#I had a very nice and detailed Kink Examination™️ post on my previous blog where I figured all this out on the go while I was typing it out

[martensite-triangulation]

Rambles and reflections under the cut

That "women imagine themselves with a big scary love interest because of irl issues" insight applies to me very much because when last year I Examined My Kinks™️ I came to the conclusion that I'm into them party because *gestures around vaguely* and partly because of my dogwater of an ex. This is how I process all that shit

Of course what helps me tremendously in exploring those things is the fact that there's nobody in my life right now who is, like, saying shit like that to me earnestly with their whole heart. I can explore yandere mindbreak scenarios because there's nobody in my life to go "you can't think for yourself and you're stupid if you think otherwise" and I can explore pregnancy scenarios (vanilla or otherwise) because there's nobody in my life to go "I might not be able to make you pregnant but I'll still throw a massive fit over the idea of you getting a hysterectomy". You see what I'm driving at?

And part of me exploring those scenarios right now is because I had them happen to me and I NEED PROCESSING. I am processing them through a pretty fictional girl

Ah, and this brings me to my second point. I also used to be team "projects onto a fictional guy because projecting onto a fictional girl would be too raw and direct for me". Up until 2 years ago, when my ex despawned out of my life and, together with him, all the Problems and Issues that came into existence with him (or some even existed before him). So projecting onto fictional girls was good to go

And oh, projecting I'm doing. I have found out, also through Examination™️, that right now it's that very lack of any degree of separation is what makes it cathartic for me. The rawness and directness of projecting onto a fictional girl is no longer a bug - it's a feature

Cause y'know, despite everything, existing as a woman where I live is still SO DAMN HARD. The mainstream here is still stuck in the "ehm actually a woman belongs in the kitchen" phase so I'm coping with it as best as I can. Through a pretty fictional girl

Oh right, and doing it all to a fictional girl instead of a fictional guy allowed me to up my degree of fucked upness. When handling fictional guys, I was afraid of going deeper than surface level because, well, that's not my department and I just go there. But fictional GIRLS? Ohoho. Buddy now THAT'S my department. Want an alphabetical or a numerical order of the fucked up shit I'm doing to her? It's so much fun dealing with your problems and anxieties through a fictional girl. Please please if you (general you) will be ready (only when you will be ready. Like I did) to go one step deeper in projecting onto characters, PLEASE try out projecting onto a fictional girl. You will NOT regret it

Uh right, this ended up being all over the place so TLDR:

I indeed am working through my problems and anxieties of being a woman (cause again, I don't live in the USA so the general public is still stuck in the "women should be in the kitchen" mentality here) through fictional awful guys

I am throwing those fictional awful guys at a very lovely fictional girl

I used to also practice the "throwing fictional awful guys at fictional guys" thing until I no longer had the issues in my life which made projecting onto a fictional girl so FUCKING hard

(alternatively, the unserious and funny explanation to why am I projecting onto fictional girls is because hey guys is that not what you wanted? I am being a good little girl you see, I am not barging into mlm spaces by projecting onto fictional guys, I am staying in my own lane and projecting onto fictional girls like a good girl)