#I had a really difficult experience with a disturbing student. I don't know how to deal with this.

[martian-astro10]

Solar return observations- Part 5

If you have Saturn in 12th then sleep well, that is....if you manage to fall asleep in the first place. (I have it this year and IT SUCKS, I have literally not been able to sleep, I've tried every single tea, every meditation, white noises, NOTHING WORKS, I also have mars in 12th, so I'm just fucking tired the whole time)

North node in 2nd is an indication that you'll start earning money for the very first time in your life, it doesn't have to be a full time job (I have seen this a lot of times when a person starts working for the first time, like a part time job or something. You get to experience what it's like to have "your" money)

I'm pretty sure that an astrologer has already said this, but I don't remember who, so I'll say it again, Uranus in 3rd means getting a new cycle, bike or car, basically anything that helps you with short distance travelling. (One of my friends have it this year and he already had a cycle but it got stolen and he just decided to buy a car, since he has money saved up for one)

This is very specific, but if you have Jupiter in 9th/ 11th then GO GET THAT RECOMMENDATION LETTER. (If you are graduating or planning to get a new job, this year is good for that. The years in which my sister, my friends or I have had this, our teachers, bosses or colleagues were SO impressed with us and we got really good reference letters, we slayed so hard in those years)

Vertex in 6th can be a VERY busy and exhausting year. Too many responsibilities and not enough knowledge of how to deal with them. (I had this the year in which I started living alone, It was also squaring my moon and dude, TW the suicidal ideation was STRONG. I wish I could give some sort of an advice but I don't know what to say, you just need to learn how to deal with the problems as they come)

Mercury square Neptune....the level of miscommunication is insane. (One of my closest friends has this and she...I love her but she's being very annoying. We were on a trip and she was talking to some people, so me and my other friend, we started clicking pictures, cuz we didn't want to disturb her and she comes up and says "why are you guys doing this without me, why are you not including me, if you don't wanna hang out with me anymore just say it" like GIRL) if you have this, don't start unnecessary drama, communication will be difficult so just stay quiet

Chiron in 12th is one of the shittiest years in regards to mental health, I hate this. (My friends have had this before and it's there in my 2025 solar return chart and I'm already dreading it. Everything bad that can happen...happens. I don't care what anyone says, this placement is just pure EWWWW and NOTHING can convince me otherwise)

Aries in 8th can be the year in which you lose your virginity (If you WANT to) I know quite a few people who had this the year they lost their V-card. (It's completely okay if you don't though, take your time and do it with a person who you trust and love, no pressure)

Mars in 9th is such a good placement for travelling and studies. (I had this in my 1st year of college, I remember I was so excited, studying was very easy, I loved learning new things and stuff, it was very nice. I was also travelling a lot, discovering new places. I had a lot of energy, really fun year)

Sun in 7th is a great placement if you want to work with others. (My mom has it this year and her business is ON FIRE, every time she has a meeting, it goes so well and she always gets a better deal than what she expected) this is a really good time for working with others, in partnerships. If you are a student, then you're going to do especially well in group projects.

(all pictures are taken from Pinterest)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[amynchan]

Honestly, I reread the ending notes, and I want to share them here. They sum up what I feel really needs sharing from this piece.

I'm a college instructor, and I see students shut down and shut me out because they believe I don't understand. I see the words on the edge of their tongues: "You don't understand! Shut up! Don't talk like you know what I'm going through!"

The fact is that you're right, kind of. I don't understand your specific situation. I've only lived one life, and my student experience is nothing like yours. Maybe you're taking care of family. Maybe you're working several part-time jobs. Maybe you're a student athlete. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Warning for mildly disturbing content. You can skip it by going to the paragraph that starts with "I don't know your struggle."

My student experience was this: I was always encouraged to go to school to the point where I could only join the job market after 18. Where my peers were aware of what was needed, I had a late start emotionally and developmentally. In high school, I focused very hard on school because it was my identity, and my identity was mathematics. Whenever the math became too difficult, I didn't ask for help. I felt like I couldn't because I was the "good student." Instead, I took my textbook and slammed my head against it in the hopes that the pain would relieve the pressure, and I'd get the answer. Horrifically, this usually worked, so I kept doing it. English was never my strong suit, and I spent a lot of my time crying over themes and references that I couldn't understand. Still, I had an image to maintain, and I was "the good student." That was high school. I eventually made it to college, where I eventually began to wrestle with English in a more personal manner, finally trying to connect emotionally with this idea of humankind. It was a struggle that didn't involve bodily harm, and it actually had a reward at the end of it, so I went into English. I also had and lost several part-time jobs due to my inability to balance, and I took many hits to my self-worth as it was always equated to my productivity (my grades).

Fast forward to "I want to be a teacher, and I need a Master's degree to teach college." I did fairly well in my classes. My lack of a social life and my easily lost part-time jobs contributed well enough to that. Then came the thesis. My advisor did not help me with my original thesis, and I wrote and edited 75 pages plus wrote anther 25 on top of it before my advisor came back and told me that it was trash. I fought and fought and fought to write my thesis the way I wanted to: a linguistic analysis of Coraline. I was excited and proud, and I finally felt like I had something I could call mine. I even made a bit of an ass of myself to ask the artist personally if I could analyze the art, and he graciously gave me permission. However, it wasn't to be. My advisor did not give me direction and simply insisted I did it wrong time after time after time after time. It got to the point where I caused myself physical harm over it. I drew blood. My own blood. Before I had to switch to a project that I still, to this day, detest with my entire being. My master's degree cost me my pride and my self-worth, but it was worth it for a starting point to build myself up again as an instructor.

I don't know your struggle. Not personally. All I know is my own. All you know is your own. However, no student wants to hear their teacher's sob story. No student wants to hear about how their own teacher went through the horrors of what came before to get to where they are now, because that's not the point.

The point is this: how can I, as an instructor, help you understand the material and pass the class? How can I, in this place of public servitude that I've chosen to be in, help you get to where you need to be? What do you, the student who wants to succeed, need from me to graduate and move forward?

It's not about relation. It's about the transaction. If it were about relation, you'd actually wanna hear about the horror I've gone through, or the student would actually feel better once I heard about their situation and struggle. The student never does. They never feel better after talking about it. Because it's not about "you don't get me." It's about "I feel like I'm not getting what I need."

So, next time, as an instructor, please. Just let me know what you need. It's my job to give you that, not to listen to you accuse me of not knowing how hard it is to be a student.

I know. What I don't know is what you need so please tell me that instead.

Summary

I am your instructor. You tell me that I don't understand. Perhaps neither of us do.

A piece I wrote while reflecting. Warnings in the appropriate places.

[the-tales-of-horror]

I had a really difficult experience with a disturbing student. I don't know how to deal with this.

Original Link By senbei-bob

I had a really difficult experience last Friday that I need to get off my chest.

I work as a Portuguese teacher in the basement of an ordinary office building. Most of my students are Japanese business people in their 40s and 50s, who are relocating to Brazil because their company forces them.

Being on the absolute rock-bottom of the corporate ladder, I have no say in who I teach, but up until last Friday I had exclusively taught adults. Of course, being forced to learn Portuguese and shipped off to Brazil against ones volition will inevitably make anybody unhappy. The environment in which I work is also terrible. There are no windows and no air conditioning. The whole place is covered with a purple carpet with stains all over it. The classrooms come equipped with a whiteboard, a wobbly desk and two chairs. Nothing else. No ABC posters, no pictures - NOTHING. It often reminds me of an interrogation room. A bell rings at the start and end of every lesson for reasons I have yet to understand.

Last Friday was no different from any other day. I had my business students and went through the excruciatingly dull and soul-sucking steps of going through the mandatory textbook which is forced on us from the upper-management.

My supervisor- let's call her Linda- was in a terrible mood as always. She yelled at me in front of everyone for not wearing my hair in a proper ponytail. She rolled her eyes at me for standing in her way in front of the microwave during lunch. She made rude comments about my skin (I had acne in the past and still have some light scarring). In other words, she was being her usual, insufferable self.

Most of the time, I just try to ignore Linda since I'm a nobody in this giant corporation and nobody listens to me anyway. Being my supervisor, Linda also has access to my schedule and can alter my lessons and who I teach whenever she wants. For example, we had a very handsome business man once and he was originally scheduled to have a lesson with me but when Linda heard about it she promptly moved his lesson to her own schedule. She spent the entire lesson laughing and flipping her hair and her falsetto squeals could be heard all the way down the dreary, windowless, fluorescent lighted hallway.

Last Friday was a national holiday in Japan, so all the other teachers left early (including Linda who also gave herself the next three days off but denied everyone else the same privilege). As I watched my coworkers excitedly bolt through the door, I asked if I could leave early too but Linda just scoffed loudly and said: "Oh my GOD. Who do you think you are? Are you SERIOUS!? If you think you can pick and choose your days off you're clearly in the wrong business. Bye!". And then she left with a loud door slam.

I was all alone. In a way, it was nice. It was nice to not be bullied and put down by Linda for once. I looked at my schedule. Only one student left. "That should be easy", I thought. His name, Taro, sounded familiar but I hadn't taught him before. He worked for a pharmaceutical company. Nothing unusual.

The bell rang its usual depressing chime and I steered towards room number 1. But the light was off. I figured he might be late and on his way so I fumbled in the dark to turn on the light.

What met me in the light was not an empty classroom but a little boy sitting on one of the chairs. He was about 5 years old and wore red t-shirt and blue shorts. He still had his "Thomas the Train" schoolbag on his back. I felt the anger build up when I realized that Linda had given me a kids lesson without notifying me first. It was clearly on purpose. Despite being a relatively new teacher, my annual performance had been impeccable and she wanted to sink my ship by giving me a lesson that I had no experience teaching. She wanted me to fail.

So there I was, a business Portuguese teacher with no experience with kids whatsoever.

"Hi there. What's your name?" I asked.

No answer. The boy just stared angrily at me with dark bags under his eyes.

"Are you Taro?" I tried again and gently sat down across from him.

Still no answer. I desperately looked around for some toys or puppets but of course, Linda hadn't prepared anything for me. And Taro wouldn't take his eyes off me. Wherever I went in the little classroom, searching in vain for anything that could entertain him, his angry eyes followed me. And It was then that I realized another strange behavior. He was jutting his jaw back and forth like an old man.

"Do you have your textbooks? We need to look at your homework." was also met by silence.

I decided to reach for the backpack on his back and take out his textbooks myself. I don't know how to deal with kids so that was the only solution I could think of at the time. I don't know this kid’s parents, so I don't want to get a customer complaint just because the kid refused to participate.

This idea turned out to be bad. No, disastrous. Taro, upon seeing my hand moving towards his backpack opened his mouth aghast and let out... well nothing. I thought he was about to scream but he just sat there with his mouth wide open. It dawned on me that he had no teeth despite being 5 years old. I wondered how he chewed his food. Did someone spoon feed him? I pulled my hand away from the bag and watched him go back to his "normal" jaw jutting, angry self.

It was becoming clear that Taro did not like me at all. He pulled the straps of his backpack to his chest and hid under the desk. Any time I tried to go near him he hissed at me and created a clicking nose from the back of his throat.

His parents were nowhere in sight so I decided to just sit by the desk until the lesson ended. That was company policy after all. I heard the backpack unzip under the table. "Great, maybe he is ready to make some drawings or something. My distance clearly paid off". But I was wrong.

I discreetly looked under the table to see what he was up to. It was hard to get a clear picture in the shadow but I could distinguish that he was holding something. It still hard to talk about this because it disgusted me SO MUCH.

It turned out to be a dead frog. It has been rainy in Tokyo lately and there are lots of frogs in the Shinjuku-Gyoen park nearby. I thought to myself that he might have caught it and killed it by accident. He is just a kid after all. But the way he held it was not normal. He dug his nails into its limp, lifeless body and shook it violently.

By now, the clicking throat sounds and weird jaw movements had increased and were freaking me out a lot. We still had 20 minutes to go so I just continued to sit there pretending not to exist. I watched as Taro took color pencils out of his backpack, sharpened them and dug them into the frogs flesh. He seemed amused by this and proceeded to stab the frog with every single color pencil except for the black one. Every stab was followed by the clicking throat sound. He seemed as if in a trance.

The bell finally rang, signaling the end of the lesson after what felt like an eternity.

But of course, Taro refused to leave the classroom. I had to lock up the school and leave but he completely REFUSED to move from under the desk. His parents were not there to pick him up, I didn't have their contact information and there was no other staff member on duty.

I can't believe I did this but after 2 hours of trying to get him to leave, I just locked up and left, leaving him and the frog under the table. I thought I'd definitely get fired and maybe even reported to the police but when I came back the next day Taro was gone and everything seemed normal.

I tried to get the whole incident out of my mind but when Linda came back three days later (with a new tan) she promptly wanted to speak to me in her office. I froze to ice. This was it, I was getting fired or going to jail for leaving a kid unsupervised in an office building in the middle of the city.

She looked annoyed and gestured towards a chair for me to sit down. "I forgot to tell you last Friday, Taro cancelled his lesson" she said. "He had a last minute pharmaceutical conference in São Paulo. Here's a Starbucks gift-card for your trouble".

[randomshyperson]

THE SCARLET WITCH PROPHECY - Chapter VI - The Fourth Year (Final Part)

Gif is not mine, blessed are the gif makers.

Summary: As the youngest daughter of Howard Stark, you have ordinary expectations for your years at Hogwarts. Little do you know what adventures await you when your destiny is intertwined with the legendary Scarlet Witch.

Warnings: +16. Adaptation of the Harry Potter Saga, Magical Thematic, Prophecies, Mentions of Violence, Torture and dark magic, Language (swearing and minor/major offenses), manipulation of will, Underage kissing, insinuation of smut with minors, Smut (overage), descriptions of death, aggression, obscurity, angst, fluffy, soulmates analogies. | Chapters Warnings: Heavy angst in this.

A/N: This took me a while, because i had writer block (and it's not over yet). Anyway, I hope people like this. Let me know if anything is confusing okay? Sorry about typos too.

Words counting: 11.344K

Series Masterlist ||  Read on AO3 || All Works Masterlist

//-//

The Fourth Year - Final Part

Wanda was avoiding you. Well, not just you, but all your friends.

You told Gamora what happened, but you didn't have the stomach to repeat the story to anyone else, so your sister passed the news on.

You were coping well in spite of everything. You missed her terribly the whole time, but you were pushing the feelings down and trying to stay positive about everything.

By trying to put yourself in Wanda's shoes, you understood why she did what she did. You just had to find a way to prove to her that what you felt was real, and for that you needed to find out more about your magical bond.

Your best alternative to the lack of books about it in the library was to talk to the professors. Judging from your experience with them, none of the teachers would tell you anything. But Fury has been acting very differently all year, and although you don't agree with the way he has been teaching D.A.D.A. lately, you have the impression that he would tell you anything you asked.

That's why after a particularly exhausting class where he made all students practice the shield spell until one of the boys threw up, you waited until the room emptied to talk to him, watching with curiosity as he turned a small bottle he kept in his pocket to his mouth.

"What is it Stark?" He asked still on his back. You wondered if behind the eye patch he had some enchanted eye to see around things, but the idea seemed too absurd to you.

"Sorry, Professor Fury." You say. "I have a question about advanced magic and would like to clear it with you."

Fury put his materials away in his bag, and beckoned for you to accompany him into the private office, and you followed him into the small room, watching him set the desk on a coffee table and move toward a glass cabinet of magic supplies.

"Have a seat and make yourself comfortable." He said with his back turned. "I need to prepare a potion, but you can ask me what you want."

You stumble half-heartedly to one of the empty armchairs, and then clear your throat.

"It's about magic bonds, professor." You recount. "I... well, I think I have one. And well, I'm not finding much material on it, and I don't understand how they work."

Fury makes a noise with his mouth in understanding, his hands wandering through the cabinets behind ingredients you don't recognize, but he seems to be paying attention to both you and the brewing of the potion.

"Are you familiar with the concept of magical bonds and connections, Miss Stark?" He asks and you deny it. The professor cuts something that looks like mushrooms on the table as he speaks again. "The reason you can't find books that explain to you exactly the nature of this magic, is because no wizard has been able to decipher these enchantments correctly." He explains. "The magical bonds are one of the oldest and most powerful enchantments in the magical world, Miss Stark. Extremely dangerous, yet immeasurably valuable for some purposes."

You swallow dryly, but do not interrupt. Professor Fury bends down to reach a tin cauldron and places it on the counter in front of him, on a small makeshift stove. He deposits some ingredients inside.

"Have you ever heard about any of these bonding spells?" He asks and you think for a moment.

"I think I've heard about the perpetual vow, sir."

Fury gives a small smile, nodding. He sniffs a small bottle before pouring the contents into the cauldron.

"Yes, the perpetual vow is a great example of a magical bond." He says. "But it is still an active spell, you need to recite an incantation and both parties need to voluntarily close the bond. Some witches believe it's a contractual magic, much more than a natural connection." Fury explains. "I particularly prefer to use another example, Stark. The life debt."

Fury has a smile at the corner of his lips, and a strange gleam in his eyes when he looks at you for a moment, but you don't have the courage to ask. He turns his attention back to the cauldron, lighting the flame under the metal with his wand.

"I don't know what that means." You confess and the professor doesn't take his eyes off the cauldron.

"A life debt is a magical bond created when a wizard or witch saves the life of another magical being." He explains. "And I say magical being, not just another wizard, because I've seen it happen once for a centaur to owe a wizard their life. But never the other way around."

"How does that work?"

"It's very simple really." He says. "If you save someone's life, that person or creature will owe you a debt. The bond is created, without needing an incantation. The act of preserving a life is magical enough to create that bond." He explains and his expression turns almost somber. "The best part is that the person saved needs to pay back."

"And how do they do it?"

"A life can only be paid with another life." He declares. By now, the potion is smelling. You don't know what it is, but it looks like lavender, and it makes you a little dizzy. "I have witnessed a quitting in my time as an auror, Miss Stark." He tells you, and you already imagine that what he is about to say is not something you should tell a fourteen-year-old witch, but you don't think to interrupt. "The debtor throws himself in front of the Reducto incantation to prevent the death of the witch who saved him once. I still remember the pieces flying around the room."

You looked away, uncomfortable with the mental image you were given. The professor didn't seem to mind.

"But of course not all debts are paid off like that." He added as if he hadn't just told the story of someone tearing themselves apart. "Stopping a friend from falling off his broom in a game of quidditch might be enough to pay off a debt. Or to create one too." He counters. " This kind of magic has always been very difficult to decipher."

You murmur in understanding, keeping your gaze on the floor. The professor sighs lightly, moving away from the cauldron to sit in the empty armchair in front of you.

"But I'm guessing you're not talking about any of these bonds, are you?" He hints and you swallow dryly, feeling intimidated by the watchful gaze he gives you. You figure that lying is not an option.

"N-no sir." You reply. "I wanted to know more about protective bonds. Like... like the idea of someone you care about getting hurt, causes you a really bad feeling. And it makes you ignore your own safety and makes you go too far e...."

"Impressive." The professor interrupts, his gaze almost fascinated on you, and making you swallow dryly. "And how far are we talking about, Stark? What's the limit? Would the wizard put themselves in front of an unforgivable curse? Would they offer themselves up as a sacrifice? If one were to get hurt, would the bruises show up on the other, or does the very idea make your insides turn? Or…”

"Fury." You jump in fright when Strange's voice interrupts the monologue of the other man, who was very close to you now.

Fury looks annoyed that he has been cut off, but he turns away with a smile. "Pardon the interruption. I need to have a word with you on a matter." Stephen said, but he didn't look happy at all, and his expression was one of concern and disapproval, probably from the discussion he witnessed.

You stood up awkwardly, taking a step back, your heart still racing from the things the professor told you.

"Of course, Professor Strange." Fury spoke as he stood up. "Stark, I hope that has cleared up your doubts. If there is anything else you wish to ask me, you may come to my office as needed."

You bit your tongue to avoid saying that Fury only scared you rather than clarifying anything, and nodded in understanding.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts may not be my class, but I am also available to talk with you, Miss Stark." Stephen added softly as you passed him in the doorway. You mumbled a goodbye before walking out of the office, ignoring the horrible feeling that settled in your stomach.

//-//

You were really disturbed by the conversation with Professor Fury. The story of the wizard casting himself in front of a spell gave you strange dreams, and you could no longer be sure that you wouldn't do the same for Wanda.

Your friends were equally impressed by what you told them, and you ignored the feeling of dissatisfaction at the pit of your stomach that you felt because you wish you were talking to Wanda about it, and tried to be more grateful that you have someone to talk to at all.

You were thinking of talking to Tony about everything, and you thought you'd look for him in the Slytherin hall, and to your surprise, he showed up in your common room. You thought he was there to spend some time with Steve, but he really came to see you.

"Daddy wrote for us." He explains as soon as he greets you. The letter already open in your hands as he throws himself on the couch in the communal hall. It is Sunday, but the room is very empty because with the amount of free time and foreigners in the castles, most of the students are socializing outside. You had dismissed your friends' invitation to practice Quidditch in exchange for a nap, as you were upset by the way Wanda left the main hall at breakfast when she realized you were sitting at the Slytherin table with her brother.

"Finally." You grumble as you sit down in the armchair across from Tony, stretching out your arm to pick up the letter. It must have been the first letter in three months or more. Last time, your father had said he was overwhelmed with work and would not send any news for a while. You thought it would be days, but it was months. Jarvis at least wrote to tell that he was alive, working in the basement.

Looking down at the paper, you began to read:

"Dear children, how is school going? I hope you are studying as I have always asked you to do. I have been busy with an important project at the ministry, an invention to improve the astronomical forecasts of the wizarding community. Please forgive me for the lack of contact these last months.

Tony, I received the letter about the detention, and I was quite upset when I heard about the bet. You are the older brother and you should protect your sister, not put her in danger. But I am glad that everything ended well and hope that this kind of behavior will not happen again.

Y/N, dear, I heard about your willingness to start studying Muggle Studies, and I'm very glad..."

You stop reading the letter halfway through, frowning and looking at Tony next, who was lying with his head on the cushions and his arm under his eyes.

"What kind of crap is this?" you ask with confusion and irritation, causing Tony to let out a short chuckle. "Dad telling us to study? What the...?"

"It doesn't sound anything like him, I know." Tony interrupts and then sighs, sitting down on the couch to point to the paper. "And see how he doesn't make any jokes about the dare, or any comments about your incident at the lake? It sounds so mechanical and vague."

"Do you think he hasn't read our letters? He only mentions the one from school." You say and Tony leans back on the couch, thoughtful.

"I don't know. It just doesn't sound like him." He says. "I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Jarvis wrote it."

"Why would Jarvis do that?"

"Because Dad hasn't spoken to us in three months." Tony retorts with irritation. "And well, you almost drowned and he didn't even bother to read about it."

"Tony..."

"No, it's fine." He grumbles, taking the letter from your hands and standing up. "Screw him." Cursed the boy in annoyance, tossing the letter into the fireplace in the room. You frowned, sighing. "We don't need him. I'll take care of you."

You were tired of this. Running a hand through your hair for a moment in frustration, you let Tony take your hands in his as he knelt in front of you next.

"I'm sorry I've been absent this while." He says surprising you. "I hated how all the adults were hiding things from us, and I did the same with you. I promise I will tell you everything from now on."

You nod in understanding, squeezing Tony's hand lightly.

"I need to tell you something too."

And you do. The whole conversation with Wanda and with Professor Fury shock Tony. And he has a frown creased in concern when you finish.

"I know it's a lot." You say. "But I'm terrified. I don't know what will happen to me if I lose Wanda, and all I can do is miss her."

"Hey, it's going to be okay." Tony says tenderly, releasing his hand to caress your cheeks and wipe away the dripping tears. "I won't let anything bad happen to you. I promise."

"What if you can't avoid it, Tony?" you retort softly, your voice whiny.

"I will." He assures you. "I will help you. We'll figure out a way to break this bond, and then you and Wanda will be safe."

You nod, deciding to believe his words. Your brother hugs you next, and you wish he is right.

//-//

Just like you, Tony was also unable to gain access to the restricted section of the library. But that is the least of your problems.

As the date of the last task approaches, you are a pile of nerves. Tony assures you that he will try to find something about ways to break magical bonds on the last trip to Hogsmeade in a local library, but you are barely listening to him, your thoughts wandering towards Wanda.

The other girl, on the other hand, continues to avoid you and your friends. Your only option is to ask Pietro about her, and he assures you that she is as upset as you are as if he is trying to make you feel better somehow. But all this information causes is a worsening of your distress. Pietro is not comfortable coming between you two, so you don't insist that he spend time with you or your friends, knowing that Wanda needs company. You also insist that Gamora and Nebula continue to spend time with the witch, but they comment that Wanda is not really sociable after the whole thing.

The rest of the school starts to notice the way the Maximoffs are no longer hanging out with you, and since everyone in the school loves a little gossip, the news that you and Wanda broke up starts to circulate very quickly.

You don't want your detention for the lake story to escalate, but it's hard to control the urge to jinx your classmates when their snarky remarks reach your ears.

"I heard they broke up because Wanda became a champion, and didn't want to be seen with a hufflepuff anymore." Said in a not so low tone, a Ravenclaw boy as you were walking ahead of them toward the Potions classroom.

"No, dude, that's not true. I heard that Wanda got pretty close to the other champion, Jean Grey, and obviously she'd go for a famous quidditch player than a nobody." Added a female voice, and you clutched the books in your hands tightly, but didn't turn around.

"Come on, the girl's a Stark." Retorted the boy. "I think Maximoff is a winner with either one."

The girl laughed lightly, and you wished you reach the classroom soon.

"I think you're right." The girl spoke up. "Maximoff has always been weird, I don't know how she got such great options."

Your attention wandered from the conversation when Mantis reached you. She went back to the dorm to get the potions book she had forgotten, and frowned at your annoyed posture when she arrived, but when she caught the words of the pair behind you, she threw them an annoyed look that made them fall silent.

"Don't pay any attention to that kind of gossip, Y/N." She asked gently and you just sighed.

"I just wish people would mind their own business." You grumble annoyed and Mantis agrees with a murmur.

Potions class was as difficult as it usually is. What surprised you was Professor Lensherr's tired appearance, but you imagined it must be because of the tournament finals that were being organized by the teachers.

When you were packing your materials, you almost knocked over the glass jar when he appeared in front of you.

"Stark, a word, please." He asked earnestly, and Mantis shot you a glance before hurrying to leave. The professor waited until the room was empty and then nodded to the door, which closed. "Wanda told me about your magic bond."

"Shit." You grumbled immediately, and Professor Erik raised his eyebrows. You cleared your throat, apologizing for cursing. "Look, sir, I don't know what else to say about it. I don't know where the bond came from, and I'm trying to find out..."

"I can help." He interrupts and you fall silent, surprised.

"Really?"

"Yes." He says straightening his posture and crossing his arms. "I obviously have more magical knowledge than you, and your nosy brother." He says and you understand that he is talking about the way Tony has been pestering the teachers to get information. "And if this bond affects Wanda, it is of particular interest to me."

You swallow dryly, nodding in understanding. You explain to him how you feel next, and Erik absorbs your words with a neutral expression.

"Interesting. I had my theories since you couldn't duel with Wanda in the second year, but since you became close, it wasn't my place to intrude.” He tells with a bit of a nostalgic face as you finish speaking. “I have a few questions, Miss Stark. I need clarification on the nature of this bond." He says with his arms still folded across his chest. "Last summer, Wanda had a cold. Did you feel anything?"

You thought about the vacation for a few seconds.

"No, sir." You reply. "I don't remember getting sick."

"I see." He says. "Tell me, have you ever had dragon pox?"

You nod in agreement.

"At how old?" The teacher asks, and you think for a moment.

"I don't know, four I think. Maybe five."

"Wanda had dragon pox when she was six." He declares, his gaze assessing you. You blink, trying to follow what he is trying to say. "It's not a very common disease in England, is it?"

"I don't think so." You mutter without understanding why the professor is looking at you like that.

"Wanda caught the disease in Sokovia, the country where she was born." He recounts. "We were on vacation and she came back sick. The last case of that disease here in England was almost a hundred years ago."

"I guess I'm unlucky then." You try to joke, and Erik almost smiles.

"The flu Wanda had last summer was not of magical origin." He adds, and you frown slightly, not knowing what to make of this information. "But dragon pox is magical in nature."

"Professor I don't..."

"Wanda broke her wrist at the age of seven." He interrupts as he uncrosses his arms, gesturing slightly. "She and Pietro were playing in the backyard, no magic."

"Okay..."

"I imagine Wanda has already talked to you about her exceptional magical abilities, Miss Stark." The professor continues. "Her visible magic, I meant. It started when she was three years old, when she was able to bring her toys into her crib and wrap them all in a magical cloud." Erik tells and you smile briefly at the image of a baby Wanda, but his expression makes you bite the inside of your cheek the next second. "I want to know how much of this you were able to experience, being on the other side of the country."

You swallow dryly, looking away and trying to think back to your childhood.

"I don't know, professor." You reply. "I was a child. Maybe Tony or dad will know something."

"Come on, isn't there anything you can tell me?" He insists. "Any specific memories, any strange dreams? Anything."

You think, and think, but none of your childhood memories seem relevant. And then you frown, remembering one.

"Actually... There was this one time I got really sick. I think I was about eight. Maybe nine, and dad took me to St.Mungus. I had a high fever, and I couldn't sleep at night with nightmares, but I don't remember what happened. They thought it might be the flu, but we never found out what it was. The next day I was better."

Erik was slightly wide-eyed and then he sighed.

"Before she came to Hogwarts, Wanda was afraid of losing control of her magic at school." He starts to tell. "I tried to calm her down, but she was very upset. She managed to convince Pietro to help her into my potions room and took an entire bottle of a brew for magical containment. Her magic seemed almost enraged, and she destroyed the greenhouse with a wave of energy. I've never seen her so out of control." He says thoughtfully, as if remembering the events. "She passed out from exhaustion, and didn't wake up until the morning. She was ten.”

"You don't think...?"

"That's exactly what I think, Miss Stark." He interrupts, "The dates match. Every time Wanda was in danger from a magical source, you were affected, because the nature of your bond with her is magical. And that was confirmed during the tournament by noticing the way you jumped into the lake during the second task. I imagine your little interaction with Professor Heimdall when Wanda was facing the dragon was about this as well?" He asks and you nod your head in confirmation. "Right. Well, that's a problem."

"I noticed." You grumble, but then realize from the professor's expression that in addition to what has been said, it seems to be a problem for another reason. "Why?"

"Regarding your safety, I mean." Explains the professor. "The last task of the tournament is going to be exceptionally challenging, and perhaps not the best of experiences for you."

You widen your eyes in anticipation.

"Professor, what will happen in the third task?"

"I can't tell you." He says. "But there will be many challenges. And Wanda may encounter difficulties, especially since she is only fifteen."

You sigh, trying to push the wave of worry down.

"I hate this tournament." You state in a mumble and Professor Erik gives a short little smile. "I hate to see Wanda in danger. If it's for the gold, she can have all mine."

Erik laughed, and you blinked in surprise at the sound.

"Believe me, I dislike this competition as much as you do." He says. "There is no pleasure in seeing Wanda in danger for something as superficial as eternal glory. But the goblet chose her, and she would have suffered a magical penalty if she didn't obey the contract. It was a difficult decision, but it was the best for her."

You mutter in understanding and the teacher is thoughtful for a few minutes.

"I would recommend you not watch the competition so you don't get so nervous, but clearly distance doesn't matter for the bond." He remarks. "I need more information about how all this works. I want to run some tests with you two."

You frown slightly, but before you can ask what kind of tests, the teacher speaks again.

"That will need to wait, of course. With the competition and the final exams, I understand that you are experiencing enough stress and I don't want to cause any more suffering." He explains. "Over the vacations, perhaps I can write to your father. It's time to see old friends again after all."

You are surprised that the professor makes this mention, but you don't bother to comment. He clears his throat, and signals that this is all. You thank him as you get up and then leave the room.

//-//

When the day of the last task of the tournament finally arrived, the whole school was in a joint peak of excitement.

You could hardly sleep, strange nightmares throughout your entire night combined with the anxiety at the pit of your stomach made you wake up several times during your sleep. In the morning you decided to ignore the buzz around the hallways about the task and the possible winner, and joined your friends for breakfast.

You wanted to talk to Wanda, but you didn't see her at the Slytherin table, and Gamora tried to cheer you up with news about a band you liked playing in London next month, but you could barely force a smile, feeling tired and irritated.

You heard a group of Gryffindors commenting excitedly that the occultation spell had been removed from the quidditch field, and that the gates of something that had been conjured for the last task were already visible, but before you could try to hear what they were saying, the boys were already leaving the hall and Pietro came to talk to you.

"Hey, good morning, how are you?" he asked curiously, taking a seat across from you at the table.

"Not well, if you want to know." You grumbled dejectedly, your fingers lazily stroking the piece of bread on your plate. "What about you?"

"Worried." He replied shrugging his shoulders with a small corner smile. "But I'm optimistic. Wanda is confident, and thinks she can win. And I'm trusting that everything will end well."

The mention of Wanda makes you sigh slightly and lean your chin on your arm on the table, looking at the boy in front of you.

"I miss her, Pietro." You confess upset and ignore the way Gamora and Nebula who are sitting next to the boy look at you with pity, but appreciate how Mantis strokes your back lightly. "She won't talk to me, and I can't blame her or even be mad at her."

"Wanda asked for some time, didn't she?" he asked slightly curious and you grumbled in agreement. "Well, I guess you have the right to ask the same."

You frown in confusion, and Pietro has a little smile as he pours himself some juice.

"What do you mean?" You ask.

"Ask her for, I don't know, five minutes of attention?" He suggests. "Five minutes to at least give her good luck. You look miserable, and I hate to see you like this."

You sigh, thinking about the idea. And then you smile.

"Thanks, P." You say as you raise your head.

"No problem." He says. "You can try now, Wanda should be on the lower floors. She wanted to talk to dad before the task."

You nodded in understanding and then said you would meet your friends outside.

It didn't take long for you to find Wanda. The girl was walking up the stairs as you were coming down, and well, she had no choice but to look at you.

You felt your heart race to have her looking directly at you after so long, but you ignored the sensation as you walked down the steps and stopped in front of her. Wanda swallowed dryly, but held her gaze.

"Hey." You greeted half breathlessly, smiling slightly.

"What do you want?" she asked uncomfortably, her gaze serious. You ignored the seriousness of her words.

"Talk to you."

"I already said I need time."

"I know." You said without hesitation. "But I also have the right to talk. Can you give me five minutes?"

Wanda looked away, and then at her feet. She sighed and nodded, and you waited for her to look at you again before speaking.

"I miss you, Wanda." You confessed and watched Wanda swallow dryly, her eyes filling with tears as she looked away. "And I wanted to wish you good luck in the last task."

Wanda sighed faintly, nodding in understanding, her gaze on the stairs. You raised your finger to her chin, gently turning her face so that she was looking at you. Wanda closed her eyes as you fitted your hand to her cheeks, your thumb stroking her skin tenderly as she leaned into the touch.

Her hand moved up to your forearm the next moment, squeezing before moving your hand away from her face as she pushed your arm away gently.

You sighed, ignoring the feeling in your stomach and the urge to kiss and touch her again.

"Please don't do that." She whispered. "Don't touch me as if you love me as much as I love you."

You gasped, widening your eyes at the confession. But before you could add anything else, footsteps approached and Erik was coming up the stairs behind Wanda. The girl took a step back, wiping her eyes quickly.

"Stark." The professor greeted politely. You had a hard time disguising how much Wanda's words stirred in you. "Wanda, you'd better hurry up for breakfast. The task will start soon."

"Yes, dad." Wanda agrees and she doesn't look at you as she leaves. Erik nods politely and you stand on the steps for long minutes, your heart racing in your chest.

Wanda loves you. And you can't be with her.

Ignoring your broken heart, you turn and walk back into the hall, following the crowd of students who are making their way to the site of the last assignment.

//-//

The third task was a maze full of magical trials.

You gasped as you reached the sight of the large grass ones that were raised at the entrance to the quidditch field and the matched grass gates.

The crowd of students spilled out onto the bleachers set up in front of the maze, and you began to look around for your friends, ignoring the urge to run to Wanda and tell her you loved her back, not wanting to upset her before the task.

When the crowd was fully seated in the stands, and some students were already raising their cheering posters in the air, you watched the tournament judges move along with the faculty as Agatha took her place to announce the start of the competition.

"Hey, it's going to be okay." Gamora whispered to you as the director made the announcements. "I bet Wanda will be back before you can miss her."

You try to smile, your stomach turning in nervousness.

Watching the field below, you see the champions positioning themselves at the entrance.

Jean Grey had the highest score, so she entered first. The Durmstrang students cheering loudly until she disappeared into the maze.

Soon after, Wanda entered. The Slytherin people conjured a serpent of artifice through the air that disappeared as soon as she walked into the maze.

And then Maria Hill last, the Beaubatox crowd clapping their feet until she entered.

Just like the second task, all that was left for the crowd to do was wait once the champions entered. So as soon as the gate closed, the students started talking animatedly among themselves, in addition to the betting chart that began to circulate.

You also noticed that the reporters of the Daily Prophet were asking the cheering people in the front row about the bets for the winners.

Trying to distract yourself from the sense of worry that had taken over you most likely linked to the fact that Wanda was inside a place dangerous enough to kill her, you tried to engage in some of the conversation with your friends.

//-//

With thirty minutes to go, a movement in the field below caught your attention.

"Y/N, isn't that your father?" Gamora asked poking you in the ribs to call you, but you were already looking down.

Your father was not alone. There were four other witches with him that you had never seen before, but judging by their capes, they were aurors from the ministry, as they were dressed exactly like the witches that day in the cup.

There was a sudden movement among the teachers, and then the aurors were opening the gate to the maze and Headmistress Harkness was talking to the judges, all looking extremely worried. The crowd was buzzing, and it didn't take long for the comments to reach you.

"They're saying they're going to cancel the test!" Told a Ravenclaw girl who had just leaned forward to listen to her classmates, and then he turned and said to you and Gamora, making you both widen your eyes. You looked around next, in time to catch Tony coming down the bleachers from the side until he reached your father.

"What do you think happened?" Gamora asked you.

"I don't know, but it doesn't look good." You replied already moving to leave in Tony's direction. Gamora and Nebula looked at you, but you just signaled for them to wait up there.

When you reached Tony and your father, they seemed to be arguing.

"You didn't think to send at least a letter?" Tony squawked angrily, but your father was distracted, looking around and especially back at the entrance to the maze.

"I can't talk now, Tony, please." The man asked. He gave you a short smile as you approached, and Bucky and Steve joined you all next.

"Dad, what's going on?" You asked, but before your father could say anything, the principal was asking the students to return to the castle and the crowd erupted in booing.

The tournament judges were commenting quietly among themselves, and you frowned when Professor Erik approached and whispered something in your father's ear, who made a worried frown.

"Go back to the castle." Your father ordered looking at you and Tony, but you didn't move and Tony pushed your father's hand away.

They began to argue, but you felt your whole body shiver all at once, and you looked back, thinking that someone had called your name.

Professor Erik looked at you curiously, but before he could do anything, you ran past him and into the maze.

//-//

Gasping for breath from the run, you blinked in confusion as you stopped at a crossroads. Your head was spinning slightly, and you looked around.

The maze was dark, and the walls were high and shadowed the path. You noticed that the noise of the crowd was muffled from the inside.

Taking the left path, you were not fully conscious, following only the magnetic energy that seemed to pull you around the correct path.

Your wand was raised to your hand, an illumination spell that you don't remember conjuring. You frowned slightly when you noticed another light, and then Maria Hill was standing in front of you.

"Who are you?" she asked, but you didn't answer, walking past her in a mechanical manner. The girl looked at you with confusion. "Girl, can you hear me?"

"Wanda." You whispered without stopping your walk. Maria hesitated but then began to follow you through the labyrinth.

"Are you hexed?" She asked curiously but got no answer. When she tried to hold you by the shoulders, you pushed her to the ground. "Hey, no need for that!"

You didn't answer and Maria sighed in irritation as she stood up, running lightly to catch up with you as you turned the corner.

The tugging on your abdomen began to get stronger, and then you reached the center of the maze.

"Wow, you found the center." Maria commented in surprise next to you. "But where's the cup?"

You looked around confused, feeling the pain in your head increase.

And then noises of footsteps and shouting became closer and a moment later your father and Professor Erik entered the center through one of the trails.

"Honey!" Your father exclaimed worriedly, but before he could reach you, you fell to your knees, a shrill cry of pain escaping your throat.

Your vision blurred and you had another vision.

It was the graveyard from your dream, but now much clearer than before. You were attached to something, and there was a tall wizard standing in front of you.

The man turned around and you could see his red eyes staring at you with hatred.

"Erik, what is happening to her?" You heard your father's voice sound muffled by the ringing in your ear. You were trying to breathe normally, lying on the grass with your hands on your head.

"Look out, Howard!" It was Professor Erik's voice, but you didn't have the strength to look up.

"Protego!" Someone shouted the incantation next to you, maybe it was Maria but you can't open your eyes to see.

The pain in your head seemed to subside slightly and you forced your gaze upward, not understanding what was happening.

There were two bright lights in front of you. The image was not very clear because of the pain, but you struggled to understand what you were witnessing.

A wizard you didn't know was exchanging spells with Professor Erik. And Bucky was standing next to him, his robotic movements exactly matching those of the mysterious sorcerer. Your father was dueling with the younger one.

The unknown wizard let out an angry grunt, and said something in a language you didn't recognize, and then a green light shot out of Bucky's wand and hit your father in the chest, knocking him backwards.

"Stupefy!" Shouted a female voice from your side, and the spell hit Bucky squarely.

You whimpered in pain again, and could stare no longer.

A few minutes passed before you gasped back to consciousness, or perhaps it was hours. Your tears wet your shirt, and you coughed helplessly.

You raised your eyes to a scene that you didn't understand at first.

There were three people lying on the ground. A man you had never seen before, Bucky and your father, and Professor Erik was kneeling beside the last.

You blinked in confusion and then Tony came running out of the other opening and he widened his eyes when he noticed father.

"Hey, can you stand?" it was Jean Grey beside you. Maria Hill was holding you in her other arm, and you blinked in confusion at both of them.

"Where am I?" you grumbled, and then looked forward again. Tony ran up to your father, and you widened your eyes.

"Dad?" Tony asked with his face wet with tears. "Dad? Wake up!

"Stark..." Erik started as he touched the boy's shoulder, but your brother didn't look at him as he pushed his hand away.

You forced yourself to get up and with the help of the girls you succeeded. You took two steps and then fell to your knees again, understanding what had happened.

You had just witnessed your father being murdered.

//-//

The maze was dismantled from the inside out.

The rest of the teachers moved to remove the incantations and the maze disappeared around you, while you and Tony were kneeling beside the body of your father.

Soon there were reporters trying to reach the center, but Principal Harkness ordered them to stay away.

The aurors from the ministry were also there and they conjured a containment spell around the man who dueled the professor.

"We need to get the children out of here, Harkness." You heard someone say, but their gaze was on your lap, the hand you entwined with your father's.

"We don't know how many of them then here." Another witch said.

"Darlings, let's go inside, okay?" Professor Erik asked you. You were too tired to contradict, but Tony refused.

He said something about responsibility, and they did not contradict him again. You were led out of the maze, however, and the place where the entrance was located was empty.

The reporters who had been thrown out approached you and the ministry's auror immediately as soon as they saw you two, and you blinked at the flashes of the cameras.

"Can you tell us what happened inside the maze Miss Stark?"

"How are you and your brother going to take care of the fortune now that you are Howard's heirs?"

The lack of sensitivity made your stomach turn, but you were too tired to cry.

The auror who was with you said something to keep the reporters away, and then you were taken back to the castle.

"Hey, kid, are you still with me?" The lady asked as she knelt in front of you, her expression concerned.

You sighed, feeling an urgency to close your eyes. You think she called you again before you blacked out.

//-//

When you woke up, it was warm. And when you realized that you were in the infirmary, it took you a few moments to remember everything that had happened. As you did so, you began to cry. Finally understanding that your father was dead.

Your pillow got wet, but you didn't care, finding it hard to see past the tears.

"Hey." It was Tony, looking extremely tired, standing at your bedside. You couldn't tell if he was already there when you woke up, or if he had entered the infirmary at that moment, but you didn't ask. He lay down on the bed with you next, and hugged you.

You know that he was crying too, even though you didn't look at him.

You eventually fell asleep between sobs, and when you woke up again, you were feeling better physically.

Tony was standing in the doorway of the infirmary, talking to the Auror who brought you in. When she noticed you looking, she nodded slightly to Tony and he looked at you, forcing a smile.

The two wizards walked over to you next, and you sat down on the bed.

"Hey, are you feeling better?" Tony asked and you shrugged. "Carol wants to ask you some questions."

You looked away from Tony to the woman, and she looked slightly embarrassed to have to question you after a situation like this, but she did it anyway.

"My name is Carol Danvers, Miss Stark." She introduced herself first. "I am an auror from the ministry of magic. I brought you to the infirmary, can you remember this?"

You nodded in agreement.

"I need to tell you some things, and then I'll ask you about what happened in the maze, okay?" She asked and waited for you to confirm before she started talking.

Carol explained to you how the dark wizard Korvac used polyjuice potion to disguise himself as Professor Fury all year long, and infiltrate the tournament organization. The real Fury was a family friend of the auror and was able to warn her in some way that she didn't tell you, and then the aurors used flu powder to get to Hogwarts. Your father was still an auror in secret to the ministry, and so he also joined the operation group.

When the Aurors arrived, however, Korvac had already entered the maze and they went after him. Neither your father nor the professor were supposed to enter the maze, but when you did, your brother followed, and consequently Steve and Bucky did the same. Your father and the professor went after, but the maze was enchanted to make everyone get lost, and that's exactly what happened. While you were guided by your connection to Wanda, everyone else was lost all around.

Carol told you that Korvac had found Bucky and used the Imperio curse to control him, so he was fighting on behalf of the dark wizard against both your father and your teacher. With Jean Grey's intervention, Bucky was knocked out and Professor Erik hit Korvac, but it was too late.

Everyone eventually found themselves in the middle and the maze was dismantled. Tony had already given his statement to the ministry, and Korvac was sent to Azkaban.

"Your brother told me that you have some kind of magical bond with one of the champions and that's why you went into the maze right?" Carol asked as you wiped away your tears. You sniffled slightly as you confirmed. "Miss Maximoff won the competition and she has also talked to my colleagues about what she saw in the cup portal."

"W-what?" you questioned with confusion.

Carol sighed slightly and then her posture changed. She looked back for a minute.

"Look, I trusted your father. He knew there was corruption in the ministry, and he warned me about it when he recommended me to work with him." She began as if telling a secret. "Let's keep that between us for now. I don't know who I can trust in that department."

Carol told about how the triwizard cup was bewitched to become a portal key, most likely by Korvac. She repeated Wanda's words to you, saying that the girl had ended up in a graveyard with the remnants of Mephisto's followers in place. Wanda also said that Mephisto himself had returned and that they faced each other. She managed to escape by touching the cup again.

What made you angry was knowing that the minister didn't believe any of her words, and refused to acknowledge Mephisto's return. The whole thing would be treated as a trial of the tournament that got out of hand, and Korvac, who had been captured, would be accused of all the crimes.

Carol didn't seem happy with the minister's decision either.

"I have nothing to say but tell the minister to go fuck himself, Carol." You informed irritated and the blonde smiled at you.

"You inherited your father's attitude." She comments and you think the intention is good, but it makes your heart ache. "I will close your statement then. Thank you very much for your time, Miss Stark."

You nod and Carol hesitates. She sighs lightly and touches your brother on the shoulder and your outstretched hand on the bed.

"I used to be friends with your father." She says. "Don't think you are alone, children. You have more family than you can imagine. And you can contact me if you need anything."

Carol smiles and walks away with a nod. You and Tony exchange a slightly surprised look. Tony sighs and sits down next to you on the bed. You say nothing, but you both know that this should be one more among your father's many secrets.

//-//

Nurse Cho released you from the infirmary that same afternoon.

Aside from the mental exhaustion, you were perfectly healthy.

Your friends, with the exception of the Maximoff twins, approach you in the dormitory. They hug you together, mourning the death of your father. You want to say that you feel a little better about this, but that is not true.

As you are seen in the corridors, students and professors stop you to say "my sympathies", and you answer them in a polite way. You can also hear the gossip after all.

Wanda did not obey the order of the minister of magic, and when the journalists of the Daily Prophet asked her about the tournament, she told her version. Nobody bought her story, and she was branded a liar after the minister denied the return of the dark wizard.

Professor Erik also greeted you in the hallways, and Pietro was with him. The boy hugged you tight, and you held back your tears.

"Stark, my home is always open to you and your brother." Erik said as his hand was on your shoulder. "I just want you to know that."

You nodded in understanding and then walked toward the communal hall intending to organize your belongings, since the school year would end that week.

//-//

On your last day at Hogwarts, you finally talked to Wanda.

Because your nightmares had become more frequent than ever, you had spent the last days at school without sleeping properly, and on the last night you gave up sleeping and decided to go to the kitchens.

You were in the empty halls when you heard the familiar noise of Drax monitoring the castle and stumbled to the first door you found, trying to avoid being seen.

As you waited for the hissing noise to become distant, you looked back and gasped in surprise.

There was a girl sitting on the floor and it took you a few seconds to realize that it was Wanda.

"What are you doing here?" You asked curiously, and your voice startled her. She stood up quickly, looking at you in surprise.

"Shit, you scared the hell out of me!" She complained and you frowned slightly as you realized she was crying, but Wanda quickly wiped her face.

Only at that moment did you notice the large antique mirror behind her. On the metal rim was a Latin phrase that you didn't understand.

Biting the inside of your cheeks, you looked away to the floor.

"Sorry to bother you, I couldn't sleep." You mumbled clumsily and Wanda shifted the weight of her feet before clearing her throat.

"Do you wanna stay?"

You raised your head in surprise, but then nodded in agreement.

Walking up to the girl, you stopped about four steps away from her, not knowing exactly what to do next.

"Are you going to tell me what you were doing here?" You asked again, and Wanda bit her lips before turning toward the mirror.

"I found this place in second grade." She counters. "That's the Mirror of Erised."

"I am supposed to know what that means?" You ask with mild irony causing Wanda to smile slightly.

"We studied that in fourth grade, so yes." She retorts.

"I haven't been busy this year, no time for books, if you know what I mean." You say with a smile and Wanda laughs softly. You stare at the mirror in front of you, but there is nothing special about it. It seems to reflect you and Wanda just like any other. "What does this mirror do anyway?"

Wanda turns her face to you, and you want to ignore the nervous feeling that settles on the edge of your stomach, but to no avail.

"Look closer." She says, and her gaze lingers on you for a moment before she takes a step to the side. You turn your face to the mirror again, and then step forward.

It takes a second for the image to change. It is you in the reflection, but you are not alone. Your father is standing beside you, smiling contently. You frown in confusion, gasping slightly at his sudden appearance.

Ignoring the lump in your throat, you continue to stare. The image trembles slightly, and you try to understand what the mirror is telling you. Nothing looks much different except the image of your father, but then you notice the wedding ring in your reflection.

You look down at your hand for a moment and then back at the reflection. Your image copies the movement with delay and you squeeze your eyes shut to read the letters on the ring.

Your face heats up as you read Wanda's name and you take a step back. The image becomes fainter, but doesn't disappear.

"What do you see?" Wanda asks curiously from beside you, and you startle, turning your head to her quickly.

"M-my father." You answer at the same moment, biting your tongue to make sure you don't say anything else. Wanda's expression tumbles, and she looks down at her feet. You swallow dryly.

"I'm sorry, y/n. I really am." She whispers, and you look away. There is something that is bothering you as much as your father's death, and it is the distance that seems to exist between you and Wanda now.

"Thank you." You mumble the response you have learned to give whenever someone says that to you. "W-what do you see in the mirror?" You ask next, trying to change the subject from you. Wanda looks surprised at the question and even in the low lighting, you notice the slight redness in her cheeks.

"My mother." She answers without looking at you. "And... myself. No magic. Just me and her, and Pietro and papa at a distance. We look happy and normal."

It is the most intimate confession Wanda has ever made to you. You want to caress her face, hug her and thank her for her trust, but you just nod in agreement, swallowing her words and pushing the desire to touch down.

"Have you been here many times?" You ask after a moment and Wanda sighs before confirming. "You never told me about this place before."

"I never told anyone." She retorts without sounding angry, just slightly weary. "I guess I wanted it to be something just mine."

"I understand." You comment as you look into the mirror again, the image of your reflection and Wanda's now visible. "A private space for you to visit your mother."

Wanda murmurs in agreement, and you think she won't say anything else, but she does.

"I need to tell you something."

You turn your head toward Wanda's direction, but when she turns her body toward you, she keeps her gaze on the floor.

"About the day of the task." She says. "About Mephisto."

"Okay." You mumble as you wait. Wanda takes a deep breath.

"I guess you've heard from the whole school that I fought with him." She starts with a sad smile, and you nod in agreement. "Well, there's a reason he couldn't kill me."

You frown with confusion.

"Right...why?"

"It’s better if i show you." She takes a deep breath, raising her hands between you. "Can I?" she asks, and you notice the red magic escaping her fingers.

"You can do that?" You ask impressed and Wanda nods with a shy smile. When you consent, she raises her fingers to your forehead and then you have another vision.

You see the moment when Wanda was teleported into the graveyard, and it's as if you're seeing everything through her eyes.

The moment when a hooded wizard appeared and locked Wanda in a spell against one of the tombstones. You watched the wizard walk to the center of the graveyard and conjure a rune on the ground that you didn't recognize. He recited a few words and then cast an incantation in the sky. The mark of a hydra.

Walking back to the rune, the sorcerer deposited a necklace on the ground. With a dagger he took from his pocket, he recited an incantation in a language you didn't recognize, and cut his own palm. When the blood fell on the necklace, Wanda gasped in pain.

The ground around the rune began to open up and a man crawled out of the earth. You imagined it was a necromancy ritual and they were resurrecting someone. You didn't have to ask to know that it was Mephisto.

When the wizard stood up completely, he laughed darkly. The man who helped him bowed.

"Master, you live!" Celebrated the wizard. Mephisto approached, a gentle flick of his wand wiped all the dirt from his robes, and you could see the metallic Hydra strolling along the entire length of his robes, as if getting used to being awake again.

"All thanks to you, John." Mephisto said his deep voice echoing through the room. "Your loyalty will be rewarded, my friend."

"Thank you, master." Said the man without raising his head. Mephisto touched his hood, pulling it back, and you looked at the kneeling figure. He was a man of about thirty, his blond hair was long and dirty. There was a deep scar across his cheek to the extent of his right eye, which was closed.

Mephisto raised his wand toward the young man's face, and a silver spell escaped from the tip along the scar. The mark didn't disappear, but when he opened his eye, you noticed the metallic glow of the reddish iris.

"Be my eyes again, John Walker." Mephisto commanded and the boy thanked him again. He continued kneeling as Mephisto turned toward Wanda, who was still attached to the tombstone. "I almost forgot about my guest of honor."

"Who are you?" Wanda asked angrily, you could almost feel her fear.

Mephisto smiled devilishly, ignoring the question as he took a deep breath. He raised his wand high and the Hydra's mark seemed to glow even brighter.

In the following moments, shadows began to appear in the sky, and only when the first one of them landed on the ground that you understood that they were wizards appearing.

There were at least eight of them, but because of their position, Wanda couldn't see them all. The masked witches remained static, waiting for their companions. Mephisto murmured softly, and after a moment without any movement in the sky, he sighed.

"It is only at our worst that we see who is really loyal to us." He comments somberly, before opening his arms to the crowd. "Friends! It's so good to see you all again, finally. So many years!"

Mephisto's smile doesn't reach his eyes, and then the wizards are kneeling, and recite together an "It is an honor, master." Mephisto laughs lightly, lowering his arms.

"Look at you folks." He comments with a psychotic look on his face. "You're not even ashamed that you abandoned me." He charges, but no one speaks up. Mephisto sighs impatiently. "No one has anything to say? What a disappointment."

"Master..." Started a wizard on the edge and then Mephisto raised his fist toward him hanging him in the air with his magic. Wanda's eyes widened, but the wizard let go just before the one in the air stopped struggling. As the wizard coughed to try to breathe again, Mephisto pushed his long hair out of the front of his face.

"I don't want your hollow apologies, Zemo." He says. "Nothing will erase the betrayal of all of you, cowards."

No one makes any mention of interrupting the speech, and Mephisto puts his cloak away momentarily.

"But a new era begins, and we need to leave the past behind." Says the mage. "I finally have my treasure where I wanted it, and nothing will stop me from reaching my power again."

Mephisto turns to Wanda now, a mental look on his face. The wizards look at her too.

"Master, is this...?" One of the masked men begins, and Mephisto interrupts with a devilish grin.

"Yes, my friend!" He says. "The Scarlet Witch."

The group loosely shares a buzz of excited excitement, but falls silent the next moment. Wanda wriggles uncomfortably against the spell.

"What is it, my dear?" Mephisto asks as he watches her struggle. "Is it tight? Try a coffin underground. I guarantee the discomfort is greater."

The comment makes Wanda clench her jaw as the group lets out a chuckle.

"I'm not who you say I am." Wanda retorts with irritation and Mephisto lets out a laugh approaching. You wish you could enter the vision to get him away from Wanda.

"Your name is Wanda Maximoff." He says looking her straight in the eye. "You were born in 1989 in a dirty muggle neighborhood of Sokovia. And you are a scarlet witch by birth." He narrates and then his gaze changes to malice. "And you belong to me."

"Fuck you."

Wanda's rude response makes Mephisto smile.

"Perhaps you, my dear friends, were not aware of what really happened that night fifteen years ago." Mephisto says as he turns to the group again. "I can only imagine the lies the ministry of magic must have told the world, making sure to tell I was defeated by some of their pathetic aurors."

The group exchanges surprised looks and Mephisto laughs, walking ahead.

"I think everyone has a right to know what really happened that day, don't you, my dear?" He asks Wanda, and then lets out a wry laugh. "Oh, I forgot that you were just a filthy brat back then. I'd better tell them instead."

Wanda struggles against the grip again and Mephisto raises his wand toward her, causing the spell to tighten more and Wanda to grumble in pain.

"Hold still and listen to the story, little brat." He commands. "Didn't the blood traitor teach you manners?"

You know Mephisto is talking about Wanda's father, but the girl doesn't respond to the teasing.

"Do you remember how well everything was going for us, my friends?" Begins the wizard, and he waits for the group to agree before speaking again. "I should have known that the cursed muggles in your community would bring more trouble than I expected."

Mephisto looks slightly nostalgic, but no one is going to interrupt him. He gives a wry laugh before continuing.

"You know that I was seeking the power of a scarlet sorceress for myself. And well, with all the commotion in the ministry, I decided to capture the child without being accompanied by any of you." He says. "I was always the most powerful, but now that I look back, a companion would have prevented so much delay."

When Wanda makes mention of fighting again, Mephisto strengthens the spell.

"I went to take what was rightfully mine in that muggle pigsty that is Sokovia, and I never expected that a filthy muggle would be able to stop me." He tells you and you notice Wanda's interest in the words, curious to know what he was talking about. "Maybe the traitor lied and she had some witch lineage. We'll never know, since I killed her." He comments humorously. "Contextualizing my friends, I went up to the second floor to get the child of prophecy, and I ended up running into two of them."

Mephisto counters with a wry laugh.

"Crazy isn't it?" He says. "But of course it was easy to figure out who the right baby was, since the sorceress' power emanated in the child's aura. I had no function for the other one so I decided to discard it."

Wanda's eyes widen at the confession. Mephisto was going to kill Pietro. She gasps slightly, feeling her anger rising.

"But the muggle pig begged for mercy." He continues. "You know very well how much I hate muggles, but if she had stood in the corner as I told her to do, I would have done no harm. But of course she had to throw herself in front of the infant, become a pathetic martyr."

The group laughs at the narration and you feel like vomiting. Mephisto stared at his own wand for a few seconds.

"I should have realized the sacrificial bond that was created, but I did not expect such a thing from a muggle." He counters somberly, sounding bitter. "When I skipped over her body and repeated the curse, it came straight back to me."

The group let out a chorus of surprise, but Mephisto just smiled.

"Don't worry, friends. I'm here after all." He says. "But a death curse is powerful enough to injure a body. And so I needed to escape." He counters as he walks around. "I would return for the girl as soon as I could restore myself, but where there is one blood traitor there is always another."

The group listened to the story intently and you swallowed dryly, trying to remember all the details.

"The traitor Stark and that muggle slut he called his wife were waiting for me downstairs." Mephisto counters and you hold your breath. "I knew that in my condition I couldn't stand up to an auror like Stark, but he could be useful to me. It was the perfect opportunity to have someone look after my belongings."

Mephisto sighed lightly.

"I think muggles must have some sort of self-sabotaging lifestyles about throwing themselves in front of spells, folks." He mocked causing the group to exchange confused looks. "I aimed at Stark, commanding him to protect what was mine, but it was the muggle who received the enchantment." He counters and you gasp in surprise. "Stark was furious of course, but I used the moments he spent assisting his wife to apparate."

Mephisto's expression was no longer content.

"My body couldn't handle the power of the apparatation, obviously." He counters. "After the curse, it began to betray me. I was on the brink of death for months, until I finally succumbed. My consciousness shallowed, waiting patiently for my faithful followers to find me. And here we are."

The group lets out a small exclamation and Mephisto forces a smile, straightening his posture.

"But that's in the past, of course." He says. "My sorceress is here for me, and I can regain my full power now."

Wanda swallowed dryly as she watched Mephisto approach. The wizard made a motion with his wand and the grip around her neck shortened slightly.

"I never had any use for the witch's receptacle." He says raising his wand to Wanda, you held your breath. "It's nothing personal, dear. At least you'll meet that pig of a mother of yours in hell."

The green incantation comes out of the small wood next, but never reaches Wanda. A yellow energy bumps into the magic and deflects it almost hitting one of the wizards in the circle. The group moves in fright and Mephisto has a psychotic but surprised look on his face.

"The protective spell... How?" he asks, stepping forward. “The spell killed the muggle, I saw her body! How is it still there?” He angrily asks .

His followers look as surprised as he is, and Mephisto assumes an angry expression. He raises his wand again, and even without saying anything, the emerald incantation escapes and the same thing as before happens. Distracted in his frustration, he doesn't notice that with each attempt, the spell binding Wanda grows weaker, until the fourth time he tries to curse the girl, the golden light explodes in the air, ricocheting light startling all the wizards in the circle, as Wanda falls to her knees, free.

The second of shock from the group is enough for Wanda to cause a wave of energy with her powers that kept the wizards away as she reaches for the cup at her feet, teleporting back to the school.

You stumble out of the memory, your eyes watering.

Wanda looks at you, but you turn away feeling overwhelmed by the amount of information.

"W-what was that?" You gasp taking another step back.

"I'm sorry if that was too much." She hastens to say. "I-I needed to tell you. About your mother."

You wipe away the tears, moving further away.

"I can't do this." You grumble. "Not now. M-my father just died, Wanda. I can't. I'm sorry."

The words are a little disjointed, but Wanda understands. She doesn't stop you when you rush to leave the room.

//-//

Coming home is much more difficult than any other time.

The ride on the Hogwarts express is longer than ever, but you don't mind, wanting to avoid the moment when you and Tony will set foot home without your father.

Jarvis picks the four of you up at the station, and you are grateful that Gamora lets you eat all her candy left over from the trip.

The whole feeling of stepping into the house and looking around and seeing your father's objects all around is oppressive, but you try to get used to it. You think the conversation with Tony about your mother can wait.

//-//

Tag list ( let me know if you want to be tagged or removed idk haha) @mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5 // @myperfectlovepoem // @helloalycia // @ENSORCELLME // @AIMEZVOUSBRAHMS @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia //   @ichala​ ||  @madamevirgo

[sidespart]

For the fake fic title, if you're still doing it: Why do you hate me? (I honestly don't know where I came up with this lol)

X-Men AU!!! Found Family + Anxceit friendship. TW: child soldiers, child endangerment, abuse etc

(So typical X-men universe set up: some people are born with the X gene, which typically triggers during puberty, giving that person a mutation which normally results in cool powers. Many people hate mutants for their differences (/ bad press of people using their mutant powers for the evilz) and so most mutants live in hiding. The Xavier Institute is a school set up by an extremely powerful mutant which seeks to provide a safe space for young mutants to learn to manage their powers, get a regular education and hopes to see peace between humanity and mutant kind. The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants is a group of mutants who believe humans will never let mutant live in peace and do various anti-human, pro-mutant vaguely terrorist-y actions (there’s like a billion version of the x-men and these details may not be correct for all the versions all of the time because comics but this is the vague idea))

ANYWAY PLOT - Containment breach at the Super Secret Child Soldier Lab (SSCSL) - Subject VII has escaped. Subject VII is only 6-7 years old but his mutations were artificially triggered much younger than is normal. He can warp reality and create very sophisticated illusions, but has very limited control over his powers.

Cut too - Virgil and Dee, a couple of teenage mutants living on the street. They find a little boy with a buzzcut wandering around The Bad Part Of Town and Virgil immediately decides they need to adopt/help him (Dee makes more of a fuss about how this is not their responsibility and the kids barely even talking and do you know how hard I work just to keep you and now you wanna add another mouth to feed?? Huhh?? but obviously does not actually say no) (Dee is like. Barely any older than Virgil he’s just dramatic). 

Naturally, just as the three of them have had time to bond, the SSCSL and other assorted bad guys show up to try and take VII back. There’s a big fight, Virgil and Dee have a lot more experience with flight and would probably have ended up dead if the X-men (Patton and Logan) hadn't shown up to save them. 

But they lose VII.

Patton and Logan take them back to the Xavier institute to recuperate and offer to let them stay. They can go to school there, get some training and help the X-men track down VII and the whole SSCSL. Virgil says yes, Dee says no.

(So, reasoning - Virgil's mutation developed when he was 12. It was not pleasant. Various students at his school were injured and the media set up a which hunt for the mutant that caused the chaos. Virgil ran away from home because he was worried about the backlash on his family and about hurting anyone else again. So to him, this school full of mutants who can help him control his power, can offer him stability and a return to normal structures and routines, who are promising to help him get in contact with his parents if and when he’s ready?? This is like every fantasy he’s ever had come true

Unlike the other characters, Dee’s primary mutation is physical. He was born with it, its very obvious and its resulted in him being rejected for most of his life. He bounced around increasingly disturbing foster homes before running away when he was very young, so most of his memories are of living on the streets and surviving on his own. So, to him, number one: all adults are inherently untrustworthy idiots and number two: stay at a school? where they expect him to have a curfew? and, what - write essays? follow all their random arbitrary rules? rely on them for food and heat and all that shit? Completely ludicrous.)

It doesn't occur to either of them that the other one isn't going to agree with them. The resulting argument is epic and cruel, both hurling accusations at the other (Ungrateful /controlling are two of the big ones..) and both basically feeling hateful and 100% betrayed. Dee leaves and although they look for him, he’s got a lifetime experience of hiding and they cant find him.

CUT TO - 5 years later. Virgil is a (semi) well adjusted 19 year old junior X-men. He’s still a bit withdrawn, but is very close with Patton and Logan. He’s still holding out hope of finding VII one day and still firmly pretending he’s not listing out for any possible news of Dee (there were rumours some years ago of him joining the brother hood of evil mutants but then it all went quiet) who he, of course, hates for his betrayal. 

BUT THEN - mysterious knocking at the door in the night. Dee, now wearing a hat and cape and calling himself Janus, has returned. And he’s brought with him a little boy with a buzzcut and a tattoo of XXII on his foot.

Janus and Virgil need to put aside their resentment and work together to help XXII, who really does not seem interested in helping them, and hopefully use any clues he can give them about the SSCSL to track down VII. But that's difficult when they’re both still struggling with their own trauma and have no idea how to reconnect - both of them want to ask why do you hate me but are a bit too scared of the answer. ...

This already got way to long so mutant power/ extra back story descriptions under cut!

Patton - 22/27 years old. An extremely powerful telepath/empath. It takes him serious concentration and focus to not hear peoples thoughts and its almost impossible to not feel their feelings. Some people dislike him because of this as they feel he's spying on them. Grew up in the Xavier institute and 100% believes in and is committed to the future where humans and mutants live in harmony. Has pretty limited life experience in the real world. Sometimes floats. (inspired by professor X)

Logan - 21/26 years old. Fires destructive laser beams from his eyes. Was in a car accident when he was younger leaving him with permanent but apparently harmless brain damage - until his mutation developed and he slowly realised that no matter how much he trained he just couldn't control his power. Has to wear specialised eye guards at all times to keep himself from accidentally destroying everything around him. Had big plans to go to university and was angry at his mutation for a long time for getting in the way of that. Eventually enrolled online and is now a very dedicated teacher at the Institute. (inspired by cyclops) 

Janus - 15(?) / 20(?) His primary mutation is  lizard/snake like scales over most of his body, but especially the left side. Has oversized fangs, and yellow eye and a short lizard tail. His secondary mutation makes him immune to almost any sort of mental based mutation (so Logan could still knock him on his ass with his lasers, but Patton cant sense anything form him and Virgil cant whammy him). Spent a lot of his life on his own and got by being sneaky, cunning and charming. Initially took Virgil in because he saw that his powers could be useful for keeping them both safe, but eventually Virgil became his first real friend.

Virgil - 14/19. Shadow manipulation and ‘draining’. Virgil can make himself (and with practice, people he touches) literally disappear into the shadows. He can also direct shadows as powerful energy ‘blasts’, but in order to do so he has to drain any surrounding living things of their energy. When his mutation first developed  he took out half of the school hall where his exam was being held, leaving 15 students in a coma. (inspired by rouge/shadow cat)

VII - 6? / 11? Reality warping/illusion powers. One of the institutes first successful subjects. He was able to escape by changing the wall of his cell into a door. He finds it hard to talk but can project his ideas as lifelike illusions who can talk for him. One of his best is the image a handsome grown up Prince and he will often use this Illusion as an avatar to communicate. When he was 6 he did have some hazy memories of outside the SSCSL and expressed a desire to go home. Current status is unknown. 

XXI - 7.  Illusion powers  (reality warping has been removed from the program by his time as subjects proved too difficult to control). Has no memories of outside the institute and is extremely uncooperative with his new captors/guardians. He does not understand the affection they’re trying to show him and lashes out a lot, often by creating a lot of extremely disturbing and graphic illusions. Bites. 

[uncloseted]

I know you arent a doctor so sorry if you cant answer this. But I feel like whenever I look into people's experiences with SSRIs/antidepressants, SO many people say not to do it and that the side effects are worse than the depression itself. I don't know these people ofc, but it seems like people who haven't taken them and are just listing side effects they heard of. And then I see people who have actually taken it saying it helped them deeply. Like what? Why are some people so against them?

It's all good! I'm happy to answer. So I think there are a few different groups of people that are very vocal about anti-depressants online.

The first group is people who have taken SSRIs before and had a bad experience. In general, people who have had a negative experience with a product or service are more likely to write about it online than people who have had a neutral or good experience with a product or a service, and I think this is especially true when it comes to medications. SSRIs are one of the most commonly prescribed medications, in part because they typically don't have many side effects and because they can treat a wide variety of conditions. That said, they can have side effects that are serious, especially in children and adolescents. If you're someone who's had a negative side effect, hearing that SSRIs are one of the most commonly prescribed medications might be alarming, so I can see why some people might feel the need to take it upon themselves to "educate" others about the "dangers" of SSRIs. It's also worth noting that it can take a couple of tries before finding the medication and does that work for you, and so some of the negative experiences may be from people who tried one SSRI at one dosage, decided the whole thing wasn't going to work for them, and stopped entirely. On the flip side, if you're someone that's had a positive experience with SSRIs, you're unlikely to talk about it because there's a stigma against both mental illness and SSRIs. You don't want to admit that mental illness is something you're struggling with or that you take medication to help it. Negative stories also stick with us more than positive ones, which may contribute to the feeling that there's an overwhelming number of negative stories about SSRIs but not a lot of positive ones.

The second group is people who haven't actually taken SSRIs themselves, but who are anti-psychiatry. There are lots of different reasons why people are anti-psychiatry, but none of them are worth taking seriously. Some are anti-medication in general, usually because it's "not natural", because they don't want to be "dependent" on a medication to live, or a similar argument. These are silly arguments to me. We do all sorts of things every day that "aren't natural" (driving in cars, using computers, wearing glasses). And SSRIs are typically a short-term prescription to help a person recover from a depressive episode, not a life-long medication. But even for people who do take it their entire lives... we're okay with people being "dependent" on other life-saving medication. Way fewer people accuse people with diabetes of being "dependent" on insulin.

Other people are against psychiatric medication specifically, generally because they think it's kind of like "cheating" at life. This argument is usually something like, "I was depressed and I got over it without medication, why can't you?" or "in my day, we weren't so soft that we needed medication for being sad", or "happiness is earned, you can't take the easy way out". There's a lot to say about those people, especially in the context of the US's "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," Cultural Calvinism, hypercapitalist society, but this isn't really the place for it. These people are dumb, and I feel like they're the same people who uphold hazing rituals or are against forgiving student loan debt because "I had to go through it, so should you". It's a good thing if you can lead a happier, healthier, and more productive life with less effort.

There's also a group of people who thinks that "big Pharma" is using antidepressants to "make us all compliant sheeple" or whatever, making it seem like SSRIs are the new lobotomy. Those people are typically conspiracy theorists and not to be taken seriously.

That said, there are real considerations to take into account when starting an anti-depressant, and especially an SSRI. A meta-anlaysis published in the Journal of Clinical Epidemiology found that 79% of study authors had a pharmaceutical industry link of some sort, and that positive outcomes were more likely to be published than negative ones. That can make it difficult to know exactly how effective SSRIs are in the treatment of depression.

If you have a history of bipolar episodes or suicidal ideation, SSRIs may make those problems worse. Other medical conditions (hypothyroidism, metabolic disturbance, infections, chronic diseases, hypogonadism) and mental health issues (ADHD, eating disorders, personality disorders) may present with symptoms of depression, but need a different approach to treatment, so it's important to be properly assessed.

If you're in a life situation that's causing you distress, making a change may be more effective than starting medication, and I think there's something to be said for the idea that the modern world isn't really designed to promote mental health. Studies generally find that lifestyle changes, such as physical exercise, are more effective than medication in the treatment of mild to moderate depression in most people. Talk therapy can be as effective as medications in mild cases of depression, especially when you have a good relationship with your therapist.

Anti-depressants can and do work, and if you're struggling with depression, they can be an excellent tool in helping you to recover. There's nothing wrong with taking a medication that can help you live a more fulfilling life. But they're not the best solution for everybody, so it's important to assess your situation and your options before trying them, and it's important to view finding the right anti-depressant for you as a journey instead of a quick fix.

[static-fanatic-1]

Test To Stay

-| Stuck at a StandStill |-

StandStill: Chapter Two

Word Count: 4.3k

Warnings: Mineta is part of the story sadly.

Today's the day! Today is the day Aiko will head into class 1-A and make a name for herself. Her confidence as of lately has been at an all time high, never before had she felt so ready for whatever would come her way. The air smelled faintly of cherry blossoms and the weather was just perfect. Nothing would stop her!

A hand clasped harshly onto her shoulder, once again making her jump out of her skin and whip around. Her nose was practically touching Komori's because of how close he was. "Guess who got into the Hero Course, Sweetheart." His rave black hair swept in the wind, it's messy appearance complimenting the thick glasses hanging off his button nose.

She hated that nickname, he gave it to her long ago and for some reason it still stuck. Besides, what should she even say to that? Surely he will be in class 1-A with her when the bell rings. Better save herself the pain and let him figure it out himself. "Good for you. I'm proud of you."

Komori lifted a brow, the smaller girl sounded so genuine with her words, yet there was still a hint of something beneath those encouraging words. Something he couldn't exactly place. Still, the words gave the black haired boy a thing of punk on his tanned cheeks. "Well then, if that's all you have to say I'll see you at lunch. And don't worry your pretty little head, I'll tell you all about the Hero Course." He leaned down and patted her head with a heavy hand.

Aiko furrowed her brows and scooted away, Komori strutting his way into the school grounds. Her tense figure relaxed a bit, moving to the front to dispose of her outside shoes and placing her clip-on roller blades in her book bag. She shuffled a few things around and turned to find her class, but luck have it, she bumped into someone. "Sorry!" She quickly exclaimed, hands up in defense.

The figure she bumped into was tall and broad for his age, and when she looked up she noticed a familiar face from just a few days ago. He adjusted his glasses and straightened out his silver school uniform. He raised one of his hands, almost as if he was about to slap her. She flinched. "It's fine. People make mistakes."

Sighing, Aiko examined the student further. As stated he was broad shouldered and tall for his age, with thin glasses resting on his nose. His face and jaw was strong, defined, and his eyes were a beautiful navy blue that matched his short yet neatly parted hair.

He shut his locker, which was opposite of hers, and turns back to her. "What class are you going to?" His hand pointed at her, palm facing up.

"Oh! Um—Class 1-A. You?" She asked carefully.

A pleased grin stretched across his cheeks. "Class 1-A, If you and I are going to be classmates, how about we exchange names? I am Iida Tenya." He extended his hand in a mutual form of respect.

"Takahashi Aiko, I prefer Aiko though." She gave a gentle grin and cocked her head to the side. "Nice to meet you Iida-kun." Her small hand was engulfed around his own, and in contrast against her gentle nature, his shaking and grip was iron.

"Well, Iida," She tasted his name on her tongue one more time to make sure she didn't mess it up. "We should probably get to class before we are late."

He whipped his head toward the fancy watch he wore on his wrist. "You're right! Let's go." With an almost robotic walk, he led the way to Class 1-A.

"Do you know where you are going?" Aiko questioned before thinking about her words. Was asking that rude?

"No!! But we can follow the signs they placed for the first years." He kept walking, turning his head just a bit to make eye contact with the girl. "If we go up the stairs to the second floor and turn right we should be there."

Her silver eyes glanced over at the signs and posters on the wall, a few being the ones from before but many were signs posting to classes. "Oh, my bad."

"Don't worry about it."

The two students traveled up the stairs and stayed right. Many different students passed them, each one making their way to their classes. A certain figure passed them though, one Aiko was too focused to not notice.

His wings flared behind his back, why the hell was she going right? The General Studies and Business Courses are on the left side, did she somehow get into the Support Course? Komori's dangerous, plum eyes watched her walk behind a guy with engines in his calves.

He kept walking behind the pair, watching and waiting to see where they end up. Is that guy a friend or something? Aiko and the tall guy stopped in front of a large door, one that towered all the way to the high rise roof. Inscripted on the side of the door in bolded, white letters screamed 'Class 1-A'. No way, no way in hell did she get into that class.

Komori accidentally bumped shoulders with another student, this one having blonde hair and a smug look on his face. "Pardon me." He snapped through gritted teeth.

The blond glanced at the two disappearing figures, scoffing and placing his hands on his hips. "Class 1-A, they have nothing on us." He bitterly exclaimed, waving his hand in a dismissive way. "This year, Class 1-B will be the ultimate hero Course!" He chuckled maliciously.

The bat man with black hair cocked his head to the side. "You're in Class 1-B?"

"Truly! Class 1-A will finally learn what it is like to be second best! None of them will come close to being strong enough to face me!"

Komori quirked up a brow and grinned. "I think you and I will be great friends." A clawed hand extended toward the cocky blond. "Komori." He introduced.

The blond glanced up at his taller classmate, the mischievous grin on his features twisting into a pleased expression. "Monoma, pleasure to meet you, Komori."

~~~

Aiko's pink lips stretched into a soft smile at the other students already in class. When she entered half of the entire class was already in their seats. Some of the more extroverted people talked to the students next to them, like Kaminari talking to the guy in front of him. Wait, did that guy have a tail?

Speaking of the blond, when he saw a familiar set of silver eyes and pale pink hair, he stood up and enthusiastically waved in her direction. Aiko waved back with a questioning yet polite look, shuffling over to take an empty seat in the back. She put down her bag and picked out her sketchbook, last night she was designing her costume but it wasn't approved, so she had to play around with her sketches to figure something out. Maybe more skin?

Every time a new student entered, Aiko couldn't help but anxiously await Komori, when was he going to show up? He would have probably showed up by now, right? Still, when a certain ash-blond entered with his hands stuffed into his pockets, she couldn't help but stare at his pursed lips. Why does he always look so pissed off?

Bakugou collapsed onto a chair and threw his feet onto the desk. Aiko cringed, and Iida, oh poor Iida... it was almost like he had a sixth sense for stuff like that. He strutted over to Bakugou, his entire body filled with momentum as his hands waved around in disapproval.

"Remove your foot from that desk! Such an action is insulting to those who came to U.A. before us as well as the craftsmen who made the desk!!" His hands pointed to the desk and the boy.

"Like I care." The delinquent leaned closer to Iida's face. "What middle school did you come from, you extra?"

Aiko's concerned gaze shifted to the newest student entering the class, his face was difficult to describe. Almost like he was disturbed but too polite to fully express it. Her attention returned to Iida, one hand now over his heart.

"I-I'm from Somei Private Academy. My name is Tenya Iida."

"Somei?!" The blond snapped. "A stuck-up elitist then? I should blow you to bits then."

Iida backed off in surprise... or was it disgust? "You're aweful. Do you really want to become a hero?!" Without fully finishing the conversation, Iida noticed the broccoli haired boy and wondered over to him instead. "I'm from Somei Academy...." The tall male introduced, hand outstretched.

The boy from the sludge villain incident tensed up and waved his hands in front of his body. "I heard you before! Ah... I'm Izuku Midoriya. Pleased to meet you Iida."

They talked a bit more, though it was more of a hushed conversation. Aiko tilted her head at the green haired boy, could he have been hurt to the point of making him skittish? Through her experiences, Aiko could only guess.

The door creaked open behind them, a sweet looking girl with brown hair, chocolate eyes, and a smile just as sweet as sugar. "Ah! That curly hair!! The plain looking boy!!" She pumped her fist in the air. "You got in! Just like Present Mic said!! Makes sense though!! That punch was awesome!!"

His entire face flushed a bright red, his hand covering as he turned away. "No! I-I mean...! I have to thank you for speaking on my behalf... I... well...."

Aiko found the transaction cute, a shy boy and a girl that seemed too sweet to be normal, so she returned to her sketches and kept her mouth shut. Until everything was suddenly quiet.

She glanced back at the door, the same scruffy teacher from the entrance exam huddled into a yellow sleeping bag. A small pouch in his hand that he sucked on. "This is... the Hero Course."

'Huh?'

He stumbled out of the bag, letting it fall to the floor as he entered. "I'm your homeroom teacher, Shota Aizawa. Pleased to meet you." Although his words were professional, his tone said otherwise, like he was beyond bored to be here. He lifted up his bag and grabbed something within, pulling out a classic U.A. training uniform you would see during their tournaments. "Quickly now. Change into your gym clothes and head out to the grounds."

The entire class was split, some were jumping from their desk in excitement while the other half stood with a nervous hesitance. Aiko was part of the nervous group, but one at a time everyone took their issued gym clothes.

The girls rushed into the locker room, a certain pink skinned girl with curly horns on top her fluffy, lighter toned hair, beamed in excitement. "What do you think we are going to do?" She asked, turning to face the small group of girls with a beaming grin.

The brown haired girl from earlier smiled, her chocolate eyes sparkling. "I don't know! I'm nervous though." Her rosy cheeks adding another level of cuteness to her overall appearance.

Small bits of chatter danced around the room, introductions being made and clothes being replaced. Each girl, with a sense of nervous excitement coursing through their veins, introduced themselves.

Momo, an insanely beatutiful, young girl with black, silky hair pulled into a ponytail.

Ochako, the cute girl with a permanent blush and short chocolate hair, she seemed nice.

Mina, the pink haired girl who started the conversation. Her skin seemed to match her personality and style, bright and frilly, kinda like a girly Tom-boy.

Tsu, a girl with a cute accent, almost like she had a stuffy nose. Long green hair ending in a bow and intelligent eyes makes her comfortable to be around.

Hagakure, a sweet girly-girly personality wise, but other than that Aiko didn't know how to describe her. Maybe invisible would work? She hoped that wasn't too mean to think.

Aiko listened intently, simply trying to buy time by examining her new gym uniform and shuffling it around in her grip. When it was her turn she rushed with her introduction, stating her name and a little something she likes. Drawing, she chose drawing to be the thing she likes.

"Oh!" Beamed the pink girl, a enthusiastic smile stretching across her lips. "You'll have to show us your drawings!"

Aiko glanced away with her cheeks flushing a rosy red. "Ma-maybe. They aren't anything too impressive though...." her words trailed off into a quiet mumble, before she remembered she actually had to get dressed. "Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom."

Swiftly, the white-haired girl's exited the conversation, shutting the bathroom stall door just a little too quickly in the process. Taking a deep, shaky breath, Aiko calmed her nerves. As much as she loved making friends, the over ecstatic girls made her a bit uncomfortable.

Though, them being excited about her art made her lightly blush.

~~~

The principle climbed his way into the room, the smaller form of All Might judging a price of paper in his boney hands. A deep set look of thought was etched onto his face, so much so he didn't notice Nezu entering and beginning to brew some tea.

A small ding alerted All Might of the new presence, and with a startled jump he turned to see who it was. The mighty hero sighed and examined the paper. "Aizawa is going to be harsh on the students."

Nezu pored the tea into two cups, took hold of both of them and handed one to Toshinori. "He's always hard on his students, I believe he would be good for your successor."

All Might turned and joined Nezu on the small desk. "He doesn't like me, Nezu, he'll defiantly see too much of me in him."

The principle smiled and took a calming sip of his tea. It was slightly sweet with a hint of mint, warm against his tongue as the steam tickled his nose. He sighed and kicked his legs in the chair. "That could be a good thing, besides I'm sure he will see potential in him much like you did."

All Might leaned forward, letting the steam warm his sunken face. "He expelled his entire class last year."

"That won't happen again, we've told him off for that last year." Nezu commented with a laugh, sighing and carefully handling his tea on his lap.

"But he can still expel someone, right?"

The mouse-like principle lightly chuckled. "Technically."

The two of them halted their current conversation, opting to change the subject on another issue All Might noticed. "You place twenty-one students in each hero course this year, why?"

"The batch of aspiring heroes seemed especially good this year. I wanted to give them all a chance."

"Won't there be some problems?"

"I've already thought ahead, don't worry. We will have the teachers follow the curriculum as usual, but whoever the extra person is, we can have the students who need more training get another chance." Nezu glanced over, taking another long sip of his tea. "Did that make sense?"

Toshinori hummed, his forefinger and thumb holding his chin in thought. "Yes, it does." The mighty hero sighed and stood, thanking his friend for the tea. "I'm pretty sure Aizawa is already testing them."

Nezu laughed. "Probably. It was nice to talk to you again, Toshinori."

"It was nice. I'll see you later, Nezu."

~~~

The entire Class 1-A stood in a field, a shot put field from the looks of it. Aizawa stood in front of them, taking in their forms like he was already deciding to give up on them. 'How optimistic', Aiko thought sarcastically.

He started talking, something along the lines of how U.A. allows independent teaching, and something about quirk prohibitions in society. "Bakugou, how far could you throw in middle school?"

"Sixty-seven meters."

"Great. Now try it with your quirk. Do whatever you need to do, just don't leave the circle." He handed the ash-blond a small ball. "Give it all you've got."

He smirked and mumbled under his breath before throwing the ball with a massive explosion behind it. "DIE!!" The sickening sound echoed through the field.

Air and smoke swept through everyone's hair, Aiko covering her face with her arms and squinting at the bright light. 'Die?' She glanced up at the sky, the ball only being a small spec in the vast ocean of blue. Slowly, it descended back to earth with a trail of smoke tailing behind each weak bounce it made.

Aizawa turned back to the group, his shoulders hunched and relaxed. In his hands, dressed with callouses, was a small device with the illuminated numbers 705.2m on the small screen. "It's important for us to know our limits." He began with a bored tone. "That's the first rational step to figuring it what kind of hero you'll be."

Aiko shivered at the slightly threatening words from the teacher, but everyone else cheered with delight. After all, this is a chance to prove themselves as the future heroes of Japan! To fight villains and save lives! Taking a quick glance at her classmates, she clenched her fists with a confident face.

Yeah, she would stop villains too! She would become a hero!

"'Awesome you say?'", Aizawa repeated, a bit of malice echoing under his disinterest. "Hoping you are going to become heroes after three years here... and you think it'll be all fun and games?"

'Huh?' Aiko's sudden confidence dwindled like a dying candle, and her posture slumped. 'Oh god, whats happening?'

"Right. The one with the lowest score across all eight events will be judged hopeless... and will be expelled."

"E-e-expelled?!" She suddenly yelped, the entire class screaming their disbelief. 'Holy shit! He can't do that?! Can he?!'

"Your fates are in our hands." Aizawa trailed his hand through his messy, black hair. "Welcome, this is the Hero Course at U.A."

'That-that wasn't welcoming.' Aiko worried, hurrying along with the other students to the chopping block. They huddled up like cattle to the slaughter. The first challenge: 50-Meter Dash.

Two at a time, the students dashed as fast as they could, a race to the finish line. Aiko was paired up with a red head with sharp teeth. He grinned at her, a soft smile and a thumbs up. "Do your best." He added, bending down to prepare the sprint.

Aiko bent down too, blowing her loose hair out of her face, and patiently awaited the signal.

The dark haired teacher blew his whistle, and the two students were off! Aiko propelled herself forward, launching her body as fast as possible. The wind brushed past her hair, and she was subconsciously holding her breath with each step. 'A little farther!' She thought, the red-head beside her already past the finish line.

'When did he finish?' Aiko's foot passed the finish line, the camera off to the side blaring her score. "6.56 seconds." '6.56! That's better than middle school!' Suddenly, the red head finishing first didn't seem so bad.

Speaking of which, he was wondering over. A small bit of sweat coated his brow, and his toothy grin beamed brightly. "Good job!" He cheered.

"Th-Thanks, you too." Aiko kindly replied, fixing her gym shirt and taking a few deep breaths.

Next challenge: Grip Strength. She frowned, grip strength would be a tough one to do. Maybe her constant drawing would make her stronger than normal? Or maybe that was wishful thinking.

Yeah, it was wishful thinking, 36 kg wasn't that good.

Third Challenge: Standing Long Jump. Knowing each student could use their quirk, Aiko wondered if there was any way her quirk would be useful.

Fourth Challenge: Side Stepping. This would be an easy one, obviously as she finished almost last. Second to last to be exact, pretty good if she had to say so.

Onto the next challenge: Sit-Ups. Easy, eighty-eight and fourth to finish.

Sixth Challenge: Seated Toe-Touch. Also easy, Aiko stretches every morning before skating to school.

Seventh Challenge: Distance Run. Nope, was one of the last to finish, hopefully this wouldn't ruin her score that badly.

Finally, the Final Challenge: Throwing. Besides the eventful Aizawa vs Broccoli Boy vs Explosive Blond back to Aizawa, Aiko didn't do that good.

The reveal was upon the students, a horrifying set of numbers that would decide someone's fate. Aiko related her own score, if they went by a number system she made up, then she should be okay. If each student was put into the position they ended in, and each student was given the respective amount of points, then the people with the least amount of points would be at the top. Aiko wouldn't be at the top, but she shouldn't be on the bottom either.

There was a small beep, and with a deep breath, Aiko glanced up at the screen Aizawa held. Momo, Todoroki, Bakugou, Iida, etc... Aiko. Aiko Takahashi! In 14th place behind Tsu!

Her shoulders slumped and she let go of a breath she didn't even know she was holding. "I made it!" She quietly exasperated.

Though she paused, immediately being overwhelmed with guilt at whoever was in last place. Midoriya Izuku, that's the green haired boy right? Silver eyes glanced over at the boy, his head hung low. Should she go comfort him?

"Your total scores simply reflect your performance in each of the events. Explaining the process would be a waste of time, so all you get are the final rankings." His tone wasn't any different from before, he must really not care about them. "Also, I was lying about expelling someone."

Another sigh of relief.

"That was a rational deception... meant to bring out the best in all of you." His cheshire grin reeked of mischief.

The students shrieked in disbelief, the shy girl shuffling away from the front of the crowd. "Anyway, were done here." Your documents about the curriculum and such are back in the classroom, give them a look."

~~~

"Oi!" A shriek like yell burst through the comforting conversation of the after school pack up. The surprise made the small girl jump and slam her locker closed. "Aiko right?"

When she turned around, the electric blond from earlier. "Uh, yeah? Um, Kaminari right?"

"Yup!" He pulled over two other figures, a purple haired boy from the bus ride and the red head you raced against. "You know Mineta, and this guy right here is Kirishima." His arm hung over their shoulders, a little awkwardly she would admit, and his thumb pointed to the sharper tooth kid.

"Nice to meet you guys." Small, slightly shaky, hands reentered her locker code. "Uh, I'm glad we all made it? Mr. Aizawa seems pretty... intense?"

"Oh, geez. Tell me about it! I thought I was going to fail!" Kaminari yelped, planting his palm on his forehead. "There wasn't even anything I could use my quirk on!"

Kirishima sighed. "Me too, hardening isn't exactly good for stretching." He joked.

"Hardening? That's your quirk?" Aiko asked, the smaller, purple haired student shuffling from side to side anxiously.

"Yup," He raises his arms and flexed them, the once soft flesh changing into hardened, jagged pieces. Like rock. "It makes it harder to move."

"I can harden too-." Burst Mineta, though he was quickly interrupted by Kaminari.

"I can manipulate electricity, I can't use too much of it though, fries my brain." He swatted his hand in the air. "Hopefully later on I can really show off my skills!"

"Do you want to know what my quirk is?" Aggressively, Mineta tried to butt his way past the other two boys. "My balls-."

"So what's your quirk? I didn't see you use it either."

"Oh, it's called pause." Aiko began, doing her best to unite Mineta. "I can freeze—pause objects in time. It gives me bad headaches though." She tapped her temple and shifted her gaze across from her locker, still grabbing the few things left in there. Across form her, Iida waved goodbye with a small smile. She returned the action before turning back to the boy's. "It wouldn't have helped me."

"So," started Kaminari, but replaced his interest with the skates in her hands. "Oh! You skate?"

"Oh yeah, my transportation." The white haired girl waved them in the air before putting them on. "Sorry, but I have to go. Mr. Takahashi wants me to get some food on the way back home."

"Mr. Takahashi? Your dad?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah... my dad." Aiko realized how weird that might sound, after all she used to say mom and dad. "Anyway, I'll see you guys tomorrow!" She smiled and dashed off and away from the situation. "Bye!"

Her hair brushed past her shoulder, and everything else became a blur. Warm air tickled her nose and played with her school uniform. This was freedom, this was relaxation. No matter what happened, no matter who yelled or hurt her before, skating around the city was always relaxing. Always a way to clear her mind of any worries.

After a day like this, she needed it. After all, Komori and Aizawa scared her beyond believe today. Taking a detour wouldn't end the world.

[purpleiri]

Xu Mo: Ordinary Date Translation

许墨 【平淡之约】

During the time Xu Mo was immersed in a new research project, our meetings have become scarce. I was incessantly torn between not wanting to disturb him at work and longing to see him. Finally, I came up with a solution to the problem...

Please do not re-post my translations.

I’m not a professional translator. I do not claim that my translations are 100% accurate.

I hope that you’ll enjoy watching/reading the date! Text-only version under the cut.

When I reached the entrance of the research centre, Aming and the others were on their way out. They must have just pulled an all-nighter to finish their experiment, as the youths yawned loudly. Even so, they were chatting happily and exchanging banters back and forth.

Student A: “Let’s have soup dumplings at Sheng Ji, it’s near.”

Student B: “Since today’s a day off, we have a lot of time. Let’s go to Li Ji Restaurant, it’s only two stations away by subway anyway.”

Student C: “Is Professor Xu not coming with us again?”

Aming: “The Professor said that he’ll be busy with some other things.”

Student B: “Do any of you feel that although Professor Xu looks approachable, he also seems strangely detached? He never talks about himself, and he’s not close with any of the other teachers.”

Student A: “It feels like he’s very polite, but keeps everybody at arm’s length, isn’t it?”

Student C: “I feel it a little. There were a few times when I saw him standing alone by the window and wanted to go up to him and say hello, but at the same time I felt that he would feel bothered for sure.”

Student B: “Sometimes, it does feel as if we just can’t figure out what kind of person Professor Xu really is…”

I stopped in my tracks and hesitated for a while, but still went ahead to meet up with them.

MC: “Aming!”

Aming: “MC, are you looking for the Professor? He’s just finished being busy with work so he should be resting now.”

MC: “Yes, I brought all of you something to eat!”

I handed a paper bag filled with food over to Aming. He smiled as he accepted it and scratched his head a little awkwardly.

Aming: “The things we said just now, we didn’t mean anything by it…”

MC: “Don’t worry, I won’t tattle on you to your Professor Xu.”

I smiled, but it was clear in my mind—there was a time when even I have deeply felt Xu Mo’s indifference and elusiveness, so I did not blame others for thinking so. For the past month, for instance, ever since he has started working on some secret experiment, I have been seeing him less and our usual interactions with each other have decreased. I have tried asking him about it indirectly twice, but he always answered vaguely and digressed from the topic. I could not help but worry a little.

Student B: “May I ask, are you Professor Xu’s girlfriend? We didn’t mean to talk about the Professor, we just don’t understand him very well so we couldn’t help but discuss a little.”

He paused for a while and let out an embarrassed smile.

Student B: “It’s rare to see such an impressive and young professor, so it makes one really curious.”

Student A: “He’s not just impressive, he could already very well be included in a textbook!”

They continued talking, and the conversation turned into a discussion of Xu Mo’s most recent academic research. I could see on their faces their hopes for the future, as well as an overwhelming sense of accomplishment from being able to work on the project with Xu Mo.

MC: “Sometimes, he can get too immersed in his own world and may seem unsociable.”

“But don’t worry about him being difficult to get along with.”

I looked at them and couldn’t stop the corner of my lips from turning up into a smile.

MC: “He’s a really gentle person.”

“The most gentle person I have ever met.”

--

It was still early, and the research centre was much quieter than usual. I walked along the long corridor and arrived at the entrance of the lounge. The door was open; I quietly took two steps forward and saw Xu Mo deep in thought.

The window blinds were shut tightly. Entering through the gaps and infiltrating the room was a thin layer of sunlight, reflected on his calm and impassive eyes. It seemed that even the continuous drizzle of the wallpaper surrounding him lingered with a hint of coolness. The slightly bitter aroma of coffee permeated the air, and hot steam from the mug drifted little by little to the corner of Xu Mo’s thin lips.

Although he always wore a mild expression on his face, I felt that the darkness of the room was filled with an inexplicable silent melancholy. It was as if he had carved out this cold little space that was isolated from the world—isolated from the warm morning light outside the window, and isolated from himself.

I stared at his thin silhouette and could only feel how particularly lonely he was at this moment.

MC: “Xu Mo.”

I could not stop myself anymore and took a step forward, softly whispering his name. As if he had just suddenly woken up from some deep contemplation, he looked at me with a hint of surprise in his eyes. Almost at the very moment our eyes met, I could clearly see a smile light up in his nonchalant eyes.

Xu Mo: “Why didn’t you tell me in advance before coming over?”

Quickly, I walked over from the staircase to meet him, grinning as I held up the paper bag in my hand.

MC: “I brought you breakfast! There’s bread, egg tarts, palmiers, sandwiches…”

I opened up the paper bag and showed him how filled to the brim with food it was, prompting him to let out a small laugh.

Xu Mo: “It’s only breakfast, how can I eat this much?”

I placed the bag on the table and turned around to walk towards the window.

MC: “It’s precisely because it’s breakfast that you should eat more nutritiously.”

“If you can’t finish it then you can have the leftovers for tea, supper, or snacks. How do you get inspiration during work if you don’t eat some food?”

With a quiet “swoosh”, I drew open the blinds completely—a dazzling gleam of light spread inside, and the monotonous white walls of the room immediately took on a golden hue. The green plants on the windowsill seemed to have woken up from their deep sleep, slowly swaying their branches and leaves to the mild morning wind now blowing into the room.

Xu Mo: “Turns out that the weather today is really good.”

When I looked back, Xu Mo was already bathing in the mild sunlight. His entire body was enveloped in a soft warmth, and the corners of his lips were curved slightly upwards, revealing a quiet gentleness comparable to the first rays of light in the morning.

Xu Mo: “If it weren’t for the experiment, I would have gone out to take a walk with you. I wonder, at this time, if there are any more peach blossoms in bloom around the suburbs.”

He spoke as slowly walked towards me.

Xu Mo: “Didn’t you say that you’ve been busy with a new show recently?”

“Coming to see me so suddenly, did you come across some difficulty?”

I flashed him a knowing smile and took out my own notebook from my bag.

MC: “It’s just as I’ve said before, it’s about inviting a professor in logical studies to do an episode of the show…”

Before I could finish what I was saying, Xu Mo shook his head and sighed softly.

Xu Mo: “…sure enough, you didn’t come here specially to bring me breakfast.”

For a moment I was stunned, but I quickly denied it.

MC: “Of course I came here specially to bring you breakfast, it’s just a coincidence that I have a question that I needed your advice for.”

But after listening to me, not only did Xu Mo lightly furrow his brows, his voice also fell, as if he has just suffered some terrible injustice.

Xu Mo: “...so you brought me breakfast only because you needed my advice on something?”

“We haven't seen each other in such a long time, yet you don't miss me at all.”

MC: “…w-wait!”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“It’s not that I don’t miss you…”

At this moment, Xu Mo raised his eyes, which were twinkling with a hint of slyness. It was then I realised that I must have fallen into his trap once again. I looked at him and bit my lips with a huff. And yet, this man’s mood suddenly shifted happily as he came over to hold my hand with a smile.

Xu Mo: “Let’s have breakfast first.”

--

Under my “quiet” supervision, Xu Mo finished eating three egg tarts, two bread, and half a palmier before concluding this somewhat hearty breakfast. Although at the end he said that he really couldn’t eat anymore, there was still a happy smile on his lips.

Xu Mo: “Just spare me this round, Great Producer. I already know what I did wrong.”

“Now, I really know that you didn’t not miss me.”

He spoke slowly, dragging out the last part of his sentence as he took one last sip of coffee from his mug. He rested his chin on his hand and looked at the notebook in my hands. Before I had the time to think of a comeback to his words, he changed the topic.

Xu Mo: “Let me take a look at your question next.”

I really didn’t know what to do with him. I could only go along with his tempo; I opened up the notebook in my hands, spreading it on the table.

Xu Mo: “So this is the question that got you stuck.”

Xu Mo took a pen out of his pocket. Just as he was about to start writing, he looked over at me again.

Xu Mo: “Sitting opposite each other like this, it’s not so easy for me to write. Do you want to sit a bit closer?”

I nodded my head. I pulled my chair over and sat next to Xu Mo, shoulder to shoulder. Satisfied, Xu Mo smiled and wrote down the four letters “AEIO” on paper, forming a rectangle.

Xu Mo: “You can simply understand it this way: ‘A’ means complete affirmation, ‘E’ means complete negation, ‘I’ means partial affirmation, and ‘O’ means partial negation.”

“Among these, ‘A’ and ‘O’ have a contradictory relationship, just as ‘I’ and ‘E’ also have a contradictory relationship. Between them, there must be one that is true and one that is false. For example, taking what you said just now about how it’s not that you don’t miss me…”

“…it negates complete negation, which is to say that ‘E’ is false. In contrast, it confirms that ‘I’ is true, which is to say—you do miss me a little.”

“Is that right?”

The low voice that he used to slowly describe the concept flowed like sunlight. As I listened, I fell into a trance. The way the corners of his lips were raised subconsciously prompted me to smile along with him.

MC: “Right.”

A familiar light scent lingered between our breaths. I stared at his mesmerising eyes and only came to my senses much later. Xu Mo held my hands as an ambiguous smile appeared on his lips. His eyes narrowed slightly with the action, and he came closer.

Xu Mo: “Two days ago, I attended a lecture and happened to meet the Old Professor Xu that you invited as a guest on your show.”

“He was full of praises for you, saying that you and your team have already handed him the script two weeks ago. The questions on logical reasoning that he came up with, you managed to solve them all.”

“All these basic theoretical concepts have ceased to become a challenge for you much earlier on.”

“And yet you still came up with the excuse of having a question you needed my advice for…”

MC: “I…”

I avoided his stare guiltily, but still hesitantly hummed a soft “mhmm”. Xu Mo let out a helpless smile and sighed lightly. Raising his forefinger, he tapped me on the forehead gently.

Xu Mo: “Little liar, you only know how to bully me.”

Hurriedly, I tugged on the cuff of his white coat and softened my tone.

MC: “That’s why I said, I really came here specially to bring you breakfast.”

Xu Mo: “This isn’t the only thing I’m referring to.”

Xu Mo gazed into my eyes mysteriously, seemingly that no matter how I reacted afterwards, it would all be within his sight.

Xu Mo: “For the past two weeks, Aming often brings me supper; sometimes it's hot congee, other times it's vegetables and rice. He claims that it's takeaway, but the taste says otherwise.”

“The leaves of the spider plant on my balcony have long since turned yellow, and I haven't had the time to take care of it. However, when I glanced at it a few days ago, I found a new pot has long taken its place.”

“After returning to my office from the research centre early in the morning, I would sometimes find an extra cup of freshly-brewed tea.”

As he spoke, he showed an expression of serious contemplation, and his eyes revealed a faint puzzlement.

Xu Mo: “When did I start raising a little snail girl like you?”

He paused. Although it seemed like he still had some words left unsaid, he didn't continue speaking. Instead, he rubbed my hand with his fingertips, slowly, lightly, and very gently. I could feel the warmth from his fingertips, the slight, tingling itch resulting from his touch, and understood his momentary silence.

MC: “I should’ve known that I couldn’t keep this from you.”

I responded with a calm look. However, I suddenly remembered the little gift that I had prepared for him previously and couldn’t help but laugh a little.

MC: “But you still left out one thing.”

“I placed a humidifier on the corner of your coffee table—you didn’t notice it, did you?”

Xu Mo paused for a while and sighed softly.

Xu Mo: “How could I not notice? Moreover, the tea jar that I had already emptied out was filled with new tea leaves by a certain someone.”

“I even thought to myself, you must have gone out alone again to buy new tea leaves when I couldn’t take any time out.”

The light in Xu Mo’s eyes deepened. He leaned over and pressed his forehead against mine.

Xu Mo: “Did something happen recently?”

I shook my head subconsciously—after all, it really was nothing. He has his own things to be busy with, and he had promised me early on that we would go on a trip once his work has been dealt with.

However, during the times I couldn't hear footsteps coming from next door even after waiting all night, or when I picked up my phone only to remember that I shouldn’t bother him at work...

I really missed him.

Xu Mo's breath fell on my face, warm and a little moist—just like a light drizzle on a spring day, it felt as if one’s heartstrings were being gently caressed.

MC: “Truthfully… I miss you more than ‘just a little’.”

Xu Mo: “…me too.”

--

A week later, the new show entered the recording process as scheduled. It was fortunate that early preparations were done well, as the outcome exceeded expectations. Anna even felt that the show’s new season ratings could reach a new high, prompting me to prepare to treat everyone to dinner soon. I couldn’t wait to tell Xu Mo the good news and rushed over to the research centre as soon as work ended.

As I neared his office, I could hear Aming’s laughter coming from within.

Aming: “Professor, there is a secret that I’ve been keeping from you for a really long time. Let me tell you about it today! It has to do with MC…”

Upon hearing my own name, I lowered the hand that was reaching out to knock on the door, and discreetly looked into the office from behind the half-opened door.

Xu Mo and Aming sat facing each other, seemingly engaged in idle conversation. I had no idea what they were talking about that would prompt Aming to spill the beans so mysteriously.

Aming: “Actually, the suppers I have given you previously were all sent over by MC in secret.”

“One time it rained, and we all thought that she wouldn’t visit anymore. However, she still came and even brought all of us freshly-baked cakes and biscuits.”

“Also, there was once when she discovered that you’d finished drinking all your tea and refilled your jar with new tea leaves the very next day!”

As he spoke, he sighed deeply.

Aming: “It’s so nice having a girlfriend…”

All along Xu Mo had been listening quietly, but after hearing Aming sigh so deeply, he could not help but let out a laugh.

Xu Mo: “Why, are you jealous?”

I could not stop my hand from reaching out and knocked on the door lightly. Xu Mo smiled and stood up slowly.

Aming: “Professor, there’s someone looking for you, I should leave first.”

Just as I was about to push the door open and step inside, Aming pulled on the door knob. When our eyes met, he scratched his head awkwardly.

Aming: “MC, you’re here… I-I definitely did not tell the Professor your secret.”

“I still have a paper to write, I’ll be leaving first!”

I was just about to tell him that the Great Professor Xu had already discovered the secret earlier, but he slipped away and ran. I watched helplessly at his retreating back as he disappeared into the hallway. But before I could react, Xu Mo pulled me into the office with one hand.

Xu Mo: “Since you’re here at this time, has the recording ended? Did it go well?”

MC: “Mhmm, it just ended.”

“I don’t know what the outcome of the broadcast will be like. However, based on experience, it should go successfully… but how did you know that I came here to talk to you about this?”

Xu Mo: “Isn’t this our chemistry with each other? In the past, when you came to me like this, it was almost always to share good news with me.”

MC: “Then, how did your experiment go?”

The light in Xu Mo’s eyes shifted for a second, but there was a smile on his lips.

Xu Mo: “It failed.”

He let go of my hand and walked towards a filing cabinet, from which he took out a big stack of papers. On the cover, I saw the words “laboratory report” printed in bold. For a moment I was confused, unsure if he was just teasing me or telling the truth.

However, Xu Mo has already started putting the papers one by one into the paper shredder, and the quiet office was soon filled with the continuous buzzing sounds of the machine. Xu Mo saw the look of surprise and concern in my eyes, smile still on his face.

Xu Mo: “In a hundred experiments, it is indeed the success of the hundredth experiment that makes one happy. However, this does not mean that the previous ninety-nine failures are worthless.”

“It’s just like how you might encounter difficulties when you work on your shows; sometimes the ratings are poor, and sometimes the show’s reputation is not well-received. Similarly, my work often has such discouraging moments.”

“But it is fine, for failure is not important–knowing that you are on the wrong path is more important.”

Xu Mo looked at the thin sheets of paper in his hand, the smile in his eyes growing.

Xu Mo: “Hopefully, next time I would have good news to share with you too.”

MC: “But, after working so hard for such a long time just to not yield results…”

“If it were me, I would definitely be upset for quite some time.”

As the shredder swallowed the last page of the report, Xu Mo walked over in front of me and sighed lightly.

Xu Mo: “Indeed, no matter how small, the feeling of discontent is there.”

I thought about it for a while, and then offered Xu Mo an invitation.

MC: “How about we go out for a walk?”

“The weather today is great; we can take a stroll. Sometimes I just need to take in the sunlight for a bit and my mood becomes better.”

Xu Mo let out a laugh and agreed softly. With practised ease, he interlocked his fingers with mine, and led me out of the research centre.

As the weather became warmer, the streets were filled with more and more people. Despite it being a work day, the people passing us by were mostly in groups of three to five. Xu Mo held my hand tightly, as if worried that I would be separated from him in the crowd.

As we were walking, he suddenly stopped in his tracks, and advised me seriously.

Xu Mo: “In the future, don’t come out alone in the middle of the night.”

“You are not allowed to walk through the alleyways and take shortcuts, either.”

When he said the first sentence, I had wanted to crack a joke and make a silly face before simply agreeing to it. However, when he said “alleyways”, my entire heart jumped.

MC: “How did you know…”

The road back home from the research centre was a main road, and it has always been safe. There were many people walking on the road even at ten o’clock at night. There was one rainy day when I wanted to reach home quickly and took the alleyway as a shortcut.

Only once.

Xu Mo stood in front of me and placed a hand on my head.

Xu Mo: “How could I be at ease with you walking home alone at night?”

“However, if I had walked back home together with you, or simply spoke to you, I probably would not have been able to focus on my experiments.”

“That’s why, every time, I have always seen only you off downstairs, and waited until I could see your lights go on before turning around and going back to the research centre.”

“This way, I could also take a small break, slowly organising my thoughts on work for the day as I walk.”

MC: “……”

At the thought of him putting his work down, secretly following behind me just to protect me and see me home safely, and then waiting around downstairs until he could see my lights come on before walking back to the research centre under the night sky…

I suddenly felt bad inside.

My intention was to take care of him, but I did not expect that I would cause him this much trouble…

MC: “I’m sorry.”

Xu Mo shook his head and laughed gently.

Xu Mo: “Little fool, you don’t have to apologise, you didn’t give me any trouble.”

“The surprises that you gave me, I really liked them all. More than that, I could not help but look forward to them.”

“Looking forward to what kind of gifts you would bring me next time, and looking forward to the moment I could see you after a long, exhausting day of work…”

“This is the most interesting experience I’ve had in all these years of dry and routine life doing research.”

Xu Mo grabbed my hand and turned to look at the intersection.

Xu Mo: “Want to have some ice-cream?”

It was only then that I noticed a dessert shop selling ice-cream in front of us. I hesitated, but before I could speak, Xu Mo had spoken first.

Xu Mo: “I do want to eat it a little. Want to have it with me?”

I rarely saw this side of Xu Mo, so childlike and pure. I agreed immediately and jogged over to the dessert shop to buy two ice-cream cones.

MC: “Here, this ice-cream is my treat. Next time, I will surprise you in a more thoughtful way and not make you worry anymore.”

"This time's debt, let's just call it even!"

I handed one of the ice-cream cones to Xu Mo and then I could no longer resist tasting my own—the cooling sweetness melting at the tip of the tongue, the rich strawberry flavour giving one a sense of happiness.

At this very moment, Xu Mo bent over at the waist—

He leaned closer, pursed his lips slightly upwards, and, under my slightly dumbfounded gaze, gently licked the tip of the sweet cone in my hand.

The small ice-cream cone suddenly turned into a small mountain, separating two pairs of thin lips, yet not able to separate the sights we have of each other. In that moment, the boisterous and noisy crowd around us seemed like they have been put on pause. My heart was full, and I only had eyes for the pair right in front of mine, deep and vast like pools of water.

Xu Mo: “Mmm, it’s delicious.”

He straightened his back. In a good mood, the corner of his eyes curved into a smile, and at last he tasted the matcha-flavoured ice-cream cone in his hand. Even with a cunning smile in his eyes, the passing breeze seemed to have caught onto his aura, becoming a little gentler.

I could never figure out what to do with him…

MC: “Xu Mo, are you still going back to the research centre?”

Xu Mo: “The experiment is already over, so it’s time to go back and rest.”

MC: “What a coincidence, we’ll be going the same way!”

Lifting the corner of my lips, I reached my hand out towards him—

Xu Mo smiled gently, and held my hand without hesitation.

Xu Mo: "Mm, let's go home."

--

T/N: Little snail girl (田螺姑娘) is a character from a Chinese folklore of the same name. The story goes that a young farmer found an unusually big snail when he was out in the fields, so he decided to bring it home and take care of it. Since then, every time he came home from work, he would mysteriously find freshly-prepared dinner waiting for him. He later found out that the one who cooked for him was indeed the snail he brought home—and that she’s not just a snail after all, she’s a young and beautiful woman. They fell in love, got married, had children and lived happily ever after.

[swiftiesupportgroup]

Semester 1 results are out soon and I'm positive I failed one of my units. I'm so stressed because I don't want people to think I'm dumb. I also know I won't be able to handle re-doing the unit as well as my units for next semester. I just don't know how to cope.

Hi sweetie,

I’m sorry to hear you’re so stressed out right now, sending you a big comforting hug💞

I think the most important thing to realize is that you did the best you could, and that’s all anybody can do. Also, there’s nothing left to do to change anything, so stressing out about it only serves to make you even more stressed out. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle. I can very much relate to this. I’ve always stressed myself out so much about test results and more often than not, I worried for nothing. And even if I did worry for a good reason, I learned that having to take a resit or even graduating later than planned is really not the end of the world. And it certainly isn’t more important than your mental health.

I think it’s really easy these days to crumble under all of these expectations, whether it be in school, everyone taking the same AP classes to get into college, no jobs, student loans, etc.

The pressure that young people are expected to deal with is unprecedented. And we don’t even realize how damaging that can be. Adolescence and young adulthood are critical times for brain development, which is negatively impacted by high levels of stress. Like severely negatively impacted. 

So many (probably the majority of) students are working themselves into breakdowns and burn outs before even turning 21. Anxiety related illnesses are at an all time high. 

And we’re all like, yeah we’re suffering but let’s keep on going, go go go! And then, when you finish (or drop out of) college, your an emotional wreck deserving of some rest. But all you get is more competitive job hunting, more pressure, student loans, basically no hopes for a job you studied for because let’s face it, us millennials, we’re kind of screwed. And we just keep going going going. We’re literally working ourselves into mental illnesses because who could take that kind of pressure? No one, and so we all suffer. (I don’t mean this in a gloomy way though well maybe kind of but I do have a point, hang in there with me). 

We forget that we are all humans who deserve to be happy and not suffer emotionally (or physically for that matter). 

We forget that we matter enough to self care, to rest and to experience relaxation and stress free living. Some actual joy and comfort. 

We forget how important it is to self care because when you do, you do feel better, you can do more, you can get more confidence. It’s an upward spiral. 

And it’s like none of us have the clarity or distance to even see ourselves that way, so we just keep working ourselves to death no questions asked because those are the times we are living in.

And that’s just not acceptable. We matter and we deserve to feel at least well enough to be functional human beings. But we don’t put enough effort into caring for ourselves, and often we are discouraged even to actively self care. And that’s such a shame. Because if you don’t feel good, it affects everything and it becomes this really negative vicious cycle your spending all of your energy on. When in stead we could put all of this energy into self care, and feel better, which makes us more likely to succeed in reaching our goals. 

Ok now this got way longer than I intended, sorry about that!

So now for the practical advice: 

I know it’s way easier said than done to let go of things and focus on something else, something positive. But if you can manage, it might be good for you to try. *Though it’s important to know that if you’re at a point where absolutely anything is too much, this is not gonna work, I’ve been there too. In that case I’d suggest you see your doctor and ask for a referral for a therapist who can help you cope and manage your stress.

Something that has worked for me is creating distractions for myself. I’m really good at procrastinating, and I’ve learned that you can actually procrastinate your stress. Whenever I’d get overwhelmed and on the verge of a panic attack, I’d say to myself: ‘NO. STOP. Think about something else. NOW.’ Then I would actively distract myself with music/ tv shows/books/cooking/organizing/tumblr/anything that would occupy my mind fully. And in a matter of minutes I’d be preoccupied with my new activity and actually not think about whatever was stressing me out. So I procrastinated my stress right until I had to do the thing that was giving me anxiety. And I would only be fully stressed for a few minutes/hours in stead of actual weeks. So weeks of misery turned into only hours, which is pretty good if you ask me.

Another thing to help you think about something else or feel a bit better is to spoil yourself. Don’t save that yummy treat for the you ‘deserve’ it, have it cheer yourself up. Use that fancy lotion or shampoo, get dressed for a glamorous night out (especially if you’re staying in), grab a hair brush and jump on your bed and sing your heart out to your favorite song. They’re all small things, but when you find that little thing that always puts a smile on your face, do it. 

If you can, squeeze in some more sleep. I know that can be very difficult but more sleep is always good, you’re less susceptible to be affected by hormone level changes through out the day. It’s like, if you start off the day after a good night’s sleep, you have more back up energy to help you manage your triggers. Naps are also good, but not too late in the day because that will in turn disturb your sleep at night.

Nature can do wonders to manage stress. Exercise as well. Taking a walk, seeing beautiful nature stuff can be very relaxing, and again, whatever you like most. A walk on the beach, a walk in the woods, a hike, a run, a dance class, whatever you’re in the mood for.

And for all of these goes: Even if it doesn’t work, it’s more than worth the try to spoil yourself a little bit and treat yourself and show yourself some love in the form of self care.

If you find yourself doing these things without any results, or you maybe can’t even bring yourself to do any of these, I’d really suggest getting professional help. It’s not shameful to see a therapist, nor is it shameful to take meds for your illness. 

Therapy and meds. From my own experience I can tell you that sometimes, when we live with mental illnesses or even high levels of anxiety for a while, we get to a point of no return. Brain wise. Your brain chemistry just doesn’t work the way it should when you’ve been subjected to prolonged periods of anxiety, stress, depression, ocd, ptsd and many more. Your brain chemistry changes and it cannot change back on it’s own. Not always of course, therapy can work wonders on it’s own, but sometimes at some point it really just is a matter brain chemistry that needs help working like it should. I’ve been on meds for a while now and the difference it has made is unfathomable. Honestly I feel like a different person. I no longer get stuck in these negative thought spirals. Things that sent me into a blind panic sometimes no longer even phase me? It’s beyond anything I could have hoped for. And I could gotten the meds sooner if I hadn’t been so scared of getting a diagnosis and actual treatment. It has been life changing and I’m in no way ‘cured’, I still have relapses and am nowhere near the energy levels of a healthy human being, but I also no longer feel like absolute crap all the time. My perspective has changed, it’s really unbelievable. And I would absolutely recommend asking your doctor about it to see if it would be something that you could benefit from.

So what I’m trying to say, there are things that can help, and the only way to find out is to try. And if you can’t, don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

We all need help sometimes. And issues like these, well we’re not meant to deal with those on our own. Reach out to someone you trust and feel comfortable with and share your worries and your feelings and let them ease your mind. And if you need to, let them help you find the help you need to be able to manage your stress and live a happy life and be your best self. 

So please know that you matter, you’re worth the effort, your joy is worth the effort. And there are so many people out there who want to help you, and actually can help you. There is no shame in reaching out to get better. 

I love you, I know you can do this. And if you feel like you can’t, we’re always here if you want to talk and we’re always rooting for you.

Love,

Diana @coffee-midnights and everyone at Swiftie Support Group

[new2677867things]

8th Graders Don't Know Much About History, National Exam Shows

8th Graders Don't Know Much About History, National Exam Shows

By Stephen Sawchuk and Sarah D. Sparks

Education Week

April 23, 2020

  Eighth graders’ grasp of key topics in history have plummeted, national test scores released this morning show—an alarming result at a time of deep political polarization, economic uncertainty, and public upheaval in the United States.

Except for the very top-performing students, scores fell among nearly all grade 8 students in history on the National Assessment of Educational Progress, also called the Nation’s Report Card, since the last history administration, in 2014.

The decline of four points overall erased fully half of the overall gains made in the subject since 1994, the first year the exam was given. Federal officials described themselves as “disappointed” and the results as “pervasive” and “disturbing.”

Scores fell in geography, too. In that subject, the overall decline of three points since 2014 was largely due to a downturn in the performance of the lowest-performing students—those at the 25th percentile and below.

Only in civics, the third subject tested, did students’ scores remain flat. Learning in that subject has historically proved difficult to budge: Since its first administration, in 1998, scores in that assessment have increased by only three points.

U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos called the results “stark and inexcusable.”

“In the real world, this means students don’t know what the Lincoln-Douglas debates were about, nor can they discuss the significance of the Bill of Rights, or point out basic locations on a map,” she said.

National concern about the quality of young people’s civic and historical preparation and knowledge of global events has been steadily growing over the last two years, with some states introducing new coursework and testing requirements. But the coronavirus pandemic has upended K-12 education, and it is unclear whether states will continue to pump the gas on those efforts.

On the other hand, the temporary suspension of the reading and math tests many blame for focusing schools too narrowly on those subjects provides an opportunity to seize the moment, noted Louise Dubé, the executive director of curriculum provider iCivics. She also helps lead a coalition of some 90 groups supporting civics and history education.

“Are we going to be able to focus on these integrative disciplines that have a great deal of connection with what’s happening right now and feel a great deal more relevant in people’s lives?” she asked. “I don’t know, but it’s all I can hope for.”

A Consistent Pattern

The history, civics, and geography exams were given in early 2018 to a national sample of nearly 43,000 8th graders. It is also the first time these subjects have been assessed using digital devices as well as traditional paper-and-pencil forms. (There are no state-by-state results for the three subjects as there are for math and reading.)

Prior research has shown that switching to a new testing mode can depress scores, so NAEP officials used statistical methods to equate the digital results to prior years’ paper-and-pencil scores.

The overall findings were distinctly subpar. In history, students scored lower on all four areas measured by the test—the evolution of American democracy; culture; economic and technical changes; and America’s changing role in the world. The poor results were consistent across all racial and ethnic categories too, with the exception of students identifying as Asian or Pacific Islander.

Across the three subjects, a quarter or more of students fell below the “basic” performance category, meaning they didn’t have even the fundamental prerequisite skills to master the content. Thirty-four percent of students fell below the “basic” performance category in history, compared to 29 percent in 2014. In geography, 29 percent fell below that mark compared to 25 percent in 2014. There was no significant change in civics.

Tina Heafner, president of National Council of the Social Studies, said she was dismayed by the first decline in U.S. history and geography achievement in middle school. “One factor that also is really disturbing for me is just the general low level of proficiency: Less than a quarter of our students are proficient or above proficient level in the three subject areas, and we're talking only 15 percent in U.S. history.”

The history and geography findings add to growing evidence of a broad-based widening of learning gaps between top performers and the most struggling students. In 2019, NAEP’s 4th and 8th grade reading and math scores and the Program for International Student Assessment of 15-year-olds in the same subjects showed that the highest-achieving 10 percent of students held steady or improved, while the lowest 10 percent to 20 percent of students declined over the same time.

“The bottom of the distribution is dropping at a faster rate,” said Peggy Carr, the associate commissioner of the National Center for Education Statistics, which administers the NAEP. “These results are not designed to point to why this is also happening, but we clearly see a correlation here that's disturbing.”

Different groups of 8th graders took NAEP’s 8th grade reading and its civics, geography, and history tests, but Carr surmised that students who struggle to read would likely face an uphill fight with the social studies subjects. . At least a third of the questions require that when writing in response to texts students must “be clear about their answers and justify their answers,” she noted.

Widening gaps between low-and high-performing students “are really concerning,” said Emily Swafford, the director of academic and professional affairs at the American Historical Association. “And the reason I think they're concerning is because I've seen that history is good preparation for success in your future, whatever you do, whatever course of study you have and then whatever job that you have after that.

“But we have seen trends that history, rather than being a gateway to success in college is a barrier for our students, for [low-income] Pell grant students, for African-American students, Native American students, Latinx students, and first-generation students. That's worrying and something that we're actively trying to change,” she added.

Those trends ought to be concerning in the context of the coronavirus, as the nation shifts to an unprecedented experiment with distance learning. At least 37 states, comprising more than 55 million students, have closed school buildings and moved to remote learning in response to the pandemic. Researchers and educators alike point out that the digital divide and other disparities are likely to exacerbate opportunity and learning gaps among students.

Data from the NAEP’s background questionnaires, meanwhile, suggest that differential access to learning and course quality also might have contributed to the patterns. About half of students in the top quarter of performance said that they regularly were asked to “compare and evaluate different points of view about the past,” compared to less than a third of those students in the bottom quarter of performance.

In civics, just 22 percent of students had teachers whose primary responsibility was teaching that subject—and those students scored, on average, six points higher than students whose teachers said civics was not their primary responsibility.

While these data do not conclusively explain the results, they do bolster what some social studies experts have called a “civics gap” —the idea some groups of students are less likely to receive high-quality programming in civics and history.

"You know, your high-achieving students are more likely to be in your higher level classes, perhaps AP classes or honors-level classes,” Haefner said. “And so it would raise the question of, what's the quality of instruction that's occurring depending on the type of class a student takes?

“So then this test becomes a measure, a cumulative measure of what content knowledge they been exposed to this message, as much a measure of exposure and access as it is anything,” she said.

It’s possible, too, that classroom teaching has changed in ways that could affect scores. Swafford said more high schools have emphasized “historical thinking” over content memorization. The NAEP exam covers historical content from 1607 onwards, as well as asking students to analyze various sources.

“What I care about in history education is this sense of, are you learning about what the value of studying history is, and how historians know what they know and how history can help you in your career and adult lives,” Swafford said, “and that's not easily measured in the assessment tool that NAEP has.”

A Call to Action

Through 2018 and 2019, many states and districts had been bolstering their social-science curricula by adding new course requirements, assessments, and hands-on projects. Voting rates among young people, too, had been increasing, thanks to surging youth activism following the devastating school shootings and warnings about climate change.

It’s not at all clear in the middle of the coronavirus whether states will continue to push forward on those policies, given skyrocketing unemployment and mounting financial concerns.

The decline in history scores mark a bitter irony given present circumstances. The coronavirus has sent historians, public health officials, educators, and armchair pundits alike to interrogate the past—-like the 1918 Spanish Flu epidemic, the polio scare of the early 1950s, and the HIV/AIDS tragedy of the 1980s and 1990s—in search of clues on how to handle the current crisis. In that sense, the motto of the U.S. Archives, which houses the nation’s most important historical documents, feels especially relevant: What’s past is prologue.

Similarly, geography does much to explain how the virus spread around the world from one province in China. And as for civics, Congress is now immersed in debating and rolling out legislation aimed at minimizing the effects of the virus.

Some teachers say they’re committed to history and civics learning even as they move to remote learning. Indeed, they view it as a wake-up call.

Andres Perez, an 11th grade humanities teacher at High Tech High School Chula Vista, in California, often has his students produce authentic work products as part of their civics and history learning. They’ve submitted policy memos at city council and school board meetings, written op-eds, and are currently taking photographs for a local museum contest.

In May, he’ll begin a unit focused on some big civic questions raised by the pandemic on the nation’s economic safety net, health-care infrastructure, and disaster preparedness: Why are lines for food banks so long? Why are policymakers concerned about a shortage of hospital beds? Was the United States as prepared for the pandemic as other countries?

The point is to get students thinking about their civic choices and convictions, he said.

“Students are participating in civics every day. They’re wearing masks if they go to the grocery store. They’re standing six feet apart from each other,” Perez said. “It’s important to understand why that is practicing civics, and that participating in it means something.

“All citizens should be aware of what the government is asking them to do—and why the government really is, more so than usual, expecting extra behaviors of its citizens.”

Whether most U.S. schools are poised to do the same is unclear, but social studies advocates pleaded with them not to lose sight of the topic in their distance learning plans.

“Learning comes alive when students can experience what's happening in the real world and see it in action. And it’s not just about writing letters to your congressman. It’s being prepared for this world—a world of complex systems,” Dubé said. “And to only focus on reading and math is really disappointing.”

= = = = = =

Check out this episode!

[new2677867things]

8th Graders Don't Know Much About History, National Exam Shows

8th Graders Don't Know Much About History, National Exam Shows

By Stephen Sawchuk and Sarah D. Sparks

Education Week

April 23, 2020

  Eighth graders’ grasp of key topics in history have plummeted, national test scores released this morning show—an alarming result at a time of deep political polarization, economic uncertainty, and public upheaval in the United States.

Except for the very top-performing students, scores fell among nearly all grade 8 students in history on the National Assessment of Educational Progress, also called the Nation’s Report Card, since the last history administration, in 2014.

The decline of four points overall erased fully half of the overall gains made in the subject since 1994, the first year the exam was given. Federal officials described themselves as “disappointed” and the results as “pervasive” and “disturbing.”

Scores fell in geography, too. In that subject, the overall decline of three points since 2014 was largely due to a downturn in the performance of the lowest-performing students—those at the 25th percentile and below.

Only in civics, the third subject tested, did students’ scores remain flat. Learning in that subject has historically proved difficult to budge: Since its first administration, in 1998, scores in that assessment have increased by only three points.

U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos called the results “stark and inexcusable.”

“In the real world, this means students don’t know what the Lincoln-Douglas debates were about, nor can they discuss the significance of the Bill of Rights, or point out basic locations on a map,” she said.

National concern about the quality of young people’s civic and historical preparation and knowledge of global events has been steadily growing over the last two years, with some states introducing new coursework and testing requirements. But the coronavirus pandemic has upended K-12 education, and it is unclear whether states will continue to pump the gas on those efforts.

On the other hand, the temporary suspension of the reading and math tests many blame for focusing schools too narrowly on those subjects provides an opportunity to seize the moment, noted Louise Dubé, the executive director of curriculum provider iCivics. She also helps lead a coalition of some 90 groups supporting civics and history education.

“Are we going to be able to focus on these integrative disciplines that have a great deal of connection with what’s happening right now and feel a great deal more relevant in people’s lives?” she asked. “I don’t know, but it’s all I can hope for.”

A Consistent Pattern

The history, civics, and geography exams were given in early 2018 to a national sample of nearly 43,000 8th graders. It is also the first time these subjects have been assessed using digital devices as well as traditional paper-and-pencil forms. (There are no state-by-state results for the three subjects as there are for math and reading.)

Prior research has shown that switching to a new testing mode can depress scores, so NAEP officials used statistical methods to equate the digital results to prior years’ paper-and-pencil scores.

The overall findings were distinctly subpar. In history, students scored lower on all four areas measured by the test—the evolution of American democracy; culture; economic and technical changes; and America’s changing role in the world. The poor results were consistent across all racial and ethnic categories too, with the exception of students identifying as Asian or Pacific Islander.

Across the three subjects, a quarter or more of students fell below the “basic” performance category, meaning they didn’t have even the fundamental prerequisite skills to master the content. Thirty-four percent of students fell below the “basic” performance category in history, compared to 29 percent in 2014. In geography, 29 percent fell below that mark compared to 25 percent in 2014. There was no significant change in civics.

Tina Heafner, president of National Council of the Social Studies, said she was dismayed by the first decline in U.S. history and geography achievement in middle school. “One factor that also is really disturbing for me is just the general low level of proficiency: Less than a quarter of our students are proficient or above proficient level in the three subject areas, and we're talking only 15 percent in U.S. history.”

The history and geography findings add to growing evidence of a broad-based widening of learning gaps between top performers and the most struggling students. In 2019, NAEP’s 4th and 8th grade reading and math scores and the Program for International Student Assessment of 15-year-olds in the same subjects showed that the highest-achieving 10 percent of students held steady or improved, while the lowest 10 percent to 20 percent of students declined over the same time.

“The bottom of the distribution is dropping at a faster rate,” said Peggy Carr, the associate commissioner of the National Center for Education Statistics, which administers the NAEP. “These results are not designed to point to why this is also happening, but we clearly see a correlation here that's disturbing.”

Different groups of 8th graders took NAEP’s 8th grade reading and its civics, geography, and history tests, but Carr surmised that students who struggle to read would likely face an uphill fight with the social studies subjects. . At least a third of the questions require that when writing in response to texts students must “be clear about their answers and justify their answers,” she noted.

Widening gaps between low-and high-performing students “are really concerning,” said Emily Swafford, the director of academic and professional affairs at the American Historical Association. “And the reason I think they're concerning is because I've seen that history is good preparation for success in your future, whatever you do, whatever course of study you have and then whatever job that you have after that.

“But we have seen trends that history, rather than being a gateway to success in college is a barrier for our students, for [low-income] Pell grant students, for African-American students, Native American students, Latinx students, and first-generation students. That's worrying and something that we're actively trying to change,” she added.

Those trends ought to be concerning in the context of the coronavirus, as the nation shifts to an unprecedented experiment with distance learning. At least 37 states, comprising more than 55 million students, have closed school buildings and moved to remote learning in response to the pandemic. Researchers and educators alike point out that the digital divide and other disparities are likely to exacerbate opportunity and learning gaps among students.

Data from the NAEP’s background questionnaires, meanwhile, suggest that differential access to learning and course quality also might have contributed to the patterns. About half of students in the top quarter of performance said that they regularly were asked to “compare and evaluate different points of view about the past,” compared to less than a third of those students in the bottom quarter of performance.

In civics, just 22 percent of students had teachers whose primary responsibility was teaching that subject—and those students scored, on average, six points higher than students whose teachers said civics was not their primary responsibility.

While these data do not conclusively explain the results, they do bolster what some social studies experts have called a “civics gap” —the idea some groups of students are less likely to receive high-quality programming in civics and history.

"You know, your high-achieving students are more likely to be in your higher level classes, perhaps AP classes or honors-level classes,” Haefner said. “And so it would raise the question of, what's the quality of instruction that's occurring depending on the type of class a student takes?

“So then this test becomes a measure, a cumulative measure of what content knowledge they been exposed to this message, as much a measure of exposure and access as it is anything,” she said.

It’s possible, too, that classroom teaching has changed in ways that could affect scores. Swafford said more high schools have emphasized “historical thinking” over content memorization. The NAEP exam covers historical content from 1607 onwards, as well as asking students to analyze various sources.

“What I care about in history education is this sense of, are you learning about what the value of studying history is, and how historians know what they know and how history can help you in your career and adult lives,” Swafford said, “and that's not easily measured in the assessment tool that NAEP has.”

A Call to Action

Through 2018 and 2019, many states and districts had been bolstering their social-science curricula by adding new course requirements, assessments, and hands-on projects. Voting rates among young people, too, had been increasing, thanks to surging youth activism following the devastating school shootings and warnings about climate change.

It’s not at all clear in the middle of the coronavirus whether states will continue to push forward on those policies, given skyrocketing unemployment and mounting financial concerns.

The decline in history scores mark a bitter irony given present circumstances. The coronavirus has sent historians, public health officials, educators, and armchair pundits alike to interrogate the past—-like the 1918 Spanish Flu epidemic, the polio scare of the early 1950s, and the HIV/AIDS tragedy of the 1980s and 1990s—in search of clues on how to handle the current crisis. In that sense, the motto of the U.S. Archives, which houses the nation’s most important historical documents, feels especially relevant: What’s past is prologue.

Similarly, geography does much to explain how the virus spread around the world from one province in China. And as for civics, Congress is now immersed in debating and rolling out legislation aimed at minimizing the effects of the virus.

Some teachers say they’re committed to history and civics learning even as they move to remote learning. Indeed, they view it as a wake-up call.

Andres Perez, an 11th grade humanities teacher at High Tech High School Chula Vista, in California, often has his students produce authentic work products as part of their civics and history learning. They’ve submitted policy memos at city council and school board meetings, written op-eds, and are currently taking photographs for a local museum contest.

In May, he’ll begin a unit focused on some big civic questions raised by the pandemic on the nation’s economic safety net, health-care infrastructure, and disaster preparedness: Why are lines for food banks so long? Why are policymakers concerned about a shortage of hospital beds? Was the United States as prepared for the pandemic as other countries?

The point is to get students thinking about their civic choices and convictions, he said.

“Students are participating in civics every day. They’re wearing masks if they go to the grocery store. They’re standing six feet apart from each other,” Perez said. “It’s important to understand why that is practicing civics, and that participating in it means something.

“All citizens should be aware of what the government is asking them to do—and why the government really is, more so than usual, expecting extra behaviors of its citizens.”

Whether most U.S. schools are poised to do the same is unclear, but social studies advocates pleaded with them not to lose sight of the topic in their distance learning plans.

“Learning comes alive when students can experience what's happening in the real world and see it in action. And it’s not just about writing letters to your congressman. It’s being prepared for this world—a world of complex systems,” Dubé said. “And to only focus on reading and math is really disappointing.”

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