#I have a feeling Knox would be all about those jeans that wrestlers wear

[leichendiener]

Selected Knox doodles

[adriennescomingbacktolife]

...The Drinks and The Divided...

Written with the amazing Amber...

“What is it about her that is so goddamned special?” ― Laurell K. Hamilton, Obsidian Butterfly Unnamed Bar Baltimore, MD 16.09.2020 2:41pm After the third drink, Amber expected to feel far more like herself. Such things however, were not the case as she stared through the bottom of a glass, that arguably should have been far cleaner than what it was, leaving her eyes aching and the distant throbbing headache she hadn’t been able to shoo away far more prevalent than it had any right to be. Maybe this was a mistake, trying to reach out and create connections- for the longest time she’d kept the walls higher than anyone dared to climb, the facade of thorns and ivy a blockade from real human connections and her perceived indifference a barrier to stop anyone seeing that she might have the remnants of something worth salvaging inside her chest. Whether it was the shredded remains of her heart, or a suspiciously misshapen piece of gum though was yet to be determined. Adrienne struck her curiously though, something about her drew Amber in despite her best efforts to remain distant. They travelled in very different circles, Amber had been doing this far too long while Adrienne was still relatively green despite her age, polar opposite ends of their careers… Amber really fucking liked her though, even if she couldn’t quite pinpoint why. Perhaps it was her genuine nature, her honesty in the face of an industry that had no use for such frivolities in it's upper echelons- or maybe just the sheer lack of anything resembling fear that reminded Amber of her own crude beginnings. Running her fingers through her ponytail idly, Amber lazily pushed the glass around the bar surface, procrastinating ordering another as the bartender did his best to disguise his annoyance and vague frustration. She’d been there an hour before messaging Adrienne that she was here, an hour and she’d only had three drinks- if she weren’t one of the only people there the bartender would have probably sent her on her way for wasting his time… A whole hour, most of which was spent trying to convince herself to just fucking hit send already. Nerves firing on all cylinders, Amber wasn’t even sure why she was nervous- if it could be defined as such- only that she hated it. Making friends Amber, she mused silently as the glass caught on the surface jarring slightly, why must you make this far more difficult than it needs to be… “Amber?” Adrienne had quietly entered the bar, scanning the area for the woman she’d up to this moment had only met in passing. Shared a few messages and the like. With all of her media appearances satisfied for the upcoming Chaos, she was hoping to just meet the person beyond her remarkable persona. Normally, she’d be one to talk to everyone about her agenda for the day. Where she was, who she was with … but this felt necessary to not share especially with how heated it seemed to be getting. Sitting a few stools apart from Amber, Adrienne had tried to get her attention a few times but was not loud enough to be heard above the ambience of their surroundings. She’d dressed a little better for this outing with a new Fallout Boy t-shirt, a new pair of jeans, and sneakers. That was about as formal as you’d get from her. “Sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt you.” She said a little louder. Sweet girl. Polite too, which is a damn rarity in this place- Amber contemplated silently as she drew herself out of her hunch as though uncoiling into a slightly better posture while some satisfying pops and cracks emanated from her spine. Would it be rude to tell the girl she knew she was there the moment she walked in the door, that her footfalls gave her away and that Amber had simply taken the extra time to drag herself from the depths of her own psyche, somehow hoping that she might find something constructive and significant to say. “Not interrupting at all- get a bit lost in my thoughts sometimes while the rest of the world kinda passes me by.” Despite their casual passing in corridors and limited interactions on social media, this was the redheads first real time sizing up the newcomer, the upstart with potential beyond her years, the heir to the proverbial throne of ‘Carnage queens’ potentially… An inch taller but slimmer build, Adrienne reminded Amber of a praying mantis with her deceptive speed and skill, a killer instinct buried beneath what seemed to be layers and layers of pent up frustrations and something else- something that resonated behind her eyes, burning through everything that might try to free it from it's pride of place in her head. Curious indeed. “What's your poison chick- and before you attempt to argue… I extended the invitation so at least just let me cover this…” Money was the scourge of the industry, so many sought their fortune between the ropes thinking of the paydays and the infamy it might bring- however those particular specimens never lasted long, fame never came quick enough and their bank accounts went into overdraft instead of their expected overload. Anyone who wrestled purely for the money, wasn’t a real wrestler at all. Everyone in this godforsaken industry had a story, their reason for being and doing etched into their skin and buried deep in their hearts. Fuel, motivation, desire- take what you love and let it kill you… Although Amber doubted wrestling was what they had meant. Amber waved down the bartender with her right hand as he eyed her warily, her left staying firmly in her hoodie pocket as bandages tugged at the torn skin of her palm. His expectation of disappointment was written across his features long before he ever got close to the two women- hell, he could only imagine what he was thinking seeing Amber and Adrienne together- polar opposites and yet entirely alike in the same notion. Adrienne had dressed for the occasion while Amber was damn near lucky just to be wearing pants… Leaning up over the bar, Adrienne looked at the bottles on the shelves to see if anything caught her eye but she was out of her depth. Whatever didn’t empty her wallet went into her glass. “Oh, I don’t know.” She thought out loud. Looking out loud. Adrienne cast a side eye glance to Amber and smiled slightly. “I usually just down a cheap bottle of pink moscato and call it a night. But if you’re offering, I’ll try whatever you’re into.” Amber chuckled softly to herself with a small shake of the head, perhaps now wasn’t a good time to say that she’d consume anything with an alcohol level high enough to give her a buzz. Pink moscato, it explained a couple things to say the least. “Whatever I’m into, huh? Used to be more picky but these days... ” A vague gesture towards some bourbon bottles to one side followed, along with Amber clearing her throat slightly trying to find something to say… Converse like a real person. It couldn’t be that hard, right? “So… how's things?” Yeah, nailed it. Amber flashed what likely was intended to be a sincere smile, trying to cover up her own awkwardness in hopes that maybe it wasn’t as absurdly obvious as it sounded. “Well...” Adrienne trailed off. In the last few weeks, that could be considered a loaded question. Could be considered weird to just how things were really going. “I’m alright. Still getting adjusted to this city. How the air smells. That I don’t know where I’m going. Not that I’m complaining. It was worth it.” Her mind wandered through what could be the obvious answers to how Amber was doing these days. Personal and business issues seemed indistinguishable and sometimes Adrienne felt like she was in the middle as battle lines were being drawn. “You?” Two glasses materialized, half filled with broken ice cubes and part filled with a liquid almost dark gold and translucent, Amber found herself grateful if only for the fact she might now have something to wash away the bitter taste of her answer. “Well, if I can be completely blunt… Pretty terribly.” Amber rummaged in her pocket for a few moments, a deliberate move to avoid eye contact. Something about Adrienne's eyes seemed to capture far more than just the light, that perhaps at the right angle she might see straight through the redhead like she wasn't even there. A few crumpled notes ended up tossed casually onto the bar before Amber pushed her glass around a little as though unwilling to commit to the extra inebriation quite yet. “I guess that's the industry though. Ups, downs and everything in between… Everyone’s so busy at each other's throats at the moment that everything else seems far less important than it should. I’ll admit though, I’m a little surprised Knox was just willing to let you do this… Nice guy, a bit of a dick, definitely got a big mouth, but seems like he cares. God, that's a weird thought… that I might actually be considered ‘trustworthy’ to be around.” Without an extra seconds hesitation, Amber took up her glass while giving Adrienne a nod and downing the liquid in one- a cringe and a momentary shudder released some of the tension Amber had been holding as she cocked her head slightly looking back towards Adrienne. “If that isn’t a sign the worlds gone mad…” Adrienne sipped at her glass, doing her best to not let her present company know how much it burned going down. Probably failed there as she sputtered a little before taking another drink. The dark haired woman let Amber speak, listening intently. She however did want to clarify. “Matt’s a good person. He’s not my minder or anything like that but I understand what you mean.” However, she swung back around on Amber’s honesty. “I’m sorry with what is going on. I guess it's naive to hope that we could all be friends. I’ve held back on making too many declarations. I want ...maybe some of the stuff that is being talked about but not at the expense of others. Guess that makes me kinda dumb.” Swirling the contents in the glass, she continued, just audible enough for the person next to her. “Cuz you were world’s champion and you took a moment out of your time to notice me. It felt nice.” Sincerity was a rare thing in this world, far too often everyone spoke freely from both sides of their mouths trying to find the most advantageous side to fall in with. Adrienne hadn’t been tainted with that cynicism yet, perhaps something to remain hopeful for at least from Amber’s distorted perspective. “Yeah… were.” It stung worse than she dared let on, the constant reminders were hard enough. Innocent comments also cut deeper cause they weren’t intended to- Amber quickly regrouped though trying to shrug off the dark cloud trying to downpour on her conversation. “Truthfully, I don’t see any reason why people can’t be friends except for that pride and ambition tend to get in the way. Everyone has this view of the way everything is supposed to work, it's subjective and if it doesn’t match with what someone else believes then it's automatically deemed to be wrong. It doesn’t make you dumb though chicky, it makes you hopeful and it makes you optimistic that people can look past their own bullshit for two minutes and realize that there are far greater things to be upset over." Pushing her glass out of the way, Amber leaned a little closer to Adrienne for emphasis- her usual passive indifference making way for the flickers of a genuine smile. “Besides, world champion or not… I noticed you the moment you walked in the door. Being at the top shouldn’t make you ignorant, after all…” Adrienne returned the smile in kind. She had heard a lot of compliments lately. Either through experience or her own insecurities, they were always assessed as genuine. Ever since that strange lapse of judgment from Willis or honestly maybe before all of this. However, Amber had cut through the rookie mistakes and feelings of futility with simple assurances. “No, the one on top should inspire others.” Adrienne mused, “I appreciate the kind words. I started late and still have a lot to learn. Two left feet doesn’t help either but I’m figuring it out.” Trying her best to stop the self-depreciation, she laughed a little before taking a braver drink - finishing off the glass. “Whew, sorry. But Amber, I’ve listened to both sides. I guess there are two sides? I can’t profess to understand what happened in the past here. If I ever got too judgemental, I apologize.” If there weren’t a global pandemic, Amber might have hugged her. All this sweetness and decency made Adrienne far too good for this business already, like a better version of what Amber possibly could have been. “You’re doing just fine. Hell, better than fine- I wish I had this much success when I started… That and people around that were willing to help.” Amber knew she’d been in the business far too long, sure others had been a part of it longer but they hadn’t destroyed their bodies and their souls in quite the same way. She’d aged beyond her years and hurt beyond what anyone should- somehow sitting beside someone who hadn’t been a part of those traumas, who potentially didn’t know the full extent of her story was refreshing. A new point of view on a life that had grown tedious and difficult. “... and besides, you have nothing to apologize for. You’ve been honest and you’ve spoken thoughtfully when you have chimed in- it's not like you’ve jumped on social media and discredited anyone’s lifes work recently, you know?” An attempt at humour fell flat on it's face, perhaps a little more on the nose than she’d intended. Twitter had become a quagmire of opinions, well more than usual, and the redhead had grown tired quickly of the toxicity. If she wanted to feel like she was being poisoned and suffocated at the same time, she’d have stayed in her hotel room drinking. “Yeah, that sounded funnier in my head…” Alcohol had helped open the floodgates and Amber knew she was speaking possibly far too honestly to someone likely unsure how to react. It was easy to forget how green Adrienne was still, the inner workings and the people behind the larger than life facades still fascinating rather than straight up disappointing. Adrienne chuckled at the redhead’s quip. “I learned my lesson with that Twitter thing.” Spurning on Alex Winter had only seemingly created a monster. Nothing she could do for that now. Or elsewhere how misunderstandings had blown into legitimate issues. “If I do anything, once I get bored, I go do something else. Some of these guys always seem to be looking for attention so I’m happy to leave them hanging.” Pausing, Adrienne realized that was a little mean. Her cheeks flushed slightly with embarrassment. “Oops.” A little mischief went a long way, Amber found herself genuinely tickled more at Adrienne's reaction to her own comment than the actual statement itself. “Man, I love how new you still are… Sorry, that might sound a little condescending and I promise I don’t mean it that way. Just the fact you still worry and care about saying mean things about people who obviously deserve it kinda reminds me what it's like to start over I guess. It's real easy to get lost in how serious this all is all the time- for most people it's a dream or it's their life, others it's a means for survival, the reason they still walk this proverbial mortal coil. Doesn’t mean we all have to be miserable, unless it's our own making…” Amber hit herself hard with her own words as they tumbled forth. Adrienne was easy to talk to, Amber didn’t care if she was being judged or perceived as anything outside of the ‘reputation’ that had been cultivated around her. For some reason, it was just nice to not feel so fucking hateful- even just for a little while. “We all do this for our own reasons. Some good and inspirational and some, well some not so much… We all got a story, and some of them just don’t get a happy ending. So, what's yours… And I don’t mean the stuff in promos trying to hype a match and the things we want everyone to know cause it makes us sound cooler than we actually are…” It was Amber's turn to look straight through her companion, studying the little involuntary twitches and subtle eye movements as the gears turned. “Why this… and why now…”. Adrienne’s mind went through a normal catalogue of stock answers. The one’s she’d been giving out to her friends even. There was one meeting with Zane but even then, it was only a piece. Through all of this honestly, she felt that she owned Amber a little more than… “So yeah, I’ve been in this industry since I was nineteen, Amber.” She turned to Amber to meet the gaze. Her force of habit was to not look people in the eyes. Sometimes it was a scary proposition. “I was an accessory. In a lot of ways.” Her voice wavered on that admission. Silvio knew as much but she wasn’t sure that he’d grasp exactly what she meant besides the obvious terror of it all. Something made Adrienne consider that this would be heard and understood more so, “I started training out of spite over a year ago.” Adrienne put her hand on the bar. The ringless finger was still alien to her. She’d let go, sure, but well, Amber asked. “I’m not sure if I even liked doing this. I just wanted to show my husband that I could do it. Maybe even better than he did.” She said in an unsure manner, “But, well, Danny’s dead and I’m guessing he isn’t in the position to care much anymore.” Normally she’d be ashamed at the slight grin she gave off but Adrienne Levi was done living in that boy’s shadow. “But that’s changed. I love doing this more than anything I ever have before. It’s finally something that’s mine.” Amber paused briefly, sensing the mixture of emotions radiating. Sadness and grief mixed with a certain sense of relief. Freedom in spite of it's cost, a feeling Amber had fought and lost against more times than she wanted to remember. “Sounds to me that you’re in a better place now.” Another pause, though this time more thoughtful. “I’m certainly not one to speak ill of the dead or anything- but I get the feeling that maybe it was the best thing that could have happened to you. Fuck, I didn’t mean it to sound that harsh…” Rubbing her temple slightly, Amber tried to regroup her thoughts in a way that didn’t sound like she was being callous and basically a total ass. Adrienne shook her head, reassuring Amber was just fine in what she was saying. “Look, the way I see it is that sometimes the worst things in our lives are blessings down the line. Without those things, we can’t become something better… You said it yourself, you were an accessory. With him around you were never going to blossom and in his proverbial wake- you’re far more than you were previously destined for. Death and pain- it sucks, we both know that far better than we probably have any right to. Yet here we are… Living, breathing and arguably successful in varying degrees. If that's not the best middle finger to give to everything shitty that's ever happened then I don’t know what is.” Amber’s tone softened, her own recollections flooding through her fractured mind and moulded into something almost fragile. “We don’t always get to move on, sometimes we just can’t darl… But we can try.”