#I gotta quit ordering online with them 'cause they suck so bad at making things correctly if I'm not standing there telling them what to do

[icedteaandoldlace]

I ordered a footlong from Subway so I could eat half for lunch today and take the other half to work for lunch tomorrow, but they left off my lettuce and it killed the whole vibe of the sandwich, and now I'm not sure if even want to eat my sad sandwich half tomorrow, I think I'm just gonna have to go buy groceries.

[astercontrol]

So I just saw someone reblog a frantic PSA about a proposed law that was (supposedly) going to cut off millions of people's access to online fandom within a few weeks if we didn't stop it right away.

There were tons of details that looked not quite right about this story. So, of course, I skimmed through the reblogs to see if anyone else had added more context...

I'm gonna say right off: I did not get to dive very far into the many red flags, because the main disqualifier turned out to be that the law already failed to pass years ago and the post was half a decade old.

Always look at timestamps.

But also:

You gotta be careful of assertions that some law is about to pass and that it will immediately ruin a lot of lives in some way. There are cases where that's true or nearly true (I could name some anti-abortion decisions from the past few years). But that's not the norm.

First of all: When a law is "passed" that does not mean it instantly goes into effect. Passing a law (in the US but also lots of other places) is a multi-step process, and VERY often a news story will say something "passed" or "is about to pass" when it actually just means passing ONE of those steps, and not the final one.

Then, even once something is signed into law, it almost always has a period of time before it actually gets enforced. Especially if it's a law affecting a complex system, like how websites are required to moderate their posts or manage the accounts of their users.

Even assuming absolutely everyone tried their hardest to obey such a law right from the moment it passed... they literally couldn't, until they had time to restructure entire systems. So the law probably contains something like, "every organization affected has 9 months to make the required changes."

(And during those months, there may very well also be protests and movements to repeal or amend the law... and they might succeed. So it's not even guaranteed to be fully in effect after the stated timeframe.)

Also: please think for a little while about the logistics of how a law would or COULD be enforced, once fully in effect.

Suppose, like this one I saw the post about, it's a copyright law targeting potentially infringing material. What would a social media platform have to do in order to comply?

Would there need to be a team of moderators vetting every post in real-time as it was posted to make sure it didn't violate anyone's copyright? Or an automated piece of software making that decision as things are posted? (YouTube seems to do that, and it sucks.) Or would moderation only happen if someone reported it for violation? And how does it happen then? (Will it follow Tumblr's model, where if a poster has enough enemies maliciously reporting their posts, the moderators will just go "oh I guess there MUST be something wrong with these posts" and ban them?)

You'll notice I mentioned a couple of bad systems that are already in effect. Both of them exist at least partly because of legislation that passed at some point. But neither of them appeared instantly after such legislation was signed. And neither of them cut off the whole population of a country from fandom.

In fact those systems of moderation are hugely ineffective even for their intended purpose -- in both directions. They unjustly censor a lot of stuff that DOESN'T actually break their rules, but at the same time they let through a ton of stuff that DOES. If you were gonna investigate whether the legislation behind these policies had "cut people off" from being able to access any particular type of content... you'd have very mixed evidence to analyze.

Which is not to say that you shouldn't protest such legislation when it's in process! In many, many cases you absolutely should! I wish to hell that more people already had!

BUT when people go around sharing these calls to protest worded in such a panic-inducing way-- "we'll all instantly lose access to everything!"-- that is harmful to the cause even if it is a good thing to be protesting.

Firstly, because when the people opposed to a bill are spreading inaccurate information about it, this obviously erodes respect for valid protests and weakens them.

Secondly, because after the fact-- if the harmful legislation does pass-- the people who feared it are going to be dreading some immediate apocalypse.

And if that doesn't happen (which usually it doesn't, since real-world change tends to be slow!) ... they'll lose their fear of the legislation.

Over time, they'll forget what they were even afraid it would do.

And, months or years later, they'll start seeing things happen that are scarily close (though probably not identical) to what they were once fear-mongering about...

...and they will not realize where it came from! The bill they were scared of before, that's so long ago it isn't even on their radar anymore!

They'll go looking for something recent to blame. And of course it'll be something much too recent to have actually caused the problem.

But it'll get all the attention (because attention spans work that way). And the actual culprit will go on doing its damage, undisturbed. I have seen this happen. We all have.

So just.... think, when you're reblogging calls to action about something that scares you, okay? Pay attention and think about it for a few minutes. Please.

[mooifyourecows]

Hey moo, I dont know if you’d want to address my ask or not, cause it is quite depressing. But my brother and I had just have the roughest and unluckiest week. He ordered an entertainment console online and we were scammed.

The seller didnt let us know it was an international package and he kept demanding an increase of custom payment after payment saying that the customs wont let it go until we made all these absurdly growing amount and that we would get the amount back during delivery. We lost 4k (in my currency) in total 😔 (I lent him 2k from me and 2.2k my brother)

I had a very bad anxiety strike and I could not attend my classes in fear of getting a panic attack during driving. The saddest thing is, the money I had in my account was freshly withdrawn from my saving bank to pay my student loans.

We dont know if we’ll get it back (high probability of not🙅‍♀️) and I could barely function. I dont know how I’ll do for my debate tournament this weekend. I was really looking forward to the end of this week to celebrate my first real tournament😔

ahh i'm so sorry that you got scammed babe. that sucks so bad 😩

i don't know where you bought the console but if it's through a site like ebay or amazon, you can try filing a complaint. if you made your purchase through a debit or credit card you can potentially ask your bank to help you get your money back through something called a chargeback. if you did it through a money transfer, you might be able to get that back too by talking to your bank and giving them the information of the transfer like the seller's bank number. (this is based on my knowledge of American systems so i'm not sure if it's true for your country but it's worth a shot if you haven't tried it yet!)

i hope there's a chance for you to get your money back. scammers are everywhere these days and you gotta be sure that you're buying from reputable sources. but that's really difficult when scammers are getting so good at pretending to be legit 😑

if it makes you feel better, pretty much everyone will be scammed at least once in their life, so don't feel ashamed! i once let a jackass at a comic convention convince me that the thing i wanted to buy from him had 20$ worth of taxes on it 🤦‍♂️ all because i can't do math on the spot. he was like "yeah i know the sticker says 40 dollars but with taxes it's 60" and i was like "ohhh makes sense" 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

I hope your debate tournament goes well! Use your fury from this experience to crush your opponents! 🦖 No mercy 💪

And celebrate anyway! even in times when things go bad, you deserve to grab onto scraps of happiness and celebration, so celebrate your little heart out just to spite that mother fucker that scammed you. if i ever meet him in real life i'll shove his face in a toilet and wedgie him into next tuesday

keep your chin up, babe, life goes on and you're too cool to let anything keep you from plowing forward 🏄‍♂️

[bitchesgetriches]

Noble citizens of the aspirationally decadent Conglomerated Nation of Bitches Get Riches: let’s have a lil’ chat, shall we? It’s been a while since we chatted about our favorite topic: ourselves!

We hope you’ve enjoyed season two of the Bitches Get Riches podcast. Recording it was a bright spot for us during this dumpster fire of a year, so thank you all for listening.

As we wrap up another season, we had a few notes to share with you. Including some more personal reflections about how we’re doing, where we’re at, and what the future holds.

Let’s get into it!

Merch is back online

If you visited our Etsy shop in the last few months, you might’ve noticed the physical merch—tee shirts and coffee mugs and tote bags and such—wasn’t listed anymore. Basically, when lockdowns started, it caused a lot of disruption and delays on orders. Not wanting people to be stuck waiting for stuff, we decided to take it all offline, and only offer digital merch.

As of today, we’ve reactivated everything! But please keep in mind that there may still be delays, depending on what’s happening in the world! We appreciate your patience, if patience is indeed called for.

Visit Our Etsy Shop

Season one transcripts

Next, we wanted to let you guys know that we now have transcripts available for season one of the Bitches Get Riches podcast!

We’re committed to making BGR as accessible as we possibly can. We know that some people can’t hear, or struggle to absorb information aurally, so transcripts were something we’ve always wanted to offer.

… But, you know, at the end of the day, we’re just two people! Transcribing and editing audio is time- and labor-intensive work, and there just aren’t enough hours in the day for us to do it along with the fifteen million other things we have to do.

We were able to offer season one transcripts thanks entirely to A Purple Life, a peerlessly talented and wonderful fellow blogger who selflessly made it happen. (If you don’t already read her stuff, you’ve already disobeyed us, as we commanded you to in 10 Rad Black Money Experts to Follow Right the Hell Now. And for that, we’re strongly considering smiting you.)

We’re incredibly thankful to Purple for her hard work on this. But we also feel strongly that this DESERVES to be paid work! So the release of season two transcripts is dependent on getting more Patreon donors to offset funding it.

Season 1, Episode 1: “Should I Tell My Boss I’m Looking for Another Job?”

Season 1, Episode 2: “How Should I Behave on My First Day at Work?”

Season 1, Episode 3: “My Parents Have Bad Credit. Should I Help by Co-signing Their Mortgage?”

Season 1, Episode 4: “Capitalism Is Working for Me. So How Could I Hate It?”

Season 1, Episode 5: “I Don’t Love My Job, but It Pays Well. Should I Quit—or Tough It Out?”

Season 1, Episode 6: “I Lent My Boyfriend Money. He Took It to a Casino.”

Season 1, Episode 7: “I’m Terrible at Budgeting. Do I Suck It Up—Or Is There Another Way?”

Season 1, Episode 8: “My Mother Demands Information About My One-Night Stands.”

Season 1, Episode 9: “I’ve Given up on My Dream Career. Where Do I Go From Here?”

Season 1, Episode 10: “I Want a Pedigreed Dog. She Wants a Rescue Mutt. It Turned into a Fight… and the Fight Got Ugly.”

Season 1, Episode 11: “I Feel Cornered by a Friend Who Keeps Asking to Borrow Money.”

Season 1, Episode 12: “Should I Believe the Fear-Mongering about Another Recession?”

Bonus Episode: Merry Bitchmas! The 2019 Star-Studded Holiday Spectacular

For transcripts, scroll to the bottom of each episode and click “episode transcript.” Or read them directly in the podcast player of your choice!

Podcast reviews

We also super wanted to thank all the people who’ve etched their names in blood upon the dusty pages of our dark grimoire written reviews for the show on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, and other places!

We are beyond flattered by the kind things you guys have said about us. Like MoonPetalLily, who described us as “the snarky older sisters [they] wish [they] had.”

FunshineKelly said our “advice helped [them] land a $20k raise and a signing bonus without crying even a little bit.” GOOD! We don’t support tears in the workplace! Not even in the sanctity of your car parked way in the corner of the parking lot. Keep it together!

And God bless MelHubbs, who said, and I quote:

They’re prepared, and still relaxed; informative, and still light-hearted; comforting, and still sexual. It’s everything you could ever want in a podcast, in an internet personality, in your sisters-in-arms against the terrible war between capitalism and what humans actually need to survive & thrive. One of my favorite things about them is that they don’t have any corporate sponsors or ads, so you know what they’re saying is what they mean, not what their advertisers want them to say. If you’re able, support them on Patreon! If you’re not, listen to their podcast, take their advice to heart, reflect on your options, make your moves, then, with your newfound financial independence, become a patreon!

MelHubbs, you joyful sonnet!

Your review is so good that it reads suspiciously like something we paid you to write! But we’re too cheap for that—IT REAL!

Bitches Get Riches at the crossroads

All right. Time to level with you guys.

In keeping with 2020’s overarching theme (“everything is pure shit”), this year has become a real “shit or get off the pot” moment for the two of us.

Although I’m comfortable and doing fine, Piggy is still unemployed. And last week she received the last unemployment check she’s entitled to. It sucks. And it’s scary.

Being a partnership is awesome in almost every way. But one way that it sucks is that we have to earn double the amount of money to be truly profitable! (And no, before you ask, it’s not possible for us to only pay Piggy. Believe me, that was our original plan—but it turns out that’s not allowed in a 50/50 legal partnership. We must pay ourselves equally, or Uncle Sam will spank us. And he doesn’t do it in the sexy way—only the traumatic way!)

Piggy is doing okay for now. She has freelancing work, and an intact emergency fund. But understandably, anxiety and worry take their toll. She’s pushing through it, but it’s hard. Creativity and passion can’t thrive for long without some measure of safety and stability.

During these scary times, our Patreon community has been a lifeline. As more and more of you have joined us, it’s slowly crept up from grocery money to grocery and utility bill money! So thank you, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts thank you to those who’ve stepped up and joined.

But we’re kind of at a crossroads. Because of Piggy’s situation, we really need it to become “paying the mortgage” money. And it’s gotta get there pretty fast. Otherwise, it’s just not fair to ask Piggy to invest so much of her time in Bitches Get Riches, when she could be taking on higher paying freelancing work to keep herself afloat.

And trust me, you do not want a BGR that’s too Kitty-heavy. I am longwinded af, slowly losing my abilities to think and spell, and take every possible detour to inject disgusting sexual comments wherever they are least germane (although idk maybe you’re here for that).

Our new goal for ourselves, and you

With all of that in mind, we have a new goal: to produce season three of our podcast, we need 500 total Patreon donors.

Today we have… 294. So that’s, uhhhhh… a really ambitious goal!

It’s probably too ambitious. We’re probably gonna fail. Who cares, it’s 2020! The planet is on fire and god is already dead, so we have no reason not to give it our all!

We are leaving this in your hands. We—Piggy and I—believe that the world would be a better place if people could hear reliable, relatable financial wisdom funded by regular people, untainted by corporate sponsors with deep pockets who want us to push their capitalist crap upon you. And 294 of you have already demonstrated that you believe that too. Thank you, thank you, infinity thank yous to all of you who are already a part of our Patreon community. You are shining stars that smell faintly of vanilla.

For the rest of you: if you like what we do and you want us to keep doing it, please show us that you believe in it too. You can do that by joining us at the Bitches Get Riches Patreon.

We hope to be back soon for a third season. Until then, stay safe, stay sane, wear your masks, triple-check that you’re registered to vote, and save room for dessert. (What’s for dessert? So glad you asked—it’s the rich!)

For now, Bitches OUUUTTTTT!

Join the Bitches on Patreon

Join the Bitches on Patreon

[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

[taeswurld]

Ace VII [8 fucking 30]

pairing: bakugo x fem!reader

genre: humor, romance

TW: violence, cursing, angst, fluff

Summary:

Shifting into My Hero was a total mistake, all those tiktoks you watched on a daily about shifting somehow convinced your brain to take part. Now the question is how to wake up, and most importantly, DON’T GET ATTACHED TO STUPID DRAWINGS!

A/N:

Yuhhhhh i made a new chapter. Reblog and like for clear skin hotties! 

{ACE MASTERLIST}

Once you finished resting up, and once everyone cleaned up their appearance, you all decided to pay a visit to a certain superhero to see if they could help you figure out your little problem.

Well, not little problem. Big problem. Very big problem. 

“Hey Y/N,” Midoriya began as he walked besides you and Hiro. “Do you by any chance remember All Might? Or Mr. Aizawa?” 

You shook your head and looked down. “Sorry Midoriya, I don't really remember anything. I mean, the names sound familiar, but I can't exactly put faces to them. All my memories are blobby.” 

“What the fuck does blobby mean?” Bakugou asked as he stomped behind you. 

“You don’t know what blobby means, Bakugou?” You asked as a smirk covered your face. “Come on dude, catch up with the lingo.” 

“Shut up! No one know what you and your stupid vocabulary means half the time anyways. You always sprouting some stupid shit.” He scowled. 

“Yeah Bakugou,” Todoroki grinned. “Catch up with the lingo.” 

“Shut the fuck up, Teapot.” He growled. 

“Hey! Before you two get into another fight,” Midoriya intervened. “I suggest we get this problem fixed first.” He gave them a hard glare. 

“Whatever. The only reason why I’m here is because I don’t need Y/N’s dumbass making us look weak.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” You said rolling your eyes. 

Dear God, this guy was infuriating. 

“We get it dude. I’m weak and stupid and you’re the greatest Hero ever. Woopie.” You said pouring as much sarcasm as you could into your voice. 

“Hey, cut it out, you two.” Midoriya said. “We’re here. I overheard they were going to have a teacher meeting, so let’s just wait outside until they're done.” 

You turned away from Bakugou and turned to look at a huge door. You could hear slight muffles, but nothing too clear. As much as you wanted to eavesdrop, you couldn’t bring yourself to disrespect the people who are probably going to determine your future. 

The four of you decided to sit against the wall, with Midoriya to your right and Todoroki to your left. Hiro was being stiffly pet by Todoroki, while Bakugou sat in front of you. 

“So what was your life before you were morphed here?” Todoroki asked. 

“Nothing special,” you shrugged. “In my dimension, or whatever, there was this huge pandemic that pretty much took over the world. It's like, highly contagious, so we can't leave our house. I did school online and pretty much have stayed home. You can’t exactly come into contact with too many people.” 

“Sheesh, a pandemic?” Midoriya asked. 

“Yeah, it was pretty bad, a lot of people died. And it sucks. But I’ve stayed home a lot. Other than that nothing interesting’s been going on in my life. Literally go on tik tok everyday for like 3 hours everyday though.” You said with a small smile. 

“Tik what?” Bakugou asked with a furrow in his brows. 

“Nothing. Just a stupid app. But what happened here? Like I wanna get an idea of what part of the timeline I’m in.” You asked, looking around. 

“Villains attacked us at U.A.” 

“We fought villains at the train camp where Bakugou and you were targets.” 

“I beat Deku’s ass.” 

“Okay! Okay! Maybe I should’ve been more clear.” You said putting your hands up to get them to pause on the talking. 

“Wait, Midoriya, he beat your ass?” You said giving him a disappointing look. 

“Hey! I didn’t actually expect an actual fight! And just for your information, I for sure won that fight” He said giving Bakugou a slight glare, but still grinning from ear to ear. 

“Oh yeah? You wanna go again shitty nerd?” Bakugou smirked. 

“I’ll be sure to record when Midoriya beats your ass into the ground.” Todoroki chimed in.

“Shut up, Half-and-Half. I’ll beat your ass too.” Bakugou turned to look at him. 

“As much as I would love to see that, I don't need you idiots destroying anymore school property.” 

The four of you looked up to see a pale man with long hair. He had eyebags that could go on for miles. And he had a white scarf around his neck. Honestly, the man looked like he hasn’t showered or slept properly in years. 

“Mr. Aizawa!” The boys exclaimed. The three of them quickly stood up to give him a bow. 

“Hey.” You waved, clearly not getting the hint to stand up. Hiro, however, gave the man a friendly bark and also stood up. 

“I see you still have your rude American customs Y/N. How many times I gotta tell you to bow to your sensei.” He said giving you a playful glare. 

“You can take the girl out of America but can’t take the American out of the girl.” you said, giving him a smirk. 

He sighed, looking used to your snarky comments. “Well, get on with it. Why are you all here?” He asked looking towards Midoriya. 

“Well, we have a slight problem. You know how she had that accident last night?” Midoriya began. 

“She stupidly lost all her skill and any memories of how to work that idiot quirk of hers.” Bakugou chimed in. 

“What? Y/N, explain.” Aizawa said sternly. 

“Okay, well, I’m not actually from this dimension.” you stood up looking at the man nervously, hoping he doesn't kick you out for what you’re about to say. 

“I was transported here last night. Or was it this morning? Well anyways, I’m not actually from here and in my dimension we don’t have powers, or quirks, or whatever, and I don't even know what I’m doing here because I’m totally supposed to be in first period right now, or is it third? I don't know but I don’t know if this is a dream, because to be quite honest, I’m like totally freaking the shit out, and I have this super duper power, and I don't know how to control it, and my dog apparently has powers too but I don’t know what it is cause we haven’t had the chance to test it out, but I make people’s ears bleed, and-” 

“Alright, enough!” His eyes glared a bright read and his hair stood up. 

Immediately, you shut your mouth, hoping not to get him mad. 

“So you don’t remember how to control your quirk?” You shook your head no. 

He sighed looking much more stressed than when he first saw you. “Okay here’s what we’re going to do.” He began. 

“Everyday, for the next 2 months, you will be training with these three troublemakers in hope of getting your control back. I’ll talk to principal Nezu about this and see if there's a reason why another version you ended up here in this dimension. I will also be asking All Might to supervise you four just in case anything happens. We’ll monitor your progress weekly.

“I’m not sure if your memory affects your knowledge on what we’ve been learning so far, like Math. I’ll be sure to ask your teachers to test you on what you’ve been learning.” He concluded. 

“Oh come on! Tests? That blows.” You complained. 

“As for your dog,” He said giving you a glare to shut you up again, “We can go ahead and use Midoriya’s notebooks and the file we have to check him out. As far as I can remember, you two are a team, he helps you gain control, and at the same time provides backup.” 

“We can take a look at my notes later, okay?” Midoriya turns to give you a reassuring smile. 

“Okay, well for now, I suggest the three of you go back to the dorms, take a shower, and wait for the rest of your classmates to get back. I’m not sure if this is a one-day thing, but I want you to get to bed early, got it Y/N? And I’m talking Bakugou-bedtime early, got it?” He said. 

“Yeah, don't worry. What time do you sleep, blondie? 10? 10:30?” You turn to ask. 

“Try 8:30.” Todoroki said, rolling his eyes. 

“8 fucking 30 dude? Are you insane?” You yelled, widening your eyes at the new information. 

“If you don't like it princess, it’s not my problem. Teacher’s orders.” He said smirking. 

“Am I understood Y/N? Also no more use of your quirk until there’s a certified adult around.” He said. 

“Yeah, yeah. I got it.” you said dejected at the fact that you would be sleeping at the time you ate dinner. 

You turned to glare at Bakugou, silently promising to yourself that if you ever managed to get your control back, you were going to participate in that fight the boys were talking about earlier to beat the shit out of Bakugou’s ass. 

taglsit: lanaxians-2 soft-levi-girl-blog

[kvngjoong]

changbin + nsfw a-z

changbin and I are literally the same person, our personality type is the same, we like the same things, we are the same height, same blood type, born the SAME day, and now i’ve done this i’m fully convinced if we ever meet one another it will just be the spider man meme

A: Aftercare

i don’t think there would be much afterwards. he would probably just fall back on the pillow, eyes shut and mouth slightly open, his entire body working through what just happened between you. he’ll grow more affectionate the longer you’re together and probably become a tiny bit better with aftercare but for the most part, that’s on you buddy

B: Body part

he likes his chest/arms, cause he can make you look so small next to him without even trying, so for you it’s your waist because it’s kinda tiny and he wraps his arms around your waist makes him feel bigger again. he has a low key size kink because he feels kinda emasculated since he’s not that tall (sorry chanbinnie) and likes to feel bigger than you, at least in that sense

C: Cum

whilst he cums easily, a subsequent orgasm won’t be the easiest thing for him. he cums quite a bit more than average, something you might not have expected from him, and he tastes better than average too. it’s a joyful experience with changbin, which isn’t something that you can say for everyone

D: Dirty Secret

changbin can be very needy, as said before. he sometimes finds himself getting off to the smallest of things. like the one time he took this silk dress from your wardrobe that he thought looked really nice on you and used it to jerk off with. he never said anything about it again, he didn’t even act like he knew why it was mixed in with your washing when you openly asked why it was there since you hadn’t washed it. he feels bad for it, since he never told you, but you looked really nice in it and the material was nice to touch (and use)

E: Experience

a bit, but not too much. probably focused on other things his entire life and turned people down unintentionally for other things. he also seems like he is the type to not pick up on people’s signals. so there’s that

F: Favourite Position

he’s gonna smack your ass a few times so doggy, but if he’s sub then he likes it when you’re on top - cowgirl or something similar. likes it a bit kinkier so don’t expect missionary to come up very often unless your legs are over his shoulders and he’s got something your butt too

G: Goofy

he can take a joke and make one too. not everything has to be serious with him. may even pull out the aegyo from time to time and you guys start laughing so hard that you have to stop to calm down (and then not actually do anything, what the fuck changbin). if it was serious the whole time then it would just make him uncomfortable and the atmosphere between the two of you would be different. your relationship isn’t like that in general

H: Hair

he probably...makes...an...effort?? to shave but like sometimes he can’t be bothered so it’s hit and miss. he’s not that bothered by it but sometimes he wants to take care of himself so he’ll trim his hair or shave it but since he’s not bothered, he won’t be like i gotta do it every thursday or that’s it. not unless he has a special occasion (wink)

I: Intimacy

whilst it may not always seem completely intimate with him, it is - don’t worry. he sees sex as more than just fucking and will probably make that more obvious the longer that you’re together. he may not express his emotions all the time, but know that each time he pushes you against a wall, you’re the only one he wants to do it with and he’s doing it because he loves you

J: Jack Off

he does it a healthy amount, should there be more to it? will send you a video or two with a follow up message like ‘wish you were here 🥵🥺’ then adamantly deny he ever did it. likes to jack off in front of you too, having you tied up to the bed and needy to touch him but he does it himself, or have you control how he jerks off when you dom

K: Kink

there could literally just be a list but i’ll spare you that. he’s into a lot of the bdsm stuff, both giving and receiving - he likes bondage, organsm denial, a hint of sadism, biting, general dom/sub stuff, restrictions, the cliche things tbh. he likes experimenting and will occasionally order something in your name so you open it and find inside a spreader bar or a whip or something. he wants to explore that side of things, and would really like if you joined him

L: Location

literally, it could be anywhere. he’s down for it as long as it’s not public. the bathroom at a club, the hallway when you first come through your apartment door, the kitchen side, he’s gonna use it to get you off. somehow though, unless it’s a quickie, it will always end up in the bedroom. maybe because it’s easier in there - changbin gravitates to somewhere he can fall asleep naturally

M: Motivation

you really think he has to see a picture of you looking a little nsfw to get horny? nope. it could literally be a word that sets him off. he’ll be talking to you and you’ll say something and somewhere right at the back of his mind he’ll remember what you did at a random date and time and he’ll be like damn, wish that was happening right now. and he’s off. but revealing clothes (not completely, only slightly) will also get his attention

N: NO

the usual. not into anything like scat which is usual, probably isn’t into voyeurism either because he thinks it’s a bit weird. probably wouldn’t have any hard limits at the top of his head so it’s up to you to set them - he’s into most things, maybe a few soft limits, but he’s a kink little bitch so there’s no worries with him

O: Oral

it’s integral for him. sex wouldn’t be the same if he wasn’t spending at least a quarter of it with his hand in your hair, bobbing your head up and down on his dick, and another quarter with his lips sucking at your clit as he smirks because you obviously really enjoyed whatever he just did so he’s definitely going to do it again. he enjoys both giving and receiving, and when he’s domhe can take it to another level and do some bdsm stuff with it too (anyone wanted their clit bitten? call changbin)

P: Pace

faster and harder than you may have expected it. slow? changbin doesn’t know what that word means. he’s gonna make you wish you took him up on his offer or eating you out or something because when he fucks you it’s enough to literally make you cry. that album… reckless and relentless… it was written about changbin. he’s not afraid to leave a few marks here or there and give you some trouble walking the next day

Q: Quickie

just because they’re common with him doesn’t automatically mean it’s preference of his… changbin would want things to be slower sometimes. but life has to happen and he accepts that sometimes it’s the only thing you both can do. usually when it’s a quickie you’ll just be sucking his dick or he’ll be fingering you, but hey, it’s whatever - you both get off so what’s the problem?

R: Risk

he doesn’t mind an occasional possibility of someone catching you guys at it but he would prefer some time between the two of you and doesn’t like to rush things (unless the point is rushing things, then risk is part of it). he draws a line at public sex but an open space is fine for him, given that there still is a bit of privacy

S: Stamina

he can go for a while, but he usually doesn’t. since he struggles with cumming twice, he will stick to just one round and put as much effort into it as he can do. which means it’s gonna be a long, wild ride with him - and most of it won’t be him actually fucking you, he’s better with the whole foreplay bit

T: Toy

he actually doesn’t mind them!! at first he will be apprehensive to actually introduce them into any sexual activities (and will blush at the thought of it) but after you bring it up, he’s happy to suggest what toys he wants to buy and will spend some time looking through stuff with you online. he’s a bit fan of collars and wrist ties, for both you and him

U: Unfair

he’s a bit of a tease in general, but only beforehand. when you’re actually getting at it, changbin will never avoid trying to get you off. he wants to please you no matter whether that’s by actually pleasing you or showing you that he’s a good boy. it’s only during the night before he mentions that he's got a boner that he’s a tease, and it’s usually when he whispers things in your ear and keeps his hands on you for a little too long

V: Volume

whilst he isn’t afraid to make noises when he’s in that mood, he doesn’t usually make any unless he’s the sub. as before, he can do both dom and sub but when he does sub it’s a completely different side of him you might not have ever seen before (or expected). he’ll be a whining mess and begging you for more, moaning to no end to show you how good you are. if he’s dom then he’ll stick to a few groans and some dirty talk

W: Wild Card

this may not be a surprise, but changbin seems like he would really be into someone who was tatted and pierced. like he would get an immediate hard on over seeing you with a tattoo or a new piercing that you got done. it’s not even necessarily sexual ones, literally an ear piercing would make him go ooh and think it look hot. but that isn’t to say that he doesn’t appreciate if you did get a piercing done which was more nsfw - he would be itching to play with it as soon as he could

X: X-Ray

he’s shorter, but thicker. fills you up pretty well and can please you nonetheless so it’s pleasurable so you won’t have anything to complain about - anything he can’t do himself, he’ll make sure you get

Y: Yearning

a needy baby is a yearning baby. he always wants to do stuff and it’s guaranteed he will be down for something if you are. whilst he probably gets horny a lot he doesn’t actually need to do anything and can resist the temptation to distract you and get on with something else

Z: ZZZ

doesn’t usually fall asleep afterwards, but definitely on the more tired side afterwards. he will be kinda sleep laying next to you, probably have his head on your shoulder as he mumbles things that are slightly incoherent with his eyes mostly shut. he’ll wake up a bit as time goes on and be down to do whatever you want, but if you’re dragging him out of the bedroom he’ll be loosely holding your hand as you drag him to the kitchen or wherever

[with-galaxies-in-her-veins]

hey, it's ya girl, and i'm back with some more relationship stuff, since apparently relationships are hard, and they suck, but oh well, what can we do, we're a world blinded by the facets of love 

today we’re going to talk about letting go and moving on

yeah, a strange concept, i know. but here’s the thing: sometimes you need to let someone go in order to allow someone new to come into your life. not only will this allow you to heal, recover, or whatever you need at the moment, but it’ll help the other person as well. maybe it's not your intention to "help" them, but if you do this, it'll make you feel so much better, mentally and even physically (as stress and depression take quite the toll on the body). there are a few scenarios i'm going to break down today, and the first one will be: breakups

breakups SUCK, and they're painful, and yeah, you might want to make your ex a sim and burn it in a house fire, but here's the thing: by doing this, you are giving that person headspace, therefore giving them power over you that they don't deserve. in some cases, breakups are mutual, and those are the easiest to get over, because you're not riddled with the guilt of dumping someone, or with the pain of being dumped (raise your hand if you've been here, rip). we're not here to talk about you dumping someone, though, we're here to talk about you being dumped, or, to put it nicer, broken up with. 

i know that it's hard, and i know that it hurts, but trust me - someone better will come along. someone who loves you for you, and will be the perfect missing puzzle piece to your Ravensburger. you, as an individual, are amazing, okay? you have this uniqueness about you that nobody else could even dream of replicating. it doesn't matter that i don't know who'll read this, because every person in the world has that unique spark in them, regardless of who they are. that spark is what makes people fall in love with you, and if they start to realize that they can no longer care for that spark, then it's not your fault. don't try and win back their affections, especially if they've already moved on. i've said this before, and i'll say it again:

"don't chase after someone who wouldn't even think twice about leaving you behind. sure, it might hurt to just block them out, but sometimes it's for the best. after all, if they were willing to just up and leave in the first place, what makes you so sure that they'll stay any longer? sure, it's going to be hard, but you can do this. toxic people are something that you'll run into every day, but it's your choice if you let them poison you or not."

it might seem harsh, but think about it - what would keep them from leaving you again? save yourself the heartache and move on, okay? you've got the whole world in front of you, and i know that you can do infinitely better than some sod who left you.

rejection

rejection. O U C H. since we're all on tumblr, i'm going to use internet rejection as this example. say you meet someone online that you really like. they're funny, sweet, smart, whatever you're into. things are going good, going great, you feel awesome and floaty and almost maybe a little in love, then suddenly, BOOM. bomb is dropped and they ghost you. even if you've never really met in person, you still form this emotional attachment to the person, which makes being rejected by them all the more painful, and that's okay. it's okay to be hurt by someone you've never met before, and it's okay to feel bad. what's not okay is soaking in the feeling and letting it ruin your life. 

another example would be when someone's interested in you, but you keep shutting them down for whatever reason, then they move on and you suddenly feel rejected. yeah, that sucks, but look, you shut them down, right? even though they CLEARLY showed interest in you, regardless of age (this is only okay if you're both legal, obviously), distance, medical issues, sense of humour, etc? so although it's okay to feel sad that they've moved on and are with someone else, it's not okay to play the victim here. it's not fair to the other person, and it's not fair to you. for one, you're better than some petty little anger at not being "the chosen one" anymore, and for another, it'll make the other person feel bad about being happy. so be the bigger person. don't worry, you'll find someone else who loves you, or shows the same amount of interest, if not more. so stand up, stop moping, and try being happy for the other person. if you truly care about them, then you'll want them to be happy, no matter what, right?

moving on

gotta get your move on, boi (or gal, or nonbinary pal, whichever applies to you). i'm not saying "go chase after someone else now," as that's just not healthy. let it happen in your own time, and don't push for a relationship. if it's meant to be, it'll happen, and your manipulating the situation will only cause it to backfire. 

so, onto the methods of moving on for those who don't quite want to move on:

block the person. i mean seriously, just block them, especially if they're only causing you heartache 

practice some self-care methods. journal, draw, create, just do something that'll help you take your mind off of things. bonus points if you love what you're doing 

if you're angry at the person, then make a sim for them and kill it. give it the worst luck possible, the worst life imaginable in the sims. this will act as your outlet of anger, and will prevent you from going off a the person (hopefully). obviously this isn't the most ideal or healthy way of coping and moving on (as i stated earlier), but i must say, it is quite effective. 

write a letter stating what you're feeling. pour your heart out, write a poem, insult them in ancient shakespearean language, just write. it doesn't matter if you don't ever send the letter, email, text, whatever, just compose it, then dispose of it, or save it to re-read later. one method that i suggest is to write down what you're feeling on paper, the rip the paper up into little shreds. if you're in a stable state of mental health, you can even burn it (just be sure not to start any fires!). if you write an email, then address it to a spam email account of yours so that you don't accidentally send it. if you choose to text or dm, type it out to someone else first, in case. if you're feeling particularly brave, you can send this message. the times i've done all of these are innumerable, and each time they've really helped me to sort out how i feel about what went down, even if i never actually sent it.

accept how you feel and let it go. if you're a big visualization fan, then find something to symbolize how you feel about the person (gifts they gave you that you no longer want, pictures, letters, etc. just make sure to take pictures so you don't forget that at one point, they actually did like you), and let it go. all it will be is dust in the wind, particles of the atmosphere being turned into something new. 

wallow. take one day off and just cry. wallow in self-pity. eat a whole pizza to yourself (just kidding, don't do that), watch sappy romance movies, just take the time to feel bad. this one day is the only day where you'll let your emotions fully take over, the only day where you're allowed to feel whatever emotion, as long as you don't act aggressively on those emotions. so grab some kleenex, put on a sad movie, eat some ice cream, and cry. you'll be okay, i promise.

i know that moving on can be quite difficult, and it can be quite painful, no matter how much you try to hide from those feelings. having a support system is so unbelievably important. if you don't feel like you can tell your friends or family, then reach out to someone you feel like you can trust. scream your feelings into the void, if you feel like that's the only way you can rant. just don't wallow in self-pity and make others feel bad for being happy just because you're in a funk. it's not worth it, and frankly, it's just a waste of time. 

you are amazing, beautiful, clever, intelligent, funny, everything that you were meant to be, and nothing, not even a little relationship problems, can take that away from you.

now here's a few questions i have for you: 

how did you feel about your relationship in the beginning? did you have a good or bad feeling? did you think it'd last? did you trust the person? 

sometimes your gut feeling, or your initial feeling, is the one that will be correct in the end. for example, when you start out in a relationship but feel weary, why do you think that is? is it because the person has a history of (insert here), or is it because of a vibe they have? LISTEN TO THAT FEELING, i cannot stress this enough, ahhh 

this is something that'll help you a lot in the future, but at the moment, it'll help keep you safe. that's all i've got for now, and honestly, i can't say i'm the most credible when it comes to relationships, but hey, if this helps you, then that's all that matters :) 

these words of wisdom were brought to you by: things i wish i had heard a few years ago

[momo-de-avis]

tell me more about millais and the whole "steal ur wife and have a happy marriage with her lmaoo" and the whole pedo thing??? im intrigued

At the top of my head and very quickly without bothering myself with checking things online cause I’m a bit lazy sorry (though I’ve been over this story for quite a while, I trust my instinct)

When the Pre-Raphaelites appeared, they were the bad boys of London. Reasons:

1) Fucked around, mostly Rossetti

2) Broke academic rules by painting in excruciating and vivid details that weren’t possible with the naked eye (like Holman Hunt painted every single blade of the grass—your eye can’t see it unless you stare closely at it, so academically, that was ugly)

3) Used redheaded women as models. Now, Victorians were absolute fucking lunatics, but the ideal beauty to them was some corpse-looking Morticia Adams. Black hair and pale skin, was top notch. Blonde, blue-eyed beauty came second, probably. What mattered was the pale skin. It was a trend among Victorian women to paint purple and blue veins to look as dead as possible because the frailty of women in a society that told they literally were good for nothing except breeding was the Latest Trend. Redheads, however, were considered cursed. Case in point: the greatest pre-raphaelite muse, Lizzie Siddal: she was not only a red-head, but her skin was also darker than most prefered. Not that she was anything but a white woman, just not white enough to look like you were already flirting with tuberculosis and ready to die fashionably at 40 (though Lizzie was famous for being constantly sick and bedridden. And addicted to Laudanum, like a good Victorian).

4) Basically what gave them the name: PRE-raphaelite. To explain quickly: academic painting privileged the art that resembled Raphael's paintings: harmonious, made of volumes through precise shadowing, mannerist in its style. Line and drawing prevailed above colour. This is linked to formalism so I’m just gonna wrap it up quickly: drawing was considered the intellectual form of art (because in the 16th century people were like ‘oh, astronomy is a science!’ and 'oh, mathematics is a science!’ and people were like, 'well shit, we gotta find a reason to call arts a science too’ and the Renaissance worked that out by explaining that drawing was basically a form of science. Take Da Vinci). The Pre-raphaelites said: fuck that noise, and privileged colour. They used techniques to brighten their paintings (like a layer of white paint applied to the canvas before they applied the preliminary drawing, which made the colours stand out, and then finished it off with wax varnish, which makes it glow. If you ever see a PR painting live, note just how vivid it is. It looks like it’s never gonna wear off, it’s incredible). So with this, they basically said the Royal Academy was a bunch of piss babies who knew jack shit about painting (the accusation of being dumbasses included).

5) …but to be that guy, you had to LIVE the life. So, if you privilege medieval thinking, lifestyle and theology, what you gotta do? BE that medieval knight Victorians thought were oh so Chivalric. Again, famously, Lizzie Siddal is known to be the bad girl of this revival: she refused to wear crinoline and whatever shit the Victorian ladies wore. She wore loose dresses, no corsets and overall dressed like the engravings on Tennyson’s Idylls of the King. She was actually lauded for her commitment like, even Ruskin at one point saw Rossetti as a piss baby rock star wannabe who never finished his shit, but this girl? She committed.

So you see, when these guys popped up, Victorians scowled. BADLY.

But they knew that, to conquer the hearts of promiscuous dandies and hypocritical high-society, laudanum-ridden, arsenic-eating uptight douches and douchesses, they had to get to the loins of one man: most important art critic of his time, single-handedly responsible for elevating William Turner to the True Genius of English Painting: John Ruskin.

Now, just WHO was John Ruskin?

First of all, this little shit was overtly religious. Protestant kind, so you know what you’re in for. This guy studied Turner back and forth, knew everything about him, wrote extensively of his genius and was responsible, as I said, to consecrate him to the memory of British sea painting. Except he purposefully left a bit out, one particular episode of Turner’s life that, to Ruskin’s mind, would ruin his reputation.

Turner was a freak. My man has ENDLESS erotic drawings that go from curious artist look into the Vagina from full-blown pre-victorian porn. And Ruskin kept it all locked away inside his drawer.

The thing was, Ruskin was brought up surrounded by art. This guy looked at Roman statues of women, with their perfectly waxed peepees and toned arms supporting perky breasts and DEAD ASS though this was what women looked like.

So he married Effie Gray, a woman in everything respectable, a prosperous marriage for the good ol’ Victorian lady and dude.

And for the next five years of their marriage proceeded to REFUSE to even touch her.

When the pre-raphaelites pop up, Ruskin attends their very first exhibition and writes them a glowing review. Immediately they go from nut-heads to pop stars. But among them all, it was clear that it was John Everett Millais who was the most talented. So Ruskin took him under his wing.

His first assignment was: paint my portrait. But the pre-raphaelites did something the British academics didn’t: to paint nature, they went outside and painting the motif by looking directly at it. And Ruskin, who praised this mode of making art, had in mind the precise spot he wanted to be painted on: a waterfal or some shit in Scotland, where he owned a cottage.

This cottage was not big. It was actually rather small—you know, in pretending-to-be-a-peasant-is-so-much-fun! victorian fashion. And what does this absolute buffoon does? He invites Millais and his wife Effie in to paint his portrait.

Now I want you to imagine this woman, who has been pushing down 5 years of Horny, putting up with this dude’s shit, enclosed in a tight space with this man—who was older than herself—and incidentally, a handsome looking young fella who paints nicely.

I insist on this thing that Ruskin didn’t touch his wife because he thought women looked like statues because he actually told her. He told her he found her repulsive because—what do you know!!! The peepee’s got some pubic hair! And women menstruate! And like, we’re real fucking things, not Pygmalion's wet dream forged over and over again! She actually wrote a letter to her father detailing this (if you watch the show Desperate Romantics, the scene were Effie confesses this to Millais, the actress is actually reciting this letter word for word).

So when they return to London after the painting is done, they just… Fall in love. I mean, shit, what was she supposed to do?

The face of a man who doesn’t know he’s about to be shit-whipped by his pupil, painted by none other than his protegée, this same pupil.

But remember: no matter what Victorian fangirls say, and whatever that Victorian TV show tries to show you, this society was absolute utter shit for women. Effie Grey presented an annulment proposal to her marriage, and society collapsed on her. She was actually blamed for the fact that Ruskin wouldn’t consummate the marriage. And because she had grown quite close to Millais, she had to prove before the entirety of Victorian society that she was a virgin. Oh, yes. It’s what you’re thinking.

Those open-your-legs-wide-and-let-me-insert-this-not-at-all-friendly-looking-metal-utensil-up--your-private-canal-to-prove-you-are-a-virgin. This, mind you, was back then as utterly humiliating as it sounds now, and to make matters worse, Mr. I-only-fuck-clean-shaven-pussy claimed she was mentally unstable.

Either way: annulment conceded, and she married John Everett Millais. The two went on to a lifelong of fucking and 8 children. Check Millais’ painting Peace Concluded and tell me those two idiots did not die happy together.

I kid you not: until Millais’ death, Effie was socially ostracized. She was even barred from being present in social events where Queen Victoria was, proclaimed by the Queen herself (because remember kids! Victorian society absolutely sucked because it was none other than our favourite imperialist who made it so!) even after she ordered Millais the first Laureate painter. It was only when Millais was dying that in his death bed he BEGGED to lift that stupid shit and she conceded. I just honestly believe Effie didn’t give a shit at this point, because my girl was happy.

So, you ask, what happened to Ruskin?

Don’t think he got off easy lmao. He had his own demise. He wasn’t seen with good eyes after the whole annulment debacle. But of course, being the pissy adult he was, he had to make things worse.

Enter Rose de La Touche.

You see, Rose de la Touche was Ruskin’s pupil. She is, as far as we can tell from his writings, the only woman he ever called attractive and revealed to be attracted to her. When, you ask?

When she was fucking 9 years old, the first time he met her.

He became tutoring her when she was 14. At this point, this ugly ass vulture was way past his 40s. Rose’s parents actually made it worse if my mind doesn’t fail me, but I’m not certain so I won’t address them. Either way, he pretty much groomed her and she grew infatuated with him. He actually made plans to marry her once she turned like, 18 or something, like a good pedo.

The only reason Rose didn’t marry Ruskin? Effie Gray stepped in. Not that she was that interested in what was to happen. The thing was, the reason for the annulment was that Ruskin was impotent, and if he fucked a healthy girl and she got pregnant, she’d be in the shits. But either way, I think it was easy given that he was like 40 years older or some shit. Rose actually declined to marry because she wanted the marriage to be unconsummated, but this time around, ya big Pedo declined! I wonder why was it so easy the first time, and so hard now that he found himself a neat little child to corrupt, right?

At some point, even fucking Rossetti intervened. Now, Rossetti was the rock star of his time: he fucked everything that moved, he got into affairs with the wives of his pupils while Lizzie lingered between life and death at his home, and it took him some 9 years to finally keep his promise to Lizzie and marry her ass. He was the last person you’d expect to say a thing. But you know you’ve fucked up and that you’re a perverted piece of shit when THIS IS THE GUY who steps in to say 'hey, Ruskin, big fan, but you really gotta tone it down cause even I’m not a pedo, pal’.

Now listen: yeah, there’s a lot of speculation about Ruskin’s 'love affair’ with Rose de La Touche. Did he really fall in love with her when she was 9? We don’t know. We don’t care either, because it doesn’t make him any less a fucking pedo. Like, yeah, good art critic, nice theory on the whole Modern Painting book, but this dude had some serious issues.

And there you go

[blazerina]

Mine (Matt x MC)

[A little note: I am in love with this pairing right now and cannot get enough. Just want to give a shout out to my amazing team of encouragers who keep me going and make writing fun - @mrswalkerwrites @somefanfictitious @angstymarshmallow @enmchoices - thank you ladies for making a difference in my life!]

[Summary: This piece is a quick little one about an innocent date and the paparazzi finding out that Veronica and Matt are an item.  Through more time spent with her, Matt realizes the seriousness of his feelings for Veronica, and Veronica finally realizes that this thing with Matt is for real.]

[Word Count: 2729]

“That man has been following us since dinner.” Veronica whispered clinging to Matt’s arm with both of her hands wrapped around it.  

She couldn’t get any closer to him in public without it being indecent.  Picking up the pace, Matt kept his gaze fixed in front of him, refusing to look backwards over his shoulder and give them what they wanted.

“How do you do this all the time?” Veronica continued, falling in step with him.  “How is this legal?”

Her voice indicated how worried she was, as it shook with every word.  She looked up at him, her hazel eyes had turned dark and sad.  She wasn’t sure she was ready for this.  How did she know if he was a harmless reporter, or a stalker?

Instinctively, Matt wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side.  “It sucks. I know.”

He leaned closer to her ear and whispered, “Come on.  We’re almost there.”

Matt led her into the movie theater, where they were hoping to stay under the radar. All he wanted was a normal, quiet, regular night with her and here was this guy, making their night anything but typical.

After purchasing their tickets, they walked pashed the usher and stood in front of the concessions. Matt was glued to Veronica’s side, holding her hand and trying to be as protective of her as possible. He wanted her to feel safe. Internally, he began to worry that she would decide this was too much for her. That she couldn’t live a life like this with him if this is what every outing would entail.  

“I need to run to the restroom.  Wait for me?” Veronica asked, her eyes pleading for protection.  She was trying to keep it cool, but something about tonight had weirded her out big time.  She didn’t want Matt to think she was a wuss, or unable to take care of herself, but this was something she had truly never experienced before.

“Sure thing.” He nodded, walking her to the entrance of the women’s restroom.  She quickly peeled herself away from him, and disappeared behind the wall.  Nervously biting his lip, Matt noticed a man trying to take pictures of him while he waited. Clenching his fist in frustration, he tried to ignore it, but as Veronica’s face and the anxiety in her eyes flashed across his mind, he turned around quickly and approached the photographer.

Matt caught him unaware as he was scrolling through some pictures on his digital camera.  “Mr. Rodriguez…I…uh…”

Clearly surprised, the older man took a step back, not expecting to have Matt Rodriguez in his face.

“Look – I don’t normally do this…I know this is all part of the gig…but I need you to go.  Leave us alone.  There’s nothing to see here, so just be on your way, okay?”

“That’s fine by me. I got everything I need.” The man smiled.

He was slimy. He looked greasy, physically dirty, and his breath reeked of a mixture of cigarette smoke, spearmint gum and…pine tree air freshener. Matt had to hold his breath for fear of gagging.

“What does that mean?” Matt shuddered.  

“That’s a pretty girl you got there witcha.  Who is she?” The man wickedly licked his lips, and reached into his back pocket to pull out his phone.  Matt assumed it was to take notes.

“Listen, dude – if you don’t get out of here I’m calling the cops. Got it? Leave us alone, or you’re being reported. Don’t think I won’t do it.” Matt didn’t like threatening the guy, but felt like he had no other options.

“Okay, okay!” The man surrendered, holding his hands above his head. “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you two again soon.” He winked, making Matt feel sick to his stomach, and slowly scurried away.

Matt quickly returned to the concession stand and could hear Veronica laughing. His heart soared hearing that noise.  He was pretty sure he’d recognize that sound anywhere.

His happiness eluded him, however, when he saw another man, one he didn’t recognize, leaning over the candy counter, extremely close to her.  Who’s this chump? He thought to himself as he came up to them.

“You would like banana runts…” Veronica teased, playfully brushing her hand across the man’s shoulder.  

“I like banana Laffy Taffy too.” Her friend responded.

“So that’s where all your material comes from!” She joked, covering her mouth and then adding, “Oooohhhh” as she spoke into her hands, acting as though she had roasted him.

“I deserved that, Iowa. You’re getting good at this, you sure you don’t want to try your hand at stand up?”

At this point, Matt decided he had seen and heard more than enough. He quickly cleared his throat, very loudly, causing Veronica to turn around and notice him standing there.

“There you are!” She exclaimed proudly, moving closer to him.  “Matt, this is Seth. My neighbor and first-ever-LA-friend.”

“Nice to meet you.” Seth extended a hand and shook Matt’s with an intense grip.

Matt simultaneously felt a pang of jealousy. He suddenly felt the urge to pick Veronica up in his arms, set her on the counter on top of the Raisinets and make out with her in front of this guy, solely for the purpose of proving to this neighbor friend, that Veronica was all his and off limits.

It was a foreign feeling for Matt because he really never cared about what other people thought of the girls he was with before.  It didn’t matter because he knew deep down inside he didn’t really care about them. Or their relationship. She was usually there to be seen and he didn’t want to be alone. That was typically the extent of his dating history.  Nothing ever too serious.  He didn’t want to be tied down, he told himself. But now…

Now everything had changed. He had run off a member of the press and was restraining himself from punching this guy’s lights out – a poor harmless fellow he didn’t even know – all because of her.  The girl who was slowly changing his life.

Veronica felt awkward. She had been surprised and happy to see Seth. She didn’t expect Matt to really understand why she was a little unnerved, but she felt relieved to have a warm and familiar face inserted into this unexpectedly stressful evening.  She had hugged him tightly, right away, and he was a little concerned.  He tried to lighten the mood by asking her about her favorite candy and that’s when Matt had reappeared.

“You too.” Matt responded, nodding in Seth’s direction and making sure their eyes met.

“Iowa here has told me a lot about you.” Seth grinned, hoping he was being a good wingman.

“Iowa?” Matt questioned, looking at Veronica.

She shrugged, sheepishly, “It’s just a nickname he calls me…he said it the first night I met him and it just kind of…stuck.” She tried to explain.

Matt stayed quiet, sizing Seth up.  

“You’re starting to fit in so well down here.  I forget sometimes that’s where you’re from.” He replied, grabbing Veronica’s hand and lacing his fingers between hers.  

“I hate to run off but our movie starts in just a few minutes and if we want to get any snacks, we need to order. It’s nice to meet you, Steve, was it?”

“It’s SETH.” Veronica snapped, removing her hand from Matt’s and staring him down.  

“I’ve gotta be headed into the theater myself. You guys enjoy the show! See you at home, Veronica!” Seth waved, and lightly jogged off to meet up with his group of friends who were hanging out in the arcade portion of the theater.

“See you at home?” Matt raised an eyebrow, questioning Veronica.

“We’re neighbors.  He does stand up.  It’s a joke.” She emphasized, walking up to the counter and placing her order. She didn’t wait for Matt to get his popcorn before she was moving quickly to their specific movie.

As the previews started and Matt looked for where Veronica sat down, he found her and then plopped down in his seat with a thud.

“Are you mad?” He asked her, shocked and surprised by her actions.

“I just threw that nasty paparazzi guy out of here for you and this is how you repay me?”

Veronica pouted and took a sip of her drink.

“You were rude to one of my only friends for absolutely no reason. I’ve met plenty of yours and have never acted that way.” She turned to face him, making sure he could see her face.

“That’s why I’m mad.” She reached across him and took a handful of popcorn out of the bucket he was holding.

“Now be quiet, the movie’s starting.”

She turned her attention to the screen in front of her, as Matt sat in his seat, stunned. He didn’t have a response, but watched as the light from the projector flitted across her face. She was in awe of the pictures on the screen, and he was in awe of her.

You’ve got it bad, Rodriguez. He told himself.  She just gave you what for, and all you could do was sit there and think about how beautiful she is.  What are you going to do?

***

About a week later, the news had broken that Matt and Veronica were a couple.  Rumors had been posted online, in magazines and Veronica’s phone wouldn’t stop ringing. She considered changing her number, but instead gave in to the attention every now and then.  Neither of them would comment explicitly on their relationship, as they were both determined to be sought after for their work, their craft, their art – and not for the latest round of gossip.

Life had kept them both so busy since their date at the movies, that they had not really had a chance to talk much about Matt’s “run-in” with Seth, or the photographer at the theater. Matt was starting to wonder if Veronica would call it quits and throw in the towel any minute now, because she just didn’t seem herself with him lately.  Although, he knew that wasn’t really a fair thought due to the fact that they had not had a moment to themselves, just the two of them, in over a week.

Veronica stared at her phone.  She had typed out a long text message to Matt.  It was gutsy. It was bold. She bit at the side of her thumbnail as she read it for what felt like the thousandth time.  She missed him. She didn’t want to seem clingy, but she had to somehow show him and prove to him that what they had wasn’t nothing to her.  And even if he rejected her or felt like she was taking things too seriously, it was worth the risk to her.  She had to be true to herself and share her feelings.  

They had made plans to go to a movie premiere together later that evening.  She didn’t know the details, or even if Matt still wanted to take her, given all that had happened with the press and the phone calls and the interviews lately.  But, she desperately wanted to go with him. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to be the girl on Matt Rodriguez’s arm. And if that meant smiling pretty and taking some photos, well then, she could do that. For him.

Matt stared at his phone. He had typed and retyped a text message over and over again to send to Veronica. He missed her. He wanted to reach out to her and tell her just how much she meant to him. He wanted to “define the relationship” as stupid as that sounded.  He was tired of wondering if she was committed to him, if she felt the same way he did.  Why was he so nervous? He honestly could not remember a time in his life, not even in high school, where he felt more unsure of himself.

As he typed yet another rendition of his message to her, his phone dinged and he saw her name flash on his screen.

His eyes scanned her message as his heart raced.  She wanted to go tonight. She was excited to see him. She was ready to spend some good quality time together.  She missed him.

Matt wrote back and told her he’d pick her up at 7. He had never been more excited to see her. The anticipation of seeing her all dressed up, ready for a premiere, just might kill him. Even though it wasn’t one of his movies, he really wasn’t sure he could be any more thrilled to be seen with her tonight.

While they made their way to the red carpet, Veronica took a deep breath as Matt squeezed her hand. Before rounding the corner where cameras, flashes and reporters waited, he looked her in the eyes and asked, “Are you ready?”

She nodded eagerly and squeezed his hand as he reassured her.  Matt had already told her time and time again how beautiful she looked and how poised she was and how prepared she was for a night like this.

Before long, the couple was making their way to the entrance of the theater. People were shouting Matt’s name from every direction and Veronica tried hard not to let it distract her. She focused on Matt and being with him, that was her only responsibility tonight.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a reporter appeared as Matt held his arm around her waist, he gripped his arm around Veronica’s hips instinctively as the reporter began to ask them questions.

“Veronica Morgan – the world hardly knows you, but over the last week or so we’ve learned that you’ve been seen with Mr. Rodriguez here quite a bit lately.  How does it feel to be with him tonight, walking down this red carpet, when only a few months ago you were at home in Iowa hoping to make it big one day?

Hesitantly, Veronica responded, “My dreams are definitely coming true!”  She was going to say more, but stopped herself.

Again, the reporter did not let up, adding, “There are plenty of girls, some of whom are here tonight, who would love to be living your life.  Do you just wake up every morning feeling incredibly lucky to have such an amazing man by your side?”

Matt could not stay silent. There was no other way to really prove to her just what she meant to him. He didn’t want the interview to be about him, but some things just had to be said.

“I can actually answer that.” He smiled, waving to the crowd gathered alongside the carpet, while people chanted his name.  “You know…people keep saying that to Veronica…about her getting to have such an amazing man by her side, and for once I’d like to clear the air on this and make it known that I’m the lucky one to have her by my side. She’s not living in my shadow. I’m the one who’s life has been changed for the better because of her - not the other way around.”

He nodded, took Veronica by the hand and politely declined other interviews as he went into the building.

Speechless and in a daze because of his words, Veronica quietly sat next to him and exhaled with a huge sigh of relief. Matt placed their drink orders and as he sat back down beside her, Veronica grabbed his hand and smiled at him.

“Matt?” She asked.

“Yeah, babe?” He responded, taking a sip of the water that had already been placed at their table.

When he turned to face her, she held his face in her hands and kissed him. Their eyes fluttered closed at the same moment, and it felt like their lips were tangled together for an eternity. Each one of them swore they could feel the other’s pulse as they held onto one another and let their feelings intertwine.

“Thank you.” She whispered, leaning her forehead against his.

“You’re welcome.” He said sincerely, kissing her on the cheek and looking at her again, in awe.

“If that’s my reward for defending you, I’ll do it over and over again.”

Giggling, Veronica settled into his arms knowing that the show, as well as their future together, was just about to begin. 

[sarcastic-little-muse]

Pretty Little Liars Finale

Okay gotta get this off my chest because people threatening Marlene and the actors are really starting to get on my nerves First off as was seen through the cast's posts on social media and snapchats etc etc TV episodes are filmed MONTHS before they air. And unlike movies TV shows don't get reshoots most of the time because after the pilot/first season they don't go to focus groups before the public the way movies do. So at no point ever had the story been changed due to a spoiler leaking no matter what is written on online. As for missing actors unfortunately that happens sometimes. Actors get contracts for other projects they agree to schedules and they can't get out of it. It sucks but it's an unfortunate truth of filming and theatre as a whole. Second off the CeCe reveal: it made a lot of sense as a mix of the direction the show went and the books. The books contained a neglected misunderstood DiLaurentis sibling being sent off to Radley which caused them to have bitter and angry feelings toward the family. This causes them to take over the game from Mona when her time as A ends (though Mona meets very different fates). The hurt sibling (who for clarity I will simply refer to as C as that is the common initial) returns to rosewood under a new name and manipulate their way into the Liars narrative. Later on C reveals themselves right before almost killing themselves and liars in an explosion. Back before the C reveal Marlene said that the twin theory was not off the table (as is now clear with Twincer). Someone who no doubt read the books snatched up the twin theory with C and Ali and the fandom ran with it on the internet. For CeCe specifically the switch from Charles to Charlotte and then choosing the name CeCe Drake is very understandable. If she was trans in a mental hospital she would have been given the hormones required to transition. Hollywood as a whole tends to make the casting decision to have some characters played by the gender the character had transitioned to so that it is a bigger more dramatic reveal (Law and Order SVU, Nip/Tuck and many others have done this as well I'm not saying I agree with this practice but that is a post for another day). Clues for CeCe's reveal were all over. Take Ravenswood: the mime Charlemange the Great. Charlemagne was a girls name until Prince Charles the Great of Germany was crowned king and took on the name making it male. Charlotte is a name derived from Charles. Also we saw CeCe getting up to some A antics long before the reveal (listening to Ezra and Aria in Ezra's apartment in a black hoodie). She references dolls all throughout her periods on the show and Melissa says no one is quite sure where CeCe came from. In Game Over Charles it was revealed that CeCe was allowed to go to UPenn the school Ali later got her kicked out of. Well if she (CeCe) had been blamed for Mrs. Cavanaugh's death the school would have no reason to doubt her pushing girl down the stairs. CeCe was the only one with an Ali mask besides A which was another clue. As for those who called her an "irrelevant character" at the time of the reveal she had been in 13 episodes. Wren had only been in 20 at the time. That is a 7 episode different making Wren just as irrelevant as her. The neglected CeCe made the most sense. Neglect mixed with obvious an dissociative disorder ("No one died did they?" - CeCe in "Game Over Charles") and other mental health issues (Note: being trans is not a mental illness) added to the obsession with her family would lead to these actions. Add in CeCe's talent for math and stats she made the most sense. Her escaping to England leads in to: The AD storyline: First off on the whole twin thing it actually makes a lot of sense that Jessica or Mary would give birth to twins being twins themselves. Twins or the children of twins have a 50-75% increase in the chance of becoming pregnant with twins. So Spencer being a twin makes sense. Secondly: Alex would have lived her live happily and never bothered the Liars if Wren hadn't found her. Then she learned that if she had just been the first born twin she could have had a wonderful (to her) life with parents and a sister and friends who loved her no matter what instead of being abandoned over and over. That kind of universal randomness can really screw with some people's heads, you see that after random acts of violence etc. Then Alex got what she wanted: a family. She had a family in Archer, Wren, and CeCe. Then Charlotte got sucked back into the game she lost her. When they caught CeCe she lost her for good then Mona killed her. She lost Archer when CeCe was put away. Later on she loses Wren because he begins to realize how screw up this is (your girlfriend asking you to shoot her so that she can pretend to be her identical twin to torture the twin and her friends can do that to a person). Alex was taken over by anger. She had a break with reality and believed she could really become Spencer (the whole twin thing makes me think Alex may have had borderline personality disorder which can cause inappropriately close relationships with friends, abandonment issues, lashing out and the want to be someone else specifically). Then we learned all the weird shit Spencer had done this season wasn't Spencer at all. It wasn't bad writing we just weren't looking deeply enough. And the way Toby figured it out is actually very smart. Horses are animals who can sense energy like no other. Horses become used to the energy one exerts and it doesn't matter if you look like the person they are used to (because horses have shit eyesight and it gets worse the closer you get to them) if you don't have the exact same energy they will spook (I have some experience with this my best friend is an identical twin. He is very comfortable around horses but his brother is not. The horses get spooked when the uncomfortable one comes near them and tries to touch them but relax when the comfortable tries). Horses are prey animals so their default setting is nervous and they are very aware of their surroundings. Add in the book he had seen Spencer writing in not having notes and there you go. (For those saying "it wasn't her vagina either" that's not how that works at all). And they showed that Mona was always Mona. She was obsessed with the game so she found a way to keep it going with her beau "arresting" them and setting up a new doll house Last part of my rant: The ships Can't we just be happy all the wanted loved ships sailed? Like come on how often does that happen? I never thought Emison would happen because Ali had been so manipulative to Emily throughout the series. Ezaria: Listen I have a unfortunate history with predatory relationships. Age, status etc etc doesn't immediately make the relationship predatory. Should Ezra have dated Aria while she was his student? No. But just because he did does not make him immediately a predator. Yes he made a stupid choice with the book but so has LITERALLY EVERY OTHER CHARACTER. Pretty Little Liars exists because they don't think their actions through they think it'll all be okay or they act when they are scared. As for the pregnancy thing: Some times unfortunately that is a real deal breaker and people break off engagements for it. So of course Aria was scared and guys don't always understand what goes through a woman's head when they find that out. A lot of women don't understand either. It's a complex personal thing. In the end Aria decided she could look past the book thing. Ezra decided he could look past the times she had lied too and they got married. It's fine. I think they tied up a lot of loose ends very nicely. We had all our questions answered even if you didn't like the answers they were there so it's all fine. Okay rant over.

[daehquns]

( * kyong dae-hyun. )

♡ — * » KYONG DAEHYUN looks so cute on the beach !! apparently, ( he/they ) come from ( south korea ) and are a ( twenty ) years old ( pansexual ) ( demiboy ) ( med student ). other hotel residents described them as ( gentle + sage ), but also ( ambivalent - faint-hearted ). don’t you think they look a bit like ( PARK JIMIN ) ?

WARNING: this is really long, my dudes. so long.

hello hi hi, it’s SKY ( 2-o, she/her, cest tz, but an insomniac ) & this is my smol blob of confusion, so if their story confuses you, i succeeded. also this is easily my absolute favourite character ever, so ,,, idk random info. ALSO: i have an exam tomorrow, my peeps, so i don’t think i’ll be around till tomorrow but !! i can’t wait to plot & interact with all of you.

SORTA BIO THING:

[ MISCARRIAGE TW ] kyong daehyun was born in daegu, south korea on the 22nd of february 1997. they were sort of a miracle baby bc their mom went through two miscarriages before them ( she’s rh negative & the babies were rh positive n ,,, i wont explain the biology behind it, im sure yall know that ). they’re an only child. they’ve always wanted a sibling ( an older one ,,,, they always want the impossible things smfh ). so yeah, they were a bit lonely while growing up

they were a very weak child who’d fall ill quite often (their family used to call them aga/aggie/babybc of it … sorta stuck with them to this day ), so much that it affected their education. the poor bean skipped a lot of classes, so eventually their parents decided it was best for them to leave school. they were homeschooled !! altho they now have incredible work ethic bc of this, they didn’t have many friends while growing up :( they sorta didnt even get the chance to develop n test their social skills. they came in contact with their parents, nannies, parents’ business partners, etc … long story short, they were surrounded by adults. this made them VERY mature for their age, even back then.

the greatest discovery of their life was the internet. they had little interest in sports & going outside, so they’d spend their free time glued to the screen of their laptop, either watching movies, youtube videos & tv shows or getting to know strangers from across the world thanks to various websites & apps. they’d often stay up all night n ruin their sleep pattern in order to talk to their friends from other timezones. they made them so happy. so. happy.

their parents sort of made them pursuit a medical career, though, they literally have -10 interest in it. not 0. -10. they just want to make them proud, ok ?? especially since they’ve always been an incredible student n studying came easily to them. they were praised while growing up, so naturally they started thinking they were exceptional as well.

COLLEGE ! they. hate. it. hate it. like, they are fallin apart n are like “wow so what is this, i thought i was smart ?? they told me i was the most intelligent kid in the world wHY cant i do literally anything now w o w im so average yUCK”.  i mean, they still get good grades, but they ARE struggling.

[ PROFESSOR/STUDENT RELATIONSHIP THING TW ] … idk maybe someone’s triggered by that. anyway, there was a class that made them 11/10 done with life & they were sure they’d fail it n ruin their entire life, so they approached the professor ( who ,,, was rly hot n made hyunnie weak in the knees ok ) n were like “i will literally do ANYTHING in order to pass this class ,,,,,, pls”. like, they had 0 shame bc they were so done with it. n ,,, long story short, they ended up sleeping with the professor … ,,, multiple times. t was bc of the grade the first time, but … they’re pretty much in love with him now. and they’re a bit foolish, they hope he’s in love with them too. n idk they sort of dream about being in a real relationship with them.  l mao … my poor kiddo.

COOLER INFO THING:

nicknames include: hyunnie, dee, mochi ( i have to steal that from jiminieeee bc yes. my squishy bol of cuteness ), aga/aggie/baby. or just call them dae or  hyun honestly

daehyun is a demiboy ( they/them or he/him. if you refer to them as she/her, they will feel uncomfortable, but they will not have the guts to correct you. lmao one time they watched a woman make them european-style pancakes with nutella & cherries, even though they asked for a nutella/banana combo. they did not correct her. they ate half of it, left with a pout on their face n were sad for the rest of the day tHATS HOW ANXIOUS N SHY THEY ARE BYE ). anyway, as i said   ——   demiboy. panromantic ( very romantic, a huge dreamer. the type to imagine cute scenarios with their crush before falling asleep ). pansexual, though the most attracted to masculine physique buT !! they’re too self-conscious n emotion-dependent that they can’t have sex with just about anyone. n o. byee. like, the thought of getting naked in front of someone is terrifying to them, so they really need to trust n know the person. i wouldn’t call them demisexual though, since they do experience sexual attraction without having an emotional bond, they just … can’t let go of their ~stupid insecurities~

[ FOOD TW ] they don’t eat meat. yes, they do love animals n feel sad about those poor things, but that’s not the main reason why they don’t eat it. the smell, the look, the taste of meat makes them incredibly sick. when they were smol & had any sort of meat for lunch, they’d sit at the table for 5 hours n eat everything BUT the meat. most of the time, they used to give it to their dog who was v chubby bc of them. lunch was the worst time of the whole day for them, it was suuuuuuuper bad, especially since their parents didn’t understand their problem n called them spoiled. now that they are away from home, they’re super happy cause they can eat whatever they want ( sweets n pastries ). this bish ALWAYS has a lollipop in their mouth n a candy bar with them.

why are they obsessed with lollipops ? thanks to them they destroy their nails n cuticles LESS when bored, since their mouth is occupied. you can determine how life’s goin for daehyun just by looking at their hands. when everything’s good, their nails are painted ( the execution n design also say a lot about how much free time they have n how clear their head is ). when everything’s shit, they aren’t painted, they are bloody and sore, skin completely damaged, so much that it hurts to touch items with the very tips of their fingers. everything burns n they’re wincing 25/8.

they always have literally everything with them. you need a tissue, a comb, a hair brush, a band-aid, a hand sanitizer, a nail polish, some water, something sweet, a set of stem cells & a cure for every illness in the world ?they have it all. they’re always prepared for every situation. this is bc of their huge fear of facing a situation for the first time unprepared. also … you should never make them order food on their own or make a serious phone call or wtvr bc .. they can’t do that.

they’re fluent in english, but pls don’t throw big words at them :( they feel so embarrassed when they don’t know what something means. they go home & write the new word on one of their colourful cards, along with its translation to korean, a smol explanation & an example sentence n they have loads of those cards that they reread whenever they have time. when they learn a new word, they love showing off lmao dumbass

while they were back in korea n spending time on youtube, they used to watch a lot of kpop mvs + makeup tutorials n fell in love with makeup n wanted to look as beautiful as the people in those videos. they started stealin their mother’s makeup n used to be awful at paintin’ their face, but got better with time. they used to save money for eyeliners n primers n highlighters n all sort of shit n they’d hide all the products in their room n play with them whenever they were home alone. they know it’s their true passion& call, but they are so discouraged by the fact that they can’t even walk outside wearing makeup. they aint confident enough & still don’t think they can pull it off.

they made a new youtube account with the intention to post their own tutorials, but … mm, there’s still 0 uploaded videos on that channel

i’ve been struggling to decide which hair colour to go with … black, platinum blonde, silver or pink n i chose …pink.

they’ve never been in an actual relationship. never cuddled, or did couple-y things. their professor took their virginity, so … ya. that’s one of the reasons why they’re refusing to let him go.

[MEDICATION TW] as i mentioned before, they were a weak child who was often sick and had bad migraines ,,, this sort of got them hooked on medication ?? like, they will convince themself that their head is hurting and jus pop a pill without any need to do so ,,,, like, they are 110% sure they need pills to function normally every single day.

nature !! the world !! they love it.

aesthetics hoe !!!!!!!!! will sell their soul for the things that please their senses

they know how to draw well. they lololololove drawing comic book characters. like, they have their own characters already

dancing !!! especially contemporary ! bc ,,, i have a lot of those gifs n icons that i gotta use

loves apples ?

wants a cat. d e s p e r a t e l y

PERSONALITY:

i think it’s quite obvious that they’re a very anxious, shy & alert person 24/7 and i guess that you can see how their upbringing had a lot to do with it. i don’t view their shyness as cute and adorable, but they definitely aren’t grim either. they’re just closed-off. they’re not used to sharing personal stuff with other people, at least not face to face. online, everything’s different.

most of the time they’re like … “uhhhhh, people - i’d rather not. that can get me in a lot of awkward n uncomfortable situations n i’d rather avoid that’. they don’t find solitude depressing. they enjoy their alone time, they find comfort in it. they are very aware of the fact that their social skills suck & as i said a part of them doesn’t give a damn, but … another part is worried bc if they truly want to be in the makeup world, they will have to learn to be a people person, have a fantastic charisma n ,, talk to people ? lmao

their zodiac sign is pisces n they HATE IT lol they’re like “i’m not a whiny baby emo dreamer ew go away” so they keep telling people that their zodiac sign is aquarius bc it’s close enough n they find them cool n admire the description of the seemingly stoic sign that goes through life with their brain rather than their heart. they love to think that they’re strong n logical, that they’re not emotional … but that’s not the case. it’s all an act really

once you demolish their shell, you’ll find the most adorable creature in the whole entire universe ?/ they also love tellin stupid jokes. they almost never finish them bc they laugh too hard at em

they get attached to people VERY easily n then they can’t live without them n that freaks them the fuck out. like. they fall in love ten times a day. im. not. kiddin.

they’re all about living life to the fullest, they just have a bit different vision of what true livin is lmao

philosophical af ? hates small talk, always wants to talk abt deep shit

the type to send you memes and stuff that reminds them of you

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

this is so important. online friends. they met online a couple of years ago ( we’ll figure out how ) n now they’re both here and ? hyunnie is so scared to meet them bc they’re afraid that person won’t like them irl, but the desire is bigger than the fear !

similar to the previous one, but it was a long distance relationship ( it ended bc the distance was too much ig ). they only chatted, but they know everything about each other. they were infuriated every single day bc they couldn’t physically feel each other, but they still planned a future together, or at least meeting irl … maybe they now finally have a chance ?

crush. as i said, hyunnie falls quickly for a person. it can be unrequited. it’s just someone they daydream about n sigh over. or it can be the other way around, but hyunnie is quite clueless n doesn’t pick up on their hints.

friends ?? the plot depends on your charrie tbh but dw about it, i usually have 57430865026701348 ideas, so ya.

i have no idea what else ,,,, imma go make a wanted connections tag n reblog some plots probably. bUT HEY feel free to send plots my way, i luv that

[sonicsuns]

Respect for the Amish

I’ve always admired the Amish. Why? Because they have enough cultural strength to exempt themselves from the entire modern age.

That doesn’t mean that the modern age is all bad. But still, just think about it: The rest of us generally get swept along with the tides of history. When the internet got going, we all had to get online. When smartphones became a thing, we all had to get smartphones. We’re subject to various trends that no one seems to have any control over, and sometimes that causes problems.

How many times have you seen someone complain about how everyone texts nowadays and there isn’t enough real-life interaction? It’s a complaint I agree with! But where we have complaints, the Amish have solutions. They don’t have problems with tech-based isolation because they simply don’t have tech. Period. You could argue that it’s not worth the trade-off, but even if that’s true, it’s impressive how the Amish actually have a collective choice in the matter. I mean, I could individually give up texting, but my friend’s wouldn’t, and then I’d be kinda disconnected from them. The Amish don’t have that problem.

And you gotta admire the stability of their lifestyle. The average Amish guy runs a farm. It’s just him and the farm. Think about this for a moment: The farm is never going to fire him. The farm is never going to send him an email saying that he needs to attend Department-Wide Development Meetings every Thursday at 3pm, during which time he will be forced to watch a super-boring slideshow. And this is specific to Amish farms, because all the other farms tend to be giant corporate conglomerates nowadays. Of course, as an Amish guy you’re still faced with the unpredictability of the weather, but the Amish find that preferable to the unpredictability of Corporate America, where your company might pursue any number of stupid ideas in order to boost its stock, and the underlings just have to put up with it.

Are you stressed about politics? The Amish aren’t. Nobody ever bugs them. Regardless of who holds power, the Amish just go about their lives as usual.

I’m not saying their perfect! For instance, I hear tell that they don’t recognize gay rights. So it must be pretty awful to grow up gay in an Amish community.

On the other hand, look what they’ve achieved! Their crime rate is incredibly low. They don’t have a problem with homelessness. They don’t participate in large-scale financial markets, so the big crash of 2008 simply didn’t happen to them. They have a sense of stability, it seems to me. They know who they are and what they’re doing.

Imagine what would happen if we took the Amish template and tweaked it a bit. Skip the anti-gay stuff, but keep the simplicity and stability. Keep the bit where the community gives some serious thought to its own design, where new technologies or customs don’t just pop up haphazardly, but are instead carefully considered for their risks and rewards. (I’ve heard that even the Amish make exceptions to the rules when they deem it necessary. But this is done deliberately, not haphazardly.) What if there were thousands of these purpose-built communities, and you could choose freely whether or not to live in one? Maybe you get tired of the corporate world, and take up residence in an Amish-style farming commune. Or maybe you could join a place that’s devoted to art or meditation or some particular philosophy. Even though each particular community might have particular rules, the overall system would greatly enhance your personal freedom! You could find a particular community that works for you, instead of the rather vague system we have now where you go to meetups or something and hope to find people.

The standard system would still exist, of course. There need to be places where the collective cultural decision-making is minimal, and where people mix and match cultural ideas at random. But in addition, there would be communities that you could join deliberately, allowing you to test out different lifestyles and see what you like.

Is anyone already doing this, besides the Amish? Well there’s other Amish-style folks, like the Mennonites. There are also a few scattered communities like EastWind. (I know someone who left the corporate world to live at EastWind, and she loves it.) Beyond that...I think the void is mostly filled by cults. And cults are awful.

In fact, I think we’ve hit on one of the reasons that cults are so appealing: They offer a way to leave behind the normal world and embrace a new community. For folks who are suffering in the normal world, this can be quite tempting. And then of course the cults abuse you and manipulate you and terrible things happen.

So what we need are some non-cultish intentional communities. Actually, Sudbury Schools come to mind.They’re not residential communities, but still, a Sudbury School is a group of people who embrace a radical philosophy, one which I happen to find extremely liberating. (I guess religious groups can do something similar, except they tend to meet only once a week, which reduces their impact. Hm...)

Anyway, the world is screwy and we need to fix it. People need options. We should have the power to quickly abandon an old life that sucks and embrace a new life that suits us, and community is a huge part of that. We’ve got to develop the same cultural strength as the Amish.

[justalittlemango]

Entry #14 - 17/12/19

I've been feeling a little strange lately. These past couple days have been quite different compared to my usual life style.

I stayed up through many nights and even mornings just sitting in my bed playing video games. I mean, that's not too bad right? In fact it felt quite nice to be able to experience that again, since I haven't been able to do that since I was a teenager. The only annoying part that comes with it, is well, how inconvenient it is to eat and cook when you wake up at stupidly late times. For example, it's 1am here now (18th) and I just woke up hoping I'd be able to sleep until the morning.

I guess it doesn't really matter, I shouldn't let it put me off or affect my mood. At the end of the day, it's the last week of the semester.. and as long as I do my assignment work, it should all be ok. And at least then I get a nice Christmas break, I hope!

Things have just been affecting my mood recently... I found out working in Canada for the year is going to be more unpredictable than I thought. Apparently, the system is almost like a raffle you know? A select amount of names are pulled from the pools, and they will receive invitations. And if I am not one of those people, I will be totally fucked for my placement year... So hey... That's always good /s

Not only that, but money issues too.. I keep spending too much money my dude, and I gotta pay a hefty amount back to my bank in the next couple years, while simultaneously trying to do my assignments. It is 100% necessary to be working at this point in order to fulfill my income and be closer to achieving my goals. It will also help me not run out of money when my student loan is all spent!

Another issue? Housing. I'm kinda upset, initially as a group of 5 we were looking to get a house share next year (Sept 2020) which would've been great for me as the rent is so much cheaper, and if I receive the same amount of student loan I do now then it will really help me out to not only survive, but to pay my overdraft back and save up for Canada. Two people have dropped out though, and now it's just us 3... Can't exactly split the rent between 3 people that's not going to be saving much...

I'm not going to enjoy going back to work again, I mean part time isn't too bad but I detest trying to balance things out in my life... Uni work, sleep, social life, work... Seems to be quite a lot to balance there, and I know working in a full time job sucked ass but doing both uni and work seems so stressful.

My uni friends and my bf all went out to have a drink party sorta thing at a pub, I think I mentioned that before on a previous post. And I was excited to go, well at least until it actually came to it. I just wasn't feeling it, my body wasn't feeling right , it was too far, too expensive... If I went, I would've spent the rest of my money on drinks which is meant to last me this week and to buy very small gifts for my parents (at least whatever I can afford..). A friend offered to pay for the bus and the drinks, but I'm like... Eh. I don't want people to pay for me, it's not how I roll. My bf went though, I said I didn't mind if he went or not, considering someone is going to pay for his bus & drinks.. as I kinda just realised , I'd rather him get all that rather than me as well. It would be too expensive to spend it on both of us. Plus I wasn't feeling alcohol.. bleh! I feel like my organs are just falling me, I don't really get pains when I am hungover but very unusual and scary feelings which I don't want..

Oh and now this one is petty, but I have a horrible ulcer on my tongue as I bit it last weekend.. and it is so fucking painful to eat things! Like damn, I can't even enjoy my food now bruh I gotta wait like days for this to go away.. and honest it just makes me want to sleep longer so I don't have to notice the pain!

So yeah, I feel that's how my life is right now.. I feel my social life is collapsing not only IRL but online too as I have not been active on twitter. I want to speak to my friend on discord but he never replies, and I enjoy my coursemates presence but social wise I don't feel I connect with them much, least as not as much as my bf does with them.

I am waking up thinking gosh, people forget that you're two individuals when you're in a relationship. They assume you are some kind of person or fusion like something from Steven universe. Like hell no bitch, I'm my own person. And please stop comparing me to him! I know I'm quiet compared to him, I know he's more talented than me at everything, I don't need to hear that so often. Tell it to him instead, I'm sure he'd welcome to hear that more often.

AFJFJFJFJFHFJ and not to mention that horrid thing I do (and I don't know why) but I always act so awkwardly around people when I'm with my bf. I never understood why or how to bypass it. Say for instance, we were in the kitchen and two of my flatmates came in.. I don't really speak to them much , but that wouldn't stop me from asking like how they are and when they finish etc... But I just completely freeze into an anxious / awkward state where I don't speak at all and just kinda sit there awkwardly. It happens more often than I'd like to admit.

I JUST WANT SOMETHING NEWWWW ! I want friends I can be on the same wavelength as, just my own friends! I just want to do well academically and survive comfortably on my student loan without the need for a fucking job! I just want to feel joy again.. I can't seem to do that these days.. everything causes me stress, worry or sadness. Too much of it as well.

Fuck

-mangie

[confusedonearth]

09/17/2018

It’s been far too long. I’ve avoided talking about this for months, and haven’t been able to or better yet, haven’t wanted to come on here to explain what’s been going on. It’s been a wild Journey this year. I’ll try to keep everything in the order I remember them. These memories don’t have a typical beginning to end. But it should sum up, what’s been going on over the last couple of months. I’ll start with....August. All of august, I didn’t want to be bothered. I’ve slowly realized that I was becoming irritable, and angry. This stemmed from not feeling like I was accomplishing any goals. I had to deal with a couple of things that completely through me off of track even more that I had already realized. I unfortunately had to create an ultimatum to directly show the severity of how I’ve been feeling. I was feeling dead. Ready to give up hope. This caused me to spiral down to feeling worse as the days passed. I was so sick of everything and everyone that at this point, I was just ready to call everything quits. Relationship, Friendships, you name it. As days passed, and I tried my best to get better slowly. I had a picture shown to me of being smaller, and wanting to really get back into becoming a healthy person again. So instead of eating out everyday, I narrowed it to making healthier choices and slowly stop eating worse. This is because when you start something I believe you gotta ease into it. You can’t go cold turkey on things. It will most likely end in failure. Of course, this is my perspective on it. I’ve found that this works for ME. I thought of it deeply and I ended up thinking back on some of the things I enjoyed doing before getting this low. I had a skateboard. Steven and Carla got me a skateboard. I was riding it. One day I went to ride it through DC during my workday after eating lunch at Cava (I had a salad). On the way back, I was trying to be careful but water and skateboards don[t mix. As I was going downhill I got really hurt. Sucks because I just started to recover from hurting myself on the motorcycle. That sucked too. I got hurt on my motorcycle on the way home twice. Once was a burn on my right calf. That shit sucked so bad. Worst pain I've experienced i’n a long time. The other injury was when I fell off early morning on my way to work. My dad was telling me that him and his gf were having issues. This sort of through me off because he’s been doing so well. So it was just annoying to hear, on top of the fact that I was already annoyed with my own life. I fell. but I rushed home, and changed to come back to work. I made it 17 minutes late. But I got there. The reason I take my bike to work sometimes is because it’s way cheaper to ride versus driving. I feel because I put some stupid like.... tire shire shine. Nico warned me soon after that it was a bad idea and I read online to take it off, but said fuck it and didn’t do it. The next time I rode it, I fell. Another lesson learned. Don’t put tire shine on motorcycle tires. I would’ve never known.... Wholetime I should’ve known because Nico told me. I’m dumb.

Anyway. I start to feel better. I heal. I eventually started getting back into music by writing. I ended up making a song called Ordinary which is a song about Ego. Eh. It was okay. I liked it at first. Then came a song called Addiction which is a short story about a girl who tried coke. It was shit. once again. Liked it at first but was shit. I haven’t made music but I kept going. Then, I randomly met up with george and it was cool to see him again. George Mason from Hyattsville Middle School. We caught up. I was making a song, and he made a hook. It was magic man. I found inspiration working with someone else. As lonley as I’ve been feeling lately. Not only was I sent a friend, but I was sent a friend that was a musician. Super positive things coming my way this month. After hitting the lows of fucking up at work, and being sad about my Dad’s fuck ups. I found a light. Music, writing to myself and exercise. That’s whats always been most important. But I have to remember that setting reminders of what I want to accomplish is important. So This is a reflection of me trying. If I ate less I would be way skinnier right now. Like I just crushed some pancakes but they were bomb as fuck. Couldn’t help it. I’m about to go home and continue to work because I’m working from home everyday right now. I’m about to go meditate. Also, I got George coming over at 2 for a music session. I started watching this show called Ozark. It’s pretty sick. I’m stupid stoned. i haven’t tripped. I wanna go camping at the end of this week. So I’ll look into that. I’m going to LA in about 2 weeks. That should be cool. I thought that aderrall would be the solution to my problems, but deep down I knew it wasn’t. Maybe it can help but I don’t wanna become dependent on it. Instead I”ll welcome my ADHD and attention issues and try to focus on being present. That way, I don’t have anymore time to be sad. I just gotta do things that will help me and stop making excuses. I’m glad I have Danyeezy as a friend that can communicate things to me and small lessons that I can apply to my life. Like legit. I’ve learned alot from him man it’s crazy. I won’t name it all but it’s tight to have friends that are there for me through my mental breakdowns. I gotta do everything I mentioned on here to be present and successful.

I love my life again. I feel like I have potential to go somewhere. Where ever life takes me. I’ll try to remind myself to remind myself that I need to be reminded of where I’m at to feel better and be better. If I don’t try, I have essentially snoozed my reminder and will be even more late to work.

Work = Success.

[lookingformaariyah]

Growing up, the concept of a mental illness was always either romanticized, criticized, or both. You’re given the idea that a mental illness is beautifully flawed and easily lost when handled a particular way. Take movies like Silver Linings Playbook, Wrist Cutters: A Love Story, It’s Kind Of A Funny Story, The Art Of Getting By, and According To Greta. All of these books/movies have the misconception that mental illnesses are cute and funny and that there’s always going to be a set of people that’ll guide you through every aspect of it, but that’s rarely the case. Sometimes people don’t know they suffer from a mental illness, and sometimes the ones who do know aren’t able to seek the right kind of treatment, either due to guardian issues, misconceptions, self-diagnosis, or high treatment costs.

Mental illness refers to a wide range of mental health conditions. Many people have mental health concerns from time to time. However, a mental health concern becomes a mental illness when ongoing signs and symptoms cause frequent stress and affect your ability to function daily. A mental illness can make you miserable and can cause problems in your daily life, such as at school or work or in relationships.

        Depression is a common mental illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think, and how you act. It is very much real and quite an overpowering factor in your daily life. When a person has depression, it interferes with their daily life and normal functioning. Depression is not a sign of weakness nor is it a character flaw. You can’t “snap out of” clinical depression. Most people who experience depression need treatment to get better. Bottling it up can do more bad than good in the long run.

“Well, I suffered from pretty severe depression for many, many years. I kept my mouth shut about it for about 12 years. When I finally said something, my parents send me to therapy. My parents quickly stopped walking on eggshells around me and went back to treating me like they always did so I had to do what I thought was best for me in terms of finally getting over this crippling disorder. I’m not 100% cured and I still have episodes of it but my mental health is far improved compared to what it used to be and for that I’m grateful. But I know I did all of it on my own. My parents paid for things but they never understood. They cared but they didn’t really help. Most of the time you have to be there for yourself. My therapist was nice but he was almost too supportive. I didn’t want support. I wanted to be fixed. ” – Sri Lanka

  “I suffer from major anxiety and sometimes I fall into depression where i feel neglected and i just wanna isolate myself so i find ways to self-harm or anything that can take my life away. well my anxiety, yes my family is very much aware of it but as far as for depression, since i isolate myself, i don’t feel the need to talk about it. my parents think it’s a common thing and they do not wish to go on further checking because to them, i seem okay but i know for sure that i actually do need help.”- India

In reality, everyone wants to feel like they matter. Like they’re being heard but we often go through personal struggles that divide us in the way we see life and the way we see ourselves and the outcome isn’t often positive. In reality, it’s a much harsher outlook purely because a mental illness is something you have to face alone. Regardless of people being there to support you or not, the changes you go through are internal. Help can be given but not all of it is helpful and sometimes all you really want is the space to figure it out yourself and work through your demons.

There is, however, a difference between giving an individual the space he/she needs and completely shutting down the idea that he/she HAS a mental illness. Friends/lovers or people that are exposed to you on a more intimate level may be able to understand your illness better because they feel the withdrawal. This is not an easy change to undergo because no one wants their mental illness to be the reason they’re treated differently. However, exposure is good; having a purpose besides the confines of your room/ work space is always best because it helps take your mind of your struggles. Even if it is for a brief period of time, that 10-minute window could make a large difference in your life.

“I do not officially suffer from a mental illness nor knows anyone that does, unless you consider a mild case of OCD and sometimes anxiety (which I’m getting through slowly!!). For a long time (well till a few months ago) I couldn’t take phone calls to people that I didn’t know personally without panicking and feeling anxious and order food over the counter or anything that involved one-on-one interaction with people that I had no prior relation with, and I really wanted to overcome it so I did speak to my parents about it and they told me that when we go out, bit by bit I’d be the one ordering food and getting directions and all, and through that I got over it. I don’t really physically show fear or my anxiousness but inside my head I’d constantly be thinking about how I’d flop and how the person would judge me for it and it’d stop me from doing a lot of things, but it’s getting much better and easier to do things.” – Anon

  “I am transgender, which causes me to have severe gender dysphoria and anxiety. That means that I have a very negative emotional reaction to my own body. It has made me try and lose a lot of weight as quickly as possible and self-harm. The self-harming can go from cutting to just scratching my arm bloody. I have come out to my mom but not my father. My mother has been supportive so far, and helped me go see a psychologist which helped me a little, however because I am still nowhere near transitioning or living life openly as myself, the cause for the dysphoria and anxiety is still very present, and I expect it will continue to stay with me even after my transition.”- Germany

Self-harm, firstly is something you should never put your mind or body through. There is no questioning or doubting that what you might/are going through is terrible but if you were (and you will) get out of that void, your scars might result in a relapse or reoccurrences of those bitter memories. Reliving the trauma is the last thing you need. You’ve worn your emotion in every possible style. Don’t hurt yourself any further.

“There were times were this person I knew would be confused over depression and sadness. Surely at the back of their head they both meant the same but there had to be a line that would differentiate the two. Unlike sadness, depression was painful and would suck the life out of you even at your happiest moments. That’s when she knew she was a depressed child. She wouldn’t call it the most severe case of depression but without a doubt, it comes under the category of depression. She has not approached her family regarding this because of the mere fact that she felt like she wouldn’t get that understanding. For a fact she knew they would support her and get me all the help she needs but that emotional connection that she needs she wouldn’t be able to receive it. She refrained herself from doing so because by the end of it, she didn’t want relationships with them to be any different and not just that she feels like she can deal with it herself and not require help which could be her being reluctant or afraid of seeking help but she’s okay.” – Anon

  “I know many people in my family with mental disorders and everyone dismisses them; they’re either not close enough to God or have gone mad. Most African elders see mental illness as something only westerners suffer with.” – Africa

Support is undoubtedly an extremely important factor and no support can do the just a family’s can. Having the support or understanding of a support system at the very least can go a long way. Sometimes families find it hard to accept your mental illness because it’s hard for them to consider it and not blame themselves or their actions for your current state.  Regardless, not having a support system can just aggravate your state of mind. If making your friends/family understands your mental illness is hard, consult a doctor. This is often easier said than done but it’s extremely important you address your mental illness. Like a broken knee or a high fever, living with your mental illness and not seeking attention can do a whole lot of bad because if you let it go on for two long, you won’t be the same person you were before the fall.

“You’re yelling at me, telling me I am not the child you expected while I am already wallowing in self-hate.” – Anon

  “So I do believe that I have OCD…and I actually do…most of it is very petty stuff but some of it makes me a bit scared like I cannot listen to my car stereo music in odd numbers. If I do I will crash and die. Well u get used to things like that; not so difficult just gotta adjust the volume. My family doesn’t really know this or even understand it. I once knew her a girl who was suffering from schizophrenia. It was intense. Her family knew and sort of didn’t give a shit about it. She used to imagine of being attached by random strangers and all that. Me and her we had this major attraction and really liked each other.” – UAE

It’s hard to talk about it. It’s even harder to put it down in an article but it needs to be said. It needs to be addressed and if no one wants to address it then it’s up to you to schedule an appointment with a doctor. It’s terrible to have to feel so alone in this and it must down right suck right now to feel unsupported through your times of need but it will make you a stronger person. Seek help online from reputed sites like 7 cups of tea if you’re not ready to talk to a person face-to-face or if you feel like you’re financially unable to seek appropriate therapy. You are one step closer to winning the battle against your mental illness by seeking help.

Opening Up About Mental Illnesses Growing up, the concept of a mental illness was always either romanticized, criticized, or both. You’re given the idea that a mental illness is beautifully flawed and easily lost when handled a particular way.