#I have no friends=can’t express my emotions=I have no socia outlet=i don’t get happy=I don’t go outside=I don’t make friends

[fearthedietcoke]

Rant because I feel uncomfortable talking to people in my daily life because of various reasons:

My own personal lack of a queer community in the area I currently live in makes me want to peel the lead paint off the walls, eat it, chip at the dry wall, crush up the dust, snort it, and then roll around naked in the insulation.

I just want to find a person, literally anyone, to relate to, all I want is a community…every time I think about the one I left behind it makes me tear up, I miss having that chosen family.

Trying to find people on apps is useless, I’ve tried for the last three years every time I’ve moved home with my parents, and I just feel so defeated. I know it’s partially on me cause I suck at messaging, but I’ve been ghosted for the umpteenth time, literally just for asking if they’d ever like to call or video chat instead of texting.

I don’t think it’s all on me though, however, cause when I’m in other areas I have made more queer friends than I can stick a shake at, it’s like a fucking queer desert where I live.

The only thing that’s keeping me even partially sane is the thought that one day I’ll be gone and with people who want to talk to me. One day I’ll find the love and happiness in my life that I deserve but holy fuck actually waiting and waiting and just sitting here alone in my home while my family members go and hang out at the bars and have fun with friends while I just desperately am trying to meet someone online to talk to feels so fucking depressing. But it’s gonna get better.