#I hate hate this constant stress about not having organised everything and Christmas gets closer everyday

[marimule]

Eldest daughter syndrome peaks during Christmas

[imagine-that-one-thing]

Styles Towers. || 4

Author’s Note: Hey hey!! Here is part 4!!! Rated M for Mature audiences.

Chapter One.

Chapter Two.

Chapter Three.

Don’t forget the other links:

The first book Can also be found on WattPad, HERE

The first book found HERE

You can find my blurb Master list HERE

                            || While you were sleeping. || 

                                                        || Harry || I smile to myself as I overhear the sound of Elise’s heels echoing against the flooring downstairs and leisurely making their way to the staircase. I look at the suit on the bed, somewhat eager to get it on.

I never thought the day would come that I would be impassioned to draw on a full suit that’ll be inconvenient by the end of the evening, but I am. It has been four weeks since the car accident and the last two weeks have been hell for a recovery, my body still isn’t the way it used to be, it aches, it’s still weak, and it still feels the aches it did when I was reclining upon the road.

Elise saunters through the bedroom door and I give her a grin as I greet her, but she barely gives me one in return. I frown for a moment but brush it off as she kisses my cheek.

“How was your day?” I challenge, running a towel through my damp hair as she sits on the edge of the bed and slips off her heels.

“Long and exhausting,” she responds with a heavy sigh, closing her eyes for a few moments. “What time do we have to leave?”

“In an hour,” I respond, clutching my button down and gliding it up my arms as Elise executes her fingers through her hair.

Elise and I grow withdrawn as we both get ready for the charity event, I give her some space, taking note of her sluggishness and her tiredness. I know what it’s like to wake up at four in the morning and having to get through a whole day plus night dealing with things, I know how much it must be hurting her. But, after tonight it should be mainly me getting up at four and she can sleep and relax. That’s of course if she continues to work under me and not Logan. If she stays in my—our— business, I do not expect her up and Adam before the sun even rises. Quite honestly, I want her to relax for a little while and let me take back the reins, she’s exhausted as it is, I’ve executed enough stress on her, the least I can do is take it all back.

I wait downstairs for Elise, my eyes watching the time religiously— I hate being late, but I can tolerate it this one time for Elise. I’ve come to learn that waiting on Elise is one of the small things life has to offer. “Elle, sweetheart—,” I begin to tenderly call from the staircase but stop when I see her reach the top. My eyes glisten as she flawlessly steps down the staircase in a white dress that compliments her in every damn way. To say the least, I can’t help but still drool over her.

She reaches the bottom of the stairs and I kiss her cheek, knowing well enough that kissing her lips will ruin her lipstick, and as much as I have done that purposely in the past, I can’t tonight. “You look lovely,” I compliment here, appreciating the fact she still makes my heart flutter in my chest. She could come down these stairs in sweatpants and my t-shirt and I’d still swoon over her. I take Elise’s hand and escort her out of the house.

Elise and I slide into the back of the car, our driver closing the door behind us. The moment I get settled, Elise rests her head against my shoulder and grows quiet, poor thing, I can tell she is exhausted and probably can’t wait to hand the reins of the business back to me.

I slide out of the car as my driver opens the door and I stand and offer my hand to Elise, she places her hand with mine before elegantly getting out of the car and adjusting her dress. I take a breath as I gander up at my building, something I have managed to neglect for the last few weeks due to certain circumstances. 

Elise presses her hand to my arm as we step inside my building and we make our way towards the same area I hold all my capital events, Christmas parties, welcoming parties, charity events, you name it. It’s always the same room, just dissimilar decorations and setups. The doors slide open upon our arrival and we both take a step in, my eyes instantaneously glimmer as they meet the beautiful setup Elise managed to organise, from lights to flowers, to a black and gold colour scheme. 

I really did get lucky with her, I swear. 

“This looks lovely, truly.” I kiss her cheek, proud of the fact she put this together with such short notice and little experience with things, Anastasia presumably helped her, but there is no doubt in my mind that Elise did most of the work, she isn’t like me and passes things off to people of more experience, I tend to just swipe my card and have Anastasia do what needs to be done decoration wise. 

“Ah, the man of the hour,” Niall welcomes me, shaking my hand before engulfing Elise into a warm embrace, 

“Mate, that is you, this is all for you,” I shake my head, not wanting any sort of spotlight on me. 

I may be leisurely stepping foot back into the world of business, but this event is focused on charity and formally announcing Niall as a partner in the business, he has earnt his position, especially with how highly Elise has spoken of him since I’ve been absent. 

“And you, Elise, ain’t you just looking wonderful tonight, still glowing.” Niall chuckles and I roll my eyes impishly towards him. 

“She is gorgeous, isn’t she?” I grin, more than delighted to show her off and throw her out into the spotlight, she deserves to be told she is beautiful, “But, you should go flirt with Anastasia, I hear she is still on the market,” I wink, purposely watching Niall clench his jaw to stop him from blushing at the sound of her name. 

Oh, how I have missed being light-hearted with him and with everyone. 

“Oh ha, ha, you are hilarious. So, I guess you’re not firing me?” Niall teases me and I wrinkle my brow for a moment, trying not to smirk and remember my little emotional outburst that was a little overly dramatic. Elise chuckles, her small laughter beside me bringing me more merriment than anyone could possibly imagine, “Niall, it was a really bad day. You’re too… re…re..” I trail off, struggling to think of the word I am looking for. Fuck. 

“Reliable,” Elise whispers just for me to hear as she kisses my cheek, 

I clear my throat, “You’re too reliable, can’t get rid of yeh,” I recover my small stutter and lapse of thought. 

“How about you fly the coop? I know a few men waiting to speak to you about business.” Niall subtly eases his way into a small convincement of luring me into business conversations. 

I look towards Elise and she gives me a tender smile, “I’m going to get a drink, I’ll catch up with you in a bit?” She proposes and I bite my lip, not really wanting to stray away from her, I feel more at ease when she is by my side, but I nod my head. She leans up and places a small kiss to my lips, “Niall, watch him,” Elise instructs protectively. I talk business with a few men, one particularly boasting about how well Elise was with him when he proposed a pitch to her. I’m more than proud of my wife, she deserves more credit than she has received. 

I, for the life of me, have no idea how she managed to win over this man, a man that Niall had struggled with previously, but what I do know is that Elise is one hell of a woman. 

I smile as the man continues to tell me about his encounter with my wife, honestly, I’m nothing but proud and honoured. 

“She’s a quick learner,” I nod, his wife interrupting the conversation with a courteous smile, 

“Where is your wife? I have yet to meet her. I’d love to meet the woman who is highly spoken of,” she courteously questions, causing me to realise that I haven’t seen Elise in quite a while, she has been MIA since she left me with Niall and that was at least an hour ago. 

“She’s around here somewhere, by the end of the night I’ll be sure to introduce the two of you,” I assure the lady as my eyes subtly pry around for my wife. I don’t know where she has gotten herself off too, but she can’t be too far. 

The lovely couple excuses themselves and I find myself ultimately free of business for a moment. 

I finally have a whole moment to myself to breathe in and out. As much as I have been eager to get back out into this world, my body fucking hurts, maybe Elise was right, I should have taken more time to rest, but I’m going insane having to sit in the house and do absolutely nothing. My eyes scour the congregation of businessmen and women in their optimum attire as they mingle and network. 

I hearken to the sound of glass breaking by striking violently to the floor and I flashback.

*** ***

My body stiffens as it is moved forward with a bounding motion from the unforeseen eruption of the car hitting something before glass smashes into smithereens and falls around me, everything rotating rapidly for a moment as it feels like the vehicle is tumbling. I take heavy breaths for my eyes attempt to focus on myself; I tilt my head down and distinguishes glass in my lap and all around me and sinking into the skin of my hand. I lend an ear to a few voices in the distance and they leisurely get closer before the vehicle door is hauled open, glass hacking to pieces further and falling to the ground out of the car as the door unlatches. I cock my head to the side, a shadow leaning in and unclipping my seatbelt as he careens over and drags me out. Pain lathers through me as I’m moved and I do my best not to moan in constant, agonising pain.

I’m rested on the terrain and the man hovers over me, my vision striving to focus. Bitter words are spat around and my wedding band is taken from me and heaved to the ground…. A voice resounds from a distance as I open my eyes to encounter someone hovering over me, the voice sounding familiar, “Harry, oh fuck… hey, hey, stay with me,” the voice instructs as my eyes struggle to stay open, “Harry, you have to keep your eyes open, help is on the way… Harry, c’mon for once listen to me. Fuck,” … “open your eyes, damnit Harry, if you don’t fucking open them I swear… I swear. Just open them.” The voice continues to whisk through my ears against the whistling of the wind around us. “Fuck, I have to go.” He murmurs as my vision has a stumble and grants permission to me to make out his features, distinctive features I’d never expect to witness while I’m close to dying on the ice-cold, stiff ground.

I use all my energy to raise my arm and grasp his attention, my fingers agilely managing to catch the material of his suit jacket. “Don’t leave,” I cough, the words hurting my throat like knives slicing me with every breath, 

“I have to, I’m sorry,”  

“Elle,” I dryly manage to get out, just wanting Elise to be watched over and looked out for. 

“I’ll get her, she’ll be okay.” Logan gives me a nod before he’s transiting away from me, leaving me on the cold hard ground like the other men did.

  *** End of Flash Back ***

I take a deep breath, the fracturing glass being enough for me to be suddenly assailed by the same pain I did that night, the painfulness of glass prodding into my skin, the feeling of my head delivering a blow to the window before the car flipped, and the impression of withering away leisurely to my death.

“Where’s Elise?” I grab Niall, not bothering to excuse my unsatisfactory manners as he turns to me, instantly stopping his conversation with three men.

Niall glances around and shrugs his shoulder, “I don’t know, mate.”

“I need Elise,” I horse-whisper, my hands beginning to shake. Niall flicks his head and gestures for me to follow him. We step out of the crowded area of men and women, I lean against the wall as Niall pulls out his phone.

“Ah, there she is,” Niall instantly points out, shoving his phone in his pocket as Elise walks towards me from the lobby.

“Where have you been?” I interrogate in a bit of an erosive tone, forgetting that the world doesn’t, in fact, revolve around me. Niall leisurely backs away and Elise takes a breath, 

“Outside.” She informs me, “what’s wrong?” She delicately questions as I yank at the tie around my neck, feeling far too constricted and trapped as it’s around me. 

Her hands effeminately push away my own and she helps me out, loosening my tie as I take a few deep breaths. ”I-I, I can feel the accident and the pain… it’s, it’s going up my arm and my back. A glass broke and suddenly it just started,” I get tongue-tied. 

“Take a few deep breaths, take off your jacket,” she instructs and I do as she commands. 

I slide it down my arms and permit it to drape over my arm. “Turn around,” she gives precise instructions and I turn my back to her. 

Her hand graciously presses to my arm before I feel her hand caressing my back and massaging it soothingly, “breathe, you’re right here with me, you’re not anywhere else but with me.” She whispers in a sweet way, “you’re okay, forget about everything and just focus on us… it was just a memory.” … “here, talk to me about something,” 

“What about?” I sigh, unsure of what to tell her, I don’t think she wants to hear more about how glass shattering managed to trigger pain to shoot through my body; I don’t think she wants to hear about any of it. 

“Anything, tell me about the song you wrote,” 

“Elle,” I breathe out, the thought of opening up about my veiled interest just never settles with me. 

It’s a part of me that I attempted to forget, it comes with obscure shadows that I prefer to keep far away from me. Music used to be my escape— it used to be my saving grace— then it became a benighted, twisting rupture that suffocated me and made me weak at the knees. But, if I can’t tell my wife, who can I tell? 

“I wrote it when we first started dating, I hadn’t played the piano for years until you came along, I just—I wrote a melody that made me think of you, and this sounds cheesy and cliche, but it’s true. I wanted a melody to keep me humming along so I didn’t entirely lose touch with that side of me. Over the years, I played it when I needed a sense of calmness, it always seemed to work.” 

“Why have I never heard you play it? The most I’ve really managed to catch is a few chords from your guitar and that was rare.” Elise questions, her hand still rubbing soothing circles over my back. “I don’t play unless I’m alone.” 

“You should play more,” 

“Too many memories,” I shake my head, the reasons for stopping being far more ferocious than the reasons to start.

I gave up most the music and creativity when I went head first into business concerns. I made a decision to put my efforts into my establishment and to keep my mind off of the things I didn’t want to remember or know of. 

“Bad memories?” Elise in a low voice cross-examines, her hand leaving my back and I turn to properly face her. 

I don’t have to say a word or even nod, just one gaze into my eyes and she knows the answer, “I’m sorry, maybe we should make new memories with it. You’re pretty good at this music stuff,” 

“And you, my dear, are dreadful at melodies,” I chuckle, giving her a wink in reference to when she sat beside me and pressed random keys to echo a terrible melody. 

“I never once said I was good, you should teach me.” Elise smiles as I gingerly curl my arm around her to bring her closer to me. 

“Mmm, if you flirt a little more, I just might,” I respond with a small grin, the idea of sitting down with her and showing her how to play the piano or guitar fills me with a sense of blithe, I don’t know why, but it does. Elise delicately envelopes her arms around my neck and presses her lips effortlessly against mine, “I’ve said this a lot, but I love you,” she whispers against my lips, pecking them one last time before moving to stare into my eyes.

“And I love you,” I smile, moving to allow my hand to push some of her hair away from her face. “I should probably get back in there… wanna stand with me in case I forget more words and make a fool of myself?” I challenge, wanting her to stay by me as I mingle. I’m not usually the indigent type, but at the moment, I want her around me, she’s my sense of security right now, essentially my left hand.

Elise coincides and we make a move back into the corporative civilization. men instantaneously surround me with their cocky grins and piercing eyes that want my attention and solutions to their business issues. I don’t have much to say to them, this night isn’t about me. Well, it is, it’s my first step back into work, but I don’t want to everything to be about me. 

I take the time to look at Elise and I cock my head to the side, something about her seeming off, she doesn’t seem bubbly and delighted, she’s no longer glowing— something just seems off with her. She fakes a smile as the businessman informs her on some sort of story that I know she’s not interested in, I don’t blame her, she’s presumably displeased of all the business talk. 

Niall comes along with his charming smile and lightens the mood into a conversation that isn’t entirely revolving around business. Elise strays away from me and is swallowed by the crowd and disappears.

                                                   || Elise ||  

“Hey, sweetheart, can I buy you a drink?” Harry smiles as he encounters me sitting by the side of the bar, doing my best to stay out of conversations and away from the business civilization.

“I don’t know, my husband might get a bit mad,” I wear a smile up at him as he with great care takes my hand and laces his fingers with my own,

“Ah, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, love. Any drink, it’s on me.” He grins, leaning down and settling a kiss to my cheek. “You look ravishing tonight, as always. Making my heart weak in this dress,” he whispers subtly,

“Is the CEO flirting with me?” I merrily giggle, and he cautiously tugs at my hand to signal for me to stand on my feet. 

With great effort, I exert force against myself to my feet, his arm instantaneously wrapping around me graciously before kissing my lips affably, “who wouldn’t flirt with yeh? You’re gorgeous.” He beams blissfully and I rest my hands on his chest, leaning up and kissing him again lightly, well aware that we aren’t alone and there are probably business executives surveilling the two of us.

“You brush up quite lovely yourself in this suit, your wife must be one lucky lady,”

“I’m just one lucky man to have her,” he shakes his head, “would you like a drink?” He proposes and I shake my head, courteously declining a drink from the bar. “Mhm, okay… where have you been running off too? Can’t seem to keep you close to me for too long.” Harry interrogates,

“Just talking to people and taking care of things, hey, I was kind of wondering if we could leave soon, or if I could?” I sweetly propose, taking note of how most the charity has already been made and donated by everyone and how I’m not as a matter of fact required. I’d much prefer to be cuddled up in bed than standing here in heels and a dress.

“In about an hour,” he nods, “why? Is it that boring?” He examines,

“No, no, I uh- I hate to sing the blues, I’m just worn out, been up since four.”

“Okay, just another hour, okay?” Harry reasons and I agree, not wanting to force him to leave right at this instant, although, it would be quite a blessing.

“Works for me, but I kinda need a few more kisses to get me through the hour.” I grin, his own lips forming into a smile,

“Anything for you,” he whispers, leaning down and kissing my lips lightly.

I do my best to keep myself engaged and interested in the multiple conversations, but it’s hard when I have many things running through my mind. I’m not in much of a mood to be at this sort of event, I’m doing it just for Harry’s benefit. 

These events sometimes get repetitive, I have been to so many and sometimes they’re boring and old. 

After being up from four in the morning and barely sleeping, to begin with, all I want is to get to our bed, but here I am, standing in heels that are killing my feet, and a dress that is a little tight but classy enough to still wear. I pulled it out of the wardrobe this morning, I figured it would be a good chance to wear the white dress while it’s still semi-warm. I won’t get to wear it after a few more weeks, probably won’t get to wear half my clothes in a few more weeks.

Harry politely excuses the two of us and leads me away, our hands intertwined,

“Would you like to dance?” Harry proposes, gesturing towards the meagre dance floor of couples slow dancing, I shrug, unsure of whether Harry truly wants to dance, I know he isn’t a fan of it and usually fights me when I endeavour for him to slow dance with me. 

I look up at him as we come to a standstill, “are you sure?” 

“Yeah, c’mon. It’s the least I can do,” he nods, guiding me towards the dance floor and drawing me closer to him. 

His hand presses to the small of my back and he looks down, watching his feet as he leads, doing his best not to step all over me. He sighs as he catches the edge of my dress and I give him a stifled laugh. 

I let go of his hand and with great care ruffle the end of my dress into my hand to pull it to the side before I place my hand back with his and he takes the lead, swiftly swaying as I lean closer and lean my head on his shoulder, our bodies being as close as possible and intimate. 

“I’ve told you a lot, but you’re breathtakingly radiant, I’m the luckiest man in this room, hands down.” … “I’ve heard a considerable number of good things about you, I’m beyond proud to have you as my wife, honestly,” Harry speaks in a low voice as he concentrates on his feet. 

“I’m pretty lucky to have you here, still.” 

“Not goin’ anywhere anytime soon, sweetheart,” 

“Good, I’d miss these moments too much,” 

“What, you’d miss the terrible slow dancing?” Harry snickers, “I’m sure your dresses would be pleased not to have me step all over them.” 

“No, I mean just having you around and close to me,” 

“I know what you meant. I’m not going anywhere,” 

“Promise?” I breathe, 

“Promise, love you too much… someone has to keep you on your toes.”  

I chuckle delicately as he whispers sweet nothings while we slow dance together, deriving great pleasure from the closeness of our bodies, an intimacy we haven’t felt as much as we used to. 

We’ve been disconnected physically. I take a heavy breath before taking a step back and disconnecting Harry and I from our slow dance. “Elle?" 

"I just- I’ll be back,” I murmur, needing to draw myself away from everyone and everything. 

Harry graciously grasps my hand and draws me back, “just give me a minute,” I speak in a low voice, the two of us getting interrupted in great timing. While Harry is forced to take his attention away from me for a brief moment, I slip away from him and transit out. I’m startled when Harry steps in front of me as I’m sat upon the stone wall of the small garden bed. 

“Elise, I’ve been looking all over for you,” Harry murmurs ill-fatedly, something telling me that he’s no longer in the sweet mood he was in around an hour ago. 

“I’ve been out here,” 

“I see,” he nods, “it would have been nice to have had you in there, a lot of people have been asking for you, love.” 

“Harry,” I sigh, “I’m not feeling too well,” I inform him, not wanting to hear about how people have been asking for me or how the business world has missed him. Quite frankly, I do not give a damn. That is not my priority right now. 

He fixes his eyes upon me and sighs as he takes his jacket off and steps closer to me. He drapes his jacket around me and kisses my forehead, “Want me to take you home?” He proposes and I shrug, leaning forward and resting my head on him. 

I feel his hand press to my back and rub small circles on it as I close my eyes and breathe in his scent. 

We stay like this for a few minutes, the fresh air and his warm touch putting me at a bit of ease. “Elle, come on. I’ll take you home if you’re ill.” He murmurs, his hand no longer rubbing my back, forcing me to lift myself away from him. 

I take a breath and slide off of the stone edge with Harry’s guidance, Harry’s jacket falling to the cool ground. I sigh and stare down at it, not wanting to bend down. 

As if he reads my mind, Harry’s words assure me, “I’ve got it,” he leans down and grabs his jacket, grimacing dimly and doing his best to disguise his own pain from me. 

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, but he shakes his head before gliding his jacket up my arms so it can’t fall off. 

“How about we stay up in the penthouse for the night? It’s more convenient.” Harry proposes as we walk side by side back towards the entrance of his tower. 

I give him a nod, not caring too much about where we stay, I just want to get in a cosy bed and feel the warmth of fresh sheets between my body as I’m wrapped up in a comforter. Harry and I step into the Penthouse and the lights shine intermittently I incline my steps towards the extensive window that has a flawless semblance of the city below us— something I immemorially enjoy admiring. I step away and shuffle towards the bed and pick up my clutch I previously threw to the bed. I open it and look down into it, my hand reaching an item in it and carefully placing it in the draw while Harry’s back is turned. I sit on the edge of the bed and watch as Harry turns around, his hands wrestling with his tie as he cocks his head to the side. 

“you alright?” He challenges and I give him a nod,

“Yeah, you?” 

“Pretty damn sore,” … “probably shouldn’t have moved around so much,” he continues while he grabs hold of a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt from the wardrobe. “here, I’ll help you out of the dress,” he steps closer to me As he throws his tie to the bed along with the clothes he intends to wear to bed. 

I stand up and observes him unbutton his shirt, his eyes wincing as he slides it down his arms. “Turn sweetheart,” he instructs and I turn my back to him before his hands bear down on to his jacket I’m still wearing, gingerly gliding it down my arms and placing it on the bed. 

I feel a small cold chill run through my body as my shoulders become exposed to the cool air of the room. Harry’s hands rub the sides of my arms for a moment before he kisses the slender column of my neck, leaving a small trail of kisses to my bare shoulder before unzipping my dress and allowing it to waddle up on the floor around me. 

Harry sweetly glides his button up to slide up my arms and I turn back to face him, my hands moving to start buttoning them but Harry graciously pushes them away. He gives me a tender smile and buttons the shirt to my liking. I thank him with a small kiss on his lips before I sink myself into the bed and pull the covers around me. 

Harry claims his side beside me, eventually, and wiggles around for a while, doing his best to get comfortable beside me, unaware that I’m still awake. 

I let out a sigh and move closer to him, my hand resting on his chest, “sorry, darlin’ thought you were asleep.” He says in a low voice, 

“It’s okay.” 

“Do you want to cuddle, sweetheart? Come here,” he instructs and I move and become comfortable while nestled against him, his warmth radiating ideally onto my body. He kisses the top of my head, “how are you feeling?” He whispers as his hand outlines random shapes and patterns on my arm. 

“The same,” … “so, you didn’t tell me how therapy went today.” I change the topic, remembering that Harry had a session this morning. 

“Ehh, so-so. Didn’t go nuts this time and try fire, my trainer,” Harry chuckles, “I just find it… what’s that word I’m looking for? Fr- its when something’s annoying… damnit…” 

“Frustrating,” 

“Yeah, it’s frustrating because I feel like I’m a child having to relearn how to do things and having to regain my strength. Not to mention my vocabulary has gone to shit.” 

“It’ll get better, it’s just temporary.” 

“Thank god for that, Niall had to cover for me a few times. “Do you feel any better, Elle?” Harry wearily questions as my fingers trace one of his tattoos for the hundredth time, 

“No,” I mumble with a heavy sigh and he draws the comforter to better cover me, “Harry?” 

“Yes, sweetheart?” 

“You know how you always say I can come to you with anything and tell you anything?” I bring into question as his fingers dance around on my arm, drawing patterns, 

“Yeah, what is it, Elise? Should I be worried?” Harry challenges with a tint of apprehension to his voice. 

I carefully sit up and force his arms away from me, “Elle, what’s wrong?” He instantaneously interrogates.

“I uh-, so I have something for you, something to tell you,” I mumble, my nerves pulsating through my body and my breath beginning to hitch in my throat, if I didn’t feel sick earlier, I definitely feel unwell now. 

I lean over and open the bedside drawer, my fingers coming into contact with the highly polished paper and catching it between them. Harry cautiously sits up with a small moan and I settle the picture so all he can see is the backing of it. He flicks his eyes between me and the photograph and raises a brow before his hand reaches for it and he turns it over. 

I observe as he looks with a fixed stare at the sonogram for a moment before he turns his head to gaze at me, 

“Love,” his breath hitches in his throat and I feel my own heart hammering in my chest. 

“I’m pregnant,” the words ultimately scamper away from my lips that have been harbouring in the news since I found out. I had endeavoured to tell him the day of his accident but he was too much in a rush to realise what I was attempting to allege. “I found out while you were sleeping,” 

His eyes look back and stare at the sonogram resting in his hand as the silence of the room plays mind games with me. 

I can’t handle the silence— I can’t handle his silence. 

“I need you to say something,” I talk in a whisper, my nerves continuing to hum through my veins, anxiety beginning to tick me like a ticking time bomb. He focuses his attention on me with gleaming, glossy eyes, his bottom lip quivering as a tear collapse from his grey eyes. 

He places the sonogram down to rest on the comforter before he’s staring at me again, the silence annihilating me. He doesn’t say a word, instead, he kisses me sweetly and delicately, just enough to put me at ease. 

His hands cup my face as his lips part from mine, “I don’t think I could be any more in love with you, than what I am in this moment… we’re going to have a family,” he whispers with a smile and I nod, pressing the pad of my thumb to his cheek and wiping away a stray tear. “Can… can I?” He gestures towards my stomach that isn’t showing. I give him a nod and he presses his hand ever so delicately to it. 

I press my hand over his and settle into him, a tender kiss pressing to the top of my head…

Stay tuned: A plot twist is coming next Chapter! :) xx

[cherrycherrystudying]

2017: A year in review

I've been thinking a lot on how-to write this.

To be honest, I would find it difficult to summarise this year. It feels like this year was so intense, and at the same time, like nothing at all. I remember last year's new year as if it was last week.

Time is a very odd concept, is it not?

January: the beginning of the red shirt revolution, a new year's sleepover with family and chaos and movies and jelly. The beginning of of my beloved art exam pieces, based on The Infernal Devices - I hated the work while I was doing them, of course. I should have probably focused on my gcse's and studying, but we are not here to regret.

February: the month I casually dragged my mother into the world that is Arrow.

When it really felt like I should have started studying properly. I was taking all the study sessions I could during the holidays, and I was taking a break from my extra curricular because it was causing me to stress.

March: by now I'm spending every week in ICT and geography, trying to catch up on work that I so blatantly ignored. It was always easy to just mess around in those lessons, to do whatever I wanted. This is also the month I was born in, and I especially love my birthday. I love getting presents and I love having get togethers and feeling like I'm the special one for once. I, for the first time, had can mercy which excited be beyond anything, of course. And my party was Spanish themedand all yellows and reds in colour. We had a sleepover that week too, we finally hit the gym and stuff. Art was already beginning to catch up with me, my pace has always been very slow and it's not a good way to work.

I also began at the end of the month to study with my cousin.

We never really got much done together.

April: This was the month I finally decided that I wanted to get my shit together. I organised my Bullet Journal, I went out for fresh air a lot, and I had more study classes outside of lesson. This was also the month I allowed myself to indulge in music, into the world that is BTS, courtesy of my friend. She knew exactly what she had done. I spent my time learning about them instead of learning about the things I really needed to learn, which was not a good decision on my part. However, when there in beauty just waiting to be discovered, it interests me much more than boring studying.

April is also the last month in which I am able to go out and do all sorts of things like going to parks and restaurants and birthday parties with my family. After this month I become housebound in an attempt to study harder.

Towards the end of this month, I am pulling more and more late nights, trying to complete all my exam work for my art course. I was slowly being driven mad by all of this.

May: I was starting to feel violent and restless. My gcse's were quickly approaching and everyone could not understand how I didn't seem to care about them at all. I was spending ,such more time in my I want shit to be over with jumper than I was in regular clothes. My obsession with BTS was getting bigger and exams were getting closer, and couldn't help but turn away from studying and more to procrastination.

When my exams finally started, it didn't really feel like I was existing anymore. I didn't want to do anything, I just turned up to my classes and my exams, waiting for them to finally be over.

As the ending came around, finally, it was the holidays, but these feelings of emptiness were only getting bigger.

June: the second half of the rest of my exams. We were also in the process of mentally preparing for departure from secondary school, only to have to turn up the next day for our last few exams. I didn't want secondary school to finish. That really threw me off. Once my exams were over, I had nothing to occupy my time the way school did. It was very odd, and I spent a lot of time binging and wasting away in my bedroom. I even was going o go so far as to pretend that I forgot about prom, only to go anyway and turn up fashionably an hour and a half late. I want to say it was an experience that I could not have missed, but unfortunately, I was bored to death.

July: I'm spending more time with my family, and I went back to my extra curricular. There's a wedding that we are spending time preparing for, which takes up time and brings more people together. I enjoyed July. I felt like I was really here. I also finally picked up my hobby of drawing, but only few doodles here and there.

August: Again, because all my family are also out for the summer, I spent more time with them. We took a trip to Scotland, and I loved it. It was like escaping everything, which is what I so desperately wanted. Lots of things happen, I have relatives that visit, we search for wedding venues, I eat tasty food. But results day is getting closer, and it speeds up times. Everyone gets restless, and there is one who worries so much that they called the night before to see if I was on the list of excelling students. I made a playlist for the day, a mash up of me feeling sad and me feeling happy. I was not particularly ready for how I would feel.

I get my results.

They are what I expect.

I still feel awful when I get home.

My mother makes us go to Wales. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to do anything. We still went. I spent time on the beach, with music and a pot in the rocks

It doesnt feel like people shpuld be proud of me, but they all congratulate me anyway.

I enroll for college with ease.

September: It is the beginning of change, as I had spent 5 years in secondary school, only for it to end and for me to go to college. I don't actually know what I expected, but it was better than what I thought It would be.

It feels good to be around right now. I make small documents of things I do, I enjoy doing it. I kept on top of my work, I told myself I was going to be the perfect student. I wanted to do well this time.

October: I'm still having fun dressing up for college. You can see by the collection of photos of my outfits in my gallery. The wedding datrs aree getting close and closer, and we finally have outfits. I'm trying to keep up with all the work I'm given, but I've never tried to keep up with my work. I spent more time planning a dance.

I also got an exchange partner.

November: Finally, the month of the wedding. It's hectic, and filled with lots of planning and executing the plans and parties and bridal showers and sleepovers and late nights and travelling, all for it to amount to a total if three days which were over in the blink of an eye. I went all the way to London twice, and I had award ceremonies for my results at GCSE.

December: and now here, the last month of the year, where I tell myself I will put all my effort in, only to Los E the whole month to my chronic procrastination. I now have an abundance of jumpers due to constant shopping, and Christmas was an entertaining dinner to say the least. My body I tired, and I'm glad this was over so quickly, but at the same time I wish it had all lasted longer.

Everything seemed to have gone by so quickly, and yet I had weeks where I would do ABSOLUTELY nothing. It was very confusing and sad to say the least.

So yes. That was 2017, a very detailed summary.

I hope 2018 is much brighter for me and my future.

💛 - Nemothechocolatebrownie