#I get to dissect my favorite song for a grade lmao

[cruell-summers]

studying arts and humanities is an insane experience because wdym i get to write about hozier for a grade

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #363

(one more that’s a late upload from way earlier in the day, and i yet again don’t feel like updating the answers)

What brings out the worst in you? When I'm very anxious or having a PTSD episode, I can become very snappy and just not a joy to be around. What all did you eat today? This morning I had oatmeal, I had a rice cake as a snack, and lunch was ham and cheese on a tortilla. Some people were really destructive as a child, were you? No, I was a good kid. Who was the last person you were in a car with? My mom. Who was the last person you cried in front of? It was probably Mom. Do you talk about your feelings or hide them? I usually talk about them somewhere, like in surveys if I feel I can't with anyone else. Please be vocal with your feelings. It is so destructive to let them build up. Who was the last person you were with that smelled REALLY good? I'm unsure. Do you know anyone that is gothic? A good number of people, myself included at least in spirit. ;~; I can't really afford good attire, nor do I have the patience for so much makeup maintenance. Have you seen UP? I actually haven't seen the full movie, but I'd like to. How is your mom? Stressed as fuck and tired of everything. What color hair does your mom have? She recently dyed it black. Her hair is growing back totally gray now and she hated it. She's gotten so self-conscious as she's aged. When was the last time you were told you were cute? Idk. Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches? FUCK NO. Have you ever dipped french fries in a frosty? I tried it once and did not get the appeal. Did you have school/class today? No. My school endeavors are done. Do you have any paintings in your room? If so, of what? Yeah, I have my big painting of meerkats grooming above all my 'kat plushies. Have you ever had your photo professionally taken? As a child and by school photographers, anyway. Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding. After washing your hair, do you put any products in it? No. Last time you ate a salad? Like a week ago when we went to Ichiban for my sister's bday. Do you know how old your house is? No, I don't. Have you ever been described as ”adorable”? Yeah. Have you ever given a lap dance? No. They seem incredibly awkward to me?? Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make mega bucks? No. I can't do a job I hate for anything. I would be so depressed. Are you a moody person? Yes. What are you listening to? I'm watching Gab Smolders' new episode of Resident Evil 8: Village. I'm deadass watching four different LPers play it, I'm only moderately obsessed lmao. What video game could you waste the most time on? WoW, given it has like a zillion different things to do. Yet I still get bored lmao. What is your favorite condiment? Maybe Ketchup? I think I use that for the most things. What is the worst thing that you have ever done? I don't feel like getting into this. How old were you when your parents gave you the "birds and the bees" talk? They didn't; I learned in my school's sex ed in the 5th grade. Have you ever questioned whether or not you'd benefit from therapy? I have benefited from it. What would you like it to say on your gravestone? Hypothetically, idk. But I'd rather be cremated. Would you ever wear real leather or animal fur? NO. Have you ever completely failed a year of school and had to repeat a grade? No. Have you ever been bitten by an animal that wasn't a cat or a dog? Which? I think my old baby iguana bit me once or twice, not that it was very painful at her young age. I can't recall another animal. What type of literature are you most likely to read? (book, magazine, etc) Books. Do you prefer using candles, wax melts, or incense? Incense. Are you someone who actually doesn't have a Facebook? No, I have one. What kind(s) of Facebook groups are you active in, if any? I'm not really *active* in any; I just observe them and interact via "like"s. I'm actually in a whole lot of groups, though. Do you enjoy any herbal or fruit teas? What kinds? Neither. Do you hear any animals right now? No. What are your thoughts on Avenged Sevenfold? I know and like a few songs, especially "Dear God." Do you like Batman? Yeah, I like his "refuse to murder" ideology. The only thing is I kinda have a bad connection attached to him, because Batman was Jason's thing. Have you ever played fetch with a dog? Yes. Does your house have a fireplace? Yeah actually, but it might be fake? I don't even know lol. Have you ever pet a stingray? No. Have you ever dissected a baby pig in a class at school? Oh my god, no. I literally could never. I did dissect a frog in the 7th grade that wound up to be pregnant, though... I wasn't happy about it, but at the same time it was very interesting. Who is the last baby you held? My niece. Do you like Sunkist? The orange kind is fine, but the STRAWBERRY flavor? Jfc I love that shit. Would you ever consider being a cannibal? UM NO Do you have any scars from an animal? I have a lot of scars on my hands from playing with Roman. I scar extremely easily, so just his little scrapes leave marks. Have you ever seen an Igloo? No. Do you like Korn? Love 'em. How many animals do you have? Really two, but we have three in the house right now. Idk when this dog is going away. Are you more afraid of tornadoes or hurricanes? Tornados. Ever rode in a helicopter? No. Do you like rabbits? Yes, they're adorable. Do you like mushrooms? NO. What was the last movie you cried at? I want to say Logan, but I'm not sure. I watch movies so rarely that I really don't know. Would you rather work for a small or large company? Small. I'd feel more useful. What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? I don't know. Have you ever read the book 13 Reasons Why? Yeah. I thought it was good, but now I don't remember like... anything about it. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I had apple and cinnamon oatmeal. How many times have you read your favorite book? Just once. I don't re-read books. Have you ever been on Omegle? No. Are you still in love with one of your exes? "In love," no. Do you think being born was a mistake? Yeesh, no. Has a relative ever been arrested? My psychotic uncle (by marriage) has been. Was it a serious crime? Quite honestly, I don't remember. I just know he's an angry and dangerous motherfucker. Do you think the Fountain of Youth exists? No. How about in a parallel dimension? Doubtful. Do you believe humans are part of a giant alien experiment? I ponder over the possibility of being a research simulation, kind of like a much advanced version of The Sims, but I honestly doubt it. Have you ever been suicidal? Yes. Was it a passing phase or is it something controlled by medication? Therapy and medication saved me. Is there a holiday you wish no one celebrated? Which is it? Why do you feel that way? Fight me about Christopher Columbus Day. He didn't discover shit. Have you taken any writing classes? How about art? I've taken a writing course in college, and I've taken loads of art classes. What’s your all-time favourite band? How about all-time fave singer? Ozzy Osbourne; Freddie Mercury. What three songs do you want played at your funeral? Why those particular songs? "Like A Woman" by Alice Cooper, "Life Is Beautiful" by Sixx A.M., and "Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory. I just like them and find them suiting. Do you think most mythological creatures exist? No. Have you ever had lice? No. What is one superstition that freaks you out? Why is that? I’m not superstitious. Are either of your parents retired yet and if not, what do they do? No. Dad is a mailman, and while Mom doesn't ~officially~ work yet because she's recovering from intense cancer treatment, she very recently resumed lightly cleaning a church for a small payment. Kinda like a warmup. When did you or do you want to move out of your parents’ house? I wanna move out once I'm in a long-term, stable relationship with someone so we can live together. Me living alone is NOT a good idea. How do you like your current job, or if you’re unemployed, have you been looking for employment? I don't have a job, but when I go to my tattoo appointment, I'm going to ask them if they'd be interested in hiring someone for the front desk. I think it's def something I could do because I love the environment, there's really not that much I need to know (like where the Doritos are, dealing with exact change, answering a dozen unique questions), it's not insanely busy, and the occasional phone call would challenge my anxiety and just be a minor inconvenience to me until I got used to it. My partial hospitalization program really got me wanting to fight back against what gives me anxiety, to truly expose myself to what scares me, while not going totally overboard with it. It was encouraging to hear my therapist there thought it was a magnificent idea for me. I decided I wanted to ask while at the parlor getting work done to show serious interest (like I'm not just some random chick walking in and asking for a job), as well as let the people warm up to me. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but damn am I wishing. I want it so badly. What kind of booze did you last take shots of? I've never taken shots.

[lesbianaang]

omg i totally forgot until right now that i was tagged by @pharahhs thenk u so much!!! 

my favorite films: 

 1. The Imitation Game - i love my historical gays. this film really beautifully balances turing's incredible work and contributions to science, his historical importance, and the tragedy of his arrest and death all while constantly keeping his gayness at the forefront. i really think in the hands of someone else his gay identity would've been more or less overlooked until his death so i'm soooo glad that it’s a running and important thread throughout. also includes my favorite quote of all time where keira knightley’s character essentially says that turing was important and brilliant and heroic not /in spite/ of his queerness but BECAUSE of it like that changed me. i've already gone on too long and i could go on longer but just know that i once made a full pamphlet about this movie including its historical context and critiques and the importance of its message to be handed out at my school's lgbtqa center just to be extra so like..... i can't recommend it enough tbh 

 2. Little Women (1994) - my first introduction to little women was the song "astonishing" from the musical version of it which just expresses jo march's longing to be more than what's around her and truly find and reach her potential, which struck the most potent chord with little closeted 6th grade me who lived in the midwest but wanted nothing more than to be in nyc. so then one day years later, the movie is playing on hallmark or something so on a whim i decide "what the heck" and sit down to watch it expected to be bored by the first commercial break. but winona ryder's jo march is so captivating and full of life and longing and is imaginative and dedicated and independent and ambitious and smart but still so caring and full of love - i instantly clicked with her on every level and felt her every move. that's also nothing to say about how feminist and gender non conforming and honestly fucking GAY she is like if being utterly devastated because your male best friend is in love with you but you just.... can't reciprocate and now he's ruined everything ISNT a lesbian narrative than i don't know what is tbh. tldr; butch lesbian jo march is the definition of #formative

 3. Perks of Being a Wallflower - i..... don't know what to say except i was an introverted kid who struggled with finding friends and had depression in high school so of course i love this movie with all my heart.  also #formative

4. Pride - this is such a wonderful story about coalition building and i've been thinking a lot about it recently given the political situation. i'm a slut for queer history and this movie gives me so much hope and inspiration. also features an innocuous scene of a long-term gay couple just laying in bed together cuddling and talking about whatever the crazy young kids are doing and it was so intimate and sweet that i literally had to pause the movie bc i was crying bc HOW OFTEN do we see such casual queer intimacy like that??????? watch it for that scene alone tbh

 5. The Little Mermaid - this is kinda a place holder for like all of disney's animated movies which shaped me so much and hold such a special place in my heart and yeah have their problems but honestly even dissecting and dragging them is so fun. little mermaid gets the top slot tho (despite its... several issues lol) bc i was OBSESSED with it as a child so it has the most nostalgia and feels the most like home.  also we get another “female heroine who feels as though she doesn’t belong where she’s at right now and longs for MORE” thread going on here bc i’m predictable as fuck.  and hans christen andersen’s gay ass wrote the original fairytale as an allegory for his gay love for another man so like technically its gay????? check and mate atheists (altho mulan and hunchback of notre dame get honorable mentions for being so f*cking good, just less #formative)

this is.... much longer than intended i’m so sorry and thanks if you stuck with me here lmao

i’m tagging: @rachel-berry @lost-inmadness and @jesusthelastairbender for fun if you’re feeling it or w/e