#I get it's normal in world...like I watched all of game of thrones and I'll continue watching hotd...

[simpingland]

Req: Can you write something with Ewan Mitchell and his co-star (pronounced feminine) where they are on the set of season 2 and how he is surprised by every performances that fem gives (Fem's character is bad and perverse), since since the recordings of season one he was already staring at her surprised by her actings and now with Season 2 he wants to spend more time with her, plus he likes her.

The Rehearsal// Ewan Mitchell x Fem!actress

Summary: Ewan is a method actor and it has been working fine for him. But he regrets this decision when season 2 of HOTD starts with a love scene, being partner with a lovely talented actress who propaply hates him and his mathods. But nothing is better than asking for help when one needs it, right?

|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|

Ewan watched from the monitor, patch removed but wig still on, your close-up was impressive. One look at you and you could see all the ambitions that were going through your character's mind, and he himself regretted not having told you yet. The good news was that filming for season two had just begun, and in this new season, Ewan had the opportunity to do scenes only with you.

They shouted cut, and you immediately broke into a smile, laughing after such an intense scene. You received compliments as you were photographed to keep the raccord straight.

"Congratulations, that's a good start," the director said to you. "Remember you have a special sequence tomorrow, get a good rest."

Yes, you remembered. And Tom (who played your brother Aegon) smiled mischievously at you. It was a kissing scene with Ewan, with whom you had barely exchanged a word since the moment you were confirmed as part of the cast, a year and a half ago. You only spoke a little at the audition, which was a chemistry test, and he was a sweet, unassuming guy. When he was announced as the official actor of Aemond... it was something different. You didn't interact in the scenes in the first season, his scenes were shared more with Fabien and Tom, while you had shared scenes with Olivia and Phia (Alicent and Helaena). The chemistry your characters were supposed to have was only hinted by the placement of you both in the scene or montages of shots that you only saw once the series was released. And in the meantime, Ewan had stayed away from all those with whom he didn't share any dialogue, with the excuse of staying focused on his character. Tom had already told you numerous times that Ewan thought you were a fantastic actress, but you always responded the same way.

"If he does, let him tell me so. Then I'll be flattered.”

When the script for the second season came, both of you, in your respective homes, had your hearts skipped a beat. Your character would approach Aemond in the throne room in the middle of the night. And there they not only talk, but share a kiss that promises to go further in the following seasons. Aemond confessed his love for your character, and being that it was a story taken from the world of Game of Thrones, it was sure to end in much more intimate scenes. Normal for actors and comfortable for a cast that was so friendly and close. But with Ewan being so distant and serious? It was difficult. You didn't even dare to call him. Nor did he call you. What you did do was call Tom.

"She hasn't spoken to me once since we started filming. I've seen her look at me sometimes, like she's trying to talk to me but then, before I could say a word, she's gone quiet again. Tom...I don't think I should take being a method actor so seriously," he said to the other actor.

"It amuses me immensely to be the connecting point for both of you. Don't worry, Ewan, she's a sweetheart, and very understanding. She knows that everyone has their own procedure. So if she has respected your method, you should respect hers."

"And what is her procedure?"

"According to Phia, she loves to walk back and forth repeating her lines in a thousand ways."

Right, Ewan saw the video Phia sent around the group so everyone could see how lunatic you looked. And even there, after discovering you were being filmed, you smiled tenderly at Phia asking her to stop. What else would he have missed since you weren't talking?

You had already taken off your wig, your hair was loose and your dress had been off for quite a while. You were waiting to take off your make-up when your trailer was called. You were expecting anyone, happy to have any interaction with the wonderful team around you, but when you saw Ewan, the smile must have dropped a little.

"Sorry if I'm intruding. Is it late?" Ewan asked you as he saw your friendly greeting getting lost in the air.

It wasn't dark yet, and the next day's filming was starting early, so you genuinely didn't know what to say to him.

"Well... I have to finish off some of the lines for tomorrow.’

The lines you had to say with him, and he knew that. But since that wasn't an invitation, Ewan understood instantly and nodded.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you...it's been an awesome first day of shooting for you. It's no wonder you're a fan favorite."

That made you blush.

"Well, that means a lot coming from you."

He smiled sheepishly at you, you were taller than he was, standing on the trailer and he was on the grass a few stairs down. And yet he seemed way too big.

"I promise I'll be on time tomorrow so we'll have plenty of time to rehearse," he said, trying to get out of the strange conversation he had started.

You nodded and watched as he walked away, the patch in his hand and taking off his seatbelts. Did he come with the intention of chatting? My God, you'd had a chance to talk at length with your fellow cast member and you'd wasted it? You needed to go over the scene as much as possible!

"Ewan!" You called out to him, hanging almost on your doorstep, he turned with that agility that is so engaging on screen (and in person). "Are you done for the day?"

"I've got to get out of my costume. But...yes, I'm done."

"Would you mind..." you mumbled in an exaggeratedly loud voice for him to hear. How embarrassing. "Would you mind dropping by again to rehearse?"

Ewan stood still for a second. He watched you from afar, so affectionate and shy, totally contrary to your character, and felt a deep tenderness.

"I'll be back in half an hour," he promised you.

You looked forward to it, and you'd be lying if you didn't say that you'd put your make-up back on a bit. Ewan, on the other hand, was hurrying more than usual to remove his own clothes, forgetting to remove his fake scars in the rush that followed him. He was punctual, and in thirty and a half minutes, he was knocking on your door again.

"I really appreciate you doing this, Ewan," you said as he climbed into your trailer.

"Don't worry, it's going to be fun."

You looked at each other for a second, smiling, kind of gawking, which was nothing like the scene you had to recreate.

"How do you prepare for a scene?" You ask.

"I listen to some music. But I want to try what you do. "

He looked at you expectantly, and you suddenly felt embarrassed. Like the girls at the school function.

"So... I close my eyes, and I create a map where everything looks a little bit like the set."

"And what do we choose to be the throne?" Ewan smiled, which made you blush even more.

"Well... "There was a fully finished teacup, with the inelegantly squeezed bag next to it, dripping. You'd forgotten to clean it up completely. "That cup itself."

Ewan frowned slightly, teasingly, and nodded. The next step for you was harder to explain.

"Now, Ewan, I need some space."

He sat down on your couch, script to one side, the bastard having already memorized it all. And from there he watched live what he'd been craving for months, watching you pace back and forth. You read the annotations and your lines.

"They will never forgive our family for what I did," Ewan replied, intoning in the silky voice he gave Aemond.

"If it's any consolation, I doubt they would be willing to let us live even if we had given them the throne willingly, Aemond..." though you paced, your hands and gestures maintained theatricality, and you repeated the phrase three more times, all with trapped deliberation. "This pantomime of repentance can only convince Mother...but not me."

"What pantomime do you mean?" replied Aemond.

Then your character stopped looking at Aemond to stare at the Throne. In this case you stopped to stare at the ugly teacup. You had to hold back a smile. Ewan looked at it too.

"It's impossible to fool you, it always has been." Ewan got up from the sofa and approached you, as Aemond does with your character. "It is a crude, chaotic and ugly object, but always that which I have desired."

Then the laughter you'd been holding back escaped, unable to think of the mug as anything else. And Ewan laughed with you, all the tension disappearing instantly. Now he could understand the affection with which everyone spoke of you.

"I'm sorry, really," you said, getting serious again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise, this is fun. I'm going to try your method. Shall we close our eyes?"

"That's right."

You closed them at the same time, thinking about the huge room, illuminated by a silver light that simulated the moon. And after a few seconds, Ewan opened his eyes to look at you. Although you didn't have your white hair, or the elegant dress, your eyes were the same, as beautiful and bright as they were behind the cameras. And he had the privilege of being the focus of your attention and having them in the foreground.

"Though I think I was always more subtle with another of my longings..." he whispered close to your lips.

"That you tried at least" you whispered back.

"When I get the throne I'll need someone as sharp as you to accompany me. There is no woman in the seven kingdoms who compares to you."

Then came the kiss. You looked into Ewan's eyes, up his nose and down to his lips. What was there left to throw yourself? Not much, but with him being so reclusive, with that being one of the few times you spoke to each other, it felt strange to pounce on him without consent. So you walked away, leaving the scene there.

"We can work this out with the director and the intimacy coordinator, if you like," Ewan suggested, a little flushed and extremely sweet.

You poured him a cup of tea while you discussed the romance that your characters might have developed over the years that the series skips. You imagined romantic scenes that might have led up to that kiss and concluded that they were a toxic couple, but possibly better than Rhaenyra and Daemon.

"You know, I love the way you act and I love that I discovered your process," he confessed. "I think the admiration part is not going to be too hard to act out."

"Oh...my process is really ridiculous, everyone laughs at me. I'm glad it at least works. But it gives me a hard time at auditions," you laughed nervously.

"Well, it's true that it's fun to watch. But it's certainly worth it. I don't think you have anything to envy the others, you're...magnetic." He said it with a seriousness that moved you, adding to his intense gaze. "I'm sorry I wasn't smart enough to tell you sooner, because I've been thinking about it since the day they put me in the same room you were in, back at the audition.”

You froze a little, so you just said what you felt in the simplest way and with the most honest smile.

"Thank you."

Ewan took the last sip of his tea and before he left you remembered one of the thousand questions you had for him.

"Is there a reason you haven't removed the scar? Something to do with method acting?"

"Scar?"

You touched his cheek, where the scar began, and Ewan understood instantly.

"Ah, gee, I completely forgot to go through makeup. I'll get a telling off tomorrow."

"Not if you sleep on it until tomorrow" you joked. "Let me help you, I love fake wounds."

You stood next to him, towering over him a little, and lifted the thin layer of silicone with the delicacy you had seen in make-up artists. You were envious of the woman who was in charge of characterising a person as curiously attractive as Ewan. He also smelled exaggeratedly good.

When you took it off, you threw it into the creepy teacup from earlier.

"I've almost run out from, the costume department before," he justified himself. You took the opportunity to wipe that part of her face with a makeup remover wipe. "I usually do this part myself..."

"I know, but I like it..."

And while you were stroking his face with the excuse of cleaning it, Ewan was watching your lips, and didn't notice that you had noticed. You pushed the wipe away, stroking his chin, and at the same time, you both pressed your lips together. A strange kiss, something special, sweet and soft. You stretched it out, standing almost still, afraid of what would happen if you broke apart. When you finally did, you looked at each other with a look of confusion, though neither you nor Ewan pulled away.

It was a dangerous idea, he was your partner, and you had been unprofessional. You broke away.

"I think you should rest. I've distracted you too much." Your tone came out agitated and Ewan rose slowly.

"No, it's all right. I liked it. I liked everything. Didn't you?" He had emphasised the word 'everything' and was looking at you with lambent eyes.

"Yes...I loved being with you."

He said goodbye with a smile of his, and you bowed at your door like a little girl. Most of the team had already gone to rest and you barely noticed.

You had to put on more concealer than usual the next day because of the lack of sleep you'd had from that strange kiss. Ewan had kept his promise and had arrived a good while earlier to re-rehearse the scene. You did it without the kiss or the lights, just with the director's instructions and with your cheeks flushed as you exchanged glances.

"Did you practice with the kiss?" the intimacy coordinator asked you.

You were completely silent. Ewan answered for you.

"Not really, maybe it's better to give a first kiss at the moment of the shot. More realism."

"Well, then I guess you've worked out the sexual tension and dynamics of your characters."

Ewan nodded and smiled, which made you smile. Had he put hours of sleep into your little meeting yesterday? Yes, he had, and he told the woman who was putting on his scar who asked him who had removed it the day before. When you returned to the set, lights on, costumes on, cameras rolling, Ewan looked at you in the distance, asking you with his eyes if you were ready. You nodded with a shy smile, and began to act when they shouted action.

Aemond, still dressed and coming from the castle library, walked into the empty throne room to watch you. You walked behind him, in a smart dressing gown, your hair loose and trying uselessly not to make a sound. Aemond then spoke aloud.

"They will never forgive our family for what I did."

You approached Ewan, who still wouldn't look at you.

"If it's any consolation, I doubt they would be willing to let us live even if we had given them the throne willingly, Aemond..." You leaned into him a little, as the director had recommended. He was so tall and so tense that you felt as safe as if you were leaning against a stone pillar. "This pantomime of repentance can only convince Mother...but not me." Then Aemond would look down to see you out of the corner of his eye, which made your character - and you - nervous.

"What pantomime do you mean?"

Then you looked at the throne, now there was no laughter to disturb you, only the terrible seat of swords before you. And Aemond was looking at it too.

"It's impossible to fool you, it always has been. It is a brutish, chaotic, ugly object, but always that which I have desired."

After a pause, he turned fully around to look at you, his height becoming primordial in that short distance. In that low light, Ewan's visible eye looked into your eyes, dropping to your lips subtly.

"Though I think I was always more subtle with another of my longings..." he whispered in his velvety tone.

"That you tried at least" you replied trying to keep your composure. If they knew how hard you were struggling not to fall to your knees at that moment they would have nominated you for an Emmy by now.

"When I get the throne I'll need someone as clever as you to accompany me. There is no woman in the seven kingdoms who compares to you."

He stroked your face gently, something that coming from Ewan was tender and expected, immensely pleasing, but then you remembered that Aemond could never be so gentle in the face of his urges, and you let your own out. You pressed yourself against him, pressing your lips together with all the assurance you had longed for the night before. You could feel Ewan intensify your kiss even more, placing his hand on your neck. All the possible kisses that had been going on in your head during the night were now dwarfed by the kiss that was happening right there. As fierce as your characters, with the longing you had just discovered that you and Ewan had shared for a year and a half.

It was only when they shouted 'cut' that you broke apart, catching your breath and barely breaking away. Some applause, chatter and comments from the team, you could hear little of what they were saying. You pulled away flushed, laughing at the sudden intensity. You looked at the director as Ewan smoothed his jacket.

"Let's look at the shot, I think it was simply perfect, congratulations."

Another round of applause, and you felt Ewan brush your unruly hair out of your face, stroking it as he ruffled your hair.

"What a pity not to have to repeat this scene..." He confessed.

"That's the thing about being so talented," you joked.

"Obviously..." he removed his patch and turned back to you to ask in a quieter voice, "although I'd love to have more private acting classes with you..."

You smiled at the hint.

"I'll give them to you if in exchange you let me remove your fake scars again."

"Deal."

[ghost-of-a-snowfield]

The north had relative marriage the Valyrians had relative marriages the Velaryons had relative marriages. This is normal for their world. If you can't handle it stop watching.

Sorry I insulted your favorite incest couple :/

[faun-the-fawn77]

New Short Story Idea?

Okay so when I finish the Rengoku fic in my drafts I kinda wanna start a mini(?) story of something that has been in my mind for a bit now.

I've been reading a lot, and I mean A LOT, of fanfics centered around isekai!reader x various and now I want to do something similar! Who doesn't love a modern girl falling into a world they love? This post will be the first of two. There will be a poll below so you can vote for what it asks!

Now, onto the plot(?) of the story.

We got modern girl waking up in new world. The part of the timeline? I kinda wanna start it near where the trio are at that mansion with drum demon. I'll have them wake up in the forest nearby and wander towards the noise. She's adventurous and the way she woke up into the KNY world is maybe she went out into the forest she normally goes and its an alice in wonderland situation where she falls into a hole and after falling for so long she passes out. She has a backpack that she usually takes with her so its got essentials. I haven't really come across any fics where the reader has like their phone or anything modern with them except for their outfit. I think it would be interesting if she had her phone and of course other modern things in her pack. Maybe food from her time, water bottle, battery pack with cords, polaroid camera(?), another set of clothes, and MAYBE a few of the KNY manga. It'd be cool if the art inside the books disappeared and were just blank? OR they stay the way they are and they show Amane who describes the scenes they open up to to Kagaya? And then he and his family is kind of the only people who know that she knows the future and he trusts her to let things take its course but she obviously will save the ones that she wants... cough cough rengoku cough cough... anyway!

it'll just follow the plot but with a new character from the modern world who spouts nonsense(Gen Z slang cause it would be funny seeing their confused faces when reader/oc starts dropping words like "rizz" and "gyat"). Maybe have that language barrier as well. Make reader/oc learn japanese(she'll only know the basics at first and definitely every curse word cause thats amazing). The few manga she has with her? Lets say she has volumes 18-20. Amane chooses the 20th volume to skim through.

Now, for the characters main characteristics(?) I guess. The obvious one being her breathing style. I would have gone with my main thing and choose ice but it's kind of generic cause i've seen quite a bit of fanfics with the reader/oc having that breath style. I kinda wanted to go with a more animal-like one like Obanai. He's the only one who has a style that's animal related and it would be amazing if we could get someone else who has an animal breath style. I actually might make three posts and have this one be about the breath styles to choose from.

Yeah, we're gonna do breath styles first so I can get an image of reader/oc's personality.

Poll below:)

I was gonna go for ten but I think these 8 are the most interesting to me. Dragon is actually calling to me but thats because I've been watching a lot of Game of Thrones...I'm actually putting it off because I've heard that the "Red Wedding" is the worst thing to ever witness and while I have not been spoiled for it, the reactions I have seen from people who were watching it for the first time made me scared but also insanely curious. If it really is bad then I feel prepared but that's because I'm going with it being as bad as me watching all three Human Centipede movies at a not appropriate age to watch said movies. That was off topic, I'm sorry.

Vote away! Next post will be to choose if you want it to be an "x reader" or an OC that I can create cause I love doing that and it makes me happy and gives me a chance to pick up my Apple Pen again.

The last poll will be the love interest(s). Do we want one or all? We will see>:)

[sas-soulwriter]

Deamon Targaryen fanfiction

Smut warning.

If you like it please tell me and i will post more about this story !!!

In a world where Rhaenyra Targaryen is the true heiress, political intrigue simmers beneath the surface of King's Landing.

The Hightowers have been banished, but Alicent remains, harboring ambitious plans. She aims to place her eldest son on the Iron Throne, with her youngest daughter, Elena as her secret weapon.

Elena is supossed to be a spy ,her plan is easy - suducung deamon targaryen ,getting her information and not falling in live

In this story, Rhaenyra married Harwin Strong after the "death" of Leanor. Their children are still considered as Valyrians.

In this word Deamon never seducted his niece and he is her advisor

"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell." - Joan Crawford

Elena met him secretly in a hidden chamber of the large castle. They had been playing this game for several months and the Hightower daughter knew that she was winning.

After all, that's what she always was.

At first she really thought that the prince of the city or whatever they called him would be a challenge, but in the end no one could resist her. One look and even the ice-cold Targaryen prince knelt in front of her.

Or between her legs.

She grins at the memory.  The one thing  she has  to admit is that Deamon Tragaryen knew what he was doing and he also knew that he was damn good at it. Her mother had told her to spy the majesties and get everything out of them that would help her get Aegon on the throne. Of course, she hadn't mentioned that the heiress's advisor could kiss so well.

Admittedly, she hadn't mentioned that her daughter should seduce Deamon, but she didn't have to. Elena knew from the beginning what was expected of her. She knew what was at stake.

After her grandfather Otto and her mother the Dowager Queen were sent back to Highgarden when King Viserys realized that Elena's mother was planning to put Aegon on the throne, her mother came up with a plan. She asked the king, Elenas's father,  if the children could stay in Kingsland in order not to have to turn away from their inheritance and explained the plan to her as being a spy.

Elena was perfect for this. She always remained invisible, no one noticed her and yet she won every game. That's just how you were as a player.

Before she opens the door to the secrt meeting place, she runs her hand through her white Targaryen hair. She wears it open because she has long since noticed that Demon likes it that way.

Now it's time to play. She's going to have fun. She has a plan.

As soon as she entered the room she saw him. Yes, she really has to admit it. Deamon Tragedy was inhumanly beautiful. His eyes sparkled in a dark purple, a real reminder that he was different from normal men. His short hair shone freshly in the candlelight.

Had he prepared himself for her? Washed and dressed in something decent? Why did she like the idea? No, it didn't matter!

He doesn't matter to her!

"Someone's late, Didn't your cunt of a  mother  teach you that punctuality is a virtue"

"Don't call my mother that or I'll cut off your crown jewels."

Deamon smiles, his eyes sparkle even more. "Try it," he challenges

"Don't provoke it"

Deamon steps closer. Elena closed the door. Now it starts. She bravely faces him, raises her eyebrows and looks at him. 

For her, she is the predator and he is the prey. He can't do anything to her. She is much stronger. Much better. That's how she was taught . That's what she believes

Elena knows Demon is just a pompous, arrogant, damn hot idiot who can wield a sword.

There are less than two meters between them. Deamon can reach out and run his hand through her hair. He does. "They look better open. Then you look more like the dragon that you are," he says.

Elena smiles. She has him under her spell

.She knows it. He is lost. He has been from the beginning

"Watch out, Deamon, you'll get burned by this dragon."

This time he doesn't laugh, instead he pulls her face towards him and kisses her hard, pressing his body against hers. She can feel it, even with this simple touch he is aroused.

She takes a a few steps back, Deamon pushes her against the wall, he positions his hands to the left and right of her. Now she was trapped, but she doesn't plan on escaping anyway.

Elena runs her hands through his hair. Yes, he is the enemy but he is also so damn good looking. He feels damn good. His hair is soft and he smells damn good.

Deamon starts kissing, sucking and licking her neck. She could feel how much he wanted her and she hoped he hated himself for it.

Elena closed her eyes. It wasn't difficult for her to enjoy this. Then she took control, guided his head towards hers and kissed him passionately. She lets her tongue slide over his teeth, plays with his own and then moves her hands under his thsohirt. His body is warm, defined and you can feel scars, slight bumps from all his fights

Yes, damn it, she could do that forever, feeling his weight against her, his warmth...

Caught in the act, she quickly separated from him, pushed him away and smiled as if it was all her plan.

"That has to be enough for today, I still have an important hour with the septa.

Deamon growled "Who cares about the septs? Now you're with me. We should keep playing with our fire instead of worrying about any religions, little dragon."

Elena shakes her head "stop sounding like a lovelorn and go find one of your girls, you have so many" Deamon looks at her for a long time.Almost hurt .

At first his look was ridiculously hopeful and then angry. He adjusted his clothes and sys, "It's not like our meetings are important anyway."

"That's how it is. The meetings are nothing. We are just two bodies. That was the agreement"

For Elena,the plan is simple, first she would make Deamon really dependent and then she would get everything he knew out of him. Her brother will sit on the clay and deamosn heart on her trophy cabinet of lovers

Deamon left the room

Elena would definitely not fall in love with him!

[themsource]

This is a Sans centered glimpse for my story Cupcake. Given some of the themes I don't recommend checking it out if you're sensitive to certain topics. While this post could be considered tame or mild, the main story certainly isn't so please do NOT force yourself to engage if that's a possibility.

For those that do follow the story and have an interest behind some of Sans' thought processes this is for you! I posted this in the comments on the fic (which is where I'll be posting them first and always in order to keep it all together) but I know not everyone reads those so I'm also sharing it here again. I hope this satisfies some curiosities as well as peaks them ^^

Takes place during Ch. 12 during the later half so spoilers warning.

Word Count: 1,251 Rating: M TWs: Mentions of Death/Murder, Foul Language, Awfulness

Sans isn’t a monster of pride. He never considered himself talented at any one particular thing or skilled enough to consider boasting of what he could or couldn’t do, even before the head wound.

Before everything went to literal hell.

However, he did like to think he was, at the very least, perceptive.

When Asgore was still around—standing tall and proud (albeit a little downtrodden) upon his throne, Sans did more than his fair share contributing to the kingdom. Aside from his many jobs and countless attempts at keeping up the moral of his fellow monsters just as his brother did, there was only one role Sans had been required to fill.

The Judge.

He had been the final line between salvation and the eradication of their world. A barrier against an unknown threat, an anomaly. Something that Asgore and Alphys both had been just as aware of as he had. 

The three of them knew of what could happen, what could go so very wrong, even if they didn’t retain memories and only a very vivid, visceral, sense of deja vu (something that Sans hated, and even to this day hated all the more for how foggy his memory could get when hungered, how deranged and near paracusic he turned). 

An anomaly could alter and erase time.

Erase them.

Together they concluded that this anomaly would have to be of human origins. The deja vu and the printouts from their machines only ever became sporadic when a human fell, and the rise of DT levels throughout the underground during their attempted passages correlated.

So Alphys set up the cameras: to watch.

Asgore wandered the kingdom: to hunt (before the guilt became too much and he hid away in his garden).

And Sans stood at the end of the hall: to guard.

Because he was so perceptive, he was to measure and compare DT to LV, to find the anomaly and weigh it as a threat, read its intentions all while allowing it to play ‘the game’ as it pleased. So long as it never stepped out of line.

Suffice to say all of that stopped mattering eventually. Became forgotten in the face of betrayal, death, and thirst.

But Sans had never stopped being The Judge. 

He might’ve lost some of that sharpness that made him somewhat qualified for the job due to the famine, sure—frustratingly true to admit—but he still was able to read and deduce in a more than normal capacity.

Which is why as he glances down at your hunched shoulders he has to take a moment.

Sans has to physically stop himself from reacting at seeing how dim your soul is when a second before it had been shining that bright solar illumination that he always has to take a mental step back from in fear of how consuming it is.

Souls were naturally bright. 

The magic, intentions, and emotions that composed them always gave them an ethereal glow that could flare vibrant depending on how high those emotions were stoked, or simmer down low if impacted in an ill received way that made the coloration and overall appearance look crystalline and faded.

Your soul however…

Flares the brightest that Sans has ever seen.

Especially when interacting with him. He wouldn’t deny it was a bit of an ego boost how strong your inner light would become simply because he held you during a show or smiled at you. 

It was mesmerizing, really.

Enthralling.

To see how his dodge of kissing you has affected you so strikes him in a way he doesn’t expect.

Greed

Thirst

Hunger

Where was the light?

The longer Sans stares, caught between fulfilling his promise to Aliza—to be good, he promised to be good for her—and giving into the sudden, undeniable urge to return that glow to its former glory, his soul quakes.

There’s static, a glitching malformation appearing where once his perception used to hold the inner workings and dialogue of the soul. He hasn’t been able to see words in a long…long time.

And there’s only one; just as broken and scattered as he is.

* f ͬ ͣg ͥl ͤ

He struggles, tries to joke and reason with you, and all it does is make your soul darker and darker.

The word vanishes.

You tremble, as if afraid and about to break.

…And who was he really? Trying to pretend he doesn’t want to kiss you just as bad. Doesn’t want to take and feel that warmth behind your ribs that burns so wonderfully as if only for him. He’s already crossed lines, gotten so close to feeling it so many times but choosing instead to linger in the wisps of its fringes.

A hand on your shoulder, his teeth by your ear…

He’s technically already felt it once, when you’d been pulled close to his chest upon waking (from a rather dirty dream) and it’d stunned the embarrassment, shame, and anger right out of him. He’d felt a soul warm for him before, many times, enjoyed its heat. Compared to yours, they were nothing. Your soul scorched, was painful enough it turned to a deranged pleasure.

Sans has tried to forget.

But he doesn’t really want to.

Because on top of that you were smart, funny. Cute in a very endearing way with how you cluttered the table with literary texts and inquired about things in a genuine attempt to understand how something functioned. You were a thinker, an eager learner. Adorable in how you reminded him of Pap by asking for a bedtime story and bathed him in nostalgia as he read to you in colorful voices.

Sometimes…you made him forget who he was now.

Sometimes…you made him feel like how he used to be.

A darkness sits heavy in his ribs. That last thought isn’t true and he knows it. If he truly felt that way he wouldn’t be so much as stalling on how to handle this situation. He’d reject you, pat you on the head, and walk away.

He’d wait.

To see if that was even a possibility down the line and if he would still be interested.

Just as you’re still waiting now, shaking.

…so dim, so dark…

Fragile.

...waiting has only ever fucked him over.

He waited for the anomaly to make a move. He waited for Toriel to come to her senses and rule the kingdom again. He waited for Alphys and the others to try helping him find a solution to the CORE. He waited to kill until monsters started dusting left and right, until he feared even his brother would share their fate. He waited to eat until an alternative was found to human meat. He waited, and waited, for something, anybody. 

He waited for seven goddamn years.

Sans’ soul goes rampant, begs to be fed.

Just one kiss, just a taste.

His promise to Aliza goes right out the proverbial window, forgotten just as is his morals.

He reasons: why should he subject you to the pain of waiting?

“...just one kiss, got it?"

The gradual build of your soul as it shines like a dying star before erupting into phantasmal wonder is enough that Sans feels floored, like his knees are about to give out as his soul pounds in his skull with the deadly beat of a hunter’s gait upon the forest floor. 

It’s automatic how he returns your smile, outlined in the glow of your soul, with his own.

"k, let's go somewhere more private."

[cxttlefishcxller]

Alright - Stand/GoT/Buffy back atcha!

(Why choose? All three I say! As I have to wait to answer now until I can get to a keyboard...)

Ooooh this is gonna be fun. XD

The Stand:

The first character I first fell in love with:  Honestly, it was Harold! Caktus' mad crush on Owen Teague and the blorbo-by-proxy I experienced as a result means that the little shit is really dear to my heart now. XD The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Lloyd. I didn't enjoy him at all in the 94 version, but he's just so.....stupidly charismatic in the 2020 series. Rolled high in charisma, rolled low in intelligence and wisdom. Not a single thought going on in that head. Bless him.   The character everyone else loves that I don’t:  Honestly the fandom is so contained that the love seems to be spread out evenly. All of the well-loved characters are loved for fantastic reasons, I think! The character I love that everyone else hates:  Same as the above, things are so contained that there's not that much dichotomy over the characters? The character I used to love but don’t any longer: I haven't ever really started disliking a character once I got into who they were. It's normally the other way around jfkdl;safd The character I would totally smooch:  Teddy. Do you even have to ask. I mean look at that sweet face, those big blue eyes, that bright, wide-ass grin... XD The character I’d want to be like:  Glen, actually! He's just. So well-spoken, so true to himself and the things he believes in, and he's a really good grounding stone amidst the world's chaos. ;;w;; The character I’d slap:  Nadine. No hesitation. Meet me in the pit, bitch. A pairing that I love: TedPipes, BirdBrains, Hayden/Glen... Honestly canon ships are all well and good, but the selfshipping/OC content is where my heart lies. XD A pairing that I despise: Uh. I dunno, ship and let ship as far as I'm concerned jfkdl;safd

Game of Thrones

The first character I first fell in love with:  Ned, actually. I'm a sucker for a long-suffering character who unceasingly tries to do the right thing. Besides, I always thought Boromir was cute growing up, so Sean Bean is dear to my heart. XD The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Jaime. He started out as such a fucking s h i t but the further along he got in his development, he won me over almost completely. jfkdl;safd   The character everyone else loves that I don’t:  This might put me under someone's crosshairs, but I'm....not all that much of a fan of Sansa jfkld;safd; and I know she goes through some great development and gets good by the end, but her chapters are incredibly difficult for me to slog through just because I find her.......a lot less engaging than other POVs we get into. The character I love that everyone else hates:  I don't think I have one? My favorites are pretty universally loved, Margaery included. The character I used to love but don’t any longer: I don't think I have one of these, either! The character I would totally smooch:  Tyrion, Margaery, Jaime, and Jaquen H'ghar. No I won't take criticism fjdk;lsafd The character I’d want to be like:  Margaery again, honestly. Love me a woman who knows who she is, what she wants, and how to get it. I aspire to be that self-sure. The character I’d slap:  Joffrey. Tyrion had it right walloping the little shit jfkdl;safd A pairing that I love: Jaime/Brienne. mwAH CHEF KISS A pairing that I despise:  Ummmm I dunno. Jaime and Cersei I guess? Not for the family thing but for the fact that she's just really fucking bad for him. She single-handedly undoes all of his development and experiences right at the end, and I'll die mad about it jfkld;saf

Buffy (my beloved)

The first character I first fell in love with:  Giles, to no one's surprise. But I mean like. Have you seen him? Can you blame me? The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Spike technically goes here? I thought he was funny, but watching and rewatching the series as I get older, I'm able to get more nuances to his character that the writers were intentionally and unintentionally putting in to allow the rest of us to draw lines together. He's one of my favorite villain-turned-antiheroes in media ever.   The character everyone else loves that I don’t:  I think Angel is.......kinda boring......a vanilla milkshake of a man....... Angelus on the other hand. Angelus is an interesting dude The character I love that everyone else hates:  Okay look so Xander has his problems. I dislike quite a few things he does. But hot damn are his one-liners really fucking funny jfdkl;safd The character I used to love but don’t any longer: Nope. Cradles them all. They're so good. The character I would totally smooch:  Faith (girlcrush girlcrush girlcrush), Willow, Spike, and Giles. The character I’d want to be like:  Willow my best girl my beloved ray of sunshine. Powerful as hell and the best damn friend and so achingly awkward in the cutest damn way. I've always wanted to be like her. XD The character I’d slap:  Um. Most of the major villains are slappable but also forgettable at points. Maybe the Silence. Creepy little fucks. A pairing that I love: Okay so I know that Spuffy is endgame and beyond reproach, but I've shipped the hell out of Spike and Willow since I was 11 years old and I'll go down with this ship because I have ways it could work. I think they'd really work out. XD A pairing that I despise: Bangel......I'm sORRY they're bORING TOGETHER I know he was her first love but he never CHALLENGED HER the way she needed and it shows jfdkas;lfd

[jk-scrolling]

Is This the Weirdest Transphobic Lie Ever? viewer transcript

This one was already essentially done. What I did was attributions and coloring. Also some description of tones and actions, adjusted some wording I heard differently. Hope it adds instead of detracts.

Original video: https://youtu.be/EfzUtEcGluA (Thought Slime)

Sophie from Mars: https://www.youtube.com/@SophiefromMars

Abigail Thorn/Philosophy Tube: https://www.youtube.com/@PhilosophyTube

Sophie: Mildred.

Mildred: Sophie.

Sophie: Abby.

Abby: Sophie.

(Mildred cutting in)

Mildred: Future editing Mildred here, Abby’s video quality is going to be, let's say, subpar because the internet at her CIA safe house was spotty. Also, the lip synching…You know what? It's not going to be ideal all of the time. We can't always get what we want in this world.

Mildred: Hey, while I got you here, now might be a good time to mention: Content warning for some very pretty severe transmisogyny in this one. (note: the title card reads "Trans mascs gonna catch some strays too.") It’s some of the worst that I think there's been in a Cringe Corner thus far, and if you've been watching this series, you know that is no small bar to clear. Enjoy!

(Back to the show)

Sophie: Have you heard of The Daily Mail?

Abby: No. Never.

Sophie: No, never. Okay. Well, the Daily Mail is-

Mildred: Hold on! As the only person here who is not disgustingly English, my understanding is that it's a very bad right wing newspaper. Is this correct?

Sophie: Yeah. You're pretty much getting it. Would you be surprised to learn that people sometimes go in the Daily Mail and tell lies?

Mildred: No.

Abby: No!

Sophie: Would you be surprised-disappointed to learn that people go in the Daily Mail and tell lies about transgender people?

Abby: The British press telling lies about trans people? Surely not.

Mildred: Doesn't sound right. I'll take your word for it.

Sophie: Titles in the Daily Mail are never just like, really short and snappy. I think the only short and snappy title they’ve ever given was when they were just like “Hitler's Great!”

(note: Yep.

)

Abby: Well, Mr. Beast has really changed the title game when it comes to Daily Mail articles, like it's all about narrative in title now.

Sophie: They should have-they should have added "at 3 a.m." "Challenge." "Surprise."

Mildred: "Gone wrong."

Sophie: "Gone wrong, gone sexual."

Abby: "Uber driver sucked me off." Yeah.

Sophie: (reading Mail headline) “'I was frozen to the spot in shock. It was said to intimidate.' How a friendly chat in the ladies of a London pub turned menacing and plunged a Tory councillor, 22, into the clash between trans rights and women's safety.”

Mildred: Hold up, hold up. There's just so much information that I just got blasted with.

Sophie: I know, the titles are awful.

Mildred: Firstly, what do they mean? What is…22 surely does not refer to age.

Sophie: Oh yes. This is a entirely normal brained 22 year old Tory councillor.

Mildred: Okay, so maybe the Tories across the pond are a little bit different than the ones we have here in Canada. They're all like old white guys here. Why would a 22 year old be a Tory? Doesn't make any sense. Is her name Tory? Is that it?

Sophie: You know how in Game of Thrones where, like, the White Walkers get the baby, and then they like they touch its heart, and its heart turns to ice, and then it turns all pale and white? That's why people are Tories here. At a very young age, they were taken to a Tory headquarters and they were just turned into an anti-person.

Abby: I mean, I guess like the real answer is that some people do just grow up like very, very privileged, and like a lot of people have like wrong political opinions when they're younger-

Mildred: Abby, you're new here, but we don't like to approach these things with that level of good faith.

Abby: Sorry, that's kind of my thing.

(Sophie busting up laughing in the background)

Abby: Yeah, it's like trying to see both sides, like trying to be compassionate, trying to be fair.

Mildred: No, around here we point and laugh, and go hee hee ha ha.

Abby: Should there be an apostrophe there? Should there be an apostrophe? “Ladies.” Doesn't this imply that the conversation was happening inside the ladies themselves?

Mildred: It's a conversation between two wolves inside a lady.

Sophie: So this is Ruby Samson, who has written the article about her experience in the ladies' of a London pub.

Abby: Oh, it's autobiographical?

Sophie: Yes, She wrote it herself. “These days, I don't feel safe going to the ladies' loo alone-…” Oh, well she got the apostrophe there.

Abby: Ladies' there has an apostrophe!

Sophie: Yeah. Yeah. You know what? It's just sloppy, actually. "That's a statement I never thought I'd make. It sounds crazy, doesn't it?”

Mildred: Yeah. Yeah.

Sophie: “I’m neither shy nor fearful, but after my experience at a Westminster pub earlier this month, that's how I feel. Frequented predominantly by civil servants, The Marquis of Granby is near where I work, but it could have just as easily been any pub in the country.”

Mildred: She's making it sound like a Dracula attacked! I'm going to make an assumption here, on context clues, that why she is scared is because she saw a trans woman - who may or may not be you.

Sophie: Well let’s get there!

Abby: You've got a choice of two, Mildred. Common narrative structure suggests it's one of us.

Sophie: Chekhov's [bleeped].

Abby: (snapping fingers) If you put a queen on the shelf, she must go off!

Sophie: “It was a Wednesday night, and I was attending an event upstairs before heading home after a pleasant evening. I went to the ladies' loo, which has two cubicles. I emerged from mine at the same time as the woman next door who, at about six feet tall, towered over me. She wore a skimpy top, which made her shoulders seem bigger, and she spoke with a strikingly deep voice…a trans woman!”

Abby: As if we're supposed to go dun, dun, dun!

Sophie: “The lavatory was cramped and I had to stand directly behind her while waiting to use the wash basin.” Which, you know, that doesn't happen when real women are in the in the bathroom with you. You never have to to wait to use the only sink there.

Mildred: Cis women don't wash their hands, is the thing. It's a male affectation.

Abby: Nor are they ever six feet tall. Nor do they ever have deep voices. No.

Sophie: Then they just included a full-full body length picture of Ruby for some reason.

Abby: Sick coat though, to be fair. It's a nice coat.

Sophie: Yeah. “I can't deny I was a bit shocked, yet there was a sense of novelty.” So yes, you’ve never met a trans woman before.

Abby: Ewww…That's such a…like, a “perhaps this person will amuse me whilst I'm taking a piss." Like ewww.

Sophie: Oh, a minority in the bathroom. How novel. Ooh! “I thought 'this is going well. I am handling the situation fine.'”

Mildred: (overlapping) Very normal-

Abby: (overlapping) What situation?!

Sophie: “It was as she moved towards the door to leave that it happened. I remarked that we had no choice but to awkwardly shake our hands dry, and she turned to me and replied, ‘I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis.’ With that, she disappeared.”

Mildred: (hand acting) In a puff of smoke.

(All laughing)

Abby: As though she was never there at all! Purely a figment of my imagination!

Mildred: With that, she absconded with all of my jewels.

Abby: It would have been extremely funny had the trans woman in question actually said this. It would have been very funny and, like, a very funny trans joke. And also I can imagine that being said as a way of, like, trying to put a cis person who's obviously, like, nervous about being around a trans person - becausethey’retransphobic - at ease.

Abby: Like, that's quite a funny icebreaker, actually!

Sophie: “Until this, our conversation had been quite positive and pleasant. Now I was frozen to the spot in shock. There's no doubt in my mind this was a threat of sorts. Why would you assert that you had a penis in a female single sex space? I felt like I'd been flashed as the penis image was put in my mind by her announcement. It was said to intimidate.”

Abby: Haven’t you done that to the reader, then?

Sophie: The penis image is in my mind now. Thanks Ruby, for flashing us all with this! “The close proximity made it much scarier still. What if she turned violent?”

Abby: What if she had a gun? Well, she didn't, I hasten to add. But what if she did?

Sophie: What if she read me a mean tweet? “It would be 10 minutes before my friends realized I was missing.” I don't know if that's meant to mean that she did actually stay in the bathroom for ten more minutes in shock…

Mildred: It sounds like she's saying, “what if I was assaulted or killed? No one would come looking for me!” I imagine this trans woman coming out of the ladies' loo with her hands covered in blood and then wiping the blood on her penis.

Sophie: “This brief but deeply troubling episode played on my mind for the rest of the week, and I found myself examining all sides of the debate over whether men who self-identify as women - ” Wow. Where did that mask go? Ruby, I liked your mask so much.

Abby: Yeah, see, now we fucking…We've done a fucking bit of…. Little bit of a switcheroo here to make a magic switcheroo, because instead of going from a trans woman, you go on to “it's a man who's pretending."

Sophie: “Who, I reflected, would want to hear about this and who would care?”

Abby: End the article there. End it right right there. Right after that sentence.

Sophie: “Cabinet Minister Kemi Badenoch -” If people are unfamiliar, probably the highest ranking government TERF we have right now, “ - has been vocal on this issue, and I wrote to her about what happened. Doing so made me feel a bit better. I also wrote to the pub.”

Abby: (laughing, aghast) You wrote to the pub?!

Sophie: “One thing I didn't do, however, was tell the police. I didn't want to be accused of transphobia for saying this person was in the wrong bathroom.”

Abby: Well, wha-why would you have to?! What crime has been committed here?

Mildred: She was made to think of a penis. That's essentially like being flashed.

Abby: Even if this had taken place, it's not a crime!

Mildred: How can anyone have this few problems?

(Sophie laughing wildly)

Abby: I mean…she is a Tory councillor.

Mildred: Touché, touché.

Sophie: “I feel it important to state that I support trans people's right to live an authentic lifestyle, and agree that people with gender dysphoria should be able to change their gender after 18.”

Abby: So much to fucking unpack here. First of all, she says she "feels it's important to say that I support trans people's rights to live an authentic lifestyle." As we will see, that does not include accessing the correct spaces, so immediately, like, wrong, and I haven't even finished the sentence. Change gender after 18. This is a fucking big bugbear of mine. And like, I have absolutely zero fucking tolerance for this kind of fucking bullshit, right? Because it's everywhere in the US and I'm fucking going off.

[Flashback clip to earlier in convo] Abby: If you put a queen on the shelf, she must go off.

Abby: It's everywhere in the US and the UK! People are like “Oh, children shouldn't be able to change gender until 18.” In the UK, children are allowed to get abortions without the parents' consent. The reason for that is the law acknowledges the sad possibility that sometimes some parents don't love their children. I mean, if a kid under the age of 18, goes into a doctor's office and says "I need an abortion because my daddy made me pregnant," and the doctor says "I have to tell your daddy about this," there's a non-zero chance that child ends up dead.

Abby: The same is also true with blood transfusions. If a child wants a blood transfusion to survive and the parents have a religious objection, the child has a right to consent to that medical procedure without the parents say so because the law respects children's right to decide what happens to their own bodies in a medical setting.

Abby: And if you agree that children who are cis should be allowed to consent to abortions and blood transfusions without the need for parental approval, and under the age of 18, and you don't think that the trans children should be allowed to do the same thing with regards to medical transition? Then you are fucking definitionally transphobic. Fffuck you!

Mildred: That is a great example of the type of thing that is a real problem. And hearing those things contrasted with what this woman is complaining about (Sophie laughing) is just -

Abby: True.

Mildred: - the full gamut of the human experience right there.

Sophie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, we've - we've whiplashed from like very, very, very fake problems, in that it didn't happen, wouldn't be a problem if it did, and was entirely constructed to like…right.

Sophie: “But single sex spaces are paramount to women's safety, sex and gender are different -”

Abby: Ok, I’m fucking stopping again, right?! Again. I'm fucking furious that we've given them any fucking ground on this issue, right? Trans people - not all of us, some trans people - I would include myself in this and Sophie, I think you do, too - some of us do, in fact, change sex, right? Clue is in the fucking word, okay? I am, in fact, female. I had to go through a lot of fucking bullshit to get here. I wasn't always, I'll grant you that! I wasn't born that way. But I am, in fact, female now. Believe me, motherfuckers.

Sophie: Cis women self-identify to go to the women's bathroom. No one checks their fucking [bleeped] license at the door. Like it's not a thing. No one checks any paperwork. It's all self-identification.

Abby: If there is a magic fucking door frame that only allows people of the female sex through, I'm fucking walking straight through that motherfucker. I'm walking straight through it. It's not going to ding because I am, in fact, of the female sex. Get over it.

Sophie: “If someone wants to use a different set of pronouns, I'm completely accepting of that and always try to accommodate them.”

Mildred: No, you're not. (silly) No you isn’t.

Sophie: We’ll check in on that one in a second. Because in this article - in this article - the anonymous transgender is “she” and is “her”, etc…but we will get to a second document in a minute.

Mildred: I just find it very difficult to believe that someone would respect a trans person's pronouns if you also refer to a trans woman as “a man who identifies as a woman.”

Sophie: Mmmhmm. Yep. Yep.

Mildred: I just don't believe that.

Abby: A lot of people think that our problems begin and end with people using the correct language. And I think that belies cis people's fear of saying the wrong thing. And it's like, to be perfectly honest, I don't care if I leave my doctor's office and he says to the nurse “that bloke is off his fucking rocker, right?” I care that he gives me my goddamn medicine. I care about like actual shit. Like, yes, somebody misgenders me and uses the wrong pronouns, and it's going to upset me mildly. Probably, I'm just going to be like, "You're an idiot." Like, look at me. But like (completely fed up noise)

Sophie: When I was in Armenia to get FFS (note: facial feminization surgery) - because the NHS doesn't offer FFS, right - so already I'm halfway around the world to get a surgery I need - I had serious trouble, like, getting around town in Yerevan because so many taxi drivers, they wouldn't even bother. They would go like “Eh” and like, pull away. Just like, drive away immediately. This is the shit that I care about. The shit that actually like impacts my life. I couldn't get around town a lot of the time. I had to do so a lot slower because it involves, like, waiting for the sixth taxi to pull up, and a guy who's like more desperate for a small fee than he was transphobic would accept my- accept my fare.

Mildred: Well, I think rhetorically, the reason that they focus so much on language instead of shit like that is: Number one, they don't want their audience to know that trans people are experiencing those kinds of problems, because it's inherently sympathetic. And number two, like, having to use language to treat a person with respect is literally the only way that it could possibly affect them.

Sophie: It's George Orwin, it's 1967, it's Animal Crossing, iPhone, vuvuzela, etc.

Sophie: “Women are in danger -”

Abby: Yes we are.

Sophie: Yes, of hearing it said “I will wipe my hands on my penis” in the bathroom. “- because there isn't an open dialog about the erosion of women's spaces. People are too afraid to speak out for fear of being CANCELED.”

Abby: There is a dialog, but the dialog is just cis people lying to each other. It's like, totally fucking disconnected from reality. It's like so much of what is called the "trans debate" is just cis people holding a torch under their chin and going OooOOOooooh.

Mildred: But it's also like…you're having- you're doing it right now. You're…you're quite literally talking about it right now, Ruby. What do you mean no one's having the dialog?

Sophie: “People are too afraid to speak out for fear of being canceled. Men’s spaces remain single sex while the alternative is mixed gender.”

Mildred: What?

Sophie: What are you talking about? (laughing)

Abby: You, yourself - hang on a minute - you yourself said two paragraphs ago that sex and gender are different. So not to be like a by-your-own-logic bitch, but…by her own logic. Fucking proofread your article!

Sophie: I guess she just believes that like…like fucking jacked trans dudes with beards are like are all using the women's bathrooms.

Mildred: How would you know? If they're indeed single sex spaces, that would preclude Ruby from going into one.

Sophie: We're just gonna have to wait for like, Ron Sampson to write an article in the Telegraph about how some terrifying man told him “I'll…I'll queef my hands dry.”

(Laughter)

Abby: (daintily) Gross.

Sophie: (laughs) Anyway, "politicians need to note the multitude of examples such as mine and much worse, and take action. That's the thing about my experience. It could easily become the norm. An everyday occurrence.” (dissolves into laughter again

Mildred: What could?

Abby: Your experience of…of…of…of what?!

Sophie: It could easily become the norm! That trans women are going into all the women's bathrooms and saying, “I'll wipe my hands on my penis!"

Abby: I mean, it will NOW.

Sophie: Now maybe this is for emphasis, but I don't know why "are” is in caps here. Anyway, “ARE we to live in fear with-live with the fear that every time we use a public toilet we might encounter a threatening trans woman with a penis?”

Abby: Am I - am I to live with the fear that every time I use a public toilet I might encounter a threatening cis woman with a Daily Mail article?

Mildred: Well actually, yes, that's a reasonable concern, I think, at this point.

Sophie: Yep. Yep.

Abby: Or indeed, if this woman gets her way, am I to live with the fear that every time I use a public toilet I might encounter a threatening man?

Sophie: She has a couple of other examples that are fantastic. So, “In Primark recently, I had my first experience using gender neutral changing rooms. They have a little curtain, but no locking door. I was trying on [pause, slight reverb, inset for future significance] JEANS and felt quite vulnerable and at risk. This blurring of the sexes is now everywhere. I went to Boots Opticians and by accident-”

Abby: Wait. Hang on a minute, hang on a minute, hang on a minute. In Primark, did anything happen?

Sophie: No, she just felt (shrugs) felt like it might.

Mildred: Sorry, I spaced out for a second. Why is she trying on penises at Primark?

(laughter)

Sophie: No, she was trying on jeans! I tried to enunciate very clearly.

Mildred: Jeans, oh. The way that you said that was…I don't know, it sounded like penis to me, but okay.

Sophie: Maybe it was my internet connection, I dunno.

Mildred: Maybe.

Sophie: “I mean, this blurring of the sexes is now everywhere. I went to Boots Opticians and by accident tried on a pair of men's glasses that were too big for my face because men have…”

Sophie: (voice rises like two octaves trying to suppress laughter) “BIOLOGICALLY BIGGER FACES.”

Abby: (squeaky) wHat the fUck?!!

Sophie: As we all know, men contain the Roberts Z’dar gene that makes your face ten miles wide.

Abby: She does wear glasses…Interesting. Scroll up. I remember them. I mean, yeah, that's pretty…I mean, they're pretty big.

Mildred: Men's glasses would just be out to here on her, I guess.

Abby: Big comedy novelty glasses, like with the shape of the new year written in them.

Sophie: I accidentally tried on a pair of glasses that didn't have any lenses and they were just slits.

Mildred: And the eyes were on springs that fell forward. (wobbling motion)

Sophie: I accidentally tried on some glasses that had one blue lens and one red lens.

Abby: How can you type the phrase “biologically bigger faces” and still take yourself seriously? Like, what?

Sophie: “I detailed my experience on Twitter. I was amazed at the responses from women sharing stories about changing rooms and toilets. Of course, the person who intimidated me was not representative of the trans community.” No, she doesn't speak for the trans community. She is-she is no kind of figurehead. We all denounce her.

Sophie: “But my experience highlights the high risk of self ID to women's safety. There needs to be greater protection of women's spaces. Ideally, there should be men's spaces, women's spaces and a gender neutral space.” I guess just one?

Abby: Separate but equal, if you will.

Sophie: Just one gender neutral space is all she wants.

Mildred: For all the gender neutrals out there.

Abby: If you did that, if you actually managed to construct them across the nation in every place where there are toilets, if you built a third one, I would still use the ladies. Because I am, in fact, a woman. So get rekt.

Sophie: “If not, then what happened to me -” which is nothing “- and worse -” anything times zero is zero “- will happen to others. I want everyone to have equal rights, but I'm worried how a few people will ruin those…”

Abby: But! "I want everyone to have equal rights…BUT!"

Sophie: “But as for the Marquis of Granby, I would find it very hard to go back there and use the toilets unless I was with a friend.” Good, Ruby. Fuck off. Don't go there again. “I would be anxious about it. And that's really rather tragic.”

Mildred: My heart breaks.

Abby: It is tragic, Ruby. It's completely tragic.

Sophie: So Ruby didn't actually only write this Daily Mail article. Before she wrote the Daily Mail article, she also wrote a letter to Kemi Badenoch. Kemi Badenoch is the highest ranking government TERF. She's the Minister for Women and Equalities I think?

Abby: Just as important context, I think it was a few months ago, Kemi Badenoch was caught - this is facts, this is factual - Kemi Badenoch was caught writing a secret letter to the Financial Conduct Authority, who was supposed to be independent from the government, encouraging them not to adopt new trans friendly workplace guidelines, so…

Sophie: Extremely cool.

Sophie: This letter, which is, I mean, it's not like it's on official letterhead or whatever, but it is in her role as Tory councillor writing to a government minister.

Abby: Sorry, to be fair, it does actually say in the first sentence she's writing it in a personal capacity, being fair and balanced.

Mildred: And also to be fair and balanced, it does look like she typed it up on her computer, printed it off, and then took a picture of it, so…

Sophie: “Dear Ms. Badenoch” Or Miss Badenoch, I don’t know. I don't know what fancy titles these people are expecting to identify with. “I'm writing this letter in a personal capacity. I'm writing to you in your capacity as Minister for Women and Equalities. I want to tell you about an incident that happened to me on Wednesday, 15th of February at the Marquis of Granby Pub at 41 Ramsay Street, London. I used the upstairs ladies toilet, which has two cubicles.”

Mildred: Why does she keep specifying the amount of cubicles? This is not necessary information.

Sophie: “I came out of a cubicle at the same time as someone else. I waited while (heavy emphasis) they used the basin and they started to make small talk with me about the hand drying not working. I noticed that their voice was very deep and they had a much bigger physique. I mentioned we'd awkwardly have to shake our hands dry, and then they turned to me as they were about to leave and said, ‘I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis.’ I was completely shocked at this comment."

Sophie: "I was aware that this person was a trans woman -” Sorry, I'm very sorry. I'm very, very sorry. She was actually aware that this person was a trans women. "- who wouldn't have female anatomy.”

Abby: Yes she would.

Sophie: She would. Yes, but yes. Yes, we do actually. Get rekt.

Sophie: “But prior to the statement, we were making pleasant small talk. There was no need for the statement. It was said as a threat, and to assert the fact that they had a penis but were in a single sex - a female single sex space. I left the incident knowing that I couldn't report the problem without being accused of transphobia for saying someone was in the wrong bathroom.” It's really interesting how she couldn't report it, but she could write it in the national press and write a letter to Kemi Badenoch about it.

Abby: In fairness, she has reported it and she has been accused of transphobia.

Sophie: "In some ways I was lucky. They made this intimidating comment and then left."

Mildred: (overlapping) "I barely survived!"

Sophie: "If this had gotten physically violent, it could have been at least twenty minutes before someone realized I was off missing.”

Mildred: It was ten in the article! Why is it twenty now?!

Sophie: “Without any chance of anyone hearing me call for help!”

Mildred: HWHAAAT?

Sophie: “How society is progressing I don't feel safe going to a female bathroom alone.”

Abby: Neither do I.

Sophie: Yeah. Yeah, right? “I fear that these incidents will become more and more frequent with no way of having any consequences for the improper use of single sex spaces. With ongoing debates around self ID, I feel many feel they cannot say that someone is in the wrong bathroom even if they're displaying threatening and predatory behavior. I felt like I had been flashed as the image of that penis was put in my mind by its announcement.”

Abby: You felt like you had been, but crucially, you had not. Crucially, it did not actually happen.

Sophie: “I hope you're going to show me about what is being done to ensure single sex spaces do not continue to be eroded as the effect is already being felt by young women. Yours sincerely, Councillor Ruby Samson.” So that's all a really terrifying experience we've heard about.

Abby: Now's a good time to talk about “them/them” and trans women because a lot of cis people, I think, don't quite get this. Some people think, and I think that they mean well, that if you just use they/them to refer to every trans person, that is "not as bad as misgendering" or that's, like, neutral. And I hope if any of those people are watching, that this letter shows you why that is not always the case. I admit that it can be difficult, especially if you don't know somebody's pronouns. I myself will sometimes use "The Coward's They." I'll be like "I don't know this person's pronouns, so I'm going to go for they/them and I'm happy to be corrected." Right? And I will also admit that it can be confusing because some trans women, who call themselves trans women, do also use she/they.

Abby: However, I hope you can see from this particular letter that sometimes, especially in Britain, "they" is the fucking silencer on the gun that is actually he/him, okay? What this person wants to say is quite clearly “he,” because she's arguing that this mystery trans person - who we still don't know the identity of - should not, in fact, be allowed to use women's spaces, but should be sent off to be with men, right?

Abby: So I hope you can recognize now why when you call me "they" on Twitter, I block you.

Sophie: It's uh…it is, uh…a harrowing incident, what's happened to Ruby, here. But many people have been calling it into question.

Mildred: I mean, come on! If she's lying, it would be a pretty embarrassing lie, wouldn’t it?

Sophie: She locked the replies after some people started immediately saying "No, that didn't happen." Here's Katy Montgomerie saying “You unambiguously made up that story wholesale. It's not even slightly believable.” And I replied to this when I first saw the story doing the rounds, and I said, “I don't know what kind of gigachad this hypothetical trans girl is, but I keep trying to imagine a penis that would be in any way appropriate to try to dry your hands on, and I have to conclude it's just massive…"

Sophie: Funny! So funny story. On the 15th of February, there was a vigil for murdered child Brianna Ghey, who was trans, who was quite severely bullied for being trans, and then was found dead in Culcheth having been stabbed. And I, and a lot of other people in the trans London community, attended the vigil. And then, fearing the possibility that we could get, you know, attacked by Far-Right bigots in the area - it has happened to people I know - we decided to hang out at the pub as a group to just like let things cool off before we headed home.

Mildred: This is this is an odd digression. I don't know where you're going with this, but I'll allow it.

Sophie: I just think this is a story you'll find amusing, that's all. So I didn't really take note of what the pub was, but it later turned out…that it was the Marquis of Granby. (music sting: dun dun DUN!) At the time, it was just a weird pub in the Westminster area, that, being in the Westminster area, was obviously full of weird Tories.

Sophie: And yeah, I went to the bathroom, and when I'd done my business and came out of the cubicle, there was a cis woman there. So obviously I was thinking, "How can I handle this situation well? I don't want to treat this person any differently."

(Others laugh)

Sophie: We made some very brief small talk because the bathroom was utter dog shit, and there'd been no toilet roll in my cubicle. So, like, I brought that up. Tried to use the hand dryer, it was terrible, it wasn't doing anything. She said, “We'll have to shake,” and it crossed my mind like, did she mean we were going to shake hands? Obviously that's a ridiculous thing to say, it just crossed my mind. I took a second, and then I thought, "Oh, right. Like shake her hands dry." And then I said, “No, it's cool. I'll just wipe my hands on my jeans.” And then I left.

Sophie: Um. Yeah. So Ruby has not posted anything on Twitter in a little while. She has-she has kept noticeably silent. She's liked a few things.

Mildred: Well, you know, it's not safe these days to be on Twitter.

Sophie: It's not safe, is it? Yeah. She could be called a transphobe.

Mildred: Until they have a single sex social media platform, it's not safe to post.

Sophie: But I did post about it, explaining what I've just explained to you now, and someone who calls himself Ruby's friend - I don't know if she considers him a friend, I can't comment on that - quoted it and said, “I don't believe my friend Ruby Samson is a liar. Regardless, the read out from the situation is cis Tory equals liar and trans anti-Tory equals truth teller. No engagement on the substantive issue of a perceived conflict between trans rights and women's rights. The state of things -”

Mildred: But…you are you! You're not making the assumption that she's lying because she’s cis. You're making that assumption because you witnessed it!

Sophie: It's not cis Tory versus trans anti-Tory. It's “I'll wipe my hands on my jeans,” a normal phrase that is said by, at a guess, millions of people a day, I don't know, versus “I'll wipe my hands on my penis,” a fucking sentence that I had never conceived of before last week. And unfortunately now, I've heard it so many times.

Abby: I guess it is possible she could have misheard you. I mean, like, I can't believe I'm trying to…trying to be compassionate to this woman who has literally written to a government minister calling for me to be excluded from public facilities. Why, oh why, Abby, are you so persistently compassionate?

Sophie: The benefit of the doubt here is, in some ways, weirder than the calculated lie, because the benefit of the doubt version is that she saw a trans woman, and then through the whole interaction - which kind of aligns with what she wrote anyway - she was just thinking “penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis." (Clip of Penis Pervert from Mission Hill saying "penis penis penis penis.”) And then when I said “I'll wipe my hands on my jeans,” she, like, had this Freudian mishearing, you know?

Abby: And I guess also, like, even if she did genuinely, sincerely mishear you, to react to that by A) writing notes to the Daily Mail and B) again, let's not forget, writing to a member of government to call for you and everyone like you to be excluded from public life, is not a reasonable way to respond to that sentence, even if it had been said.

Mildred: I agree that it is possible that she thought she heard that. What I don't think is feasible is that, like, anywhere after ten seconds after that, she didn't stop and go "Wait a minute, that sentence makes no sense. She probably said something else." If I'm imitating Ruby, "They probably said something else."

Abby: None of her friends suggested to her, nobody was like “ You sure she said that?”

Sophie: "I'm another one of your Tory entourage, so I obviously believe that trans women will do anything to try to spread their sick, fetishistic, evil agenda onto everyone…But did that really happen?"

Mildred: In her mind, what are you getting out of this? Right? You're walking in, and like, just as you're about to leave the room, just for a sick thrill, you turn around and be like, “I've got a penis, blehhh!!”

Sophie: I find her silence on on the issue kind of interesting, because if it were…if it was simply not me, there are lots of pictures of me online, and she could have very quickly gone "I've looked at pictures of you and you're not the trans woman I was talking about. A different trans woman said to me, 'I'll wipe my hands on my penis.'" Now that would still be a weird situation for her, because I was there that night with my friends. We were the only trans women there. I can verify that. And so, it would have to be one of my friends instead. In that group of friends, I'm the one who's six foot tall and wearing a skimpy top, so.

Mildred: But boy, what a court case that would be though.

Abby: Classic case of she said, they said.

Sophie: Two lawyers constructing absolutely, like, esoteric arguments, trying to argue is it more plausible that someone said, “I'll wipe my hands on my jeans” or “I'll wipe my hands on my penis?” And then ultimately the trans woman goes to jail at the end of the court case, anyway.

Abby: I want to see - well, I don't want to see, but I do want to see - the Crimewatch recreation shot.

Sophie: So she also liked this person, who was arguing about the situation, saying, “No, you've taken the side of this individual who has not confirmed that they are the person because it fits with your comfortable worldview. I trust Ruby. And anyway, someone with a penis should not be using the women's toilets. Case closed.”

Abby: Let's explain exactly why trans women with penises are allowed to use female spaces.

Mildred: 'Cause-'cause they're women.

Abby: Yes. Because we’re women, yes. But also, the government should not have the right to compel citizens to undergo a medical procedure. Vaginoplasties are, first of all, expensive. And secondly, generally pretty safe, but they do carry an element of medical risk, and it is not in line with citizens' human rights for the government to compel people to undergo a surgical procedure before we access a certain public facility. This person, I suspect, without really particularly thinking about it, is implying that the government should have the right to force people to undergo a medical procedure, and that is just fucking barmy!

Sophie: If the law did say in whatever terms "you have to have a pussy to go in the women's loos," you would have to be checking.

Mildred: You are both being too generous with your benefit of the doubt in assuming that if a trans woman had a vaginoplasty, she would be okay with them using the women's room.

Sophie: This was just saying “someone with XY chromosomes should not be using the women's toilets.”

Abby: Yeah, yeah. I realize I'm trying to play chess against a pigeon here. Also I realize that it's the prerogative of the bigot to not use language seriously. Yes. Yes. Okay.

Mildred: You know, as the only person here that uses the men's room, I don't want a bunch of fucking women showing up, and like, seeing what I do in there.

(Sophie cracks up)

Abby: (suspicious) Why? What are you doing?

Mildred: I don’t want you to know! I don't want to tell you!

Sophie: It’s the only single sex space where Mildred can safely indulge in her Magic the Gathering hobby.

Mildred: Nonononononononononono. I'm merely saying that I'm disgusting.

Abby: Yeah, It's very noticeable that at no point during this entire-entire thing has anyone gone, “By the way, here are the stats for, like, this many countries have allowed trans women to use like women's spaces for this amount of time. These are the actual stats for things like assault if that's what you're worried about.” Like, at no point is there serious engagement with this issue provided. You can't debate somebody whose entire position is the denial of facts.

Abby: Like, like people accuse US of denying, like, the facts of biology - which is just like a fucking IMAX level of projection, right? - and I think about this in terms of, like, there's recently been a change in British law such that any trans woman who has, quote, “male genitalia” will now be sent to a men's prison. And it's like, okay, even putting aside the danger of doing that, and like the death sentence, that that might be. LITERALLY.

Abby: Here's a question: What is the legal definition of male genitalia? Like, do you mean…does a trans woman who's had like three months of HRT count? Which, like, massively changes genitalia? Six months? Nine months? Twelve months? Three years of HRT? If you’re like, post orchiectomy? I mean, even if you're only talking about vaginoplasty, what kind of vaginoplasty? There's like three different kinds. What if you get the futa surgery where you've got penis preserving vaginoplasty? What fuckin’ prison do you go to? Are you just constantly being moved around?!

Sophie: If you have the futa surgery where you have a wee wee and a hoo ha, you have to go to the Magneto prison. They actually put you just, like, isolated entirely in plastic, like a huge pit. You're like brought your, like chess set and your meal, like, once a day by a guard.

Mildred: I thought we were going to go more of like an Ashley Judd/Double Jeopardy type situation, where it turns out that if you have both, you cannot be arrested for a crime.

Abby: Lethal Weapon 4.

Sophie; Would we be up for looking at some posts on Mumsnet?

Mildred: It's the purview of this program to find things to cringe at, so…

Sophie: A really interesting thing that I saw, and will not show, is that 4chan? Not on Ruby's side, here. They’re still very much being 4chan, so that's why I'm not showing it, but-

Abby: Chaotic evil.

Sophie: -they do not find “I'll wipe my hands on my penis” to be a believable thing a human being would say. And so none of them are on her side. 4Chan are saying Ruby is a [bleeped], attacking her for being Jewish, saying a lot of other-

Abby: Whoa! The most chaotic possible answers! Damn, that's some good shit. (double thumbs up) I'm making a note to log on to 4chan dot com. Great website.

Mildred: It gets the official Philosophy Tube endorsement.

Sophie: So here's a thread called “Tory Councillor has trans women on the brain” and the original post is describing it pretty much as-as it is, right? Being like “Hey, this is ridiculous. What if she was talking about this? Like, saying all this stuff about a black woman or a gay woman? Would we not get what was going on here?” And then naturally enough, there are the replies.

Abby: And this is an interesting distinction between like American discourse, and British discourse. So, listeners, you will observe that in ShelefttheWeb's comment, you will observe the use of the compound noun “transwomen” without a space. Okay? And I've talked to American trans people about this: In Britain that is a transphobic dog whistle. In America, apparently they wouldn't think twice about doing that. But in Britain, if you exclude the space, it is a transphobic dog whistle, specifically for this reason: Because you will notice ShelefttheWeb writes “black” and “gay” space “women.” So “gay” space “women” are a kind of woman. Whereas the idea behind using the compound noun “transwomen” without a space is to say that this is a new thing. It is not a subcategory of women.

Mildred: Also not how words work. Fool's gold is not gold, and there's still a space there.

Abby: Yeah, true true.

Sophie: Two little pieces of bigot history here. This is yet another repeated earlier move that they've made. They keep on just recycling the same old shit. They used to take one of the 's's out of transsexual, because they were trying to imply that to be transsexual (note: tran + sexual) was a sexuality and inherently had to do with, like, fetish and sex.

Mildred: (heavy scorn) GOT ‘EM!!

Sophie: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. This person, CryptoFascistMadamCholet - cool.

Mildred: (silly) Well, let's hear 'em out!

Abby: “Penis does not sound like pants, penis sounds like penis.”

Sophie: There's actually a tweet somewhere, where Ruby replied to someone saying, “Maybe she said pants?”, and she says, “Oh, does penis sound like pants? NO!” And then there are like a hundred replies to her, all saying “Jeans, on the other hand…”

Sophie: So this one I found quite interesting for a couple of reasons. The first one is that they've-they've taken my recent new profile picture on Twitter, and they've highlighted the fact I have a chain in my hand. Now, this chain - they have, there's a reply later on where someone insists that it must be (giggles) for street brawling, because I'm such an obvious East London Street brawler. And that's why they've highlighted it in the picture. This chain, it's a necklace. (note: it's the same necklace she's wearing in the video) And you see, what happened here is I was putting on this little neckerchief situation to take this picture. And so I took off this, and I was holding it in the picture.

Sophie: I just find that male fist with a chain as sign of power stock image (note: referring to image posted in Mumsnet thread) …like, is there actually a stock image that's titled ‘Male Fist?’ Because what about this fist is male, but also like as a sign of power? Or did they get the stock image and then edit the title to be like "it's a male fist?" Yeah. They've posted some sets of nudes that I put on Twitter a while ago onto this thread, and I find this amusing. Obviously, this is a massively disgusting thing that they've done. But it should be noted that the people who go to this forum repeatedly and, you know, people who come into this thread, they kind of live to attack trans women's appearances. They kind of live for making fun of how trans women look. And after this post, no one commented on the nudes. And I just find that very funny.

Abby: I've seen this sort of thing before, when transphobic forums post images of trans women and then talk about, in particular, the ways in which trans women don't, in their eyes, pass in the comments. It's often a way of like, as I said, denying reality. Like, trying to find some way to, like, expose the trick, right? Oh, it's the forehead or it's the eyebrows, or whatever it is. Whereas in reality, those are features that you would find on many cis women as well.

Sophie: It's just like they've come here to attack someone else's appearance to make themselves feel better. And then they posted some pictures of me and had nothing to say.

Sophie: “As an American, I say pants, but my UK friends say trousers. Also, as an American, penis does not sound like pants to my ear. How many of you Brits actually say pants to mean trousers?”

Abby: It's worth flagging up here that there's some, like, obviously quite explicit transphobia going on in here. There're people referring to trans women as men. So it's, I'm afraid, quite obvious that Mumsnet is allowing this kind of explicit transphobia. I don't want just let that slide.

Sophie: No, I mean it's kind of, it's become so notorious that many people regard it to be their kind of raison d’être at this point, as a transphobe organizing site.

Abby: (overlapping) I know that the people who run Mumsnet have said that they kind of encourage debate and they don't allow hate. While here is explicit transphobia

Sophie: There it is.

Abby: Just on display.

Mildred: Yeah, I guess I didn't even really think of that, because to me, I was honestly surprised at how tame it was…And like, keep in mind we're looking at a thread where they literally posted my friend's nudes to make fun of her, and I'm like, “I thought this would be worse.”

Sophie: Again, that speaks to just how unbelievable the “I’ll wipe my hands on my penis” thing is. They can't even really muster the support to, like…they just can't get the energy to defend this as a position. “Wiping one's hands on one's pants would also be unacceptable in a British ladies' lavatory.” What are you talking about?

Mildred: Well, then what do you do?

Sophie: Do you just leave with wet hands?

Abby: You simply wait.

Sophie: You just air dry them.

(Mildred blows on her hands)

Abby: You shake, I guess.

Sophie: You walk around the pub going, “Hey, does anyone have a penis? Help!” Anyway, I think that's the most of-that's the most of it really. There's been a lot of memes of, you know, the butterfly meme. "Is this a penis?" and a pair of jeans flapping by. Yeah.

Sophie: Thank you for joining me for this-this cringe exploration.

Abby: I mean, I do want to say, like, sincerely, Sophie, I'm really sorry this happened to you.

Sophie: It was funny for a couple of days, and then it kind of hit me that I had been sexually harassed in the national press. And it has made me feel a bit less safe about going to the public bathrooms, because what if there is a Tory in there who will write in the Daily Mail?

Abby: Which, of course, is the point.

Sophie: Yes. Yes, absolutely.

Abby: What are you doing after this by the way? Do you want to go to the pub? There’s a great one near me. I was there the other night. There was this weird incident where this cis woman, as I came out of bathroom, she was like, “we have to shake our hands dry.” And I just turned and said “balls!”

(Laughter)

Mildred: Well! Thank you so much for joining us on this Cringe Corner, Abby. Where can our audiences find you?

Abby: You can find me all over the place at the moment. You can find me on SkyTV in a series called Django, which has just come out. It's a Western period drama that I'm in. You can find me online on Philosophy Tube on YouTube, which is my show. You can find me on Kill James Bond, which is a podcast about films that I run with two other trans people. And you can find me wherever good content is made. You can also find me on Nebula, where my play "The Prince" is up at the moment, if you are theatrically inclined.

Sophie: It's a good play.

Abby: Thank you very much. And in future you'll be able to find me in other things that I cannot currently talk about. Keep your eyes out

Sophie: Yeah.

Abby: You can also find me in the toilets of the Marquis of Granby pub. You can also find me and Sophie in the nightmares of British Tories everywhere.

Sophie: That's true. Like Freddy Krueger, but trans.

Mildred: (Freddy Krueger voice) Gonna wipe my hands on my penis, bitch!

Abby: How does Freddy Krueger wash his hands? Answers on a postcard, please.

Mildred: I don’t think he does. He's not a very hygienic man. Sophie, in turn, where can our audiences find you? In what bathrooms?

Sophie: Generally the women's bathroom. Unless there's only a gender neutral one, which is obviously terrifying to me. But you can find me at SophiefromMars on most platforms. Sometimes it's SophiefromMars, all one word, and sometimes it's Sophie_from_Mars.

Abby: You gotta put the space in, otherwise it's transphobic.

Sophie: That's true. If you use a space, it is a hate crime. If you want to support my work, you can go to Patreon.com/SophiefromMars, and I'm currently working on a few different things that…some of them might intersect with future episodes of Cringe Corner. If you are a fan of this show, and want more straight faced takes about the things that we talk about sometimes. Not this thing. There's no-there's no essay to write about this one. No.

Abby: Straight faced and biologically bigger faced.

Mildred: Sorry, you said that URL was patreon.com/PenisVagina?

Sophie: Yes. Yeah. Go to the patreon page Penis Jeans Queen. That's me.

[shyrose57]

Elder Council:

Aphmau - She could be a forest spirit or a fae. Orrr my personal favorite since I’m assuming we’re using the MCD Aphmau she could be a normal human that was given magiks.

XD - Since he is probably going to be either Dream’s brother/father or something he should be an elder demon

Herobrine - I would like to make him related to Eret probably either his father or brother sooo prob fae(also he could totally be the one of the reasons faes are seen on bad light)

Lizzie - Mer - Blue axolotl - she was the first to figure out that Tommy is human. I believe that mers can be anything from the ocean so it fits(maybe we could make her related to Sally or Niki?) Also could be current or past ruler of the ocean empire

Scott - Elf - He could be either the current or past Elf king.

FWIP - One of his occupations is alchemist so we are going with that.( I’m pretty sure he falls into some sort of witch category soo)

GeminiTay(Gem) - Wizard one of the rae humans in the world. Though at this point she can’t exactly be considered a human anymore. After spending literal centuries in the magic realm(+from her profession) her body has absorbed so much magic that just like Tommy ended up as something else. The only human thing left is her appearance. Just like Lizzie she was able to know that he was human but stayed quiet for unknown reasons.

Joey - Ihavenoideahelp

Katherine - Fae - She can either be the current or old ruler of spring court.

Mythical Sausage - He is a warlock so I think that works

Pearl - Probably something similar to Aphmau but I’m not sure

Pix - I don’t know

Shubble - Gnome - Wolf spirit - you chose

Joel - human - he isn’t part of the council but I think we should mention him :) also he smol

Jimmy - Ancient ocean dueler - cod - Maybe another ruler of the sea? Like lizzie

Also not everyone has to be in the council

but I thought everyone should be included and then decide who should go and who should stay.

I haven’t watched many perspectives of the empires so most information I got was from the wiki.

I think most elders would be past rulers some may have kept their position until now.

Aphmau: I have no idea what an MCD is!! I'll have to look it up!! But? Wizard Aphmau, perhaps?? Or whatever you think the equivalent of MCD!Aphmau is?

XD: Sounds good! Dream can be his younger brother! Maybe XD's some sort of Eldritch Demon? He's technically probably powerful enough to rule himself(and at one time did), but he'd rather mess with people and hang out with George.

Herobrine: I think we had this as Eret's original true name, but them being a brother could be cool too! Hmm...maybe twins?? They split the name between them, until Eret's changes, but Herobrine's didn't, instead just taking on the entire name for himself. Take that as you will.

Lizzie: Very good, very good! And hey, why not both? We already have Niki of the Glow Squid, so now we can have Sally of the Salmon! As for Lizzie and all the other rulers, I'm going to say that for the most part, they're past rulers. But every now and then there's a successor crisis, and they end up back on the throne for a bit.

Scott: He's an ice elf, maybe? Or just elf in general. Elf/spirit, if we want to tie in Aeor somehow? Either still ruling, or just the one who ends up back on the throne the most.

Fwhip: I mean, if we want to have him as twins with Gem, he can be in a similar situation to her? Oh, or maybe he's the reason she delved into magic, and became what she did? Alchemist/witch!Fwhip, for the win!

Gem: I like that! When someone asks her why she didn't say Tommy was human, she likes to give a cryptic answer-usually something about letting time take it's course-but honestly, she and the other former humans just like to take bets on this sort of thing. You'd think after three or four times, supernaturals would be a bit more willing to go 'maybe they're just human', but nope! 'How Long Does It Take Them To Get It Right' is one of Gem's favorite guessing games, closely followed by 'Who's original guess comes closest when they stop being human'.

Joey: Jungle spirit? One of those creatures that guards tombs? God? One of whatever he calls his cat villagers?

Katherine: We love to see it! She can be on the throne, as a treat. And also because the Overgrowth(shard of Mother Nature, long story), is a bit finicky, and it's hard to find someone besides her who it'll listen to.

Sausage: Good enough for me! Does that also make him human, or would that be like Fwhip's situation? Do we need to start a category for this stuff? Warlock under Witch-would Witch be the broad term for natural magic users, thus automatically making them non-human, or?

Pearl: Harvest god, perhaps? Ancient summer fae?

Pix: Immortal prophet? Former human like Gem? One of Mumza's angels?

Shubble: Hey, we can have both? Spirits take whatever form they choose, and anything can become a spirit. Or we could have them seperate, who knows?

Joel: He's an honorary member, because Lizzie lets him tag along sometimes to judge people's life choices.

Jimmy: Ooh, works for me. Both he and Lizzie are probably just a tiny bit Eldritch themselves. Maybe they split it, when they're on the throne. Lizzie takes care of salt-water affairs, and Jimmy deals with fresh water.

As for who's on the council, hm. Okay, so we've got Aphmau, and XD for short. Potentially Herobrine, depending on what we want to do with that. I feel like Lizzie and Jimmy kinda share a spot? They switch though, and just share details later. Scott and Gem, I'm thinking, along with Katherine. And Pearl too. Maybe some others, I don't know.

How should the council be set up? Specific people who are there for certain reasons? People representing each supernatural species/area/side? Leaning towards the latter, just because there'd be fewer, but if we want to expand, then we probably want the former.

What do you think?

[astranne]

Hello! I saw your post with Megumi in Game of Thrones and I really like this idea, I honestly don't know how you came up with this one. I wanted to ask for a little teaser, but then I saw your event and now would like to request lannister!megumi. What if he's Tywin's bastard (which also means that Toji is a woman but I leave that up to you) and he somehow lands in Westeros, or Japan is part of this world and he wants to search his father? I'll leave the details up to you :D

SNIPPET lannister!megumi

notes // hi hi anon! thank you for contributing to the event <3 and honestly, my brain is a scary place, i don't even know myself how i come up with things like that. and i have so much more 💀 i'll share it very slowly, so i don't overwhelm y'all :D also- i love your idea and it's a bit similar to what i thought how lannister!megumi way would go. toji as a women would be scary, and together with tywin... well, westeros may as well say good bye lmao. i hope you'll like this little snippet, which became a bit longer than i intended.

lannister!megumi; growing up with a distant yet oddly caring mother. he is rather sure she doesn't love him, and that's alright. after all, she shares family history he should and needs to know and she has never known love of her own family. said family hunts her, while his father doesn't know he exist, but would fit perfectly in the jujutsu society.

lannister!megumi; training as soon he can walk, his mother wanting him strong and fierce. the zen'in clan wants her dead, the woman with the heavenly restriction, to steal her son with the ten shadow technique. and while megumi doesn't love his mother either, he would rather live under her harsh training than being part of the asshole clan.

lannister!megumi; growing up with the tales of his father, a normal human being ruling over his kingdom. lions are an important part of his legacy and if he has a lion shikigami, it's even better.

lannister!megumi; testing the limits of his technique early and finding out he doesn't have one. his mother's grin is bloodthirsty when he shares the news and the training borders close to torture, yet he doesn't complain. it makes him stronger and he'll survive longer.

lannister!megumi; washing ashore the westerlands after the fight in shibuya, together with his mother, close to death but still very much alive. his mother recognizes the place immediately and they make way to casterly rock. he still can use his shadow technique, while the ugly worm of his mother miraculously wasn't exorcised, carrying a whole weaponry of cursed weapons. together with the many ones hidden in his shadow, it should be enough for them.

lannister!megumi; watching how his father stoically looks at his mother, letting no one know what he thinks or feels, yet when his mother announces that he's his son, the son of tywin lannister, his eyes widen and he sends everyone out of the hall.

lannister!megumi; sharing his mother's bloodthirsty grin, when tywin announces his marriage to firstborn daughter of the zen'in clan. the king announces him as true lannister, simply because the queen rages and wants him dead, as well his mother, the 'upstart essosi whore' as she kindly calls his mother.

lannister!megumi; watching how the lords of the westerlands try to intimidate his mother, backhand complimenting her, while their wives sneer at her hidden behind their folding fans. but then the greyjoy rebellion happens and the king calls for their armies. lannisport burns and his mother hunts down the reapers and ravers, throwing their served heads at the feet of his father.

lannister!megumi; letting out his horde of divine dog shikigami and his two lions, riding the male one in battle. he butchers every greyjoy in his way, hunting them down, side by side with his mother. his father's bannermen no longer insult them, their eyes full with pride for having such a strong lady lannister and heir lannister.

lannister!megumi; getting knighted by the king, while his brother jamie looks at him with poorly hidden disgust and the other lords of westeros don't know what to make of the black haired, yet green eyed lannister boy, who has been announced as heir of tywin after his second marriage.

lannister!megumi; seeing the pride in his father's eyes, for having a worthy heir. his grand aunt and grand uncles love him, for he knows how to manipulate them. they teach him the history of the westerlands, of westeros and all the other nations in this worlds and he listens to them, for he can use this information in future.

lannister!megumi; meeting his other brother, tyrion lannister after a year in westeros. he immediately sees the bitterness in his brother's eyes and while he likes having a smart brother looking at you jamie, he knows the risk of this one. and just as he had done with his grand aunt and grand uncles, he manipulates his brother too, letting him believe he hates his father and mother, not wanting to be part of two bloody legacies.

lannister!megumi; taking one look at his cousins and wanting to shake both his half sister and brother, for doing such a stupid thing. once this comes to light, he won't stand with them.

lannister!megumi; taking westeros by storm, with his calm yet charming personality and good looks. he is strong and a knight, knighted by the king himself and the heir of tywin lannister. there are whispers of his mother's family, for they think they are from yi ti. he doesn't stop them, he merly lets a few details slip, like the fact how his mother has been robbed by her lady ship by her own brother and how his clan tried to steal him away.

lannister!megumi; standing by his father's side, learning how to rule the westerlands with an iron fist. he knows the gold mines are slowly drying up, and he plans to do something against this. but his plans will only achieve his goals, as soon he ascends as lord lannister. until then, he will make preparations for his rule.

ASTRANNE 2022

[kimnamjooonz]

Blank Space - Chapter 15

New Romantics

Songs Used In This Chapter:

New Romantics - Taylor Swift

I Want To Break Free - Queen

Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen

'We are bored, we are so tired of everything, we wait for trains that just aren't coming. We show off or different scarlet letters, trust me, mine is better. We are young, but we're one the way to ruin, we play dumb but we know exactly what we're doing. We cry tears of mascara in the bathroom, honey, life is just a classroom.''

Los Angeles

Morgan's time in L.A went in a completely unexpected way as what she had imagined but for the better, and she was thrilled about it.

She and Taylor were on the terrace of a trendy coffee shop informing everything that had happened to an astounded Lucas.

''There was no audition. They literally went ahead and offered me the role. One of the casting directors basically begged me to do it.''

''And did you accept it?'' Lucas asked with eyes wide open.

''Of course! This is my dream come true, Lucas!''

He looked confused for a moment as he had no idea what dream role Morgan had got. And only God knew how many dream roles Morgan had.

''And may I know that dream role of yours you just got?''

''I can’t say it out loud.''

Lucas almost laughed. He knew it was not Morgan's fault. She was probably told not to say a word to any living soul. He wondered if she was cast to Game of Thrones or Marvel. Those guys were known to be secretive as hell. Or maybe she had landed a role in Star Wars or the DCEU.

''Who are you playing? Lord Voldemort? I swear that if you have Sebastian Stan as co star again, my head is going to snap in half.''

''Ha, ha, very funny'' she said with sarcasm. ''But I admit it'd be fun to play Voldemort. Okay, I can't say it out loud but I'm going to write it down.''

She grabbed a napkin and a pen that she had in her purse and started writing something. Taylor rolled her eyes at how silly Morgan could be.

''Here it is'' she handed the napkin to Lucas who read it, his face slowly turning from sarcasm to amazement.

''Oh. My. God. No wonder they are secretive.''

''Destroy the evidence.'' Morgan insisted, making Taylor laugh at how extra she was.

Lucas tore the napkin in little pieces.

''How did you got that role without even auditioning?''

''I don't really know.'' she was genuinely honest about that. ''But I'm not complaining. Well, we have two days for us in L.A. We have to do something.''

''First of all, there's something else...'' Taylor started and Morgan's spirits fell.

Maybe Sebastian was in L.A and she had to meet him for something she didn't know, completely ruining the 'let's be apart from each other challenge' Morgan had invented without his knowledge. And make him wonder where she was and what she was doing was giving results.

''If Damien wants to send Sebastian and I to go to Disneyland to kiss with fireworks at the background, he can save it because I'm not going to do it.''

''It's not that but it's admirable how fast you thought about Sebastian Stan.'' Taylor teased and Morgan rolled her eyes.

''Very funny. I'm used to his plots to get us together so nothing surprises me anymore.''

''Whatever'' Taylor rolled her eyes this time. ''It's not that what I wanted to tell you. IMG Models called me this morning.''

Morgan's face lit up.

''Please tell me that they want me to cover British Vogue.''

''Yes, they called me while you were in Toronto. I think I forgot to call you after everything that's happened.'' Morgan's face was really ridiculous at that moment. ''They want you to cover the January 2019 edition and they want you to be an snow angel or an snow queen for the photoshoot.'' Morgan looked elated, even though that wasn't what Taylor wanted to say to her. ''But... why they called was because apparently Victoria's Secret has been hearing your fans demands and now they want you to walk in the show.''

''WHAT?'' shouted Lucas, almost chocking with his coffee.

''Are they on drugs?'' asked Morgan. ''They are really going downhill if the want to hire an actress that doesn't know anything about walking on the runway, only for views.'' Morgan rolled her eyes, not taking the Victoria's Secret proposal really seriously.

''Well, they have Kendall Jenner who has less facial expressions than a rock. Without counting that you, me and Sebastian Stan in The Winter Soldier movie have better walks than her'' said Lucas with all honesty.

''And that's correct'' said Taylor who seemed to want Morgan to walk in that show. ''You should totally do this''

But Morgan had already taken a decision.

''No.'' she simply said.

''WHAT'' Lucas shouted again.

''Morgan, please'' begged Taylor.

''No. I don't want to. I'll have to work out and go on a diet and believe me, I don't want to do that.'' she bit the croissant that she was eating that was delicious. The thought of not eating them for a while made her heart ache. ''They should hire a real model instead of me. They are hundreds of them lining up to be the next Victoria's Secret angel.''

''PLEASE, MORGAN!'' shouted Lucas and Taylor at the same time.

''You can be the next Angel. Alessandra Ambrosio retired. Adriana Lima is retiring this year. Only Candice is left from the good old days. You can be the next iconic Angel because you have charisma, elegance and fierceness.'' said Lucas.

Morgan still looked impassive, eating her croissant with all the calm in the world.

''No.'' she simply said. ''Being a Victoria's Secret Angel was never among my dreams. But... maybe I'll do it next year, if I want and if they have Taylor Swift performing at the show.''

Taylor was desperate.

''I'm sure that if you say yes they'll get you Taylor Swift, the fantasy bra, the Swarowsky outfit, a crown, you opening and closing... anything you want. Morgan, please, just imagine Sebastian's reaction''.

Morgan almost choked with the croissant.

''And now I'm even more convinced that I shouldn't do this. You're dead wrong if you think I'm doing something only to please Sebastian.''

In a very bad temper, she stood up and left.

Annoyed, she walked towards the coffee shop's bar only to find non other than Chris Evans there. It was almost funny.

''How little is the world'' he mumbled when he saw her.

''In L.A do you find random celebrities in coffee shops?'' she asked with her eyebrows raised. ''Because in New York I haven't met any in a normal environment. Well, maybe Sebastian. But... I don't really want to mention Sebastian'' she sat beside him.

''Yes. You meet random celebrities in the streets here. Once I met James Franco in the bathroom of a McDonalds. But in my case I just left Dodger for a grooming at the vet in the front.'' he pointed to a vet shop at the front of the cafe. ''I'm just waiting for him and then I found you. And how are you? What are you doing in L.A?''

''I got offered a project. I can't tell you about it if I don't want to be fired from it''

''I know all about secret projects. You're talking to Captain America.'' Chris doubted if he should ask the next question but he did it anyway. ''And... how is Sebastian?''

Morgan just shrugged her shoulders.

''It's been messy, I'm not going to lie.'' she could talk to Chris with honesty as he knew that there was funny business between she and Sebastian. ''I'm sure for him this is pretty confusing to. I think I've messed up his world.''

''You totally did. And not only his world but the whole world''

Morgan had to admit that he was right. And she actually liked that. She was only scared that the whole fame think could backfire someday.

''Victoria's Secret contacted me to walk in their show'' she suddenly said.

Chris muttered a small 'wow'.

''And... what did you say?''

''No. I don't think I'd be any good. Not this year, at least. If they ask me again next year, which I doubt, maybe I'll think about it.''

''I think you'd be good. I watched that show a couple of years ago and the models were beautiful but the lacked charisma, something that you have in great quantities. And I think you'd enjoy it.''

''Really?'' Morgan was intrigued why Chris thought that she'd liked to walk around in underwear and a pair of wings.

''Yeah. People looking at you, the camera fixed on you, the flashes, the felling like you own the world... yeah, I associate these kind of stuff with you.''

''So, you're saying that I like attention?'' she asked with raised eyebrows but not at all offended.

''Yes. But you're not desperate for it. You like getting the attention you deserve. That's why you turned Victoria's Secret down. Because you think that a real model should have been called instead of you.''

''How are you so good at reading people?'' she asked. ''Do you have a superpower? Dammit.''

Chris laughed, with his typical movement of placing his hand on his chest that she had seen so many times before, in her fangirl days.

''No, but you're easy to read. Just like Sebastian. You two are soulmates, I'm not joking.''

Morgan rolled her eyes.

''I bet you are, Evans''

Chris was about to laugh when an alarm on his phone sounded.

''Gosh, I have to pick Dodger up. Will you come with me? Then we can just walk around, have some fun. What do you say?''

Morgan liked the idea but she was totally sure that they were going to be pictured together and dating rumous would fly. And she wasn't interested in being romantically linked with Chris Evans even though she knew it was inevitable if she wanted to spend some time with the guy.

And it was all fun and games to hide from Sebastian but being romantically linked to someone else wasn't the best idea. She wasn't interested in making Sebastian jealous as she knew that it was a stupid move.

Her brain was working at full speed and she almost jumped when she got the solution. She slowly caressed the chain of the necklace Sebastian had given to her. She always wore it under her shirt but this time she took it out to make visible to everyone to see.

It was inevitable that there were going to be pictures of her with Chris but she also wanted to send a message to Sebastian. Something like 'Hey, I'm wearing your necklace in public. You're the only one that I want.' She just hoped that Sebastian got the hint. If he didn't, he was an idiot.

''Let's go. To be honest, I don't really want to spend my evening with my team trying to talk me into walking at that goddamned fashion show. And I also want to meet Dodger.''

Chris opened the door for her and together they stepped outside.

New York

Sebastian was spending his evening

 with Florence and for once, it was actually being kind of fun. It was as if the absence of Morgan from New York had lifted a weight from his shoulders.

For Florence, it was as if the sun was shining again, without the stormy presence of that woman. She was praying that somehow Morgan fell in love with Los Angeles and decided to stay there forever. However, she still had some more months in New York, at least until she finished filming with Sebastian.

''I can't cook, so we should ask for take out.'' said Sebastian, who was rumbling into the almost empty cupboards of his kitchen. He seemed to only have bread, that looked as it was there since his Gossip Girl days, and a almost empty pot of Nutella. Classy.

''Chinese?'' she proposed.

''I was thinking about Italian.''

As none of them could agree in what to eat, they ended up eating some fast food from McDonalds.

For some reason that Sebastian didn't know, Morgan was back into his head. He was wondering what was she doing in L.A and even considering calling her. That was probably useless because she was not going to answer.

They were watching some random movie and that was the only thing that was interrupting the silence. However, none of them were very into the movie.

Sebastian was thinking about Morgan and Florence was glancing around Sebastian's living room with her eyes fixed on a picture of him sandwiched between Nicole Kidman and Morgan Llewellyn in the last Toronto Film Festival.

''Do you want tea? That's something I have and I know how to prepare''

Florence appreciated the enthusiasm with he was saying those words.

''Do you have honey? Or milk?''

The smile on Sebastian's face fell.

''Well... no... but I can do a quick shopping at the shop across the road.'' he kept fumbling in the cupboards. ''Hell, I don't even have sugar...just, please give me five minutes.''' and he left the apartment running.

Once Sebastian left, Florence was free to fulfill her own curiosity. She grabbed her phone and searched for Morgan's Instagram account. It wasn't as if she cared about her life but she needed to know to what extent she publicly cared about Sebastian.

It seemed that nothing at all. She scrolled throughout her feed only to find selfies, photoshoots and pictures with her famous friends. She had even cropped out Sebastian from almost all of the pictures taken in Toronto, except the one with him and Nicole Kidman, the same one that Sebastian had hung on his wall.

She couldn't resist talking a look at her tagged pictures and she didn't know how she ended up at the Morgan Llewellyn Updates account.

The first update was about Morgan being considered for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. What did the Victoria's Secret executives had in their minds at considering Morgan? Did they want to turn it into the Morgan Llewellyn Fashion Show? They basically wanted to sell their souls to the devil (Morgan) for views.

But Morgan had rejected the offer with the excuse of having 'scheduling conflicts'. However, she had left the door opened for next year. So, if the show's rating flopped, Morgan was still there.

Florence looked at the next update and almost dropped her phone to the floor. There she was, as beautiful as always, rocking a chill and simple outfit with high heels and walking round the streets of Los Angeles with no other than Chris Evans and his dog.

Florence wanted to sing and dance. She could swear that a victory song was playing in her head.

She was crossing fingers for Evans and Llewellyn to fall in love, get married and live happily ever after in his big Los Angeles home with her cat and his dog. They for sure made a beautiful couple.

But deep inside she knew that this was never going to happen. Morgan Llewellyn seemed to like ruining people's lives and she had many months ahead of filming with Sebastian. And the whole world was rooting for them to be together. And Morgan liked to please her people.

''Why do you look so happy?'' Sebastian asked when he got back with the groceries.

''Found some good news. You'll like them too.''

She handed Sebastian the phone with a big smile on her face.

It took Sebastian a couple of seconds to recognize the people on the picture, but when he did he felt a ugly sensation in his stomach, something that felt like a pang in his chest and for a moment he felt as if he was breathing shattered glass.

So Morgan and Chris, eh?

He just wanted to fly right then to L.A and interrupt this whole sham or at least call Chris to stop doing whatever he was doing with Morgan. But then he noted something he hadn't before. He zoomed on the picture and could clearly see the star necklace he had given to Morgan hanging from her neck.

He stated laughing, leaving Florence utterly confused. But Sebastian was just admiring Morgan and being thankful to Lucas Williams.

Morgan knew what she was doing. Yes, she was having fun with Evans but at the end of the day, she was wearing his necklace in public, and she knew perfectly well that it was going to mean a lot to Sebastian. It wasn't a coincidence. Maybe to the general public it was a little detail about Morgan Llewellyn having a necklace. For Sebastian the gesture shouted 'Hey, I'm with Evans now but, it doesn't mean anything.'' Or that was what he hoped.

''You minx'' he mumbled looking at the picture. ''I know exactly what you're doing and I love you for that''

''Excuse me?''

Sebastian had absolutely forgotten about Florence's presence.

''Ummm... this doesn't mean anything. It's just a bet between Morgan and I about who gets to sleep with Evans first''

He felt that somehow he was making things worse.

''WHAT?''

''It's just a joke'' he explained. ''We all know that Morgan is going to get it first.'' he prayed, with all his heart, to be wrong with his statement.

''So you want to sleep with Chris Evans?''

''Who doesn't...''

Sebastian was just absentmindedly answering because all his attention was on the comments of the picture.

He could read stuff like 'Chris and Morgan outsold.', 'I'm all about MorganStan but Chris and Morgan are also hot as hell', 'Chris, I love you but I need you to get away like right now', 'Chris Evans, stop making holes in my ship!', 'If Seb and Morgan become another case of Kate and Leo and they never date and she marries Evans instead I'm flying myself off a cliff' (same, girl, same, Sebastian thought), 'Why is everyone blaming Chris Evans for wanting to sink the MorganStan ship when Florence is literally right there', there was even a reply to that comment that went by the very harsh words of: 'Because Chris Evans is actually relevant.'

Those people were nuts but Sebastian found himself agreeing with many of them.

''So are you going to say something?'' Florence demanded.

''Don't worry, it's just a joke between actors, nothing serious, I was juts me... WHAT THE HELL''

''What now?''

But Sebastian wasn't listening anymore. If he though he had never worn that necklace in public... well, he was wrong. he was just finding out that he had let everyone see it at a Comic Con in Houston, not long ago. And someone else had noticed and posted his picture next to Morgan's with the caption 'If this is the same necklace I'm fainting.'

And people had got on board with it. 'Morgan and Seb wearing matching jewellery, I'm living for it.' and 'This reminds me of Taylor Swift and Harry Styles paper airplane necklace situation in 2013 and I'm having an stroke right now.'

Yeah, and he was too living for it. He sent a text to Morgan saying 'I got your message.' And for the first time in days Morgan replied with a simple winking emoji.

Los Angeles

Morgan and Chris had made it to his beautiful house without any inconvenience apart from a couple of paparazzis. She knew that the pictures were all over the Internet, thanks to Sebastian's message. She was happy that everything had worked out in the end.

''What do you want to eat?'' he asked her.

''If you're ordering food, always Italian.''

''I was planning to cook, but I guess I can make pasta.''

So he could cook too. And Chris Evans was right there demonstrating how much better than Sebastian he was. And Morgan was cursing herself because instead of choosing Chris, who was a dreamboat, she wanted Sebastian, who probably couldn't place a bowl of instant soup into the microwave.

''And I guess I'd sit there and watch because I can't cook.''

''I imagined that for some reason.'' he looked at her with a mischievous smile and she looked back at him with raised eyebrows. ''What I mean is that... I've been working with Sebastian for almost ten years and you're very similar to him. What is more, I've never meet anyone as similar to him as you are.''

''Really?'' Morgan looked at him with a confused expression.

''Yeah. I've seen that face before, believe me.''

It was not the first time that she heard that comparison. Taylor said it all the time (and she didn't see their similarities under a positive light) and even Damien Chazelle had mentioned it.

''Whatever you say'' she rolled her eyes playfully sat in the counter, facing Chris, who was taking the ingredients for the pasta from the cupboards. ''Let me put some music, please, to motivate you, so you can make a good pasta.''

''Believe me, Llewellyn. My pasta is the best.''

''We'll see.''

Queen was playing around the house and both of them were moving to the music. Chris almost burned himself for being way too into the song.

It was so incredibly domestic that Morgan was quite confused. They were dancing in the kitchen while he cooked (like in that awesome scene between Harry Osborn and Mary Jane Watson in Spiderman 3) and she could even see Dodger running in the backyard.

Morgan knew that she could have all of that if she wanted, with very little effort. But that was the thing, she didn't want to. She wanted the angry dumpster prince that couldn't cook to save his life, couldn't put his life together and had the special ability of making very dumb decisions.

Maybe it was because behind her beauty, talent and glamour, she was exactly the same. A hot mess.

Domestically numb? Check.

Didn't have a life plan apart from acting, being famous, popular and pretty? Double check.

Made stupid ass decisions that made no absolute sense? Triple check.

For a moment she was so caught in her own thoughts that she didn't notice that Chris was talking to her, thankfully about something that wasn't related to Sebastian in any way.

The day went by in a pretty easy going mood. Chris not only made really awesome pasta but he could also bake. He was a real life Prince Charming. And somehow Morgan still craved for Sebastian sassy remarks while eating pizza under a tree in a park wearing their expensive clothes. Why would she want that, it was a mystery. If Chris Evans couldn't take Sebastian out of her mind, she doubted that she could get over him someday.

They spent a very nice evening, talking about everything and everyone, eating cake and even playing with Dodger. It was perfect.

As the evening was turning into the night, they comfortably settled in Chris's comfortable sitting room, eating popcorn and watching Leonardo DiCaprio movies, with Dodger in the middle of them.

At some point while watching Titanic, that both of them had watched countless of times, they went back to the Sebastian topic. It had started with Chris commenting a funny anecdote on the set of The First Avenger.

''...I swear that he's the sweetest person on earth but that doesn't make him perfect'' said Chris. ''No one is, that's the truth. Sometimes he make that choices that leave anyone around him, speechless. Me included. Like dating that Florence girl for example... it's just... stupid. They have nothing in common. She's supposed of nice and everything but...' it seemed like Chris disagreed with Florence being nice. '...she's one of those persons that wants every person in the world to be nice to them, when we all know that life's not like that. She's the kind of person that complains to the manager when the Starbucks barista doesn't have pumpkin spice to her latte and ruining the poor kid's day''

Morgan wasn't even trying to hide her satisfaction. She had thought that Florence was a goody two shoes local like her sister in law Lila but no, she was one of those annoying persons who couldn't let other people live. No wonder Sebastian's fans disliked her, even though they didn't know what Chris had just told her. For now. She was going to find a way for them to know. Not directly, of course.

Yes, Morgan could be devious, selfish, a drama queen and even a snake, but she tried to treat people with kindness.

''That is... yikes.'' Morgan looked outraged and Chris smiled.

''Yeah. I met her twice and I didn't like her. And judging by your face, she's not your favourite person in the world and I sort of know the reason why.''

She didn't need to explain anything to Chris. She knew that he knew.

''Oh God, this is so messed up.'' he said. ''With this material I can write a romcom and you and Seb can act in it. Let's sum this up: you've loved him for five years without knowing him, then you meet him and you dislike him, then you love him again but this time you love the real person, but he has a girlfriend who you discovered just now that she's kind of asshat, and now, apparently he's in love with you too and if you two get together, the media storm may damage your careers. It's a mess.''

''When you say it like that, it sounds like chaos. Why is this happening? I don't understand.''

''Because both of you are chaotic. You are... well, you. And Sebastian relationship history is pitiful. If you two get together there will be even greater chaos or you two will finally settle down with each other. I'm quite inclined for the second option. I think you two are soulmates.''

That was the moment Dodger chose to get tired of the conversation and left the coach, leaving Chris and Morgan alone. If he could talk he would have cursed them.

''I'm going to get us more popcorn.''

While he was gone she had enough time to think about all the information Chris had given her. Her mind was already making plans. For a moment she had forgotten that she was relaxing on Chris Evans's wonderful sofa. It was like a dream.

''Earth to Morgan'' he suddenly said. ''I know you have a lot of information inside that head of yours but... calm down for a moment.'' he placed the popcorn bowl on her lap, leaving his hand resting on her arm. Morgan hadn't miss that detail, let alone when he placed his whole arm softy around her shoulders.

After an exhausting week, full of emotional turmoil and running away from the person she wanted the most to be near, she found herself craving this touch.

Yeah, it wasn't Sebastian (and to be honest, nothing compared to him) but... it was the best option after him, at least for the moment. Damn it, it was Chris Evans, prince charming in person, gorgeous and sexy as hell... but he also deserved better. He deserved someone with their head in its right place and that certainly wasn't Morgan.

''Are you up for a little distraction?'' he asked, with a cheeky smile but also blushing intensely.

Of course she was. Who wouldn't. But she needed to state the rules clearly before. Not for her sake but for his.

''I am. But only as a distraction.'' he smiled sadly at her words, perfectly understanding what she was trying to say. ''You don't deserve me, Chris. That's the sad truth. You deserve better than me. Someone who's not in love with your co-star, for example.''

With all the tenderness in the world, he traced her cheekbone with her thumb.

''You deserve the world. But... you don't want what you deserve. I don't know what will happen in the future with you and Seb, I totally understand that your heart is with him, and it will be there for a long time. I won't try to convince you otherwise. I'm just offering a distraction and some fun. Everyone needs it from time to time.''

His playful smile was really something else. And not even in her wildest dreams she had imagined that Chris Evans was, someday, going to offer himself so openly to her. She'd better take that goddamn chance.

New York

The day after the Chris Evans-Morgan storm, Sebastian was in a coffee shop, drinking a latte and reading the last number of Vogue, the one that Morgan had covered. A very old Taylor Swift song was playing in the background, back from the days when that girl sang country music. Wow, the past was weird. Back then hardly anyone knew him (people confused him with Chace all of the time), Marvel wasn't even a thing, Chris Evans was the last failed Human Torch, Morgan Llewellyn was a teenager who wanted to act, was stuck on a farm somewhere in Wales with another name and Taylor Swift sang country music.

Now the world was a crazy place. He was famous (even more than Chace), Marvel was the biggest franchise in the world, Chris Evans was Captain America and also a superstar, Morgan Llewellyn was everywhere, from covering Vogue to being the face of Chanel, and she was also getting a mysterious acting project. And she had shaken his world so hard that he doubted that he could ever be who he was before meeting her. And Taylor Swift sang pop.

He kept passing the pages of Vogue and reading some parts of Morgan's interview, the most interesting bits and the parts that he didn't know. And whoever that had shot the pictures had done a damn good job highlighting Morgan's spectacular eyes. Now every time he closed his eyes he had those purple-blue eyes engraved in his brain.

''Earth to Sebastian!'' it was his friend Charlie, the person he was waiting for and the only one of his friends who had agreed to meet him. Toby and Chace were working in some project he didn't know about, Will was tired of him after his latest Morgan related tantrum, Joe was in England having his superstar moment, Anthony was filming something somewhere and Chris was roaming the streets of L.A with Morgan Llewellyn.

''Sorry, I was... distracted.'' he didn't have enough time to push the magazine away from him.

''I can see that. She's pretty... distracting.''

''Wait, how do you know about Morgan? You've never met her.''

Charlie looked at him as if he was a five year old.

''Because, the only thing that everyone's talking about lately is her. Chace is his fan, Joe is about to tattoo her name on his forehead, Toby can't care less about you two and Will thinks that she's a life ruiner. Florence probably agrees with him.''

Sebastian knew all of that already. And, surprisingly, he didn't care about what his friends thought of Morgan.

''Who cares. She's just my co-star. Like any other co-star I had before.''

He didn't believe that himself and he knew that Charlie was not going to believe him.

''Wrong. You didn't fall in love with Margot Robbie or Nicole Kidman. Well, maybe with Chris Evans but... who wouldn't, man. That guy's a dreamboat.''

''I'm not in love with Morgan''

''And that is... wrong. Again.'' Sebastian blushed but didn't say anything. ''By the way, Toby texted me asking where we were. He says he has important news..''

''Wasn't he in Brooklyn auditioning to some mysterious project?''

''Ask him yourself...'' before he could say anything else, Toby was crossing the coffee shop, looking happy and full of life.

He was glowing for some reason Sebastian didn't know. And he was more surprised when he grabbed the Vogue magazine, that was still on the table, and kissed Morgan's picture.

''What the hell does this mean?'' Sebastian took the magazine from Toby's hands and looked at him with an angry frown.

''That your girl got me a role in a TV show''.

''What?'' Sebastian and Charlie asked at the same time.

They were both intrigued as to how Morgan had helped Toby and since when she cared about his acting career.

''Let me start... yesterday Morgan liked one of my pictures in Instagram because she follows me.'' he looked too cocky about that fact for someone that two days earlier wasn't very enthusiastic about her. ''So, today I showed up to the audition, I said my name and the Casting Director immediately asked me if I knew Morgan because she was liking my stuff on Insta. I said yes and they gave me the role, without having to do anything.''

That story didn't make any sense. The only thing Sebastian could recollect was that Toby had got the role only because she had met Morgan once.

''So you got the role only because you have met Morgan once and she follows you on Instagram?'' Sebastian questioned him and Toby just smiled, not ashamed at all. ''Nice display of your talent there. You could totally suck but they didn't care as long as you keep Morgan's follow.''

''Hey, I don't suck! And I'm also not a superstar like you are. I don't have Damien Chazelle offering me roles while I'm in the bathroom at the airport! If I can get roles thanks to Morgan, I'm going to do it.''

''Okay, that makes you a fame leech.''

Nor Charlie or Toby knew why Sebastian looked so mad.

''Stop, okay?'' Toby looked at him with a hard expression. ''No one is taking advantage of your girl. You can tell her what I did, if you want. She probably won't mind.''

''She's not my girl'' he groaned. ''And of course I'm going to tell her.''

Toby rolled her eyes and decided to change the topic.

''Have any of you heard about Joe lately?''

''Isn't he in London?'' asked Sebastian, who had been way too focused on himself and Morgan to care about his friend's whereabouts.

''Yes. Now he's hanging out with Rami Malek, who'll probably win an Oscar before you, Seb'' Charlie teased him. ''I think he changed us for Malek and some guys named Ben and Gwil or whatever is pronounced.''

''He'll be back when the buzz over his movie dies. And Malek may win an Oscar but at least I wasn't in Twilight like he was.''

''You're a pain in the ass today, Sebastian.'' Toby threw a napkin at Sebastian's face. ''I get that you're a bit cranky because your great friend Chris is probably having a very good time with Morgan right now. Or at least he had it last night, I'm sure of it.''

Charlie almost chocked with the muffin he was eating and Sebastian got so red that it looked as if he was going to catch fire at any moment.

''And I'm sure that what you just said didn't happen''.

Los Angeles.

Lucas and Morgan were eating some pizza in a simple Pizza Hut somewhere in L.A alone. This was not a conversation that they wanted to have in front of Taylor.

''Now, tell me because I swear I'm dying of the intrigue... did you slept with him or not?''

It wasn't hard to Lucas to draw that conclusion. Morgan had came back to the hotel at ten in the morning making a stupid excuse of staying at Chris's watching Titanic. Taylor believed her but Lucas didn't.

''Of course I did.'' she didn't even blush with that revelation. ''He was offering himself and I just said yes.''

''Just that? Are you two dating or something?''

''Of course not. He knows that... we're not for each other. He deserves better. At least someone who's not in love with Sebastian Stan. It was just a fun night, nothing else.''

Lucas was surprised that Morgan was speaking with such lightness. She had slept with bloody Captain America and she was acting like it was not a big deal at all.

''I'm tempted not to throw my diet coke at your face, Morgan. How can you? He's literally the perfect man, a hopeless romantic, a beauty, a generous, good man... and you're going to give him up for... what? Sebastian Stan? Who's not even single? Whose mind is literally a mess? Oh, please God, no. Tell me you're not doing this.''

''It seems like...I am.. Chris deserves better. I'm the worst thing that can happen to him at this point and he knows it. He really likes me as a friend but as a girlfriend he'd get tired of me in two months and I can't blame him. Sometimes I'm tired of myself too, believe me.''

Morgan looked sad for a couple of seconds but regained her composure.

''So, do you think that it will be different with Sebastian?''

''Who knows... but I'm beautiful trash and he's beautiful trash so... we kind of match. But now you have to help me investigate something that Chris told me about Florence.''

Lucas winced. That couldn't be good news.

''What are you planning to do now?''

''I'm going to tell the truth to the world.''

Lucas didn't know what Morgan really wanted but he was sure it was nothing good.

Graphic description of this episode:

Tag list:  @iamsebastianstab @bloodyvalentine93 @void-imaginations@dmn-dmn @euphoricbuckys @bluewavesx @lamamery @morrocanlovey @korysdiops @galaxydragonxx @ridingthedevil@exotericbarnes @heartsbeatingfortheworld @stuckinthemiddlewithyou@carmsfiorenzanoc @superheroesaremytea @torntaltos @massati@lesbiiionest @naffeesaa @ming3015 @earthtodevon@imdiegohargreeves @heidi4499 @bluediamondsevie@randomandfandoms1967 @goldvirago @paz22 @peterpxrkerlove@derekxsammy @leonardo-capulet @bellaire312006 @awinterloveuniverse @silverreading @mkirby93 @becksly9 @emilie1993 @dmn-dmn @kmaydayy