#I got the supplies but it seems so tedious idk | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

heyhosam · 7 years ago

Text

I look like all you need

A/N: ok, so… woah, hello? It’s me, here I am after a looooong break. I’m really nervous to post this because I haven’t written anything for months and idk I feel like I’m back at square one, when I started writing and had no clue to what I was doing…So I request for constructive criticism if you find mistakes. I’m trying to get into writing again, because I’ve missed it so much, specially interacting with you guys, so hopefully this story will be the first one of more to come. I’m aware of the requests I have to work on, I haven’t forgotten about you guys, I promise I’m working on them so my next releases will be those requested stories.

About this story; I’ve been following for a while a youtuber that has been documenting her transitioning progress and I found it so inspiring that I wanted to write about it. Transgender ppl —regardless of if they are transitioning or not— go through such hardships and they are always belittled or ignored, mostly dehumanized. They have my utmost respect and I’m really proud of all of them for battling with their inner demons on daily basis, and fighting against a society that most of the time don’t think they are ppl deserving of respect and human rights.

I tried to make this story with the utmost care and love in the world, is not my intention to offend anyone but if there is anything that is offensive to you or that you consider I’m explaining wrong tell me and I will change it or simply delete the story. Hopefully you all will love reading it as much as I loved creating it.

I found an interesting article/video talking about MTF surgery, take a look if you aren’t grossed out with this kind of things (the video is an animated simulation, there is no blood nor anything explicit)

AO3

I know my A/N are always super long lol I’m sorry.This said, ENJOY!

Jungkook first sees her at the café near campus, that one in which they serve the cheapest, but largest cups of caffeine that have helped him more than once survive finals week.

He’s waiting for his turn, while scrolling down his phone lazily as the lady in front of him takes forever to decide what to order, when he hears a kid yell from somewhere in the shop; it’s not like Jungkook’s really disturbed by it, but the hollering is loud enough to distract him from his previous tedious task and turn his head towards the source of the noise and then— then the world stops as his eyes find her, his heart skips a beat.

She’s so beautiful. She looks so pretty just sitting down on her own, head tilted down to focus on the book on her hands. Shy rays of sunshine glow around her from the nearest window, her dark brown hair sitting on her shoulders gently, some curly strands tucked behind her ear probably to stop them from falling to her face so she can read in peace. Round and rosy cheeks, big glasses sitting at the tip of her cute button nose, plump and glossy lips; although she doesn’t look like the really thin type, she looks petite with the oversized beige sweater she’s wearing.

The urge to simply go there and hug her is so strong and overwhelming that Jungkook forgets how to breath properly for a second.

“Uhm— excuse me?”

Jungkook snaps back to reality, turning his head to the barista looking curiously at him and blushes, noticing it was him now holding back the line.

“Oh, yes— sorry.” he orders his usual coffee with extra vanilla cream and when he’s about to hand the bills he stops, mind going back to the cute -beautiful, gorgeous, perfect- girl sitting alone at the back of the café with, maybe, and empty cup of coffee.

Would it be too weird if he bought her a cup of coffee? Probably, his mind unhelpfully supplies. But she is so pretty, the prettiest he’s ever seen, and the helpless romantic in him can’t fathom the thought of walking out the cafe without giving it a chance, without at least trying to make her smile and see the world brighten up a little bit.

“Do you know what was her order?” he asks shyly, pointing discreetly at the girl. The barista looks at her with big owlish eyes full of curiosity, then back at Jungkook and the little smirk that forms on his lips has Jungkook immediately regretting he had asked.

“Yes, she is a regular,” he says amused, finger already tapping on the screen, “Do you want to order another one for her?”

Jungkook doesn’t find his voice to respond, he simply nods with a blush on his cheeks and then hands the bills.

It takes him another ten minutes to find the courage to approach her, period of time in which he tries his best to ignore the barista amusedly staring at him. He is Jeon Jungkook, for fucks’ sake— he has no troubles when it comes to flirting, to get a girl battling her eyelashes at him in less than five minutes. It’s really frustrating how he seems to be unable to do something as simple as approach her with a casual ‘hey’. He has done it before, too many times he’s lost count. But here again, he has never come across such a pretty girl.

When he finally nears her table he has forgotten what he had planned to say, and instead of saying something that will sound cool and interesting he chokes out a pathetic hello.

He tries to stay composed as she looks up from her book -which Jungkook recognises to be one of his favourite mangas- and blinks confusedly, but really cutely, at him.

“Hello.” she says, voice gentle but hesitant. Jungkook can see she has tensed up and nervousness pumps through his veins, now realising how weird it must be from her point of view a complete stranger has bought her a drink and approached her table.

“Uh— sorry, I just—“ he stutters out, feeling like a complete idiot by standing there with a cup of coffee on each hand and just owlishly blinking at her. “I thought— well, I thought that maybe you would like another coffee?”

She stares silently at him, and Jungkook cringes just thinking of what must be going through her head right now as she studies him. He must look like a weirdo, a total creep. Yikes.

“Ok, let me explain,” he says before she can answer, “I just saw you and I thought you were pretty and— I don’t know, guess I just wanted an excuse to talk to you. I’m sorry if I’m disturbing you I can just go away as if nothing happened. I’m really sorry.”

He’s about to turn around and run out the cafeteria like the loser he is when she stops him with a soft ‘wait’ dropping from her very pretty lips.

“You didn’t bother me,” she mumbles before licking her lips, “just took me by surprise because this kind of situations aren’t something common for me.”

“But you are so pretty.” Jungkook says before he can stop himself and he cringes again. He has to stop creeping her out if he really wants a chance to get to know her.

“Thank you,” she says shyly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear, and Jungkook almost coos out loud at how cute she is.

“Uhm- do you mind if I sit with you?” he says with a hopeful lilt, maybe a bit too desperate if the way she looks up curiously at him is anything to go by.

She studies him, most likely hesitant to let a stranger sit with her; honestly, Jungkook can’t blame her for being wary of him.

“Okay.” she finally concedes, pushing her glasses up her nose with two fingers. Seriously, Jungkook needs to chill, because that simple motion had his heart stuttering inside his chest.

He sits, awkwardly clearing his throat while handing her the drink, finding really hard to maintain eye contact with her. “I asked the barista what was your drink.”

“Ah, thank you.” she says, briefly glancing back to where said barista rests at the counter at the other end of the café. “You really didn’t have to go through all that trouble to buy me a drink.”

“It’s fine, I really wanted to.”

They stay in silence for a minute, shy glances and awkward atmosphere before Jungkook realises he hasn’t introduced himself yet.

“I’m Jungkook, by the way.”

“Yeah, I know.” she says with a soft smile while stirring her coffee, Jungkook wonders if he put the perfect amount of sugar on it or not. She seems the type to like sweet stuff, but maybe Jungkook got it all wrong.“You are quite famous around campus, being part of the football team.”

“Oh, am I?” he laughs nervously while scratching at the back of his neck. Given any other situation, reached this point he would show off about his body or his achievements; he knows girls usually like the athletic type with muscles at all the right places, but somehow the fact that she knows about him makes him giddy with nerves. Because even if he’s popular in a good way, unpleasant rumours always arise and he doesn’t know what must have reached her ears.

“I’m not that much into sports, but I’ve heard a lot about you,” she says, corner of her lips turned up slightly and that makes Jungkook relax a bit, maybe she hasn’t heard anything bad.

“You could come see one of our games, someday,” says Jungkook with a shrug, trying to sound as casual as possible while hiding the hopeful sparkle on his eyes. That makes her chuckle, which has Jungkook visibly perking up, proud of himself for finally making her smile.

“I will think about that,” she says and then takes a gulp of her coffee, frowning slightly just after. And it’s just this easy to have Jungkook deflating on his seat.

“What, is it not good? Too much sugar?” he asks panicked, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Damn, he knew he should have added just one spoonful.

“No, no!” she says quickly, shaking her hand a bit flustered and if Jungkook weren’t sad because he had managed to fuck up her drink he would be dying at her cuteness. “it’s just— it’s a bit…cold.”

If Jungkook thought of dying of embarrassment before, now he just wishes he could just jump off the planet and let the aliens dismember his body.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry—“ he blabbers out, flustered and cheeks flushed red, “I — Fuck, I’m a mess, I’m really sorry. It’s just that it took me a while to finally approach you—“

“It’s okay.” she laughs, truly laughs, with genuine mirth on her eyes and Jungkook can’t do anything but stare dumbly at her, heart fluttering.

“I can order a new one.” he says, already standing up but she stops him, assures him it’s fine and to prover her point she sips on it again, this time a larger gulp.

She finally introduces herself a minute later —Park Jimin, 24 years old. Psychology major on her last year; Jungkook saves the data on his head—, shyly laughing for forgetting to do so and Jungkook is already really infatuated with all her antics: the way she scrunches her nose slightly while pushing her glasses back up, how her hand covers her mouth while laughing at one of his dumb jokes, or how she tucks her hair away so delicately behind her ears.

Jimin is so pretty, inside and out, a bubbly personality once she finally opens up to him, visibly perking up when he points out the manga on top of the table, or when he mentions he’s into hero movies as well.

And it’s with another number saved on his phone and the promise to text each other that Jungkook gets back to his apartment, dumb smile included.

Jimin chuckles softly at the latest dumb meme Jungkook has sent, muffling the sound the best she can with one hand on her mouth. Still, Taehyung catches on it and throws a pen that hits her straight on her forehead.

“What was that for?” she grumbles with a pout, rubbing at the damaged zone.

“You’ve been glued to your phone for the past hour,” says Taehyung making grabby hands for her to hand his pen back. “We are supposed to be studying, remember?”

“Since when are you so into studying.” she says and throws the offending object back at him, grinning when it hits him on the face as well.

“Yoonji will beat my ass if I fail another test.” he says rubbing at his cheek with a fat pout, if it’s because it hurt or because he doesn’t want to suffer the wrath of his girlfriend, Jimin doesn’t know. “Who are you texting with, anyways? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so focused on your phone before.”

“Just… a friend,” she says with a shrug, staring down at her books to feign nonchalance. But Jimin sometimes forgets Taehyung knows everything about her, too much time spent together has that, so he is quick to catch on the slight change of her voice when she muttered the last word.

“Just a friend, my ass,” he says, a bit too loudly for a quiet environment such as a library, a couple of students from a near spot turn their heads to them.

She presses a finger to her lips to shush him before staring down to her books again. She feels her phone vibrate on her lap and she has to fight with herself to not check the new messages right then.

“Who is it? An admirer?” Taehyung asks again, leaning forward as if he could pry on her phone by simply stretching his neck. “Is someone wooing my Jiminnie?

“No one,” she lies, again, curling on herself flustered and embarrassed at the fact that she has been caught red handed. Taehyung is relentless, won’t stop asking questions until he has what he wants.

Jimin doesn’t want to be questioned about it, because she really doesn’t know what to say, being honest. They have been texting for the past month, getting to know more about each other between dumb jokes and stupid memes. Jungkook is a real dork, sometimes has her laughing so much her stomach hurts, but he is also sweet and caring, listens to her with no complains whenever she lets the walls down and rambles. And then, there are those moments in which Jungkook flirts, and Jimin does so as well, giggling to herself with red cheeks. And it’s equals parts sweet end exciting and scary; scary, because she doesn’t know if it will last or if this, whatever it is, will lead to anything at all.

Jimin just knows that she likes him. A lot. Maybe too much.

“Your blush tells me you are being courted indeed,” says Taehyung, lips stretched in a thin line, making his cheeks bundle up. Yoonji would coo at him, pinch his cheeks. Jimin just feels like slapping her best friend in the face. With a chair.

“He’s just someone I met.” she says, finally giving up. She knows Taehyung will get the information out of her sooner or later. They really have no secrets for each other.

“Met where, when?” questions Taehyung, now with a frown deeper than the ocean. She knows he’s wary of any boy trying to flirt with her. Honestly, after all she’s been through, so is she. “You didn’t tell me about it.”

“Honestly, I didn’t think he would stay around for this long,” she says, lowering her voice when someone from across the room shushes them, “He approached me at the café we usually go to, bought me a drink and we chatted for a little bit, been texting since then.”

Taehyung hums, eyes squinted at her, just staring for what feels like an eternity. Jimin squirms a bit uncomfortable on her chair, the vibration of her phone reminding her she hasn’t replied to him yet.

“You like him.” sates Taehyung. Jimin would like to deny it, she has the ‘no’ at the tip of her tongue, but her cheeks betray her, displaying a flustered red that speaks louder for her.

“Maybe.” she admits “But he will grow tired of me with time, like every other boy that has tried something.” she adds with a shrug, trying to not show how the thought of Jungkook dropping her breaks her heart.

Jimin hears Taehyung sigh and when she stares up at him, he’s looking sympathetically at her. They have been through this kind of situation before: a cute boy trying something on Jimin and when he sees that her shell is a bit too hard to crack he leaves. The first time really hurt, because she liked him a lot. The others stung as well, but she just pretended to not be affected by it.

But Jungkook is another story. He’s persistent, seems really interested in her even when she was being evasive when they started texting. She hates the fact that her hopes are going up with Jungkook, because the fear of such a sweet boy leaving her once he knows her secret haunts her.

“Just try to not get too attached to him, just in case.” says Taehyung after a while as he rolls around his pastel purple pen with his fingers, the same colour of his hair this month. “And if by any chance he hurts you, I’ll beat his ass.”

Jimin cracks a smile, heart swelling with fondness towards her friend. “You know you can’t hurt a fly.” she teases despite loving this protective side of him.

“Maybe, but Yoonji is not so sweet.”

At that Jimin agrees.

Jungkook stares at his phone for the hundredth time, sighing frustrated when only two minutes passed since the last time he checked.

He’s early by half an hour, and it just proves his greediness and lack of self-control when it comes to Jimin. He has never arrived early to a date, but he had started pacing around the apartment, asking his roommate for clothing advice so many times that Yugyemon ended up kicking him out, fed up with his anxious ass.

So yes, Jungkook is early and nervous but dressed with an outfit that will, hopefully, make Jimin weak on the knees: his favourite black and very tight jeans, a stripped shirt and a bomber jacket. Killer look; the perfect combination of bad boy with a sweet side.

In the end it��s Jungkook who chokes on his spit at the sight of her, recurring situation that he will have to work hard on if he doesn’t want to keep embarrassing himself in front of her. She looks stunning with a denim skirt and a black sweater tucked in. It’s so simple but she pulls it off as if it were brand clothes displayed by a model.

“Hi.” she says shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear, curly for the night. Jungkook notices a faint blush on her cheeks, maybe because of the chilly air or maybe because she has caught on Jungkook’s blatant stare- he couldn’t help it, her thighs are thick and on full display and he is a simple man. Regardless of the reason, she looks beautiful.

“Hey,” he says awestruck, being unable to hold back his smile, “you look so pretty.”

She giggles, ducking her head down in embarrassment with a mumbled ’thank you’ that has Jungkook smiling wider. That blush was indeed his doing. She’s so cute.

It’s awkward at first, but Jungkook manages to break through his nervousness and starts being his dumb self, cracking jokes here and there, and has Jimin relaxing in no time. The fact that Jimin seemed to be nervous about this encounter has his hopes going up. They hadn’t specified it was a date, Jungkook somehow managed to convince Jimin into meeting him to watch a football game on TV with the pretence of giving her knowledge about it for when she goes to watch one of the uni’s team. She had agreed so easily that Jungkook was left stunned blinking down at his screen like an idiot until Yugyeom hit the back of his head.

So, even if he wants it to be a date, he knows it’s not officially a date. He has to keep his cool.

“I’m sorry if I’m boring you,” says Jungkook, hiding his insecurity behind his a smile. He has been blabbering for the past hour and she has done nothing but listen attentively, nodding and smiling, asked very few questions that got Jungkook giving a full essay about football strategies. “I get carried away whenever sports are involved.”

“No, it’s fine,” she assures him before gulping down the last remains of her beer in one gulp. Jungkook had been pleasantly surprised when she asked for a beer and greasy snacks to accompany it. Maybe because he’s used at going out with the kind of girls that enjoy more a salad than a good greasy meal and put disgusted faces when he almost swallows a bunch of fries in one go. The girls he’s dated so far go for the composed and pretty image, trying their best to impress him with the finesse and elegance they think he will like, when the only thing Jungkook wants is for them to be natural and enjoy themselves. There is nothing more attractive to him than a pretty girl enjoying her food, drinking beer with no care and giving zero fucks if her lipstick is none existent by now. He’s a simple man.

“It’s cute to see you so hyped about this.” she adds with a smile, and Jungkook’s brain short-circuits, he can only laugh like a hyena for lack of anything else to say at her words. Cute, she thinks I’m cute.

“Hopefully I haven’t ruined football and you will like go see me play, someday,” he says, changing a bit their conversation so he has time to calm down his fluttering heart. Besides, he wants to show off, prove how good he is at something he loves, impress her when he scores points for his team and the whole stadium chants his name. He want her to stare proudly at him.

She smiles before pushing her glasses up her nose, an habit, a lovely habit that Jungkook has grown so fond of within the last hours,“Of course not, I would love to go see you play.”

The way she says it has Jungkook perking up. She sounds genuine, like she really wants to go and cheer for him.

“Is it a promise?” he extends his hand to her, pinky up and expectant. He knows he looks childish by doing this, but fuck if he cares. He would love to see her cheer for him, and his brain forms in his head Jimin wearing his jacket with his name on it while screaming his name so the whole stadium would know she’s there for him. Fuck, so beautiful.

She seems surprised by his acts, lets out cute giggle and extends her hand to him, immediately curling her pinky around Jungkook’s.

“It’s a promise.”

And this is the moment Jungkook thinks death could take him right there and right now and he would not care because her hand is so small, not to mention the size of her finger compared to his own, her skin soft at the touch; it’s only their pinkies touching, but Jungkook feels like they were meant for each other, that their hands were created to hold each other. Fuck, he’s so whipped already.

“I like you.” he blurts out and when he notices what he’s said he releases her hand as if he got struck by an electric shock, cheeks blushing deep red and ears burning with embarrassment. “Shit— I mean, that I like you would want to come— to watch me play. Shit, I…”

He just stops talking, there is no save; mom if you can hear me, just know that I love you.

He has fucked up by randomly confessing, they have been talking just for a month. Heck, this isn’t even an official date. His dumb ass couldn’t even wait after their first date. All the happiness he felt seconds ago vanishes into the void.

“I— I like you too.” she says softly, head ducked down, fingers tugging at the hem of her black sweater. He stares at her dumbly, watches as her eyes waver to the side and bites her bottom lip.

“You… do?” he asks bewildered. He was hopeful, that’s for sure, but seeing her act distant towards him more than once sine they met always made him hesitant. The rational part of his brain always said that she was the kind of sweet girl that would keep talking to him just to be nice, polite, but wasn’t really interested in him in the end. Becuase Jungkook is aware he’s kind of the dumb and muscly type that girls like Jimin —smart, beautiful— wouldn’t want as a boyfriend.

She inhales deeply, holds it for two seconds and releases slowly. She looks nervous, almost afraid. That has Jungkook curious and worried.

“I do,” she says, now staring at him with determination in her eyes, as if she is forcing herself to say it out loud. “I do like you a lot, you are so funny and sweet. I feel comfortable when we talk, like I can be myself without worrying too much, which is a big issue with me…”

“You can relax around me,” he says, cupping her hands with both of his in a sprout of braveness. “I care a lot about you, just want to make you happy.”

She smiles, a genuine and beautiful smile that has his own lips mirroring hers. She seems to relax, interlaces loosely their fingers together and Jungkook feels she has allowed him to walk through the first door of the walls surrounding her heart.

They leave long after the football game had ended, too engrossed in talking about whatever came to mind they forgot they were supposed to return home for the night.

Jungkook being the gentleman that he is, walks her home, a students residence not that far from his own shared apartment, fingers interlaced and walking pretty close to each other.

“I enjoyed tonight so much,” she says when they reach her building. She has been smiling the entire walk back home, making Jungkook all soft on the inside.

“I’m glad to hear that.” Jungkook notices their hands are still closed around each other’s, as if none of them wants to let go just yet. She feels so warm, so perfect.

They stare at each other for what feels so long until she breaks eye contact, releasing and embarrassed giggle and squeezing his hand. He instinctively pulls her closer and before he can regret even thinking about it he leans forward and pecks her cheek.

The moment is so sweet, so soft, he knows if Yugyeom were here he would tease him to no end for being so whipped for a girl he has just met. But it’s Jimin. Tender, bubbly, sweet Jimin. She pulls out a side of him he didn’t know he had, and he loves it. He just enjoys being with her so much he wants it to never end.

While he’s distracted admiring her, she cups the back of his head and drops a kiss on his lips. It’s short, but enough to leave Jungkook thinking he had conquered the world. If he feels like this with just a peck he’s not sure he is going to survive a full make-out session.

“Text me when you get home,” she says, a lovely shade of red covering her cheeks, probably the same that covers Jungkook’s own right now.

“I can’t believe you are dumping me,” says Taehyung fake-crying while resting his head on Yoonji’s shoulder. She just pats his head with one hand while taking a sip of her coffee, giving no shits her boyfriend is asking for attention. Everyone knows Yoonji only functions if she has had her daily dose of caffeine.

“My goodness, you are so dramatic,” says Jimin rolling her eyes. “I wish I could dump your sorry ass that easily.”

“See? she wants me gone Yoon-yoon.” he says poking at her side. Yoonji gives Jimin a long unblinking stare, that would scare everyone else but that Jimin is pretty much used to, before uttering the first words of the morning.

“Aren’t you happy your Jiminnie is finally dating someone decent?” she asks, raising an eyebrow at him. Jimin can see the fondness on her stare and hope she and Jungkook look that cute together. “Look at her, she’s all rosy cheeks and gross giggles whenever Jungkook is brought up.”

“Someone decent?” says Taehyung outraged, lifting his head to stare at her, as if her girlfriend had just bretrayed him, “We don’t know him.”

“Isn’t what this whole meeting thing today is about?,” mumbles Jimin around the rim of her coffee cup, ignoring Yoonji’s previous statement and the amused quirk of her lips. Taehyung, though, is so caught up on his personal drama that ignores it all and keeps talking.

“He could be playing her, feigning to be sweet and charming just to get into her pants.”

“You should judge that after meeting him.” says Yoonji before Jimin can open his mouth to defend her boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend because they have been dating for two beautiful and amazing months and Jimin is ready to fight for him. “You can’t judge a book by its cover. Just like when we met, remember?”

Jimin does remember. Remembers Taehyung seeing Yoonji at the library for the first time and falling in love with her at first sight. Remembers watching surprised, but worried, as her best friend stood up, walked with confidence to the petite girl with dark hair, dark clothes and big earphones on her ears —obviously not wanting to be disturbed— and offered her his back of gummy bears. He remembers his expectant face when she stared at him, then at the gummy bears before grabbing a bunch and uttering a thanks. Jimin remembers thinking how weird they looked together, Taehyung with his bright clothes and bleached blond hair; Yoonji with a complete dark look contrasting beautifully with her pale skin. At first glance they look so different, but they gave each other a chance to get to know each other, to find out what they already had in common and what things to discover together.

They had been quite the talk around campus at first, everyone judging them by their looks, but they made it work and three years later they are still that couple grossly in love.

“I hate it when you are right,” mumbles Taehyung and Yoonji laughs, tugging softly at his earlobe with her fingers. “Still, I will glare at him until I find him deserving of your heart.”

“Please don’t embarrass me,” pleads Jimin with a long sigh, already regretting agreeing to this meeting. Jimin had been prolonging it with excuses whenever Taehyung or Yoonji said to want to meet the guy that had Jimin’s eyes sparkling like diamonds under the moonlight (Taehyung’s words, not hers), but it had been Jungkook suggesting it what actually had Jimin agreeing.

“You are always talking about them,” had said Jungkook one afternoon they had been cuddling on Jungkook’s apartment, “If they are your best friends I want to meet them.”

And maybe Jimin was too whipped to say no.

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” says Taehyung, staring seriously at her. Jimin sighs again before offering a soft smile to her best friend.

“I know Taetae,” she says reaching for his hand. Taehyung immediately interlaces their fingers. “But I… I trust him.”

“But he doesn’t know, right?” asks Yoonji, also serious now that the mood has changed drastically. When Jimin shakes her head no as response, she adds, “Will you tell him? You know you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I know…I really want to tell him.” says Jimin and tries not to cry when Taehyung squeezes her hand, anxiety always comes strong when this topic is brought up. “Honestly, I’m not afraid of who I used to be. It was a battle against myself that I’m proud of surviving, but I know not everyone is accepting and that is what scares me. I know he wouldn’t hurt me intentionally, but as I said it’s a part of who I am today that I want him to know about, I don’t want to hide anything from myself to him.”

When Jimin looks up at them she finds them smiling. Yoonji reaches forward with her hand, resting it above where Taehyung’s and hers are still held tightly.

“We are so proud of you Jiminnie.” she says, fondness on her eyes. They must be quite the scene, Jimin thinks; a girl with clothes dark like the night and dark eyeliner smudged around her eyes, another one with an Iron Man tee and glasses almost bigger than her face, and a boy with a bright yellow shirt and purple hair holding each other’s hands and staring with eyes glassy from unshed tears. A bunch of idiots, it’s what they look like, but this is why she loves them so much.

When Jungkook finally arrives Jimin stands up immediately, almost running to throw herself at him. He catches her easily, arms circling around her waist to press her closer and drop a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Hello, gorgeous.” he says, smiling down at her. She grins, unable to hold it back while staring at those beautiful brown eyes that always seem to have a sparkle on them. So captivating. “Have you been waiting for long? We have a game coming up and coach decided to prolong practice.”

“It’s fine,” she says, taking him by the hand to where Taehyung and Yoonji are waiting, “I would wait forever for you.” she says cheekily, knowing how these kind of words always make Jungkook blush. Right on cue, the tip of his ears turn red, and she can’t help but laugh at his cuteness.

The introduction is less awkward than Jimin expected, and much to her surprise Taehyung is actually civil with Jungkook. Maybe Yoonji gave him a talk while she was gone. Jimin should buy her another coffee in gratitude. It’s Jungkook, though, who buys another round of coffee for everyone in compensation for making them all wait.

“So, Jungkook,” starts Taehyung, stirring slowly his coffee, eyebrow held high and lips pursed. He’s trying to be menacing, but he just looks like an idiot, if you ask Jimin. “What are your plans for the future? career, dream job, children?”

Jimin sighs. Here it comes.

“I’m planning on becoming a personal trainer.” Jungkook says with that boyish smile of his that has Jimin’s heart dong backflips all the time. “I’ve always loved sports, and I want to make it my job. I actually play football for the uni’s team—“

“Yes, I’m aware of that.” interrupts Taehyung, rather rudely in Jimin’s opinion. Yoonji must think the same because she gives him a nudge to his ribs that he profusely ignores in order to keep talking. “You must be really popular between girls and boys alike, you sure you wanna settle down with Jiminnie?”

Jimin quicks Taehyung’s shin, huffing victorious when he yelps loudly. Jungkook seems taken by surprise by that outcome if his stiff posture is anything to go by.

“Sorry, he’s being a dick.” Jimin says glaring at Taehyung, who just sticks out his tongue at her.

“No it’s— It’s fine I understand his concern.” says Jungkook, giving side glances to Taehyung. “I do like her a lot.” he adds, now obviously directed at Taehyung. “She’s the first girl I feel like I want to settle down with.”

That has Jimin flushing, hands instinctively lifting to cover her cheeks. Jungkook never fails to make her heart go crazy. She hears him chuckle, and his hand squeezes gently her thigh, reassuring. She stares at him, and they find themselves tangled in a sweet and lovely staring contest.

“Just so you know,” says Taehyung, popping their bubble of happiness, “Yoonji used to be a part of a gang back in high school-“

“That’s a lie,” denies Yoonji with a snort, obviously amused by her boyfriend’s antics.

“She still could easily kick you in the balls if she wanted to.”

“But I don’t want to.” mumbles Yoonji at the same that Jimin snaps “Could you stop threatening my boyfriend, thank you?”

Jimin knows Taehyung is just being protective but he’s the crossing the line. Jungkook is a sweet kid, only if Taehyung tried to get to know him he would know.

“You are being a dick, honey.” says Yoonji softly, patting his thigh. Taehyung huffs, eyebrows furrowed. Jimin can tell he’s annoyed, not because he’s being scolded, but because he knows he’s acting like a child.

“Sorry, Jungkook.” he says after a couple of seconds of awkward silence, eyes glaring at the table. Jungkook tries to shrug it off, but Taehyung keeps talking, “Jimin has dealt with a lot of shit and I know it’s not my place to say if you are or not good enough for her. I just want her to be happy.” He says the last part looking at Jimin, genuine apology implicit on his eyes. Jimin can’t be mad at him, not when he’s such a precious child.

“I’m trying my best to make her happy,” says Jungkook softly. Jimin is glad he’s not scared, she should buy him tons of banana milk later for not running away after this. “I don’t know what exactly happened that made her so hesitant towards new people, or relationships in general—“ Jimin frowns at that, she didn’t know Jungkook had noticed, “— but I like her and if she is willing to open up to me, I will gladly accept her with everything she has to offer.”

“Whatever it is?” challenges Taehyung, and Jimin finds herself anticipating Jungkook’s answer as well.

“Yes.”

“Unless she has killed someone,” says Yoonji with the corner of her lips curled up in that way that makes her look mischievous like a kitten, “I would advise you to run away, then.”

That’s enough to ease a bit the mood and direct the conversation towards more trivial topics. Jungkook holds her hand during the rest of the afternoon, even afterward when Yoonji and Taehyung leave and Jimin and Jungkook roam around the streets in an impromptu date, neither of them wanting to leave too soon.

Jungkook listens as their coach plans some strategies last minute, furiously drawing on the tiny board with aggressive strokes.

They are on the last five minutes of the game and they need to score to win, since it’s a tie in the scoreboard. The pressure is high.

He feels a bead of swear sneak down his face from his forehead to his chin and he frowns. His shoulder hurts a bit from one rough tackle but he plays an important role in the team, he can’t sit on the bench and do nothing when they need more than ever to play united as a team.

When the coach gives them the cue to go back to the field, Jungkook turns his head around, finding with ease Jimin on the bleachers, smiling widely at him, hand waving energetically upon noticing him staring. He would hate it so much to loose this match; he can’t lose the first one Jimin has come to see.

Jungkook pats his mates on the shoulders as he situates himself at the right spot. He inhales, stares back at the scoreboard and then exhales, the referee signals for the game to start.

The longest five minutes Jungkook has ever played, but none the less the most gratifying ones as his team manages to score the points that grant their victory. The whole stadium roars, chanting the team’s name and Jungkook smiles, laughs whole-heartedly as adrenaline pumps through his veins.

He got his win, the first win Jimin was able to witness with her own pretty eyes.

“Congrats, big boy.” Says Taehyung, patting his shoulder with a crooked smile. Jungkook’s smile widens, thanking him with enthusiasm. He’s so happy Taenhyung seems to be trying to accept him, less aggressive with his words every time they meet.

“You were amazing,” adds Yoongi with a soft smile, leaning a bit forward so Jungkook can hear her over the music. “I know nothing about football but I know you were so cool out there.”

Jungkook can’t erase the smile off his face; there’s nothing sweeter than victory. Except for the kiss Jimin rewarded him with when they met after the match. She was shaking from excitement, smiling and saying over and over again how amazing he is. Jungkook couldn’t resist to lift her up and kiss her senseless, both of them ignoring Taehyung’s loud gags of disgust.

The celebratory party is wild, as always. Just an hour in and everyone is drunk, dancing like wild animals. Even Taehyung and Yoonji seem to be having fun despite their clearly hesitance at coming by when Jungkook invited them over.

Jungkook hasn’t left Jimin’s side the whole time, his arm securely around her waist and his nose buried on her neck as they dance. He leaves a kiss just under her ear, making her shiver, soft gasp escaping her.

“You look gorgeous tonight.” says Jungkook gravelly on her ear before nibbling at it. Her hand comes up to cup his neck to subtly press him closer, the other one squeezes his bicep. “Did you dress up for me?”

Jungkook does not usually talk like this, that bravado came from the two beers he’s had so far, and he must thank them for encouraging him, because the shudder that shakes Jimin’s body against his is rewarding.

“I always dress nice,” Says Jimin playfully with a pout. Jungkook can’t deny that, specially not when she is actually looking like a goddess right now in all her black glory, tight choker around her neck included; he kisses her for lack of any better answer.

“I’m glad you could make it,” says Jungkook, embracing her tightly. Maybe he is a bit too drunk, too touchy, brain-to-mouth filter starts malfunctioning, “I love you came to see me play, you know? I wanted to impress you because you are perfect and I want to be perfect for you.”

Jimin giggles as he cups his face with both hands, thumb caressing his bottom lip. Her skin is delicate and warm and her body fits amazingly against his own. Jungkook is so whipped, but he regrets nothing.

“You are a cutie when you are drunk,”

“You are the cutie,” says Jungkook a bit too loudly, maybe a bit too passionate. Jimin doesn’t seem to understand how cute she is, and that’s frutrating. “You have no idea how many times I go all mushy inside because of you.”

Jimin snorts, obviously failing at keeping her laugh. Jungkook pouts despite the beauty of that view. She’s not taking him seriously.

Jimin kisses the pout away, her arms tight around his neck as she holds herself up on her tippy-toes. Jungkook lifts her, enamoured by the way she squeaks in surprise.

“I like you so fucking much.” he mumbles, nudging her nose with his. She kisses him again, open mouthed and wet. They make out just like that, with Jungkook holding her up with his arms under her ass. That cute and round ass that has been giving him nightmares.

They somehow end up cornered somewhere, Jungkook trapping her with his body against a wall, one hand holding her head in place, the other cupping her ass. He groans when her hand rests on his navel, mischievously travels down to stop at his belt. He jerks his hips forwards instinctively to seek for more; it’s been a while since he’s done this and he would love to have another hand that it’s not his touching his dick tonight.

“Wait.” she whispers, her hand now on his chest to make light pressure. Jungkook bites her neck a bit too roughly and she moans as response. “Jung—Jungkook…”

“Hmm?” he jerks his hips forward again, now leaving a soft trail of kisses on her neck. She smells so good, of strawberry if his drunk mind is not wrong; so sweet, just like her.

“Stop.” She pushes him again, with a bit of more force now and Jungkook goes rigid, startled at her loud command.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks now terrified because she’s not looking at him, her hand curled on his chest the only sign that Jimin still wants him to keep him close.

“No,” she says, still looking down. Jungkook has to lean a bit forward in order to hear her over the loud music. “I just— I don’t feel like we should do this.”

“Oh, yeah—“ he does a quick glance-over through the room. No one is staring at them but he knows Jimin isn’t one to go to parties frequently, publicly making out like this must be too much for her. “Should be go to my apartment?”

He doesn’t want to sound pushy, nor fake her feel like she has to do anything with him tonight. He would be lying if he said he wouldn’t like to have celebratory sex tonight but it’s Jimin, not a random hook-up to relieve stress.

“I— I mean, I don’t feel like—“

“Oh shit, ok— it’s fine.” he reassures quickly. He’s a moron, he has clearly upset her. “I’m sorry, I— fuck, I think I drank too much and got carried away—“

“It’s not that…” she says, finally looking up at him. Her eyes are so pretty, he can clearly seem them tonight because of her choice to use contact lenses. The dim lights of the room make her eyes look mysterious, specially with the dark make-up she has on her eyelids. She’s stunning. “I liked it but— I’m not ready for that yet.”

Jungkook nods, leans completely away from her but she stops him with firm grip on his tee and tugs him forward until they are pressed against each other again; Jungkook breaths a bit relieved she isn’t repulsed at him for jumping on her like that, but still feels disgusted at himself for forcing her.

“You didn’t do anything I didn’t like,” she says softly against his lips, as if she could hear his trail of thoughts. “I’m not mad, nor upset, ok?”

He nods again, now more relaxed by her words, “I really didn’t want to force you into anything.”

“You didn’t.” she kisses him again, a slow and tender kiss that makes Jungkook sigh contently.

Jungkook stays moody for solid five minutes after that, still feeling like crap, but she quickly eases him by bringing another round of beers and dancing silly until he laughs and joins. Jungkook, even in his drunken state, can’t deny the stars aligned that day they met, because there isn’t any scientific study to explain how he got so lucky to have someone like Jimin as his girlfriend.

Jimin moans as Jungkook bites and tugs at her bottom lip softly. Jungkook is such a god damn good kisser, and in moments like these is when Jimin feels a bit out of place because of her lack of experience, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He kisses her passionately, as if having her lips on his is the best thing in the world.

She feels his hand caress her bare thigh, the tips of his fingers tickling their way up until they are close enough to the bottom of her skirt to sneak underneath, she shivers. It’s all too much and not enough at the same time.

She tugs at his hair softly when the bite on her neck turns into the start of a hickey as he sucks. Jungkook has a thing for marking her up, it seems; it’s not the first time she goes back home with a hickey on her neck.

The tension is notorious, Jimin is aware. They have been dating for almost five months now and the farthest they have gone in terms of intimacy is heavy make-out sessions and some hickeys here and there. Jungkook understood when Jimin told him he wanted to wait a bit, he was reassuring and comforting when she told him she didn’t feel comfortable with nudity, that she had insecurities.

“It’s fine,” he had said, pecking her on the lips sweetly, “I will wait forever if needed.”

Jimin, not for the first time since they met, wondered how she got so lucky.

She jumps startled when one of Jungkook’s fingers scrape the hem of her panties. Her body jerks so aggressively that she knees him on his ribs without intending to.

“Oh fuck!” she panics as Jungkook lifts himself up, face contorted in pain as one hand rubs his side, “Shit— Jungkook, I’m so sorry—“

“It’s fine,” he croaks out. Despite the obvious pain inflicted, there’s a smile on face, tries to laugh it off. “you know I’m pure muscle, I will survive.”

Jimin groans frustrated, dragging her hands down her face while mumbling more apologies. She hates herself; she was so eager to tell him, to be open about a part of herself she was actually proud of. But now, the words won’t come out and she’s all jumpy and panicked whenever he touches her; she has been dragging this moment for days. Jimin doesn’t know why she feels it’s so important to tell him before they get physical but she knows she won’t feel comfortable in taking their relationship to the next level until she explains everything to him.

It’s not the fact of being transgender that scares her, but his reaction. She’s coming to terms with her body, finally loving it as it is now. What she’s afraid of is Jungkook not wanting her anymore, that the desire that she has seen on his eyes sometimes when he looks at her will disappear once he’s told the truth; fears he could stop finding her atractive.

“Hey, it’s not big deal, you didn’t hurt me,” says Jungkook, voice soft as he pries her hands away off her face. “Are you crying?” he says, voice going high with panic when he sees her teary eyes.

“No,” she says, but it’s hard to sound convincing when she sniffles right after. When she looks at him, though, can’t help but chuckle at his panicked face. “Sorry, I just— Did I really not hurt you?”

“Yes, yes. I’m fine.” he assures quickly, leaning down to kiss her cheek and then her lips, “You could intentionally kick me in the balls and I would thank you and ask for more.”

Jimin laughs, a full-body laugh that has her squeaking embarrassingly loud. Gosh, he’s such a dork; how did she get so lucky?

“Come here you idiot,” she says while cupping his face to force him down for a sweet kiss. They kiss softly for a while, Jugnkook’s hands resting on her waist without moving, the rest of his body hovering over her without resting on her compltely. He probably sensed her discomfort.

“Are you ok, though?” he asks after a while, dropping butterfly kisses along her neck, then up to her jaw to end up on her lips once again. “I’m sorry if I pushed it too much, didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine, you were ok. But we need to talk.” she blurts out too serious all of a sudden. Poor Jungkook leans away, eyebrows furrowed. He looks like he’s just seen a ghost.

“Ok?” he says and then sits up completely, allowing her to do the same.

“It’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while,” she starts with, trying to buy some time to prepare what to say. She’s nervous, anxious, and the knot that forms on her throat won’t let her breath properly but she’s determined to tell him; no backing away. “It’s about…why we haven’t had sex yet.”

Jungkook nods, eyes big like an owl, posture stiff; he’s wriggling his fingers a lot, nervous probably, and Jimin wants to reach out and ease him, so she does. Fuck it, she thinks, maybe he won’t let me touch him again after this.

“You did nothing bad, yeah?” she says when he squeezes her hands, and he seems to relax a bit. Jimin feels bad for making him feel like he did something wrong. “It’s not you, it’s me… I have some insecurities about my body I’m working on.” she doesn’t know where to start from; Jimin feels as nervous as when she told her parents. “You see, even since I was a kid I never felt…happy, felt out of place about everything, specially with my body. Got even worse once I hit puberty and everything started changing. When I was fifteen I realised that the reason I felt so out of place was because I wasn’t in a body fit for me.”

She looks up to Jungkook, who seems more confused than before but says nothing regardless of the million questions that must be flying around his head. She’s happy he’s willing to listen despite how weird everything sounds.

“I was a girl trapped in a boy’s body,” she says, choking through her words, giving her all to not crumble and cry; she has done enough crying for a lifetime, she’s happy and proud of where she stands now, of who she is. “I’m a transgender girl.”

He blinks, opens his mouth as if to say something but no words come out, then blinks again as he wanders his eyes around the room. Jungkook is processing the information, Jimin reminds herself not to panic because he hasn’t let go of her hands yet. That’s a good sign.

“So—“ his voice wavers a bit, then turns his head slowly to her. Jimin breaths a bit relieved when she doesn’t recognise disgust on his face. “You were born a boy?”

“Yes,” she says slowly, patiently. “I started my transition when I was seventeen.”

They stay silent for what feels forever. Jungkook seems to be out of his body, his mind going miles a minute; she can see him thinking, processing this new information.

“So the reason you didn’t want to have sex yet is because you still— uhm, you still have…” He trails off, pointing to her crotch with his eyes.

“Would you mind if I still had penis?” she finds herself asking a bit defensive. This is the real question; his answer is what can change everything. She has read blogs online about other people’s stories, some good, others not so much. This is a crucial point, now is when others would say she is a monster, not natural, that she’s not a real girl.

Jungkook releases soundless laugh, his eyes get a bit teary and so does Jimin’s at the sight.

“No,” he mumbles, one tear rolling down as his lips form a sweet smile. “I would give no shits because I like you so much and I don’t fucking care if you have a penis or whatever.” he adds before licking his lips and inhaling sharply, he looks out of words. He turns his body completely to face her, squeezing her hands, eyes full of determination, no hesitance, no disgust. “I can adapt ok? We can work on this together. I haven’t touched a dick that isn’t mine but I can do it— I can do this for you—“

Jimin can’t let him finish, she throws herself on him, her arms squeezing him into a hard hug as she kisses him passionately. Jungkook makes her sit on his lap, patting her back softly when she breaks down crying and buries her face on his neck, rocking her back and forth with soft ‘it’s fine’ and ‘don’t cry’.

“I don’t have dick,” she says after a while. Jungkook leans away to try to look at her but she is stubborn to hide right now. She’s overwhelmed, her face must be all red and snotty; not a sight she wants him to see.

“You don’t?” he asks hesitant, sounding so confused that Jimn can’t help but laugh.

“I had surgery two years ago,” she explains blinking away her tears. She allows him to lift her chin up and stares at those pretty brown eyes she’s so enamoured with. “I haven’t been with anyone since I got it done, that’s why I’m a bit nervous about us.”

“So that’s why you have been hesitating.” he concludes, visibly relaxing. “I honestly started thinking you weren’t attracted to me or whatever.” he laughs nervously before leaning for a short kiss.

“You are hot as hell,” she mumbles a bit shyly, red colouring her cheeks, “No way I wouldn’t want to be with you…it’s the other way around, actually.”

“No fucking way.” he says quickly with a fervent shake of his head, “You are beautiful Jimin— fuck, I wanted to be with you the moment I saw you all those months ago. Trust me, I’m more than attracted to you. I just told you— I would have sex with you even if you still had dick.”

She chuckles and rests her head on his shoulder as he accommodates her on his lap, arms sneaking around her waist to keep her close. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you for telling me,” he says against her hair before dropping a kiss, “I can imagine it must have been hard for you. You are really brave, and so strong— I might like you even more now.”

Jimin sits up to stare at him, smiling, overjoyed at those words. Jungkook is such a sweet kid with a heart bigger than the entire universe.

“I like you even more now, too.” she whispers, cupping gently his cheek. He leans into it, enjoying her touch. Jimin might be a little bit in love too.

She spends the night. The first time since they started dating. She’s nervous and shaking but she still stays, because there is no other place she would want to be right now than with him.

Jungkook lends her one of his tees and basketball shorts, but she disregards the pants —because they are too big, first of all, and because if she wants this to work she has to start feeling comfortable around him.

Jimin laughs when Jungkook’s jaw drops at the sight of her bare legs. He tries to hide his embarrassment behind an awkward cough, getting into bed without sparing her another glance.

Jimin smiles to herself and pushes her glasses up her nose; this was a nice boost to her ego.

“Hold me?” she pouts at him once they are both under the blankets. She presses her back against him, biting her lip when she hears him choke.

“OK,” he breathes out. His hand hovers over her body, hesitant, as if this is his first time touching her, “Fuck, I feel like a teen having his first boner.”

She laughs, turning her head around to look at him, “Are you having a boner?” she teases, not knowing where that bravado came from. She is not sure she wants to face a boner right now.

“If you keep pressing that cute ass against my dick, I will.” he says while securing his arm around her waist.

She giggles, relieved the room is dark enough so Jungkook won’t see her blush. Jimin wriggles around until both are comfortable, feeling her face heat up more as she feels his dick press gently against the curve of her ass; He’s half hard, but it’s enough to feel he’s quite the size. Oh, boy.

Jimin feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. Jungkook’s lack of rejection obviously easing her discomfort to the point of feeling brave enough to be in some level of undress around him. She knows she wants him, but maybe it’s too soon to try to resolve this sexual tension between them.

“We don’t have to do anything.” he whispers, warm breath hitting her nape. She shivers slightly, and his arm squeezes her in response, “I’m content with just holding you like this.”

“Me too.”

Jimin interlaces their fingers and brings their hands to her chest, finally relaxing as she closes her eyes.

Jungkook is right. This is nice, just holding each other like this feels like perfection. They have plenty of time to do much more.

#jikook #kookmin #jikook fic #kookmin fic #college au #trans female character #trans girl jimin #femJimin #femYoongi / Yoonji #side pairing taegi #mentions of body dysphoria #sam writes

14 notes · View notes