#I had one vocal coach who got fired after calling me a robot and saying I didn’t have a soul for music lmao

[folklorianhaze]

Rewatching old clips of my performances from when I went to college for music and I’m just now struck with the realization after being diagnosed in my mid/late twenties that the reason my professors harped on me all the time for not smiling or “looking emotionless” when I sang was, in fact, because I’m autistic and have flat affect 🙃🙃

[jumoonjae]

I’LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN

PART 2  PART 3 PART 4 PART 5

Pairings: Ji Changmin (Q) X Reader X Jaehyun (Hyunjae) Ft Kevin Moon  Genre: Fluff x Angst  Word count: 3,865 words

Summary: A talent show will take place in three week times and you still struggling with putting emotion in the song that you choose, a masterpiece by Lady Gaga, ‘I’ll never love again’. You meet Changmin who you fall for instantly after he jumps in to help you figuring out how to perform the song. Will he manage to help you? Or will he be the one who cause you to sing the song for him? 

Image are not mine. Credit to Google.

Don’t wanna feel another touch

Don’t wanna start another fire

Don’t wanna know another kiss

No other name falling off my lips

Don’t wanna give my heart away

To another stranger

Or let another day begin

Won’t even let the sunlight in

Your finger halted playing the piano as you keep hitting the wrong key and you apologize to your vocal coach that already displease with your mistakes. You were about to start again from the top but your vocal coach stop you by raising his hand. He heaved a deep sigh before start talking. Which you know won’t be a good comment. “Minus the mistake, your voice was great and all. But you need to put some emotion to it Y/N. You sound soulless. Just like a robot. Maybe you should consider singing another song. Because this will be your last performance and if you couldn’t pull this off..” He trailed.

“People put high hopes on you Y/N, and they’re pretty excited after knowing that you’ll be performing solo this year.” His words cut you ego deep in front of your classmate. You were always known for a good singer with a lavish golden voice and everyone adores you for that because your mini acoustic band together with Kevin and Jacob always played by the campus garden covering tons of songs. But the comment about your lack of emotion from him always hurts you. You could just say that you never dated before as excuse but you’re too shy to admit that in front of every one. Maybe that is the reason why you couldn’t really feel the song and it scares you that he probably just ask another student to perform solo and put you in the choir instead. You stayed after class dismissed and practice the song repeatedly with and without the piano.

Changmin

“This not it.” He mumbles after realizing that he had entered the wrong floor after decided to pay Sunwoo a surprise visit because he didn’t came for his graduation day and even on his College entrance. In the midst of looking for the stairs to head down, his ears caught a sweet voice singing a song that he known from the movie Shallow without any music that echoes throughout the empty corridor alluring him. His feet drag him following the sound of the voice to a slightly ajar door where the voice came from. He peeked inside and saw a girl in a casual black sweatshirt and skinny jeans, her thick red hair that was pull up into a messy bun flaunts her pale complexion perfectly just like Ariel from The Little Mermaid. She was pouting her tinted red lips while reading what he recognizes as a music sheet.

He was stunned when she opened her mouth and starts to sing the chorus in falsetto while seating down effortlessly, she put back the music sheet on the piano and starts to play while singing, but she wasn’t into the song because she keeps focusing on her finger washing the emotion away from the song. When she tries to put back the emotion, she keeps hitting the wrong keys on the piano. She stops abruptly slamming the lid shut before resting her head on the on top of the lid. He knows how she felt because he tends to hit the wrong key when he first learns to play one. He know how frustrated it was and how hard to play while singing. He steps into the room on instinct standing a few feet behind her.

“I think if you can’t do both, you can just focus on your singing. Playing the piano seems to distract your emotion.” He giggled when she jumps a little startled by him and he was quick to apologize.

Y/N

You jumped hard when you saw a man with a cheeky grin stood behind you out of nowhere. You lean back your head on the lid as you caress your chest.

“I’m sorry I startled you. Here, let me help.” He sat next to you without even asking for your permission and pulls the music sheet to his side of the piano before opening the lid and starts to play the intro. His shoulder touches yours giving you the perfect warmth replacing the coldness that has been taking over your body from the cold of the room. He then looks at you and nods slowly to give you cue to start and you sing to the melody until the end of the song. He smiles proudly flaunting his deep adorable dimple and give you a clap.

“How long have you played the piano?” He asked backing away from you making a little space between you two so it would be easier for him to converse without being too close. and there goes the warmth too.

“About a month.” You tilt your head to the side looking at his smile that never left his lips from the start. It was contagious that you couldn’t help to smile back.

“A month? Wow, I couldn’t even say a word while playing at my first month.” He closes the lid and put his elbow on top of it before resting the side of his head on his knuckles. You got a little flustered by his simple compliments which making him giggle. But you’re quick to deny.

“No, not really. If I was that good, you won’t be coming in to the rescue. Thank you by the way. I guess you were right, I should focus on one thing first.” You look to your sweaty palm as you’re starts to getting more nervous the longer you look at his smile. His phone vibrate saving you from the humiliation from getting caught crushing on him

“Excuse me.” He fished his phone from his jeans pocket before leaving you alone.

“Sunwoo-ah. I’m at the third floor in the vocal faculty. What? You’re at my faculty? Okay, I’ll be there in a minute.” He turns to you before bidding you goodbye.

“Tell me your name at least, or which faculty you’re from.” You sighed still looking at the entrance waiting for his footstep to disappear from the corridor before looking at the vacant spot where he sat just now. You smile as the image of his cheeky grin and the way his hand danced on the piano swiftly floating inside you mind.

***

The next day you talked to your vocal coach telling him that you won’t be playing the piano while singing. He looked unamused but you convince him by singing the full song without playing.

“I admit that you manage to interject the emotion, but I need more. I need a story that connects to the song. I want on the day you perform this song you be able to break every heart that will be there. I want that Y/N. Can you do that?” He asked and you nod hesitantly.

“One more, are you going to ask one of the student from the orchestra group to play for you?” He asked and you a bit taken aback by the question because you didn’t think about that at all. Your mind took you back to yesterday evening making you glance shortly to the piano seat where he sat giving you encouragement. You smiles because you know it’s quite impossible to ask for a big favor like that from a stranger.

“Can I ask Kevin to do it?” You look to the said boy and his eyes widen while shaking his head slowly. Before you could ask him why, your coach beat you to it.

“Kevin? He’ll be joining the musical group this year. He won’t have any time to help you. Find someone who can practice with you without meddling with their programs okay?” You sighed before taking back you seat on the floor next to Kevin.

“Musical? Why didn’t you tell me anything about it?” You kind of hurt because as his best friend, you didn’t know what he will be doing for the talent show.

“It was a last minute thing and we didn’t really had time to hang out since the preparation for the show started.” He’s looking at you and you could see the glint of guilt in his eyes. He was right though, you two been busy with your assignments and after the new semester start you both barely hang out together outside campus unless he walked you to your dorm or stop by for dinner on your way back. He once ask you to join him hanging out and be friend with his group but you said you a bit uncomfortable when you’re the only girl in the group. So he stops asking.

“No its fine Kev. I can find somebody else to do it.” You nudge him trying to brush his guilt away. But you on the other side, started to feel unrest by thinking about the one who could play for you and you didn’t really know anybody from the orchestra group well.

“Why did you change your mind about playing by yourself?” Kevin ask as you two head out from the room.

“I wasn’t confident enough to play.” Your voice trailed and he lean closer making faces forcing you to spill out whatever you’re hiding from him. You didn’t want him get the wrong idea about you having a short romantic experience yesterday with a stranger. Not that you embarrassed about it. But then again, it’s Kevin. Who else would you tell if it’s not him?

“Okay, I was practicing yesterday and having trouble with the song because remembers our coach keep saying that I didn’t put enough emotion into the song?”

Nods.

“When I was struggling, a guy came in and help me. He played and I sang. It kind of worked out and he’s the one who told me to just focus on one thing first.” You explained nervously and avoid any eye contact with him as he exclaimed.

“Woah just like in the movie? So romantic.” He teased nudging your shoulder making you smack his back until his body arched and you laugh.

“Do you know him? How did he get there?” He asked still laughing a bit opening the front door for you as you both heading to the cafeteria.

“I never saw him before. He was probably looking for his friends.” You try to remember the name he said when he received a call yesterday, but you couldn’t.

“How does he look like? Maybe we could walk around for a while try to look for your male version of Cinderella.” He made a face and dodge saving his back from your smacking.

“He has dimple on his left cheek. His cheekbone raise high like a sun when he smiles..” “Like mine?” He cut your words and smiles pointing his cheek making you roll your eyes.

“Yeah but cuter and more handsome than that and his eye are sparkling too.” Your voice trailed in admiration looking up smiling like a little girl falling in love. You stop when you realize Kevin wasn’t walking on your side anymore and look back to see his playful disgusting face.

“You sound like a creepy secret admirer.” He laughs.

“No I am not.” You smack his back again making him almost stumble on the floor still laughing. But he stops and looks at you raising his one eyebrow.

“Hey stop it. It hurts.” He whined before continuing.

“Yah, be careful, you’ll make Jaehyun jealous if he heard what you just said.” You frowned to his teasing because to be fair, you’re not dating Jaehyun to be teased like that.

“We’re no even dating you idiot.” You wait until he’s by your side before walking again.

“But you both really look good together.”

“I don’t like him like that.”

“But do you know that he likes you.”

“He confessed to me few months back.”

“Whaaat?”

“I said I need more time to think.”

“Why don’t you just tell him the truth?”

“I can’t hurt him Kevin.”

“Yeah but you’re giving him hope.”

“I’ll tell him sooner or later.” You sighed.

“You better.” He gives you the warning look before opening the cafeteria door for you and sit at the usual spot at the far corner of the cafeteria.

Changmin.

He sat on the floor watching his junior practicing after their dance teacher urgently went back for emergency and ask him to help him monitor them. But his mind drifted to the girl from yesterday and to her alluring voice instead, he couldn’t even focus on their step whether it wrong or right. He missed her that he chuckle to himself for missing a person that he didn’t even know her name. His phone vibrates and Kevin’s name on his notification.

‘Are you coming to Sangyeon’s party tonight?’

After replying ‘Yes.’ He put his phone down as the song came to end and the clock marks at 3 which is the end of the class as told. He stood and claps his hand cueing the end of the practice. After bidding the goodbye, he decided head straight to his apartment for a short nap before joining the party tonight but abruptly stop when he saw her walking out from the cafeteria. Her red hair really stood out that he recognizes her right away. He stood there watching her who was talking to someone that was hidden by the cafeteria door and he could hear her sweet laugh while covering her mouth with your finger adorably before bidding the person goodbye then skip down the stairs and head to the same way he was about to head.

She looked more relaxed than yesterday, smiling and all and her long wavy hair almost looks like it was dancing as the windy weather blow. He followed her and decided to greet her but stop on his track when she did to look at her phone in the middle of the road. He was the one who was checking to road for her as she continued to walk while still playing with the phone. He then saw a car from afar and he watch as she was about to crossing the road without checking first, he sprints with all his might to reach her and pull her bag as the car came closer and she almost got hit which is a bad choice because she stumbles back and almost fall on her butt. With his quick reflexes he manages to catch her by supporting her arm making her back fall on his chest instead.

“Oh my god that was close.” He exhaled as she grabs her chest before eyeing the car speeding away then she turn to him before she freeze on the spot. Wide eye.

“Hi.” She then smiles, stopping every single life around him making him smile back instantly.

Y/N

It was Saturday morning and you’re at your faculty after getting permission from your vocal coach to practice and sat on the bench warming up your vocal chords while playing the piano. You were waiting for Changmin to come and help you after he agrees to play for you at the talent show. You made a little effort by putting on more makeup and did your hair up. You even decided to wear your favorite floral summer dress with you jeans jacket and you were dead nervous.

“Y/N.” You heard his gentle voice calls for you and you saw him standing at the door, smiling brightly. He’s in his casual attire, a black hoodie and his dark blue jeans.

“Hi.” You almost melted and you swear he noticed because he giggled before walking inside the room and take the seat next to you. You spent all morning until almost evening synchronizing his tune with your voice without any problems and decided to have an early dinner together right after.

“You know when I came in the other day, you really looked like Ariel.” He smile while flipping the meat making you laugh a little too loud before covering your lips with your finger.

“I get that a lot though. Since I dyed my hair, my best friend won’t stop calling me that.” He laughed this time making you stop to admire his features for a moment before looking away when he stops laughing.

“You’re beautiful.” His compliments coming out of nowhere making you flustered and almost choked on your soda. You smile and look down trying to hide the blush on your cheek.

“That’s random.” You brushed your palm on the hem of your dress, smiling like an idiot.

“I know. I just wanted you to know.” He smiles to you still looking into your eyes showing you his sincerity making you blush even harder.

“Okay stop.” You wave you hand fanning your heated face then to him so he could stop staring at you.

“Anyway which faculty are you from?” You ask wrapping a small meat before shoving into your mouth.

“I’m from the dance faculty, it’s our semester break actually.”

“Really? Oh my god is it okay for you to stay here when you should be back hometown?”

“No. My family went to Jeju this week I’m going back next weekend if you don’t mind.” Your eyes grow bigger when he asked for your permission and you waved your hand franticly while the other covering your full mouth.

“Of course you can. We already sound good and you can go back anytime you want. If I knew it was your semester break, I wouldn’t ask you. I’m sorry.” You wipe your mouth before pouting making him smile wider.

“No. I want to be with you..” you drop the meat from your chopstick before looking at him in shock. You bit your lips to hide the smile that never left your lips from getting wider.

“I mean I want to help.” He laugh nervously covering his lips with his finger making your heart did a double flip almost dizzying you.

“Where you want to go next?” he asked after paying for the meal after a good fight with you who insisted to pay. He won though.

“I don’t know. I rarely go out during night time.” You grip your bag strap nervously avoiding his eyes here and there.

“Why?” He asked curiously.

“I don’t know. I just love staying at home.” You shrugged.

“You don’t go out with your friends at all?” You laughed because he acted like it was a big thing being a homebody.

“My best friend is a guy and he usually went out with his group of friend. He did ask me to join them but nah. We hang out after class and that’s it.” You explained.

“Boyfriend?” He ask constantly turning his body to you.

“Nope. Haven’t found one. You?”

“Same.” You smile to his answer.

“You should meet Kevin sometimes. He’s dying to see the guy who changed my mind in only few minutes when he talked me out about it for almost a month.”

“Kevin? The one from Canada? Kevin Moon?”

“Yeah do you know him?”

“Yeah I do. Are you the one who sing with him and Jacob at the garden every weekend?” You nod

“Oh. I am one of his groups of friends.” He stated as matter of fact. Proudly.

“Really? It such a small world.”

“I would rather say it’s such a small campus.” He said making you giggle. You spent the night walking around the Hongdae watching people on the street. His hand constantly brushed yours and you had to fight the urge to hold his hand all night and you regret it after he sent you home.

Changmin

He came every day after her class and spent most of his time with her every night. He got a little addicted by her smile, her adorable laugh and he still stunned every time she opens her mouth to sing even he have heard it every day for almost a whole weeks now.

“How can you be so fluent in English?” He asked out of curiosity after comparing her pronunciation with the original song when you both sitting on the bench by the Han River.

“I often listen to English song since I was little. I’m not that fluent though when I speak English.” She smile from her shoulder making his stomach churned and he smile.

“Can you tell me what the song mean?” He asked again, it’s not that he don’t understand a single words. He does actually, but he wanted to hear the song from her perspective.

“Since you ask, I just realize how I don’t really understand what the whole song was.” She lifts her head up just like a realization just hit her.

“Maybe that’s why I couldn’t really feel it.”

“What do you mean?”

“This song was grieving about her lover death and telling us how she could never love again.”

“And?”

“But I have nothing to grief for. I never know how it feels.” She pouted and he swears he could just kiss her damn lips if he’s bold enough.

“You can just act it out maybe. Or just gather all your sad memories and things that made you sad and just interject it in that song. Come on. We can figure it out.” He nudge her shoulder gently try to light up her mood again.

“I’m not good at acting up though.” She throws her head back looking up to the dark sky. He smiles while looking at her, loving the way she shines even in night time. Maybe it was her hair or it’s just her.

“Its okay. What you’re doing now is good enough for me.” He looks down to his hand rubbing it together to create warmth in the cold summer night.

“You think so?” He look back to her and smiles nodding to her question making her smile and he could feel the butterflies inside him started to chaos making him look away hiding his big smile. He spent the night with her strolling around the Han River and sent her off like every other night. But tonight when he watch as she enter her dorm, something inside him feel giddy wanting to scream at her to stay longer by his side and tell her how much he like her. How much he wants her for himself. But he hesitate because its just been one week from the day he met her. Maybe it’s too early. He might scare her off. He scratches his non itchy head smiling alone before turning his body around to walk away.

“Changmin-ah.” He heard the door behind him open when he turn back and saw her rushing to him skipping down the stairs with a smile before kissing his cheek making his heart stop then pound hard and his world stopped for a while.

“I like you.” She lean back shyly looking down before running back into her dorm without looking back making him chuckle touching his cheek tracing the spot where her warm lips has touched.

“I like you too.” He smiles looking at her door before walking away with a big smile to his car.