrow some onions for tonight's soup. honest

(this may possibly just be canon)

aaaand fifty taels, welp

[krakenshaped]

More thoughts on like. How D.D not only contributes heavily to Edo's general character arc but also how he parallels Ryo and what that says about the pro-dueling industry and Edo and Ryo's characters.

So. Let's talk about D.D for a sec. D.D is the face of the dueling industry both literally and as a metaphorical representation. When we as the viewer are introduced to D.D, its as this established celebrity and respected figure in the community who everyone adores and loves - Edo included. He's Edo's adopted father, a man who was a close friend of Edo's deceased father who kindly took Edo under his wing and raised him to be the pro he is. In the eyes of the public, D.D is a kindhearted and talented hero who not only is a successful father, raising this kid who isn't even related to him into such a success as well as a legend who has had a 10 year long winning streak. A true, powerful, undefeated champion.

Until the episode where Edo actually duels D.D and his mask slips. He reveals to Edo through the summoning of Plasma that it was him who killed his father and that Edo's life has near enough been an entire lie. That D.D manipulated him, used him both to get insider information on his investigations through listening to Edo vent about the lack of progress - pretending to be a shoulder to cry on in the process I should add - adopting him to boost his view in the public eye and shaping Edo into a mini-me almost as a trophy as his achievements. Edo to D.D was never a person but a tool to be used for his own social and financial gain, and in D.D's mind, Edo never existed beyond his tie to him.

Through and through, D.D was a narcissistic person. Even before he was corrupted by the light of destruction, he was a sneaky, greedy man who was desperate for one thing: victory and fame. Through Edo, he fed his ego and validated the image he had of himself in his mind. Its shown through every way he interacts with Edo and every deliberate piece of dialogue right down to his last words before he sunk with his pride on that burning ship:

"I am a hero."

So what does this have to do with Edo other than making us sympathise with him? How does this tie into Ryo?

Let's talk about Ryo Marufuji.

Ryo is introduced as someone who is amazingly talented, respectful but also cold. He loves silently and never says what he means. He spent his entire school career at the very top and was hand picked for success by Samejima himself. He's lived his whole life striving for success and because of his own perfectionism, pushes those around him just as hard - as seen with Sho. However things hit a turning point when Ryo hits the duel leagues and falls from grace.

Loss after loss and later the humiliation delt to him through the underground duels had made him desperate for nothing more than ultimate domination. For him to stomp out his competition and grab victory with both hands. He goes somewhere he shouldn't go, hurts someone he should never have hurt and leaves with cards that are filled with a forbidden power. After that power is his, he displays acts of cruelty one would ever expect of him. He destroys not just Fubuki but also Sho with no mercy nor acknowledgement for who they are and what they mean to him. Sho, being collared, ended up electrocuted so bad he was bedbound for a couple of episodes afterwards. And the most cruel part? As someone said in another post, he mocks Sho afterwards, with Judai's signature "gotcha!" gesture.

Ryo was on a downward spiral the minute he laid eyes on Edo. And of course, later we see this spiral repeat with D.D. D.D hits the duel leagues. D.D goes on a losing streak and ends up humiliated in underground dueling. D.D goes somewhere he shouldn't (Edo's house) and steals evil forbidden cards (D Hero Plasma). After that, filled with his own corruption and fueled by the light of destruction, he seriously injures someone with no regards for them (Edo's father).

One of the biggest things to note is neither of these characters are possessed. Not like Saiou was. Saiou's despair and fear led to the light of destruction possessing him however D.D was only influenced because as the LoD already said: his heart was already filled with evil. Similarly Ryo wasn't being possessed but only influenced by the aggressive nature of the cyberdarks and while he isn't a bad person, he was too far gone by the time he appears in the Genex tournament.

It puts into question if Ryo was a weaker person or if he hadn't taken the heart attack if he would have eventually ended up like D.D. A miserable man, caught in his own self obsession and lust for power that he loses whoever he was along the way, becoming nothing but a cruel and heartless man.

Although to touch on the themes of corruption, situations like this must be a common thing in the industry if its already happened twice. It could be possible that young aspiring duelists fall short all the time and end up swooped up by underground dueling and driven mad, with the top of the top being less about how talented you are at dueling and more being about how well you can manipulate things behind the scenes. This is seen in both D.D's behaviour above and behaviour shown by Edo, as Edo's stunt as Phoenix Enforcer shook Ryo up to the point that by the time their duel was over Ryo was doomed to fail. Similarly with his cruel actions towards Judai. All just to get the upper hand. Despite all this, big names like Pegasus and Kaiba and even dueling academy institutes aren't very quick to stop how exploitative and borderline political professional dueling has become. It could be argued that Pegasus lowkey feeds the problem by picking favourites such as Johan.

Even then, you could argue that Edo's mind games - especially with Judai - during the beginning of season 1 are behaviours inherited or even encouraged from D.D in order to get ahead of the competition as when Edo joins the Osiris friend group™️, he's shown to be a deeply kind person - but one that's easily manipulated. He isn't a hateful person by nature, nor does he have that mightier-than-thou attitude after a couple of episodes. However... such an attitude is seen in D.D by how he views his victims almost like trophies.

In a way Edo's naivety is a reminder that underneath his fancy clothes, smug attitude and professional flare, he's still a child. A child thrown into an industry full of adults and forced to grow up far too quickly, all while his role model and "hero" feeds him ideas with the sole intention to shape him into his ultimate achievement. And later those ideas spoon-fed to him end up actually hurting someone.

Tldr. Peak writing. This kid has daddy issues LOL