#I have so much more now that I want to know about the timeline

[sleepynoons]

AHHHH help i need someone to pick me off the floor and bring a mop over

hi it's me again sorry for existing in the same timeline as you

anyway sooooooo many wonderful perfect amazing show-stopping things about the finale

uh first of all, kudos for the perfect break between pt 1 and pt 2 - it's incredibly seamless, and it ties all the loose strings together, and really, the thing that stuck out to me about this whole story is simply how Cohesive it is. super hard to execute that as a writer, so really, really impressed by that.

onto more specifics.

first, i so appreciate the portrayal of reader as being very sexually active, and in my mind, hypersexual. i mentioned previously about how we don't really know the full story with suo, and that applies to reader as well. we don't really how reader grew up, what her likes/dislikes are (besides sex and bad sex, respectively), what family life was like before getting kicked out, etc. not sure what you had in mind, but there's a sense i have where i truly, truly believe reader is not actually a very reliable narrator!!! i think there's some avoidance!!! some dense and forgetful behavior that is meant to elucidate and confuse us as readers!!! and funnily enough, suo helps us gain clarity.

anyway, i think hypersexuality rep is important, in general. a big part of it isn't just feeling horny 24/7. there's some very real problems with low esteem/self-respect, feelings of disgust, internalized misogyny + objectification, and more. i think this fic also treads this balance very carefully, in that it recognizes that sex work is really just a means to get by, in the most neutral sense possible. it's not always glamorous, it's not always violent. as someone who's done a ton of research and activism in sex work, especially at the intersection of sex work + immigration, i really appreciated this rep.

in terms of reader and suo's relationship, this is really where i wanna dive into it. it's very clear i love them and i love them together, but it's not just their alikeness that makes them work. it's their shared history, their leniency + strict expectations for each other, and so much more.

the specific word choices and phrases really drive this through – "being gutted by suo" "mortified" "pavlovian response" and so many more

their banter is really the cherry on top as well.

also wanna emphasize this more - despite how romantic they are with each other (in their minds), they're also so sharp and judgmental – and i mean judgmental. lowkey kinda like asian parenting LOL like reader wants the best for suo, but now that suo's become a yakuza, that's a grudge she's keeping for the rest of her life. similarly, suo wants reader to stop fucking around and actually practice more self-control, but because she doesn't listen, he's gotta take matters into his own hands and edge the living shit out of her. sexual innuendos aside, literally asian love. like fine we'll deal with it if you don't listen but just know we're holding it over your head for the rest of your goddamn life LMFAO ik it's kinda toxic to other folks who may not have grown up in such an environment - and i'm not really gonna have an opinion on whether it's valid/justifiable or not -, but as someone who grew up with tiger parents + somehow managed to be somewhat emotionally close to them, this type of love is really smth i treasure a lot.

and i think that's the whole point of the fic, for me at least. reader and suo want to take care of each other. they want to cherish the time they have together. but at the same time, it's realistically impossible not to hurt your loved ones. i think it's so easy to say certain things are dealbreakers and to just walk away, but even irl, sometimes it's also just... hard to walk away. idk maybe i have a really convoluted sense of love and romanticism, but i am 100000% convinced love is difficult and honestly not really worth the payoff sometimes, yet reader and suo kinda don't even care if the payoff's worth it. like we'll hurt, we'll love, and we'll just see how it goes bc we just care that fucking much about each other. i wonder if they'd still choose to be tgt even if they knew they were making each other incredibly unhappy... bc they're each other's person ykwim.... anyway, some more food for thought for me... heheh

also,,, sex scene had me quaking,,, i totally read the tags and saw p*ssy inspection and wasn't shocked,,, totally was prepared,,, haha,,,, ha

anyway, sooo much love and thanks again, op. i may have gone off the rails, and thought or interpreted shit you didn't even think about or agree with. point is, haven't thought so much about a fic in so long, and i really was so enraptured with every word, every cadence, every paragraph. apologies for the brief spam in your inbox, but i really hope, no matter where you go, you keep writing. thank you so so so much, truly, for sharing this with us.

TOKYO VICE | part 2

“Do you remember,” Suo begins, voice light, “how our master always talked about how important it is to engage with each other’s feelings?” You tense. “No,” you blurt out, and Suo laughs. “Of course not,” he plays along. “You were always so terrible at it. But I've been doing a bad job too, lately. So”—he reaches beneath your dress, hooks your thong with his fingers and starts pulling the fabric down your sticky thighs—“I wanted to have an honest conversation with you.” (Or: Tired of your lies and self-deception, Suo takes matters into his own hands and forces the truth out of you.)

12.8k words. suo x fem reader. deeply unserious yakuza au ft. yandere suo. mostly unrepentant smut, comedy, angst. warnings: sex work. nsft tags: afab reader, emotional sex, fingering, dacryphilia, orgasm denial, pussyjob, just the tip, creampie. suo is mean and makes you cry but there's no degradation, he's just a bastard lol. he also manhandles you a lot and you sit in his lap. dividers by @/cafekitsune!

part 1 here

You're surprised at Suo’s indifference to your sex life.

A month has gone by, and he’s made no comment on your habit of sleeping with customers, nor on the hours during which you come home—which are now even later than usual, since you have express permission to sleep with people and have no need to rush back to the penthouse after your ‘appointments’. And it isn't as if he's ignoring the reality of your late nights either. In a stunning show of respect for your personal freedom, he now actively offers to arrange for someone to pick you up from whichever love hotel you'll end up at. (You always decline, of course—if you're going to pretend to be his wife, you'd rather pretend to be a faithful one.)

Ironically, you had initially thought that Suo’s approval wouldn't matter either way. You had found the sex with your clients to be so uninspiring that it made you miss celibacy, so you were planning on stopping. But it turned out that you were deeply affected by the experience of sitting in Suo’s lap as he talked about his expectation of deciding whose cocks you should be allowed to take. It did something horrible to your sex drive, and thus you turned to work as your only outlet.

You spent around three weeks desperately trying to find a customer to satisfy your urges—or at the very least, to fuck you in a way that could get you to stop thinking of Suo whenever you got even a little horny. You were faced with utter failure in this pursuit, and in the end, bleakly resigned yourself to the reality that your shameful attraction to your best friend is incurable. You’ve now given up on the love hotel visits and simply take care of your needs with a vibrator instead. At least this way, you can actually say Suo’s name while you cum, rather than constantly reminding yourself to say your customer’s name instead.

The freedom of letting yourself fantasise about Suo has been exhilarating, but terrible for your friendship. It’s just difficult to sit across from him at breakfast and act like you haven't touched yourself at the table while he was gone, fantasising about what it would be like if he bent you over it and fucked you dumb. But you are a decent actor—hostessing demands that of you—so you don't think Suo has caught onto your carnal desires for him. Hopefully, he never will.

Another couple of weeks pass like this. Things are so calm that you come to believe that Suo is genuinely fine with you having some degree of sexual freedom, at least at work. This, however, turns out to be nothing short of naïvete.

After all, Suo is never forceful when he's upset with your decisions—but he also never fails to redirect them.

One spring evening, you show up at the kyabakura and are told that you’re only to see one customer tonight, and that it will be a private session.

“But we don't do private sessions here,” you say, blissfully unaware of your imminent suffering, “and we don't even have private rooms at this establishment.”

To this, your mamasan responds that the club is making an exception for this one guest, and that this guest has rented out the rooftop bar just to see you. When you ask just who this person might be, a look of mild panic flashes through her eyes. She grabs you by the shoulders and tells you to be careful. Just keep him happy and go home after, okay? she says. Don't go out for drinks, and definitely don't go to any love hotels. Don’t tell him your real name at any cost. You don't want to involve yourself with a man like him.

A sense of dread fills you as you step into the elevator.

A cool breeze greets you when you step onto the rooftop patio. Normally bustling with a raucous crowd, it almost feels eerie in its emptiness. Aside from the glow of the red light district beneath you and the city skyline in the distance, the only light is coming from the candles lighting one of the booths.

Your anxiety intensifies as you approach it.

You aren't very surprised at the sight of Suo lounging on a leather couch, dressed in full criminal regalia—infamous eyepatch, tassel earrings, and all. Sakura once mentioned that this club is connected to some colour gang, so you figure that the manager likely recognized Gui Yanzhao on sight. He probably suffered a minor angina when he did. The mamasan herself has no criminal ties to your knowledge, but she was probably informed that one of her girls was to entertain a high-profile yakuza, and she was likely worried that you'd been maimed in the process. Gui Yanzhao has a bit of a reputation for being a sadist, after all.

While you appreciate her concern, it is not Suo’s history of violence that scares you, but his history of antagonising you. On good days, there's nothing that delights him more than seeing you flustered or off-kilter. On bad days, there’s nothing that consoles him like spiteful retaliation against whomever's managed to piss him off—and you have, without a doubt, managed to piss him off.

You groan as soon as you see him, fearing the worst for your mental health.

“What are you doing here,” you say, and Suo smiles.

“Oh? You're not happy to see me?”

“No,” you moan. “How are you even here right now? Aren't you worried about being assassinated or something? Who did you terrorise to get an entire rooftop bar to yourself?”

“I have a very cordial relationship with all the major organisations on Keisei Street and was promised immunity during my visit tonight,” Suo says neatly. “And I didn't terrorise anyone. I simply walked into this fine establishment and politely asked for a private space to enjoy with my preferred hostess.”

Neither of you need to mention that the sight of the tassel earrings alone would be enough to terrorise someone. The manager probably felt like he was being extorted just from being on the receiving end of Suo’s smile. Actually, you currently feel like you're being extorted too.

You spend a good few moments giving him a look of open distress, to which he smiles.

“You know,” he says, “for a top-ranking hostess, you're not showing much hospitality right now.”

“Oh, for the love of—”

You force yourself to stop, remembering that you are, in fact, at work. Despite your mixed feelings about your industry, at the end of the day, you pride yourself on your work ethic. You take your job very seriously, and your job right now is to entertain your customer—even if said customer is your fake yakuza husband who is toying with you as a cat would a mouse.

Resigning yourself to a night of probable humiliation (one of Suo's greatest passions in addition to lying for comedy), you walk over to sit yourself next to him. And just like in Red Dragon’s lounge, Suo overturns the decision by pulling you into his lap. Your eyes go wide as he settles you on top of him—because unlike the intimate space of that crime scene, this is expressly forbidden behaviour at your club.

Also, unlike that other night, you are currently wearing the shortest dress imaginable and the tiniest thong you own.

You find yourself shivering as Suo's hand settles on your lower back, which is fully exposed thanks to the cut of your dress. You try not to focus on the calloused press of his fingers against your bare skin, but this is an exceedingly difficult endeavour, as his touch has been featured in your sexual fantasies for the past several weeks. Worse yet—your dress is now riding up your ass, and your thong isn't doing much to cover you. Whatever material his pants are made of—light, delicate—feels incredibly good against your thighs too.

If this continues, you might cum on the spot.

“Wait,” you say, and Suo raises a brow.

“Oh?”

“You aren't supposed to touch the hostesses here.”

He smiles. “I'm sure this place might be able to make an exception for me. But only if you are personally willing to, of course.”

“...”

Making an exception for him, in your current situation, would be among the worst decisions you've ever made. But after two of the most sexually frustrating months of your life, you’re ready to make horrible decisions.

“Fine,” you say. “But you better not cheap out on the drinks. The mamasan will only overlook this if you make it worth our while.”

“Of course,” Suo says. “Though I think she’d overlook a lot of things for me regardless.”

Suo makes good on his promise and orders a great deal of alcohol. All top shelf, of course. He laughs that his goal is to bring you to the number 1 ranking with his patronage alone tonight. It’s a hideous display of wealth.

As you pour him an absurdly expensive drink (a Hibiki 30 year-old blended whiskey), you reminisce on how little money you both used to have as teens. He had to be so careful with his wallet whenever he felt like visiting you—or rather, checking in on you—at work. Especially after your master passed. The two of you were very good about staying financially independent, but there was something comforting about your master’s promise to support you if anything ever happened.

With him gone, you and Suo had only financial paranoia and each other.

You guess that might have affected Suo more than you thought. Perhaps he didn't join the yakuza to spite you, but to support you. Certainly, he seems to enjoy spoiling you right now—treating you to drinks that would easily clear a year of his salary as a teen, buying out an entire night of your time at a high end club, renting out a whole floor just so that he can have you to himself. When you point out that his tab must be getting catastrophic, he only laughs.

“I did always say that I wanted to spend money on you,” he recalls. It had been a running joke during your days at the girls’ bar, when you scolded him for paying 3000¥ per hour just to visit you. You hated that he was wasting money on the red light district; he always replied that it wasn't a waste, because it was money spent to see you.

You feel your stomach flutter at the comment. You didn't think he'd remember words from so long ago. As a teenager, you had a tendency of clinging onto small, inconsequential moments with him because they brought you so much joy. You’ve always assumed he would have forgotten them, writing them off as instances of shallow teasing—but if he remembers, then surely they meant something to him too?

This would all make you feel sentimental if you weren't outrageously horny.

Suo has kept you on his lap the whole evening, even as you pour him drinks. Every movement to serve him has you involuntarily rubbing on his thigh, and you're quite certain at this point that he's been lifting your skirt up inch by inch with every casual touch on your waist. You don't bother accusing him of it, though. He'd just give you an innocent look and say that it was an accident. What a horrible man.

Accident or not though, it doesn't change the fact that your nearly bare cunt is pressed right against him. You keep trying to shift positions to pull down your skirt or lift yourself off him, but each attempt only makes it worse—brings the soft fabric of his pants right against your pussy, or makes your clit drag against his thigh, with only your thong separating your bodies. You try to suppress your arousal, but to your overwhelming horror, you can't seem to control yourself. You feel yourself getting wet, folds quickly becoming slick as you’re forced to grind on him. Your body, already warm from all the cocktails and shots, grows even hotter as you squirm on his lap.

In a desperate move to regain some control, you fully get up to reach for another drink. But then you feel a pair of hands on your waist, and Suo pulls you back onto his leg—this time forcing you to straddle it. You can't help the whimper that leaves you as your dripping cunt is spread and pressed against him, your clit throbbing against his thigh.

You pray that he doesn't notice the noise, so of course he does.

“Hm? Is something wrong?” Suo’s hand drifts over your waist and down to your thigh, where it ghosts over your bare skin. He leans in, and his voice is silky as he speaks into your ear: “You're moving around a lot. Do you need to get up?”

He’s giving you an out. It's quite considerate of him, as staying like this would not be a good decision. But for better or worse, you have a tendency to make bad ones.

“...no, I'm fine.”

“Good,” he says. “Let me know if you’re uncomfortable at all. I'm happy to move if you'd like.”

As if demonstrating, Suo shifts the leg you're sitting on, directly rubbing it against your core. You try not to shudder, feeling yourself get even wetter, clenching around nothing.

Trying to ignore how empty you are, you grasp for other topics of conversation, something to distract you. A little scrambled from the alcohol and catastrophically aroused, you of course land on the one that's been making your sex drive unmanageable.

“Remember a month ago,” you say, “how you talked about choosing who gets to touch me?”

“Yes.” His palm is warm against your thigh. He isn't moving it, so there's plausible deniability, but the amused tone of his voice suggests that he knows what he's doing. “Does that bother you?”

Of course it should bother you. It's a level of control that's appalling even to your anxiously-attached ass. But it’s also making you wetter right now. You try not to cry—from misery or sexual frustration, you're not sure.

“Well, yeah. Come on, Suo—even you should know that's really weird of you.”

“I do,” he says, smiling like he isn't admitting to deranged behaviour. “But how else am I supposed to know you're safe? Or even aside from being safe—if your needs are being met.” His hand runs up and down your thigh before settling at the hem of your dress. “I wouldn't want you to go unsatisfied. Who knows what kind of people you'd seek out if that happened.”

You actively stop yourself from putting your face in your hands. The gall of him saying this after forcing you into extended celibacy is beyond words, especially as you're being forced to rub up on him, effectively ruining every attempt you've made not to think about him sexually for the past several years. There are many materially consequential reasons for your decision to not fuck Suo—you should not be soaked through your panties, your thighs sticky with need, as you sit on his lap.

“That's,” you say lamely, “not very normal of you.” Trying for a less sensual conversation, you go for the reliable topic Sakura’s romance radar: “Also, if satisfaction was your concern, why did you choose Sakura? I love that guy a lot, but he has literally no experience. And I think he'd blue-screen trying to keep a friend with benefits. You know he can't handle a fuckbuddy.”

You are not trying to be mean. What Sakura objectively needs for his first time is someone sweet and emotionally competent and, most importantly, not an absolute freak like you. This is a failure of your character, not his.

You can hear Suo’s smile in his reply: “I don't think you're giving him enough credit.”

“He has the social skills of a feral cat.”

Suo genuinely laughs. “Sure, when he first came to Makochi. But he's much better now. Plus, you have no room to talk. I mean”—his breath sweeps over your ear—“you used to be pretty wild yourself. I've just domesticated you is all… though you've been misbehaving lately.”

His words do something horrible to you. Trying to distract yourself from the mounting sexual tension, you turn to him to give him a biting retort, but you're abruptly stopped by the look in his eye. Distinctly hungry and unrepentant in its desire, his gaze roams openly and shamelessly along the curves of your body.

You feel like you're being eaten alive.

Plenty of customers have looked at you in such a way when you wear this outfit, but none have had this effect on you—which is to say, making you clench immediately.

You try not to cry. You actually will cum on the spot at this rate, and you don't think you could be subtle about it. You're barely keeping it together right now, with how your pussy keeps fluttering and dripping. Coupled with the way that the alcohol is melting the edges of your self-control, you're shocked you haven't at least moaned yet.

In a last ditch effort to save your friendship, as well as your rental (house arrest) situation, you slap a hand over his mouth.

“Stop that.”

Suo laughs. He grabs your wrist, lifts your palm away. ��Why?”

Why? Because if you keep talking like that, I'll bend over and start begging you to fuck me! you think. But even in your inebriated, horny state, it feels like a poor idea to admit this aloud. You end up saying, “Hostesses aren't paid to flirt like this. Strictly speaking, we’re paid to be conversational partners.” You frown at him. “You're breaking a lot of club rules right now.”

This reprimand backfires on you, as you are suddenly filled with intrusive thoughts of breaking every single rule in this establishment with Suo, including the ones preventing you from climbing on top of him and riding him raw. You squirm at the thought, wishing you could close your legs rather than making a mess of your underwear (now a lost cause), but Suo’s grip stays firm on your waist.

He, himself, is unbothered by your scolding. “Okay,” he says simply. “Then I won't speak to you as a hostess. I want to speak to you, seriously, as a friend.”

His smile is so disarming, it makes you nervous. But he sounds earnest enough for you to be curious, and anyway, you're desperate for something to distract you from your wet cunt.

“Alright,” you acquiesce, “What do you have to say, as a friend?”

“I just have one question.”

“Sure. Shoot.”

His hand comes to rest in your thigh again. He leans in, breath so hot against your ear that your heart jumps.

“I can accept that you wanted to see customers just to satisfy your urges. But tell me why you didn't come to me first.”

You freeze up. Look at him, wide-eyed.

“Wh-what?”

Suo just smiles. Looks so fucking innocent you wonder if you misheard, but his voice is sharp when he replies: “Let me put it another way. Why have we never slept together?”

For some reason, you’ve never thought that he'd ask you this question point blank, even though you've asked it to yourself many times. It takes you several moments to piece together a response, during which Suo’s expression turns distinctly wicked. A sign that he smells blood.

“Why would you think we would have?” you ask carefully.

“Because we’ve both clearly thought about it. You especially.”

You try to keep a straight face. “No I haven't. I don't know what you're talking about.” You raise a brow. “How would you even know?”

“Because,” he says, hand inching up your thigh, “you’re so wet that I can feel it.”

You're mortified.

Shame floods your body, first because of the accusation, and then because you know it's true. You were tipsy enough not to think about this, but now—sobering up from sheer panic— you're acutely aware of how you've soaked through the fabric beneath you. Something that Suo had certainly known, and chose to encourage.

What a horrible man.

When you don't reply, he tilts his head. “Don't tell me you haven't noticed. Do you want me to show you?”

His hand is moving so slowly, you know he's giving you another out. You could easily get off his lap. You could even slap him and call him a sleazy drunk and grouse at him to go home. You could forgive him in the morning for coming onto you and say he'd obviously made an inebriated mistake, as opposed to a very calculated decision. Your friendship would stay mostly intact. His grip on you might tighten, but that would be fine. You would still get to stay with him.

And that's all you've ever wanted. Just to stay with him.

But you're so wet, so empty, so aching. You want to be touched. You want to be touched by Suo, and only by Suo. You want to be fucked by him, to be owned by him, to be ruined by him. You’ve wanted it so badly and so long that you can't even remember when it started—only that you want it to end.

So instead of moving away, you sit there and endure the humiliation of getting your cunt inspected by him.

Suo hums as he opens your legs. You suppress a whimper as a finger moves along your folds, at the noise it makes as it runs through your slick. “Look, you’re so wet,” he murmurs into your ear. He finds your clit—swollen, neglected, and you whimper as he starts to draw slow, lazy circles around it. “Poor thing.”

“It’s only because you had me grinding on you the whole night,” you say through gritted teeth. “It doesn't—ngh—doesn’t mean I’ve been wanting to fuck you.”

You sound pissed enough that you'd convince anyone else, but you know, even without seeing his face, that Suo can tell you're bullshitting.

“You’re not a good liar,” he remarks. A fine teacher even when humiliating people, Suo can't help but add, “If you have to tell a lie, at least come up with a believable one.”

“What makes it unbelievable?” you reply, words clipped off by a sharp inhale as he starts rubbing your pussy.

“Well,” he starts nonchalantly, as if he isn't toying with your cunt, “after you were targeted in that succession conflict, I put hidden cameras in the area, and also in our suite.”

Your eyes go wide. Even in your aroused state, the implications are making you panic. “You—you what?”

“It was for security purposes,” he dismisses casually, as if he's not admitting to a serious invasion of privacy. “Only near the front door and the common areas. I just wanted to catch intruders and any suspicious behaviour from my men. But imagine my surprise”—you feel his fingers start to press into your cunt—“when I instead caught you fucking yourself on the couch and moaning my name.”

You’re mortified. Humiliated. Mind racing with every instance you were horny and stupid enough to touch yourself in a common space. You think about yelling at him about the cameras, but then you feel two fingers sinking into you, and now you aren't thinking about much at all.

Your mind goes blank as you're stretched open by him. Your cunt is so wet, so empty, but the feeling still makes you whine. Your brow furrows, and you give him a pleading look. Slowly, please.

“Don't worry,” he says in a soothing tone, “I know you can handle this. I've seen you take much bigger. Though”—he shifts, pulls you so you're in between his legs, and now you can feel the length of him against you, hard and aching and huge, what the fuck—“maybe not big enough.”

You tighten around his fingers as he grinds against you. You want him inside you so badly, it hurts. Suo laughs when he feels your desperation, and he sounds so amused that you can't help but feel ashamed. But even more than shame, you feel aroused. You take the rest of his fingers easily, down to the knuckle.

“What the fuck, Suo,” you eventually manage through your panting, though not with much bite. “You weren't—ahh—meant to see any of that.”

“Sorry,” he says, sounding deeply unapologetic. “If it makes you feel any better, I didn't watch much, and I deleted all of it. I didn't need to see that to know you have feelings for me.”

You tense. “What feelings?” you ask, and Suo stops. He pulls his fingers out of you—you breathe sharply at the loss—and manhandles you until you're straddling his lap. Forces you to look at him, into his one eye. It's knife-sharp, brutal, but familiar. You don't struggle, nor do you feel uneasy.

But you do feel like prey.

“Do you remember,” he begins, voice light, “how our master always talked about how important it is to engage with each other’s feelings?”

Fuck.

“No,” you blurt out, and Suo laughs.

“Of course not,” he plays along. “You were always so terrible at it. But I've been doing a bad job too, lately. So”—he reaches beneath your dress, hooks your thong with his fingers—“I wanted to have an honest conversation with you.”

He smiles at you. Actually looks kind and even sounds earnest. What a fucking sociopath. You allow him to slide your underwear down your legs, kicking them off. Now your pussy is completely bare to him, and you can hear the way his breath stops as he touches it again. Three of his fingers push in this time, and you pant openly at the stretch, leaning against him as your body trembles from the stretch. He flexes his fingers experimentally, watching your reactions—your whimpers, your sighs, the way your eyelashes flutter when he brushes that one spot inside you.

“I’ve always had feelings for you,” he starts, using that nonchalant, delicate tone—the specific one that suggests danger, “and I know you’re too smart to have missed that. I’d be fine with it if you didn't return them, but you do.”

“I don't,” you protest, and then his fingers curl and press into your g-spot. You're cut off immediately, gasping at the sudden wave of heat in your belly.

A hand comes up to your chin. He forces you to look at him. “I said I wanted to have an honest conversation, remember.”

“I–I am being honest, I—” Your voice breaks as he starts pumping his fingers. It's slow, gentle, but precise. Tension builds in you at an alarming rate, your thighs getting as slick and messy as his hand. You bury your face into the crook of his shoulder, breathe in his cologne and gasp into his skin, and your mind goes hazy from the euphoria of his touch. Sure, you've hugged Suo before, been held by him before, and god knows you've been touched like this by a ton of other people before—but it feels different now. It feels different when it's Suo who's touching you, different when you’re this close to him while he's drawing all this pleasure out of you. When one hand feels so good inside you and the other one is holding you so intimately.

“Suo,” you whimper, overwhelmed by hot tension in your belly, “I-I’m close, I’m close, oh fuck—

He stops.

Before you can comprehend what's happening, he’s withdrawing his fingers, and all the heat in you is melting away. Your orgasm lost, you come down from your high—nerves frayed, emotions taut.

“Suo,” you say, “what the fuck?”

He gives you a smile. It almost looks nice. “I'm not letting you cum until you tell me the truth.”

You’re going to cry.

You're so wet, so empty, so desperate, and now you feel oddly afraid. You don't like the way he's staring you down. You don't like this line of questioning, this bullshit of engaging with other people's feelings. You’ve never liked it. But you need—need—him to fuck you. You need his fingers inside you and you need to cry into his neck while you finish.

You say, very quietly, “Please, Suo.”

“Please, what?”

It's funny. You've performed begging and crying and submission for countless clients, sometimes during annoyingly rough sessions. You've done it for years. But nothing has ever felt so humiliating as this moment, when you ask your best friend, in the smallest voice possible, “Please touch me.”

“No. Not until you start being honest with me.”

Suo's mouth curls at the devastated look you give him. You hardly even notice that he's adjusting you, having you straddle his thigh again—this time, facing him. You don't register it until your cunt is pressed into the wet spot you left earlier and he's saying, “You can move if you'd like. But I'm not touching you.”

“You’re fucking horrible,” you say with all your heart, but your pussy is throbbing and you're desperate for release. So you finally do what you were desperately trying to stop yourself from doing the whole night—you start grinding on him. Like a fucking animal in heat. It's embarrassing, especially because his leg feels so good against you. The friction on your pussy makes you pant, your eyes squeezing shut as your clit finally gets some pressure. It makes up for the way he’s looking at you, which is sly, handsome, and rage-inducing all at once.

“You really do need to be touched,” he remarks softly. “You said your customers satisfied you. Was that true? Did they properly fuck you?”

“N-no,” you gasp. Your mind feels so cottony now that you're getting some relief. You can barely think, and definitely not enough to lie. “It was—it was—fuck, I never came.”

He hums, satisfied. “There—see? Telling the truth isn't so hard. You can do it again.”

He sounds so condescending. You would ordinarily hate it, but for some reason, it's going straight to your pussy right now, making you drip so much you know you've ruined his pants. You’re getting close, too, just by rubbing yourself on his leg. It doesn't feel quite as good as when his fingers were in you, but it’s something. And it’s making it hard to focus on what he's saying.

“It’s fine if you can't be honest about your feelings,” Suo continues. “Let's assume you're telling the truth, and all you want to do is fuck me. Why haven't you?”

You try to answer him, but you can't. You're too focused on the roll of your hips against his leg. There's too much tension, too much heat. You melt against him again, breathing heavily into his shoulder as you tighten around nothing. His hands come to your waist, as if grounding you, and somehow this makes everything feel even better. You start panting, babbling, I'm close, I'm getting close, Suo, Suo—

His grip tightens, and he stops you in place. You cry in frustration—no tears, but the noise you make is broken.

“Answer my question,” he says. You feel a hand glide along your bare skin, stopping at your inner thigh. “Answer me and I'll touch you.”

“Okay,” you say, as desperate as you are distressed. “Okay, I'll do anything. Anything.”

“Good.” He sounds so pleased.

You put your arms around his neck, for no reason other than you want to. Lifting your hips, you part your legs for him, and you feel so relieved at just the touch of his hand that you sigh—even though all he's doing is running a finger along your slick folds.

You shudder as his fingers play with your sex. Lean your head on his shoulder as he starts to move. You’re so desperate that you start grinding against his hand, whining for him.

“Well, then,” he murmurs. “Tell me why you didn't come to me. This is all you wanted, isn't it?” He rolls your clit between two fingers, making you squirm. “Just to get off, right? I could have done that. You'd have enjoyed it more.”

“It”—your eyelids flutter shut—“it would have been too complicated. Y-you’re my boss, and I pay rent to y-you, and we’ve been friends for so long, I didn't want to make it weird—”

Suo delivers a sharp slap to your pussy.

The contact is so sudden that you yelp. It only stings a little, but it makes your clit ache. The noise it makes is so wet, so filthy, telling of your desperation. And to your shame—even though you have never once in your life enjoyed being handled roughly by your customers—your cunt starts leaking in response.

You whimper, about to burst from frustration. You need to be touched so bad. You need to be touched by him so bad, and you need to cum on his cock or else you'll lose your fucking mind.

“Suo,” you complain, or beg, and you don't even realise that you're tearing up until he swipes his thumb under your eye.

“Try again,” he says gently, but not kindly. “The truth this time, and then I'll make you cum. Why didn't you come to me first? These past few months, or any other time?”

You don't answer him. “Suo, please—” And he moves back so that you're no longer leaning against him. Your lip trembles at the loss of the warmth, which somehow feels worse than the loss of your orgasm. An actual tear rolls down your cheek, and he doesn't wipe this one away.

“Answer me,” he says firmly. Instead of replying, you try to reach for him—wanting to be pressed against his body again, wanting him to draw pleasure out of yours again—but he stills you with his hands.

You feel devastated.

Out of horny, emotional desperation, and an all-consuming need to be fucked, you admit, “I was just scared!”

This is the worst mistake you've ever made.

The minute the words dislodge from your throat, you feel yourself choke up. You don't know why. All you know is that you suddenly can't hold back your tears from your sexual frustration, which for some reason is starting to feel distinctly like a non-sexual kind of angst, which is also strangely painful for your chest.

Because now that you've said it out loud, you can't ignore it.

You want to hide. You want to crawl out of his lap and run out of the establishment. Surely, the mamasan will forgive you for leaving a shift with such a frightening and horrible man, who is currently trying to extort your feelings out of you. But Suo’s grip is solid and unforgiving on you, and all you can do is squirm.

“Scared of what?” Suo asks. His voice has gone soft. Actually soft—not in a way that suggests danger, but a way that suggests you're loved. It makes you tremble.

His arms circle you, and one rubs at your back. It makes you relax very slightly. Or at the very least, it makes you stop wanting to bolt.

“What were you scared of?” he prompts again.

A feeling of defeat washes over you. Suo will figure you out sooner or later. He always does. So you tell him, very quietly, “I was scared that—that you'd leave me.”

You realise that you just stuttered. You stuttered because you're crying. You're actually, genuinely crying. Not from sexual frustration, but because you're just frustrated in general. And miserable. You've been chronically miserable for most of your life, and that misery has had nowhere to go until now.

You press your face into Suo’s shoulder, and he lets you. You breathe deeply in an attempt to stop crying, his cologne washing over you. It's nice, but what feels most comforting is just the scent of him. You're used to it from the days before he'd ever thought about using a fragrance, let alone a fragrance that would bankrupt the average person. It's calming, even when overlayed with ambergris and vanilla. Familiar.

Your breathing evens out a little—but only a little.

“Why would I leave you?” His voice is so kind, patient. More tears bead on your lashes.

“Because you might not want me anymore.” You sound so fragile. Shit, you are fragile. You can't stop the splintering feeling in you, the same one that ate at you two months ago when you thought he was going to leave you. “You could get tired of me or resent me or get bored with me. You could—you could want to throw me away, for no reason. Or—” You breathe in sharply, clinging to him harder.

“Or?”

“Or you could die—you joined the yakuza, so you could die. Why did you do that?” An actual sob leaves you. His shirt is getting wet. You ruined so many of his silk changshan like this in the past, when your boyfriend cheated on you and when your parents kicked you out and when you slept with your fifth customer.

And when your master died.

“I'm still so fucking mad at you for it,” you bite out around your tears. “If you got fucking killed—oh my god, I can't even think about it. I can't—I couldn't take it if—if I kissed you, and we had sex, and then I didn't have you anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re the only thing I have.” You squeeze your eyes shut, a terrible realisation hitting you. “And…”

“And?”

“And,” you say, voice breaking, “I think because I love you?”

You know it as soon as you voice it. You do love him. Not just platonically, but in the way where you want to hold his hand and kiss him and marry him. In the way a miserable nineteen year old girl is so in love with her miserable best friend that she refuses to leave him despite how terrifying he’s becoming. You loved him in this way before you realised you wanted to have sex with him, and even after that, you loved him so much that it didn't matter that he wasn't having sex with you.

You love him so much it disgusts you.

You want to hide, but Suo forces you to look at him. He brushes away your tears, cups your face. The Pavlovian response takes over: your heart rate slows, and you calm down.

“There,” he says gently. “That wasn't so bad, was it?”

He’s wrong. You bet he knows he's wrong. That was objectively one of the worst experiences of your life. You feel wrung out, tenderised. You never thought you'd say any of that. You're not sure you knew most of that.

But in Suo’s arms, plied open with his words and his hands, you actually find yourself shaking your head. You lean into the touch of his palm.

“I love you,” he continues, his tone so authoritative and calm that it leaves no room for doubt, “probably to the point that it should scare you. Do you understand that?”

“Yes,” you say quietly.

“And we won't be separated. I won't allow anything to take you away from me. Do you understand that too?”

You make a noise, halfway between a relieved sigh and another sob. This declaration should not be a surprise from a man who’s effectively locked you up in his house. Still—your heart feels so light when you hear someone say, for the first time in your life, that they’ll stay with you no matter what. It's like Suo has just unearthed a weight that you didn't know you'd been carrying.

“I’ll try,” you reply, voice small.

“Good.” He strokes your cheek. “Do you want to keep going?”

It’s absurd. You just cried and confessed something terrifying. With anyone else, this would be an experience so horrifying that you'd leave right now and never come back. Your sexual desire should not just be gone, but permanently erased. At the very least, you shouldn't feel the slightest bit horny.

But somehow, being gutted by Suo hasn't left you feeling bad. It's left you feeling lighter. Kind of like you've been purged. You feel exhausted, but in a malleable way. Dazed and relieved to be in his lap. Your thighs are still embarrassingly sticky, heart still embarrassingly wobbly, and you just heard him say that he loves you.

Now you want to hear him say it while he's cumming inside you.

“Yeah,” you admit immediately, pathetically. You sniffle.

“You're sure?” Another stroke. “I want to hear you say it clearly. What do you want to do?”

Your dignity is gone. “I want you to fuck me.”

He smiles. A fond hum leaves him. “Good girl,” he murmurs, and you feel a flutter in your belly. “I'll take care of you now.”

He kisses you this time, before he touches you. On the neck, on your jaw. You bare your nape to him, shivering at the feeling of his lips on your jugular, at his nipping teeth on your skin. You realise he's leaving marks, and with each one, you shudder. It feels so intimate. You're on a rooftop bar, in a skanky hostessing dress, crying and strung out—but this is the closest thing you've ever gotten to one of your fantasies about him. Not the nasty ones that you think about when you're home by yourself, but the ones you think of when you're in bed with various salarymen. The ones where you get to lie with him in bed and press your lips to his.

“Suo,” you start.

“Hayato,” he corrects you. “You're my fiancée now, remember? We should be on a first name basis.”

Your stomach flips. “Hayato,” you try again, breathless. “Please.”

He takes a moment to reply, busy sucking another mark into your skin. “Please, what?”

You hesitate. Suo pulls back, looking at you. You whine, feeling shy all of a sudden. You flirt for a living and yet you feel embarrassed about your request. It's humiliating.

“Please, what?” he repeats. His mouth is curled in a smile, and you can't tell whether it's endeared or entertained. “Please let you cum? Please fuck you?”

“Please kiss me,” you say, in a small voice.

Suo pauses.

“What?”

“Please kiss me,” you beg. Close to tears again, for some reason you don't know. You think it surprises him as much as it does you.

It takes him a moment to recover, but when he does, he gives you a look that’s fucking ravenous.

His thumbs away the wetness from your eyes. “You're so cute sometimes. Did you know that?”

You flush. Plenty of customers have called you cute, but none have had you feeling so indignant nor shy.

“I’m not,” you reply, “and stop that.”

“But it's true. And I want you to know it.”

Suo presses his mouth to yours before you can respond. You're so eager for him that you part your lips immediately. Your instinct is to make your first kiss with him messy and desperate, but he’s in full control, and he’s taking his time. His tongue is careful and precise. Full of intention. His lips are slow, languid, and lazy, like he's savouring the taste of you. A hand plays with the strap of your dress. You feel him slide it off your shoulder—the other one quickly follows—but you’re so absorbed in his kiss, you hardly pay attention.

You're vaguely aware of the breeze against your bare chest. One of his hands moving up, feeling out your curves. He hums into your mouth when his fingers ghost over your nipples, and they harden under his touch.

“Suo,” you whine as he teases them, and he pinches one of them, watching as you squirm.

“Hayato,” he corrects you promptly, and you give him a worn, teary look.

“Hayato.”

“Yes?”

“I need more,” you say quietly.

He smiles, clearly enjoying your desperation. “Be patient,” he teases you. “I’m getting there.”

He kisses a line along your jaw, down your neck. Traces your collarbone with the path of his mouth, works his way down to your breasts. At the same time you feel the heat of his tongue on your nipple, his hand reaches between your legs. You're so wet already that he doesn't need to work you open again—just sinks his fingers inside you until you're sighing for him.

You discover that when he's not antagonising you, Suo is frighteningly efficient with pleasuring you. He learns quickly how you like your tits played with, and how to fuck you so well with his fingers until you're gushing around them and keening. He said he'd take care of you, but you think he's mostly forcing all this pleasure from your body for his own enjoyment. There's no other explanation for how he keeps bringing you to the edge and pulling you back, swallowing each of your whines and complaints with his mouth. The only time he isn't kissing you is when you're begging—and you don't miss the way his breathing deepens every time you do.

But no matter how much you beg, he isn’t letting you cum.

“Look at the mess you're making,” he murmurs as he plays with your cunt. You're sitting between his legs again, your back against his chest. You can feel the length of his cock against your ass, and you hear how his breath hitches every time you squirm against it. Except for that one tell, he sounds completely unaffected by what he's doing—forced you to open your legs wide for him, spread your glistening folds to tease you. The leather beneath your ass is wet, ruined by your need.

“Hayato,” you whine.

“Just a little longer,” he promises, “and then I'll let you cum.”

Your mind is so fogged with pleasure at this point that you can't focus on anything other than Suo’s touch. You’ve actually forgotten where you are—not a truly private space, but part of a club. The girls would normally only come up if you put in an order, but you haven't for a while now.

Long enough for someone to check on you without warning.

You tense as soon as you hear the door open. You recognize the server—she knows you well, by face, stage name, and real name. Your eyes go wide as she calls for you. You try to sit up, close your legs, but Suo grabs one of your thighs and forces it open.

“Suo, wait—”

You whimper, incapable of words when his fingers push into you again. He starts fucking you with them, and in earnest this time—curling his fingers until they're pushing into your g-spot, doing it over and over and over. Your eyes roll back and you stop struggling, and Suo takes the opportunity to touch you with his other hand too, playing with your clit. A strangled moan leaves you as the heat in your gut ratchets up. Pleasure swells in your belly; you feel like you're going to burst.

“Suo,” you cry, tears pricking your eyes, “wait, wait, my coworker—wait, I think—I think I'm gonna—”

“Go ahead,” he says into your ear, voice silky, and he pushes against your sweet spot in a way that gives you no choice but to obey him.

You cum so hard that you squirt all over the seat. Your whole body is wracked with intense pleasure—hips bucking violently, legs twitching, crying so loudly and shamelessly that your coworker naturally hears. She catches you spread wide open in Suo’s lap, his fingers deep in your messy, swollen cunt as you drench them.

Her tray clatters to the floor.

Fighting the mindless haze that your body is in, you glance at the other girl, whose hand is over her mouth. She looks appalled. She’s going to yell at you. But then you then watch, in real time, as her eyes travel to your customer’s face and she realises who he is. If she was red when she saw the two of you, she's now a pale white.

“Did you come to check on us?” Suo asks. He sounds amused. She flinches at his voice, and actually takes a step backward. “We’re fine for now. We’ll order something in a bit, and call you up here as usual.”

“O-okay,” she says, voice high and tense. “I—I’ll leave you two, then. Please—please enjoy yourself, sir. We'll be available in case you require any other services.” And she walks away briskly, almost in a run. She doesn't even bother to stop the expressly forbidden act that you're engaged in.

Once she’s gone, Suo allows you some dignity. He pulls his fingers out of you, lets you catch your breath.

“Oops,” he says. “It’s too bad they caught us. I suppose they won't want to keep you on as an employee, since you broke such an important rule.”

You stare at him, wide-eyed. Your emotional and sexual pliability quickly dissipates, replaced by disbelief.

“You—you did that on purpose,” you say between pants, too fucked out to be truly angry, but still appalled.

Suo raises a brow, gives you an innocent look. “Did I? I was just making you cum, like you've been begging all night. It was just unfortunate timing.” He then smiles, which makes him look incredibly kind despite the apparent sadism of his person. “But it's fine. They're going to fire you for this, but you know my club will always take you back.”

You close your eyes and groan. “You’re horrible.”

“I am, aren't I?” Suo puts his arms around you, kisses you on the shoulder, his voice getting low. “But this is a better arrangement, don't you think? You won't need to see customers this way. Every time you need relief, you can come upstairs and I'll give you my cock instead.” He grinds against you, letting you feel how hard he is, and you whimper. He laughs, probably entertained at how desperate you sound. “Or maybe I'll just make you take it whenever I feel like it. I think at the end of every shift makes sense, doesn't it? Since that's how often you've been touching yourself on the couch.”

“S-suo.”

“It’s Hayato now, remember. What is it, dear?”

He sounds so smug, mocking you. You should be furious. But in your fucked out state, all you can focus on is the idea of being forced to take Suo's cock every night. Despite already being ruined, your pussy starts throbbing again. You squirm and press your thighs together, trying to get it to stop—you’re so fucking tired—and you bleakly realise that you can't control your body’s reactions around him. You're getting wet again. It makes you want to cry.

“Hayato,” you whimper, on the verge of tears.

“Ah, you addressed me properly. Good.” He’s so satisfied. “What is it?”

“I…”

“You?”

“I”—your voice is so small and embarrassed, you can hardly believe it—“I want you to fuck me.”

He feigns shock, as if he wasn't actively provoking this. “Really? But you just came.” A hand prods between your legs. You obediently spread them for him, and he checks your pussy with two of his fingers. You moan a little at the intrusion, but there's no resistance at all.

Your cunt, still dripping, tightens around him, and he laughs softly.

“You really do need a cock in you. Who knew you had such a needy pussy.” He curls his fingers. Probably feeling the way it makes you gush, delighting in the gasp it draws out of you. “No wonder you have to use that toy every day.”

You're about to die of embarrassment. “Hayato. Please just fuck me.”

Suo turns you so that you can look at him. He’s wearing a kind, benevolent face when he says, “No.”

“...what?”

“I'm not going to give you my cock.” He hums, contemplative. “Not for a while, I think.”

“B-but,” you say, genuinely upset, “but you were just talking about doing that at work.”

“Sure—after we get married. It's only proper, don’t you think?”

“What?” Your eyes are wide in disbelief. “You—you just made me cum with your fingers. In a public space.”

“Yes. But that's different from letting you have my cock. It wouldn't be gentlemanly of me to do that before we’re wedded.” He can't keep the amusement out of his voice as he bullies you. “I'm sure you can wait until the summer, right? Since that's the season you chose for us. August, I think you told Nirei.”

“Hayato—”

“Actually,” he muses, easily sliding a third finger into you, making your voice clip off in a whimper, “I think you shouldn’t be allowed to have anything in you until then. Except for my fingers and tongue, of course. But no toys, and no other men either. That definitely wouldn't be proper.”

“I'm going to,” you say spitefully—and tearfully. “If you don't fuck me right now, I will sleep with other people.”

“I don't think you want to find out the consequences if you do.”

“How would you even—ngh—know?”

“Good question.” He starts pumping his fingers, and to your horror, your cunt needily swallows them with each motion, your body as desperate as he's been saying. “I guess I'll need to check your pussy every night. See if it's been stretched out by someone else’s cock. Maybe upstairs in the lounge at the end of each night, so I'll know that you haven't fucked a customer during a shift. Clearly, it's not impossible that you would.”

You try not to sob. Not only are his words utterly humiliating, they're making you wetter. After fucking so many people in so many ways, you didn't know it was possible for you to feel this much shame during sex—but then again, shaming people is one of Suo’s specialties.

You give him the teariest look possible, because by now you've figured out that he likes seeing you cry. Sadistic motherfucker. You're happy to use it to your advantage though.

He gets that hungry look in his eye again. “Please, Hayato,” you beg, voice trembling with need, “I want more. I thought I was your beautiful wife already.” You grind your ass against his cock, and he inhales sharply. “Don't you wanna cum in your wife’s pussy?”

Suo stops, deeply affected—just as you guessed he'd be. After making you his fake wife in both his criminal life and his civilian one, it's painfully obvious that the man is obsessed with marrying you. You'd make fun of him if you weren't so horny. Or humbled.

He only allows himself speechlessness for a second. He hums soon after, delicately wiping the tears out of your eyes. “You've been good enough that I guess I can reward you. I won't fuck you, but”—he shifts away, and you can hear his pants unzipping—“I’m sure you'll enjoy yourself anyway.”

Suo wasn't lying earlier. His cock is bigger than any toy you've ever used. It's pretty, too. Curved and long and flushed at the head. Glistening with prespend, which has pearled up at the tip. You think you might be salivating. For a minute, you contemplate asking if you can feel it in your throat, but then Suo’s lying down and moving you on top of him. When his cock nudges at your folds, you can’t help your excitement. You squirm, trying to sink onto his length.

His grip tightens on your waist, stopping you.

You’re about to whine at him about this, but he doesn't give you the chance. “If you try to ride me,” he says, in a voice so cold that you know he's not joking, “I'm not touching you until we’re married, and I'm not letting you touch yourself either.”

“...”

With anyone else you'd call bullshit, but you know that Suo is both crazy and petty enough to actually achieve this.

“Okay.” You sound and feel mollified. “I'll behave.”

He smiles. “Good,” he says cheerfully. “Just stay like that, then. I’ll take care of you.”

You listen to him, mostly because you're incredibly excited about getting pussy inspections and you'll be devastated if it doesn't happen. And you don't expect it to be a big deal, anyway. While your sex drive has been a constant source of grief for you throughout your life, you don't really have problems controlling any specific impulses in bed when you truly need to. You’re used to giving your customers whatever they want and, if you're lucky, getting off from it. You figure this will be the same.

You find out very quickly that it isn't.

You need to stay still. You can’t sink down on him. Two easy orders that are extraordinarily difficult when Suo is the one beneath you. You have to actively stop your hips from moving when you feel the silky head of his cock press into your folds, which are still dripping with your slick. Suo’s breath hitches when he runs the tip along your opening, drawing wet noises every time his cock head catches on your needy hole, smearing his precum all over it. All you want is to push back on him and let your pussy swallow his cock. You’re aching for it, and you know he is too. If you sank down on him now, he'd lose control and fuck you raw until he was cumming inside you. And then he'd probably keep going after that, not letting you move until you were stuffed full and dripping with his spend. Both of you know it.

But you don't do that. You're good for him. You sigh, just trying to enjoy the feeling of his length rubbing against you. How he's twitching and throbbing against you, how he wants as equally much to be inside you—but pulls back every time. Your mind goes a little fuzzy with the drawn out, low hum of pleasure, and you close your eyes.

Then he starts pushing into you.

“H-Hayato?” You whimper at the intrusion, at being made to take something so thick without warning. “I thought you weren't gonna—”

“I'm not,” he says. His breathing is heavier, his words strained, but his voice is still commanding when he says, “Don’t move.”

Suo doesn't give you the whole thing, just the tip. It is much harder to control yourself like this—when you can feel yourself getting stretched by the head of his cock, already so fat and heavy, but you don't get filled up by it. It makes you aware of how empty you are, and how wet you're getting. You bury your face into his neck and make a noise that's both tearful and pathetic.

It's not acting when you whine, in a watery, miserable way, “Please, Hayato. I need your cum in me.”

It's probably the crying that gets him. He inhales sharply, thrusting maybe a little deeper than intended. You groan at the extra inch of cock, eyes rolling back, and can't help the way your pussy tightens and drips, trying to suck him in.

“Fuck,” he says, and then he pulls out.

He lays you flat on your back. Before you can get so much as a word out, he's between your legs and pressing his cock against your entrance. For possibly the happiest moment of your life, you think Suo is going to fuck you—but instead he starts pushing the slick head of his cock right against your neglected clit.

You aren't going to complain.

You whimper as he starts rubbing against your sex, leaving his prespend all over your swollen bud. It makes you squirm, grinding yourself against it, and you press your legs together to get some more pressure for the both of you. Soon his cock is sliding between your thighs, getting them all sticky with his prespend. You can feel the length of him hot and slick against your folds, heavy and throbbing.

You've never cum like this before. It was never enough stimulation when your customers made you do this, which nearly all of them have. But the pressure on your clit and on your folds is shockingly intense as the two of you move, enough to make you whimper as a familiar tension builds. It's not as overwhelming as when his fingers were inside you, but it's enough for you to start panting at the tension in your belly. You can hear Suo’s breath picking up as you start to whine, and he watches you, almost predatorial, as another orgasm crashes over you. You moan his name as you cum, squeezing a few more tears out of your eyes.

He stares at your flustered, wet face as he pushes the head of his cock against your entrance again, fisting himself as it flutters and drips in the aftershock of your orgasm. Suo’s been hard for so long, for the whole time he's teased and bullied you—you aren't surprised at how close he already is. Especially not when you start talking about how much you need his cum in you, how empty your pussy feels without it, how badly you want your husband to fill you up. All with your mascara smeared and your lip trembling, a sight that makes him throb.

Suo groans as he finally cums. You can feel his cock twitching, warmth spurting out onto your folds, and then into your pussy as he thrusts shallowly into you. You pull him down needily as he fills you, and he indulges you with a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss.

When he pulls out, you can feel his cum drip out of you, all the way down to the couch. You make a happy noise at the mess he's made of your hole, giving him a lovestruck, dreamy expression.

“You should do that every night after you're done checking my pussy,” you sigh.

Suo’s mouth curls, and breathes out a kind of laugh. He holds your face, and one of his tassels brush against the shell of your ear as he presses his forehead to yours. “I’ll do it if you're good for me.”

“I’ll be on my best behaviour until our wedding night,” you promise, voice affectionate.

Suo gives you a fond look. His expression is so sentimental. You think he’s going to say something sweet.

“Alright,” he replies. “Then be good for me and keep the rest of that inside you, okay? Let’s not make a mess of these floors. I don't want to get blacklisted from this club.”

You open and close your mouth, completely speechless.

“You're fucking horrible,” you say with all your heart, and he laughs and kisses you, and kisses you, and kisses you. He doesn't stop until you're placated and horny again.

Suo takes his sweet time pushing his cum into you as deeply as possible, saying that it's to make sure you don't lose any of it, but really so he can draw another orgasm out of you. Knowing that the mamasan might take pity on you and think that you were coerced into degrading sexual acts by a terrifying yakuza client, he makes sure to order a drink beforehand, calling up a server. (I don't want to be a bad patron, he hums as he looks at the tablet, and I said I'd get you to the number 1 ranking, right?) It subsequently looks, sounds, and is completely consensual when you're found pulling at Suo’s hair, keening as he fingers his cum into you while sucking on your clit.

This leaves you with no hope of continued employment on all of Keisei Street.

To add insult to injury, you do make a mess of the floors, despite Suo’s conscientious efforts to avoid this—though it's not as bad as the one you left on the couch. You also can't find your thong anywhere, which you guess is something else that the mamasan won’t appreciate when she finds it. Still, for the rest of the night, everyone shows Suo nothing but the utmost respect and highest quality customer service. They even ask how he found your company and if he has any feedback for you. He praises your conversational skills, karaoke abilities, and how capable you were in catering to his many needs. He also lets them know that you'll be resigning.

Hanzo and Shuuhei are waiting to pick you up, bringing the Rolls Royce with the privacy suite. This time, Suo doesn't use it to interrogate you; he instead uses it to kiss you and tease you and discuss wedding plans. If it'll be indoors or outdoors. If you'll have a big reception or a small one. If it'll be a traditional wedding, or if you’ll want a Chinese one like the one your master would have maybe liked to see. You settle on having a Shinto ceremony and a Chinese-style reception. Having been raised Chinese, whenever Suo imagined marrying during his teenage years, you were always in a red qipao. His master even once told him that if he managed to win your heart, he'd organise a tea ceremony and act in the role of Suo’s father.

After disclosing these facts (the first of which makes your heart weak, and the second of which leaves it aching), he asks about any long-standing things you've always wanted to do with him as a couple. If you had any silly or indulgent daydreams about your future with him, and what they were like.

“I don't know,” you admit. “I guess after you applied to teacher’s college, I liked the idea of marrying you, and doing all the domestic things you talked about. Though you were just joking at the time.”

You don't really expect him to remember much about this particular line of teasing. Sure, the man is currently obsessed with marrying you, and maybe he daydreamed about it a little bit when he was younger—but he mostly treated the idea as a funny joke when he was a teenager. All of the teasing has probably blurred together for him over the years. Certainly, it has for you.

But you've never been able to forget this particular memory. It’s one of those small, inconsequential moments that you find yourself incapable of letting go to this day. You loved hearing him talk about getting married, even though it hurt immensely that it was probably just teasing. You loved it because you wanted it. You wanted Suo to teach people because you knew he was good at it and it would make him genuinely happy. You wanted to stop working in the red light district and make a nice and safe home for Suo, just as he'd made a nice and safe home for you. And you wanted to marry him and kiss him and have sex with him and only him for the rest of your life.

You wanted it so badly, it still makes you heart ache to think about it.

He was definitely just teasing you, though. Suo was a sane person at the time, and sane people do not actually plan a marriage and life with someone before dating them or even fucking them. Most importantly, a sane person wouldn't hold onto such a silly joke for so long. Oh, you expect him to say, laughing. You're right, I had nearly forgotten.

But all he does is give you a smile. It's one of his strange, enigmatic ones.

“No, I was quite serious about it,” Suo says, looking right at you.

You stare at him.

“Really?”

“Really.”

He's being so straightforward, so earnest. Your typical reaction would be to feel flustered, sentimental—but something about his expression and tone bothers you. But before you can suss out what it is, he continues, and the moment passes.

“Was there anything else you ever wanted to do?” he asks smoothly.

You're startled, off-guard. “Oh, um… not really. I never let myself think too much about it.”

“Come on,” he prods. “There must be something.”

“No, I really didn't think of any ideas on my own. Although…”

Your face gets hot as you trail off. Suo senses weakness, and goes in for the kill.

“Although?”

“It's too embarrassing,” you admit, looking away, and Suo looks a little too interested as he pesters you for an answer.

“Come on, it's fine.” His mouth curls in a way that tells you it's not fine. “I promise I won't judge you. I just want to know what I can do to make you happy as your husband.”

You give him an uncertain look, and say your only concrete fantasy about him so quickly and quietly that he misses it.

“Pardon?” he asks.

“...romantic, vanilla sex.”

Suo blinks. “What?”

Your face burns with humiliation.

“I used to think about having romantic, vanilla sex with you. When I was a teenager. A lot.” Said as if you weren't just thinking about it two months ago in a love hotel, and still don't want it now. You wouldn't even bring it up if you didn't think it was necessary. But unfortunately, you're professionally skilled at perceiving people’s sexual interests, and you've perceived that Suo is sexually a freak. He was definitely going easy on you tonight, and is probably actively planning to get worse. You'll never have normal sex with him unless you explicitly state a desire for it.

Suo gives you a surprised look. “That's… a very mundane fantasy.”

“It wouldn't have been mundane to me,” you reply, somewhat defensively. “I used to think about it when I slept with my customers, who weren't very romantic. Or vanilla. So I didn’t really have a good reference point or anything for that kind of sex, but sometimes I still thought about doing it with you after they had left.”

You look away after saying this, wondering why you disclosed all of that. It certainly wasn't necessary for your dream of someday taking Suo’s cock without being psychosexually tortured first. Now you feel like you need to hide. You even think about excuses for stopping the car, and ponder again how difficult it would be to live without proof of identity, if you chose to run away.

But Suo doesn't let you run. He pulls you close to him, wrapping you up in his warmth.

“It's okay,” he says gently, in a voice that reminds you of how he was in his old Furin days. “You'll be okay. I'll make sure of it.” It confuses you deeply, and you turn to ask him what the fuck he's going on about.

You don't even realise you're crying until he starts kissing away your tears.

You can’t understand why you’re weeping. Maybe something strange and hormonal happened while you were having sex, like Suo made you orgasm too hard and all the oxytocin is making you depressed now. Though you think that hormone is supposed to make you happy. You're not sure. You never finished school, so you wouldn't know.

Whatever the reason, you hastily wipe away your tears. A hand rubs at your back, and you let yourself press your face into his shoulder.

“Sorry,” you say quickly.

“Don't apologise. You don't have anything to be sorry for.”

You hesitate as you breathe against the silk threads of his shirt, thinking about how many of his shirts you've ruined with your tears. At least three changshan and one Versace summer piece, by your count. It’s not like he hurts over the money these days, but guilt tugs at your heart.

“I don't know about that,” you mumble into his shoulder. And it takes a while to work yourself up to saying it, but eventually you whisper, with full honesty, “I'm sorry for always worrying you.”

“I know,” Suo says. He sounds sincere when he says, “I’m sorry too.”

“I’ll try to be better from now on.”

“You will be. And even if you aren’t, that's fine.”

For some reason, that makes your heart squeeze.

You melt against Suo after that, listening to the steady roll of tires and passing traffic outside. There's a gentle pitter patter of rain against the car roof, tinny and rhythmic, that gradually crescendos into a proper storm. The windshield wipers squeak against the glass. All of the noise is lulling you into a kind of peace, or maybe you're just feeling that way because Suo is holding you.

Fatigue wears your consciousness, and you close your eyes. The hustle and bustle of the red light district grows distant, faint—partly from slipping in and out of your dreams, and partly from the quieting world outside. It's now completely silent other than the heavy rainfall. You think they must be taking the road through Makochi. Suo asks for it whenever he wants you to sleep well.

He probably thinks you're asleep when he says, “I’m sorry for being how I am now.”

You almost stop breathing. Almost.

“You didn't fall in love with me when I was like this, so you must not like it very much,” he continues. “I know that Master wouldn't like me much either, if he were alive. He always said that you should support your loved ones until they can stand on their own two feet. But lately, I feel like all I've been doing is breaking yours.”

He sighs. The sky groans with distant thunder.

“Sakura knows who I really am, you know,” he says quietly. “I think he's worried about what'll happen to you if we get married. Though he’s been worried about you for a while.” Suo almost sounds endeared when he adds, “Did you know he only texts me now to ask if you're okay? He really does love you.”

He’s more sombre when he continues, “But Nirei is just afraid of me. That’s why he’s never around. He’s going to call you in a week and tell you not to go through with the wedding. He’ll probably tell you to leave me too. It’s good advice.”

It's hard to keep your breathing slow, with how badly your heart hurts.

“I’ve tried to go back to how I was, to the kind of person that Master was trying to raise,” Suo confesses. “But I don't think I can get better.”

But even if you can't, you want to tell him, that’s fine. You wish you could hold him how he's always held you.

“It doesn't usually upset me nowadays,” he admits after some time, “how I am now. But to be honest, talking about our school days did make me feel bitter, because I can't give you the things I know you wanted.”

He kisses the top of your head. Gently, so as not to wake you from your dream.

“I'm sorry I never became a teacher. I'm sorry I joined the yakuza. I'm sorry I can't give you a normal life. And I'm sorry I can’t have an honest conversation with you.”

Silence. You feel his chest stop briefly, his breathing deepen.

“Maybe someday, I'll get better enough to say these things to you while you're awake. Maybe someday, I'll even get better enough to let you leave. It would be best for you.”

His voice gets even softer. Tender.

“But for now, I don't know how to let you go.”

You feel a hand shifting away, the soft noise of leather against skin. Then both arms around you again, even warmer, even tighter. He’s leaning his head against yours. You think Suo is falling asleep.

Allowing yourself a single, quick glance at the car, you peer at your reflections in the rearview mirror. You see sheets of rain sliding against the back window, his dark lashes pressed to his skin, and all the scar tissue he likes to keep hidden away.

And you can see, very clearly, tears beneath his missing eye.

END 'TOKYO VICE'

hi everyone thanks for reading this chapter!!!! i hope it didn't disappoint after all the shitposting i did about it this week lol

can i just say. this was straight up the weirdest sex scene I've ever written HASLKFJSDF and the mood whiplash throughout this was probably the craziest i've ever written within a single piece. unfortunately, this reader copes with her trauma via humour and sex and it really shows rip. i hope it wasn't too offputting!

thank you to everyone who left a comment on part 1!! please do let me know if you enjoyed part 2 as well. <333

tagging @kweenkatsuki-fics and @stuckindreamland06!

[lovegalor333]

Warm December

part three of paigemas

paige bueckers x reader

paige surprises you by staying in storrs for christmas so you’re not alone

⋆꙳❆ ⋆✩°｡꙳❆°⋆ ⋆꙳❆ ⋆✩°｡꙳❆°⋆ ⋆꙳❆ ⋆✩°｡꙳❆°⋆

The holiday season was a weird and complicated time for you. It came with a lot of bad memories since your mom died and home was the last place you wanted to be so the decision to stay in Storrs was an easy one. Your family were unbothered and didn’t have much to say when you broke the news. Your stepmom said she would save money not having to buy you gifts and your dad just grunted down the phone. A few years ago, this would have probably made you cry but you were used to your parents attitude now and you were grateful you went to college so far away from home.

It was December 21st and you had waved your roommates goodbye, cars full with wrapped presents and snacks you had packed for them. They both drove off in the falling snow, with Christmas music blasting from their speakers. Both girls tried to get you to go home with them, insisting their families would be happy to have an extra guest at their table but you weren’t one to impose and besides, you had a long list of books you wanted to read. The thought of bunkering down in your cosy apartment, spiced candles lit, a mug of hot tea in your hand and getting lost in a romance novel appealed to you more than you’d like to admit.

Before meeting your girlfriend, you lived vicariously through the relationships you read about. Fantasising about a love like Elizabeth Bennets and Mr Darcys. After being single your whole life, you were starting to believe that maybe love like that was entirely fictional and then along came Paige. Six foot tall, blonde, blue eyes and pure muscle. You and Paige had the most typical friends to lovers timeline. Having met through mutual friends, you quickly bonded over your Midwest roots and you both found yourselves wanting to spend more and more time together. You were both wildly oblivious to each other’s pining and it took one too many shots and a very calculated game of spin the bottle (thanks Azzi) for you to finally realise that you were on the same page.

Speaking of your girlfriend, she had also travelled home today. You said goodbye with tears in your eyes and one final kiss. “I’ll FaceTime you everyday.” Paige had said, “I want to know what happens at the end of Emma.” Paige loved listening to you talk about your current read, she insisted she cared about the storyline but with the way she looked at you, eyes soft and a small smile on her lips, you knew you could say absolutely anything and she’d listen intently.

The evening was drawing in and you had turned off all the big lights, your apartment lit by fairy lights and candles alone. The Christmas tree in the corner of the room glowed warmly making the space feel like a cosy grotto. The whole place smelled like cinnamon and with your Christmas playlist softly emitting from your Alexa, it softened the blow that you’d be alone at this time of year.

A knock on your apartment door broke through your thoughts and you imagined it was your Post Mates order so you carefully placed your book mark inbetween the pages you were currently reading and went to answer the door. Your door step was empty, nothing or nobody was there and you furrowed your brow in confusion and peeked your head around the door to see who knocked.

It took you a few seconds to process what you saw, “Paige! What are you doing here?” You gasp, seeing your girlfriend, body pressed against the wall, a huge cheesy grin on her face and a red santa hat perched on her head, “Surprise, my love.”

“You’re meant to be on a plane right now!” You say as she pulls you into a hug. Paiges hugs were hands down your favourite thing in this whole world. The way her arms snaked around your waist and squeezed you tight, the way her head nuzzled into your neck as she pressed light kisses to your skin. Your nostrils were filled with her scent, a scent you had prepared yourself to not smell for a few weeks and you breathed in deeply taking in as much of it as you could.

“I’m meant to be right here.” Paige says walking back into your apartment with one arm still wrapped around your waist.

“What are you talking about? I thought you were going back to Minnesota.”

“I was. And then I thought about it. Go there where I’ll just get grilled by my family about shit I cannot be bothered to explain or stay here. With you. Where we can be with each other all day and night. Where I can make you tea while you read and you can cook while…I watch because God knows I’ll burn the place down.” Paige tucks your hair behind your ear and her eyes skim over your face, “You didn’t think I’d let you spend Christmas alone did you?” She asks, her thumb gently stroking your cheek.

“I don’t know. Kinda. But it’s normal, everyone goes home. I wouldn’t have minded.” You mumble looking into Paiges eyes. You wouldn’t have resented Paige for going home for the holidays, it wasn’t her fault your family didn’t know how to act. “You know I love you, right? Like a lot. And Christmas is about being with the people you love. Now come and sit on Santas lap and tell me what’s on your list.” Paige smirked as she pulled you to the couch, positioning you on her lap.

You giggled as Paige did her best Santa impression. Voice deep and gravelly, “Have you been a good girl this year?” You nod playing into her game, “Very good.”

Paige raised a brow, breaking character, her usual accent back, “Good girls arch their back, ass up?” You gasped, lightly slapping her arm, “Paige! Santa would not say that!”

“Oh my bad- Ho ho ho! What’s on your Christmas list?” She regained composure, putting on her Santa voice once again, holding her stomach as she ho’d, really getting into character.

“Didn’t make a list. Everything I need is all right here.” You smile, leaning in and pressing a kiss to your girlfriends lips. “I love you, Paige.” “I love you too.”

The rest of your night was spent cuddled into Paige on your couch. The Christmas lights around your dim apartment twinkled silently as you watched your favourite festive movie - The Holiday. Paige traced delicate shapes into your back and every now and then you would catch her staring at you. The light from the television illuminating her perfect features. She would press soft kisses to your head when a romantic scene played and when you found yourself sniffling as the young characters on screen laid in their fort and spoke about their mom who had passed away, Paige slipped her hand into yours and squeezed it tightly.

The holiday season was a weird and complicated time for you but like always Paige was there to make it less weird and less complicated and for that, you could only let a tear slip out of your eye. Grateful for the girl next to you and her deep, unapologetic love.

two posts in an hour so im back on track 🙂‍↕️ happy christmas eve eve baddies 💋

🏷️: @buecketsnbueckets @rosemariiaa @sierrale8ne @avvwritesstufff @blackbarbie96 @melpthatsme @jnkbueckers @cloclos-posts @onlyhereforpazzi @paigeshirleytemple @mattsmunchkin @bueckersbitch @rizzlerbuckets @numberonepartyanth3m @washing-machine-heart245 @katemartinlvr @girlslovee @taylynbueckers44 @thatonequeer0358 @the-other-half @xxxggggsh @evry1luvzza

[reader-wandering18]

Arcane Yuu (Zaun)

He was very surprised by the air of the place. So clean and full of magic, literally.

When he ended up in another timeline, separated from Ekko and Heimerdinger, he did not expect that when he tried to return he would end up in a world where Magic is the main basis that moves it.

Something very different in Runeterra where in some places it was considered something cursed and in others as a weapon. He expected a destroyed world but found himself in a paradise of magic.

But he couldn't stay in that place.

—Move

After having met a couple of idiots from that school (Deuce and Ace), an expulsion, almost dying in a mine and being accepted as a student, now Yuu found himself in front of the students of that place.

—Your pet ruined my food. I want you to give me what you have.

That boy along with his partner approached Yuu, to which he handed his tray to Deuce who took it confused.

— Oh, I'm going to...

And in just 4 moves, Yuu had finished off 2 third-year students. Both now staggering on the ground, one with a broken nose and the other missing a tooth.

A silence fell over the dining hall and certain gazes of people he would soon meet fell upon him.

—They are definitely like those Piltillos. They talk a lot, fight little.

That was his first impression at Night Raven College.

The students of that school were everything that Yuu identified as the same idiots from his world. Egocentric, proud, and they thought they were superior just for having magic.

He hated them... but not all of them.

— So, whi are You?

While he was investigating ways to get out of that world, a green light outside his dormitory was what caught his attention. Believing it was an intruder, he took one of the devices he had created from the scrap metal that the director got him.

Great was his surprise to find an imposing figure with horns in his yard.

— Don't you know me?

— Should I? — he said with a certain annoyed tone.

That person, being or whatever it was, laughed in a funny way which bothered Yuu.

— You shouldn't wander around other people's yards. You never know if they can react badly.

Malleus' gaze dropped to Yuu's hands where he noticed an object in his left hand. He didn't know what it was, at first glance it looked like junk but seeing how that human held it so tightly...

— I'm sorry, this was previously an abandoned place so I came to have some peace and quiet.

Yuu glanced at the bedroom that Director Crowley had given him as a temporary residence. His grip on the electrical grid he had made loosened a little.

— No, I'm sorry. This place must be very busy for you to come here tonight in a quiet manner. I'm going to start living here for a while so I'm sorry to take away one of your places where you can rest from the world.

Yuu's words surprised Malleus. Despite being young. (a child in his eyes) his words sounded tired.As if he also needed to be able to rest and forget everything even for a moment.

— If you've settled here, I'd better find another place to think. I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you..

— You're different from the other students. Although you seem somewhat intimidating, you're much more polite — Yuu smiled kindly.

— ... What's your name?

Seeing the good atmosphere that was being produced in that place, Malleus couldn't help but want to meet that human who from the beginning saw him in a threatening way, and then, smiled at them in a friendly way.

There was a slight silence between them to which Malleus thought it was rude to ask his name when he hadn't given his own, although it seemed strange to him since he was very well known.

— Yuu

That was how a curious friendship was formed between a Zaunita and a fairy.

—Shishishishi, you spoiled rich kids always have your guard down.

Riddle looked furious, apparently wanting to go towards Ruggie who seemed to be about to run when Yuu's voice made him stop.

—You're right about that.

The gazes of the three boys and the cat turned to Yuu who looked at Ruggie with a bored look.

—However, being here with them has made you let your guard down as well.

Yuu showed what he was holding in his hand, what seemed to be a wallet, something that at first glance didn't seem to be that important. Those from Heartslabyul thought he was trying to bribe Ruggie due to his already known taste for money from that beastman, but upon closer look at that wallet, it seemed to be a little different from the others the two knew.

But Ruggie was quick to recognize the wallet and quickly and somewhat nervously searched in what seemed to be the hiding place where it should be, but it was empty.

—This, it's not yours right?

Yuu opened the wallet and searched inside finding a large amount of money that in that world was known as madol.

— Leona Kingscholar?

Ruggie laughed with irony and apparent annoyance.

— Funya! Yuu if you don't have magic, how could you take it from her?

— Yuu, you shouldn't search and much less steal another person's wallets!

— Answering Grim's question, no magic is needed to do this. And he answered Riddle, where I come from doing this is as normal as breathing the Kalima of Zaun.

Before Riddle could ask what the kalima was, Ruggie's voice interrupted him.

— So, you're like me.

The boys now turned to look at Ruggie who looked at Yuu with a mocking smile. To which Yuu answered with the same.

— You could say.

— Working for the top?

—Just like you.

His answer made Ruggie's smile fade and he looked at Yuu in annoyance.

—Look, I'm not looking to fight, let's just make a trade. Give me back their wands and I'll give you back your wallet.

—Wait a minute supervisor! We can't let go of our guilt! — Cater said

—We have nothing to blame him for in the first place, just suspicions. Talking to him won't make him tell us the truth. And with nothing against him, we can't stop him. Unfortunately for you, I'm not a vigilante who likes to arrest indiscriminately.

—That's not what I meant.

—I know, I'm sorry... I got carried away.

Yuu stretched out his arm to hand the wallet to Ruggie in a show of peace. Ruggie looked at the feathers in his hand and seemed to think for a moment.

They both approached and exchanged the items, but before walking away, Yuu couldn't help but whisper.

—We have to support ourselves from below.

His words made Ruggie look at him in surprise

Once the three of them walked away, Ruggie checked Leona's wallet, noticing the slight lack of some bills.

He simply smirked.

—Why are we here, Yuu? Didn't you say we no longer had money for our sweets?

—Well, it turns out fate smiled on me.

Of course, sometimes one can't help being the way one is.

— What brings you to the second year floor? — Riddle asked

Ace, Deuce and Jack were in the second year hallways after their last classes, which had made them meet Azul, Jamil, Riddle and Jade.

— We're looking for Yuu. — Deuce said

— My minions went to deliver some documents to Professor Trein. But he hasn't returned.

— It's been too long, so Jack suggested to go look for him.

— Jack seemed very worried~

— Grr it's not true, I just want to make sure he doesn't get into trouble.

— Certainly since Yuu's arrival, there hasn't been a single day when the school is silent. — Jamil said

— Don't mention him, he's someone really troublesome, I won't forget the ruckus he made in the monster room. — Azul couldn't help but sigh — It's the first time I've seen how a human was able to carry the twins. Yuu is really...

— Interesting. — Jade finished with a smile that sent shivers down the spine of the first years.

Suddenly, cries of surprise were heard throughout the hallway.

— Why so much noise? — Riddle asked

The group looked towards a corner of the left hallway, the sound of quick footsteps and an unfamiliar voice made the first years and Riddle's skin crawl.

It didn't take long for those two figures to appear, causing a stir.

— Yuu!

— Floyd!

The two approached them with great speed.

— YOU CAN'T RUN IN THE HALLWAYS! — Riddle shouted, standing in front of the group with an annoyed face. But seeing the ever-present case of his warning, he took out his pen and created a wall of wind that would catch both offenders.

But Yuu had done something that no one had anticipated.

He jumped off the balcony.

— YUU!!!!

— IDIOT, YOU'RE ON THE SECOND FLOOR! — Jamil shouted

The first and second year groups, as well as some students who noticed the jump of that boy without magic and the twin, ran to the balcony to expect the worst.

They were greatly surprised to see how Yuu grabbed the ledges and quickly went down to the first floor followed by Floyd with a much more terrifying smile.

— Hehehe This is very fun~. I didn't know that lobster knew parkour.

— Let's see how good a sea mermaid is.

— Heh, it seems that Floyd found a playmate. How envious — said Jade

— Come on!!

Ace ran followed by Jack and Deuce who was carrying Grim.

— Wait a minute!

Riddle ran after them while he was seen with an amused smile from Jade and a tired face from Azul.

— Yes, without a doubt Yuu gives "life" to the school.

— This looks really fun, come on Azul, I want to see what will happen.

— Hey Jade, don't pull me!!

Jamil saw how everyone went after that person without magic who, since he arrived at that prestigious institution for wizards, managed to oppose the leaders of the dormitory and at the same time, turn everything upside down.

—....

He sighed and went after the others.

...................

His breathing was labored, but it was nothing he couldn't handle.

— Lobster~

Floyd's playful voice could be heard almost on the back of his neck, being chased like that reminded him a lot of his childhood, when he was chased by the men of Silco who sought to make him work in the mines for the extraction of shine.

Although Floyd was terrifying to many students of that institution, for Yuu he didn't compare at all to the people of Zaun.

But doing this is... Really liberating.

Yuu ran through the halls, running into a few familiar faces and several new faces he didn't know... Yet.

Among his acquaintances was Trey walking calmly through the halls of the first floor accompanied by a stranger with a peculiar cut and a handsome man, the three seemed to be talking until the sudden appearance of Yuu jumping on them made them surprise each other.

The handsome man grumbled in annoyance at seeing how he had been used as a springboard. But the one with the strange cut laughed amused.

Trey's glasses had fallen off in surprise. But Yuu ignored them and kept running until they reached the school's outer courtyard.

Cater and Kalim were walking with two other people, one with silver hair and one with blue hair that strangely seemed to be made of flames.

— Those are...

— Yuu and Floyd? — Kalim finished.

— But behind them are also the first and second years? What's going on? What kind of anime comedy scene is this? — the curious-haired boy quickly muttered.

— It seems like they're playing tag — Silver said.

— I don't think so. Floyd-shi gaze looks somewhat scary.

— But why are they running towards the direction of the cliff? — Kalim said

— WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, YUU! — Cater scream

Idia and Silver were expectant as they watched Cater and Kalim run with the others in an attempt to stop a human without magic.

— What is happening to this school?

When he felt Floyd's fingers rolling around his neck, Yuu jumped again... But this time to the cliff. Something that made all his acquaintances scream in horror and take out their wands in an attempt to catch him with magic.

But unlike them, he wasn't terrified.

Yuu knew he was heading to a cliff, but that cliff was special. He realized that even though it was on the side of the school, the path to get there was terribly long. This was because it was a bit higher than the campus, making it impossible for students to take shortcuts like climbing the school walls to get there faster.

Of course, something like that was no impediment to a Zaunite.

Floyd, as well as the others, crashed into the walls only to see Yuu slide down the eaves that linked the school to his dormitory.

Even though it was awfully steep and one wrong move could send Yuu rolling down. He slid masterfully as if he was already used to it and arrived at his dorm with a smile on his face.

He turned around to see everyone, both his friends and the second years. He couldn't help but smile at their expectant faces.

Yes, just like in the fissures.

In the end he was scolded by both the principal, the teachers and his friends (especially Riddle) as well as receiving expressions of astonishment from Floyd, Jade, Kalim and Cater for such a feat.

It's been a while since I finished the second season of Arcane. I don't like LOL but the series hooked me with its animation, world, story and characters.

Piltover has its thing, but Zaun became one of my favorite regions (I didn't like living there) but its aesthetics are easy, cyberpunk with a biopunk and Steampunk style.

Its champions also became my favorites, Jinx, Ekko, Vi and Viktor. (And although it's not in the series but in the game Renata)

Wow, beautiful characters. Therefore, I leave here my two cents about a yuu from Zaun.

I hope you like its.

[sweetdispatch]

Moments before tragedy - J. Hughes

Purple Chemistry

timeline: January 2023 - April 2023

summary: Jack thought that something more could be between him and her until he found out her secret and she broke his trust

warning: none

words: 1.0k

note: Jack got first star of the game against Rangers so I decided to share a prologue haha

---

How did you and Jack meet?

Jack was a life of a party and often was seen in different clubs around New Jersey and New York. He was enjoying his life as a single person. Relationships weren't his thing and he didn’t feel the need to settle down. Although, he had many casual hook ups. You were one of them. He bumped into you in a club and started chatting with you. Couple drinks later, you were laying in his bed naked. 

You didn’t care about this. You were single as well and wanted to enjoy every moment of your life. This wasn’t your first time when you ended up in another guy's bed but there was something special with Jack that kept you with him. Jack felt the same towards you. From one night stand, you two started seeing each other more and more and this turned into a fwb relationship.

It started by hooking up once every week but later you started staying over for night. You two had breakfast together, Jack was dropping you off at your apartment before going on a training. With every conversation you two had, you realised that you’re made for each other and not only sex counts. Both of you had strong chemistry towards each other but none of you wanted to say anything about it. 

Two of you were spending more free time together, not only having sex. Jack was taking you to restaurants after winning games and you were showing up at his place as an emotional support after losing. With time, you started developing feelings for him. You felt that he’s the guy who’s gonna change you completely and show you that you deserve to have real love and be in a happy relationship where you can trust your partner completely.

Moment when Jack realised

You were from New York and your parents were die-hard New York Rangers fans. You were growing up in this environment and it was normal for you to support them too. You always loved the rivalry against the New Jersey Devils but when you met Jack, this disappeared. You stopped being that much hateful towards them and paid a little more attention to them, him especially. 

Everyone knows how much Jack hates Rangers. That's why you never told him that you’re their fan. You preferred to stay quiet and act like you know nothing about hockey. He meant a world to you and you didn’t know how he would react to this information. First months it was easy to hide until he found out by accident about this. 

“Hey, quick question. Why do you have so many Rangers shirts in your wardrobe?” Jack asked you and there was no turning back.

“Um… They belong to my friend. I just keep them because she left them here” You lied but from his facial expression, you could see that he’s not buying this. “Fine, they’re mine. I’m a huge fan of Rangers” You admitted. Jack widened his eyes at your confession. He knew you were too good to be true. 

“Why did you never tell me that?” He was surprised that you kept this as a secret.

“Never had occasion” You lied, again. You didn’t want to admit that you were scared of his reaction.

“You’re unbelievable. I need to get some fresh air” You laughed when the words left his mouth.

“Seriously you’re gonna cut me off from your life because I support your rival team?” You couldn’t believe this. 

“No but I need to rethink the future between us. You lied to me that you don’t know anything about hockey and now, you’re lying too. You acted all clueless all the time when you literally knew everything” He replied and left your apartment. You sighed defeated.

Dynamic after the secret was out

Jack hadn’t spoken to you for two weeks. He felt betrayed that you lied to him. It bothered him more than the fact that you're a Rangers fan. He didn’t want to forgive you so easily. Lying was one of the pet peeves that he hated and you knew it but still, you did it. He couldn’t trust you anymore.

The minute he left, you realised that you should be honest with him. You tried to reach him and explain to him why you did it but he didn’t want to listen to you. You knew that he deserved the truth and felt bad that you lied to him when you promised him at the beginning of your friendship to always be honest with him, no matter what. 

One night, Jack arrived in your apartment and you were surprised to see him. He was done with avoiding this confrontation. He knew it’s the right thing even if it took him a lot of courage to do it. His feelings towards you were too strong to be ignored.

“I need to know why you lied” He said with his hands in his pockets. 

“I did it because I was scared how you would react when you’ll find out that I’m rooting for your rival team” 

“That’s it?” You nodded and he laughed. “You think so low of me that you thought I would stop talking to you because you like Rangers?” You nodded again. “That’s even worse than lying”

“Look at how you’re acting towards them. You hate this team and I didn’t want to ruin what we have or had, I don’t know what we are anymore” 

“I’ll tell you what we are. We’re nothing. We can come back to having sex without any commitment but for now, I can’t trust you and I don’t even want to spend my free time with you. We can try to rebuild what you broke, if you still want and promise not to lie again to me” 

“Fine by me” You crossed your arms on your chest. “If sex is the only thing that can save us, that’s fine with me and I promise, from now on to be honest with you” 

In fact, it wasn’t fine with you. You wanted more from him but Jack was too stubborn. You agreed on this condition, having in mind the hope that you can be friends again or more. 

Is it gonna be worth it? 

---

first chapter

[theamazingaxleyax]

Reblogging this with my updated T.B.o.B. plans and where some of this will come into play.

Piebald will be featured eventually. My reasoning for why she hasn't appeared is because she's traveling currently

The relatives and spirits will play a role. (Lore drop for my AU, but due to April being possessed by Karai, and Mikey being.... Mikey, they are especially in tune with the spiritual plane)

Oh there are plenty of Hidden cities. There's definitely one in Japan that will be featured. And, if I choose to add a couple of other characters, one in Louisiana

Donnie being averse to certain types textures will be based on my own sensory issues because, well, that's what I have the most experience with. (Funnily enough, a lot of the stuff he displays having issues with are VERY similar to my own)

Sunita will be there, and nobody can stop me, and yes, her and Donnie will be besties. All three of them are the members of the April O'Neil Dorky Pals For Life, although Sunita isn't as dorky.

As for the Donnie medic thing, I personally believe that Donnie himself helps Leo with medic-ing. Donnie is the backup medic in case Leo is out of commission. He knows the procedures, but when it comes to blood? He cannot deal with that, or any other bodily fluids for that matter unless he absolutely HAS to.

Mayhem will there. He's my baby, and it's a crime that he's overlooked so much.

Hueso Jr! Okay, so, I am aware that Leo says something about Jr. being in college or something, but I can't get over like... a little 9 to 11 year old skele-kid that absolutely ADORES Leo, and wants to be just like him. Also, screw you, this is my AU, I do what I want. (This is a MAJOR /j, I love you guys.)

I want to give Usagi more than being Leo's love interest, so I'm moving his introduction back a bit. (Mostly so I can do my research on him so I can create an accurate Rise version of him)

Same thing with the comic characters

I definitely plan on adding characters from other iterations. (If you didn't see the authors note on chapter 1, I plan on eventually adding Tim into the equation, thank PineTreeVillain and CupcakeSlushie for ruining my aro Donnie hc lol) And, being completely honest, I only know like... three things about 2003 LH, but I already completely and utterly adore him, so he will very likely be added.

Mikey will indeed get a pet cat. In fact, he gets two! One will be the stereotypical orange tabby. Energetic chaos, and has -1 braincells. The other is, again, a stereotypical black cat. Solitary, and spooky. Orange boys name is Klunk, and black girls name is Salem. Salem was a gift from April, and Klunk was a stray cat that Raph brought home and gave to Mikey. Until he gets those two though, he helps Repo take care of Ms. Nubbins. (I'd like to imagine that thanks to Mikey, Repo can now let Ms. Nubbins wander around the junkyard freely without the fear of her eating someone.

The sibling interactions will be very heavily based on my own interactions with my siblings. And that includes giving kisses goodnight because showing affection is a VERY big thing in my family, and I can tell that that's the case as well with the Rise sibs. (Or at least Mikey)

And lastly BIG MAMA REDEMPTION ARC!!! By the time the main timeline for T.B.o.B. has started, Big Mama had her redemption arc already, BUT I plan on writing a oneshot/short story for her redemption, just like I did Hypno. (Though hers might be a bit more narrative than Hypno's)

Ideas/things I think are underutilized in rottmnt fanworks:

-Piebald

-Leo’s “lucky rock” (air turtle ep. for reference)

-the fact that Big mama willingly participated in the “doom dome” and maybe even at the Nexus at one point

-Lou Jitsu’s past and relatives

-the multitude of spirits seen in the s2 finale

-mystic trinkets and artifacts (you can never have too many!)

-yokai background characters

-the hidden city seemingly being run by fear (mobsters, power, etc.)

-more hidden cities outside of NY

-Baron Draxum being driven to a villain role only because he sought to protect the yokai race (he isn’t all that evil)

-Leo’s disgust of romance (…at least develop Leo into a romance role…)

-Donnie isn’t averse to EVERYTHING goopy and weird. (Like the yokai pizza he ate w/Leo in “operation: normal” and the Joey pouch he sat in with Leo in “hidden city job”)

-Sunita. look, she clearly has a taste for fashion (the fashion turtle pointed THAT out) and she chose to go into SCIENCE/biology class, out of many options. She would be besties with Donnie.

-those crab brothers

-tmnt iteration crossovers (there isn’t enough out there)

-Donnie (probably) being the medic (y’all are gonna hate me for this. But. I honestly don’t see that much to support medic Leo. it makes an excellent headcanon though! It looks like Donnie designed the entire medbay and patented the suits and whatnot in “down with the sickness”. Also he started spewing medical-talk when unmutated piebald fell out of the fishbowl.

-MAYHEM

-Senor Hueso’s son (Hueso Jr?)

-other Yojimbo/samurai rabbit characters! I’m tired of ONLY seeing usagi. Where’s gen? Chizu? Katsuichi? At least do your research y’all pleassseee. At least read a wiki page because so many usagis I’m seeing are so ooc that he’s just there to be Leo’s love interest. Cmon.

-Draxum’s son sloppy joe(seph)

-Characters from the rottmnt comics.

-Battle Nexus monsters (Lou Jitsu mostly fought hydras, big creatures, etc.)

-Renet!!!

-other characters from pre-existing tmnt iterations (Rocksteady, leatherhead, tigerclaw, Lita, Bebop, I could go on….)

-the turtles adopting a cat (rise Mikey hasn’t had the best of luck with cats though)

-space adventures! Triceratons! Aliens! Robots! please

-sibling kisses. Hugs and stuff. Now.

-Big Mama redemption arc??? I still haven’t seen one. She was actually pretty close to redemption towards the finale. We haven’t seen her in the movie, so who knows?

[sports-on-sundays]

this simple feeling / LN4 & OP81 / Part 3

Summary: Lando x female!Australian!McLaren marketing unit worker!reader x childhood best friend!Oscar - Two Formula 1 drivers who just so happen to race for McLaren also just so happen to have fallen for you. Link to part 1, link to part 2

Warnings: I think I might've messed up the timeline just alittle bit but that's okayyyy (probably should have all taken place like a week or two later but I only realized that after it was all written so I guess you'll just have to deal with it; I'm sincerely sorry), language, sickness, vertigo, let me know if there's more I missed

Requested?: To be honest, I don't think so, but let me know if I forgot about you.👍

A handsome smile adorns Lando Norris's lips as he strolls down the Spanish paddock, and it's extraordinary to believe that despite his outside cover, he has the most pounding headache.

It's all my fucking fault, his mind roars as he catches the eye of Max Verstappen walking past and gives him a friendly wave. Y/n is a nervous wreck over the whole situation, and Oscar seems like he's going to blow if he sees me show Y/n affection one more time.

Why did I ever fucking start this stupid, stupid 'relationship?' It's a mess, and it's all my fault.

And I've got no way of fixing it.

Maybe I should have just given up Y/n in the first place, before all this happened.

Maybe I am wrong for getting in the way of her and Oscar.

But a part of him knows that's not right. He could never give you up. You could never give him up. And neither of you could ever give up on Oscar.

Even though it's starting to look like that might just be the best for him. Or at least, the best option at this point.

After I've gone and messed it all up.

For once in his life, sleep won't just take Oscar Piastri.

It sounds stupid, because he shouldn't be going to sleep. Not here. Not now. But as he lay in his driver's room, all he wishes is for sleep to take him away from his never-ending thoughts into a peaceful, sweet, dreamless slumber.

But every time he tries to replace his current ones with new ones, his brain always leads him back to the main point:

You messed up.

He sighs. He's just being over dramatic, isn't he? Isn't that all it is? Shouldn't he just get over himself?

It's not that he doesn't like Lando. In fact, he does. A... well, a lot. He could see himself having real affection towards him.

He might even want to.

But that longing, confused part in his brain keeps coming back to: But what if Y/n loves him more? Isn't he just getting in the way of what you always wanted?

Isn't this unfair, Oscar?

But that's just the worst part of it all.

It's not unfair. Not one bit.

For your whole life, Oscar has known you. For years, he's cared about you. He's even loved you. He just never said it. Always held back. When he shouldn't have.

If he had just acted way before, in the beginning, it would've been just you and him. That's the way it would have been, and Lando would have never gotten in the way.

But, Oscar's brain whispers, almost like a sneaking suspicion, do you really want Lando out of this, now that he's in it?

Maybe I just have to learn to accept it. Accept him. Trust them both.

Do I just need to get over myself?

Because I am the only reason why this isn't working...

Right?

No one else can feel it, but it's getting awkward. Not even so much in private. In private, Lando is honest, and Oscar tries. In private, you see. They're not all lovey dovey, but they care about each other. It's like all is well, though you and Lando both know how Oscar can get.

But in public, it's worse. Terribly worse. It's like Lando and Oscar want to have something, but they can't. It's like Lando wants it but Oscar won't let him... and, at the same time, as if Oscar wants it but Oscar also won't let himself.

Why not?

In public, since they have to fake, it's like it's hard not to. Because they're closer than friends, but not more than that.

In private, they're trying to fake, so it almost comes easier.

But in public, they almost avoid each other at the same time as being super friendly with each other when they do have to talk.

You hate it.

A huge part of you wonders: If Oscar likes Lando back, why doesn't he just relax and let this whole thing work? Doesn't he need it?

Doesn't he need Lando, just the same way I need him?

He certainly acts like it. Sometimes. The only solution you can think of, though a not very clear or perhaps not very accurate one, and one with certainly no answer, is this:

He wants you more than anything. But he needs Lando more than anything.

But because he wants you so bad, it hurts him to see Lando having you.

Though he has you, too.

But he can't let himself break out and let himself love Lando back, because his feelings towards you are so incredibly strong.

You sigh.

Oscar. Why can't you just give up? Give in? Why can't I show you just how much I adore you?

What do I have to do to show you?

Is there anything I can do that would be enough?

You sigh. What if you're all wrong? What if Oscar really can't love Lando back? What if this whole thing is bound to fail?

What if there's absolutely no solution?

As anxiety begins to fill your chest, you feel as though you're right back at square one again.

Why didn't I just choose, from the beginning? Wouldn't it have been better to break one of their hearts, than all three of our hearts?

Because isn't that what is going on right now?

We're all breaking.

And we wouldn't be if I hadn't ever, ever let it get this fair.

Damn it.

It really is all my fault.

Maybe it's all the stress, or maybe it's just the natural way of things, but either way, by the time a week later that the Austrian Grand Prix comes around, you are in no world feeling well enough to go to it.

Of course, that's fine. You're sick; no one will have a problem with you staying home to rest up and get better. There are plenty of other people who can take care of your usual responsibilities for one race weekend. That's not really a big deal at all.

Of course, Lando and Oscar sure treated the whole thing as one, both of them talking about how one of them should stay with you, and how are you going to get on by yourself, and they feel like such bad boyfriends for leaving you in your unwell state, and so on. Blah, blah, blah.

Really, it was the sweetest thing. You know you shouldn't complain. But you did end up telling the two they were both wrong, not to worry, go race, and it's quite easy to FaceTime and stay in touch so they can check up on you over the weekend.

So despite whatever your boyfriends think about it, that's the decision you made sure was made, because there was no way you'd let either of them do something so ridiculous as to miss a race because of you.

Especially not the Austrian Grand Prix, for God's sake.

Well, whether Lando and Oscar would admit it or not, both of them, in their own little ways, see this as an opportunity for connection with each other.

One-on-one.

So now, of course, Lando has been the sole thing, other than racing, that's been on Oscar's mind all weekend. So much so that he finds himself wandering towards Lando's driver's room after qualifying, his heart leading the way more so rather than his head.

When he reaches the door, he finds it ajar, and peeks in through the door frame, his heart pounding.

Why is his heart pounding?

He swallows, his eyes resting on Lando relaxing, scrolling his phone. He hasn't seen Oscar yet.

Lando. There's a lot I like about him.

Let's just try this. Just for now, forget about Y/n. Think about Lando. Think about all the reasons why you care about him. Think about it as if it were just you and him.

Would you want it to work?

He knows the answer, but wouldn't dare let himself consciously think it.

Oscar gently knocks on the door, as to avoid startling Lando, before saying softly, "Hey, Lando?"

The British man immediately looks up, his hazel eyes meeting Oscar's plain old brown ones. Though he doesn't smile, his eyes soften. And brighten. "Hey, Oscar." He sits up a bit, as to make more room on the sofa. "Wanna come in?"

Oscar nods, stepping inside. Gently closes the door behind himself. Somehow, Lando seems to understand.

He sits down. Closer to him. Turns and looks him right in the eyes. Opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it when he realizes he has nothing to say.

Lando talks instead. "How are you?"

"Fine... and you?"

"Good... I think the race should be promising."

Oscar nods in agreement. The silence feels so simply empty.

"You missing Y/n? Is that what it is?" Lando gently asks.

Oscar considers that for a few seconds, before slowly shaking his head 'no.' "Of course, I wouldn't mind her being here. But that's not it."

"What's 'it,' then?" Lando asks.

Somehow, he just knows, doesn't he?

Oscar's starting to see why you might love that about him so much.

"It's not Y/n I'm missing. I guess I'm missing you. And me. I'm missing us."

"Hm," Lando says simply, seeming to ponder that for a few seconds, before saying softly, almost as a dare, "How could you miss 'us,' if 'us' was never a thing?"

Oscar feels the sudden urge to reach out towards Lando. Put his hand on his, or fix that loose curl, or do something.

But he holds back. Like he's always done with you.

God damn it. Am I really doing it again?

What am I even doing?

"I guess..." Oscar murmurs after some hesitation, staring down towards the tiled floor, "I miss the 'us' that could be and should be but never has been."

Oscar feels Lando look up towards him, but continues staring at the floor.

"Look at me."

But Oscar doesn't dare.

That's when Lando gently moves his hand to grab Oscar's chin and force his head to look at him. Not in an overly gentle way, but not in a way that hurts.

Oscar sighs. Those eyes.

When did he start liking them so much?

"We can make that reality," Lando murmurs, in the same determined way he talks about sports, or strategies. "We can make it happen. You don't have to miss me, or Y/n, and we can make 'us' come true."

Oscar gulps. Nods, though he knows not why.

Maybe it's because I really do want it.

I do, don't I?

Us.

Lando reaches over and grabs Oscar's hand strongly. Wraps his hand around the other man's. "This simple feeling..." Lando whispers. "Don't you like it?"

Oscar swallows. "I don't know if I like it, but..."

Lando waits for him to finish, even after he's trailed off.

"...but I think I know that it's exactly what... what I need."

Lando sighs. A little smile even begins to sneak up on his lips, just gently. Softly. Hardly there.

That's when he leans in and pulls him into a hug. And embrace. And it's refuge that Oscar finds there, in his arms. The same kind of irreplaceable refuge he finds in your arms. He sighs, wrapping his arms back around Lando, feeling the warmth of his body around him like a blanket.

"This simple feeling," Oscar murmurs this time, mirroring Lando's words, swallowing, his voice cracking softly, though tears don't threaten to fall.

It's just a little raw.

"This simple feeling... it's exactly what I want. What I need. From both of you.

"It's like I'd be content if we let this last forever," Oscar finishes softly with, close to Lando's ear.

"We can make it last forever," Lando utters back.

And all time stops in that little room as the two men embrace. A cavern of honesty and truth.

A safe place that promises to hold them forever.

It's funny how someone's cares and concerns can be washed away so quickly.

Like, for example, Oscar's podium at the Austrian Grand Prix in 2024, seeing his team grin up at him, spraying the champagne with George and Carlos, the joy of getting second place.

Partially, also, the joy of being the one to score points for the team.

But once that's all done and he's talking and doing all that PR, it starts nagging at him. You're not here, which means Lando's all alone.

Probably fucking pissed off.

P20.

So it's a mix. He got 2nd! But Lando got 20th.

So he tries to get through all the PR gobbly-gook as fast as possible, while still putting on a good face, since he knows you'll particularly care a lot if he screws up all his interviews the one race you weren't able to make it.

As soon as he's set free from his duties, though, he rushes to Lando's driver's room. On the way, someone even grabs his arm, saying, "Oscar! Oscar! An autograph? Please?" but he brushes them off, saying, "If you stay around, I'll be back to give it to you!" before just running off again.

He honestly can't grasp why he's so particularly and intensely desperate to see Lando.

It's because he did something for me last night when I needed him. Now I can't just leave him when he needs me most.

Soon, he reaches the latched closed door and knocks hard, saying, "Lando? Are you in there?"

There's a few moments of silence, and for a moment Oscar's nerves tell him that Lando isn't even here, and that he ignored that fan for no reason at all, until those thoughts are interrupted with Lando responding with a heavy sigh in his voice, "Osc? You can come in."

Oscar sighs with a certain amount of relief before gently opening the door and letting it shut behind him.

Lando is standing, not facing Oscar, on his phone, texting. Head down.

"How're you-"

"Texting Y/n."

Oscar nods, slowly walking up behind him. He gently rests a hand on Lando's shoulder, and says softer, "What's she saying?"

"Everything she has to in order to try and make me feel less like shit."

"Is it working?"

Lando turns, looking over his shoulder back at Oscar with a wry smile, saying, "Not at all. Max is a fucking-"

"Cheater, aggressive driver, idiot, bad sportsman. I know that's everything you're going to say. You just need to blow off some steam, hm?"

Lando snorts, shutting off his phone, hanging his head. "I've had an hour and a half to do that since the race."

"It takes a while," Oscar says simply, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

Lando sighs, nodding. "I know... I guess I'm not even really that mad anymore. Just disappointed. And frustrated."

Oscar nods, glancing away, beginning to slip his hand off Lando's shoulder.

But Lando reaches back, slipping his hand over Oscar's to keep it there, dragging his other hand over his face with a heavy sigh

It's then that Oscar suddenly feels compelled to do something he never thought he would.

Yet he gives in, simply because it feels like exactly the right thing to do in the moment. So he wraps both arms around Lando from behind, pulling him towards himself, letting his nose and lips press against his neck, next to Lando's ear.

Lando sighs in something like contentment.

And Oscar feels himself smiling softly, before it quickly fades off, and he whispers gently in Lando's neck, "You're a good driver. You would've won that race. But I also know that means you'll be able to win the next one, hm?"

Lando nods, sighing. "You're right. I know you're right."

Oscar nods, murmuring, "But you have every right to be upset. And I'll be with you during that working through it as long as you want me to be."

Lando feels an unexpected smile begin to creep up on his face as he mutters, "I want you here with me every single moment you want to be here, Oscar."

"Yeah? It's funny how I've started to like to be with you more."

"I guess that's just my natural charm, hm?" Lando says softly, his smile growing.

Oscar can almost not believe how he naturally chuckles at that and responds softly, "I don't know about that..."

Lando is full on grinning now. That handsome, big, sunny smile of his. "Just ask Y/n about it. She'll tell you all about my charm."

"Hah," Oscar says sarcastically, but for some reason, instead of coldness, like that comment might used to have filled his chest with, he feels an undeniable, affectionate warmth fill his body.

A feeling that he seems to like a lot more.

He just re-wraps his arms around Lando and responds softly, "I'm sure Y/n would tell you all about my charm, too, Lando."

Lando smirks, glancing back at Oscar, meeting the Australian's milk chocolate eyes. "But you don't have to ask Y/n to hear about how charming you are, Oscar. I could talk about that all night." Lando's honestly not sure where all this bravery on his part is coming from, but he's honestly glad for it. Since it seems to be going down well.

Oscar's eyebrows raise as his light complexion becomes slightly flushed. "Hm. You could?"

"Oh yeah," Lando laughs a bit. A beautiful sound. Then the two remain in that peaceful silence, before Oscar lets his hands slip away from Lando gently.

Lando turns, taking the younger man's hand in his, looking earnestly into his eyes. "Hey. Congratulations on your P2, by the way. I was so caught up in my own shit, I completely forgot about your-"

"Don't worry," Oscar says, waving it off. "I don't mind. But thank you, anyway."

Lando grins, leaning in to kiss his cheek and saying simply, "No, thank you, Oscar. Look at the way you've managed to cheer me up like that, huh?"

Oscar smiles at that, his eyes fluttering shut for just a moment, perhaps in something like peace, or trust, for him to murmur, "Not sure how that happened..."

"Guess it's just that charm of yours we previously discussed, huh?"

And Oscar's eyes flutter open just in time to see Lando peck his lips.

And with Oscar's face fire hydrant red and Lando laughs filling the small room, I'll leave it up to the reader to go and imagine what could've happened next.

Oscar and Lando get out of the car, Lando holding some flowers and Oscar a grocery bag of goodies.

"You ready?" Lando says with a little smile, nodding to Oscar.

"Can't wait to see her, despite the poor state she must be in," Oscar says with a nod, and is about to start walking, when he suddenly stops and, with only a moment of hesitation beforehand, holds his hand out to Lando to take.

Lando looks at the hand, before looking up at Oscar again, taking his hand, with a little grin. He gives him a nod, before the two head off towards the house, hand-in-hand.

You're awakened in your feverish state by the ringing of the doorbell. You know you should get up and at least look to see who it is, but at the same time, who could it be? You're not expecting anyone. So you opt for the easier decision to just assume it's something unimportant like the mailman or something and leave it, letting yourself drift back into your feverish half-sleep.

But just as you're about to fully drift back off into slumber, it rings again. You sigh and stand up with an ornery groan, dragging your shaky legs to the window, to peek out of it, to see what on earth is so important.

But you stop as soon as you see them.

Your boys.

Lando holding flowers.

And what's more, they're holding each other's hands.

And they both look completely comfortable with it.

Really? Even Oscar?

He's not that good of an actor!

Soft smiles adorn both their handsome, perfect faces, shining like a charming prince and a shining knight.

Your foggy brain doesn't take the time to consider which is the prince and which is the knight, and you instead rush to the door right away, unlocking it and exclaiming, "Lan! Osc!" You stumble a bit dizzily as your weakened legs threaten to give out, but Lando's arm is there to steady you right away, keeping you from falling.

"Hey, Y/n," Oscar says gently, putting his arm on yours as Lando plants a quick kiss on your forehead, asking, "You okay?"

You sigh, nodding, and saying after the wave of vertigo subsides, "Just still a bit sick."

"No kidding. My God. Let's get you back inside and in your bed," Lando says gently, letting you use his arm to steady yourself as the three of you head inside and to your bedroom.

Once you're there and crawling back into bed, Lando hands Oscar the flowers and says, reaching in the shopping bag, "Got you some chicken noodle soup, Y/n. Want me to make you some?"

"Oh, God," you murmur, sinking back down against the pillow, "Yes, Lando, that'd be great."

He nods and leaves, going off to do that, leaving you with Oscar.

The first thing Oscar does is say, taking the blanket from the bottom of the bed, "Want this on?"

You nod, sniffing up your stuffed up nose. He gently tucks you in, kisses your forehead right where Lando kissed it, and grabs a tissue for you, seemingly out of thin air.

If you weren't a bit feverish, maybe you would of just known he got it out of the shopping bag. But you kind of missed that detail.

"We got you flowers," Oscar says gently, sitting on the edge of the bed, next to you.

You smile softly, leaning up to smell the bouquet, saying weakly, "Aw... that's so lovely... You guys didn't have to."

He smiles softly. "We wanted to treat you. To show you how much we missed you this weekend." He brushes a strand of hair from your forehead, before frowning and murmuring, "You're really warm. Hey, I'll be right back, m'kay?"

You're not sure how long it takes, but in a bit, Oscar comes back to place a cool cloth on your forehead, and puts the flowers, now in a vase, next to you, on your nightstand.

"They're so pretty," you murmur softly, gratefulness to you warm in your voice.

Oscar smiles. "Pretty flowers for a pretty girl."

You smile softly, reaching to take his hand. "I like you like this."

"Like what?" his eyebrows raise.

"All soft. I like that."

He smiles. "Just taking care of you." He leans down and kisses your cheek, saying, "Can I get you anything? A drink? Water, tea?"

"Oh... I think I'm good. But thank you," you weakly smile.

He nods. "Are you comfortable? Do you want a fan, or another blanket, or anything?"

You shrug. "I dunno... Maybe a fan would be nice. There's a big one in the closet. Jus' put it on low."

He nods and immediately heads to do that. Once he's done, he goes straight to the windows, saying, "And the blinds? Are they good the way they are, or should I-"

"Oscar, Oscar," you say softly, giving a lazy wave of your hand. "None of that matter. Not really. I don't really care. Why don't you just stop worrying and running around and taking care of me and doing everything for just a moment and just come and be with me, huh? That's what I want for you to do the most. Just come be with me. Let's just talk, hm?"

Oscar blinks. "Oh. Of course." He nods, making his way across the room. As he settles down on the bed next to you, he says simply, "Sorry."

"Don't worry. I like it. You just need to give yourself a break, too. And I want to talk with you, Osc." You slip your hand in his.

He nods, and after a few seconds murmurs, "Maybe that's just what I want, too."

"See?" you smile softly up at him.

You sit together in silence for a bit, him gently rubbing your hand in his, before you finally think to ask, "So... How... How are things with you and Lando?"

"You noticed a change, didn't you, huh?"

"For the better. Unless I'm imagining. Or you suddenly became an amazing actor in one week."

He smiles, nodding. "Lando, he... I think we worked it out. I worked it out."

"Worked what out?"

"That I love you, and I might just love Lando, and that in order to love one, I've got to love the other."

You stare. "You... You and Lando?"

Oscar nods. "We talked. I think I can make this work now. Let this work. We can let this work."

You smile. "Hm. Really?" you look at him with fluttery eyes.

He shrugs, smiling softly. "I can't just care about myself. That's not what a relationship is about. Nor can I just care about you. Nor can I just care about Lando. It needs to be selfless, you know? We need to be there for each other."

You grin and murmur, "For some reason, Osc, I really wanna kiss you right now, but I'm sick. It's like you've just said what I've been dreaming for you to say for weeks now. Probably months."

He smiles, nodding. "I guess it was bound to happen. I just had some things to work through. And even though I don't even know how, and don't think he does, either, Lando helped me work through them, partially, too... Oh, and by the way, with the kiss thing?" he smiles, leaning down a bit closer, before murmuring, "I'm sure you won't get me sick. You're probably way past being contagious." And with that, he closes his eyes and leans in to kiss you gently.

It's then that Lando walks in and says with that cheeky smile of his, "Hey, lovebirds, can I get in on this? When's it my turn?"

You pull away from Oscar and tease, "Oh, get back in the kitchen!"

"Jeez! I guess I'll just eat your soup, then, if you're going to be like that!"

"Wait! No!" you say, reaching your arms out for the tray in his arms.

He chuckles, placing it in your lap, and says, slipping on the bed next to you, on the opposite as Oscar, "Did you really think I would eat your food?"

"You might..."

He grins. "I might."

"Hey!" you giggle, rolling your eyes.

Lando lays down next to you as Oscar says, "My goodness, Y/n, you're so peppy as soon as Lando enters the room. You were acting so sick before, just a few minutes ago!"

You grin, looking him over with a shrug, "I guess I liked the way you were treating me so softly and delicately. I didn't want you to stop feeling like you had to take care of me. Now, come on. You lay down next to me, too, won't you?"

Oscar smiles and does so, murmuring, "I guess I can't say no, huh?"

You smile, contented, shutting your eyes as you feel the warmth from both of them, on each of your sides, envelop you. "I guess not."

As you eat your soup, your boys snuggle up to you, their arms wrapping around you, and the three of you talk. Mostly about Austria, and then about he upcoming British Grand Prix in less than a week now, which you're sure you'll be healed up enough for, especially since getting there doesn't require any planes or airports. Sometimes, that can be the worst part of travelling to Grand Prixs far away.

Soon, though, you finish your soup, and sink back down into the pillows, letting the tiredness seize your body once more. As you begin to drift off, the last thing you whisper is, "I love you guys..."

On each side, you feel each of their lips gently kiss your cheeks, but you don't stay awake long enough to hear how they respond to that.

Here you are, with your two McLaren boys.

Sure, there'll be rough spots. Lots of them. Something like this doesn't promise to be easy.

But sometimes, the harder path is the better one in the end.

And right now, in this simple moment, it feels perfectly worth it.

Well, maybe perfectly imperfect.

But would you really want it any other way?

This simple feeling...

[just-a-sewer-goblin]

Collars Of Duty 4

MalinoisHybrid!Simon x reader

- Chapter 3 - (Chapter 5)

Simon's gone and you're left to deal with his sudden absence. But maybe it's not all over yet.

~ 8,3k Words

Content (might contain spoilers): reader being mean to themselves in their thoughts, hybrid AU, mention of past injury, hints at past attack, mentions of therapy, biting, blood

A.N: I messed with the COD timeline here. I know that some of the things I mention don't happen during this time and don't fit with the canon but it's my AU so shush. Curious if you lot catch the cameo. Have fun. Also not my best chapter but I poured a lot of heart, time and effort into it.

It’s been almost a week since Simon’s transport back to England. A week that you’ve spent at home again. The day you arrived at work to find Simon gone you went back to medical leave. Now as you sit on your couch and look out through your living room window you wonder if that was the best decision.

Simon’s sudden absence left you hollower than you anticipated. You spent barely a week by his side, most of which he was unconscious. So how come you care so damn much already?

You go through your usual routine. Making food, going outside, meeting friends, attending therapy, working on your mind and body. You do everything you did the past few weeks that helped you get back to your feet after Phillip but the worry for Simon won’t fade. It’s always there in the back of your head, a nagging feeling that leaves you thinking about him way more than you probably should.

Is he okay? Are they taking good care of him? Do they take it slow and take his trauma and needs into consideration? Does he have a handler that knows how to help him? How are his wounds?

You feel silly for caring so much about the large hybrid but another pitiful part of you whispers that it might prove that you’re a good person. Caring so much about someone you barely know surely proves that you have a good heart.

Then there’s another part that admonishes you for thinking that. No truly good person would think about whether their actions or thoughts make them a good person and you grow ashamed again. You try to shove all those thoughts somewhere in a corner of your mind where you don’t have to hear them constantly. The back and forth driving you insane without coming up with any conclusive answer.

You worry about him. That’s how it is. You care There is nothing you can do to change that except try not to think about him so much. But honestly you don’t want to stop thinking about him. Something about Simon struck your heart and you feel the need to figure out what.

You sigh as you nurse your mug with your favourite hot beverage in it, taking another slow sip savoring the taste. Has Simon ever had a drink like this? You sigh. Here you go again, thinking about the malinois hybrid without pause.

You let your head fall back against the backrest of the couch, staring at the ceiling. When did your home start feeling more like a self inflicted prison? There’s a restlessness growing in you. It’s starting deep in your stomach and spreads its way through your limbs making you bounce your knee until you almost spill your drink jerking your head back up to safe it at the last second.

Why did you go back to medical leave? You had been more than willing to return for Simon’s case. But as soon as he left you went back home like a snail hiding in it’s shell. You rest your elbows on your knees and let your head hang forward the muscles of your neck stretching uncomfortably.

You’re a damn coward. Resting at home. It doesn’t feel like healing anymore it feels like you’re running away. Running from the center and all the hybrids it houses. You hate it, hate Phillip for ruining all dog hybrids with just one attack. Why does he have the power to make you afraid of all of them. It’s not fair.

Do the others think you’re a coward as well? Hiding at home again after you came back for a week. What is management thinking? That you could return for an emergency but not for the relative calmness of every day? What will happen if you don’t come back quick enough for them? Will you lose your job? Would they actually fire you over something like this?

Just like that sitting at home feels like wasted time. Every minute spent on your couch is a minute you could be working and trying to get over your fear. And suddenly your certain that you have to return to work if you want to make further progress.

Additionally to your sudden urgency to just do something instead of sitting at home and licking your wounds the thought of everyone secretly judging your return to absence makes you feel itchy. But it’s your own judgment makes you the most uncomfortable. You can’t escape your own thoughts that remind you how cowardly you’re behaving. How you’re wasting away thinking about a hybrid who never even was your charge.

Thinking about a hybrid who you foolishly put a lot of hope into.

It makes no logical sense that you feel like Simon was your way back to working with hybrids. You had been sure that working with a problem hybrid would be the worst thing that could happen to you. You had been sure it would make you feel worse and undo everything you’ve achieved in therapy so far.

Now it feels like anyone other than the problem hybrid will hinder your recovery.

For a moment you feel selfish for wanting to gain something out of helping a hybrid. How can you think like that? Even if working with one stops your progress it would be worth it if you could help them. It’s not their job to help you. You’re supposed to help them, that’s what you’re being paid for, dammit. Helping them without gaining anything should be all you want.

Still it would be the best case scenario if working with one would also allow you to slowly get used to them again. It would be nice if the hybrid could help you too. And you decide that you can allow yourself that little bit of selfishness.

But even if that best case scenario were to happen. Before you can get anyone elses help you’ll have to want to help yourself.

The days of peacefully sitting on your couch letting the world outside continue to turn while you exist in your own little reality that consists of your home and the doctors office are over. You’ve had enough time off. It’s time to return to work. If you don’t your own thoughts that continue to run in circles will drive you insane.

No matter how often you dissect what happened with Phillip it won’t change what happened and maybe it’s time to accept that.

It’s probably best if you go back to the center today, before you lose your drive. And what better way to return than just going for lunch. Nice and casual. Nothing scary. At least that’s what you’re trying to convince yourself of as your palms immediately begin getting sweaty.

It’s tiring always being scared and even if it scares you more to go back, at least you’re doing something. You can’t take another second of sitting at home waiting to feel better while doing nothing.

A sudden burst of energy has you rushing all over your home while you get ready and sprint out of your front door before your nerves catch up to you.

You try your hardest not to second guess yourself as your unsteady hands hold the access card against the entrance of the compound. It opens with a beep and you rush through. When you stand in front of the main building you freeze. Your hands are shaking and you will yourself to breathe deeply.

There will be a lot of hybrids at the cafeteria, and suddenly your feet wont take another step. Flashes of teeth, dripping with vicious saliva, snapping and tearing at you appear in your mind. You’re certain that there’s an aggressive hybrid growling behind you but when you turn there’s no one there. Wincing you wrap your arms around yourself, trying to make you feel some semblance of safety.

You’ve already managed to come here and turning around to go back home feels like defeat. You can already taste it’s bitter tang just from thinking about not going through with your plan. For a moment you chew on your lower lip, indecisive then you look up at the building. Liz should be working right now. Maybe she’s willing to have her break with you.

Taking two steps at once, you rush up the stairs hoping you don’t meet anyone, especially no hybrid before you reach Liz’ office. Your heart pumps hectically while you strain your ears to make sure you’ll hear approaching steps over your harsh breathing. You’re lucky, getting there without running into anyone and you quickly slip inside without knocking.

Your heart swells at the way Liz positively beams at your appearance. It should not surprise you as much as it does when she immediately takes her break so she can go to the cafeteria with you. The way she links her arm with yours is so easy and natural that it makes you gulp suppressing the strong urge to hide behind her.

You grow more and more tense the closer you get to the cafeteria. Liz chattering fading to the background even if it’s her attempt to distract you. There are two hybrids and their handlers joining your direction. Luckily they’re concentrated on their handlers and the promise of food after training. The two of them don’t even give you any attention besides a quick glance.

When you realize that they won’t attack, you relax minutely. Everything is okay, you’re okay. The hybrids at the center are all friendly. Usually.

Aggressive Hybrids are very rare and they’re usually kept on leash. There’s various reasons why a handler might decide to keep their charge on a leash and none of the handlers here would let an aggressive hybrid roam free.

You almost manage to gain some control over your fear until you hear a sudden bark behind you. It’s loud and startling and you can feel your heart jump painfully in your chest.

You rip your arm away from Liz, whipping around. Fear clogs your throat and you can feel your eyes watering in sheer panic.

A golden retriever hybrid is running at you his steps slightly uneven. Where his left leg should be is a prosthetic attached but it does nothing to slow him down. His handler is further down the hallway and from the leash that loosely hangs from the hybrids collar it’s evident that he ripped himself free from his handlers hold.

His ears are perked up and flop with every step, his face lit up with obvious joy but it doesn’t help the terror that floods through you at the sight of him running at you. A very faint voice reminds you that you know this hybrid and he wouldn’t hurt you, but that voice is easily silence by the dread that overpowers everything.

He stretches his arms out to the side and Liz takes a step forward.

Before he reaches you, or Liz can step into his way you thrust out your hand out in front of yourself in sheer desperation.

“STOP!”

Alex skids to a halt like he just ran against a wall, having to shift his weight so he doesn’t fall. The prosthetic makes an awful screeching noise as it scrapes over the floor. His ears droop and his tail halts mid wag, uncertain what just happened. You’d feel bad at the obvious hurt in his expression if you weren’t so desperately harnessing your fear to shove it back into the dark corner it crawled from.

Panic squeezes your lungs and denies you access to your own breaths. You think you hear Liz tell Alex’ handler to wait when he goes to grab Alex’ leash but you concentrate on regulating your wheezing breaths, your hand still outstretched to halt Alex.

The golden hybrid looks at you and takes a few small steps on the spot he’s glued to. His nostrils flare and he cocks his head at you.

“You’re afraid of me?” He half asks half states and the devastation in his voice rips your heart right in two. A whine makes its way from his chest and you shake your head. You panic retreating at the need to reassure and calm the hybrid. He did nothing wrong and here you are, hurting him by panicking.

“No! I’m not scared of you.” You say even if you’re not sure whether that’s true. But you need to say something, anything to stop the hurt in his eyes. He cocks his head at you in question.

“Just got spooked from the way your ran at me.”

He visibly perks back up at that, his tail slowly starting to wag again even if it’s decidedly less enthusiastic than before. Then it slowly gains momentum, getting quicker and stronger until his entire body wriggles with his joy and the sight steals a small smile from you.

“I only wanted to hug you. I haven’t seen you in forever. I promise I won’t rush. May I hug you?” He asks with so much hope in his voice that you can’t say no.

Briefly you scan his body language, finding nothing but excitement and restraint so you nod even if the way your blood rushes through you is almost painful.

Alex stays true to his word, slowly steps forward, opening his arms for you and waits until you mirror the gesture. Then he wraps his bulky frame around you, squeezing you to his chest. Immediately he pushes his face against you and takes a deep breath, smelling you. His mustache tickles you and you squirm giggling inadvertently.

He rumbles deep in his chest, huffs in displeasure at your movements which only makes you giggle and squirm more. Your fear slowly retracts its claws from your chest, hissing in displeasure at your entire being remembering Alex as safe.

You can feel him relax right along with you. Until all that is left is warmth and contentment. The close contact to him after weeks of staying away as far as possible from any and all hybrids fills your chest with warmth choking you up slightly. After you allow yourself to bask in his hug for as long as you deem acceptable and after you swallow your tears back down, you step back and shake your head at him fondly.

“You know that this is exactly why you’re still on leash. Always so easily distracted rushing off to investigate whatever scent you caught. Although I’m honored I’m the distraction this time.”

He folds his ears back and the chuckle of his handler reminds you of his and Liz presence. The man, Chad, steps forward and gently cuffs the back of Alex head. The hybrid playfully snaps in the direction of his fingers. You nearly flinch until you remind yourself that this is Alex and he’s just playing.

“Lucky for him we’re not training right now and you’re a very special distraction. It’s good to see you again.”

You remember the day you left Alex as his charge, a mixture of pride and pain in your chest. You’d worked months with Alex after he lost his leg in an explosion during a mission. You’d helped him regain his agility and confidence and it was only normal that you developed a deep bond with the hybrid.

It was always a happy occasion when a hybrid got to go back to having a work handler and you shake Chads outstretched hand with a warm smile. As you make your way into the cafeteria you try to concentrate on Alex and his handler, who’s taken his leash in hand again.

“We get to go back to the real work next week.” Alex tells you puffing his chest and pride blooms in your own chest. You know how much his work means to him and it will be great to see him leave the center after a year and a half of working hard to get back in shape. Still the thought stings a little.

You’ll miss him. He’s been one of your favorite charges and even after you left him in Chad’s capable hands - so they could work and train to become a team while Alex fully regained his abilities - it was nice to meet him in the hallways and outside on the training grounds.

You try to concentrate on the joy instead. He’ll get to go back to doing what he loves and you wonder when you’ll be able to do the same. With the way you currently need to check every hybrid around you for any sign of aggression you don’t see any possibility of you taking on a new charge soon.

With Simon it had been easy. He’d been an emergency which left not enough time to think, to doubt, to get lost in your fear. Now that he’s gone you have too much time to cook up all the worst case scenarios in your head again.

While you try to have lunch without always looking around like a spooked rabbit you get to watch Chad and Alex interact and their easy camaraderie and banter makes you jealous. It makes you overly aware of the fact that you’re unable to interact with a hybrid like that at the moment.

But you love this job. You love working with them and helping them and developing all these bonds. Harshly you stab your fork into the food. Even if it takes forever, you will be able to do it again.

As if to mock you the scar on your shoulder throbs at the aggressive movement and you subconsciously reach up, pressing against it. Alex turns his head towards you from his place besides you. You give him a small tight lipped smile.

He says nothing, but under the table he moves his leg until his thigh touches you and you stare down at the contact.

The next day you join Alex and Chad while training at their insistence the day before. They’re all too eager to show off their hard work to you and it’s almost mesmerizing the way they clear the obstacle course together.

The centers agility course is a jungle of platforms that are raised over the ground with obstacles in between. The platforms vary from the size of your hand to a square meter and some are slanted to test the balance.

They can be roughly divided into two heights one being a few centimeters above the ground while the second level is mostly at two meters with platforms of varying heights in between. There is no designated path through the course which allows a handler to challenge a hybrid with new angles at already well known obstacles.

The slight tugs Chad gives on the leash help Alex to find the right footing while he concentrates on sniffing out the hidden object. You.

You’re crouched behind an obstacle that’s on the second level, keeping out of sight. You peek at the pair of them moving through the course stopping at a point where you doubled back to confuse Alex.

The single minded focus of the hybrid is admirable but also dangerous out in the field. In the field concentrating on nothing besides what he’s supposed to sniff out means running into the line of fire, stepping onto a contact mine or whatever other horrible things wait for them in the field. That is why he’s connected to Chad with the leash.

You almost shout a warning, your heart leaping into your throat, when Alex lifts his head to track your scent not watching the small platforms under his feet. You can already see his foot miss the next platform but Chad gives a gentle tug and Alex rights his direction without looking down.

His foot finds the platform and you exhale heavily with relief. You can only continue watching in awe. You’d known that Chad was a good handler. While working with Philip you had often seen the two of them train but you always had your own hybrid to concentrate on so you never got to appreciate the incredible team these two make.

Alex finds you easily while Chad watches over him, clearing his path, making sure he doesn’t get hurt while he concentrates on his work and when Alex finds you in record time, you can’t help but clap and holler in excitement.

Chad ruffles Alex hair and the golden retriever hybrid beams with pride. His tail wags a mile a minute and when you’re all back down on the ground he does a few silly circles on the spot giving an excited bark which makes Chad laugh.

A deep feeling of peace settles over you. This is what it’s supposed to be like. A soft smile sneaks onto your lips. Watching Chad and Alex is weirdly healing, reminding you of what a healthy hybrid handler relationship looks like. You have been able to build one with every charge you’ve had besides Phillip. And with him it wasn’t because you didn’t try.

For the first time fear isn’t the first emotion bubbling up when you think about Phillip. This time it’s sadness. In his chase for his independence he sold his soul to someone else. But you don’t think that the proud hybrid realized that. He probably didn’t realize that the gesture of attacking you was empty considering the reasons for it. It proved jack shit. But hey at least he got what he wanted in the end.

Even that thought doesn’t chase the sadness away. So you concentrate back on Chad and Alex and you realize you’re a little less frustrated with yourself when you go to bed that evening. You got to work with a hybrid again and it had went well. Things will get better after all.

After the day you spent with Alex you come back to work for good. You do not have your own charge at the moment but you try to be useful in every way you can. Instead of working with a hybrid you start helping with the equipment, running errands and giving the other handlers advice that you feel not qualified to give considering how long you’ve been absent and the reason for your absence.

The way you try to avoid running into hybrids makes you feel ashamed of yourself once more but you don’t have it in you to just casually cross paths with them. It’s so stupid, the way one hybrid ruined every hybrid for you. You’re determined to change that, to not see a threat in every hybrid but maybe… maybe not today.

You duck around the corner as you spot a hybrid walking down the hallway with her handler and press yourself against the wall counting down from ten to calm yourself. It’s frustrating as hell that interacting with Alex didn’t magically heal you.

Why could one hybrid not heal the wounds of one other hybrid? Your pulse still jumps at every hybrid you see. You still try to hide instead of normally passing them. And you grow frustrated with yourself. Healing sucks. It’s hard to understand why books and movies always seem to picture it as this magical beautiful journey when most of the time it feels like running in circles and standing in your own way.

How would things be if Simon was still here? Would you walk the hallways unafraid with his large form looming next to you? Maybe if he’d become your charge you would feel better already.

You shake your head. Thinking about that doesn’t help you, you try to remind yourself. Simon’s in England and there isn’t anything you can do.

You peek around the corner, seeing that the hybrid is gone you continue on your way, glad that the tiles help you hear when someone’s approaching. You look at the stack of papers in your arms and almost scoff at yourself. Running errands instead of doing what you actually get paid for.

But with Simon gone you don’t know how you’re supposed to jump into the deep end and take the position as a handler again.

You should have known. You should have known it would come back to bite you in the ass that you didn’t sign the handler agreement. Maybe with that you could have been transferred with Simon and stayed by his side for the time it will take for him to be able to go back to active duty.

Apparently the Doc had asked for the papers that prove that Simon is your charge so she could have you called to the center before he left. When she called the office they had to tell her that no such papers were signed.

You’re lucky that the Doc hasn’t told anyone that you lied to gain access to his medical report. At least you don’t think she has or someone would have approached you about it by now. It still might happen and you’re unsure whether you should talk to her about it before you possibly get a lawsuit.

Thinking about that does nothing to calm your racing heart and you almost flee inside Liz’ office when it comes into view as if her presence will shield you from your own thoughts and feelings as well.

You drop the stack of papers on her desk and she sighs, pushing up her glasses and meets you eyes.

“I should probably thank you but honestly, how dare you bring this to me instead of accidentally spilling coffee all over them.”

Hearing Liz who enjoys the office work say something like that startles a laugh out of you and she grins.

“One of those days?” You ask and she nods, stretches her arms over her head and groans when her back audibly pops.

She takes her smoothie and slurps it through her straw. “You know I looked into it for you. But there is no way for us to obtain any information on Simon’s well being. I’m sorry.”

You plop down into the empty chair before her desk and crane your neck until you’re staring at the ceiling. “Yeah. I already expected that. If only I had signed those damned papers.”

You catch Liz shrug out of your peripheral vision. “Well with the English laws being the way they are it’s not certain that would have done anything either.”

Lazily you let your head roll forward. “Hm?”

“Ah, right. You only do the hands on work. The hybrid-handler laws in England demand the hybrid to sign an agreement too for the handler-hybrid relationship to have legal effect. So your signature alone would probably not give you any information on him anyway.”

“Oh.” You think about it. You know the English laws are different but you never looked into it since they don’t concern you, at least they never did until now. Either way you will never know what’s become of Simon and it frustrates you.

“Well, it is what it is.” You say resigned and put your hands on your knees to push yourself up. If only you could mean that. “Back to running errands I go.”

Before you can leave the room Liz’ voice stops you. “You have to take on a charge again at some point.”

You half turn to her smiling, even though you don’t feel like smiling at all. “Exactly. ‘At some point.’ That point is not now. It’s barely been a few days of me being back.”

She shakes her head at you and you’d be embarrassed or angry at her disappointed expression but you know it’s because she cares. “Why are you so damn hesitant? You were fully ready to take Simon as charge?”

You purse your lips in thought, turning to her fully. “With him it was easy. I didn’t have time to imagine all the things that could go wrong. Just ‘bam here’s this hybrid you have to take care of’. Now that he’s gone I have too much time to think about what it means to take on a new charge.”

Liz clicks her tongue. “Maybe I’ll just drop a hybrid at your doorstep so you don’t have time to think.”

You gasp in mock offense. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.” She says dryly and you’re not sure if she’s still joking. So you laugh it off while fleeing her office before she decides to make any more valid points.

That better have been a joke or you’d strangle her. And then thank her because thinking about it - dropping a hybrid at your doorstep might actually work. Your close the door, turn to walk back down the hallway and almost walk into Meg from HR.

“Oh good. I was looking for you.”

You gulp. Oh no. Did the Doc rat you out after all? Would they fire you? Shit. You rub your palms against your pants. Did you do anything wrong? What if she knows you lied to get the Doc to talk about Simon? Would they file a lawsuit because of something like that?

“Follow me.” She says curtly and you nod, too startled and scared to get a simple yes out. Walking behind her through the hallway makes you feel like you’re walking to your own execution and you thank whoever is listening that you don’t run into any hybrids. You’re not sure your heart could handle any more anxiety.

The clicking of her door closing while she indicates for you to sit down at her desk sounds like a threat and when you sit you rub your sweaty palms against your thighs.

She sits down on her side of the desk and clicks something on her computer then she looks at you seriously and you feel like you’ll be in serious trouble in a few second. Hopefully you won’t cry, that would be embarrassing.

She sighs. “Do you remember the aggressive hybrid you were called in for from your leave?”

You nod and this time you manage to weakly say: “Yes.” Oh no. Oh no no no no. Pleas no.

She taps a pen against her chin and studies you. “You know we really hoped you could take another charge soon so management isn’t the happiest about it but we were promised a substitute and compensation so we decided to leave it up to you.”

Is she doing this on purpose? Dragging it out? What substitute? What the hell is going on?

“We got a request for you from the center in England he is currently at. They want you to work there with him for however long it takes to get him back on his feet. You’re one of our best even if you’re currently not exactly fitting your job description. I heard you got along well with him.” Something in her gaze softens at her last statement and you release your held breath a heavy weight dropping off your shoulders.

She doesn’t know about the papers. It feels like your heart can finally get a break. But then everything she said hits you and you start nervously bouncing your leg. They requested you? You’re sure they have more than enough handlers at the center he’s currently at. Surely they have competent personnel?

“Why… did they request me?” You carefully ask, not sure you’re allowed to ask any questions. Which is absurd if you think about it because of course you’re allowed to ask questions if she specifically called you to her office to give you a choice.

She purses her lips and twirls the pen in her fingers. “Apparently he’s giving them trouble. They don’t know what to do and found out he was more comfortable with you. Usually they would just give a problematic hybrid like him a medical discharge from his duties but apparently he’s a big enough asset for them to reach out to us.”

You nod trying to understand. What happened? Things hadn’t looked that bad. What had happened that Simon is once again deemed a problematic? Are you willing to go to England for an unknown amount of time because they ask you to? It might be months until he’s rehabilitated.

Your thoughts return to the few moments you had with him. You remember him in the bath, the way he’d let you dry his hair. The way you felt like you might overcome your fear with him. Maybe you don’t have to try with another hybrid. Maybe Simon is meant to be your charge so you can both help each other. This might be what you’ve been waiting for without knowing.

You’re a bit unsettled by how quick you’ve come to your decision. You should probably think this through more but you’d sign the handler papers in a heartbeat. That reminds you…

“What about him? Don’t the laws in England demand that he agrees with me being his handler?”

She nods, rifles through a stack of paper on her table and finally finds what she’s looking for. She folds the stapled stack of papers open on the last page and slides it over her desk towards you. At the bottom two lines for signatures sit.

“He already signed signed.”

You stare at the line where his name sits in neat block writing. You can’t help yourself but run your finger over it. Your heart thumps hectically in your chest. He already agreed to you being his handler. All you have to do is sign as well. You try to come up with all the logical questions and things that should make you hesitate.

“What about housing and stuff?” You hate how you say ‘stuff’ like you don’t know what you’re talking about. Your thoughts are rushing. You have a hard time getting a hold of them. Taking care of contracts and the whole organizational stuff was never your strong suit. Your strong suit is working with hybrids, at least you thought so until Phillip. But the fact that Simon apparently wants you as his handler makes the smallest bit of confidence grow.

They want you in England because whatever happened makes them think you can help him. Whatever he said makes them think you’re who they have to turn to. You can do this. This is also what the hybrid wants. What will happen to Simon if you refuse?

Meg rips you from your thoughts. “They board and lodge their staff if they chose to live on site.”

You nod and then hold your hand out for the pen.

“Are you sure?” Meg asks and hesitantly gives in to you. You scribble your signature on the line next to Simon’s.

“Yes.” You say. Actually you aren’t sure at all. It’s probably stupid to sign so quickly when you haven’t asked a lot of important questions but if you don’t sign now you’ll think about it and then fear will claw at your chest and prevent you from going for it. Maybe it’s stupid and reckless. But it feels right.

Meg shrugs and takes the paper with your signature back. “Alright. Simon Riley is officially your new charge. They want you over there as quickly as possible so you should take the earliest flight you can. We’ll prepare your papers and request your substitute.”

Liz is gripping the steering wheel so hard her knuckles are stark white. Your knee is bouncing again and she glances at you from the corner of her eyes every now and then. She insisted on driving you to the airport and you’re very thankful despite arguing at first that she doesn’t have to.

“What is it?” You ask and now both your legs are bouncing.

Her hands shift on the wheel before gripping hard again. “Are you sure about this?”

You sigh and put your face in your hands. “No.” You mumble. She has the audacity to laugh at that. You shoot her a look and then start laughing too. What the hell are you doing? You’re about to fly to a whole other continent for a hybrid you don’t even really know.

She shrugs but her hands relax. “We can still cancel it all. I’ll kidnap you, no one will ever know that you tucked your tail and ran.”

That makes you laugh harder and you shake your head resting it back against the headrest. “I feel insane for this but I couldn’t say no. Maybe I’ll end up regretting this but maybe… Maybe everything will work out? What if this is what I need? A problem hybrid in a whole other country who wants me as his handler.”

Liz purses her lips. “I don’t know. I’ve never known you to be so impulsive but if you feel like you have to do this I won’t stop you. But if I receive word that you want to come back and don’t want to do this after all, I’ll terminate the contract and personally come get your ass back to the US.”

You snort at that but something in you calms down. Despite her joking tone you know that she means every word. You look at her for a while and it hits you that you don’t know how long you’ll be in England. Who knows when you’ll be in the same room as her again.

“Thank you.” You say quietly and Liz just nods.

The rest of the ride is comfortably quiet.

At the airport she squeezes you tightly and helps you with your luggage. Before you know it you’re on the plane and taking off. Your whole body starts getting jittery with nerves. You breathe deeply remembering one of the exercises your therapist gave you. She offered to keep holding your sessions online and you’re incredibly thankful for it.

You manage to calm down during the flight and even sneak in a nap, waking up with a racing heart to the announcement that the plane is on approach. As soon as you touch ground and have permission to use your phone you text Liz to let her know that you landed safely.

Half an hour later you’re in a cab going for the rehabilitation center you’ll stay at for an unknown amount of time. You wipe your hands on your pants thankful that the cab driver doesn’t try to make conversation so you can look out the window at the darkness of the evening.

It’s weird to think about how much more of the day Liz has left while it’s already very late evening here.

The street lights illuminate parts of the road and you feel like you’re dying inside from all the uncertainty of what is to come. You wish the drive would never end so you can’t arrive at the center. Alternatively you’d be happy with a concise list of what exactly will happen and who exactly you’ll meet. You get neither an endless ride nor a list. Sooner than you’d like the cab stops and you’re left with your gigantic luggage on the sidewalk.

You sincerely hope no one watches the awkward waddle you do while dragging your heavy bag with you to the front gate. Your wishes go unnoticed because someone approaches you quickly and you straighten up your heart jumping into your throat.

When the person is finally close enough for you to make them out clearly your breath hitches and you can’t help but look at him with wide eyes. He’s a snake hybrid. You’ve never seen one before and even if you’re aware of how rude it is you can’t stop staring.

“Welcome! You’re the handler from America, right?” He greets you and you gape at him nodding. He has a split tongue. The street lamps illuminate him dimly and if you aren’t mistaken the faint outline of scales is visible at his temples and his jaw.

He waits a moment and then slightly squirms under your scrutiny. “Ah. Am I your first snake hybrid?”

That manages to shake you out of it and you nod mumbling an apology. He easily hoists up your baggage onto his shoulder and opens a door in the gate with a key card.

“Don’t worry. I get that reaction with most people. We’re all really happy that you’re here. Simon has been… difficult to say the least.” The snake hybrid goes on and you can’t help but wonder how he knows so much. Who is he? Is he the companion hybrid of one of the handlers here?

You’re staring again while you follow him and his shoulders tense. “Oh! I forgot to introduce myself. How silly. I’m Nathair but please call me Nate.”

You give him your name in return and he stops for a moment to extend his hand for you to shake before continuing his way towards a large building. Before you can get a good look at the way it’s structured Nate leads you through the entrance door and towards a reception desk.

Smoothly he slides behind it sorting some papers and putting them in a folder then he gets a key card and stands again. He extends the folder to you and you take it before Nathair rounds the desk again, takes up your luggage once more and makes his way down a hallway. You hurry to follow.

“Those are some papers we need signed, some information like a map and the rules of our center. I also included Simon’s file.”

Suddenly your interest is piqued. “Where is he?”

Nate turns down another hallway and you already know it will take a while before you’re comfortable with the layout of the center. Thank god for the map.

“He’s being kept in a safety room where he will stay until he is ready to join you.”

“Join me?” You have to jog a few steps to keep up with Nate’s quick pace and when he notices he slows down. Here in the light of the building you can get a good look at him.

He’s magnificent. Broad shoulders, copper coloured hair and a dusting of dark reddish brows freckles that get denser towards his temples and fade into a few scattered scales. His skin is pale and along his jaw fading down his neck you can make out some more scales.

His eyes are big and round and something about them is slightly off. You can’t say exactly what it is though. The hands which are holding up your luggage are strong but slender and on the back of them you can once again see reddish brown scales disappear under his sleeves.

“Yes. Join you. Hybrids and handlers share their rooms here but with Simon being the way he is we didn’t deem it safe enough to bring him to the general housing wing yet. “

Suddenly you feel stupid again. You really agreed too quickly without enough information. You didn’t even know about the rooming situation. You straighten your shoulders. It’s too late now and it’s not like you would decide differently if you were given the choice again.

“This one’s yours.” Nate finally stops in front of a door. Right on the door, engraved in a small plastic plate, is your name. You swallow nervously as Nate unlocks it and puts your baggage down inside against the wall next to the entrance.

You walk in and a small smile blooms on your face. It’s cosy. Not so small that it feels cramped but not big enough to make you feel lost in it either. The curtains are drawn over the windows and there is even a small kitchenette cramped into the corner next to one of the windows.

On the right side nestled into a corner is a decently sized desk and on the left opposite to it is the bed pushed against the wall.

You walk in looking through an open door on the right side at the end of the room. It’s the bathroom. At the far end of the tiled room you see another door. Once you’ve scanned every corner you turn back to ask Nate about the door and you catch him with his split tongue out. He blushes a brilliant red under his freckles and lifts his hand to rub the back of his head.

“Ah… sorry. I was just smelling the room.” He sheepishly admits and you cock your head at him in curiosity.

“I smell better with my mouth and tongue than I do with my nose and I wanted to get your scent.”

You laugh at the embarrassed expression on his face and he turns even redder which makes you shake your head and put your hands up. “No, no! I’m not laughing at you!”

You take a step in his direction. “Nate, I work with dog hybrids for a living. I’m used to being smelled.”

He seems taken aback by that then he grins. “Do you mind then?”

You shake your head and Nate takes a step closer his split tongue testing the air for a few moments before he steps back and nods. “Thank you. Not knowing how someone smells feels like I don’t fully know who they are. Like I never saw a their face.”

You nod. “If I say I understand that I’d be lying because I obviously do not experience these things like you do. But it makes sense, no need to be embarrassed.”

He seems happy with that and looks around the room. His eyes settle on another door in the middle of the right wall. He steps towards it.

“Through this you’ll get to Simon’s room. It’s exactly the same as yours just mirrored. His room also shares the bathroom with yours.”

Ah that’s the other door you noticed in the bathroom. Curiously you open it and look into Simon’s room. Just like Nate says it’s a perfectly mirrored version of yours. But it’s empty and suddenly you can’t stay a moment longer here without having seen Simon. You need to make sure he’s okay.

“Nate. Where is Simon? Can I see him?”

The snake hybrid once again scratches the back of his head. “It’s already late.”

“Please. I need to know he’s okay. I came all this way specifically for him.”

Nate looks at you for a long moment and whatever he sees in your expression makes him sigh and relent.

Your ribcage hurts from the violent beats of your heart as you follow Nate through the building. He leads you down so many turns that you’re sure you won’t find your way back on your own.

The fact that all the hallways look basically the same doesn’t help your orientation but all you think about is seeing Simon again. He’s probably mostly healed by now. Will he be excited to see you? After all he signed the agreement first.

Nate leads you down the corridor to a seeming dead end but when you get closer you see that there is actually a door at the end. You both stop before it and the snake hybrid gets his key card.

“Would you like me to go in first and make sure he’s calm?” He asks and you immediately shake your head.

“It will be fine.”

Nate presses his lips into a thin line but nods and unlocks the door. You wipe your palms on your pants the excitement of seeing him again almost overwhelming you. You’re here and he is here and everything will be fine.

The door opens and you step into the room. Simon’s on his feet at the other end and oh, he looks spectacular. You’ve been separated long enough that his health noticeably progressed during that time.

His ears perk forward and Nate slips into the room besides you, closing the door.

Seeing Simon standing on his own without any struggle fills you with relief and your eyes with tears. Physically he already looks so much better than you remember him and the joy of that realization almost makes you shake.

“It’s you.” He rumbles and you cannot restrain yourself anymore taking hasty steps in his direction. Giddy that he’s alive and on his feet and looks well. Everything will work out after all. You’ll take care of each other.

You realize your mistake too late, blinded by the happiness. Time seems to almost slow to a halt. For a moment Simon’s eyes widen, then his tail bristles and his ears press against his head, his lips peel back revealing his dangerous canines.

Your heart stops but you’re mere steps from him and before you can stop the malinois hybrid charges the last steps that separate you.

“No!” Nate shouts somewhere behind you but you barely hear it over the ringing in your ears.

Simon barrels into you, throwing you to the floor and your head cracks against the tiles making pain explode all over the back of it. Simon’s honey coloured eyes are narrowed in aggression and his growl rattles your bones. His big body presses you against the cold hard floor uncomfortably. Every bone aching from the fall.

His teeth flash and you barely have the time to throw up your arms, crossing them in front of you to shield your face and neck. His fangs sink into your forearm. The intensity of the pain almost makes you cry out and you grunt.

Your eyes widen as you look up at Simon’s expression, nose scrunched as he grinds his teeth deeper into your arm until you feel like he’ll break right through your bones. He’s growling like he wants to kill you. His broad shoulders block out the room behind him. All you can see is his vicious snarl and angry eyes.

For some reason it’s the trickle of blood running down to your elbow that catches your attention. How funny, you think, that your own blood can tickle you like this.

[daretolovemyrambling]

the Medarda Clan

(picture above is from the arcane artbook, it's concept art for Mel, Kino, Ambessa and Kino's unnamed father. Mel's father isn't named or shown anywhere yet)

I don't think Arcane necessarily retconned this, so I wanted to talk about the Medarda Clan in the League of Legends Universe.

Mel Medarda, while banished from Noxus, likely still retained a high status because a part of the Medarda family also resides in Piltover.

It makes sense that Medarda family members don't just reside in Noxus. Ambessa says herself that she send Mel to Piltover in order to oversee their family's interests. And would it really be called "Medarda House" by Piltover residents if only Mel is in it? Mel would have also been only about 23 when she enters Piltover and 26 when she was a councelor in season 1 act 1 (here is a timeline I made for arcane: x) it's insane, even for her, to establish a well respected house in such a short time in Piltover.

In Legends of Runeterra (a Riot card game that explores the world of Runeterra in more detail), there is a card named Jae Medarda.

His description reads: "Heir apparent to Piltover's prestigious Clan Medarda, Jae preferred hunting ancient artifacts over managing the family business... much to his father's chagrin."

There also some other Medarda family members that we know of; on the League website you can find a map named "Medarda Heirloom", it shows trading routes the Medarda's use. It's a pretty old map though, I think it's from 2016 so I wouldn't really say this very relevant.

On the map you can find a letter by a Medarda Merchant named Jago writen to his nephew, Salob, who seems at risk of being banished.

I tried my best to make out every word:

Nephew Salob,

As much as I am forced to admire your frankly staggering & baffling level of self-belief in the face of numerous failures, failures that would have punctured the ego of the staunchest Zaunite braggart. I would like to confirm, in writing, that control of the Medarda Clan's commerical portfolio and access to the clan trade map. Which you have long coveted, shall not be granted to you - not now - not in time - nor never.

I suggest you take on a profession more befitting your natural talents - perhaps as a chem-lamp lighter - and be grateful to your aunt, my dear wife, that your ties with the clan are not severed completly.

This will be the end of the matter.

Sincerly,

Jago Medarda

The Medarda family seems to love exiling children that don't fit into the family.

I think Jago is now kind of retconned if Arcane is the new canon, or he's at the very least not the head of the clan and has married into the family. Sun Gates are what made a lot of the families in Piltover rich 200 years ago, it's not mentioned in arcane but we do see them in some arcane maps.

In Arcane Ambessa mentions that she fought battles from the Bloodcliffs to the Dalamor Plains. The Black Rose mentions that she might have had an affair while travelling through Basilich, at least fake-Kino claims that this is the area he heard rumors about Ambessa's affair in. I marked all these places with a red dot on the Runeterra map. Basilich is a Port City, if the affair really did happen here, Mel's father could be from any place in Runeterra.

I'm hoping they will expand on the Medarda family in the future, the Ambessa book will likely have some interesting lore about them in it. It comes out in Feb 2025.

From the Synopsis we already know that there will be a cousin of Ambessa that is named Ta’Fik. I'm guessing he knows that Ambessa had an affair and has bad blood with the Black Rose.

Ambessa Medarda: Warrior, general, mother. She is a woman to be feared, and the Medardas are unrivaled in their pursuit of glory. She has led conquests and armies. She has slain legendary beasts. She has made grave sacrifices in her ascent up the ranks. And for this she was rewarded: She entered the realm of death and was granted a vision of herself upon the throne of the vast Noxian empire. But before she can lead her empire, she must become head of her own clan. Yet the title is contested by her cousin and former confidante, Ta’Fik. He knows the bloody sins of Ambessa’s past. And he knows he cannot allow her to rise. They will fight a war for the very soul of the Medardas. But the war won’t be fought on battlefields alone. Ambessa’s daughter, Mel, can deftly break through the walls around anyone’s heart, and she’ll put her talents to use for her mother. Yet despite Mel’s strength, Ambessa sees only a child who lacks her killer instincts. Mel knows she can be the leader Ambessa wants her to be, if only she gives her time. With her family betraying her, enemies closing in on all sides, and unseen forces moving in the shadows, every day proves more dangerous than the last. But Ambessa will not bow. She will burn the world down to claim her place in it.

[respectthepetty]

Dear Petty! If you’ve been keeping up with the tea: what is your latest assessment of the Joong/Est drama? Twitter is saying that Joong is hyping the beef because both he and Est have shows airing at the same time. It seems that Est stans (… 🤨) are also claiming talent superiority. And Joong has this pinned to his Twitter timeline:

Do you have the latest dish download?

Turtles!!!! Fun fact! TMZ is known for delivering celebrity gossip; however, on the bias scale, they fall nicely in the middle because the company doesn't have a clear bias, and the news source is actually pretty reliable. The reason the source doesn't score higher in reliability is because the writers try to analyze what they see instead of solely reporting what has been seen. I offer this tidbit because in the weeks since those "JoongDunk Divorce Era" posts on Twitter and Reddit, these basic facts have emerged:

Joong DID block Est. They both unfollowed each other on Instagram and Twitter, but Joong blocked Est. I will not TMZ this up and try to analyze why he did that, but the fact is he did and the youths have verified it.

The "divorce era" JoongDunk posts came in November, but people noticed the Est and Joong drama way back in SEPTEMBER because even at the beginning of October, everyone and their mama went to the ATEEZ concert and Joong and Est did not interact even though they were both there in the same vicinity with various GMMTV people like Mint, Neo, and Arm.

Daou went on the defense about the "Est is wrecking the DaouOffroad home" and posted several times about him and Offroad being fine when people tried telling him he needed to spend more time with Offroad.

A person actually questioned Dunk (if my memory is correct) about the incident where he hung out with Pond and Est while Joong was out of town during a fan meet. I know the post exists of the actual piece of paper with the question, but I cannot find it now! (Chismosa 101, Lesson #1 - Always get the screenshots!)

Joong went on his little trip with First and Khaotung sans Dunk

Joong and Dunk have stated they had a disagreement not just once

BUT TWICE!

And Joong said only they could fix it.

JASP.ER was announced where Joong will be working with Dunk's bestie, Pond, who also was at the infamous dinner with Dunk and Est and who the people ship with Dunk

Then Est went on record and stated he has a very small circle of friends and he is currently single because it's really hard for him to talk to people

Finally, Joong made a cameo on Est's currently airing show, ThamePo, which as far as I'm aware, Joong strangely did not promote. However, I don't have a Twitter account, so I could have missed it.

So now I will put on my TMZ cap:

As much as I want the fictional and real gays to lie, I think that this is the tea — Joong and Est got beef hence why Est was blocked and they aren't interacting. Sides were picked, problems arose from the way people operated (*cough* Dunk *cough*), and instead of GMMTV learning anything from the Tay and Gun kiss, the ongoing Joss bullshit, or ANY incident prior to this, GMMTV somehow didn't go full Adele's management team and pull these boys' social media or give them social media training, so here I am as a Jaidee fan first, and a human second enjoying the hell out of The Heart Killers and praying for Dare You to Death to get filmed just in case the separation sticks and my troublesome tykes divorce before the first gay marriage actually even happens in Thailand.

So yeah . . .

That's that on that!

[eilinelsghost]

One of the things that consistently perplexes me in fandom conversations around LaCE is the assertion that LaCE states or implies that Elf-sex always results in a child. This is just...not true of the text?

I talked a bit about the "you have sex, you get Elf-married" assumption here, and much like that example, I think a lot of this one also comes from reading the text with the fandom depiction in mind - and inadvertently reading into it what is already understood to be the case.

LaCE begins its discussion of Elven marriage by describing the ceremony of betrothal and marriage and how these are both achieved. In the oft-referenced wedding sex passage, we are told that

It was the act of bodily union that achieved marriage, and after which the indissoluble bond was complete.

I talked in more detail about this passage in the post already linked above, but the main thing we need to take away from it for the sake of this conversation is that an Elf was not married until the act of bodily union completed the indissoluble bond.

With that in mind, we follow the text to its description of Elven reproduction and childbirth. The important passage to note within this is regarding the timeline between conception and birth:

As for the begetting and bearing of children: a year passes between the begetting and the birth of an elf-child, so that the days of both are the same or nearly so, and it is the day of begetting that is remembered year by year. 

Whether LaCE is utilizing Years of the Trees or Years of the Sun throughout the text is debatable, but it's not really necessary to elucidate that for the current discussion. The important thing here is that this, paired with the subsequent description of the timing between marriage, first, and additional children, is where we can see clearly that LaCE assumes that sex does not always result in procreation:

[...]at whatever age they married, their children were born within a short space of years after their wedding.* * Short as the Eldar reckoned time. In mortal count there was often a long interval between the wedding and the first child-birth, and even longer between child and child.

So what we know now is:

Elf-marriage is completed by (not caused solely by) bodily union

A year takes place between the conception and birth of an Elven child

Elven children are said to be born "within a short space of years" after the parents' marriage

There is often (not always, which is important!) a long interval of multiple years between the wedding and first childbirth

Which is a fairly straightforward contradiction of the 1:1 assumption. If every act of Elven sex resulted in a child, then a child would be born exactly one year after each marriage, since a marriage could not be completed without the act of bodily union. By telling us that there was "often a long interval between the wedding and the first child," LaCE establishes that there were occasions in which that interval was shorter. Which cannot be the case if all sex results in procreation because in that case the interval would need to be the same across the board. Additionally, it references "years" rather than "a year" when it discusses this intervening timespan, which reiterates that same fact.

This premise is confirmed by the Annals of Aman found in Morgoth's Ring where we are told that Finarfin weds Eärwen in Y.T. 1280 and their first child, Finrod, was not born until Y.T. 1300: a full 20 years after their marriage.

(Why yes I did find a way to shoehorn a mention of my guy into this, yet again confirming that I cannot in fact make it five minutes without mentioning him.)

Anyway, all that to say, if you're wanting to be LaCE-compliant, get those Elves doing it for fun.

[thedeskofaltoclef]

Hello to the desk. I write in all good things I promise I'm just nervous. But you make me smile every time you come up on any of my timelines. And me and my sibling share your posts with each other when we find something silly. But all that is to say...

I think you're pretty neat, and lots of other people do too. And if they decide to be mean... I say we make them go kaboomies. (Not actually, this is a joke). Anyways have a good day/night/whatever time it is- you do great things and keep making people smile. :]

I am very glad to hear you say that. Warms the old thumping meat sack in my chest. I think you humans call it a he-art or something lol.

You never, ever have to be nervous with me. Ever. I am just a dude who likes to act a fool. Nothing more and nothing less. If it makes you feel better I promise that I've made much a bigger ass of myself when I first met Author so I promise NOTHING you all can do would pale in comparison to that. But yeah, I'm just a old, fuzzy guy who likes to hang. Never be afraid to speak to me. I am always around and willing to listen if need be.

And we do not need to make those people go kaboomies. That is not what they need. If it were to get out who they are I would personally go after anyone who went to them because I left their names out for a reason. Our job in this community is not to damn others but to uplift others. If these people want redemption they deserve a second chance.

I'll use Clef as an example. Most people follow the 4231 line. Francis/Clef was given a second chance at life. In that story he was a part of one of the worst things imaginable and now is reveared as one of, if not the most popular SCP doctor. (We don't talk about the bad one on the Desk's blog)

If we can look at this character and watch him grow through his tales then we can learn from that and go "You know what, yeah, these people may suck. These people may have done terrible, terrible things... but I do not want to be like them."

I would rather people continue to trash my name than have any of you lower yourselves.

I'll bare the bullets, you all live and be good for me :-D

[my-my-my]

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate and happy holidays everyone! This is just a fun idea I had rolling around in my head these past few days! I didn’t want to do all the squads, and the timeline is purposely fuzzy (who cares about character deaths? Not me!!!). So this is just a mishmash of characters I pictured having fun with this.

TW: MDNI! Technically it’s abuse of power with any of the captains, but it’s all consensual, (reader is either a lieutenant, low-ranking, or human), oral sex, dirty talk, inappropriate use of decorations, food play.

Characters: Gin Ichimaru, Retsu Unohana, Sousuke Aizen, Grimmjow Jaegerjacques.

SQUAD 3 - Ichimaru Gin

You had just come back from the World of the Living, humming a tune, that you learned was a Christmas carol, through the barracks. You learned so much about humans during this time. Festivals with lights, decorated trees, gift giving and food sharing… everyone seemed so happy! Maybe it would be worth spreading that cheer into your squad.

Your arms were carrying boxes of stringed lights. While there weren’t any pine trees, maybe Captain Ichimaru would let you decorate some of the persimmon trees?

“Whatcha got there?” Speak of the devil and he shall appear, you thought.

“I was about to go to your office, Captain!” You said, as you bowed to him. Captain Ichimaru chuckled as he looked over the boxes in your arms. “I wanted your permission if I could decorate some persimmon trees with these lights.”

“It’s that time of the year already? Let me help you.” Captain Ichimaru clicked his tongue as took some of the boxes out of your arms, walking towards his favourite patch of trees.

“You know about Christmas, Captain Ichimaru?” You asked, as the two of you reached the trees.

The captain gave you wide grin, “I know some things, like how people receive gifts if they’ve been naughty or nice.”

You smirked at him, “oh is that so? Where do I fall on your list, Captain?”

Captain Ichimaru didn’t say anything, instead he unfurled the string of lights, giving it a quick inspection. Then, without warning, he flexed his spiritual pressure, forcing you on to your knees, quickly using the string lights to tie your arms behind your back, wrapping the around your breasts. He flicked his fingers, and to your surprise, the string lights were on, illuminating your covered breasts.

“You”, the captain drawled, cupping your chin, forcing you to look up to him, “have and will always be naughty.” He smirked. With his free hand, he pulled his cock out through his uniform, placing the soft shaft on your lips.

“But maybe you can show me how nice you are,” he cooed, patting your head as you begin to bob your head up and down his growing erection.

SQUAD 4 - Unohana Retsu

The scent of freshly baked goods wafted through the kitchens of the Squad 4 barracks. You and Hanatarou had visited the World of the Living to learn how to bake sugar cookies and the like from the spirit of a pastry chef, and now you wanted to bake some more.

Specifically… you wanted to give some to your captain. While you weren’t sure what to get her as a gift, you knew she enjoyed (moderately) tasting sweets. You had made an assortment of baked treats for her, some with matcha, azuki, black sesame, and dark chocolate, wondering what her favourite would be.

You gently placed all the treats into a decorative box and made your way to her office. Before you could knock on her door, you heard her call your name, “please come in.”

As you entered her office, you were startled to see Captain Unohana outside of her uniform. Her long black hair was put into a bun, and she wore a form-fitting grey dress with fur trimming.

“Captain, if I may,” you bowed, a blush creeping on your cheeks, “you look beautiful.”

Captain Unohana smiled at you, “thank you. The World of the Living has some interesting clothing for this time of the year.” She fanned her hand over her clothes, “and this one in particular called to me.”

“It looks like it was made for you.” You explained, a blush creeping on your cheeks as you noticed her ample cleavage.

The captain gave you a knowing smile, “you’re quite kind. How may I be of help to you, my dear?” She asked, her gaze pointing towards the box in your hand.

“Oh!” You were so shocked by her appearance, you completely forgot why you were here to begin with. “In the spirit of the holidays… I made these treats for you.”

“Then let us have some tea and enjoy these together.” Captain Unohana calmly said, as she prepared her favourite brew.

The two of you sat down, enjoying the warm tea and the snacks you gifted her. One treat in particular caught your captain’s attention. You were heavy handed with the whipped cream topping, to which she gently scooped up with her finger.

“This is delicious.” She remarked, “did you even make the cream yourself?”

“Yes!” You excitedly answered, “A pastry chef taught Hanatarou and I how to make different baked goods. I wanted to share with you what we learned.” You beamed at her, proud of your work.

Unfortunately for you, your heavy-handed decorating had consequences, as whipped cream dropped on to your captain’s cleavage. You immediately went to her side to apologize, your hand ready with a napkin, until she caught your hand.

She gave you a gentle smile, “don’t worry about this.” Your eyes widened in shock as she pulled the top of her dress down, her bare chest open to you. Captain Unohana smeared the cream on to her nipples, as you watched in awe.

“Would you like a taste?” Captain Unohana smiled, as she pulled you to her breasts. Your face grew hot as your tongue darted across her cream-covered nipple, before sucking it harshly.

“Very good.” Your captain praised, patting your head. “There’s some more here…” as she spread more cream on her other breast. And then with a simple kido spell, pulled her clothes off her body, as she continued to place cream and crumbled desserts down her body. You feasted on her until you reached her wet pussy, her fingers holding the folds apart for you. “And this is my Christmas present for you, for being such a good girl.” Captain Unohana murmured, as she forced your head between her legs.

MUKEN - Aizen Sousuke

Aizen glared at Head Captain Kyoraku, who was flirting with some random mother waiting in line with her child.

As part of his sentence, the Head Captain thought it would be a “wonderful idea” for Aizen to do some community service.

In the World of the Living.

As a Mall Santa Claus.

Shutara Senjumaru, Mayuri Kurotsuchi and Kisuke Urahara joined forces, for some reason, to make him clothing that would temporarily suppress his spiritual pressure. He could mingle with humans. He only had to do this for 6 hours.

He begrudgingly accepted, much to the shock of everyone. While he could think of a plan to escape. It was more so he was curious to know what the World of the Living was like since his imprisonment. And also Ichigo Kurosaki would “help” as an elf. And he was.

Aizen didn’t mind Ichigo, and much to Ichigo’s surprise, he got along with Aizen. But he couldn’t talk with Aizen for long, as parents and children kept lining up, to tell Santa Aizen want they wanted for Christmas.

You on the other hand, were doing some last-minute shopping with a few friends. You stood in your tracks as you looked at the Santa Claus display, “hey guys… Santa looks pretty cute, don’t you think?” You asked.

Your friends laughed, “if you think so, why don’t you wait to sit in his lap?” They teased. Not one to backdown from a challenge, you stubbornly accepted.

“Fine! Take my stuff. I’ll catch up with you guys later.” Your friends hollered as you stood in line, parents and caregivers giving you side eyes and dirty looks as you waited along with them. You were also getting peculiar looks from an elf with orange hair, but no matter! You were here on a mission.

“Hi miss, you know this is for children, right?” The elf asked.

“Oh I know,” you said, thinking of what to say to stay in line, but you couldn’t lie to save your life. “I was dared to meet with this Santa, and I have some money on the line.” The elf gave you a confused look, then laughed.

“I’ve been there!” He exclaimed, “don’t worry about it. I’ll let you pass.” He gave you an easy smile, as he gave a thumbs up to the other elves and Santa Claus.

You swore Santa rolled his deep brown eyes, but no matter. You were now up!

“You can sit on my lap.” Santa Aizen calmly said, almost bored, not looking at you.

You hesitantly sat on his lap as two elves held cameras ready to take your photo.

“And what would you like for Christmas?” Santa Aizen asked in a monotonous voice.

“Hmm..” you exaggerated your actions, cupping your chin and slightly leaning into him, “I would like Santa to fuck me when he’s free.” You smiled cheerfully.

This didn’t surprise Santa Aizen, as he chuckled. He lowered his voice so only you could hear, “give me 15 minutes.”

And 15 minutes passed, where Santa Aizen took you to a closed off office space in the mall. Doors locked, as his cock was buried in your weeping pussy, your moans and the obscene sounds filling the empty space. His cock stretched you full, as he continuously slammed his hips into you. But before you reached your orgasm, Santa Aizen pulled out of you, and without warning, came all over your face, using it as a cleaning rag.

Tucking himself in, Santa Aizen smiled at his handiwork, as you tried to wipe his cooling cum off your face. “I hope you enjoyed your present.”

But before you could protest, Santa Aizen left the room, leaving you to clean up after yourself. “This Santa deserves some coal or something.” You grumbled, as you walked back to your friends, a slight limp in your step as your pussy ached.

ESPADA - Grimmjow Jaegerjacquez

“Why do I gotta wear this stupid fucking thing?” Grimmjow grumbled as he pulled the red Santa Claus hat off his head.

You rolled your eyes as you looked at Grimmjow through your mirror. You were busy applying the last bits of your makeup for tonight, and of course Grimmjow was acting like a child.

“Because Grimmjow, it’s a Christmas party. We should at least look festive.”

Grimmjow scoffed, “I fucking hate red.”

“And you also hate wearing ugly sweaters! With your attitude, don’t be surprised if Santa gives you coal as a present.”

“Santa isn’t real.” Grimmjow sneered.

You faked a shocked gasp, hand over your heart as if he said something hurtful. “How can you tell me, Mrs. Claus, that my husband isn’t real?!” You faked cried.

Grimmjow rolled his eyes as he watched your theatrics unfold.

“Since my husband isn’t real, I guess I have to do this by myself tonight.” You sobbed, rubbing you crocodile tears away as you got on to your bed. Grimmjow raised an eyebrow at what you were doing.

“I am real. I’m right here!” Grimmjow yelled, but you were ignoring him, as you spread open your legs, revealing your bare pussy under your red Santa-themed skirt.

“Oh where’s Santa Claus…” you whined, as you began to play with yourself, rubbing your clit, purposefully avoiding Grimmjow. “I have a present for him, but I heard he wasn’t real…”

Grimmjow huffed, “I’ll show you who’s real,” climbing on to bed spreading your legs wider. Without hesitation, he lapped at your clit and pushed a finger inside you, as you sighed happily, pushing his head further into your wet pussy.

Once Grimmjow lifted his head from your pussy, you smirked at him, seeing his glazed eyes and face covered in your juices. “You know…” you cooed to Grimmjow, “only Mrs. Claus can give Santa a present.” You teased, as he watched you push two of your own fingers inside you.

Grimmjow smirked, “well then, I hope I’m on her ‘nice’ list.”

[busycloudy]

Cozy Winters

I didn't know what to title this lol. It's just a little drabble for Lilia cuz I love this silly dude sm</3 have a happy holidays y'all (although this isn't Christmas themed lol)

Majority of this could be read as platonic I think except the last part since it includes cuddling sorta:3

You poured yourself a cup of coffee, your eyes relaxing to the steam's warmth as it flowed upward, the winter coldness around you engulfing you even with the soft blanket hanging on your shoulders.

You opened the curtains above the countertop to see the outside, sipping on your cup of coffee as Lilia and Malleus were having a snowball fight against Silver and Sebek(Sebek wanted to be on Malleus' team, but it was suggested otherwise for this round)

Lilia noticed you looking through the window and waved, then getting hit by a snowball by Silver, to which he threw a snowball right back. It made you laugh seeing the four of them all hang out like this. As cold as it was, you may as well join them.

You put your beanie on and opened the door, your face immediately feeling colder. You could see your icy breath as you formed a snowball, ready to hit someone with it, until you felt something smack against the back of your own head. "Hey!!" You turned around to a grinning Lilia. You threw your snowball right to his face, or, well tried, it ended up just knocking his stupid hat off.

He just chuckles and started to form another snowball, so while he was at that you was gonna go ahead and team up with little Sebek and Silver.

You formed a snowy wall with Sebek and Silver and had a pile of snowballs ready to go. Silver giggled as he hit Lilia's face with a snowball, Sebek's jaw slightly dropping in some sadness when he hit Malleus' face, but also proud of himself for doing so. After a bit it became a bit too cold and faces were red so everyone decided to go inside

You and Lilia fixed some hot chocolate for everyone, of course you made sure he didn't add anything extra for whatever reason. His head resting on your shoulder as he stirred the warm milk and cocoa powder.

When you finished making yours and the little ones hot chocolate you lit the fireplace, the fire warming up everyone as they sat in front of it.Sebek and Silver gave a thanks and finished their hot drink in seconds.

You took a seat at the wooden table and had a conversation with Lilia and Malleus, slowly drinking your hot chocolate and letting the taste sit. The dim lighting made this a lot more calmer.

Of course, everything comes to an end. Malleus had left and the little ones were fast asleep. You were laying down with Lilia, a soft blanket on top of the two of you. It was quite chilly, even now, so you wrapped your arms around Lilia and the two of you fell fast asleep.

Author notes: I have no idea about the twst timelines. I just assumed Silver was 10 in like 2014 so yah js correct me on this if im wrong lol!!!!

I'm pretty sure Lilia's cottage is based on the fairy cottage from sleeping beauty, so for interior i went based off that!!!(Although interior isn't much mentioned)

[misslycoris]

THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT!

I CAN FINALLY LEAVE! MARTHA I'M COMING HOME SWEETIE

But in all seriousness I thank you all for sticking through Signed, Alastor, there had been times when I was just completely over it and stopped writing and yet through it all your comments really helped on getting rid the annoying effects of writer's block. Stick around if you wanna hear my yappings and a few details about this story in general, or not, it's been great having you guys as my audience either way.

• In an Alternate Universe Somewhere...

Squeaks and George were never even planned right until a few days after the supposed release of this fic. I've mentioned this in the first chapter as a passing comment but I wasn't kidding when I said I wrote eight chapters worth of content about a different plot. It wasn't until a few days before the release of the first episode of Hazbin that I completely scrapped it in favor of the current plot of Signed, Alastor. I was thankful that I did because this was the first fic that I truly hauled my shit together and made a whole ass organizer and timeline chart.

How different was the plot? Basically, the story starts with Alastor meeting the reader again after having them tailor his suit, they were previously close friends and the story's about them catching up with each other. There will be flashbacks that will start from the day they met and until the time they parted ways. During this there will be a lingering thread that the reader isn't truly who they seem to be and the first arc will end with the reveal of who they are and Alastor's death in 1933. I'll tell you guys what it is since I don't have any plans on reviving that story, the reader would be revealed to be an angel and that they died a few years after they got separated from Alastor. Reader saw how Alastor was with his whole murder schtick and wanted to try and dissuade him, eventually culminating in being sent back down to Earth.

It's a bit of a jumbled mess but it doesn't work in the end and they both fall to Hell. The second arc will then start in their afterlife, with Alastor at odds with the reader, I'd say even treat them as an enemy or something similar. They'll eventually work their way back to being friends, maybe something more. So in a way, that part stayed with this story.

I'm kind of grateful I changed it, I adore the current plot and wouldn't be any happier with how it turned out. But who knows? In an alternate universe, I could've continued down that old route.

• My Original Vision of the Story

This was supposed to be a much more lighthearted book actually, it was supposed to have stories contained only within each chapter and maybe like have one plot that connects each of them kind of like how cartoons work, you can go to any chapter and not be confused as to what was going on. It was supposed to be more centered on Squeaks as a person and it's just them navigating through their occupation as a postmaster. Each chapter would be a different adventure and then they would meet the Vees, the Hotel, and it's just random hijinks for the sake of hijinks. I eventually deviated from that as time went on and I just went with the flow as I did.

• Interpretation of Alastor

This incessant, annoying, showy, overgrown Bambi has always been and will always be my favorite. It truly makes me happy when people comment that my interpretation of Alastor is something that they appreciate and think is accurate. Gives my needless fixation on him some use.

Another thing to talk about is his sexuality, I don't have the right to tell people how to write Alastor and I also enjoy Alastor acting out of character and being a fluffy softie. As a bit of a confession, I have a oneshot series that I didn't move into this site that portrays Alastor differently, looking back at it now I'll probably delete a few chapters since I'm starting to regret my choices back then. It was my choice to make his character act the way he does in this fic but I'm not opposed to people taking his character on a different route! Everyone has the freedom to write whatever they want, even if I don't necessarily like it those stories weren't written with my opinions in mind. If you don't like it, don't read it. It's the rule of thumb for fanfiction.

If I have to describe how it feels to write about Alastor it's like trying to walk on a rickety old bridge that'll probably break at any moment. Alastor, who's canonically asexual, possibly aromantic, is an enigma that I lose sleep over every night trying to understand and I bet you he probably would find it amusing. I try to keep both worlds happy, where people who'd prefer to keep Alastor opposed to traditional romance and people who'd like to see him in a more romantic light are both happy with this fic. Optimistic in nature, difficult to execute you get what I mean? Of course this doesn't imply that asexual people can't experience love! It's just that Alastor's a complex character that has a lot of nuances. At the very least I hope I <strong>m</strong>ade something that didn't offend anyone, invalidate Alastor's orientation and identity, or just kept this fic from being weird in general.

But the fact that this is a reader pairing already fails the not-weird plan. In the future I'll just shut up and pick a kind of Alastor to write consistently.

• The Series Itself

I've been in the fandom for over half a decade now and looking back at it I never expected Hazbin Hotel to really make an impact, especially with me being a writer, I have a lot to be thankful of and I'm happy to see the show make it to where it is but I also have my gripes about certain aspects of it.

Do I still like Hazbin Hotel? Sure! I still believe it's a darling little series that started with a pretty strong passion. But the series has its flaws and I can't say it's the best out there. Not to mention ths several instances from both the fandom and its creator that made me want to curl up into a ball and dissolve.

• Will I Be Continuing This Book?

Most likely? I want to make small little special epilogues every now and then but as far as the main story goes this one is already done. I'll also be coming back to edit this book frequently, or as frequent as my schedule allows me to be so look out for that.

• Future Projects

Will there be any other fics after this? Yes! Eventually? Someday? Okay, I may or may not have something already planned but I'll probably hold off until Season 2 comes out. But I do want to start a new fic! I just don't know when it'll be out exactly, maybe it'll be after S2, maybe before, maybe during. I'm not gonna spoil you on the details but it will be about an OP reader since some of you are really vocal about the apparent lack of it.

Although if you're paying attention, you can probably guess what the title of that new book will be.

• A Special Thank You

This is dedicated to all those talented stars that made fanart for this silly little book of mine. These always made me so happy and I still can't believe that so many of you dedicated your time and effort in these lovely drawings.

baezzz-mid on Tumblr

pieofpieee on Twitter/X (couldn't find the fanart but please check them out they're amazing)

cyan-111de on Tumblr

melesmania on Tumblr

song_stat on Twitter/X

aliensketches on Instagram

kattywattyisonhere on Tumblr

If you have the time, go check them out! They have other cool stuff in their pages and deserve all the love we're legally allowed to give. Again, thank you so so so much!

And with that, I have nothing else to yap about, it was fun writing this but for now thank you and goodnight! See you on the other side. For any further comments I'll be here, lurking around for a few days or so before I fall off the face of the Earth.

Signed,

misslycoris ♡

[catlady48]

On Loki in Marvel Rivals

Disclaimer: I know very little about the comics, except what I learned from posts here on Tumblr. Also, this will be a very long post.

I think Marvel Rivals did a great job with Loki's moveset. He's a ton of fun to play and other then that I kind of miss a move with throwing knives, I think his fighting style matches with what we see in the 2011-2013 movies. He is quite a bit slower though.

Loki's character model is very weird, you've probably seen the screenshot by another user that commented on his weird figure in the game. He has a narrow waist, but is uncharacteristically muscular and has broad shoulders. Just no. At least they didn't give him the over-muscular arms many male characters seem to have in this game. Some design choices here are a bit... questionable, to say the least. As for the outfit, I think OG!MCU!Loki would definitely wear the coat, pants and outer armour pieces, but I'm not sure about the rest of the outfit, especially that neck thing. I just don't think that's his style. I also have a bit of beef with what they did with his helmet. Those extra pointy bits are so unpractically. It will hinder with movement and Loki tends to rely on agility a lot in his fighting style (in the MCU at least, I still don't get why they made him so bulky here). The whole thing also looks a bit overdesigned when compared with the MCU's far more smooth design. I do like that the Jotun!Loki skin has the MCU!Jotnar design, since it's definitely a lot better than their design in the comics.

And now the elephant in the room: characterisation. The characterisation of all the characters in the game tends to borrow more from the comics, but some elements are taken from the MCU. Especially the fact that Hela is still the sister of Thor and Loki. However, the Scarlet Witch thankfully gets to have her comics backstory and personality rather than some of the more questionable things they did to her in the MCU (cough AoU cough).

This also goes for Loki, who seems to be most inspired by the older comics interpretations of him. The main point about his character that they keep pushing is that he wants to rule Asgard. SIGH. Guys, I know this is what the older comics used to be like but this hasn't been a thing for quite a while now. Neither MCU!Loki (series and Ragnarok don't count due to grave mischaracterisation sins) nor recent interpretations of comics!Loki want the throne. In fact, in the comics, Thor even says that any Loki who says they want a throne is a liar. Of course, being an entirely different timeline/canon/interpretation, Rivals can do whatever it likes and unlike the show and Ragnarok and some comic runs you can't really fault it for that. But still, I would've like to see an AoA or post AoA Loki interpretation for this game personality wise.

He is also quite arrogant in some of his lines, though some of them are reminiscent of some of the showboating from The Avengers. The thing is, even comics!Loki has/had a lot of self-esteem issues so just waiving those away doesn't sit well with me. On the other hand though, he seems comfortable with himself so good for him.

Sadly, they're going with the Loki is an untrustworthy, scheming bastard that must not be liked by any other character thing and the whole "christianised Tricksters are evil" thing and I had hoped for a more nuanced takek, personally. Especially since Thor and Odin are framed as 100 percent good people. Writers, I get that this is a funny hero shooter game and you wanted a Thor-Loki conflict for the Asgard maps, but you're letting so much nuance slide here.

The story is that apparently, Loki saw many futures in which Asgard was destroyed and the only thing way it and its people survive is if he gets to rule it, which confirms to him that he is meant to do just that. To this end he puts Odin in the Odinsleep and banishes Thor to a different timeline and strikes up an alliance with Hela, who wants to expand Hel. It's left in the middle if he's going to betray her or not. In order to save (at least, judging from backstory, I hope that's where they're going) Asgard, Loki wants to reshape the future using the Chronovium from Yggdrasil, which is causing it to die and obviously Thor is trying to stop that, assuming that Loki is just trying to conquer everything. So yeah, the game implies that Loki is just an evil tyrant (give me back nuanced Loki and nuanced Loki-Thor family dynamics, please!), especially since Ratatoskr seems to beg the player to save Asgard from him and Hela, because surely they will cause Ragnarok (the apocalypse not the movie in this case) or something (to be fair Hela wanting to expand Hel is a bit problematic but still, I want my messed up Asgardian family dynamics).

It's a bit unclear but I'm assuming they're going with the comics backstory where the adoption happened later and they didn't lie to him about it. There is a bit of phrasing in his profile that I absolutely hate due to what it implies: "but his true nature could not be undone and Loki would come to fully embrace his role as the God of Mischief" (by Odin's adoption and raising of him). Guys this implies that he was A. Born inadequate or B. Frost Giants as a race are uncivilised. Which is very bad. But also that he had to be civilised, which... Yikes. I'm sure this is not what they intended, since from surrounding context it's more about his identitiy as God of Mischief, but still terrible phrasing.

However, there are also good things about his characterisation. People, they've characterised him as actually competent! This is already such an improvement over the recent MCU characterisation that I'm willing to cut everything except the True Nature thing a bit of slack (I know, the bar is in Hela's realm right now). Also, his sass is amazing again and he has some great lines. I think given the writing and characterisation, his VA did a solid job with him. And while the characters are wary of and often actively dislike Loki, it never feels like the game is trying to humiliate him, which is again a breath of fresh air.

Loki does have a weird facial expression at some moments in the game. It's like he deliberately pulls the most evil face he can think off just for kicks, which is a very Loki thing to do, to be fair. That and the obvious scheming face and pose that reminds me of the infamous Ragnarok mural also exists in the game. (You know, the one that depicts Loki with exactly such a face and that couldn't even have been made in canon since Loki is in his TDW appearance and he was in prison at that time?). Sadly, I think the game implies it as serious, which is a missed opportunity. (To quote Fury: "I recognise that the council game devs have made a decision, but seeing as it's a stupid ass decision, I've elected to ignore it.") Also, between this and the arrogance, it does seem like they've made him into a bit of a charicature of himself, but again they're not actively humiliating him, so while I kind of hate, I do feel myself willing to forgive it. I think it's more that they've taken his facade at face value than anything else, which is why they're missing all the nuance. Still, this was made in better faith than Ragnarok and the show. I just think that these particular writers weren't at all familiar with the Asgardian characters (do correct me if I'm wrong, I'm not sure who the writers of this game are).

There is a conversation between Loki and Psylocke where Psylocke states that god or not, respect is something to be earned not taken, to which Loki replies with: "Clearly you haven't met my father" and I love that. Also, if you play Strange on Thor's team on the Yggsgard convoy mission map, an NPC version of Loki will show up to taunt him, which to me feels like revenge for Ragnarok (the movie, not the apocalypse in this case). This made me laugh out loud.

Another thing that I liked is that while there was a reward that you can get if you as Hela team up with Loki to defeat Thor and there is a reward for using the backstab move, there is also a reward for helping Thor as Loki, called brotherly love. (Sadly, there is also a Hulk Smash award for smashing Loki. Because *iconic* scene. In the movie it was fine, even somewhat funny the first time, but this joke has grown a bit stale now. Especially considering recent developments in the MCU characterisation wise.)

(By the way the backstab move which honestly feels to me like Xenoblade's infamous backslash, and makes me internally yell out said Xenoblade art's name everytime I use it. Positional extra damage is a valid tactic to me and totally not a scummy move in a game where everyone gangs up on the healers from behind. Spark you implications about traitors!)

To finish, I have very mixed feelings about this characterisation. there are a lot of things that were done better than in the recent MCU interpretations, but also a lot of this I just completely disagree with. Still, for me it's not so glaring that I want to stop playing the game and since it's entirely it's own continuity it likely won't affect anything else (going to knock on wood here). They really don't need to use the og!mcu!characterisation, I just want some nuance here and I disagree with all those people yelling about this game having perfect characterisation's especially since characterisation has varied between movies and comics runs. I also kind of want to see the more modern comics interpretation or even better, the og!MCU!characterisation in a game. But that's wishful thinking. Here's to hoping they don't do anything unforgivable with him in the rest of the lore, since I do enjoy playing the game. I would hate to have to rage quit over unforgivable characterisation sins like in the MCU.

[hawkinshistoricalsociety]

ST5 Approximate Timeline - part 2!

See part 1 here!

Once again, if you're avoiding spoilers do not read any further. Go in peace!

(ep 7 / 8 after this point, probably. since it's all Duffers directing and we have much less from official channels here, pinpointing which ep gets much harder/impossible. also naturally we just currently have seen a lot less from this point on)

Lab

Vickie, Erica, Robin, Murray, Mike, Lucas, Max, Hopper, “cast,” “cast”, pink chair we can’t read (El or Holly?) are at the Lab (either in the UD or Right-Side Up but viney bc the UD is "bleeding into" regular Hawkins atp). Maybe daytime (Netflix Stranger Things Day BTS photo)

*This has me totally confused. Hopper seems to join up with most of the farm group while Will, Joyce, and possibly El (*unless the pink chair that we can’t read is hers, IDK) are absent. Plus Max’s presence - maybe she is Mindscaping in, I just can’t imagine she wakes up from her coma and is ready for action. It does make sense she would spend some time at the Lab in the Mindscape for Vecna flashbacks Also don’t get where the Steve car group is at this point. They may not leave the UD Church with El and Hopper even if they do indeed meet up there. So I don’t really know where to place this, I think it has to be after ep 6 if Hopper is there at the same time as so many of the Mike Robin Lucas etc group but ?????? Final speculative thought: maybe Steve's car group is in the UD Lab UD WHILE this group is topside? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Could be the place our two UD expeditions cross back into regular Hawkins, maybe Hopper makes the jump and El stays behind initially. That also might place this in ep 6, which could make some sense...for various reasons I've been wanting to put the UD Church after the Lab but this grouping has prevented me from doing so. Anyways now I'm just writing fanfic but basically this one is a puzzle

During the day, Robin and Mike are outside the Lab (covered by vines - so same deal), looking worse for wear. Will and El also reported at this set, but we don't have pics. Cars present: WSQK van (no antenna), Joyce’s car, and a hearse (pap photos, pap video)

Downtown Hawkins

Vecna walks out of the gate in the downtown Hawkins military compound, appears to wreak some soldier carnage, things are on fire (leaked set photos)

Mayhem at the downtown Hawkins military compound at night. Lights are flashing (Ross Instagram weeks 25-27), Will filmed at this set (Noah Instagram story)

Linda Hamilton + the military drive towards the WSQK van at Hawkins Presbyterian at night (pap photos/video)

Steve and Robin, in new military-style outfits, drive the Bradley’s truck downtown at night. There is a bullet hole in the windshield (pap photos/reports)

At night, Murray drives the stolen military humvee, Hopper is maybe with him. (pap reports)

Derek is with the kids in downtown Hawkins, Will (outfit #3), and El (maybe finally outfit #2 for her because she never seems to change this season, looks like it could be a wetsuit) (pap photos)

More filming at the downtown Hawkins military compound: Joyce (outfit #3), Robin (outfit #3), Will (outfit #3), Dustin (outfit #2), Nancy (outfit #2), Jonathan (outfit #3?), Mike (outfit unclear to me? looks #2ish), maybe Lucas in a totally new outfit but IDK if that's him (pap photos). Notable that Dustin and Nancy (and maybe Mike, I really don't know about him) do not seem to have final outfit changes when everyone else does.

Mindscape

Holly + kids at the Creel House

A large number of kids play on the fully intact Creel House playground (pap photos)

Holly, in her outfit #1) takes a purple box with 80s-esque branding (a toy?) out of the mailbox in front of the freshly painted, in good repair Creel House. She talks to Henry in human form wearing period clothing and does not seem afraid (pap photos)

Holly wears an Alice in Wonderland-esque outfit (pap photos)

Other Mindscape (Max + Vecna?)

We return to Vecna’s lair in ep 6 (Shawn Levy Instagram)

We flashback to the Massacre at Hawkins Lab at some point, based on a “blood references” image for the Rainbow Room on set (Ross Instagram)

When? (Haven't managed to place these)

El uses her powers in the UD forest (July BTS video)

Vecna walks toward camera through UD forest (July BTS video)

In the UD near the Turnbow Realty billboard, a soldier is flung through the air (July BTS video)

At an unidentified location, a map of Hawkins marks “H” with an index card north of Lover’s Lake (Ross Instagram)

There’s a teacher at the downtown Hawkins military compound with the kids (extras casting call)

A nurse or nurses perform someone/someone’s bloodwork (extra casting calls)

Day: Bradley’s truck tips over in a field near the military checkpoint, there are scratches and a hole in the top (no bullet hole in the windshield yet) (pap photos)

Will gets completely drenched (Noah Instagram)

Mike and Lucas ride their bikes at night, probably in their second outfits (pap photo)

Wheeler station wagon, Bradley’s truck (scratched up), and WSQK van at vine-covered Radio Station (pap photos)

Steve is outside the Radio Station in his first outfit at night, the WSQK van has an antenna. Maybe early and late season scenes were both being filmed? (Ross Instagram)

El is at the lab (?) at night (?), maybe in her wetsuit (Ross Instagram)

Flyer for “Jimmy Fasthands” Lee’s show on WSQK pinned to a bulletin board (Ross Instagram)

Dustin sits in the WSQK van passenger seat, and a yellow WSQK T-shirt is stretched across the back (Ross Instagram Weeks 28-30)

Linda Hamilton + the military drives to Radio Station at dusk, meets maybe Vickie (candy striper outfit) (pap video), how many times does the military show up at the Radio Station my god. maybe this happens while the crew is at the Mansion? but IDK, that doesn't really add up for me

Derek is downtown standing next to maybe Holly in a flannel (too blurry to be conclusive imo. but I hope so since it means she is alive, involved, and gets some clean clothes) (pap photos)

*I'm not bothering with the epilogue bc focusing on the "main" season plot is long enough. also I find it so hard to pay attention to the military and Murray but I'm doing my best 🫡