#I felt very trapped calling myself a lesbian after a certain period of time even tho I felt comfortable in the label initially

[hellomynameisbisexual]

I've always been bisexual. Even though like many people I was socialized as a heterosexual and feminine person, my first "sexual awakenings" (those first experiencies of admiration, infatuation and sexual excitation) during my childhood happened with women. As I was at the same time conscious about my attraction to boys, my heterosexual socialization made me give little importance to my fascination with women and the feminine.

After several years—and more unperceived "awakenings"—I noticed that maybe I'd be interested in "being" with a woman. At first I didn't try anything, and when I had non-straight crushes I felt intimidated and very buga* for them. When I had boyfriends, they noticed that I also liked women, but we never talked about it in a straightforward manner. Eventually my first non-buga relationships (sexual, sentimental) happened, with both cisgender women and people outside the binary gender spectrum. Only after I had those experiences I told myself that–finally–I could call myself bisexual.

(*Buga is a jargon used by LGBTQIA communities in Mexico to refer to heterosexual people.)

Nowadays I'm suspicious of talking about my bisexuality with other people, since unfortunately biphobia (the hate and discrimination toward bisexual people) is a real phenomenon (1). Because the bisexual identities are a grayscale in contrast to the "black or white" which implies being straight or homosexual, bisexual people can suffer discrimination, prejudice or invisibility from both of these communities.

Biphobia can be manifested through unintended jokes and lack of credibility, or openly as insults. These type of attitudes negatively affect the mental and emotional well-being of bisexual people, especially among younger bisexuals who report more mental issues (anxiety, depression, stress, higher rates of suicide) than both heterosexuals and homosexuals (gays and lesbians) (2).

In many cases, biphobia is a product of a lack of information. Below you can read more about some of the most common questions, myths, and facts about bisexuality.

What exactly is bisexuality?

Bisexuality is a type of sexual orientation. Sexual orientation refers to those towards whom we feel attraction (affective, sexual, emotional). Some sexual orientations examples include: heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, pansexuality, and more.

The bisexual orientation is defined as having attraction towards more than one gender (3); it is a more fluid and open idea, subject to variations between different people who call themselves bisexual.

Not all people define their bisexuality in an identical way, and not all people attracted towards more than one gender call themselves bisexual.

Is bisexuality only a phase?

No. It's normal that many homosexual people go through a exploration period while they are learning to understand where their attraction lies. However, that doesn't mean bisexuality is always a phase prior to homosexuality (4). For many people, feeling attracted to other people of various genders it is a serious and stable preference (5).

Being bisexual does not always means that an attraction towards more than one gender is divided 50-50 evenly, or even 40-60, in a consistent preference. There are some for whom it is mostly–but not exclusively–attraction to one gender (6). But there are also those for whom attraction changes with time and according to certain contexts (7). This category of fluidity is not expected–at least in the beginning–from monosexual orientations.

These types of false beliefs have been facilitated by scientific research. Many studies on bisexuality have been focused on monosexual perspectives (heterosexual and/or homosexual), skewing the results to misrepresent the experience of bisexual people (8). It has also been wrongly suggested that bisexuality is an incomplete orientation, as if it was only a mere transition to homosexuality (9).

Do bisexual people like it "both ways" because they have an insatiable sexual appetite?

No. Someone’s orientation does not define anyone's sexual appetite. Bisexuality itself doesn't make someone promiscuous, unfaithful or untrustworthy. This myth is a product of monosexism: the belief that people should have only one sole sexual identity and only one type of sexual behaviour towards one gender or defined sex (10).

Monosexism also assumes monogamy is the norm (11). To impose monosexism as a sole social norm applicable to everyone leads (consciously or indirectly) to the belief that another more fluid sexuality can be a threat or an anomaly, and harder to control.

The assumption that bisexuality is an abnormal preference or that bisexual people are without self control can create false narratives that subject this orientation to be hypersexualized; it can make people think that bisexual people "choose" this orientation in order to have more options of where to find potential partners. It is harmful to project sexual fantasies onto bisexual people (or onto any other orientation) without their consent, as if they were only an instrument to satisfy fantasies for others.

In my experience, it’s been very irritating when people assume that being bisexual translates to the equal possibility of being willing to "do it all".

Am I bisexual if I also feel attraction towards transgender or non-binary people?

Generally speaking, yes. Some people think that the prefix "bi" means that bisexuality is the attraction towards only two cis/binary genders ("man" or "woman"). There are indeed those who live their orientation this way, but bisexuality–understood as the attraction to people of more than one gender–can also be extended to people with gender identities way beyond the binary and cis gender spectrum.

With that in mind, it’s also worth noting that not all people who feel attraction to more than one gender call themselves bisexuals for many reasons (stigma, culture, lack of information available, etc.). There are non-monosexual orientations, for example pansexuality (the attraction to people without considering their gender identity), whose definitions can sound very similar to bisexuality (12); in those cases, the decision to call oneself bisexual, pansexual or of any other term is a much more personal question that depends on how we feel and how we define ourselves individually.

Do I stop being bisexual if I start a romantic relationship with someone of the "opposite" gender?

No. This myth is due to the false idea that bisexuality is only an "experimentation" phase before things "get serious" and back to a stable heterosexual relationship (a common case among people socialized as women) (13). It is also possible to be in a monosexual relationship in which each person keeps their distinct sexual orientation.

There are internalized feelings of biphobia common to bisexual people when they decide to start a romantic relationship that can be perceived as monosexual. These feelings often occur similarly to the fear that a partner of monosexual orientation wouldn't understand the bisexuality of the other (14). In other cases, it might be easy for others (family, friends, social circles) to assume that the bisexual people's orientation changes or disappears depending on the current partner (15).

Even though the sexual orientation of anyone can change throughout life, it's much healthier when those decisions are made individually, without biphobic stereotypes and without the pressure of others’ perceptions.

Can I be bisexual if I haven't had sex or a relationship outside the heterosexual spectrum?

Of course! Nobody is obligated to offer "proof" of one's bisexuality. Being conscious that someone's sexual orientation can be bisexual is enough. Our sexual orientation may not be cast in stone for the rest of our lives, so it's completely valid to be going through a phase of exploration or questioning without the need to "make a decision" for the rest of our lives, or to clearly define our orientation within a label.

Non-heterosexual experiences, either sexual, affective or social, often times are facilitated (or repressed) by the context in which we live, by our social or familiar relationships, by the complexity of our tastes and individual necessities, by the access (or lack thereof) to different sexual diversities and cultures, and also by a safe environment, free from harassment, judgment, and marginalization.

It's important to keep in mind that there aren’t always comfortable and safe environments for the open exploration of any non-heterosexual orientation; sometimes there are circumstances in which prioritizing one’s physical and emotional well-being requires keeping oneself in the closet—which is also valid. In any case, whatever the context, not having non-heterosexual experiences with others does not mean that someone’s internal thoughts should be suppressed. I fell into this trap and only called myself bisexual once I had my first non-heterosexual experiences, even though my whole life I have been thinking that.

Clarifying doubts and obtaining sexual information free of bias and stigma can make a critical difference in the quality of life of those marginalized by their sexuality.

[tinselt-blog]

The Day I Became A Snake and Shed My Skin

This is probably going to be the toughest thing I have ever written, but that’s why I am going to write it. For those of you who don’t know I came out as lesbian when I was 18, and before that I just went along with whatever and people either knew or they didn’t. Take what you will from it. If you’re confused, then keep reading. This is a topic that I am currently dealing with, I came out before I was even really sure what made me gay and why I was gay, which I know is completely backwards. I normally do not get into my sexuality, it still makes me uncomfortable, which is so beyond dumb, but it does. This is my story. (It’s all over the place, my bad)

I was born a millennial (that is obvious), a generation more accepting of sexuality than any other generation. Realize how I said more and not totally accepting, I do want to get more into that. I grew up in one of those rich white suburban towns that all the TV shows joke about and that I joke about as well. Everyone had money, they all were popular, religious and went to church every Sunday. I was Jewish with hippie parents, so I already didn’t fit into the town model citizen. I was never really popular in school until about my Junior year, where everyone seemed to just suddenly like me, but that also could have been because I got into a music club that was very hard to get into and only 14-20 kids get in per year. Everyone knew me, and I knew everyone. Doesn’t mean I liked everyone, but I knew them. In my free times I would go from group to group saying good morning, having a quick conversation and then moving on to the next group. This year was so strange for me, because it was not like anything I had experienced in years prior. I had come into this year losing all of my friends simply because I realized I didn’t know who the fuck I was. I went into Junior year still not sure of who I was. In this year, I had met a girl, and this girl and I had known each other on and off before, she was younger than me, so we never really hung out, and this girl (this is embarrassing if she’s reading this, but to be honest I’m mature enough not to care at this point) anyways, this girl was very openly bisexual, something I had never even considered myself. Up until this year I thought it was perfectly normal to find a girl sexually attractive and not think twice that a straight girl could look at another girl and find her attractive, but not sexually attractive. I have no clue what the fuck I was thinking, but we are going to roll with it. Let’s give this girl a name, we’ll call her Sam. Sam, was very flirty, she had a boyfriend, but it didn’t stop her from flirting with other people. She would often cuddle with me or kiss me on the cheek between classes and I had no clue why. At some point I realized I would get really nervous all of a sudden, something I had never felt before with a guy and I guess I just assumed it was because I hadn’t found the right guy yet (spoiler alert, I would never feel that with a guy.) This is a point in my life where although I was doing pretty well in every aspect of my life, I had some issues with drugs (I wrote a story on this, so you guys can learn all about it pretty soon. I decided to hold off on it, because this is the biggest thing currently happening in my life.) I would smoke every night and take cough syrup during the day. It became such a habit to take cough syrup to school and take it in the bathroom between classes. Sam was also involved in drugs, she was just starting out on things and I would hang out with her and do these drugs and that was that. One night while I was alone, I got high and today was not a particularly good day. I can’t tell you what happened, but I remembered coming home upset. I smoked like normal, and then I started watching a movie where in the movie someone came out at some point and I realized that the girl in the movie was me. I stopped and thought to myself this isn’t true, I’m straight, I know I’m straight. The more I thought, the more I realized, holy fucking hell, I like her. Fuck I like Sam. I knew I had opened Pandora’s box and what had come out, would never go back in. The following day, I remember so perfectly. I remember what I wore, what my schedule was, what day of the week it was. It was a Tuesday and I was wearing an orange sweater with 4 tank tops underneath because I felt like I had to bind myself together. I felt like I was spilling from all sides and that the skin that had once held me together was gone. I was a snake and I had shed my skin. I remember my math teacher first period yelling at me to pay attention, because I wasn’t paying attention to the board, I was paying attention to whatever the fuck my life was now. What was my life in that moment, I don’t know. I used to have this school guidance counselor, whom I used to see fairly often, like I previously said I struggled a lot with finding myself. He had heard that I wasn’t focused in class and that I should take a breather with him, and so I did. He tried to talk to me a little bit about how I felt and what was possibly going on inside my head. We sat for a long while before the words were able to slip through my lips that I was gay. I began to cry, and he patted me on the shoulder and made sure I knew I wasn’t alone. But I felt alone. The world it had stopped Monday night. It was the first time those words had been said out loud and hearing them from me, made them all the more real. It was scary to realize that the life you had created for the past 16 years was fake and that the future you had planned was just not going to happen. It’s like the ground of reality that you once stood on wasn’t real and the trap door opened. When I first realized this truth about myself, old memories flooded in. They were everywhere, and my thoughts were consumed by this boulder that had hit me out of nowhere. Memories I had never once second guessed, memories that once meant nothing, now meant everything. Some of these memories I hadn’t thought about in years. I remember being 6, in the car with my mom and asking her if I could marry the girl I had a crush on in first grade. I remember her telling me of course. I asked her why you never really saw two ladies as a couple and her reply to me was, “the world just isn’t ready yet.” I remember making my girl Barbie’s marry, as insignificant as that seems. I had a boy Barbie, but I still made the girls marry. That’s because when I would think about marriage to a man, I would feel nauseous, and I had even planned on not getting married at all if that’s what it would feel like, which is a big deal for someone to think before they turn even 10 years old. I remember being 11 when I first saw a girl I was attracted to, but like really attracted to. These memories were forgotten until I woke up from my dream. After this day, I spent the next year feeling this way, the next year feeling confused, the next year asking myself the same damn questions. I could only allow myself to test the waters, I didn’t want to give up on the idea that I wasn’t “normal”. It felt like I had been sentenced with one more thing that made me different and all I could think of was that it would just be another thing people would use as an excuse to hate me. I was afraid this new-found sense of universal belonging would disappear. And it did. Sam was not everything I expected, and I ended that on my own terms. I think she knew I liked her, and that doesn’t bother me. I went all the way up to a certain point and I called it quits, because I didn’t want to be with someone who was just as confused as I was, which now I look back and know how wrong that sounds. I don’t regret not going for it, and here is why. Sam, much like me, was curious about who she was supposed to be. Her unlike me, was able to fit in seamlessly with her sexuality being what it is in my school. I, was not. I thought if I was going to discover myself, that I would do it with someone I found confident, someone I spent the time getting to know. My senior year came along. I had a rough start. A new member was added to my club. I won’t talk much about her, because I don’t really care to, just know she was a large part of this time in my life. Basically, I met her and found her the most confident person in the world. She was comfortable with her sexuality, something I was always jealous of. However, one thing led to another and we were a couple. I was so scared that I had diarrhea for a week. When I finally got the confidence to ask her out, we went out. I remember this one time being on a date and running into people from our school, and they stared at us as we ate our food. It made me feel so sick, I couldn’t finish my meal. But that was it, I was out. Everyone who stared knew, I was assumed gay by a lot of kids in my school and she was very gay and very open. When the two of us were together, it wasn’t even a question of why we were together. The relationship lasted awhile. I learned to be free. To kiss in public and get yelled at by an old man for it. To hold hands in the open and have parents shoot us dirty looks. To ask her to prom publicly and take a million photos with her. It felt better knowing I wasn’t going through this alone. When it ended, it was the first time I had felt hurt at the end of a relationship, and that’s how I knew I was genuine The question still stood of what I was, but I knew for sure that I wasn’t straight. I think I was so scared to come out, because when I was 11 and just realizing that maybe I was gay, someone abused that. Some girl took my innocence away from me and I so desperately did not want to be like her or seem like I liked it, that I pretended that brief moment of question in my life didn’t exist. The idea that any girl touching me the way she had, frustrated me, made me angry. The fear was only overcome when I had changed my thinking with a girl I trusted. Things didn’t stay that way however, when I graduated, I made the decision to move from the beautiful, liberal North, to the deep, deep south in New Orleans, Louisiana. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. Before going to school, I had to recloset myself. People always ask why, and the answer is simple, I would rather not get killed over something I couldn’t control. Before people call me dramatic, understand that unless you have lived there, you haven’t heard the anti-gay rally stories, bullying stories and so forth. New Orleans is known to be quite forward or progressive, meaning it moves a little faster than any other part of the south. It’s still extremely southern and surrounded by a lot of stand still towns, very set in there way. My first weekend there, it was a holiday weekend and I went into the French Quarter, a tourist attraction of Louisiana and was greeted by an anti-gay rally where all the men were holding picket signs of bible quotes and screaming “lynch the fags!” I wish I was joking, but I had included a link to a few photographs for your curiosity (in a seperate post, go check it out on my page @tinselt-blog). The south made it impossible to question myself. I knew very lovely people, whom I love to death to have that ability to be out down there, but I couldn’t handle it. I felt too afraid to say anything. I had to keep asking myself who I was and my parents (forgot to mention coming out to them, they were unphased) were constantly trying to also see who I was, made me push the question away. I held that question down for a very long time. It took a very drunken night at the end of the year with a boy to realize. To get almost all the way there and call it quits, as embarrassing as that was to realize. I realized that even though he was a stranger, that if I felt anything for a man, it would most definitely be drunk. It made me realize that every date with a guy, every boyfriend I had ended up being a throw away. I never felt connected and I felt absolutely nothing when we broke up. So, here I am. Today. I held that fucking question down so long, let the answer slip out and now I have to face reality. I never really came out, and from the little I did I shoved back away.

So, as all over the place as that was, I am writing this simply because I am still confused. Yes, I am the idiot who publicly stated that I was gay before actually realizing why I was gay. I know it’s backwards. I’m shaking as a write this, because like how it felt to say the words out loud for the first time, I feel writing it makes it seem just that bit more real. I know it’s been 3 years, but it’s something I think I will never 100% fully understand, and I believe that as long as I can make it to at least 99.9%, then I will be ok. This is the basic story of my realization, I plan to write about the thoughts and feelings I am currently dealing with that made me want to write this. It took me 3 hours and a lot of tears to write this wordy ass fucking story that a lot of people don’t really know about. But now anyone can know it, so…

[iswearimtoooldforthis]

I’m way beyond feeling like I’m a broken record...

Where to start... First things first. Back at the end of March I had to walk away from coaching and managing the new women’s football team here in Sacramento due to poor ownership. It was extremely hard for me to do because I felt like I was letting down my players but it was just an unhealthy situation and my gut told me it was the right thing to do. Turns out my gut was right because the team folded after only 2 games. I still keep in touch with most of my players which brings me to part of why I am starting to feel like a broken record... 

I know I am different. I’m not a “typical” female by any means. It has also taken me almost all of my life to finally be like “Fuck It” I don’t care what others think, I’m going to be true to myself and who I know I am as a person. With that being said, I’ve recently needed to explain my sexual orientation and how I identify repeatedly over the last few months. I’ve even been given a new term of endearment which is “Gaydar Killer” and I honestly find it quite a bit confusing as I do funny because after 26 years, I thought I had heard them all (oh, and there is a list). As always, I make no apologies for who I am or the things I have done in my life. I own every decision/choice I’ve made, good, bad, or indifferent. Most of my close friends are very aware of this and know that I have no reason to lie about anything but most of all, which sexual orientation I identify with. Trust me I completely get where the confusion comes from. I’m not an idiot. I know that the way that I look, dress and present myself falls into a typical stereotype. I’ve said it before in earlier posts. It doesn’t offend me. I’m flattered when a woman hits on me. Unfortunately, I have honestly never felt real sexual attraction toward any female in my life (except for a few times when I thought they were guys but we will get to that later). I think women are beautiful, gorgeous even, and I’ve been jealous of some of their bodies but I’ve never felt that sudden flush, butterflies in the tummy, or the ache to be with a woman. Please, don’t say “You won’t know unless you try” because I have and all the times I tried, I just felt like I was going through the motions or better yet, like I was acting in some sort of play or movie disguised as my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done the same with guys more times than I would like to admit but with women it just never developed or manifested into the feelings I get when I’m with guys. In all honestly, being true to who I am, it puts me at a disadvantage because guys tend to not want women that look and act like I do but I’m aldo at the point in my life where I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not in order for someone to want to be with me. But I digress, back to being with women. In the end I just felt bad and like I was using these women for my own personal experiment and by no fault of their own, I just felt nothing toward them in a romantic or sexual way. Ok, to be super honest... I felt like a complete asshole because if a guy did to me (they have) what I felt like I had done to them (they did), I would be pissed (I was). It was not my proudest period in my life and I didn’t set off to do it intentionally but a lot of alcohol was involved so my inhibitions were just about non-existent and I didn’t even know that a few of them were women until clothes started coming off. Not that I’m saying that my misconception about their gender was an excuse for my behavior, because it wasn’t, and I still went through with everything after the fact (which in my personal opinion made me a huge dick). It was a total dick move on my part and I own up to it. I’ve been on the receiving end of that dick move a few times myself (my marriage being one of them) and it is just not a cool thing to do to someone. I felt dishonest. Part of me at the time even hoped that doing it would trigger something inside me, flip a switch so to say, that would awaken the part of me that wanted to be with women because at least then other aspects of my life and personality would start to make better sense. It sucked feeling the need to explain this part of my past to my players that were CONVINCED I was a lesbian but like I said, I own up to the things I’ve done. So again, with that being said, the question I was asked today shocked me because it was from someone that I’ve had in depth conversations with (recently even) only this time it wasn’t my sexuality that was being questioned but my identity. Today was the first time I was asked if I was transitioning... and the shocking part was not that I was asked but how much the being asked stung me. Just to be crystal clear... I was not offended by the question but the reason it stung was because this person honestly thought that I hated the gender that I was born. I have trans friends that I love dearly. Some I knew before and after they transitioned and others I only got to know after they transitioned but from them I know how very personal their transitions were. I love being female. I don’t love my menstrual cycle or being told I can’t do something because I’m female but I don’t feel that I was born in the wrong body (even if one of my cousins swears that I am a gay man trapped in a woman’s body). I can’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like to look at oneself in the mirror and see anatomy that contradicts what you feel it should be. One of the most depressing moments of my life was being told by my doctors that I would more than likely never have biological children of my own (that needs to be covered in a separate post) because the one thing I’ve always wanted to be, my entire life, was a mother. So, I had this very in depth conversation with this friend today and she explained why she asked. Why I’ve always “confused” her. Why am I like the way that I am. Most of which we had talked about before in one form or another and like usual I didn’t have a cookie cutter response to give her for the “why I am the way that I am.” I don’t know why. I’ve never been able to give any answer except I am the way that feels true to me. I feel that I don’t fall in the typical “straight” category because I am not feminine at all and never really felt comfortable pretending to be but I don’t fall within the LGBTQ category either because I don’t feel I am the wrong gender and so far I’ve only been sexually attracted to the opposite sex. I’ve always felt that I was in this grey area or where the two circles overlap. I feel more comfortable around my LGBTQ friends because my outward appearance, personality and traits mesh better with them than with my “straight” friends but my sexual orientation still keeps me on the outside to a certain extent with them also. It does hurt me to an extent because I never really feel like I fit in with either side completely but if I change any part of myself just to fit in one way or another, that would be false and to me living that lie would be worst. It doesn’t mean that I don’t understand where they are coming from. I do. If the terms I use in this next bit are not politically correct, I apologize in advance but I’m going to do my best in order to explain why I understand where my LGBTQ friends are coming from. The best way I can put it is like this. Just because I have black friends, and I dress like them, talk like them, hang out with them, that doesn’t mean that I know what its like to be a black person in America. I don’t know what it is like to be LGBTQ in America. I’ve caught passing glimpses because people assume that I am LGBTQ when they look at me (especially when I worked concert security) and have been called things and even escaped a few attempted “gay” bashings (I have this problem with not backing down and tend to fight back) but at the end of the day, I always identified as heterosexual. I never had to live in fear that I could be fired for falling in love. I never had any doubt that I would be able to marry the person I fell in love with. Or if the time came when I need to adopt in order to have a family, I wouldn’t be discriminated against because of the person I loved and chosen to have the family with. But some of my friends did have to worry about those things and that wasn’t okay to me. I didn’t care if it alienated me from my entire biological family or my new adopted family I married into, when it came to supporting and fighting for my friends and family to obtain the same rights as I had, I did it loud and proud. 

Dude, she and I went DEEP during this conversation and it was emotionally draining. This is finally how I put it and I think she understands for the most part (wait until you read her response at the end to see if you agree)... At the end of the day, I believe with my entire being that love is love (among consenting adults). You fall in love with the person you fall in love with and when you truly fall in love with someone, they become your every sexual desire. At least that is how it is for me. When I fell in love with my husband, he wasn’t my typical “type” by any means but when I fell for him, I fell hard and completely. In my life so far, I have only felt that way toward men. Does that mean that I won’t one day meet someone that is a woman, trans, or however they identify, that will make me feel the same way... I honestly don’t know. Because of what I believe love to be, I can’t definitively say that it won’t happen nor can I say that it will. All I can say that as of right now, it hasn’t. One of my favorite scenes from a movie is when Holden asks Alyssa in Chasing Amy “why him and why now” and she replies “... The way the world is--how seldom you meet that one person who gets you--it’s so rare. My parents didn’t really have it. There was no example set for me in the world of male/female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person--to immediately half your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender... that just seemed stupid. So I didn’t. But then you came along. You--the one least likely; I mean, you were a guy... And as I was falling for you. I put a ceiling on that, because you were a guy. Until I remember why I opened the door to women in the first place--not to limit the likelihood of finding that one person who’d complement me so completely. And so here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you, and I feel justified lying in your arms--because I got here on my own terms, and have no question that there was someplace I didn’t look. And that makes all the difference.” And after hearing all this, my friend said... “Ok, based off what you just said about how you feel about love and just how you are, I’m just gonna say that you are queer and leave it at that because you said there still maybe a possibility.” FACE-PALM... I was like fine, if that’s what it takes to end this conversation so be it.

In all honesty, I’m so sick of having this conversation over and over again (sometimes with the same people) because I really don’t care at this point in my life. I’ve been through so much and have battled against what my family tried to turn me into for so long, in all reality I hate labels in general (except “tomboy” because I always felt it adequately described me) . A girl is suppose to dress a certain way, do certain things, only have certain interests, and is to be defined by the man she is with... BULLSHIT! A girl/woman can dress anyway she wants, do anything she wants, have what ever interest she wants... and she can love who she wants. The most important part is the “she wants” part and that is how I choose to live my life as long as it doesn’t intentionally hurt anyone else. 

It is way past my bedtime and I swear that I should be TOO OLD for this...