#I have so many sad thoughts about Sweeney when he returns to his family but that’s a post for later

[timegays]

i LOVE your recent sweeney art especially your barker family portraits they’re SOOOOO good oh my god. I yearn for the better kinder universe where ben barker can be a lame ass girldad in 1888 he would have loved staring out the window at the rain and going “huh. we really needed this” and braiding jo’s hair. if you would like to draw them enjoying some fun father daughter activities that would rock

SOBBING SCREAMING YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW OFTEN I TNINK ABOUT TJIS CONCEPT.

Lucy and Johanna helping mrs Lovett and Toby in the pie shop. Pirelli and Ben becoming business partners and Anthony working for them

I just want them all to be happy Augh.

[lavender-montgomery]

Brahms: The Boy II (2020) - Thoughts [SPOILERS]

So I went to go see The Boy II within a few days of release. I mean, Monday is half price day AND I get someone in free with me due to disability, plus The Boy is one of my favourite movies, so how could I not? I’m writing this post a week after seeing it - not a good sign already. Also, I have a post in my drafts about something else I watched that I currently don’t have the heart to finish. So here I am writing about The Boy II.

I will start this by saying - what a disappointment. I absolutely adored the first movie. I loved the nanny, I loved the doll, I loved Brahms, I loved his parents. I loved how it looked like the doll was haunted by a dead child but turned out it wasn’t, it was unexpected and was different to the usual haunted doll we see so often. I respected that and that’s part of why I love the film so much. However, the sequel completely went against that and went against the whole point of the first movie. In the sequel, the doll IS haunted by Brahms. After the end of the movie, Brahms put the doll back together and eventually died. Doesn’t say when or how. Just that he died. The doll was haunted by him, it was centered around the house he was raised in and it was passed from family to family wreaking havoc. Why? The whole point was that he wasn’t haunted. That was the idea. Very disappointing that they went against that. I kinda understand, it woulda been a bit harder to incorporate the actual Brahms into it. But they coulda done so much with this and they just... didn’t.

I don’t want to talk badly about this movie, I really don’t. I’ve said how muh I loved the first, I’m considering customising my own Brahms doll and I was so, so excited for the second movie, more so when I found out it was in the cinema. But this movie was bad and bland. It relied too heavily on jump scares which is incredibly boring. 

So, let’s talk about the movie and go through the plot.

It started off with a theme that I believe wasn’t featured in the first movie. It reminded me a lot of the music in Tim Burton’s Sweeney Todd. Yeah. I just sighed to myself at that part, not off to a great start already - as much as I love his version of Sweeney Todd, it’s great but awful. The movie is based around a family of three - two parents and their son who is about eleven I’d say. Dad was British and quite attractive. Mum and son were american. One of the first things one of the parents said, I believe it was the dad, was ‘you’re too old to sleep with a teddy.’ Excuse me?! I am OFFENDED. I am 22 and I sleep with MANY teddies - with PRIDE. Hehe. 

It starts off with the dad being away for work, so mum Liza and her son Jude are home alone. She wakes in the night to sounds so goes to investigate - but not once turns a light or torch on - then son investigates, to be attacked by people who broke into the house. Both are traumatised, kid goes mute and mum is angry a lot and has vicious nightmares. They decide to take a break, spending some time away at a house a while away. Shockingly, it’s a house neighbouring the one Brahms grew up in. Within minutes of arriving at the house, Jude gets hold of Brahms. Didn’t take long at all. Most boys his age wouldn’t really want a doll as that’s ‘girly’, but Jude dug Brahms up out of the dirt. His mum cleans Brahms up and Jude is very quickly attached to him. Then things start to get weird. Jude communicates through a notebook - which Brahms also writes in. But what I don’t get is... No one sees Brahms moving, they only see him after he moved. Does Jude see Brahms write in the book? They are together 24/7. Brahms writes a note that says ‘take me to where you found me’, where Jude discovers Brahms’ belongings and the rules from the first movie. 

There is a caretaker character that I don’t like in the movie. He knows about the doll and Brahms from the start, yet when he sees Jude has the doll, he doesn’t tell Jude’s parents anything. Why? Surely knowing the truth about the doll he’d try and help them. The caretaker’s dog really doesn’t like Brahms, infact he barks at it whenever he sees him and he sits outside the family’s house. 

It takes a while for the parents to realise there’s something creepy about the doll. Only when the doll locks itself in a bedroom does the mum’s cogs start turning. Of course when she researches the house, learns the history and confronts the caretaker, she’s horrified yet STILL doesn’t do anything about the doll. So frustrating. Not even when Jude starts dressing like Brahms, when his cousin nearly dies, when the dog is murdered or when Jude draws himself killing his own parents, not even then does the mum properly take action.

There is a scene where Jude and Brahms Doll are back at Brahms’ home and the mum follows where they go inside the walls where human Brahms used to live, here I was hopeful that human Brahms would make an appearance, but he doesn’t. 

Two things I did like about this movie - the movement from the doll was minimal. Eyes shifting, head turning, every movement was slight. I also liked both scenes of Jude wearing the Brahms mask that human Brahms wore - once in his mum’s nightmare and once in the big house. 

It’s quite chilling how Jude was becoming Brahms, not quite a demonic possession but Brahms’ spirit was slowly becoming inside of Jude. It was creepy and the child playing Jude performed it incredibly well. It wasn’t at all over the top or underdone, he did it perfectly and this child was the best part of the whole movie. 

The part where Brahms was left outside and Jude told his mum everything made me sad. This poor child feared the doll, yet it seemed like he also loved him. 

Towards the end of the movie, the dad smashes Brahms’ head I think with a baseball bat. Inside he was a disgsuting, black, rotten fleshy... thing. Why? What was the point in that? It was creepy but didn’t really make sense. The doll had been smashed before and he didn’t look like that. After the doll was smashed, Jude returned and was no longer becoming Brahms. It was very quick and sudden. 

I didn’t like the ending, it was too predicatable. The doll being disposed of and Jude still being disturbed and keeping the Brahms mask was what I expected and sure enough that’s what happened. I wish something more exciting happened at the end, but with the final scene with the doll I suppose not much could have been done anyway. 

The spirit was in the mask that Jude kept. Will there be a third movie? I hope not, not if the second was anything to go by.

I wasn’t satisfied with this movie. The first movie was excellent. A gripping plot, lots of twists, an unexpected ending, spooky and didn’t rely on jump scares. They really milked the fanbase for the second movie and I feel it was too rushed and cheaped out on. I wouldn’t recommend this movie, especially if you haven’t seen the first installment, and I definitely won’t be watching it a second time. 

Was it really necessary to make Brahms doll a haunted doll, when the end of the first film really emphasised on the fact he wasn’t haunted? This second movie was deifnitley nothing but a rushed money maker, not contributing anything of value to the fanbase or first movie.

What a disappointment.

[mdwatchestv]

American Gods 1x04: There’s Something About Laura

I was looking at this title and thinking it could equally apply to the Twin Peaks regroups I will be doing, but unlike the vague sense of existential angst I feel when watching that show, American Gods brings me nothing but joy. This show continues to improve and surprise with every episode, and this weeks dive into the life and times of Laura Moon was the best outing so far. Last week I talked about how successful this show has been in it's ability to tell stories that are able to stand on their own, a particularly difficult feat for a show that also boasts an extensive fantasy universe. This episode was the perfect example of the strength of American Gods storytelling. While Laura's story is another thread in the richer tapestry of the show, this episode also worked on it's own simply as a story about a woman struggling to find meaning in her life. This episode also marked the first real divergence in terms of faithfulness to the source material as well, and it's a testament to how well the show has been able to grasp Gaiman's original vision that this episode felt seamless. The first three episodes have been almost rote in their following of the original novel's first act and the major events therein. But Laura, although important to the larger plot, is a character that is never really flushed out in a meaningful way in the novel. The show's choice to spotlight her in an episode highlights one of my favorite things about Bryan Fuller as a show runner which are his efforts to expand/create roles for women and POC (most notably in Hannibal).

In episode four we jump back in time (many years) to follow Laura's life from the time she first met future husband and protagonist Shadow, to the the surprise reunion with him that ended episode 3. Laura is a complex character, and there are many potential pitfalls in her portrayal. Up until this point all we really know about Laura is via other people's perceptions of her. To Shadow she was a perfect wife, beautiful and serene. To Audrey (Betty Gilpin), Laura was a cheating whore. We know Shadow loved her, and that she had betrayed that love by having an affair with his best friend Robbie (Dane Cook), an affair that would lead to both adulterers untimely deaths. It would be easy to make Laura a villain, she did after all break the heart of the handsome hero we have spent three prior hours getting to love. Conversely it would be just as easy to make her overly sympathetic, someone to be pitied or condescended to. But to Fuller, Green, and Emily Browning's credit, Laura falls into neither trap. She is simply an unhappy person who does not ask for or need your deeper understanding. As she tells Anubis, "I lived my life, good and bad, definitely not light as a feather."

In a story that is about celebrating the power and possibility of belief, Laura is a character who (at least in life) believed in nothing outside of what she could see. She struggled with finding contentment in her life, even when on paper she should have been happy, and she often sought dangerous alternatives in an effort to feel emotional connection. As someone who often struggles with depressive thoughts, Laura's struggles were all too familiar. Although she loved Shadow, she was not able to pin her happiness on him the way he had on her. No matter her feelings, life was never going to be more than the reality of living.

So being transported to a magical afterlife after her violent death comes as somewhat of a shock to Laura. When the curtain is pulled back revealing that there WAS something more to life all the time, and Laura will still be receiving only the darkness she expected, she can't help but feel cheated. Luckily Shadow tries to save her from herself one last time and throws Mad Sweeney's lucky coin into her grave returning her earthly soul back into what's left of her body. Zombie Laura now perceives Shadow as a bright beacon of light against an otherwise colorless world, and she resolutely sets out to help him in any way she can, now finally able to return the consuming and singular love he felt for her all these years. Who needs true love's kiss when you can have true love's Droog massacre. In a revisit to the lynching scene from episode one, we now see it was Zombie Laura who cut down Shadow and dispatched of his attackers in SPECTACULAR fashion. You go zombie girl, you punch out that guys skeleton.

However during all that ass kicking Laura's arm is torn off (despite her super strength, she is still just a corpse), and she pragmatically attempts to fix it via her friend Audrey's scrapbooking room. I would like to take this moment to talk about the performances in this episode. American Gods has boasted great acting, but this episode had some standouts and a real MVP. I’ll start by confessing that I have never been a real fan of Emily Browning or Dane Cook. I found the former pretty but bland, and the latter deeply unlikable in every possible way. As meathead adulterer Robbie, Cook exceeded my expectations by playing him with a surprising vulnerability instead as a stereotypical asshole bro. And I will concede with Browning the roles she has played previous as a "pretty girl" often do not hold much in the way of material. But I was also pleasantly surprised by her as well, as discussed earlier Laura is a difficult character and Browning clearly grasps her complexities. She is putting in the work and (theme of American Gods) really going for it, which I always respect. I am looking forward to seeing where she will take Laura, especially as the character sets off into uncharted waters.

That being said the standout performance of this episode was unquestionably Betty Gilpin's Audrey. Holy shit. Gilpin's performance of  Audrey, a widow grieving both her best friend and husband while wrestling with their combined betrayal, and then discovering said friend as a zombie in her house... is just beyond. Even though her previously described situation is completely ludicrous, Audrey's pain remains tangible and serves to ground scenes that could have easily spiraled into lunacy. But even though Gilpin is able to keep Audrey's sadness and anger central, she is also poignantly funny. I don't know about y'all but I will be yelling "Get out of my house you zombie whore," at friends and family for years to come. The scene in Audrey's bathroom where Laura attempts to reconcile the relationship she may have irreparably destroyed with her best friend, while also passing embalming fluid through every orifice and being, you know, a zombie, is one of the best scenes I have ever seen on television. It is a female friendship that is pitch perfect in terms of complexity, pain and love. It is also a woman dealing with a shitting zombie cheater in her house. To sum up, if this show just turned into an Audrey/Laura road trip that would be a-okay with me.

So Laura is picked up by Ibis and Anubis, or Mr Jacquel and Mr. Ibis if ya nasty, and brought back to their funeral parlor. Ibis is a character we have seen briefly penning the Coming to America sections, and is also an old god by way of Egyptian mythology. You also may have noticed they have a cat ;). The two Egyptian gods patch up Laura properly, although she is still a corpse prone to decomposition and loss of limb, and she sets back out in pursuit of Shadow, the now literal light of her life. We then meet back up with the ending of the previous episode, with Shadow being brought face to face with his undead bride.

What could happen next week!!! I don't know, but I am DYING to find out. Get it? Zombie joke. What if I've been a zombie this whole time? You don't know I'm not. Okay I haven't eaten in a while. Love ya.

XO MD

PS. Oh yeah this episode had an original song with Shirley Manson! Like as if it hasn’t rained enough gifts down upon us. You can listen here: “Queen of the Bored”

Bonus gifs:

[bellabooks]

“Pretty Little Liars” recap S7 Ep20: Til death do us part

Pretty Little Readers, this is it. The last PLL recap I will ever write…until the inevitable reboot in 2032 that follows the adventures of teenage twins Lily and Grace DiLaurentis-Fields. But I’m getting ahead of myself. This was a two-hour finale with buckets of exposition, so let’s dive on in! I’m glad this show finally upped their budget and gave Jenna a pony   We open on a deserted Rosewood street, where the Liars are all drinking coffee and bemoaning the drama-less state of their lives. It’s swelteringly hot, but all anyone can talk about is how boring everything is without any mysteries to solve. Oh, and Lucas tap dances by in a white tuxedo. And Jenna rides by in a decorated horse like she’s a circus performer. And then it starts snowing.  Is that snow? NO IT’S COCAINE!!!   The Liars look to the heavens, and the camera zooms out to reveal they were inside a snow globe, which was no joke my fantasy ending for this show. But who is holding the snow globe? Mona Vanderwaal, queen of the heavens, runner of the games, genius among geniuses. She’s locked up in Welby with only her snow globe, which she drops to the floor when she’s confronted by a black hoodie. She asks them if they are there to kill her, and she smiles that Mona smile. Then the opening credits run for the last time, and all the Liars do the “sshhhh” together. TOGETHER!  For real though guys, who is in this coffin?   We then cut to ONE YEAR LATER, and check in on the gang. Ezria is on the Warner Bros. lot (which is incidentally where they shoot the show- so meta!) because their book is being turned into a movie. They are also getting married in a week. Spencer is rescuing horses with Melissa and bonding with her, and Toby returns to town after a long Eat, Pray, Shave tour of the world. Spencer is rehabbing a cute pony named Bashful, who is skittish around everyone but her. Don’t worry, this will come back later in a big bad way. Emily and Ali are juggling twins, Lily and Grace. Also, Ali has the worst bangs and it’s so distracting I had to rewind this scene twice just to focus. Ali meets up with Pam Fields at the Radley, and they have a secret conversation about taking care of/loving Emily. Ali continues teaching English at Rosewood High, where she discusses literary endings (wink wink) with her class. She’s still teaching mini-bitch Addison, who disrupts the class and calls Ali a lesbo. Ali is in no mood, and grabs Addison after class. Addison isn’t scared of her, but she IS scared of Jenna Marshall, who is now a life skills teacher at Rosewood. What life skills is Jenna imparting to these children?! How to seduce men and women alike into doing your bidding? Firecracker dodging? I have so many questions, the first of which is, where do I sign up? Addison tries to sass Jenna by waving her hands in front of her blind face, but Jenna grabs her by the wrist like she’s Dare Devil and tells her that she while she can’t see, she can smell a bitch from a mile away. In a world where teachers can sleep with and marry their students without censure, I guess calling someone a bitch is small potatoes.  BITCH CAN SMELL   Meanwhile, things aren’t sunshine and lollipops with Hanna and Caleb. Mona is being discharged from Welby, and Hanna invited her to stay at the loft without running it by her husband. Caleb is upset that the woman who tried to push his wife out of a bell tower is now their new roommate, but Hanna knows that while husbands come and go, ride or die BFFs are forever. On cue, Mona shows up at their door and Hanna welcomes her. Mona seems fragile and forgetful, and tells them that with her new meds, she isn’t as sharp as she used to be. If this series ends with a neutered and sad Mona I will never forgive Marlene. Why is the wifi password Hanily?!   The Liars and friends meet up at the newly renovated Lost Woods resort, which Spencer and Ali are re-launching. Everyone’s gathered for a surprise bachelor/bachelorette dinner for Aria and Ezra. There is wine and laughter and memories, and everyone is having a good time…except for Haleb, who can’t stop squabbling. Spying on them from the bushes is a black hoodie, who turns around to reveal MELISSA HASTINGS…or is it? Everyone is enjoying drinks by the fire pit, when Emily remembers that this is their first night without the babies and drags Ali to their room for some sexing. Then everyone else pairs off to hook up, except for Toby and Spencer who decide to play scrabble like a couple of nerds. We find out that Spencer is going to law school, working at her mom’s firm, and rebuilding her relationship with her family. Isn’t it nuts that we’re 25 and have two kids?!  Tell it to my bangs: they’re already 45.   While everyone else gets a lengthy sex scene, complete with saxophone music, Emily and Ali press their cheeks together and touch legs because that is how lesbians have sex on Freeform. At least, they are trying to…Ali is feeling all sentimental while Emily is trying to get it on. I feel like this would be a totally adequate sex scene by itself, but pairing it with Ezria’s lengthy romp only highlights the double standard when it comes to queer sex scenes.  Nothing says sex scene like closed mouth kissing!   Despite this disparate treatment, let’s all take a step back and marvel that this series is ending with a happy queer couple, where no one is dead or heartbroken. It’s 2017, but there is still something delightfully revolutionary about the awkward gay jock winning the heart of the most popular girl in school and living happily ever after. It’s kind of lovely until you remember what they did with Maya and Shana and Charlotte. In a less romantic sex scene across town, Hanna and Caleb are still fighting while Hanna sits with her legs up, trying to conceive. Yup, these two dummies are trying to have a baby. And in sadder fertility news, Aria gets a phone call from her doctor and finds out that she can’t have children. Why is everyone so baby crazy on this show?! Y’all are 25, settle down. Aria wants to call off the wedding, but the Liars convince her that Ezra won’t care. She tries to keep it a secret, but ends up telling him the next day, and he responds as he should: that it doesn’t matter, and there’s more than one way to make a family. Melissa watches the Liars comforting Aria from the bushes, and removes her mask to reveal MONA underneath. Dun Dun Dun! I would love it if A.D. turns out to be a Russian nesting doll of masks leading to an empty hoodie. Mona Facetimes with A.D. and demands to know who they are. You know what would really take this party up a notch? Jenna Marshall on a damn horse!   The next night is Aria’s rehearsal dinner, and Hanna brings along Mona, which is rude as hell. You don’t just bring your crazy hyperadrenalized murderer BFF without RSVPing for her first! No one is more shocked than Ashley Marin, who separates from the Wine Moms to give Hanna a talking to about co-dependency and toxic friendships. The Wine Moms keep talking about that time they got locked in a basement, yet another spin-off show that we’ll never get from Marlene.  A toast to the best parent on this show: Chardonnay!   Emily sees Alison sneaking around with Pam and assumes that Ali is hiding something from her. She gives Ali the third degree until she reveals that Pam gave her the family engagement ring—she was planning to propose to Emily somewhere romantic, but instead she’s doing it right this second in her pug dog sweater. Ali thanks Emily for loving her unconditionally, even when she was a zombie bitch who communicated through stolen birds and old witches. Even when she was flying a plane in a Vivian Darkbloom wig. Emily says yes, and they kiss.  If you can love me through these bangs, you can love me no matter what   Meanwhile, Spencer goes back to Toby and they have a lengthy sex scene of their very own. Spencer steps out of the shower and finds Mona in a black hoodie in her room. Mona says “Déjà vu bitch!” and knocks her unconscious. Spencer wakes up in a prison cell, disoriented. She looks in the mirror and checks herself out, until the mirror Spencer starts moving on her own. Holy crap, Twincer is real! And British! Kudos to everyone who predicted this twist, I honestly thought it was going to be someone else. This British twin is Alex Drake, aka A.D. and she’s busted Mary Drake out of jail for a family reunion. Put some pants on, we need to talk about Spencer’s accent: it’s not just British. It’s Eliza Doolittle meets Burt the Chimney Sweep meets Mrs. Lovett from Sweeney Todd. It’s SO over the top and terrible and delightful. Just like this British evil twin conceit: soapy and ridiculous and I am so on board with this nonsense. ‘Ello Guvnah! I’m your twin I is!   In a series of flashbacks, we get the sordid tale of Alex Drake: When Mary was in labor at Radley (in the 1940’s) she gave birth to Spencer, who was quickly whisked away by the Hastings family. So quickly in fact, that no one stuck around for Spencer’s twin sister Alex to be born. To buy her way out of Radley, Mary sells Alex to a fancy British family who raise her across the pond…until they realize that she is the baddest of bad seeds and dump her at an orphanage for evil geniuses. Flash forward, and teenage Alex is pulling pints in a bar where she runs into Wren. Wren can’t believe he’s found a British Spencer, and tells Alex of her true parentage. They fall in love (eww) and Wren arranges a meeting for Alex and Charlotte. Once the half sisters meet, they become thick as thieves, each finding the family they were searching so long for. Charlotte falls in love with Archer, and they proceed to double date their way around Europe. It’s like The Parent Trap, but with more wigs, murder, and asylum stays.  This is my Sarah Manning cosplay…fancy a shag?   But Charlotte can’t handle being away from the game, so she goes back to Rosewood to play with her dolls, where Mona murders her in the bell tower. Consumed by revenge, Alex sets out for Rosewood and picks up the game where Charlotte left off. In her quest to find out who murdered Charlotte, she gets a glimpse into the charmed life of Spencer Hastings, and wonders what could have been if she had that life. You know, that idyllic suburban experience where your father bangs every mom in town, you’re related to all your friends, and you spend your entire adolescence being terrorized by a maniac in athleisure wear. Ah, the stuff that dreams are made of! Alex starts cosplaying as Spencer and pops up in a series of flashbacks: Alex was the one who held Hanna when she was locked in that barn. Alex asked Toby for the goodbye kiss. Alex also banged Toby and fell for him. Soon enough, she decides she wants to be Spencer full-time, so she’s locked Spencer in her new dollhouse and takes over her life. She’s so into mirroring Spencer that she makes Wren shoot her in the shoulder so she has the same scar. She also uses Wren’s sperm to father Emily and Ali’s babies, before killing him and turning him into a diamond necklace. Which she wears around her neck. EVERYWHERE SHE GOES. I mean, it’s no bracelet made of teeth, but it’s still pretty bonkers.   Does this seem like a lot of exposition? Because it’s an insane amount of exposition. Alex isn’t revealed until at least halfway through this 2-hour finale, and she hits the ground running, checking off every unsolved mystery this show ever made up. Bitch can summarize! Alex heads off to Aria’s wedding, where no one notices anything different about her. Aria comes out in her bridal gown, and it is some wacky vintage nonsense that only Aria could cook up. Frankly, I’m surprised it was missing her signature leopard print pattern. It’s the last ever Emily Fields cleavage appreciation post!   Meanwhile, Mary tries to comfort Spencer by making her Peruvian chicken and assuring her that living life in a jail can be fun. Spencer begs Mary to release her, and Mary gives her a hug. Instead of bum rushing her birth mom out the door, Spencer cries in her arms. Once Mary locks the door, we see that Spencer has taken a bobby pin out of her hair. Someone is about to Nancy Drew her way out of this underground prison! Back at Wedding Central, Ezra still hasn’t shown up. Aria is crying Byron is threatening to beat up Ezra, and everyone is confused. Did Ezra have a crisis of conscience and decide not to marry the girl he seduced at 15? Of course not! Alex abducted him and threw him in a jail cell next to Spencer. Does Ezra help Spencer escape? Nope, he just mansplains lock picking to her with a pissy attitude. Back at Radley, the Liars are all sharing a room and consoling Aria. Alex climbs into bed and strokes Aria’s hair, telling her that they’ll be the closest of all. How did she find out about Team Sparia all the way in England?!  Team Sparia for Life   The next day, Alex meets Toby at the stables, where the horse starts freaking out because he knows she’s not Spencer. That, or she’s a vampire. Toby starts putting the pieces together. Later, Jenna meets with Alex and can tell just by smelling her that she’s not Spencer. Finally, Toby takes the book of French love poems Alex gave him, and realizes that it can’t be Spencer’s book because there aren’t any notes in the margins. Toby brings this information to the Liars, and everyone is like, “evil twin? Yup, sounds about right” and they go off in search of the real Spencer.  YOU’RE NOT MY MOM!   Back at the bunker, Spencer picks the lock and frees herself and Ezra. They try to escape from the bunker and run outside of the house…only to realize that they aren’t outside at all. The ceiling is painted to look like the sky, and there is fake grass and everything, but it’s just a dollhouse within a dollhouse. Mona confronts the Liars and tells them that Wren tried to kill her in Welby, but she convinced him she could help bust Mary out of prison. Mona has also tracked Spencer’s coordinates to Toby’s house, because she is in this damn game to win it.  Here I am, explaining this game to you dum-dums one last time!   The Liars bust their way into the bunker, where they stumble onto the classic twin face-off: Spencer and Alex wrestling, and trying to convince the Liars that they’re each the real Spencer Hastings. Oh, and Ezra hits his head on a rock. Toby grabs one of the twins and demands to know what their favorite poem is from the book, and the real Spencer (in classic Spencer fashion) starts reciting it in perfect French. The cops rush in and arrest Alex and Mary, and Spencer is reunited with her friends.  I’m the right real Spencer, you barmy old chaps!   The Ezria wedding gets a do-over, and everything goes smoothly, even Marlene King’s cameo as a photographer who didn’t turn off her cell phone. The Liars walk around the only square in Rosewood, and talk about how much they’ll miss Aria while she’s on her honeymoon. Spencer is back together with Toby, and Hanna reveals that she’s pregnant. They all hug and it’s very sweet.  So long Rosewood…you’re the 6th bitch at this table!   But what of Miss Vanderwaal? We find Mona living in Paris, selling antique dolls and making out with a beefy French dude. She steps into her backroom, where she has dollhouse decorated with two brunette dolls. The camera pulls back and we see Mary and Alex Drake imprisoned in a dollhouse of their very own. Looks like Mona won the game after all.  Praise be to VanderJesus, for ever and ever, amen.   Then the final scene is a rehash of the pilot opening, with Addison’s mean girls at a sleepover (with Maya’s cousin) waking up to find their queen bee missing. Nice try show, but I’m not spending another seven years with this hot nonsense. And that’s it: seven seasons of masks, wigs, doll parts, Grunwalds, and interchangeable white guys. Seven seasons of Shay Mitchell’s shiny pony-like hair and two facial expressions. Seven seasons of that same damn yellow top that Ali wore on the night she died a thousand times. I started this show the way most of us did, by reading Heather Hogan’s recaps and laughing along with the #BooRadleyVanCullen crew. I didn’t know then that I would go on to write recaps for Autostraddle and AfterEllen, nor did I know that AfterEllen would meet a cruel and untimely end. I didn’t know that I would meet my very own Twincer, Dana Piccoli, who would bring me here to the Bella Books blog to complete this ridiculous journey. To everyone who edited my work, gave me encouragement, and provided me with screengrabs (shout out to @PLLBigA) I want to say thank you. Bitch can appreciate! At its best, Pretty Little Liars was campy frothy fun with some serious heart. It gave the queers of the world Emily Fields and Paige McCullers and Alison DiLaurentis. It also gave us Ravenswood, Ezria, and oh so problematic treatment of Charlotte. Most importantly, it gave us an online community, a world of inside jokes and memes that bonded us nerdy, pop culture obsessed queer folks together. Visibility still matters, now more than ever. I will miss recapping this show, but more than that, I will miss the weekly check-in on Twitter, and laughing my face off at all your hilarious comments. I’m taking a break from recapping to work on my own writing, film my web series, learn how to fly a plane, assume an alias, speak to birds, and life-jack my twin. But just like Alison DiLaurentis, I’ll be back. I hope you’ve enjoyed these recaps over the past couple of years: I’ve enjoyed writing them and getting to know all you beautiful weirdos. Ending these recaps is a real mannequin leg to the heart. What else is there to say but…XOXO bitches! http://dlvr.it/PRGG7Q

[inkwellco]

FOCUS ON... SIMONE SAULT

Australian Simone Sault, star of stage and screen, has taken time out on her return home to Australia to chat with us.

Hi Simone, how’s your visit home been? Beautiful thank you. It’s always glorious coming back and seeing my family and friends here in Australia. Plus the sunshine is what I bottle up and take back to the UK, especially this time of year!

You’ve had quite a career. Can you tell us a bit about your earlier life, both in what drove you to choose dance, and the training you completed? I studied classical ballet from the age of 7yrs at the National Theatre Ballet School. I was blessed to have been taught by wonderful artists and teachers, including the late Kathy Gorham, Gailene Stock, Eileen Tasker,  Jonathan Kelly, Joanne Michel, Terese Power, all incredible dancers with Australian Ballet at the time. I trained daily and after leaving school at 14yrs old (I know!) I studied dance, still at the National, full time for 3 years before entering the professional world. As clichéd as it sounds, I don't recall a time where I didn’t want to dance. It just clicked, even at 7yrs old, it felt like breathing.

And you worked quite a bit in Australia with the Sydney Dance Company, what was that like, and how did that help set the foundation for working overseas? I adored my time with Sydney Dance Company (SDC). I had come from the Australian production of Phantom Of The Opera, back into the dance world (what I had trained for) and I was so consumed by my work, tours, and opportunities that I soaked it up daily for the 7 yrs I was there. My work with SDC was unique in the fact that, under the direction of Graeme Murphy and Janet Vernon at the time, it was a classically based contemporary Company, but with a strong emphasis on the actor/character /personality side of each member. Graeme is wonderful at extracting from you what only YOU can bring to a piece/role with the movement almost seeming secondary. I have always loved the storytelling side to a role. With this in mind, my experience with the Company aided me to continue to pursue my career overseas as I just didn’t have an agenda, I literally landed here in the UK and made a promise to myself, to say yes to any and all opportunities that came my way. Ones that assisted me in furthering my development as an artist…dancer, actor, collaborater, creative. A pact that, thus far, has held me in good stead. -Touch wood-

How do the two compare? Working in Australia versus working overseas? It’s really hard to compare the two I feel. Something I have always said is, I believe the training in Australia is second to none. However the opportunities are not always there, or indeed as plentiful as they are here in London and New York for example. Hence why I feel very lucky to have the best of both worlds, be an Aussie and take the rest of the world for everything it’s got! London has been so very good to me. There’s not a day that passes where I don't feel humbled, and above all grateful for the jobs and in particular the talent that I work with and for.

You’ve been involved in some major productions, including Phantom of the Opera, Chicago, Sinatra and On The Town, productions one can only hope to be involved in. How do you go about preparing for roles, and how do you approach each audition? Auditions are never easy, nor that enjoyable if I'm going to be honest! Why do we do it to ourselves?! It’s taken me a while to figure it out, but I do honestly believe that if the job/role is meant to come your way, it will, good audition or not. The best advice, the only advice actually is, BE yourself. Prepare of course, but just trust in what will be will be. I find that takes a lot of the stress out it. And what has always been the case for me is, if I have missed out on something I really wanted, something else from left field always shows up and I think, “thank God I didn’t get so and so because NOW I’m doing this!”

You’re also quite an accomplished choreographer, with credits including: Love Never Dies, Strictly Come Dancing and the London Olympic Games ceremonies, what a diverse range of opportunities, what were some of the standout moments from each? Oh wow, yes, I feel very lucky to be working for Graeme and Janet once again (original Choreographers of Love Never Dies) and working for someone like Danny Boyle for the London 2012 Games was rather surreal I must say. Opening Ceremony with the World watching was as good as it gets I think! That is definitely a highlight, he was/is extraordinary. I love working creatively as it continues to open my eyes to a craft that I have been involved in for a long time now, yet at times, depending on what I’m working on and who with, I feel like the student all over again… keeps you fresh!

We’ve also seen you venture on to screen, both TV and Film. Can you tell us a bit about your work on Alice in Wonderland, particularly working with Director Tim Burton, whom you’ve previously worked with on Sweeney Todd? Other credits of yours include work on Rob Marshall’s Nine, Kath and Kimderella and the TV show Galavant. That’s quite a range of diverse productions, how did you prepare for these varying roles? Tim Burton is exactly how you think he would be, brilliantly colourful and a real visionary. A gorgeous woman by the name of Francesca Jaynes choreographs nearly all of his movies, we worked very closely with her as well. With Kath and Kimderella, I had just finished working with the incredibly talented Gina Riley on the Australian production of Chicago when she offered me the role of an Hispanic lesbian that flirts with Magda Zubanski’s character, Sharon Strzelecki… as you do! It was short and sweet but I had an absolute blast. My opportunity to work with Rob Marshall on laying down the rehearsal track “Take It All” for his Nine was another surreal moment, recording it with the legend that is Maury Yeston. Rob Marshall was genuine, honest and very normal, which is always a good thing! Can you tell us how you balance work, and your other amazing role in life, being a mother? Arrr, my [not so] little Luca! He’s everything to me! He has just turned 4 and is incredible in every sense of the word. I was pregnant with Luca right through my time working on London 2012 Olympic Games. By the time we wrapped the Ceremonies I was 8 and a half months pregnant! There would be times where I was still out on the field of play rehearsing until way after 1am of a day, and he’d be kicking and hiccupping away like a trooper. The travel and nomadic lifestyle is all he has ever known, so fortunately for me he is a dream when it comes to travel and new places/work spaces. I worked in Russia for 3 months when he was around 9 months old and there has been a lot of further travel and new environments since then. Luckily he loves the theatre, rehearsal space and music, so, so far so good. I literally feel like I strap him to my back and off we go! Having said that though, he started school in September last year, so this requires a tad more planning and organising around work and travel, but fortunately I have a wonderful friend/ Nanny situation so it works beautifully. We’re about to see you in one of the most highly anticipated films of the year, Beauty and the Beast (BATB). And whilst we know you can’t give too much away, can you tell us what it was like working on set? A little bit about your role and what scenes you were involved in? On Beauty I worked with the choreographer, Anthony Van Laast, and Director Bill Condon. Working on set for over 4 months was a magical experience. We recorded the soundtrack also, so can not wait for it to release! In the early days, Anthony set us a task of filling in our back stories for our characters which then in turn added to our connection with Belle and within the village where we lived. Gaston’s Tavern (with the delicious Luke Evans as Gaston) was a wonderful scene for us all. I have a lovely moment with him…but that’s if it doesn't end up on the cutting room floor!

What was it like working with Director Bill Condon? Bill Condon is a complete class act. Knew our names from day one and just a wonderfully genuine, talented man. So much so, that during the filming of Beauty, I lost my beloved Mum, and had to subsequently leave 2 days early. After shooting wrapped, a few weeks later I received a gorgeous email from him expressing his sadness and thoughts and love. I remember how ecstatic my Mum was when she found out that I got the job, so it goes without saying Beauty is for her. Having worked on stage with a variety of performers from different countries, can you tell us a bit about working with actors and dancers from around the world on the set of BATB? It really is a case of no matter where you're from and /or what gender, there is an unmistakable bond and kinship with the people you work with. And in this case especially with Beauty. The experience and careers of so, so many are hard to fathom. I arrived on set each day so very humbled, privileged and grateful for the day that lay ahead. You knew right from day one that this was/is a very, very special moment in cinematic history.

And from what we’ve seen on social media, what was the experience like bringing the iconic music to life through dance for the big screen? Pure Joy! Anthony and Bill worked so closely together and seemed on the same page, with the same vision…which isn't always the case! The movement and staging happened so naturally, in the tavern scene especially Anthony has created a robust, energetic joyous scene. We all had a ball! Is there anything you can tell us about the film or perhaps one of your favourite moments on set? All of it really, but Gaston’s Tavern is probably my favourite! If you could describe the film in three words, what would they be? 1. Life changing (I know that’s two) 2. Humbling. 3. Magical! What advice do you have for any aspiring performers/creatives? If you want it, go get it. It’s not written anywhere in this world that you can’t have or achieve what your heart desires. Be persistent, be focused, work your butt off, stay disciplined and be nice to everyone, whether they be directors, creatives, behind the scenes, teachers, dressers, anyone and everyone. We all breathe the same air and you are only as good as your last job!  

And finally, what can we expect from you next? Involved in a show I have worked on creatively and its tour to America this year! Any excuse to head back to NY.

Thank you so much for your time Simone. We can’t wait to see you on stage, TV and on screen in 2017! Thank YOU lovely Katerina for your time and bravo. Images courtesy of Simone Sault Instagram

[canaryatlaw]

Well today was pretty chill. I woke up at approximately 1:37 pm and stayed in bed reading on my phone till approximately 1:58 pm, at which point I got up and went downstairs. I inquired about making pancakes, but my mom informed me we don't have any eggs, and suggested we go out to get something to eat. I suggested maybe the diner since I was still thinking breakfast food, but then she said we should go to the place I went with my friend on Monday, to which I said sure, so we went. I got the same thing I got Monday because I'm actually a super boring person who gets the same thing every time she goes to a restaurant, but their cinnamon swirl French toast is very good and I definitely enjoyed it the second time around as well. Afterwards we went to Costco; we were gonna go to the grocery store but then my mom said she should get the dog food from Costco cuz our westie has been shaking potentially from changing the food (apparently you're not supposed to do that with her health issues) so we went to Costco instead, which was nice, got some samples and all. On our way back home I looked at my grades and saw my A in crim pro was posted, so I'm officially just waiting on juvenile justice, which is of course the class that I handed in the final for first lol. It occurred to me then that there's probably a solid chance my JJ professor doesn't even know tomorrow is the grade deadline, because he's kind of clueless about that stuff given that he's fairly old and technology definitely isn't his thing haha. But hey, hopefully it'll be submitted by tomorrow and then I'll have all my grades. It's funny, my grades came in the order of what class I was least confident in to the class I was most confident in. I was pretty unsure about family law which came in first, slightly unsure about evidence and crim pro but more so in evidence than crim pro, and I was most confident in juvenile justice with my 12 page written final. So I'm not particularly worried here, but I'd just like to know everything is good and my GPA should be that much higher and eventually the class rankings will come in and it'll be a beautiful sight. Sigh, lol. It's kind of silly that I'm this focused on getting a better class ranking when it really doesn't make any material difference to anything other than my pride about being the "smartest" and having the best grades, because too 15% when I don't qualify to grade on to law review just isn't doing it for me. Major sigh, lol. Anyway. When we got home my dad called and informed us he got an email back from the school after our latest submission to them about all the New York State laws they're breaking, and the school has officially called off the expulsion hearing and said they won't be pursuing any disciplinary actions at this time. So this was really a major victory for us to stick it to them in a big way with our legal know how and show them that they can't just trample all over people and call it righteousness, the gospel doesn't work like that, Jesus doesn't work like that, and if you're gonna call yourselves a Christian school you sure as hell need to do a better job in modeling that for your students. And like, as much fun as I would've had raining destruction down on the school (and oh, I would've had so much fun) I'm happy that this was the solution for my sister and her friend, and truth be told I don't want to be the person who single handedly brought down the school I attended for 13 years, even if I have many problems with them. I mean, they're one of the only Christian schools left on the island, my mom used to teach there, my sister still goes there.....as frustrated as I was I never wanted to be the school's destruction. If I could get a few people like the superintendent and the dean of students fired that would be one thing, but I have a feeling a story like this would take on a life of its own and who knows the consequences that would have for them. So for now anyway, it's a happy ending for all involved, and I really hope those bastards know how damn lucky they are that they made the right choice here, and just how much shit they were in. Sigh. My sister was home and wanted to go to this cute little soup place by us so I took her there but didn't get anything myself being that I was still fairly full from the food at the restaurant. Came back, hung out for a while before having dinner with the family. My mom made spaghetti and meatballs which was quite good. After dinner and a short spat with my dad over his idea to deport all the "gangbangers" families and how sacrificing innocent children is not okay, even if it's an effective way to stop gangs, (it wasn't really a big deal, just enough to make me go UGH and comment "this is why nobody believes republicans actually care about families") I retreated to the back room and watched an episode of frequency before realizing a bunch of my shows were returning this week, and blindspot was coming back in like 10 minutes, so I switched over to that then to watch their mid-season premiere. I had forgotten like, everything that happened in their mid-season finale besides the Paterson stuff, so I needed to be reminded about all the other stuff. Overall good episode, of course not following their standard procedure but still good. Zapata was annoying the piss out of me which isn't common, but given the circumstances she can definitely be forgiven. PATERSON THOUGH. Poor Paterson, she's suffered so much through the seasons, and now she gets tortured while her boyfriends sits and watches and then ALMOST ACTUALLY KILLS HER IN COLD BLOOD because fuck romance am I right??? Seriously, poor thing. I was obviously relieved they found her. It was kind of sad to see Borden take down Kurt so easily being that he's supposed to be what, a psychologist and Kurt is like the assistant director of the FBI? Nice going there buddy. The Roman stuff was kind of cringeworthy really, especially at the end when Colin Sweeney douche guy shows up (the actor played a guy named Colin Sweeney on the good wife and I refuse to learn the actual name of the actor or the character) and unsurprisingly acts like a douche. I was glad to see Kurt stuck his neck out for him, though. I knew the dismissing of Nas wasn't gonna be permanent because they can't shut down a big character like that with no real justification, so I wasn't too worried there. But yeah, overall enjoyed the episode and then got back to frequency. Somewhere between episodes we ended up having a discussion about our microwave potentially being broken. My younger brother apparently burnt a bagel in it rather badly and it smelled like burnt crap so badly, and we thought it was just him being an idiot and putting it in for too long, but then as other things were microwaved and summarily burnt (like a cookie that was smoking after a few seconds, and a bag of popcorn that turned black before half the kernels were even popped) we came to the conclusion it was probably the microwave's fault, lol, so it looks like we're getting a new microwave (my parents don't really believe in trying to get things "fixed," mostly because they can afford not to). Fun fun. I think I got through episode 1x07 of frequency though, so I'm almost caught up to their mid-season hiatus. The case is definitely getting creepier, with the photo from 20 years ago showing up in the hands of the victim covered in blood and just....what the fuck this guy is really messed up, and then they found all the camp stuff and ???????? Like, ew. The timeline stuff is interesting though, I liked the dual scene with Goff where they're chasing him in 1996 while Raimy's bringing him in in 2016 and them catching him (or him being hit by a car) means he disappears from Raimy when he was right in front of her (and she may have been about to put a bullet in his head). Raimy's conclusion at the end of the episode that Frank has to kill the murderer feels like an awful bad idea though, one that could land the guy in prison for life and then we'd be really screwed when it comes to losing parents. So let's hope it doesn't quite go down like that, anyway. But yeah, liking the show quite a bit so far and excited to see where this goes. And that was about my night! Nothing particularly exciting to do tomorrow (other than it officially being the grade deadline, but that's really not all that exciting) so we'll see what comes, and until then I'm gonna get some sleep being that it's 2:30 am. Goodnight dudes. I'm thankful for all of you.