#I have january figured out dw

[three-sentence-ficathon]

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[reikunrei]

Who's Mummy, Anyway?

It's more Doctor Who inspiration time!! I wanted to explore another set of episodes, this time from season 1:

Episode 9: The Empty Child and Episode 10: The Doctor Dances

These episodes revolve around strange happenings during the London Blitz on January 20th, 1941. The Doctor and his companion, Rose, follow an object through spacetime, where it crashes on Earth. Meanwhile, a young boy is wandering looking for his mother, though he's been changed by this fallen object and its yet-unknown properties. And he's infecting others, making them "like him." Ultimately, the solution to their predicament revolves around figuring out the true identity of this boy's mother, finally bringing an end to his search.

Prior to watching these episodes again, all I remembered was that there was a hivemind-type element involved, among some other details. What I didn't remember, however, was the everything else surrounding this boy.

In the following scene, the Doctor is reacting to the phone ringing in the front panel of his Tardis (which takes the shape of a police call box). However, it's not a real phone, it's just part of the Tardis's disguise, and therefore shouldn't actually work. Just when he's about to answer it, a young woman shows up and tells him not to. However, he doesn't heed her warning and when she disappears, he answers it anyway.

They don't give it subtitles in the DW episode, but before the child actually starts speaking, there's a muffled, garbled sort of static-like breathing, very similar to Will on the phone with Joyce.

He follows this girl to a house, where she and a group of homeless kids she watches after are eating from a meal left on the table. At the present moment, there's an air raid occurring, and this girl takes advantage of that to feed the kids when the homeowners are stuck in their bomb shelters. And when the Doctor calls her out on it (though he admits he thinks it's brilliant) he says:

Which... just... well, I wasn't expecting a TFS reference like that. But anyway, jokes aside...

The Doctor asks these kids why they haven't been evacuated yet, as they should be in the countryside by now. However, several of them admit that they had been evacuated, but they came back for one reason or another. For at least two of them, it was because they had to deal with "a man" at whatever home they were evacuated to, and they decided that being out here, taken care of by this young woman, was a far better bargain.

This stuff never comes up again, but boy, a group of kids who have to deal with an unsavory man? Okay, throwaway-line Martin Brenner!

This is where the Doctor also learns that this girl's name is Nancy... word.

He asks her again how his phone could have been ringing, since she seemed to know why, but she won't reveal anymore information to him. Instead, he cracks a very Brenner-vibes joke when asking if any of them have seen Rose, who he got separated from at the start of the episode:

We all know that Brenner needed one specific blonde boy in order for his "research" to work...

Nancy's about to kick the Doctor out so the rest of them can finish their meal in peace when the boy searching for his mummy shows up outside the window. The boy is young - 5-6 years old - and wearing a gas mask. Nancy gets all the other kids to escape out the back of the house while the boy waits at the front door for "mummy" to let him inside. Nancy gives the Doctor a little more cryptic information and the phone in the foyer starts ringing, but when Nancy doesn't let the Doctor answer it, the boy's voice then comes through a nearby radio, and even through a motorized toy, which I think speaks for itself in terms of similarities to voices coming through radios/speakers and them otherwise acting on the fritz in ST...

"It's not exactly a child" had my ears perking up too irt @aemiron-main's posts about doppelgangers.

Nancy flees out the back, leaving only the Doctor with this boy on the other side of the bolted front door. The boy reaches through the mail slot, where we then see he has a scar on the back of his right hand.

Photos taken from this post by @henrysglock.

Now obviously the scars don't look the same. The one on this boy is just superficial (unlike Henry's, which seems to hold some form of importance we have yet to fully uncover), and they're not even on the same hand. However, it's still an important detail that's imperative to the Doctor's understanding of what's going on here, and comes up again later.

The Doctor tries speaking to the boy, but he simply continues asking for his mummy and begging to be let in because the bombs are scaring him. However, when the Doctor opens the front door, the boy vanishes.

With the "threat" gone, the Doctor chases after Nancy, finding her in an old railroad yard. She's still his best bet for finding out what's going on, so he asks her again about the boy. He's deduced that this boy has something to do with the object he and Rose had been chasing.

I didn't mention it earlier, but when they're chasing this object through spacetime, they struggle to keep up with it because it's "jumping time-tracks," so when they land on Earth, it's only a general estimate, both in location and time. They're roughly a month out from when it landed, and thus have to ask around to figure out where it is... we only had a month of peace in that house... anyway...

Also... a bomb that wasn't a bomb vs the huge amounts of energy needed to open a gate to the UD, El being called a "fancy bomb"...

Nancy takes him to where the object crashed and instructs him to go to the nearby hospital to talk to "the Doctor" there. Before he leaves, however, he asks her who she "lost."

We all know what the "lost" reminded me of... even the "he's empty" from earlier as compared to Max's mind being empty/just being the void or the "darkness," if we want to speculate on what that means.

So, we learn that the boy who's been following Nancy around is her little brother, Jamie, who was killed during an air raid around the time that this object crashed to Earth.

The Doctor goes to the hospital to see... the Doctor... who we learn is actually named Dr. Constantine (though I do have to really point at the weird emphasis they had on her simply calling him "the Doctor," which even confuses the actual Doctor, because Dr. Constantine is just a human, not a Time Lord, so what gives with the weird false curveball? Anyway, just something that really stuck out to me, especially irt all the weird name and identity stuff in ST). There, the Doctor sees that every bed is filled with patients who are all wearing gas masks, just like Jamie. The Doctor uses his sonic screwdriver to gather readings on all of the patients while Dr. Constantine warns him, "don't touch the flesh." (Which, this feels a little reachy, but it reminded me of an early interview for TFS where Bob's actor uses the phrase "in the flesh," which James talked about in this post). The Doctor learns that every patient has the exact same injuries:

Massive head trauma, mostly to the left side (okay Vecna), partial collapse of the chest cavity, mostly to the right, scarring on the back of the hand, and the gas masks are fused to the flesh despite a lack of burns.

We also see here that Dr. Constantine, who appears weak and is experiencing fits of coughing, is developing that same scar on the back of his own hand. Dr. Constantine explains how the first victim, Jamie, was brought in with "truly dreadful" injuries. By the following morning, all doctors and nurses who had treated him had the same injuries, and within the week, it had overrun the entire hospital.

When the Doctor asks what the cause of death was, Dr. Constantine says, "There wasn't one. They're not dead."

There is absolutely no sign of life in any of the victims, and yet they're "alive." They don't get out of their beds, they only respond to sudden noises that startle them (notably, they all respond in a group, like a hivemind. If one reacts to something, they all do), and Dr. Constantine even calls them "harmless."

The fact that they're dead-but-not-really obviously feels akin to the whole "Henry's dead but not really" deal going on in Stranger Things, both in the sense that his death in the outside world was faked so he could go to the lab unnoticed, but also reminded me of TFS and his ability to fend off the Shadow when Will had nearly fully succumbed to it in less than a week. Dr. Constantine even says that "[the patients] just don't die," which is very much like Vecna and his regenerative abilities/getting up and walking away after being flambée'd, as well as Brenner's seeming inability to stay dead.

While the Doctor continues talking to Dr. Constantine, Dr. Constantine proceeds to have a choking fit and his face morphs into a gas mask, his "infection" fully taking over.

At this point, Rose shows up at the hospital, having finally caught up to the Doctor with a new friend in tow: Jack Harkness.

I need to get into Jack Harkness in another post sometime once I do some more reading up on him again because he has a lot of interesting stuff that ties in with the Creels/I wouldn't be surprised if, in some way, shape, or form, he was some influence for Henward, but for now, we'll just stick to what's presented in these episodes.

When Rose initially got separated from the Doctor, it was because she saw Jamie on a rooftop and, concerned for this little boy out alone in wartime London, she went to meet him. However, she accidentally got swept off by a barrage balloon, having undone the rope tethering it in place as a way to climb the side of a building to reach Jamie. Jack spots her, and though he's presenting himself as a volunteer for the British army, he's actually from the 51st century. Using his spaceship, he rescues Rose when she nearly falls from her barrage balloon, catching her in a tractor beam and bringing her aboard.

We have a fun Victor Creel and Henry moment all wrapped up into one when Rose, a bit smitten by Jack, says hello twice.

Screenshot from this post made by Em regarding the weirdness about Victor and the Creel murders aftermath. Also thank you to Em for the screencaps of TFS!

As Rose and Jack flirt talk, he reveals that he believes Rose to be a Time Agent, since she's carrying a cell phone, has on a liquid crystal watch, and is wearing fabrics that won't be around for 20 years.

Even the stop acting now... a silly terrible play... anyway... Rose even keeps up the act of being a "Time Agent" and neither she nor the Doctor ever tell him they're not, he just figures it out.

When we meet Jack, we're also introduced to the concept of Nanogenes. Jack uses them to heal the rope burns on Rose's hand from when she fell off her barrage balloon. And I don't think I have to explain too much what this reminds me of, at least visually...

Another fun little detail I'll just shove in here is that Jack has parked his spaceship right beside Big Ben, that way it's easy to remember where he parked. The time on the clock reads 9:30 ("lessons start promptly at 10:00!") and Jack says they have just about 2 hours to close their deal before all bets are off (read: the bomb destroys it), which would be at almost midnight... and we sure love our midnight in ST, don't we? Not to mention that Jack is a captain... anyway...

We also learn that Jack was the reason this strange object crashed on Earth. He explains to them that he was trying to con them, deliberately sending a piece of space junk (it's an ambulance, of sorts, which Jack made sure was empty) through spacetime and would present it to them as something extremely valuable, but by the time the money would be exchanged, a German bomb was due to land exactly where the object had landed, thus destroying it before the Time Agents would be able to see what they paid for.

With that truth sorted out, the Doctor focuses back on the patients in the hospital, noting that it appears that their DNA is being rewritten.

I promise those Billy screenshots are gonna pay off later too...

It also made me think about the way Henry's blood changed after he was infected with the Shadow and the blood transfusions that happen in TFS, giving Henry's blood to the other lab kids to... do whatever it is that they haven't confirmed just quite yet, but likely has something to do with making them resilient to the Shadow or to Dimension X. James has spoken about that more in depth here, which I think is an interesting read.

Meanwhile, Nancy is back at the house they'd been eating at prior, packing up the rest of the food that was left. While there, Jamie speaks to her over the radio and then comes into the house. When she tries to flee out the door, he points at it and it slams shut in front of her and locks her inside with him.

At this same moment, all of the patients in the hospital get up out of their beds and begin asking for "mummy" while stalking toward the Doctor, Rose, and Jack, cornering them. Again, we're seeing this "hivemind" in action, the rest of them following what Jamie, the first victim, is doing.

Yes, the Doctor stops them by telling them to go to their room, which Jamie reacts to as well, thus saving Nancy. Yes, he's pleasantly surprised that it worked, too.

Also, just a fun little moment that I want to touch on that occurs here, when Nancy goes to leave the house, she runs into a little boy wearing a gas mask. She startles, thinking that it's Jamie again, but the boy removes his mask and it turns out to be the son of the family who lives in the house she was stealing from. Gotta love more fun times with lots of blonde-haired blue-eyed children getting mistaken for each other! We love confusing identities in this house!

Meanwhile, the Doctor, Rose, and Jack are going to the top floor of the hospital, which Dr. Constantine told the Doctor he should go to find more information before he succumbed to his "infection." There, they find a room with a busted out glass window and a tape recording setup.

*extremely loud cartoon blinking noises* are we seeing this shit??

I was especially raising my eyebrows about the "angry" bit, what with Brenner's whole deal in TFS getting Henry to become angry in order to trip him into using his powers. Not to mention the countless drawings, which are giving ST2 Will with his drawings of the tunnels, but then the absurd strength this child seemingly presented despite being, well, a child, vs Jim's jab at Henry in TFS about not having the "upper body strength" to cause the harm toward the local pets. They might not normally be physically capable, but they were infected with something that made them strong enough.

The Doctor starts playing the tapes in the room, and they hear recordings of Dr. Constantine talking to Jamie, trying to ask him questions, trying to discern if he's "present" or not, and only getting back, "Are you my mummy?" and "I want my mummy!" and other such iterations. Jamie at that point had been totally lost to whatever had infected him.

The Doctor starts thinking, saying that he can "feel/sense it" coming out of the walls of the room. He doesn't elaborate on what, it's just a feeling he picks up that neither Jack or Rose can sense (he blames this on them being inferior as humans lol).

Okay, so, fucking... again, raising my eyebrows about it being afraid, much like how the Shadow on TFS feeds off of fear and that's what makes it stronger. Not to mention the "power of a god" vs all of Vecna's God coding. Very happy these episodes gave me a reason to look again at one of my favorite James posts ever about this very topic. Which, like, sure, the Shadow/Mind Flayer and Vecna aren't one and the same, but, y'know, I'm connecting dots and having fun leave me alone.

Anyway, since the Doctor sent it to its room... and this is its room... well, yeah, Jamie shows up, and so using a fancy blaster that Jack has, they bust a hole in the wall to get out and then patch it back up, trapping Jamie in the room. However, he starts busting down the wall, ST1 Demogorgon-style, in order to get to them. The other patients begin coming for them as well, since Jamie's after them.

Meanwhile, Nancy is talking to some of the homeless kids, telling them that Jamie doesn't come after all of them, he only comes after her, so if they want to be safe, they can't be around her.

In that same scene, one of the kids is writing on a typewriter, which continues typing even after he gets off of it. When this is pointed out, and when they read what was written, it's just "Are you my mummy?" over and over again. Nancy tells them again that as long as they stay with her, Jamie will always be coming for them, and she leaves, intent on breaking into the crash site on her own to figure out what happened to Jamie.

Now, the Doctor, Rose, and Jack are stuck inside the hospital, trapped in a room with only one exit with dozens of infected patients on the other side intent on getting to them. Jack is able to teleport out to his ship and finds a way to speak to the Doctor and Rose via an "Om-Com," which means he can call anything with a speaker grill, which the Doctor realizes is what Jamie is doing as well. And, speak of the devil, Jamie pops up talking through the same radio that Jack is.

Jack manages to block out Jamie by playing "Moonlight Serenade" through the radio instead. Using music to protect them from the weird omnipresent dead-not-dead child? Okay! I guess! I'm going crazy.

Jack manages to then teleport Rose and the Doctor onto his ship after doing some meddling with his hardware, and now back together again, they ask him more about his conman status.

What if I just started eating glass and barbed wire for fun, huh? It really had to be two years, didn't it? Just like the discrepancies between Henry and Edward? Okay, yeah, sure, whatever, I guess !! For more information about that, check out this post by Em, there's a whole section detailing the year discrepancies shown to us in the ST newspapers that present this 2 year time difference (and take a gander at everything else he has there, it's well worth the read).

Meanwhile, Nancy has attempted to break into the crash site, but was detained by the guards who are protecting it. She gets handcuffed to a table beside a soldier who's clearly been infected, but nobody listens when she pleads to be kept away from him. She begins talking to him, saying she understands what's happening to him.

The Doctor, Rose, and Jack arrive at the crash site, where they learn that now the contaminant is airborne, and soon absolutely no one will be safe and the whole world will become infected, wiping out the human race. As the Doctor is explaining this, he interrupts himself by asking if anyone else can hear singing, and we then hear Nancy singing "Rock-a-bye Baby," which has put the infected soldier to sleep beside her. Love some more "music saves" (though this is merely because the lullaby put "Jamie" to sleep). The Doctor rescues her, and they all flee outside to examine the crashed object.

Here, the Doctor explains that this object actually wasn't empty like Jack said it was. Instead, it was filled with the same Nanogenes that were in Jack's spaceship that healed Rose, only because this is an ambulance, there were far more than they could imagine - specifically, enough to "rebuild a species." When the ship crashed, they all escaped. The first "living" thing they came across was a dead child - Jamie. Having never seen a human being before, these Nanogenes took Jamie as the blueprint for humankind. With him as the blueprint, every other human seems "wrong" to the Nanogenes.

While they're trying to sort out their next moves, the infected begin approaching the crash site due to an alarm on the ambulance being activated when they tried to open it. The Doctor explains that, because this is a battlefield ambulance, not only are the Nanogenes programmed to help heal wounds, but they're designed to make every living thing into a perfect soldier.

Also realizing I haven't mentioned this yet, but Chula is just an alien race or something. This ambulance is a Chula ship, as is the spaceship that Jack has in the episode.

Anyway, I told you that ST3 Billy screenshot would pay off. Now, they're sort of trapped here. They don't really know what to do, because this little boy is going to tear the world apart in order to find his mummy. Nancy pipes up then, saying that it's her fault this is happening.

Holy Mothergate. Do you ever just scream and cry and throw up? This was one of the other details I remembered about the episode, and it automatically had me thinking of the Alice/Virginia sister/mother swap that Em has talked about in posts like this one.

Nancy approaches Jamie, telling him that yes, she is his mummy, but he doesn't understand because "there's not enough of him left." However, Nancy apologizes to Jamie, saying she is and always will be his mummy, and hugs him. This causes the Nanogenes around them to activate, and while Rose thinks they're going to "change" Nancy, the Doctor stops her from interfering and instead begs the Nanogenes to figure it out. They should be able to read that Nancy and Jamie are related, and that her as the mother should be more than enough for them to get it right.

There is just so much happening here. Henry being the "parent" to the other lab kids, whether by actual blood relation or simply because his blood was used in transfusions to give the kids his same mutated blood, and that being a "superior" DNA type, which is also a word One uses during his monologue toward El.

And the constant use of the word "change" throughout the episode (this isn't the only instance it's used) as compared to Brenner Sr. and Henry said to have "changed" after their run-ins with Dimension X in TFS.

"Mother knows best" isn't something that comes up verbatim in TFS, but the actress who plays Virginia made a post on instagram with "a mother always knows" in the caption. Plus, matched with Virginia's whole thing about seemingly "knowing" what was going on with Henward, as per One's monologue in ST4, and being in cahoots with Brenner about getting him back into the lab in TFS... well, at least in these Doctor Who episodes, it's "mother knows best," but for good.

Anyway, the second episode wraps up with the Doctor sending out the Nanogenes to "fix" all of the people they infected the first time, thus bringing all of these "dead" people back to life. Again, they take the form of these light particles much like the light particles in the UD, which we still don't know the origins or purpose of, other than a means of communication across universes/timelines! Shrimpy!

One thing I really noticed, which is something that also came up in the last DW/ST comparison post I made, is this emphasis on identity. I just find it super interesting that in these episodes, which have lots of other parallels (especially stuff regarding the Shadow/MF), there's this emphasis on knowing who someone really is. In ST, this is something that's becoming more and more important, all the way from ST1 with stuff such as Will's body being a fake, up until ST4 with the uncertainty in the true identity of Vecna and One, and even Brenner.

Basically, I just think that all of these other parallels to the Shadow and the language used around it lend credence to the idea that this idea of mistaken identity and not knowing the full truth until the very end is something that is obviously going to come into play in a very overt way in ST5. Also time travel and alternate universes definitely exist in ST simply because of these connections to DW, and this isn't even getting into any DW episodes that are about alternate universes and changing timelines! Which I will hopefully be discussing sooner than later :]

[4th-make-quail]

Big Bang anon here! I was just looking for some challenging event to participate this winter, and wanted to know your opinion because you have a lot of fandom experience! And YES I also noticed that a lot of Big Bang challenges currently are like "minimum word count is 5k words", and no shade to mods but that's not a challenge skdjdhdjl

Do you have a favorite fandom event type? Care to share your best fandom event experience?

Good morning nonny! Ahhh I see, okay I getcha!! There are quite a few longer word count fandom exchanges if you're into those, but the winter ones are already well in progress iirc!

One good place to check for events like this is fandom calendar on dreamwidth - people advertise their stuff on there regularly (no need to make a dw account to look at it either).

If you want a longer event, I have a few friends who do the three longer minimum word count exchanges and they have fun, so here they are;

- Fic in a Box (fiab): a fanwork exchange with a large minimum gifting requirement and several unique features - this one is complicated, so check out the comm link! Unfortunately this one is well and truly over now, but it's there for next year - schedule is around August to September!

- Five Figure Fandom Exchange (fffx or fandom 5k): a multifandom gift exchange for fanfic of 10,000+ words, and for comics of least 10 pages or at least 40 panels. Currently ongoing, but there are pinch hits in need of picking up! Deadline is January 18th, so if you can write a pinch hit fandom, you could try that!

- High Adrenaline (previously Heart Attack): two weeks to write 10k (or draw a 25-panel, 10-page comic) and one week to edit. Noms open in January!

Completing all three of these makes you eligible for Triple Crown, which is a prize raffle for all three of these 10k exchanges.

For the next few months, most people will be doing Yuletide which I've talked about a bit here before, but it has a 1000 word minimum so might be of less interest to you if you wanted a challenge. Pinch hits for yuletide are being posted here this year, but there aren't any available rn, and as yuletide is for rare fandoms, ymmv as to how possible this is for you anyway.

The next thing I will personally be participating in is Candy Hearts, which is a valentines day themed low word count (300 words) exchange, schedule usually starting with noms in December. This replaces chocolate box which used to run at the same time, and it's really fun!

Others I usually do regularly:

- Seasons of Drabbles: new to me but very fun, has a new round every season! For strict drabbles specifically, currently in its autumn round so there will be a winter one to come I imagine!

- Goreswap: an exchange for gore etc, with genre type tags to pick. Schedule starts with noms in January usually! Not one I've done, but I have friends who love it and do it every year.

- Phoenix Down Exchange: my own full Final Fantasy franchise exchange, set to start noms in Feb as last year

- Rarepair Exchange: as it sounds, for rarepairs! Check the comm for definition of minimum fics required to be eligible. Usually starts around April

- Rare Male Slash Exchange: as rarepair ex above, but for m/m ships only and again with specific minimum fic number eligibility. This is older than rpe, but as it tends to run on a similar schedule (noms in May last year) I've not done it for the last two years

- Relationshipping: for incest ships! The last round was July to August, but it conflicted with other fan stuff for me so I didn't do this for a bit as well. Run by some very good people

Some others I know about from my exchange crew participing but have never personally done: kids come first (underage themed), consent issues (dub/noncon themed), trauma exchange (as the name suggests), trick or treat (complicated, I think halloween theme?? Unsure), nonconathon (dub/noncon, but with very fun freeform tags to pick and nominate), and then there are usually a hell of a lot of flash exchanges around as well, which run on quick turnarounds - you could try joining the Exchanges After Dark discord server, which is an 18+ nsfw server for exchanges. It's very big and has a channel for every exchange, so the best thing to do is mute them all apart from what ur interested in ime! It also has a fandomcalendar rss feed channel which could be relevant if u wanna see what's coming up!

As for your second question, my favourite fandom event experience is probably Unconventional Fanworks Exchange, which is unfortunately didn't run last year and I'm not sure if it will again 😭😭 its an exchange for, well, unconventional fanwork mediums, and I've had so much fun challenging myself in the two rounds I've participated in! They had things like newspaper articles, in universe academic documents, blueprints, paper dolls, all sorts! I'm hoping someone might take it over tbh, if the mod can't run it again.

Also, this year I did Small Web September for the first time and had sooo much fun! It's for working on any smallweb projects you might have; personal sites, neocities, coding etc. and it had a really great vibe, plus it was super fun seeing everyone's smallweb projects! Very inspiring!!

This ended up very long, but as u can see I am very passionate about these things! I run my entire fannish calendar around exchanges mixed with event weeks and I find it very rewarding - I'm always happy to introduce anyone to exchanges and talk through how to participate etc. so anyone can ask me about this at any time!

[acedaniammx]

Things are getting a little out of hand in the Deepsea Metro's dark underbelly, I'm sure they have the situation under control, though. Just a minor containment breach. I've always wanted to draw Timeru getting a little spooky, but I hit a bit of an art block for the piece (I started it back in JANUARY), so it feels good to finally get this out there. I was struggling to figure out who she should be terrorizing, but eventually I decided to make it about how she escaped the metro, so I decided to go with @blotsamwich's character, Mem, who's a scientist down there. She'll be fine, but looks like she's only barely getting out of this one. Figured since I was already working on the scary art I oughta save it for halloween, so we got some extra background details like the console in the back, and that 'lost' lab coat on the right, hope its owner finds it soon >~>

Also Timeru's doing much better now dw. She's calmed down a lot since then and she's chill with Mem now. Dunno how Mem feels about that though

I felt kinda bad covering up all the background stuff I was doing with the murky darkness, especially Timeru's monster form, so maybe if this post does any good I'll do some behind-the-scenes for this piece

[dyed-red]

Your Dean meta re: Hollywood Babylon is also something that we see when Sam and Dean are in prison. Dean’s happy to integrate and socialize (though there’s no real project in sight except the accumulation of cigarettes lol). Happy (belated) Birthday to our social king, DW! 👑 & Happy Wincest Wednesday to you! My on-theme q is: how and where do you think Dean learned his social skills given that the family was so insular?

so clearly this ask is from january and referencing my tags on this post, sorry i took a million years to get back to it!

for interested parties, the context is that it's a gifset of how much dean seems to be enjoying himself being a film crew PA in the episode Hollywood Babylon, and the tags are all about how he enjoys teamwork and community.

and to your question -- i think it's a function of a few things, but most critically, dean's family wasn't so insular. not at the times he was learning these formative social skills.

dean was raised pretty 'normal' until four and a half or so, and in that early development period, would have probably had play-dates with other toddlers and kids, maybe would have gone to a daycare sometimes or a day home, been babysat with other kids, might have started pre-school.

he also was in the regular school system, not home-schooled, so would have had habitual interaction with kids his age. we also know that he and sam had babysitters and such growing up, probably especially in those early years, and that might have meant being around people his age and probably a whole slew of ages. all of which is conducive to developing decent social skills.

dean also has a strong emotional intelligence and he intuitively understands people. sam does as well, although they use their emotional intelligence in different ways. but the ability to read people's emotions means that dean is able to observe patterns for how they respond to each other and adjust his social approach accordingly through trial and error learning. dean's smart, he's not the type to make the same mistake twice, so he'd figure out quick how to charm people and to get what he wants.

which - he'd have had to learn. cajoling teachers and caretakers and all the rest into a sense of security to protect his family's secrets is something that was pretty important. looking after his little brother was pretty integral. learning to manage his father's moods was unfortunately a critical skill he developed as well.

he also would have learned through the media he consumed, at least implicitly. how the guy gets the girl by being charming and confident, so that he could act it even if he didn't feel it. how the innocent act works. how to look tough when he doesn't feel it. dean loves westerns (and scooby-doo and horrors and plenty more), and there are a lot of social scripts to be gleaned in media.

interestingly i think dean's seeming arrested development in some areas is actually arrested at points of early teen and early adult development, rather than early childhood development. he's got the ability to work with others as a team and get along and charm people and all the rest, he's got the independence from the middle childhood period down pat, but he struggles with the social separation of self from family that tends to happen as we shift our reference groups from family/parents to peers in our preteen and into our teenage years. the way he seeks approval from his father and from father figures and authorities speaks to a youth he doesn't have, never had, but this takes him a long time into adulthood to start moving past.

that is where his social immaturity looms the largest. that and his inability to be vulnerable and authentic but that's a pretty reasonable survival tactic in his life and another lesson he would have missed in the transition into early adulthood. i.e., when he was too busy being a parent to a preteen brother to work on his own shit.

(i resist the parentification of dean to some extent because i feel like people take it too far, but i think it's somewhat fair to assume that when dean hit his preteen and teen years, john probably felt comfortable being gone for longer and longer periods, because there was someone old enough to look after the younger kid. like i don't believe john would ditch the boys for weeks when sam was 4 and dean was 8, but we know he'd ditch them for days if not weeks when sam was 8 and dean was 12, over xmas no less, so i think dean's social development really stalled in his teen years into scripts and patterns and inauthenticity then, because that's all he had the resources to learn and it worked mostly well to very well. )

(and then as he ages we get glimpses of him learning/yearning for that social experience he was denied, like working as part of a crew of peers or fitting in with a larger group. and all people need that to some extent and it's healthy to fulfill our belonging needs, but we see dean especially enjoy it because it was missed, for him, so it's a deeper itch he's scratching. he's awkward about it and resistant because it's uncomfortable, but once there he's in his element and it feels good.)

[ao3feed-newsies]

Lost Boy

by, Stars_In_Our_Paws by Stars_In_Our_Paws "I'm Racetrack, although the others call me Racer." He says, holding a hand out. "You wanna come meet my friends? I've got some bread to share." You hesitantly take his hand, and look at his face. He's grinning, and there's a warm light in his eyes. You figure that you have nothing left to lose. "I'm Spot." You say, the words strange on your tongue. You can't remember the last time you've spoken out loud. A last look into Racetrack's eyes seals the deal. You'll go with him, and maybe it'll turn out alright in the end. --- Or, Spot thinks he's alone, despite being surrounded by so many people. Little does he know that two idiot Watchers have their eyes on him. Words: 2735, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 1 of newsiecraft AU Fandoms: Newsies: The Broadway Musical! (2017), Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken, Minecraft (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen Characters: Spot Conlon, Racetrack Higgins, Sparrow (OC) Relationships: spot conlon & racetrack & sparrow, implied sparrow/racetrack Additional Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, minecraft au, this is all because my beloved mutual called Racetrack a Watcher, Found Family, newsies as a found family, Unethical Experimentation, Past Child Abuse, Past Character Death, (it's not a main character!! dw it's two side ones), Suicidal Thoughts, Dehumanization, Hurt Spot Conlon, somebody give this kid some love and a stable parental figure, POV Second Person, Hybrids, Laboratories, i cannot stress this enough. this came from a joke of race being a watcher, no beta we die like Spot's parents should, Trust Issues read : https://ift.tt/vMakomd - January 18, 2024 at 03:48PM

[rudennotgingr]

This semester is almost over. I just have a final to complete and a final to review and turn in.

And then I have a break until January.

Thank the maker.

I’ll be able to focus on getting another job. So I can hopefully stop panicking about money. Before I have a complete breakdown.

That wasn’t the point of this post…

Rambling.

I’ve been trying to process a lot of things, mostly related to toxic family, figure myself out, and I don’t know…write? I’m not in a place to pick up any DW fic (*I’m so sorry*). But I need to get some stuff out and certain other social media places are not a safe space for me to do so.

I’ve always liked tumblr’s format, so I’m gonna make a side blog probably a word vomit over there.

“And whyyyyyy should I care?” you may be thinking.

Well, that means I’m going to be back on here more often. Which means my main page is going to get an overhaul. It’s been an (embarrassingly) long time lol. At first I wasn’t going to do it. BECAUSE WHAT IF SOMEONE GETS MAD AT ME?!? Oh, well. I’m a different person now my blog should reflect that.

DOES THIS MEAN NO MORE DAVID TENNANT??!?!?

HAHAHAHAHAHA. No. Absolutely. Not.

It’ll still be very much DT and DW. But also…Star Wars (in case you haven’t noticed lol) and other random nonsense.

Anyway, this is mostly for me. Because I’m trying to heal my inner child so I’m treating this like my diary now, guys. Generations will forever know the stupid shit I said all because my parents didn’t love 13 year old me. XoXoXo

[mercuryonparklane]

Just decided to check my drafts for the first time in months and figured I may as well post some…

Honestly, I think I made a similar post a while back, but this little paragraph about Liz haunts me:

Where did the woman who wrote this in her book about Taylor get this info? Because it does match what a fan, who attended that 13 hour meet and greet Taylor did in 2010, said that Liz told him.

He said that Liz told him she met Taylor when she only had one song out (that song being “Tim McGraw):

So, if the author of that book is correct, this means it’s possible that Liz and Taylor met in summer 2006. Taylor played her first show in LA at Whisky a Go Go on July 24th, 2006 (yeah, this is the “Emily has a boyfriend…” show), which was almost exactly a year before she played the OC Fair (Liz was there with the radio station she was working for at the time), where this picture would be taken:

Liz tweeted about how the manager of The Runaways booked her first gig in West Hollywood when she was 15. So Liz was playing shows in West Hollywood, where Whisky a Go Go is located, years before Taylor played there. Being that Liz is a fan of country music and wanted to be a country singer, it’s possible that she was aware of that show (which was actually headlined by Jack Ingram). 

Here’s what Taylor said about how they met in an interview about the mv for TSOU:

Taylor said that she told Liz she should “audition for some TV talent show”. Lo and behold, Liz tried out for American Idol in August 2006, a couple weeks after Taylor’s first LA show. According to her vocal coach’s website, she made it to the Top 50. 

I have watched every video out there from the LA auditions-Top 50 from that season and I haven’t even seen a glimpse of her, but I did find this picture (where they spelled her name wrong):

And this comment someone made on a blog post about the LA auditions when that episode aired in January 2007:

That would match up for that LA show in July 2006 being the actual first time they met. Then, Liz supposedly went to the BI show in SB in December that year. The SB show was obviously after debut was released, but technically “Tim McGraw” was still the only single she had, so this could have still been their first meeting. 

So, possibly they met in July 2006 at the Whisky a Go Go show, where Liz could have sang for Taylor and Taylor suggested she try out for a talent show. Two weeks later, Liz tried out for AI. 4 months later she went to Taylor’s show at BI in SB. She then met Taylor again at the OC Fair show in July 2007. The next time they met, that we know of, was in February 2008 when Taylor performed on DW, the talent show that Liz competed on (this is when Taylor wrote the Myspace blog with the whole “there was always something different about her”). 

This is where it gets even more speculative... when Taylor was on DW, she insinuated that Liz had been going to her shows “all the time”:

One reviewer even went so far as to refer to Liz as a “Swift groupie” based on what Taylor said on the show:

To me, this makes it seems like they met more than just the two known times (at the BI and OC Fair shows) before Taylor’s DW appearance. Taylor played quite a few shows in California between July 2006 and February 2008. Liz worked for a country radio station for some of that time and was obviously a fan of Taylor, so it’s not that much of a stretch to say that it’s at least possible that she went to some of those other shows. 

Of course, the auditions for DW were in September 2007, so it could have been the OC fair show where Liz actually sang for Taylor and Taylor encouraged her to try out for a talent show. Liz did try out for DW a few months later. Then, coincidentally, Taylor just so happened to perform on an episode of the show and was the only musical guest (aside from the High School Musical cast, which makes sense because Disney owns ABC). Of course, Julianne was there that night, as well, watching her then fiancé compete on the show.

I know I have mentioned this before, but there is potentially so much missing between whatever date it was when they actually first met and when Liz first performed with Taylor. It seems so different from how she met pretty much every other person who has ever been in her band. It would be such a wild coincidence if Liz really went in to the audition to be Taylor’s backup singer with no clue as to who she was auditioning for. And maybe it doesn’t mean they were vague about the whole thing because they are hiding a secret relationship. It could be that Taylor (and/or her team) decided it was best not to encourage fans to think they too could be handpicked to join Taylor’s band out of a meet and greet line.

[4pondsinabox]

I posted 754 times in 2022

58 posts created (8%)

696 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@swanthief

@ceylinerguvan

@pitynostars

@gothamgirlgayngs

@of-monsters-and-werewolves

I tagged 743 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#dw fanart - 66 posts

#lot spoilers - 62 posts

#em rambles - 46 posts

#otp: old married couple - 35 posts

#dw spoilers - 35 posts

#lot fanart - 31 posts

#dw edit - 29 posts

#ouat edit - 26 posts

#outlander spoilers - 23 posts

#zari tarazi - 23 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#she’s very entertaining and i could not believe one of her shows lined up with my year abroad in sweden when i had listened to her for years

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Me: :(

*The Disenchanted Trailer*

Me: :)

*The Little Mermaid Trailer*

Me: :D

14 notes - Posted September 9, 2022

#4

Legends of Tomorrow characters as Eurovision 2022 songs

Sara Lance - Hope

Stefan, Estonia

Ava Sharpe - Eat Your Salad

Citi Zēni, Latvia

See the full post

29 notes - Posted May 15, 2022

#3

There’s nothing more healing than watching the River Song fandom collectively lose their sh*t over a 12 year old behind the scenes photo they’ve never seen before

35 notes - Posted March 1, 2022

#2

I’m just going to say this once because I need to get it out there

But I am SO tired of the Doctor/Companion romance trend - even if unrequited

44 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

It’s become pretty common in fandom spaces to discuss different portrayals of love but one thing that I keep thinking about from this latest Legends of Tomorrow episode is how amazing it was portraying different kinds of romantic love.

Of course we have Sara and Ava, who represent “old love” after being well established for several seasons and who solve problems as an old married couple would. Then there is Nate and Zari 1.0, who have also been together for awhile but are still figuring out the technicalities of a long term relationship. They’re out of the honeymoon period but just enough to be comfortable being apart for an extended amount of time, which allows those reunions to feel all the more special. Then we have Gideon x Gary and Behrad x Astra, both of which are very new couples but in completely different ways. The former decided to dive headfirst into their relationship, while the latter is taking the much slower route. Both are equally valid takes when writing budding romantic love. Whether you like any of these pairings or not, it’s wonderful to see a tv show as wild as Legends of Tomorrow understand how differently romance can take shape for different people.

85 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[purple-st4rz-556]

December 24, 2023

New blogging post at 3am!!!

Merry Christmas Eve! I don't celebrate Christmas but I hope you guys get what you want this year!

I bought both of the TADC plushies and a small Kuromi figure which used up all of my gift money of $100 💀 bc I ordered the plushes late they come in LATE JANUARY so I'm (im)patiently waiting

Like I said in my last post I want to change up my artstyle a bit but not drastically dw! Sort of like a clean slate for the new year, ya know?

I want my artstyle to be a lot more anime-like ig? But it's gotta be simple enough so I don't want to rip out my hair whenever I draw and so it doesn't take forever

I kinda forgot to tell you guys until now but I post my music on Soundcloud! It's kinda of a$$ but I'm working on making it a lot better and possibly sing and play guitar too (once I can afford one lmao) no guarantees tho

I'm on winter break rn but I probably won't be drawing as much cause I have so much other stuff I wanna do, like reading comics that I got from my school library, working on my TADC fanfiction that I've been putting off (I'm not giving the link look for it yourself on AO3 cause it's embarrassing), working on songs, and playing Roblox all day (very productive ik)

Anyways I'll stop yapping

[three-sentence-ficathon]

Welcome to the Three Sentence Ficathon Tumblr!

What is the 3 Sentence Ficathon?

This is an open exchange where you answer a prompt with a fic consisting of only three sentences. It’s open to all fandoms and you can post and fill as many prompts as you want, as many times as you want.

How does it work?

Starting this year, the event is run over at the threesentenceficathon comm on Dreamwidth. You don’t need a DW account to play, though! You can use an OpenID login, or post as a guest or anon.

When can I participate?

The 2023 3SF will be open for new prompting between January 13 - February 12. Don’t want the fun to end? You can still fill prompts all year long.

So what’s with the Tumblr?

We figured it might be useful what with so many fandom folks being over here. Follow us for announcements or submit questions to the askbox!

Who’s on the mod team?

Long-time 3SF host @rthstewart is joined this year by @bywayofmemory, @wingedflight and @oakashandwillow.

Any more questions?

Check out the 3SF explainer over on Dreamwidth. If you still have questions, drop the question in our askbox.

[yuuana]

Music Monday #218: SF9 - Puzzle  release: January 2023 genre: Kpop

Every time I think I'm going to be okay to resume regular posting of another one of my serials, something happens to prove me wrong. Ah well. Back for now, at least, and with yet more Kpop. Because of course I am. XD

FNC describes this as a "pop genre song based on punk music depicting their emotions of facing the truth as the pieces of doubt come together" with "heavy bass and addictive melody at the hook" and color me a skeptic about the punk influence, but it's definitely an addictive song. A near-irresistible dance beat provides the perfect basis for SF9 to show off some pretty slick dance moves - they singled out a point choreo for a dance challenge, but it doesn't look like other idols picked it up, sadly. Which is unfortunate but between timing of release and that tricksy footwork, I'm not that surprised? That they remain fairly unknown even this many years since debut is some kind of kpop crime - this release features only seven members because two are out for their military service, that's how old the guys are. They're hanging steady for a group that isn't signed to Big 4, so there is that, at least. SF9 MVs regularly have strong narrative elements and while one might thematically connect to another, there isn't a singular ongoing plot, they're just idols who are also enjoy being actors (half of them have acting credits under their belts, in fact). Indeed, the narrative of this MV revolves around something new for the group: a spy vs spy type plot. While the lyrics could be taken to refer to a troubled relationship, the video instead shows a story of a group of agents trying to figure out if there's a spy in their ranks and if so, which of them it is. As for the answers, well, you'll have to watch the video yourself and see if you can't puzzle it out - I'm not telling. ;) THE PIECE OF9, of which this is the title track, is out now via all the usual suspects. Want to see Music Monday deep dives more often? Sponsor a song selection! For the low, low price of one (1) KoFi, I'll write up the song of your choice. ANY song of your choice. Yes, even that one that's been played to death. Yes, your obscure faves too. With sponsors, I can stop skipping weeks and falling further and further behind in the releases! Sponsor a current CB for the next open Music Monday slot or sponsor a throwback for a Thursday feature! But seriously, if you've been enjoying my selections and analyses, we (me and the foster kittens) would love a KoFi in thanks. DW | Twitter | Mastodon | Ko-fi | Patreon | Discord | Twitch

[dongzhou3kingdoms]

Newsletter+Tales of 3Kingdoms Chapter 2

Baptiste Pinson Wu sent out his latest newsletter and chapter. Friendly, sounds like an intresting year and a busy one (including for his readers) 2023. It was fitting for a January to look back on a year that brought in child and book, even as Baptisite suffered via covid and DW film (one may have marginally been worse then the other)

A fair bit of the newsletter is to tease Book 2: Heroes of Chaos, coming on March 15th. Gives him a chance to talk about Cao Cao (with pictures of some fav adaptations) and the title but also builds up more secondary figures arriving and doing a DW tease (combined with a pleasant olden picture of one iconic early scenes of the novel). It also provides another of the side stories, of possibly the most popular character of the first novel (Chen Shou's biggest failing is failure to wrote of this chap)

Cover

Honest about the cover and having to adapt but what comes out well. The general cover keeps a good balance between similar to book 1 while shifting it enough to be different and stand out. The youth in armour, straggly facial hair, well equipped and armoured but still very much a reminder that Liao Hua may be growing to be a warrior but he is a youngster coming of age. Nice touch the Chinese characters, I liked the sense of the red sun and the way the colour makes me thinking of a setting sun (and fire) and I liked the marching image at the back. The back cover "190 set up", a quick reminder of where we are, highlighting coalition, Cao Cao and Liao Hua with some neat turns of phrase though I find the Cao Cao section of newsletter and fondness of first book more of a pull.

Cao Cao

I enjoy Baptiste bringing to light lesser known figures and I look forward to seeing who he brings forward, how he plays with iconic scenes but the Cao Cao bit excited me. I love Cao Cao of the novel, of DW for similar reasons to many, the great driving force who deserves the nickname Hero of Chaos but it leads to problematic views of the man.

Baptiste has talked before of one flaw of the novel is how big figures become instant heroes. Warriors look at a weapon and instantly kill champions, people never see battle before come up with game changing strategies. War happens and for many, Cao Cao instantly takes to it like a duck to water, he as able at the start as he is at his peak. He forges the world by sheer will and ability which isn't really how the historical era (or history) works but it is part of his modern appeal.

Baptiste talks of Cao Cao, like the young Liao Hua, needing to grow and of image taking a hit. Seeing a non-peak Cao Cao but someone needing to grow and learn is a Cao Cao I want to see. Not that I don't love "hero of chaos Cao Cao" but it would be good to see Cao Cao as someone who, though he has great talent, is more human and having to take the hits of inexperience. With Baptiste having shown such strength in coming of age, I look forward to seeing that

Also promises a (another) Cao Cao poem!

Tales of three Kingdoms: Fat Ling

So yeah I certainly didn't expect to come out of reading the novel and loving a villager Liao Hua knew. I did really enjoy Cheng Yuanzhi and the dynamics with Liao Hua but there was something about that unexpected transformation of that character that seemed to capture not just me. When hearing of the side stories, one part of me did go "oh I would love to see parts that were not in the novel", another went "Fat Ling!" Baptiste has adjusted to the demand smoothly. A change of style to try a different way (as he likes to do for these side stories) which mostly works. Nodding to the past as it fits into the world, setting up for the long term by gently moving pieces while telling tale, keeping to the theme of people developing and learning. I like it retains the village far away is not always aware of how the world is going feel, one segment felt forced but overall was a sweet and fun short tale.

Spoilery stuff below

I liked the use of Fat Ling trying to write a promised letter framing the story, how he handles it shaping the segment the story. That initially he lacks confidence, he is uncertain about the words to choose and limited literacy hampers him was a lovely touch, how easily things could be distracted and how things changed with help. Some sweet lines from Ling to his young friend as he tells of how life is going. I enjoyed the way Ling's part in the first novel played a part in this, his bond with Liao Hua, his memories of Cheng Yuanzhi, the confidence gained from his role. But also how even in the short story, Ling was evolving on his own journey (via the letters). Ling's journey with writing, his thoughts of his friend and his own life provide the emotional heart. It was nice seeing glimpses of Fa Jia Po changing during times of peace, I liked the play on the migration shifts and the way change of governorship also had an impact on their nearby city. I feel it could have done with one more segment, perhaps to add a bit more on Ling's changing life and the change of the village as finding out he got married (though teased) and had a kid felt sudden.

The way Ling's fortunes is connected to Cao Cao is done smoothly without pushing Ling too far in importance, the Cai's treating Ling as a potential asset for future. The idea of it then biting Ling later when Cao Cao's position changes is a good one but the interrogation scenes felt the weakest part of the tale. The dynamics between Cai Mao and Fat Ling felt a little forced to suit the situation, Ling's heroic stand felt something he could do but also that something the author needed him to do rather then a moment I cheered. It ends well with Cai Mao's warning and Ling's dawning realization providing a fitting teasing last line.

[sarriane]

2022 Year of Fic in Review Boogaloo

sariane on ao3

Total number of completed stories: 4 Total word count: 42,185 Fandoms: dr who, our flag means death

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?: i am honestly surprised i wrote anything at all, this year has suuuucked!

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?: our flag means death was a surprise! i even saw the trailer in january and thought it looked very dumb (the trailer was... not great). the last thing i expected was that it would have a fandom, much less that i would be into it.

What's your favorite story of the year?: space growlr, hands down. i literally had so much fun with it, mixing goofiness with romance and writing something for me.

Did you take any writing risks this year?: i was gonna say no, but i did technically write furry fanfic, and that's a whole new genre for me. i doubt i did it any true justice.

Do you have any fanfic goals for the New Year?: keep survivin', meet zine deadlines, work on your plotting and pacing skills, & spice up the prose a little babes.

My best story of the year: i'm going to say space growlr again, bc it may be the only one i like.

My most popular story of the year: stay the course, which i feel caught the last wave of ofmd fandom before it went into hibernation. i am slow! (and honestly, dw fanfic world is sooo dead right now, and i am writing rarepairs. there's no competition.)

Story that was most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: again, space growlr!!! because no one appreciates danvanista like the ship deserves!!!! hmph!!

Most fun to write: oh my god are all of these answers going to be 'the silly furry rarepair fanfiction that three people read' oh no

Single sexiest (or cutest) moment: somehow i didn't post a real smutfic this year, so i'm gonna go with fourteen/simm punching each other silly and then having a dumb makeout session fight to see who wins. they're so dumb and i missed them.

Hardest to write: stupid! pirate! story!!! i don't even know WHAT that story is. it needs like... probably half of it cut out and the last chapter rewritten. idk man i don't get paid for this.

Biggest disappointment: me ngl i was hoping that posting updates on the pirate fic week-by-week would somehow encourage people to comment or talk to me about the fic, and that i'd make friends, but i only had one or two people follow it as a WIP! i'm never doing anything for ~the engagement~ ever again haha.

Biggest surprise: that i somehow ended up writing rassilon/omega smut as a joke!! it took me a half hour and was easier than anything! i will do absolutely anything for the bit, huh.

Favorite lines: because i only posted 4 fics this year, i'm just gonna drop a line from each.

space growlr:

Dan: SOS Karvanista: [AJE928384AJ392DJ9402.jpg] Dan: It means Save Our Souls, not send SHIRTLESS PICS!!

stay the course:

Stede can taste it on his tongue. He can hear it beating in his chest. It sounds like love, and it looks like Ed curled up on the sofa with a glass of brandy and his deep, heavy eyes drawing him in. It’s moonlight and fleeting touches, dodgy treasure maps and scary stories. It’s a life, and an adventure, and it’s not rooted in anything but the promise of each other. “I won’t say that I love you, because I haven’t proved it yet,” Stede says. “But I think I’m figuring out what that means, to love someone. And I want a second chance to prove how I feel.”

the black scrolls of rassilon:

i can't lmao this is too cracky to choose from

which to bury, us or the hatchet?:

He fills himself in through the gaps in the Master’s memories and takes them all with the kiss. The Master dies and dies and he lives on, the Master is a gaping wound and he is a yellow bruise, the Master accepts and he grieves. The Doctor takes it all.

[spiltscribbles]

Miss you and your marvelous writing!!!! Just a prompt if you’re up to it 😊 exes wolfstar staying friends but sirius gets into a new relationship and he brings his new boo to somewhere he took remus and remus gets sad 😭 but they get back together eventually

Notes: OMFG BABEY! this is so SO beyond precious of you! i adore you to bits! thank you for the sweetness and for this scrumptious angst🥺🥺 i really hope you like it😭😘😘💜

.-

SEND ME A PROMPT  |  A Reblog means SO SO much! I ADORE YOU💜💜

.-

“He can just be so… So” James pauses right then, takes off his cap with the hand that’s still clutching his baseball bat, and ruffles his hair with the other.

“Un-opinionated,” Remus offers half heartedly as they turn the block to the small coffee shop nearest school, both of them freshly showered after the required morning workouts for Tuesday and Thursdays. It’s the first semester in which Remus has actually joined in on the seven minute track, considering the fact that even despite their crazy contradictory schedules with all the sports and extra curriculars they each had, Sirius always made it a point to buy their ice coffees and drop it off to Remus, sometimes leaving them a quarter of an hour late for first period, or as just a quick drop and dash if one of them had an exam. 

It was sweet, considerate. It was Sirius showing how much he cared because he’s never been one for words, even if he would frequently print off the little texts Remus would send him about how Sirius made him feel, and hang it up on the wall besides his bed, along with photos of them and Remus by himself and a few of their other friends too.

But yeah… None of that is really a thing anymore, not the coffees or the texts or the promises of being one another’s always. Not after calling it quits in early January because they knew by August they’d be working with thousands of miles between them and a three hour difference on top of that. It just wouldn’t have been feasible in the long run, and sure— Remus was the one to broach the topic and he knows that Sirius was hesitant about the logical side of it, but sometimes Remus wishes Sirius had fought harder, had argued louder, had wanted Remus more. But that’s a ridiculous expectation, and he had only admitted as much to Lily. And at the end of the day, it was the right choice, because it’s only early May now, and Remus can’t imagine how sick he’ll feel once catching his flight to Berkeley, and they’re steadfastly back in the best friends category of things. He can’t fathom how it would’ve been if they spent all these months and the ones after being together in all those intimate ways, knowing that they’ll be so far apart soon enough.

It was the right decision for the both of them and their friendship.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go with that,” James says, bringing Remus out of his gloomy contemplations while opening the glass door to Three Broomsticks, sporting a thin smile that he always has on when he’s trying to be kind even when he’s irritated as all get out. 

Remus snorts at him, elbow checking his side as he walks past. “Well he’s sharing that dorm with you and Sirius in New Haven, so I guess you’ve got that to look forwards to.”

James’s face pulls into a grimace and their typical barista nods their way, already receiving their orders through the app and sparing them having to wait in the queue. “Maybe Pete’ll grow his own personality in university, yeah?”

“Sure Prongsie,” Remus says, noncommittal as he checks his phone and lies against the windowpane, already exhausted by the morning. “And if he doesn’t, I’m sure Sirius is about to blow his lid any day now.”

“It’s going to be funny as fuck, and you won’t even be there to see the debris,” James counters, sounding pleasant enough even though Remus knows that he’s nearly as pissed off as Sirius is about the decision for him to go back to his home state for undergrad. 

“You’ll send pictures though.”

“Of course Moony my old friend,” James jokes, tossing him a wink as they straighten once spotting their coffees being rung up. But as Remus takes a step forwards, he notices that a familiarly tan pair of hands are reaching for them, and when Remus looks up he feels like an idiot for not noticing him sooner. Because there Sirius is, dashing as ever in their school’s maroon blazer and tan pants, and his hair is windblown and shining as it falls midway of the nape of his neck. But Remus doesn’t really have the chance to appreciate just how damn good looking his ex-boyfriend is, rather, he’s more distracted by how Sirius doesn’t even notice him or James as he pivots around and hands over the second cup to a beaming Gideon Prewett. Their heads incline while they exchange a few words that are absolutely impossible to pick up in the crowded cafe before they bump their shoulders together and walk out the opposite door.

And it feels like nothing else watching that exchange— like their was a hammer and pick chipping away at his stupid, weeping heart.

“I think they’re just doing a project together,” James says lowly in Remus’s ear, clapping him on the back in reassurance, and Remus loves him, but he’s not in the mood for false platitudes, feels like there is a ugly, burning fire festering deep in his stomach and making Remus want to hurl all over the wooden floors.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he replies instead, mild as he discretely picks up his phone again and opens up to the last conversation he had this morning.

R: need intel 

L: Say more sexy things to me, lover 

R: sirius and Gideon

R: what’s going on there

L: I’ll take a look, dw

Buoyed by Lily’s scary levels of detective skills, Remus returns his phone to his satchel and signals James to follow him to pick up their actual drinks. “C’mon, Flitwick hates it when we’re late.”

.-

“Do you want the good news first, or the bad.” Lily asks Remus later that morning during their shared free period, dropping her bag on the tabletop that they typically commandeer towards the back of Hogwarts’s library, nearest the windows and tucked away by the shelves.

“Is there actually any good news? Or are you just saying that to make me feel better.” Remus asks, single brow cocked as he shuts his history book and tosses it to the side.

“Well your hair looks especially nice today,” she offers with a small smile, sitting besides him and ruffling his curls.

“Thanks, I suppose. But I’d rather just get to it. And don’t sigh at me like that! All long suffering and all.”

Rolling her eyes, Lily gathers her hair into a high pony before turning to Remus fully. “You’re my best friend, I love you more than just about anyone. You know that, right?” Lily asks him, stiff stance relaxing when he nods in turn. “Then understand that I’m saying this from a place of love, but you don’t get to be mad at him, okay. You’re the one who called it off Re, you’re the one who wanted you guys to go back to being friends to avoid that messiness in August. And you know I respect the decision, but also it wasn’t the only one to be had. I mean look at James and I—“

“You’re going to Columbia Lils,” Remus bristles, hates how defensive he’s getting all of a sudden. “That train ride is like two hours and some change at the very most. It’s not the same.”

“You guys could’ve made it work,” she insists, green eyes blazing in the dim light. “He’s crazy about you, and you’re in love with him— Like ass backwards in love. You can’t just cut that off like it’s nothing, damn it, Remus.”

He can feel his own ears reddening and Remus hates it, hates how today had started off so innocuous and now it’s an absolute shit show. Remus hates that Lily is always correct about everything, and hates how Sirius probably is regretting telling Remus he still fully intends to ask him out to prom, and hates how much he loves him— how whenever he looks at Sirius it’s just a deluge of wanting and adoring and regretting and needing to feel his lips against Sirius’s own again like a drug, how he’ll never forget how he tasted like coffee beans and cigarette smoke and the strawberries he ate every morning besides his breakfast. Remus hates it all and he can’t figure out how not to feel like suddenly everything is slipping out of his hands like sand drifting through his fingers.

“He’s probably not that crazy over me anymore considering he’s getting Gideon Prewett coffees now, so maybe it’s the right decision after all.” Is what Remus decides to tell Lily instead of that whirlwind of clashing feelings.

“Oh Christ,” Lily huffs, dropping her head back like she’s asking for strength from the heavens above. “Look, Dorcas tells me that they’ve only been out twice. And Marlene says that it’s nothing intense. Just a movie and then he went to go watch his nephew’s little league game.”

“Oh,” Remus intones, because, no. No he will not start crying like this is some fucking Nicholas Sparks novel, and he’s the wayward lead making all the worst decisions. He’s not going to cry damn it!

He is not a bird, and this is suppose to be happening, and none of this has any real consequence at the end of the day. He and Sirius broke up, and Sirius can go out with whoever he pleases— even if it’s good looking, ginger athletes.

Remus is fine.

“Remus,” Lily gently consoles, lacing her fingers into his own that’s resting on his lap, and squeezing for good measure. “Benjy told Mary, who told me during Calc that Gideon doesn’t expect anything. Sirius told him he’s not looking for anything long term.”

“That’s dumb,” Remus retorts, trying to hold everything in so that Lily doesn’t give him that concerned, doe eyed face of hers, like when he’s spent a week living off of protein bars and double shot espressos preparing for finals. “Gideon’s great, and there on the soccer team together, they would be perfect.”

“Remus, stop.”

“And he’s going to Dartmouth, so he’ll be super close for like weekend excursions and all of that.”

“Remus!”

“The more I think about it, Lils, the more it makes sense. They just fit.”

“Sure, those are all nice attributes,” Lily says, peering up at him disappointedly. “But he’s not you.”

Like a legion of angels singing in the distance, the bell begins to shrill for next period and Remus is spared from giving that statement any mind.

.-

He spends the rest of the week acting as if he hadn’t even seen Sirius that morning whenever around him, and internally analyzing each and every exchange between them, and comparing to them to when he sees Sirius chatting with Gideon. And it’s not fun to say the least. It’s like a flashback to when he was trying to hide his crush on Sirius back in Freshman and most of sophomore year, but somehow worse. It’s worse because Remus had him, had Sirius in all the ways someone could ever want an other. He had Sirius’s languid morning kisses, and Sirius’s bark like laughter. Remus had Sirius being nervous the first time Lyall came for his typical Christmas visit, and Sirius had to try and impress him along with Remus’s mom as more than just the friend he hung around with at school. Remus had Sirius’s gruff voice when they were in bed and getting tangled into one another, and Sirius’s dopey looks in the middle of class when he’d be gazing over at Remus instead of the board. And if Remus is being honest, he knows he still has all those things, but it’s suddenly and searingly clear that some time— sooner rather than later— they’ll all leave, abruptly disappearing and shattering Remus’s world in their wake. Because eventually all of those different facets of Sirius’s won’t be Remus’s anymore— they’ll be Gideon’s or some other boy he meets in New Haven. And Remus can’t even be upset at it, he doesn’t have a claim to any of Sirius anymore, doesn’t get to call any part of him his.

And it’s probably the worst Remus has felt since that first night after their break up, because he’s eating every moment he has with Sirius like he’s famished and Sirius is the last meal he’ll ever know. He wants to memorize every part of him before he can’t have any of it. He wants to unravel every layer of Sirius, and kiss it for the final time, and it’s like saying goodbye a thousand times over, strangling his heart and splintering something desperate deep inside of him.

Like now.

It’s edging on midnight, and they drove up to the lake front near their suburb, with Sirius lying with his head on Remus’s lap and his long, muscled body lying against the tattered blanket beneath them. And his eyes are fluttered shut while the speaker they brought croons out the indie playlist they like most from Spotify.

And Remus can’t help but feel like this is one of their last nights like this, alone and quiet and together without any other specter of some other partner. So he watches him, watches the moonlight pacing over his nose and the high bones of his cheeks and across Sirius’s eyelids too. Remus watches his ink  like lashes kissing his skin, and wants to touch the divot of his cupids bow like so many times before while his other hand cards through Sirius’s hair. 

And Remus lets himself want Sirius and wonders if he’ll ever stop wanting, craving, loving him.

“I can hear you thinking Moons,” Sirius says, fluttering his eyes open and crunching up before Remus can even respond. “What’s going on?”

“Huh? What do you mean? I’m fine.” Remus all but sputters, folding his knees against his chest and wrapping his arms around them, feeling somehow vulnerable in blistering ways. “Nothing is going on.”

“Pff,” Sirius gives him a pointed look, settles down so that they’re side by side and tries to get Remus to look at him head on. “You’ve been strange all week, Moony.” 

“That’s not—“

“And then tonight, you didn’t even tease your ma when she was telling us about that patient who puked all over her shoes.”

“Just tired is all.”

“But had enough energy to smoke half the joint I brought.” Sirius says with a snort, looking frustrated again when Remus didn’t even flinch a smile at the counter. “Remus, talk to me.”

“It’s fine Sirius,” Remus sighs, suddenly remembers how exhausting all their arguments were in the past. How Sirius tries getting him to speak everything in his mind, as if Remus could even put them into words. 

“Okay, then tell me why you rejected my offer to go to that Frank Ocean concert. You’re obsessed with him.”

“’S in July,” Remus reminds him lightly, focusses on the way they can see the North star glimmering against the horizon instead.

“And, so?” Sirius asks, sounding more than a bit scathing. “You’re not leaving for another month after that, you trying to cut me off completely by the summer or something?”

“Don’t be an idiot.”

“Don’t be condescending.”

“Sirius, just leave well enough alone. Holy shit.”

“I can leave it alone if you can actually tell me what the fuck is going on with you,” Sirius snaps, standing up now, probably because he always likes using his height advantage on most people whenever he gets all pissy.

“You can be such a prick sometimes, you know that?” Remus snarls at him, following suit and dipping his head back just slightly so that they’re eye to eye. “Not everything is on your schedule, you know that.”

“My schedule!” Sirius’s brows jump to his hairline, and he breaks into that manic laughter that springs up only when he’s so angry he can’t put his thoughts together. “I’m trying to do as much shit with you as possible before you leave, because for some stupid fucking reason I’m going to miss you when your across the fucking country! But yeah, whatever. If you’re actually just sick of me and my presence or what the fuck else, you can just—“

“I would’ve assumed you wanted to go with Gideon,” Remus blurts out, simply unable to hold it back any more, unable to pretend like he’s not suffering a thousand fresh paper cuts every time he even glances Sirius’s way these days. He can’t do this, can’t pretend to just be friends when they were— when they are— so much more than that. “To the concert I mean. I just assumed—“

“No,” Sirius says, seething as he storms up to Remus— close enough that the tips of their noses brush up against each other. 

“No? Excuse me?”

“No Remus you don’t get to do this!” Sirius repeats, voice going frayed at the edges as their glances level. “You don’t get to pretend as if I want anyone more than I want— than I’ve always wanted you. And you don’t get to float around for the rest of your life pretending as if this’ll ever change for me. As if you can’t hit me up in fifteen years when I’m married with kids, and ask to get back together, and think  that I wouldn’t drop it all for you.”

Remus’s heart begins to thud, loud and painful against his ribcage, and his lungs feel like they might collapse the instant Remus let’s the tears swimming in his eyes sprinkle out. “Sirius, I ca—“

“I’ve been in love with you since before we were suppose to mean what that meant, damn it, Remus! And you’re the one who called it off!”

“It was the right decision.” Remus croaks out, plunging his hands into his hoodie’s pockets, doesn’t want Sirius to see the way they’re shaking.

“”For you. The right decision for you.” Sirius presses, his gray eyes dark underneath the stars. “And you know I’d do anything you wanted of me, but you don’t get to be mad at the ways I cope. And you sure as fuck don’t get to be jealous of fucking Gideon Prewett, as if he can hold a match to you.”

“Oh.” Is all Remus can gather to say, peering back down at his shoes and pressing together his lips, feels the most lost he ever has while around Sirius. “I love you too, you know that. You know I love you so much that it hurts sometimes— That was never the problem.”

Sirius makes a strangled sound deep in his throat, and the next second, Remus can’t feel the warmth of his body besides him because Sirius is darting over to the cusp of the lake and kicking at a rock. “Fuck, Remus. You can’t just say that, all right! You can’t because none of this is fair, or okay. And I fucking hate it and I hate this and—“

“Maybe we can try,” Remus says, quiet but unshaken. And he watches as Sirius slowly turns back around, face scrunched up in utter confusion, but eyes glittering with something like hope. “I love you Sirius, and you love me. And Lily’s right, fucking hell she’s so right. I can’t just turn it off, okay. I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I can’t. I can’t be around you and not want every part of you. But I also can’t let myself stay away from you. So let’s try, and it’s probably a stupid difficult decision, and we’re going to be frustrated and we’re going to miss one another but I know there’s going to be no one I want more and I think you migh— Oof.”

Remus can’t continue rattling off any of the reasons why they should get back together, because Sirius is somehow magically popping up in front of him— his large hands cupping against Remus’s jawline and his thin lips crashing against him, and Remus can only wrap his arms around Sirius’s torso and give him back all he’s pushing forwards.

And it might’ve been a minute or an hour that past, but Sirius is pulling back with a face that looks lighter in ways Remus hasn’t seen on him since the breakup all those months ago. “I’d literally agree to anything if it means we can stay together, Moony. Absolutely anything.”

Remus feels the strain against the apples of his cheeks as he beams at him at the sound of the oath. “Yeah, me too Padfoot. Always and forever, it’s you.”

.-

My Other Wolfstar FIC💜

[hematomes]

attemtion... :D but yeah I'm flying to visit my relatives tomorrow, they're all conservative and heavily religious but my baby sisters are going and they're both queer too and my grandparents are loaded & paying for the plane ride so I figured I'd go for them, they're both family people so they wanted to go but I don't want it to get weird for them if politics are brought up which like... it's a family gathering of course they will be. but then when I get back my aunt is going to be in town and she's really nice so I'm looking forward to that. I hope you have a good april break idk if I could make it until then asdfghsdf -sad anon

OOF okay that sounds tedious BUT there's a few silver linings so i hope you manage to focus on that and have a good time either way <33

LMAO DW i had a week off in february, that's why the next's only in april!!! never doing the january-april ever again that shit almost took me out