Tumgik
#I feel like I just had to watch George go through a micro aggression
scoups4lyfe · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
5 notes · View notes
g3nosarchive · 4 years
Text
ok i genuinely think a lot of other people have this problem but stop inserting yourself when xyz issue is mentioned. when someone is telling you that a person, a celebrity, some franchise is harming their identity or anyone’s identity as a minority, or part of a certain race or religion or anything shut the fuck up and accept it.
they do not need to know your emotional attachment to said thing, your disbelief, your horror, your personal experience - we didn’t ask for all that. we know just how bad it is, cus yk it harms us maybe? we’ve already gone through the cycle of being angry and indignant and now we’re here trying to get you to understand in the hopes that as a friend you do what you’re meant to do when you became friends with us. we are not your constant ball of anger to use whenever you find something that’s “crazy, unbelievably, shockingly” once again, a hate crime, when you decide you want to feel angry and care about it.
more under the cut bc i talk too much
by doing that, you’re making an issue that you didn’t even know about suddenly yours. ask yourself, what is the purpose for telling anyone all that? to get them to sympathize with you personally so you can get a pass because you didn’t know? of course you don’t know, of course you’re unaware, that’s the whole reason why you’re being told in the first place. do not water down the issue or even try to play the ‘everything has some issue like this so there’s no point in going this far’ card. especially as a white person. the reason why you don’t know primarily is because it doesn’t affect you and it doesn’t cross your mind.
when you watch a show with a black character, you don’t care about how off the character design is or how stereotypical and borderline racist the comedy gag surrounding said character is. when you listen to your favorite white music artists or watch your favorite movie with a majority white cast, white staff, white team, and white theme, you don’t care to analyze just how outdated and stereotypical the way that token asian character is portrayed. some of y’all don’t understand and will never understand the mental struggle and awareness forever plugged into the brain of lgbt and/or poc, especially black people when we consume anything, when we go anywhere, when we meet new people, to constantly catch those micro aggressions and know what to avoid.
so when someone tells you insert classic hot mess is racist and you should stop supporting it, one of the worst things you can do beside outright rejecting it is to defend it and insinuate that we don’t know what we’re talking about, that we need 30 different sources to prove it all, that you don’t think (for example taylor swifts dream colonized africa mv) is bad. you try to say the thing or person that is actively promoting all this homophobia, racism, transmisogyny etc needs to be kindly educated, is trying their best, will learn soon enough, just wasn’t educated, will do better in the future (esp looking at u kpop stans). does their apparent regret but refusal to properly apologize actually matter? the damage has already been done.
that in itself is a privilege i could never have. i don’t even try being a fan of any major white celebrity or any kpop group because i guarantee if i search up their name with ‘racist’, ‘sexist’, ‘homophobic’, ‘transphobic’, ‘cultural appropriation’ behind it something or some image is bound to show up. you will all say “oh they haven’t done anything yet” but when it comes out that they did, they have, and they do not care about who it affects, suddenly it’s a bombshell dropped on you out of nowhere.
it’s not that hard to spot these things actually. if your fav is constantly putting themselves against people of color, saying shady shit about non cishets while being a cishet themself, saying one thing and doing another, or has been silent when their voice was expected to speak up, shouldn’t you notice? y’all will reblog all these posts but in reality only 10% are actually reading and listening and actually digesting this information for future use.
and i think the thing that pisses me off is this is all from personal experience where i’m speaking from. over the past 2 days the amount of times if i’ve heard about the “tea that dropped w meghan markle” is ridiculous and annoying. a girl texted me and i sat there and i realized that she does this on a daily basis to fuel my anger and get me to validate her own useless anger. of course i knew about it and i wasn’t surprised at all - she’s still a black woman.
almost every black blog on here, when they get big enough, deals with some sort of weird shit surrounding their blackness. if you get big on speaking about issues you are now this emotionless token ‘smart black person i can actually trust’ to use as your replacement for google. this is not to say asking questions is bad, but it is so easy to pull up some of the shit you guys ask for. some people get called slurs directly, targeted for being too black or not black enough, attacked for their features and etc and someone mentioned this before but the only people that care in those situations are other black people themselves. white people will have blm in their bio but turn the other way the minute some anon starts acting up in their mutuals’ inbox, calling them a dark1e because they felt confident enough to post some selfies. and then you get sad when we dont go to you for any kind of support? 
i’ve stated sometimes that asking me questions on issues and things is okay, but one of the main reasons i say that is because whether i say it or not, i’ll be asked questions and expected to know everything and i am your personal walking encyclopedia and ofc it’s natural for me to have all this information in my head, as if i didn’t research it myself. but then i think about the numerous amounts of people that specifically say not to ask them this shit because it really does tire you out, that they don’t want to have to deal with this in any space but they still get them. 
and then the ones that don’t even know themself so people will use them as an example and say “well this person didn’t know and they’re ‘marginalized identity’ so it should be fine for me too”. good god just apologize, show that you really care, change your behavior and move on. do you think it was fun being asked the statistics for george floyd’s and other black peoples death in class? that you were being inclusive and giving me a chance to show off my intelligence, to prove to others that i really had something up here and you were my greatest star eyes white friend that gave me that chance? i cant close my posts like this properly but i want you to think about that shit and actually ask yourself if you’d do that. a lot of you will read this and think “i’m not that type of racist” “i don’t have those deep seated prejudices in me” yes you do. you just haven’t been called out on it.
for all the shit ive dealt with above, if i’ve ever talked to you about this before dont come to me to apologize i do not need it and you are not the only person i’ve received this from. i guarantee you that there’s about 20 other people i’ve thought about while writing this post considering i’m a black person in the real world, so keep your guilt to yourself an deal with it
white people don’t add on to this
17 notes · View notes
thegiftedoneishere · 4 years
Text
My Heart Is Breaking
I had to get my thoughts out. They’re all over the place but here it is.
Some years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. It happened like you see in the movies, the doctor gives you the diagnosis and it’s almost instant white noise. Nothing else can be heard. I don’t even remember leaving the doctors office. I was on auto pilot and the next vivid memory I had was picking my mom up from work and crumbling. I was instantly in a state of depression, that lasted for years. I was trying to work two jobs and maintain a sense of ‘normalcy’ but there was a major dark cloud over my head. Enter in Glee. I randomly saw it one day at home and it was the first things that made me genuinely smile and cackle in weeks. I was hooked. Songs were interspersed within the episodes and I quickly learned that the voices I was hearing were the actual voices of the actors. Glee propelled a bunch of unknowns into stardom and the rest is history. Naturally my two favorite characters were Mercedes and Santana, for obvious reasons. They were the only two women of color on a majority white cast. Each week, I looked forward to the way they would present the songs and the plots. Although it was chalk full micro-aggressive behaviors and racists jokes, I still was and am a fan. This tends to be the conundrum of being black and enjoying media to begin with. The writer’s room are often filled with white men. Even still, the show provided me with an escape of sorts. If I had a particularly bad chemo session, turn on Glee. Lost all my hair, listen to Glee songs. Puking my guts out, go watch these characters make fools of themselves through satire and good music. It was a coping mechanism and still is for me today. I’m super sensitive and empathic so good television, music, or movies provide me with a sense of disconnection from my overwhelming feelings, even if it’s just for a moment.
This morning I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn’t get back to sleep so like a lot of people I started playing on my phone. I was instantly greeted with the headline that Naya Rivera is presumed dead in a tragic accident and my stomach dropped. I sat up and thought to myself, ‘not in the same year as Kobe, Lord. This is too much’. As I read through the article, my body started to involuntarily shake, and I felt the tears swell in my eyes. I like Naya Rivera a lot, I had a soft spot for her. I always felt like she and Amber had the best voices on Glee, no matter what the writers and producers tried to make the general audience believe. I liked their songs the best and would listen to them often at one point. Naya had issues and she was flawed like every human is that’s currently on earth. I sided with her in the Lea/Naya wars from a few years back and history has proven that I was on the right side of that debate, an unintended consequence to George Floyd’s murder (RIP). I read her book and got a better understanding of who she was as a person. Flawed but with a good heart. She gave Big Sean his biggest hits and she had some flubs. She admittedly suffered from mental issues, but she tried her best to work on them. What I know is that she loved her baby boy and that her belief in Christ was genuine in true. The fact that they found her son asleep, at calm, told me that God still had his hand in everything. It’s a tragedy what happened to her and for whatever reason, that cast has been hit with a lot of them. I was thinking that very thing as I took a walk early this morning, seeing how I wasn’t going to get any sleep and I saw God’s greatness through his creation of nature. A reminder that he is always in control. RIP Naya.
Tumblr media
As the hours tick by, it doesn’t look to good for her, so my hope is that she is at peace. 
Tumblr media
48 notes · View notes
3aris · 4 years
Text
“nothing will work unless you do” - Maya Angelou
BLACK LIVES MATTER
WE KNOW ALL LIVES MATTER
BUT RIGHT NOW BLACK LIVES ARE THE ONES IN DANGER!
RACISM:
a complex system of beliefs and institutions that elevates whites at the expense of non-whites.
we all exist in and benefit from this system, whether we notice it or not.
WHITE PEOPLE CANNOT EXPERIENCE RACISM!
- discrimination is not racism
- our society prioritizes and caters to the experiences and benefits of white people. 
- white people hold the power in society. the ones in power cannot be the victims
* IT’S A PRIVILEGE TO EDUCATE YOURSELF ON RACISM INSTEAD OF EXPERIENCING IT *
HOW THE F*CK DOES RACISM STILL EXIST? [@cicelyblaincolsulting]
1. Racism Is Upheld By:
- Systems (media, education, law, healthcare...)
- History (our society is informed by centuries-old habit, biases, & disparities)
- Privilege (difficult to notice, address, and sacrifice. as long as one group benefits from the oppression of another, racism will still exist)
- Micro-Aggressions (everyday slights, comments, & actions uphold racist power structures)
2.The Formation Of Anti-Blackness
- Capitalism (Black bodies have been used as the means of production (worker labor, tools, machinery) to create wealth for Europeans.)
- Slavery (Black people were stripped of autonomy, citizenship, rights, and treated as objects for over 300 years)
- Colonialism (the land we occupy was stolen from indigineous peoples and continues to be pillaged for raw material, natural resources, and human capital for white gain first and foremost.
3. EVEN THE SMALLEST ACTS OF RACISM UPHOLD DOMINANT POWER STRUCTURES
4. Racism Is An Iceberg
- Tip / Visible Part (KKK, neo-nazis, police brutality, racial slurs, hate crimes)
- Majority / Hidden Part (all lives matter, your English is so good, you’re so pretty for a Black girl, what about Black on Black crime, can I touch your hair, where are you really from?)
ANTI-RACISM:
the active process of identifying and eliminating racism by changing systems, policies, practices, and attitudes in order to redistribute and share power. [NAC International Perspectives: Women and Global Solidarity]
WHITE PRIVILEGE:
white privilege doesn’t mean your life hasn’t been hard, it means that the color of your skin isn’t one of the things making it harder
WHAT’S WRONG WITH POLICE [@leftnortheast]
1. Origins of Police in America
- slave patrols of armed white men to enforce slavery & chase down runaway slaves
- after slavery, these same patrols continued to enforce segregation & reinforce violence against Black ppl perpetrated by the KKK
- during the 19th century, the ultra-rich business owners relied on police to stop workers and immigrants from organizing labor unions
- LA’s “thin blue line” enforced segregation in the 1950s. look up “Black Wall Street”
- HISTORICALLY THE MAIN FUNCTION OF THE POLICE IS TO PROTECT WEALTH & ASSETS BY PRESERVING INSTITUTIONAL RACISM
2. Police Today
- when police commit crimes, the investigations are performed by the police themselves (union officials & internal affairs departments)
- only 33% of investigations end in police being convicted, compared to 68% in general pop.
- at least 40% of police families have experienced domestic violence, compared to 10% in the general population
3. ACAB: What It Means
- all cops are bastards
- it does NOT mean that individual cops are incapable of doing good things, but that the institution of policing is harmful and beyond saving
- the laws that “good” cops enforce work to uphold a harmful status quo that keeps working class and POC socially disadvantaged. therefore, there are no “good” cops
- EX: the three other officers who stood and watched Derek Chauvin kill George Floyd. they may be “good” because they didn’t kill Floyd, but they did nothing to prevent Chauvin from doing so.
THINGS TO DO INSTEAD OF CALLING THE COPS [@freedomtothrive]
1. Don’t Feel Obligated To Defend Property
- is someone being actively hurt or endangered by property “theft” or damage?
- if “no,” let it be
2. If Something Of Yours Is Stolen...
- consider going to the police station instead of bringing cops into your community, you may be inadvertently putting someone art risk by calling the cops
3. If You See Someone Exhibiting “Odd” Behavior...
- don’t assume they are intoxicated
- ask if they are ok, if they have a medical condition, and if they need help
4. If You See Someone Pulled Over With Car Trouble...
- stop & ask if they need help or if you can call a tow truck for them
- calling police may result in unnecessary ticketing, target undocumented ppl, etc.
5. Keep A Contact List Of Community Resources
- EX: suicide hotlines, mental health assistance, etc.
- ppl with mental illnesses are 16x more likely to be killed by police
6. Check Your Impulse To Call The Police On “Suspicious” People
- is their race, gender, ethnicity, class, or housing situation influencing your action?
- calling the cops on such people can be death sentences (EX: Trayvon Martin)
HOW WILL WE STAY SAFE WITHOUT POLICE? [@mpd_150] [@wretched_flowers_]
1. Community Members
- mental health service providers, social workers, victim/survivor advocates, religious leaders, neighbors & friends need to look out for one another
- not armed strangers with guns who likely don’t live in the communities they patrol (police)
- society expects police to do too much: violent crimes, traffic stops, chasing loose dogs, etc.
2. What About Violence?
- crime isn’t random, it happens because ppl are unable to meet their needs  EX: money, food, rent, etc.
- this problem can be solved with an emphasis on jobs, education, community centers, mental health resources.
- cops don’t prevent violence, they invite it through constant violent disruption of our communities
3. It’s Not Impossible
- look at the abolition of slavery, the 40hr work week, etc. those were accomplished through gradual progress
- redirect funds away from the police department toward those community-based alternatives listed above. LOOK UP HOW MUCH YOUR CITY / STATE SPENDS ON POLICING.
14 WAYS WHITE PPL CAN MAKE LIFE LESS FRUSTRATING FOR p.o.c. [@privtoprog]
1. trust / listen to POC assessment of a situation
2. don’t assume all POC have same views
3. don’t guess / assume ppl’s race
4. read & share articles relating to daily POC experiences
5. just because you have a POC friend / relative / partner doesn’t mean you can’t be racist. if anything, it means you should be more critical of your actions / words & how they affect those around you
6. don’t play devil’s advocate on race conversations. JUST. LISTEN.
7. understand that America has what it has because it stole land from indigenous people and stole people from Africa to build America
8. care about race on the other 364 days that aren’t MLK Day
9. don’t assume you know what it’s like to experience racism. you don’t & can’t. that’s the point.
10. nothing in your life has been untouched by your whiteness. everything you have would have been harder to come by if you had not been born white.
11. don’t get defensive when someone calls you out on racism, be grateful. it’s a learning moment.
12. move past white guilt. guilt it’s unproductive. just BE BETTER.
13. fighting racism isn’t about you. it’s about liberating POC from a racist world / system.
14. being an ALLY is a verb, not a noun. you can’t be an ally just because you say you are. actions are louder than words.
WHAT WHITE PPL CAN DO OVER TIME [@prettydecent]
1. Research & Learn In Public
- identify, name, & challenge the norms, patterns, traditions, structures,and institutions that keep racism & white supremacy in place
- TALK TO & EDUCATE OTHER WHITE PEOPLE. it’s YOUR job, not POC, to teach white ppl how to fight racism
- let people you care about know this is something you care about
2. Open Your Eyes To Anti-Blackness
- there are no race-neutral spaces, “colorblindness” does not exist.
- Anti-Blackness is the way in which Black ppl have been targeted & stripped of their humanity
- pay attention to CODED LANGUAGE. what do we mean by “good” neighborhoods & “good” schools?
- who starts trends? who gets credit for them? EX: rock & roll
3. Pay Attention To Your White Experience
- we will never full understand Black ppl’s experiences
- look at how your whiteness has impacted your life: encounters with police, airport security? job interviews?
- what are you “good at” and how might your race have affected that?
- white experiences are the social “default,” EX: “Is The Country Ready For Its First White President?”
4. Speak Up & Argue With White People
- silence is a privilege & acts in directly upholding the system of white supremacy
- look at how movies, TV, and other media treats Black and POC, and call it out when you see it.
- hold other white ppl accountable, THERE IS NO GROWTH WITHOUT DISCOMFORT. we make mistakes but that does not mean we can’t learn & grow from them.
HOW TO TALK TO YOUR FAMILY ABOUT RACISM [@jenerous]
1. Intent & Impact
- white ppl say that we don’t INTEND to be racist.
- intent doesn’t matter if the IMPACT of our actions harms someone and/or upholds a racist system
2. Watch Your Tone
- we don’t get to tell Black ppl how to talk about their own oppression (“tone policing”)
- when we talk to other white ppl about race, we need to speak in a way that best conveys the information, feelings aside
3. Tell Stories Of Your Own Privilege
- tell your family members a specific way your white privilege has protected you
- this is also a great opportunity for you to reflect on & better understand your own privilege
- WE LEARN BY TEACHING
4. Share Some Of Your Own F*ck Ups
- admitting you’ve been wrong before helps normalize personal growth
- makes it easier for your family to reflect on their own failures & move on
- vulnerability is strength
5. Make It Okay To Ask Questions
- ask your family if they have questions about racism
- this may bring up stuff you don’t know either, a great opportunity to learn together!
6. Keep Asking “Why Do You Think That Is?”
- find a race-related statistic that you both agree on (EX: “Black ppl are jailed for weed more than white ppl are”)
- ask your family member why they think that statistic is true until there’s no answer that makes sense besides “racism”
7. Plant A Seed Of Doubt
- unlearning a racist system means flipping everything we know on its head.
- that requires small steps, such as getting your family members to question their existing logic around ONE topic (Black hair, cultural appropriation, affirmative action, etc.)
- when they say “hmm... i never thought about that,” you’re making progress!
8. Commit To The Idea That It Is Possible To Change Someone’s Mind
- your own anti-racism journey is proof!
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF [@is_siigii]
1. Who taught you about race & culture?
2. What can you do to support POC in your community?
3. What are you committed to doing outside of social media to fight racism?
4. How do you behave when you are confronted with racist behavior?
5. What do you want to learn more about?
6. What information could you teach people?
7. In what ways have you ignored this behavior in the past?
8. Why is it important for everyone to work toward ending this injustice?
9. How can you use anti-racist knowledge to change & progress?
10. Do you owe anyone an apology?
11. How do you handle conflicts?
2 notes · View notes
gizedcom · 4 years
Text
Rugby Star Maro Itoje Talks Politics, Art, And That Sensational World Cup Semi-Final Against New Zealand
Dubbed “The Pearl” by his teammates and “Super Maro” by the country, 25-year-old Maro Itoje is widely considered the greatest rugby player in the nation. Barrel-chested and nearly two metres tall, his relentless discipline is his not-so-secret weapon, and has cost him some formative experiences. 
The Saracens star has missed family weddings and friends’ birthdays in his pursuit of greatness – and not just on the pitch. Itoje attended boarding school at St George’s School in Harpenden before earning a sports scholarship to Harrow, where, at A-level, he achieved straight As. While studying politics at London’s School of Oriental and African Studies, he made no friends – devoting himself entirely to practice and his studies instead. 
But the sacrifices were worth it: in the World Cup semi-finals last October, England defeated New Zealand – the first time the All Blacks had lost a World Cup game since 2007. Maro was named player of the match; the crowd chanted his name throughout. Still, that doesn’t mean he wants to talk about sport. Here,  the Renaissance man tells Vogue about his life beyond the scrum.
“My Entire Life Had Been Building Up To The 2020 Olympics”: How Team GB’s Katarina Johnson-Thompson Rediscovered Her Purpose
Was it hard to balance rugby with academics?
“It was tricky. That whole period was a time management exercise, to be honest. I had to be very disciplined about when it was time to train or to study. I missed out on a few events that I would have actually liked to go to, but I knew what my goal was, so all in all, it was 100 per cent worth it. If I went back, I’d do exactly the same.”
Where does that drive come from?
“I’ve always wanted to achieve. I’ve always wanted to be a great player. I come from a family where just being ‘good’ wasn’t good enough. I thrive on competition, and I want to put the best of myself out there.”
What’s it like going out onto the pitch for such an intense collision sport?
“It’s exciting, to be honest. Rugby is such a confrontational, physical game. You have to be dominant, so you have to be extremely physical, and the opposition are trying to do the exact same. I feel like the physical part of rugby is why it’s so loved. When someone makes a big tackle, you get excited just hearing the crowd’s volume raising. I personally look forward to it; I like it when games get a bit gritty.”
How did beating New Zealand at the World Cup semi-finals feel?
“That was a great game for the team, and myself, individually. Our mentality was to go out there and not give them any space to breathe. I think, by and large, we executed that game plan. It was definitely one of the most enjoyable and physical games I’ve played for England.”
Did you see Ross Kemp’s viral video reaction?
“I did, yeah. I don’t think I even got that excited! But it’s always nice to see things like that.”
You seem pretty apathetic when talking about rugby; would you be watching the game if you weren’t playing it?
“Without a doubt, if I wasn’t at the World Cup, I’d be waking up early to watch it. But the questions in sports media are quite repetitive, so it just gets a bit dry to talk about. Rugby is a huge, important part of my life but I have many more interests. I like listening to ’90s R&B and Afrobeats; watching biopics, documentaries, and sports like football, athletics, and basketball; and politics has always been an interest of mine.”
Tumblr media
What are you reading and watching lately?
“The Last Dance on Netflix is phenomenal. Trevor Noah’s Born a Crime was amazing. I’m reading Alastair Campbell’s Winners: And How They Succeed, in which he talks to successful people known for winning in sport, business and politics and picks out the key principles that run through all of them. I plan on reading Tribes: How Our Need To Belong Can Make Or Break Society by David Lammy. I read a lot of nonfiction books – I’m not too good with fiction.”
Have you picked up any tips from Winners that you plan on incorporating?
“One was the importance of clear communication – you can have a great strategy or tactics or goal to achieve, but if you don’t communicate that plan clearly to your team, the message isn’t going to get through.”
You collect art; who are your favourite artists?
“I love going to the art markets in Lagos and picking up pieces from street artists who aren’t widely known. I go back about once a year and always find time to pick one or two additions; I really enjoy seeing their work. I’ve seen a lot of UK artists with a similar dynamism on Instagram too, like [Gabrielle Oke, known as] Gabee Paints (@gabeepaints), Angela Chilufya (@angelachilufya), and TJ Agbo (@teejgram).”
Tumblr media
Can you describe your experience of being a Black student in British public boarding schools?
“I was lucky because I wasn’t navigating that space by myself; there was a group of Nigerian British boys I found myself boarding with, so I had a support network. When I moved to Harrow, it was a new environment, but still loads of Nigerian Brits, so I had people to talk through any micro-aggressions with. The best friends I had at 15 are all still my best friends. What was interesting was how right-wing the students’ and teachers’ thinking was. I think being right-wing is not necessarily a negative thing, per se, and it was interesting because I then experienced the complete opposite in SOAS. Going to institutions on two completely opposite sides of the political spectrum added a bit of balance to my formal education.”
Did you feel yourself become more right- or left-wing as a result?
“No, because at school age I was still figuring out what I believed in. And to be honest, I think sometimes the left-wing versus right-wing ideology can be extremely unhelpful because it often clouds what the right thing to do is at that particular time. If you’re governed by ideology, you’re going to make some terrible decisions. For example, if Rishi Sunak was governed by ideology, he definitely would not have created that stimulus budget and shown that support for workers and the self-employed. Obviously, it’s important to have a political framework and conviction in the things you want to achieve, but when you’re hell bent on it, ideology is very dangerous. Especially when it comes to party politics – you have to govern the whole country, so you need to appeal to people on the left and right.”
What are the political issues you care about the most?
“I care about inequality and justice – both racial and gender-related. The older I have got, the more I started to understand certain issues like feminism, which to me is just appreciating that, when breaking things down economically and sociopolitically, women face more barriers. I don’t advocate equality of outcome, but I do advocate equality of opportunity.”
Ava DuVernay & Colin Kaepernick Join Forces For A Netflix Series About The NFL Star’s Life 
How do you describe your personal style?
“I’m a bit of an awkward size because I have long arms and shoulders, a thin waist, long legs, and big feet, so it’s not always easy to shop. I take a lot of inspiration from the ’90s era. I love granddad colours, simple neutrals like black, white, beige, cream. I like wearing designers at events but I shop mostly at ASOS or Gap.”
It’s said that you are the highest-paid rugby player in the country; what do you splurge on?
“I don’t know what other people are paid, so I can’t speak to that, but I’m a very simple guy. I’m not too flashy. I like spending my money on just the basics – a nice house, deck that out – but besides that I don’t really live a crazy life.”
No Gucci belt?
“That’s not me.”
Have you imagined life after rugby, and what you want to achieve before then?
“Hopefully, it’s still a long way away, but I would like to go into business, although I haven’t decided exactly what yet. And I want to win the next World Cup in France 2023. We came really close last year and fell short, so that’s definitely the goal.”
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. Read the full interview in the August 2020 issue of British Vogue.
More from British Vogue:
youtube
Credit: Source link
The post Rugby Star Maro Itoje Talks Politics, Art, And That Sensational World Cup Semi-Final Against New Zealand appeared first on GIZED - Breaking News Worldwide.
from WordPress https://ift.tt/2OEf9Xs via IFTTT
0 notes
liliannorman · 4 years
Text
Learning will change with COVID-19’s social distancing
In response to the spread of COVID-19, on February 3, 2020 the islands off the east coast of China, known as Hong Kong, closed their schools. This sent home more than 900,000 students in this self-governing region of China. The students’ first priority: Begin some serious social distancing.
Here are some free resources for kids (and parents) now learning at home
With half the school year yet to go, nearly all schools reached out to offer those students online learning. Much like those in the United States soon would be, teachers and students were caught off-guard. They had little time to adapt.
After weeks of trial and error, Hong Kong’s teachers — and students — can share what they’ve learned. Plenty of challenges emerged. So did some tips for success. What they now share can help communities of students anywhere who may be forced to face the new normal of learning from home.
Student voices
For 11-year-old Emma, there hasn’t been much difference between distance learning and attending classes face-to-face. She begins her lessons at 8:30 a.m. Instead of walking into a classroom, she now turns on her computer to see live-streamed lessons. Emma takes about four classes per day. Each lasts around 30 to 40 minutes.
The seventh-grade student attends King George V. It’s an international school in Kowloon Tong. To Emma, “It’s good to keep a schedule. In the beginning, it was hard to get into a routine and I ended up missing a few deadlines. Now, I think of it as a normal school day.”
Students are using several online-learning platforms to join daily meetings with teachers and classmates. Some schools have paid for their classes to take place on Google Hangouts Meet. Others use Zoom, Microsoft Teams or BigBlueButton.
Webinars are live, usually interactive events that take place online. Instructors use audio and visual communication to share data, skills or information with their virtual students. The software for these programs allows teachers (or students) to share slides or uploaded pages. The group then can share or discuss these in real-time through chat boxes or other features. Some platforms also allow a webinar to be recorded and viewed by invited users at a later date.
In theory, webinars should make access to real-time communication easy. In practice, however, students have experienced some challenges.
“It can be easy to get distracted when you’re online,” says Marcus, an eighth-grade student at Island School. “I keep my camera on to help pay attention but get sidetracked when I see the gallery of faces. It can be hard to resist the temptation to send messages or check my email.”
Along with the challenges of online platforms, research shows that staring at a screen for long periods can lead to fatigue and stress. And coupled with kids’ already heavy use of screens for entertainment, using them all day for classwork from home may tempt students to overdo it. And many studies have shown that can be unhealthy.
‘Mindfulness’ defuses stress in classrooms and teaching
With a student’s health and wellbeing in mind, many schools have therefore set aside time for “brain breaks.” These allow students a chance to move, dance or play. Says Emma, “Taking regular breaks helps me relax and gets me ready for the next online session.” Also, in her small neighborhood, the kids have coordinated recess times to get together — at a distance. “Everyone needs to get out, exercise and talk to friends,” she says. “We just make sure to keep enough physical distance.”
Elsewhere, even such brief in-person meet-ups may be discouraged. The 2020 coronavirus pandemic has been especially aggressive in the United States. Since late March, people there have been asked to stay home as much as possible. They can congregate only via their phones or the internet.
Problems as opportunities
Zachary Post is the middle-school principal of the American International School in Hong Kong. He says that students’ online-learning experiences have been improving as they adapt to new technologies. “Teachers and support staff have been reaching out to parents and are working extremely hard to troubleshoot a variety of issues,” he finds. These can range from problems logging in to downloading the needed software.
Tumblr media
Here’s the screenshot of a faculty meeting at the American International School in Hong Kong. Since the coronavirus pandemic, they’re convening online.Z. Post
Natalie Milman confirms the importance of communication during this “emergency remote teaching and learning.” She works at George Washington University in Washington, D.C. There, she directs the Educational Technology Leadership program. Her advice for participants in this online-learning world is to communicate expectations and problems. Milman says, “They need to know the different platforms they are using and how often to check their email for announcements.”
There is no way to know everyone’s situation, she explains. So teachers need to be patient and flexible. And they also need to “go the extra mile and reach out” to those who may be struggling.    
Post agrees that constant communication is vital to making sure all students can access their lessons and feel supported. Now, after weeks of watching kids build new tech skills, he sometimes drops in on their virtual classrooms. And he reports seeing students and teachers “confidently” navigating their digital portals to online learning.
His school has attained a very high attendance rate. This is true even though its students and teachers all work remotely. In the end, he “aims to achieve a level of progress similar to a typical school day,” he says. 
Post acknowledges there have been some initial hurdles to online learning. But he also recognizes some new benefits. “I like to see problems as opportunities. I believe this situation is giving students a chance to effectively manage their time, apply their IT [information technology] skills and communicate across a broader setting. They are becoming true 21st-century learners.”
Dynamic collaboration 
With little time to prepare, most teachers have been “learning on the go,” says Vanessa Sheppard. She’s a middle-school teacher at Kowloon Junior School. Most of its teachers were using computers or tablets to teach before the COVID-19 crisis. Since the pandemic shuttered their school, they have successfully adapted to moving all of their lessons and interactions with students online.
It took some work to make this transition, she says. But she’s finding that “teachers are learning from each other. Online programs are now shared between teachers at warp speed to help create a vibrant learning experience for students.”
Tumblr media
Since early February, this Hong Kong eighth grader’s bedroom has doubled as her classroom.V. Sheppard
What’s changed, she notes, is the classroom interaction. “You don’t realize the micro-adjustments you make when getting live student feedback,” says Sheppard. She doesn’t see the look of puzzlement or boredom when students don’t understand something — or excitement when they suddenly experience a eureka moment. “I miss the active collaboration,” she says.
And students can experience similar frustrations. Teachers may not see how they are reacting to a lesson. Classmates no longer collaborate in hands-on projects. And when problems arise, students have to be more pro-active to let their teachers know. That can be hard for students who are shy.
The American International School uses Zoom Pro. It features a Breakout Room function as well as live whiteboard tools. During lessons, students are assigned to small group discussions. They also can make presentations that are observed by parents and teachers alike. “This has created a more class-like social-learning environment,” says Post. Even online, there can be a “back-and-forth dialogue between multiple people.”
Also, teachers say creating a student-led learning community has increased student motivation and engagement. The result: Students have been turning in higher quality work. 
Hurdles to learning online
Some research has found that students can perform equally well in in-person versus virtual classrooms. Among them is one study conducted more than a decade ago by researchers at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County and the University of Arizona in Tucson. It found that students could learn more from a course taught online than in the same class — taught by the same teachers — in a traditional school classroom.
This was true when the online lessons were paced by a learner’s needs, reported Dongsong Zhang at Maryland and his colleagues. Some materials for the class were posted online and could be replayed again and again until a student understood them. Or, students could skip ahead when coming to material they fully understood.
In fact, online classes may need to be presented somewhat differently, says Richard Culatta. He heads the nonprofit International Society of Technology in Education. It’s based in Arlington, Va.  “So often, when we start to move over to online learning,” he says, “we immediately think of the content.” By that, he meant that teachers might upload their notes or text to an online portal for their students.
Kids today grow up on fast-paced games and entertainment. They may need to show some patience as their teachers learn how to make engaging lessons for delivery online.Courtney Hale/E+/Getty Images
But that can be boring and impede learning, he says. To be effective in the online world, teachers will have to do far more, he says. To help them, dozens of educational organizations (including his) created Learning Keeps Going. Produced in response to the COVID-19 crisis, this website has links to lots of tools.
Learning works best when it’s a social and engaging activity, he says. And, he adds, teachers have to “think about how to make sure there’s still times where everybody can get together” — even if it’s just online in a shared meet-up.
Of course, not all subjects transfer to online teaching equally well. Beverly is a seventh-grade student at Renaissance College in Hong Kong. She has found it especially challenging to keep up with science lessons. You can’t do the same lab work at home as in well-equipped classrooms. “At school, we would have the necessary equipment to conduct experiments,” she notes. “But we don’t have this at home.” While she can still learn knowledge and concepts, she misses “the hands-on experience.”
And that’s understandable. But Culatta points to virtual science labs as one alternative. For safety reasons, he notes, “a lot of schools say you have to do a virtual chem lab first [before doing labs in the classroom].” Are these as useful and rewarding as doing experiments in a real science lab? “Of course not,” he says. “But it is a pretty darn good solution if you don’t have access to one for a while.”
Tumblr media
In times of social distancing, your teacher may be a few miles away, as the crow flies, but still right in front of you digitally. Don’t be afraid to chat, trade jokes or ask questions as you would have in the real-world classroom.fizkes/iStock/Getty Images Plus
Some teachers are trying to simulate the hands-on experience remotely. Caroline Pringle is one of them. She’s a middle-school science teacher at the American International School. Hands-on science and testing let students “learn from their mistakes,” she says. It also helps them understand the gap between theory (what should happen), she notes, and practice. (That’s what actually happened when you tried to do something.)
Pringle’s goal is to design experiments that students can do at home — ones that encourage them to develop their scientific skills. For instance, her eighth-grade students are modeling the process of cell division. Their equipment: Play-Doh, toothpicks and string. Seventh graders are using books to model plate tectonics. Pringle also uses programs that provide online science simulations (such as Gizmos and PhET by the University of Colorado Boulder).
“In the beginning, everyone was overwhelmed,” she says. “Students were easily distracted.” To counter this, she developed a range of ways to hook their interest. For instance, she might have students answer two questions posed by classmates. Or they might complete a mini-quiz on Padlet. That’s an online bulletin board where students can post their answers and ideas.
Pringle also finds that instead of setting one big deadline for the end of an assignment, it is better to break up tasks into smaller parts that are due throughout a week. “I am now getting well-thought-out projects. And the students find it easier to stay on track,” she says.
The virtual world
The biggest hurdle to online education, of course, would be a lack of access to the internet. And there are still families that don’t have a computer or a computer that can handle the needed software. Many households also lack the high-speed internet that would give kids stable access to virtual classrooms or an ability to browse the internet.
Such limitations can make online learning seem impossible. But it doesn’t have to be, Culatta says. In response to the ongoing pandemic, some U.S. schools and companies have stepped in and begun offering families laptops, tablets or other technology. This can include temporary access to school computers and very low-cost internet (see sidebar),
Without question, Culatta says, the COVID-19 pandemic is “a tragedy.” And the call for social distancing has created an extremely challenging environment for students, parents and teachers. Eventually, however, life will return to normal. When that time comes, he believes, online learning will also be normal.
When schools reopen, he predicts, students will return to them with a new appreciation for how well they can navigate in both the real world and the virtual world. In fact, he argues, both teachers and students are going to need their digital skills “to be successful in the future. This might not have been how we wanted them to get [those skills], but there is value that comes out of this [trying time].”
Post agrees. And those skills may not just be of use in the distant future. What kids are learning now, he says, will prepare them for future disruptions — and not just pandemics. “This experience will change how we approach school suspensions for things such as bad weather days,” he says. “The next time we need to move to remote learning, we will be prepared.”
Learning will change with COVID-19’s social distancing published first on https://triviaqaweb.tumblr.com/
0 notes
miningtransport · 7 years
Text
Sightseeing Car
July 4, 2017
I think since the Fourth of July is a travel day, that means I'll be sidestepping the holiday altogether. It’s such a hot, dusty, crowded holiday sometimes and we’re sliding toward authoritarianism right now, so skipping it seems fine. But it doesn't work out like that on the Coastal Starlight Amtrak train from Salem to Seattle.
By the time we cross the Columbia River and head up into Western Washington, I've abandoned my seat in coach and am stationed in the sightseeing car. On those big trains that come all the way up from L.A., the coach cars feel like dormitories. People are really camping out in there. There’s little babies, and odors, and sleeping bags. More than half of the curtains have been pulled shut. The sightseeing car is full of light and windows, with the seats facing out.
A couple of volunteer park rangers are narrating what we see out the windows. They have a lot of good information about rivers, the industrial stuff we pass, ships taking grain to Hong Kong, steel plants. Osprey nests. Local history. It's a bit cheesy at times, but I enjoy the narration of the ride, and it's kind of cute how many people are happy to be talked at by the old duffers in vests.
Different people sit around me and then depart. They half listen, half talk amongst themselves. A young man in head to toe Seahawks gear sits down awkwardly in the seat next to me for a while. I take him to be Middle Eastern. Two young Asian women across the aisle seem to just be getting to know each other. I catch snippets of their conversation. “It can be hard. Do your parents speak English?” “No, do yours?”
I’m half listening, half writing in my journal about my weekend at the coast. A little voice says, “Excuse me, but is anyone sitting here?” It’s a black girl of about 8 years old. She is wearing pink sweat pants and a grey sweatshirt with pink stars on it. She has many long black braids. She’s confident, she’s polite, she’s smiling. For the moment she’s unaccompanied by an adult. I tell her to sit down. She’s peering out the window but also keeps blatantly looking over at me writing. “Whatchu writin about?” she asks. I tell her, “Just my weekend. Stuff that happened.” She looks disappointed, like she doubted I had a very interesting weekend, and if it were her writing it would be something juicier.
A little while later, an older man comes in the car. I don’t take him for her grandpa at first because even though his skin is dark brown like hers, he has one long braid down his back and his facial features and body language remind me of the old Native guys in the town where I grew up. But he is her grandpa and they move a little further down the car to where there were two seats together. He is spare and stone-faced, with a ball-cap on and plain jeans and a t-shirt. He doesn’t react much to the girl and certainly not to anyone else around him, but she merrily fills the picture in. “Yes, this is my grandpa,” I hear her say to someone across the aisle. She’s turned around in her chair, long arms hanging off the back. “We go to the lake, but usually only when it’s good for fishing. We catch a lot of fish. And eat them.”
I remind myself not to stereotype. Just because he seems really Native American, that doesn’t mean he is. He’s just a travel weary guy with an inscrutable face. And the whole inscrutable face thing, that’s stereotyping too.
We pass a tree farm, and one of the volunteers is saying in the microphone, “This is a Christmas tree farm, but where on Earth do you think you could use a 30-foot tall Christmas tree?” The little girl’s hand shoots up. The old white guy points to her and she says, “IN A MANSION.” He says, “Well no, they just cut some of the branches off to make wreaths and the rest of the tree keeps growing.”
She turns back to the window, unfazed. She seems to know her answer was better than his. She seems pleased with herself, and reasonably sure others are pleased with her too. Not in a show-offy way, but just in a nice way.
I hear two people behind me talking. Their travel plans were both thrown off by the train derailment a couple of days earlier. They commiserate, and then start talking about other things. They both live in Seattle. The woman is white, in her late twenties or early thirties. I’d taken a peek at her earlier. I don’t know about the guy. He sat down after I looked last. I don’t want to look over and be obvious.
Then I hear her saying, “You know, that one, that loud-mouthed African woman.” I think, “Who can she be talking about?” and then realize she means Kshama Sawant, an Indian-American councilwoman. The woman is saying that raising the minimum wage to $15 has “ruined Seattle” and caused businesses to close their doors. The man she’s talking to says “Um… that’s all really… debatable.” The woman goes on to say that she herself got a pay bump when the minimum wage was raised, but she says it scornfully, like it was no good to her.
A man on the other side of them overhears the exchange and comes into the conversation. The two men are ignoring the woman now, choosing not in fact to have that debate. They are talking between themselves about volunteering for this or that Democratic state legislator’s campaign. They are both really well versed in the nuances of local politics.
The woman butts back in and says loudly, “Are you Hispanic?” The man sitting next to her says “Uh, no. Not at all.” She says “Ok, well I was just asking a question.” Then she says, “Where are you from, then?” He says, “I was born and raised in Columbus, Ohio.” He is keeping his voice more casual than she is, but I can hear a certain tension sliding in. I can’t take it anymore, and glance over. The young man she’s talking to is the one I’d seen before, the possibly Middle Eastern (?) man in Seahawks gear. “Ohhhh” I think, as it all slides into place.
We’re approaching Centralia now. The little girl is still engaged with the scenery, the narration, her braids, her neighbors, herself. Her grandpa is still staring straight ahead thinking unknowable thoughts and betraying no emotion whatsoever.
The guys at the front with microphones are saying, “Centralia was founded by George Washington. No, not that George Washington!” They go on to explain that George Washington was the son of “a white servant girl and an enslaved black man” in Wherever, USA. His mother was afraid he would be sold into slavery, so she begged some people going west to adopt her son and take him with them. The family moved farther and farther west and I think George was a young man by the time they got to Washington. Stories of his entrepreneurial pluck. His ingenuity. How much the town loved him. How he was honored when he died in 1905.
I’m thinking, “Well, this is told like such a happy ending, but it’s a tragedy that this guy’s mother had to give him away because of slavery.” I think of Charles Mudede’s criticism of Nicole Brodeur—writing as if only white people are reading. I figure that’s what we’re all doing all the time. That’s America for you. One long rolling micro aggression, just like this train ride.
The train stops at Centralia, and our car is blocking an intersection. Cars are stopped waiting for the tracks to clear. A white couple in white middle age walk up and stop there, waiting. I look at them and think, “So you live in a town that was founded by a black man. Huh. Looks like Trump country.” I have no idea. I’m just stereotyping. He’s kind of sweaty and ruddy with a beer gut under his t-shirt and mussed up hair and sunglasses. She’s prim in her culottes with her little bob. I have no idea. But they seem very white and they could be Trump voters.
Then they’re smiling and doing big waves and I look over and see that they’re responding to the little black girl in the sweat suit and braids. She’s cheesing for them through the window. She’s waving like she’s royalty and her subjects have flocked to the tracks to watch her roll through her kingdom. I look to see if her grandpa looks amused. He is stone-faced as ever. I think, “maybe he’s like this all the time, or maybe he’s just really sick of white people.” As the train continues to sit there, the couple and the little girl both get distracted, but then as we pull away, there is a last beaming, waving connection—this time initiated by the white man on the sidewalk, who cranes his head and tips forward and makes the girl laugh with his goofy waving.
We’re running along the coastline now, and there are people down on the beach, on the rocks, on boats, on docks with their legs dangling off – mostly white people. The volunteer guys call our attention to a small island out in the bay, Fox Island. They begin another historical story, about how there was an Indian war because the governor of Washington was going to put “four large tribes and one small tribe” on a reservation out on that tiny island. I hear that the old white guys are trying, that they are saying the governor was responsible for the war, they are saying the names of the individual nations. They are saying it’s ridiculous that someone was trying to put all those people on a reservation on such a little island.
I think “HOLD ON” that’s not a reservation, that’s internment.
And then the guy speaking says that the tribes lost that battle but they “kind of won the war” because they got larger, separate reservations.
HOW IS THAT WINNING.
God. White people!
HOW IS THAT WINNING.
South of Tacoma, the crowds get bigger, browner, more citified. From the train it looks like some idealized version of a happy, multiethnic, multicultural society. Hijabis strolling in the sun. Big latino (latinx?) families. Kids running around. Black women with big natural hair and flowy skirts, swishing in the breeze. It’s just everybody. And people look happy. Tweets from that morning’s Black Twitter flash before my eyes. What the Fourth of July means, has meant to black people. How people find a way to carve out their own meaning, find their own sources of joy.
I read Black Twitter, and maybe I’m a bit of a lurker for following so many great black women writers on Twitter and reading their blogs and think pieces. But I figure if I keep listening to them, maybe I’ll be ready just on the off chance that I write something someday that finds its way to one of them. Because I don’t want to write like only white people are reading, or talk like only white people are listening, or experience the U.S. like only a white person can.
11 notes · View notes
trabzonto · 7 years
Text
POLITICAL HUMOR & SATIRE
Poor Me is a magazine dedicated to people who see themselves as victims. Read the new Trump-Comey edition – their thickest issue to date.
Challenges of being a drama queen in the age of Trump. Experts: "Competition is fierce."
IN THIS ISSUE:
March against fascism ends with 400,000 fewer deaths than expectedHillary to victims: "poison the wells, scorch the earth"Kathy Griffin: From woke to broke in one easy stepTop 10 methods to make the world feel guilty and apologizeLeBron James needs a day without white people: "No matter how much money I have, I’m still as paranoid as a homeless drug addict"Is everything Trump’s fault? Ask an expert!
EXCLUSIVE – Closed session: Comey, 56, demonstrates on doll where he feared Trump was going to touch him.
Many years ago Nancy Pelosi bravely said, "We have to pass the bill to know what’s in it." But even after it was passed, no one has ever read the Affordable Care Act in its entirety; it is so large that it has its own gravitational field.
In a dramatic stroke of brilliance and keen journalistic instinct, or perhaps outright laziness, we decided to start from the back. Here’s what we found.
Hospital stays exceeding two days require patient-provided bedpans and light bulbs.Co-pays are now tracked by as a Wall Street investment index.Half off Abortion-Tuesdays at Family Dollar stores everywhere.The term “deductibles” is omitted from the medical lexicon in favor of “insurer’s fair share.”Malpractice lawsuits shall be known as “pulling the ‘ol Okey-Dokey.”A 20% tip automatically added to prescription drug purchases.School lunch programs shall include Soylent Green Fridays.
As a member of the white male hetero Christian class my peoples have been ruling the world far to long. It is only fitting that I and my ilk get a taste of our own medicine and accept our demotion in exchange for the promotion of the victim class. The only thing my peoples can do to alleviate our deserved pains is to sacrifice our place willingly and eagerly. We shall vocally praise the oppressed, admit our sins and accept our lashings. When we are ordered to leave our campuses because of our whiteness we shall do so with a smile. When we are reminded of our privilege we shall accept it with a tear. Equality before the law is not the goal. Lady Justice is not blind, comrade. Her eyes are open and her scales are now tipped accordingly. That is the "Democratic Ideal" for which we now must live.
Early this morning President Trump challenged the nation to discover the true meaning of "covfefe."
We accepted the challenge and we’re pretty sure we have figured it out.
Just some pictures and headlines:
– Kathy Griffin mistakenly beheads Alec Baldwin in Trump costume; nobody cares.
– Islamic State disavows Kathy Griffin, pleads with her to "chill the f@#& out"
– ISIS Condemns Kathy Griffin For Cultural Appropriation
etc.
An academic study from researchers at Brunel University London assessed 171 men, looking at their height, weight, overall physical strength and bicep circumference, along with their views on redistribution of wealth and income inequality. The study, published in the Evolution and Human Behavior journal, ​found that weaker men were more likely to favor socialist policies than stronger men.
Back when I lived in New York I went shopping for a modern-looking microfiber jacket suitable for cool weather. I visited a dozen boutique stores in Manhattan, trying on a variety of nice-looking jackets. None of them fit me in the chest. Even if I was able to zip them up over my chest, I couldn’t move my arms…
A recently found 1,200-year-old fossil is giving anthropologists new insights into a warrior-like, bipedal masculine human specimen they have identified as Testiculus Englishmanus, a mysterious ancestor of modern-day British men.
The remains were discovered in Wessex, at the site of the historic Battle of Edington (present-day Wiltshire), where in May, 878 AD, patriotic Anglo-Saxons defeated "The Heathen Army" of the Viking invaders, leading to the eventual liberation and unification of England.
The 6 foot-long fossil reveals that the extinct early man of England possessed two large working testicles, which shatters all modern theories about the origins of today’s residents of the British Isles.
The world’s best known dealmaker-turned-president showed that when it comes to real estate, nobody out-negotiates the Trumpster.
The president met briefly with Pope Francis, whom Trump described as a "…very, very nice man. Very hospitable," before agreeing on a price for the Vatican.
Subjects discussed by the two leaders included the environment, world peace, religious tolerance, and property values.
"After a little going back and forth, I finally asked His Holiness what he wanted for the Vatican. He made an offer, but you know how deals are, he started low and I started high," Trump told the accredited media shortly afterwards.
Do you hate Donald Trump?
Is your lifelong dream to destroy his presidency? Do you live for nothing else these days?
Are you looking for a flexible job that requires little effort while allowing you to be as outrageous as you want? Do you enjoy throwing stuff at the wall and watching it slide down to the floor leaving a trail of slime?
Then mainstream media outlets, especially the New York Times and Washington Post, would like to offer you a position as an ANONYMOUS SOURCE!
Harvard University has written a new dress code that defines ties, a traditional male dress accessory, as a symbol of oppression, chauvinism, and hate speech. The decision came after a women’s rights group petitioned the school board to ban neckties, claiming that students have been triggered by seeing such a “flamboyant and offensive” micro-aggression carried around even by their own professors.
Immediately after the board’s decision, a mass email was sent to all students and faculty of the new dress code, stating that if the new policy was disobeyed it could bring about “serious consequences” including expulsion.
Komrades, I made this little vid where Ragnar Lothbrok gets a glimpse of his people’s nightmarish future that is 21st century Sweden.
It has no major spoilers from the show "Vikings".
French PM candidate Emmanuel Macron has proposed a new initiative, the "Fair Redistribution of Terror in Europe Program," that he hopes will revive his faltering campaign days before France’s voters go the polls.
"It is unfair that France and other enlightened nations that open their borders to Muslim refugees, must suffer the most from Islamic terrorism," Macron said at a campaign rally on Monday. "As a fair-minded person, I am saddened and outraged that less enlightened nations, especially Poland, who close their borders to Muslim migrants, get to enjoy terror-free existence…
For thousands of years, since the end of the Ice Age, international workers gathered in their caves on May Day to organize, protest, and represent. They sat around bonfires chanting Party-approved slogans and denouncing U.S. imperialism.
Every year the changing Current Truth called for different slogans, which were promptly provided to the masses by this glorious Party Organ. And this year is no different. See the most current, updated, and expanded list of slogans for May Day 2017.
– Make America small again!
A sad day today. The People’s Climate Marches in both Denver and Colorado Springs today had to be cancelled because of snow.
I demand a Congressional investigation. Surely Trump has colluded with the Russians to hack our weather in order to make those of us on the side of Truth, Justice and The Socialist Way look bad.
And to think the Russians used to be our friends…
Winter Blast Putting Climate Protests On Ice In Colorado…
Fearless Girl has gotten a little cocky since she stood up to the Wall Street bull – that symbol of financial optimism and prosperity. So brash in fact that she’s graduated from turning this bull into a steer and now takes her intimidation on the road.
Her search for other icons that she can threaten with her icy stare and bravado is taking her on a world-wide excursion. We’ve captured the best moments in this photo essay as FG traveled the globe.
As the world community senses the looming destruction of our planet by Trump’s imperial knowledge-rejecting regime, scientists all over the globe stand up and say No pasaran!
On April 22, and the battlecry of Earth Day resounding through the canyons of our metropoles, Science will march in the front row!
Physicists – Relentlessly Smash Inequality of Atoms!
Chemists – Boldly create New Matter out of Equalized Atoms!
Mathematicians – Progressive Gender-Awareness NOW!
Climatists – Seize the Rudder in the Glorious March of Science!
MIT Press is out with a new book that teaches children the tenets of Karl Marx with fairy tales.
The little girl’s armpit hair is especially disturbing. I understand it must be a nod to feminism, and far be it from me to dictate rules of body hygiene to any women and their consenting partners.
The reason it’s disturbing is because little girls don’t have armpit hair.
So the book’s authors either have never had children themselves and forgot their own childhood, or they are perverts who fantasize about a world where little girls have armpit hair or where adult women with armpit hair look, dress, and behave like little girls and break things they don’t or won’t understand.
In 1988 we told the world that "We only have ten years left to save the planet."
In 1989, our wonderful comrades at the United [in Marxism] Nations decreed the same thing.
Then during the 2000 election season our Holy Prophet Who Has Never Been Wrong, Al Gorski (Muslim name: al-goreeza) issued a fatwa that we only had ten years left to save the planet.
Nobody listened. George Bush [spit, spit] won stole the election and the planet’s environmental destruction continued.
So, in 2006, prophet al-goreeza issued another fatwa…
Life is complicated these days, and there’s just so much outrage to absorb your time. You may be like many Americans, and just not sure what you should be outraged about and which side to pick.
But wait no longer! Simply download the free People’s Current Truth App™ and you’ll be officially in the know. Whether it’s Cecil, Harambe, Bush, or Trump, you’ll receive timely updates with clear instructions on…
What to be angry about! When to feel triggered! Which side to choose! When to choose the other side! How to vent your righteous anger! Where to go for t-shirts and matching placards! Soros funding locator! Progressive social media protest calendaring function!
United Airlines will not be beat, even if you take their seat.
Previously, airlines were required to pay passengers four times their ticket price if they were more than 4 hours late, but United now has a deal beater.
If they need a passenger’s seat, they will simply beat them and drag them from the plane.
This way, they keep costs low for the little people, while kicking the teeth in of uppity, fancy doctors.
Tears of Social Justice Warriors IVANKA TRUMP BUSINESS SAVVY Entrepreneurial skills showcased
Now that Ivanka Trump’s perfume has seen a sales explosion due to, of all things, retail outlets removing the brand from their shelves, Ms Trump has been looking to further incorporate irritated liberals in her business strategy.
Retailers did not consider the fact that the vast majority of liberal women don’t enjoy smelling pleasant, so any move related to perfume inventory would go unnoticed by this demographic…
Every year on April First, internationally known as The Current Truth Day, all progressive humanity celebrates the People’s Cube’s glorious anniversary. Twelve years ago today, on April 1, 2005, this Party Organ was launched out of an undisclosed bunker and swiftly rose over the horizon like the red hexahedron-shaped sun of the revolution, bringing the light of Party-approved thought straight out of the Motherland to the toiling masses of the darkened, non-socialist parts of planet Earth.
Comrade hippies at the HealiUm Art Center in Atlanta, GA, have come up with a creative plan to heal our divided nation. Mocking Donald Trump’s book title, The Art of the Deal, they named their project The Art of The Heal, calling everyone who self-identifies as being an artist to create over 100,000 pieces of art to send to the White House by July 4th, 2017: "Gift the collective art to the President with a request to display the gifted art pieces in the White House for public viewing."
San Francisco, CA — 81 year old Cynthia Cunningham was hospitalized during the early morning hours today after she was found barely conscious in Target department store women’s restroom. The elderly woman fell into a toilet becoming lodged in the public commode when the seat that Cunningham attempted to use was left up.
According to the victim’s family, Cunningham went missing last night after she went into town to buy her grandson a birthday card and a video game. The frail customer with poor eyesight and a weak bladder was recorded on security cameras rushing into the restroom a half-hour before the store closed only to not emerge until EMTs carried her out…
Step right up!
Get your London Edition of Terror Response Bingo here!
To play, keep the card by your computer as you read the news and social media reaction to the attack.
When you see something in the news or on social media that matches something on the card, check it off!
Welcome to the People’s Cube clearing house for all the latest, scandalous, fascist, and Russian outrages of the Trump administration.
What is the latest, breathless, gotta-tell-it-now scandal that defies credulity?
DID YOU KNOW that Neil Gorsuch may have taken his Bar Exam with one shoe untied? Can you believe he’s actually being considered for the Supreme Court?
DID YOU KNOW that Jim Sessions may have worn a WHITE pocket square folded with a POINTY TOP? Yeah, that’s not racist (sarcasm)! And they say Trump…
"A Day Without Sobriety" campaign gains momentum in the Motherland.
Concerned that Russians don’t consume enough alcohol in the month of March, Russia’s Orthodox Church has now made St. Patrick’s Day​ an official holiday over the country’s enormous territory.
Because the Orthodox Church’s calendar is two weeks behind the Western calendar, the celebration is being scheduled on March 30th, almost two weeks after the drinking has wrapped up in the rest of the world. This means that Russia’s 143 million-strong population will be carousing on the 17th when everyone else does it, and then on the 30th…
In joining the fun of a "Day Without" campaign I am starting a new "Day Without" campaign called "A Day Without a Day Without" campaign.
I know it is hard to imagine living a day without being reminded of the sensitivities and abuses faced by our perpetually aggrieved brethren but I am in desperate need of "A Day Without Guilt."
After my "A Day Without A Day Without" campaign I am proposing some additional "Day Without" campaigns to fill our annual calendars. Please help me complete our 365 day schedule.
Dear oppressed women and non-women who identify as females!
On this wonderful spring holiday the Party takes a day off from the usual revolutionary struggle in order to celebrate all the international contributions to social justice made by self-identified female-gendered persons and wishes for them to crush their oppressors anywhere they can find them – and get even!
Remember: 50% of the world’s population has 100% of the Y-chromosomes and 91% of the testosterone. #SMASH FASCIST TESTICLES!
We will never have a truly equal society until we can eliminate Penis Envy by eliminating the penis. #All GENITALS BELONG TO THE STATE!
To go along with Disney’s re-envisioning of Beauty and the Beast, and their new show Princes, they’ve also released a new children’s cartoon – perfect for the kids to watch while eating their cereal during Saturday morning prime time.
A hundred years ago (April 6, 1917) America entered World War I. The prevailing media messaging of the time was captured in these war propaganda posters.
Things have changed in the last hundred years, and so has the media messaging. This raises some questions:
Who comes up with this new messaging? Who is the target? What is it aimed to accomplish? And can a nation survive this mindset if it prevails? Could any nation survive it?
Because while the messaging has changed, the world hasn’t…
If today’s New York Times editors had been in charge in 1917 (strumming harp music)…
A likely illegal publication of a private German telegram to culturally diverse Hispanic and Oriental leaders causes rage, Teutophobia among white alt-right U.S. nationalists
The questionably legal publication of a private German telegram has some alt-right conspiracy buffs attributing the worst possible motives to the German government.
The telegram, which legal experts caution may be illegal for citizens to read…
Today’s lesson: how to condescend to minorities and still score liberal points
This photo, initially posted on Reddit, has quickly become viral. An unnamed teacher in Massachusetts, believing that her students were as shocked by Trump’s election as she was, posted these equality-enforcement proclamations on the classroom wall.
It must be very reassuring for "Latino(a)" students to see a daily reminder that they are not rapists or drug dealers. The same goes for Muslim students who supposedly need to be reminded that they are not terrorists in case they forget. Black students are probably expected to feel grateful for being sheltered from certain death that lurks outside; paranoia is always good for morale.
It is the dawn of the Trump era. The deep state, also known as "a state within a state" is in danger of being drained. In Washington, DC, an elite group of career government bureaucrats bands together to issue the squeal of a lifetime.
The sabotage of Trump and his troops serves as the backdrop for the gripping story about self-serving pen pushers who put the entire country’s future on the line to defend their swamp, trough, and the deep state from Trump’s swamp-draining forces.
Despite inconclusive evidence and ignoring the possible ramifications, the deep state orders the attack…
Each February, film fans around the world turn their attention to the Academy Awards called "The Oscars." But this year is different. "The movies" we so love and cherish have given way to astonishing performances right here on our streets – free of charge! We’ve saturated ourselves with popcorn while watching entertaining "snowflake" routines since Election Day, and it only gets better.
Buy movie tickets? Why! We’ve got free entertainment! We’ve watched more liberal meltdowns on YouTube than movies. We get excited and well… forget the cinema! I’m staying home to watch the liberals!
Comrade Psychiatrist is unhappy with Mr. Trump’s "delusional reformism."
American progressives have been enamored with many Soviet ideas in their time, trying to transplant them to the U.S. – from government diktat and central planning to academic indoctrination and propaganda through entertainment. And while the Soviet Union has gone the way of the dodo, its glorious socialist legacy is still up for the picking.
One of these unparalleled Soviet achievements is the use of psychiatry to silence dissent and delegitimize political opposition…
The word “haters” is a very loaded term, and a nonsensical one to boot. The left-wing Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC), for example, claims to be the ultimate arbiter of “hate,” “haters,” “hate groups,” and “hate crimes.” This 501(c)(3) nonprofit collects handsome sums of money under the pretext of keeping what they call a hatewatch. At the end of 2016 their endowment stood at $302.8 million. That means they have a direct financial interest in painting a picture of a widespread organized hatred in the United States, which “proves” their importance and scares the donors into parting with even more of their money.
With all the Days of Resistance and Days Without Some Victim Group we’ve had lately, and will continue to have for the next four years—or until He Who Shall Not Be Named Because That Only Legitimizes and Worse, Humanizes Him—is impeached—it’s clear we need to set aside another Day, this one to demand paid leave for protesting. We shall call it the People’s Paid Protest Leave, or PPPL™ for short.
Because this is about People. People who care. People who are fighting fascism. People who want only to take back the democracy that last November 8th was ripped from us as if we were raped—which, in a sense, we were.
Is it just me, or do you also wonder how liberals can possibly function, let alone win elections? This lump in their heads, they refer to it as a mind, is made of absurdities, inconsistencies and contradictions. How is possible to hold so many mutually exclusive beliefs?
The fact is, there’s a method to their insanity and sane people will keep losing to the insane unless they understand what that method is.
Let’s take love and hate. Scientists have discovered that both love and hate originate in the same nervous circuits in the brain.
I’m not sure if this has been picked up in America but our UK press are reporting that President Trump was "bashing" the BBC.
‘Here’s another beauty’: Donald Trump bashes the BBC again in heated back-and-forth with ‘impartial free and fair’ reporter Jon Sopel during bizarre White House press conference
– President said ‘Here’s another beauty’ after asking Jon Sopel where he was from – North America editor replied ‘It’s a good line’, adding: ‘Impartial, free and fair’
Our correspondent in Belgium, Comrade Minitrue, has sent us a transmission about the growing prominence of the People’s Cube in the European Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (EUSSR) and its glorious capital, Brussels.
In an article describing the ongoing ruthless purge of all right-wing sources and personalities from Wikipedia, a Dutch-language Belgian newspaper, Sceptr [Scepter], describes us as a "right-wing satirical website." (How far to the left must the comrades in Brussels have gone in order to see our truly Stalinist Party organ as "right-wing"?)
The ever-vigilant Komrad Silverman has done THE PEOPLE a great favor by korrektly identifying markings, disregarded by most wrong-thinking people, as simple utility worker symbols.
They are, in fact, secret and subversive codes of hatred, used by a world-wide conspiracy of fascists, known as the The Utility Workers’ Army, whose hidden agenda is Orange Supremacy.
Thanks to the eagle eye of Sarah Silverman, the secret signs of the Trump Nazi Illuminati have been exposed.
Orange is the new white.
Valentine Day in People’s Cube history
Dating a dictator can be a scary and dangerous endeavor. But it also offers an opportunity to meet the authoritarian oppressor of your dreams, provided that the proper precautions are taken. Whether you are a young starry-eyed Utopian or have been around the eastern bloc for a while, everyone can benefit from these tips and guidelines for safe dictator-dating procedures.
Nordstrom stores – among others – recently stopped carrying Ivanka Trump’s wares. They claim that this decision is not at all politically motivated, but strictly a result of lagging sales. Nordstrom swears their Ivanka Trump dump has nothing to do with a boycott campaign waged by a random marketing consultant, under the hashtag #GrabYourWallet.
The timing that Ivanka’s sales lagged around the same time her father became close to winning the election, which is also when the boycott campaign ramped up, but not a moment before, is purely coincidental.
Armed with a baseball bat and wearing a fashionable rioting unisex ensemble, Flat Antifa is looking for some fascism to smash.
Fascism is anything that Flat Antifa doesn’t understand. It needs to be smashed. Fascists are those who refuse to conform to Flat Antifa’s non-conformism. They need to be smashed.
Flat Antifa obtained these views in his/her extremely expensive school, and is prepared to swing his/her bat at anyone whom Flat Antifa’s extremely progressive professor defines as extremist.
Included on the list of things to smash are gender fascism, sexist fascism, racist fascism, homo-fascism, hetero-fascism, bi-fascism, trans-fascism, adult fascism, and parental fascism.
Help Flat Antifa find more fascism to smash.
Hooters announced today that they are preparing to hire 10,000 Muslim refugee women in a show of support to the immigrant community and in a display of solidarity with other American companies that have offered similar support.
Hooters joins the list of companies such as Starbucks, which has also offered to hire 10,000 refugees instead of veterans or unemployed Americans, as well as AirBNB, which has offered to house these immigrants.
Vladimir Putin deflated footballs used by the New England Patriots – it was revealed today by CNN.
This is the only way that they could have won the Superbowl.
It has been determined that he did it to make Trump’s team victorious. Women and minorities have been hardest hit by this latest defeat.
You may have seen the recent fake news that the Statue of Liberty was originally meant to be a womyn of the Religion of Peace:
ISLAMIC LADY LIBERTY: CBS CLAIMS STATUE OF LIBERTY WAS ORIGINALLY A MUSLIM WOMAN, ACCORDING TO "RESEARCHERS"
No word on whether her clitoris had been removed. All of which is Well and Good. But it only scratches the surface.
Outspoken comedian Sarah Silverman thinks that Trump voters are racist, she said yesterday while wearing blackface makeup to emphasize her point.
Later, after working herself up into some kind of frenzy, Silverman appeared to call for a military coup in a tweet, while protests against Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos turned violent after Soros’ and the DNC’s minions attacked people with shovels and clubs while burning things and breaking windows.
‘WAKE UP & JOIN THE RESISTANCE. ONCE THE MILITARY IS W US FASCISTS GET OVERTHROWN. MAD KING & HIS HANDLERS GO BYE BYE,’ Silverman wrote.
Later she added: ‘We’re all gonna die…
"The carnage perpetrated in the academic torture-chambers of the mind leave students with the following sediment in their brains: existence is a jungle, fear is man’s permanent state, skepticism is the mark of maturity, cynicism is the mark of realism and, above all, the hallmark of an intellectual is the denial of the intellect. These ‘activists’ are so literally the products of modern philosophy that someone should cry to all the university administrations and faculties: ‘Brothers, you asked for it!’"
– Ayn Rand, 1965
Famous Tweets in chronological order:
– Moses – Jews for Social Justice & Against Moses – Pharaoh Seti of Egypt – King Xerxes of Persia – King Leonidas of Sparta – Thomas Jefferson – King George III – Abraham Lincoln – Franz Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary – Lee Harvey Oswald – Jimmy Carter
And more…
Beyonce has announced today that she is pregnant with two Donald Trump’s babies at once, with experts predicting that this may inadvertently set the tone for the entire Black History Month, which has just begun.
The 35-year-old singer was disappointed that her previous pregnancy photo on Instagram only gathered 6,831,636 likes, 17,000 tweets, and some anemic media coverage at such lame old news organizations as The New York Times, LA Times, US Weekly, Chicago Tribune, and similar media holdouts, with not a single picture or a word about her in places where it really counts – Breitbart, Fox News…
So that the Safe Space Cadets will not be unequal in their kultural wealth, I have created a new, politically-korrekt version of the (in)famous Gadsden Flag (*ptooey*). It will be raised every time there is a call to "arms" (for hugging).
I haven’t quite figured out yet what this flag should be called. The Thinskin Flag? The Hasbeen Flag? This humble Kommisar welcomes the contributions of the most equal masses for the christening dedication of this new…
Reciprocating Trump’s #MuslimBan, the CEO of Starbucks has vowed to start a campaign of discrimination against US citizens by hiring 10,000 Muslim refugees instead of the usual local applicants as baristas.
This, in turn, was immediately reciprocated by a call to #BoycottStarbucks by Trump supporters, who claim that Starbucks is an overhyped watering hole for pompous white Subaru-driving liberals in yoga pants. That is an outrageously divisive statement because it excludes unicyclists and Prius drivers, whose vehicles are equipped with three turn signals: a left turn signal, a right turn signal, and a supersized virtue signal.
There is a chart circulating the internet, showing the numbers of American citizens killed by Middle Easterners since 1975. The purpose of this chart is to persuade us that President Trump is banning people from the wrong countries.
Citizenship from these countries does not equal Muslim. But a travel ban of these countries’ citizens is a ban of all Muslims. We know that no Muslim would kill an American, because Islam is the Religion of Peace. According to this chart, Saudi Arabians are more dangerous than citizens of Iraq, Iran, Syria, Libya, Somalia, Sudan and Yemen. But we don’t really want Saudi Arabians to be banned, because it is a Muslim-majority…
After the tragic loss of life in the Quebec mosque shooting of January the 29th, it warms our hearts to witness the correct response we expect in such situations.
Major news outlets were quick to point out that the current prime suspect, a certain Mr. Buissonette, had serious mental issues and work-related traumas that may have caused him to act irrationally. To stress the "lone wolf" character of this attack, no links were made with other anti-Muslim actions or protests in the past that have no proven connection to this incident. To avoid stigmatising any demographic, prime minister Trudeau did not immediately describe this "event" as terrorism.
Calling out around the world, are you ready for a brand new protest? Trump is here and the time is right for protesting in the street!
Sister comrades, this is a call to arms (as long as they’re covered) to demand freedom and equal rights, to stand up to the illegitimate Trump/Hitler regime, to keep the rights to your body, and to fight against cultural imperialism – by wearing your instrument of resistance – the hijab!
Enclosed in your hijab, you can, in the name of women’s rights, proudly stand up and be a warrior against Trump’s War on Women. Join millions of like-minded women in smashing the patriarchy, achieving freedom from male domination and oppression, fighting for gender-justice, and checking (based on skin tone) your white privilege. It’s simple common sense: the Muslim veil is the only way to find true women’s liberation and equality.
Speaking to Harper’s Bazaar, Madonna described focusing on Trump’s image on the TV screen while casting magic spells as her agent and friend recited verses from the Quran.
"We were doing everything: lighting candles, meditating, praying, offering our lives to God, Allah, Satan, whomever – as long as they would shrink Trump into a hideous little monster and he would lose to Hillary," said Madonna.
In the end, her mystical witchcraft backfired. Trump defeated Clinton, and Madonna became a hideous little monster instead. Months later the transmogrified celebrity is still struggling to accept what has happened: "It’s like suddenly losing all my money and power, and also being stuck in a nightmare, but I repeat myself."
This feels like a pilot for an absurdist comedy, or at least a TV skit. Arrested Development comes to mind. The best part is Shia pleading "Be nice, people" and then screaming "f*king Nazis" at the top of his lungs to the people offscreen.
Turns out, they are the police and they soon take him away in handcuffs. He is quite docile at first, but as he is being led offscreen, he gets back into character and starts screaming "f*king Nazis" again.
If Shia sells the rights to this episode, that should probably cover the medical bill from the upcoming month in the rehab.?
It’s only Trump’s second full day on the job, and already he has drawn international criticism: in an executive order signed today, the new president has enrolled all members of ISIS into Obamacare, effective immediately.
Defending his decision, President Trump told reporters, "Look, I know it’s controversial, blah, blah, blah. But to me it’s genius. I’m gonna make ISIS go on Obamacare, and I’m going to make them pay for it. It’s what I campaigned on, and I’m gonna make it happen in the first 100 days."
In the U.S. Senate, Chuck Schumer rushed to a microphone. "We’re better than this…
Lets blow up the patriarchal government and replace it with a governwomynt!
Attending a Trumphitler protest?
That Guy Fawkes mask is "old hat!" (and a symbol of patriarchal oppression). Don’t be laughed at! Show your comrades just how revolutionary and equal you can be by wearing the latest thing in Protest-wear!
Madonna is more revolutionary, more nasty, more disease-ridden than that old… tired… BORING!, Guy Fawkes poseur!
But just like Guy Fawkes, she too wants to blow up the seat of government!!! Isn’t that cool?!!!
Available now at your local Protest Supplies store. Made in Pakistan. Ask about the special limited-edition with bonus vial of Madonna’s actual menstrual blood.
Iranian actress Taraneh Alidoosti has recently vowed to boycott the Academy Awards ceremony as a protest of Illegitimate President Donald Trump’s illegitimate proposal to illegitimately suspend visas for citizens of some African and Middle Eastern nations.
Alidoosti, who appears in the Oscar-nominated The Salesman, points out that foreign travelers to the United States have a right to come and go as they please without the illegitimate interference of the U.S. government. Her announcement has larger implications: we would be deprived of self-righteous tirades delivered with impeccable style by our betters.
Lawyers for Hillary Clinton today announced that they are initiating legal action against Satan for breach of contract.
They are demanding that he return the soul of Hillary Clinton who was promised the highest office in the land for her soul.
Satan’s representative, George Soros, declared that the promise was made in New York City and that she will have to settle for mayor.
Following yesterday’s Inauguration, half a million American women put on their pink "pussyhats" and marched on Washington, D.C., leaving an estimated 2.5 million starving, meowing cats in their homes completely unattended and deprived of their scheduled mandatory hugs and prolonged belly rubs.
Organized by Planned Parenthood, Council for American-Islamic Relations, the Communist Party, and other progressive movements, American women came to Donald Trump’s doorstep to express their anger, fury, indignation, and outrage over the fact that they can’t name a single right that men have and women don’t.
New lyrics – updated and improved:
That’s great it starts like an earthquake cargo snakes on aeroplane And Tammy Bruce is not afraid eye of a hurricane listen to the Dems churn World serves it’s own needs dummies serve your own needs Feeding off of faux speak grunts no strength The latter starts to clatter with fear fright down whites Why’re they on fire representing people’s gains In a government for hire and a left wing site Leftists west and dying in a hurry with the people breathing down your neck…
A Trump-hating protester set himself on fire last night outside the Trump International Hotel a few blocks from the White House in Washington, D.C. but failed to kill himself, according to reports.
The as yet unidentified 45-year-old Californian used an unidentified accelerant and a lighter in an unsuccessful attempt to flambe himself for social justice.
It was unclear if the man was insane or simply a very dedicated demonstrator. Given his disinclination to fully combust he is unlikely to have been an Eagle Scout.
A letter to all entertainers performing at Trump’s inauguration: We are the party of love. We’ve told you that over and over again, but you just don’t seem to get it, so we have no other choice but to send you this anonymous death threat. How DARE you reject our love? You JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!!!! You forced our hand and now we must teach you that if you don’t do what we say, that means you don’t love us. And you’re supposed to love us. We are beautiful. We are kind. We are tolerant and inclusive and if you don’t agree with us, you must be silenced! We want to give ourselves to you, body and soul, BUT YOU JUST WON’T SEE IT AND GO OFF WHORING AFTER THAT BITCH!!!!!!
With just over 48 hours left of the Obama Administration, this is your last chance to remember if there is anything you might have done for which you need a pardon.
I’ll go first: My transgression and my cat’s transgression:
Years ago, Dear Leader’s glorious face graced the cover of the magazine Fast Company. I failed to frame it and put it on the wall so I could bow as I walked by. I left it on the couch… and my racist reichwing rethugiKKKan cat got sick all over the picture. Naturally, I mandated the cat to take eight weeks of diversity and sensitivity training…
President Obama awarded himself the prestigious, ‘Distinguished Public Service Medal’ on Wednesday, January 4th, 2017.
During his teary-eyed presentation speech, he referred to himself some 97 times while gloriously expounding on his many accomplishments, performances and outstanding golf games.
Through tears of joy during the acceptance speech, he referred to himself another 163 times expounding upon his many successes and how smart he is.
We breathlessly await more medals of this type to be awarded to Barack Obama.
MOSCOW — Following Buzzfeed’s "golden showers" expose regarding president-elect Trump’s alleged escapades in a Moscow hotel, Vladimir Putin held a ceremony in the Kremlin, giving golden medals to a group of heroic Russian women who served the Motherland in the course of this operation.
"Trump has been organizing beauty pageants, hanging out with beautiful women who had gone through medical examination. Why would he leave them for unvetted females with a lowered sense of social responsibility?" he said. "Unless they are highly trained and thoroughly examined operatives with a heightened sense of social responsibility and patriotism, like this group here."
Don’t miss this post-election fire sale as the Clinton Foundation closes its doors and lays off its non-unionized employees. Everything & everyone must go! br /> – All starving Third-World children are half off, barely used. – Deep discounts on African and Middle Eastern dictators. – Speaking fees now only $20,000. – No refunds on pre-election deposits. – Government influence all sold out. – Uranium deals by appointment only. – Now available in all totalitarian states.
A behind the scenes look at how Pee-Gate really happened.
We have long known that right-wing people are better looking, smarter, happier, and even have a better sex life without demanding that the government pays for their contraceptives.
No one knew how to effectively argue that fact, deny it, rationalize it, or turn it into an asset – until now. A groundbreaking scientific research has finally answered the most puzzling question of the Universe: Why would anyone in their right mind ever vote for a right-winger?
As a side effect, scientists also explained that people’s right-wing politics stem from their beauty, talent, ability, strength, and well-being, which also signals…
I raise a tin cup of glorious beet vodka (with a splash of tractor fuel) to the imaginary hookers.
Once again the mainstream media is trickling out details, one drip at a time…But I’m puzzled. People PAY to get their beds wet? I know some folks with pure talent.
This just in: The search for prostitutes who peed on Obama’s bed has been narrowed down to one suspect…
The People’s Cube entry has just been purged from Wikipedia. Congratulations, comrades. We are now officially a non-site populated by non-persons sharing non-thoughts and making non-jokes. It makes me feel right at home, back in the Soviet Union, where an invisible hand obstructed any of my efforts to manifest my existence. How liberating. No visibility means no responsibility. Out of sight, out of mind.
As a linguistic experiment, scientists once had "out of sight, out of mind" translated into Russian and then back into English. The phrase returned as "invisible lunatics." That’s who we are now. No need to think now, non-people. The Wiki-progs have turned us into invisible lunatics.
Announcing Volume 1 Number 1 of TRUMPIAN HORRORS – the new, hip, retro-pulp fiction magazine for Cis Males, Cis Men, Trans Males, …and Androgynes …who are feeling a little bit on the butch side today.
Each month (or whenever we get around to it — publishing schedules are racist), TRUMPIAN HORRORS will bring you gripping fictionalized accounts (but NOT FAKE NEWS!) of the latest sickening atrocities inflicted upon the the U.S., the world, the Universe, and beyond by The Evil TrumpHitler.
Headline story (and Trigger Warning!) in our premier issue: I WAS FORCED TO SING AT TRUMPS INAUGURATION, the true story of a poor, but talented, single-mother, 1/16th Native American, trans-questioning, Chicago civil servant whom The TrumpHitler implacably forced to compromise her sterling liberal values to croon for The TrumpHitler’s drooling delight while suffering the humiliation of the leering eyes of TrumpHitler’s Deplorables Squads (with assistance by Russian hackers).
Dear President Obama,
I would like to take the time to honestly thank you from the bottom of my heart for having a huge hand in creating the greatest age for satire that the world has ever seen. But aside from that, there is so much more to be thankful for.
I believe that I also speak for countless college-educated people when I say that during the dusk of your presidency we should take the time to list some of the amazing things you have done and to reflect upon them.
When we first saw this headline, we thought it was yet another satirical spoof about Snopes, similar to our own previous exploits: Snopes Co-Founder Embezzles $98,000, Drops Weight, Leaves Fat Wife And Marries Actual Whore
Turns out, this is a true story, fully backed by Daily Mail. But first, let’s step back a little. We’ve had a few spates with Snopes in the past. It was all fun and games when Snopes co-founder David Mikkelson first debunked our story about Rosie O’Donnell getting a tramp stamp with ISIS flag to support Islamic ‘freedom fighters’…
On Wednesday, President Obama added another prestigious medal to his Nobel Prize collection when he had Defense Secretary Ash Carter award him the Department of Defense Medal for Distinguished Public Service.
??If ?this caught you by surprise, you’re not alone. Most Americans had no idea that the Pentagon ?had such an ?award??.? Additionally, you may not be aware that several countries are ?also expected to ?invite? president ?Obama ?to medal ceremonies in appreciation of his many stellar contributions.
25 years ago George Bush Sr. was still in office, and so was Saddam Hussein. The European Union didn’t exist and neither did China’s economic powerhouse. The Berlin wall had just come down and Germany had finally reunited. Hillary Clinton was a little-known mouthy First Lady of Arkansas and the media gleefully predicted that Donald Trump would never climb back to the top after his Atlantic City fiasco.
On the other side of the Iron Curtain, the Eastern bloc was in shambles, but the USSR was still standing with Mikhail Gorbachev at the helm. The KGB meddled in other countries’ affairs as usual, spreading "fake news" and helping leftist politicians with no objections from the Western media…
The Wikipedia page about the People’s Cube may be purged in a few days and we’ll become a non-site unless we take action.
There is an ongoing Wikipedia discussion / show trial, in which you can vote for or against deleting the People’s Cube for being "unworthy" to grace the pages of Wikipedia. You can add your two kopeks to the discussion here:
Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/The People’s Cube
First the reason for deletion was "confrontational language." Then it was phony "copyright issues." Now they question our "noteworthiness." This is plain harassment and trolling.
In this New Year edition of No News – Good News we are happy to inform our readers that the following things did not occur this year:
– FBI: Santa disclosed naughty list on WikiLeaks, "Helped Trump win election"; Obama expels Rudolph, Prancer, Vixen, and 35 elves in retaliation – California builds wall to keep out Trump supporters – Bernie supporters stunned there is no socialist Santa Claus, vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies, milk – Washington Post sues Internet for infringing on "fake news" business – Controversy in the lab: white mold excludes black mold; Harvard biologist blames "Petri dish cultures of hate" – Scientific News: Long after 1961 burial physicists uncertain Schrodinger is dead – Sexed-up Mother Russia becomes Milf Russia; Motherland renamed into Milfland on Putin’s orders…
By popular demand, we have made two versions of this design – cute and rebellious – pick whichever feels more "deplorable" to you.
51,160
Source Article
The post POLITICAL HUMOR & SATIRE appeared first on TRABZONTO.
Read full post at: http://www.trabzonto.org/political-humor-satire/
0 notes
jsmill · 7 years
Text
POLITICAL HUMOR & SATIRE
Poor Me is a magazine dedicated to people who see themselves as victims. Read the new Trump-Comey edition – their thickest issue to date.
Challenges of being a drama queen in the age of Trump. Experts: "Competition is fierce."
IN THIS ISSUE:
March against fascism ends with 400,000 fewer deaths than expectedHillary to victims: "poison the wells, scorch the earth"Kathy Griffin: From woke to broke in one easy stepTop 10 methods to make the world feel guilty and apologizeLeBron James needs a day without white people: "No matter how much money I have, I’m still as paranoid as a homeless drug addict"Is everything Trump’s fault? Ask an expert!
EXCLUSIVE – Closed session: Comey, 56, demonstrates on doll where he feared Trump was going to touch him.
Many years ago Nancy Pelosi bravely said, "We have to pass the bill to know what’s in it." But even after it was passed, no one has ever read the Affordable Care Act in its entirety; it is so large that it has its own gravitational field.
In a dramatic stroke of brilliance and keen journalistic instinct, or perhaps outright laziness, we decided to start from the back. Here’s what we found.
Hospital stays exceeding two days require patient-provided bedpans and light bulbs.Co-pays are now tracked by as a Wall Street investment index.Half off Abortion-Tuesdays at Family Dollar stores everywhere.The term “deductibles” is omitted from the medical lexicon in favor of “insurer’s fair share.”Malpractice lawsuits shall be known as “pulling the ‘ol Okey-Dokey.”A 20% tip automatically added to prescription drug purchases.School lunch programs shall include Soylent Green Fridays.
As a member of the white male hetero Christian class my peoples have been ruling the world far to long. It is only fitting that I and my ilk get a taste of our own medicine and accept our demotion in exchange for the promotion of the victim class. The only thing my peoples can do to alleviate our deserved pains is to sacrifice our place willingly and eagerly. We shall vocally praise the oppressed, admit our sins and accept our lashings. When we are ordered to leave our campuses because of our whiteness we shall do so with a smile. When we are reminded of our privilege we shall accept it with a tear. Equality before the law is not the goal. Lady Justice is not blind, comrade. Her eyes are open and her scales are now tipped accordingly. That is the "Democratic Ideal" for which we now must live.
Early this morning President Trump challenged the nation to discover the true meaning of "covfefe."
We accepted the challenge and we’re pretty sure we have figured it out.
Just some pictures and headlines:
– Kathy Griffin mistakenly beheads Alec Baldwin in Trump costume; nobody cares.
– Islamic State disavows Kathy Griffin, pleads with her to "chill the f@#& out"
– ISIS Condemns Kathy Griffin For Cultural Appropriation
etc.
An academic study from researchers at Brunel University London assessed 171 men, looking at their height, weight, overall physical strength and bicep circumference, along with their views on redistribution of wealth and income inequality. The study, published in the Evolution and Human Behavior journal, ​found that weaker men were more likely to favor socialist policies than stronger men.
Back when I lived in New York I went shopping for a modern-looking microfiber jacket suitable for cool weather. I visited a dozen boutique stores in Manhattan, trying on a variety of nice-looking jackets. None of them fit me in the chest. Even if I was able to zip them up over my chest, I couldn’t move my arms…
A recently found 1,200-year-old fossil is giving anthropologists new insights into a warrior-like, bipedal masculine human specimen they have identified as Testiculus Englishmanus, a mysterious ancestor of modern-day British men.
The remains were discovered in Wessex, at the site of the historic Battle of Edington (present-day Wiltshire), where in May, 878 AD, patriotic Anglo-Saxons defeated "The Heathen Army" of the Viking invaders, leading to the eventual liberation and unification of England.
The 6 foot-long fossil reveals that the extinct early man of England possessed two large working testicles, which shatters all modern theories about the origins of today’s residents of the British Isles.
The world’s best known dealmaker-turned-president showed that when it comes to real estate, nobody out-negotiates the Trumpster.
The president met briefly with Pope Francis, whom Trump described as a "…very, very nice man. Very hospitable," before agreeing on a price for the Vatican.
Subjects discussed by the two leaders included the environment, world peace, religious tolerance, and property values.
"After a little going back and forth, I finally asked His Holiness what he wanted for the Vatican. He made an offer, but you know how deals are, he started low and I started high," Trump told the accredited media shortly afterwards.
Do you hate Donald Trump?
Is your lifelong dream to destroy his presidency? Do you live for nothing else these days?
Are you looking for a flexible job that requires little effort while allowing you to be as outrageous as you want? Do you enjoy throwing stuff at the wall and watching it slide down to the floor leaving a trail of slime?
Then mainstream media outlets, especially the New York Times and Washington Post, would like to offer you a position as an ANONYMOUS SOURCE!
Harvard University has written a new dress code that defines ties, a traditional male dress accessory, as a symbol of oppression, chauvinism, and hate speech. The decision came after a women’s rights group petitioned the school board to ban neckties, claiming that students have been triggered by seeing such a “flamboyant and offensive” micro-aggression carried around even by their own professors.
Immediately after the board’s decision, a mass email was sent to all students and faculty of the new dress code, stating that if the new policy was disobeyed it could bring about “serious consequences” including expulsion.
Komrades, I made this little vid where Ragnar Lothbrok gets a glimpse of his people’s nightmarish future that is 21st century Sweden.
It has no major spoilers from the show "Vikings".
French PM candidate Emmanuel Macron has proposed a new initiative, the "Fair Redistribution of Terror in Europe Program," that he hopes will revive his faltering campaign days before France’s voters go the polls.
"It is unfair that France and other enlightened nations that open their borders to Muslim refugees, must suffer the most from Islamic terrorism," Macron said at a campaign rally on Monday. "As a fair-minded person, I am saddened and outraged that less enlightened nations, especially Poland, who close their borders to Muslim migrants, get to enjoy terror-free existence…
For thousands of years, since the end of the Ice Age, international workers gathered in their caves on May Day to organize, protest, and represent. They sat around bonfires chanting Party-approved slogans and denouncing U.S. imperialism.
Every year the changing Current Truth called for different slogans, which were promptly provided to the masses by this glorious Party Organ. And this year is no different. See the most current, updated, and expanded list of slogans for May Day 2017.
– Make America small again!
A sad day today. The People’s Climate Marches in both Denver and Colorado Springs today had to be cancelled because of snow.
I demand a Congressional investigation. Surely Trump has colluded with the Russians to hack our weather in order to make those of us on the side of Truth, Justice and The Socialist Way look bad.
And to think the Russians used to be our friends…
Winter Blast Putting Climate Protests On Ice In Colorado…
Fearless Girl has gotten a little cocky since she stood up to the Wall Street bull – that symbol of financial optimism and prosperity. So brash in fact that she’s graduated from turning this bull into a steer and now takes her intimidation on the road.
Her search for other icons that she can threaten with her icy stare and bravado is taking her on a world-wide excursion. We’ve captured the best moments in this photo essay as FG traveled the globe.
As the world community senses the looming destruction of our planet by Trump’s imperial knowledge-rejecting regime, scientists all over the globe stand up and say No pasaran!
On April 22, and the battlecry of Earth Day resounding through the canyons of our metropoles, Science will march in the front row!
Physicists – Relentlessly Smash Inequality of Atoms!
Chemists – Boldly create New Matter out of Equalized Atoms!
Mathematicians – Progressive Gender-Awareness NOW!
Climatists – Seize the Rudder in the Glorious March of Science!
MIT Press is out with a new book that teaches children the tenets of Karl Marx with fairy tales.
The little girl’s armpit hair is especially disturbing. I understand it must be a nod to feminism, and far be it from me to dictate rules of body hygiene to any women and their consenting partners.
The reason it’s disturbing is because little girls don’t have armpit hair.
So the book’s authors either have never had children themselves and forgot their own childhood, or they are perverts who fantasize about a world where little girls have armpit hair or where adult women with armpit hair look, dress, and behave like little girls and break things they don’t or won’t understand.
In 1988 we told the world that "We only have ten years left to save the planet."
In 1989, our wonderful comrades at the United [in Marxism] Nations decreed the same thing.
Then during the 2000 election season our Holy Prophet Who Has Never Been Wrong, Al Gorski (Muslim name: al-goreeza) issued a fatwa that we only had ten years left to save the planet.
Nobody listened. George Bush [spit, spit] won stole the election and the planet’s environmental destruction continued.
So, in 2006, prophet al-goreeza issued another fatwa…
Life is complicated these days, and there’s just so much outrage to absorb your time. You may be like many Americans, and just not sure what you should be outraged about and which side to pick.
But wait no longer! Simply download the free People’s Current Truth App™ and you’ll be officially in the know. Whether it’s Cecil, Harambe, Bush, or Trump, you’ll receive timely updates with clear instructions on…
What to be angry about! When to feel triggered! Which side to choose! When to choose the other side! How to vent your righteous anger! Where to go for t-shirts and matching placards! Soros funding locator! Progressive social media protest calendaring function!
United Airlines will not be beat, even if you take their seat.
Previously, airlines were required to pay passengers four times their ticket price if they were more than 4 hours late, but United now has a deal beater.
If they need a passenger’s seat, they will simply beat them and drag them from the plane.
This way, they keep costs low for the little people, while kicking the teeth in of uppity, fancy doctors.
Tears of Social Justice Warriors IVANKA TRUMP BUSINESS SAVVY Entrepreneurial skills showcased
Now that Ivanka Trump’s perfume has seen a sales explosion due to, of all things, retail outlets removing the brand from their shelves, Ms Trump has been looking to further incorporate irritated liberals in her business strategy.
Retailers did not consider the fact that the vast majority of liberal women don’t enjoy smelling pleasant, so any move related to perfume inventory would go unnoticed by this demographic…
Every year on April First, internationally known as The Current Truth Day, all progressive humanity celebrates the People’s Cube’s glorious anniversary. Twelve years ago today, on April 1, 2005, this Party Organ was launched out of an undisclosed bunker and swiftly rose over the horizon like the red hexahedron-shaped sun of the revolution, bringing the light of Party-approved thought straight out of the Motherland to the toiling masses of the darkened, non-socialist parts of planet Earth.
Comrade hippies at the HealiUm Art Center in Atlanta, GA, have come up with a creative plan to heal our divided nation. Mocking Donald Trump’s book title, The Art of the Deal, they named their project The Art of The Heal, calling everyone who self-identifies as being an artist to create over 100,000 pieces of art to send to the White House by July 4th, 2017: "Gift the collective art to the President with a request to display the gifted art pieces in the White House for public viewing."
San Francisco, CA — 81 year old Cynthia Cunningham was hospitalized during the early morning hours today after she was found barely conscious in Target department store women’s restroom. The elderly woman fell into a toilet becoming lodged in the public commode when the seat that Cunningham attempted to use was left up.
According to the victim’s family, Cunningham went missing last night after she went into town to buy her grandson a birthday card and a video game. The frail customer with poor eyesight and a weak bladder was recorded on security cameras rushing into the restroom a half-hour before the store closed only to not emerge until EMTs carried her out…
Step right up!
Get your London Edition of Terror Response Bingo here!
To play, keep the card by your computer as you read the news and social media reaction to the attack.
When you see something in the news or on social media that matches something on the card, check it off!
Welcome to the People’s Cube clearing house for all the latest, scandalous, fascist, and Russian outrages of the Trump administration.
What is the latest, breathless, gotta-tell-it-now scandal that defies credulity?
DID YOU KNOW that Neil Gorsuch may have taken his Bar Exam with one shoe untied? Can you believe he’s actually being considered for the Supreme Court?
DID YOU KNOW that Jim Sessions may have worn a WHITE pocket square folded with a POINTY TOP? Yeah, that’s not racist (sarcasm)! And they say Trump…
"A Day Without Sobriety" campaign gains momentum in the Motherland.
Concerned that Russians don’t consume enough alcohol in the month of March, Russia’s Orthodox Church has now made St. Patrick’s Day​ an official holiday over the country’s enormous territory.
Because the Orthodox Church’s calendar is two weeks behind the Western calendar, the celebration is being scheduled on March 30th, almost two weeks after the drinking has wrapped up in the rest of the world. This means that Russia’s 143 million-strong population will be carousing on the 17th when everyone else does it, and then on the 30th…
In joining the fun of a "Day Without" campaign I am starting a new "Day Without" campaign called "A Day Without a Day Without" campaign.
I know it is hard to imagine living a day without being reminded of the sensitivities and abuses faced by our perpetually aggrieved brethren but I am in desperate need of "A Day Without Guilt."
After my "A Day Without A Day Without" campaign I am proposing some additional "Day Without" campaigns to fill our annual calendars. Please help me complete our 365 day schedule.
Dear oppressed women and non-women who identify as females!
On this wonderful spring holiday the Party takes a day off from the usual revolutionary struggle in order to celebrate all the international contributions to social justice made by self-identified female-gendered persons and wishes for them to crush their oppressors anywhere they can find them – and get even!
Remember: 50% of the world’s population has 100% of the Y-chromosomes and 91% of the testosterone. #SMASH FASCIST TESTICLES!
We will never have a truly equal society until we can eliminate Penis Envy by eliminating the penis. #All GENITALS BELONG TO THE STATE!
To go along with Disney’s re-envisioning of Beauty and the Beast, and their new show Princes, they’ve also released a new children’s cartoon – perfect for the kids to watch while eating their cereal during Saturday morning prime time.
A hundred years ago (April 6, 1917) America entered World War I. The prevailing media messaging of the time was captured in these war propaganda posters.
Things have changed in the last hundred years, and so has the media messaging. This raises some questions:
Who comes up with this new messaging? Who is the target? What is it aimed to accomplish? And can a nation survive this mindset if it prevails? Could any nation survive it?
Because while the messaging has changed, the world hasn’t…
If today’s New York Times editors had been in charge in 1917 (strumming harp music)…
A likely illegal publication of a private German telegram to culturally diverse Hispanic and Oriental leaders causes rage, Teutophobia among white alt-right U.S. nationalists
The questionably legal publication of a private German telegram has some alt-right conspiracy buffs attributing the worst possible motives to the German government.
The telegram, which legal experts caution may be illegal for citizens to read…
Today’s lesson: how to condescend to minorities and still score liberal points
This photo, initially posted on Reddit, has quickly become viral. An unnamed teacher in Massachusetts, believing that her students were as shocked by Trump’s election as she was, posted these equality-enforcement proclamations on the classroom wall.
It must be very reassuring for "Latino(a)" students to see a daily reminder that they are not rapists or drug dealers. The same goes for Muslim students who supposedly need to be reminded that they are not terrorists in case they forget. Black students are probably expected to feel grateful for being sheltered from certain death that lurks outside; paranoia is always good for morale.
It is the dawn of the Trump era. The deep state, also known as "a state within a state" is in danger of being drained. In Washington, DC, an elite group of career government bureaucrats bands together to issue the squeal of a lifetime.
The sabotage of Trump and his troops serves as the backdrop for the gripping story about self-serving pen pushers who put the entire country’s future on the line to defend their swamp, trough, and the deep state from Trump’s swamp-draining forces.
Despite inconclusive evidence and ignoring the possible ramifications, the deep state orders the attack…
Each February, film fans around the world turn their attention to the Academy Awards called "The Oscars." But this year is different. "The movies" we so love and cherish have given way to astonishing performances right here on our streets – free of charge! We’ve saturated ourselves with popcorn while watching entertaining "snowflake" routines since Election Day, and it only gets better.
Buy movie tickets? Why! We’ve got free entertainment! We’ve watched more liberal meltdowns on YouTube than movies. We get excited and well… forget the cinema! I’m staying home to watch the liberals!
Comrade Psychiatrist is unhappy with Mr. Trump’s "delusional reformism."
American progressives have been enamored with many Soviet ideas in their time, trying to transplant them to the U.S. – from government diktat and central planning to academic indoctrination and propaganda through entertainment. And while the Soviet Union has gone the way of the dodo, its glorious socialist legacy is still up for the picking.
One of these unparalleled Soviet achievements is the use of psychiatry to silence dissent and delegitimize political opposition…
The word “haters” is a very loaded term, and a nonsensical one to boot. The left-wing Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC), for example, claims to be the ultimate arbiter of “hate,” “haters,” “hate groups,” and “hate crimes.” This 501(c)(3) nonprofit collects handsome sums of money under the pretext of keeping what they call a hatewatch. At the end of 2016 their endowment stood at $302.8 million. That means they have a direct financial interest in painting a picture of a widespread organized hatred in the United States, which “proves” their importance and scares the donors into parting with even more of their money.
With all the Days of Resistance and Days Without Some Victim Group we’ve had lately, and will continue to have for the next four years—or until He Who Shall Not Be Named Because That Only Legitimizes and Worse, Humanizes Him—is impeached—it’s clear we need to set aside another Day, this one to demand paid leave for protesting. We shall call it the People’s Paid Protest Leave, or PPPL™ for short.
Because this is about People. People who care. People who are fighting fascism. People who want only to take back the democracy that last November 8th was ripped from us as if we were raped—which, in a sense, we were.
Is it just me, or do you also wonder how liberals can possibly function, let alone win elections? This lump in their heads, they refer to it as a mind, is made of absurdities, inconsistencies and contradictions. How is possible to hold so many mutually exclusive beliefs?
The fact is, there’s a method to their insanity and sane people will keep losing to the insane unless they understand what that method is.
Let’s take love and hate. Scientists have discovered that both love and hate originate in the same nervous circuits in the brain.
I’m not sure if this has been picked up in America but our UK press are reporting that President Trump was "bashing" the BBC.
‘Here’s another beauty’: Donald Trump bashes the BBC again in heated back-and-forth with ‘impartial free and fair’ reporter Jon Sopel during bizarre White House press conference
– President said ‘Here’s another beauty’ after asking Jon Sopel where he was from – North America editor replied ‘It’s a good line’, adding: ‘Impartial, free and fair’
Our correspondent in Belgium, Comrade Minitrue, has sent us a transmission about the growing prominence of the People’s Cube in the European Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (EUSSR) and its glorious capital, Brussels.
In an article describing the ongoing ruthless purge of all right-wing sources and personalities from Wikipedia, a Dutch-language Belgian newspaper, Sceptr [Scepter], describes us as a "right-wing satirical website." (How far to the left must the comrades in Brussels have gone in order to see our truly Stalinist Party organ as "right-wing"?)
The ever-vigilant Komrad Silverman has done THE PEOPLE a great favor by korrektly identifying markings, disregarded by most wrong-thinking people, as simple utility worker symbols.
They are, in fact, secret and subversive codes of hatred, used by a world-wide conspiracy of fascists, known as the The Utility Workers’ Army, whose hidden agenda is Orange Supremacy.
Thanks to the eagle eye of Sarah Silverman, the secret signs of the Trump Nazi Illuminati have been exposed.
Orange is the new white.
Valentine Day in People’s Cube history
Dating a dictator can be a scary and dangerous endeavor. But it also offers an opportunity to meet the authoritarian oppressor of your dreams, provided that the proper precautions are taken. Whether you are a young starry-eyed Utopian or have been around the eastern bloc for a while, everyone can benefit from these tips and guidelines for safe dictator-dating procedures.
Nordstrom stores – among others – recently stopped carrying Ivanka Trump’s wares. They claim that this decision is not at all politically motivated, but strictly a result of lagging sales. Nordstrom swears their Ivanka Trump dump has nothing to do with a boycott campaign waged by a random marketing consultant, under the hashtag #GrabYourWallet.
The timing that Ivanka’s sales lagged around the same time her father became close to winning the election, which is also when the boycott campaign ramped up, but not a moment before, is purely coincidental.
Armed with a baseball bat and wearing a fashionable rioting unisex ensemble, Flat Antifa is looking for some fascism to smash.
Fascism is anything that Flat Antifa doesn’t understand. It needs to be smashed. Fascists are those who refuse to conform to Flat Antifa’s non-conformism. They need to be smashed.
Flat Antifa obtained these views in his/her extremely expensive school, and is prepared to swing his/her bat at anyone whom Flat Antifa’s extremely progressive professor defines as extremist.
Included on the list of things to smash are gender fascism, sexist fascism, racist fascism, homo-fascism, hetero-fascism, bi-fascism, trans-fascism, adult fascism, and parental fascism.
Help Flat Antifa find more fascism to smash.
Hooters announced today that they are preparing to hire 10,000 Muslim refugee women in a show of support to the immigrant community and in a display of solidarity with other American companies that have offered similar support.
Hooters joins the list of companies such as Starbucks, which has also offered to hire 10,000 refugees instead of veterans or unemployed Americans, as well as AirBNB, which has offered to house these immigrants.
Vladimir Putin deflated footballs used by the New England Patriots – it was revealed today by CNN.
This is the only way that they could have won the Superbowl.
It has been determined that he did it to make Trump’s team victorious. Women and minorities have been hardest hit by this latest defeat.
You may have seen the recent fake news that the Statue of Liberty was originally meant to be a womyn of the Religion of Peace:
ISLAMIC LADY LIBERTY: CBS CLAIMS STATUE OF LIBERTY WAS ORIGINALLY A MUSLIM WOMAN, ACCORDING TO "RESEARCHERS"
No word on whether her clitoris had been removed. All of which is Well and Good. But it only scratches the surface.
Outspoken comedian Sarah Silverman thinks that Trump voters are racist, she said yesterday while wearing blackface makeup to emphasize her point.
Later, after working herself up into some kind of frenzy, Silverman appeared to call for a military coup in a tweet, while protests against Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos turned violent after Soros’ and the DNC’s minions attacked people with shovels and clubs while burning things and breaking windows.
‘WAKE UP & JOIN THE RESISTANCE. ONCE THE MILITARY IS W US FASCISTS GET OVERTHROWN. MAD KING & HIS HANDLERS GO BYE BYE,’ Silverman wrote.
Later she added: ‘We’re all gonna die…
"The carnage perpetrated in the academic torture-chambers of the mind leave students with the following sediment in their brains: existence is a jungle, fear is man’s permanent state, skepticism is the mark of maturity, cynicism is the mark of realism and, above all, the hallmark of an intellectual is the denial of the intellect. These ‘activists’ are so literally the products of modern philosophy that someone should cry to all the university administrations and faculties: ‘Brothers, you asked for it!’"
– Ayn Rand, 1965
Famous Tweets in chronological order:
– Moses – Jews for Social Justice & Against Moses – Pharaoh Seti of Egypt – King Xerxes of Persia – King Leonidas of Sparta – Thomas Jefferson – King George III – Abraham Lincoln – Franz Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary – Lee Harvey Oswald – Jimmy Carter
And more…
Beyonce has announced today that she is pregnant with two Donald Trump’s babies at once, with experts predicting that this may inadvertently set the tone for the entire Black History Month, which has just begun.
The 35-year-old singer was disappointed that her previous pregnancy photo on Instagram only gathered 6,831,636 likes, 17,000 tweets, and some anemic media coverage at such lame old news organizations as The New York Times, LA Times, US Weekly, Chicago Tribune, and similar media holdouts, with not a single picture or a word about her in places where it really counts – Breitbart, Fox News…
So that the Safe Space Cadets will not be unequal in their kultural wealth, I have created a new, politically-korrekt version of the (in)famous Gadsden Flag (*ptooey*). It will be raised every time there is a call to "arms" (for hugging).
I haven’t quite figured out yet what this flag should be called. The Thinskin Flag? The Hasbeen Flag? This humble Kommisar welcomes the contributions of the most equal masses for the christening dedication of this new…
Reciprocating Trump’s #MuslimBan, the CEO of Starbucks has vowed to start a campaign of discrimination against US citizens by hiring 10,000 Muslim refugees instead of the usual local applicants as baristas.
This, in turn, was immediately reciprocated by a call to #BoycottStarbucks by Trump supporters, who claim that Starbucks is an overhyped watering hole for pompous white Subaru-driving liberals in yoga pants. That is an outrageously divisive statement because it excludes unicyclists and Prius drivers, whose vehicles are equipped with three turn signals: a left turn signal, a right turn signal, and a supersized virtue signal.
There is a chart circulating the internet, showing the numbers of American citizens killed by Middle Easterners since 1975. The purpose of this chart is to persuade us that President Trump is banning people from the wrong countries.
Citizenship from these countries does not equal Muslim. But a travel ban of these countries’ citizens is a ban of all Muslims. We know that no Muslim would kill an American, because Islam is the Religion of Peace. According to this chart, Saudi Arabians are more dangerous than citizens of Iraq, Iran, Syria, Libya, Somalia, Sudan and Yemen. But we don’t really want Saudi Arabians to be banned, because it is a Muslim-majority…
After the tragic loss of life in the Quebec mosque shooting of January the 29th, it warms our hearts to witness the correct response we expect in such situations.
Major news outlets were quick to point out that the current prime suspect, a certain Mr. Buissonette, had serious mental issues and work-related traumas that may have caused him to act irrationally. To stress the "lone wolf" character of this attack, no links were made with other anti-Muslim actions or protests in the past that have no proven connection to this incident. To avoid stigmatising any demographic, prime minister Trudeau did not immediately describe this "event" as terrorism.
Calling out around the world, are you ready for a brand new protest? Trump is here and the time is right for protesting in the street!
Sister comrades, this is a call to arms (as long as they’re covered) to demand freedom and equal rights, to stand up to the illegitimate Trump/Hitler regime, to keep the rights to your body, and to fight against cultural imperialism – by wearing your instrument of resistance – the hijab!
Enclosed in your hijab, you can, in the name of women’s rights, proudly stand up and be a warrior against Trump’s War on Women. Join millions of like-minded women in smashing the patriarchy, achieving freedom from male domination and oppression, fighting for gender-justice, and checking (based on skin tone) your white privilege. It’s simple common sense: the Muslim veil is the only way to find true women’s liberation and equality.
Speaking to Harper’s Bazaar, Madonna described focusing on Trump’s image on the TV screen while casting magic spells as her agent and friend recited verses from the Quran.
"We were doing everything: lighting candles, meditating, praying, offering our lives to God, Allah, Satan, whomever – as long as they would shrink Trump into a hideous little monster and he would lose to Hillary," said Madonna.
In the end, her mystical witchcraft backfired. Trump defeated Clinton, and Madonna became a hideous little monster instead. Months later the transmogrified celebrity is still struggling to accept what has happened: "It’s like suddenly losing all my money and power, and also being stuck in a nightmare, but I repeat myself."
This feels like a pilot for an absurdist comedy, or at least a TV skit. Arrested Development comes to mind. The best part is Shia pleading "Be nice, people" and then screaming "f*king Nazis" at the top of his lungs to the people offscreen.
Turns out, they are the police and they soon take him away in handcuffs. He is quite docile at first, but as he is being led offscreen, he gets back into character and starts screaming "f*king Nazis" again.
If Shia sells the rights to this episode, that should probably cover the medical bill from the upcoming month in the rehab.?
It’s only Trump’s second full day on the job, and already he has drawn international criticism: in an executive order signed today, the new president has enrolled all members of ISIS into Obamacare, effective immediately.
Defending his decision, President Trump told reporters, "Look, I know it’s controversial, blah, blah, blah. But to me it’s genius. I’m gonna make ISIS go on Obamacare, and I’m going to make them pay for it. It’s what I campaigned on, and I’m gonna make it happen in the first 100 days."
In the U.S. Senate, Chuck Schumer rushed to a microphone. "We’re better than this…
Lets blow up the patriarchal government and replace it with a governwomynt!
Attending a Trumphitler protest?
That Guy Fawkes mask is "old hat!" (and a symbol of patriarchal oppression). Don’t be laughed at! Show your comrades just how revolutionary and equal you can be by wearing the latest thing in Protest-wear!
Madonna is more revolutionary, more nasty, more disease-ridden than that old… tired… BORING!, Guy Fawkes poseur!
But just like Guy Fawkes, she too wants to blow up the seat of government!!! Isn’t that cool?!!!
Available now at your local Protest Supplies store. Made in Pakistan. Ask about the special limited-edition with bonus vial of Madonna’s actual menstrual blood.
Iranian actress Taraneh Alidoosti has recently vowed to boycott the Academy Awards ceremony as a protest of Illegitimate President Donald Trump’s illegitimate proposal to illegitimately suspend visas for citizens of some African and Middle Eastern nations.
Alidoosti, who appears in the Oscar-nominated The Salesman, points out that foreign travelers to the United States have a right to come and go as they please without the illegitimate interference of the U.S. government. Her announcement has larger implications: we would be deprived of self-righteous tirades delivered with impeccable style by our betters.
Lawyers for Hillary Clinton today announced that they are initiating legal action against Satan for breach of contract.
They are demanding that he return the soul of Hillary Clinton who was promised the highest office in the land for her soul.
Satan’s representative, George Soros, declared that the promise was made in New York City and that she will have to settle for mayor.
Following yesterday’s Inauguration, half a million American women put on their pink "pussyhats" and marched on Washington, D.C., leaving an estimated 2.5 million starving, meowing cats in their homes completely unattended and deprived of their scheduled mandatory hugs and prolonged belly rubs.
Organized by Planned Parenthood, Council for American-Islamic Relations, the Communist Party, and other progressive movements, American women came to Donald Trump’s doorstep to express their anger, fury, indignation, and outrage over the fact that they can’t name a single right that men have and women don’t.
New lyrics – updated and improved:
That’s great it starts like an earthquake cargo snakes on aeroplane And Tammy Bruce is not afraid eye of a hurricane listen to the Dems churn World serves it’s own needs dummies serve your own needs Feeding off of faux speak grunts no strength The latter starts to clatter with fear fright down whites Why’re they on fire representing people’s gains In a government for hire and a left wing site Leftists west and dying in a hurry with the people breathing down your neck…
A Trump-hating protester set himself on fire last night outside the Trump International Hotel a few blocks from the White House in Washington, D.C. but failed to kill himself, according to reports.
The as yet unidentified 45-year-old Californian used an unidentified accelerant and a lighter in an unsuccessful attempt to flambe himself for social justice.
It was unclear if the man was insane or simply a very dedicated demonstrator. Given his disinclination to fully combust he is unlikely to have been an Eagle Scout.
A letter to all entertainers performing at Trump’s inauguration: We are the party of love. We’ve told you that over and over again, but you just don’t seem to get it, so we have no other choice but to send you this anonymous death threat. How DARE you reject our love? You JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!!!! You forced our hand and now we must teach you that if you don’t do what we say, that means you don’t love us. And you’re supposed to love us. We are beautiful. We are kind. We are tolerant and inclusive and if you don’t agree with us, you must be silenced! We want to give ourselves to you, body and soul, BUT YOU JUST WON’T SEE IT AND GO OFF WHORING AFTER THAT BITCH!!!!!!
With just over 48 hours left of the Obama Administration, this is your last chance to remember if there is anything you might have done for which you need a pardon.
I’ll go first: My transgression and my cat’s transgression:
Years ago, Dear Leader’s glorious face graced the cover of the magazine Fast Company. I failed to frame it and put it on the wall so I could bow as I walked by. I left it on the couch… and my racist reichwing rethugiKKKan cat got sick all over the picture. Naturally, I mandated the cat to take eight weeks of diversity and sensitivity training…
President Obama awarded himself the prestigious, ‘Distinguished Public Service Medal’ on Wednesday, January 4th, 2017.
During his teary-eyed presentation speech, he referred to himself some 97 times while gloriously expounding on his many accomplishments, performances and outstanding golf games.
Through tears of joy during the acceptance speech, he referred to himself another 163 times expounding upon his many successes and how smart he is.
We breathlessly await more medals of this type to be awarded to Barack Obama.
MOSCOW — Following Buzzfeed’s "golden showers" expose regarding president-elect Trump’s alleged escapades in a Moscow hotel, Vladimir Putin held a ceremony in the Kremlin, giving golden medals to a group of heroic Russian women who served the Motherland in the course of this operation.
"Trump has been organizing beauty pageants, hanging out with beautiful women who had gone through medical examination. Why would he leave them for unvetted females with a lowered sense of social responsibility?" he said. "Unless they are highly trained and thoroughly examined operatives with a heightened sense of social responsibility and patriotism, like this group here."
Don’t miss this post-election fire sale as the Clinton Foundation closes its doors and lays off its non-unionized employees. Everything & everyone must go! br /> – All starving Third-World children are half off, barely used. – Deep discounts on African and Middle Eastern dictators. – Speaking fees now only $20,000. – No refunds on pre-election deposits. – Government influence all sold out. – Uranium deals by appointment only. – Now available in all totalitarian states.
A behind the scenes look at how Pee-Gate really happened.
We have long known that right-wing people are better looking, smarter, happier, and even have a better sex life without demanding that the government pays for their contraceptives.
No one knew how to effectively argue that fact, deny it, rationalize it, or turn it into an asset – until now. A groundbreaking scientific research has finally answered the most puzzling question of the Universe: Why would anyone in their right mind ever vote for a right-winger?
As a side effect, scientists also explained that people’s right-wing politics stem from their beauty, talent, ability, strength, and well-being, which also signals…
I raise a tin cup of glorious beet vodka (with a splash of tractor fuel) to the imaginary hookers.
Once again the mainstream media is trickling out details, one drip at a time…But I’m puzzled. People PAY to get their beds wet? I know some folks with pure talent.
This just in: The search for prostitutes who peed on Obama’s bed has been narrowed down to one suspect…
The People’s Cube entry has just been purged from Wikipedia. Congratulations, comrades. We are now officially a non-site populated by non-persons sharing non-thoughts and making non-jokes. It makes me feel right at home, back in the Soviet Union, where an invisible hand obstructed any of my efforts to manifest my existence. How liberating. No visibility means no responsibility. Out of sight, out of mind.
As a linguistic experiment, scientists once had "out of sight, out of mind" translated into Russian and then back into English. The phrase returned as "invisible lunatics." That’s who we are now. No need to think now, non-people. The Wiki-progs have turned us into invisible lunatics.
Announcing Volume 1 Number 1 of TRUMPIAN HORRORS – the new, hip, retro-pulp fiction magazine for Cis Males, Cis Men, Trans Males, …and Androgynes …who are feeling a little bit on the butch side today.
Each month (or whenever we get around to it — publishing schedules are racist), TRUMPIAN HORRORS will bring you gripping fictionalized accounts (but NOT FAKE NEWS!) of the latest sickening atrocities inflicted upon the the U.S., the world, the Universe, and beyond by The Evil TrumpHitler.
Headline story (and Trigger Warning!) in our premier issue: I WAS FORCED TO SING AT TRUMPS INAUGURATION, the true story of a poor, but talented, single-mother, 1/16th Native American, trans-questioning, Chicago civil servant whom The TrumpHitler implacably forced to compromise her sterling liberal values to croon for The TrumpHitler’s drooling delight while suffering the humiliation of the leering eyes of TrumpHitler’s Deplorables Squads (with assistance by Russian hackers).
Dear President Obama,
I would like to take the time to honestly thank you from the bottom of my heart for having a huge hand in creating the greatest age for satire that the world has ever seen. But aside from that, there is so much more to be thankful for.
I believe that I also speak for countless college-educated people when I say that during the dusk of your presidency we should take the time to list some of the amazing things you have done and to reflect upon them.
When we first saw this headline, we thought it was yet another satirical spoof about Snopes, similar to our own previous exploits: Snopes Co-Founder Embezzles $98,000, Drops Weight, Leaves Fat Wife And Marries Actual Whore
Turns out, this is a true story, fully backed by Daily Mail. But first, let’s step back a little. We’ve had a few spates with Snopes in the past. It was all fun and games when Snopes co-founder David Mikkelson first debunked our story about Rosie O’Donnell getting a tramp stamp with ISIS flag to support Islamic ‘freedom fighters’…
On Wednesday, President Obama added another prestigious medal to his Nobel Prize collection when he had Defense Secretary Ash Carter award him the Department of Defense Medal for Distinguished Public Service.
??If ?this caught you by surprise, you’re not alone. Most Americans had no idea that the Pentagon ?had such an ?award??.? Additionally, you may not be aware that several countries are ?also expected to ?invite? president ?Obama ?to medal ceremonies in appreciation of his many stellar contributions.
25 years ago George Bush Sr. was still in office, and so was Saddam Hussein. The European Union didn’t exist and neither did China’s economic powerhouse. The Berlin wall had just come down and Germany had finally reunited. Hillary Clinton was a little-known mouthy First Lady of Arkansas and the media gleefully predicted that Donald Trump would never climb back to the top after his Atlantic City fiasco.
On the other side of the Iron Curtain, the Eastern bloc was in shambles, but the USSR was still standing with Mikhail Gorbachev at the helm. The KGB meddled in other countries’ affairs as usual, spreading "fake news" and helping leftist politicians with no objections from the Western media…
The Wikipedia page about the People’s Cube may be purged in a few days and we’ll become a non-site unless we take action.
There is an ongoing Wikipedia discussion / show trial, in which you can vote for or against deleting the People’s Cube for being "unworthy" to grace the pages of Wikipedia. You can add your two kopeks to the discussion here:
Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/The People’s Cube
First the reason for deletion was "confrontational language." Then it was phony "copyright issues." Now they question our "noteworthiness." This is plain harassment and trolling.
In this New Year edition of No News – Good News we are happy to inform our readers that the following things did not occur this year:
– FBI: Santa disclosed naughty list on WikiLeaks, "Helped Trump win election"; Obama expels Rudolph, Prancer, Vixen, and 35 elves in retaliation – California builds wall to keep out Trump supporters – Bernie supporters stunned there is no socialist Santa Claus, vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies, milk – Washington Post sues Internet for infringing on "fake news" business – Controversy in the lab: white mold excludes black mold; Harvard biologist blames "Petri dish cultures of hate" – Scientific News: Long after 1961 burial physicists uncertain Schrodinger is dead – Sexed-up Mother Russia becomes Milf Russia; Motherland renamed into Milfland on Putin’s orders…
By popular demand, we have made two versions of this design – cute and rebellious – pick whichever feels more "deplorable" to you.
50,739
Source Article
The post POLITICAL HUMOR & SATIRE appeared first on JSMILL.
Read full post at: http://www.jsmill.com/political-humor-satire/
0 notes
cheapibizaholiday1 · 7 years
Text
POLITICAL HUMOR & SATIRE
Poor Me is a magazine dedicated to people who see themselves as victims. Read the new Trump-Comey edition – their thickest issue to date.
Challenges of being a drama queen in the age of Trump. Experts: "Competition is fierce."
IN THIS ISSUE:
March against fascism ends with 400,000 fewer deaths than expectedHillary to victims: "poison the wells, scorch the earth"Kathy Griffin: From woke to broke in one easy stepTop 10 methods to make the world feel guilty and apologizeLeBron James needs a day without white people: "No matter how much money I have, I’m still as paranoid as a homeless drug addict"Is everything Trump’s fault? Ask an expert!
EXCLUSIVE – Closed session: Comey, 56, demonstrates on doll where he feared Trump was going to touch him.
Many years ago Nancy Pelosi bravely said, "We have to pass the bill to know what’s in it." But even after it was passed, no one has ever read the Affordable Care Act in its entirety; it is so large that it has its own gravitational field.
In a dramatic stroke of brilliance and keen journalistic instinct, or perhaps outright laziness, we decided to start from the back. Here’s what we found.
Hospital stays exceeding two days require patient-provided bedpans and light bulbs.Co-pays are now tracked by as a Wall Street investment index.Half off Abortion-Tuesdays at Family Dollar stores everywhere.The term “deductibles” is omitted from the medical lexicon in favor of “insurer’s fair share.”Malpractice lawsuits shall be known as “pulling the ‘ol Okey-Dokey.”A 20% tip automatically added to prescription drug purchases.School lunch programs shall include Soylent Green Fridays.
As a member of the white male hetero Christian class my peoples have been ruling the world far to long. It is only fitting that I and my ilk get a taste of our own medicine and accept our demotion in exchange for the promotion of the victim class. The only thing my peoples can do to alleviate our deserved pains is to sacrifice our place willingly and eagerly. We shall vocally praise the oppressed, admit our sins and accept our lashings. When we are ordered to leave our campuses because of our whiteness we shall do so with a smile. When we are reminded of our privilege we shall accept it with a tear. Equality before the law is not the goal. Lady Justice is not blind, comrade. Her eyes are open and her scales are now tipped accordingly. That is the "Democratic Ideal" for which we now must live.
Early this morning President Trump challenged the nation to discover the true meaning of "covfefe."
We accepted the challenge and we’re pretty sure we have figured it out.
Just some pictures and headlines:
– Kathy Griffin mistakenly beheads Alec Baldwin in Trump costume; nobody cares.
– Islamic State disavows Kathy Griffin, pleads with her to "chill the f@#& out"
– ISIS Condemns Kathy Griffin For Cultural Appropriation
etc.
An academic study from researchers at Brunel University London assessed 171 men, looking at their height, weight, overall physical strength and bicep circumference, along with their views on redistribution of wealth and income inequality. The study, published in the Evolution and Human Behavior journal, ​found that weaker men were more likely to favor socialist policies than stronger men.
Back when I lived in New York I went shopping for a modern-looking microfiber jacket suitable for cool weather. I visited a dozen boutique stores in Manhattan, trying on a variety of nice-looking jackets. None of them fit me in the chest. Even if I was able to zip them up over my chest, I couldn’t move my arms…
A recently found 1,200-year-old fossil is giving anthropologists new insights into a warrior-like, bipedal masculine human specimen they have identified as Testiculus Englishmanus, a mysterious ancestor of modern-day British men.
The remains were discovered in Wessex, at the site of the historic Battle of Edington (present-day Wiltshire), where in May, 878 AD, patriotic Anglo-Saxons defeated "The Heathen Army" of the Viking invaders, leading to the eventual liberation and unification of England.
The 6 foot-long fossil reveals that the extinct early man of England possessed two large working testicles, which shatters all modern theories about the origins of today’s residents of the British Isles.
The world’s best known dealmaker-turned-president showed that when it comes to real estate, nobody out-negotiates the Trumpster.
The president met briefly with Pope Francis, whom Trump described as a "…very, very nice man. Very hospitable," before agreeing on a price for the Vatican.
Subjects discussed by the two leaders included the environment, world peace, religious tolerance, and property values.
"After a little going back and forth, I finally asked His Holiness what he wanted for the Vatican. He made an offer, but you know how deals are, he started low and I started high," Trump told the accredited media shortly afterwards.
Do you hate Donald Trump?
Is your lifelong dream to destroy his presidency? Do you live for nothing else these days?
Are you looking for a flexible job that requires little effort while allowing you to be as outrageous as you want? Do you enjoy throwing stuff at the wall and watching it slide down to the floor leaving a trail of slime?
Then mainstream media outlets, especially the New York Times and Washington Post, would like to offer you a position as an ANONYMOUS SOURCE!
Harvard University has written a new dress code that defines ties, a traditional male dress accessory, as a symbol of oppression, chauvinism, and hate speech. The decision came after a women’s rights group petitioned the school board to ban neckties, claiming that students have been triggered by seeing such a “flamboyant and offensive” micro-aggression carried around even by their own professors.
Immediately after the board’s decision, a mass email was sent to all students and faculty of the new dress code, stating that if the new policy was disobeyed it could bring about “serious consequences” including expulsion.
Komrades, I made this little vid where Ragnar Lothbrok gets a glimpse of his people’s nightmarish future that is 21st century Sweden.
It has no major spoilers from the show "Vikings".
French PM candidate Emmanuel Macron has proposed a new initiative, the "Fair Redistribution of Terror in Europe Program," that he hopes will revive his faltering campaign days before France’s voters go the polls.
"It is unfair that France and other enlightened nations that open their borders to Muslim refugees, must suffer the most from Islamic terrorism," Macron said at a campaign rally on Monday. "As a fair-minded person, I am saddened and outraged that less enlightened nations, especially Poland, who close their borders to Muslim migrants, get to enjoy terror-free existence…
For thousands of years, since the end of the Ice Age, international workers gathered in their caves on May Day to organize, protest, and represent. They sat around bonfires chanting Party-approved slogans and denouncing U.S. imperialism.
Every year the changing Current Truth called for different slogans, which were promptly provided to the masses by this glorious Party Organ. And this year is no different. See the most current, updated, and expanded list of slogans for May Day 2017.
– Make America small again!
A sad day today. The People’s Climate Marches in both Denver and Colorado Springs today had to be cancelled because of snow.
I demand a Congressional investigation. Surely Trump has colluded with the Russians to hack our weather in order to make those of us on the side of Truth, Justice and The Socialist Way look bad.
And to think the Russians used to be our friends…
Winter Blast Putting Climate Protests On Ice In Colorado…
Fearless Girl has gotten a little cocky since she stood up to the Wall Street bull – that symbol of financial optimism and prosperity. So brash in fact that she’s graduated from turning this bull into a steer and now takes her intimidation on the road.
Her search for other icons that she can threaten with her icy stare and bravado is taking her on a world-wide excursion. We’ve captured the best moments in this photo essay as FG traveled the globe.
As the world community senses the looming destruction of our planet by Trump’s imperial knowledge-rejecting regime, scientists all over the globe stand up and say No pasaran!
On April 22, and the battlecry of Earth Day resounding through the canyons of our metropoles, Science will march in the front row!
Physicists – Relentlessly Smash Inequality of Atoms!
Chemists – Boldly create New Matter out of Equalized Atoms!
Mathematicians – Progressive Gender-Awareness NOW!
Climatists – Seize the Rudder in the Glorious March of Science!
MIT Press is out with a new book that teaches children the tenets of Karl Marx with fairy tales.
The little girl’s armpit hair is especially disturbing. I understand it must be a nod to feminism, and far be it from me to dictate rules of body hygiene to any women and their consenting partners.
The reason it’s disturbing is because little girls don’t have armpit hair.
So the book’s authors either have never had children themselves and forgot their own childhood, or they are perverts who fantasize about a world where little girls have armpit hair or where adult women with armpit hair look, dress, and behave like little girls and break things they don’t or won’t understand.
In 1988 we told the world that "We only have ten years left to save the planet."
In 1989, our wonderful comrades at the United [in Marxism] Nations decreed the same thing.
Then during the 2000 election season our Holy Prophet Who Has Never Been Wrong, Al Gorski (Muslim name: al-goreeza) issued a fatwa that we only had ten years left to save the planet.
Nobody listened. George Bush [spit, spit] won stole the election and the planet’s environmental destruction continued.
So, in 2006, prophet al-goreeza issued another fatwa…
Life is complicated these days, and there’s just so much outrage to absorb your time. You may be like many Americans, and just not sure what you should be outraged about and which side to pick.
But wait no longer! Simply download the free People’s Current Truth App™ and you’ll be officially in the know. Whether it’s Cecil, Harambe, Bush, or Trump, you’ll receive timely updates with clear instructions on…
What to be angry about! When to feel triggered! Which side to choose! When to choose the other side! How to vent your righteous anger! Where to go for t-shirts and matching placards! Soros funding locator! Progressive social media protest calendaring function!
United Airlines will not be beat, even if you take their seat.
Previously, airlines were required to pay passengers four times their ticket price if they were more than 4 hours late, but United now has a deal beater.
If they need a passenger’s seat, they will simply beat them and drag them from the plane.
This way, they keep costs low for the little people, while kicking the teeth in of uppity, fancy doctors.
Tears of Social Justice Warriors IVANKA TRUMP BUSINESS SAVVY Entrepreneurial skills showcased
Now that Ivanka Trump’s perfume has seen a sales explosion due to, of all things, retail outlets removing the brand from their shelves, Ms Trump has been looking to further incorporate irritated liberals in her business strategy.
Retailers did not consider the fact that the vast majority of liberal women don’t enjoy smelling pleasant, so any move related to perfume inventory would go unnoticed by this demographic…
Every year on April First, internationally known as The Current Truth Day, all progressive humanity celebrates the People’s Cube’s glorious anniversary. Twelve years ago today, on April 1, 2005, this Party Organ was launched out of an undisclosed bunker and swiftly rose over the horizon like the red hexahedron-shaped sun of the revolution, bringing the light of Party-approved thought straight out of the Motherland to the toiling masses of the darkened, non-socialist parts of planet Earth.
Comrade hippies at the HealiUm Art Center in Atlanta, GA, have come up with a creative plan to heal our divided nation. Mocking Donald Trump’s book title, The Art of the Deal, they named their project The Art of The Heal, calling everyone who self-identifies as being an artist to create over 100,000 pieces of art to send to the White House by July 4th, 2017: "Gift the collective art to the President with a request to display the gifted art pieces in the White House for public viewing."
San Francisco, CA — 81 year old Cynthia Cunningham was hospitalized during the early morning hours today after she was found barely conscious in Target department store women’s restroom. The elderly woman fell into a toilet becoming lodged in the public commode when the seat that Cunningham attempted to use was left up.
According to the victim’s family, Cunningham went missing last night after she went into town to buy her grandson a birthday card and a video game. The frail customer with poor eyesight and a weak bladder was recorded on security cameras rushing into the restroom a half-hour before the store closed only to not emerge until EMTs carried her out…
Step right up!
Get your London Edition of Terror Response Bingo here!
To play, keep the card by your computer as you read the news and social media reaction to the attack.
When you see something in the news or on social media that matches something on the card, check it off!
Welcome to the People’s Cube clearing house for all the latest, scandalous, fascist, and Russian outrages of the Trump administration.
What is the latest, breathless, gotta-tell-it-now scandal that defies credulity?
DID YOU KNOW that Neil Gorsuch may have taken his Bar Exam with one shoe untied? Can you believe he’s actually being considered for the Supreme Court?
DID YOU KNOW that Jim Sessions may have worn a WHITE pocket square folded with a POINTY TOP? Yeah, that’s not racist (sarcasm)! And they say Trump…
"A Day Without Sobriety" campaign gains momentum in the Motherland.
Concerned that Russians don’t consume enough alcohol in the month of March, Russia’s Orthodox Church has now made St. Patrick’s Day​ an official holiday over the country’s enormous territory.
Because the Orthodox Church’s calendar is two weeks behind the Western calendar, the celebration is being scheduled on March 30th, almost two weeks after the drinking has wrapped up in the rest of the world. This means that Russia’s 143 million-strong population will be carousing on the 17th when everyone else does it, and then on the 30th…
In joining the fun of a "Day Without" campaign I am starting a new "Day Without" campaign called "A Day Without a Day Without" campaign.
I know it is hard to imagine living a day without being reminded of the sensitivities and abuses faced by our perpetually aggrieved brethren but I am in desperate need of "A Day Without Guilt."
After my "A Day Without A Day Without" campaign I am proposing some additional "Day Without" campaigns to fill our annual calendars. Please help me complete our 365 day schedule.
Dear oppressed women and non-women who identify as females!
On this wonderful spring holiday the Party takes a day off from the usual revolutionary struggle in order to celebrate all the international contributions to social justice made by self-identified female-gendered persons and wishes for them to crush their oppressors anywhere they can find them – and get even!
Remember: 50% of the world’s population has 100% of the Y-chromosomes and 91% of the testosterone. #SMASH FASCIST TESTICLES!
We will never have a truly equal society until we can eliminate Penis Envy by eliminating the penis. #All GENITALS BELONG TO THE STATE!
To go along with Disney’s re-envisioning of Beauty and the Beast, and their new show Princes, they’ve also released a new children’s cartoon – perfect for the kids to watch while eating their cereal during Saturday morning prime time.
A hundred years ago (April 6, 1917) America entered World War I. The prevailing media messaging of the time was captured in these war propaganda posters.
Things have changed in the last hundred years, and so has the media messaging. This raises some questions:
Who comes up with this new messaging? Who is the target? What is it aimed to accomplish? And can a nation survive this mindset if it prevails? Could any nation survive it?
Because while the messaging has changed, the world hasn’t…
If today’s New York Times editors had been in charge in 1917 (strumming harp music)…
A likely illegal publication of a private German telegram to culturally diverse Hispanic and Oriental leaders causes rage, Teutophobia among white alt-right U.S. nationalists
The questionably legal publication of a private German telegram has some alt-right conspiracy buffs attributing the worst possible motives to the German government.
The telegram, which legal experts caution may be illegal for citizens to read…
Today’s lesson: how to condescend to minorities and still score liberal points
This photo, initially posted on Reddit, has quickly become viral. An unnamed teacher in Massachusetts, believing that her students were as shocked by Trump’s election as she was, posted these equality-enforcement proclamations on the classroom wall.
It must be very reassuring for "Latino(a)" students to see a daily reminder that they are not rapists or drug dealers. The same goes for Muslim students who supposedly need to be reminded that they are not terrorists in case they forget. Black students are probably expected to feel grateful for being sheltered from certain death that lurks outside; paranoia is always good for morale.
It is the dawn of the Trump era. The deep state, also known as "a state within a state" is in danger of being drained. In Washington, DC, an elite group of career government bureaucrats bands together to issue the squeal of a lifetime.
The sabotage of Trump and his troops serves as the backdrop for the gripping story about self-serving pen pushers who put the entire country’s future on the line to defend their swamp, trough, and the deep state from Trump’s swamp-draining forces.
Despite inconclusive evidence and ignoring the possible ramifications, the deep state orders the attack…
Each February, film fans around the world turn their attention to the Academy Awards called "The Oscars." But this year is different. "The movies" we so love and cherish have given way to astonishing performances right here on our streets – free of charge! We’ve saturated ourselves with popcorn while watching entertaining "snowflake" routines since Election Day, and it only gets better.
Buy movie tickets? Why! We’ve got free entertainment! We’ve watched more liberal meltdowns on YouTube than movies. We get excited and well… forget the cinema! I’m staying home to watch the liberals!
Comrade Psychiatrist is unhappy with Mr. Trump’s "delusional reformism."
American progressives have been enamored with many Soviet ideas in their time, trying to transplant them to the U.S. – from government diktat and central planning to academic indoctrination and propaganda through entertainment. And while the Soviet Union has gone the way of the dodo, its glorious socialist legacy is still up for the picking.
One of these unparalleled Soviet achievements is the use of psychiatry to silence dissent and delegitimize political opposition…
The word “haters” is a very loaded term, and a nonsensical one to boot. The left-wing Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC), for example, claims to be the ultimate arbiter of “hate,” “haters,” “hate groups,” and “hate crimes.” This 501(c)(3) nonprofit collects handsome sums of money under the pretext of keeping what they call a hatewatch. At the end of 2016 their endowment stood at $302.8 million. That means they have a direct financial interest in painting a picture of a widespread organized hatred in the United States, which “proves” their importance and scares the donors into parting with even more of their money.
With all the Days of Resistance and Days Without Some Victim Group we’ve had lately, and will continue to have for the next four years—or until He Who Shall Not Be Named Because That Only Legitimizes and Worse, Humanizes Him—is impeached—it’s clear we need to set aside another Day, this one to demand paid leave for protesting. We shall call it the People’s Paid Protest Leave, or PPPL™ for short.
Because this is about People. People who care. People who are fighting fascism. People who want only to take back the democracy that last November 8th was ripped from us as if we were raped—which, in a sense, we were.
Is it just me, or do you also wonder how liberals can possibly function, let alone win elections? This lump in their heads, they refer to it as a mind, is made of absurdities, inconsistencies and contradictions. How is possible to hold so many mutually exclusive beliefs?
The fact is, there’s a method to their insanity and sane people will keep losing to the insane unless they understand what that method is.
Let’s take love and hate. Scientists have discovered that both love and hate originate in the same nervous circuits in the brain.
I’m not sure if this has been picked up in America but our UK press are reporting that President Trump was "bashing" the BBC.
‘Here’s another beauty’: Donald Trump bashes the BBC again in heated back-and-forth with ‘impartial free and fair’ reporter Jon Sopel during bizarre White House press conference
– President said ‘Here’s another beauty’ after asking Jon Sopel where he was from – North America editor replied ‘It’s a good line’, adding: ‘Impartial, free and fair’
Our correspondent in Belgium, Comrade Minitrue, has sent us a transmission about the growing prominence of the People’s Cube in the European Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (EUSSR) and its glorious capital, Brussels.
In an article describing the ongoing ruthless purge of all right-wing sources and personalities from Wikipedia, a Dutch-language Belgian newspaper, Sceptr [Scepter], describes us as a "right-wing satirical website." (How far to the left must the comrades in Brussels have gone in order to see our truly Stalinist Party organ as "right-wing"?)
The ever-vigilant Komrad Silverman has done THE PEOPLE a great favor by korrektly identifying markings, disregarded by most wrong-thinking people, as simple utility worker symbols.
They are, in fact, secret and subversive codes of hatred, used by a world-wide conspiracy of fascists, known as the The Utility Workers’ Army, whose hidden agenda is Orange Supremacy.
Thanks to the eagle eye of Sarah Silverman, the secret signs of the Trump Nazi Illuminati have been exposed.
Orange is the new white.
Valentine Day in People’s Cube history
Dating a dictator can be a scary and dangerous endeavor. But it also offers an opportunity to meet the authoritarian oppressor of your dreams, provided that the proper precautions are taken. Whether you are a young starry-eyed Utopian or have been around the eastern bloc for a while, everyone can benefit from these tips and guidelines for safe dictator-dating procedures.
Nordstrom stores – among others – recently stopped carrying Ivanka Trump’s wares. They claim that this decision is not at all politically motivated, but strictly a result of lagging sales. Nordstrom swears their Ivanka Trump dump has nothing to do with a boycott campaign waged by a random marketing consultant, under the hashtag #GrabYourWallet.
The timing that Ivanka’s sales lagged around the same time her father became close to winning the election, which is also when the boycott campaign ramped up, but not a moment before, is purely coincidental.
Armed with a baseball bat and wearing a fashionable rioting unisex ensemble, Flat Antifa is looking for some fascism to smash.
Fascism is anything that Flat Antifa doesn’t understand. It needs to be smashed. Fascists are those who refuse to conform to Flat Antifa’s non-conformism. They need to be smashed.
Flat Antifa obtained these views in his/her extremely expensive school, and is prepared to swing his/her bat at anyone whom Flat Antifa’s extremely progressive professor defines as extremist.
Included on the list of things to smash are gender fascism, sexist fascism, racist fascism, homo-fascism, hetero-fascism, bi-fascism, trans-fascism, adult fascism, and parental fascism.
Help Flat Antifa find more fascism to smash.
Hooters announced today that they are preparing to hire 10,000 Muslim refugee women in a show of support to the immigrant community and in a display of solidarity with other American companies that have offered similar support.
Hooters joins the list of companies such as Starbucks, which has also offered to hire 10,000 refugees instead of veterans or unemployed Americans, as well as AirBNB, which has offered to house these immigrants.
Vladimir Putin deflated footballs used by the New England Patriots – it was revealed today by CNN.
This is the only way that they could have won the Superbowl.
It has been determined that he did it to make Trump’s team victorious. Women and minorities have been hardest hit by this latest defeat.
You may have seen the recent fake news that the Statue of Liberty was originally meant to be a womyn of the Religion of Peace:
ISLAMIC LADY LIBERTY: CBS CLAIMS STATUE OF LIBERTY WAS ORIGINALLY A MUSLIM WOMAN, ACCORDING TO "RESEARCHERS"
No word on whether her clitoris had been removed. All of which is Well and Good. But it only scratches the surface.
Outspoken comedian Sarah Silverman thinks that Trump voters are racist, she said yesterday while wearing blackface makeup to emphasize her point.
Later, after working herself up into some kind of frenzy, Silverman appeared to call for a military coup in a tweet, while protests against Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos turned violent after Soros’ and the DNC’s minions attacked people with shovels and clubs while burning things and breaking windows.
‘WAKE UP & JOIN THE RESISTANCE. ONCE THE MILITARY IS W US FASCISTS GET OVERTHROWN. MAD KING & HIS HANDLERS GO BYE BYE,’ Silverman wrote.
Later she added: ‘We’re all gonna die…
"The carnage perpetrated in the academic torture-chambers of the mind leave students with the following sediment in their brains: existence is a jungle, fear is man’s permanent state, skepticism is the mark of maturity, cynicism is the mark of realism and, above all, the hallmark of an intellectual is the denial of the intellect. These ‘activists’ are so literally the products of modern philosophy that someone should cry to all the university administrations and faculties: ‘Brothers, you asked for it!’"
– Ayn Rand, 1965
Famous Tweets in chronological order:
– Moses – Jews for Social Justice & Against Moses – Pharaoh Seti of Egypt – King Xerxes of Persia – King Leonidas of Sparta – Thomas Jefferson – King George III – Abraham Lincoln – Franz Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary – Lee Harvey Oswald – Jimmy Carter
And more…
Beyonce has announced today that she is pregnant with two Donald Trump’s babies at once, with experts predicting that this may inadvertently set the tone for the entire Black History Month, which has just begun.
The 35-year-old singer was disappointed that her previous pregnancy photo on Instagram only gathered 6,831,636 likes, 17,000 tweets, and some anemic media coverage at such lame old news organizations as The New York Times, LA Times, US Weekly, Chicago Tribune, and similar media holdouts, with not a single picture or a word about her in places where it really counts – Breitbart, Fox News…
So that the Safe Space Cadets will not be unequal in their kultural wealth, I have created a new, politically-korrekt version of the (in)famous Gadsden Flag (*ptooey*). It will be raised every time there is a call to "arms" (for hugging).
I haven’t quite figured out yet what this flag should be called. The Thinskin Flag? The Hasbeen Flag? This humble Kommisar welcomes the contributions of the most equal masses for the christening dedication of this new…
Reciprocating Trump’s #MuslimBan, the CEO of Starbucks has vowed to start a campaign of discrimination against US citizens by hiring 10,000 Muslim refugees instead of the usual local applicants as baristas.
This, in turn, was immediately reciprocated by a call to #BoycottStarbucks by Trump supporters, who claim that Starbucks is an overhyped watering hole for pompous white Subaru-driving liberals in yoga pants. That is an outrageously divisive statement because it excludes unicyclists and Prius drivers, whose vehicles are equipped with three turn signals: a left turn signal, a right turn signal, and a supersized virtue signal.
There is a chart circulating the internet, showing the numbers of American citizens killed by Middle Easterners since 1975. The purpose of this chart is to persuade us that President Trump is banning people from the wrong countries.
Citizenship from these countries does not equal Muslim. But a travel ban of these countries’ citizens is a ban of all Muslims. We know that no Muslim would kill an American, because Islam is the Religion of Peace. According to this chart, Saudi Arabians are more dangerous than citizens of Iraq, Iran, Syria, Libya, Somalia, Sudan and Yemen. But we don’t really want Saudi Arabians to be banned, because it is a Muslim-majority…
After the tragic loss of life in the Quebec mosque shooting of January the 29th, it warms our hearts to witness the correct response we expect in such situations.
Major news outlets were quick to point out that the current prime suspect, a certain Mr. Buissonette, had serious mental issues and work-related traumas that may have caused him to act irrationally. To stress the "lone wolf" character of this attack, no links were made with other anti-Muslim actions or protests in the past that have no proven connection to this incident. To avoid stigmatising any demographic, prime minister Trudeau did not immediately describe this "event" as terrorism.
Calling out around the world, are you ready for a brand new protest? Trump is here and the time is right for protesting in the street!
Sister comrades, this is a call to arms (as long as they’re covered) to demand freedom and equal rights, to stand up to the illegitimate Trump/Hitler regime, to keep the rights to your body, and to fight against cultural imperialism – by wearing your instrument of resistance – the hijab!
Enclosed in your hijab, you can, in the name of women’s rights, proudly stand up and be a warrior against Trump’s War on Women. Join millions of like-minded women in smashing the patriarchy, achieving freedom from male domination and oppression, fighting for gender-justice, and checking (based on skin tone) your white privilege. It’s simple common sense: the Muslim veil is the only way to find true women’s liberation and equality.
Speaking to Harper’s Bazaar, Madonna described focusing on Trump’s image on the TV screen while casting magic spells as her agent and friend recited verses from the Quran.
"We were doing everything: lighting candles, meditating, praying, offering our lives to God, Allah, Satan, whomever – as long as they would shrink Trump into a hideous little monster and he would lose to Hillary," said Madonna.
In the end, her mystical witchcraft backfired. Trump defeated Clinton, and Madonna became a hideous little monster instead. Months later the transmogrified celebrity is still struggling to accept what has happened: "It’s like suddenly losing all my money and power, and also being stuck in a nightmare, but I repeat myself."
This feels like a pilot for an absurdist comedy, or at least a TV skit. Arrested Development comes to mind. The best part is Shia pleading "Be nice, people" and then screaming "f*king Nazis" at the top of his lungs to the people offscreen.
Turns out, they are the police and they soon take him away in handcuffs. He is quite docile at first, but as he is being led offscreen, he gets back into character and starts screaming "f*king Nazis" again.
If Shia sells the rights to this episode, that should probably cover the medical bill from the upcoming month in the rehab.?
It’s only Trump’s second full day on the job, and already he has drawn international criticism: in an executive order signed today, the new president has enrolled all members of ISIS into Obamacare, effective immediately.
Defending his decision, President Trump told reporters, "Look, I know it’s controversial, blah, blah, blah. But to me it’s genius. I’m gonna make ISIS go on Obamacare, and I’m going to make them pay for it. It’s what I campaigned on, and I’m gonna make it happen in the first 100 days."
In the U.S. Senate, Chuck Schumer rushed to a microphone. "We’re better than this…
Lets blow up the patriarchal government and replace it with a governwomynt!
Attending a Trumphitler protest?
That Guy Fawkes mask is "old hat!" (and a symbol of patriarchal oppression). Don’t be laughed at! Show your comrades just how revolutionary and equal you can be by wearing the latest thing in Protest-wear!
Madonna is more revolutionary, more nasty, more disease-ridden than that old… tired… BORING!, Guy Fawkes poseur!
But just like Guy Fawkes, she too wants to blow up the seat of government!!! Isn’t that cool?!!!
Available now at your local Protest Supplies store. Made in Pakistan. Ask about the special limited-edition with bonus vial of Madonna’s actual menstrual blood.
Iranian actress Taraneh Alidoosti has recently vowed to boycott the Academy Awards ceremony as a protest of Illegitimate President Donald Trump’s illegitimate proposal to illegitimately suspend visas for citizens of some African and Middle Eastern nations.
Alidoosti, who appears in the Oscar-nominated The Salesman, points out that foreign travelers to the United States have a right to come and go as they please without the illegitimate interference of the U.S. government. Her announcement has larger implications: we would be deprived of self-righteous tirades delivered with impeccable style by our betters.
Lawyers for Hillary Clinton today announced that they are initiating legal action against Satan for breach of contract.
They are demanding that he return the soul of Hillary Clinton who was promised the highest office in the land for her soul.
Satan’s representative, George Soros, declared that the promise was made in New York City and that she will have to settle for mayor.
Following yesterday’s Inauguration, half a million American women put on their pink "pussyhats" and marched on Washington, D.C., leaving an estimated 2.5 million starving, meowing cats in their homes completely unattended and deprived of their scheduled mandatory hugs and prolonged belly rubs.
Organized by Planned Parenthood, Council for American-Islamic Relations, the Communist Party, and other progressive movements, American women came to Donald Trump’s doorstep to express their anger, fury, indignation, and outrage over the fact that they can’t name a single right that men have and women don’t.
New lyrics – updated and improved:
That’s great it starts like an earthquake cargo snakes on aeroplane And Tammy Bruce is not afraid eye of a hurricane listen to the Dems churn World serves it’s own needs dummies serve your own needs Feeding off of faux speak grunts no strength The latter starts to clatter with fear fright down whites Why’re they on fire representing people’s gains In a government for hire and a left wing site Leftists west and dying in a hurry with the people breathing down your neck…
A Trump-hating protester set himself on fire last night outside the Trump International Hotel a few blocks from the White House in Washington, D.C. but failed to kill himself, according to reports.
The as yet unidentified 45-year-old Californian used an unidentified accelerant and a lighter in an unsuccessful attempt to flambe himself for social justice.
It was unclear if the man was insane or simply a very dedicated demonstrator. Given his disinclination to fully combust he is unlikely to have been an Eagle Scout.
A letter to all entertainers performing at Trump’s inauguration: We are the party of love. We’ve told you that over and over again, but you just don’t seem to get it, so we have no other choice but to send you this anonymous death threat. How DARE you reject our love? You JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!!!! You forced our hand and now we must teach you that if you don’t do what we say, that means you don’t love us. And you’re supposed to love us. We are beautiful. We are kind. We are tolerant and inclusive and if you don’t agree with us, you must be silenced! We want to give ourselves to you, body and soul, BUT YOU JUST WON’T SEE IT AND GO OFF WHORING AFTER THAT BITCH!!!!!!
With just over 48 hours left of the Obama Administration, this is your last chance to remember if there is anything you might have done for which you need a pardon.
I’ll go first: My transgression and my cat’s transgression:
Years ago, Dear Leader’s glorious face graced the cover of the magazine Fast Company. I failed to frame it and put it on the wall so I could bow as I walked by. I left it on the couch… and my racist reichwing rethugiKKKan cat got sick all over the picture. Naturally, I mandated the cat to take eight weeks of diversity and sensitivity training…
President Obama awarded himself the prestigious, ‘Distinguished Public Service Medal’ on Wednesday, January 4th, 2017.
During his teary-eyed presentation speech, he referred to himself some 97 times while gloriously expounding on his many accomplishments, performances and outstanding golf games.
Through tears of joy during the acceptance speech, he referred to himself another 163 times expounding upon his many successes and how smart he is.
We breathlessly await more medals of this type to be awarded to Barack Obama.
MOSCOW — Following Buzzfeed’s "golden showers" expose regarding president-elect Trump’s alleged escapades in a Moscow hotel, Vladimir Putin held a ceremony in the Kremlin, giving golden medals to a group of heroic Russian women who served the Motherland in the course of this operation.
"Trump has been organizing beauty pageants, hanging out with beautiful women who had gone through medical examination. Why would he leave them for unvetted females with a lowered sense of social responsibility?" he said. "Unless they are highly trained and thoroughly examined operatives with a heightened sense of social responsibility and patriotism, like this group here."
Don’t miss this post-election fire sale as the Clinton Foundation closes its doors and lays off its non-unionized employees. Everything & everyone must go! br /> – All starving Third-World children are half off, barely used. – Deep discounts on African and Middle Eastern dictators. – Speaking fees now only $20,000. – No refunds on pre-election deposits. – Government influence all sold out. – Uranium deals by appointment only. – Now available in all totalitarian states.
A behind the scenes look at how Pee-Gate really happened.
We have long known that right-wing people are better looking, smarter, happier, and even have a better sex life without demanding that the government pays for their contraceptives.
No one knew how to effectively argue that fact, deny it, rationalize it, or turn it into an asset – until now. A groundbreaking scientific research has finally answered the most puzzling question of the Universe: Why would anyone in their right mind ever vote for a right-winger?
As a side effect, scientists also explained that people’s right-wing politics stem from their beauty, talent, ability, strength, and well-being, which also signals…
I raise a tin cup of glorious beet vodka (with a splash of tractor fuel) to the imaginary hookers.
Once again the mainstream media is trickling out details, one drip at a time…But I’m puzzled. People PAY to get their beds wet? I know some folks with pure talent.
This just in: The search for prostitutes who peed on Obama’s bed has been narrowed down to one suspect…
The People’s Cube entry has just been purged from Wikipedia. Congratulations, comrades. We are now officially a non-site populated by non-persons sharing non-thoughts and making non-jokes. It makes me feel right at home, back in the Soviet Union, where an invisible hand obstructed any of my efforts to manifest my existence. How liberating. No visibility means no responsibility. Out of sight, out of mind.
As a linguistic experiment, scientists once had "out of sight, out of mind" translated into Russian and then back into English. The phrase returned as "invisible lunatics." That’s who we are now. No need to think now, non-people. The Wiki-progs have turned us into invisible lunatics.
Announcing Volume 1 Number 1 of TRUMPIAN HORRORS – the new, hip, retro-pulp fiction magazine for Cis Males, Cis Men, Trans Males, …and Androgynes …who are feeling a little bit on the butch side today.
Each month (or whenever we get around to it — publishing schedules are racist), TRUMPIAN HORRORS will bring you gripping fictionalized accounts (but NOT FAKE NEWS!) of the latest sickening atrocities inflicted upon the the U.S., the world, the Universe, and beyond by The Evil TrumpHitler.
Headline story (and Trigger Warning!) in our premier issue: I WAS FORCED TO SING AT TRUMPS INAUGURATION, the true story of a poor, but talented, single-mother, 1/16th Native American, trans-questioning, Chicago civil servant whom The TrumpHitler implacably forced to compromise her sterling liberal values to croon for The TrumpHitler’s drooling delight while suffering the humiliation of the leering eyes of TrumpHitler’s Deplorables Squads (with assistance by Russian hackers).
Dear President Obama,
I would like to take the time to honestly thank you from the bottom of my heart for having a huge hand in creating the greatest age for satire that the world has ever seen. But aside from that, there is so much more to be thankful for.
I believe that I also speak for countless college-educated people when I say that during the dusk of your presidency we should take the time to list some of the amazing things you have done and to reflect upon them.
When we first saw this headline, we thought it was yet another satirical spoof about Snopes, similar to our own previous exploits: Snopes Co-Founder Embezzles $98,000, Drops Weight, Leaves Fat Wife And Marries Actual Whore
Turns out, this is a true story, fully backed by Daily Mail. But first, let’s step back a little. We’ve had a few spates with Snopes in the past. It was all fun and games when Snopes co-founder David Mikkelson first debunked our story about Rosie O’Donnell getting a tramp stamp with ISIS flag to support Islamic ‘freedom fighters’…
On Wednesday, President Obama added another prestigious medal to his Nobel Prize collection when he had Defense Secretary Ash Carter award him the Department of Defense Medal for Distinguished Public Service.
??If ?this caught you by surprise, you’re not alone. Most Americans had no idea that the Pentagon ?had such an ?award??.? Additionally, you may not be aware that several countries are ?also expected to ?invite? president ?Obama ?to medal ceremonies in appreciation of his many stellar contributions.
25 years ago George Bush Sr. was still in office, and so was Saddam Hussein. The European Union didn’t exist and neither did China’s economic powerhouse. The Berlin wall had just come down and Germany had finally reunited. Hillary Clinton was a little-known mouthy First Lady of Arkansas and the media gleefully predicted that Donald Trump would never climb back to the top after his Atlantic City fiasco.
On the other side of the Iron Curtain, the Eastern bloc was in shambles, but the USSR was still standing with Mikhail Gorbachev at the helm. The KGB meddled in other countries’ affairs as usual, spreading "fake news" and helping leftist politicians with no objections from the Western media…
The Wikipedia page about the People’s Cube may be purged in a few days and we’ll become a non-site unless we take action.
There is an ongoing Wikipedia discussion / show trial, in which you can vote for or against deleting the People’s Cube for being "unworthy" to grace the pages of Wikipedia. You can add your two kopeks to the discussion here:
Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/The People’s Cube
First the reason for deletion was "confrontational language." Then it was phony "copyright issues." Now they question our "noteworthiness." This is plain harassment and trolling.
In this New Year edition of No News – Good News we are happy to inform our readers that the following things did not occur this year:
– FBI: Santa disclosed naughty list on WikiLeaks, "Helped Trump win election"; Obama expels Rudolph, Prancer, Vixen, and 35 elves in retaliation – California builds wall to keep out Trump supporters – Bernie supporters stunned there is no socialist Santa Claus, vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies, milk – Washington Post sues Internet for infringing on "fake news" business – Controversy in the lab: white mold excludes black mold; Harvard biologist blames "Petri dish cultures of hate" – Scientific News: Long after 1961 burial physicists uncertain Schrodinger is dead – Sexed-up Mother Russia becomes Milf Russia; Motherland renamed into Milfland on Putin’s orders…
By popular demand, we have made two versions of this design – cute and rebellious – pick whichever feels more "deplorable" to you.
336,402
Source Article
The post POLITICAL HUMOR & SATIRE appeared first on CHEAP IBIZA HOLIDAY.
Visit to Learn More: http://www.cheapibizaholiday.com/political-humor-satire/
0 notes
qingrenjie-liwu · 7 years
Text
POLITICAL HUMOR & SATIRE
Many years ago Nancy Pelosi bravely said, "We have to pass the bill to know what’s in it." But even after it was passed, no one has ever read the Affordable Care Act in its entirety; it is so large that it has its own gravitational field.
In a dramatic stroke of brilliance and keen journalistic instinct, or perhaps outright laziness, we decided to start from the back. Here’s what we found.
Hospital stays exceeding two days require patient-provided bedpans and light bulbs.Co-pays are now tracked by as a Wall Street investment index.Half off Abortion-Tuesdays at Family Dollar stores everywhere.The term “deductibles” is omitted from the medical lexicon in favor of “insurer’s fair share.”Malpractice lawsuits shall be known as “pulling the ‘ol Okey-Dokey.”A 20% tip automatically added to prescription drug purchases.School lunch programs shall include Soylent Green Fridays.
As a member of the white male hetero Christian class my peoples have been ruling the world far to long. It is only fitting that I and my ilk get a taste of our own medicine and accept our demotion in exchange for the promotion of the victim class. The only thing my peoples can do to alleviate our deserved pains is to sacrifice our place willingly and eagerly. We shall vocally praise the oppressed, admit our sins and accept our lashings. When we are ordered to leave our campuses because of our whiteness we shall do so with a smile. When we are reminded of our privilege we shall accept it with a tear. Equality before the law is not the goal. Lady Justice is not blind, comrade. Her eyes are open and her scales are now tipped accordingly. That is the "Democratic Ideal" for which we now must live.
Early this morning President Trump challenged the nation to discover the true meaning of "covfefe."
We accepted the challenge and we’re pretty sure we have figured it out.
Just some pictures and headlines:
– Kathy Griffin mistakenly beheads Alec Baldwin in Trump costume; nobody cares.
– Islamic State disavows Kathy Griffin, pleads with her to "chill the f@#& out"
– ISIS Condemns Kathy Griffin For Cultural Appropriation
etc.
An academic study from researchers at Brunel University London assessed 171 men, looking at their height, weight, overall physical strength and bicep circumference, along with their views on redistribution of wealth and income inequality. The study, published in the Evolution and Human Behavior journal, ​found that weaker men were more likely to favor socialist policies than stronger men.
Back when I lived in New York I went shopping for a modern-looking microfiber jacket suitable for cool weather. I visited a dozen boutique stores in Manhattan, trying on a variety of nice-looking jackets. None of them fit me in the chest. Even if I was able to zip them up over my chest, I couldn’t move my arms…
A recently found 1,200-year-old fossil is giving anthropologists new insights into a warrior-like, bipedal masculine human specimen they have identified as Testiculus Englishmanus, a mysterious ancestor of modern-day British men.
The remains were discovered in Wessex, at the site of the historic Battle of Edington (present-day Wiltshire), where in May, 878 AD, patriotic Anglo-Saxons defeated "The Heathen Army" of the Viking invaders, leading to the eventual liberation and unification of England.
The 6 foot-long fossil reveals that the extinct early man of England possessed two large working testicles, which shatters all modern theories about the origins of today’s residents of the British Isles.
The world’s best known dealmaker-turned-president showed that when it comes to real estate, nobody out-negotiates the Trumpster.
The president met briefly with Pope Francis, whom Trump described as a "…very, very nice man. Very hospitable," before agreeing on a price for the Vatican.
Subjects discussed by the two leaders included the environment, world peace, religious tolerance, and property values.
"After a little going back and forth, I finally asked His Holiness what he wanted for the Vatican. He made an offer, but you know how deals are, he started low and I started high," Trump told the accredited media shortly afterwards.
Do you hate Donald Trump?
Is your lifelong dream to destroy his presidency? Do you live for nothing else these days?
Are you looking for a flexible job that requires little effort while allowing you to be as outrageous as you want? Do you enjoy throwing stuff at the wall and watching it slide down to the floor leaving a trail of slime?
Then mainstream media outlets, especially the New York Times and Washington Post, would like to offer you a position as an ANONYMOUS SOURCE!
Harvard University has written a new dress code that defines ties, a traditional male dress accessory, as a symbol of oppression, chauvinism, and hate speech. The decision came after a women’s rights group petitioned the school board to ban neckties, claiming that students have been triggered by seeing such a “flamboyant and offensive” micro-aggression carried around even by their own professors.
Immediately after the board’s decision, a mass email was sent to all students and faculty of the new dress code, stating that if the new policy was disobeyed it could bring about “serious consequences” including expulsion.
Komrades, I made this little vid where Ragnar Lothbrok gets a glimpse of his people’s nightmarish future that is 21st century Sweden.
It has no major spoilers from the show "Vikings".
French PM candidate Emmanuel Macron has proposed a new initiative, the "Fair Redistribution of Terror in Europe Program," that he hopes will revive his faltering campaign days before France’s voters go the polls.
"It is unfair that France and other enlightened nations that open their borders to Muslim refugees, must suffer the most from Islamic terrorism," Macron said at a campaign rally on Monday. "As a fair-minded person, I am saddened and outraged that less enlightened nations, especially Poland, who close their borders to Muslim migrants, get to enjoy terror-free existence…
For thousands of years, since the end of the Ice Age, international workers gathered in their caves on May Day to organize, protest, and represent. They sat around bonfires chanting Party-approved slogans and denouncing U.S. imperialism.
Every year the changing Current Truth called for different slogans, which were promptly provided to the masses by this glorious Party Organ. And this year is no different. See the most current, updated, and expanded list of slogans for May Day 2017.
– Make America small again!
A sad day today. The People’s Climate Marches in both Denver and Colorado Springs today had to be cancelled because of snow.
I demand a Congressional investigation. Surely Trump has colluded with the Russians to hack our weather in order to make those of us on the side of Truth, Justice and The Socialist Way look bad.
And to think the Russians used to be our friends…
Winter Blast Putting Climate Protests On Ice In Colorado…
Fearless Girl has gotten a little cocky since she stood up to the Wall Street bull – that symbol of financial optimism and prosperity. So brash in fact that she’s graduated from turning this bull into a steer and now takes her intimidation on the road.
Her search for other icons that she can threaten with her icy stare and bravado is taking her on a world-wide excursion. We’ve captured the best moments in this photo essay as FG traveled the globe.
As the world community senses the looming destruction of our planet by Trump’s imperial knowledge-rejecting regime, scientists all over the globe stand up and say No pasaran!
On April 22, and the battlecry of Earth Day resounding through the canyons of our metropoles, Science will march in the front row!
Physicists – Relentlessly Smash Inequality of Atoms!
Chemists – Boldly create New Matter out of Equalized Atoms!
Mathematicians – Progressive Gender-Awareness NOW!
Climatists – Seize the Rudder in the Glorious March of Science!
MIT Press is out with a new book that teaches children the tenets of Karl Marx with fairy tales.
The little girl’s armpit hair is especially disturbing. I understand it must be a nod to feminism, and far be it from me to dictate rules of body hygiene to any women and their consenting partners.
The reason it’s disturbing is because little girls don’t have armpit hair.
So the book’s authors either have never had children themselves and forgot their own childhood, or they are perverts who fantasize about a world where little girls have armpit hair or where adult women with armpit hair look, dress, and behave like little girls and break things they don’t or won’t understand.
In 1988 we told the world that "We only have ten years left to save the planet."
In 1989, our wonderful comrades at the United [in Marxism] Nations decreed the same thing.
Then during the 2000 election season our Holy Prophet Who Has Never Been Wrong, Al Gorski (Muslim name: al-goreeza) issued a fatwa that we only had ten years left to save the planet.
Nobody listened. George Bush [spit, spit] won stole the election and the planet’s environmental destruction continued.
So, in 2006, prophet al-goreeza issued another fatwa…
Life is complicated these days, and there’s just so much outrage to absorb your time. You may be like many Americans, and just not sure what you should be outraged about and which side to pick.
But wait no longer! Simply download the free People’s Current Truth App™ and you’ll be officially in the know. Whether it’s Cecil, Harambe, Bush, or Trump, you’ll receive timely updates with clear instructions on…
What to be angry about! When to feel triggered! Which side to choose! When to choose the other side! How to vent your righteous anger! Where to go for t-shirts and matching placards! Soros funding locator! Progressive social media protest calendaring function!
United Airlines will not be beat, even if you take their seat.
Previously, airlines were required to pay passengers four times their ticket price if they were more than 4 hours late, but United now has a deal beater.
If they need a passenger’s seat, they will simply beat them and drag them from the plane.
This way, they keep costs low for the little people, while kicking the teeth in of uppity, fancy doctors.
Tears of Social Justice Warriors IVANKA TRUMP BUSINESS SAVVY Entrepreneurial skills showcased
Now that Ivanka Trump’s perfume has seen a sales explosion due to, of all things, retail outlets removing the brand from their shelves, Ms Trump has been looking to further incorporate irritated liberals in her business strategy.
Retailers did not consider the fact that the vast majority of liberal women don’t enjoy smelling pleasant, so any move related to perfume inventory would go unnoticed by this demographic…
Every year on April First, internationally known as The Current Truth Day, all progressive humanity celebrates the People’s Cube’s glorious anniversary. Twelve years ago today, on April 1, 2005, this Party Organ was launched out of an undisclosed bunker and swiftly rose over the horizon like the red hexahedron-shaped sun of the revolution, bringing the light of Party-approved thought straight out of the Motherland to the toiling masses of the darkened, non-socialist parts of planet Earth.
Comrade hippies at the HealiUm Art Center in Atlanta, GA, have come up with a creative plan to heal our divided nation. Mocking Donald Trump’s book title, The Art of the Deal, they named their project The Art of The Heal, calling everyone who self-identifies as being an artist to create over 100,000 pieces of art to send to the White House by July 4th, 2017: "Gift the collective art to the President with a request to display the gifted art pieces in the White House for public viewing."
San Francisco, CA — 81 year old Cynthia Cunningham was hospitalized during the early morning hours today after she was found barely conscious in Target department store women’s restroom. The elderly woman fell into a toilet becoming lodged in the public commode when the seat that Cunningham attempted to use was left up.
According to the victim’s family, Cunningham went missing last night after she went into town to buy her grandson a birthday card and a video game. The frail customer with poor eyesight and a weak bladder was recorded on security cameras rushing into the restroom a half-hour before the store closed only to not emerge until EMTs carried her out…
Step right up!
Get your London Edition of Terror Response Bingo here!
To play, keep the card by your computer as you read the news and social media reaction to the attack.
When you see something in the news or on social media that matches something on the card, check it off!
Welcome to the People’s Cube clearing house for all the latest, scandalous, fascist, and Russian outrages of the Trump administration.
What is the latest, breathless, gotta-tell-it-now scandal that defies credulity?
DID YOU KNOW that Neil Gorsuch may have taken his Bar Exam with one shoe untied? Can you believe he’s actually being considered for the Supreme Court?
DID YOU KNOW that Jim Sessions may have worn a WHITE pocket square folded with a POINTY TOP? Yeah, that’s not racist (sarcasm)! And they say Trump…
"A Day Without Sobriety" campaign gains momentum in the Motherland.
Concerned that Russians don’t consume enough alcohol in the month of March, Russia’s Orthodox Church has now made St. Patrick’s Day​ an official holiday over the country’s enormous territory.
Because the Orthodox Church’s calendar is two weeks behind the Western calendar, the celebration is being scheduled on March 30th, almost two weeks after the drinking has wrapped up in the rest of the world. This means that Russia’s 143 million-strong population will be carousing on the 17th when everyone else does it, and then on the 30th…
In joining the fun of a "Day Without" campaign I am starting a new "Day Without" campaign called "A Day Without a Day Without" campaign.
I know it is hard to imagine living a day without being reminded of the sensitivities and abuses faced by our perpetually aggrieved brethren but I am in desperate need of "A Day Without Guilt."
After my "A Day Without A Day Without" campaign I am proposing some additional "Day Without" campaigns to fill our annual calendars. Please help me complete our 365 day schedule.
Dear oppressed women and non-women who identify as females!
On this wonderful spring holiday the Party takes a day off from the usual revolutionary struggle in order to celebrate all the international contributions to social justice made by self-identified female-gendered persons and wishes for them to crush their oppressors anywhere they can find them – and get even!
Remember: 50% of the world’s population has 100% of the Y-chromosomes and 91% of the testosterone. #SMASH FASCIST TESTICLES!
We will never have a truly equal society until we can eliminate Penis Envy by eliminating the penis. #All GENITALS BELONG TO THE STATE!
To go along with Disney’s re-envisioning of Beauty and the Beast, and their new show Princes, they’ve also released a new children’s cartoon – perfect for the kids to watch while eating their cereal during Saturday morning prime time.
A hundred years ago (April 6, 1917) America entered World War I. The prevailing media messaging of the time was captured in these war propaganda posters.
Things have changed in the last hundred years, and so has the media messaging. This raises some questions:
Who comes up with this new messaging? Who is the target? What is it aimed to accomplish? And can a nation survive this mindset if it prevails? Could any nation survive it?
Because while the messaging has changed, the world hasn’t…
If today’s New York Times editors had been in charge in 1917 (strumming harp music)…
A likely illegal publication of a private German telegram to culturally diverse Hispanic and Oriental leaders causes rage, Teutophobia among white alt-right U.S. nationalists
The questionably legal publication of a private German telegram has some alt-right conspiracy buffs attributing the worst possible motives to the German government.
The telegram, which legal experts caution may be illegal for citizens to read…
Today’s lesson: how to condescend to minorities and still score liberal points
This photo, initially posted on Reddit, has quickly become viral. An unnamed teacher in Massachusetts, believing that her students were as shocked by Trump’s election as she was, posted these equality-enforcement proclamations on the classroom wall.
It must be very reassuring for "Latino(a)" students to see a daily reminder that they are not rapists or drug dealers. The same goes for Muslim students who supposedly need to be reminded that they are not terrorists in case they forget. Black students are probably expected to feel grateful for being sheltered from certain death that lurks outside; paranoia is always good for morale.
It is the dawn of the Trump era. The deep state, also known as "a state within a state" is in danger of being drained. In Washington, DC, an elite group of career government bureaucrats bands together to issue the squeal of a lifetime.
The sabotage of Trump and his troops serves as the backdrop for the gripping story about self-serving pen pushers who put the entire country’s future on the line to defend their swamp, trough, and the deep state from Trump’s swamp-draining forces.
Despite inconclusive evidence and ignoring the possible ramifications, the deep state orders the attack…
Each February, film fans around the world turn their attention to the Academy Awards called "The Oscars." But this year is different. "The movies" we so love and cherish have given way to astonishing performances right here on our streets – free of charge! We’ve saturated ourselves with popcorn while watching entertaining "snowflake" routines since Election Day, and it only gets better.
Buy movie tickets? Why! We’ve got free entertainment! We’ve watched more liberal meltdowns on YouTube than movies. We get excited and well… forget the cinema! I’m staying home to watch the liberals!
Comrade Psychiatrist is unhappy with Mr. Trump’s "delusional reformism."
American progressives have been enamored with many Soviet ideas in their time, trying to transplant them to the U.S. – from government diktat and central planning to academic indoctrination and propaganda through entertainment. And while the Soviet Union has gone the way of the dodo, its glorious socialist legacy is still up for the picking.
One of these unparalleled Soviet achievements is the use of psychiatry to silence dissent and delegitimize political opposition…
The word “haters” is a very loaded term, and a nonsensical one to boot. The left-wing Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC), for example, claims to be the ultimate arbiter of “hate,” “haters,” “hate groups,” and “hate crimes.” This 501(c)(3) nonprofit collects handsome sums of money under the pretext of keeping what they call a hatewatch. At the end of 2016 their endowment stood at $302.8 million. That means they have a direct financial interest in painting a picture of a widespread organized hatred in the United States, which “proves” their importance and scares the donors into parting with even more of their money.
With all the Days of Resistance and Days Without Some Victim Group we’ve had lately, and will continue to have for the next four years—or until He Who Shall Not Be Named Because That Only Legitimizes and Worse, Humanizes Him—is impeached—it’s clear we need to set aside another Day, this one to demand paid leave for protesting. We shall call it the People’s Paid Protest Leave, or PPPL™ for short.
Because this is about People. People who care. People who are fighting fascism. People who want only to take back the democracy that last November 8th was ripped from us as if we were raped—which, in a sense, we were.
Is it just me, or do you also wonder how liberals can possibly function, let alone win elections? This lump in their heads, they refer to it as a mind, is made of absurdities, inconsistencies and contradictions. How is possible to hold so many mutually exclusive beliefs?
The fact is, there’s a method to their insanity and sane people will keep losing to the insane unless they understand what that method is.
Let’s take love and hate. Scientists have discovered that both love and hate originate in the same nervous circuits in the brain.
I’m not sure if this has been picked up in America but our UK press are reporting that President Trump was "bashing" the BBC.
‘Here’s another beauty’: Donald Trump bashes the BBC again in heated back-and-forth with ‘impartial free and fair’ reporter Jon Sopel during bizarre White House press conference
– President said ‘Here’s another beauty’ after asking Jon Sopel where he was from – North America editor replied ‘It’s a good line’, adding: ‘Impartial, free and fair’
Our correspondent in Belgium, Comrade Minitrue, has sent us a transmission about the growing prominence of the People’s Cube in the European Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (EUSSR) and its glorious capital, Brussels.
In an article describing the ongoing ruthless purge of all right-wing sources and personalities from Wikipedia, a Dutch-language Belgian newspaper, Sceptr [Scepter], describes us as a "right-wing satirical website." (How far to the left must the comrades in Brussels have gone in order to see our truly Stalinist Party organ as "right-wing"?)
The ever-vigilant Komrad Silverman has done THE PEOPLE a great favor by korrektly identifying markings, disregarded by most wrong-thinking people, as simple utility worker symbols.
They are, in fact, secret and subversive codes of hatred, used by a world-wide conspiracy of fascists, known as the The Utility Workers’ Army, whose hidden agenda is Orange Supremacy.
Thanks to the eagle eye of Sarah Silverman, the secret signs of the Trump Nazi Illuminati have been exposed.
Orange is the new white.
Valentine Day in People’s Cube history
Dating a dictator can be a scary and dangerous endeavor. But it also offers an opportunity to meet the authoritarian oppressor of your dreams, provided that the proper precautions are taken. Whether you are a young starry-eyed Utopian or have been around the eastern bloc for a while, everyone can benefit from these tips and guidelines for safe dictator-dating procedures.
Nordstrom stores – among others – recently stopped carrying Ivanka Trump’s wares. They claim that this decision is not at all politically motivated, but strictly a result of lagging sales. Nordstrom swears their Ivanka Trump dump has nothing to do with a boycott campaign waged by a random marketing consultant, under the hashtag #GrabYourWallet.
The timing that Ivanka’s sales lagged around the same time her father became close to winning the election, which is also when the boycott campaign ramped up, but not a moment before, is purely coincidental.
Armed with a baseball bat and wearing a fashionable rioting unisex ensemble, Flat Antifa is looking for some fascism to smash.
Fascism is anything that Flat Antifa doesn’t understand. It needs to be smashed. Fascists are those who refuse to conform to Flat Antifa’s non-conformism. They need to be smashed.
Flat Antifa obtained these views in his/her extremely expensive school, and is prepared to swing his/her bat at anyone whom Flat Antifa’s extremely progressive professor defines as extremist.
Included on the list of things to smash are gender fascism, sexist fascism, racist fascism, homo-fascism, hetero-fascism, bi-fascism, trans-fascism, adult fascism, and parental fascism.
Help Flat Antifa find more fascism to smash.
Hooters announced today that they are preparing to hire 10,000 Muslim refugee women in a show of support to the immigrant community and in a display of solidarity with other American companies that have offered similar support.
Hooters joins the list of companies such as Starbucks, which has also offered to hire 10,000 refugees instead of veterans or unemployed Americans, as well as AirBNB, which has offered to house these immigrants.
Vladimir Putin deflated footballs used by the New England Patriots – it was revealed today by CNN.
This is the only way that they could have won the Superbowl.
It has been determined that he did it to make Trump’s team victorious. Women and minorities have been hardest hit by this latest defeat.
You may have seen the recent fake news that the Statue of Liberty was originally meant to be a womyn of the Religion of Peace:
ISLAMIC LADY LIBERTY: CBS CLAIMS STATUE OF LIBERTY WAS ORIGINALLY A MUSLIM WOMAN, ACCORDING TO "RESEARCHERS"
No word on whether her clitoris had been removed. All of which is Well and Good. But it only scratches the surface.
Outspoken comedian Sarah Silverman thinks that Trump voters are racist, she said yesterday while wearing blackface makeup to emphasize her point.
Later, after working herself up into some kind of frenzy, Silverman appeared to call for a military coup in a tweet, while protests against Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos turned violent after Soros’ and the DNC’s minions attacked people with shovels and clubs while burning things and breaking windows.
‘WAKE UP & JOIN THE RESISTANCE. ONCE THE MILITARY IS W US FASCISTS GET OVERTHROWN. MAD KING & HIS HANDLERS GO BYE BYE,’ Silverman wrote.
Later she added: ‘We’re all gonna die…
"The carnage perpetrated in the academic torture-chambers of the mind leave students with the following sediment in their brains: existence is a jungle, fear is man’s permanent state, skepticism is the mark of maturity, cynicism is the mark of realism and, above all, the hallmark of an intellectual is the denial of the intellect. These ‘activists’ are so literally the products of modern philosophy that someone should cry to all the university administrations and faculties: ‘Brothers, you asked for it!’"
– Ayn Rand, 1965
Famous Tweets in chronological order:
– Moses – Jews for Social Justice & Against Moses – Pharaoh Seti of Egypt – King Xerxes of Persia – King Leonidas of Sparta – Thomas Jefferson – King George III – Abraham Lincoln – Franz Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary – Lee Harvey Oswald – Jimmy Carter
And more…
Beyonce has announced today that she is pregnant with two Donald Trump’s babies at once, with experts predicting that this may inadvertently set the tone for the entire Black History Month, which has just begun.
The 35-year-old singer was disappointed that her previous pregnancy photo on Instagram only gathered 6,831,636 likes, 17,000 tweets, and some anemic media coverage at such lame old news organizations as The New York Times, LA Times, US Weekly, Chicago Tribune, and similar media holdouts, with not a single picture or a word about her in places where it really counts – Breitbart, Fox News…
So that the Safe Space Cadets will not be unequal in their kultural wealth, I have created a new, politically-korrekt version of the (in)famous Gadsden Flag (*ptooey*). It will be raised every time there is a call to "arms" (for hugging).
I haven’t quite figured out yet what this flag should be called. The Thinskin Flag? The Hasbeen Flag? This humble Kommisar welcomes the contributions of the most equal masses for the christening dedication of this new…
Reciprocating Trump’s #MuslimBan, the CEO of Starbucks has vowed to start a campaign of discrimination against US citizens by hiring 10,000 Muslim refugees instead of the usual local applicants as baristas.
This, in turn, was immediately reciprocated by a call to #BoycottStarbucks by Trump supporters, who claim that Starbucks is an overhyped watering hole for pompous white Subaru-driving liberals in yoga pants. That is an outrageously divisive statement because it excludes unicyclists and Prius drivers, whose vehicles are equipped with three turn signals: a left turn signal, a right turn signal, and a supersized virtue signal.
There is a chart circulating the internet, showing the numbers of American citizens killed by Middle Easterners since 1975. The purpose of this chart is to persuade us that President Trump is banning people from the wrong countries.
Citizenship from these countries does not equal Muslim. But a travel ban of these countries’ citizens is a ban of all Muslims. We know that no Muslim would kill an American, because Islam is the Religion of Peace. According to this chart, Saudi Arabians are more dangerous than citizens of Iraq, Iran, Syria, Libya, Somalia, Sudan and Yemen. But we don’t really want Saudi Arabians to be banned, because it is a Muslim-majority…
After the tragic loss of life in the Quebec mosque shooting of January the 29th, it warms our hearts to witness the correct response we expect in such situations.
Major news outlets were quick to point out that the current prime suspect, a certain Mr. Buissonette, had serious mental issues and work-related traumas that may have caused him to act irrationally. To stress the "lone wolf" character of this attack, no links were made with other anti-Muslim actions or protests in the past that have no proven connection to this incident. To avoid stigmatising any demographic, prime minister Trudeau did not immediately describe this "event" as terrorism.
Calling out around the world, are you ready for a brand new protest? Trump is here and the time is right for protesting in the street!
Sister comrades, this is a call to arms (as long as they’re covered) to demand freedom and equal rights, to stand up to the illegitimate Trump/Hitler regime, to keep the rights to your body, and to fight against cultural imperialism – by wearing your instrument of resistance – the hijab!
Enclosed in your hijab, you can, in the name of women’s rights, proudly stand up and be a warrior against Trump’s War on Women. Join millions of like-minded women in smashing the patriarchy, achieving freedom from male domination and oppression, fighting for gender-justice, and checking (based on skin tone) your white privilege. It’s simple common sense: the Muslim veil is the only way to find true women’s liberation and equality.
Speaking to Harper’s Bazaar, Madonna described focusing on Trump’s image on the TV screen while casting magic spells as her agent and friend recited verses from the Quran.
"We were doing everything: lighting candles, meditating, praying, offering our lives to God, Allah, Satan, whomever – as long as they would shrink Trump into a hideous little monster and he would lose to Hillary," said Madonna.
In the end, her mystical witchcraft backfired. Trump defeated Clinton, and Madonna became a hideous little monster instead. Months later the transmogrified celebrity is still struggling to accept what has happened: "It’s like suddenly losing all my money and power, and also being stuck in a nightmare, but I repeat myself."
This feels like a pilot for an absurdist comedy, or at least a TV skit. Arrested Development comes to mind. The best part is Shia pleading "Be nice, people" and then screaming "f*king Nazis" at the top of his lungs to the people offscreen.
Turns out, they are the police and they soon take him away in handcuffs. He is quite docile at first, but as he is being led offscreen, he gets back into character and starts screaming "f*king Nazis" again.
If Shia sells the rights to this episode, that should probably cover the medical bill from the upcoming month in the rehab.?
It’s only Trump’s second full day on the job, and already he has drawn international criticism: in an executive order signed today, the new president has enrolled all members of ISIS into Obamacare, effective immediately.
Defending his decision, President Trump told reporters, "Look, I know it’s controversial, blah, blah, blah. But to me it’s genius. I’m gonna make ISIS go on Obamacare, and I’m going to make them pay for it. It’s what I campaigned on, and I’m gonna make it happen in the first 100 days."
In the U.S. Senate, Chuck Schumer rushed to a microphone. "We’re better than this…
Lets blow up the patriarchal government and replace it with a governwomynt!
Attending a Trumphitler protest?
That Guy Fawkes mask is "old hat!" (and a symbol of patriarchal oppression). Don’t be laughed at! Show your comrades just how revolutionary and equal you can be by wearing the latest thing in Protest-wear!
Madonna is more revolutionary, more nasty, more disease-ridden than that old… tired… BORING!, Guy Fawkes poseur!
But just like Guy Fawkes, she too wants to blow up the seat of government!!! Isn’t that cool?!!!
Available now at your local Protest Supplies store. Made in Pakistan. Ask about the special limited-edition with bonus vial of Madonna’s actual menstrual blood.
Iranian actress Taraneh Alidoosti has recently vowed to boycott the Academy Awards ceremony as a protest of Illegitimate President Donald Trump’s illegitimate proposal to illegitimately suspend visas for citizens of some African and Middle Eastern nations.
Alidoosti, who appears in the Oscar-nominated The Salesman, points out that foreign travelers to the United States have a right to come and go as they please without the illegitimate interference of the U.S. government. Her announcement has larger implications: we would be deprived of self-righteous tirades delivered with impeccable style by our betters.
Lawyers for Hillary Clinton today announced that they are initiating legal action against Satan for breach of contract.
They are demanding that he return the soul of Hillary Clinton who was promised the highest office in the land for her soul.
Satan’s representative, George Soros, declared that the promise was made in New York City and that she will have to settle for mayor.
Following yesterday’s Inauguration, half a million American women put on their pink "pussyhats" and marched on Washington, D.C., leaving an estimated 2.5 million starving, meowing cats in their homes completely unattended and deprived of their scheduled mandatory hugs and prolonged belly rubs.
Organized by Planned Parenthood, Council for American-Islamic Relations, the Communist Party, and other progressive movements, American women came to Donald Trump’s doorstep to express their anger, fury, indignation, and outrage over the fact that they can’t name a single right that men have and women don’t.
New lyrics – updated and improved:
That’s great it starts like an earthquake cargo snakes on aeroplane And Tammy Bruce is not afraid eye of a hurricane listen to the Dems churn World serves it’s own needs dummies serve your own needs Feeding off of faux speak grunts no strength The latter starts to clatter with fear fright down whites Why’re they on fire representing people’s gains In a government for hire and a left wing site Leftists west and dying in a hurry with the people breathing down your neck…
A Trump-hating protester set himself on fire last night outside the Trump International Hotel a few blocks from the White House in Washington, D.C. but failed to kill himself, according to reports.
The as yet unidentified 45-year-old Californian used an unidentified accelerant and a lighter in an unsuccessful attempt to flambe himself for social justice.
It was unclear if the man was insane or simply a very dedicated demonstrator. Given his disinclination to fully combust he is unlikely to have been an Eagle Scout.
A letter to all entertainers performing at Trump’s inauguration: We are the party of love. We’ve told you that over and over again, but you just don’t seem to get it, so we have no other choice but to send you this anonymous death threat. How DARE you reject our love? You JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!!!! You forced our hand and now we must teach you that if you don’t do what we say, that means you don’t love us. And you’re supposed to love us. We are beautiful. We are kind. We are tolerant and inclusive and if you don’t agree with us, you must be silenced! We want to give ourselves to you, body and soul, BUT YOU JUST WON’T SEE IT AND GO OFF WHORING AFTER THAT BITCH!!!!!!
With just over 48 hours left of the Obama Administration, this is your last chance to remember if there is anything you might have done for which you need a pardon.
I’ll go first: My transgression and my cat’s transgression:
Years ago, Dear Leader’s glorious face graced the cover of the magazine Fast Company. I failed to frame it and put it on the wall so I could bow as I walked by. I left it on the couch… and my racist reichwing rethugiKKKan cat got sick all over the picture. Naturally, I mandated the cat to take eight weeks of diversity and sensitivity training…
President Obama awarded himself the prestigious, ‘Distinguished Public Service Medal’ on Wednesday, January 4th, 2017.
During his teary-eyed presentation speech, he referred to himself some 97 times while gloriously expounding on his many accomplishments, performances and outstanding golf games.
Through tears of joy during the acceptance speech, he referred to himself another 163 times expounding upon his many successes and how smart he is.
We breathlessly await more medals of this type to be awarded to Barack Obama.
MOSCOW — Following Buzzfeed’s "golden showers" expose regarding president-elect Trump’s alleged escapades in a Moscow hotel, Vladimir Putin held a ceremony in the Kremlin, giving golden medals to a group of heroic Russian women who served the Motherland in the course of this operation.
"Trump has been organizing beauty pageants, hanging out with beautiful women who had gone through medical examination. Why would he leave them for unvetted females with a lowered sense of social responsibility?" he said. "Unless they are highly trained and thoroughly examined operatives with a heightened sense of social responsibility and patriotism, like this group here."
Don’t miss this post-election fire sale as the Clinton Foundation closes its doors and lays off its non-unionized employees. Everything & everyone must go! br /> – All starving Third-World children are half off, barely used. – Deep discounts on African and Middle Eastern dictators. – Speaking fees now only $20,000. – No refunds on pre-election deposits. – Government influence all sold out. – Uranium deals by appointment only. – Now available in all totalitarian states.
A behind the scenes look at how Pee-Gate really happened.
We have long known that right-wing people are better looking, smarter, happier, and even have a better sex life without demanding that the government pays for their contraceptives.
No one knew how to effectively argue that fact, deny it, rationalize it, or turn it into an asset – until now. A groundbreaking scientific research has finally answered the most puzzling question of the Universe: Why would anyone in their right mind ever vote for a right-winger?
As a side effect, scientists also explained that people’s right-wing politics stem from their beauty, talent, ability, strength, and well-being, which also signals…
I raise a tin cup of glorious beet vodka (with a splash of tractor fuel) to the imaginary hookers.
Once again the mainstream media is trickling out details, one drip at a time…But I’m puzzled. People PAY to get their beds wet? I know some folks with pure talent.
This just in: The search for prostitutes who peed on Obama’s bed has been narrowed down to one suspect…
The People’s Cube entry has just been purged from Wikipedia. Congratulations, comrades. We are now officially a non-site populated by non-persons sharing non-thoughts and making non-jokes. It makes me feel right at home, back in the Soviet Union, where an invisible hand obstructed any of my efforts to manifest my existence. How liberating. No visibility means no responsibility. Out of sight, out of mind.
As a linguistic experiment, scientists once had "out of sight, out of mind" translated into Russian and then back into English. The phrase returned as "invisible lunatics." That’s who we are now. No need to think now, non-people. The Wiki-progs have turned us into invisible lunatics.
Announcing Volume 1 Number 1 of TRUMPIAN HORRORS – the new, hip, retro-pulp fiction magazine for Cis Males, Cis Men, Trans Males, …and Androgynes …who are feeling a little bit on the butch side today.
Each month (or whenever we get around to it — publishing schedules are racist), TRUMPIAN HORRORS will bring you gripping fictionalized accounts (but NOT FAKE NEWS!) of the latest sickening atrocities inflicted upon the the U.S., the world, the Universe, and beyond by The Evil TrumpHitler.
Headline story (and Trigger Warning!) in our premier issue: I WAS FORCED TO SING AT TRUMPS INAUGURATION, the true story of a poor, but talented, single-mother, 1/16th Native American, trans-questioning, Chicago civil servant whom The TrumpHitler implacably forced to compromise her sterling liberal values to croon for The TrumpHitler’s drooling delight while suffering the humiliation of the leering eyes of TrumpHitler’s Deplorables Squads (with assistance by Russian hackers).
Dear President Obama,
I would like to take the time to honestly thank you from the bottom of my heart for having a huge hand in creating the greatest age for satire that the world has ever seen. But aside from that, there is so much more to be thankful for.
I believe that I also speak for countless college-educated people when I say that during the dusk of your presidency we should take the time to list some of the amazing things you have done and to reflect upon them.
When we first saw this headline, we thought it was yet another satirical spoof about Snopes, similar to our own previous exploits: Snopes Co-Founder Embezzles $98,000, Drops Weight, Leaves Fat Wife And Marries Actual Whore
Turns out, this is a true story, fully backed by Daily Mail. But first, let’s step back a little. We’ve had a few spates with Snopes in the past. It was all fun and games when Snopes co-founder David Mikkelson first debunked our story about Rosie O’Donnell getting a tramp stamp with ISIS flag to support Islamic ‘freedom fighters’…
On Wednesday, President Obama added another prestigious medal to his Nobel Prize collection when he had Defense Secretary Ash Carter award him the Department of Defense Medal for Distinguished Public Service.
??If ?this caught you by surprise, you’re not alone. Most Americans had no idea that the Pentagon ?had such an ?award??.? Additionally, you may not be aware that several countries are ?also expected to ?invite? president ?Obama ?to medal ceremonies in appreciation of his many stellar contributions.
25 years ago George Bush Sr. was still in office, and so was Saddam Hussein. The European Union didn’t exist and neither did China’s economic powerhouse. The Berlin wall had just come down and Germany had finally reunited. Hillary Clinton was a little-known mouthy First Lady of Arkansas and the media gleefully predicted that Donald Trump would never climb back to the top after his Atlantic City fiasco.
On the other side of the Iron Curtain, the Eastern bloc was in shambles, but the USSR was still standing with Mikhail Gorbachev at the helm. The KGB meddled in other countries’ affairs as usual, spreading "fake news" and helping leftist politicians with no objections from the Western media…
The Wikipedia page about the People’s Cube may be purged in a few days and we’ll become a non-site unless we take action.
There is an ongoing Wikipedia discussion / show trial, in which you can vote for or against deleting the People’s Cube for being "unworthy" to grace the pages of Wikipedia. You can add your two kopeks to the discussion here:
Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/The People’s Cube
First the reason for deletion was "confrontational language." Then it was phony "copyright issues." Now they question our "noteworthiness." This is plain harassment and trolling.
In this New Year edition of No News – Good News we are happy to inform our readers that the following things did not occur this year:
– FBI: Santa disclosed naughty list on WikiLeaks, "Helped Trump win election"; Obama expels Rudolph, Prancer, Vixen, and 35 elves in retaliation – California builds wall to keep out Trump supporters – Bernie supporters stunned there is no socialist Santa Claus, vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies, milk – Washington Post sues Internet for infringing on "fake news" business – Controversy in the lab: white mold excludes black mold; Harvard biologist blames "Petri dish cultures of hate" – Scientific News: Long after 1961 burial physicists uncertain Schrodinger is dead – Sexed-up Mother Russia becomes Milf Russia; Motherland renamed into Milfland on Putin’s orders…
By popular demand, we have made two versions of this design – cute and rebellious – pick whichever feels more "deplorable" to you.
51,751
Source Article
The post POLITICAL HUMOR & SATIRE appeared first on QINGRENJIE LIWU.
Read full post at: http://www.qingrenjie-liwu.com/political-humor-satire/
0 notes