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waitinginthedarke · 5 years ago

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It Consumes Me

A BTS/Kim Namjoon Fanfiction

Summary: The minute he laid eyes on her he knew she was the one. But love is a battle of the mind and the heart, and when the voices in your head start winning, how can your heart possibly compete with a choice that consumed you before the very start…

Type: Angst/Love

Disclaimer: This story contains strong themes. Should a chapter be potentially triggering, it will be stated beforehand.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Chapter 8

YOONGI

There was something about her that set his mental alert signals screaming from the minute he saw her.

At first he’d assumed it would be a saessang kind of warning; his first reaction when Namjoon had told him he had met someone and was bringing her to the apartment the next day, being that he’d lost the plot and had picked up some random person off of the street who was going to turn out to be a crazy fan that had slipped his defences and befriended him.

However, as he watched her laugh with Hoseok and smile warmly at the banter the two guys shared beside her, he realized there was something far too natural about her movements that told him she couldn’t be pretending; the awkward nervousness that came with meeting new people being something no-one could fake easily.

And so he continued to try to decipher her.

It was easy to see why Namjoon liked her, not just for the almost hidden beauty that lay within the features of her face; her cheekbones and wide eyes simply humming a beautiful tune of beauty rather than shouting it, her clothing being simple yet still plainly stylish as it hung from her elegant frame, telling him that she liked to take care of herself but she didn’t like to be the centre of attention.

He liked that.

But was it something within that that was setting his alert signals off?

He could feel his brows pulling down in his continued deciphering of her, unable to control it at this point as the voice in his brain told him he was getting closer, that her red flag was waving in the air right in front of him, screaming for him to find it…

…but it wasn’t until the second she turned her head and her eyes met his, that it clicked, and he saw within their depths, what he’d been missing.

It wasn’t a red flag after all.

It was white.

-------------------

Within seconds his gaze had moved from yours, not in the awkward way that most people would look away when they realized they’d been caught watching someone, but in an almost angry shake of his head, and you watch as he mutters something to Taehyung beside him, before heading out of the room, pausing momentarily to shoot you one last look and bow his head politely at you, before disappearing.

‘Yoongi-hyung is just going to wash up, its been a long day…he’ll be back in a little while.’ Taehyung offers, drawing your attention back to him and you realize he must have seen you looking after the other man with a look of confusion and had wanted to reassure you that it had nothing to do with you-

-although you’re almost definitely sure it did.

‘Did you guys find Jin-hyung on the way back?’ Namjoon asks the other two, pulling you gently to sit back down on the sofa, and without you realizing he’d snuck his hand into yours and was holding It gently, offering you silent comfort which you were only too grateful to accept, squeezing his hand in thanks and watching him smile to himself in response as he listens to Hoseok’s response.

‘Yeah, he snuck into the kitchen when we came in a moment ago, I think the additional presence might have made him a bit shy.’ Hoseok offers, winking at you and you feel your cheeks heat, and Namjoon’s grip tighten in response.

As much as you hated the thought of Namjoon thinking anyone else meant more to you than he did, you felt like you could have fun with this jealous nature of his.

‘Correction: Its rude to have guests over without offering refreshments.’

Jin suddenly emerging from a hidden alcove has you smiling at the fact he’d obviously been listening in to the conversation the whole time, yet the moment you saw the tray stacked with food that he was carrying, you find yourself fidgeting back into your seat, subconsciously gripping Namjoon’s hand tighter.

You don’t notice him watching you quietly with a mildly intense concentration, your thoughts beginning to swim as you watch both Hoseok and Taehyung take seats on the various other chairs filling the small space, both of them diving for the tray the second Jin attempts to settle it on the coffee-table in the centre.

Since you’d been at college all day and had stayed at the library till 9pm before finally making your way to meet Namjoon, you’d been so distracted that you hadn’t even had a moment to think about food, this thought being signaled by the intense grumbling that began in your stomach the minute the assortment of potato chips and fruit were presented before you.

‘Hyung, you didn’t have to do that. I was going to order in some food anyway.’ Namjoon pipes up from beside you, his words causing the ache in your stomach to rejoice, but the way Jin’s face drops slightly makes you feel so bad after all the effort he’d gone to for you, that you quickly reach out toward the table and swipe up a handful of grapes from one of the bowls, smiling gratefully at him before settling back next to Namjoon and popping one into your mouth before you could even think about it.

You could feel Namjoon’s gaze burning into your skin, looking up at him to see his brows pinched lightly in the middle and doing the first thing that comes to mind that would get rid of it; raising a grape to his lips, and grinning when he opens his mouth to accept your gift. When he lets go of your hand to slide his arm around your waist in response, holding you securely and smiling down at you warmly, you feel yourself relax, continuing to share the grapes with Namjoon until they were gone, the minute they’d all been eaten you feel yourself fill with a renewed sense of being, feeling almost over-whelmingly happy in that moment and subconsciously snuggling closer into his side as a result.

‘So where’s Jimin? I must admit, after Namjoon spilt the beans about you last night, he kept me awake telling me all about you, y/n. He even mentioned that he’d been there the first day you and Namjoon had met at the coffee shop outside of the practise building.’ Hoseok explains, kicking back in his chair, continuing to munch on a bowl of chips as he speaks.

‘Jungkook mentioned something about him bothering him earlier while Namjoon came to meet me.’ You explain, realizing you found Hoseok very easy to respond to, his happy, easy-going nature seeming to radiate from his very being. Remembering the first time you’d met Namjoon led your thoughts back to the vague recollection of a group of guys that had sat behind him, and the one light haired individual who had interrupted the quiet, heart-racing conversation the two of you had shared that had begun it all.

‘Aish, that guy, he can be so much like a kid sometimes, and yet when you get him on the alcohol he drinks like a fish.’

Laughing at Hoseok’s comment, you watch as Taehyung jumps to his feet, a grin on his face as he heads in the direction that Yoongi had left, and moments later you hear voices being raised in what sounded like a boisterous cacophony, hurriedly being followed by the emergence of Jimin with an excited smile on his face as he’s followed by Taehyung.

‘Y/N! you came!’

You grin at the younger guy as he comes to sit on the opposite side of you, immediately diving for the bowls on the table and looking slightly disgruntled when he finds them all practically empty. Jungkook enters the room a second later, looking slightly bleery-eyed as though he’d been staring at a computer screen, but shooting you a quick smile in greeting before he disappears into the alcove that Jin had left through earlier.

‘So whats the plan for tonight? I’m guessing we’re doing something exciting since we have a guest?’ Jimin asks around a mouthful of left over puffed snacks, looking at you expectantly, and you turn to Namjoon for an answer, watching as he quickly looks up from your joined hands to respond, and you find yourself smiling in response to his quietly happy expression.

‘well…actually, y/n and myself wanted to keep a low profile,…so I was thinking we just had a movie night and ordered some take-out?’ Namjoon suggests, moving his gaze to you halfway through speaking, as though to ask if that were okay, and in that moment your heart was swelling so much at his softness and just how blindingly handsome he was, that he could have suggested going to a volcano or climbing a mountain; either way you would have been happy just so long as he was by your side.

‘Is that okay?’

His whispered question brings you back to reality, and you quickly duck your head in embarrassment at having been caught staring at him, biting your lip to try and contain your smile, before looking up at him from beneath your fringe and nodding at him shyly, shivers racing down your spine when you see him grinning back at you, humour burning behind his eyes.

‘Do one of you want to go and ask Yoongi whether he’s eating with us or not, whilst I quickly take y/n to put her stuff in my room?’ Namjoon suggests, suddenly shifting so that he could push himself to his feet, pulling you with him as he goes. Sniggers begin behind you at the suggestive nature of Namjoon’s words, but the second he shoots a glare behind you they’re silenced- although you couldn’t help but smirk as you see Taehyung raising his eyebrows at Jimin with a sly smirk.

It wasn’t that you’d never been in a guy’s room before but entering Namjoon’s bedroom felt a lot different to that of the few guy friend’s houses you’d visited for study sessions over the years. You found your grip on his hand tightening without your notice as you take in the slight disarray of the room, feeling amused at the obvious signs that he’d tried to tidy, but had become distracted with each corner that he’d attempted to sort. Your mind noted the stacks of paper and books and journals on the desk by the window, as well as the second bed in the room, its presence confusing you when you realize that he obviously shared the room with someone else.

‘Jin-hyung has volunteered to sleep in Jungkook’s studio so that you can stay tonight. I said that you wouldn’t mind staying in there yourself, but he insisted.’ Namjoon explains when he sees the direction of your gaze, chuckling nervously as he watches an expression of understanding dawn on your face, quickly being washed clean by a look of realization that at some point that evening, the two of you would be left alone in this room, without any other prying eyes.

‘Are you feeling okay?....I know it can be quite draining interacting with all of them-or almost all of them at once.’ He cuts your thoughts off, settling your bag on one of the beds- which you immediately assume is his- before turning back to look at you as he settles on the edge of it, smiling softly at you as he watches you grip your elbows nervously as you walk over to him, drawing in a deep stabilising breath and blowing it out noisily as you settle beside him.

‘Actually, im really happy. …I’m happy you’re sharing this with me; I’m…I’m happy I get to spend tonight learning all about you.’ You say, trailing off quietly at the end as you turn your head to look up at him, watching the dim light of his bedside lamp dance in his eyes as he looks back at you with an unreadable expression. The sudden, quiet touch of his lips on yours is entirely needed, and the feel of his palm holding your jaw so gently causes your heart to clench with need in your chest, the warmth of him radiating toward you like a comforting blanket as his arm follows, wrapping securely around your waist as he pulls you just that little bit closer toward him. You don’t notice when you stabilise yourself with a hand on his thigh, or when your other hand becomes twisted wantonly in his sweater, the only sound that draws both of your attentions to how heated you were getting being your desperate breaths as they wash over one another’s lips.

‘The others will be wandering where we are.’ You whisper quietly between kisses, your sudden awareness meaning your body becomes tense with the realisation that your shirt had ridden up slightly and your stomach was partially exposed, the only comfort coming from Namjoon’s hand gently pulling it back down as he slowly breaks apart from the kiss, leaning his forehead against your own. It takes him a moment to open his eyes, the sweetness in the act making you smile as you raise your hand to touch his cheek, grinning when he locks his gaze with yours, before gifting him with one last fleeting kiss, hearing him mutter something under his breath as you pull him up from the bed and back out of the room.

‘All the alcohol in the world couldn’t compare to how drunk I get on you.’

---------------------

NAMJOON

It was the most perfect scenario he could have imagined; all of his brothers in the same room as the woman he knew he wanted forever, all of them smiling and laughing together, sharing jokes as they sat and watched whichever marvel film Jungkook and Jin had picked out and shared a buffet of fried chicken, pizza and beer that they’d ordered, simply being able to enjoy immersing himself in the relaxed atmosphere with her tucked into his side.

Every now and again he’d stroke his thumb over the back of her hand where he held it in his lap, his other arm laced gently around her waist whilst she rested against him, whenever she wasn’t laughing and chatting to the others about something that happened on the screen in front of them, having her head settled lightly on his shoulder.

There was only one thing off about the evening, one thing that was cutting silently through the relaxed, easy atmosphere that the others were settled into and that was trying to surround him; Yoongi.

He’d noticed his friends initial reaction to y/n: the inquisitive, almost suspicious stare, the silence as the others had slowly opened up to her, and the quick exit after offering only a polite, yet sharp bow of greeting. Of course, the older guy had come back in to share in the buffet, had laughed at a few jokes, and had appeared easy going, albeit tired, but after only ten minutes into the film- after Namjoon had noted the repetitive looks he’d been shooting y/n throughout the meal, he’d made his excuse to leave and had returned to his room.

It wasn’t an unusual move for his hyung, but given the circumstances of the evening, and his promise from the night before to try to get to know y/n, it did make Namjoon uneasy- and he didn’t like that feeling.

‘Hey, im just going to the restroom, I’ll be right back.’

His quiet whisper in her ear seems to interrupt her concentration as he shifts slightly in an attempt to get up from the sofa, chuckling quietly when she nods quickly at him, barely sparing him a quick glance and a smile before her eyes are back on the screen. When he looks back over his shoulder just before he leaves the room, she’s sat cross legged on the sofa next to Jimin, a pillow clutched in her lap as she follows the action on screen with as much enthusiasm as if she was there.

Knocking quietly on his friend’s door, he waits only a few seconds before entering, knowing he more than likely had his headphones in and having this fact confirmed the minute he pops his head in and sees the other guy reclining at his desk in the corner, staring blankly at the computer screen before him holding an empty music score.

‘Hyung?’

The single word somehow manages to break through the barrier of music streaming into the other guy’s ears, and Namjoon slips into the room as Yoongi turns to look at him, his expression initially showing minor surprise, before it seems to settle into unreadable blankness.

‘Hey, whats up?’ Yoongi asks in his gravelly, tired tone, turning his chair towards him as Namjoon settles on the edge of his bed, trying to act nonchalant, but with the frown of concentration on his face as he tried to work out how he wanted to approach the topic on his mind, it was impossible for the other guy not to sense what was already coming.

‘I just came to see if you were okay. You’ve seemed pretty quiet ever since you got home- I mean quieter than normal.’ Namjoon explains, watching his friend steadily as he purses his lips raising his eyebrows as if this wasn’t obvious, and the expression begins a niggling of annoyance within Namjoon’s chest, the younger guy suppressing it easily when his brain catches up with his emotions.

‘I suppose I have, haven’t I? Maybe I just over did it with practise: I feel pretty drained.’

He always had been a good liar.

‘Huh, …are you sure that’s all? …I mean, I just wanted to make sure it didn’t have anything to do with y/n, I noticed that you haven’t really spoken to her since you came home earlier.’ Namjoon pushes, beginning to lose his patience with the ‘beat around the bush’ approach that he’d been taking, and simply wanting to be honest with his friend to eradicate the tension that he could still feel emanating from the other guy.

He watches his friends face intently when he mentions her, seeing his brows pinch in the middle and his mouth turn down a little at the edges, trying to push away the anger that burned in his chest as a response, but finding it more difficult now that his suspicions had been confirmed to him.

‘Cause if you had a problem with her, you’d tell me right?’ He continues to probe, shifting slightly closer towards his friend as he lowers his voice, ‘We promised we’d never keep things from each other, hyung-‘

‘Technically, you didn’t tell me about y/n after you met her in the first place-‘

‘Hyung.’

The single, pressure filled word seems to break down the barriers that Yoongi had been holding onto with such a grip, Namjoon finding himself in a steadfast stare off with his friend before the other man sighs quietly and hangs his head heavily on his shoulders. There’s a moment of quiet as Namjoon waits for whatever it was the older man was about to say, only just in that moment realising that the gentle tinkling of piano keys he could hear was coming from Yoongi’s headphones, the sound pulling at a suppressed memory in Namjoon’s mind from a few years back, but in that moment he failed to recall what it was about.

‘Namjoon…I don’t want to make assumptions, and I don’t want to make you worried needlessly, so im going to give you one last chance to drop this and go back to her.’

He wasn’t expecting that.

‘Hyung, what’s going on? What’s wrong?’ Namjoon asks after a second of letting his friends words sink in, staring intently at him as Yoongi raises his gaze back to his, and feeling his heart begin to race in his chest when he sees just how forlorn his gaze was, knowing that the sad sinking at the edges of his eyes meant that whatever he was keeping from him was pulling at his heart; it was serious.

‘What’s happened? Are you okay? Did something happen at rehearsals-‘

‘Namjoon, how many times have you seen y/n?’

The question stops him in his tangent, but he answers immediately.

‘This would be the fourth.’

‘So you should know quite a lot about her now, I suppose?’

‘Well, yes. I try to learn more about her every time we meet- I want to know everything about her-‘

‘Have you ever taken her to dinner?’

He stares dumbfoundedly at his friend, slowly beginning to frown as his mind races to understand what this line of questioning was about.

‘Well, yeah, we went for dinner with Jimin and Jungkook last night…why?’

It was like waiting for the earth to rotate the sun as he watches Yoongi without blinking, the other guy staring right back at him as he seems to weigh his words carefully…

-its just as he opens his mouth to say whatever it was that had been causing him so much tension, that a loud cacophony of laughter echo’s from the living room.

The noise appears to shove whatever explanation had been attempting to escape the older man back into his chest, and so instead of understanding just why his friend had been so reclusive and serious, Namjoon watches as Yoongi instead stands up with an almost overly soft smile, and pulls on Namjoon’s shoulder to get him to do the same.

‘Come on, lets go back to the others-‘

‘but, hyung!-‘ he protests, trying to stop his older friend from dusting away the conversation, but being silenced by the look he shoots him from the doorway, his face blunt, and unmoving; he wouldn’t speak of it anymore.

‘Namjoon-ah. Just let it go for tonight.’

(T.B.C)

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