#I had a lot of fun drawing the smoke if you couldn't tell.

[otiksimr]

Poorly drawn Ghastly line.

[moonchildstyles]

angel getting high for the first time 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

cw: drug use! its only weed, nothing heavy but if that makes you uncomfortable please skip :)

wordcount: 11.8k+

—————

(Y/N) kicked her legs in the air as she laid tummy down on her bed. She listened to the ringing from the phone pressed to her ear, waiting for a familiar voice to answer. 

In the middle of the third ring, her hopes were answered when a click sounded. Muffled background noise started through the speaker, accompanying a honeyed drawl.

"Hi, lovebug," Harry murmured, his speech seemingly slower than normal. 

"Hi," she chirped through her smile. Her feet kicked in the air, free hand coming up to twirl her hair around her index finger. "What are you doing?" 

A random burst of laughter bubbled through the other line, distant from the phone though it was still loud. "'M on the phone, be quiet," Harry reprimanded, voice far from the receiver before he returned with a decided softer tone, "Nothing, jus' trying to watch a movie with Mitch. What about you, baby?" 

"Just in bed," she mused, "I wanted to call before I went to sleep. Did you want me to let you go since you're with Mitch?" 

Since deciding on moving in together once their respective leases expired, (Y/N) had been making a point to spend more time with Sarah while she was still so close. She didn't want to get in the way if Harry was trying to do the same. 

"No, no, I wanna talk to you, 's alright," he assured her, "How was your day?" 

It was still sweet to (Y/N) the way that she could text him all day long, telling him everything about her day, and he still would ask her a question like this. He told her once that he likes hearing her voice, even if he already knows what she's telling him. 

"It was alright," she said, rolling to lay on her back, looking up at her ceiling, "I turned in that paper that I was working on last weekend, so that's all done. The library was super quiet today, though, I almost fell asleep in the philosophy section." 

A small laugh sounded from Harry. "Did y'really?" 

"Yeah," she sighed, a smile curling her lips, "Elizabeth had to come entertain me. But, what about you? You did that big piece today, right?" 

"Yeah, the thigh piece," he said, voice thick, "She was a nice girl, but I had a headache by the time we took the first break. She liked to talk a lot. M'hand's been cramping since lunch." 

A pout landed on (Y/N)'s lips. She hated hearing about those kinds of details from Harry's job. She had always figured it was so fun and glamorous, easy and fulfilling. She had never thought about the physical toll of drawing and shading and designing all day long. 

"Oh, no," she hummed, instinctively rolling her wrist and curling her fingers as if she could take his pain from miles away. "Did you take anything to help?" 

"Kind of. Mitch and I have been relaxing since he got home." 

She knew exactly what that meant. Though Harry tended to keep this specific hobby of his separated from her, set on the back burner away from the time he spent with her, she knew better. Besides, she had found that little bag in his dresser months ago, she wasn't completely clueless (of course, he did have to explain what she had found to her, but that was a different story). 

That would explain why time seemed to be moving a little bit slower on the other end of the phone, and the boisterous laughter Mitch was sharing in the background. 

"Have you been smoking?" she asked, voice quiet. She always felt a bit silly bringing this up to him, unsure of what terms to be using and what meant what exactly. 

"A little bit, yeah," he affirmed, "Sorry. I didn't know you'd be calling. I wouldn't have if I knew you wanted to talk tonight." 

Shaking her head despite the fact he couldn't see her, (Y/N) rushed her protests. "No, no, don't be sorry. I don't mind, you know that. As long as you're happy and you guys are being careful." 

"Always am, baby." 

A heat bubbled in her chest at his words. While he never did it around her, there were times that she called him or he FaceTimed her before bed when he was under the influence and his voice drawling just a little deeper, sitting heavier in his chest, hit her just perfectly. She could imagine the way his eyes were a bit hooded, his tongue sticking around his words, the easy smiles that spread across his face for no other reason than he liked the feeling. 

She wondered what he looked like in the act. Was it like the movies with lavender smoke and pieces of blown glass with intricate details? Or did he make his own little rolls, hanging from his lips like a cigarette? 

Mitch's loud laugh on the phone brought her back to reality, blinking her back to her room and Harry's static on the other end of the phone. Harry gave a muffled response before his own laughter joined his best friend's, the sound drawling and breezy. 

When he returned to the phone, she could hear the lingering smile in his tone. "I think Mitch found a movie for us to watch, love." 

"What is it?" she asked, feeling the end of the phone call nearing. She would have to settle for spraying the stuffed bunny he gifted her for Valentine's Day with a sample of his cologne for her to cuddle for the night. 

"I don't even know," he laughed, "but, I think 's gonna be funny. I think 'm gonna have to make us food, though, so I don't think I can talk for much longer." 

"That's okay. Have fun with Mitch and I'll talk to you tomorrow, right?" 

"Right," he affirmed, voice soft, "Sleep well, lovebug. I'll call you during my lunch." 

"Okay," she sighed, fitting her cheek against her pillow, "I love you." 

"I love you more, baby," he cooed, "Goodnight." 

An exaggerated kiss noise sounded through her phone, pulling a loud peal of laughter from (Y/N)'s lips. He never really did that when he was around his friends, only putting on the show when he was calling her in private. She thought it was very sweet. 

"Goodnight," she laughed, pressing the red button before she became too spoiled with his shenanigans and tried to keep the call going. 

Setting her phone on her nightstand, she snuggled into her comforter, a throw blanket covering her body instead of her duvet. Pulling her studded bunny from the fringes of her bed, (Y/N) nestled her cheek against the soft fluff. The sown still smelled of Harry's house from the last time she had spent the night, bringing her back to what he was doing in her absence. 

The mystery surrounding his activity of choice for the day is what flicked her curiosity. She'd seen a few movies with marijuana being an uncredited character along with a couple of books with the high feeling being described, but she had never been exposed to anything substantial in real life before she moved away from her parents. Even then, she still hadn't experienced more than the herbal scent that inevitably clung to apartment complexes so close to a university campus and the few bleary eyed classmates she had to work with. 

Specifically, she wondered what Harry was like when he was in that state. Those classmates of hers always seemed disconnected, tired, and in their own head. Was Harry the same way? Did he act the way he did when he drank a little bit too much wine? Or was he wild and excitable like those in the movies? Or sleepy like she had read in her books? 

What would she be like? 

The idea followed her behind her shuttered eyes, her mind going a bit floaty the closer she sunk into sleep. 

—————

"Sarah, have you ever... smoked weed before?" 

The words felt silly falling from (Y/N)'s mouth. Was that even the correct term? She didn't know, but she kept her attention on the food she was making in front of her, hoping Sarah wouldn't notice. 

"Yes," she answered with a suspicious drawl, sweeping through the apartment with a laundry basket on her hip, "Why?" 

(Y/N) only shrugged. "I don't know. I've just been thinking about it." She paused, tipping her head. "What does it feel like?" 

"Smoking?" Sarah pressed. 

"Yeah," (Y/N) chirped, feeling shy that she was even breaching this conversation. "Or, like, being high. Is it like the movies?" 

"A little bit," Sarah mused, folding her laundry on the dining room table into neat piles. "It's not as dramatic or crazy, but it can feel that way sometimes. It depends on the person. Everyone's different." 

Rolling her lips, (Y/N) nodded her head. She chanced a look over her shoulder at her friend, slowing her stirring. "What are you like?" 

Sarah shrugged, a crease between her brows as she thought. "I haven't smoked in a while, but I used to get really tired. It always depended on what kind we had, but I usually got really tired." 

Is that what Harry did? Did he get sleepy, like some of her classmates? Did he nod off during the movie he and Mitch watched the other night? 

"When was the last time?" (Y/N) asked, hoping Sarah didn't cut her off. She was genuinely curious, she hoped she wasn't prodding and poking past her welcome. 

"Maybe a year ago? Could have been longer," Sarah answered. "I was with Mitch so it wasn't too long ago." 

Fixing her attention back on the stirring of the soup she was making for their dinner, she tried to act casual as she spoke. "W-Was Harry there, too?" 

"Harry?" 

(Y/N) could hear the smile in Sarah's voice as she realized where (Y/N)'s curiosity was stemming from. She never tired of teasing just a little over how in love she was with her Harry. (Y/N) only hummed a confirmation, keeping her voice to herself. 

"He wasn't there the last time, but he did used to smoke with us sometimes," Sarah explained, sounding a little too amused as she spoke, "Why?" 

Shrugging, (Y/N) pretended as if she wasn't intrigued at the info Sarah could share. "No reason really. Was it fun? With Harry and Mitch and all?" 

"(Y/N)," Sarah sighed, her voice floating through a smile, "C'mon." 

Stopping her distracting task, she turned to face Sarah who was looking at her with that knowing smile she somehow always had when it came to (Y/N)'s secrets. She was an open book as her friend could tell. 

"What?" (Y/N) feigned nonchalance as if she hadn't already been caught. 

"Did Harry say something? Is that why you're asking about all of this?" Sarah poked, her features set in a gentle tease. 

Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth she canted her head, eyes dropping to where Sarah's hands had stalled her folding. "Not exactly," she started, "He just... I don't know, I called him the other night and he was with Mitch and they had been smoking, he told me. I know he's done it a few times since we started dating, but I've just been thinking about it since then." 

Sarah hummed, nodding her head as she listened. "I get it," she said, "I know he doesn't do it around you or anything, right?" (Y/N) only shook her head. Popping her hip with a furrow appearing in her brow as she cast her mind back in search of answers for (Y/N)'s previous questions. "I wouldn't say it's exactly like the movies," Sarah continued, "But it depends on the person and the strain, and things like that. I usually get pretty tired and hungry, Mitch is like the movies sometimes—loud and everything is funny—, and Harry gets really lovey and lazy. None of us really make much sense, though." 

(Y/N) tried to picture it. Lavender smoke in the air, Harry lazing about with hearts in his eyes, Mitch laughing about nothing, and Sarah passed out in the corner with a pillow under her cheek. A pinch appeared between her brows as she tried to see where she would sit amongst those characters. 

"What do you think I'd be like?" 

Blinking, Sarah brought her gaze to her friend. She pursed her lips as she took in (Y/N). 

"I don't know. It's not the same as being drunk, so I don't know if you'd be as excitable." Sarah contemplated for a moment longer. "I don't really know, honestly. Are you thinking about finding out?" 

She could only shrug. A similar anxiety she felt around alcohol before she broke that barrier still surrounded this, if even a bit heightened given the fact the substance was still very much taboo in her life. There were so many scary, over-exaggerated out there about marijuana, along with the fact that it was still very much taboo in (Y/N)'s life. The use of it seemed to be something that was only done in private and kept as a secret for some people. She was worried that if she found out why, she would regret it. 

Though, there were those puffing thoughts in the back of her mind that begged to differ. It couldn't be that bad. Harry, Mitch, and Sarah were three of her favorite people in the whole world. They weren't devilish burnouts with a one-track lifestyle taking them down the drain, like horror stories and PSA's liked to project. They were good people who sometimes indulged in extra relaxation when they had the chance and the mindset to do so. There was nothing wrong with that. 

"You could ask H, if you wanted. You know he'd answer anything you wanted to know." 

"I know," (Y/N) drawled, unsure despite the fact she knew Sarah was telling the truth. "You don't think he'd be annoyed or anything? I know he keeps it all separate from me for a reason, so I don't want to make him upset." 

Sarah leveled her gentle gaze on (Y/N)'s face. "I think he does it because he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable or anything. It's different than drinking wine with him and things like that, so I bet he just doesn't want to scare you." 

(Y/N) shook her head, "He couldn't scare me, though. He's too nice." 

"To you," Sarah clarified, her smile soft and teasing, "You know he just worries about you and all of that. You wouldn't upset him if you wanted to know more about anything he does."

He did love teaching and showing her things, she knew that. 

"I'll think about it," (Y/N) settled.

"Good," Sarah smiled, grabbing her stacks of folded laundry, "Is dinner ready?" 

"Almost," (Y/N) chirped, adding a little bit of extra seasoning to the pot, "I just need to add the noodles. It'll probably be ready by the time you're done putting everything away." 

Sarah gave a small cheer, stacks of clothing now rehomed in the laundry basket to be returned to her room. "Thank you," she sung, "We should watch that yacht show when we sit down, don't you think?" 

Perking up at the suggestion, (Y/N) quickly nodded her head. "That sounds perfect!" she smiled, mellowing some as she turned her attention to her swirling soup base, "And, thank you for answering everything, by the way. It always helps me." 

"I know, that's why I do it," Sarah settled, reaching out to squeeze (Y/N)'s arm gently before she swept away. 

Left in the silence of the kitchen with only the simmering soup, (Y/N) felt a little bit lighter. Some of her questions were answered even if she had more she wanted to hear from Harry directly. More than anything, she was a little enamored at the idea that Harry was loving and lazy under the influence. She already had a small idea given that she had seen how easy and bubbly he became when he drank, but she'd never seen him really slow down the way she pictured it in her head. 

She wanted to see just how lovey he became, if she was being honest. She already had the privilege of experiencing the affectionate side of him, she wondered just how much higher that volume would be kicked to if he had been smoking. What if he really did have hearts in his eyes?

The thought brought a quiet smile to (Y/N)'s face.

Maybe, she really would have to ask him. 

—————

"What are you thinking for dinner, my love?" 

(Y/N) puckered her lips to reciprocate the small kiss Harry gave her as he traipsed by the couch. Her eyes followed the broad of his back as her made his way towards the kitchen. With her hands folded on the arm of the sofa, she rested her cheek on her forearm, kicking her legs up behind her as she watched him.

"Whatever you want, I'm okay with," she told him, voice soft and easy. 

"Yeah?" he prodded, looking over his shoulder as he washed his hands in the sink, "Even if I didn't feel like making dinner tonight and decided to order sushi instead?" 

"Sushi?" (Y/N) bubbled, "From the new place?" 

Harry nodded, dimples thumbed into his cheeks. "I figured we could try it out tonight, if that was alright." 

"Yes, please," she beamed, her grin only widening when came around to join her in the common area after drying his hands. 

His lip ring bobbled as he matched her smile, using a gentle hand to push a stray strand of hair from her eyes. "Why don't you pull up the website for us while I put my sketches away, and find what y'like. Then we'll order, yeah? 

Despite the long hours he worked at the shop this past weekend, he looked as gorgeous as ever to (Y/N). He lacked eyeliner after wiping it off as soon as he made it home, but his eyes were still the star of the show against his creamy skin. A fresh bee tattoo stood out on the column of his throat, the mosaic wings following the line of his jaw amongst the rose bush filler he had inked across the skin. With the way he stood over her, she got the perfect view of his spiraling curls and the cut planes of his face complete with his glimmering nose stud and lip ring. 

She nodded her head in a lovey daze. "I can do that." 

Amusement flickered in his eyes as he looked down at her. He dipped to her level to press a lingering kiss to the tip of her nose. "Thank you, baby," he murmured, moving away to gather the art supplies he was working with, "I'll be right back." 

Pulling out her phone, (Y/N) searched up the restaurant up while her mind was still on Harry. 

While the questions she had for him were still in the back of her mind, it was too easy to become distracted with him. They weren't apart for a long time by any stretch of the imagination, but even spending a long, four-day weekend away from one another allowed enough fondness to grow between them to keep her mind from wandering very far from what was right in front of her. Besides, Harry barely let her get a word in since she stepped foot in his home, having tugged her to his bedroom with his lips pressed to hers, only breaking for breath. 

She'd ask him at some point, she was sure. If she had the mind to after dinner. 

Browsing through the menu for a few minutes, (Y/N) found the rolls she was interested in, picking things she had a feeling Harry would like and finding other little gems on the website that she would mention in hopes of getting his opinion on. She searched through the site, trying to find an option to order online with no luck, the browser rerouting her to the main page every time she tried to plug into the ordering site. 

"H?" she called, realizing he still hadn't come back from resetting his utensils. 

"Yes?" he answered back, still in the bedroom, "What do y'need, love?" 

Instead of responding, she stood from the couch and moved towards his room, brows knitted and phone screen bright in her hand. "The website isn't working—it won't let me order," she explained, stepping over the threshold to his room. 

Lifting her head, she saw him standing at his dresser, back to the door with his head angled down and hands fiddling across the top of his dresser. He looked over his shoulder at her, his hands slowing. 

"Give me a second, and I'll take a look," he told her, "I'm still cleaning up—forgot I left some things out." 

"Oh?" she sounded, stepping towards him with her phone being slid back into her pocket, "Do you want any help?" 

Growing close enough, she peered around him to see what he was working on. Instead of spotting the graphite and colored pencils she figured she'd find, she instead saw tiny green buds splaying across the wooden surface with a pair of loose pieces of thin paper and a tall black canister. Harry worked quickly to clean up the mess, majority of the green flakes having been scooped up and replaced in the container though he was struggling to wrangle the remains back into their container. 

"'S alright," he murmured, shifting just enough to cut her view of the space, "'M almost done." 

Rolling her lips between her teeth, she rocked on her heels as she stayed put. Before she could think better of her words, they were already spilling from her mouth: 

"Is that weed?" 

She cringed at the sound of her voice wrapping around something so outside of her vocabulary. It sounded better in her head.

Harry's hands slowed, stilling before he looked over his shoulder at her. A sliver of his workspace was once again revealed at the small shifting. 

"What was that?" he pressed, his question seemingly heavy between the two of them. 

She said the wrong thing, didn't she? (Y/N) dropped her gaze from his, settling on the new bumblebee on his neck instead. 

"I ask if that was your... you know," she trailed off, hating the sound of her floundering almost more than just saying the word outright, "That's weed, right?" 

Feeling Harry's gaze trail over her, (Y/N) tried not to squirm. 

"It is, yeah," he muttered, "I didn't realize I left it out. 'M sorry."

Darting her eyes up to match his once more, she tipped her head to the side. "Why are you sorry?" 

Turning away from the dresser entirely, Harry faced her directly. He gave her a small shrug. "I don't like leaving it out when you're here. I meant to clean it up before y'came over, but I forgot." 

"You know I don't mind," she reminded him, "You don't have to be sorry." 

A gentle smile curled his lips, only a single dimple in his cheeks as he looked at her. 

"Thank you, love," he started, "Let me clean up, I'll wash m'hands again, and then I'll—" 

"What does it feel like?" 

(Y/N) could feel her skin simmering in embarrassment as her tumbling question fell from her mouth before she had a chance to police the words. Everything she had been too distracted to ask him came flooding back then, unable to be stopped now that she saw the opportunity. 

"Sorry," she peeped, realizing how abruptly she had cut him off.

He waved her off, "'S alright." He watched her with attentive eyes, catching each of her expressions and minute movements. "What does what feel like?" 

There was no going back now, she figured. 

"Being high," she peeped, "What does it feel like?" 

While he didn't seem to understand where her line of questioning was coming from, or understood her sudden curiosity in his private hobby, he didn't dissect any further. 

Harry rolled his neck, pursing his lips. "It's different for everyone," he started, much the same as Sarah had, "It depends on the kind you smoke, too." 

"But what does it feel like for you?" she rattled off, her words coming quick. Her hands were a busy bundle at her waistline, looking at him with curious eyes. 

A small tug on the corner of his lip had a lopsided smile sparking on his mouth. "It depends, like I said, on what kind, but I usually like it best when m'hands hurt. It helps numb it long enough for the cramping to go away," he mused, "But, other than that, it makes me tired—but not enough to sleep. I jus' want to do nothing but sit and eat. I also get very touchy; lots of cuddling with pillows and whining about not being with you." 

He had to have known that his last comment would get her lips splitting into a sheepish smile, (Y/N) dropping her head to fix her gaze at their feet. It was still a little wild to her that Harry thought about her as often as she did him, even when she wasn't right in front of him.

"You feel like that every time?" 

"Mostly, yeah," he shared, "Sometimes I feel like sketching, or I fall asleep right away. Back when Mitch and I would go out a lot, I used to be really hyper—doing stupid shit because I wasn't afraid of anything. I've definitely calmed down since then." 

"Oh," she sounded. (Y/N) couldn't imagine Harry being reckless, getting himself into trouble that way—but, this was the same man that apparently received his first tattoo at a mechanic's garage by a very amateur artist. He was capable of anything, she guessed. 

"Why do you want to know, love?" he asked, tipping his head with a spiral of his curl falling over his shoulder. 

She attempted to act as nonchalant as possible, giving a shrug of her shoulders despite her lips being rolled between her teeth. "I don't know," she answered, "I've just been thinking about it, I guess." 

"Yeah? Is that all y'wanted to know?" 

While there had to have been hundreds of questions that could come to mind, everything from what he and Sarah meant when they specified reactions were based on the strain or kind of weed that was being consumed, to what skunks vs. dank meant when it came to the herb, she didn't know where to start. Though there was one thing she was wanting to know, beyond just the details of what it would be like to see a clingy, lovey Harry. 

"What do you think I'd be like?" she asked, her words coming out in a rush before she could rethink them.

Harry's gaze was warm on her face as he examined her. Amusement sparked in his eyes. 

"I don't know, but I have a feeling you'd be a little bit like Mitch," he explained, "I think you'd be excited about everything. But, I'd hope you'd be a little like me just because I like the idea of you being clingy and warm, too." 

She liked that idea, too. It was easier this time to add herself to the picture of Harry, Mitch, and Sarah, superimposing herself at Harry's side with her own hearts in her eyes and her hands tangled with his. (They could sneak kisses, too, if she caught the bug of no fear like he used to have).

"Could—Can I—... I think I want to try, if that's alright," she stuttered, unable to find the right words before just letting something roll off her tongue. 

Harry's silence was heavy between them, the lilypad of his irises setting on her. "You want to try smoking?" 

Starting with a soft nod, she tried to find that reckless bubbling that had carried her this far. "I think so, yeah." A beat passed. "If that's alright." 

When he didn't immediately say anything, she chanced a peek up at him to find his eyes fixed on her, gentle and melting as he took her in. He opened his arms for her when he caught her eye, his features softened and warm. "C'mere." 

(Y/N) all but fell into his arms, his chest warm and solid under her cheek. She looped her arms around his middle, her eyes fluttering closed as she relaxed into him. He worked like a shot of lavender incense and chamomile tea for her, the perfect thing to settle her in moments like these. 

His hand spanned over the planes of her back, fingertips massaging the knots of muscle and ladder of her spine. He rubbed over her form in a soothing circuit between her shoulder blades, his opposing hand an anchoring weight on her waist. 

"Y'really want to try it out, love?" he prodded her gently, his voice rumbling under her cheek. 

"I think so," she mumbled, finding it easier to speak now that she was there to hold her instead of watch her.

"When did y'decide that?" 

"The other day, I think," she explained, "After we talked on the phone." 

He hummed, the sound reverberating in her ear. "What made y'think y'wanted to try something like this?" 

Harry always liked to talk her through things like this, she found. It made it easier for him to understand her thought process, he'd said, helping him be honest with her if he worried she was making a choice that might hurt her later. He never lacked patience when it came to guiding her through new experiences. 

"I don't know," she answered honestly, "I just want to know what it's really like. I've only seen a couple of movies and read a few books, but I want to know what it would feel like for me. I don't think it could be so bad if you like it." 

Nosing at her hair, she could feel the smile that had spread across his lips. "'M not always the smartest though, baby. You know that." 

She let out a small laugh at his griping. "I know, but I trust you. If you really don't think it would be good for me, I know you would tell me." 

A pause settled between them. 

"You don't feel like you have to, right? Jus' because 's something I do sometimes, I don't expect you to feel comfortable with it or want to do it with me." 

"I know," she responded, voice resolute, "I just want to try it at least once. If I don't like it or anything like that, I won't do it again." 

After a lingering moment, Harry drew her away from him, peering down at her with a soft gaze. "If you're sure, then we can try it whenever y'want. Jus' let me help you, and I'll be there." 

An impulsive flicker lit through her system. She was on a roll, why stop now? 

"Can we try it tonight?" 

Harry looked at her with widened eyes. "Tonight?" 

(Y/N) nodded her head. "I don't have class until the afternoon tomorrow," she started, a plan coming together, "Do you have to go in early tomorrow?"

His smile was lopsided as he shook his head, likely following where she was going with this. "No, I don't." 

"We could stay up, then," she rattled off, "I could try tonight, and if anything goes wrong we can sleep in a little in the morning." 

Amusement filtered through his gaze. "I didn't know we were having a sleepover," he teased her, dipping his head until his nose nudged against hers, "Y'want to stay the night with me, baby?" 

Her skin hummed as (Y/N) fought the urge to hide herself in his neck. (She acted as if he hadn't been fingers deep in her just a few hours prior, their mouths welded together and her legs around his waist)." 

"Harry," she whined, curling her fists in his t-shirt to keep from pulling away, "I'm trying to be serious." 

"I know," he crooned, tipping his chin to peck a soft kiss to her pouted lips, "And, 'm listening. We can try it out tonight, if y'really want to. But, I think we should eat first, yeah?" 

"Yeah," she repeated, giving a slight nod of her head, "I still need help with the website, though."

"Right," he murmured, pulling away, "Since I don't really need to clean up anymore, let me take a look." 

With that, (Y/N) handed him her phone, telling him about the confusion she felt with the links and the rerouting and all, but her mind was somewhere else. Flicking her gaze around his shoulder, she saw the mess he was leaving out for them to take care of later. The small green buds sparked that familiar kind of nervous excitement that she'd grown accustomed to when it came to new things Harry was planning on teaching her. 

She just hoped she didn't make a fool of herself.

—————

"What did you think, love? Good, right?" 

Taking their dirty utensils—including the pink chopsticks he gifted her for Valentines—Harry spoke over his shoulder as he made his way to the kitchen.

(Y/N) sat pliantly on the couch, tummy full of the variety of sushi rolls they sampled for the night, along with a new favorite miso soup that she was surely going to be craving as the week went on. "So good. I think my favorite is still the spicy salmon one with that seaweed salad on top." 

Harry laughed from where he stood, surely remembering the way she had practically taken that roll for herself, hoarding the pieces to allow only one bite for him. "I really liked that one, too. We'll have to go back again soon, yeah?" 

"Yes, please," she chirped, looking over the back of the couch as he made his return. 

While the food was a delicious distraction for the night, (Y/N) had still marinated in the idea of what would be coming once she finished and they were settling for the night. The mess he'd left on his dresser was waiting for them, loose papers and all. 

"Ready?" he asked, coming to stand at the end of the sofa.

Was she? She wasn't sure, honestly. But that uncertainty was outweighed by the curiosity and bubbly jitters she had since Harry had agreed to help her. 

Before she had a chance to answer and take his hand, Harry spoke up again, "Jus' to get ready for bed first, baby." 

"Oh," she sounded, nothing more intelligent coming to mind at the moment, "Um, yeah. Then we'll...?" 

He cracked a smile at her hesitancy to name the activity that she had brought up. "Yes, we'll do that afterwards. You'll probably feel more comfortable in some pajamas and your face clean." 

Though she felt a bit silly at the way she had built up a moment that hadn't quite arrived yet, she understood his logic. Besides, if she turned out to be like Sarah, she wouldn't beat herself up in the morning if she did all of her skincare now, and not when she was already inches from sleep.

Taking Harry's hand, she followed after him as he led her to his bedroom, a small duffle bag of hers that stayed here was already sitting by the bathroom door. A change of clothes, and minis of her most essential skincare needs were packed away inside, making it easy for her to spend the night impulsively when she wanted to. 

(Just then, the reminder that she wouldn't be confined to a single bag when they moved in together made her more giddy than before. Soon, she'd be sharing a whole closet with him, a bathroom, and a home. She couldn't wait).

(Y/N) went through the motions of getting unready with Harry standing behind her in the mirror. More often than not, as she brushed her teeth or patted a balm into her skin, her eyes wandered to his reflection. Once or twice, when she was caught, he gave her a sly smile with glimmering eyes. But, when he didn't catch her, his attention on his own task, she was left to allow her mind to gill with imagination. 

She was reminded as she ran her eyes along the cut of his jaw, the plants of his features, and the high points in-between, that he would be stepping behind the lavender veil with her. His previous conversation with her had only revolved around her and what she wanted out of this experience, straying her mind away from the fact that he was going to be a part of the package. 

What would he look like with smoke pluming from his mouth? Would his lilypad eyes go glazed and red? She wondered if his hands would feel any different gliding over her skin, if his lips would still feel as pillowy against hers. 

The thought had her cheeks warming, a sheepish smile forming around the toothbrush between her lips. 

Harry finished before her, stepping out of the bathroom to give her privacy to change into her pajamas. "I'll wait for you out here," he murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of her head. 

Closing the door behind himself, she was left alone with the chilled tile under her socked feet. Glancing at the mirror, (Y/N) found herself fresh-faced with wide eyes and a slight swell to her lips from the amount of times she rolled them between her teeth. Blinking, she wondered if she would look any different to Harry after she pulled the smoke into her lungs. 

It was with rushed hands that she dressed into her sleep clothes (really nothing more than a pair of tiny shorts she would inevitably kick off in the night, and a shirt she had stolen so long ago from Harry that it was hers now), almost slipping her top on backwards before she righted herself in the mirror. Stepping out of the washroom with her laundry being dropped atop her duffle for later, (Y/N) saw Harry once again at his dresser.

This time, he looked to her with an easy smile, his hands working over the surface before him.

"Better?" he smiled, lip ring bobbing. 

"Mhm," she hummed, moving towards him in slow strides, "What are you doing?" 

Turning back to face his hands, he told her, "Jus' getting our things ready. Do you want to watch?" 

A pinch creased her brows as she went towards him. Peering around his shoulder, she saw him working with one of the loose papers from before and a small pile of crushed up greenery. 

"What do you have to do?" (Y/N) only had a vague idea of what all went into preparing for a session like this. 

Smiling down at her, his ministrations slowed now that her attention was placed on his hands. He sidestepped just enough to allow her an unobstructed view of his work. "I figured we'd stick with a joint this first time, so I've got to roll one up for us to use." 

Looking at it now, while she didn't have much knowledge of any of this, she could see familiar pieces forming. The paper would be rolled and twisted with the bud inside, Harry flickering a lighter at the end like a cigarette when it was ready.

"How do you do that?" she muttered, stepping that much closer, feeling as if she were a child pressing their nose against the glass separating them from gallons of ice cream. 

A huffed laugh fell from his lips then. Lifting his arm up, he beckoned her to stand between his chest and the dresser. "C'mere." 

Slipping into the small space he freed for her, the heat of his chest could be felt against her back. Though she caught whiffs of it before, now the herby, earthy smell of the bud was right at her nose, wafting through the air and clinging to her skin. Right in front of her, Harry worked around her, his fingers deftly working through his supplies. 

"First," he started, "You've got to keep the paper flat out and put one of the filters at the end." She watched as he pulled a tiny white piece from the canister, setting it at the middle of one of the short ends of the paper. He kept it stable when he reached for the ground up weed that he had piled in the lid to the container, a small mound he pinched at before sprinkling the chunks in a line across the paper. "We've got to fill it up enough so there's not any air bubbles between," he explained as he worked, his arms hovering above her shoulders as he created their joint with the ease of experience. "This part’s always a little hard for me," he told her, to her surprise. 

"What do you mean?" He could have fooled her.

"'S hard to pack it in like this," he elaborated, his voice dull as he concentrated, "M'fingers are too big, so I've got to be extra careful that I don't mess it up." 

Honing her gaze in on his digits, she had to keep herself from tipping her head to the side and falling victim to the sight. She could see it then, she figured, watching as he tried to pat everything as tightly and precisely as possible. His fingers definitely were too big. 

"Oh," she sounded. 

A breathy laugh came from behind her, the exhale twisting through the hair on the top of her head. "Would y'do something for me, love?" he asked, finally packing enough in as tightly as he could before he started folding the ends of the thin paper. 

She gave a nod, now too transfixed on his hands to speak with an even tone. 

"Would you give this a lick for me?" he asked, "We've gotta seal it up before I can twist it all up." 

"Like, the paper?" she clarified, eyeing the open flap he was presenting to her with the joint grasped carefully between his fingers. 

Harry hummed a confirmation. "There's glue on this edge like an envelope. Gotta make it sticky, then I can close it up for us."

"Um, okay," she muttered, placing a steadying hand on his wrist as he brought the almost-joint to her lips. 

Parting her mouth, she swiped the tip of her tongue along the very edge of the paper. It didn't taste quite as artificially sweet as a regular envelope, but then again, everything was coated in that dusky scent that the herb folded inside held. 

"Thank you, baby," he told her, pulling the joint from her lips as he did the closing motion of sealing the edge to the roll. She watched as he did the final step, twisting down the free edge into a tight swirl before he presented it with the filtered end between his fingertips. "All done." 

In front of (Y/N) was the stereotypical joint that she had seen in the few films that showed as much. The paper was translucent in the way that she could clearly see it was filled from the inside with dark, green flakes. The filtered edge was tapered down into a small funnel, leaving the head of the roll trumpeting out, thick with the ground up weed. 

"That was fast," (Y/N) muttered, wanting to reach out and touch, but too scared. 

"I've gotten pretty good, I can't lie," he joked with her, pressing his lips to the back of her head. A paused settled again before he spoke to her, his head still dipped down as he murmured, "Y'still feeling alright, darling? Still want to, or do y'want to go to bed and watch a movie instead?" 

Examining the joint in front of her, the thick scent of the weed surrounding her with the heat of Harry's chest at her back, she nodded her head. "I still want to." 

Dropping an arm to wrap around her waist from behind, Harry hugged her to him for a moment. "Grab a jacket then, and we'll go out back for a second, yeah?" 

"Outside?" she asked, turning in his hold. 

"Don't want it stinking up the house, right?" He looked at her with a raised brow, already stepping towards the closet in search of his own coat. "We'll be fast, baby, 's alright." 

(Y/N) supposed he was onto something, realizing that she had never been struck by the heavy scent like she would figure if he had smoked in his bedroom. As long as no one complained, it wasn't a bad idea to head outback for a second. It would be nice to take in deep breaths in between the smoke too, she figured. 

With a set of slippers on her feet, and a thick hoodie on her body, she followed Harry out the back door, ending on the back patio. He sat on the stoop at her feet, patting the space next to him. 

"Warm enough?" he asked, moonlight waning above their heads. 

Snuggling closer to his side, she nodded her head. "I'm alright, thank you. Are you warm?" 

Despite the unzipped jacket on his form and the thin t-shirt underneath, Harry gave her a small smile. "'M good, baby." 

Flicking out a lighter and the joint from his pocket, he sparked the flame with a flick of his fingers. 

He ran the spark over the trumpeted tip of the joint, his face warming in the firelight glow. "We'll take it easy tonight, yeah?" he murmured, concentration on his hands, "I don't think it'll take much to get y'there, so we probably won't finish this but we'll save the rest for another time if you want." 

She watched as he rotated the edge of the joint over the flame, evenly burning the tip. "Are you not going to have any?" 

"I will," he assured her, "But, I want to make sure I can take care of you. I won't be having too much." 

Having a deja vu moment, (Y/N) was reminded of how it felt to be sitting in his lap as he fed her wine, keeping his own head clear while he let her run wild. 

With the end of the joint glowing a warm orange, Harry put the lighter away. He ashed the very tip away, revealing cool lavender smoke twisting through the air with a heady scent clinging to the particles. 

"Want the first go?" he asked, tipping the roll towards her in an offer. 

"No, no," she answered immediately, "You first." 

His smile was lopsided as he agreed, pulling the joint to his mouth. She watched as he tucked the filtered end between his lips, taking in a shallow inhale with the fiery end glowing to life. His chest expanded as he inhaled. He only pulled the roll away from his lips when his chest was puffed with smoke, a lingering second passing before he exhaled, plumes of dancing smoke drifting through the air. The heavy, thick aroma of the weed surrounded them. 

(Y/N) couldn't pull her eyes from him as the smoke seeped from between his lips, a thin, violet filter hazing his features. The moon above seemed to catch each particle, drowning the scene in cool toned shades, muted and closed. 

She waited for something to change in the way he looked, the way he acted. When the only thing he did was turn to her with a blink, once again offering the joint to her for a try, she wasn't sure what she had expected. 

"Do y'think y'can do that?" 

Her brows creased. "Do what?" 

Amusement molded his features as he tipped his chin towards his offering. "Taking a hit," he stated, "Inhaling, and everything." 

"I-I think so," she answered, carefully pulling the roll from his fingers. She hesitated before taking it to her lips, nervous to replicate his actions while he watched. "Do you feel any different?" 

His smile was warm as he shook his head. "No—probably won't be too different tonight. I've built my tolerance pretty high, so I'll be fine." 

"Oh," she sounded, feeling the slightest bit disappointed knowing that she wouldn't get the full experience of seeing him for what he was under the influence. Maybe sometime she could convince him to let it go. Focusing back on the joint, she stared intensely at the thin ribbon of smoke falling from the tip. "How do I inhale?" 

"Jus' breathe in, baby," Harry laughed, throwing an arm across her shoulders. He tucked her against his side, warming her through her layers. "Only take a little bit at a time, though. And, if y'need to cough, jus' let it happen. You'll be alright." 

Though it was only a few tiny rules, it felt like so much to remember, to keep track of while she was trying something so foreign.

"Wh-What if I take too much?" she muttered, worrying now the longer that she let it keep burning. She hoped she wasn't wasting everything he'd done for her. 

Harry paused, rolling her question around his head before answering. "You'll be alright," he assured her, "Jus' don't want you to take too much, or anything, that's all." 

The idea of taking too much scared her more than the other rules. She didn't know what too much was; how would she know if there was too much in her lungs, how would she know if she needed to pull back? 

"Can you help me?" she murmured, worry lacing through her tone. 

"I can hold it for you if you want?" he offered, though his option didn't seem so concrete as she had hoped. 

"You can't do more?" 

A small silence sat between them when he didn't answer right away. She looked to him, finding him looking at the joint between her fingers with a contemplative crease between his brows. 

"I might have an idea that we can try," he started, flicking his gaze to match hers. "Y'trust me, right?" 

Her nod was immediate. 

A small smile folded his lips as he took the joint from her hand. He brought the roll to his lips, taking in another deep inhale with his eyes fluttering as his chest expanded. The cherry brightened as he pulled in the smoke. As soon as he pulled it away from his mouth, he spoke to her in a muddled voice, a small streak of smoke escaping through his nose. 

"C'mere." 

(Y/N)'s eyes rounded out in confusion. She was already right here, right?

The arm Harry had thrown across her shoulders slithered around her form until his palm came to a cradle on her cheek. He pressed forward then, his lips parting just enough for (Y/N) to get the hint. 

He wanted to kiss her.

Fluttering her eyelids to a close, she leaned forward in an attempt to meet him halfway. Harry, with his hand on her cheek, stopped her short, a small distance left between them. 

With her eyes opening to slits, she found him looking to her with his own gaze trained on her lips. His tender hand on her cheek shifted until his thumb was resting in the full of her bottom lip. Tugging just slightly, he parted her pout into a small gape. Harry ripped his head, leaning just that much closer with his pursed lips. 

(Y/N) held her breath, her own mouth parted open as she felt soft plumes of smoke fan over her lips. His lips just barely grazed her own, pressing against the soft pillows as the smoke ghosted over her tongue, heady and thick.

Pulling away just enough with smoke still twirling around his features, he told her, "Breathe in, baby." 

His voice was still heavy in his throat, emulating the way he spoke in the morning. The detail gave (Y/N) something to focus on as she instinctually closed her mouth as if biting down, the smoke now contained to a thin veil between them. He kept his hand steady on her cheek as she inhaled the way she saw him do, her chest bloating as she filled her lungs with the gifted smoke. 

While she didn't feel the burning in her chest that she thought would accompany the smoke, she instead felt a thick heat in the back of her throat. She tried to mimic what she had seen Harry do, keeping the smoke in her lungs for a moment before exhaling, but she couldn't keep up when she felt her eyes begin to water. 

Unable to handle it much longer, (Y/N) released her breath in clumsy pants, embarrassed to be reacting so intensely right in Harry's face. Though, all he did was stay steady in his spot by her, thumbing at her chin and coaxing her through it. 

Tipping her head down, she finally coughed into her sleeve, eyes watering as she went with his hand falling to the slope of her neck. 

"'S alright, baby, jus' let it out," he murmured, his voice a gentle soothe, "You'll feel better in a second, love." 

By the time she regained her breath, there was a slight glaze over the back of her throat—not quite a tingle, but not entirely normal. Harry tipped his head down by then, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth with his palm spanning the shelf of her collarbones. 

"Y'alright?" he murmured, ever patient when he pulled away to match her eyes. 

Nodding her head, (Y/N) swallowed around her odd throat. "Was that alright?" she croaked, wet bottom lashes grazing the height of her cheekbone.

A fond smile molded Harry's features into soft curves. "Y'did jus' fine, lovebug. So proud of you for not getting scared," he praised her, thumb running over her warm skin, "Feels a little weird doesn't it?" 

(Y/N) didn't have to think before she nodded her head, watching as he ashed the joint they had probably let burn for just a touch too long. "Really weird," she told him earnestly, "My throat feels funny, but that's all so far."  

"Yeah? Want to keep going?" His eyes skated over her features, taking in every reaction, every minute stretch of her muscles. 

While she was sure there was something that would hit soon, she still felt comfortable enough to take a little more from him. (Y/N) answered with a small nod. 

"Same way we did before?"

Remembering the feel of his lips glancing across hers, the faint brush of the tip of his nose over hers, she could feel her skin simmering. "Yeah," she answered, hoping he thought the breathy quality of her voice was a lingering side effect of her coughing. 

He didn't look entirely fooled when that sly smile touched his lips. "Alright," he said, bringing the joint back up to his lips, "We'll do a couple more, then I think you're done, baby. That alright?" 

"That's alright," she murmured, "Thank you." 

This time, watching him taking in the long drag, (Y/N) knew what to expect when he turned to her. She allowed him to hover close enough that he was almost kissing her as he blew out another plume of smoke for her to inhale. When she took her time filling her lungs with the smoke, Harry tipped his head and smeared his lips over her cheek, kissing down her neck. 

She had more confidence this go around, coaxing herself through as Harry held her. That thick feeling in the back of her throat intensified as she closed her eyes, her chest expanding under her borrowed hoodie. 

"Doing good, baby," he murmured into her ear, pulling away to match her gaze, "Go ahead and breathe out, love. I think you're good." 

Following his direction, the lavender smoke twirled between them. Sucking in clean air, she filtered out her lungs. This time around, opening up her eyes to look up at the moonlight and the stars blinking over the inky canvas, things felt different. There was a bit of lethargy to her movements, even in the darting of her gaze. Her limbs felt as if there was extra weight attached, something heavy that slowed her before she even had a chance to move.

It was an odd feeling, something that she'd never experienced before or had anything of comparison to, but it wasn't unpleasant. She'd even say she liked it so far.

Harry seemed to pick up on the fact that she was edging into new territory as he watched over her, eyes sparking from amusement. "One more?" 

"Yeah," she settled, her lips feeling looser the more she sunk into the moment, "One more." 

"Wanna try by yourself?" he asked, taking his own small puff from the joint before he was angling it towards her. 

"Not by myself, no," she argued, still scared to be in charge of her own dosing. 

"I can hold it for you if y'want—take it back when you've had enough," Harry offered, letting a cloud leave his lips as he spoke. 

"Okay," she nodded, taking on his offer. 

"Open," he instructed, setting the filter of the joint between her lips, "Then jus' suck in, okay? You'll be able to feel it in the back of your throat, so stop if you've had enough and I haven't taken it back yet." 

(Y/N) wrapped her lips around the filter, taking in Harry's directions with absent ears. She couldn't imagine he wouldn't be able to catch herself and her intake before he did. 

Emulating what she'd seen from him before, she sucked in, her cheeks hollowing just enough to show off the shape of her cheekbones. The back of her throat warmed, embers igniting in a low burn. This was more than what Harry had given her before, but she didn't mind. This would be just enough,she figured.

At the perfect moment, Harry pulled away prompting her to breathe out the final cloud of smoke. He asked the joint once more, a small pile of grey dust having collected at their feet. 

A few huffed coughs fell from (Y/N)'s lips, unused to the feeling of gathering the smoke directly from the source. Harry wrapped his arm around her, tucking her into his side as she eased through the final intake. 

"How do you feel?" he asked her, voice low under the moonlight. 

Looking around, (Y/N) tried to find the answer to the question. 

It was an odd feeling, she decided. She felt both light and heavy at the same time, her head in the clouds with her body entirely anchored to the ground. Prickles poked at her skin, her limbs their own entity as she brought her hands into a bundle in her lap. 

There was no other way to describe it other than the fact that she felt high. 

"Good," she answered simply, "Different." 

"You'll get used to it, my love," he murmured into her ear, pressing a soft kiss to the space just before. 

"Do you feel different?" she asked, her voice heavy in her dry throat. 

"A little," Harry explained, stubbing out the cherry of the joint, "But, I think 's time we get inside before either of us freezes, don't you think?" 

"Yeah, yes."

It was when Harry let out a small huffed laugh that (Y/N) couldn't contain her own laughter. A loud peal fell from her lips. She wasn't even sure why she was laughing. That only made her laugh harder.

—————

"That is so funny," (Y/N) giggled to herself, clenching her hands in the fabric of her top lest she forget they were there. "Harry, did you see that?! It was funny!" 

He was back in the kitchen, working over the stove with a pot of noodles boiling away and a cheesey sauce working on the other burner, leaving (Y/N) to watch this movie all on her own. 

"Which part, baby?" he asked, his rumbling voice sounding farther away than she remembered. 

(Y/N) blinked, watching the brightly colored animated characters go across the television screen. "The one that was just on! With the cat on the piano!" 

How could he not have been paying attention? (Y/N) had never seen something so entertaining before, if she was being honest. This had to be her new favorite movie—she just needed to remember what it was called. 

"Oh," he sounded, "I did see that, sorry, lovebug. It was very funny." 

"Good," she responded absently, craning her neck to look over the back of the couch towards where he stood in the kitchen, "I'm so hungry, H." 

"I know," he laughed, looking at her with his skin seemingly glowing and the smile of a prince. "'M almost done, okay?" 

"How close is ‘almost’?" 

His smile only widened at her line of questioning. (Y/N) mimicked that look without a thought. 

"About five minutes. Can you wait that long?" 

"I'll try." She couldn't help the pout that took her features. She had told him she was hungry what felt like hours ago, and she still was waiting for food. He wouldn't even let her help either, but she could argue that she would have eaten already if he just let her follow him to the kitchen.

Raising his brows, Harry fixed his attention back on the television screen. "Oh, look. The little cat is back, baby." 

(Y/N)'s attention took a one-eighty as she did the same to face the TV once more. Harry was right, the kitten was back on screen. She didn't want to miss this. 

The high had hit her at full force only minutes after Harry had taken her inside, setting off a firing squad of so many different feelings (Y/N) had never experienced before. She had so much energy, but at the same time she wanted to sleep. She wanted to kiss and hold her boyfriend, but also had to make a point to remember where her limbs were. She wanted to eat and drink as much water as she could, but couldn't find the attention to do either of those things. In the back of her mind, she even debated on writing some for the course paper she needed to work on before the midterm exam next month—her mind swirling with ideas, but they were all out of order. 

How she decided on watching a movie instead of any of her other raucous ideas, she wasn't sure, but she was happy with the choice. This way, she was able to wrap up in the soft pink throw blanket that she left in his bedroom, sink into the new feeling, and make out with Harry when he was done cooking.

(It had really been Harry's prompting and prodding that led her to the conclusion that yes, she wanted to watch a movie and cuddle up with him while she ate, but he was happy with letting her assume it had been her own choice).

Time moved in mysterious ways since the high had hit, making it hard to decipher if it had been five hours or mere five minutes before Harry came to her with bowls of pasta and a buttery warm sauce poured over top. 

"That looks so good, H," she bubbled, overjoyed at the sight of food, "Thank you so much!" 

"You're welcome, baby," he smiled, "Do you need more water?" 

"No, just—Hold on." (Y/N) stumbled over her words, organizing her thoughts as steadily as she could and ultimately failing in favor of reaching towards Harry.

The second he settled into the cushion at her side, she had his jaw cradled in her palms, lips puckered and pressed against the corner of his mouth. A laugh bubbled through his lips, his smile felt under her kiss. 

"I missed," she laughed along with him, pulling away to watch his eyes light up and creases form around his smile, "Sorry." 

"'S alright," he beamed, cheeks still cradled in her palms, "Jus' slow down and try again." 

Though she didn't exactly have the wherewithal to follow his directions, she definitely tried her best. This time, she felt as if she went slower as she leaned in, pressing her lips to Harry's. He reciprocated her affection in soft kisses, (Y/N) melting the longer she reveled in his touch.

Her skin practically sang everywhere he touched her, taking her back to her wonderings of if there would be something extra to their affection while under the influence. That prickling that she had felt in her limbs just when the smoke started taking effect, now only occurred when he ran his fingertips over her skin or held her hand in his. The buzzing made her smile into the kiss, the pinpoint tickling under her skin.

"What's got you so smiley, hm?" Harry asked against her mouth, pulling away despite the tender hold she had on his cheeks. 

She beamed up at him with an easy grin, a rose colored glaze over her vision of him. "I just like touching you," she told him, "It tickles." 

He raised his brows in reaction, biting back a smile. "It tickles?" 

Watching the clear amusement on his face, (Y/N) couldn't help her own smile from turning into bubbling laughter. "Uh-huh," she barely answered, everything else dissolving around her laughter. 

"Now, why are you laughing?" 

Harry's investigation only proved to make the entire moment funnier to (Y/N) as she doubled over. Snuggling into his chest, she clung to him with her laughter muffled against his shoulder. "I don't know," she giggled, barely sure that the words even left her brain. 

"Oh, lovebug," he crooned, wrapping his arms around her, "What am I going to do with you?" 

A contented smile landed on (Y/N)'s features as she settled down. She burrowed against him, smushing her cheek on his shoulder and bundling her arms between their bodies. "Love me." 

The tip of Harry's nose skimmed the top of her head. "I already do that," he told her, words fanning across the strands of hair crowning her. 

"I love you too," (Y/N) answered simply. 

The cryptic sense of time she held struck once again when Harry drew away from her. Her body had relaxed into his as if she had napped on him for hours, but she could have been nestled in his arms for a max of three minutes for all she knew. 

"Are y'still hungry? Or do y'want me to save your noodles for later?" 

With that, (Y/N) swore her mind had been blown. "You brought me food, I totally forgot!" Twirling too fast for her brain to keep up, she was almost dizzy by the time she saw the bowl of pasta Harry had set in front of her, complete with salty cheese layered on top just like she asked. "That looks so good, H! Thank you." 

Harry gave her a small smile. "You're welcome, baby." 

A minute sense of deja vu niggled in the back of her head for just a second, but (Y/N) chose to ignore it in favor of twirling her fork through the spaghetti noodles.  

Had cheese always tasted this good? 

—————

"Harry, are you listening? This song is beautiful." 

"I know, love. 'S perfect, huh?" 

The drawl of Harry's response had (Y/N) peeking up at him. She found him lying with his eyes closed, mouth parted in a small gape, though his hand on her back never slowed the soothing circle he had curated.

"Are you tired?" (Y/N) whispered. 

A slight smile touched the corner of his mouth at her question. "A little. Are you?" 

(Y/N) paused, evaluating herself to give him an honest answer. "Yeah. A little." His heartbeat was set to a soothing pace under her ear, slowing into a steady rhythm as if urging him to sleep. "Are you almost asleep?" 

Though she could see his eyes were closed and his breathing was coming in soft puffs, Harry didn't slack on the duties he had taken on for the night. Since pulling her to bed and setting a playlist to softly sing through his bedroom, he had kept his cuddling hold on her firm and anchoring. He answered her every time she spoke to him and even crawled his way to the bedside table to skip the song whenever she started to whine over the melody. 

"A little," he smiled, his voice a deep rumble, "Are you?"

Another pause. "Maybe," (Y/N) answered honestly. She could fall asleep right now if she wanted, but she also wanted to keep listening to music. 

Harry hummed, his chest vibrating under her cheek. "Is there anything y'want before y'get sleepy? More water or a snack?" 

What did she need before she could peacefully fall asleep? 

Blinking her gaze up at him, she took in the tip of his nose, the curving pillow of his cupid's bow and the creamy texture of his skin. 

"A kiss? Please?" 

At that, Harry cracked his eyes open to peer down at her. "Y'haven't had enough of those yet?" 

"Never," she answered, completely honest. Harry still plucked a smile onto his lips at her response. 

"Can't blame you, darling—me neither." 

Shifting between the sheets, Harry used his free hand to cup (Y/N) cheek and tip her chin as he dipped down. He sealed his lips over hers in a loving kiss, nothing more than a soft pressing of their lips. She swore she could feel every ridge, every dip, every plane of his touch, catalogued to her memory though she hoped she would recall it in less fuzzy detail. 

"Love you," she murmured between breaths, immediately planting her lips across his once more. 

Harry smiled into the contact. He broke the rhythm of her kisses even further when he drew away, ignoring the way she chased after him with a craned neck and puckered lips.

"I love you too, lovebug." His eyes scanned over her features not for the first time that night, though something softened in his gaze. "You had a good time tonight?"

Walking through the lavender veiled events, everything was just a bit hazy and herbal, (Y/N)'s smile only grew. 

"Uh-huh," she beamed up at him, feeling herself settle into him that much more, "Thank you for showing me." 

Thumbing at the height of her cheekbone, Harry surged forward to press a delicate kiss to the bridge of her nose. "'M happy y'feel good, darling. That's all I want when we try new things." 

"I'm always happy when I'm with you." 

(Y/N) blinked as she saw his face light up with a bubbly smile, creases appearing by his eyes, dimples thumbed into his cheeks, and a slight flush over his nose. 

Had his smile always been that pretty?

—————

eeeek! so happy I could get a new aster blurb out for everyone this year! thank u sm for reading, sorry for any mistakes, and lmk if yu have any ideas for anything you'd like to see!

[ang3lofdivinity]

❝𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐮𝐧❞

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

Relationship(s): Yan!Andy (Andrew) Graves x Fem!reader

Format: Headcanons + stories.

Genre: IMPLIED Smut + fluff + some angst(?)

Warnings: Consent mf, intimidation, SA from one of the wardens to the reader, masturbation (reader and Andy), Leyley isn't super overprotective, Reader is very naïve and too kind (they consider all friends), kidnapping, stalking, Andy is kinda turned on by the readers constant praise and nicknames for him, smoking, swearing, smut has been removed because.. the more I realize it I want this account to be decently fluff.

Andy is a very reserved person.

He's an introvert as per what his sister calls him.

And she's right.

He doesn't like being around others, he's pretty logical, he's also very calm.

But, what he doesn't know is how charming he is to others.

Hell, bunches of girls try and get with him, while Leyley obnoxiously tries to get rid of them all.

So, he's never really had a long term relationship with anyone aside his sister.

And over the years, he's managed to craft, a meticulously created one, a façade.

A mask he's worked on for years.

One that he knows will never crack.

But perhaps he got too confident.

Because when you came along, he was restraining himself practically from getting excited after the first time he saw you.

He saw you, being the new kid in class back when he was still in school at a young age before being trapped in that hellscape he called his home.

You were an extrovert it seemed, turning out to be the opposite. But, you still cared a lot about everything and everyone, you introduced yourself sweetly with something along the lines of..

"Good morning, I'm (____) (_____). If you need anything, I'll always be right here."

You were so calm, so pretty.. how could someone be so pretty?

You joined a bunch of after school activities, student council and such.

Although, you seemed a bit worried over something always every time he saw you.

He felt something within his stomach churn whenever he saw you though, not managing to gather enough courage to talk to you.

So, you had to initiate the contact.

You saw him, being all lonely..

That made you feel incredibly horrible, you were in that position yourself once too.

So, you approached him.

And his heart fluttered.

"Good evening.. you're Andrew Graves, right?" You inquired as you sat beside him at his lunch table as your friends immediately started whispering to each other.

"Oh- I- I'm Andrew Graves, yes.." he cringed at his own stuttering, but you didn't seem to mind.

"Why don't you come and sit at my table with my friends?" You invited him with a warm smile.

He felt butterflies in his stomach, a feeling he never had in a while..

"Are- you sure? They won't make fun of me?.." he asked, obviously worried.

"Of course not! If they do, we can have lunch together alone if you want!"

"..alright."

That was the day he became so clingy to you.

Usually, he's very cynical. But, for some reason with you.. he could feel that your actions were very genuine.

And that's what got him attached.

Along with your humor.

"I swear to fucking goddess if Miss Alta keeps telling me to not draw, I will—"

"Good morning, Miss Alta!" You exclaimed happily the moment your communications teacher stepped foot into the room.

He almost wheezed, letting out a giggle at his failed attempt to restrain himself. His expression turned into one filled with guilt and embarrassment, but before Miss Alta or any of the students spoke, you blurted out.

"Ah, Miss Alta, there's something wrong with the air conditioning. It keeps moving a bit and making that scraping noise." You semi-lied as you turned to Andrew and gave a more sincere smile before paying attention once more.

..you would just, lie for him like that..

Your smile could make him go crazy, it couldn't be compared to anything!! The way you cried, your tears streaming down your cheeks as you ran to him when you got hurt on the playground earlier- blue diamonds couldn't even compare to the richness of them, and the way you were very touchy..

You always held onto his hand, holding onto his shirt as you walked behind him anxiously, anytime when you got older and watched any horror movie and clang onto him.

That's when it all went to shit.

You had to leave the state.

THE STATE.

After you had just got settled after the last time where you moved here as a child!

He almost broke down, wanting to pour out all of his feelings as if it would change anything.

But it was official, and Leyley had him all to herself. It was like that for years.

He was all alone.

He felt empty.

He felt empty without you.

Like a part of his soul was torn from him.

And that stuck with him forever.

Some sort of dark, black tar over his heart made it feel disgusting and filthy.

But for the lonely part..

It wasn't like that for long.

When they grew older, he started dating someone after so long.

His (ex) girlfriend, Julia.

But eventually, that all ended when he got put into that quarantined building with Leyley.

She broke it off with him on one of those nights.

He sobbed about it, and Leyley didn't help.

But, that's when he got a strange phone call when Leyley was asleep and he was still up.

He was hesitant, but his gut told him to pick it up.

And that he did.

And that was one of the best decisions of his life.

"..Hello?" He spoke, his voice raspy. He was unsure of what telemarketer would be calling at this hour, and it couldn't possibly be someone he knew.

"Andrew?.. is this really you?!.."

That voice.. that voice instead changed his mind of this being some sort of telemarketer.. how? Because that’s your voice. After so many years, you had called him!

"..(____)?!" He yelped out, almost loud enough to wake LeyLey.

"Oh dear— I'm so glad I can hear your sweet voice again!!" You exclaimed, sounding like you were on the brink of tears.

All of those previous feelings he had for you back when you were still around, they all came back in a flurry, overwhelming him.

"(____), I'm.. how did you get this number?.." he wanted to ask you so much more, but that's all that came out at the moment.

"I heard about the quarantine you got into with your sister.. I'm so sorry. One of the wardens was kind enough to give me your number! I didn't have much time previously due to my work.. but, now I have and I'm so thankful!"

"..Good god it's so nice hearing your voice again, (____)" he mumbled, smiling as tears prickled at his eyes. There were so many words that wanted to spill out of his mouth, but nothing came out due to his own self restraint.

"I'm going to get you out of there! I promise! You and your sister!" You yelped out, happiness laced into your voice. You were zeal about this, you were going to get him and his sister out of here. Or at least try.

"Wait- aren't you worried about the wardens??? They've been keeping us here!" He responded back, biting on his thumb.

"Eh?? Nah! I'm sure! The warden seemed to like me, I'm sure I can persuade him somehow." For some reason, this didn't sit right with him..

"..." He went radio silent, this feeling akin to foreboding surging through him with the sense of anger as well. But, he swallowed down his frustration and took some deep breaths.

"Andy- Andrew?.. you there?" You tried to fix your mistake. You heard his sister call him by that nickname once- so you know it's at least somewhat gotta be sentimental for him.

"..you can call me Andy" he slowly spoke up.

"Are you sure?.."

"I'm.. sure. Call me Andy." It almost sounded like a demand..

"..Alright, Andy."

He doesn't even let his own sister call him that anymore, but he lets you do it with free reign.. strange.

"Now, would you like to talk for a bit?.. or should I get straight to work with the pla-"

"Talk!.. please. I just.. I missed you. I missed listening to your voice, I missed just being with you.." he blurted out, cutting you off. He put a hand over his mouth in response, his eyes wide and filled with shame.

"..."

"..."

"...."

"I'm sorry- that probably sounded weird.." he spoke up after a long moment of silence.

"Nono! Don't apologize, I missed hearing your voice too, hun." You spoke sweetly to him, a smile he couldn't see plastered on your face.

"..Hun?" Saying the word made him feel this warm, bubbling sensation within his chest. It made him want to indulge in it more..

"I'm not gonna use Andy all the time, darling!" You giggled happily, and that just made something within his stomach churn and twist.. something that has been dormant for years finally stir.

It made his knees go weak, his mouth go slightly agape as he failed to make any words come out of his mouth for a while until you spoke.

"..Andy? Honey?"

"Oh- sorry just.. deep in thought.”

"Ah, I get that.. well anyways, what would you like to talk about?"

You two talked until the sun finally rose and you got sleepy.

"Night Andy, Hun!" He could hear you yawn.

"Night, (____).."

He then placed the phone back down, hanging up shortly after you did as he found himself already yearning and missing your voice.

But, he knows.. better.

He just can’t help it though.

..No matter, he’ll hopefully be able to see you soon as you said.

That would be wrong though.

Because guess what? That warden that was so kind to you was only there for your looks. He wanted you to have some.. “personal time” with you if you get my gist.

“No fucking way you creep!!” You yelped out, this man was about twice your age and asking you to have some personal time with you.

“C’mon, sweetheart!.. I promise I’ll make it worth your while” The warden spoke, a sickening smile on his face.

“No means no, pervert!! Now, let me see my friends, let me get them out of here!” The warden groaned at your response.

“Alright, look here sweet-cheeks. You aren’t gonna be able to save your friends and I shouldn’t even be helping you. So, you either let me have you and you can take your friends, or I kill you right here and now” the man gave you an ultimatum, causing your eyes to widen.

“I..” You almost bursted out into tears when the man moved his hands to your shoulders, lowering your shirt.

“Lemme take care of ya.” he hummed, pushing you against the table within the break room, tears pooling down your cheeks.

You then tried focusing on something else, noticing the fact he had a ring of keys on his belt..

The warden had a hand glide up your thigh, massaging the bundle of nerves there. You tensed, straining back any noises that would come out of your mouth.

“No need to hold back, sweetheart..” he pressed himself closer to you, this was your time to strike!

You punched the man in the face, causing him to stumble back. You fixed your clothes, jumping off the table, you stared at the man who was waddling around like an idiot. A huff escaped past your lips as grabbed the nearest blunt object and flung it at the man. It was a simple lamp, but it hit him real good in the head. Honestly, you felt powerful in that moment, finding the courage to continuously punching the man, letting out every last string of anger that you felt. It was basically free therapy! And, when you were done, he was no longer moving. You grabbed the keys before you marched off, now off to find Andy and his sister, Ashley!

It took you a bit, but after knocking on a few doors, you heard nothing but some shuffling.

“Andy!! Its me! (____)!!” You yelped out, taking out the ring of keys as you fumbled with them in your hands.

“..(____)!? You actually came!?!” He spoke up after hearing your voice, immediately rushed over to the door as he heard you unlock it, opening it for you, taking you by surprise.

“Of course, hun! I never break a promise.” You spoke more dulcetly, a smile upon your face as you looked up at him.

He’s.. grown taller than you.

He spent no time dawdling as he hugged you, pressing you close to him as he twirled you around.

“I’m proud of you for waiting this long. So proud.” You praised, causing Andrew to become flustered as he desperately tried hiding it.

You paused for a moment before you started giggling a bit.

“What.. whats so funny??” He asked

“Nothing. Just reminiscing of the old times.”

“..you’re talking like a grandma.”

You bursted out laughing, patting his back.

“Oh— really now? ‘Just be a good boy and be quiet!’ Is that better??” You were giggling, since you knew your words made any sense for some Grandma to say, but he wasn’t taking this as a joke. The way you called him a good boy..

It.. turned something on for him, craving for more practically.

“Okay I think thats enough mushy reunion stuff, mm?” You smiled sweetly at the boy as he pulled away from the hug, his face still slightly flushed.

“Yeah..” he internally cursed himself for almost stuttering.

“Where’s Ashley?..” you quietly asked.

From that moment, everything happened like some sort of descending spiral of madness. The thing with the demon and Ashley… killing the second warden, all of that fancy stuff. (being horribly mortified in the end.)

You had the both of them stay in the motel for a while until you could bring them into your home as you got them necessities; paying for them to continue staying, getting them new clothes, food, entertainment and others (not even knowing about their little hobby together.)

You’d visit once a week, much to Andrews begging for you to come more often, constant thanks as well from him.

“..I don’t think we can repay you ever for this.”

You always said it was fine, and his sister did too. She seemed more laid backed about the entire situation.

And, when you rushed in the middle of the night to their motel in your car to tell them the news that you finished up your work for their rooms and such, only throwing on a long overcoat, keeping on your nightclothes and throwing one some slippers.

..but they weren’t in there.

“PSSSTTT” the sound almost made you scream, but you turned to the cause of the noise.

“Ashley!” You smiled, not speaking above a whisper.

“Get over here!!!” You immediately rushed over to her without another question, taking her into an embrace.

“Woah- calm down, goody-two-shoes!” She grumbled, trying to get you to let go or at least loosen your arms that were tightly wrapped around her.

“You and Andrew can finally come over!!” You practically cried out, a bright smile on your face.

“..Where is Andrew..?” You questioned after surveying around, letting go of the embrace you tightly held Ashley in.

“Went to go and check on something.. don’t worry about it.”

“..Alright. I’ll wait here if you don’t mind.” You quietly spoke, standing beside Ashley as your hand subconsciously grabbed hers, intertwining them.

And Ashley didn’t say anything about it. Just to see how her brother would react, of course.

That didn’t go well, let me tell you.

He came back, noticing you, he was so excited like a puppy seeing their owner once more, but noticing that you were holding Ashleys hand..

..For some reason it made him pissed off.

“..(____), why don’t you hold my hand instead?”

You were already starting in his direction to tackle him into a hug, but Ashley pulled you back.

“Nah.. I think she’ll stay right here, holding my hand.”

“Ashley.”

“Yes, dear Andyyyy?”

“Let her go. Right now.”

“Mm, nah.” She chuckled seeing him get so riled up.

He flat up walked on over to you two, grabbed you by the waist, swiftly pulling you away from Ashley.

“Oh you jackass!!!”

But he didn’t care.

And then, you all heard another car..

Thats when everything else unfolded.

They killed that man..

And you witnessed it.

Then again though, he was a murderer as well..

..but why??

You were shaking like a leaf, catching Andy’s attention.

“Shh shh.. its okay. Theres no need to cry or worry, alright? It was in self-defense. I promise this won’t happen again.” He consoled you, hugging you closely as you nodded.

Ashley looked baffled though, one of her eyes slightly twitching.

..guess they’ll just have to not kill in front of you from now on.

Well, moving on from this..

You had made some fake ID’s for them (made by another friend of yours, of course) along with some birth certificates, you just wanted to help them get on their feet again.

That would.. slightly backfire.

No matter what, he became so obsessed with you, he started stalking you, watching you do anything around the house. When you’d turn to see if anyone was watching, no-one was there..

You brushed it off multiple times, but even when you were in the shower, or changing, you felt the same feeling. It was all.. unnerving. You hated it. You wanted it to stop.

But, it continued and continued, and it got to the point where you started asking Andrew if you could sleep with him for the night, to which he immediately accepted; surprising you.

You got into his bed, him pulling the covers over you despite the fact you already had a blanket with you.. but that was fine. You rested your head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around your lower back, pressing you closer to him.

And strangely, it seemed like all of the eyes that were previously watching you were gone. You could finally drift off to sleep, where Ashley would make fun of you both each time, but stopped suddenly after a bit..

But you shrugged it off as she was just bored of the joke now that you have cuddled with Andrew so many times now just for you to feel safer within your own home!

Little did you know that the person you were cuddling with was the one watching you all along..

His fingers threaded through your hair, humming ever so softly. He kissed the crown of your head, your forehead, your cheeks, and then eventually, your lips. You tasted sweet to him, sweet like nothing he’d ever tasted before in contrast to his usual taste of mint and cigarettes within his mouth.

He wanted more of it..

He then continued kissing your lips, now making out with your unconscious body, taking breaks in between to undress you from your nightclothes, underwear, and so forth.

In your sleep, you felt something.. swishing within your mouth. It was warm, tasting everything within your mouth almost, like it was trying to claim it!

You slowly awoke very sadly since you couldn’t get your beauty rest, trying to find the cause, just to see it was Andy. The person you were so close with. You instinctively pushed him away, or tried.

As much as you wanted to- you couldn’t hurt him. What would be everything you went for then? What would Ashley do?? You’d have to live with the guilt of possibly hurting one of your friends.

..is he even your friend anymore?

He took notice of that, opening his eyes instantaneously as he felt your touch. He pulled away for a moment, examining your expression.

The room was silent, the atmosphere was palpable as he turned to an emotionless face. He moved you closer to him.

“Andy!?” You yelped out as your body became tense.

“..Shit— shit, no, fuck, i’m so sorry. This is wrong-“ Andrew pushed himself away, getting up and threading his hands through his hair. His eyes were wide as he realized what he’d done.

“..Andrew, why??..”

“I’m sorry- that was disgusting- I’m sorry!..”

Your facial expression was bewildered, but you eventually just frowned and grabbed his arm (which was shaking.)

“Andrew, you should’ve asked me first so I could’ve consented. Especially if you have some sort of som—“

“Wait!.. how are you so calm?!” You really aren’t.

“..I’m not. But I would’ve just want some more information- some sort of talk about this entire situation before we could do anything.” Caressing his hand, you smiled softly, and he simply just stared at you for at least 5 seconds straight.

Consent talk?

Consent talk!!

He gave a long ass apology for his actions, immediately about to just get up and leave.

But you stopped him to talk further talked about the situation. You talked about what you really wanted.

And if you both were ready.

Even though all of this didn’t happen throughout one entire night, you planned everything out. What you two were going to do.

If you wanted a relationship.

Or just a situationship.

You both decided to test the waters first before deciding that.

You need to get out. Leave.

What are you doing?

Please, go.

He’ll kill you too.

You couldn’t fall asleep after everything that happened, so he ran a bath for you and him, washing you both.

After that though, he dressed you in some more comfortable clothes for the afternoon it seemed despite being early morning now.

He had you sit in his lap, smoking (trying to get you to smoke as well), tending to your wounds.

And that’s when Ashley came to you both later within the morning, groaning.

“Why was there so much noise in the night?.. could barely sleep..”

Safe to say, you gave a.. believable excuse

Wow- theres a lot here! But, I hope you all enjoyed!!

[bewilderedbunny]

Weedman (Eddie x Reader fluff) 18+only!

This was originally going to be smut but I got distracted by the idea of flirting with Eddie while he makes bad jokes. Just over 800 words, no pronouns are used for reader.

Warnings: Lots of drug use talk, reader's mom speaks of food in a negative way, there's a joke about sex work but it isn't at any sex-workers' expense (it's just Eddie being silly) reader is a stressed out college student, I think that's all.

*I also wanted to mention, I did not come up with the joke Eddie makes at the beginning of the phone call, it's just something I've heard around and I'm not sure where it originates from

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Part 2 is here

You had just finished exams for your Junior year of college and you were drained. Normally, you would stay in the city while working for the summer, but this year you decided to take a break and go back home to stay with your family. You had hoped this time off would provide some much-needed relaxation. Speaking of relaxation, you had become a bit of a pothead while away from home. The amount of weight that magic little flower would lift from your shoulders was incredible. You hadn't smoked in high school, but you remembered the local dealer at the time. "Reefer Rick" how could you forget a name like that? Unluckily for you, Rick was picked up last month and wouldn't be out until your break was long over.

You thought this may be for the best. You had been smoking pretty regularly to help alleviate the stress of school, maybe a tolerance break could help reset your nerves. Then that night your mom asked if you were really going to have dessert since you already had a roll with dinner. You realized weed might not be enough to get you through this break. Maybe horse tranquilizers or a lobotomy would do the job.

After dessert, which you savored every bite of, you went to your room and decided to try to find a new supplier. After a few unhelpful phone calls consisting of people reminiscing about high school (how could these people miss hell so much?), you decided to call Robert Swan. He was a friend of a friend who seemed to know just about everything about everyone in Hawkins. Robert let you know that Rick had someone dealing underneath him.

"Huh, I never took Rick for the "management" type."

"Well, he's not exactly running a Burger King but yeah, he's making his way up. Oh my god, did you hear about-"

Robert rambled to you, gossiping about people you couldn't care enough about to remember. After "oh really?" and "no way"-ing your way through the conversation, you got the information for the dealer, thanked Robert, and said goodbye before he could trap you into listening any longer.

You sighed while looking at the paper you had written the dealer's information on. "Eddie Munson" the name was unfamiliar to you.

You dialed the number given to you and after a few rings, a man answered.

"Hawkin's mortuary, you kill 'em, we chill 'em. Would you like to make a reservation?" You took a second to process what he said before realizing the joke.

"Yes, please. Embalming table for two?"

He laughed and sounded embarrassed "Oh shit, I thought you were someone else. Sorry about that. Thanks for playing along."

"No problem. Out of curiosity, who did you think I was?"

"My uncle, he calls me on his lunches at work sometimes to check in, it's fun to mess with him, make him laugh."

"That's sweet he checks on you."

"Yeah, I guess it is." Eddie leaned against the wall twirling the phone cable with his finger.

"Oh, who is this, by the way?"

You tell him your name and how you heard about him.

"Words getting around that I'm the new go-to man, huh? Maybe I should make business cards."

You reply, "What would they say? Eddie Munson: amateur herbalist?"

He laughs and says, "Was thinking: 'Eddie Munson: Dungeon Master, Musician, Weedman, Phone Sex Operator.' Maybe add a drawing of a wizard or a dragon too."

You giggle at his silliness and say, "Don't forget to add mortician to that. How's the phone sex business treating you?"

"Not great, still haven't figured out where my dick goes in the phone." you hold your head in your hands and laugh. He laughs along with you.

You look at the clock, it's already midnight.

"I guess I should ask you about buying since that's the reason I called."

"Oh yeah. Shit, this salesman stuff is hard. How much do you want?"

"What can $50 get me?"

"$50 worth of weed."

You roll your eyes "Sounds like a deal. Can we meet tomorrow? Say 10 am?"

"10 am?! What am I, a doctor?! Who gets up at 10 am during the summer?"

You laugh and say, "Sorry, I didn't think about your beauty sleep. Please forgive me. How about 2 pm?"

"He agrees and gives you his address

"It's a date. Have a goodnight, sweetheart."

"Sweet dreams, Weedman."

Once you hang up the phone, you realize you've been bouncing your leg this entire time. You're unsure if it's from the general nerves or the fact that you've been flirting with a stranger. Was that even flirting or were the two of you just idiots? You think about tracking down your old yearbook to see if he's in there, but decide maybe it'll be better to have the mysterious Weedman's appearance be a surprise.

[osiris-iii-bc]

The thing that should not be [Terzomega One Shot]

I finally made it with a Terzo/Ghoul. What’s your opinion on POV fics? I used to write a lot of it in my past fandoms but here I see rarely this kind of fics. Thank you @van-goghs-smoking-skull for your help 🌹

Genre: slash, explicit, oral sex, sex, Terzo POV, young Terzo, sub Terzo, dom Omega, first time with Omega/a Ghoul.

Pairing: Terzo x Ghoul (Omega)

Rating: Nc17 (explicit but not properly smut)

Words: 2.943

Summary: Terzo is the 20 year old last heir of Papa Nihil and he’s definitely not having fun at his father’s birthday party. Luckily, a big Ghoul is around to save the night…

>>> Wattpad | AO3 | or down here 👇🏻

The first time we met, the big Ghoul and I, was in the hallways of the Ministry, shortly after the new summoning, but there was nothing more than a few distracted glances. I had seen him walking along with the other Ghouls, standing out for his size; their black robes covered every inch of their bodies, including their faces, making them look like nothing more than disturbing moving shadows.

The last time was a few days ago, and besides the looks, there was also the insolence of a mouth that was too big and too dirty to keep a few of their thoughts to themselves. 

It had been a coincidence that I happened to be passing by just in time to hear my name, followed by a somewhat ungentlemanly "I'm surprised none of us has fucked him yet."

The reply was even less gentle, “Just give me some time and my cock will end up deep in that throat.”

It must have been a group of Ghouls, judging by the voices, but from the cloister colonnade, I couldn't see them. A few more steps, and they were all there, gathered, chatting among themselves, some smoking with the cigarette passing under their masks. It was hard to tell who had spoken, but one of them, the tallest and most recognizable of the group, had stared at me a bit too interested while still laughing at what was said, even though it was impossible to imagine his expression under the mask.

I had noted that tone, knowing it would come in handy sooner or later.

Birthday parties are all dramatically the same and all equally boring, especially when it's your father's birthday. Or at least, I'm just in a phase of chronic dissatisfaction, as Copia would say.

Suddenly, a nearby, deep and familiar voice draws me to a small sofa that I only see from the back.

"...and so you're going on tour."

There is a girl with him, but I can't understand what they're talking about. I only catch a few phrases about music, and as I drink, I move a little closer. Just out of curiosity.

"Yes, in a few weeks." I hear him say, almost disinterested. 

"And is there a chance you'll take me in your suitcase?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't think you'd fit."

I almost want to laugh and clench the straw between my lips. I'd like to see the girl's face, but I only see her leave, probably after trying to hide her disappointment with all the self-control that a rejected woman can muster.

"You really know how to disappoint a woman." I say out of honesty, because I would have expected anything from him except for him to turn down someone like her.

He shrugs, not even surprised to see me there.

"If I listened to all those who flirt with me, I'd probably have little monsters scattered all over the world, which has probably already happened."

I raise an eyebrow, feeling my head a bit heavy for the few drinks I had. For now, it's still a nice feeling, but I've never been able to stop in time to leave it that way. Somehow, it's as if I need to create a balance just for the sake of destroying it with my own hands.

"I understand."

"Do you?"

I shrug, while I feel him watching my lips tighten around the straw.

I hear Sister Imperator calling me, and we both turn to her. "I think I have to go."

"You'll stay here, later?" That isn't really a question. It's an invitation, if not an order, and I quickly decide that I really like his orders tonight. "I'll make up for that incident in the cloister."

"See you later, then." I tell him as I boldly clench the straw of a now-empty cocktail between my teeth and move toward who I have always called mother.

After a night spent watching the others participate in the party, drinking and staring at the tips of my shoes as if in a catechism lesson, even the prospect of starting a conversation with Primo about his passion for succulents would seem interesting to me. Fortunately, my first brother doesn't have enough time to waste on me, so Copia approaches me, a cigarette between his lips and the rest of the pack still in his hand.

"Want something to drink?" he yells in my ear, as if the loud music gives him the right to think I've gone deaf.

"Do I look like someone who needs a drink?"

He nods convincingly. "Absolutely!"

"Then I'll go get it myself, at least it'll get me moving a bit. It's a real pain in the ass here."

"I haven’t seen you having fun lately!" He rolls his eyes before muttering something to himself, probably about what a creepy presence I am in his life. I hope that with alcohol around there's some action at least.

There isn't, or at least I don't get to know about it, as someone far more interesting than a drink blocks my way.

"Are you having fun?" 

The first time we saw each other, I must have had a really strange expression. It must have been at least five years ago and it was the first time I ever saw a real demon so close, but he hasn't changed at all, and I'm almost curious to know how he sees me now. Not that I expect him to understand concepts like age and physical change.

"Yes, yes."

"Shall we find a quieter spot, what do you think?"

I don't have the clarity to say no, and with a bit of luck, maybe I won't even remember it later.

I've seen him drink continuously during the party, but he seems as clear-headed as if what he's been drinking was fresh water. Either he holds his liquor well, or he knows how to mask it. Or maybe he's not a twenty-year-old jerk who collapses like an idiot after the third glass and makes a spectacle of his worst self.

I nod with a head that's a bit too heavy, then gesture for him to lead the way, only to stop him soon after.

"Wait a moment." I tell him, and I move away, looking for Copia.

When I find him, I only whisper, "Don't look for me… I'll be back in a while." making sure no one else overhears. He looks at me as if to say 'don't mess things up' - the way I have noticed everybody has started to look at me lately, as if they were ready to bet on me causing new trouble every step I take - and then reluctantly nods. I bite my lip, and the Ghoul takes his time to scrutinize me from head to toe as I approach him again.

When I don't want to feel utterly miserable, I seek refuge in Copia's reassurance. I revert to feeling at least ten years younger, shedding the darkness that has accumulated in recent years, especially when the hassle of being the last Papa's heir began to manifest. You need to start building your reputation very early, and I'm not exactly inclined to miss the fun of my youth for something that will likely happen in twenty or thirty years from now.

In all probability, later tonight or tomorrow I'll rest my head on Copia's shoulder, having him telling me that I'm a dickhead but that's ok, that the way to equanimity is a long and hard one, and I'll believe him.

The Ghoul raises a champagne bottle toward me, then hands me a glass as we sit on the secluded couches.

"To make it up to you." he explains, filling my glass like a seasoned gentleman. There's nothing to make up for, I'd tell him if I had the necessary courage, if you want, I can blow you right here.

We spend some time with a few words and many glasses that empty too easily, my stomach flaring up unsure if for the alcohol or who knows what else.

As I drink, I dare to throw a few interested glances at him, running my eyes up and down his frame, catching any relevant detail, even if it's hard to find them in a figure so covered up like his. The rings on his fingers, the shape of his shoulders, how he tilts his head when laughing… Anything can help me understand why him. And he does the same.

He talks about what he does, the music he likes to play, and worlds I've never seen.

Maybe I'll take you there. It always seems like he's about to say. Maybe we'll just stay there. Or maybe it's just me who wants to hear it from him.

I listen to him, barely hearing his deep voice, muffled by the mask he wears, and the party becomes just a confused cloud of lights and distant voices.

The mask is a testament to his past, his condition as a demon bent to the laws of a world not his own. Esoteric symbols stand out on his uniform; I focus on one of them, Omega. I decide on the spot to call him that from now on, aware that in the absence of an identity, everyone must have given him a different name.

How important it is for us humans to name everything. Perhaps that's our problem.

Omega, a guest who can't stay in his place and also the only one who manages to distract me.

We find ourselves drinking straight from the bottle, and I understand less than half of the things he tells me, but it seems to be okay with him. However, I can feel his hands lightly touching me while talking, so discreet that it surprises me. His are distracted caresses barely hinted at, words that say without saying, and I, who speak that language, immediately think of making it clear to him.

"Let's go to the bathroom?"

And I don't know if it's me or him who says it, but the fact is I get up, and he follows me.

Once inside, I let out a deep sigh that actually has nothing of the malice it seems. My ears already relax due to the newfound silence.

"I have to say you saved me from a boring night."

"You too."

I look at him through the mirror, and he does the same, at a comfortable distance from me.

"Really? Wasn't there anything more valuable than my company?"

He shrugs, then approaches, casting a glance at the door.

"It depends on how the evening might end..." he says with a very calm tone, getting closer until he's right behind me, but he doesn't touch me.

I almost want to laugh, but I let it stay just a little smile and I leave him there to enter one of the cabins and wait.

It doesn't take long before he follows me. He tries to enter, but he holds himself against the doorframe and dares to stretch only his head.

"Is there room for me too?"

I look away, tilting my head and shrugging, leaving it up to him to find out. And he does.

Perhaps my Ghoul doesn't like to give empty words, so he strokes my neck in a way I already know, and there's no need to even apply pressure for me to slowly slide down the wall to end up on my knees in front of him, putting into practice what he has fantasized about with his friends.

Too bad that this time there are no witnesses to prove how true to his word he is.

When he takes it out, I reluctantly admit that what they say about the Ghouls is indeed true. Me, a mere human, must accept and accommodate Mother Nature's wishes.

While I admire him, an involuntary "damn" escapes me, to which he responds with an avoidable "seems so.", but I decide to smile anyway. And then I begin.

I partly watch him and partly keep my eyes closed, relishing the weary satisfaction that comes from having the power to grip a man - human or not, as they apparently work the same - just by slipping into his underwear.

At some point, he stops me, and I understand that he wants to get serious; I stand up, and he immediately seizes my hips with those huge, hot hands. I've always thought of myself as not being a good catch for a woman, let alone a man, from this perspective... I have slender hands and long fingers, which I happen to know many appreciate, but they are minuscule in comparison to his; he probably doesn't even feel my touch.

From the way he's gripping me, it really seems like my entire body can fit completely between his hands.

He turns me around with expertise, and I let him.

I have too many thoughts in my head to properly think about how to move for him. Thoughts that I really shouldn't have in a situation like this, but I also know that this thing won't empty me at all; rather, it will fill my head even more than it already is.

As I gasp against the icy wall, I feel his face in my hair and his breath on my neck, escaping the mask he still has on.

"I like it like this."

Me too, sometimes.

I want to think about what a better person I could be, but instead, I let myself get screwed in a restroom by a Ghoul without saying a word, looking at the white tiles faintly mirroring my panting face while I moan and bite on the sleeve of my habit that still covers me, but not enough to grant me a decency I never really had. He has already said enough about me, and I remained silent even then. Maybe I deserved it. Sure I do.

When he thrusts, I feel it perfectly, almost too much. I feel it so much that I open my eyes wide and gasp, scratch the wall, and stiffen in a way that must amuse him. He grins in my hair and doesn't stop. Thank you.

At this point, I don't even know if this is actually his way to make amends, or if he has forgotten it along with the tenth glass he downed and changed his plans in the meantime.

In the following minutes, there are no words, and I'm grateful for that. I don't understand where one can find the strength to talk in a moment like this, when all you feel is your skin burning with flames that are only yours, and every breath seems like it's never enough.

Then it's just a warm breath on the skin, and what seems like a caress on my hips that now belong to him. At least for a while. Then I can't help but bend over in a way he doesn't seem to appreciate, or maybe he only takes it as a chance to pull my hair and tilt my head back, almost resting it on his shoulder, before pressing my chest back against the wall.

That's how I come, with one hand around my throat and the other resting on my hip, feeling my legs tremble and losing their strength as his thrusts get faster and stronger; I slide my tongue on my lip, hungrily savoring what's left of his flavor and all I can think of is how proud Asmodeus must be of me, while I ignore all the Clergy’s advice by letting those last drops of pleasure shake me and the voice dies in my throat in that last groan, while everything seems to turn white for a couple of seconds.

He holds me, saying nothing, with his huge hand holding himself on the wall, near my head, and the other firmly on my chest, pressing my back against him, and I can't say if that's a caring gesture or he just doesn't want me to fall on his feet.

I take my pack of Marlboros from my pants, which I've just put on, covered by my cassock, with hands still trembling a bit.

"Wanna smoke?" I ask, offering him one while I already have one between my lips.

"Nah." he mutters, as he gets dressed as well, as far as pulling up the zipper of his pants can mean "getting dressed."

I lean against the wall while he takes his time to straighten every fold in his Ghoul uniform, and I have strange thoughts.

"I was thinking about where we shouldn't be."

"Oh, yeah?" he asks, not at all impressed.

"What we shouldn't have done..."

Encounters between humans and hellish creatures are not forbidden, but highly discouraged. Nobody can say what the true intentions of an entity born and raised in Hell may be, and it's always dangerous to form that kind of bond with subordinates, especially ones who don't feel feelings in the same way as humans. It is something to play with carefully.

"I only think about what we shouldn't be and we'll never be, so don't get ahead of yourself."

I shrug, also unimpressed. The cigarette is still unlit, and I don't think I'll smoke it.

"So disappointing is really your specialty." I joke, approaching him in this bathroom that now seems too big. I offer it to him, and he looks at it a bit strangely. "But keep this one." I tell him, and I like to think he's smiling under the mask. The fact is that he accepts it.

You keep it, so next time, I'll come back to get it. 

And we'll smoke it together.

[upsidedownmvnson]

I have a request reader is dating Jason and Eddie gets super jealous and heartbroken

warning: ooc eddie gets really mean :(

"Jason Carver?" your best friend repeated, staring at you like he expected you to laugh, or say April fools, or say literally anything other than the truth: Jason had asked you on a date and you had accepted.

"Well, it's not like I get a lot of offers," you said, shrinking under Eddie's scrutinizing gaze. It felt like hate, the way his eyes dug into you.

"Nothing, would be better than... than him."

"Speak for yourself," you said, waving your hand, trying to brush this conversation aside, but you should've known better. He was stubborn.

You watched him quietly, Eddie looked... different. You'd rarely ever seen him like this, fists clenched, jaw tensed, expression laced with something you'd never seen. It looked like agony, maybe anger.

"This is bullshit," he said finally, looking at you like you were a ghost. Like you'd never met. "He's gunna fuck you," Eddie approached, finger cocked like a gun, aimed at your heart. "And then leave you. And tell all his little friends how the innocent little nobody is a secret freak herself."

"I-I'm not..." you were stunned by his words, stuttering under his harsh look and retreating, but you found yourself cornered against the wall.

Eddie kept walking, stopping when the tip of his finger touched over your heart, and then he made a explosion sound effect and pulled the trigger on his finger gun. He dropped his hand and looked at you, and you were close enough to see the slight downturn of his lips. But you couldn't ask about it, you were frozen. As if you'd turned to stone.

"Is he really what you want?" Eddie was pleading, but for what?

"Eddie, I'm just lonely."

He looked at you for a minute longer, brows furrowed, but then stepped away, pulling a joint from his wallet and sticking it between his teeth. He lit it, taking a draw. Neither one of you moved, neither spoke.

"Don't come crawling back to me when he hands you a ten and says thanks for a good time."

And that was the last of it, you pushed your way passed him and ran to your bike, grabbing it on the way by to escape as fast as possible.

Eddie watched you go and felt an ache in his heart. He'd hurt you intentionally. And he was an asshole for that, he knew that. But you were an asshole for going on a date with someone who wasn't Eddie. You two were perfect for each other, why didn't you see that? Sure, Eddie'd never asked you or anything, but he thought you knew. Maybe that's why it hurt so bad, Eddie thought you knew how much he loved you and instead you're going with Jason.

Eddie put his joint out, and stomped into the trailer. Nothing sounded like fun right now. He didn't even want the stereo on.

No, instead Eddie crawled between his sheets, laying under the blanket to think about what he'd done. Maybe he should've just told you the truth.

Eddie sighed, closing his eyes shut and trying to rid himself of the imagine of you and Carver together.

But he couldn't.

You and Jason together in a hundred different way played on Eddie's mind for hours, binging him to tears. He smoked himself to sleep, but even his dreams were filled with you.

But you with him.

Really, it was a nightmare.

[smokescreenimusprime]

Hi hi! I’ve been reading your smokescreen stuff and I had a thought. Specifically, a thought for a sort of, alternate version of the early crash AU. Smokescreen crashes early, but he crashes in the middle of nowhere and is damaged. He goes into stasis for a while, and when he wakes up the only system he can use is his holoprpjector. (He’s also stuck, buried deep underground in the middle of the Nevada desert, so that’s no fun either)

But he has his holoprpjector, and spends the next several decades just…vibing around Jasper. Then, he meets Jack. And they’re roughly the same age, so they hit it off. (Tho Smokes always has to explain why he doesn’t eat, or drink, or seemingly use the bathroom, and all kinds of other fun excuses to keep Jack off his trail). But then the Kids get involved with Team Prime, and suddenly Smokescreen is being confronted with Cybertronians for the first time in decades (possibly even for the first time in centuries).

And now he just has to figure out how to tell the bots what his deal is. (He doesn’t like being buried and may or may not have developed an intense claustrophobia.)

OOOOOOOOOOOO I REALLY LIKE THAT 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

I hope you don't mind but my brain went kinda insane with this thought and low key came up with a mini fic plan for it so-

just. Smokescreen slowly fitting into the little human society built above him. Going to their schools, working their jobs, living their lives. Maybe the first few times he lives the lives, he isn't perfect. He'll slip up and forget certain details about himself, or he'll be a bit too fast or strong and in such a small town rumours spread quickly

In his first lifetime as a human, Smokescreen kept to himself. He acted the way he always did, but kept to himself and watched from afar to learn more about humanity. He enrolled himself at Jasper High, got a job, bought a small apartment to call his own and did his best to ignore the pointed rumours and whispers from behind his back. For as amazing as humans could be, at times they could be just as cruel as the bots back home

it's a lot of stumbling and learning and making mistakes and he doesn't have any friends, but it's a step up to being alone in the quiet dark of his stasis pod, so he'll take it. He lives through his human's life, working, creating, starting hobbies, and so much more. The freedom to do things just for the sake of doing, of being allowed to pursue any job he chose without legal limitations, of being able to draw and paint and sing without countless rules and segregations preventing him....... it's freeing in a way he didn't know he'd been restricted

his 2nd life went much smoother, with a lot of the Nuances Of Being Human having been figured out. He had some difficulties "faking" his death since driving off into the desert with all his belongings then returning in the same vehicle with the same belongings would raise more rumours than he'd like to deal with, so he ends up packing all his important things and trinkets into boxes, gets a moving company to take them away, "dies" (he just messes with the settings on his holoform and waits for his body to be buried/cremated before dissipating it), moves in a few weeks later with a new identity and has the same moving company bring his stuff back

his 3rd life was more of the same, and not a whole lot stood out. He socialised better with other humans, but most of the bonds had had were kept at a bit of a distance. The fact he couldn't go super far from Jasper severely limited his hang out options since it's not exactly the entertainment capital of the world, but he makes do

his 4th life was actually cut short, which he's endlessly salty about. He managed to make it to his late 20s/early 30s, and this time around he wanted to experiment a bit. Specifically, he wanted to try street racing. Human cars were really starting to get interesting, and he wanted in. It had been far too long since he last raced, and while he wasn't going to be the one on the road, being behind the wheel was the next best thing. And he's damn good driver too, one of the best in the circuits around Jasper, and he dominates the local races for years

........but yeah it doesn't go so well in the end. Smokescreen's avatar ends up getting into an accident, one that he'd definitely not be able to get away with survival and ends up having to cut things short. It was a mad scramble in the next few days to get his stuff somewhere safe, and he unfortunately wasn't able to get all of it. It took him almost three months to cool off enough to make another human. It's was..... definitely difficult recognising so many people with them not recognising him, but he managed

but then something interesting happens nearing the end of his 5th life

Smokescreen had gotten some new neighbours. That in itself wasn't anything new, he got new neighbours all the time. They were a young couple freshly married and nothing that really garnered extra attention. Smokescreen did end up running into the wife at the grocery store a few times, and that's how he ends up learning her name

June Darby

he sees her around a few more times and they make pleasant conversation. At times, Smokescreen thinks they might even be friends, but he's hesitant to put a label on it It's been so long since he's had a friend, he doesn't want to scare her off

and things are nice. They talk over coffee and walk through the park together, enjoying each other's company. June tells him about her life and Smokescreen tells her about his human one. They have fun, laugh, make jokes, and when June gets pregnant Smokescreen is ecstatic to meet the kid

but then...... then things took a turn for the worst

Smokescreen had never liked Mr.Darby. He had his suspicions, had his gut feelings, but never had anything other than that to go off of. He doesn't even know what about the man made him feel so uneasy, just that something about him, about how June would take every opportunity to get out of the house, about how she always looked so tired in a way medical school couldn't explain.......

everything comes crashing down one night. At 11pm he hears yelling outside his house and frantic banging on his door. He's on his feet in an instant, and he's horrified what he sees

June, crying and shaking with a bruise on her cheek and Mr.Darby trying to drag her away

in that moment, Smokescreen forgets he's supposed to be a frail old man and punches him so hard the man's jaw shatters

June spends the night with him. He gently guides her to the guest room and keeps watch all night. Sleep was simply a formality at this point, one he was more than willing to forgo for her safety

it was easy enough to get Mr.Darby to back off. Smokescreen had accumulated quite the fortune over the (technical) generations he's lived on Earth, especially since the food and water bills he paid amounted to almost nothing, and it was more than enough to pay for any legal fees to get the man arrested and evicted. June was of course still very shaken up from the whole ordeal, but Smokescreen doesn't hesitate to let her know she's welcome for as long as she'd like

and then June just kinda...... never ends up moving out. The trial kept her on edge and busy, then she had to get caught up on all the schooling she missed, then Jack was born, and while she always intended to move back it just...... never happened. And it wasn't like this was a bad thing, Smokescreen's home was more enough for the three of them, and neither minded being roommates. It was...... honestly comforting, having someone there

but Smokescreen knows he's running out of time. That he's only going to be able to realistically be around for so long before his age will start to draw attention, and as much as it kills him to abandon June and Jack he doesn't know what to do

so he stats planning for his next life, more than he has for every previous one combined, and for the first time, he decided to tie these two lives together

before, he always avoided any relations at all. It could become suspicious and lead to people poking their noses where they don't belong and asking questions he wasn't prepared to deal with. But….. he couldn't stand the thought of being forced to watch June and Jack from the sidelines. Of them not knowing him in his next life

it had been a few years since everything had gone down when Smokescreen finally puts his plan into action. The plan had been to tell June he needed to take care of some “Family Business” he’d thought was taken care of before his time ran out. That he wasn’t sure if he’d be back, he could feel that he was running out of time, but that no matter what he loved June and Jack

Jack was 7 years old when he said goodbye, and that memory would be burnt into his brain for the rest of his life. How Jack clung to his pant leg asking him not to go, how June's eyes got so big and shiny and how her hands would shake. It tore his spark to pieces to see them like that, and it just convinced him further

he left almost everything he had to the two of them. Aside from a small box of his most personal and important things, he left everything else to June in his “will,” including the house and all his money, which she at first tried to reject but Smokescreen was stubborn and insisted

And then he gets in his car with a tank full of gas and drives far off into the desert

it takes 3 weeks before he comes back, and it was the longest 3 weeks of his life. He wanted to rush back, wanted to be with June and Jack again and he was worrying himself sick over what could be happening to them, but he forced himself to wait

In his 6th life, Smokescreen is the most honest with himself he’d ever been since his 1st life. His holoform is what he thinks is comfortable and he makes himself as young as he can get away with (a newly 15 year old) because he wants as much time as possible with the two. His personality is who he truly is without any politeness or experimentation because above everything he wants to be as open and honest as he can with these two. He starts thinking of ways to describe his life, his Cybertronian life, in a way that would fit as a human because he wants them to know him, not a puppet he created

When he shows up in Jasper things…… go as he expected. Driving up in his “old” car definitely got some whispers and June’s suspicion was almost painful, but well within everything he planned. Smokescreen was ready to play the long game for this, anything it took to be a part of their lives again

he claims to be his previous life's great-nephew. That one of his grandparents and his old life used to be siblings, but had a falling out leading to his old life moving to Jasper and cutting all contact. A few weeks ago, Smokescreen had reached out to his "great-uncle" since things with his own parents weren't....... going super great and his grand-uncle was really the only family he felt would be sympathetic. However he over estimated just how much his grand uncle was willing to do for someone he didn't even really know, leading to him recommending Jasper as a place to stay and driving all the way to where he lived to give him his car

he also mentions that his grand uncle had talked about June a lot in the days before he died, and he could tell he really loved her (not in a romantic way). He'd already said his "last goodbyes" weeks ago, and while he did make sure they knew how much he cared...... he still feels like he hadn't said enough

after things slightly calm down after that, Smokescreen then gets ready to leave. After all, he's still technically a stranger to them and he's already accomplished his goal of making contact....... but then June insists he stay the night. After all, he's a 15 year old and she can't in good faith let him sleep in his car when she has a perfectly good bed available

reluctantly he accepts, but makes it clear he's going to make plans to move elsewhere. After all, this is June's home now and he doesn't want to intrude

.......but just like when he first took June in, his moving out never happens. He ends up being enrolled in school, babysits Jack when June's shifts run longer, help prepare food and before he knows it, they've become a family once again

a few years later when June asks if he'd like her to adopt him he nearly cries

from here, my thoughts are a bit more scattered. I have a couple misc ideas which I'm not fully sure how to go about but want to include somehow:

after he graduates this time, Smokescreen ends up working at the library for both a change of pace and some nostalgia, and he's really good at it

when Smokescreen left his 5th life, he gave Jack a little pendant he'd made some years back with Alpha Trion's symbol on it. Sort of a way to remember him by, and Jack rarely takes it off. It's eventually noticed by the Bots which sparks a bit of curiosity about Jack's older brother

Smokey is just as much in the dark about the Autobots as June is, however he'd had suspicions for it longer. Not specifically Cybertronian Interference, but defiantly that there was something going on

during the whole MECH Thing, Smokey ends up getting kidnapped in the house. However, things don't go as planned because Smokey isn't at all limited by normal human limitations. Initially they tried drugging him and knocking him out, but he only goes down when they hit him with a high powered taser which ends up REALLY fucking with his holoform which unfortunately gets their attention

the Autobot Base is thankfully just within Smokescreen's range, and he looses his SHIT. Unfortunately they can't free him just yet on account of the whole ass town on top of him, but the fact multiple someones know he's down there...... yeah he starts crying a bit

during the S2 finale, Smokescreen ends up being the one to stay behind in the base since..... well, he couldn't leave anyways. Might as well make sure everyone else can escape

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

They gave us three hours for the exam and I finished in 25 minutes. And they definitely hate us there because we couldn't leave early if we finished early. SO. I had some spooky gays thoughts today amongst my book reading and napping. There's like one suggestive line here

— in my one fic, Virgil walks with a cane due to a disability. Because of the time period it is set and the fact everyone is a Snooty Prissy Ass Noble, he's not very popular amongst his peers. Except Remus. Remus is head over heels for him. And Remus is also considered weird amongst the aristocracy so they take comfort in each other. I lovems them. They'll sit on a bench in the corner of a garden party and Remus will info-dump about every bug that they see and Virgil's anxiety will melt away for once. Love that for them

— incubus Virgil would draw seraphim Remus into a kiss with just a suggestion. Like a "hey do you think Sky Daddy has rules for you guys? Wanna test it?" and Remus isn't sure at first but Virgil even volunteers to tell Heaven that he just surprised Remus with it and it wasn't Remus' fault (a total lie, it is very consensual, Virgil would just take the metaphorical bullet for them despite his pathological fear of actually seeing Head Honcho Angels). Anyway Remus likes the kiss way more than they should and Heaven doesn't seem to mind so cue Remus learning about other things the human body can do (up for interpretation)

— spooky gays gimme that "I'm just a teenage dirtbag babyyy" trend vibes. The sneaking out and smoking and drinking and little accounts of vandalism and just poor teenage choices that, while possibly cringe later on, are just the light of their lives in the moment and it makes life a bit more worth living. Definitely their vibes. Also fun fact I've never heard that song in its entirety.

— 👑

25 minutes good lord 👑 Anon that's a speedrun but Y E S Y E S Y E S to A L L of this!!! First thing's first Cane user!Vee underrated and D E L I C I O U S and them sitting on a bench in a garden as Ree info-dumps about bugs is S O fucking cute and something I N E E D S O fucking badly!!! Second cackling at "Sky Daddy" and the fact that Ree has a lot to learn XD Lastly Y E S they are the alt delinquents who don't give a fuck but having a good time with each other <3

[reversedumbrella]

hello and happy birthday!! I wanted to thank you for your art, your comics always make me smile anytime I see them and I really love how expressive the faces you draw are! Your demon OC's are also very cool looking... would you like to tell something about them? do you make these for some story or just for fun? 👀

Hope you have a good day.. or night!

thank you!!

my demon oc's are just for fun! they belong to a series of stories "demonicismos" which i don't plan on ever writting. sometimes i don't even remember their stories! i always find myself revising these characters and changing stuff about them and how their world works. i haven't got the opportunity to infodump about these uys in years (actually counting for how long some of them have been around is making me sick)

im going to talk a lot about them. like. A LOT

checking the demonicismos tag on my blog led me to discover i have never really posted much about them, despite the fact that i made charater charts in 2020 or something (unavailable to me atm. most drawings of these characters are away from me rn)

nowadays i don't really care much about them. i've thought about doing a digital card game with them like south park: phone destroyer (yes i used to be into south park. im not ashamed of it. im using this example bc i really liked how a kid could only ever be in the battle field one side at the time. if your opponent played character A and you also had that one, you had to wait until they opponent's died. i also thought about playing around with character dinamics. if a character saw someone they hated join their team, they'd join the enemy team and vice-versa. i got distracted so i never started programming it)

currently im mostly trying to redesign the characters as an exercise for myself. these were the original concepts for egil (pink), marcel (orange/red) and antonio (yellow), versus more recently (i am unhappy in regards to marcel and antonio)

Design Rules

my ideas have changed over time and with them how characters should look. first there weren't any rules, i just drew whatever. then i choose that every demon should have horns and a tail even in human form - it would be a reminder of what they lost. they'd never be human again. then i went back and forth on how much demons could change their shape. it ended with all demons having a human form and a demon form, with some having specific shapeshifting habilities but always with horns and a tail (egil can stretch his limbs but mostly does so in order to be the tallest guy in the room) my last rule, added for this exercise, is that all demons always have their human face. the idea came from that undertale quote - "despite everything its still you" no matter what you do its still you. the good. the bad. you. demons can blame their behaviour on the "corruptive nature of hell" but its them

Basic Lore

i debated myself over wheter or not i'd talk indept about worldbuilding lore, which would triple this post's size. let's go through the basics. people die and become demons in hell. hell is divided into numbered layers and where someone goes after they die is judged according to the motto "nobody deserves to suffer". people that actively stopped others from suffering go to layer 1 and people that found joy in other's suffering go to 9. a demon belongs to a layer but can go to the ones below it, but not above (demons from 5 can go to 6,7,8,9 but not 4,3,2,1). demons are souls, and their physical bodies are made of mud transformed by that soul. i was inspired by some papers i read on witchcraft. demons couldn't manifets physical bodies so they'd trick people with smoke, gases and dust in the air a demon can only have one body at a time. if their arm is cut off 1) they reattach it or 2) a new one grows at the same pace the other turns back into mud. if the entire body is destroyed they reform from the mud in ground demons dont need to eat or sleep but feel hunger and sleepyness. hell is a punishement for their behaviour so layer 1 is ok, layer 9 is... not. money is also a thing. because this is hell

demons have powers based on personality and character flaws

a demon's size is based on their strength - how big their soul is - but their human form is the size of their human alive self. there are 3 ways for a soul to grow. 1) feel strong emotions, then rest and absorve those emotions. its important to rest. 2) cannibalism. eating other demons body part will give that part's strength 3) deals. a demon can share their power. deals are fast but demand consent. cannibalism is slow but nobody can stop it

Finally talking about the Characters

i don't remember very well the first story i made. it was about a boy that had another boy living in his head. and the boy in his head was really angry because he couldn't do anything and when he got extra angry things started to burn and melt around them

miguel (or michael or any other version of this name)... actually i just remembered i wanted to do this guy's story

Egil. his original design was based off angel dust from the hazbin hotel pilot and i don't think he has changed that much.

those blue branches on his head are the guy who killed him. there are ways to permanetly end a demon and after egil did that, the dude fused into his head. the pink arms and legs are rubber gloves/boots. he's a biologist, specialized in genetics. his house/layer is full of vats filled with unnatural stuff growing in there. he doesn't have friends, he's prone to anger and always has to be the smartest person in a room - this goes with his tendency to always be the tallest person in a room. his shapeshifting powers come from his unhappines with himself and inferiority complex. he used to love biology but now tries to gain knowledge just so he can know more than the people around him. he gets angry easily so he's an unpleasant person to be around so he doesn't have any friends so he convinces himself he doesn't need anyone and i hope im making sense here

antonio and marcel. father and son. marcel my baby. you deserve a redesign more than anything

back when the stories where set in an alternative earth with history similar to ours, antonio was an italian american. now i don't know. he went around killing fascists and made immortality magic so strong one of those "get rid of you permanetly" things just sent him to hell and is now lodge in his heart. he can remove the sword and use it as a weapon but his beating human heart is there and removing it will kill him permanently (unless you put the sword through another heart) in hell he had time to think and understood that he was only killing fascists to saciate his bloodthirst on people he deemed deserving of death. the true way of ending fascism is with good infrastructure and school system. killing fascists became an hobby

marcel... my sweet son marcel that deserves better colors. rules don't apply to him he can do whatever he wants and i'd let him. technically a cannibal

quick sketch of the sisters. i don't rememeber their names. i dont even remember if they had names. based on a bird and on a pupper/spider. cannibal vs deals

they're both very manipulative. the bird one, the older sister, always got the upper hand at home so the spider one let out her frustrations by manipulating and controlling people. the bird one can turn people to birds and control them if they hear her play her harp. this counts as cannibalism (slow and no consent needed). the spider one manipulates weaker demons into bellonging to her by deals. in their story they end up fighting each other as they scream their frustrations, coming to the conclusion that everything is their mother's fault (wrong)

barbara and barbara, one is based off a carnivorous plant and the other a bear

i had never thought of them as friends until i started the redesigns but now i kinda like the idea. they're both cannibals with my favourite being the plant one. in this drawing she's missing teeth on those big green jaws. she closes them with some guy inside and digests him

i have so many more characters but i've also been writting this the whole afternoon

[oswaldthatendswald]

Hello,

fanfic writer ask game : ❤️🎁🎨

Oh, that's a really good trio of questions! Excellent theming!

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

There's a few lines that have really stuck with me. Law's description of anger in chapter 2 of Somewhere to be Safe, the prose about Rocinante's self-image in chapter 7 of No Other Life but to Sail the Salt Sea, and Doflamingo's reaction to seeing Rocinante in Who is the Lamb and Who is the Knife all stand out, for sure. But my favourite line is from chapter 9 of Somewhere to be Safe, from Rocinante's perspective:

"Rocinante would never have asked for any of this. It would have felt like an imposition on a world that had permitted him to survive childhood. And yet, here it is, and suddenly, it feels like it would have been a terrible shame to miss it all."

(I know it's three lines. The context is important, though!) On a technical level, it might not be my best work, but emotionally, it still hits me like a truck every time.

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

I'm working on a few things right now-- three oneshots and two multichapters (this is a bad idea do not do this)-- but I'll share a bit from the beginning of the next multichapter in the Cora Lives AU:

"Cora and the captain are standing together in the control room, speaking in quiet voices, Cora's head ducked down to listen to Law. Bepo, at his maps, giving directions to Clione at the helm, pauses for a moment to watch them. Law put a hard limit on how many cigarettes Cora could smoke two days ago (and hid his extra packs, to make sure he couldn't cheat) and since, Cora has been picking at his nails, leaving the black polish chipped. Maybe, Bepo thinks, something bad has happened, and Cora and Law are just trying to figure out how to tell everyone."

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

I think Cora's bounty poster from First Bounty is the obvious answer; I'm not much of an artist, but I had a very vivid image in my head when I wrote it and I put a lot more effort into describing it than I usually do. The secret bonus answer is Law and Cora in You Must Love Someone, because I am such a sucker for wingfics and people who can draw wings impress me so much!

Thank you very much for the ask! It was fun to answer!

[gaybananabread]

For AugTickleTober: perhaps 25, with Luz as the lee and Amity as the ler?

I got into a huge Lee mood writing this, so I'm gonna go die now. Enjoy!

I'M DONE WITH TICKLETOBER LET'S GOOOOOO

Lee: Luz

Ler: Amity

Summary: Luz has been pushing Amity's buttons, so she presses buttons of her own.

Warnings: none! This is a tickle fic, so if you don't like that, scroll away!

"Heeeey Amity~" Luz had been messing with Amity all morning. Normally, she wouldn't have a problem with it, but Titan, today was bad. She "borrowed" an abomination and tried to make it into a suit for "ultimate hugs". She just got abonimation goo everywhere.

She stole a few books to make a training course, but a misplaced fire glyf ended with a lot of water and smoke. She apologized, but started to sing-song her name every ten minutes.

Amity was up to here with her.

"Aaaaaamityy~" She snapped her book shut, summoning an abomination about as big as Luz. Getting the message, Luz tried tried run, but the abomination grabbed her and held her still.

"You have been bugging me all day. I've tried asking, but you won't tell me. I've tried reasoning, ignoring, bargaining, everything! Now, it's time for me to push your buttons." She poked Luz in the belly, and the human understood.

"W-wait! Amity! I'm sorry, won't do it again, promise!" If Amity didn't know better, she might've let her go. But she did. She knew she liked it, and she knew Luz wouldn't stop. "Yeah, no."

Ten wiggly fingers descended on her torso, and she burst out laughing, not even trying to hold back. Luz tried to squirm, but the purple goo held her firmly in place. "AHAHAHAMITY!" She decided she was gonna be mean. "Luuuuuuz!"

She moved to Luz's sides, poking the left one with just one finger. "Hey Luz, is this side ticklish?" She giggled, nodding. The. She went to the right side. "What about this one?" Luz kept giggling, hiding her face. "They're both ticklish? Well, guess I gotta tickle them both! Don't want one to feel left out."

She started squeasing along both sides, drawing more happy laughter from Luz. She had given up on escaping, just sitting there and taking it. Honestly, she had been trying to get her girlfriend to do this all day. Might as well enjoy it to the fullest.

"You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you enjoy this. Do you, Luz?" She squeaked, dissolving into more happy laughter as she went back to squeasing her sides. "Come on, I need you to speak clearly."

Luz shook her head wildly. "IHIHI CAHAHAN'T! YOU'RE TIHIHICKLING MEHEHE!" Amity tsk-ed. "Excuses. If you don't answer me, I'm going going your ribs." Luz's face went bright red. Her ribs were her death spot, and knew that Amity would 100% keep her word.

"YEHEHES!" Amity sent her a smirk. "Yes what?" Luz groaned. "IHIHI- BAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAMITY!" Two hands were clawing at her ribs, vibrating between every bone, sending ticklish shocks throughout Luz's entire body. "You took too long. I got bored."

The constant change in feeling on her ribs was torturous. She couldn't decide if she loved or hated it. Tugging and thrashing, she tried again to escape her goopy prison. She failed miserably.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA! NOHOHOHO!" Amity shrugged. "I guess incould stop. But only if you say 'I'm adorable and love being tickled'." It was extremely unrealistic, but would be fun to watch her try.

"IHIHI'M ADOHOHORABLE AHAND- GAH! AHAHAHA!" Amity had sent some of the abomination goo up to her armpits, willing it to wiggle around and tickle her. If they didn't do this so often, she wouldn't have done that much. But they had, and it took a lot to properly tire Luz out.

"NOHOHO FAHAIR! CHEHEHEATER!" She let out a  drama-tized gasp. "A cheater! If I'm a cheater, than I might NEVER stop tickling you! No matter how many times you say it!" Luz could barely think straight, and talking with her brain was almost impossible.

"NOHOHO! NOHOHO MOHORE TIHICKLES!" She could see that Luz was reaching her limit. She went back down to her belly, only using one hand. Luz was still giggling up a storm, but it was enough to let her speak.

"Ihihi'm ahahadorable and lohohove- ahaha! Lohove beheheing tihihickled!" Amity stopped as soon as she finished the phrase, releasing her from the goo. She was slowly lowered to the ground, giggling the whole way down. Amity went over and hugged her, rubbing at her torso, trying to numb the ghost tickles.

"Next time, just ask. I wouldn't have been so mean if you would've asked me for tickles." She nodded, snuggling into her girlfriend's warmth. Amity summoned over some pillows and a blanket, setting them up on the floor into a makeshift nest.

They got comfortable, cuddling up with eachother. Falling asleep in eachother's arms wasn't a bad way to end the day.

[hinatastinygiant]

6 | Mr. Blue Sky

Pairing: Hinata x Fem!Reader

previous | next | greatest mixtape

Thursday morning you nearly jump out of bed. You and Hinata have planned to meet at the entrance of one of the National Parks nearby.

More than anything you could use a bit of fresh air so just as soon as you shower and grab a bit of food for breakfast, you head to your car to meet up with your date.

When you pull into the lot, you see Hinata looking down at his phone. His eyebrows are pulled in together like he's looking at something important. So when you step out of your car, you quietly walk over instead of interrupting.

As you draw near, Hinata looks up and turns off his phone. "Hey!" he beams as a giant grin grows across his lips. "Good morning, Y/N."

"Good morning," you smile back at him. You then pull him in for a hug before taking a step back. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah. Have you ever been here before?" he asks as the two of you start your journey.

"I've been to the park, but there's like trails and all that, too, right? I've never done anything like that before," you admit to him. "I think my brother has though."

"Shame on him for not showing you around," he teases. "This place is great. It's got marked trails for all kinds of levels. But maybe for today we should start with something not so steep?"

"Good idea," you nod. "It might be better to build up to it."

"'Kay, then let's try the red trail. It's a little long but it's pretty flat. I used to walk my dog this way before I had to give her to my parents 'cause, you know, traveling for work makes it hard to be a pet owner."

"Oh man, that sucks. I'm sorry you had to do that. I remember I had a pet once back in middle school. My mom loved our cat more than she loved me or my brother I think," you chuckle. "When she died my mom couldn't sleep for a week. My dad insisted we never get a pet again after that."

"That's harsh," he shakes his head. "Pets are like family. Sucks they don't live as long as we do."

"For sure. Maybe if we did get another pet my mom wouldn't be so bitchy all the time, though," you grin.

"She'd be too preoccupied with the pet instead of you," he chuckles. "Do you not get along with your mom?"

"Ah, she's just got this stupid idea in her head that my brother and I are her little puppets living the life she never lived. What's that saying again? Like helicopter parenting but worse..."

"Living vicariously through your child? Probably narcissism."

"Yes, that's it. God, if she's not narcissistic then I don't know what is," you shake your head.

"So you're saying you're nothing like your mom?" he then asks.

"Nothing at all," you reply.

"And what would you say that includes? Tell me a bit about yourself. I mean we only met last week," he shrugs.

"Uh, well, while I don't think I spend as much time in nature like you do judging by how much you know about this park, I do like being outside. It helps me clear my mind about shit."

"I do that, too," he nods. "And weed."

"Weed helps," you chuckle. "Man, I wish I had brought some with me after the night I had last night."

"Last night?" he asks as he stops walking and turns to face you. "What happened last night?"

"Oh, you know just the average family dinner that included my mom being a bitch and my dad acting like a toddler," you sigh, admitting the truth to him. Though it's a bit embarrassing to talk about how much you dislike your parents, for some reason, you can just tell he isn't passing judgment.

"In that case," he smiles as he reaches into his pocket, "I've got just what you need."

In his hand, he pulls out a small joint just like the ones Kotonoha always rolls.

"Oh shit, no way," you smile. "You're willing to share?"

"Yeah. And it's new, I promise. I was gonna have a smoke later on but I think it'd be more fun with someone to share."

The two of you then walk to the side of the path toward an old fallen down tree. You step over and sit down with your back to the path and the tree, your ass probably covered in dirt and leaves. Not that you really care when he's offering a free smoke.

Hinata sits down beside you and pulls out a lighter from the opposite pocket. He then hands you the joint, offering you the first hit.

As you place the rolled paper to your lips, Hinata lights the very edge. You then take an inhale in and hold for a moment before blowing the smoke out.

"That's strong," you cough out as you pass him the joint. You weren't expecting his stuff to be just as strong as Kotonoha's. It's like they've got the same dealer. But that wouldn't really be a huge coincidence if the dealer's got a good rep.

For awhile, the two of you sit and smoke until there's only a small nub left of the paper. Then, once it's gone, you continue to stay to talk and laugh about absolute nonsense until you hear the crack of a stick.

Your body jolts as you look around. Neither you nor Hinata have moved which means something else is around.

You turn around onto your knees and place your hands on the fallen tree, looking out onto the path.

"What is it?" Hinata asks as he crawls into the same position as you.

"Dunno. I didn't see anything. What do you think it is?"

"Dunno. I didn't see anything," he repeats.

Just then you hear leaves rustling from behind you. Once more you turn around and see a deer rush straight past the two of you. Your heart nearly beats out of your chest until your brain slowly processes what you just saw.

"Shit. That scared the fuck out of me," you sigh.

"Me, too," Hinata nods, gripping the front of his shirt. "Fuck."

The two of you look at each other in a scared shock for a moment before completely breaking down in a fit of laughs. You laugh so hard that tears begin to stream down your face. You're not just crying. You're absolutely sobbing.

When Hinata notices, he still can't stop himself from laughing, but instead wraps his arms around you and holds you close.

"I'm sorry," he repeats, trying to apologize for laughing while attempting to calm you down. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you sob into his chest. "I'm alright."

Once you've calmed down, Hinata lets you go. You quickly wipe the tears away from your eyes and take a deep breath. "I think we should keep walking," you whisper to him. "I don't think I can handle another jump scare."

"Good idea," he nods. "We're still only at the start of the trail. You think you can walk the rest of the way?"

"Yeah," you respond as you stand on your two feet. "I think so."

"Maybe it'll help if you let me hold your hand," he smiles, reaching out his hand to you.

"Only if you promise not to let go."

"On my honor."

previous | next | greatest mixtape

[neons-comics]

Some positivity today 🩵

I finally finished this picture, it was so much effort to draw, but I am quite happy with the result.

On bad days, thinking about the good moments in life that I don't want to forget gives me strength to resist against my bad thoughts. Moments that I don't want to forget. And I couldn't remember them anymore if I died, right?

This is one of the things that make me keep going.

Which are moments that you don't want to forget? Feel free to share them!

Some more details about the specific moments captured in this comic:

1. My first roommate and I one evening randomly started playing with a huge balloon, and it was really much fun. One of the first good memories I have from my stay in this psychiatry.

2. My friends and I, who I still regularly visit, have our favorite location there. We're chilling together while eating snacks and smoking, sometimes having very interesting and funny encounters with strangers, and tell each other the newest tea. Love you all 🩵

3. We found a dead bird, gave it the name "Blue", and buried it. We built a wooden cross, and collected the prettiest stones we could find to decorate it. R.I.P Blue.

4. I've had many really good conversations with Mrs. L, and I finally felt really understood for the first time in my life. She perfectly understood my struggles, but also my strengths. I was diagnosed with autism then. I learned a lot from her.

[papercoffeandher]

Hi :)

How are you today?

Not perfect? That's ok! Me neither. :)

I read a quote a while ago on Pinterest and wrote it in my notebook to share with you today.

Might still print the actual image to put it in my room.

2 random but important topics to talk about:

1. A friend of mine never liked coffee, and drank some cold coffee to give me company in cafes, but that would be with a lot of sugar and chocolate chips and whatnot. He couldn't bear 2 sips of black coffee or cold brew.

He recently shifted somewhere for work and today he messaged me saying that he just drank one liter of black coffee and then had an energy drink to stay awake and energetic in the office because his head was hurting, because he couldn't sleep, and this was like before 10ish am in the morning. And for breakfast, he had a banana. He is feeling better. But. I don't feel good about it... I mean. When he told me he started drinking coffee, about 10 days back and drank a few cups and cans of black coffee now and then I was like ok yay we can kind of talk about coffee now. But then. Hmm. I am sharing my worry right now. I remember when another friend started taking 4 times the coffee she usually put in little water, to stay awake in the night and work, and it just got really bad because anxiety swept in soon enough. And I see my heartbeat getting faster and breathing getting tougher if I put more coffee powder or shots than usual in my drink... I don't want this to be his solution. It's easy. But it's addictive. Caffeine. And it can go down. Some people I know just chain coffee and smoke and it doesn't seem very healthy. It's really attractive, to be honest, I feel myself slipping into it sometimes too, but, must hold back.

Hm.

Interesting to look at coffee as a concern. Sucks actually.

2. On another topic. I met a new person. :) And she was so so sweet and beautiful and she's a freelance illustrator, artist, chuck the tags. But she has such good energy and I loved her doodles. She was kind and observant and patient and caring and acknowledging and a good listener and not loud. It was good. And she smiled. And other people there smiled and laughed too. It was beautiful. :) I went out after a long time. I am using the word 'was' because I met them yesterday. Anyway! My topic was: she was telling me how she has so many stickers but she doesn't use them because - then they'll finish and I think also where to use them.

I hear so many stationery lovers hoarding beautiful stickers and washi tapes and diaries and not being able to get themselves to use any. I don't face that problem a lot. I do plan and open things when they suit my needs but I don't have a problem opening and using them.

So I just thought I'd share a few tricks. Maybe they'll work for you.

With diaries, if I just can't get myself to write or draw (because what if it's not a 'perfect' work and the diary gets 'spoiled'), I just make a small scribble or a big scribble :P on the first page. It breaks the fear because the first page is already 'ruined' and the second one can't be 'worse'. You can also try leaving one or a few pages in the beginning or just using a random page. I do that too.

With stickers, the question is often where to use them and where will they look perfect and appropriate. So I just pick a few and paste them anywhere in any (mostly private) space. Like on anyone's door or switchboard or a remote, where it doesn't matter what you put and no one is greatly disturbed or offended and it's just aesthetic and fun. I giggle, laugh, and smile a lot doing that. It's like randomly throwing colors, here and there, which don't bother anyone and give me a small project of composition making. I think my approach is, to use the first things (pages of diaries or stickers) quickly and not as 'meaningfully' (like in this case: don't put the stickers on your personal devices like laptops or phones just yet) and you get calmer about the next steps.

This also reminds me, of sticky notes. To keep vandalism minimal, harmless, and little in size, I write funny or motivating one-liners and put them here and there in cafes and washrooms, or park benches. They stay temporarily so I don't think they bother a lot. That's also where my bill origami boats go. It's just fun. And non-pressurizing and just as easy to slip in.

Maybe give the first sheet of your new bundle of wow pages to someone else, and you can choose your favorite and start doing something.

Side note: My " I don't know if I'll be alive tomorrow." mindset kinda helps in this case, allowing me to make the best of today.

What will we do taking the stickers and the tapes to the grave?

Hope that didn't sound gruesome!

Ok, missing readers, bye. :)

Thanks for giving me space to express still! I wanted to use so many emoticons through the sentences but then thought they are after every 5 words so I'll just keep it to words (as much as possible).

Paper: Little journal.

Coffee: Cold coffee (Nescafe gold coffee powder)

[steviebears]

Just Friends

SUMMARY: You walk in on Eddie getting down to business and help him out. But you're just friends, right?

GENRE: smut, angst

WARNINGS: masturbation, oral, riding, unprotected sex

Living with Eddie was fun. He was such a funny and charming guy, and you two had actually grown quite close to one another. You two shared lots of late nights laughing and making fun of stupid movies and smoking too much weed. You found yourself staring into those deep eyes of his, examining every plane and curve of his face when you were sure he wasn't looking. You had to admit, you'd developed a bit of a crush on the guy.

But you were just friends.

He made that clear. Anytime you were to hang out with mutual friends or attend a party together, he'd always clarify you were just a friend. Which you were. But was it so wrong to feel hurt by that? It was clearly useless to try and pursue him for anything more than your hot roommate who you were just friends with.

When you arrived home it was too quiet. Usually if Eddie was home, (you could see his van outside so he clearly was) he would be blasting music or listening to T.V. rather loudly. You wandered into the kitchen for no particular reason until the silence was broken by a muffled groan. You turned your head to the source of such noise, Eddie's room. His door was shut, but it somehow felt inviting.

The closer you got, the louder noises you could now recognize as moans got. Your face felt hot at the realization of what must be happening on the other side to elicit such explicit sounds. You had your ear pressed up against the door at this point, and before you could stop yourself, your hand was slowly turning the doorknob.

Your eyes adjusted to the dark room, the open window illuminating Eddie's body in moonlight and the few lit candles on his nightstand. Sweat glistened from his shoulders in such a perfect way, but you weren't paying much attention to anything but his cock that was being quickly fisted by his large ringed hand. You were so shocked to actually see him that you just froze. His eyes were wide when he saw you, immediately covering himself up with his pajama pants, but your eyes were still drawn to his large bulge nearly protruding from the thin fabric.

"I'm sorry- I didn't-" You stumble over your words and give up, just staring at his red face.

"It's okay. I uh, thought you weren't gonna be home for a while?" He tries to lighten the mood with a dry chuckle. It doesn't really work.

"I got off early."

"Oh." The air was uncomfortably thick, tension making it hard to breathe.

"Well, as much as I'd love for you to help me out-" He starts with a lighthearted smile, but you can tell he's beyond embarrassed.

"Can I?" You couldn't stop the words before they fell out, but you weren't exactly opposed to it. You definitely wanted to see up close the faces he'd make while you touched him, you wanted to learn what drove him mad and hear his pretty noises unfiltered by thin walls.

"Y-Yeah." He breathes out, surprised by you taking up his joke offer.

He backs up a little to the headboard and spreads his legs a bit more, watching you intently as you shyly approached him, crawling in between his legs, giving him a ripe view down your shirt.

It would be a lie to say he'd never found you attractive, but now that was heightened by a trillion.

You sat on the backs of your legs and hesitantly caressed his thighs, making your way up to his bare stomach, fingers then dancing across his happy trail. You can hear his breath hitch as your hand slips below his waistband, gently pulling it down to reveal his cock once again.

It was big and a bit red at the tip that was leaking a bead of precum- seemingly frustrated at the sudden lack of contact. Eddie flinches when you draw your fingertip up his length, wiping the cum and bringing it to your mouth, making intense eye contact as you sucked it off. The sight was so erotic, he could've cum from that alone.

Your hand finally wraps around him, you stabilizing yourself by leaning your other hand on his muscly thigh. He licks his lip as you start to slowly pump him, but he loses his mind when you lean down and take the tip into your warm mouth. You looked up through your lashes to see Eddie looking prettier than ever. His dark hooded eyes staring down at you, bangs sticking to his forehead.

You maintained eye contact as you removed your hand, taking him halfway down your throat. Your lips wrapped around him so deliciously. You hollowed out your cheeks and began to bob up and down on him, your tongue swirling at the underside of his length.

He groans and throws his head back, only for a second before desperately looking back down a you.

You looked so good on top of him like this. Your cute hands were gripping his thighs as you started struggling to take him further down your throat. He started to move his hips up to meet your mouth ever so slightly, but it still caused you to gag around him as he hit the back of your throat. He moans at that, eyes squeezing shut.

He started getting closer and closer, his chest heaving up and down with each shallow breath. You swallowed around him, and just as he was about to cum, you pulled off of him. You wiped the dripping saliva off your lip and looked up at him. He looked like a kicked puppy. Eyebrows furrowed in confusion and big eyes begging for an explanation.

"Relax." You laugh and stand up to slip off your shirt, throwing it to the side. You start to unbutton your jeans and take them off, the anticipation was killing Eddie.

You crawled on top of him, closer this time. Your hands landed on his chest, and you admired the tattoos there before asking him,

"This okay?" you start to trace the tattoo, eyes looking anywhere but at his. You were weirdly embarrassed by your boldness.

"Absolutely." You could hear his stupid smirk and his hands settled around your waist. You leaned down, and for a second Eddie was worried you might kiss him. But you didn't, that would be weird, right? Just friends, don't forget.

You brushed his hair back and placed a soft kiss just below his ear, relishing in the heat radiating off his body. You reach down to push your panties to the side, trailing a few kisses while you did so. Without warning you sunk down on him, him letting out a relieved moan along with yourself.

"Shit, Eddie." You whimpered as you pulled your hips up and plummeted them back down repeatedly at a pace too slow for his liking. His long cock was brushing up against places inside you you weren't aware were there.

"How are you so tight? Fuck-" Eddie is cut off by his own pleasure when you take him deeper than before. You stabilized yourself by holding onto his shoulders.

"I don't get out much, Munson." You say with an amused smile.

"Stay here with me then." He groans and grips your waist before his hands trail to your hips and start to guide you faster than before.

You moan at the new pace, and also probably because of his words. You knew he didn't mean them, but you were too sucked into the moment to care about that.

His eyes were glued to your tits. You could tell how badly he wanted them to be free of that prison you called a bra, so you giggle and reach behind you to unclasp it. The second it falls down, you swear his pupils grow wide and he curses under his breath.

His hands leave your hips and dart to your boobs. He grasps them a little hard at first and he looks up at you when you wince. He smiles sheepishly.

"Sorry." His thumbs graze over your hard nipples.

"They're pretty." He says more to himself, but it flatters you. You start to grow impatient with yourself and you just want to cum, so you speed up and ignore the cries of your leg muscles. Eddie shuts his eyes as you do, moaning and groaning the longer you work yourself on him, your whimpers only egging him on. He couldn't believe he hadn't cum already.

Your brows furrowed, and soon the sensations of him inside of you, his pretty hands touching you, and the warmth of his body were all to much and you let go. The feeling of you spasming and clenching around him was enough to push him over the edge too, and he quickly pulled himself out of you and came warm ropes of cum on your front. He looked so good, eyes trying to stay open, mouth agape as he moans out, hands gripping your sides.

You both took a series of deep breaths as his cum started to drip down. You realized and got up off of him in search of something to wipe it off with. His eyes followed you, finding you absolutely irresistible as you bent over to reach your shirt. You cleaned yourself off but looked up at him after you realize it wasn't doing much more than spreading it around.

"I should probably take a shower right?" Eddie just nods with a slight grin.

And you never spoke of it again. You never discussed what that meant for your relationship nor what either of you thought of the whole experience. You were hoping to, actually, but when you got out of the shower he was already asleep. And the next morning he acted as if nothing had happened. Sometimes you felt as though his eyes lingered on you, but you were sure it was your mind playing tricks on you.

It was like some sort of unspoken agreement that that was a one time thing and you were certain Eddie would never want you like that. He'd never want you the way you wanted him. Because to him, you were and always would be just friends.

[ladyofwinterfellxx]

Dating Lisa Rowe Headcanons

Word count: 1k

Request: Yes | No

Film name: Girl, Interrupted

Pairings: Lisa Rowe x Fem!reader

Genre: Fluff, angst, smut mention

Warnings: Psyche ward, Reader is mentally unwell, Mentions of self harm, Smoking, yk- Girl, Interrupted type stuff.

Synopsis: what its like dating Lisa Rowe

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Authors note: I’ve gotten really into “Girl, interrupted” lately, and I really like Lisa, so I thought I’d write for her because I relate to her a bit. Hope you like it :) Since Lisa is in the women’s ward the reader is depicted as female. (Just to make it easier Susanna and Lisa never kissed or anything) sorry if this is ooc or anything, i'll get better at writing her as i watch the movie more.

When you first came into the ward, you intrigued her. You weren't kicking and yelling like others usually did. You were quiet, and calm. She watched you carefully as Vallery showed you around the floor, observing your behavior and how you carried yourself.

As you roamed and hung around the ward, she’d come and tease and pester you quite often.

She would take a liking to you quite quickly, but it would take a lot for her to trust you completely, especially if you came after Susanna left.

If you came when Susanna did, She’d bring you along with her and Susan.

You’d probably have to be the one to make romantic advances, to be honest. Yes, she knows she likes you, but getting her to admit her feelings is like talking to a brick wall.

When you did confess, she’d tease you endlessly. but she’d accept your feelings and you’d start dating.

“Aww, you couldn't help falling for little ol’ me huh?”

“Lisa you literally like me too-”

She may act like a tough guy constantly but she softens up when you are alone together.

She’d call you sweetpea or doll face, maybe Hunny or darling once in a while.

She’s definitely the big spoon when you cuddle, but will little spoon once in a while if she’s having a bad day.

Painting each other's nails ofc

Getting her to open up is a tough job, but she’ll cave after a lot of convincing.

She’ll eventually open up about Jennie, and tell you how she misses her.

Comforting her when they give her shocks. Plz hold her after it really effects her.

Trying to keep her out of trouble

getting used to her sneaking up on you constantly, and her teasing you when you jump.

Speaking of teasing, this girl LOVES to tease and pick at you. All in good fun, of course, it's her love language.

she likes PDA depending on her mood, If she’s not having a good day she’s not as touchy, but when she’d in a good mood she’ll likely always have an arm around you or a hand on your thigh. PDA is a whole other story when she's jealous, though.

She’s very possessive, and makes sure everyone knows your hers. that being said, she doesn't exactly get jealous often.

She knows your hers, and Everyone knows not to mess with Lisa, let alone her girl.

When she does get jealous, she’s all over you. Maybe John’s standing a little too close to you or someone has had your attention away from her for a bit too long for her liking, she’ll either

A) Come up behind you, wrap her arms around your waist and start kissing your neck

B) Straight up pick you up bridal style and walk-off

or C) cause a scene to get your attention

Like most things, it depends on what mood she’s in and what the situation is.

(Smutty stuff below)

(ngl if she chooses to walk off with you 9 times /10 she’ll get you alone and roughly finger you to remind you who you belong to-)

^ I mean she almost always ends up doing that anyway but yk-

Speaking of that-

100% the dom in bed, she loves having control over you and your pleasure (or pain-)

3 words. Rough, fast, and messy.

You two don’t get very long to yourselves, so things almost always have to be quick.

But when you two do get alone time, she’ll take her time and really draw out yours and her pleasure.

(End of smutty stuff)

She’d take you with her when Her and Susanna run away.

She’ll do pretty much anything you ask her. Ned to see your file? she’ll get it for you. want a certain nail polish color? its sitting on your nightstand waiting for you. Want a certain book or something? she’ll get Vallery or one of the other nurses to get it for you.

Dates are pretty rare, but she’ll sometimes manage to convince Vallery or someone to let the two of you go off grounds to the ice cream shop or to go on a walk.

her letting you cut her hair for her

almost always sleeping with each other, either you in her room or you in hers.

she’s not very cuddly, but she will when she’d in the mood for it or when you two are sleeping. She like to either spoon you or one of you laying on the other's chest.

almost always getting dragged into her crazy antics

sharing cigarettes together

her being quick to defend you from anything and anyone

If you came before she ran away, your definitely gonna be friends with Jennie.

Knowing everything that's happening on that floor comes with dating Lisa, she knows everything about everybody and often gossips to you when she hears something.

You trying to get Lisa to ease up on Daisy

almost always sharing clothes

If your shorter than her she’ll tease you, calling you munchkin or shortcake.

if your taller than her? she’ll ask things like “how's the weather up there?” or little things like that to annoy you.

^ sometimes you catch her standing on her tiptoes to seem taller,

She’ll throw hands with anyone who tries anything to hurt you. Oh? this person said something about your illness? oops, their nose is broken now. So and so made you uncomfortable? she’ll make their life hell.

She lowkey likes when you play with her hair, brushing it, braiding it, or just twirling it in your fingers. she loves it.

This girl LOVES praise, she may not act like it but complimenting her always makes her melt. plz tell her how pretty she is, how much you love her and how proud of her you are, bb girl deserves it.

Playing cards together surprisingly often

Even though she may not seem like it, she’s a very good listener. If you need to rant, or just wanna ramble about something she’ll listen, giving you her full attention.

She’s good at remembering things, whether its a random childhood memory or something silly, she remembers everything you tell her.

She gets very interested in your hobbies. if your musical, maybe you play guitar or something, she’ll listen and watch you play. she’ll definitely want you to teach her. If your artsy she’ll watch you paint or draw very intently, occasionally doodling with you. If you write she’ll read anything you write, whether its a poem or a story, she’ll read it and tell you what she likes. she’s surprisingly good at constructive criticism, so if you want feedback she’ll give it to you.

^ if you give her any artwork or poems she’ll hang every one up in her room.

If your more on the anxious side, she’ll do the talking for you. Need something from a nurse? she’ll ask for you. Feel uncomfortable getting food from the cafeteria? she’ll get it for you. feel uncomfortable bathing? she’ll come in with you.

overall a protective and pretty good girlfriend