#I guess I'm gonna make that a tag now lol
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ohhhh! you're interested interested! lol well since you wanted so many I'm gonna also double this as...
WIP Wednesday
(since I was tagged by these lovlies - @bidisasterevankinard @lavenderleahy @bangpop91 & @quintessenceofdust88 <3)
Evan is so close to him; his eyes searching and sad, his lips parted as he takes long deep breaths. He lifts a hand to Tommy’s cheek and caresses it as gently as he did the first time he initiated a kiss between them. It was after the coffee date, and Tommy walked Evan back to his jeep. Evan turned and grabbed Tommy’s face in the same way, and pulled him into a kiss. Which is exactly what he does now— slower this time… giving Tommy the chance to pull back or speak up— he doesn’t; Evan kisses him, and he just sighs into it, desperate for it. “Then… is— is this really what you want?” Evan asks, pulling back to look into Tommy’s eyes just as a tear falls. Tommy is a coward. He is not brave enough to say no… he’s too scared to say yes (not again).
“I’m sorry…” he says. Forgive me… he means.
“Okay.” Evan says softly, leaning his forehead against Tommys; he sighs. “Okay…” he repeats and moves his lips back to Tommy’s, and Tommy should pull away… he should stop them from crossing that line, even just one last time.
He doesn’t.
He thought it would be… intense, like it is in the movies. Heated, rough… maybe it would even hurt– hurt in the way he feels he deserves for the hurt he has caused. It should leave him sore for days, limping into work so his team can poke fun and come up with a dozen or more theories… But it wasn’t. Tommy wonders if it’s even possible for sex with Evan to be anything less than amazing. Whether he takes, or he gives, he does it with so much passion and care, it’s breathtaking. Tommy opens his eyes to look at Evan and realizes… that actually makes it hurt so much worse.
Maybe this is exactly the goodbye he deserves. A reminder he will never find something, someone, like this again.
It’s over too soon, and he’s left breathless lying on Evan’s chest, trying to soak in every second he can before he needs to pull away for their own good. Evan’s hands hold him tightly, and only tighten when he starts to move, but not tight enough to keep him from pulling free.
This is for the best. He tells himself this again and again and again as he slowly gets dressed, and Evan lies motionless staring up at the ceiling— Tommy only glances at him a couple times… each one has him wanting to crawl back into the bed and cling to Evan for dear life. He doesn’t.
He runs his fingers through his tousled hair, tries to find some words so he isn’t just walking out with nothing more said… but none come to him.
“I guess… I’ll see you around?” Evan says first, sighing out a halfhearted laugh at the broken record of a line— it’s like he knows it’s not true. He turns his head and finally locks eyes with Tommy, and the hold is so powerful Tommy isn’t sure if he’ll be able to break it.
He could say something… he could take it back… he could come clean about his reasons for running… He simply nods.
Evan swallows, and turns away from him— thankfully (thought is Tommy actually thankful for it?) breaking the connection himself, and looking back at the ceiling. “Goodbye Tommy…”
“Goodbye…” Buck— no… “—Evan.” He watches as Evan screws his eyes shut and turns away from him.
Tommy stumbles his way down the stairs, determined to get out of the loft— out of earshot— before succumbing to his emotions. He looks back one more time at the ruins that remain of their relationship, strikes a match and tosses it with the closing of the door.
<3<3<3<3<3
Make Me Write!
and throwing out some NP tags forrrrr @30somethingautisticteacher @onthewaytosomewhere @sunnywithachanceofbi @nine-one-wanton @judymarch15 @herrmannhalsteadproduction
@unhingedangstaddict @leashybebes @beanarie @hyperfocusthusly @kinardsevanaaand @weewookinard anyone else who wants to participate <3
#bucktommy#tommy kinard#evan buckley#make me write#wip wednesday#mpreg#bucktommy mpreg#bucktommy mpreg can fix them era
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Hello Good Omens tumblr, I come offering a fanfic
This is part of the Good Omens Ineffable Bang 2024- I'm just insanely late
The incredible cover picture & the art inside was done by the amazing @vavoom-sorted-art - check her out, she's insanely talented!
Link to the fic here
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens aziraphale#good omens crowley#crowley#aziraphale#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#ineffable idiots#supreme archangel aziraphale#Punkinwrites#I guess I'm gonna make that a tag now lol
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Cringetober Day 1. Screenshot Redraw
inspired by this early eah scene where raven "lets her bad side out" playing guitar and my cousin and I go "apple's probably losing it" and then they cut to her and she's making this face ↓
#starting off cringetober strong with day 1 on day 4 lol#I'm gonna steamroll through 2 and 3 today (and I have 4 unposted from last year so that's convenient)#prompt months are a good excuse to a draw bunch of media But last week my cousin and I rewatched some eah (my first time since high school)#so it's in my brain right now anyway :)#ever after high#eah#raven queen#apple white#rapple#tagging rapple because I made this with rapple intent but technically this is literally just what happened LOL#I Still feel like I didn't push her expression quite a far as they did but you can look at the screenshot. she's sooo funny she's so#unsubtle#this also started out as a meme redraw can you guess the meme#huge shoutout to the heart card in the bg looking like a deliberate choice on my part to make this look romantic#september 2024#(yes I did start this a little early)#cringetober 2024
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GUYS WE FINALLY HAVE SFTH LONGFORM CHARACTER TAGS ON AO3!! :D
(we still don't have any canon relationship tags as far as I know but this is still pretty cool!)
#shoot from the hip#sfth fanfiction#these definitely aren't all of them but they were the ones that i was able to find#it's annoying me a little that jemima's canon tag isn't jemima steven but ah well#it's not a huge deal since “jemima steven” redirects to the canon tag anyways#also I guess her canon name is jemima jeffrey now (cause andre beetroot referred to her as such in the patreon podcast) so??#I'm sure the relationship tags will be wrangled very soon we just gotta wait for it :]#I should probably make a new ao3 tagging guide now that there are more canon tags#but I'd like to wait until there are some canon relationship tags before making it just so I won't have to make two separate posts for it#anyways I'm so happy that we have canon character tags now!!!#especially cause I've been a little annoyed by the lack of canon tags for a while now lol#(ever since I first joined the fandom actually I've been annoyed about it for a while now)#does anyone else care about this? probably not#but *I* care about this so I'm gonna talk about it
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["So what can you expect in the coming months?"] ["…you never know!"] ["He’s always watching me..."] ["-I saw Mister Drew the other day…was meeting with that Connor fellow, holding some papers."] ["I think they saw me looking though…"] ["Just too many secrets being cooked up in the kitchen!"] ["If I didn’t know better, I’d say there was magic there."] ["A well calculated understanding between creation-"] ["-big things are coming!"] ["-and creator."] ["Massive things!"] ["That smile…"] ["..you just learn to go with it."] ["He’s always watching me..."] ["You just watch…"] ["I’ve got a good feeling something great is going to happen…”]
...
…How very interesting,such… knowledge.
{A message from Wilson Arch}
-----
Yoooo, guess who is having a birthday today. Me,obviously. :D
Oh, and Wilson too, I guess. If you wanna be THAT guy.
Remember when this video came out there were people who heard the voice at the end and thought the voice was either Sammy or the Ink Demon? Man, those were the days. However with all due respect, I'm glad neither case was right in the end lol.
On this day 5 years ago, "Unknown - April 14th" was posted on YouTube, which means it's been 5 damn years since we first heard from Wilson...
man, what a damn BABY MAN, am i right folks
It's interesting to think that even though it's been 5 years, we've only known who Wilson really is for 2 years now (or more appropriately, 1 year and 5 months of those 5 years). Of course, now, after BATDR was released, we know who he is and what his place is in the Bendy universe. But between April 1, 2019 and November 1, 2022, all we knew about him was that he…existed. He was someone - someone bad apparently - who sounded old and who would have some relevance in the plot of Dark Revival. And that's it. We had no name, no appearance, nothing. He was someone, but we didn't know who.
It's no wonder he was only referred to as "Unknown" by fans during these 3 and a half years.
In the end, I would say that this drawing is a mix of 2 things. The first being the result of an idea I've had for a while, which is basically making a drawing in relation to the original video/"unknown" tape, but this time with Wilson, since now we know it was recorded by him. Plus it's been 5 years since the original upload,5 years of Wilson. I think this would be the perfect time to do this.
And second, a strange kind of redux/homage/"final chapter" in this kind of "collection" of drawings I did between 2019 and 2022 all based on the idea of "the unknown weirdo from BATDR saying How Very Interesting Such Knowledge" and so on. All of them having other characters in mind in the role of the Unknown. And now, here I am, redoing this idea again, only with The Man Himself this time. The real Unknown. Now as the Known, so to speak.
Going back to what I said before, you can see this drawing as a kind of farewell to this particular idea that I've kind of repeated over the years, as I've now done it again only with Wilson this time. (Does this mean I'll never draw this concept/line of thought again? I mean, I assume so. But there's no guarantee I can't make something similar again down the line. Who knows what the future holds. We will see what happens in the next 5 years.)
But,yeah. 5 years of Such Knowledge™.
Have a good April Fools' Day.
(Also, there are still a few hours until the day ends where I live, so for me it's still April 1st, so yeah, this still counts)
#bendy and the ink machine#batim#bendy and the dark revival#batdr#wilson arch#crookedsmileart#I'm going to start headcanon that Wilson's birthday is on April Fools. It fits him 😌#yo perspective SUCKS; who created this;i'm gonna beat them until there's no more.#also;lighting is so. hard;how do you all do it#Does anyone have tips for lighting; it would be a huge help /gen#also also;drawing the audio logs was a BATTLE. It was sooo boring; why do I do this to myself#so many details and I had to do it in 7 of them; and it's because these are the DR models;which have more details;#if I had to make them based on IM models I would probably make them simpler. But I wanted to be accurate :-)))#since we are on this subject (and I'm 99% sure of this)#Did you know that the textures in the audio log models used in the final game#are different to those used in the videos published between Feb and April 2019? and a little less detailed?#I realized this when I was looking for references for the drawing#the audio logs in those videos and the audio logs in the final game are not the same thing (at least in terms of texture)#Next time you play BATDR; think about this lol /hj#in retrospect; I don't think those audio logs published at the time would really be relevant to the game's plot#and I think that in the end their purpose was (besides worldbuilding i guess) just to tease the existence of Wilson#I still think that Joey's audio was supposed to be more of a meta thing since the real JDS was actually growing during that time#in my head; that at least makes sense (referring to the last 2 tags)#anyway;happy birthday Wilson;you old bitch#ok i finally post this;now back to the HOG
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happy one year to her and one of my better opening lines for a fic <3
now, because i'm curious:
#to hell and back again#i genuinely can't believe it's a year but i guess that's how time works huh :')#anyway umm gonna leave some retrospective thoughts in the tags:#1. i hold this fic near to my heart but also have a very complicated relationship with it now-#mostly bc i feel like my writing has improved so much and it's hard for me to reread parts of this lol#2. i honestly feel like it's a product of its time? like i think if i was publishing it now people wouldn't like it nearly as much#(especially with the opening line wHICH HAS A POINT AND COMES FULL CIRCLE AT THE END OK JUST TRUST ME)#3. on a sadder note this also means it's been a year since we had to put my family's eldest dog down#i remember i was gonna post this first chapter later when i had finished another fic up#but then our dog just like. straight up started dying on my mom's bedroom floor#and my mom was too distressed/upset to take her to the vet so i had to put her in my car and take her on my own#and then had to go to work right after that#so yeah i was upset and was like 'well dammit im gonna post this then bc it's silly and makes me laugh and i am sad'#so yeah!! some thoughts and behind the scenes info for anyone who's bothered to read this many tags#idk these things just feel like Tags thoughts not Post thoughts#anyway thanks for all the love this one has gotten!! i'm glad people are still enjoying it though *will voice* it's been a year mike#byler
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#supposed to log good things#most of day was negative feelings and sadness#then. i remember feeling good#and then. tthe good went away#rreplaxed with the usual self doubt and loathing#the feelings of undesirability#the wish that i was. attractive in any way to anyone close to me that anyone wanted to. touch me#that i wasn't horrifically gross and disgusting#do the people who hold me do it out of pity? am i really so awful#pictures get a lot of praise#sometimes#less so lately#maybe the novelty of my personality has worn off#maybe seeing how broken i am#such a shambling wailing mess of a girl#....has made people realize how ugly i am#i don't know. its hard to care most nights#I'm supposed to feel better in the mornings#i don't usually#I used to#now i just feel..... dead inside#like a walking corpse#some part of me wants to make that reality#sigh.#anyway.#im sorry you had to read this whoever you are that's made it this far#it's a cry for help but my discord status says don't message me so it's. probably not gonna get much lol#.....i guess uh. if you've read this far and do want to say something you can take this tag in particular as a one time pass to do so#....i make no guarentees I'll respond but i will guarentee that i won't kill myself. at least not tonight or even any time this week
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!! DRUMINDOR SPOILERS IN TEXT AND TAGS !!
Listening to Drumnidor as a Hadrian girlie is not easy. My god they're assassinating his entire character and taking away his life purpose right in front of us! They're reducing him to a stupid comic relief character with no depth and no real influence on the people around him (to a greater degree than they ever did before) and they're taking away all his greatest achievements and attributing them to someone else to fit the plot! His main character status has been revoked and he's now apparently merely a supporting character in someone else's story. Please, everyone, a moment of silence for my blorbo 😔🙏 Rest in peace mr. Blackwater. At least they let you pull some impressive-arse sword moves, you looked really cool... but I am so sorry they did not let you be a practising hoe in this one 🥀
#riyria#drumindor spoilers#sorry everyone i am about five and a half hours into the audiobook and i just reached a conversation between hadrian and arcadius#and i want to fucking jump out a window#why is mjs doing hadrian like this???? what's even his fucking point in the story if it's gonna be like this????#literally and what is hadrian? chopped liver etc etc!!!!!#someone who is also reading the book please talk to me or help me see how i am misinterpreting this#i just want hadrian to be taken seriously and be valued and i want him to actually achieve something that is not just helping royce on his#journey to becoming a better person but yeah i guess he can't even have that - the one thing they kind of let him have in the other books#i am literally becoming a worse person as i listen lol#And listening to Drumindor as a Hadrian/Royce shipper is even harder!#lol#I'm sorry everyone#I can't even make any jokes about this point you'll just have to read the book yourself and find out.#i want to adopt hadrian out of that story my god i swear there is someone who cares about you and values you#crossing my fingers that the remaining 14 hours of this book is different 🤪🤡#(at least gwen is nice to hadrian and i love that we get to see them bond/see more of their friendship#it's so jarring though bc she actually treats him as an adult#and not as an idiot)#like am i losing my mind???#was it always like this????#was it different because there were other characters around to interact with???#i want to cry because i am so frustrated lol#as i reread my tags i must say it could also be that i am projecting my struggles onto him LOL#because my life is really bad rn in a suspiciously similar manner ...#either i'm a hadrian fan bc he's just like me fr or oh god i'm literally just misinterpreting everything and its not that deep#but i want him to also get the opportunity to be that deep :( ok enough tags now sorry everyone so sorry everyone#fellow hadrian fans what do we think#enter the hivemind (the replies to this post or my inbox/messages) and let me know#and royce fans what do you think about royce in this book?
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Lucky to be Coming Home chapter 3!
Link: ao3 Pairing: Jason Grace/Nico di Angelo Fandom: Percy Jackson & the Olympians Tags: Miraculous Ladybug AU, Mortal AU, implied/referenced homophobia, Chat Noir!Jason Grace, Ladybug!Nico di Angelo
Chapter Word Count: 6,882
Chapter Summary:
“He’s the akuma, Bug.” The handcuffed Chat Noir gritted his teeth, trying to pry the other Chat’s hands off the collar of his suit. The chains were just barely long enough to allow it. “He set a trap and caught me by the scruff, but I don’t know what his end goal is.” “No, I swear he’s the fake!” The Chat Noir not in chains turned to Nico, electric blue eyes wide and sincere, the fight clearly less important to him than the conversation. “He’s trying to drive a rift between us, to steal you away from me.” Chained-up Chat blinked, grip suddenly slack. “Haha, what?” Oh god. This was all Nico’s fault. or; Sometimes, the only way to deal with your feelings is by beating them up.
this chapter brought to you by Jasico Bingo Month! i hope my self-indulgent nonsense brings you as much joy as it brought me :3
#jasicobingochallenge2024#prompt: fake dating#fanfiction#jasico#thunderworld#mj talks#my writing#okay hello now that all of those tags are out of the way. welcome back to the ladybug zone#i know it's kind of a stretch to call this fake dating but i was SO EXCITED#i've wanted to do the copycat episode for so long!! and here it is!!#thank you for your patience if you're still reading this au. i love you and i am giving you a smooch on the forehead.#that makes bingo!!!!! i made it!!!!!!!#i'll post my card later i guess but for now i'm gonna eat my weight in girl scout cookies to celebrate#OH WAIT lol fogot the au tag#ml au
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#this is such a niche gripe i guess idk its why it's in the tags#but i really get so annoyed by how a lot of this fandom acts like they know everything about her especially like where she goes#and what she does in her free time because they think they KNOW about everything but#all you know is what she chooses to show you like specifically paps like...... she calls them. all celebs do. 99.999999% of the time#these days it's how that industry works which i KNOW for a fact but like don't take my word for it if you don't believe me fine#but it's how it is and i can tell you that from professional experience but also like#the amount of friends and people i know who've seen her places all over the city for YEARS now#and there are no pap photos of her in those places nor did anyone know she went to that building/restaurant/bar/event#there are a feeeeeew places in the city which are celeb hotspots and the paps might skulk around there but that's cuz#they are known spots for that and waiters and staff tip them off for profit shares#like i know someone who saw her literally last night at a restaurant#there are no photos of her there and no paps outside#like if you think she doesn't leave the house or go somewhere without you knowing cuz you think she's papped everywhere...#thats just simply not true lol couldn't be FURTHER from true#she goes so many places and does so many things that you just don't know about. it's VERY easy to live a private life in the city#EVEN THIS WEEK she's gone more places than you've seen her getting papped at cuz i know people who've seen her!#i can't tell you the amount of famous people i've come across in these situations and the press and social media were none the wiser#people i've sat next to at a crowded brunch counter or people walking their dog or taking their kid for a bike ride like.... ALL THE TIME#famous people love new york cuz new yorkers don't bother them and they can live in relative obscurity#idk what i'm getting at i guess this weirdness like I AM GONNA SHUT DOWN ANYTHING THAT I DONT HAVE PROOF OF#is so deranged to me because...... you only have ~proof~ of like 10% of her life#so the other 90% of it didn't happen cuz.... you a blogger on the internet don't have photographic evidence of it????#IS THAT NOT THE MOST INSANE THING TO SAY????#idk really weird that people just think they know her and shut down any one who poses something that doesn't fit into their#frankensteined version of her that they made out of a bunch of paparazzi photos and flight trackers and deuxmoi posts taped together#as if THATS somehow MORE sane and a more realized person#idk if i'm making sense i'm annoyed whatever whatEVERRRRR
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The Bouncy-Skate-Scoot™ brought to you by Sam and Wes
#i bet they were real nice on razor scooters#okay but now I wanna see them race each other on razor scooters#loser has to give the winner foot massages after each show for a week & make the winner's bed in the bunk area of the tour bus for a week#my WeSam senses are tingling#i just made up that ship name right now and i'm not taking it back no matter how terrible it is#I shall my plant my WeSam flag proudly on the ground and holler out a wild sound to beckon fellow supporters#very important to capitalize the S in the middle to integrate the ending s in Wes and the beginning S in Sam#okay no one has to actually call them that. ya'll do you lol. I get it. It's ridiculous. I'm just being silly#but from here on out in the rabbit hole i guess that's how i'm gonna tag them#WeSam#Wes Borland#Sam Rivers#Limp Bizkit#nu-metal#down the rabbit hole#Bizkit Brothers#Bizkit Besties#Bizkit Buddies
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If I could make a living with taking silly little screenshots of silly little virtual people I'd do it all day.
Honestly AMM is such a godsend xD I've played on a GTA RP server for a long while, my character a photographer, and that was already so much fun, even with much more limited poses and having to direct the other players around to do this or that xD No real ability to zoom or change FoV, so much clipping to fix in post, but still a blast.
This now is like heaven, so many possibilities, I feel like I didn't even scratch the surface yet, also when it comes to custom expressions or making alternate appearances aaahhh...
#my goals of what I want to do/learn next:#not just with amm but modding in general I guess#how to make NPVs and take pics with my and some friends Vs#double-date type shooting with everyone and their LIs too because everyone has a different one xD it's gonna be great#then I want to learn how to make custom appearances because I'm going feral over the thought of seeing Kerry in game wearing V's tshirt#although I have no idea if or how that's even possible - but even if not I'll certainly learn sth out of it#and maaaaybe fumble around with making V a custom tattoo and/or eyes#it would not be a full makeover or anything - more like an adjustment of what's there#cause I do like his tattoos actually just want them to be a bit more personal (and easier to draw lol)#and I do like his eyes but I've had an idea for a tiny little adjustment/detail that I'd just really like to see come to live in game too#*yells forever* what have I done to myself picking up this game!!#loving every second absolutely thriving#i live in night city now#personal stuff#tfw the rant in the tags is longer than the actual post
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DAN AND PHIL RETURN????????
#idk what I'm gonna do abt this /srs#like. I thought their videos were fun but that was 5 years ago so who knows about if I still will#and y'know obviously toxic community and annoying fans.#whatever I'll watch some and make a decision based on that I guess.#idc if they're cringe#well I mean. idc if it's cringe to watch them.#but Dan very much was leaning into that 'I'm a weirdo normal people scare me' thing that people who are only one degree removed from#normality do. so if he's leaned into that any more I don't think I'll be able to stand his 'I'm not a normie' normie ass. but I also know#he's been doing a lot of self-reflection and healing and whatever so maybe he'll be better now.#like he was so desperate to distance himself from who he used to be that he needed to make fun of everything he could have been perceived as#and make himself feel like he's better than people like that. everything from being 14 to being alternative to being a furry he needed to#make fun of all that cringe to prove that he wasn't that. y'know? he desperately wanted to be normal while still capitalizing on the 'I'm#different' thing. like his merch/clothing brand was all minimalist quirky-dark aesthetic for example. stuff you could 100% find in a big#chain store but seems just different enough for people who want to fit in but also look like they're cool and edgy and have unique opinions#like. he's the *woman in a pink tailored pantsuit* 'she's so butch!' of weird and alternative.#last I checked at least. like I said; I think he's been doing a lot of personal growth so maybe he's gotten more ok with actual weirdness.#man I didn't mean to rant in the tags here O_o sorry lol.#ThornShadow.said#(also for the record Phil is a little cringey but it's genuine so it's ok. as opposed to Dan trying to make everything 8 levels of ironic)
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"You know I'm in love with you, right?" Oh jeez it's just as (if not more) weird and awkward as it was in canon
#maddie liveblogs tlovm#vax's face when keyleth goes all 'WAIT WHAT NOW??' on him lmao. yeah that's the regret setting in lmao.#but like. ok. gonna get long and ranty in the tags here.#I mean vax has always been subtle (but not overly so!) w his flirting at the start#all I rly remember offhand is him picking flowers specifically for keyleth and being like... huh.....#note!! I am aro and autistic and generally oblivious to anything romantic in nature!!#so yeah if I were keyleth in canon and vax told me that I'd still be thrown off and surprised but. at least there were hints of it.#in the show?? none of that lol#he's been hanging around her closely and being protective/admiring/etc of her I guess?#but that can be vague and interpreted so many ways#so (in the show) for him to be all 'you know that right? ;)' like????? uhh????? not rly no????#devil's advocate his vague affection and flirting and ust could've been happening offscreen. which is dumb btw.#also I forgot about the ust. yes ok there's been a Lot of ust onscreen-#-but I hate w a passion ust in general? how momentary awkward silence between 2 ppl automatically means pining??? frick that#the only reason I'm not more upset about them is bc vax has a heart of gold and Respects keyleth and her boundaries w all his being#vaxleth is a weird ship that kinda goes against so many other ships bc it kinda naturally develops like irl couples??#idk how to explain bc like. it's slowburn but feels natural in the way most slowburns don't#it's a ship that focuses on the individuals' development and character not the romance itself??? if that makes sense????#I'm going off the rails as per usual but. yeah. I have a lot of weird thoughts about that.
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hi
#soooo I have a bunch of posts in my tag right now that i'm gonna queue#and i know there's stuff in my mentions and inbox as well (but i'll deal with that over the weekend maybe)#i really don't wanna be here atm. and wow who would have guessed that removing the thing that makes me angry & anxious & sad from my life#would make me...you know. less angry and anxious and sad.#basically i'm taking a break. or extending the one I've already been taking these past couple of weeks i guess#(except for my trekkie moonlighting lol. but that's actually a chill and happy space so it doesn't count)#i don't really wanna get into it but life is not so great and everything here has been making me even worse lmao#so until i find a way to fix that I need to stay away#touch grass as the kids say.#it is what it is 🫡
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had one of them "quarterly work meetings" just now and what i have learned is that i am severely lacking in the genre of social script that dictates how to behave when first joining a group of people you will be working with regularly from that point on
#i think mostly my coworkers are all people who are fairly neurotypical and so they like. Know how to do this stuff i guess#n so i'm kinda just standing there. like a vampire. needing to be invited in for lack of practice w/these scripts#n like i briefly mentioned this in the tags of a post on my other blog yesterday but like i notice smth similar in my chem lab#it's like i'm missing the first scene of a script to a play but have the rest of it memorized blocked n ready to go#as Soon as i know that my entrance isn't like a disruption of the expected flow i'm fine!!! i can do that shit!!!!#and more recently i've been learning n mastering the opening scenes to the play of 'making online friends'#which is different from real life bc online friendship is asynchronous. realizing now that's why online/irl friendships differ sometimes#n this is also why i tend to be more actively inviting at the start of smth new like a class or semester#bc those are the periods when the ~flow~ is setting itself n if i can manage to integrate into *that* i'm good i can do this#but i don't know how to *slip in* to an existing current as an active participant. i just know how to observe n absorb#bc it's ~personal sharing time~ (lol) but like obviously being Neurodivergent(tm) i misread a lot of cues growing up#n so now the goal feels like 'transition seamlessly into thing so that you're not a despised disruption'#which is why i've become so grateful to the kinds of people who make active efforts to include new people#like. thank you communications majors. i love you communications majors. i owe you my life communications majors.#bc it's so!! 'i promise i'm not snubbing you it's just that my direct instructions were to work Here so even though you are three feet away#'literally on the other side of this wall i'm not gonna come out n initiate conversation w/you bc those are Implicit Instructions'#'/Individual Expectations that i'm too afraid of reading incorrectly but if you come talk to me i will be normal abt it i promise'#the worm speaks#like pretty frequently these days i find myself thinking abt that one post that's like#'yeah back in the olden days being a good host was a learned skill n it involved these sorts of specific things'#'like matching up n introducing guests to each other by saying 'this is x this is y you both like turtles :)'#like i feel like that's the Spirit of icebreakers these days but even if you have interests in common w/someone across the circle#it can be kind of awkward to cross the room afterwards to talk to them so you just end up talking w/whoever's nearest or no one at all
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