#I feel so melodramatic but this is the first time I’ve ever done this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lyon-amore · 2 years ago

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What if...? Duskwood Chapter 37

Chapter 36 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Macie POV*

I feel like a fool for getting so angry and nervous. But at the same time, the guilt of not having been paying attention drags me down. The more I talked to Thomas, the more I calmed down. He loves Hannah very much and fears that she is dead. Like Richy. He's freaking out every time we find out something else, powerless not to do something. I read the chat I've had with him.

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Thomas Hanna is dead. And so is Richy The others are just trying to ignore all the facts. And I’ve really tried But I can’t I just can’t do it anymore

Macie Thomas, listen to me Amy was found, but Hannah wasn’t This is a relatively good sign ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I try to believe the words I have sent him. I want to believe that Hannah is alive because of Jake and Lilly. Everything else doesn't matter to me. The matter with Jennifer has nothing to do with what I'm investigating, that's what the police will take care of when this is all over.

Thomas hates being in the house hiding and not being able to do anything. I know. I understand. I hated that I couldn't do anything for Jake when he wasn't around, and even though the I Am Jake article and photo worked, I felt like I didn't really do anything. Just hide behind words. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thomas Macie? If you were Hannah If you had done something so horrible in your past Would you have told your partner? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I keep reading the question. I don't think I've ever done anything wrong… I think… I don't want to blame myself for that. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Macie Yes I think I would And I would expect the same from my partner ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I watch Jake fixing access to the phone. He told me the truth. He told me that the government is persecuting him for getting into things where he shouldn't. Since then, I think that confidence in both has been improving.

I put my hand to my neck, but this time I don't think about the kidnapper, but about Jake, at bath time. Little by little we are getting closer, but... It seems that fate always interrupts us when we are about to get closer or I get nervous when he jokes. Will we ever break that barrier? "You are more calm?" He asks me from the computer. "Yes... I'm better... Sorry..." “Do not apologize, Macie” I hear him sigh “, I know I pushed you pressure on the phone, I am sorry." Well, at least he always ends up apologizing when he knows he makes mistakes. But I also know that this phone is important to communicate with the kidnapper. Without him, I cannot write to him. It is the only way to try to reason.

I get a message from the group and smile. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cleo Right Dan and I are finally arrive

Macie Then you’re all there no

Cleo Yes 🙂

Dan What’s the stich? You got a free in bed or something?

Macie Haven't you been in bed long enough?

Dan I’ll give you that one ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before arriving, they had taken a detour at the accident area. Dan's idea. The poor thing for having been in bed all this time that he had not been able to help us much. I can partly understand it, it's a bit boring to do nothing and be wanting.

Cleo has told me that she suspect that they have not kicked him out of the hospital already, but that he has left on his own and it would not surprise me at all, knowing how I have known Dan, I see him very capable of having done it. He would have to be doing rehabilitation to walk again. He's going to give me a nervous breakdown with this whole group at this rate.

I sit up in bed and look out the window. Night is starting to fall. The sun is already hiding. I let out a long, exaggerated melodramatic sigh. "It's been a long day, right?" I tell Jake. “I agree with you” he admits without looking up “even though it is ranked number two on the long-day list." "So there's a first." “Depending on how it ends, it will still be number two." He sounds very tired… I wish I could do something for him. I'm going to the forum again. I don't know how many posts I've read and commented on today but I think I've broken my record to my teenager ages. "Macie?" I look up when I hear him call me "I have done it" I get up from the bed, approaching him ". We have access to Hannah's cell phone again." “Good, that means I don't have to strangle Thomas.” I say as I hug him from behind, stroking his hair lovingly. "No, I suppose you can spare his life." he answers with a laugh. I roll my eyes, laughing too. I get a text and see it's Lilly. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lilly Hi Macie I saw you were online I'm not interrupting you two anyway, am I?

Macie Mmm… I don't know I don't know….😜

Lilly 🤭

Macie No, don’t worry

Lilly I don't want to keep you But we’ve just lit the fire and Thomas just went to get his guitar So I wanted to give you two a heads-op so that you’ll be on your phone 🙂

Macie Thanks for letting us know, Lilly. That’s something we are not going to miss for the world 😁

Lilly Haha, right 🙂 I thought you two could do a with a bit of a distraction, too Like all of us Ok. I'll call you 🤭 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I just read through Hannah's browsing history.” He moves to invite me to sit down and I do. Can I say without a doubt that I never need another seat in my entire life? Sitting on top of him is enough for me. "I already did that too." I smiled at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He smiles proudly at me. Ah… It's good that it is for me… “One of the last pages Hannah visited was that of the Pine Glade festival.” He brings up the website, and I pay attention "Michael Hanson mentioned it in connection with his daughter disappearance." "Yes, I remember" I answered, remembering the audio with Alan "The Aurora was packed because of the festival, that’s why he had no time for Jennifer…” I drawl out slowly, until I remember why I was really here. Because of work. For the article. But not only that. It was something more important "Jake, that festival is tomorrow!" I see you frown, thinking. “I think you should ask the others about the Pine Glade festival” he commands me with a new task ", and the one ten years ago, to be exact." "Nobody will remember" I commented a little doubtfully ". Who knows how everyone was that day ten years ago..." "I sincerely hope not, but for trying" He brushes my hair back from my face, stroking me carefully ", and even if they remember only fragments, we must understand how this accident came to pass, and I believe that Hannah was probably at the festival with one of your friends." "Yeah, I think so too..." Lilly's video call interrupts us and I look at Jake, smiling. "Access my phone from the computer." I tell him excitedly. "Why?" What is happening? "Just do it, I promise to watch from my phone so they don't see you." He looks at me a little doubtfully, but he does. I accept the video call and the first thing I see is Thomas playing the guitar. The fire from the bonfire is like going through the screen, I can feel the heat. I smile when I see the quiet group and my gaze accidentally drifts to the computer, to see it much better. Jessy seems intent on listening to the guitar music, her eyes closed. Cleo seems to be thinking, surely Hannah and her mother, she had to leave Duskwood to protect herself. Then there's Dan, in his wheelchair drinking whiskey. I have to have a serious talk with him when I can, I'm quite worried about his health. But there they are all together... Protected... Calm...

I sigh when Thomas finishes and the video call hangs up. “Well then.” I hear Jake say. "Well, I like it." I commented, placing my head on his chest. I look up and see that he smiles. It's finally a relaxed moment for us too. "Let's give them a little more time to rest" I commented, not wanting to rush them by still asking about the festival "Just a little bit…" "Alright." “Which means” I rise from him, grinning “we deserve it too." He looks at me without much desire. "Come on Jake, you've been busy getting Hannah's phone back and I almost killed Thomas" he laughs and I continues "so we're going to have our own proper break, too." "Alright" I see that he puts on an interested look "And what is your plan?" “Let's dance” he rolls his eyes and I turn around to prepare one of my playlists "and I won't take no for an answer." When I turn to see him, I find him already standing before me, offering me his hand. I look at him shyly, I thought it was going to cost me, but no. What a surprise. I accept his hand and place the other on his shoulder, while he places one on my waist. We move slowly while Ed Sheeran's 'How do you feel' starts playing in the background. The atmosphere could not be more romantic. "You really would like to be with them right now, would you not?" He asks me slowly "I have seen it on your face." I make a face doubting whether to answer or not. But I can't fool you. "Yes, I’d like that a lot." I say a little sadly "I want to protect them." "They will be far from Duskwood, don't worry." "Wouldn't you like to be there too?" I ask at the same time that he makes me spin on the spot. I thought that he didn't know how to dance and that's why he had pouted. I wonder who taught him. “I think would feel incredibly out of place." "But you wouldn't be" I reach out to him, trying to wrap my arms around his neck, though I manage to grab my hands. But it's okay, because we're pretty close together "You’d be exactly where you belong" I whisper, looking into his eyes, little by little it's hard for me to breathe ", with them... With me..." Jake eases his hand down my face, up to my lips, resting his thumb under them. He fixes his eyes on mine, intense. He leans in slowly as he also tilts my chin up, our lips brushing against each other. "You give me the feeling of belonging somewhere for the first time in my life..." I don't know which of the two takes the step. I don't know if he or me. But finally our lips meet. It's a slow kiss, one of those you see in the movies and you don't want them to ever stop, because it was what you most expected to see. I try not to be clumsy, because I don't even remember how to kiss, I let him guide me a bit, although… I also notice him nervous.

In the end, we managed to calm our nerves and I even ran my hands through his hair, making sounds of satisfaction as I felt his tongue play with mine. Jake runs his hands down my back, down to below my waist. He pulls me so close to him that it's like I'm going to melt into his body.

There comes a time when we need air and with a little sadness we separate a little. I can see it in his eyes. The desire. Will he see them in mine too? As if he understood me, I nod and slowly we approach the bed. He takes his hands to my blouse and begins to unbutton it and while I unbutton his pants. We later exchanged the task, until we were exposed. He stares at me, running his hand over my shoulder. "Please…" I say, in a pleading voice "Please don't stop now…" “I wanted to completely admire you” he answers, slowly starting to lay me down on the bed ", I have never been with an angel." He takes my breath away listening to him speak. I don't hesitate to kiss him again, hugging him against my body.

It has been even better than in my dreams. Jake's hands have traveled all over my body, leaving no place without being caressed. And now I can say with more certainty that he is good with his hands. But it's not just that, it was because of the affection that he treated me, although his eyes looked hungry, he was as careful as possible, even when he left kisses on my neck, telling me that he was going to make me forget about the pain. Sometimes I even begged him to kiss me, I envy my body, it was being kissed by him, but my lips wanted another kiss. Another kiss that silenced my moans. Ah… He really knew how to handle the situation. Had he also dreamed of this? Had he wanted it too? I think from the way he pronounced my name, he seemed like he had been doing it all his life. Or so I wanted to believe.

I had finally felt contact with his skin. My hands had run up his back, I was lucky I have short fingernails or he would be marked by me from how tightly I gripped to him.

The music plays all over the room, it's romantic, slow. It's the perfect environment right now. I admire him as I lie on top of him and his hand slowly caresses my back. I can't stop smiling, I think I already know how it feels when you do things with love. "What are you thinking about?" He asks me, giving me a smile. "That I don't want tonight to end." I answered, approaching him a little more up to get to his face "And you?" I ask, tracing circles on his body. "That you are better than the government and everyone who is after me." he says with a laugh. "Why?" "Because you were the only one to catch me." I kissed him intensely after hearing his words. Jake tries to pull me closer to him, as if that's possible. There was not a gap between us. We were finally where we wanted. Together. If all the breaks we are going to have are like this, I think I will want to work a lot more to have this reward.

My phone rings and I complain. I didn't want the job so soon. "They claim you." he whispers into my lips. "They can wait." I replied, giving him little kisses. "Maybe it is about the case." I grumbled. He's right. It can be important. I sit up getting out of bed, then I fall into something for a moment. "Did you do it to see me standing up and naked?" I ask curiously. "No, I swear." He replies, sitting up on the bed. I frown, approaching him with the phone, seeing how he now smiles mischievously. I sit on top of him, kissing him again before seeing the message. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dan What’s up honey ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's Dan." I replied, resting my head on his chest. I listen as Jake grumbles, reading it. "Hey, I am going to take a shower, can you watch the computer?" He asks me, pointing "And so you talk a little with your friend." I hear how he drags the word and I laugh. "Okay, as soon as I'm done, I'll go." I replied, letting her get up. "Do not let him entertain you too much." I see his back as he picks up new clothes. The famous tattoo I can finally see it completely. I bite my lip when I see him. It's much better than I imagined. “Stop looking at me like that.” he tells me, even though his back is turned. "It's not my fault you're so sexy." I tell him, sitting up on my knees in bed. Jake leans in and kisses me, caressing my body slowly. "Do not be long..." he whispered. "I won't…" He separates from me going to the bathroom and I admiring him. I grabbed his sweatshirt from the floor and put it on to cover me while I got cold, sitting in the chair to talk to Dan. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Macie That’s Macie to you

Dan You have taken a long time to answer Where were you? In the bathroom? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

<<No, with the sexiest guy in the world.>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Macie Doing some exercise to defeat the man without a face 😜

Dan Haha, very good that one! Aren’t we in a merry mood today You have no idea how good it is to finally by out of that hellhole of hospital

Macie I think ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He hands me a picture of him with his Wishkey glass in hand. Well, despite everything, I'm glad he's okay… But I'm mad at him. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Macie So, what’s up with that fancy new wheelchair you’ve got?

Dan Don’t know what you mean ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I pass him the proof that Cleo sent me. He's not going to get away from this. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dan Hahaha Do you like it?

Macie But that’s just temporary, right?

Dan Yeah ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I try to get him to confess that he had left the hospital. What was he thinking? He still had a little more to recover, it was okay to wait a bit. At least in the hospital he was safe. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Macie Why would you do this?!

Dan You’re one to talk I’d have expected you to be here before me Because you are in Duskwood And you're all alone You aren’t the one who should be angry with me, but the other way around

Macie Hey! Don't give it back to me! Unfortunately mine is for work I have to get up early But I accept your concern, Dan, even though I'm fine.

Dan How not to worry, little detective If it had been you instead of me You would have done the same

Macie Maybe, who knows Probably 😒 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe if Jake and I hadn't met here, I probably would have gone with them. I knew that at the moment he can't show himself to more people, too risky. Only three people know what Jake looks like: Hannah, Lilly, and me. The people closest to him at the moment. And it's risky enough for him to do it. It will always be so.

Dan hands me a photo of the girls and Thomas, talking quietly by the campfire, though Thomas seems a little more lost in thought of him. Thinking about our conversation for sure. In Hannah. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Macie So it's about protecting others? I warn you, if anything happens to you...

Dan Then what?

Macie Then I'll personally make sure you never leave that wheelchair again

Dan Oh my I’m much more afraid of you than of that raven dude. Totally If that feathered freak really comes here Then I’m the only one who’d have the guts to do anything And you know it And I owe it to Richy ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I massage my temple. Unbelievable… Dan was risking perhaps losing his life a second time. And by the least indicated person. Still, he's an incredibly cool guy, I have to admit. When he doesn't go stupid and open up, you can clearly see that he's not like everyone else thinks too. I don't know, I think of him as the older brother of the group. I welcome him to the group of detectives and he laughs.

We received a group message, Cleo wants a meeting with everyone.

I wait for the news when I get a message from Hannah's phone. There was a connection again and I was already starting to ask myself when he would text me again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unknown Do you remember what I told you on the phone? I'm coming, Macie And I am going to kill them all

Hannah I won't let you I really feel sorry for you I understand you At least I’m trying to understand you It’s been ten long years You saw no other way of finding peace Give up and tell me where you are ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I bite my nail, nervous. Hoping my words work. He don't have to go through with this. Just that everything comes out honestly. It will make his situation worse if he continues like this, he won't look any better than Hannah.

I get the messages. Messages that scare me to read. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unknown I set a trap for you And you didn’t even realized *Jake POV*

I did not think I would break the rule I set for myself about not involving my feelings towards someone when I had to leave home. I was alone for four years. No friends, no family, no co-workers… No one. Me and my mental conversations. Changing places every month. There was nothing I cared about and I didn't have to worry about anyone but myself.

Well, that day I met her, the days I spent with her, that rule was breaking more and more and the barrier that I imposed on me became thinner.

Tonight I have forgotten all the rules written in my head to feel Macie in my arms. I have forgotten why I am really here or what I had done in the past to end up losing everything. Because she has made me feel that I do not need anything more than her to be complete.

I have loved every part of her and I have not been able to restrain myself from whispering her name on some occasions or kissing her neck so as not to leave any trace of what that man did to her. Now only the traces of kisses that I had left her remained. There is nothing about her that I have forgotten to caress or kiss.

Macie is taking a while to come to the bathroom, could something have happened to the group? Has something happened to Lilly? I finished showering and I grab the towel, wrapping it around my waist. When I come out, I see her sitting on the chair with my sweatshirt on. It's quite big on her... I do not know if I will want to wash it now that she is wearing her scent. "Is everything alright, Macie?" I ask concerned "You took a long time." "Yes, sorry, the talk with Dan has been extended." I lean towards her and kiss her. Every time I do it, my mind does not think of anything other than making her mine again... Does that sound bad? I do not want to sound possessive, but I can not stop thinking about something else right now. "Now I'm the one asking you if you're okay." She tells me with a laugh. "I was… thinking." "Oh yeah?" Macie stands up, playing with my towel. She is tempting me too much "in what?" "I'm sure you already know that." I whispered, starting to slowly pull the sweatshirt up. We are going to kiss again and her cell phone rings. I see on the screen that it is a video call with Lilly. Just in case, I back off a bit. “Hello Lilly.” Macie says, sitting up on the bed. I sit next to her, watching closely. "Hi Macie." I see her looking everywhere "Are you “busy”?" "It depends on the definition." she replies, looking at me with tempting eyes. I try not to get nervous, because on top of that, it is my sister she is talking to. Now I do not know if I prefer that they get along like before so as not to go through this or that they be friends so that I do not have to worry about the situation of splitting myself in two. "Well, I'm sorry to spoil your moment" she sighs, genuinely annoyed for interrupting us. "In case you didn’t see it in the group chat, Cleo just ask us to come in to discuss something.” She focuses on the ground for a second "I thought that you shouldn't be excluded and that's why I called you." She walks into the house and we see Cleo and Thomas sitting up and Dan in the wheelchair. A 'What going in?' had been heard in the distance. Jessica. "Guys, I called Macie too" Lilly announces "she's also part of the group and she's probably interested it." I see that she turns the cell phone around for them to greet her. “Hello Macie” Cleo says “. I'm glad Lilly brought you over too." "I never miss a party, even if it's virtually." she replies, in an amused tone. I avoid laughing so they won't hear me. "Well, this party is over" Cleo looks angry, her arms crossed. I do not like this ". Sit down” she tells him, looking at Jessica ". So I was actually looking for a lighter, but instead, I found this." She turns a little and takes out a gun naturally, leaving it on the table. I watch Macie look worriedly at the gun. Jessica gets up scared and Dan adjusts his glasses to see the gun. "What the f-" Jessy has a terrified look on her face. "Is this a real one?" Thomas asks, in a tone of genuine surprise. “Yep.” Dan picks up the gun for a second and puts it down again. "Well? Whose is it?" Cleo asks, pointing at it. “Definitely not mine.” Jessica replies. Macie seems to scan their faces, looking for the person who had taken it. Some reaction. Dan is completely calm and Thomas shakes his hands.

In the background we begin to hear the slight sound of a cell phone. "You hear that?" Jessica asks, looking at them all. "It's coming from the hallway." One by one they begin to move away from the table, except for Dan who does it slowly because of his wheelchair. “Hannah's phone.” Thomas says. He is the first to enter the room and turn on the light. He could hear the phone much more closely thanks to Lilly. "A call..." Jessica goes over to the phone to see who she is and she looks at them confused. "No number." she says, not knowing what to do. “Pick it up.” Cleo orders. Frightened, Jessica accepts the call. "Hello?" "I know where you are now!" A distorted voice sounds through the other line "You were too confident, but you fell into my trap." "What?" I see Macie's face, expression completely changing. She was beginning to be afraid for her friends. I go straight to the computer, to see how he could possibly know where they are now. "I'm coming now" I hear Michael's words clenching my teeth angrily ", and then I am going to end this." "What the-" I hear Jessica say, after that a scream. "Guys?!" Macie yells. I move away from the computer to get closer to her. "What's going on?" I ask nervously. "I-I don't know! The lights!" "Stay on the cell phone." I commanded as I returned to the computer, to find out why he knew where they were.

According to the data, it seemed that the cell phone's GPS was the cause of the location. Shit, it was my fault, I should have paid attention. I try to see what other things they could also have located and I read some messages. Macie had talked to Michael. And she hadn't told me. I look at her and she seems more relieved looking at the phone screen.

Why have she been keeping these messages from Michael from me?

Chapter 38

#duskwood #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood fanfic #duskwood everbyte #everbyte studio

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liquorisce · 1 year ago

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it’s been so long since i’ve hung out here. i miss my anonymous friends, i hope u guys are well and thriving!

since this is still my writing blog, i figured i would write here about my writing and what i’m working on, and what i’m not working on.

i recently posted boy next door, which i am actually really in love with, and have completed 75% of, so for the first time ever i have SOME confidence in finishing it. i feel like it is the type of story that is so natural that there will never really be a perfect conclusion. But some meaningfully literary conclusion is plausible, lol, so i will attempt it. i am also really floored by the comments I’ve received. they’ve been really encouraging and kind, and some felt like I was being congratulated by a group of peers who have grown with me and seen changes in my writing style that i thought no one apart from me would ever notice or care about. in that way, fandom is kind of amazing because it feels like we are all in some sort of cohort together, and even in this vast space of chaos I have found some friends, and some kind souls who I can chat with in corridors, who peep in occasionally and see what I’m doing and encourage me positively in a personal manner. I am able to return this to others too. That’s pretty cool.

i had a tough situation with my health, or rather my inability to handle my health problems in an adult manner, but after many weeks of deleting social media apps and forceful grass-touching (extensive physiotherapy), i am trying to visit the online areas of my life again in moderate frequencies, because this is where I get to feel like a writer. I do not get to feel like a writer in my 40h a week IT consultancy job LOL. There are no artists for miles, unfortunately and it feels like I’m going insane sometimes, being around normies. (jk, maybe… not)

people have asked if i’m giving up on idily and i’m really not, the next chapter is just a tricky one, so it’s taking a while. We are now moving into a really plot-heavy part of the story, which is definitely new territory for me as far as my skills are concerned, so I’m doing a lot of writing ideas and staring at unmoving pages etc. It’s fine, I’m not despairing, as long as I’m still in love with the general story we’ll get somewhere. I will post chap 10 after I have written Chap 11 as well I’m thinking, so that I can be a bit more certain of how we’re moving with this story. Either way, expect rewrites and detail revisions bc I’m unreliable.

Darling - which is largely just a personal project that I envision in the shape of Ymir and Historia (and Rod Reiss) - will also resume. The way Darling gets updated is like so: it feels like a fever dream of craziness, all tinted red and then I get desperate and open my gdocs and blurt out some melodramatic shit. It’s an interesting process and maybe I can make it work bc the whole point is that the story is told through the form of “love letters” from an unreliable narrator. It’s fun, and kind of crazy, and I hope I can finish it this year.

as the life of a fic writer is constantly burdened by wips, i decided to try @/ betts’s method of triaging wips. (her writing advice is amazing, gospel). so realistically these are the three stories i will update this year (and hope foolishly to complete): Darling, IDILY & Boy Next Door. If I finish even one, I’m throwing a party fr. But I will try my best at all 3, regardless. Oh, and I’m participating in a KV Mini Bang (Trigun), so I will be posting an absolutely filthy one shot by the end of the year. But this means ALL other stories are either Rolled off to next year or abandoned. I will make another post about the specifics once I am done with the diagnosis part of the triage. But I feel kinda happy that I am limiting my scope to this for the year (it’s still a LOT, lol).

In terms of original writing: I have quite some ideas floating around… some have made it onto their own google docs, some are flowing via rewrites (bylb for example) and have made moderate progress, another is vaguely brewing in my mind in a way that makes me want to write a short story of it first and try to submit it somewhere first… or post it on ao3 lol, idk. but the idea is exciting: it is an indian sapphic love story which goes strong on the forbidden love themes (and infidelity). it’ll be the first time i’m writing something that is so close to my experience growing up, so i am curious to see how that turns out.

anyway, i’m going to try to do this more often, i.e, at least once more before the year ends :)

(if anyone is reading) see u next time!

#personal #decided to finally make use of this as a #writing blog

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lightlycareless · 1 year ago

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First, it hurts— Chapter XXXIII

Naoya Zen’in x Fem!Reader

While arranged marriages are not uncommon in the jujutsu community, it was strange to receive a proposal from none other than the Zen’in’s, nonetheless your clan accepted and before you knew it, you were married off to Naoya.

Your new purpose was clear: to serve and submit, to be seen and not heard. To forget any sense of individuality in favor of obeying your husband.

Will this marriage ever flourish into something else? Will it change…for better or for worse?

Chapter warnings: because I’ve been asked about it quite frequently, it’s safe to say that… mentions of adultery, a bit of fluff while at it, some sad bits as well and a shocking revelation.

A/N: The storm might've tried to stop me... AND IT BRIEFLY DID, but I'm back at it again. :) Nothing much to say, except that I'm happy to be back hehe. Thank you for waiting for me 🥺❤️

Now, without any further ado, happy reading! 🥰

Masterlist ➸ Chapter 34

Ao3 link.

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

I hope this letter finds you well.

I’m still not used to writing that, the dear Hinata thing. It reminds me of those really old letters, like those from the Victorian Era or the war, when people used to be very polite and stuff, super formal, even with their own friends and family! I don’t know how to describe it… it was just weird. I hope you get what I mean.

But yeah, reading back through my letters after I'm done writing them always makes me laugh because I think I’m being melodramatic.

In my excuse, it’s all because of those etiquette classes we were forced to take since we learned how to walk. Ugh, and only because of our roles in the clan! Which I don’t mind! Really… but sometimes the elders tend to be very weird about it, and it makes me feel like they don’t deserve to be treated respectfully at all! And I know that you, more than anyone else, would understand perfectly.

Ah, well, I’m not writing to you to complain about my experiences, I’m doing this because… there’s no other way to put it: I miss you.

It’s been a while since I heard anything from you, or anything at all. And I’m not writing either to complain about that! I don’t want you to feel guilty for not responding because I know you've been very busy with work.

Last thing I knew about the crisis was that it was getting worse. It was already bad on my last mission, so I can only imagine how it is now.

Either way, even when I understand why you can’t respond, it’s still… painful to not hear anything from you. I wish I could at least get one letter from you, a call, even a smoke signal for god’s sake, I don’t care, anything to let me know how you, Ren, dad, and everyone else is doing.

I hope Satoru isn’t bothering you too much, Sumire as well. I am well aware how annoying they can be on their own, so I feel even worse knowing that I can’t help you ease the burden of their antics ^^; hang on, Hinata!!

As for me, life here has been… ok, I guess. The life of a married woman is surprisingly boring and overwhelming at the same time, but I think it’s mainly because there’s so many new things I now have to take care of that I ever thought of before! Mom and dad sure made it seem so fun… or maybe it’s just them.

Anyways, now that I’ve experienced a bit of the “married life” I’m now confident enough to tell you that you did the right thing when not marrying Satoru.

Being a wife is boring, you’re expected to keep most of your time inside the house, tending to it and its inhabitants… So yeah, I wouldn’t recommend it to you. Although I think Satoru could’ve managed to also make it irritating.

But yeah, being a sorcerer is much more exciting, totally. I wish I could’ve done a few more missions before retiring.

That kind of makes my life sound terrible, right? Like I’m locked or something. Please, don’t worry. I’m ok, busy, but ok. Just missing you, and Ren.

I hope dad is ok too. He worries me the most. I hope he hasn’t taken up on drinking again. You know how bad he gets when he does… so please, take care of him if possible.

From there, I don’t really have anything new to say. My ladies, Mariya, Haruko and Hitomi, have been quite calm nowadays, and that’s a bit eerie if you ask me! I hope you can meet them one day.

Or Mai and Maki, I think you’d find them adorably funny too! And mischievous, mostly that. They kind of remind me of us when we were younger. Oh, but they’re definitely way nicer, we used to be our parent’s nightmare, remember?

All in due time, I suppose.

Well… I guess the main point of this letter is to tell you that I miss you, very, very much. That I hope you’re ok and… don’t worry about me. Keep doing what you’re doing, and I’ll be here, waiting for the day I can see you again.

Take care, and give everyone a big hug from my part.

Yours truly, Y/N.

P.S. Please Stop Satoru from getting the idea that just because I’m not there, my things are his. They’re not. And please, please, please don’t let him delete my save files. I do intend on playing them again when possible”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

And that’s how much of your discreet, seemingly harmless letters seem to go—an activity that took most of your attention when you weren’t the Lady of the House or Mai and Maki’s older sister.

One that would quickly become your go-to method when trying to ease the pain in your heart, even if Hinata has yet to write back, thanks to the catharsis it provided.

You’ve long lost count of how many letters you’ve written to her at this point. It’s in the double digits without a doubt, but not all of them have been sent. Because… not all of them were intended to be read.

And since they’re not meant to be seen… you don’t limit yourself when writing your thoughts down—whether they were good, or bad, none of that mattered once the ink fell into the paper.

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

I wish you could meet him, but who knows when that will happen, so for now, I’ll tell you about him.

Naoaki is the best guy I have ever met in my life. I swear.

He’s sweet and caring, sometimes a bit blunt and a little bit weird too (in a good way!), but that doesn’t undermine what a great person he truly is.

Just to give you an example, I once told him that I liked mochi, and since then, he gets some for me whenever he can! I’ve had so much mochi in such a short time… maybe for a lifetime because of him. Although it’s not all bad, I got to taste all kinds of flavors I didn’t even know existed! Still, taro remains the best.

Although I have to admit that I feel kind of bad whenever he brings me stuff, because it’s like I’m forcing him to do that, you know? Even though he already told me that it’s nothing to worry about and that he actually likes doing it… Can you believe he’s even told me he likes doing that… because he likes thinking about me? The mere thought of it makes me blush!

I’ve had these kinds of things happen to me before, but never… like this. It’s different, special… and yet, I’m afraid of acknowledging these feelings. Why?

Well, moving on… You must be wondering what he looks like. All I can say is that he’s very cute—or more like cool! Like a bad boy kind of thing (∩˃o˂∩)

Oooh, I hope Naoaki never gets to read this letter, because if he does, I think I’ll die!!

But yeah, no amount of words could ever compare to meeting him in person. I’m sure once you meet him you’ll like him too… not too much, I hope ( •̀ - •́ ) Just kidding!

I hope Ren likes him too, since he can be quite… protective sometimes. You know what? Nevermind, the two of you can be like that, dad too!—guess that’s the one thing I don’t miss about you three—now I’m hesitant if I want any of you to meet him, you’ll probably scare him while at it!

Well, I’m sure neither will feel that way with him. He really, really is… special.

I long for the day I’ll be able to see you all again. Take care.

Yours truly, Y/N.”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

I hope you’re ok with the fact that I’m no longer the youngest sister, because our family has grown thanks to the addition of the adorable twins Mai and Maki!

Mai is very sweet and soft spoken, rarely gets herself into trouble… or so that’s what she wants you to believe, because when you least expect it, she’s a mischievous little demon! I’ve already lost count of the times I’ve been spooked by her, and I’m 100% sure she’d give Satoru a run for his money—imagine all the things we could’ve planned together to get back at him? With guidance from us, the masters, Mai can be an excellent addition to our cause, and an unstoppable force ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ !!

But if you think that Mai is unstoppable, Maki is on a whole different level! She’s a bit rougher than her, although I think assertive is the right word for this situation… But don’t be fooled, for deep inside, she’s very sweet too. She’s caring and very protective of Mai and her mother, and isn’t afraid of speaking her mind. She kind of reminds me of you, and I think you two would definitely get along well. Also, I think I finally found your competition in her! Whenever we play she seems to never run out of energy, she’s also very strong, and sharp… is that even possible for a little girl like her? Maybe, you exist after all (￢‿￢ )

I wonder what Ren and dad would think of them—I know my mom would’ve loved them.

Yours truly, Y/N.”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

Have you ever seen something you weren’t supposed to? I promised not to tell anyone, but the embarrassment is killing me! So I need to tell someone, and that someone is you.

I saw… one of my ladies… with her boyfriend… doing… that. Kind of. Yeah. I don’t need to say more than that. And please don’t ask me to go into detail.

Obviously it wasn’t on purpose!! It was all an accident, but even if everything’s fine now, I still can’t get the image out of my head!!!

It was like… I don’t know, like when you hear that one of your teachers is pregnant. Like, sure, one can suppose those things happen in their personal life… but you don’t want to be told about them, you know?? Ugh!! The mental image!! Ewwww!!!

But ah, it certainly feels good to finally tell someone. I’ve been holding onto this secret for the longest because the rest of my staff doesn’t know, and can’t know because of some stupid details on their contract, but who am I to judge? Nonetheless, it was killing me!! But now you know too.

Now it’s only you, her, and me that knows this. So if this somehow leaks to the rest… I’ll know it was you! (◕‿◕)

Well, I can’t wait to see you again. Give Ren, dad, Sumire, and Satoru (optional) a big hug from me.

Yours truly, Y/N”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya.

I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya. I hate Naoya.

Yours truly, Y/N”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

…Does Kento ever wonder about me? Because I do. There’s moments where I can’t stop thinking about him, wondering if he knows where I am, what I’m doing now—or if he thinks I’ve abandoned him.

I hope not…

Well, I’m sure you and Ren already managed that, so I guess there’s really nothing to worry about. Or perhaps he already found out what happened to me by himself. You know how Kento is, always the one to seek out the truth when something’s aggravating him…

Still, I wish I was the one who told him that personally. If only I had the time to do that… then maybe I wouldn’t feel like this.

Do you think he ever foresaw me getting married? Maybe because of our clan, but… I, for once, did not think it would happen, not like this anyways.

And there’s so many things that I missed from him too—like how he’s doing at his job, if he’s already moved to where he told me he was going… or maybe even a promotion!

I can’t believe I’m missing out on my friend’s life… and even if nothing has occurred, I still would’ve liked to be there. Take him out to eat to celebrate… or be the shoulder he can lament on.

…

I hope he'll be able to forgive me for not being there, and that I’ll also be able to make it up to him in due time.

Please let him know I’m ok, and that I miss him very, very much.

Yours truly, Y/N”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

“Dear Hinata—

I can’t hide it anymore. I feel like I'm suffocating whenever I have to swallow my feelings and act as if nothing is happening, when the truth is completely different.

I need to get them out, get all of my pain out, less I want to be consumed by it.

My life at the Zen’in estate has been nothing but a nightmare—no, more than that. Nightmares at least end when you wake up. But I haven’t been able to do that. Whether I’m awake, or asleep, this is never ending, every day, getting worse as each day passes.

I can only assume this is hell.

The things I’ve been forced to go through just because of their depravity are ones I don’t think myself capable of writing down. The mere thought of them nauseates me, makes me want to run, as fast as I can and scream, to let everyone know what I have suffered… but I can’t, and I won’t, because I know no one will hear me.

Naoya has defiled my body, broken my spirit, humiliated me in all kinds of unimaginable ways, taken pride in it, and done it all over again.

But what hurts me the most isn’t what he did, but rather… how I allowed it.

There are days I can’t even stand the sight of myself in the mirror because all that I see is a weak woman that allowed herself to be soiled.

I lived through a lifetime of training, and yet, I couldn’t even stop him from hurting me.

Our family was right when saying that I wasn’t suited to be a sorcerer. Because how could I expect to protect others if I can’t even protect myself?

I’m weak. I’m a disappointment to you, to our family, to the community, and to myself.

Yet… you still wish to save me. You’re working so hard to get me out of here, as if I were worthy of your effort, while I’m unable to do the simplest of things…

I’m ashamed of all the things I’ve put you through. I wish to relieve you of all of this.

If only I could… die, stop being a burden to all of those that care for me, and just disappear… I know everyone would be much better.

I’m sorry”

━─━────༺༻────━─━

So on and so forth.

There’s no particular order behind these letters nor a general meaning to them—outside of being nothing more than a way to vent out the emotions you’re hesitant of disclosing to others, eventually sealing them in their respective envelope, and securely stashing them away from your staff and Naoaki, never to see the light of day.

There were days where your prolificness would show up after particular occurrences, making you fear for their privacy for you didn’t wish to appear… obvious that you were doing something outside the usual before your staff, especially from Mariya since nothing seems to escape her keen eye.

But if she has noticed such a thing, she’s yet to let you know. Well, you guess you could rest easily knowing she would never tell your secret to anyone else, and she’d never confront you directly about it either… but living with that uncertainty might come to torment you from time to time.

Ah, it’s probably all in your head either way. You’re more careful nowadays.

Nonetheless, you appreciate her prudence towards your sensitive matters… and the fact that you were able to find a good friend in this never-ending nightmare that is the Zen’in estate.

Three friends, to be precise: Haruko, Hitomi, and Mariya—they are the definition of loyal, understanding, and empathetic. Even after all that occurred… the horrible things you did to them… they still stood by your side, unwavering.

If there was only a way to repay all they’ve done for you… you’d take it without hesitation.

Or at least a better way from what you already tried. The sweets you got during your last outing were an attempt at that, but that’s only the least you could do and certainly not comparable…

So even after giving them what you labeled a token of your appreciation, you kept wondering day after day, just what else was in your power to show how truly grateful you were towards them…?

“What’s got your cute little head all worked up?”

“Hmm?” you blink, pulled away from the deep realm of your thoughts, back to the present and to the young man alongside you, Naoaki, alongside the wide variety of snacks your staff had prepared for your first break after a long day of overlooking your customary responsibilities. Just like everyday.

His focused yet inquisitive golden eyes intently stare at you, and this prompts you to shake off whatever remained of your thoughts away, and finally conduct all of your undivided attention to him.

“Oh, nothing, I was just… thinking.” you say, what happens to be somewhat of a truth.

“I can see that” he says, inching a bit closer to your side before reaching over for a grape and offering it to you. It’s been a while since you snacked on something, too deep into your mind to have noticed. He was getting a bit worried, so that’s why he called for you. “That’s a dangerous thing to do, you know”

You give him a small smile before chuckling, cheeks slightly warming up by the action as you take the fruit from his hand. Fingers slightly grazing each other, but you don’t think much of it.

“What? Afraid that I might be plotting something dangerous?”

“Maybe” he smirks, and then shrugs. “Gotta know if I have to prepare for the worst”

“Where’s the fun in that?” you tease back, then place the grape into your mouth. “I like to keep some mystery when plotting my evil schemes”

“You? Evil?” He ribbed. “Impossible”

“Huh? Why are you doubting me? I can be if I put my mind to it.” you sassed back.

“No, not a cutie like you—You and your mochi cheeks can be anything but evil” Naoaki smirks, raising his hand to carefully pinch your right cheek, and then, you’re overtaken by a combination of embarrassment and shock.

Frozen by his words, you’re unable to do anything else but try to back away from his hand, looking away being the quickest solution, before whispering once freed from him “...don’t say things like that”

“Or deceivingly evil too” he adds with a chuckle. Naoaki is clearly enjoying just how easy it is to get you all flustered. Cute is the word he uses to describe how he sees you. “Feeling better?”

“... a bit” Once your embarrassment disappears, you turn back to him, now able to appreciate the intentions behind his unforeseen efforts.

You don’t know how he does it, (or why in some of your most self-conscious moments) but it’s like he has a sixth sense when detecting whenever you’re feeling down—Perhaps it’s your glaring gloomy face and your uncharacteristic silence that gives it away—and how always knows how to make you happy.

You truly can't believe you were blessed enough to meet him in a place like this.

“Did you like the candy?” you proceed to change subjects, one that you remember not following through due to both of your unavoidable commitments.

“I’m not that much into sweets, but I liked the few I tasted.” Naoaki admits as he leans back into his arm, sighing. You move closer to him, placing your arms alongside his and resting your head on his shoulder, gaze landing on the garden before the two—it's one of the few that still had some spring flowers, the others having already withered away due to the cold weather. In order to make the most of them before they inevitably disappear, this has become your go-to place whenever taking a break. “Now that I think about it, that makes me sound a bit ungrateful”

“No— of course not!” you shake your head; the last thing you wanted was your gift to be perceived as anything else but what you intended: appreciation. “I mean… I was just trying to repay you for all the things you’ve given and done for me… but there’s nothing more I would’ve liked than getting you something closer to your preference, but I—”

“Don’t worry about it” he interjects, swiftly cutting the path he thinks to be leading you back into sour memories. He’s stayed away until now, and Naoaki wants to keep it that way. “I still liked them. I just hope you don’t mind I shared them with Naohiko and Naofumi so they wouldn’t go to waste”

“Oh, you did?” you blink, and your interest is hooked at their mention.

It’s been quite a while since you saw either, even more so to when you last spoke to them.

The only exception being Naohiko, and that’s only because of the surprising interest he had towards one of your ladies. From there, it’s not hard to guess why he kept his distance from you: he doesn’t like you. And honestly? You’re ok with that. He’s not very friendly to begin with anyways.

Naofumi, however, is the one you have not seen at all after your introduction, aside from brief glances here and there, occasional greetings whenever he’s close enough to hear them, but from there, nothing. He’s virtually invisible, and that’s a shame, because you felt a certain affection towards him and would love to get to know him a bit better. Maybe Naoaki can arrange something…?

“What did they think?” you ask.

“I hope you weren’t expecting much from Naohiko, since he’s kind of… how do I say it…?”

“A jerk?” you blurt out, and he huffs.

“Heh, guess there’s no other way to put it”

“Hmmm, well, it seems he’s only like that with me. Others would say he’s not that bad.” you say, and Naoaki raises an eyebrow.

“Now that’s a new one. Where did that come from?”

“Oh, nowhere.” you shrug, reaching for another grape. You intend to stuff it in your mouth as if to create an escape from being confronted and telling on more than you already have, but Naoaki, who came from a family of exceptional sorcerers, caught on to your intentions almost immediately, and swiftly robbed the grape from your hand, foiling your escape plan and causing you to drop your mouth agape out of shock. “Hey!”

“Ah, ah” he grins, raising his hand to keep the grape away from you as you scurry to grab it back, to no avail. “No grape for you until you tell me”

“Tell you what? I don’t know what you’re talking about!” you feign ignorance, or more like try to save Hitomi’s reputation, with a wide grin on your lips that implies something else. You might be a bit offended by his actions, but you can’t say you weren’t having fun.

“I’ve never heard anyone say that about my brother” he explains, face leaning closer to yours. You blush, darting your eyes away at the sudden proximity. “Come on, Y/N. Tell me— or I’ll be forced to keep you here. I don’t care if you have more things to do, you’re not leaving until you tell me.”

“Well then, I hope you’re comfortable with what you’re wearing because we’re spending the night here!” you declare, crossing your arms and looking away. He huffs, clearly impressed

“Seems I miscalculated your loyalty for your staff.”

“My staff?” you blink “Who said anything about—”

“Guess.”

Ah, Naohiko, of course. His well-known imprudence goes hand-in-hand with indiscretion. There is no way he would’ve been able to keep quiet about his newfound interest on the then newest addition to the staff, the dark yet beautifully mysterious Hitomi, without gushing about it to his brothers, of course. It’s physically impossible for him to do so.

“...Oh” you murmur, sounding a bit defeated. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Well, putting aside Naohiko’s opinion, Naofumi liked them very much. I’m telling you, you don’t find these kinds of things around the estate, so it's only obvious they'd jump at the chance of eating them—even if they don’t like it.” he reassures you with a smile, enjoying the way your face seems to light up at the seeming approval of one of his siblings. A sight he never wishes to take his eyes from… or better, earn it for himself. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about anything, I can assure you, they liked it”

“I wasn’t that worried about them…” you slowly begin to confess, cheeks slowly obtaining a crimson color as you glance from the garden before you, to his hands, and finally, up to his eyes. “...I was more worried… about you.”

“Really?” he murmurs, his voice low and husky, in such a way that makes something inside you… burn, as he tilts his head to the side.

Naoaki is moved by your admittance, however, he’s not surprised, for you often portray your care towards others, it was in your kind nature after all.

But the more he gets to be with you, the more he can’t help but think that, from a moment forward, there’s been an additional value behind your words, your actions; and he’s not talking about the night he cuddled you, he’s talking about something else, something deeper.

Something more meaningful, intimate between the two—a thing he longs for, yet, saddens him.

There’s no doubt in his mind that if the circumstances between the two had been completely different, without his brother lingering in the background, and no commitments holding you down, he wouldn’t be this hesitant. Perhaps you neither.

But after all that’s happened… is it… impossible? Maybe… there is something to be done.

“Do you think of me often?” he incites. “Because I do”

“…There’s no way to answer that” you press your lips together, swallowing before looking away once again—you can never look him in the eye like this, yet, as overwhelming as it feels, you don’t wish to run away.

“I think there is.” He says, moving his hand close to your lips, hovering over them and carefully placing the grape there, as if inviting you to let it in.

You were hesitant, beyond flustered by the seemingly intimate undertone of his action and the consequences that it could unleash, but you eventually relent, slowly opening your lips and accepting the fruit.

But when you thought your agitation couldn’t worsen, the moment you feel the warmth from his fingertips slide over your lips your heart explodes.

It’s not the first time you’ve been this close to him, the most being when you shared a bed with him one particular night you were feeling like absolute garbage, but this… this is beyond that—and you know so because it feels like that.

You’ve long admitted feeling the existence of a sprout, the smallest of them yet ever present, of what you assumed to be feelings for him.

It took you a while to get there, still working on it in a way, mainly out of fear of doing something that might endanger you, or… not wanting to go past the point of no return when you finally acknowledge them.

It’s not time for that, you’d say to yourself from time to time, as if to feel less guilty for them this isn’t something you should be doing if you want to survive…

But if all he’s ever done is bring you happiness in this cold, dark world, keep you… hopeful, perhaps even motivated, to keep on fighting…

Is it really that bad to indulge in them?

Anyone else would’ve supposed not.

After chewing your grape, you look back up to him, only for your cheeks to flare up even more—was that even possible at this point?—for his golden eyes were firmly set on yours, and it might just be your imagination, but you feel as if he were… asking you to do something. Do more.

It’s like he could see the essence of your soul, and the turmoil in your thoughts, discarding everything else around you, and hypnotizing you to solely keep your attention on him and make a decision regarding your feelings.

But that moment was not to arrive just yet, and when his exposure felt too much for your poor heart to handle, as well as remembering your current position, you instinctively looked away, comfortingly reaching for another grape, and shoving it into your mouth, in order to bail you out of this situation.

Had you been alone, in the confines in your room with him, underneath this exact situation, would you have reacted the same way? Or finally take the next step?

“…A—Anyways” you murmur, voice strained, as you do your best to wash away the lingering sentiments of this sudden encounter while praying that this hadn’t ruined anything between the two. After all, there is a possibility you were just misinterpreting his actions…

Can you still say that after he admitted to wanting to be close to you, outside of a simple friendship?

“How’s—How’s work?”

Naoaki falters for a moment at your unexpected detour, frantically asking himself if he had overstepped and caused you to feel uncomfortable.

Maybe, but even then, he doesn’t allow this change to upset him that much—out of the necessary of course. Naoaki hates the possibility of hurting you, so much that he’s already thinking on how to make it up to you— for he's long learned that these small moments with you are the ones he should value above anything else; if it’s meant to happen, it will… he supposes.

Instead, he smiles, holding back his disappointment and angst for longing something more, before continuing on with conversation.

“Busy, it’s been terrible. And it’s only getting worst since we’re getting close to the busiest day of the year”

“Busiest day…?” you repeat, wasn’t that usually during summer?

“October, finals of”

Oh. Right. It’s only the second busiest day of the year for sorcerers.

“Halloween” you answer “Wow, time sure goes by fast”

Has it really been that long since you married Naoya?

“Especially when you’re busy.” he groans. Naoaki sure loves working as a sorcerer, but sometimes it just… ugh. “I’m not enjoying the fact I rarely get time to spend here anymore, from the moment I wake to when I sleep, all I do is work, work, paperwork, and more work”

“I’ve noticed—you rarely spend the night here too.”

“Hmmm, when you put it that way, I guess I got lucky.”

“Why?” you tilt your head, confused.

“I saved myself from your cold hands and feet”

You pale.

“Jesus… Naoaki” you frown “… you always have to make fun of me, don’t you?”

“I can’t help it, you make it too easy” he smirks, and your indignation (or worry, more likely) is ignited once more.

“I’m working on it. It was supposed to be a surprise but… I guess I could tell you now” you effused, now both excited and nervous to see his reaction. “I was making gloves for you! So… my hands wouldn’t bother you that much”

Naoaki blinks, now it’s his time to be flustered.

“Oh, Y/N… I—I was only joking about that!”

“... it doesn’t have to be just for that” you say, embarrassed to have taken his words a bit too seriously. But you couldn’t be blamed, the last thing you wanted to be is a nuisance for him… and you felt your hands too… maybe you should be the one wearing them? Oh, how… awkward… “You can take them to missions, or just… use them in general… If I ever get to finish them”

“What do you mean?”

“I was doing them alongside Hitomi, but now she’s doing something else so I had to pause that. I hope I’ll be able to catch up before winter ends!” you chuckle nervously, scratching the back of your neck and Naoaki smiles. He already thought you couldn’t be any more perfect… but your enthusiasm towards his gift proved him wrong.

“I’m sure they’re going to be great when you finish them” he reassures you and your heart flutters. For him, you’ll do your best. “As for catching up… there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you before I leave again”

“Oh” your heart sinks. Already so soon? He’s only been here for a few hours, must he really go? “When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow. And it seems I won’t be able to visit you until halloween season is over, but I’ll try to do my best to be here.” he says, and you press your lips. It definitely sounds like it’s going to be a long time before you’ll be able to see him again… you just hope nothing bad happens until then.

“What is it that you wanted to tell me?”

“I saw your sister the other day”

And in less than a second, the sentiments you had of anguish pertaining to his absence were swiftly replaced by those of shock and optimism, for what this sudden course of events could mean to your predicament, and overall, the closure you've been desperately seeking.

“Wh—where? When??” Unable to contain your emotions, you fret, instinctively lunging towards him and grabbing his hands. Although when it comes to him, when do you not?

“HQ called for a reunion a while ago” Naoaki starts, holding onto your hands gently. It was endearing for him to see how your big round eyes glistened with anticipation at the mention of your sister.

Oh, if only…

“I wasn’t expecting to be there at first, but since I’m covering for Naoya for the moment… Anyways, the meeting turned out to be a pretty important one since a bunch of other sorcerers were there, amongst them, your sister.”

“Was—Did you see my brother too?” you naturally presume, your expectations now soaring in the sky.

“No, unfortunately I didn’t” he responds, and you press your lips, discouraged. «Well, you shouldn’t be greedy» you try to reassure yourself «it’s good enough that he’s been able to see at least one person from my family»

“What happened? Did she talk with you? Did you talk to her?”

“Ah, Y/N… I’m going to be completely honest—I tried approaching her but she… she didn’t seem very friendly” Naoaki chuckled nervously, so as to hide his own disappointment towards himself. It seems that whenever he has advancements regarding your family, it’s always negative.

He wishes that the day he’d be able to tell you something good will come soon… if only to easen some of your burdens.

“What… happened?” you prod on. To say that you were also disappointed… well, it was only expected that you’d be. “Did she say something?”

“I tried approaching her, at first to say hi but as soon as she looked at me I felt as if I had done something terrible. She gave me a stern look, remained quiet, and then… left. I gotta say Y/N, if it wasn’t because you two look alike, I would've never guessed you were related to her—since you’re so kind and friendly…”

With that, alongside the fact this wasn’t the first time you heard such a thing, you’d have to agree with Naoaki.

Hinata always carried an aura that was colloquially known as “scary dog privilege” wherever she went—especially with you.

In other words, whenever out together, Hinata acted as if she were your own personal bodyguard, scaring off unsuspecting passersby she considered unworthy of your attention, presenting a threat to you, or just people she didn’t vibe with—and that’s a behavior she had since childhood

To make matters worse, Ren was like that too—you grew to assume that their overprotectiveness came from your status as the youngest of the family (and in some peculiar cases, fear of being replaced), a quirk that came straight from your father’s side��although you could feel a bit at ease with him, since he acted that way that with everyone… kind of.

So to hear that your sister wasn’t that receptive towards Naoaki was not surprising—if anything, it just made sense. From a start, Hinata never liked the Zen’in, considering them to be too conceited. A sentiment that naturally extended to Naoya. Who Naoaki looks like…

You sigh.

Had Hinata known Naoaki the same way you did, you were absolutely sure their encounter would’ve been way different—maybe even worked with him to get you out of there— but since all she has for reference is Naoya, it’s only natural that she’d treat him with a certain… disdain.

Perhaps not stupidly obvious as to not set off any alarms, but she wouldn’t relate to him any more than necessary. For all she knew, Naoaki might be just as guilty as Naoya.

Is that—is that the reason why she hasn’t responded to your letters? They are signed under Naoaki’s name after all…

«Oh, Hinata…»

You really hoped she would’ve seen through their façade and given them a chance… Her stubbornness can be quite the powerful enemy when it comes to it.

But if that hasn’t been achieved in the past, what makes you think it would change now?

“Yeah, that sounds like my sister alright” you murmured, releasing another sigh. “She’s always been like that, not… very friendly.”

“She did greet me eventually” Naoaki interjects, as if trying to save the reputation of your sister before your eyes. As an older brother, he knows all too well that awful feeling of disappointing your younger siblings. “It was a quick nod, and I can’t blame her, she seemed to have the heaviest workload of the season, at least from what I heard at the briefing—no wonder she wasn’t all too friendly, she’s probably overworked.”

Another reason, the most plausible one, for her silence. One that consoles you into not being so harsh towards her.

You can’t imagine that being a very important, highly sought after sorcerer was any fun, or that it left her any time to do something. That was already her life when she was just a student, getting to see her less and less during holiday breaks, so now that she’s a professional it just got worse.

Yet, as overworked as she was, you never left her mind.

This doesn’t make you feel any less regretful than you already were when it came to your frustration for her lack of response—but it at least reminds you to be extra careful if you decide to send more letters to her.

Your actions, even though taking place in a secluded area, must not jeopardize her in any shape or form. Avoid giving away anything that might inform Naoya you’re planning your escape with your sister and ruin her efforts.

Now that you think about it, Naoaki actually exposed himself even more than he already has when it came to interacting with her.

If anyone from the Zen’in clan, or someone close to them, had seen the two or gotten the faintest idea that something was going on, they might’ve rushed to relay this information to your tormentors with the purpose of enacting punishment—more so after your reputation as been notably tarnished after the rumors that sprouted between you and Naoaki.

You assume that because something has yet to occur, they didn’t know—but risks are something you can’t afford to take and maybe next time you won’t be as lucky.

“It’s good she didn’t say anything then” you say, and this catches Naoaki by surprise.

“Why do you say that, Y/N?”

“Because someone could’ve seen you with her and assumed something bad” you explain “I’m… supposed to be here, cut away from the world, right?”

“…right” he frowns, whenever he remembers that you’re virtually locked up in this fancy jail infuriates him. Yet, he doesn’t want you to lose hope, and he reminds you that. “I’m still willing to send her letters.”

“Thank you… but right now I don’t have anything” you say, omitting the fact that you’ve been writing consistently, although as explained before, for therapeutic reasons. Not exactly letters you’d want to be delivered any time soon, if at all, and certainly not the ones you’d wish to get intercepted if you ran out of luck. “For now I just want you to focus on your job, do the best you can, and get back safely—from what you’ve told me, it seems it’s only getting worse.”

“Ah, that’s nothing new” he shrugs. “The only thing I look forward to when out are the days I’ll be able to see you again.”

“…gee, you just love making me feel bad, don’t you?” you pout.

“Huh? Why?” he chuckles. “I’m just saying the truth”

“Because you make me sound like I’m so interesting, when that couldn’t be any further from the truth! I just tend to the house, help Mai and Maki with their homework, or follow Junko around the estate. Certainly not things I’d call exciting.”

“That’s not true. And you know that.” Naoaki frowns, he never, ever liked this denigrating aspect of yours. To him, you were doing equally important work. “Either way, I’d rather you do that than be out there where it’s not safe… Although I’m sure you’re more than apt in defending yourself, fellow sorcerer—even if you hadn’t told me your technique yet.”

Ah, if only he knew you were questioning your abilities in one of those many letters…

“Like I told you… I’d rather show you.” you explain and he smiles.

“I’ll look forward to that day then” He gently pinches your cheek, and you huff, annoyed by the pain from his pinch, before laughing once he releases you and chuckles as well.

A shadow suddenly emerges at the distance, catching your attention just by the corner of your eye, making your head swirl into its direction in an attempt to figure out what it was.

The answer soon appears clear as day: It’s Mariya, with a tray in her hands intended to pick up your plates, walking towards the two, alongside the reminder that your break was over.

“I have to go now” you say, a bit embarrassed at the notion that she might’ve seen your closeness with Naoaki, as well as upset that it had to end seemingly so soon—It’s been well over an hour, far longer than what you intended, but with him, time seems nonexistent. “Well, I’m certainly happy that I got to see you before you left”

“It was nice seeing you again too, pretty” he smirks and you halt, mind attempting to process his compliment, before continuing on by standing up quickly, an effort made to aside your fluster, and begin to pick up your plates—but Naoaki wins you to it by doing the same, if not a bit faster.

“…Thank you” you say, receiving the dishes from his hands, before looking up to him. No words were said between the two, but you knew it was not time to say goodbye.

Your farewells with him now consisted of a hug, which you were more than tempted to do on this occasion, but Mariya’s presence stops you, so instead, you opt to perform a simple bow, wish him a good trip, and turn around for your own departure.

Or so that’s what you intended to do, for Naoaki had another plan; before you were able do as much as think of heading towards Mariya, he swiftly grabs you by the arm, careful to not startle you into dropping the plates and pulls you into his chest, tightly wrapping his arms around you and encasing you there.

Your heart was already a mess the moment the back of your head landed on his chest, more so when you unwittingly imagined the look in Mariya’s face for acting witness to this moment, but when you take a whiff of his scent, and feel his head resting on yours before kiss it, you spiral.

“In case I don’t see you for a while—I don’t want to forget how you feel in my arms”

With your hands slightly trembling, Naoaki eventually releases you from his grasp, slowly turning you around to give you a soft kiss on the forehead—another gesture that has your heart thundering against your ears.

“See you later, Y/N. Don’t work yourself too hard.” And with that, Naoaki leaves.

Your eyes remain glued on his back as he walks further and further away from you, as if trying to ensure his safe departure, before returning to the present and to the stern face of a woman who wasn’t too fond of this relationship (but under divergent circumstances compared to the Zen'in) when he was finally gone—Mariya.

Once seeing you walk towards her, Mariya snaps out of her trance and steps closer to you, intending to swiftly maneuver the plates from your hand into her tray.

“Did you enjoy your food?” She asks. You tried to help her with her task, but no matter how many times you tried, she never relented. Well, Mariya didn’t gain her outstanding reputation for nothing.

The first thing that Mariya noticed from the plates was that the snacks were completely gone. She usually doesn’t make a big deal out of it, outside of watching what kinds of things you were inclined to eat and see if they matched Junko’s… “suggested” diet, however before she could do all that, she first needs to assess whether it had been you the one behind its emptiness or Naoaki, whom she has now unwillingly taken the role to feed as well.

Which she did not like, not one bit.

Couldn’t he just ask his own staff or something? Her loyalty only extends to you, not him. Ah, well, it doesn’t matter anymore, she’s long accepted the fact that whenever he’s around she’s feeding two.

“Yes, it was good as always” you say, a quick nod and a smile on your face as you now follow Mariya deeper into the estate and onto your following chores—your previous sentiments of awkwardness now slowly dissipating. “The grapes were particularly sweet today.”

“They’re from a fresher batch, Haruko made sure to check them.”

“Haruko’s taste never fails.” you proudly state. “I know I can always count on her for that!”

Mariya’s lips tugged upwards at the mentions of one of the sisters, and it wouldn’t take much longer before she comes to the conclusion that she’d be a fool to let Naoaki ruin her time with you. After all, she too has found a good friend in you.

“Her reactions are the best way to know if a food is good or not. If it’s good, she’d grin, but if it’s bad, she’d twist her mouth in the funniest way ever that always has me laughing!—Ah, this takes me back to the face she made upon tasting the sweets you got her. I’ve never seen her that happy!”

And how could you forget? It had been a sight that eased your nerves, caused by your indecision when it came to selecting gifts for your staff.

Of all of them, you were most hesitant towards Haruko due to her peculiar appetite. While she was known to be a great lover of all the edible, you didn’t want to choose the one thing she didn’t like.

Fortunately, of all things that were said of Haruko, being a picky eater was not amongst them, apparent on her excitement upon receiving your gift, wasting no time to rip the box open and gobble all of its contents, which naturally earned her a scolding from Hitomi.

“If you eat them too quickly you won’t get to enjoy them!”

Haruko was on her way to retaliate, but you swiftly interrupted her by taking out another bag of sweets and handing it over to her.

“I… kind of suspected that would happen, so I got more.” you explain nervously. “I wasn’t sure which of the two to get you, so I got both… I hope it’s ok.”

Moved by your gesture, Haruko would begin to cry, much to your shock, and then, happiness.

“Oh Y/N-chan…!” she then lunged towards you to wrap her arms around you, unwittingly rattling you. “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, thank you so much!!”

You chuckle, immediately wrapping your arms around her, reassuring her it was fine and to continue on with tasting out all of the sweets—you got her a variety pack after all, and all flavors must obtain her approval before anything else!

Hitomi on the other hand, relents to accepting that her sister will always be like that, sighing and crossing her arms as if disappointed, but then, a smile parts her lips, proving that it really didn’t bother her that much either way.

Hitomi and Mariya would also get a gift from you, showing their gratitude in a less theatrical way than Haruko, but holding the same sentiment.

The seamstress would have a few samples at that moment, before saving them for another occasion, in her own words: to have after dinner, or when craving something different from the usual.

And Mariya would do the same, keeping her two bags for another moment, but for an entirely different situation. Which wasn’t a decision that raised any suspicion amongst the rest of your staff, only clear to those involved: she intended to share them with Tatsuro, her boyfriend. And you wanted her to share them with him, for you also wished to acknowledge how he, although indirectly, supported you as well—it’s why you gave her double the gifts in the first place.

From there, last but not least, Mai and Maki: as a reward for all the hard work they’ve been doing at school and to keep persevering, as well to show that you cherished them very, very much. God knows they deserve it the most.

However their mother, always the attentive one, seemed to sense the intention from you as soon as it crossed your mind, and before you were even able to do as much as ask for them, Junko warned.

“Don’t even think about it.”

Well, now you were left with more bags that you would’ve liked, and the responsibility of finishing them before rumors began to make their way across the halls.

Haruko, Hitomi and you tried to finish them to the best of your ability, but the team took a hit when Haruko went into a small sugar coma, forcing the rest of the members to delegate this task to someone else, that person being… Tatsuro.

Ever since that aspect of Mariya’s personal life became apparent, all of her actions gained another layer of meaning—it was so obvious that when she wasn’t partaking in her responsibilities, she was spending time with him. Either through her slightly pinkish cheeks, the smallest strands of her out of place from her usually tight bun, or the subtle stammers accompanying her speech… all roads that led to him.

Which prompts you to ask…

“So… how was Tatsuro today?” you say, a mischievous smirk on your face as the two continue on your path.

“Good… thank you for asking.” Mariya says, carefully glancing at her surroundings as if to check no one’s around, before continuing on. “He’s been in a happier mood since you got him those candies, said it reminded him of his childhood, when he’d go to the convenience store after a hard day at school, to cheer himself up.”

She laughs at the memory.

“Oh, and what was a hard day for you, Tatsuro? Getting to study instead of playing? ” she’d tease.

“Absolutely! A kid has to enjoy a healthy balance of work and play! You’ll have the rest of your life to worry about those things—so why not make the best of your youth when you can?” he states proudly, before pulling her close to him, wrapping his arms around her waist, and resting his head on her shoulder “And I just happen to know someone who needs to be reminded of that”

“Just eat” she says, hearing him laugh before kissing her cheek.

“I’m glad he liked them” you smile before sighing. “Ah, but I’m still upset that I wasn't able to give them to Mai and Maki…”

“Don’t torture yourself with it. You know how their mother is, it’s the intention that counts at the end, and I’m sure they would’ve liked it either way”

“I would’ve loved to hear it from them though… and isn’t it weird that Junko-san doesn't let them eat candies? They’re kids! That’s when you’re supposed to!” you justify.

“Is that what you told yourself when you were younger to not feel bad?” Mariya raises an eyebrow, taunting you with a smirk.

“…Maybe” the two laugh. “Oh, come on, Mariya! Don’t tell me you didn’t indulge in sweets when you were younger!”

“I couldn’t afford them when I was younger” she declares, and her statement makes you feel… a bit like a jerk, honestly. You really should remember that not everyone has the same facilities as you—Hitomi and Haruko being prime examples of that, having previously confided to you that they virtually send all of their money to their mother and sister in order for them to live a comfortable life.

Mariya catches your gloomy reaction, which immediately makes her regret her selection of words, and proceeds to clear up the guilt in your face. “I mean, I might not specifically indulge in sweets, but there were other things I liked.”

“Like what?” you eventually ponder, now feeling less imprudent. What could the talented Mariya long for when the midnight craves hit?

“Shaved ice— I know it’s not that easy to do, but, oh… it’s so, so worth it.” She says, with a tone that drips of desire to get her hands on a bowl.

“What’s your favorite flavor?”

“Strawberry, but I’ve been leaning more into lemon nowadays, or a combination of flavors. Ever since Tatsuro bombarded me with strawberries I’m done with it—at least for now.”

“Aaaahh, so the best way to win your heart is through food?” you gasp “Who would’ve known!”

“You’re quite cheeky, aren’t you?” she grits her teeth, you laugh.

“But am I lying though??—Oh, how sweet!”

“…He is! “ Putting aside your playfulness, Mariya succumbs to doting on her undeniably adorable boyfriend—and let him be appreciated too! “Whenever there’s a new delivery of shaved ice he always does his best to save some for me…”

“Aww, I can see he loves you, very, very much” you gush “How long have you and Tatsuro been dating for?”

“We’ve actually been together for a few mon—”

“Who’s Tatsuro?” A gentle voice asks, coming from behind the two and certainly unaccounted for, evident by the way you and Mariya freeze on the spot, wide-eyed and skin pale, while darting at each other distressed we messed up glances before slowly turning around to uncover their identity:

It was Hitomi. The last person they wanted knowing of Mariya’s secret.

There’s a reason why you and Mariya had kept this aspect of her life away from them, specifically the seamstress. And it’s not because neither believed them capable of keeping a secret, as you stated before, they were tombs when it came to that.

But rather… Mariya didn’t want to disappoint them. Didn’t want to appear hypocritical by saying she was following the guidelines of the estate, and then, not.

She already went through her fair share of doubts when it came to accepting her feelings for him and subsequently starting a relationship, so she could only imagine how this would shatter the perfect image of responsibility she conveyed to them—the one that worried her the most was Hitomi, the stricter of the two, and the most sensitive as well.

Thus, it’s only reasonable that she’d lie on this occasion.

“Oh, no one important.” Mariya explained, jumping to adopt the indifferent stance she has to take in these situations, while scrambling to create a good enough response to stop Hitomi’s rising suspicions. “Just a fellow staff member, one I talk to from time to time to check the goods that arrive at the estate. He’s part of the group in charge of the exteriors, like finding wood, or the food that isn’t found at the village, those kinds of things—that might be why you don’t know him.”

The seamstress keeps quiet while intently staring at your main lady-in-waiting, seemingly with no other intentions than to scrutinize her words down to the smallest details and find the underlying deceit, if there’s any.

As seconds pass and she has yet to say anything, both you and Mariya feel the pressure of her judgment growing heavier and heavier in the air, slowly coming to realize that the moment both did the best they could to avoid, has finally arrived.

Time goes by agonizingly slowly under Hitomi’s sharp gaze, and you could almost feel a confrontation was to happen, the anticipation making your palms sweat, Mariya’s heart pounding painfully —it’s such a nerve wracking moment, that when Hitomi finally decides to speak, both feel like they’re going to pass out.

Fortunately, it seems that all their worries were for naught, for what she says and does is nothing less than music to both yours and Mariya’s ears: she sighs, crossing her arms, and takes the conversation to an entirely different direction.

“I see. Well, I just came to see Y/N.” Hitomi says “There’s some clothes I want her to try for the cold season, before it gets cold obviously.”

“Oh—it’s that what you’ve been working on?” Mariya asks, now feeling safe that her secret will continue being just that, a secret. Nonetheless, something from this moment would continue to bother her the back of her mind, as if telling her to not lower her guard just yet, for Hitomi might’ve moved this topic for another day…—or maybe it’s just her paranoia speaking.

“Yes—I wanted to make something for Y/N-chan as a thank you for the gift she gave us.” she explains—and suddenly it all made sense as to why she’d paused your lessons with her, why she’d disappeared for hours, or why she was going down to the village more often than necessary. It’s because she was preparing warm clothes for you.

And as if that wasn’t impressive enough, the reason behind her actions makes you feel more silly when comparing what you gave her in the first place.

You don’t try to believe, at all, that your candies are adequate competition against the amazing garment you were absolutely sure she had prepared for you…

“Oh…” you murmur, cheeks red with embarrassment yet, moved by her gesture. “thank you…”

“It’s nothing” she says, turning to you and giving you a smile. “I already have the things in your room—if there’s nothing else pending to do, I’d like you to try them on now.”

“There’s only one thing left on your schedule, Y/N” Mariya says “But it’s not urgent, so we can postpone it to later.”

“Then it’s set, let’s try on some new clothes!” You grin, clasping your hands. Truth to be told, you were glad this change happened, because you weren’t feeling like going back to your duties just yet. So no resistance from your part.

“Where’s Haruko, by the way?” Mariya asks once the group begins to head towards your chambers.

“She’s in the kitchen, but she’s already making her way here.” Hitomi responds. Knowing her sister well, she made it her duty to tell her first before searching for you, for in Haruko’s own words… I’d die if you made something and didn’t show me!

“Then it won’t take long to see her.” Mariya presumes, and just as they enter the living quarters, the blurry image of Haruko sprinting to their direction makes its appearance. “Talk of the devil…”

“Ah, I’m so happy I managed to get here before anything started!” she breathes, rushing over to the group while seemingly holding something underneath her sleeves and obi—her enthusiasm makes you feel anxious and a bit embarrassed, for it makes it seem as if you were attending some kind of gala…

Well, you won’t say that underneath all those sentiments, you weren’t a bit excited too.

“What do you have there?” Hitomi frowns upon noticing the protrusion on her clothes, silently hoping it’s not one of her usual escapades that will definitely put her in trouble if seen by the wrong eyes…

“Snacks, of course!” she grins, making the youngest of the two groan. Mariya and you hold back stifled chuckles, the performance was just about to start.

“Oh, Haruko! How many times have I told you not to do that? Were you at least careful to not be cau—”

Thud!

The noise, although relatively demure when compared to Hitomi’s voice or the sounds of water coming from the nearby pond, is prominent enough to cut through their conversation and immediately pull their attention towards it’s direction.

They kept silent, as if waiting for a repetition…

Thud!

It came from the same direction, and now, all of their attention is on it. With their curiosity growing stronger and stronger the closer they got to its origin, more so when distinguishing rushed, heavy footsteps amongst the commotion.

Walking deeper into the living quarters, they eventually see a group of staff members gathering in the hallways, who were carrying two large boxes as they walk towards one of the rooms and stop just outside the door—coincidentally, yours.

“What is going on?” you’re the first to ask when they put down the cardboard boxes outside your room. Unable to figure out by a mere glance, the first thing that comes to mind is that the Zen’in finally grew tired of your presence and decided to gather your things and kick you out—although by Naobito’s threat, you doubt that’s the reality…

Or maybe they’re transporting something and decided to take a small break, completely unrelated to why they were standing out your room.

… But they’ve been there for a while now… so that couldn’t be it either.

You’re back to the starting point, with a mystery that appeared to make less and less the longer they stared, keeping you and your staff at edge.

Eventually your group decides to walk towards the men, where one of them was seemingly dusting off a layer of dirt from the top of the box, with the intention of getting an explanation.

Mariya had her doubts when watching them from afar, but now that they’re close she’s able to recognize one of them as none other than Tatsuro himself.

Knowing well to keep her relationship with him as neutral and unsuspecting as possible, Mariya throws the following inquiry into the air for whoever desired to respond.

“What is the meaning of these boxes?” Your prime lady-in-waiting asks, eyes darting from the box before them.

Tatsuro is the one that ends up responding either way.

“It’s a delivery for Lady Y/N”

Mariya, Haruko, and Hitomi raise their eyebrows out of surprise—but you… your heart jumps out of excitement instead.

“Delivery?” you breathe “For… me?”

If so, this could mean that Hinata… that she finally responded?

You try to not show your elation… something that is easily achievable when remembering that your sister would never make her contact that obvious.

Had it been the case, you more likely than not would've heard of it from someone else first… if ever at all, since you were supposed to be under the harsh isolation.

So if not her… then who?

“From whom?” Mariya asks what’s troubling you. “Who signed it?”

“It doesn’t say” Tatsuro responds, his face lamenting he doesn’t have any more information, she tries to reassure him it’s fine. “All that we know is that it’s under her name, and that the post service delivered it to us a few hours ago, but we weren’t able to deliver it until right now” Tatsuro then turns to you “We first have to get clearance before delivering any packages to the recipients, it’s a measure imposed to ensure the safety of all members. I apologize for the tardiness if this was something urgent.”

“No, it’s fine” you say, gently shaking your head. “I… wasn’t even aware I was to get something.”

Haruko and Hitomi look at each other at the notion, before glancing at Mariya— curiosity and concern evident on their faces.

Well, they could at least relax when it came to danger, assuming no threat was to come from the box since they passed the filters, but then… What exactly was inside the box?

“If there’s nothing more I can help you with, we’ll be going back to our posts” He says, and you nod, a gesture that serves as permission to do just that.

Tatsuro rounds up the rest of his fellow coworkers, bowing to you, and giving Mariya a quick glance, before departing, leaving nothing but the elephant in the room and the overwhelming debacle of whether to acknowledge it or not.

“It’s truly under your name” Hitomi says once stepping closer to the box and getting a better look at the shipping label. “But it also doesn’t say who sent it—at least not directly.”

“What does it say?” Haruko asks, peeking over her sister’s shoulder.

“Something about… storage, no, warehouse. I think”

“It’s from a store more likely” Mariya explains.“Does the name sound familiar to you?”

It’s now your turn to look over to the shipping label, walking over to Hitomi and glancing over her shoulder—you’re hoping to recognize it, get to the bottom of it, but unfortunately it doesn’t ring any bells.

“No” you shake your head, disappointed. “…What… could this mean?”

“I don’t know” Mariya truthfully speaks, equally disappointed that she hasn’t been able to figure it out yet. “There’s no other way to know but to open it”

“Are you sure? What if it’s something that.. well, that I shouldn’t open?” you counter, and she presses her lips together.

“We won’t know either way if we don’t do it—besides, it’s under your name… if it wasn’t intended to be seen by you, then why send it?” Mariya explains, and it makes sense—thus after slight reluctance, you proceed accordingly.

Cue her, Haruko, Hitomi carefully picking up the surprisingly heavy boxes, a fact that made all the women dart their eyes at each other out of surprise and confusion, while you opened the door and allowed them inside.

Their size makes your already small room appear even tinier, but you reassure yourself by thinking it’s only for the time being. Who knows, maybe the things inside the box are intended to be stored somewhere else, naturally, allowing you to regain the robbed space.

Either way, once everything and everyone was inside, the decisive moment was amongst your midst.

“Which one shall I start with…?” you ask—as if the order mattered at this point— while taking a seat on your futon.

“Maybe with that one?” Hitomi suggests, pointing to the box right in front of you. It seemed the easiest route for something you didn’t want to deal with, so you concur.

“I just need something to cut—oh” you blink, surprised by Mariya’s swiftness when giving you a cutter, taken right out of her pocket. You’d seem to have forgotten that she always carried an assortment of tools on her… just in case, as she’d say. And it seems you were the only one that knew that, judging by Haruko’s and Hitomi’s intrigued faces. “Thank you”

“Don’t mention it” she says, taking a seat next to you, the sisters doing the same but on the opposite side.

With nothing else to say, you proceed to carefully take out the protective cap from the cutter —Mariya storing it away— and pressing the knife in between the flaps and against the tape, steady enough to cut through it, and effectively tearing it open.

Your hands then move to pry open the box, eager eyes landing on the sight of layers upon layers of bubble wrap—whatever was inside, it was fragile. A notion that does nothing to ease your or your staff’s rising interest, and if anything, urges you to act faster.

Removing the protective layers from the top, it’s then revealed that the box was carrying an extensive selection of… thin books? No, something else…

It’s here that the group's opinions heavily deviate from one another.

While your staff were nothing less than intrigued when it came to figuring out what they were, and who was the sender… your blood slowly began to run cold as your mind fearfully began to realize exactly what they were.

But your definite conclusion doesn’t come along until your trembling hands pluck out one of the many thin sleeves from the box, pulling it out completely, before your heart sinks to your stomach, flinching and instinctively throwing the item away while frantically stepping back from the box when your eyes eventually landed on the recognizable cover on it.

Your reaction, alongside the echoing noise of the object crashing against the wall makes your staff immediately jolt to your aid, concerned faces, and supportive hands on your back as they fret.

“What’s wrong? What happened, are you ok, Y/N?” Mariya asks but you can’t seem to muster an explanation before lunging over to the box to verify all of its contents.

“What’s wrong, Y/N-chan?!” Haruko cries as she goes to pick up the item you throwed away—she glances at it, attempting to find something horrifying, dangerous, but unable to discover anything wrong.

Oh, but for you, that couldn’t be anything but wrong.

Why?

Because it had been nothing less than a vinyl, belonging to none other than to the Spice Girls.

The rest of the items inside the box were albums as well, ranging from studio albums, EP’s, live concerts, and even special editions exclusively released in other countries, pertaining to the Spice Girls, Dio, some of Michael Jackson, and even…. Super Junior.

All artists you mentioned the last time you spoke to Naoya.

You don’t know what to make out of this revelation, outside of the horror it engulfed you with, and the now false belief that this piece of your personal life was to remain in the past, alongside the embarrassment of the indulgence you’ve committed before him, never to be spoken of again.

But once again, you’re proven wrong when it comes to your expectations pertaining to him—no matter what you thought, what you wished, it was never bound to happen, evident by the unavoidable presence of the boxes, alongside the mysterious motive behind them.

“What are they?” Haruko asks as she takes another good look at them, Hitomi still trying to ease you down by gently caressing your back.

Their humble beginnings never gave them the opportunity to afford beyond the necessary, and by the time their interest for music began, cassettes (and eventually CDs) were in their way in, thus explaining their ignorance over the matter.

“Vinyl’s” Mariya says. “They’re… music albums, not really in circulation anymore, except for those that collect them”

“Albums?” Hitomi asks, finding the whole thing… confusing. If they were nothing more than simple music, then why did you react that way? “Who… did you—Did you buy them, Y/N?”

It’s a question they all knew had a negative answer, for you didn’t have the means to do so, but considering you hadn’t told them of what happened with Naoya the last time you were out, they had nowhere else to look.

You wished to avoid coming to this point, still suffering the shame of having disclosed something so personal to him, someone who clearly didn’t deserve this aspect of your intimacy—or any.

But now that the cat was out of the bag, as well as owing it to them to be truthful after everything they’ve done for you, you were influenced to speak.

“This—This is all related to the day I was out with Naoya”' You begin, and the women, as if they weren’t shocked enough by your reaction, freeze at his mention—with Hitomi’s face going sour while Haruko’s saddening.

Mariya was unquestionably confused as irked by this acknowledgement, yet… a bit relieved that it hadn't been Naoaki the one behind these supposed “gifts”.

Over and over again, your prime lady-in-waiting has declared that she’s not too fond of the relationship you had with him, only tolerating it because it seemed to bring the best of you; Nonetheless, she wasn’t appreciative of his gestures towards you because all they do is put you in a tight spot—and this would’ve done more than just that.

Fortunately it didn’t, and it seems that she could relax if only for a moment.

«It’s the lesser of two evils» Mariya thinks, as if attempting to reassure herself. «But it doesn’t make me any less angry that it occurred through Naoya’s will»

“You don’t have to tell us.” Mariya, noticing the gloomy, slightly teary look in your eyes, interjects.

“No… I think—I think I need to tell you” You say, turning to see her “I’ve been holding on to this for a while now and I… I don’t think I can keep it any longer.”

“What… happened?” Hitom asks, your lip trembles.

“After we went to the doctor, he decided he wanted to go eat. He was insisting that I eat too, but I refused everything. I didn’t want anything from him. However, that didn’t stop him from saying he wanted to do more things, such as looking around the city” you pause, pressing your lips together, swallowing “...after walking for a bit, we eventually stopped at a record store; at that moment I didn’t know why, but after this… I—I’m now sure he noticed when I looked up to it. Anyways… we ended up going inside. Naoya left me alone for a moment, I don’t know why, and I just… started looking around. I eventually bumped into the albums I used to see a lot around my house. Guess I was too focused on them to notice when he came back, but he started asking me about them and I…. I don’t know why, but I ended up telling him how much they meant to me—hell, I even told him how my parents met because they liked music, and what I liked to hear!”

Sensing your distress, Mariya wraps her arms around your shoulders, as if to tell you that everything is alright.

“You don’t know how regretful I’ve felt for doing that… for telling him that about my family… But I just… couldn’t stop myself—I wanted to… wanted to remember when my parents were still together, when my mom was still alive, when I was happy.” you eventually confess, pulling your hands up to your face and releasing out a wail.

As she tried to calm you down, Mariya was deep in disbelief. She couldn’t believe it— nor did she like where this was going — after weeks and weeks of making you suffer, he suddenly wants to be attentive with you? This had to be a joke.

There had to be another reason behind his actions — but what exactly?

“I didn’t think he’d remember” you sniveled. “He was very dismissive afterwards, like always, as if I were boring him!”

“And yet, here are the albums” Hitomi says, and you nod, tears falling down your cheeks.

Mariya has heard enough, enough to know exactly what to do—she just needed your permission.

“What do you want me to do with the boxes?” she asks.

“I don’t want to open the rest, and I don’t want to see them—I don’t care what you do, I don’t want them near my room.”

With that set, Mariya gestures over to Haruko and Hitomi who take less than a second to understand her silent command and get up to work.

“Go to the north wing of the estate, outside, and ask for Tatsuro” Mariya explains “He’s one of the staff members that delivered the boxes here. Tell him that you need to move them somewhere else—and tell him that I sent you, he’ll know exactly what to do.”

Hitomi and Haruko as they made their way to your door, but not before giving you a small reassurance smile as if trying to tell you they’ll handle it from this point forward, urgently heading to their new destination soon after.

Finally alone, with nothing more than the weight of your sorrow on your shoulders, and Mariya’s concern wrapped around you, you allow yourself to cry freely.

“Why—why is he doing this?” your voice cracks as you move deeper into Mariya’s embrace, she holds you tight. “Is he… is he trying to tease me?! Make fun of me?”

“I… don’t know” she answers truthfully—the always-knowing-Mariya is blank when it comes to him for the second time that day. She hates not having the answers for your sorrow, not being able to do much but give you a hug and let you cry.

“Why does he always have to taint everything that is precious to me?!” you condemned “Why can’t he just leave me alone?! Why—why me?!? Of all people, why did it have to be me?!”

Mariya presses her lips together, attempting to keep her own tears at bay, while pulling you closer to her, as if trying to swallow your pain.

“I just… I just want to be happy” you gasp “I want to go home; I want to be with my sister…. My brother…”

“I know, I know” she coos.

“… Guess I finally know what he was doing the second time he left.” you say “The thing he was shoving in his pocket, he probably bought the things right then and there.”

Mariya can’t say that your assumption didn’t go against what she initially thought of his gifts: that they were done in order to pull your attention back to him after you effectively ignored him once returning to the estate.

That wasn’t to be the case, however; Naoya had indeed bought the albums soon after the conversations ended. Just another layer of mystery added to your already troubled dilemma.

“What else happened after that?” she ponders carefully—Mariya knows you were already bottling lots of sentiments inside you, but she’d be damned if she allows you to carry even more burdens into your already heavy shoulders.

“… We went to another store, a candy store. The one where I got the sweets for you guys. Said he wanted to go because he knew I liked them.”

“How… what?” Mariya asks, fear invading her voice at the prospect of Naoya finding out the depths of your relationship with Naoaki—

Having gone through these same steps yourself, you proceed to clarify the situation.

“It’s because of the wedding. Because I—I ate two slices of cake, apparently enough evidence for him to assume I liked sweets” you murmur “I also thought he’d figured out the situation with Naoaki, but he hasn’t… or if he has, he hasn’t told me”

“I don’t think he has.” Mariya concurred. “I made extra sure to keep things hidden from him.”

“… thank you.”

“don’t mention it” she says, giving you a smile.

“But it still doesn’t make sense.” you frown. “All of it, everything—Why would he do that if it wasn’t to make fun of me? To mock what they mean to me? I thought he would forget about it, like he always does when I speak to him, but somehow this was the exception!”

“You won’t have to worry about that anymore” she says “We’ll keep them away from you. Out of sight, out of mind.”

“… Do you think he’ll approach me to ask about them?”

Mariya wishes to say no, but that would only be lying to you.

“I think he will, eventually. Particularly after being informed you’ve received them. Although I’m more worried by the fact that he hasn’t already.” He’s kept a close watch on you days before your second visit to the doctor, but after that, he kept away.

Why?

“…why can’t he just leave me alone?” you lament.

“Try not to think about it anymore” she soothes. “It’s being dealt with. The next time you come to your room those boxes are going to be gone, as if they were never here, and all that you’ll have to worry about is trying on Hitomi’s clothes”

“…I wish I could do more for all of you, for all the things you’ve done for me”

“Seeing you happy is enough for me”

“Then I’ve never been able to repay you”

“That’s not true… moments ago you were teasing me about Tatsuro!” she laughs, and her reaction makes you give her a weak smile. “I’m happy when you’re happy. Hitomi and Haruko too, they love to talk and spend time with you; there’s even moments where I have to reel them back into doing their job!

And don’t forget Mai and Maki too. They’re always looking for you whenever they can, even if their mother doesn’t want them to be that close to you. In fact, I dare to say that even Junko-san is getting to enjoy your company nowadays! That’s been more than enough payment if you ask me”

At her words, all you can do is sob.

“Oh, Y/N—”

“I’m—ah, I’m sorry you have to see me cry all the time!” you gasp, frantically wiping the tears out of your face “It’s pathetic, isn’t it? I want to be happy for all of you too!”

“Take it easy, one day at a time” she smiles, squeezing you. “We don’t have to do anything else for today if you don’t want to—you’ve already completed most of your chores anyways, we can just stay here and rest”

“What about the pending one?”

“Eh, I’m sure I can make something up” she shrugs, and you sniff before chuckling.

“Then I guess I want to do that” you respond. “And try out Hitomi’s clothes, maybe take a nap after that.”

“I can arrange that.” Mariya grins. “Let’s wait for Tatsuro and the rest, I’m sure they’re already on their way here. And once that’s set I’ll get you something to drink so you can relax while you get ready for Hitomi”

And just as she said, footsteps were soon heard gathering outside your room, a quick knock on your door before it slid open, revealing the rest of your staff and Tatsuro’s entourage.

Mariya peels away from you so as to help them get the boxes out of your chambers as soon as possible, but her boyfriend halts her, telling her that it was their job to do… to which Mariya reluctantly agrees, more so after Tatsuro’s teasing smirk (to which she responded by rolling her eyes), gestures that did not go unnoticed to Hitomi, who has yet to place the pieces together, but is moving dangerously close to doing so the longer she ponders at them.

After the group quickly retrieved the boxes, they made way towards an unaccounted chamber, —the same one your yellow kimono from the first time you went to the doctor (the one you couldn’t even dare look at due to it’s painful significance) was stored in— and placed them there, never to be seen again.

The rest of your day proceeds accordingly, with you fitting on Hitomi’s newest kimono, which fits perfectly on you, a testament of her incredible skill, outside of a few small details to be fixed here and there—things she could easily handle—while Haruko shared with you all of the snacks she had stolen from the kitchen; apparently there were many new fresh ingredients delivered that morning, and she wanted to be the first one to try them all out.

Mariya would come back with tea that she assured would help you relax, easen a bit and enjoy this moment… Yet, her efforts alongside those of your staff would be for naught, for as much as you wanted to think of anything else but what had transpired, your mind kept pulling you back to the shocking sight of the albums before you, and how to overcome this obstacle.

You considered rushing to seek Naoaki out and tell him what happened, but you’d either miss him for he’s already on his way to work, or distract him from his responsibilities…

And you didn’t want to bother your ladies anymore than you already have… crying and lamenting yourself had become quite embarrassing for you, even though there were days that was all you could do…

Well, whatever your entangled sentiments held, there was one thing that remained persistent, and that was Naoya’s presence in your mind:

The moment you’d encounter him again, the excuse you’ll have for when it happens, and most of all, the intentions behind those gifts.

#series: first it hurts—#naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x your #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader

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clowningismyboyfriend · 1 year ago

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Surprising 1989 Taylor’s Version Plot Twisssssssssst 🐍 New theory? THE MATH IS MATHING!

Hi!

My gosh I don’t even know what to make of everything since I last posted; I have a never ending blog sitting in my drafts that just seems to be a chopping block mess full of constantly shifting theories that goes back and forth changing directions faster than my toddler on a sugar high unleashed in a toy store.

So, with no real clarity within my doomed-to-draft-hell, but feeling the need to be creatively vocal in my appreciation and acknowledgement about SOMETHING- ANYTHING @taylorswift , I thought I’d share with you my answer to a question posed in Taylor Swifts Vault, a fan page on Facebook.

So without further ado! The question:

My answer… Probably a tad melodramatic, but I was just rolling with the punches and free styling the feels as they came through:

In the next few years? With her current trajectory all I can say is the sky is the limit! Taylor is limitless though. Her resilience ensures that! I can’t even begin to imagine how future Taylor could fill her current shoes so to speak. I know she will and she will do it admirably and with that unwavering, humble grace that is definitive of her (phenomenally talented) core.

Lyrics and melodies effortlessly flow through her and show us how open she is to receiving all that is good, great and wonderful - to possess the ability to polish, refine and pass on those gifts in a way that it unifies a collective consciousness shows she is truly a conduit between a higher power and reminds us that no matter what is going on in the world, with each individual we ALL feel- We all love and we all ache- it’s that shared connection through the lyrics and music that remains to be the most powerfully poignant and purest forms of shared release we could ever have.

The fundamentals in her approach seemingly haven’t changed but yet she manages to maintain a fresh, new and hopeful energy that is as warm and bright as the first ray of sun that stretches itself over the horizon, blazing an all encompassing trail that just gets stronger and stronger in her brilliance.

Or-If you’d prefer a more night time analogy- She’s the brightest star determinedly carving out her right to be a reliable, shining fixture looked upon with grace and fervour by a vast amount of appreciative onlookers who are eagerly watching on to see her glow get bigger and brighter as it pierces the inky blue/jet black tapestry of the skies, complimenting but also acting like a miniature moon; for she is a multi-faceted jewel full of wonder, mysticism, magnetism and a special kind of night magic that can only be felt rather than described.

… Et Voila!

I love how on reflection as I post this somewhat left-field blog, I noticed that I’ve significantly referenced the sky, sort of like an unintentional, underpinning theme that ties back to the 1989 Taylor’s Version..

… And I also can’t help but notice the “S” in “Version” on the album artwork..

Let me zoom in real quick for y’all-

.. Can you see it, too? The differences in the “S” shapes? The “S” in the word Version is definitely a snake 🐍

What could this all mean??

Well for starters it looks like I’m about to fall down a rabbit hole!

Is it Taylor just throwing out a random snake in the mix again, as she’s confirmed she likes doing/has done in the past?

Is it an egg for Reputation? (Seems too obvious for me personally but hey.. Whoever actually knows with Tay!)

Is it a nod to her Chinese Zodiac and how she was born in the year of the snake? Given that 1989 is the album symbolic of her artistic rebirth that being a complete transition from country to pop?

.. She did say that she loves to slink around in different genres! You know what else likes to slink… 🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍

I did see an interesting ‘Tok that speculates a double album drop, with one of the suggestive clues being the “1989” written on the good old Karma wall twice and I’m digging it. It’s a rebirth of an album that is symbolic of her artistic rebirth, two *ahem* too!

I think the reference to the song “Glitch” PLUS the glitch-glitch itself was also a little hint.. Check out this post from @taylornation celebrating.. *another 2 reference incoming* TWO years since she advance-released Wildest Dreams Taylor’s Version:

It’s been suggested that the double album drop will be an album completely full of collaborations, in honour of her 1989 world tour when she had just about every and any celebrity friend on the stage with her.

Some think it will be titled “Karma” but I feel like it will tie in with the sky theme feel of 1989 TV as a whole..Check out the lyrics out in “Glitch”-

“.. Nights are so starry, blood moonlit”

Maybe a Starry Nights Limited Edition? Guest Starring an assortment of stars? ⭐️

If Harry Styles isn’t involved in a Style remix of some sort, I will be shattered.

Especially with all the Harry eggs being teased, like the “Harry’s House” album release date in the “I Can See You” music video..

I actually covered this in my first ever Tay-Spiracy #Swifttok when the idea of 1989 TV was just a dream waiting to be re-lived/re-leased, along with Presley Cash and her “random” capital S for Style caption on a Insta..

In that Tik Tok, which I have thoughtfully shared above, I will say that although I was mistaken about the release date for 1989 TV possibly being her birthday -The math throughout that ‘Tok is CLEARLY MATHING- I still feel like something will be released on her birthday and my gosh it would be a waste to ignore that level Swift-Math when it comes to 1989!!

..Dare I say it. Will her birthday be the release date for this supposed double album drop? What gives on the mysterious lack of collabs? Surely we will get a surprise something yeah?????!!!

Only time will tell!…

🤡

Thankyou for dropping by down town Clown Town DeluLu, where todays Clown Climate is feeling extra Clowdy, the current Clown crew is sitting at a comfortable 3 followers so far - but I’m not doing this (solely) for the likes and follows. It’s my form of escapism 💙 Clowning is my (other) boyfriend!

Until then,

.. I saw something they can’t take away

Dani

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raitrolling · 2 years ago

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some thoughts on pedestal arc (contains spoilers for The Art Of Believing, so read that first)

this was my first solo plot (well, 95% solo), and i am not a Plot Writer as it is probably obvious. but, for what it’s worth, i feel like i achieved exactly what i wanted to do: create a scenario for velour that has decent stakes for him, without being too melodramatic or spiralling too far out of my control that i couldn’t write my way out of it. maybe it’s not the most exciting thing someone has ever written and in the hands of a more capable writer this could have been something bigger, but i like what i’ve done and will probably go back and re-read some things like i do with my other favourite drabbles

i say 95% solo because cloud and I did have some rps going on discord that related to velour’s whole predicament. i didn’t post them like i did with Ripple Effect because the moments were much smaller than what happened in the previous plot, but you can see small nods towards them throughout. velour mentions a discussion that he had with jamie and jikiro in Some People Have Got Their Theories, and the hack/security breach that’s mentioned in both veruco’s callout post and The Art Of Believing was done by jamie. unfortunately for him, his grand plan to distract her did not work and instead made her angrier, because she was not the scheming mastermind he had expected. whoops!

i feel like a did a decent job writing veruco as an antagonist, as difficult as it was to do so. i knew i wanted to go with the ‘obsessive fan’ route as an obstacle for velour, but i always have a problem where a lot of the times ive seen this done have been very... mean-spirited? like, there’s some authors out there who write these sorts of characters and it’s very clear that they hate their own audience and are using this character to make fun of them. i have my opinions on fan culture, sure, but i didn’t want veruco to feel like a mouthpiece for some sort of Statement On People I Hate. what she did to velour was wrong, and her ways of getting revenge were equally as wrong, but i didn’t want her to be wholly unsympathetic. she was just a lonely girl who fell in love with a celebrity and felt scorned when he didn’t love her back, then resorted to uh. sending him and his other streamer friend envelopes full of razor blades as a warning, then used social media to publicly expose him for his misdeeds. so, probably not overly sympathetic in the end, but i don’t feel like she’s just a One-Note Evil Bitch Fan

i chose to make a tumblr blog for veruco because i thought that would be a fun way to reveal information, but also to humanise (trollianise?) her a bit more. yes, she was an entitled fan and a bit of a spoiled brat, but she was also a girl who loved lolita fashion and aesthetic pictures of tea and editing deviantart bases of her getting hugged by her favourite youtuber. there was originally a lot more posts in her queue (i’d queued up about 60 and was going back onto the blog every couple of hours to change how frequently it was posting), but then i ended up culling a lot when the art easter eggs were starting to get buried. i also didnt curate the queue as well as i could have, ideally i would have established what the red and blue heart tags meant and then have the combined tags start to post to make it obvious she was reblogging couple/relationship posts and imagining them to be her and velour. but i knew i was putting way too much effort into something that would only be relevant for about a week and only a handful of people would look at, and i’d already spent like an hour looking for a custom theme before i gave up and just used one of the default ones lmao

also, i had an idea to continue the sort-of-mixed-media approach i was taking with this plot by making velour’s apology written as a transcript, but i ended up writing it normally because i wanted to contrast his bold statements with his anxious inner thoughts. he’s very good at playing up the confidence on camera, but in this case he’s stumbling more than usual and very much aware of it

i purposely avoided reading any callout posts or watching any apology videos because i didn’t want to make any references to real-world events, intentional or otherwise. i didnt want people to think that i was making a commentary on a specific matter because i wasn’t, this format and arc happened to work well with velour being a content creator and having an extreme fear of his reputation being ruined. so i dont actually know if velour’s apology is a ‘good’ youtuber apology, i was writing what i thought he would say that also sounded pretty decent to me. he’s still carefully avoiding discussing certain things (mainly how heavily he was motivated by financial gain), and was also downplaying her behaviour a lot more than i personally think he should have, so it’s definitely not perfect

there were a couple things i had rewritten that i think ultimately worked out better in the end. originally veruco was going to lie more in her callout post to try and make velour look even worse (claiming that he got angry and acted violently so she could make it seem like his entire personality was a fabrication and this was his ‘true’ self), but i felt like that would have immediately ruined any of her credibility. viltau’s advice in Some People Have Got Their Theories was also going to be more along the lines of him telling velour no matter how far he fell he could always climb back up, but i got stuck trying to figure out how to end that drabble with that advice in mind. the concept of accepting inevitabilities to stop fearing failure felt like a more concrete tenet that velour could take with him as he continues to grow, and also it allowed him to think back to his feelings on viltau and jikiro’s actions in Ripple Effect which has been something that he has (rightfully) struggled with accepting. also, when aiolos messaged the callout post to velour he first said ‘what the actual hell is this’ but i changed it to ‘fuck’ because that was definitely more of a What The Actual Fuck moment

as for the ending, having veruco mysteriously die was one of the first things i wanted to do as a final twist, since i really did not want to go with the route that velour apologising magically fixes everything and as you’ve seen from me in the past i do not leave my npc antagonists alive. maybe it leans a bit too far into shock value and maybe it does feel a little unfair to velour, but eh. i left everything about her end to be up to interpretation so you can decide just how much he could be culpable for her death. was it murder, or was it something else? i think i left enough context clues for three different possibilities, but ‘viltau did it’ is a very obvious red herring LMAO

finally, this is just a little fun fact, but while i did listen to the song the arc name came from + each individual title was a lyric from (Pedestal by Charlie Lim) a couple times, i was mostly listening to Yellow Magic Orchestra, GHOST/Ghostandpals, and the new Fall Out Boy song while writing. i have literally no clue why those three bands in particular, i don’t choose the writing music it chooses me. through sheer force of will and cherrypicking lyrics like nobody’s business, Uncanny is a velour song now

#ooc #i wrote this last night and drafted it lmao #i like reading ppl's thoughts on their own writing and when they talk about specific decisions and whatnot so im writing up my own

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my-darling-boy · 5 years ago

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I was supposed to post this on my birthday, but kept scrapping it cos I was nervous, so now I’m trying again and I’m not deleting this one :P So here it goes...

...I am a trans man. I’ve been on testosterone for 3 years.

I started HRT when I was 17 and changed over all my legal documents shortly after when I turned 18 and up until that point, it had been a very difficult road for me, namely with mental health. But since transitioning, it’s taken the weight of a lot of issues off my shoulders which had me stuck for years in a perpetually pessimistic and aggressive mindset. And now, well, I’m 21 and can safely say that old person is long gone!

I’ve always struggled to feel confident in myself, and I still do. Being proud of my homosexuality always came easy for me. Being trans however, wasn’t always so easy. But I was never inherently ashamed of it. In fact, when I came to the conclusion I was trans at 14, I felt happy. It was other people in my life who beat that excitement to the ground. My happiness quickly plummeted into a deep, suicidal depression. I lost all my friends. I was ostracised by what few allies I had. I was bullied and roped into believing so many lies about myself, objectified, sexualised, and made to feel nothing but ashamed and burdensome.

I can remember being cornered in a bathroom to prevent me from committing suicide at 15. I remember how my parents reacted, how my friends abandoned me, the bullying, and the endless nights of self harm and negativity. I was the ONLY out trans person in a school of over 2000 students, and was the only only trans person I knew for a long time.

And I know something that happened to me when I was very new to coming out tainted a lot of the good feelings I initially had about myself. I had been telling a trusted friend of mine how I didn’t know if a person could be with me because I was trans. And instead of reassuring me, she told me, “You’re right... I don’t know how anyone is ever going to love you.” And I hadn’t ever confronted that memory until today. I finally, after so many years, allowed myself to cry about the moment that had catalysed the stripping of my self confidence. I realised one horrible little memory among many had been hurting me today much more than I ever thought it had been.

...And I still live with the painful memory, as I’m sure many of you do too, that I had to go through the most crucial years of my coming out completely alone and afraid, struggling to be proud of someone everyone told me was nothing but an unlovable burden to society. Afraid if I seemed proud for just one moment, I would be abused. But I find that the older I get, the more miraculously I feel the strength to get back up or to not be struck down in the first place when I’m confronted by hatred and ignorance.

And I feel that, for me, one of the worst things I could do is to keep this part of me perpetually hidden, because I can’t imagine how many people following me are in desperate need of guidance or at least someone to talk to, to be told that they are worthy and loved. I know I have advice that I would love to give, and words to say to people who feel they need help, because it’s in my nature to always offer assistance if it’s asked of me or if I see someone hurt. It would still mean so much to me even if this message only reached 10 people, because that’s just 10 more people who have read they don’t have to feel like they’re going through things alone. I know to some people this might sound Basic but you honestly have no idea about the people who need to read posts like this.

Of course I know there are considerable times where it is still unsafe for me to come out, be it trans or gay, and there are times when I feel it’s irrelevant for me to mention it, or times when I feel I just don’t need to. But it isn’t about coming out as much as it is about purging the old fear I have that being proud of my identity is something I shouldn’t do.

I’m always saying sorry for the simplest things, terrified of being burdensome, and being trans hasn’t ever been exempt from that list of things I’ve been made to feel fear and shame for loving. But I’m a year older now. And I feel that checkpoint should begin with learning I should never have to apologise for being who I am, to feel confident in the pride I have always had in my trans identity and learn to not let others take that away from me like they had done in the past again and again. I’ve always found myself admiring people who can be comfortable in their entirety without apology. I would love to exist without feeling like I’ve disappointed someone who likes me or wants to be friends by revealing I’m trans, and even though that has happened to me countless times, I know if those people have a problem with my gender, I wouldn’t want those people in my life anyway. My worth is not determined by how negative people treat me.

I know it’s a long and difficult road sometimes, to learn to love yourself, but you should feel proud to be trans. And there might be people who try to twist that idea and scare you into thinking no one will ever love you. You might feel not that you‘re ashamed to be trans, but that you feel afraid no one will accept you as much as you accept yourself. You worry to be proud of your identity makes you undesirable or inconvenient. And I wish I would’ve had someone tell me when I was a kid that people only tell you that to break you and silence you.

So whoever is in a low place right now and needs to hear this, as I needed to hear so many birthdays before, birthdays I never thought I’d make it to:

There is NEVER any shame in feeling proud to be who you are. There are ALWAYS people who will love you and who will listen to you when you need help, and there is NO shame in feeling you need that help. Vulnerability does not equal weakness.

I know there is a time and a place for me to reveal I’m trans irl and there are questions I still have the right not to answer, but I don’t want to spend my life persistently afraid I will never find anyone, friend or lover, who will care about me. I want to have the same love for myself I have for everyone else.

So happy birthday to me, and to the 6 year old boy photographed who didn’t understand why he couldn’t spend the night at all his boy friends’ houses. But more so, to the 14 year old boy who never thought he would make it this far. I wish he would’ve believed the people who told him the best things happen when you least expect them to. Because they do.

Not only would I like to extend my help to my trans followers who need someone to talk to emotionally, but I have been through all legal document changes (that I own as a California resident at least) and have had some unexpected things happen to me on testosterone on top of the usual changes, along with having some knowledge about top surgery and insurance, so if you aren’t cis and have a legal or appropriate medical question for me regarding transitioning, I may just be able to provide some help! While I’m not always sure how good I am at these things, my askbox or DMs are always open to anyone that needs to talk or is seeking advice :)

Thank you for listening and as always, I love you all ♡

P.S. I didn’t go through all of this to have clowns in my inbox so please be respectful

#I feel so melodramatic but this is the first time I’ve ever done this #so there! I did it!#me #ok to rb #trans #transgender #ftm transition #ftm positivity #trans positivity #positivity #lgbtq #tw suicide #tw self harm #long post

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quarterdollar · 2 years ago

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gabrielagresteofficial ultimate swag reveal

mmmmhey guys it’s meee i’m the one making all those poasts :)🦋 my name is victor and i ❤️ insane old people

i had this whole insane melodramatic idea to wait until season 5 ended to go public but i forgot show hiatuses exist and i’m starting to feel like an asshat letting everyone’s kind messages and tags go unacknowledged so here i ammm. i just want to say thank you to everybody who’s gotten a kick out of the blog, it really is fantastic to hear that i can make people laugh and that’s what i love to do most so i just wanted to let you all know that i appreciate everybody so much. it’s actually been an insanely bad year for me LOL but goofing around on the internet and having people enjoy the jokes and jests has been a net positive. you guys have been so sweet and it really does mean a lot.

i also just wanna say that there are a lot of you (2300+ like holy shit) and you guys send a lot of asks and i Love And Appreciate Them All. and if i don’t get to yours i PROMMY it is NOT personal i probably just couldn’t think of an in-character response that was as funny as the original question OR i was tired OR tumblr ate it. alas i am but one man roleplaying as a different, animated, much worse man

WHAT ELSE. uh. i’m constantly rotating gabriel’s hysterically flat french ass in my mind i do love him so much legitimately but i’m not really involved with the greater fanbase beyond like, talking to myself and tagging posts about him with the most insane bullshit the ops have probably ever read. my main fan thing is actually Pokemon, and surprise surprise all of my favorites from that are the various insane dad-aged fantasy terrorists. i have a type and it’s stupid as fuck and i’ve accepted this <4 please don’t think i’m an apologist though i’m just addicted to studying sillay cartoon freaks under a microscope

that’s all i really wanted to sayWait I just remembered i have 3 acknowledgements:

@wanderingaviator for being the blog’s first follower all the way back last year when i made it on a whim as a goof. THANKYOU for investing in small businesses

@sunfoxfic as i need to thank you for your endless enthusiasm and incredibly kind comments But Also i must now officially turn down your various marriage proposals. alas i am already happily committed to someone else but i am flattered nonetheless

@dupainchengisthenewblack for being my swag mutual. stay winning

okay now i’m done xoxo. thank you again everybody for your continued support of gabe’s tumblrina era i cherish you all immensely. this will be the first And last time gabrielagresteofficial breaks kayfabe so look forward to more erratically scheduled and incomprehensible evilposting in the future (i’m a lil burned out atm but he never leaves me don’t worry). ok thank’s bye

#gabrielagresteofficial #mutuals who dont care CONTINUE to not care dont even worry about it. <3

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tytangfei · 3 years ago

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Jina's dramas awards 2021!

Late by 1 day but here it is!! I got to start many dramas this year but only some kept my attention for the entire time. Here are my favorites of 2021! (Check out my favs from 2020!)

As usual, these are mostly Chinese dramas and they're typically historical or period costume, non-modern dramas (although I do have a category for modern dramas).

best overall drama:

the long ballad (I literally finished this in 3 days and every episode had me in a rollercoaster of emotions and even dramatic entrances made me cackle!! Everything was solid from soundtrack to cinematography to acting.)

most delightful/fun drama:

queen of attack (just. This little mini, low budget series that was supposed to generate little buzz and make tiny money really went and did more. Full of classic tropes, the fresh couple made it work so good that it even received a 2nd season!!)

most impactful drama:

killer and healer (it came to me when I needed it the most back in March; I literally even re-learned Adobe Premiere so that I could create FOUR videos for it. Definitely not perfect but grabbed my heart and soul completely.)

most unexpected drama (aka the dark horse):

the imperial coroner (full of fairly new actors and seemingly typical characters, this drama took the world with its strong political plot and refreshing likeable and logical characters; the romance isn't overdone--some may say it's even a bit underdone--but when it happens, it's so so good.)

Miss the dragon (I saw all the bad reviews and first reactions, I know. But damn it, I still enjoyed every second of it. It's melodramatic and tragic and I loved it.)

drama with the best soundtrack:

ancient love poetry (literally has some of the top OST singers in the business like Mao Buyi. It's great. My fav is "Perseverance" where I can still recall that scene of her father's death; so beautifully well done and tragic.)

best costume/design/set drama:

song of youth (no matter how the ending was, this drama had great costumes. Even saw a post about how everything was pretty accurate to the times.)

favorite modern drama:

once we get married & unforgettable love (the chemistry just worked!! Also funnily enough...both are contract marriage dramas lmaooo I guess I have a type!)

favorite drama aired from any year & watched in 2021:

go princess go (2015) (what an iconic drama; no other drama could ever.)

let's shake it (2017) (my beloved zheng yecheng's drama that was a bit wacky but full of comedy and heart. Love it so much.)

drama with a soft spot in my heart:

not a chinese drama but Cherry Kiss (Japanese drama, BL) is everything and my heart believes in love & good because of it.

favorite currently-watching drama:

none this year sadly, I've been a bit busy.

favorite scene from a drama: (I couldn’t choose....)

ancient love poetry episode 41: gu jun’s death/sacrifice for his daughter. the swelling music, the tearful tragic goodbye. If I want to cry, I watch this scene.

also, if i want my heart to ache above love, I watch song of youth episode 37 about two minor characters’ separation due to their different social classes--with her being carried away in the bridal carriage while he watches and walks along tearfully--and she sees him!!!!!!!

the imperial coroner episode 1: chu chu unknowingly doing a test on xiao jinyu and jing yi laughing and choking on his tea. this whole scene makes me laugh every damn time, especially jing yi enjoying every second of it.

That's all for me! What were your favorites of 2021 and why? feel free to hit me up and let me know!

#the long ballad #queen of attack #killer and healer #miss the dragon #the imperial coroner #ancient love poetry #song of youth #once we get married #unforgettable love #go princess go #let's shake it #cherry kiss #jina dramas awards list #cdramas #jina watches cdramas #hi all i miss yalls and hope you had a great new years

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myopinionhi · 4 years ago

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A Will Solace Character Analysis: the Underappreciated Soft Side

I've noticed many fanfictions have Will Solace OOC. So I’ve been thinking about aspects of Will’s personality fans seem to either gloss over or exaggerate. Here, this post is me doing an in-depth analysis explaining Will Solace’s canon personality in the books, and how it can sometimes differ from fanfictions. Sprinkled in this analysis are tips to fanfiction writers on how they write Will as more in-character.

There is one major aspect of Will that people seem to ignore or underemphasize. Nico best explains it when describing Will in this quote

Jason was a fighter. You could tell from the intensity of his stare, his constant alertness, the coiled-up energy in his frame. Will Solace was more like a lanky cat stretched out in sunshine. His movements were relaxed and nonthreatening, his gaze soft and far away. In his faded SURF BARBADOS T-shirt, his cutoff shorts and flip-flops, he looked about as aggressive as a demigod could get, but Nico knew he was brave under fire. During the Battle of Manhattan, Nico had seen him in action - the camp's best combat medic, risking his life to save wounded campers.

To sum it up, Will Solace is a very chill and calm character. A lot of writers make Will more irrational, impulsive, overbearing, and emotional than he actually is. Will is not the type of character to create drama unless he's, as Nico puts it, "under fire." In other words, the intense side of his personality doesn't come out unless the situation is urgent or dire.

Fans remember during the Second Giant War how he gets angry and argues with Nico over Nico's health and shadow-traveling, so many assume Will is going to be this fiery over a lot of other things regarding their relationship. For example, fanfic writers may make Will controlling or overly sensitive with Nico. However, keep in mind, Will gets heated with Nico during the Second Giant War because Nico's shadow-traveling is killing him. This is how Will describes Nico's dire state.

"Coach Hedge told me all about your shadow-travel. You can’t try that again."

"I just did try it again, Solace. I’m fine."

"No, you’re not. I’m a healer. I could feel the darkness in your hand as soon as I touched it. Even if you made it to that tent, you’d be in no shape to fight. But you wouldn’t make it. One more slip, and you won’t come back. You are not shadow-travelling. Doctor’s orders."

Will is a healer. When he touches Nico's hand, he can sense how little sleep and food Nico has been getting and how Nico's being taken over by darkness. Nico is on the verge of death and hasn't cared about his health for a long time. Nico is also stubborn about it, so Will has to be aggressive in order to save Nico's life. This aggressive behavior is not the norm for Will, but it can sometimes come out when he has to assert control in a life-or-death situation.

Will is a calming prescence. He's a diplomat. He stops violence on multiple occassions.

He's one of the few people who's able to calm Clarisse's violent rage, and he does so in a gentle manner.

Clarisse pointed her dagger at Rachel. "What about their allies, huh? Did you see that tribe of two-headed men that arrived yesterday? Or the glowing red dog-headed guys with the big poleaxes? They look pretty barbaric to me. It would’ve been nice if you’d foreseen any of that, if your Oracle power didn’t break down when we needed it most!"

Rachel’s face turned as red as her hair. "That’s hardly my fault. Something is wrong with Apollo’s gifts of prophecy. If I knew how to fix it –"

"She’s right." Will Solace, head counsellor for the Apollo cabin, put his hand gently on Clarisse’s wrist. Not many campers could’ve done that without getting stabbed, but Will had a way of defusing people’s anger. He got her to lower her dagger. "Everyone in our cabin has been affected. It’s not just Rachel."

One of the most underrated Will Solace moments is when he stops a bloody battle from happening between Camp Half-Blood and Camp Jupiter.

But he knew it wouldn’t do any good. After weeks of waiting, agonizing and steaming, the Greeks and Romans wanted blood. Trying to stop the battle now would be like trying to push back a flood after the dam broke.

Will Solace saved the day.

He put his fingers in his mouth and did a taxicab whistle even more horrible than the last. Several Greeks dropped their swords. A ripple went through the Roman line like the entire First Cohort was shuddering.

"DON’T BE STUPID!" Will yelled. "LOOK!"

People are so used to seeing demigods, especially male demigods, being aggressive fighters that they can't wrap their heads around a brave and strong demigod who actively tries to avoid unnecessary conflict and destruction as much as he can.

And that's Will Solace's strength: he has the ability to prevent as much harm as possible.

Will is a difficult character to write. There's a lot of dueling factors with his personality. He's calm and pacifying while also being brave and assertive. He's fun and lighthearted while also being intelligent, logical, and grounded. He's laidback while also being responsible and hardworking. He's insecure but not melodramatic. He's very caring and protective but not pushy.

Will's personality confuses Nico sometimes too.

He’d always thought of Will as easygoing and laid back. Apparently he could also be stubborn and aggravating.

The trick to writing Will is to keep in mind his default personality is a soft and lighthearted character. Writers tend to overemphasize the hard side of his personality when his default personality is actually the soft side.

Think of the relaxing, lanky cat metaphor Nico uses for him. He and Nico bicker often, and it works for Will because he rolls with everything and doesn't take things too seriously. He's able to alleviate Nico's moodiness with humor, wittiness, groundedness, and patience. Nico affectionately calls Will a "dork" because Will usually keeps things light. Interestingly enough, he's able to be lighthearted without coming across as insensitive or an airheaded goofball, the latter of which is something Nico dislikes about Percy's personality. On a related sidenote, another way writers make Will OOC is they make him too dumb or too immature. I know I mentioned to focus on Will's soft side, but be careful to avoid that too. He's a SENSIBLE, lanky cat.

The way Will keeps his composure during a stressful situation by using laughter while still being mature is expressed well in this exchange with Apollo. (Yes, Will has a lot to manage.)

It was difficult to think of this young man as my son. He was so poised, so unassuming, so free of acne. He also didn’t appear to be awestruck in my presence. In fact, the corner of his mouth had started twitching.

“Are—are you amused?” I demanded.

Will shrugged. “Well, it’s either find this funny or freak out. My dad, the god Apollo, is a fifteen-year-old—”

“Sixteen,” I corrected. “Let’s go with sixteen.”

“A sixteen-year-old mortal, lying in a cot in my cabin, and with all my healing arts—which I got from you—I still can’t figure out how to fix you.”

“There is no fixing this,” I said miserably. “I am cast out of Olympus. My fate is tied to a girl named Meg. It could not be worse!”

Will laughed, which I thought took a great deal of gall. “Meg seems cool. She’s already poked Connor Stoll in the eyes and kicked Sherman Yang in the crotch.”

The fiercer side of Will's personality comes out only when the situation calls for it; this happens sometimes when he has to be a caring family member, a responsible healer, or a warrior in a dire situation. Even when he gets more forceful, he doesn't get more forceful than he has to.

Since Will has such a balanced and lighthearted personality, what are his flaws? What are the dark sides of his personality? There are four main things that stick out.

1. He's insecure about his self-perceived lack of abilities.

"I agree," Will said. "I wish I was a better archer … I wouldn’t mind shooting my Roman relative off his high horse. Actually, I wish I could use any of my father’s gifts to stop this war." He looked down at his own hands with distaste. "Unfortunately, I’m just a healer."

2. He sometimes struggles to endure the heavy responsibilities he has as a healer and as a protector to his family.

“I got it reattached,” Will told me, his voice shaky with exhaustion. His scrubs were speckled with blood. “I need somebody to keep him stable.”

I pointed to the woods. “But—”

“I know!” Will snapped. “Don’t you think I want to be out there searching too? We’re shorthanded for healers. There’s some salve and nectar in that pack. Go!”

I was stunned by his tone. I realized he was just as concerned about Kayla and Austin as I was. The only difference: Will knew his duty. He had to heal the injured first. And he needed my help.

3. He forces himself to bottle his emotions to keep his composure.

Will laughed under his breath. “I’m terrified. But one thing you learn as head counselor: you have to keep it together for everyone else. Let’s get you on your feet."

Here's a second example.

I rested my hand on Will’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. We’ll be back by dawn.”

His mouth trembled ever so slightly. “How can you be sure?”

4. He constantly worries about his loved ones.

Nico rested his hand on Will’s shoulder. “Apollo, we were worried. Will was especially.”

In conclusion, Will Solace's personality is difficult to get correct. But don't worry, if you write Will as a laidback, witty cat in your fanfics, I guarantee he'll be more in-character than many other fanfics with Will Solace.

(Note: I am only human. If you believe I'm misinterpreting some aspects of Will's personality, feel free to express it. What I say isn't 100 percent the right interpretation.)

#pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #will solace #nico di angelo #solangelo #percy jackson #heroes of olympus #trials of apollo #spoilers #meta #character analysis #fanfic #fanfiction #blood of olympus #hidden oracle #long post #toa #hoo #apollo

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alcinadimitrescuwu · 3 years ago

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This Woman's Work VIII (An Alcina x Female Reader Fanfic)

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part IX

You allow yourself a moment. Just one. But then you feel anger and hatred for Mother Miranda swirl within your chest. How dare she. How dare she take your child.

You don’t even bother to put on your slippers. You just head out the door of your bedroom. You almost make it to the front door when you hear Cassandra call, “Maman?”

Damn. You were so close, too.

Cassandra walks over to you with a suspicious look on her face. “Where are you going so late at night?”

You might as well tell her the truth. You explain to her what happened and by the end of the explanation, Cassandra looks as livid as you feel. “That bitch..” she hissed. “I’ve always hated the pull she has over Mother. When I am through with her, she’ll wish she had never crossed House Dimitrescu.”

“Cassandra, I need you to stay here.”

“Maman-”

“Please, Cassandra dearest. Listen to me. We haven’t much time.” You gently lay a hand on Cassandra’s cheek. “The more time we spend arguing, the further Mother Miranda and your sister get away from us. I’m going to get help from Heisenberg. You stay here and figure out a way to wake your Mother up.”

Cassandra looks like she wants to argue more but in the end she relents. “Fine, Maman. But you better come back.”

“I will.” Then Cassandra surprises you by giving you a big hug. Out of all your daughters, Cassandra had taken the most time to warm up to you and she was never the most physically affectionate person. You can’t help but be moved as Cassandra holds you close.

Cassandra finally lets go and you give her a weak smile as you turn to the castle door and head out. She materializes into her bug form to warn her other sisters.

However, you had been lying to her. You weren’t going to see Heisenberg. You were going to confront Mother Miranda herself.

Suddenly a memory comes unbidden to you. Something about resurrecting Eva and a ceremonial site..

Blood roars in your ears as it finally dawns on you what Miranda has been planning all along.

“Fffffffuck.”

You don’t think. You just run. You are just in your dressing gown and it is the dead of winter but you don’t care, even as the impact of the cold snow on your feet sends shivers up your spine. Cracks from the cobblestones cut open your feet and as you run you leave a trail of blood as you run pell-mell through the village to the ceremonial site.

Once you finally arrive, the soles of your feet are a bloody mess and your swollen breasts are burning from not being able to feed your baby. You step inside the ceremonial grounds and you see Mother Miranda sitting next to what looks like a sacrificial altar. Ecaterina is suckling contentedly at her breast.

Mother Miranda looks up and a smile blossoms across her features. It would have been breathtaking if you didn’t notice the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Y/N! I was worried you wouldn’t make it! Please come in!”

You step inside. You have so many things you want to say to her but the words die in your throat. You just make strangled sounds.

Mother Miranda ignores this and turns back to Ecaterina. She is practically glowing as she places a small kiss on Ecaterina’s forehead. “Isn’t she just perfect? My daughter. My Eva.”

Ecaterina removes her head from Mother Miranda’s breast and coos. At the sound of your daughter’s voice, you feel a painful twinge as your breasts start leaking milk. You try to school your features in a smile that you know looks ghastly. “Mother Miranda? May I have my daughter back? Please?”

Mother Miranda gives you a pitying look. “Oh, you poor girl,” she says, her voice dripping with condescension. “Are you still operating under the illusion that this child is yours?”

Mother Miranda gently sets Ecaterina down on the altar. Every fiber of your being is screaming to run and get your child, but you know Mother Miranda is unhinged. You have no idea how she will react and she could very well hurt Ecaterina in the process. You can’t risk that.

“Oh, you brought her into the world, of course,” Mother Miranda continues making her way to you. A beam of moonlight casts a lurid gleam on Mother Miranda’s headress. “And for that I will always be grateful. But she simply doesn’t belong to you.”

Mother Miranda stops in front of you. She suddenly catches her face in between her hands, the claws from her gauntlets digging painfully into your cheeks. “Don’t get conceited, you little bitch,” she hisses. “An outsider like you has no place within this family. The Four Lords and I have a bond between us you can’t even fathom. Especially Alcina.” She gives you a wicked grin.

You wish you didn’t give her the satisfaction as the mere mention of your wife’s name makes you inhale sharply.

“Come now, Y/N,” Mother Miranda says. “You can’t possibly think that Alcina loves you, do you? Not in the way she loves me of course.”

You can hardly breathe as Mother Miranda runs her fingers down your cheek, leaving deep gouges in her wake. “Poor Y/N. Not even realizing that you’re just a placeholder. Alcina’s devotion will always first and foremost belong to me.”

You finally manage to speak as you give Mother Miranda a look of pure loathing. No need to hide it now. “Then why did you drug her, you cowardly bitch?”

“Well, I knew she’d be upset after she knew I killed you and took your daughter, but I think eventually she would see reason and that it was for the good of the family.” Mother Miranda’s features twist in a maniacal grin. “Tell me, has she ever called out my name while she’s fucking you?”

“That is quite enough, Mother Miranda.”

You whirl around and see your wife. Her beautiful face is a mask of rage as she advances further into the room. “How dare you? How dare you take my daughter and threaten my wife?! After all my years of service to you?? After everything I have given up for you?!”

“Oh Alcina, don’t be so melodramatic,” Mother Miranda says with a bored expression. “Besides, is that any way to talk to your mother, my favorite?”

Something seems to snap in Alcina. She stands immobile like a statue and there is a glazed look in her eyes.

Mother Miranda holds out her arms. “Come to Mother,” she croons.

Alcina walks over to Mother Miranda’s side. You feel bile rise up in your throat as you see Alcina take Mother Miranda in a passionate embrace. Alcina’s lips move over Mother Miranda’s hungrily and Mother Miranda smiles against them, chuckling humorlessly.

Alcina this is wrong, you scream silently in your mind. You know it’s wrong!

Finally, mercifully, the two break apart. Alcina’s lipstick is smeared all over Mother Miranda’s mouth and it looks like blood. “Alcina, dearest?” Mother Miranda asks loftily.

“Yes, Mother Miranda?” Your heart breaks at the love and devotion shining in Alcina’s eyes as she gazes down at Mother Miranda.

Mother Miranda waves a lazy hand in your direction. “Dispose of her, would you?”

Alcina turns around to face you. “Alcina?” you whisper as she advances towards you. You see no recognition in her golden eyes as she unsheathes her claws. Before you can say another word, she has rammed her claws into your side. She pulls back her claws as you fall to the ground. Blood is already spreading in a thick puddle around you on the floor.

“Good girl,” Mother Miranda praises.”You’ve made Mother very happy.”

Alcina finally seems to come back to herself. She looks over at your still figure and turns to Mother Miranda in horror. “What did you make me do?” she whispers. When Mother Miranda doesn’t answer, she stalks over to her and shakes her violently. “What did you make me DO?” Ecaterina begins to cry.

“What needed to be done,” Mother Miranda replies with no inflection. She gives Alcina a gentle smile and wipes the tears running down Alcina’s face. “Besides, that girl was standing in the way of our happiness. You know I’ve always loved you best.”

Alcina’s breath hitches in a sob. “I know, but-”

Mother Miranda pulls Alcina close in a hug. “Shhh. She was only temporary, Alcina. We are forever. Besides, with her gone we can finally raise Eva together. Would you like that?”

Alcina nods her head slowly. “Y-yes.”

Mother Miranda holds out her hand to Alcina. “All you need to do is take my hand and we can start a new life together.”

Alcina reaches out and takes Mother Miranda’s hand. With her other hand she rams all five feet of her claws through Mother Miranda’s heart.

Mother Miranda coughs up blood and gives Alcina a look of pure shock. “Alcina- I don’t understand- Why-”

Alcina pulls Mother Miranda closer and Mother Miranda gives out a yelp of pain as Alcina’s claws dig further through Mother Miranda’s back. “I don’t want to see you anywhere near my family again,” Alcina says in a low voice. “Do you understand me?”

“You can’t do this to me!” Mother Miranda shrieks. “I’m your mother!”

“You’re no mother of mine,” Alcina replies flatly. She swipes her claws from Mother Miranda, severing her torso from her midsection.

Alcina watches the light fade from Miranda’s eyes and then she rushes over where you are lying on the floor. Blood is flowing freely from the wound in your side. Alcina tears off strips from her dress sleeves to help staunch the blood flow but there is simply too much. Rags of her dress begin to pile up covered in your blood.

“Alcina? Jesus, what happened here?” Heisenberg walks into the ceremonial chamber and when he sees Alcina holding your still form he rushes over.

Mascara is running down Alcina’s cheeks. “Karl, I can’t get the blood to stop,” she sobs.

“We’ll get help. Where’s the little rugrat?”

Alcina points to the altar and aside from a little blood spatter from you or Miranda (it’s hard to tell), the baby is otherwise fine.

Your eyes flutter open suddenly. “Alcina?” you say sluggishly. “Why are you crying?”

“Oh, my dearest darling,” Alcina’ voice breaks as she takes your hand and holds it to her cheek. “What have I done to you?”

Heisenberg returns with the baby in tow. “Alcina we have to go. Now.”

“Karl?” You look over at Heisenberg as Alcina gathers you up into her arms. Your eyelids begin to flutter closed. “I’m so sleepy…”

“No, no, honey, don’t close your eyes just yet,” Karl pats your cheek affectionately. “We’re going to get you some help. Just hold on till then, ok?” “‘Kay,” you say as you fall into a deep sleep in your wife’s arms.

#alcina dimitrescu #lady alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu x reader #alcina x maiden #alcina x reader #lady dimitrescu x female reader #re8 fanfiction #re8 fanfic #bela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu x reader #re8 village #mother miranda #lady dimitrescu x maiden #alcina x female reader #karl heisenberg

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lightlycareless · 2 years ago

Note

sooo can we get a sneak peek 👀👀

Heya anon!

Was planning to do a post for that, kind of like "if I get one like I'll post a sneak peak" and then like it myself lol but you won me to that!

Anyways, here's the first page/segment of the next chapter :) I hope you enjoy it!

WARNING: spoilers for chapter 33🤭 also, some words might change. Gotta give it that last proofread if you know what I mean.

“Dear Hinata—

I hope this letter finds you well.

I’m still not used to writing that, the whole dear Hinata thing. It reminds me of those really old letters, like from the Victorian Era or something, or those during the war, when people used to be very polite and stuff, super formal even with their own friends and family! I don’t know how to describe it… I hope you get what I mean.

But yeah, reading back through my letters after I'm done writing them always makes me laugh because I think I’m being melodramatic.

In my excuse, it’s all because of those etiquette classes we were forced to take since, I don’t know, we were born? Ugh, and only because of our roles in the clan! Which I don’t mind! Really… but sometimes the elders tend to be very weird about it, and it makes me feel like they don’t deserve to be treated respectfully at all! I know that you, more than anyone else, would understand what I mean.

Ah, well, I’m not writing to you to complain about my preferences, I’m doing so because… there’s no other way to put it: I miss you.

It’s been a while since I heard anything from you, or at all. And I’m not writing either to complain about that! I don’t want you to feel guilty, if you ever get time to read my letters, for not responding because I know for a fact you’re very busy with work.

Last thing I heard was that the crisis was getting worse. It was already bad during my last mission, so I can only imagine how it is now.

Either way, even when I understand why you can’t respond, it’s still… painful to not hear anything from you. I wish I could at least get one letter from you, a call, even a smoke signal for god’s sake, I don’t care, just to let me know how you, Ren, dad, and everyone else is doing.

I hope Satoru isn’t bothering you too much, Sumire too. I know very well how annoying they can be on their own, so I feel even worse knowing that I can’t help you ease the burden of their antics ^^; hang on, Hinata!!

As for me, life here has been… ok, to say the least. The life of a married woman is surprisingly boring, but I think that’s mainly because there’s so many new things I now have to take care of that I ever thought of before! Mom and dad sure made it seem so fun… or that’s what they wanted us to think?

Anyways, now that I’ve experienced a bit of the “married life” I now feel confident to tell you that you did the right thing in not marrying Satoru. Being a wife is boring, you’re expected to keep most of the time in the house, tending to it and its inhabitants… So yeah, definitely boring. Although I think Satoru could’ve managed to also make it irritating.

But yeah, being a sorcerer is much more exciting, totally.

That kind of makes my life sound terrible, right? Like I’m locked or something. Please, don’t worry. I’m ok, busy, but ok. Just missing you, and Ren.

I hope dad is ok too. He worries me the most. I… hope he hasn’t taken up on drinking again. You know how bad he gets when he spirals… please take care of him if you can.

From there, I don’t really have anything new to say. My ladies, Mariya, Haruko and Hitomi, have been quite calm nowadays, and that’s a bit eerie if you ask me! Anyways, I hope you can meet them one day. Or Mai and Maki, I think you’d find them adorably funny too! And mischievous. They kind of remind me of us when we were younger. Oh, but they’re definitely way nicer, we used to be our parent’s nightmare, remember?

But all in due time, I suppose.

Take care, and give everyone a big hug from my part.

Yours truly, Y/N.

P.S. Don’t let Satoru get the idea that just because I’m not there, my things are his. They’re not. And please, please, please don’t let him delete my save files. I do intend on playing them again when possible”

#ask #ask series: first it hurts—

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aminiatureworld · 4 years ago

Text

Damocles

Characters: Zhongli, fm!reader

Word Count: 3,211

Warnings: Hanahaki disease – depictions of a fictional illness with symptoms mimicking tuberculosis, mentions of coughing up blood, talking a lot about death

Premise: In which the reader thinks Zhongli doesn’t reciprocate their feelings, and fears the consequences.

Author’s Note: Ngl, I don’t think I’ve ever really heard about this trope before, except maybe in passing. So if it’s a little weird that’s why.

I ended up taking the story in a bit of a macabre direction. Hopefully not too melodramatic, but I kinda like how it turned out.

Zhongli

“Thank you for telling me, but I’m afraid I cannot return your feelings. I’m sorry to be a disappointment.”

In truth you couldn’t decide whether or not you had expected your feelings to be returned. You and Zhongli had been friends for years now, and you had grown closer to him than you had to most of your previous friends and acquaintances. Indeed, you had grown closer to him than you had to many of the people you’d been in previous relationships in. You called upon him in some form almost every day, whether it be to discuss something of importance or simply bask in his presence. When there was something new you found about, whether it be a story in a book or a particularly funky looking shell, you almost immediately sought out Zhongli to share your find with.

For Zhongli’s part, he also liked to share experiences with you. At the very least you couldn’t say that your friendship was one sided. He often would be the one to walk up to you on the street, a new brand of tea written down on a piece of paper in his pocket, or a location where one could find particularly beautiful glaze lilies on his lips. He never seemed to mind when you peppered him with endless questions, or talked his ear off about your own day; something which you often asked if he found annoying. No, you were very sure that Zhongli wasn’t simply spending time with you out of pity.

In truth it was your friends who guessed the trajectory of your personal feelings before you did. Though you often found their poking and prodding intensely irritating, they had the common sense to keep the questions to a minimum – perhaps in hope their silence might guarantee that your affections would reveal themselves naturally one day. Now though you had to admit they had been right. You had fallen for Zhongli how long ago? It seemed so difficult to say when, so gradually had your feelings changed from viewing him as a confidante to viewing him as something more. Once you had finally come to terms with it you’d put off revealing your feelings as long as possible.

It wasn’t just the chance of rejection, something that would already cause emotions to run high. You had seen what sort of disease could ravage those who were unlucky in love. One of your own friends had suffered from such a disease, a fellow member of the Liyue Qixing had died from such a thing only a few months ago.

It was a terrible disease, everyone at least could agree about that. The origins of such an unfathomable sickness was much less understood. Most saw it as a curse from the gods, a punishment to the humans who would love a fellow mortal more than those who ruled above them, who gave their protection, their mercy, and their gifts to the people below. Others argued that it was simply a result of stress, for what heart could take the shock of a truly deep rejection. A rare parasite, a curse from malevolent demons, all these theories made little difference when it came to the actual disease. You were fairly sure anyways that people dying of it couldn’t care less why it happened, only that it was happening to them.

First came the coughing, easy enough to ignore in a land where the common cold truly lived up to its name. Then you couldn’t run as fast or as far as you had once, at least on the days were you weren’t fighting off crippling fatigue – the night sweats doing little to help you in your desperate need for rest. Then the fever set in, then the blood that stained the porcelain sink. By the time the first few petals would appear emaciation would already begin to claim your muscle mass and the precious body fat that kept you alive. Some people didn’t even get to the point of regurgitating fully formed flowers. Those people were usually considered lucky, for when one must deal with an incurable disease, well, surely it is better to go sooner rather than later.

You wouldn’t lie and say that wasn’t one of the reasons it took you so long to confess. After all, what you don’t know won’t kill you, right? You weren’t actually sure about that, but it sounded right in your mind, regardless of its actual veracity. However, as with most people in love, you’d found a growing recklessness inside you, paired with the sudden desperation for a happiness which you would certainly never obtain at this rate. So you’d made up your mind to tell him, deciding that perhaps the certainty would be better than the ever growing cloud of anxiety that surrounded your thoughts.

Now you’d been rejected. You had to admit that your first reaction was utter panic, the distinct feeling of having made a terrible sort of mistake. Oh sure, your feelings were undeniably hurt, but that was less important than the virtual death sentence you’d been handed. Why oh why had you decided to do this? The world seemed to swim in front of your for a moment, as simultaneously everything came into sharp focus and faded away into the recesses of your mind. What would you do now? There was nothing to do, you just had to wait for the inevitable, wait for the cold embrace of death to welcome you to its abode. You took deep breaths, trying to control yourself. Tears were forming in your eyes, but you knew that they weren’t from romantic distress. Ironically romance was the last thing in your mind right now.

“I, I see. Thank you for your honesty.”

It was all you could manage to make out. Turning around, head light from fear, you bolted down the streets of Liyue, desperate to be in your home, desperate to ignore the sword of Damocles that now hung dangerously low over your head.

Zhongli watched you go, watched as you stumbled your way through the crowd that always packed the streets of Liyue in the daytime. He was fine, he was perfectly fine. He had seen it through, had done what he knew was right. There was no reason to regret. Surely the small stab of pain he felt was temporary, a pinprick compared to all that the ex-archon had suffered over the years.

Zhongli had suspected that a confession like this might’ve been on the horizon for quite some time now. Not that he was dreading it out of a personal inability to reciprocate. No, in his heart Zhongli already reciprocated your suspected feelings. He loved you, adored you even; within the stony heart that had atrophied over years of war, suffering, and personal duty, grew a love that Zhongli had not felt for a very long time. He cherished every moment with you, knowing that his long life would try to compress the memories that were so precious to them. Seeing you whenever he could, dragged out conversations as long as he possibly could, Zhongli was practically desperate for time with you. He was also intensely aware of how short that time would ultimately be.

How could Zhongli push the curse of loving an immortal being on you? For it truly was a curse, to both parties involved. His side was painful of course, the knowledge that your memory, you lifespan even, would slip through his fingers like grains of sand. He would always be wondering whether or not the two of you would be experiencing a “last”. Last visit to the sea, last time to climb up the Huaguang Stone Forest to watch the sunset together. Last, last, last. Always the shadow of death would hang over you, so palpable in Zhongli’s mind that he might almost reach out and grasp the gossamer veil that would eventually steal you away. Yes, it would be a truly painful experience. Not nearly as painful however as your own experience.

Zhongli had long ago come to the conclusion that mortals had no true concept of the passage of time. You were young now, the world was your oyster. Zhongli’s immortal status would be nothing more than a passing thought, an anomaly and nothing more. Then your 40th birthday would pass, then you 50th, then you 60th, 70th, 80th. By the time you reached the end of your life the difference between you and Zhongli would stretch out like a chasm between the two of you, something to never be reconciled, for the old rarely forgave the young for their youth. Not to mention the other scenario, the one that Zhongli would never allow the freedom to truly cloud his thoughts. Your death of old age would be a tragedy, the alternative a catastrophe.

He knew all this, had seen it time and time again. Zhongli was hardly the first immortal being to fall in love with a mortal, would not be the last. Adepti, archons, all walks of immortal life were drawn to humanity, drawn to the freedom that came with mortality. Humans did things because they died; they had no forcible tie to nature, no innate duty other than to themselves. Humans could be wicked or kind or cruel or merciful as they wished. To those who were chained by their destiny, well, there was something very anomalous in such a choice. Perhaps it was no surprise then that an immortal being would inevitable find themselves interacting with those supposedly below them. Perhaps it was no surprise that this often led to love.

All that being true, Zhongli still refused to give into his needless selfishness. He loved you, yes. Knowing that was enough. He wouldn’t push such a burden on you, wouldn’t cause you resentment or pain. It would be better if you thought that your feelings weren’t reciprocated, it would be less painful.

Nor would you have to worry about the curse to which many less lucky fell. Zhongli still loved you, still cherished you deeply. You would never have to worry about that, for archons and adepti do not move on from love the way humans do. Zhongli’s love for you would long outlast your lifespan, one which, the archon prayed, would be very long indeed.

Yes, everything had been handled well enough. Perhaps you would never wish to speak with him again, perhaps you would grow to resent him even, how quickly love can turn into hate. It didn’t matter though. Zhongli had shielded you from long, drawn-out suffering, and that was all that mattered. He should’ve been satisfied, should have felt relief. Instead however he only felt a great sadness pressing down, a sadness combined with the pain that accompanied a love that must never truly be realized.

It had been nine days since you’d been rejected by Zhongli. Crossing off another square on the calendar which you had dug out of your old stationary you sighed. The nine days succeeding the encounter had been utter hell. At first you were convinced that the worst thing that could happen was the symptoms of the wretched illness showing up quickly, so convinced you were that the next day you would wake up with blood on your pillow. Soon however, you’d come to a completely different conclusion. There was nothing worse than waiting.

Every day was spent in the agony of anticipation, every day waiting for the coughing to begin, for the night sweats to begin ravaging your sleep, for the breathe to be stolen from your lungs. Yet every day you woke up with none of these things, though your fatigue was real enough.

You should have been relieved, should have been glad for the opportunity to live even a few more days. Yet instead of relief you only felt deep, unrelenting dread. You couldn’t bring yourself to do anything, so crippled were you by morbid anticipation.

Not that your thoughts were particularly worthwhile either. Perhaps it would be one thing if your ruminations had brought up something profound, something that you could write down in a book for your family or your friends. Though it still would be poor solace, well, at least it’d be something. But your thoughts had all turned to mush, replaced by a paranoia so strong it confined you to your bed most days.

You thought that the death sentence would in some way be freeing, that you might be able to recklessly throw yourself at all the things you had avoided out of fear for so long. Instead you found yourself depressed, waiting for an inevitable so terrifying you found yourself disconnecting from the people around you. What did it matter anyways? You’d be dead soon enough.

This gross neglect of your wellbeing was at least somewhat allayed by the routine that had been drilled into your body from so many years working for the Liyue Qixing. Though you didn’t go to work, something you were sure you were going to hear about eventually, you still dared to venture out to the market. At the very least you would eat your fill in good for before the end was nigh. No need to worry about your health after all. Besides, your definition of good food didn’t necessarily always align with completely unhealthy.

Walking through the familiar streets you stared at the people around you. How odd it was to see people so close you could touch them but so far they might as well have been in Inazuma. Was there anyone else here suffering like you were? Anyone who could understand the thoughts that now flooded your brain? You stared at the ground, trying not to think about it. You’d be confronted with these thoughts the minute you got home anyways. Might as well delay it a bit.

Turning to find the fishmonger you spied a familiar silhouette. Stopping in your tracks you stared unabashedly at Zhongli. The man seemed to be carrying himself much as ever, but the unapproachable atmosphere which he’d blanketed himself in seemed somewhat more prominent. Perhaps it was your imagination, he seemed to be talking to the butcher easily enough. Not that it was any of your business. Zhongli wasn’t any of your business anymore. It would be better if you could forget him, if you could erase this feeling in your heart that refused to go away. Even now Zhongli was beautiful. Even now you wished to run up to him, to hug him, to make pretend everything was right with the world. You couldn’t do that though. Just as you couldn’t forget him, you couldn’t love him. Not in the way you wanted. Turning away you trudged back home, good food utterly forgotten.

It was day eighteen since Zhongli had rejected you, and by now your emotions were running almost unbearably high. You’d sunk into an odd reverie of adrenaline, anxiety, and utter disbelief. What in the world was going on? This was a familiar illness to you, something that had almost claimed the life of your friend and had felled your coworker. You knew everything about symptoms, timeline, etc.; and what you knew was you were supposed to be falling ill ages ago. Eighteen days between the initial rejection and the beginning of symptoms? It was unheard of! You didn’t know what to think. Were the rumors about the gods true, had Zhongli imposed some divine protection on you for the sake of your friendship? Were you somehow a superhuman who had the white blood cell coding to defeat the bacteria that caused this disease? Why hadn’t your descent begun yet?

You lounged on the couch, having moved out of your bedroom on the thirteenth day, three days after the latest possible showing of symptoms. Though you still felt deeply afraid, you found that curiosity was a surprisingly good deterrent when it wanted to be. Your fears hadn’t disappeared, but mixed with them was a disbelief so great that you often found your thoughts drifting to questions of how rather than questions of when.

Of course your initial instinct had been to seek out Zhongli. Pride mixed with fear however had kept you firmly at home. Really what was the point in even seeking out the answer to your miraculous reprieve at this point? It wouldn’t really change the outcome. Instead you might as well enjoy this unexpected extension of your life. Besides, you didn’t want to tempt the fates a second time.

Zhongli stood at the window of your first story apartment, a glaze lily in hand. He hadn’t meant to do this, but the urge refused to leave him.

He’d noticed you a few times at the market, face drawn, eyes empty. Zhongli wasn’t sure what exactly he was expecting, but certainly this wasn’t it. He knew you weren’t suffering from illness, your pace was strong, if slightly erratic, your general aura not that of the sick that Zhongli was all too familiar with. Why then did you look so terrible? The doubts that had plagued Zhongli began to rise again, jeering at the mistake he had made. He was supposed to protect you, right? Why then did you look as if you had experienced a total health collapse?

At first Zhongli tried to ignore it. You had not come to him for help, it was not his place to try and insert himself back in your life once more. The more he thought of you however, the more he found himself uneasy. He had to have some form of communication, some way to enquire about your health. At least one last time. If you explicitly rejected all forms of contact, well then Zhongli would leave. He would never defy your wishes in such a way. Until then however, he felt like he needed to ask.

The idea of walking up to your apartment and asking you was utterly off the table. Who knew how that might end? No, he wanted a subtler way. Glaze lilies had always been a favorite of yours, sneaking out into the evening to see them bloom even more so. He would simply leave one on your windowsill. If you took it, then he would enquire about your health. If you left it, well Zhongli would have his answer.

His hand trembled slightly as he stared at the windowsill, causing the gold ribbon tied around the lily to tremble slightly. At first Zhongli wanted only to give you the flower. He realized soon however that you might be confused, wondering if someone had not simply dropped a flower on your windowsill, or had the wind blown it there? The ribbon would hopefully clear things up. Even if it looked a little silly.

Slowly placing the flower down onto the open window Zhongli sighed. Turning around he did not dare spare a glance backwards. He would have his answer soon enough after all. Until then, well, there was no point in looking back.

You exited from the kitchen, having finally felt the energy to make yourself that good food you’d been promising yourself. Going to look at the sunset you let out a soft gasp.

On your windowsill was a single glaze lily, wrapped in gold.

#no one dies but I left the ending a bit ambiguous on purpose #I wrote more about it in the ask #genshin impact fanfiction #zhongli x reader #genshin zhongli #genshin impact #requested #oneshot #my writing

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