#I guess to be. SLIGHTLY fair. I stopped at ep 4 when I learned she's 14. So. Maybe all these problems get magically solved in eps 5

[cryptidcalling]

Vampire in the Garden why have you forsaken me.

[vikingqueer]

music recommendations because i have some thoughts™

i don't wanna be that person who's like "my music taste is so weird lol" but i find that very often most of my friends don't really care for the music i like so i thought i'd just make a long ass post about it on tumblr instead. Fair warning, I'm very passionate about MIKA and The Mechanisms and so this very quickly got VERY long because it is part of my ongoing campaign to convince people to listen to mika and the mechs.

1) MIKA in general, but especially My Name Is Michael Holbrook (2019) and No Place In Heaven (2015) (especially the Deluxe version!!)

MIKA is a kind of British singer (half Lebanese, grew up in France blabla), and you probably know him for Grace Kelly and Relax, Take It Easy from his first album Life In Cartoon Motion from 2007. He writes a lot of FUN music, interspersed with the occasional slightly sadder song, especially when looking at an album like No Place In Heaven, which contains a lot of songs with gay themes, resulting in some songs that are just a little bit ouch. He's originally classically trained and has a frankly RIDICULOUS range and idk he just writes very good pop music. Also I have so much respect for that time he talked about how a lot of pop is very fake, with like expensive cars and stilettos and mini skirts in the snow and said "Because I walk down the street, and I don't see any of that. I see fat women and gay men. I don't know... That's real". He's written 5 albums; My Name Is Michael Holbrook (2019), No Place In Heaven (2015), The Origin Of Love (2012), The Boy Who Knew Too Much (2009), and Life In Cartoon Motion (2007).

For starters, I recommend listening to Last Party, Origin Of Love, Grace Kelly, Blame It On The Girls, Blue, Happy Ending, Pick Up Off The Floor, Last Party, Underwater, Tomorrow and Tiny Love (yes this is a long list but i REALLY love MIKA). If you want a slightly broader palette that's not just my favourites, I recommend the Mika starter pack on spotify.

2) The Mechanisms. I warn you. I am making this a thing. I have been obsessed with the mechs since last march.

Boy, where to start? The Mechanisms were a British 9 member space pirate story-telling cabaret that "died" in January 2020. They rewrite songs to fit retellings of various stories. I don't even know what genre I'd describe them as, but probably folk but steam-punk?? Their 4 "main" albums are concept albums, and I honestly just recommend listening to the from beginning to end in chronological order. A good way to get into the mechs is also to listen to UDAD and then watching the live show on youtube or alternately try giving Death To The Mechanisms a listen, to get good quality live show audio of TBI and various other stuff. Also, it was streamed on YouTube and someone combined the footage with the album audio and it rocks. Really, I think the mechs' best selling points are honestly just their concept albums:

Once Upon a Time (In Space) Their first album from 2012. I'd say this is the most "easily digestible" for the general public, since it's a retelling of various fairytales. So, what if Old King Cole was in fact not merry, but rather a cold-blooded dictator, intent on colonising as much of the galaxy as possible. What if Snow White was a general, looking to avenge what King Cole did to her sister, Rose. What if Cinderella was to be wedded to Rose the day that King Cole attacked in order to kidnap Rose? But y'know, In Space and also like every other mechs album it's a beautiful tragedy. Fave songs are Old King Cole, Pump Shanty, and No Happy Ending.

Ulysses Dies at Dawn You guessed it, it's a story about Odysseus, or Ulysses because I guess Ulysses is easier to rhyme or fit in the meter or something, idk. Ulysses is a war hero of unknown gender who is said to keep something that could take down the corrupt Olympians, meanest families in the City, in a vault to which only they know the passcode. Oedipus, Heracles, Orpheus, and Ariadne have been hired by Hades, who happens to be The Mechs' quartermaster Ashes O'Reilly, to get into Ulysses' vault. I didn't care much for udad at first, but honestly it's got some real bangers and the story is really good. UDAD weirdly stands out as the only of the concept albums to not feature any gay relationships, per se. Fave songs are Riddle of the Sphinx, Favoured Son, and Underworld Blues.

High Noon over Camelot This is my favourite mehcs album. So basically, this is Arthurian legend, but it's a space western and Jonny D'Ville does a bad southern accent. This is the story of the cowboy lovers Arther, Lancelot, and Guinevere searching for the Galfridian Restricted Acces Interface Login, or GRAIL, in order to stop their world from falling into the sun. Meanwhile, Mordred and Gawaine are ruling Camelot, and Mordred has convinced Gawaine to try to establish peace with the Saxons by whom Mordred was raised, but Gawaine hates viciously. If you love getting your heart broken and songs by a fucking off the rails batshit preacher I HIGHLY recommend hnoc. Fave songs are Gunfight at the Dolorous Guard, Blood and Whiskey, and Once and Future King. Honorary mention for Hellfire because it awakens something animalistic in me.

The Bifrost Incident TBI is the frankly only good adaptation of norse mythology I've ever known of, and I say that as Dane who was literally forced to learn things about norse mythology in school because it's my heritage or whatever. I've been listening to TBI a lot lately because it's VERY good. It's definitely the most refined of the mechs' albums (because it's the newest) but also I just love a little bit of cosmic horror. 80 years ago, Odin, the All-Mother, ruler of Asgaard, launched a train through the wormhole Bifrost that would reduce the travel between Asgaard and Midgaard from 3 months to 3 days, but things didn't go quite as planned. Lyfrassir Edda of the New Midgaard Transport Police is trying to solve the case of why suddenly the train has arrived 80 years late; to figure out whether it was accident or maybe it was sabotaged by Loki, who was allegedly sentence to death her murder of Baldur, by the Midgaardian resistance led by Loki's wife Sigyn, or maybe by Thor, who was to take over after Odin, and who holds quite the grudge because he used to be a friend of Loki's. You might've heard the song Thor from this album, it's apparently quite popular. Fave songs are Loki, Ragnarok III: Strange Meeting, and Ragnarok V: End of The Line. Yet again an honorary mention: Red Signal because while Lovecraft was a bitch, his invocations are fucking RAW.

Basically, the Mechanisms do all of their performances in character as captain first mate Jonny D'Ville, quartermaster Ashes O'Reilly, pilot DrumBot Brian, master-at-arms Gunpowder Tim, science officer Raphaella la Cognizi, doctor Baron Marius Von Raum (neither a baron, nor a doctor), archivist Ivy Alexandria, engineer Nastya Rasputina, and The Toy Soldier, who is, as usual, present. You can find very obscure lore about the crew of the Aurora here, tidbits on Tales To Be Told and TTBT Vol. 2, such as One Eyed Jacks, The Ignominious Demise of Dr. Pilchard, Gunpowder Tim vs. The Moon Kaiser, Lucky Sevens, and Lost in the Cosmos.

If you feel like listening to a full 40-50 minute album to find out if you like a band is a bit much, I recommend listening to one of the mini stories Alice, Swan Song, or Frankenstein, which are about 12, 5 and 9:30 minutes respectively.

3) The Amazing Devil You know that guy who played Jaskier in the Witcher? I got into The Amazing Devil from spotify recommending them because I listened to the mechs, and apparently Joey Batey from The Amazing Devil is the same Joey Batey who was in the Witcher. Both him and Madeleine Hyland are VERY talented singers and songwriters and their second album The Horror and the Wild makes me go out into the forest and SCREAM. I listened to it on repeat for like a month straight. I guess they'd also be considered folk, but like. New Folk. Also yes, this is another British artist, I don't know why I'm like this. I've never really gotten that into their first album, Love Run, but King slaps. As I understand there's this whole lore about the Blue Furious Boy and Scarlet Scarlet, Joey and Madeleine respectively, but unlike the Mechanisms it's actually possible to find out things about the actual real people and harder to find the obscure lore? I'm open for people to please help me. Fave songs are The Horror and the Wild, Farewell Wanderlust, and That Unwanted Animal, which is literally a third of their second album, but again. I haven't really listened to Love Run that much, and I just LOVE the harmonies on THATW. (also im gay and dramatic leave me alone)

4) dodie I have so much love for this woman. Like many others, I first knew dodie as doddleoddle on youtube. I think I first stumbled across her in probably 2015, because I distinctly already knew her before she released her first EP Sick of Losing Soulmates in 2016. I think I watched probably every video she's ever made in the span of a few weeks. I just loved her quiet sound and was absolutely HOOKED. Also she's actually the reason I got into MIKA originally, so thanks for that. Dodie just realeased her first album Build A Problem (in addition to her three EP's; the one mentioned above, You, and Human) and it slaps. Yes dodie is also British Fave songs are probably Monster, Rainbow, and In The Middle.

5) Cladia Boleyn Unfortunately, Claudia Boleyn only has three singles and that's it. She's been making content on youtube for quite a while, and that's how I first discovered her. I don't know what genre her music is, but I like it. The songs are Celesta, George, and Mother Maiden Crone, of which the latter is my favourite. I'm not saying Claudia Boleyn invented women in 2017 when she released Mother Maiden Crone, but she did. Also you guessed it, Claudia Boleyn is British.

6) Hozier I'm not about to tell you about Hozier. You know who he is. Listen to Nina Cried Power, Angel Of Small Death & The Codeine Scene, and Shrike. Also Hozier isn't stricly British in that he is definitely from A British Isle, but Ireland is not part of the UK. Give me a break.

7) Oh Land Oh Land IS DANISH. I like her early music best, because I'm not that into the electronic sound. I guess Oh Land is just you regular old pop, but with the occasional weird vibe? Oddly enough, I like her first album Fauna best. Unfortunately I haven't really listened to her newest album Family Tree much, but it seems good? Fave songs are Frostbite, Love You Better and Family Tree. I cried on the bus, first time I listened to the Danish version of Love You Better, Elsker Dig Mer because my mother tongue always just hits harder. Also Frostbite is Oh Land doing a duet with herself which is pretty cool.

8) Oysterband This is a live recommendation. I mean they're a decent folk band and all, but they're a fucking experience live. If you like folk and you ever get the opportunity to see Oysterband live, do it. Unfortunately, yes. They are British. Either way, they are incredible on a scene and I think they deserve a mention for that.

9) Ben Platt Honestly don't know much about this guy, but he's not British and he was in Dear Evan Hansen. He released an album in 2019, Sing To Me Instead, and I just think it's a good album, there isn't really not much more to it. Fave songs are Grow As We Go, Bad Habit, and In Case You Don't Live Forever.

and thats all for now. this has been a ramble. shout out to you if you actually read all of this, especially the mechs part.

[jan-uinely]

hot takes [pt. ii]

good[e] morning campers! we have more thoughts on \_ |_ | _/  RuPaul’s Drag Race episode 9... because i have nothing better to think about... lol. This is a novel, btw. 

SO... I have said it before and i will say it again... the in memorium segment gave me life. Robot Barbie Cheerleader. also RIP to jan’s clear drink in untucked. 

Let’s get into the gig, because why not. Unsure if readers are aware, but I am very politically minded. [do I use tumblr as a way to put politics aside for a little while? sure. but I have also worked on campaigns, did not take Elizabeth warren dropping out of the presidential race well... I mean she dropped at the beginning of march and now look at where we are.... anyWAYs.]

I did not like this episode. I did not like the challenge. From what I understand, the only other time this challenge was done was in season 4, but I stopped watching season 4 when sharon wore a conf*derate flag bodysuit for a mini challenge, prior to which she wore a mccain/palin shirt. I still don’t know if it was a joke, but #yeet. 

So this episode took the place of a “roast”/ stand up episode. Those are usually fine. They separate folks a little bit more. But, as someone who followed the recent primary with a VERY close eye, but was could also be humorous about it... Debates are hard to do. What makes a debate work is that everyone is well versed on everyone else’s platform, and knows how to attack them, because they have been the same person the whole time. For some reason, everyone “invented” a different character to play.... no one had a real platform... and it’s really hard to ~volley~ when people don’t really understand everyone’s characters. I also think, similar to the democratic primary- that there were too many people on stage. I also think snatch game happened too early... but that’s another story never mind anyway [did you catch that into the woods/bernadette peters joke???? @ JAN ]. 

So everyone has these “characters” which for the most part are not super consistent with who they’ve been portraying on the show... which makes it challenging. Then, it was moderated very poorly, and then edited together very poorly. There was no flow... it was very choppy. Again... not a fan. 

Season 8 also had a political challenge, but if i remember correctly, that was just a branding challenge kind of. It was better than this. Now, do I appreciate the fact that Drag Race is taking this election very seriously?? YES. But this challenge was just Not It. 

I thought Jaida was very consistent, I liked Jackie’s a lot [It seems like a running gag that she is too prepared in the same way that Jan was too energetic... which has its own election flashbacks....] I am really enjoying crystal... I thought she also had what was close to a fully formed character.. it just needed to bake a little more. 

So... next up... ms. goode. #cringe. tbh I don’t care about the performance. Were they just trying to redo snatch game? basically. were they the only person to try and do that? No. 

This mirror chat was the bomb dot com tho. best part of the episode.

We’re talking about the “oh i’m not political” We knew from episode one that Gigi grew up in a lot of privilege- and wasn’t the only one [@ jan] but jesus has it shown in gigi the most... I mean bob the drag queen said it best.. Gigi goode’s mom vs Jaida Essence Hall. 

But the nerve to openly say “i’m not political, and I don’t like it” when you KNOW at this point in time what the contestants have gone through... it’s just really insensitive. Also to be the open front runner knowing that the RPDR fans can be young and impressionable.. is really irresponsible TBH. 

Guess what? I don’t like to follow the news sometimes. I don’t watch tr*mp’s press conferences. Sometimes I log off twitter and go to tumblr. But I still stay INFORMED on the issues and am able to back up my positions. I VOTE. [cannot believe i’m saying this but i would not be surprised if gigi did not vote in 2016.]

[sidebar]

Maybe it’s bc I stan jan in a way that I have stanned no one else before [the only ru girl who even comes close to it while I was actively watching the show without prior knowledge is naomi] Maybe it’s combined with the quarantine that I have nothing else to do. And with that comes a [virtual] introduction to basically everybody who’s anybody in the NYC drag scene. [I will say the Bob-Monet-Cracker-Jan quad is just A+] So maybe I just have a better idea of what it is [have I gone down a Youtube rabbit hole on this subject? yes] 

Is new york also my personal favorite city? yes. Have I been to LA? no. Do I like the concept of LA? no. Have I been west of the mississippi river? no. So maybe it’s a combination of all of these things [including Jan saying on repeat that New York is the greatest city to do drag] but. The NYC girls are just so much more political. Brita, Bob, MOnet, tbh Jan is also on the record saying some A+ shiz. Marti Cummings is a non binary drag artist running for city council in manhattan. “Everybody black and aquaria.” 

Is NYC politics like any city, full of machines and garbage too? Sure. But NYC is just so much more powerful and political. LA is just the embodiment of privilege.

 I also think it’s interesting that some of the smaller town/city gals will move to LA [Trixie/Katya/Alaska? I’m looking @ you] after they get the drag race coin. Not that it’s a bad thing or anything, it’s just an interesting dynamic. [another aside: the non NY/LA girls deserve it all and i think it’s really powerful when the show directly addresses issues of wealth/privilege/access to drag on the show.] 

[end sidebar]

And Gigi came into the competition saying “I want to be on vogue” which is great. Their fashion sense is great. Most of their outfits are great. It’s great that they can do comedy [sometimes- like when they are not playing the role of Gigi] But something else I take issue with- and don’t get me wrong humility is great- is the whole “I’m not a dancer” that’s BS. they whole back handspring etc, madonna challenge. Maybe you weren’t a trained dancer, but ffs cut the crap. [if you haven’t look up gigi goode showgirls] 

And yet the judges continue to give Gigi [and SP] free passes. It’s like Ru is so afraid that if either of them end up in the bottom, they won’t turn it out and then there will be no frontrunner. Well guess what? In season 7, Max had 2 wins before anyone else and came in 9th. valentina going home was a total gag. Brooke and Yvie lip synced on the snatch game ep. But Apparently when the skinny white fashion queen from the big city [gigi, aquaria] does less than well, they don’t get put up for elimination??? [did aquaria deserve to lip sync for the makeover? idk.]

Gigi is getting a “winner” edit and it’s not really fair to anyone. People who should have won certain challenges were IGNORED, and instead the producers give all the credit to gigi, giving them almost a worse edit. Like we want to see humans, not robots. If we learned ANYTHING from last week is that the judges don’t like when you just “start on 100 and stay there THE WHOLE TIME”. Bc the truth is that [aside from the loads and loads and loads of privilege,] Gigi is really nice and very talented. But I, as a viewer of reality TV, live to see the perfect fail. I want everyone to shine [this is why I loved when Naomi sent manila home, oops] 

Also.. I would like to address the fact that Gigi basically used the same outfit twice... this runway and entrance look have almost the same pattern, with just a slightly different skirt type. I would like for this behavior to be called out bc it is such a memorable silhouette. 

Also- Shout out to Crystal for the most bomb ass runway... I want that whole outfit pls. 

but aside from that... TBH I just want a show with the real top 7 [ the heidi and widow have been cracking me up saying “we’re at top 5″ or “we’re at top 6″ before the ep aired on instagram and I’m loling.. and that VERY AWK moment when Jan is on the x change rate saying that they couldn’t justify putting anyone other that her and widow in the bottom bc gigi and 3 wins and trying to work around not saying SP’s name had 2. [also shout out to jan the real mvp for unfollowing SP on twitter]] doing competitions and having fun. And I’ve said this before. This is a really good season that did not need production’s handprints all over everything. But they chose to cast RuPaul’s Best Friend Race, so they shouldn’t be complaining or trying to manufacture drama.

I was cracking up when Jaida was [clearly prodded by producers] asking is there anything we need to talk about? and then Jackie goes to talk to widow right before they leave and they are just nice to each other. lol no drama here. It’s the season of the inner saboteur. 

So Jackie and widow are in the bottom and tbh I don’t know. I would have liked to see Gigi lip sync. I would have liked this challenge to not happen. but it did. The lip sync song.. I just didn’t love the cut... Katy perry’s voice is so over produced [trend alert] that the illusion of the lip sync didn’t work in the first chorus. Jackie’s plastic bag was just A+. These lip syncs, tbh starting w jan v widow have been very good. not good enough to make up for the garbage that was everything since ep. 3, but close. [and some of that was song choice, some of it was not. I will say brita killed her first one but rip to rock]

Jeff gold bloom. I just don’t know. Maybe it’s bc I never saw jurassic park. Maybe he was just a bad judge. maybe he too was being prodded by production. ugh. You can read the takes on his interactions with jackie somewhere else. 

[thegeminisage]

i’m gonna liveblog my rewatch of 2.08 because i can

it’s stupid long so here’s the cut

just to give you an idea of how fast this switch flipped for me at the start of this episode when uther is like “u will find no one who embodies nobleness better than my son arthur” i went “PFFFFFT” & had a good chortle

i have a lot to say about this duel challenge sequence. 1. why are strangers always coming in and tossing their glove on the floor. everyone in that room is armed. just take them out! 2. arthur picks up the glove first this time, unlike 1.03. guess he can learn after all 3. he does it BEFORE SEEING HER FACE god classic he’s so fucking stupid

everyone getting their panties in a twist over having to fight a WOMAN when in reality she goes on to kick his ass is like...both tiresome & hilarious

i used to really be on the fence about the Vibe between merlin & arthur because while they seemed quite happy to die for one another from the get-go most of the time arthur is just being MEAN and merlin isn’t as mean back and it’s like :/ ok i don’t get what everyone else is so heart-eyes over. but in 2.08 they do a lot of confiding in one another and just general talking about plot-stuff where arthur’s insults are...not absent, but kept to a minimum, and idk it’s nice! it’s nice. less like arthur is a massive bully and more like they’re Companions. i’m not hopeful about it lasting bc this show doesn’t know the meaning of the words “consist continuity” but it was reeeeeaally good here

arthur’s face when he lost to a G I R L and uther just walked out with no comment. even back when i still hated him i was like “ouch”

that being said it was a welcome change of pace to see merlin giving ARTHUR shit for once. finally

upon morgause and morgana’s first meeting when morgause says “i hope you will remember me fondly” i went “WOW THAT’S GAY” because i didn’t KNOW and cathy told me later she had to put her head in her hands for five whole minutes. don’t shoot me i’m just the messenger they’re the ones who wrote it that way

my favorite thing about morgause is that i couldn’t immediately figure her out. i’m in the habit of throwing out guesses about future plot points for fun, because i’m a writer and that’s how i deconstruct things, and since this show was kind of meant to be kid-friendly i’m usually right. but as far as morgause went...i didn’t have a clue. i had NO IDEA this whole ep would be like this

i’ve said this before (not on this blog tho) but arthur is like...really eager to die. i keep joking that he has a death wish but upon further reflection i don’t think he’s actively seeking to end his life as much as he would be relieved to die for something noble like honor or whatever because then he would have...done it right, if that makes any sense, and wouldn’t have to worry about screwing it up anymore. he doesn’t want to die but he craves a good death. to prove to his dad and himself that he’s made of the right stuff?? i’m not being very clear. this concept requires more thought

it’s REALLY a lot for me that uther would rather throw arthur in his own chambers than have him find out about ygraine. yyyyikes

merlin sneaking in that rope was so cute. he finally got the group’s communal braincell for a few minutes

on the other hand after the troll episodes i am SO tired of dung being played for laughs. i really suffered

also man i’m so glad morgana finally got some sleep it’s what she deserves

this Dead Parent talk really mcmurdered me. both merlin and arthur lost a parent when they were very young & they now cannot remember said parent and we HAVE THAT IN COMMON so every single word they said was like an arrow straight to my heart!!!!!!! like as good as the ending to this episode was (and OH it was good OHHHHH it was GOOD) i think this right here is what truly softened me up towards arthur. this is relatability, this is emotional vulnerability, this is a genuine human connection made between EQUALS and frankly it’s exactly what i’ve been wanting from these guys for a season and a half. their willingness to die for each other is good stuff to be sure but it’s EMPTY without some meat to back it up & we’re finally getting what we deserve

“i’d do anything for even the vaguest memory” like they didn’t have to go that hard & read me for filth like that but they did. they did. arthur. babe. my guy.

almost every time someone comes in to speak with uther he’s eating and he has like an entire mini-banquet in front of him even though he’s all by himself. like, an entire plate of grapes, a whole-ass chicken, an intact loaf of bread, a bowl FILLED with whole uncut apples...wtf??

“what would YOU know about magic, merlin?” “nothing ;)” i did have a good chortle truly

i’ve already made my points about arthur and a good death but MAN he was hasty to put his head on that chopping block for no good fucking reason at all. holy shit. him casually doing that swing-thing he does with his sword to the axe ahead of time really adds a lot to this entire thing and also aged me ten years

when arthur was like “what if my father’s attitude towards magic is wrong” and “surely not everyone who practices magic can be evil” i gasped so fucking loud. so fucking loud

and the worst part is you can practically feel merlin’s heartbeat pick up. just LOOK at his “wtf am i hearing is this for real could my dreams actually come true” face. but at the same time, he’s got to be the one with a healthy suspicion here because arthur is in over his head. so he STILL can’t trust it. and then naturally it goes to hell so quickly that the chance for merlin to confide in arthur is lost. i can’t believe this took 4 irl years and five seasons. watching this live must have been like TORTURE. i’m practically bingeing it and i’m still suffering deeply

it’s very odd to me that arthur specifically said his mother died before he opened his eyes but the first thing ygraine says to him is that she remembers him staring up at her. to me that’s an obvious clue that she’s a fake, and the cutaway during that line to merlin’s face tells me he had the same suspicion (and that he’s kind of horrified by it)

ARTHUR FEELS SO GUILTY FOR HER DYING AND I’M ALSO DYING AND SLDFKMGHLSKDFJH

i know for a fact that ygraine’s telling of these events is slightly altered from the truth too...there’s no way that uther would have been so overcome with grief that he went on to commit genocide if he knew beforehand that his wife would die and was willing to sacrifice her

on the other hand, there’s also a cutaway to morgause’s face during this speech in which she looks surprised or confused at what ygraine says, which doesn’t add up if she was pulling these strings, so...What Is The Truth

not to be like this but merlin bearing witness to this whole series of events is like...there’s some things that once you go through them with somebody things between you change and there’s a new intimacy there...i don’t expect much from a show that likes to return to the status quo but in my heart it’s how i feel

OH BOY HERE WE GO. arthur arrives in camelot and pulls his sword out as soon as he leaves his horse leaving a visibly spooked merlin behind him this is the STUFF

“arthur was born of magic” is really a hell of a line because even though i already knew this backstory i hadn’t stopped to consider it like that...no, magic is not a crucial part of arthur’s identity and how he views himself the way it is for merlin and morgana, but it’s still a part of his history and what made him who he is, that made him alive and different from other people. his hatred and fear of it becomes so much more tragic in that light. i think also there was such a clear line drown before between people who are magic and people who are not and for me, mentally, arthur kind of...swapped sides, or is at least straddling the border

merlin’s absolute FURY at uther’s hypocrisy is like...........fucking. another thing i wanted to see for a season and a half. imo there’s not nearly enough meat to the fact that merlin is magic and ultimately serves uther who is trying to decimate him and his kind - has actually SAVED UTHER'S LIFE on MULTIPLE occasions. this is the first time this show actually went “hey uther is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people and that’s really not at all ok” and i am SO into it. like, no, he’s not misguided. he’s not “just grieving.” he’s a murderer. he’s responsible for genocide.

the final 9 minutes of this episode feature arthur pendragon being absolutely FURIOUS. he’s LIVID. he’s PISSED. and i love it more than anything else this show has done so far

i genuinely, truly believed he didn’t have this in him. never in my WILDEST DREAMS could i have imagined arthur doing this. i had written it off as the stuff of fanfics. but holy shit my man snapped

HE👏DID👏THAT👏

reasons i did not see this coming at all even a little: 1. i figured there was no way arthur would get over his anti-magic thing until near the end (i know it must come back later, but STILL) 2. i did not believe for one second he could ever seriously stand up to his father for more than a few minutes at a time 3. most of what’s making arthur so goddamn pissed is that he thinks his dad killed his mom on purpose but he’s also showing a fair amount of horror at the fact that uther hunted down and killed everyone even remotely associated with sorcery like animals. do you know what that is? does anybody else understand the enormity of this? HE IS SHOWING EMPATHY. i DID NOT believe he was capable of it.

i do feel a way about how uther started this scene from a place of cool confidence - he was handing out orders, “leave us and no one comes in,” manipulating the situation, “she was lying to you, magic users are trying to destroy us,” and finally trying to close the door on the topic and reassert control, “i am your kind and your father and you will SHOW ME SOME RESPECT” - and arthur was not only having none of it (the way his eyes narrowed as uther’s casual “she was lying”...oh boy) he TURNED THE TABLES and had uther ON THE DEFENSIVE. the number of times we’ve seen uther shut other people down and get his way because he’s king and everyone is afraid of him and this time uther was the one who afraid LITERALLY for his life. HOW’S THAT TASTE BITCH god it was SO satisfying. like, there’s one shot where arthur is walking slowly towards him after all his verbal tactics have failed to de-escalate the situation and he’s in the backround with his eyes so fucking wide and he looks TERRIFIED. i LOVE IT

“you are my son. you would not strike an unarmed man.” “i no longer consider myself your son” AND HE STRIKES HIM

HE👏

DID👏

THAT👏

when i say that i LITERALLY screamed i am not at all exaggerating or using hyperbole. cathy asked twice if i needed to pause & collect myself. i could not have paused if my life depended on it

i’m really on the fence about merlin stopping arthur. on the one hand, arthur has suffered enough and doesn’t need to suffer more by having to carry the guilt or dadmurder. under the other, uther is a monster and needs to die, and the entire world would be better off without him

like...arthur’s face when he says “you have caused so much suffering and pain”...he really finally got it. for one beautiful brilliant moment he understood

i am NOT on the fence about merlin lying to arthur. that was the wrong way to do it. arthur 6000% deserves to know the truth and that’s only gonna come back and bite them later i’m sure (unless it never comes back at all in which case i’ll be pissed)

i’m not sure that arthur would have backed off if they had told the truth and said “uther didn’t realize your mom was gonna die so really that part wasn’t his fault”...he was really mad! but he might’ve. lying was not the way to go. i’m so angry at literally everyone in that scene for allowing arthur to walk away believing he was wrong. he was so full of conviction and he was about to do a really good thing - not good for him personally, but good for the world - and everyone he trusts lied to his face in order to maintain the status quo and not have to deal with anything ugly. i HATE it. i’m team arthur now. i’m in the arthur defense squad. all those dumb liars aren’t good enough to be his friends!!!!!!

like, even his dad’s words were sooo carefully chosen to avoid lying but also avoid telling the whole truth. even in that moment when arthur was laying it all bare and they could have made some sort of progress as character and as people. we had to go BACK TO THE STATUS QUO

Once Again Arthurs Heart Is Hardened To Magic i hate it thanks

honestly look uther telling arthur that he’s a trusted ally in the fight against magic should make him feel a lot more distressed than what we got. i mean i’m sure he’s glad his cover is safe but he should realize that if uther approves he’s doing something wrong

furthermore, uther hasn’t changed a bit. he says he came to thank merlin and that merlin is a loyal servant and trusted ally, but then threatens his life before he leaves. honestly we should have just let arthur stab him

i do appreciate them making a point of mentioning that merlin was tempted to let uther die and that it would have been better for him if uther HAD died and he only did what he did to protect arthur but like...there were ways to do that that didn’t involve lying i think. this is an optimistic show most of the time. it wouldn’t have messed with my suspension of disbelief if arthur had dropped the sword knowing the real whole truth! but no, The Status Quo

i don’t know if i will still love arthur so much in the coming episodes.................we’ll see. i’m kind of nervous because i don’t know how they’re ever going to top this. i think we peaked right here and it’ll never be this good for me again

[boystownbirdie]

LMWTV4U: GOT S7E1

Welcome back to let me watch TV 4 U (LMWTV4U) where I watch TV shows so you don’t have to! If you’re not a GoT-watcher or you just need a review, check out my pre-season-6-GoT primer here or you can just check out the review/recap of the last ep of season 6 here

It’s GoT season 7 y’all- WHO’S EXCITED?

As always, spoiler alert. Also, I’m introducing a new segment of this blog called WHY DOES THIS SCENE EVEN MATTER or (WDTSEM?) to help us decipher when some seemingly unimportant or otherwise boring scenes actually do kind of matter. So watch for that. Now let’s get into it! 

Over in Frey-ville/ Riverlands...

So we open on Walder Frey (aka Argus Filch from Harry Potter) giving a toast to a bunch of his people, all of whom have to wear inexplicably weird hats that seem to serve no purpose. Off the bat we know something is up because Arya Stark, fresh from the face-swapping-assassin-training academy, definitely killed Filch in the last ep of season 6. He’s gathered up all of his hat-wearing friends and family and is like hey guys, here’s some NOT POISONED wine let’s have a toast. It’s pretty obvious it’s Arya doing a really good impersonation of Filch/ wearing his face, especially when he doesn’t even pretend to take a sip of his wine. He’s all, hey remember when we killed all those Stark people, especially the mom and the hottie son, Robb and his preggers wife? That was fun, right? And all the poisoned guys are like yep murder is fun you are correct. Then he’s like too bad you didn’t kill all the Starks cuz one is still alive and…. It’s ME BITCHES. 

And she rips off Filches’ face/body and is like SURPRISE! And because this is the season of the woman, she doesn’t let any of the poor servant girls (who were like 15 years old and all forced to marry Filch) drink any of wine but she’s like, I know this is confusing, because I was just wearing the face and body of your former husband but it’s me, a fellow 15-year old girl and please tell everyone THE NORTH REMEMBERS. (If you’ll recall the Stark fam is from the North and a bunch of them died at the red wedding which was FOREVER AGO)

Later in the ep, we catch up with Arya who is riding around on a horse like a boss when she happens upon ED SHEERAN. SERIOUSLY ED SHEERAN IS IN THIS EPISODE WHY? I DON’T KNOW. And he’s singing a song with some soldier bros, duh. And I guess they’re from the Lannister army (if you’ll recall the Lannisters are the incest twins) because they’re wearing their colors and they’re like ugh King’s Landing (where Queen Pixie Cut aka QPC is currently ruling after blowing up most of the city) is the worst. And Arya is like umm ya it sucks, last time I was there I saw my dad get his head chopped off, BUMMER. She doesn’t say that actually but she does listen to them talk about how they wished they were home with their family instead of fighting for QPC. 

WHY DOES THIS SCENE EVEN MATTER (WDTSEM)? This scene is pretty clearly a setup to get Arya to consider meeting up with her bro (well actually uncle) and sis in Winterfell rather than her current single-minded pursuit of killing QPC. Anyway, the strangest thing about this scene is that one of the bros is like ya my mom always said to be kind to others and they’ll be kind to you and also none of the bros say anything murder-y or even slightly assault-y for that matter toward this young girl traveling alone WHAT SHOW IS THIS? On any other season of GoT this scene would have been a literal bloodbath.

Sidenote: when the opening credits run we FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER only see Westeros rather than both sides of the globe (or is it a globe? Idk. g.r.r.r.r.r. Martin plz advise) cuz our Khween Khaleesi is no longer residing there.

Next, let’s check in up North with Bran and his pal Meera who recently narrowly escaped a zombie attack only to be rescued by his zombie-uncle.

Bran is having a vision, as he is wont to do, of the “Night King” (zombie leader guy) plus thousands of zombies marching toward the non-zombie world. Some of them are even zombie giants which is super spooky. He’s like let’s GTFO and get south of this giant ice wall so they coming a-knocking on the ice-wall-door which, if you’ll recall is manned by all those moody celibate dudes that Bae was briefly murdered by before coming back from the dead. Bae’s friend who is in charge now is like umm new phone who dis cuz IDK what “Brandon Stark” looks like but it’s probably not you. And he and his friend Meera are like we promise, we’re cool and they let them in.

WDTSEM? Bran and Meera’s next stop after passing through TSA security is probably to see his sis and bro at his home, Winterfell. Last time that poor boi was there he was paralyzed, briefly made leader, ousted, forced to watch the whole place burn down and then had to escape before he was killed. So needless to say he’ll be happy to see that it’s not only rebuilt and no longer a torture dungeon, but being ruled by his fam! AND he’s the only one who knows the truth about Bae the R+L=J theory so he needs to drop that bomb on erry’body that basically means that Bae is kind of a rightful ruler and also Khaleesi’s nephew?!?

Speaking of his home, let’s check in with Winterfell...

Bae (Jon Snow) is like wow being in charge is hard no wonder Obama turned gray lol-is-this-thing-on? And Sansa is like eye-roll and they have a little tiff in front of everyone which is EMBARRASSING. A few important things happen here: 

Bae tells everyone to dig for dragonglass cuz it’s the only way to kill the zombies. He’s like hey bois, gurls, gender-non-comforming-individuals, EVERYONE needs to get to work and dig and learn to fight

Everyone’s favorite pint-sized-ruler-of-Bear-Island, Lyanna Mormont, is all about that lyfe, as shown in gif above

Bae is like wow little kids are pretty good at being in charge so let’s put these other 2 lil’ squirts in charge over at their houses

Bae sends hottie-ginger-wildling-bae to guard part of the wall where the zombies are probably heading first. Goodbye ginger-bae. 

Sansa does not agree with the putting-kids-in-charge bit which is what they argue about but he does it anyway. They kind of makeup and then they talk about how Cersei (aka Queen Pixie Cut aka QPC) is in charge now and Sansa is like she cray but also a BAMF. 

Later we get a scene of Brienne, everyone’s fave lady-knight, training her squire how to fight and are reminded that ginger-bae has the hots for her. As Sansa watches this all play out, Littlefinger (ugh he is the WORST) comes over to tell Sansa for the 80th time that he loves her and wants to rule the world with her. And as she has done 80 times, she’s like NO THANKS DUDE. 

Speaking of Queen Pixie Cut (QPC) let’s check in on her over at King’s Landing…

QPC is ruling whatever is left of her people after she blew most of them up. She commissioned this giant map/painting on the ground and is stompin’ all around like she owns the place, which, to be fair, she does. Her twin bro/lover, Jamie, comes over and is like ummm… what’s the tea? Remember how our last living kid jumped out of a building and died last season… can we discuss? And she’s literally like yolo we gotta rule this place FOR US. And he’s like but we don’t have any heirs anymore, like who’s gonna take over after that you can’t #liveforever this ain’t the high school cafeteria in the film version of Fame. She’s like dontcha worry, I gotta plan.

So Theon’s crazy uncle shows up to see them. If you’ll recall last season, he killed his bro and then tried to become king of the wet-rock-pile by throwing up a bunch of sea water even though his niece, Theon’s sis, was totes supposed to become kween of her peeps. While he was performing his water-gagging-magic-trick, Theon and his sis ran away with a bunch of the peeps and all of the ships. Again, their entire island seemed to have about 20 people so WHO IS ON THOSE SHIPS? IDK. And he was like NBD I’ll make a bunch more ships AGAIN WHO IS BUILDING AND THEN RIDING ON THESE SHIPS IDK. So I guess the ships are built and people must be on them because they show up to QPC’s shores and she’s like whatup. Jamie is NOT HAVING IT mostly because he is jelly since Theon’s crazy uncle (TCU) is hittin on his sis. TCU manages to squeeze in a really sick burn when he’s like well at least I have 2 working hands (Jamie got one chopped off 3 seasons ago) and then he asks QPC to get with him. She’s like naw dawg so he’s like NBD I’ll be back with a “very special present” and heads off. They also banter about how his niece and nephew and Khaleesi and QPC’s other bro (Tyrion) have all teamed up and are headed that way.

WDTSEM? In the books, apparently TCU has some sort of magic horn that can call dragons? I think this might be the gift he’s going to get and bring back to QPC which would be CLUTCH because in the upcoming battle against Khaleesi, the ability to control those dragons would be really helpful.

Next, let’s see how Sam is doing over in “Oldtown” where all the maesters live...

If you’ll recall, Maesters are like doctors/librarians/historians, each of whom is assigned to either a place (like the ice wall) or a family, I guess (like the Starks). Sam wants to be one but he also is NAUGHTY and brought his gf and her bb with him (Maesters are also supposed to be celibate like the ice wall guys). He’s in maester-training-camp which includes a lot of diarrhea, apparently. He’s like cleaning bedpans, putting back library books, and doing autopsies on the reg. JIM BROADBENT aka Prof. Slughorn from HP aka Harold from Moulin Rouge shows up and is like DON’T GO IN THE RESTRICTED SECTION OF THE LIBRARY, SAM (flashes of Harry Potter, amirightladies?) so of course Sam does. He sneaks some books home and finds out that “Dragonstone” which is a castle near King’s Landing that Khaleesi is heading towards, is built on top of heaps of “dragonglass” (which, I mean, could have guessed) so he’s like I gotta tell Bae since I know bb boi is trying to stock up on that. Also, there’s a brief scene when Khaleesi’s friend who had the turning-to-stone-disease (Stoney) is like in a hospital where Sam is working and is pops his stone-hand out and is like IS SHE HERE YET? Aka Stoney wants to know if Khaleesi has made it to Dragonstone yet, which WAIT TIL THE END OF THE EPISODE, DUDE.

WDTSEM? Especially the scene with Jim Broadbent (JB) is important because he talks about how the ice wall has always held up after centuries of zombie attacks and how empires rise and fall and just like go with the flow, Sam. My guess is that they’re bringing up how strong the ice wall is and how unlikely a zombie-attack really is because this is something that may actually happen now so we can really grasp how high the stakes are nowadays.

Before we get to Khaleesi, we have to check in on “The Hound” who’s walking around with those fire-worshipping dudes these days…

Is it just me or is man-bun guy kinda hot? So he and “The Hound” come across this farm house which the Hound is having some guilt about b/c last time he was in the hood he killed the girl and her dad who lived there. They find their bodies and everyone is like IDK who killed them but ugh… that’s life. And then the fire-worshipper-guys are like here look at this fire and remember the Hound hates fire because he got half of his face burned off as a kid. But he does look at the fire and has like a premonition of zombies going around the ice wall and attacking all the living people. Then he and hottie man bun bury the dead girl and her dad outside because the Hound feels #guilty for killing them I guess?

WDTSEM? Well the Hound used to be really murder-y but then he was saved by Ian McShane and his group of like Amish people (much like Harrison Ford in the film Witness) and decided to renounce violence. He used to work for QPC’s family and then kind of kidnapped Arya but also was not the worst to her (or to her sister for that matter) so if shit’s going down he could potentially be on the Stark side of things now. 

Lastly, we check in with everyone’s fave kween and co, Khaleesi, who rolls up on Dragonstone with all her pals…

She hasn’t been to this side of the world since she was a wee babe so when she steps foot on the sand, she’s like give me a minute y’all. Then she walks into the castle and looks at the throne, which is NOT made of a bunch of swords but rather a slab of rock and is still pretty baller and walks right past it to head to the room with the giant map on it. Previously, Stannis and his friends lived there including sweet ole’ no-knuckles who is currently #teambae and he spent a lot of time strategizing and having sex with witches to produce demon babies on that table. Khaleesi looks around and then is like, let’s get it started in here #blackeyedpeas.  

WDTSEM? Well, duh, cuz Khaleesi is in it and she is basically the Beyonce of GoT. But also because she has had this single-minded pursuit on the iron throne (chair made of swords where QPC is currently sitting) so you’d think she’d like take a minute to sit on this rock-slab-throne and savor the moment, but she (unlike QPC) knows that a true kween not only sits there, but also gets shit done. And I think this scene is supposed to contrast how #woke Khaleesi is compared to QPC. Both have giant maps and thrones now, but QPC is so out of touch that she has no time for strategy or listening to other people’s advice. 

Final thoughts:

This ep was what the TV people call a “table setting” episode and it did just that. The drawback is that it was pretty boring. We just check in on all of our key players/places and see how everyone is doing which is normally quite helpful in GoT world. But the season 6 finale already did that for us, so it seems to be just an extension of that episode rather than something new and exciting. Now on to our superlatives...

Biggest surprise this ep: Sam is interning for JIM BROADBENT these days, which is pretty great. Also Ed Sheeran lives in GoT-world I guess which actually explains a lot.

Biggest letdown: We only get THREE WHOLE WORDS from Khaleesi in the entire ep!

Important fashion moments: Sansa’s new lacefront is NOT working for her. With this budget you’d think they could afford better wigs! Also, while I won’t miss the Mereen subplot, I will miss Khaleesi and co being in a warmer climate because she and her friends had some killer crop tops/ cut out dresses/ bright colors . Now that everyone is on the cold side of the world, we have much less #fashun.

Who died this ep? A bunch of Walder Frey’s main cronies

Check in next week when we’re promised someone will finally be strangling littlefinger so we may be rid of his creepy soliloquies soon! Thanks for reading tell your friends!

CORRECTION: After checking my sources, it seems like the Hound maybe didn’t kill the farmer dude and his daughter but instead stole their shit and so they were forced into the dire circumstances that led them to their death. So while it sounds like he didn’t kill them, he still feels guilty that he basically caused their deaths.

Also, I incorrectly ID’ed Bae as Khaleesi’s uncle a few times but actually she is his aunt I guess? Sorry to lead you astray!