#I have mentioned this a bunch of times but Ro does repress his emotions a lot but ppl can hardly tell

[estbela]

I don't think about 2ptalia that much however I do have ideas for 2p Ro & nyo Ro mostly because I think Ro, nyo Ro & and their 2ps interacting would be fascinating

[fangirl-skeleton]

How Do You Say ‘I Love You?’

A/N: So I've never actually written for a ship before. They've all been reader inserts, so bear with me.

Also idk if I'm actually going to make this into a series, every time I do I end up giving up, so I'm not going to make any commitments this time. And I'm sorry if I kinda shoved a bunch of different tropes into this one chapter.

But I had the idea for this and I had to write it. So here you go!

(This is based off of the song 'If I Could Tell Her' from Dear Evan Hansen btw. Virgil's lines are underlined in that song for your convenience.)

(Oh also this kinda came out angstier than I originally intended, I promise it's not too bad and the fluff outweighs it, but it does kinda have some angst mentioned.)

Warning: Mentions of anxiety (wow shocking), kinda angsty, repression, suggestive jokes I guess?

Word count: 2,683

It was just after 5 pm, and while the rest of the cast and crew of his schools production had left, Virgil Grey remained behind to continue working on the set. Technically, he wasn't supposed to be there after school without teacher supervision, but since he was a senior and in charge of the painting of the set, the staff of the school had decided to turn a blind eye.

Virgil had worked on the stage crew every year since he was a freshman. As much as he loved it, to be honest he had always wanted to be a part of the cast. Unfortunately, he had always been too anxious to even bring himself to audition, and he always regretted it afterwards. It wasn't exactly a fun cycle to be stuck in, but this was the last production before he graduated, meaning he had just let his last opportunity to break out of that cycle pass him by.

He wondered how Roman did it. Roman Prince, his boyfriend of four months, never seemed to have an issue with putting himself out there. On the student council, theatre star, talented singer and musician, Spanish Language captain. He was the lead in the production for the second year running, playing Evan Hansen. It was almost frightening how Roman was so different from his character, and yet he played him so well.

Virgil was amazed at the way that other people's words never seemed to get to him, but there was always that part of him who was a little jealous; he thought as he continued packing up paint cans and brushes into a cuboard below the stage. While he was doing that, something caught his eye. The Dear Evan Hansen CD that they had used in rehearsals before they had found somebody to play the piano accompaniment. He picked it up, remembering how the CD player was still somewhere in the wings of the stage. Maybe he couldn't bring himself to sing in front of everybody, but he just wanted to get up on that stage at least once before he graduated. Nobody else was here.

Nervous but excited, Virgil climbed back up the stairs to the wings of the stage. Grabbing the CD player and plugging it in just off to the side, his mind and heart were racing. He had remembered to lock the doors, right? Since the school was mostly empty of students, there hadn't been a reason to leave them open.

Taking a deep breath, he hit play on the second track, slowly stepping to the middle of the stage as the gentle piano began to play. The words were coming. He breathed out, letting his nerves ease up, and allowing him to lose himself in the song.

I've learned to slam on the breaks Before I've even turned the key. Before I make the mistake, Before I lead with the worst of me.

The first few lines rang out through the hall quieter than he meant them to. Somebody could hear, he thought, before pushing it to the back of his mind. The doors were locked and the windows were too high up to see through. Even if they did hear, how would anybody know that it was him?

Give them no reason to stare. No slipping up if you slip away. So I've got nothing to share, No I've got nothing to say.

Step out, step out of the sun If you keep getting burned. Step out, step out of the sun, Because you've learned,because you've learned.

He took one more deep breath in, letting the song completely take him over.

On the outside always looking in Will I ever be more than I've always been? Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass. I'm waving through a window.

I try to speak but nobody can hear So I sit around for an answer to appear, While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass. Waving through a window.

Can anybody see? Is anybody waving back at me?

Suddenly Virgil heard footsteps from the wings of the stage. His heart leapt, as he quickly shut the music off, and his mind started running through places to disappear, before none other than Roman stepped out, clapping slowly, a huge smile on his face.

"Hey, Roman. I- uh..." Virgil stuttered. "I didn't know anybody was still here."

Roman walked closer to him. "I didn't know you could sing like that." He grinned. Virgil blushed. "Really, you sound great."

"You think?" Virgil replied sheepishly, brushing his hair out of his face.

"Yeah, you're way better than some of the people in the production." Roman said, taking both of the shorter boys hands in his.

"Thanks." Virgil replied, not really knowing what else to say. "What are you doing here so late?"

Roman shrugged. "I realized my jacket wasn't in my locker. I think I left it here somewhere after rehearsal."

Virgil just then noticed that Roman wasn't wearing his bomber jacket, which didn't happen often at school. White, with gold around the sleeves and collar. Roman wore it everywhere, but now he just stood there in a red t-shirt.

"Oh, I haven't seen it anywhere, but I can help you look." Virgil offered.

"You're not busy?"

Virgil shook his head. "Just packed up. Wait, how did you get in here anyway?"

Roman laughed. "You left the back door unlocked."

Virgil grimaced. "Right."

After quickly fixing that, the two headed into one of the wings to look for the jacket.

"Where did you actually leave it?" Virgil asked, checking one of the low shelves where people usually left spare props and clothes.

"On there, but I think somebody might've moved it." Roman pointed to an empty table.

Virgil walked over to the table, ducking down to look under it. "Oh, here it is." He pulled it out by the sleeve, but slipped on a random chord when he tried to stand back up. "Whoa!"

He felt Roman catch him from behind before he could fall, one arm around his waist, the other around his shoulders. He was looking straight up at Roman, who was grinning stupidly.

"Hey there." Roman smirked. "You okay?"

"I-I'm fine." Virgil assured him. "Did you like, plan that or something? Not that I'm really complaining..."

Roman laughed. "I did not plan anything, I guess that fate keeps throwing us together."

"Well preferably not in a literal sense next time." Virgil said. "Here."

He unwrapped himself from Roman's arms and pulled the jacket over the taller boys shoulders. Roman put the sleeves on, and Virgil fixed the collar, before gently pulling Roman forward into a soft kiss. Roman automatically wrapped his arms around Virgil's waist, before Virgil pulled away and wandered over to perch on the edge of the table.

"So, how's the rehearsal going?" He asked.

Roman walked over to where Virgil was sitting, wrapping his arms around the back of his neck. Virgil lazily placed his legs around either side of Romans, bolder than he would normally be at school since he was confident that nobody else was there. "It's going well, I suppose. I don't know."

Virgil cocked his head. "Something wrong?"

Roman sighed. "It's just the scenes where Evan and Zoe are alone together. Don't get me wrong, Elle makes an incredible Zoe. It's just that apparently, my emotions aren't convincing enough."

"What do you mean, you're an amazing actor?" Virgil asked, though he had a feeling that he knew what Roman meant.

Virgil knew all too well why it was so hard for Roman to play a role where Virgil's twin sister, Elle, was playing his love interest. The two had been best friends throughout middle school, and were still super close, but a lot had happened within that time. During freshman year, before either of them had come out, the two had ended up dating. Awkwardly.

Even though most of their school had been convinced, the people close to them (Virgil, the rest of their families, their best friends Patton Foster and Logan Berry, Elle's now-girlfriend Audrey) had guessed what was going on long before either of them told anyone. Virgil had been at a different middle school than Roman and Elle, since he hand't been comfortable with such a big one, so he hadn't met Roman properly until high school. Virgil had had a crush on him since then, however, including the time in which he and Elle had dated.

For the past two years, the two had moved on like nothing had ever happened, but playing two roles like Evan and Zoe was surely bringing up memories of that period of repression that they'd both rather forget. It couldn't be easy.

"Apparently I don't look like I'm 'interested enough' in her. The director kept reminding me constantly. I understand where he was coming from, but he was getting rather harsh about it, I'd say." Roman looked so frustrated. He was trying to act like he was mad at the director, but Virgil could guess pretty easily that he was mad at himself.

"Ro, I'm sorry, I know that having to act like that with her again must be hard, even if it is just part of a play."

Roman laughed lightly. "To be honest, all I wanted was to turn around and tell him that he had the wrong Grey twin for that."

Virgil pulled him closer, Roman leaning down and gently kissing him on the forehead, making his cheeks turn bright red. "You're too charming, Princey."

"You flatter me."

Virgil laughed, before he had an idea. "You know, I could always help you practice. We could even try now, if you want?"

Roman looked surprised. "Really? Thank you, darling, that would be amazing! You know Zoe's lines for the scene?"

Virgil rolled his eyes, climbing up from where he sat, but keeping hold of Roman's hands. "Trust me, I know it too well. Elle never stops practicing. Our rooms are right next to each other, and the walls are stupidly thin."

Roman smirked. "Thin walls, hey? I better remember that for later on."

Virgil raised an eyebrow, though he was trying really hard not to blush. "Watch it." He warned Roman.

Roman held up his hands. "Fine, fine."

Virgil shook his head in laughter, pulling Roman along to the stage. "You're a weirdo."

"And you find it charming, my dear."

Virgil switched on the CD player, before joining Roman on the edge of the prop bed that was still on the stage. "Shut up."

He did.

The music started playing around them, and Virgil watched as Roman's mannerisms instantly switched over. He started fiddling with his hands, hunching over more, looking terrified and shy, just like his character.

"He thought you were awesome." He stuttered out the first line perfectly.

"He thought I was awesome? My brother?" Virgil tried his best to characterize Zoe the same way his sister did, although he knew that he was too nervous to focus on it. He knew how the song went. Was it too soon to say it? He wanted to, but he was terrified.

"Definitely." Roman continued.

"How?"

"Well..."

He said, there's nothing like your smile,

Sort of subtle, and perfect, and real.

Roman's voice was enchanting, and Virgil immediately felt some of his anxiousness slip away. The way that Roman was looking at him, he wished that he could just stare at him all day. Oh god, that sounded really creepy now that he thought about it.

He said, you never knew how wonderful that smile could make someone feel.

And he knew, whenever you get bored you scribble stars on the cuffs of your jeans.

And he noticed, that you still fill out those quizzes that they put in those teen magazines.

Roman grabbed both of Virgil's hands, pulling the two of them to their feet. This wasn't part of the directions, Virgil knew, but he guessed Roman was just doing his own thing this time.

But he kept it all inside his head,

What he saw, he left unsaid.

And though he wanted to, he couldn't talk to you,

He couldn't find a way,

But he would always say...

Roman dropped Virgil's hands, wrapping his arms around Virgil's shoulders like they were slow-dancing.

If I could tell her, tell her everything I see.

If I could tell her, how she's everything to me.

Roman let go, taking a couple of steps backwards as he sang.

But we're a million worlds apart,

And I don't know how I would even start.

If I could tell her...

If I could tell her...

Roman slowly paced back to Virgil, before they both sat back down on the edge of the bed.

"Did he say anything else?" Virgil spoke the lines clearly, but he was almost completely unaware of what he was saying, he was so caught up in the moment.

"A-about you?"

"NevermindIdon'treallycareanywa-"

"No no, he said so many things, I'm just trying to remember the best ones!"

He thought, you looked really pretty-

Or uh- It looked pretty cool when you put indigo streaks in your hair.

Roman gently brushed Virgil's purple bangs out of his face. It had never occurred to Virgil how well the lyrics fit the two of them until now, but oh my god. It was kind of insane. Roman quickly pulled Virgil to his feet again.

And he wondered how you learned to dance like all the rest of the world isn't there.

Roman spun him around slowly, grinning like an idiot.

But he kept it all inside his head,

What he saw, he left unsaid.

If I could tell her, tell her everything I see.

If I could tell her, how she's everything to me.

But we're a million worlds apart.

They both sang that line, stepping back slightly. Virgil wondered how he even managed to get it out, as the moment he was anticipating drew closer.

And I don't know how I could even start.

If I could tell her...

If I could tell her.

But what do you do when there's this great divide?

Roman stepped even further back across the stage.

He just seemed so far away...

And what do you do when the distance is too wide?

It's like I don't know anything...

And how do you say...

Virgil's breath hitched in his throat. Sure, they were acting, but they had never said it to each other before. This felt real, and the look in Roman's eyes just made it feel more real. One of pure adoration.

...I love you?

I love you.

He stepped closer every time he said it, and Virgil's heart beat faster.

I love you.

I love you.

Virgil wasn't supposed to join in on that line, he knew it. It just felt... right. Like all the air had been knocked out of him, in a good way. Roman couldn't keep the smile from his face, but somehow looked like he was on the verge of tears at the same time. They were close enough to join hands again, Roman resting their foreheads together gently. He sung the next part softly enough that even if they had been surrounded by people, Virgil still would have been the only one who heard it.

But we're a million worlds apart,

And I don't know how I would even start.

If I could tell her...

He pulled away, holding Virgil's face in his hands, looking at him like he was the whole world.

If I could...

He immediately pulled Virgil in to kiss him, like he had to do it before he heard whatever Virgil might say. It was clear that he was just as scared.

"I mean it Virgil." He whispered. "I love you."

Virgil felt like he was on top of the world, like his heart was going to explode. "I love you too, Roman."

They kissed again, this time Virgil pulling Roman in first. Afterwards, Virgil pulled himself close to Roman's chest, Roman resting his head on top of Virgil's.

"Kind of cheesy, isn't it, falling in love in the middle of a stage?" Virgil mumbled.

Roman smiled. "I suppose it is, my love."

A/N: Aaaahhhh okay I’ve never actually posted a fic directly to Tumblr before, it’s up on my Wattpad too (same username), please like or reblog if you enjoyed!

[ilovereadingandilovebreathing]

Dear Patton (2/?)

Letter 1

Summary: Virgil writes letters to Patton who is in a treatment center.

Word Count: 1,237

Characters: Virgil, mentions of Patton, Logan, and Roman

Warnings: cancer, cancer mentions, more aaaangst, grief-like behavior, hints at cussing

Tags:  @jordan6803 @helloisthisusernametaken @sanders-side-blog

Dear Patton, I’m so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so SO incredibly stupidly insanely absolutely fu freaking sorry that it’s been so long since I wrote you. Especially since you were so excited to get the first letter. (Thanks for calling and letting me know you got it. It was great to hear your voice. I miss it so freaking much.) Life has been overwhelming busy lately, and I just haven’t really found the time or peace of mind to sit down and write until now. TFISB (thank god its spring break), right? Except I have 2 papers and 3 projects due next week. Teachers suck as butt like that.

So...I know you said you don’t want me to see you the way you probably look now, but...I don’t care if you’re missing some of your hair or if you’re strapped up to a bunch of machines. I don’t care if you’ve lost or gained a bunch of weight or if your face is pale and sunken. It’s still you in there, Pat, and you’re who I want to see.

I know it’s selfish, but I really want to see you. I need to. It’ll probably upset me, I’ll be honest, but it’s not like just seeing you will throw me into an attack. I need to see you and hear your voice. In person. I don’t care if any of it’s different. I miss you so much; I can’t stand it anymore. You know I’m not high maintenance. We don’t have to do anything at all. We can just talk, or if you’re too tired, we can just watch TV or you can even just sleep if you want. I don’t mind. I can even hold your hand or massage your scalp like I know you like. Just as long as I can see you. I miss your presence. You know I don’t really believe in auras and stuff like that, but if I did...I dunno, yours is probably really yellow, like sunshine. That’s probably wrong, though, because obviously I don’t know anything about auras. But whatever the really sweet, bright, happy, generally wonderful aura would be, that’s yours. I always feel...peaceful and content when I’m around you. I haven’t felt like that since you left. I know this sounds so selfish, like I only want you around because of what you can do for me, but I promise that’s not true. You’re my best friend, Pat, and I need you a lot more than I thought I did. I’m so sorry I took our fore granted when you were here. When you come home, I’ll make sure I never do that again. You’ll always know how much I love you. Anyway, I’m still going to that therapist. I actually like Rachel, I think. She keeps it real and honest. She’s a lot like you, actually; sweet but doesn’t put up with any of my bulls nonsense. When I put myself down, she doesn’t tell me to shut up (Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Sometimes I need to get off my bullsh- nonsense.); she asks me why I feel that way about myself and makes me really reflect on my conception of myself and how I got here. She makes me really think about what scares me and why, and she makes me list out the good things until there’s more good than bad. She’s gotten me into cognitive behavioral therapy, and I think it’s actually helped. School doesn’t seem as overwhelming anymore. Thanks for making- pushing me to come. It’s honestly been good. The other two are as themselves as ever. Logan’s been doing alright. Well, as far as I can tell. You know he’s not super expressive with emotions, and his words are just as Logan-y as ever. He talked himself into a frenzy the other night, though, looking up treatments to try to follow along with what you’re going through. I know he doesn't often act like it, but he cares about you a lot. I guess obsessing like his is how he shows his affection or something. He talked my ear off about chemo the other night, listing all of the benefits but focusing more on the side effects. He got really wrapped up in those. Maybe it’s how he prepares himself, you know? Mentally bracing himself for any and all possibilities so nothing catches him by surprise. As if any of us can control the future. Don’t worry, though, I sat there and listened just like you would; I just let him talk through it all for himself. It was rough; I won’t lie. I almost got worked up a couple of times, but at least Roman wasn’t home. He would’ve gotten really upset. He was okay, in the end, though he almost cried a couple times. I know: wild. Our little (not) robot is letting himself feel. I guess that could be one good thing to come out of all of this. I guess. He’s okay now, though. Just needed to get it out of his system. Roman’s been spending a ton of time at the theater. I guess it’s because he got the lead. Did he tell you that? I told him he should call you and tell you since you encouraged him so much, but I’m not sure if he did. He’s forgetful...and I think it all still hurts him too much. Realistically, we both know there was nothing he could’ve done. Getting to the hospital before you passed out wouldn’t have made you not sick or anything, but I guess...I don’t know, really. I don’t know how that hero complex brain of his works because, of course, he’s repressing everything like he always does. Lo and I can say your name, now, but Ro won’t say anything related to the “c” word, as Logan and I have dubbed it. He and Lo are like opposites of themselves right now: Lo is a faucet and Ro is a vault. It’s weird, and I’m still getting used to it, but, as I’m sure you’d say, all vaults have a way to get in. We’ll help him along eventually, just in his own time. I hope my patience makes you proud, Dad. I have a surprise for you from your student teaching students- “kiddos.” I’ll bring it to you when I visit this week. I mean, this will all happen before this letter even gets to you, but...I dunno, this could be a reminder, I guess. They love you so much. I went to talk to your overseeing teacher, and she said your students ask about you every day. She said a few of them cried or got really upset when she told them. You’ve really made a difference in that classroom, Pat; they’re so lucky to have you, no matter what. You’re gonna love the letters they wrote you; I don’t know what’s in them, of course, but I know they’re all going to be really nice. How could they not be? Anyway, time to go work on those papers and projects and...everything. It’ll be worth it if it means I can spend time with you without worrying. I can’t wait to see you, Pat. As always, I love you a ton, and I know you’ll get through this. Love Your Best Friend, Virgil

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