#I hate that I think about this every day of my life

[cruelestpoetryever]

First of all I don't give a shit about non trans queer people at all. They could ban gay marriage tomorrow and it wouldn't effect gays and lesbians in any way that's even comparable to what I deal with every day and I am sick and fucking tired kf having to explain that to people like you.

But okay im hurting trans people too? How? Fucking how? Please explain to me how turning me being legislated out of existence into a meme should be acceptable? Like at all? I will reiterate for the millionth time because apparently none of the actual words that leave my mouth mean anything to you fucking people, it I am fucking SCARED.

My life is over before it even started and these whiny ass pieces of shit want to make it about them because omg they don't get $17 an hour working at Wendy's.

Like sorry, but if you don't have to worry about being able to fucking step outside without getting in trouble for existing then I don't care what you have to say. Gay marriage could be overturned tomorrow and none of you fuckjbv people would understand how I feel everyday just existing. I hate you so much it is unreal and the fact that you will never understand why makes me hate you even more.

Fuck you. Go to hell. I hope the lgb drop the T shit becomes as mainstream as possible so all the queer people who have never faced real adversity in there lives but still think they get to speak for the rest of the community because they larp as marginalized people on the internet understand that we aren't the same and that tying ourselves to them in the first place was a mistake.

I will probably be dead by the end of the year. You will still be on here posting memes about how the concentration camp I'm in has a typo on its government funded website. GO FUCK YOURSELF.

yeah.

[shanastoryteller]

Congrats on finishing See Something Say Something!! I checked the notification of the first AO3 email sent out and you initially planned on five chapters.

Would you say that the ending changed considerably since you started in October? Or has that stayed the same?

thank you!

it stayed the same lol. while my fics getting wildly out of control and becoming way longer than i anticipated is pretty common, i'm pretty much never changing overarching plot when this happens. the story that i become interested in telling is typically the story then i end up telling

almost every story can be made shorter or longer. it's less about what happens and more about how that information is conveyed. things that really tend to affect writing length are perspective and breathing room

the shortest fic i have on ao3 that's not part of a series is You Were (Not) Meant For Me (posted 11 years ago, jesus T_T). the premise is that claudia was a witch who intended trained stiles to be a witch and she arranged his marriage to laura hale, the future hale alpha. this is a traditional pairing as talia's husband was also a witch married to talia in service of the pact. except claudia died before she could train stiles or tell him about the engagement. stiles starts learning magic after scott is turned. derek falls for stiles and feels like he's betraying his sister by loving him, betraying stiles by not being the alpha he deserves and not telling him about the arrangement claudia made, and hates himself the entire time, but not enough to stop himself

that's a 100k fic easy

it's 1,696 words

it's extremely limited perspective (derek's) and it's made up only of limited snapshots of moments with very little context. there's no seeing what's happening, only told, which i think would quickly grow boring if it was longer and if the real point of the story wasn't derek's self hatred and how he fails to deal with it. that's the part of the story that isn't told, really - derek does think explicitly that he hates himself, but we're also seeing it in the way he talks and thinks about himself and the people around him

by contrast we have survival is a talent, which is obviously my longest fic. we're over 500k and we've got quite a bit to go

perspective doesn't just refer to character pov, but audience pov - are you being told a story, or are you experiencing the story? this is also tied into breathing room. there's no wrong way, i've done both and will do both, but one certainly requires more words than the other in my experience

siat is told only through draco and harry's perspective, but it's all happening in real time. the audience is being taken along for this story. the thing is that that things in real life don't all come tumbling one after another, not all questions have immediate answers. when depicting character growth and a plot unfurling, i think it's really important to include breathing room to give the audience time to feel that growth and change. i'm stricter about this with siat than anything else i've written, probably sometimes to its detriment. i want you and the characters to have time to feel the effects of emotional revelations and plot hints. i want you to have the time to question and wonder about things the same way the characters do

one time a friend criticized the good place for including the portion where they were alive again on earth because it wasn't as interesting as being in hell, but i disagree. we needed that breathing room both to live with the effects of character growth of going through hell and to have time for the effects of their actions on the plot to settle before they moved forward again. i stopped watching agents of shield because we weren't given enough breathing room - there was never a chance to see the characters not in crisis, the world was always ending, ect. the alchemyst book series has the first like 3 books taking place over a day and a half. i got tired of it after that. there's no breathing room

a story where i gave up on the concept of breathing room was build your wings on the way down. i liked that fic, but i wanted it finished, and to do it with i think optimal pacing would have made it twice as long as it was. so i said screw it, avalanche time, everything is happening all at once right now. there's very little breathing room there, which i think doesn't work too terribly in part because everything is so urgent and everyone is stressed so not being able to catch you breath sort of fits

See Something Say Something did not need to be 215k, although i'm not at all complaining. i feel very happy with how i told this story. but the basic premise - sam getting his powers early, getting involved in the large hunter world secretly from his family, and dean feeling misplaced and worried about how much sam needs/wants him - could have been told a hundred different ways and all would have pulled it off, so to speak

i considered doing the the entire fic from dean's pov (as a sam girl i love his pov because all he thinks about is sam and he's so insane about it) which would have effectively cut out basically the first five chapters. i thought exploring the slow realization of what's going on purely from dean's pov, with the audience having not insight would have been really interesting, just like what I did in dumb luck or good ghost with dean slowly figuring out that sam didn't die in the crash. another thing is the inclusion of all the side characters which i did to make the world feel rich and real, but we didn't need all these outsider povs to get the basic point across. very rarely is something vital being conveyed by an outsider pov, but it reinforced and adds to the main characters. i also initially didn't have wincest, which obviously added a ton of words. i loved exploring dean's self hatred and fear and sam's obliviousness, but bringing them to a place of ignorance to acceptance to happiness is a lot longer of a journey than just dealing with dean's propriety love as an unhinged co-dependent older brother. again, i'm sticking by all these choices, i made them because i thought it was the best way to the tell the story i was most interesting in telling, but my point is that you didn't need them to tell this particular story

it was also how i told the story. we spend a lot of time wallowing in character's emotions, especially dean's and sam's, but the others as well. part of this fic is convincing you that these two brothers should fuck, actually, and doing that effectively is going to take some time, especially at this point in their lives when things are pretty normal. comparatively, fucking your brother after starting the apocalypse is pretty small potatoes. i wanted you to understand these people, to feel what they were feeling, to not feel that it was inconceivable that jess would be willing to share her boyfriend with his brother, to buy all their relationships with each other in a way that isn't purely based on convenience

part of the reason i wrote dumb luck or good ghost before see something say something was that i felt i needed a firmer grasp on who the characters are before getting into who they were and who they could be - especially john, who i feel is exceptionally difficult to write without over excusing his actions or over villainizing them. the reason john doesn't get a single pov in see something say something is that while he's a motivating and underlying factor in much of the story, the story isn't about him. it's about the effect he has on those around him, and i didn't want to sully the pureness of that effect by introducing his internal dialogue, regardless of how persecutionary or absolving it would be. it's just not about him. it's how he responds to others and how they respond to him in turn

anyway! this is another example of something ending up longer than expected, but yeah. the plot of see something say something didn't change much from posting of the first chapter and my stories rarely do - i have plot points in siat that have been there since i posted the first chapter that are still relevant and happening. "harry and draco just. cut dumbledore's fucking hand off" my beloved

[love-byers]

i fear no byler quote will make me more unhinged than:

"You guys think he's okay?"

"He's always weird when he has to go in."

"I don't know. He's quiet today."

"He's always quiet."

"..."

LIKE HOLY FUCK

the amount of depth this scene adds to mike and will's relationship despite only being a few seconds long is INSANE. my film student oomf @reo-bylerwagon has told me that it's a real strategy to find the exact right wording that adds this depth. there's only so many lines and so many scenes, so every last bit has to count towards something.

there is so much here

1. mike being closest to the camera while the others hang back

2. mike's expression being more concerned than the others

3. "you guys think he's okay?"

dustin is worried about his friend, but he's unsure. he seeks out lucas and mike's opinions.

4. "he's always weird when he has to go in."

lucas has noticed that will is noticeably different on days he has to go to the lab. but he reassures dustin. this is expected. will is always a bit off on days he knows he has to go in, because he hates it.

5. "i don't know. he's quiet today."

mike isn't so sure. will isn't acting the way he always does on the lab days. there's something else. he's noticeably quieter. mike suspects that this isn't just because of the lab, that maybe will isn't okay.

6. "he's always quiet."

lucas knew will was acting weird, but he didnt notice any difference in how quiet he was being. will is always quiet. that's just who he is. that's not a factor in his weird behavior, at least to lucas.

will is always quiet. every day. he is a quiet person.

there are several layers here that make it difficult to notice these shifts in will's behavior. he is a naturally quiet person. there is a known explanation for why he acts weird on certain days. and this is one of those days. no one else thought will was outside of his norm.

but still, somehow, mike knew that wasn't it. he noticed that will was acting different even on the day where he ALWAYS acts different. he noticed that will was being slightly quieter than usual even though he is ALWAYS quiet every single day. he knew this was new behavior. he knew there was something else going on.

but he doesn't voice this, he just watches will silently from behind the fence, clearly deep in thought. he's worried.

i'm sorry but why shove it down our throats that mike is more attentive to will than his other friends and clearly cares for him more and wants to protect him just for it to all mean absolutely nothing in the end? he is even more attentive to will than he is to el.

like how are they going to explain mike's behavior? cause like they still have to do that

"will is just his best friend" there's a whole scene in s1 where mike says they're ALL his best friends

"he's known will the longest" he also says he doesn't treat his friends any differently because of how long he's known them

literally what else is there?? is will just his extra special platonic bro soulmate???

ok so will was misled by mike's attentive caring and supportive behavior that was exclusive to him and developed romantic feelings. and mike is like that...just cause. this whole plot was just a tool to help will realize his sexuality and he'll get over mike and mlvn will be endgame.

a few problems with that...

WILL HAS BEEN BULLIED AND ABUSED AND CALLED GAY/GAY SLURS HIS WHOLE LIFE. unfortunately, and fellow queer people will understand, it's easier to come to terms with what you are when it's been spouted in your face your whole life. if wills love for mike was just to help the audience understand that he's gay, what was the point of all the homophobic abuse and hate crimes and all that? just cause? alright. noah has said will realized his feelings for mike "later on" but quickly cut himself off. will realized his FEELINGS, not his sexuality. will wasn't crying in the van because he doesn't want to be gay, or because he's coming to terms with the fact that he's gay. he was crying because he is deeply in love with someone who he thinks will never love him back. this isn't about self acceptance. will has accepted himself. he's accepted what he is. he's accepted his feelings for mike. that's not the problem. that's not why he's hurting. he's hurting because she's he's heartbroken.

like i'm sorry but it's ridiculous to pretend like you don't see how anything besides byler endgame makes 0 sense. bc it really doesn't and you don't even have to be a writer to see it

[ahappydnp]

so sorry but ive seen two different things about this now and im very lost, why did people think they were breaking up/broke up in 2012??? pls help me understand, wise keeper of the lore. thank u so much

response under the cut for general 2012 discussion/too long

basically 2012/2013 used to get (and sometimes still is) generalized as this dark and awful time period where dnp "hated" each other and us, when in actuality it was two very young very scared closeted queer people who were in the process of several major life changes at once while also dealing with a new exploding fan base

there's a few big things from that "era" that people talk about:

deleting old posts- around this era dnp deleted a ton of old tweets/formsprings/dailybooths that could read as them being in a relationship. they were blowing up online and had more eyes on them than ever before, not to mention had just starting working with the BBC (where being queer would have greatly affected their careers). also keep in mind dan was still in the closet to EVERYONE, and now he's got tons of fans going through his accounts and sending shit to HIS LITTLE BROTHER on tumblr asking if dan's gay. anyway people decided them deleting early tweets meant they had broken up

dan's customerservice tumblr blog- in the middle of them blowing up and people finding all these old posts, dan in an effort to control the narrative, makes a new blog for people to anonymously ask him questions (: which went about as well as you can imagine for an extremely defensive closeted 20 year old with undiagnosed depression. basically he said some unfortunately things out of fear

the video leaked again- won't get too much into that because of the subject matter, but the yeah the video leaked for the second time except this time way more people saw it/shared it and dnp actually had to respond to it this time. which is. just fucking awful and heartbreaking all around.

phil persona- basically this was the birth of the amazingphil persona that'd follow phil to the quiff era. he became more sanitized and less personable than original phil fans were used to (which got romanticized into uwu he's sad because he and dan broke up and now he's shutting down)

"no homo"- pretty self explanatory...people asked if they were gay (every single day constantly on every platform) and they would say no because what else are they going to say. this one particular vyou where dan's actually trying to make people think kills me (x) god he was so young. but they'd also started doing the "omg i don't want to see you naked/ew people want us to kiss" and the infamous "you need a girlfriend" "my future wife" etc etc.

the breakup rumors mostly stemmed from and became popular/ treated as fact by younger fans who kind of saw them as these fictionalized characters (which i mean not to blame them because they were literal children and youtubers were still so new that people did treat them like tv show characters you could be friends with). it also got turned into more sinister theories like the "dan is abusing phil" ones and "phil is actually gay but dan isn't and just used phil for attention and fame in 2009"

there was also factors like them moving to london in 2012 (and people were CONVINCED they'd stop being friends in london??), people thinking them getting popular would mean they'd get girlfriends like other popular youtubers (shoutout danrific shippers), and most importantly just them sharing less about their personal lives with their audience. like of course they're not going to live tweet their day/location anymore when people are showing up at their house and trying to find their families.

basically, dnp were putting boundaries between themselves and their fans, but the fans interpreted it as putting distance between each other. in actuality the 2012/2013 era was full of some really amazing memories and content and things people loved (literally the photobooth challenge is from 2013!! sleeping phil saying i hate you is from 2012!!!)

in conclusion, imagine building a forever home with your ex lmao

[runninriot]

The End Of Maybe

written for the @steddiebingo card prompt: proposal & @steddielovemonth day 1

rated: T | wc: 1.223 | tags: established relationship, emotional hurt/comfort, self-doubt, declarations of love, marriage proposal | also on ao3

 

   “Do you ever regret it?” Eddie asks quietly, eyes locked on the ceiling while his fingers are tracing invisible patterns on the skin of Steve’s back.

   “Regret what?”

Steve’s head is resting on Eddie’s chest, basking in the comfort of their shared body heat, still on his come down from an overdose of love-infused ecstasy. Enjoying his boyfriend’s closeness while his mind is happily drifting. Was drifting, until now. Now he’s alert, can sense the shift in Eddie’s mood, the gloomy aura suddenly surrounding him.

Eddie still hasn’t turned his gaze away from where it is fixed on nothing but white paint, stays unmoving even when Steve lifts his head to look at him.

   “Baby? Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your head.”

For how talkative Eddie usually is, Steve has long since learned that his boyfriend can be eerily quiet when something is eating away at him. When he’s trying to come up with solutions on his own instead of sharing the burden. Over time, they’ve found a way to meet in the middle – with Steve giving Eddie the space and time he needs to sort through his thoughts and Eddie keeping his promise not to shut Steve out, to share what’s gnawing at him eventually.

   “I mean,” Eddie starts, finally looking down to find Steve’s eyes, shifting so that they’re lying side by side, face to face. Still close despite the emotional distance Steve can feel like a physical wall between them.

   “Do you sometimes regret choosing this over- something else?”

He’s being vague on purpose, not even trying to elaborate what he means and Steve knows why, understands what he’s saying either way. They had this conversation before, once, and ended up in a big fight, maybe their biggest one yet. Because at the time, it had felt like Eddie was trying to push him away, trying to talk him into something he didn’t want out of unfounded fear of Steve changing his mind one day. Having a hard time believing that he chose this life, not despite but because of what it would mean for his future.

For Steve, this has never been temporary; he’s always been all in. Wants to spend the rest of his days with Eddie, through the good and the bad and everything.

   “Never,” Steve finally says, keeping his voice soft but making sure the message is clear, “I want this and nothing else. I love our life with everything we have. I love you. You know that, right?”

Without waiting for an answer, Steve leans in for a kiss, a firm press of lips to emphasise his words.

He knows it’s just a little bump in the road, just Eddie being in his head – it happens every now and then, it’s okay, nothing to really worry about. But still, Steve hates to see Eddie sad.

   “I know you do, I just- I don’t know.”

Eddie sighs, buys himself time by stealing another tender kiss from his boyfriend, and Steve lets him get away with it.

   “Where’s this coming from, baby? Did I do or say something that made you think I’ve changed my mind?”

   “No! No, you did nothing, I- I guess I’m just scared.”

With one hand, Steve cups the side of Eddie’s face, thumb gently stroking over his cheekbone, not saying anything but patiently waiting for him to go on.

   “I know you love me, that’s not what I’m worried about. I just sometimes wonder if it’s truly worth giving up so many of your dreams for this. For me.”

Steve knows what Eddie is referring to, even without him having to spell it out. It is true, there had been a time where Steve’s biggest dream was to have a wife and kids, a whole bunch of them, living a quiet small-town life with his picture-perfect family.

But that was before Eddie came along. Before he fell heart over head in love with a wonderful young man, with the prettiest smile and dark brown eyes that make him weak, still, after all those years. Sure, he’d be lying if he said he never asked himself that same question, wondering if being with Eddie was worth facing all the battles they had to fight. If loving Eddie was worth letting go of the future he’d always thought he wanted for himself.

But the answer is still the same as it has been for over 6 years now – yes. A thousand times yes. Because the truth is, he didn’t give up a dream, he created a new one. With Eddie at the centre of everything, he’s built a life that is better than anything he could’ve imagined.

Nothing compares to being loved by Eddie, and nothing could ever make this relationship any more perfect. Except maybe…

He shoots up so sudden it startles Eddie, who reluctantly obeys when Steve beckons him to sit.

   “What-”

Steve doesn’t give him a chance to finish his sentence, presses the tip of his finger against Eddie’s lips to shut him up – not to be rude; he just needs him to listen to what he has to say before he loses his courage.

   “You’re it for me, okay? You are everything I need to be happy and I- I want to grow old with you, want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are all I want, now and forever.”

Steve swallows roughly, has to take a few deep breaths, can already feel the burning of tears in his eyes.

Robin will lose her mind. Will probably also give him a lot of shit for doing it like this, here, in the isolated cocoon of their bedroom rather than making it the big, pompous surprise they always joked about in secret. When they talked about the hypothetical maybe of Steve proposing one day.

Truth is, Steve has been thinking about it a lot in the past, about asking Eddie to take this next big step with him. Not for the sake of making at least one of his younger self’s dreams a reality, but because he wants to be Eddie’s in every way possible. Is more than willing to give up a name that means nothing to him for one that means love and trust and family.

   “Eddie, baby, will you marry me?”

He waits for the words to sink in, anxiously watching Eddie go through all the stages of understanding what Steve is asking him.

   “Are you-” Realisation.

   “Do you really-” Disbelief.

   “You want to-” Reassurance.

   “Oh my God, yes! YES!” Eddie finally answers with a trembling voice and eyes full of tears.

They’re both shedding tears of joy now, arms wrapped around each other, kissing, and smiling and kissing some more until just kissing is no longer enough. When the need to be closer overcomes them and whispered declarations of love and devotion turn into something a lot more obscene. When their bodies demand to become one in heated passion, euphoric and wild and sweet.

And when they come undone for the second time this night, it feels different in a way, new. Because it’s their first time as soon-to-be husbands. Falling apart together, with all their love carved into a promise to mark the end of maybe and the beginning of forever – no after – just them ‘til the end.

[black-kuroba7]

I'm crying so much to this. This feels like this is the legit answers to all of my questions.

I have a friend who is a Zayne girlie but HATES Rafayel. I don't know why, she doesn't know why either. We often have arguments about this but we're close friends and knew that no matter what we'll still be close friends.

I was also the one who showed her about the 'Love and Deepspace' app and got her hook on it, the debates we have, what we like about a certain LI, and all things friends do.

But during one debate of ours, she asked me why I like Rafayel so much even though he's so childish.

My mind went blank during that one. I couldn't think of a single reason why. So, I spent the rest of the day contemplating why. But this post, this post answers everything.

I like 3 LI in LADS those are Caleb, Rafayel, and Xavier. I only saw Zayne and Sylus as close friends and never more, maybe friends who had a thing going on but decided to just be friends cause its feels better that way.

I already have an idea why I like Caleb, I'm the older sibling, so the responsibility to take care of my siblings falls to me. The idea of having someone to take care of me for a change is something out of a dream of mine.

I lived in a chaotic household, my parents like to be loud and tends to yell a lot even though they were just talking, siblings fought a lot of time. It doesn't if it's one or two of them against me, or against each other.

It's the reason why I like Xavier, he's the quiet respite that I need in life. Just cuddling with him anywhere just calms me down. I don't have to think of anything, and just feel his quiet presence keeps me serene and happy.

For Rafayel though, I don't know why.

He's childish and often times I have to be the one to take care of him.

He's dramatic and quickly gets bored of stuff if it isn't about Arts and the Ocean. He wouldn't be the peace that I needed to relax.

Now I know the reason why, he's childish, yes. But i get to be childish with him.

He's dramatic, yes, he is. He's my little DramaQueen. But he always makes me smile with every little dramatics he has.

I get to be a child with. I get to play and banter with him without being judge.

I also get to be the one in charge as I always have been in life, and no one will have judged me for it after meeting Rafayel.

But I know he can take care of me whenever it became too much.

Thank you for sharing your opinion. Now I can love Rafayel without holding back, and love him wholeheartedly.

Alright so can we talk about the Rafayel to Caleb girlie - pipeline because I’m seeing something interesting

I feel like a lot of Rafayel girlies are so into Caleb right now. Like I saw a lot of us posting about Gege and discussing about his storyline more than other girlies does.

What is with us here? 😂

I saw the post talking about Caleb is for the only-child/ or oldest child who grow up ALONE and I was like, hold on a minute. I think I cracked the code

1. We do have a type. A complex, have a tragic back story but also very passionate man. The type to not be very easy to love. But will be the most loyal& devoted to you through thick and thin

2. From howl in howl's moving castle to Prince Zuko to Gojo Satoru to Oikawa to Rafayel to Caleb- something like that

3. Plus if you are an ARMY, who's your bias in BTS and why it is Min Yoongi??

4. You are not scared of a complicated (fictional) man, you’re not scared to put in the effort for them, to understand and get to know who they are (bc maybe nobody has ever put an effort to really understand you before)

5. And you’re the type to not scared of their ‘flaws’ or ‘imperfections’ (bc you also have some parts of you that is not perfect and you know they would accept them as what it is)

6. you're attracted to someone who doesn’t care if you make mistakes or not be a perfect human being all the time (because you have to be like that all your life)

7. We need a man who is a little bit intense. For some people they’re too overbearing, but for you it's just right. Someone who’s not scared to be ‘too much’ for you in terms of expressing their love (bc that’s what you fear you are so you learn to keep most of your emotions to yourself- leaning more on avoidant side)

8. The kinda guy who would hide their emotional side behind those playful gazes (bc sometimes you did that too)

9. THE BANTER, they have to be a bit of playfulness from them and be able to joke about serious stuffs with you

10. You need someone to heal your inner child. A part from you that never got taken care of

Now with the only child who grew up ALONE topic

As an only child, I grow up in a household where every woman in my life are living the life of “Strong, independent, girlboss” woman to the point of burning themselves on the ground. I see the cycle repeating for several generations until my own.

I grow up mostly alone, having to take care of myself in every aspects. And I mostly did it well.

But In reality, I just can’t effort to be reckless. Because if I don’t take care of myself and keep myself in check, nobody else will.

(Nobody will save me but me)

For some people the “Yandere” side of Caleb are a red-flag but for me?

to have a man care about you and taking care of you all the time? Notices about every details in your life and makes sure you never have to lift a finger? the man who's so down bad and would burn the world down for just you alone?

That’s my wet dream, A fantasy.

unlike MC, maybe because I have to live as an independent woman my whole life. I have nothing to proved.

I just want to be loved.

I just want to be a woman

I just want to just 'be'

His doting & overprotective personality healed the little girl inside me.

Same with Rafayel, being with him always heals my inner child that I never fully experience as a kid.

Both of them are so 🥺🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻

[vacalimpia]

i have no idea how people enjoy beer... sometimes i choke on my meds so i need to drink something fizzy to get them unstuck from my throat, and everytime it has happened the only fizzy drink we have at home is beer

i am very biased for multiple factors when it comes to beer but i genuinely will never understand what is the appeal😭 the second it hits your tongue you immediately have this awful taste... I only take a sip for me to stop choking on my meds but a sip is way too much😭😭 how people drinking cans of it

[eldizzle69]

“To Disappear from here”

part one | two | three | four | five | six | seven

masterlist

including :: frostheim

Or…a collection of your last moments together, and what happens after your gone.

One week. One week until the one year anniversary of you coming to Darkwick Academy. There's also just one week until the day you turn into an anomaly fully.

You think you’ve accepted it, you think you’ve come to terms with changing. But looking back, it hurts to leave so much sooner than anticipated. And you wonder if there was anything you could have done to change things. What if you hadn’t been on that train? What if your favorite group hadn’t disbanded?

What if the others had done a little more to save you?

You don’t blame them, you try not to. This was just an unfortunate experience, and an unfortunate end for you.

It was complicated, the relationships you had built with the ghouls of this school. But it clearly wasn’t enough for them to want to try and little harder to save you.

So with the last week of your life, you spend it away from all of them, spending the time for yourself, writing letters and getting all the things you never got to say out of the way.

Laying down for the last time you close your eyes, knowing you’d never wake up as yourself again.

FROSTHEIM

—jin kamurai

your last moments together

“Don't be stupid," Jin said roughly, followed by a yawn. Fluffing up the couch pillows you rolled you eyes. that was a response you had seen coming from a mile away.

"I'm serious Jin, i can't wake you up anymore," you said hands resting on your hips, hoping to get your point across.

Jin didn't get up from his bed, instead he cracked on eye open to look at you disapprovingly. "Waking me up every morning was your idea, so I'd better see you here tomorrow too. That's an order." you stifled a laugh. had it been the old you, you might have been scared by his words, but not anymore.

Trudging over to his bed you plopped down besides him, nudging his arm with your head. "Get your shoes off my bed," he grumbled and you laugh. "Already took them off."

Silently, Jin wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into his side. Mumbling something about you being quiet he closed his eyes. But you couldn't sleep, you had been having sleeping problems for a while now. Your impending doom weighing too heavily on your shoulders for you to properly rest.

Maybe Jin's warmth would bring you some peace, maybe now you could actually close your eyes soundly.

after it’s all over

A groan escaped Jin’s lips. Opening his eyes he glanced down at the crumpled paper laying on his chest.

You were a fool.

Usually servants were obedient, not going where they weren’t given permission to go. So what made you so different? What made you think you could go off and die? He had long accepted it, he thought. He knew your time was limited, and he reminded himself of that time and time again as he felt himself grow more fond of you.

Lighting a cigarette Jin could only stare at the ceiling. There was dust on the curtains, and his bed needed to be made. So where were you? He asked himself even though he knew the answer.

He also knew there was more he could have done. There was wishful thinking that some of the other ghouls would help you, that he wouldn’t have to lift a finger. He wasn’t one to blame himself, but he acknowledged that he and the others were at fault. He had consciously chosen to not help you actively, he had chosen to let you die.

So why? Why were your final words to him so sweet? How could you leave him a letter filled with anything but hateful words? It pissed him off.

He wanted you to hate him, curse at him and wish horrible things upon him.

But you’d never do that, and your letter filled with sugary words made that clear. And your words would taunt him for just as long as your memory would.

—tohma ishibashi

your last moments together

A sigh left you as you plopped down in a heavy bench in Frostheim. Running around and doing various tasks for others seemed to take more out of you than you had anticipated for the day.

“You seem a bit overwhelmed,” said the familiar voice that seemed close by. Looking up you were met with the piercing eyes of Tohma. You gave a tired smile and only nodded. At his words, it finally settled in you body how tired you were. “Good health is a treasure, you do best to acknowledge this.” There was no bite in his words, instead there was a caring tone he rarely took.

Before you knew it he stood directly in front of you. “Please don’t overexert yourself. There are many people here who need you.”

That made you freeze. Because you wondered, what would they do without you? If they really did need you. But that was an easy thought to push aside. They had live before you were in their lives, and they would continue to live after you were gone.

Looking back up at Tohma you gave him a smile. “I’ll do my best,” you said simply.

“Come with me,” Tohma hummed turning around, expecting you to follow, “I’ll brew us some tea.”

after it’s all over

Lately, Thoma had been working late into the night. He spent many hours simply going through paperwork, running errands, and taking care of appearances in front of his dorm mates. Before he even knows it, night creeps up on him, engulfing the halls of frostheim. He also found a habit of looking up at the stars.

He used to laugh when people would say the stars were looking over them. But somehow he wonders if you had become one of those stars. If just maybe you had been looking down at him.

That’s what you had promised him after all. In your last letter to him you wrote about how you’d always be there, always watching. If the circumstances had been different he would have found it strange, but knowing what happened, how you ended up, it brought him some comfort.

Trudging out of his bathroom he sat on the bed and opened his bedside table. He took the letter out and gently flipped through it. Your last words ringing in his head. And they would continue to do so for a long time.

��kaito fuji

your last moments together

"God, please don't make me go on anymore missions..." He begged with a groan when he saw you getting close to him with a mission paper in hand. "Kaito," you called out sternly and he only shook his head.

"It's not like me being there is any help to anyone anyway..." He added on soon after to try and argue against you. Instead of your words, however, he was met with silence. Looking up, he was met with your tear eyes and mad face.

"(N-name)?!" He almost shouted in shock, "I'm sorry! I'll go! Please don't cry! there there...." He tried to sooth you but your expression never changed, you were mad at him.

"How could you say that about yourself?" you blubbered, "I hate when you say stuff like that!" Kaito froze, shock taking over his face as his own eyes watered.

"You’re so nice," he blubbered back, his own tears crowding his vision. And then there were no more words said between the two of you, only tears and hugging.

after it’s all over

Kaito's voice was hoarse and his eyes stung. He can't tell you how long he had been crying. Hours? yes. Day? yes. How many days? he couldn't tell you.

Not even his neighbors minded. Usually they'd come banging on his door telling him to be quiet. But they knew what had happened, he knew he was grieving.

Your letter to him was left on his desk, unopened and left there. He couldn’t bring himself to open it, what good things could you have to say to him? The one thing he did best was run away. He was a coward, he knew this, he could accept this. What he couldn’t understand was how you looked at him in such a good light. How could you think so much of him?

What he feared most was your disapproval. He was scared that your opinion would have changed. He greedily wanted you to keep thinking of him in a good light. He never wanted that to change.

So he couldn’t bring himself to read what you had wrote to him. He would keep crying in his ignorance, still believing that you thought highly of him.

—lucas errant

your last moments together

Peaceful moments were hard to come by in your day to day life. Missions after missions, ghouls after ghouls. There was very little time for you. So moments like these were treasured.

The wind blew through your hair, the sudden coldness making you shiver. “Are you cold?” Came the question from Luca, who looked at you with a concerned expression. “I’m alright,” you said before the two of you were engulfed in a comfortable silence. Your walk together being more calming than either of you had expected.

Glancing at Luca you saw him in deep thought, “penny for your thoughts?”

Luca only smiled and shook his head, “I was just thinking,” he began, stopping his walking.

“We have experienced many joys and sorrows together since becoming friends,” he spoke, tugging at your heart strings, “I’m very glad we met. I look forward to walking the road ahead with you.”

He said this all with a smile, but you couldn’t bring yourself to return it.

“(name)?” He questioned with a slight panic in his eyes, “did I upset you? I’m sorry—“

“You didn’t upset me,” you said softly in a shaky voice, realizing suddenly that you were crying. “Excuse me Luca,” you said before bringing the boy into a tight hug, which he returned after a moment of stiff stillness.

You couldn’t promise him you’d walk the road ahead with him. You couldn’t lie to him.

But you could forgive him.

after it’s all over

Luca had failed time and time again to protect the things close to him. It seemed to become a bad habit for him. Vaguely he wondered back to when you guys first met, and he wished he could go back. He wishes he could go back and fulfill his promise to protect you and cure you.

But now, as he’s sat in his room with his head buried in his hands. Thoughts raced through his head and suddenly he realized that, just like you that time, he had been crying. Moving the paper off his lap to protect it from his tears he silently let his tears fall.

He didn't even think he deserved to cry over you, but he couldn't help it. He had promised you he would help you return to normal, and here he was, without you.

And despite his mediocre efforts, you forgave him. In your last words to him you forgave him for not saving you. That brought him no comfort, instead it worsened the guilt eating away in his chest.

Once again, he had failed to protect what was dear to him.

[yelenasdiary]

Another little au prompt!! Its more about Nat and Wanda tho. When Wanda goes through her mind during ultron, she sees the trauma of the red room but then the delight of her being a mother. Some cute angst/fluff when they talk about it at the tower later when Wanda joins up?

Breaking The Ice

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Wanda Maximoff Mentions of Nat x Daughter! Reader.

Summary: Wanda breaks the ice with Nat and apologizes for the events that took place at the HYDRA base. 

Angst, Comfort

Warnings: Mentions of Red Room & Pregnancy, Nat being under Wanda’s magic | 0.8K

AC: Thank you for sending this!! I love this idea so much!! I wanna say Reader is 3 years old here, sorry it’s not hella long! I hope you enjoy! x

A Widow’s Sunshine Masterlist

It’s been a week since the Avengers attacked the HYDRA base in Sokovia, Natasha wanted nothing more than to go home and see her little girl but the endless mission reports and follow ups were stopping her from leaving. Laura was looking after you while Natasha was working, she called once a day whenever she could just to hear your mumbles of words or your adorable giggles. It gave your mother a peace of mind that she would be home soon, and that you were in the safest hands possible.

Natasha was just starting to file some paperwork when Wanda knocked softly on the door. The red head struggled to even look at the now new member of the Avengers, after what she did to Nat at the base, she didn’t trust Wanda even for a second. 

“Can I help you?” Natasha asked sternly, shooting the young woman a deep glare. Wanda’s eyes dropped to the small pile of paperwork that Natasha was making neat. “I- I just wanted to apologise for what I did” she said, slowly looking up at Nat once more. 

“You can save it; you probably already know how I feel” Nat light shook her head. Wanda slowly entered the room and took a seat, showing Natasha that she wasn’t going anywhere until she was confident Nat could forgive her, even if it was a small bit of forgiveness. 

“You have every right to be mad with me, I should never have done what did” Wanda admits, taking full responsibility. 

“I don’t think you even understand what you did, you just enter people’s minds without a second thought. You have no idea what you put me through!” Natasha snapped, clenching her jaw. “You made me relive a part of my life that I try day in and day out to forget. Can you even think about how traumatising that is for somebody? I don’t care that it was something you just had to do in the moment, so please. Save it” she added.

Wanda’s eyes dropped once more, this time to hers in her lap “the good weighs out the bad” she replied. A small moment of silence filled the room before Wanda spoke once more. “Your daughter, she weighs out the bad” she added, looking up at the Avenger. “You’re holding so much against yourself for what you were made to do, you think everybody thinks you’re a bad person but you’re not. I entered everybody’s mind that day, I saw a lot of hurt and darkness but the brightest thing I saw was the joy you felt when you found out you were pregnant” 

Nat’s mind instantly reminded her of that day, although she was scared, she was so happy and excited. A soft smile tugged at her lips before she remembered she was in the room with somebody else. “I don’t want you to hate me, I’m new here and I don’t know anything, so I understand why you don’t like me. I just want a chance, I want to do good, and I guess, you’re the only person I know that would understand how I’m feeling” Wanda added, bringing Natasha’s thoughts to the woman in front of her.

Natasha knew little of Wanda and her powers and she knew she couldn’t hold her actions against her, after all, she was only doing what she was told to do. Nat let out a heavy sigh before she took her seat again, “I would really appreciate it if you kept what you saw to yourself” she said softly. 

“Of course,” Wanda replied, giving Nat a soft smile. Silence once again filling the room as Nat looked down at the small pile of paperwork in front of her, “What’s her name?” Wanda asked, breaking the awkward silence. 

“Y/n, she’s three” Nat said as she began to file some of the paperwork. 

“She’s beautiful, does she stay here while you’re working?” 

Natasha shook her head before she looked up at Wanda once more, “No, she stays with family. After I finish here, I get to finally go home”

“You must miss her” The brunette commented. 

“I do” Nat couldn’t help the smile softly tugging at her lips at the thought of finally being able to hold you again, to read your favorite bedtime story, to hear your contagious laugh once more. “For what it’s worth, you’re not a bad person. People like us were just delt with shit cards, it’s what you do from now on that matters. We are team here; you can apologise as much as you need but actions speak louder than words here” Nat adds before rising from her seat.

Wanda nodded, acknowledging the widow’s words, “I figured. Not everybody seems to be very talkative, beside Vision, I guess” 

“They’ll warm up to you, after all, you did try to kill us” Nat replied as she walked towards the door, Wanda turning in her chair to face the woman once more, “thank you, Natasha”

“Call me Nat” the red heard smiled once more, “if you’ll excuse me, I have a little girl waiting for me at home” she added.

Taglist: @koinsss | @liloandstitchstan | @marcia-maximoff | @skittlebum | @katethewritersblog | @taliiiaasteria | @nova-kyle | @daddipantherr | @riyaexee | @sgm616 | @elle161989 | @alphalesbianwolffoxdragontribrid | @mathxa | @sxlfishbrokenheart | @noturlondonboy | @lovelyy-moonlight | @ghxst-guts | 

If you want to be on the taglist for this series, please see the masterlist. It's linked at the top of this post.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Do whatever you want, believe whatever you want. And using Veilguard as any sort of source for anything remotely related to canon Lore is just ridiculous. It's so... awful, IMHO, to use it to defend any sort of point.

I'm not certain if this would be considered critical, so I'll put it under a cut. Potentially critical of Veilguard.

Though I'm really just talking about the Lore.

I point out 4 massive retcons in Veilguard that blew my mind and that I see people commonly using as arguing points. And yes, if someone wants to pay me for the time, I can prove all of it with sources.

What little canon Lore they actually used in Veilguard? They twisted beyond recognition.

Just a few examples.

1. The blight is NOT, in fact, (or even in Veilguard) 'everywhere in the Fade'. It has always been contained to the Black City, that floats disconnected from everything else in the Fade. It's why the previously golden city is black ffs! Even in Veilguard, it's really damned obvious that the Fade isn't full of blight. We hop in and out of the Fade throughout the whole damned game like it's a shopping mall.

2. The Fade is not full of demons. Demons are spirits (people) of emotion. What usually twists them into demons is coming through the veil! The only reason there was the big demon in DAI is because it was attached to Coryphyfish. There's probably some, but it's an arguable point that an emotion spirit of, say, anger, or spite is actually a demon. Emotions aren't bad. They wouldn't automatically be demons simply because they reflect a negative emotion.

3. The veil has been canonically choking the life and magic out of Thedas for thousands of years. If the veil didn't come down, there would be no Thedas. This is clearly spelled out in canon. The veil was never meant to be part of the world. At the end of Trespasser, the veil is as holey as my grandmother's doilies. It's not as they tried to depict it in Veilguard, a firm, whole wall holding hordes of demons and the blight of blights back. That's such a bullshit retcon, and I make weird faces every time I try to figure out the mental gymnastics necessary for someone to come up with that idea.

4. It's also a massive retcon that Solas lies. (Sigh. Yes. It really is. No matter what you believe.) He canonically does not. They rewrote his character for DAI so that he doesn't lie because it weakened the character. He was originally written as much more similar to Blackwall. They decided it weakened Solas as a character and made sure he doesn't lie. He obfuscates, misleads, doesn't answer, and is really good at letting people make assumptions or even leading people to make assumptions. Because that is what a Trickster does! But in all of DAI and Trespasser, he does not lie except once. At the Winter Palace when you ask him where he got the experience of court. No. A 'lie of omission' is not a lie by the definition or philosophical understanding of what a lie is. You, as the player, not paying close attention to what he says doesn’t mean he lies either! He is not the 'god of lies'. That's Epler's hate shining through. Throughout 3 games, many dlcs, books, comics, short stories, the Dread Wolf is known as the Trickster. The god of rebellion and sometimes the god of betrayal. He is never once referred to as the god of lies in anything pre-veilguard. It's. Bullshit.

And Solas is an absolutely terrible liar. He stumbles all over himself trying to do it in the winter palace. It's hilarious tbh.

There were more retcons. But I need to go help with dinner.

Just, even if you liked Veilguard, don't use it as a defense in any sort of discussion of Lore. Perhaps listen to us Lore fiends, instead? Because they shat all over the Lore for Veilguard.

Real talk? It makes you look ignorant to anyone who actually has been paying attention to the Lore.

FWIW? I'm not in the best of moods right now. Please think twice, then a third time before responding/reblogging in disagreement. (Unless you're polite and actually have sources I haven't seen. I'm usually willing to have polite discussions or answer questions. I'm also willing to stand corrected if people actually can prove me wrong with sources attached. A 'nuhn unh, Solas lies cause I believe he does', won't get you far with me.) Nor will using anything from DAV to support an argument. I've relegated DAV to the graveyard of not-canon because of the complete disrespect of the Lore.

And I'll just laugh at you if you try to attack me. Internet randos filling my responses with shit doesn't phase me, bother me in the slightest, or make me upset. I find it incredibly, laugh out loud amusing because I've lived through so much more than that in my life.

[abiatackerman]

Could I request something? My birthday is on January 28th and I would really love it if you could make a story with Levi x emotionless reader where she has a hard time expressing her feelings and is super insecure about her weight and thinks shes fat so she doesn't eat so she's actually thin (she has trauma which is why she thinks she's fat) and Levi hurts her really badly one day like with his words about her appearance/weight. So she stops talking to him and her friends and goes back to her emotionless ways and he feels really bad because he didn't mean to insult her about her weight and he has a huge crush on her. Angst and fluff please! Please make it long it would mean the world to me 😖❤️❤️ (could you tag me once the story is finished?)

Happy late birthday, sweetie!!! I hope you had a great time! And thanks for asking! Hope you'll love the story!

Where words cut deep

⚔️Levi Ackerman x Female Reader⚔️

⚠️Warning: Mentions of self hatred, mental abuse and slight angst⚠️

Canon universe! Captain Levi Ackerman x reader! Angst! Fluff! Angsty fluff! Angsty romance! 1.3k words!

Summary: Not that Levi ever wanted to hurt you, but his worries got the best of him. You were almost traumatised by his words and he is definitely not going to let everything stay that way....

Tags: @theremainsof @levisbrat25 @itsnathateasy @violentvaleska @anti-cupid @meowmewow7 @mikabella7 @satorella @sugacor3 @darkstarlight82 @hotcheetogirlluver

🩷If you wanna be tagged let me know🩷

✨Masterlist✨

🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

The morning has started like any other. Training, cleaning, reports. You have gone through the motions as you always do—silent and existing rather than living. You barely speak unless necessary, and even then it is direct and devoid of any personal weight.

Levi has always been the one person who doesn't seem to mind. If anything, he prefers it that way. You aren't noisy. You aren't exhausting. And that's why he always liked you.... And that's why you liked him too.... But this morning, something feels off.

You look paler than usual, slower. Levi has even caught you rubbing your temple when you thought no one was looking, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out why.

You weren't eating. Again.

And for some reason, it pissed him off. It always pisses him off. But since it's your life, your choice, he never actually interfered with your decisions and that's the reason why you liked him anyway. But he can't stop himself from interfering now, not when this sick insecurity of yours has started to become dangerous for you.

So when the squad gathered in the dining hall, Levi sits across from you, arms crossed watching as you quietly pick at the food on your plate without taking a single bite.

"Tch. Eat," he orders.

You barely look up. "I'm not hungry."

"You weren't hungry yesterday either," he talks immediately back, narrowing his eyes.

Petra, sitting beside you, glances between the two of you nervously. "Captain, maybe she's just not feeling well—"

"She'll feel a hell of a lot better if she actually eats something," Levi snaps. His voice is sharp, and the room grows tense. He can see the way you tense, your grip tightening around your fork.

Still, you say nothing.

Levi clicks his tongue, his frustration bubbling over. He doesn't understand. Why are you doing this to yourself? You aren't eating, you aren't sleeping properly even when you're a lot prettier than you think you are.

It is like you were fading in front of him, and he hates it.

"Stop being so damn stubborn," he mutters. And then... then.... he says it.

"What, you think skipping meals is gonna make you look better or something?"

The world tilts. The noise around you fades.For a second, you stop breathing.

You think of every time you've looked in the mirror and hated what you saw. Every time you've felt like too much, too heavy, too disgusting. Every time you've convinced yourself it was all in your head.

It wasn't just the insult... It was him. Levi. The one person you thought would never say something like that. Even when you knew he was bad with his words, you believed he wouldn't say anything this hurtful to anyone just to raise their insecurities more. He was the one person you always trusted, even when you didn't trust yourself.

That's why it hurts more.... Even when it was just a little insult.

Your heart clenches so painfully that it feels like it might collapse in on itself. Your breath catches in your throat, but you force yourself to stay still, to not react. You have spent years perfecting this, mastering the art of swallowing pain before it could betray you.

So you pick up your fork even when your fingers tremble.

And you eat.

Slowly. Deliberately. Without a word.......

The first bite is agony. It tastes like nothing, but it sits in your throat like a stone. The second is worse. The third barely makes it past your lips, but you force yourself to chew, to swallow, to keep going.

Levi says nothing. No one does.

Your hands shake. Tears cover your eyes but you force them not to fall and bite after bite, swallow after swallow, you keep eating.

By the time your plate is empty, your chest feels hollow. Your fingers ache from gripping your fork too tightly. You place it down carefully, your movements eerily calm.

"I hope I've managed to meet your expectations, captain" you manage to say somehow as you stand up and walk away.

Not running. Not storming out. Just leaving.

Empty.

"Captain," Petra whispers, disbelief in her voice. "Why would you say that…?"

Levi couldn't answer. He couldn't even move. His chest feels tight as realization slams into him.

He haven't just hurt you. He has destroyed your trust in him.

And the worst part? He didn't even mean it.

But you didn't know that and........

As expected you never spoke to him after that.

Levi has seen a lot of things in his life. Blood. Corpses. Destruction. But the way you have looked at him before walking away... like he had confirmed your worst fears, like he had been the final push over the edge... That was something he can't bear.

He had a bad feeling that just because of a misunderstanding he's gonna lose you and in the worst way possible. And....

It is driving him insane.

So after a week he finally decides to make a move....

It is late. The barracks are quiet, most of the squad are already asleep. Levi has been waiting for you to return from patrol, standing just outside the entrance. When you finally arrived, he steps in front of you, blocking your path.

"What's wrong with you?"

Your expression is blank, emotionless, as you stare at him. "Nothing, Captain."

Captain.... You haven't called him that in so long, it has always just been 'Levi' except for that day. Hearing it now feels like a knife to the gut.

"Don't pull that shit," he says with annoyance. "You know I'm not good with my words but I only want what is good for you." He exhales, trying to steady himself.

Apologies aren't his thing, but for you, he'll try.

"I fucked up and I regret what I said so stop giving me that damn stare. And stop ignoring me."

You look away from him, this is the best you can do for now.

"It's not your fault though," you say as you hug yourself, trying to warm yourself up in the cold night. "I always overreact, I'm always being dramatic-"

"Everyone has their own insecurities and you have yours." Levi says, stopping you. "I'm the shitty person for using the wrong words. I know I'm a horrible person when it comes to showing my feelings but I was worried. And that got the best of me."

"Worried?" You look back at him with disbelief. "For me? Why?"

"Are you shitting on me right now?" Levi asks you with pure annoyance. "You weren't sleeping brat! You weren't eating! You were turning pale and weak... It's like you were disappearing in front of me... Just like.... Her..."

Levi pauses and clicks his tongue as he moves away from you. You bite your lower lip as you realise about who he was talking about.....

His mother.

"I'm so sorry, Levi...." Your eyes tears up, "I-- didn't realise...."

"It's ok..." Levi mutters, sighing. "Just stop torturing yourself for god's sake. You're pretty just the way you are. And you'll be more healthy and strong if you eat... Maybe curvy too... I mean that's what women care about, right?"

"Yeah" Your face softens as you speak. "And I promise, I'll try to love myself a bit more, and this body... And will try to eat... Slowly."

Levi's face softens and suddenly without any warning he pats your head, ruffling your hair.

"Now you're behaving like a proper brat, woman! Also, let's go inside if you don't want to freeze."

You smile. "Yeah let's go...."

As you two walk together in the hallway of the survey corps hq you smile softly as you look up at Levi.

"Thank you. For pushing them away. The insecurities...."

He smiles back, a rare one, holding your cold hand, in an attempt to warm them up.

"Yeah... Anytime brat."

[ineffectualdemon]

On the topic of mpreg this how I think the SVSSS characters would actually handle any surprise pregnancies

Shen Yuan- would fully ignore every pregnancy symptom and evidence as long as he could using the: "if I ignore it isn't real" technique. This would result in him having a baby and a LOT of panic attacks. He would love the child but wouldn't be good with them until they were old enough to talk and stuff

Shen Jiu - abortion. Unless something prevented him from finding out he was pregnant until he went into labour or his pregnancy was super seeded up or something. But if he has a choice he's having an abortion and he's correct in doing so. If he does have a kid he's forcing it on Yue Qingyuan and not having anything to do with them except hate them from a distance

Yue Qingyuan: keeping it and doting on it. The most likely to think some shit like "it's a precious life, I can't kill a life inside me?" Shen Jiu will at least seriously think about slipping him an abortifacient in his tea

Mu Qingfang: abortion. He's got too many children to watch already

Qi Qingqi: abortion. She feels like she's happier as a cool aunt

Wei Qingwei: keeping the baby and having the best time. He's super enthusiastic

Liu Qingge: keeps it because he helped raise his sister and that was easy enough. Discovers it's harder with your own newborn but doesn't really mind. Gives everyone a heart attack when he goes monster hunting with a baby tied to him

Mobei Jun: assuming it's Shang Qinghua he is delighted and keeping it and trying to get knocked up again immediately after the birth of the first one. If it's anyone else immediate abortion

Shang Qinghua: assuming it's Mobei's he actually could go either way depending on when he gets pregnant. But it would be an agonising decision for him. Any other partner he happily aborts

EDIT: I FORGOT LUO BINGHE! CUCUMBER WILL MURDER ME IN MY SLEEP

But also Bingmei is keeping that baby but he's going to have Issues around being a parent. He could do it well but it's gonna be a struggle

Bingge is absorbing the baby and going on with his day

Tianlang-Jun similar to Bingge unless he's horny about it

Zhuzhi Lang lays eggs and then eats them

[sunflower-author]

Yandere Bonten x Reader

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The reader is Gender neutral in this!!

TW: Sewer slide attempt, attempt drug use,

Bonten Timeline, where Bonten has kept you in the penthouse for a LONG time, and out of spite from every horrible thing they have ever done, you decide not to speak to them out of resentment Bottling up all your emotions. Hoping that they will eventually grow bored of you and either let you go or finally end your suffering.

One day, in particular, everything that you had been bottling up has finally reached its breaking point...

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“Y/N, go get your hairbrush on the bathroom counter please, I can tell you didn’t brush your hair this morning,” Kakucho said, sitting down on the couch right beside you.

Ever since Mikey said that he prefers your hair long, you were forced to grow it out. You can’t say you like it, but at least it hides all of the ugly marks on your neck and body from them…

Everyone else just goes with it; whatever Mikey says goes. It is unsure if the others like your hair as much as he does, but no matter what, they sure do act like it.

Getting up, then making your way to the main bathroom everyone uses, spotting the black brush, then grabbing it, and just as you were about to leave it caught your eye.

A little orange bottle with a white childproof cap. Slowly picking it up, you begin to realize that it is one of Sanzu’s many drugs. He must have left it here on accident, rushing for his mission today.

Bad day for him, but amazing for someone like yourself.

There is a good amount of pills in this container, and knowing Sanzu, only carrying around the ‘best’ (strongest) on him. He could drain this dry and it still wouldn’t be enough for someone like him.

This would be enough to kill any normal person, especially someone who has been clean for over a few years.

Slowly opening the cap, pouring the rest of the bottle in hand. Then quickly raise all of it to your mouth, only to have a hand grip your wrist.

You don't even need to turn to know who it is.

“I can’t even leave you alone for a minute before you end up doing something dangerous, put it down,” Kakucho says as he sighs. Physically, there is no chance against Kakucho.

Putting your arm down slightly to put the pills back in the bottle, while you are doing that, Kakucho’s grip softens little by little.

Once the cap is closed, you turn to look at him dazed.

“I won’t tell anyone… but if I catch you doing that again, I’m telling everyone,” he says, as he takes the pill bottle. Nodding your head yes, you just grab the brush as you both walk back to the couch.

After settling down, he starts to brush your hair. “Honestly what were you thinking? Did you just want to be on drugs or something, or was that a serious attempt?” he asks, sighing again.

“Listen I know that you hate your life here. But is it truly that bad? You can have whatever you want, having Kokonoi and Takeomi buy you anything you could dream, Sanzu would literally do anything for you, Mocchi would always listen to your rants when you talked, Ran and Rindou well they argue a lot but are fun to watch too… I try my best… even if you don’t see it…” his words are slow and cold.

“I admit that I am just as guilty as the rest of them, and everything we do is for your safety… even if you don't think it is… that is the truth…You may despise us for the rest of your life, but as long as we can keep you safe, that is what matters…” At this point, he seems to be pouring his heart out…

Sadden asks, “Do you hate me…? For doing all of this?” Shocked you shook your head no… Kakucho did nothing… all he ever did was follow orders, even if he hurt you and others, he is not to blame, you know that he feels guilty for everything he has done. After all, you have always felt slight empathy towards Kakucho, he is the kindest out of all of Bonten.

“Will you please talk to me again,” He begs more than questions, you just shrug, leaving that as that. “Is life better now, than when it was when you first was brought here?” he asks, you reply with a simple nod. “That’s good at least, although I can imagine that it was like hell, the first few days,” he responds. Try the first few weeks…

After a good handful of questions, he pauses for a few seconds like he is thinking, confused, you tilted your head back and looked at him. Suddenly it is like the lightbulb rang for him.

“Would you be willing to respond to me, with more specific answers, if I have you write it down? That way you wouldn’t have to speak?” he says, nodding your head yes. He rushes out of the room to grab something.

When he is back, he has an iPad in hand, pulling out the stylist pen, he gives the pen to you as he sits on the couch. Looking at the Ipad it is already in drawing mode. “Now… why don’t you talk?” he asks.

‘I wanted to punish you guys for everything you ever did to me. I thought if you guys assumed I was broken, maybe I would find a way, to not live like this, even a peaceful death would be ideal.’

When he was reading this you could tell that he was stunned unsure of how to respond he just asked another question. “How long are you going to keep this up?”

You write, ‘Until I can be free, or at least have some freedom’

“I can talk with Mikey…” You both know that the conversation will be a waste of time for both Kakucho and Mikey, but he can still try if he wants to.

‘You’re a good person Kakucho, compared to everyone else you have the most empathy. Plus you only follow orders, due to your loyalty. I know you mean no harm to me, even if it is for better or worse, truthfully if it was just you and me I would talk to you.’ You wrote down.

“What do you mean? We are alone,” he states. Just two words I write down, ‘security cameras’ After he reads that he says, “Oh I forgot about that…,” as he looks up around the room looking at the cameras.

“I know you think we are being excessive with everything, but you have to know, we are doing everything we can to protect you… we know everything about you… there are no secrets that are kept between us…” He takes a longing pause. He is quiet… too quiet, Shit you have a bad feeling about this…

He sighs thinking, then turns to you. “Y/N… you know that Bonten made a pact to keep no secrets, and to take care of you… and today you just tried to overdose with Sanzu’s drugs… This is not just a small secret I would be hiding from them. This is about your life you could have died today if I wasn’t there to catch you... I’m sorry but I will have to tell them. I care about you and your safety… this is something I can’t hide from them.” he says looking down in shame.

This fucker… If he tells them you would be on a tighter leash than before. Things would be like how they were when they first took me. There is no way in hell you are starting back at the bottom. You have worked your way by playing nice, then the silent treatment, which they all hate. If you are back at the bottom it will take months til you can just freely walk around this building.

You know what… Fuck it you had already told him too much if you go out... You're going out with a bang. This is just a lot to grasp… This is to be expected from Sanzu, Ran, Mochi… But Kakucho?... Kakucho is too loyal for his own fucking good.

Blinded by rage, standing up you yell. “You’re Just As Fucked Up As The Rest Of Them,” After saying it is weird… your voice doesn’t sound like your voice, it is weak, and not as loud as you would have wanted to say it… Fuck... You messed up your vocal cords.

Looking at Kakucho in a brief second, he is taken aback. Your voice shocked him and yourself. Just wanting to leave and go into the bedroom.

However... As you turn you see the rest of the Bonten members, standing by the door, in pure shock. That gives you enough information, to know that they heard you.

Well, fuck….

A few moments of silence fall upon us until you finally dare to try to walk away. Only taking a few steps before a voice was heard. “Hold on Y/N, come over,” Great and that was Mikey…

You are immediately making your way infront of him and the group. “You talk to Kakucho, but not me,” he says voice filled with hurt. Should you dig myself deeper into this mess?

“I’m sorry, Mikey…” you weakly manage out, after yelling at Kakucho, you need to rest my vocal cords, your voice is hoarse, and it hurts so much the others can tell, to the point some flinch once they hear. But it doesn’t matter, you could be feeling the worst pain ever, and as long as you're alive and breathing they would be okay with that.

“So what? That is all you have to say? We heard you talk, give up your little tantrum, and talk to us, I knew you would break… longer than I anticipated but you still broke,” Ran says, wanting to hear you talk, after not hearing your voice for over a few years, judging the room they all want to hear it too.

Did this Bitch not just hear me talk? What else would he want me to say? Is he truly such a fucking sadist that he wants to hear me struggle to talk? you begin to think.

Well, in that case, you plan on saying something to him loud and clear.

“You know what? Fuck you Ran, I have been wanting to say that for so long now, you are such a manipulative shit, you really think I didn’t see through all your bullshit, how you think of yourself as a god… you think you are so great… you are just a sadist, who cheats, and contributes to nothing…. It is only because of your ‘respect’ which was beating up kids younger than you, were you feared, without beating up helpless kids, you ought to be nothing, you would still be at the bottom of Roppongi in jail, with all of the failures,” you say holding my throat, trying not to breathe hard.

“Calm down Y/N, you know it is just Ran being Ran,” You are not sure if Rindou is being sincere in saying this or saying this just to shut you up. At this point you don’t give a fuck, you're already pissed.

“You think you’re any better Rindou? the only reason people see you as a nice person is that everyone compares you to Ran. Since I can remember people have been blinded by Ran, all overlooking just how cruel, and cold-hearted you are. You are just a follower, doing whatever Ran tells you to do, following blindly behind him. To the point where all you will ever be… is your big brother’s shadow…” Your voice is getting softer and softer, Shit, you worry, just how much longer will you still be able to talk?

“Your voice is getting worse, stop talking Y/N,” Kokonoi says concerned.

“You wanna be next?” You ask “Because you-,” Just like that, you couldn’t even finish your sentence before starting a coughing fit. After catching your breath, and notice just how sore your throat is, feeling like the after-effect of overusing it, pained to the point where it hurts to breathe.

Seeing your vision start to blur, starting to tear up. You have no idea why… What is wrong with you? Is it the pain? Or are you just being emotional all of a sudden? Why do they all have to be here? Do they think you're weak now? What is wrong with everything? How did things end up like this?...

Feeling arms wrap around you. Freezing, but then recognizing it is Kakucho. Even when you curse at him, he is here comforting you. You can’t hate him but you can’t love him. All you can do is accept him, and that is exactly what you did, at that moment.

Breathing out a breath, you didn't realize that you were holding. Relaxing your shoulders, and body, turning into his chest, not being able to handle all of their cruel stares. No matter how hard you try, tears won't stop falling…You can just feel their eyes burning your back.

“What are you guys all staring at? You all are acting like children watching a movie, Y/N has never shown any emotion for over a year, and when they finally do, all you guys plan to do is watch. They are breaking down in Kakucho’s arms,” Akashi says, breaking the tension and silence.

Always count on Akashi to be an adult when situations become grim.

“We’ll all talk together on the couch…” Mikey says, hearing his footsteps go, and the others follow behind him, as they fade. You feel Kakucho gently push you, away from him.

“Ready to follow?” he whispers. Nodding your head yes, as you slowly walk to the coach, Everyone is sitting down, and Mikey motions you to sit between him and Akashi the only other two that can keep a calm mind, no matter what goes down.

At this point, you've stopped crying, but your nose and eyes were still red, and once you sat down all hell broke loose.

“I think that Y/N should get punished for talking to me like that,” “They are hurting enough, what they said was nothing, compared to what your victims say to you,” “And I kill them for it,” “Stop being such a big baby Ran, just man up,” “Oh I know you did not just tell me to ‘man up’, being the only one that doesn’t even get their hands dirty,” “Oh? Do you want your little allowance cut?” “I swear to God, Koko if you-”

“Enough,” Mikey says, everyone is still, no one dares disobey the leader after all.

Mikey then looks at Akashi signaling something, then Akashi looks at you. Confused you wait until he says.

“Now Y/N I know you're in pain, but what you said to Ran and Rindou was uncalled for, completely immature, and you knew that were their… weak points, you need to apologize to them,” Akashi says, careful of his words.

“I’m sorry… Rindou… Ran,” you say looking down, in a low tone, your voice still scratchy.

“What was that? It was hardly sincere and he could at least talk loud enough for me to understand,” Ran complains.

Seeing Akashi give you a look, you knowingly sigh. Looking up at Ran in the eyes, hatefully “I'm sorry… Ran” louder, hearing the anger and strain almost raspyness. Then turning to his brother, calming yourself, you softly say “Sorry,” being earnest.

Just as the older brother is about to say something, Akashi cuts him off saying “Ran,” in a warning tone. Ran ends up rolling his eyes, and he leans back more on the couch.

“Now Y/N…” You hear Mikey say, grabbing everyone's attention.

“Do you or Kakucho want to explain what happened today? Especially for you to lose your temper like that?” He asks intrigued about what happened, he has not normally shown this much emotion for quite some time, putting everyone more on edge.

Looking at Kakucho in a warning, begging way, for him not to tell them. Kokonoi, being the observant person he is notices. “Oh? It must be good to have you looking at Kakucho like that…” Right when Koko says that all the other's eyes are on you. Fuck…. Just great…. you think.

Looking down, ignoring their stares, waiting for Kakucho to say something.

“Today, Y/N went to the bathroom to grab their hairbrush… they were taking a bit longer than normal… so I went to see what the problem was… and when I looked in the room…” He pauses, feeling uncomfortable.

“Well hurry up what happened?” “It can’t be ‘that’ bad… can it?” “Just spit it out already,” “Kakucho…” Mikey says softly, not demanding, but reassuring, and manipulative… he can be gentle.. When he wants to…

Kakucho then takes out the pill bottle, tossing it to Sanzu only for it to be caught, by Akashi. “I found him about to take the rest of the pills in the bottle,” he finally says. Sanzu starts to pale, knowing he’s in trouble.

Everyone else, looks at Sanzu, like they're about to kill him… I wouldn’t be against that…

“The rest of these you say Kakucho? Sanzu…Just 5 at once would have killed them… Nevertheless the rest of this bottle… you were careless…" Akashi says looking at Sanzu, but then he continues.

"Almost getting Y/N killed… But then again... Who knew,” he says now turning to you.

”They would be so suicidal,”

(IDK HOW TO END THIS... PLZ LMK IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS;))

[zhoumeyourlove]

Interested as always!

My top 3 pairings (i.e. my favorite LIs with my semi-developed self-insert MCs that kinda are me but are also definitely not me...it's complicated okay):

OG High School Story: Xavier Lee x Aiden Zhou

The Cursed Heart: Xavier x Kieran

Blades of Light and Shadow: Xavier Parnassus x Mal Volari x Aerin Valleros

If you have any questions, feel free to send me an anonymous ask! I'm also planning to post dedicated MC profiles for OG HSS and TCH (and mayybeee blades depending on how much time i have) during MC appreciation week as well.

Info under the cut!

Also so sorry for submitting this like one hour before the deadline I've been hyperfocused on my art for the MC appreciation week woops

Xavier & Aiden

i think this image loses pixels every time i take it from one exchange entry to the next lol

Headcanons:

HSS!Xavier is an extremely social introvert - he's the life of the party until his social battery runs out

He's a cat person, and Maria's cat Oreo is practically his BFF. He can't have a cat himself because Scott is allergic, but he loves Paquito the hamster as well.

Other than the main 5 friend group (love interests), he's closest to Myra and Cameron since they were all in band together. The summer after Book 3, he made Cameron a genderqueer-flag-colored friendship bracelet to match their necklace because he likes arts and crafts.

HSS!Xavier is a HUGE K-pop fan. Aiden pretends he doesn't like it, but at this point he's been stockholm-syndromed into liking it. I wrote a fic about it <3

Xavier & Kieran

these two are literally bouncing around in my brain all day long you don't even get it

as seen as my profile picture and banner <3

TCH!Xavier is definitely autistic. Obviously that label isn't applied to him, but if you met him in the modern day, you would know.

He and Kieran work well together because they both hate Fae social events. TCH!Xavier hates them because they're overwhelming - too loud, too bright, too many arbitrary social rules. Kieran hates them because he's just antisocial in general lol

Kieran has enchanted all his clothes so that the textures don't bother him <3

He's hyperempathetic

He has a special interest in medicine, particularly medicinal herbs. As a kid he always followed his mother around and learned from her. One of his favorite parts of living in the Fae Woods is discovering all the new plants there and cataloguing their properties. Post-canon, he becomes an apothecary.

He's very physically affectionate

His favorite animals are rabbits. Whenever he sees one in or around the Moon Court gardens, he sits down to watch it (from afar, so as not to scare it)

Xavier & Mal & Aerin

they are a throuple. To Me. But I would also love anything with just MalMC or AerinMC! Or AerinMal, if you want to go for that.

Headcanons:

They are all so mentally ill. This is canon but I want to emphasize it

Blades!Xavier loves the entire party, but his platonic best friends are Imtura (besties since book 1) and Valax

They all take care of the orphanage together!! Mal is obviously great with them. Blades!Xavier is naturally pretty good with kids as well, but not on Mal's level. Aerin is NOT good with kids at first (he gets slightly less awkward later on, but he's still nervous). He's genuinely confused as to what he's supposed to do with them. He does his best! His best just isn't very good.

Blades!Xavier and Mal get together during Book 1, Blades!Xavier gets with Aerin in Book 2, and Mal and Aerin get together probably towards the end of Book 3 timeline?? Still figuring that out.

They abolish the monarchy, so neither Blades!Xavier nor Aerin are princes they're just Dudes. Mal never stops calling Aerin princeling, though.

Choices Secret Admirer: a Valentine's event

What it is:

Think secret Santa but for Valentine's Day.

Everyone who shows interest in participating will be given a match for whom they should create (or commission) a small work (drabble, art, edit, moodboard, etc)

How to participate:

Reblog this post stating your interest AND include your top 3 books/characters/pairings to help guide your match on what they should create for you. (reblogs that do not include a top 3 will not be considered entries for participation)

or, message me here or at @lovealexhunt stating your interest and include your top picks

Note: When listing your interests, please include any preferred gender/race characteristics you may have for customizable character. If you have FCs you are welcome to list them as well.

If you want to participate but would rather not create for a particular user, feel free to message me privately and if you get that person, I'll re-spin the Wheel of Names should you land on that person.

Deadline to participate: February 1

What comes next:

On, or about, February 2nd, I will message you with your match and what they listed as their top interests. [I use Wheel of Names to match users]

You create something for them based on their interests and post it for them on February 14-16.

You do NOT have to create for all 3 pairings, one is enough. The 3 is to give you a choice for what you're comfortable with!

It would also be really nice if you could include a brief positive message of encouragement and/or support with your creation for your match

Please tag this blog and #ChoicesSecretAdmirer2025 as well so I can keep track of who posted and who is missing.

If you have any questions please do not hesitate to reach out.

[wynsummers]

felt like combining two of my biggest interests so this is my ranking of buffy characters by how much they would enjoy the rocky horror picture show

honorable mention - anya. i can't decide if anya would love or hate rocky. the more chaos-loving anyanka side of her would have a lot of fun with it, but i think she might also hate the idea of going to see a movie only to have it talked over by a bunch of hecklers. especially if she went to a theater where they throw/spray props. so i guess it would depend on whether she went to a showing for the experience or the film itself.

9. angel would walk in, sit in the back row, stare with an intense face at the screen for the entire hour and forty minutes of the film and then stand up and leave without saying a word. he would never come back.

8. xander - xander would enjoy rocky for all of the wrong reasons. he is the cishet man who only goes to see the lingerie-clad women. i've met so many xanders in my time. they always have that smug laugh when someone tries to interact with them, but they're too cool to do anything that they can't use to (attempt to) impress a woman

7. cordelia - i don't think rocky is really cordy's scene, no disrespect intended. i think she could have a good time but some of the more extreme traditions might put her off (especially if someone threw/sprayed something at her, i think she would hate that). she would look at it as that fun thing she did once, probably because someone invited her. that being said, though, if she ended up in a shadowcast, she would put her entire heart and soul into playing janet.

6. oz - i can't explain it but oz is both too cool not to be at rocky and too cool to be at rocky. like, oz has been going to rocky every week for two years but the scoobies only find out when they go as a group and everyone in the theater knows him already. i don't think he's ever said a callback in his life but he definitely has a bunch of them memorized

5. buffy - ok now hear me out. buffy needs something like rocky in her life. she needs a place where she can unwind, yell loudly, dance around, and just have fun. i don't think she'd be super into it right away, but i don't think it would take long for her to get into the rhythm of it. i can't see her going so far as to be in a shadowcast, but i can totally see her being a frequent audience member who tells all of her friends about this awesome thing she found

4. tara - listen, tara is a lesbian witch in college. rocky was made for her. season 4 tara is too shy to participate, but i can see it being a place she returns to a lot, and season 6 tara is definitely in the front row of the theater every friday gleefully yelling at the screen. she might even dress up as janet or magenta (shoutout amber benson for performing toucha touch me)

3. willow - this may be controversial, since early seasons willow is kind of reserved and seems like she would be really overwhelmed by rocky. but often that's the exact kind of person who thrives in rocky the most because it gives them a chance to come out of their shell. at her first show, she probably wouldn't participate at all, but something would compel her to come back, and slowly but surely, she'd start doing more. cut to a few months later and she's going full vampire willow in a theater full of people. i think later seasons willow wouldn't have as difficult of a time at first but i still don't think she'd get into it right away. but once she got it, she'd be a regular for life

2. spike - i think spike has been going to the shows for a long time; it's definitely his scene. it wouldn't surprise me if he invented some of the callbacks. yelling stupid snarky shit at a movie screen is so him. i don't know if i can see him dressing up as a character though.

giles - obviously. fucking obviously. in his ripper days he was frank at his local theater and he still goes to the shows all the time. maybe on special occasions they bring him back as frank for a special show. it wouldn't surprise me if he saw the rocky horror show before it was a movie. if buffy and the scoobies found out about his double life they would faint. (if you haven't seen anthony head as frank, do yourself a favor and look it up)

[on-a-lucky-tide]

this is very specific but you’re british so i hope you can understand the. wow football is ingrained in british culture. and that im not just insane

have you got any headcanons for what football team different cod characters would support?

It is. I'm a Rugby player myself, but my stepdad is a huge football fan so I was around it by osmosis. Yeah, it's huge in British culture. Sometimes not a good thing.

Price: he's a Red. Liverpool through and through. Some of his few positive memories of the old man are when he used to attend the Merseyside Derby against Everton, or, controversially, on the anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster. Price was four when it happened so every year of his living memory he belted out "Never Walk Alone" and then stood in silence alongside a stadium of fans; his old man remained bloody sober as a "mark of respect". It was always a good day. He has a scarf on his office wall, and a signed-by-Jamie Redknapp copy of Shoot magazine that is probably worth a few quid. It's bittersweet because it was signed the same year his life kinda went to shit. He started playing Rugby at Sandhurst because it was a good way to ingratiate himself with the posh boys, and because he is Price he excelled at it. He became the best Fly Half the Army had ever had. But he still retains his love of football and he has a season ticket for Anfield that he insists on using at least a few times a year.

Ghost: Manchester City. It was a toss up between United and City, but I chose City for a couple of reasons. I headcanon that Simon is from Longsight East, which is the most deprived area of Manchester. A 2012 survey demonstrated that there is a general east-south support for Manchester City, and north-west support for United. Longsight East is about three miles south of the city centre. Also, City are known for revelling in adversity, which fits Ghost. They have some of The Most Brutal chants, and they have a rivalry with Liverpool. So Price and Ghost will be at loggerheads in the lead up to a match, and then the loser has to wear the other team's colours under their carrier vest and/or shirt the next day. I also believe that his old man supported United and young Simon probably grew up having brawls in the street with drunk adult men who didn't care he was just a kid; there's a scar on his belly from a broken bottle that caught him when he was thirteen. He hates United.

Gaz: I think Gaz is from North London (projection, beloved) so he has to be a Gunner. Arsenal. He has a stuffed Gunnersaurus Rex that he takes with him in his duffel. It was gifted to him by one of his sisters to keep him safe when he enlisted and god fuckin' help the dozy cunt who tries to steal it for ransom. Soap made that mistake once and was looking over his shoulder for a full week after. Gaz grew up kicking about in the streets around his estate, and he was scouted for the academy before he decided his future belonged in the armed forces. Football kept him away from county lines and all that BS though, and focused him in on what mattered; school and sport. Gaz never got involved in any of the drinking or the hooliganism. For him, it's about the athleticism, the skill and the beauty of the game.