#I expected a 2 hour tour and starting after Easter

[ryuki-blogs]

Me: Hello, I'm here for orientation and to settle on the date when I can start worki-

Boss: Here's your computer, here's login info, your keys, and here's work we already assigned you last Friday, your colleague will explain everything you need!

Me: I-

Boss: Good luck! ;)

[trickkombowerskru]

Baby Mama-Reddie X Surrogate! Reader Imagine

Request: Anonymous: Hiii could you maybe do a hc or imagine either is fine where Richie and Eddie (it ch 2) are married and they want a baby so they ask the reader who’s best friend with both of them to be their surrogate and she says yesand after that babies born they ask reader to be godmother! If you don’t wanna that’s fine thanks

A/N: A bit of an auish where Eddie is actually a doctor also, the name I chose is an Easter egg to my babe @hellsgrove​ and her great story of them adopting a kid it’s so cute go read it here!

Warnings: None

Tonight felt great you were out to dinner with your best friends, who do to your busy schedules you hadn't seen in a while. You with just your higher up position at the office in general, Eddie at the hospital, and Richie with his most recent tour finishing up. 

It was nice when the three of you had some downtime to just relax and joke around, even if the restaurant they had chosen for then night was on the fancier side. 

And when they had told you they wanted to ask you something, also do to the restaurant choice you assumed it was important, and you always made sure to listen to your friends concerns. 

You were about half way through the dinner when Richie puts his fork down and sighs."I can't take it anymore Eds can we tell her?"

Eddie rolled his eyes at the nickname, considering he married this asshole he knew he'd have to deal with it for life at this point. After that he also nods allowing Richie to start whatever their proposition would be.

 "Okay so we've been talking about this a lot and really trying to think it through so-," he gets cut off by Eddie chiming in.

"And you could totally say no, it'd be okay and we would understand." 

"Yeah we would. Okay so we really want to start a family, and we considered all of our options, and thought that we would...,"

Richie freezes for a minute, a rare sight, which made you tell he was very nervous about everything, Eddie sense that and takes over.

"We wanted to ask you if you would be our surrogate? We know it sounds crazy and out of the blue, but we really did think of all of our options over, and when we decided on having a surrogate we knew we wanted someone we trust more than anything, rather than interviewing a bunch of candidates, and both our minds automatically went to you."

You were stunned by their offer.

"Well I um-"

"You don't have to answer tonight if you don't want to. Take as much time as you need," Richie adds.

"I just have some questions. First off whose....ya know....is going to be used?"

"Mine," Eddie answers.

"Yeah we talked about it and like the fewer kids that have my genes the better. They'd be too beautiful, but also blind as shit" Richie remarks, making Eddie roll his eyes again.

"Plus I mean we both have dark And dark eyes so it would look a bit like both of us in some way," he finishes. 

You just nod, really trying to think about it. You wanted to support them you did, but at the same time it was such a huge commitment, and a life changing one at that. 

On the other hand, it also warmed your hear that you were both of their automatic thoughts for something like this.Sorting through everything quickly in your mind as you wanted to give them an answer tonight, you weighed out the pros and cons and then decided.

"I'll do it."

"You will?," Richie asks, both their faces lighting up.

"Yes. I love you guys and after all you've done for me it's the least I could do for you."They each hugged you, thanking you so much for this.

Boy did you have no idea what you would be in for. 

When Richie and Eddie proposed the the idea to you, it was clear you were definitely nervous about the whole thing, but now however 4 months into your pregnancy, you couldn't have been happier to have said yes. 

You did always want kids, and while this child wasn't exactly yours you knew that the guys would let you babysit them and see them enough to where you would still have a bond. 

Your body wasn't the only thing that changed either -which was already showing a lot-, of course since you had a relatively normal life compared to Richie when the news was announced the press was all over it. 

You had an immense gain in followers across both Twitter and Instagram, along with having to go with the guys to events, or at least as many as you could for pictures next to the guys with their hands on your belly and what not. 

You even had a camera man or two stop you in the past few months on the street. While it was all very overwhelming, you understood that "celebrity baby" news was big. 

They also stayed outside your apartment sometimes for shots of Richie or Eddie when they came over with whatever you happened to be craving that day. 

While Richie came over a lot, Eddie was at your place nearly everyday giving you vitamins and supplements to make sure the baby would be more than healthy. 

They also accompanied you during each hospital visit, only time they didn't come in was during the appointment where you could find out the gender, them both wanting it to be a surprise.

As it went on the next few months, if you thought the middle of your pregnancy was tough, the near end of it was like torture. 

Now at 7 months you were more than showing, and if you didn't know any better you would think that you were pregnant with twins, although the doctor assured you that was not the case.

"Hey mama," Richie greets as you enter their place.

"Hey."

"How you feeling?"

"Good. Good. Ah!"

"What?! What's wrong?!"

"Nothing the baby just kicked."

"Really?", he asks with a spark in his eyes 

"Yeah. This kid is definitely a mix of you and Eddie with how feisty they are."

"We picked names today."

"Really? What are you thinking?"

"If it's a boy Toby and if it's a girl Rachel," he smiles.

"Those are nice."

"Took us forever to settle on ones we both liked. If it was a boy Eddie wanted to name him Xavier or Graham like do you know a kid named either of those names that doesn't get the shit kicked out of him?"

You laugh.

"Can't say I do. Then again I don't know many kids in general so who am I to judge?"

He shrugs and asks if you want anything, for the moment you decline and then just talk about all kinds of stuff they have started getting a few things for a nursery, Ben having built them a great quality crib for the baby. 

The closer it got the more excited and on edge they seemed.Time flew by and soon enough it was time for this baby to get out of your body. 

You had pretty much lived with the guys these past few days as the baby was ready to come out any second. And it chose today when this morning shortly after waking up, your water broke. 

After rushing you to the hospital, came so many hours of labor.Richie was trying to lighten the mood with some jokes, but they were doing anything except helping. 

"Richie I'm in immense pain and about to be split in half by your child so if you don't shut the fuck up I will punch you in the dick so hard, it will make it impossible for you to have another one."

He threw up his hands in surrender and looked at Eddie terrified.Soon enough it was time, after a whole lot of pushing, their baby was born.

"It's a girl!" the doctor announced.

"She's beautiful," you say holding her.

"Welcome to the world Rachel Kaspbrak-Tozier," you coo as you rock her.

"Eddie she has your eyes, and the mix of our noses kinda makes hers look like yours Rich."

"Thank you so much for all of this Y/N," Richie says.

"Seriously we couldn't have had a better mom for her, but we have one more thing to ask."

"What is it?"

"For doing all of this, and putting up with us during it, and everything else would you be her God Mother?"

You started to tear up, and unlike their initial question of them asking you to be their surrogate no thought was needed here.

"Yes. Oh my god you guys of course."

Shortly after everything you moved out of your old apartment complex and into theirs, that way your little family could be even closer and so you could watch Rachel grow up. 

Honestly for as much as they panicked Richie and Eddie made great dads, and as you had thought you were the number one babysitting option when they needed it. 

She adored you and it warmed your heart that you actually got to have an even stronger bond with her than expected.

[gretchensinister]

So I watched Color Out of Space yesterday because I thought it would be bad and batshit and something that would serve as good knitting background.

Only it wasn’t bad.

(Still batshit and still good knitting background though.)

I don’t really know where to start talking about this but since I’m doing this for free, I’m going to talk about eggs benedict first. I love eggs benedict. If you don’t know what it is, the standard is an English muffin, with Canadian bacon on top of it, with a poached egg on top of that, and the whole thing topped with hollandaise sauce.

I can poach an egg sort of successfully most of the time. But my standard grocery shopping doesn’t include English muffins or Canadian bacon, and making hollandaise is a whole thing with raw egg yolks and either getting your blender dirty or whisking until your arm falls off and like…if I have enough time to make a breakfast of more than one step for myself (or if I feel like having breakfast for dinner) I’m also probably trying to chill that day. Also I’m already poaching a couple of eggs and that’s where the anxiety has to go.

So when I want eggs benedict at home, it’s going to be made with: whatever kind of bread thing I have, topped with whatever kind of meat I have in the fridge (I have used a sliced-up hot dog for this), topped with a poached egg, topped with not hollandaise, but something that will work for the purpose, made by stirring up mayo with lemon juice and a dash of cayenne pepper. I’ve never been disappointed with my results, maybe because I’m a gremlin? I wouldn’t serve any of this business to a chef, but I don’t make this to serve to a chef, I make this to eat it.

Maybe that will help you understand what I’m feeling about Color Out of Space. Some spoilers below.

In the first half-hour or so of the movie, I was flip-flopping about whether the movie was “self-aware” or not. Like, is the weirdness unintentional? Should I wince with secondhand embarrassment at the filmmakers?

I think the answer is firmly NO to these two questions. In fact, I think that the filmmakers were WILDLY SUCCESSFUL in what they intended to do.

There were several different things that convinced me that they were doing whatever they were doing on purpose, including all their deviations from the H.P. Lovecraft story the movie is based on.

1. Right at the beginning, there’s a bit of flirting between the hydrologist and the daughter of the family that lives on the farm where the meteorite will soon land. Yeah it’s heterosexual nonsense, BUT. The hydrologist is Black and the daughter is white. H.P. Lovecraft’s head is suitably exploded, now we can do whatever we want.

2. The dinner scene with the family where there’s a short conversation about how the daughter is always wanting fast food. Now, in context this is just to establish that she’s missing living in the city vs. in the middle of nowhere. But importantly, she’s the first character we see in the movie and so is kind of our gateway into this situation. And she doesn’t want the home-cooked meal, she wants the fast food, even after her mother points out the questionable ingredients. “I know,” she says. “But it tastes like heaven.” Sometimes you want fast food even though you know very well that it’s not gourmet. Not every horror movie has to be a perfectly balanced tour-de-force of suspense, mystery, and social commentary. You can relax. Come into the movie.

3. The first creepy phone call. The hydrologist is at his survey camp (? IDK why he was outdoors at night in this scene actually, mumble mumble fieldwork?) and he gets a garbled, static-filled phone call on what is obviously a modern smartphone. But when he disconnects, there is the clear sound of a DIAL TONE. To me, this is too bizarre to be an accident, especially because there are a number of other phone calls and disconnections in the movie, and none of them end with a dial tone. I think the filmmakers do know what it’s like to use a phone. (Though there is a scene where the daughter is trying to call 911 and tells her father in a panic that she can’t get a dial tone. IDK what that’s about. A genuine error? A moment that might as well have a label that says “nitpickers take pot shots here”?) Back to the hydrologist. At this moment, as a viewer, I’m still thrown off by the dial tone. It’s nonsense, and that makes it a “bad movie” marker, I guess, but someone had to decide to put the sound in. It couldn’t have happened carelessly. And then the hydrologist has to block a glare of light. He uses the book he’s been reading, which is “The Willows” by Algernon Blackwood—which was one of Lovecraft’s favorite supernatural stories. It’s very clear to the audience—not a lingering shot, but still something that’s not supposed to be an Easter egg.

And this is where I say, okay. The filmmakers know their source material. They know their audience. No one in the movie is winking at the camera, and the movie is yes, kind of funky, but it’s not made in a careless way or in a way that you feel that the filmmakers are inviting laughter. It’s horror—and believe me, they’ve got some practical effects in this one are truly ghastly—but it’s horror that exists very clearly in its genre and feels playful because of that.

Three things that show that playfulness to me: the name of the hippie squatter’s cat. The cat is named G-spot, which, in the movie itself is explained as an immature joke “a pussy named—” but even as I was groaning and thinking “that’s a terrible name for a cat” the part of my brain that knows more about Lovecraft than I care to is like, “but not the WORST name for a cat!” and I don’t know if the filmmakers expected anyone to be like “well at least the cat isn’t named ———” but that was part of my reaction.

The casting of Nicholas Cage. Nicholas Cage is/was kind of a meme on his own, and in this movie he plays the dad of the family that lives in the house the meteor lands by. And at a certain point in the movie, his accent goes a little weird and he starts acting more like the stereotypical asshole horror movie dad. I dismissed this as just a disappointment at first, like, this is bad acting and bad acting choices and bad writing happening to move the plot. But then he switches back to his previous established character, and after it happened again I realized that this was happening because of the alien color messing with his mind! Even after accepting that the movie was being purposeful, I was still caught up in the idea of Cage as a bad actor and the movie as a bad movie that I was fooled into missing the first signs of alien mind control! That’s meta.

The kid going full creepy child like, immediately after the meteor hit. Obsessive drawing, staring off into space, invisible friends, the works. But it’s not even a main thing. We never even get a full good look at what he’s drawing. There’s no scene where either parent stops and dramatically stares at it and we wonder “oooooh is it really real?” It’s definitely real and it’s causing worse problems by the minute. The kid has gone full creepy child, but there is OTHER SHIT that is ALSO URGENT. It amused me to have this trope be present but not central.

What else do I want to say? Overall this movie had very little downtime. It didn’t waste a bunch of time with people denying that anything weird was going on, or trying to make the viewer wonder if all this was real. It’s real and it’s fucking up your alpacas! The movie assumes that viewers know “The Colour Out of Space” and doesn’t tease us with any “what-is-happening-if-anything” tension. Of course it’s happening. Show us what we came to see.

I think what made it successful for me were the same kinds of things that make good fanfiction successful, which only makes sense as it is essentially a “The Color Out of Space” modern AU. The willingness to play with tropes, the assumption of viewer familiarity with the source, etc.

The effects were used judiciously, and if some of it just seemed like a light filter or two I have to say I don’t really care.

And I think that’s all for now. Oh, except that I want to mention, only the Black guy lived. The hydrologist was the one to narrate the opening and the closing, the only voice that spoke any words from the original short story. Whaddaya know.

[long-live-swifties-forever]

My Lover Secret Session Experience

A month ago I was lucky to attend the Lovers Secret Session at Nashville. Here’s my secret session experience. @taylorswift @taylornation

Receiving my DM

I received my DM on July 24. I swear to God I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was shaking because I’ve never been noticed by Taylor ever. What’s really mysterious is that I received the DM on Tumblr when my biggest account is on Twitter. I admit I clicked on TN’s icon numerous times to make sure the message was coming from the real Taylor Nation. I ran to my niece and told her and she told me that she knew it would happen to me. After like 30 mins when I was calmed I sent them my information and waited.

Waiting time

For the next 2 days my anxiety was off the roof. On July 26 around 6pm I received a call from NY. They thanked me for being such a good fan and invited me to an event on August 4. I couldn’t believe it! Part of me didn’t feel like it was real at all. How could it be that Taylor Swift knew about me and wanted to invite me to her house in Nashville? 

I booked my flight and hotel stay the next day. So it was happening I was going to Nashville and it was a secret. How perfect is it to go to Nashville for the first time to meet Taylor?! After I booked everything the wait started. It was extremely difficult to keep the secret from Meg and Audrey. I remember asking Audrey if she thinks Lover Secret Session won’t happen since the Album release was approaching literally 1 hour before I received my DM from Taylor Nation.

Arriving to Nashville

On August 2nd, I took my flight to Nashville and then checked in to the hotel.  I think I spotted some swifties but I’m really shy so I didn’t approached them. That night I brainstormed what I wanted to tell Taylor. I wanted to tell her how I’ve been a fan since I was in High School and how her music helped me when I needed the most. How she has a song I can relate to for basically every emotion. I wanted her to know how much I appreciate that she makes a real effort to include the fandom in fun activities like figuring out what easter egg means. It drives us crazy but it's really fun to read different theories. Another thing I did that night was thinking what pose I wanted to take a picture with her. I’m really short( 5’1”) so I googled pictures she has with friends and found a really cute picture where she hugs Hayley Williams from the back and they are celebrating Camila’s birthday. I just thought that pose was super cute. 

The next day I went to the Waffle house to eat breakfast and when I was walking to the Waffle house a swiftie told me that she loved my shirt. I was wearing my Lover crop top. That made me really happy. I went to target to get nailpolish to get my nails ready for the session but couldn’t decide. I guess I was really nervous. I walked back to the hotel and got ready to meet everyone. 

When I arrived I saw some familiar faces. I was instantly relieved because I was afraid I would know anyone there. I saw Gracie, Lea, Cait, Elise, Jacie and so many more cool Swifties. I connected with: Brandon and Lea the most. We all went to a room to wait until it was time to go to Taylor’s house. We waited for a while but it was nice to mingle with everyone. When it was time to go into the bus that’s when it really hit me that I was meeting Taylor! Also the moment when the gates from her house opened is one of those I will never forget! 

Arriving to Taylor’s House

When we arrived to the patio area in the house there was food there. I thought I wouldn’t eat but I did. I had a Lover cookie, a rice krispie made by Taylor!, nuggets, a pizza slice and fruit. We waited for a while before going into the living room. Brendon confirmed the water in the pool was cold. That area is beautiful: She has a sign that says Wine and we all recognized it from that Insta story she posted about Game of thrones.She has really cute picture frames. I remember a really cute one she has with her whole family next to a staircase that leads to one area with a restroom. Before they let us into the living room area I went to the restroom exactly when they started to let in to the living room. I rushed down to go to the living room. The room was beautiful. Taylor has a scrabble framed with really cute messages which I think are for her mom and a Peter Max Artwork hanging.  

Secret Session

When Taylor arrived and said Hey Guys. I couldn’t believe it! Tree and Valheria Rocha were there! Taylor introduced her family and Austin, Scott and Adrea went into the room and welcomed us. After they left the room Taylor said some rules about the Secret Session so we are clear about what we can say and what we can’t share. She made a really cool joke referencing Men in Black cause obviously she doesn’t expect us to act like we weren’t in the secret session. One thing that really touched me was when Taylor told us to keep the lyrics safe. She is very proud of this album and she’s the sweetest person ever. 

The whole album is a masterpiece! I loved the whole album. Some moments that I’ll always treasure during the listening session are the following:

Crying  with Lover like a baby cause the lyrics really hit because they are so pure.

Listening to The Man because it’s such a powerful song and gosh I’m so glad Taylor is talking about Equality!

All of us crying with Soon You’ll get better. I remember Gracie holding my hand. I’m so glad she did.

Taylor encouraging us to make friends there honestly I’m so happy I shared these memories with everyone.

Meeting Taylor

There was a lot of people meeting Taylor that day. We were 113! Taylor was so nice to meet all of us when she was still jet lagged. Around 3:30 A.M. TN called my name. 

As soon as I entered the room Taylor said: Hi Cecilia and I approached her saying omg and we hugged. I love that color on you. We will match for our picture.

Taylor said sorry for making me wait so much. I told her it was ok. I waited so many years to meet her that a few hrs was nothing. She said thank you.

I said thank you for inviting me and let me listen to Lover. I told her I pre ordered the deluxes albums and she said thank you! I told her that I'm probably getting the album from itunes because it's so good. She said thank you. She told me if I had time to see them and I told her that a lil and that I wanted to sit down. 

Then she asked me if I wanted to take a picture and I said Yes. I told her if we could do like her hugging me from the back. I didn’t like the first picture and asked if we could take another and they we did take another one. :) 

I told her about my trip to japan and that I got her a fridge magnet and she was happy and said: aw you got me a magnet. 

She told me to have a safe trip back. I got my merch and went to bus. 

So that’s it! There’s definitely more to my story but I feel like I kinda blanked out sometimes cause it’s so shocking to meet Taylor and be invited to her house. I don’t know if Taylor will read this but I want her to know that I had the best time. Taylor thank you for inviting me. I’m so grateful because I made friends in your house and I’m so glad we all share all these beautiful memories together. The album is already a success and I can’t wait to attend the tour and listen to the album live! 

Love,

Cecilia

[artificialqueens]

Touch and Go (Branjie) - Basketbop

A/N: I’m a bit rusty at this so all feedback would be greatly appreciated, this fic is also available on AO3

Summary: The four times they could have fallen back to each other, and the one time they finally do.

1.

Vanessa flew into Lax at 12 o’clock running off of approximately 4 hours of sleep. She had taken the earliest flight her manager could find her on such short notice, it wasn’t ideal but she wanted to spend Easter with her friends. She wanted to spend it with him.

She hadn’t seen Brooke since press week, not because she was avoiding him but because they were never booked at the same gigs. She knew it was for the best, if they were seen together then it would be possible to notice that there not together. Hadn’t been for almost 4 months now. But Vanessa was at peace with that- at least she told herself she was.

So when an opportunity had arisen to spend time together she decided she would jump through every hoop necessary to make it happen. Brooke Lynn hadn’t been the one to invite her, Gia had, but Vanessa would take what she was given at this point.

“Look what the cat dragged in” Brooke had noticed her as soon as she had walked through the door of the bar, getting up to greet her in a hug. “Missed you” he whispered as he squeezed her tight.

“Missed you too, bitch” Vanessa said with a laugh as she pulled away and moved to greet the rest of their friends. Turns out Gia was already drunk having started on the bottomless mimosas at brunch earlier in the day. So she took up most of the conversation as she waxed on about what she wanted to do to the boy she had been texting. It wasn’t what she was expecting on the lord’s day, but it was exactly what Vanessa needed, a good time talking shit with a few of her good Judy’s.

She’s at the bar getting herself another drink when Brooke approaches her again. “So, how you been, big guy?” he starts, casually leaning on the bar like he doesn’t realize what using that name does to her, what it means to her.

“You know me, hustling, getting my coins. Feeding the children” she takes a sip of her drink, longs for the burn it provides. “How ‘bout you? Dancing your way into america’s hearts one Midwestern club at a time?”

“Oh, fuck off” he shoves her, and his eyes pinch together as he laughs. They continue their conversation, bantering back and forth with each other as they share stories from the road. They easily find that ease that had always came with their conversations. Talking like this was never a problem for them, it was when things started to get serious that you would see the issues start to come to the surface.

This should be awkward. Vanessa knows it should be, they spend far too much time flirting online and never actually talk anymore. Their ‘love story’ is being blasted into homes across America on a weekly basis. Currently, half of the country and all of their fans think they’re a couple. Think their in love. And as the alcohol starts to kick in the more just that begins to hurt. She almost wishes it was uncomfortable, wishes she didn’t look at him and just wish that things were different. Wish that the timing was different.

He grabs her hand on the bar, lacing their hands together like old times, and when Vanessa looks into his eyes she’s convinced that he’s thinking the same things as her. But he can’t be. This was what he wanted, he was the one that had ended it. Asked for them to be friends as he ripped her heart from her throat.

So she pulled her hand away and turned to join their friends on the dance floor. What she didn’t see as she turned away was the way Brooke’s face fell, the way his fist clenched on the bar where their hands were joined just moments ago.

She didn’t see the flicker of hope leave his eyes.

2.

It was the night before the final filming and Vanessa was lying in the middle of Brooke’s bed in a bland hotel room in downtown LA watching the other queen with interest, and a bit of confusion, as she clipped two long chains on to her black pumps. Brooke was currently stood in the center of the room entirely out of drag except for a pair of thigh high latex heels as she demonstrated the ‘shoe reveal’ she had planned for the final.

To any normal person it painted a weird picture, a 6ft 3 man kicking a pair of heels of to land perfectly on pointe. But Vanessa was gagged, she was surprised Brooke had been able to pull it off. And she told he as much as he took the shoes of and carefully placed them in to a case by the door.

He came and flopped down beside her, the four inches between them feeling like a mile

“You nervous?” The words left Vanessa’s mouth before she could really think about it, of course he was nervous, tomorrow was a huge deal.

He hesitated before answering, as if he was deciding if he should be honest or not. “Not about the lip sync’s, I know I’m ready, that I’ve done all I can. It’s just, like, what if that’s not enough, you know?” He rolled onto his side as he spoke.

“Bitch, your one of the best performers I’ve ever seen and your track record is better than any of the other girls, you’ve got this” This was true. Vanessa didn’t feel any need to sugar coat the truth, if the show was fair then the crown was Brooke’s to lose tomorrow night..

“Plus, don’t tell Silky I said this but i’m putting my coins on you” this was also true. After everything they had been through together she still wanted him to win. Wanted the world for him, she wanted him to have everything she knows he’s worked his ass off for.

“Thanks Vanj, I really appreciate that” The way Brooke whispered the words made Vanessa want to lean over, cross the invisible wall that sat between their bodies and take him into her arms like nothing had changed.But they had, so she stayed put and they stared at each other for what felt like hours but in reality was probably less than a minute, in the end it was Brooke that broke the silence.

“We should probably talk about what we’re gonna say at the reunion” he coughed as he ran his hand through his hair and rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling.

Vanessa let out a soundless laugh as she copied Brooke’s cue and rolled on to her back. “If I have to hear another goddamn thing about that reunion I'ma seriously have to hurt a bitch”

“Tell me about it” He rolled his eyes “But really, do you think we just tell the truth? We dated, it didn’t work out but we’re still friends, we still have love for each other”

It hurt to have it laid out like that. The cause of all of Vanessa’s pain summed up in one short sentence. She didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to have this conversation with him or anyone. Because once those words went out on TV’s across America it was really over. The hope she’d had that they would reconcile before they ever had to make their break up public, gone. So she changed the subject. “The fans are gonna hate us, you know? They still think we’re still together”

“I don’t care, I’m sure they’ll recover. It’s not like we ever actually lied to anyone” that was true. They had never confirmed if they were still together or not, the contracts they had signed made sure of that. But both of them knew they were guilty of feeding the flame online, god, sometimes even Vanessa let herself believe it was real.

Sensing that Vanessa wasn’t going to reply Brooke continued. “I do love you, you know that right?”

“Don’t play” Vanessa couldn’t do this right now. Brooke did this a lot and it was confusing as fuck. He would text her random compliments out of seemingly nowhere, kiss her cheek in greeting just slightly too close to her lips to be considered friendly, call her late at night when he was lonely and missing the comfort she used to offer him. She knows she should tell him to stop, knows it makes it impossible for her to move on. But she’s only human and she likes to live in the fantasy, whatever the cost of that may be.

“But I do, you know that’s not the reason this didn’t work” He kept his eyes glued to the ceiling as he spoke, as if making eye contact would physically hurt him.

She didn’t doubt that he thought what he was saying was true, but she had to disagree. She had loved him with her whole entire being while he had only loved her part way. Brooke not being able to fully give himself to her was the main reason they hadn’t worked, so while she didn’t doubt that he loved her she didn’t think it wasn’t the reason they hadn’t worked out. Because if he had loved her harder then their conversation tonight would probably be a lot different.

She didn’t say any of that though, she lived in the fantasy “Yeah, well you know I love you too” and while it would probably hurt in the long term to keep her mouth shut, right now, in that moment it hurt her heart less to just agree.

“Who knows, maybe one day when the timings right we can try again” it wasn’t phrased like a question, he said it like he was telling himself and not Vanessa.

“Maybe” The words left her mouth as a whisper, she’s not convinced even he heard her. So, Vanessa squeezed her eyes shut to prevent the tears from falling and crossed the wall they had created to link their hands. They fit, just like they always had.

It was nice, she let herself live in the fantasy.

3.

The season eleven tour was going amazing, spending time with all the girls again was fun and the fans just got crazier at every stop. Her and Brooke had been getting along great, they were able to joke with each other again, create new memories together- As friends. That’s all they were now and it’s all their gonna be,at least for now. And, Vanessa was okay with this, she was happy with how they were. But some of the other queens liked to stir the pot, mess with the hype they knew came with her and Brooke as a couple.

See, she knew Asia didn’t mean any harm, she just liked to make jokes to amuse the fans. But sometimes she wishes she would just take a day off.

It all came to a head one day when they were on the bus traveling to the venue for the nights show. A fan had given Brooke a book the night before filled with fan art and letters for both Brooke and Vanessa, so they were taking advantage of the bus time to flick through it together. That was all. The situation was innocent, at least it was until Asia took it upon herself to post a picture of them pressed together to her Instagram story with some cheesy caption about #Branjie.

The picture looked romantic, it looked intimate, you couldn’t see the book, all you could see was Brooke staring at Vanessa with a smile as she threw her head back laughing. It was cute, the fans loved it. Vanessa hated it. This tour had been good for her and Brooke, they had finally been able to get to a place where they were at ease being friends. Things we’re good. The fans were even letting up online, but this just got them all started again. And Vanessa snapped, she’s only human and this was a sensitive topic for her.

���Do you think this shits funny, Asia?” she asked with a raised voice causing all eyes on the bus to turn to her as she held her phone up with the picture on the screen.

Asia just raised an eyebrow daring her to continue, but this just seemed to piss Vanessa off more. “ You know what this shit does, is my life a fucking joke to you? We ain’t some characters to play with, all of you know how full on the fans are about all this online”

“Jose” Brooke reached up to grab Vanessa’s shoulder trying to calm her down. But she was already to far gone.

“I get that you think your being funny, but fuck, this isn’t some wig gag or old drama off the show. This is my real fucking feelings, would you want someone putting you on blast with your ex 24/7 when your just trying to move the fuck on?” This seemed to strike the other queen and she put her hand up signalling Vanjie to stop.

“I get it, your pissed. And I won’t do it again” she said slowly, obviously shocked by Vanessa’s outburst. It wasn’t like her to lose her cool, she was normally down for just about anything. So this was different, but she was sensitive when it came to Brooke and their relationship. And it just rubbed her the wrong way when people threatened the delicate balance of friendship they had created.

Having seemingly lost all of the energy she had previously had to fight Vanessa uttered a short “thank you” before sitting down and shoving her headphones in. She felt Brookes hand come to rest on her thigh and it worked to soothe her anger further. She lent over to rest her head on his shoulder as she let out the breath she had been holding in. Brooke got it, she knew he did, it was hard enough being this close to someone you once shared everything with as it is without the other girls making it even harder than it had to be.

There were many points on this tour when she thought maybe they’d go there again, but ultimately now just wasn’t the right time. And the more she told herself that the more she started to believe it never would be.

4.

“She’s back, back, back again” Vanessa yelled as she strutted into the werk room for all stars 6, she gave a brief pause before continuing “..again?”. She fluttered her lashes as she held her pose for the camera in front of her. When she turned to assess the room she instantly spotted Brooke Lynn’s smiling face.

She let out a big scream as she sped over to envelope Brooke in a hug. She wasn’t surprised to see Brooke here, if she’s honest, he’s the only one she was sure she was going to see.

It made sense to put them on another season together, logistically it should make good television. Two exes brought back together to the place they met to battle for the crown again. She got it, heck she would watch it. But if the producers are hoping for drama then they’re going to have to look somewhere else, she’s cool with Brooke now. They’ve been friends a lot longer than they had ever been together.

She pulled away from Brooke to hug the other girls in the room, throwing out compliments as she made her way around the work bench. It was a good set of queens this season, Nina, Asia and Jujubee to name a few.

Ever the one to stir the pot it was Asia that piped up with the question Vanessa was expecting and was happy to get out of the way. “So is this gonna be awkward for y’all?” she indicated between her and Brooke as if it she could possibly be talking about anyone else.

Brooke caught her eye from across the table where she stood holding a stupid little Canadian flag, just like last time. The nostalgia the image brought Vanessa didn’t hurt like would have a year ago. She had worried that walking into the werk room would hurt, that the memories they had created together would be scattered all over the studio. And they were, but it wasn’t painful anymore.

“Of course it’s not, Brooke Lynn is a good friend of mine” Brooke nodded in agreement as she spoke.

“Yeah, we’ve never been on bad terms”

“But I won’t hesitate to whop her ass if I see my name coming out of one of her titties” Vanessa punctuated this by raising a threatening eyebrow in Brooke’s direction.

She still loved Brooke Lynn, knew that she always would. There would always be a voice in the back of her head telling her that what they had wasn’t over. Of course she still had hope that they would get back together one day, that they would finally have the notebook experience she had longed for the first time around.

But now just wasn’t their time, this isn’t personal. It’s drag. She had learnt that from Brooke Lynn.

+1.

Brooke wins the crown. It feels right, he performed even better on All Stars than he had on season eleven. Vanessa is there when she’s crowned, smiling proudly from behind the camera that’s there to catch the top two’s reaction. She’s glad she hadn’t made it to the top two, she didn’t want to go against Brooke again. They had had that re-do on the show in a ‘lip sync for your legacy’ and Vanessa had beaten her, so she was at peace with that particular journey, they were even.

It was a few days after the crowing and Vanessa had offered to take Brooke out for drinks to celebrate her win. At this point it was coming up to three years since their breakup and Vanessa really values the friendship they had forged. She felt like she knew Brooke a lot better now, understood how he operates and why he does the things he does. The same quirks and character flaws that had broken her heart years prior now had new meaning to her.

Now she knew that the reason Brooke longed for freedom was because he didn’t have it as a child. She knew that it wasn’t her fault he couldn’t fully commit to her, that her being enough was never the issue, the issue lied within Brooke and it was his job to work on that.

Now, that wasn’t to say Vanessa didn’t have her own issues that she had to work on. She had entered every relationship she had ever been in with the expectations of a fantasy. She had set her standards so high that when the person inevitability let her down it hurt more than it should, so she had worked on that, she now knew the hardships of real life. She knew that she wasn’t living in a romcom, and she was at peace with that.

She had just gotten back from drinks and was about to take off her shoes when someone started knocking on her door, when she opened it she was surprised to see Brooke standing there. He was soaked from head to toe, it hasn’t stopped raining in LA all week, and she was about to open up the door and tell him to get inside, but something stopped her.

“Brock, what are you doing? Did you forget something?” She was honestly confused, they had had a good night, shared an Uber home. But Brooke was supposed to continue on to his apartment, and instead he was stood on her doorstep and the Uber was nowhere to be seen.

“I’m ready. I want to try again, I want to give you everything you’ve always wanted. I still love you, I never stopped loving you, I just, Shit Jose, I think we can make it work” The words rushed out of his mouth that even he seemed surprised.

Well fuck. This was everything Vanessa had wanted, everything she hadn’t let herself think about for a long time. He looked nervous, but he was standing sure, he didn’t look like he was about to change his mind and run his ass back to Canada.

Interest peaked, Vanessa stepped out into the rain and questioned him “What’s brought this on?” She was cautious, didn’t want to get her hopes up to soon.

“Winning the crown was everything I had been working towards all these years, and when I got it , I realized that success means nothing if you haven’t got anyone to share it with” he wrapped his hands around Vanessa’s waist and lent down to push their foreheads together before continuing.

“If you’d give me a chance I promise you that I will do everything in my power to make this work, I promise you things will be good this time. I’m ready to be the man you needed me to be three years ago” Vanessa was frozen, surely she’s dreaming. This was too good to be true, this couldn’t be real. Could it?

“Say something, Jose” He sounded like he was begging at this point, starting to think he’d read this all wrong. Maybe Vanessa didn’t want this anymore, maybe she thought they were better as friends, his mind was getting the better of him and he was just about to pull away when.

Vanessa snapped out of her trance and was quick to ease Brooke’s worry “Yes, yes, fuck yes. We can-I love you too.” She reached up putting her fingers through his damp hair, didn’t hesitate as she closed the gap and pulled him down into a kiss. There were no fireworks and the world didn’t stop like it did in the fairy tales her mom used to read to her as a kid. But it was perfect, it was home, it was Brooke.

“So we’re doing this?” He asked pulling away just slightly, the smile on his face clear as day in the lamp lit street.

“Yeah” she reached up and kissed him again “we’re fucking doing this”

Now she understood the saying that timing was everything. They were never going to work out after drag race wrapped, they were both at different points in their careers, Brooke just starting out post Drag race and Vanessa a year ahead of her. They wouldn’t of worked out if they had got back together on tour or the night before the final, they were in the middle of the tornado that was just speeding up.

But right now, as she stood there in Brookes arms in the pouring rain, she thinks that, yeah, this is perfect timing.

[baskervilleshund]

4,5 years of Gotham in my life♥

Wow my emotions these last days. I’m not much of a text poster on this site but when Gotham ended I really felt I wanted to write this!

Gotham has been a huge part of my life for so long now. 4 years and 7 months since the first episode aired, that’s some time gosh. And so much has happened during this journey! I just wanna mention some memorable things during these years. Like remember the pre-s02x09 excitement?? And other stuffs, ah here we go!

The first trailer made me SO EXCITE, I had wanted more batman villains content for years since I have always found the batman villains squad so interesting and good and unique characters, there is so much to explore here! And so the Gotham trailer came and I just OH MY GOD this is exactly what I want!! And so it started and it was amazing. My first love was Ed, it took him his first scene in ep1 to make me go totally THIS IS MY FAV! More eps went on and I required more Ed content. But then Oswald slowly grew on me kinda out of nowhere like I wasn’t expecting it. And when amazing ep7 aired it just hit down on me from the sky, like it does when I know I got a new obsession/fandom. Oswald’s amazing scenes in ep7 and I went ”Okay this is it, I’M DEEP INTO THIS NOW AND I LOVE IT!”. In exactly THIS↓ scene/moment I basically said those words out loud and realized this is my life now, ugh also one of my fav looks I miss the bangs:

Shortly after ep7 I started shipping Nygmobblepot, since we knew who these characters were and who they will end up being it made SO much sense in this show, they were like the two familiar main villains in kinda the same age and I also loved them both so I mean it was obvious for me. Man in the beginning we were so very few in the shipping Nygmob pond, in the OCEAN of Gobblepot. It was a bit of a struggle sometimes, ppl wrote hate on my Nygmob posts n stuff shrug. And I just didn’t get how not more ppl could see it? It would make more sense if this were new characters like they hadn’t even met but since we knew this is Riddler and Penguin it just was fate for them to cross paths soon enough! We needed Nygmob content! I started making tons of my own AU:s since if the show wouldn’t give us content I would do it.

BUT we had Robin & Cory with us! Reminder that Cory invented the shipname after 5 minutes and Robin & Cory’s amazing twitter activity during s1 especially I will always remember as a fav. Remember when they we’re so into roleplaying Nygmob and spoke how Ed & Os loved each other and all sorts of things. All about going to The Foxglove together and stuff. Ugh it was amazing, I miss their interactions.  

In this very smol pond is when one day my shining star @conscience-killer (aka okimi79)  approached me, with this ♥ ”Sometimes I feel we’re the only Nygmobblepot shippers in the world…well apart from Robin and Cory. We should have a secret handshake or something.”

And man did we get a secret handshake! Gosh MY DEAR OKIMI! That I up til this day since then has spoken with like everyday for 4,5 years, you are amazing ♥ And in that time of so few shippers it felt even more special, to have  someone else out there as obsessed as me. I’m so grateful we found each other at exactly that time and we’ve been through so much on this journey ♥.

When Nygmob in spring finally had their first scene it was so amazing and I have no idea how many times I have watched that scene to this day, and also with that the ship grew a bit yas!!

Let’s jump forward a bit. NYC Comic Con 2015 in fall, one of my fav Robin & Cory cons/interview times! Because the legendary ep 2x9 was soon upon us and OMG remember how excite they were in those interviews!?! And THEN, that fkn night THE episode aired. I couldn’t believe it was real, it was EVERYTHING we had dreamed of!!! SO MUCH NYGMOB CONTENT and so in character and gosh. Man their season 2 relationship is just so beautiful and I love it til this day and 2x9 is forever my favorite episode because it meant EVERYTHING for us shippers and more people also started seeing the connection between Nygmob and so more ppl started to make content and join in!

A time after another shining star came into my life, @constant-sinner (aka (riddlelvr) ♥ This amazing person and artist! And together with her and okimi I am part of the best trash family of three and I can’t believe I’ve been a mom (yet i’m the youngest but i’m fashion fur coat mom okay) to these trash sinners for like 4 years. ♥

Okay but remember all INSANE SMAYLOR CONTENT BEFORE SEASON 3!!? Man that was also one of the best times I had during these years. God they were so excite for their relationship in s3 and WEREN’T WE ALL! And omg Comic Con. I had my fkn header for 3 years soon lol, man that moment I remember seeing the signing booth stream all casual and Robin & Cory goes “Smaaylor!! Nygmobblepot!!! ;))” And I’m just wait WHUT omg. Their press tours with Sean is something I’ll miss even more than the episodes, always such a joy seeing those three together!

And when season 3 started it was just insane. To be honest how their relationship grew in s3 that’s how I expected it to grow after their meeting in s1, it made sense already back then. Ed admiring Oswald and sneaking to his club and Oswald would be a huge part of Ed’s journey to become the Riddler but ah well, I did my best with my AU:s back then!

And then s3 came and Gotham EXPLODED and I had no idea where all million ppl suddenly came from lol. It became huge. But since it still feels kinda close to this day (2,5 yrs though man), my most nostalgic feels will always be over s1-2 so I’m not gonna write so much about the season 3-5 times in this text. My closest to heart milestones is during the first years and now that I’ve seen all episodes I still think season 1 is the best overall, except the lack of Nygmob content ofc ;)

I’ve not just felt love for the show ofc, the show isn’t perfect. There has been serious flaws and bad writing and plot drops. Tbh s4 I just felt so NOPE about? 22 eps of waste…Like Ed’s plot for example like he barley had his own plot what happened? And we also have the q*eerbait Nygmob issue obviously. I have also felt the show has been a bit childish being -helloo- GOTHAM city we’re talking about? I think it would have been much better off with a MA-rating tbh to properly tell certain stories. After s4 though I’m glad in s5 Nygmob finally got some proper screen time being together and in character!! Like that’s how their relationship should have been from beginning of season 4, or season 1 if u ask me lol but ya know!

BUT I LOVE THIS SHOW, the amazing actors and characters and scenery and costumes!! Ed, Oswald, Robin & Cory will ofc always have the most special place in my heart ♥ The Nygmob journey in the show has meant so much to me to follow it from day one and I never knew how much this show would mean to me when I started back in the day.

This show. And not just the show itself but my journey and life around it!!? So much has happened. For one example I had made a bit of gifs before but Gotham really got me into gif making, and it’s been a joy sharing content and my Nygmob AU will always be among my most fun things I’ve done, it was like if they ain’t gonna give us enough content I WILL. It’s a fun way of gif making to manip scenes to create something new! And today I still enjoy making gifs, as you probably know heh. Thanks so much for all nice comments and reblogs through all these years ya’ll!! It warms my heart and I love to read reblog tags! 

I have been at con and got to meet Robin, enjoyed so many interviews and promos, chatted with wonderful people. Every Friday night I have been up in my Europe timezone at 2am to live watch the show, the workdays after has been a bit of a struggle of being tired with going to bed like 5am lol but man it’s been so nice to follow it when it airs!

Watching together with my dearest @conscience-killer and @constant-sinner . Two of the best that happened to me during these years. These two people that I’ve spoken with like everyday for 4 years! Through Gotham finding two of my dearest friends in my life. Watching the show together and screaming, crying, laughing during this journey, about not just the show but EVERYTHING in life. They also are amazing writers and artists ♥ And also helped me endless times with gif caption when my non-native brain trying to write gif captions at 3am after the episode lol. All my love to you both ♥

THANKS TO ALL AMAZING PEOPLE that impacted me over these years. The cast and nice fandom people! My dearest @conscience-killer and @constant-sinner. And I also wanna mention dear @millicentcordelia and @selene-volturo that are amazing ppl that have been here with me since the very beginning of season 1. And they have always been so down to earth even during the stormiest periods of this show’s existence ♥ I’m so glad we’ve shared this LONG journey!

And also hugs to my dear mutual fandom friends that I’ve shared hours of conversations with over the years. Some of us maybe don’t speak as much nowadays and some of us have gone separate ways with new interests but I hope you know who you all are, regardless if we spoke yesterday or 2015. You have made my fandom time a joy!

I’m actually okay with the show ending now you know. Ofc it’s a bit sad but as I said I felt s4 was kinda stomping around in the same spot and even s5 had some fillers like they didn’t have more to do to push the story forward? The last ep was a nice easter egg wrap up for this LONG journey. And I mean shows live on with fan content, and who knows maybe it will return somehow? But it feels good they told us it would end so I was prepared for this and to say ”goodbye”. But it’s not goodbye because content will continue on this site and I’ll continue re-enjoy this show!

This is 4,5 years. In 2 pages, I could prob write 20 but ah, but i felt I got to to summary the most important things for me over these years ♥. This show and stuff that came with it will always be such a big part of my life, ALL LOVE AND HUGS!

[pearlsnowflake]

2010′s

2010’s Thinking about this last decade and there are so many amazing milestones, losses, triumphs, memories, successes and more. This decade provided the following memories 2010 - I dropped out of college, one semester short of graduation. My first job (Wendy’s) promoted me to a shift supervisor. I moved in with my boyfriend and his family. We went on my first cruise and my first international vacation. I swam with sharks and hand fed a scarlet macaw Jamaica, fed green turtles in Grand Cayman and petted Ernest Hemenway’s cats in Key West 2011 - I quit my job at Wendy’s and took the summer off to relax and revaluate my priorities. My parents moved out of the home I grew up in and moved to a one-bedroom apartment in the next city over. I took a weeklong vacation to Lincoln, New Hampshire. I went to the top of Mt. Washington and saw six moose on a moose tour. 2012 - Six weeks after getting a job at Catherine’s plus sizes as a supervisor, I was promoted to Assistant Manager. At the age of 24, I was the youngest manager in my district. (All of New England). I was also top in sales for the state of Massachusetts. I went to Niagara Falls and enjoyed every moment of it. I never got tired of seeing the waterfalls. 2013 - Quit my job as an Assistant Manager at Catherine’s when my boss was screaming at me in front of customers because I didn’t catch a small mistake made by another employee. I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. Our relationship and our lives weren’t moving forward, and he didn’t see a problem with it. Therefore, I moved back in with my parents at 25. I traveled to NYC with my parents to celebrate their 30th anniversary. By the end of the year I was a Swing Manager at McDonald’s working 50 hrs a week. 2014 - Easter Sunday was my first Sunday off in six months. I was bored and downloaded Tinder. Within 10 minutes, I matched with Chris. We spent the next five days texting and on the phone with each other. On April 25th, I traveled five hours on two busses, 2 subways and a commuter rail to get from Lowell to Hartford to meet Chris at the bus station. We went on our first date to Mooyah in New Britain. Six months later, I quit my job at McDonald’s and moved to Connecticut and into our first apartment. I had lived in Massachusetts for 23 years and it’s the only state that I ever remember living in. 2015 - Chris and I traveled with his parents to New Hampshire and saw the Ice Castles. That March, we found out that I was pregnant. I was on the Depo Provera shot. When we went to the Planned Parenthood two days after we found out, the pregnancy was deemed high risk as my HCG levels were about 3 times what they should have been for six weeks along. We spent an entire night and day at St. Francis Hospital to be told by three OB/GYN’s that I had a “unviable pregnancy of unknown location”. A week later we went back to St. Francis for another ultrasound and they found the sac and a heartbeat. The Radiologist said that everything looked normal and my due date was 11/22/15. I refused to believe it, but after three weeks of terrible all-day sickness, the pregnancy was gone. I was 9 weeks, 3 days along. I couldn’t work for an entire week after that. Chris and I have never spoken about it again. After that, I revaluated what I wanted to do with my life. Just not sure what I wanted to do, just that I wanted something that I could help people and that wasn’t a dead end job. That June, Chris was laid off from his first job after graduating college. We had to move in with his parents. I threw myself into working as much as possible. My job at the time was at Panera Bread as an Associate Trainer. That August, I signed up for real estate classes at Manchester Comm. College in Manchester. It took me three months to complete the course, but I passed the final exam with flying colors and looked forward to leaving the restaurant industry behind. Chris and I spent Thanksgiving moving into a two-story townhouse in Ellington. 2016 - I passed my national and state real estate exams on my first try in January. I signed up with Keller Williams in East Longmeadow. My license was issued on February 16th. After a few months, I switched to Keller Williams in West Hartford. I interviewed with several teams. However none of them were the right fit for me. I was still working at Panera but was desperate to leave. That November, I saw a Facebook post on the Keller Williams West Hartford that the Blake Team was looking for a Transaction Coordinator. I responded with my resume immediately and Amina messaged me back within five minutes. Five interviews later, I landed the job and my start date was 1/2/17. After two years at Panera Bread, it felt incredible to put in my two weeks’ notice. 2017 – Started my first “real” job in January in Wallingford. I couldn’t have asked for a better team to learn from. Everything I know about real estate is from this team. While I enjoyed a job that kept me busy. (Our team was the #1 Individual team at Keller Williams in New England that year) I knew that I wanted to go back to school to finish my bachelor’s degree. That May, I applied to Central Connecticut State University and I was accepted. I started in August as a general business major as I didn’t really know what I wanted to major in. It was intimidating to sit in classes of 20-year-old students at nearly 30 years old. Especially after being out of school for nearly nine years. I would work 8 am – Noon, M-F as an ISA on the team and then go to CCSU from 1 PM – 10PM, Monday – Thursday. First semester didn’t go as great as I wanted to, but I kept going. After months of illness, my nana passed away on Nov. 25th. I had visited her two days prior on Thanksgiving, it was heartbreaking to see her like that. 2018 - I continued my education and kept working in real estate. I went back to handling the transactions for the team that August. I did not want to give that up as I’ve worked hard to get my license and to earn a spot-on Amina’s team. Due to financial reasons, I went back to Panera Bread as an Associate Trainer. So along with taking 15 credits at CCSU, working in real estate, I was working at Panera, my only day off was Saturdays. That May ended up declaring my major as Hospitality and Tourism with a minor in Business Administration. Professor Kreeger, who is the head of the department, was the first professor that I met that cared about my education. He took transfer credits that CCSU initially refused to take. Thus, allowing me to graduate a semester early. My grandfather passed away October 1st, he was my last surviving grandparent. 2019 – I started my last semester at CCSU in January and continued to go to school full time and work two jobs. I’m still not sure how I handled it, but I ended up graduating with a 3.6 GPA in my major and a 3.0 overall. That June, I quit Panera Bread again and took on real estate full time again. In September, Amina asked me if I was willing to take BOLD that year. At first, I was hesitant as I had preconceived notions that it was just cheerleading for agents and a scheme for KW to make more money. After seven weeks on the “Untouchables” team, I was hooked. The energy and momentum were more that I was expecting. I even got my first listing appointment while taking BOLD. I’ve already asked Amina if I can take it again in the Spring. As I look back on the past decade, I first saw failures, from relationships, education, jobs and myself. However, I never gave up, I kept going until I reached my goals. Am I where I thought I would be at 32? No, but I am working to get there. There isn’t a timeline for when things need to happen. I’m going at my own pace.

[fangirling-throughlife]

Sant Jordi (World's Book Day)

Summary: Shawn falls for a Valencian girl who's an enormous bookworm.

A/N: as today (well, it's past 12, so technically it was yesterday) is Sant Jordi (a festivity in Spain, specially in Aragón and Catalonia), a day commemorating the World Book Day (because of the anniversary of the death of Shakespeare, Miguel de Cervantes and Garcilaso de la Vega), I thought of this little idea. I'm from Valencia (where the girl is from), so it's just almost 2k of publicity for my city and my language (Catalan). So, if anybody is going to visit or would like to visit the city, I'll be happy to answer any questions. Also, I'm a big bookworm, which is why it's about books and St. Jordi. Anyway, hope you enjoy it!

Word count: 1795 words

One of the first things Shawn learned about Anna was her unending love for books. She didn’t mind when it happened, where she was or in whose company, she always had a book between her hands. She couldn’t leave the house without something to read, and Shawn had learned that the hard way. During Christmas he had flown out to Valencia, her hometown, to spend some time with her, as he would be starting tour soon, so he wouldn’t have the time to see his girl, who was busy with her classes. One night, between Christmas and New Year, he took her out to have dinner and watch a movie. They arrived late to the restaurant, because she realised she didn't have her book with her when they were on their way for 10 minutes.

It isn't surprising, though, considering where he met her. She spent the summer in Toronto, studying English, and she went to a little book shop next to Shawn's building two or three times a week. Shawn saw her one day, roaming the aisles full of shelves and talking to Leonard, the owner, as if she were an old friend, and was intrigued immediately. He noticed she usually was there between 18 and 20, so he went outside around those hours, hoping to see her.

He looked at her black hair, her dark-brown eyes hidden behind considerably thick glasses and her tanned skin. He knew her features so well that he saw her when he closed his eyes. At one point, he started feeling like a stalker, but he couldn't stop thinking about her. He noticed that she wasn't Canadian three weeks after he saw her for the first time, when she left the shop one day talking on her phone. He didn't recognize the language, though he was sure it wasn't French (he surely would've recognized some words). All he knew was that it was beautiful and melodic, so it had to be something between French, Italian and Spanish. He realised that she would be leaving soon (he asked Brian when college started generally, as she was giving off some big nerdy college girl vibes), so he decided he had to talk to her before she did. One day, after he checked she was inside, he entered and talked to her, pretending to be looking for a gift for Aaliyah. He asked for her advice, which she gave very excitedly, and, after 30 minutes, he found the courage to ask her out to have a drink.

If Shawn loved the idea of her, after “stalking” her for three weeks, he fell for her the moment she talked to him. He was surprised when she admitted she knew his music, because she was completely cool with the fact that Shawn Mendes himself asked her out. She talked about her dream to become a writer, or, at least, an editor, and he talked about how much he loved writing music. They kept on seeing each other every night after her classes for the last 10 days she spent in the city.

By the time she had to go back to Valencia, the both of them were deeply in love with each other. The only thing stopping him from buying a ticket to go see her were the multiple commitments he had for the next months. The first time he could go see her was end-October, for her birthday. When he got to Valencia and she showed the city to him, he understood her personality. She mirrored the beauty of her city perfectly. He quickly noticed the duality of it: it's got the characteristics of a big city as well as of a small provincial town. It combines century-old history in the centre with a modern and vibrant side more outside. Just like he expected (just by knowing her) the people were nice and welcoming. For the first time in ages, he could enjoy some time without being “the Rockstar” all the time, as people seemed to be very chill about him being there.

As tour started in Amsterdam in March (she didn't have so much work around that time), he made sure she was there for the two first shows. She didn't have any classes for a whole week afterwards, but as she quickly explained to him, “It's Fallas, I can't miss that. Plus, I've already said yes to a billion plans, I won't even be free.”  So, from the 15th till the 20th of March, he would find after every single show pictures of his bookworm girlfriend at parties, in front of statues that, according to her, were “a form of art, and satire” (he would have to see them with his own eyes, and maybe actually understand her language to conceive that very deep meaning she was trying to explain). She sent him awfully long videos of fireworks displays, every night longer than the previous one. Through her camera and his screen he was dragged into the festivities of Fallas, something he definitely needed to experience by himself.

His favourite moment of March, though, was the show in Barcelona. She didn't answer the phone for hours, making him anxious, but she appeared out of thin air backstage, sharing a mischievous smile with Brian. Later, he found out that they had been plotting against his sanity for the past hours. That day he saw her really get into the show and the atmosphere. She was fluent in both French and English, but in Barcelona she could speak her native languages, Spanish and Catalan. She surely didn't notice, but he did: she opened up, she chatted with fans and won them over with her charming personality. After all, she was talking to her people. She freaked out when Aitana came backstage and asked for a picture with her “please, please, please” . That day, he knew that the love for her culture would always be enormous.

She couldn't make it to the final show in London, because she had an exam on Thursday and the combination of trains, flights and busses was simply impossible, so she just watched it from a video call with Brian. She saw her boy be sick and told him to stay hydrated, she told him how proud she was, but she couldn't help but feel awful because she wasn't there, with all his family and loved ones. When he announced, after the show, that he was going back to Toronto in the morning, she couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed. One part of her understood him completely. He had been away for such a long time that he needed to be in his own bed to recharge. He had studio sessions and SNL coming up, so she shouldn't be surprised that he wasn't coming. He still called her every single day and night, he asked about her classes (didn't she tell him they had 2 weeks of Easter Holiday?) and about the city (the weather was awful, so she didn't leave the house).

The one subject he seemed to avoid was the most pressing one considering the time of the year. To Anna, the most important festivity (even though it wasn't a national holiday, it should be, in her opinion) was St. Jordi. She remembered with a smile the story she heard every year at school. And, even though there were two official days to celebrate love in Valencia (the historical one, Sant Dionís, on October 9th, and the globalised one, Saint Valentine, on February 14th), she considered Sant Jordi, on April 23rd, the one true lover's day. The traditional gifting of a rose and a book was, in her opinion, the most romantic gesture in a relationship. Well, she didn't really care about the rose (although she couldn't deny the fact that she was a hopeless romantic and she loved to get a rose), she was always eager to know what the book would be. It was also the first Sant Jordi since she started dating Shawn, so she was terrified. Hadn't she made it clear how important the day was to her? He didn't have to fly over, he could just ship a book, or even send her a gift card so she could buy the books herself.

When midday passed on the 23rd, she decided she wouldn't be waiting for him to call alone sitting on her couch. Even though it was raining (surprise, “En abril, aigües mil” (in April, it rains a lot)), she took her umbrella and raincoat and walked to the book fair. All the stress she had been building for the past weeks vanished when she saw the thousands of books in front of her. She quickly started to look (not buy, that's her strategy: first looking and then deciding on the purchase), and she almost forgot about her boyfriend who'd forgotten about this special day.

But, the same way she kept quiet for the entire day when she went to see him in Barcelona, he didn't talk to her while he was getting to Valencia. Even though he didn't think she'd be at home, he tried, and his suspicions were confirmed by her sister. So, he immediately left for the book fair. With the help of her sister, he found her without attracting too much attention to himself. She was reading the first chapter of a book she seemed to be considering, a second one in her hand to check up on later. He slightly chuckled, because she's the only person who would stop to read the first chapter of a book before deciding on buying or not. He immediately froze, but relaxed rapidly, as his chuckle didn't give away his presence. When she finally was done, she returned one of the books to its place and turned to take her wallet. That moment, she was met with the view of Shawn Mendes with a red rose, her favourite, and a copy of her favourite author's new book. At first, she couldn't believe it, until he walked up to her and whispered in her ear, “it's not that funny to be kept in the dark for so long, isn't it?” She laughed, knowing he was talking about her's and Brian's stunt in Barcelona, promising herself she would never do it again. “It's not. I thought you didn't remember.” She confessed. “That was my whole idea.” She couldn't help but glare at him, but he quickly pressed his lips onto hers, smiling in the kiss. “Feliç dia del Llibre, amor”. (Happy Book Day, love) Shawn said, proud of himself for remembering the phrase completely. She chuckled (he didn't understand why, though, his pronunciation had been excellent), and answered. “Feliç dia de Sant Jordi, amor.” (Happy St. George day, love).

[doriscahill]

A plane ride to hike a glacier

The Easter weekend plan was to fly to Mestia Georgia and hike Chalaadi Glacier. Knowing it was the hike to make, the snow was melting and upcoming weather forecasts predicted sunny and mild mid 50s.

My cohort of friends only need get there. Resources advised, the trip is long and we should fly. So, we agree to meet at the airport and each purchase tickets online.

A million miles plus flyer, I do not think much of flying: however this flight never sunk-in until arrival.

Greeted at this small airport, not the main Tibilisi airport. we are checked in quickly with time to sit for coffee and snacks. While waiting to board, I look for our equipment and see it waiting in the airfield.

"Yip, oh my", it's a prop plane, a 20 seater winged-tube with two modest sized propellers. Second guessing in my head I think "This short potentially squeamish ride avoids a 10 hour crueling road trip. A trip through the mountains on a marshutka." A marshutka is a Russain word for bus/minivan. These buses are crammed with food sacks, orderous locals, dust, grit and squirmy kids. Compared to this flight I also knew what to expect: possible passengers developing motion sickness, but that risk exists on the marsh, except you can not exactly pull over. And accidents are very low in planes compared to a Georgian marsh.

A prop plane feels adventurous. The worst thing is a low probability crash. Should our plight be that I CHIRP to the group "it's photo time" and ask the pilot if we have time for pictures. One never knows if we will be "The Flight of the Phoenix, English Patient or Alive". AND, IF SO all the other players were cast: a foursome of athletes from Spain, retired Germans touring, photographers from Asia: and seven peace corp volunteers without cell coverage.

I took a single window seat in case a less weathered passenger jumps in my lap from fear or pukes. Good thinking, as this ride turned out to be a nail biter.

The engines are fired up, seat belts fastened. we sit for some time as the hum of turbines build momentum. A female volunteer softly yelps, "I smell gas'. Reassuring I agree "It's disel. we are over the engine; revving up" she squints a smile The propellers begin to spin like a windmill at first, then an intense hum-buzz. The co-pilot steps out behind a thin panel and welcomes us and points to two buttons fastened mid-isle one can push to summon for help. Great.

We begin to taxi to the run way and pause to take-off. I think it a good time to bless myself and how my mom would not like this at all. There's no traffic nor other planes on our airstrip....the pilot gives it some gas, we speed along, faster and faster, then lift, lift we shift then bump and up, then bump bump bump and up. Landing wheels creaking they fold in, the plane heaves we're aloft. Ascending.

Magnificent sway, tilt and pitch between valleys below. We fly below puffy white clouds against skies blue and jagged snow capped mountains. The planes belly rattles, I rummage through my purse for my phone and snap a few photos. I start get clammy the shifting is constant and so is the bounce. Most of my flight is spent with eyes shut gripping the stretched worn-out seat pocket in front of me, there were no chicken bars or arm rests to hang onto.

Listening closely, I hear others mumble they thought they felt sick. Then my ears popped, the landing gear dropped and we began our decent, a soft landing: made it.

We deplaned, a complimentary shuttle took us to nearby lodging where we settled in and arranged pickup for the following morning. The SUV would drop us at the head of the Chalaadi trail.

Part 2; The Climb

Chalaadi Glacier is located in Mestia and name for the river which cuts through it. Mestua is in Svaneti Region about 15k from Russia and its nearest village. No worries the towering Caucuses and no direct crossing roads make it pretty far away.

We understood the hike would take about two hours in and out. The inclines step in sections, with altitude climbing to 6000 feet. Rocks are jagged and loose in sections and snow was not fully melted. If reasonably fit an upper 50s woman can do it.

Well, all those obstacles did present a challenge. At the trail head with the first section slippery from packed snow I grab a walking stick. Ascending, this large man lifts or pulls me up a sharp incline. We pass those same tourists who came on the plane fearing they would slide into us. And when I ventured off the packed snow my feet sank up to my knees in snow hitting jagged rocks. When we reached the site of the glacier I climbed or stretched and pulled myself up on this large boulder to take a pictures.

That's me after sliding off the rock landing thigh deep in a snow mound. I slipped twice gracefully bumping my backside with bruises on my inside hip and hand to prove it. My now wet pants received a nice butt whole and I tied my sweater to my waist. Good news, no broken leg :-).

I would do it again and told my cohorts in 30 I am speed dialing them to return at my age and give it a go.

[jennygoeseastbay]

2018 in Review

So I used to do one of these every year on my Livejournal, and I completely blew it off in 2017 because I kind of abandoned that medium, and because the last month of that year was complete consumed with packing and moving. I’m not entirely certain I want to get more active on here, but for now this is a good place for me to post this, simply to have the written record of my existence that I need in order to process all that has happened and reflect on how it has helped me to grow and improve as a person. If I’m feeling really ambitious, I might even backtrack and do one for 2017 next week, because I like to be complete in my self-documentation. ;)

01. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before? Visited Washington DC for the first time.

Visited the Los Cabos region of Mexico for the first time.

Closed a major gift from someone who had not already had decades of cultivation from their University.

Visited even more areas of California that were new to me, including Anaheim, Santa Barbara, Santa Maria, Pismo Beach, Paso Robles, and Lake Tahoe (I guess that also includes Nevada since we stayed in Carson City)

Visited Ashland Oregon for the first time.

Sold a piece of real estate. Phew!

Practiced Yin Yoga. (And walking meditation!)

Engaged in a yoga hike!

Also tried yoga with goats!

Attended WonderCon

Attended a county fair.

Road a bicycle somewhere other than a residential street

Tried kayaking

Ran a trail run race

02. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I never really make concrete resolutions, just some general proclamations about eating better, and putting more time into fitness and writing. Of these three things, the one I was most successful at this year, surprisingly enough, was eating better. In September I realized that it was time for a physical tune-up, and so I rejoined WW after a long time away, and though I still have a few pounds to go, I’ve been happy to have gotten a bit sleeker after dialing back the bread and cheese. I also attended a writing group called Shut Up and Write a couple times, and I’d like to become more of a regular at their cafe sessions in 2019, because I’ve found that their method (literally a concentrated hour of shutting up and writing) has been helpful the two times I’ve gone.

03. Did anyone close to you give birth? My dear friends Drew and Kelly had their first child in September. And my friend Lynn had her second child, a little girl, just a couple weeks ago. 04. Did anyone close to you die? Not super close, but a professor at UC Davis who I had worked with closely, passed very unexpectedly right before Halloween. 05. What countries did you visit? Mexico! Finally broke in my current passport with a new stamp! 06. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018? Good novel progress. Or more discipline on some other fiction and an essay that I just started tinkering with. A legit boyfriend. 07. What date(s) from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 2 was my first day on the job at UC Davis.

January 7 was a super fun evening at the Museum of Ice Cream in SF

January 13-15 was a wonderful weekend in Seattle where I got to meet my nephew Apollo for the first time and photograph his first swimming lesson for his parents.

January 20 was my second Women’s March outing in Sac with my friend Jade and her little ones.

January 27 was a day when I got to play tour guide for my friend Gricel and her husband when they were in SF visiting for the first time.

Feb. 10 and 11 was a fun weekend in Berkeley and SF, being silly and singing loudly with my former Cal colleagues who had become dear friends.

March 23-25 Was my whirlwind Anaheim weekend at Wondercon, and I got to catch up with my friend Mike, whom I’d not seen in a couple years.

March 30-April 1 was an epic road trip weekend, the first of what my friend Maya and I now call our Girls Gone Sensibly Wild excursions. We drove to Santa Barbara and visited the deserted UC campus there (it was closed for spring break) and also enjoyed an amazing live show featuring Dave Hause, Dan Andriano, and Cory Branan, among others at the Cold Spring Tavern. And then got a joint membership at Peachy Canyon Winery on our way back, because it was one of the few establishments open on Easter Sunday.

April 22 was Earth Day, and prompted me to venture out to Marin for an impromptu yoga hike at Rodeo Beach.

May 14 was my first appointment with a new hair stylist who would also unexpectedly become a trusted friend.

May 24 was my first time seeing Depeche Mode live, and it was incredible.

June 8-10 was my second of two hit it and quit it Chicago trips (although really, the first one wasn’t so much Chicago as it was Joliet) this year, and allowed me to reconnect with my dear friends Drew and Kelly (Drew finished his PhD at UChicago and I attended his commencement and hooding), have a day at the zoo with my friend Dawn, and also road trip to WI with my friend Mary for a beautiful and moving Lights Festival experience together.

June 30 was the day I attended my first ever CalShakes performance with Maya and our mutual friend Paola (Girls Gone Sensibly Wild continued!), and Maya also got me on a bike for the first time in ages, thanks to LimeBikes being available at the Pleasant Hill BART station. We took a short, wobbly, but fun ride down the Iron Horse Trail.

July 1 was the day I learned to kayak and surprisingly got myself through 5 miles of the Russian River without tipping over or running out of steam.

July 26 saw me reuniting with my dear pals Shannon and Glenn, when they were visiting the Sac area for a wedding.

July 27-29 was the weekend I drove up to Ashland to enjoy some time with my friend Debbie and to experience the Oregon Shakespeare Festival for the first time.

August 3-6 was when I somewhat unexpectedly had the delight of hosting my friend Clarise for a weekend visit. We drove down to Pacifica for the International Dog Surfing competition and I schooled her in the ways of California wine as much as I could with my limited knowledge.

The following weekend, August 9-13, I had a lovely time hosting and touring around with my 16 year old niece, and got to introduce her to the joy that is Santa Cruz. And yoga with goats!

August 30-Sept. 4 was when I hosted (this is a recurring theme in August, isn’t it?) my Aunt Sherrie for local sightseeing and a road trip up to Lake Tahoe.

Sept. 22-24 saw me heading down to L.A. for my cousin Katie’s wedding and some work meetings. It was the first time in ages that I got to connect with that specific branch of my family, and get to know them a bit better.

Sept. 29 was my first AFSP walk in Sac. And i was joined by Jade, her visiting mom, and her three little ones.

Sept. 30 was the really long hair session with Mason that helped solidify that we were legit friends (and included a shared sunset from the window of his hair studio!) and a quick follow up appointment on Oct. 3 allowed us to enjoy a rainbow and storm together.

Oct. 19-21 saw Maya and I doing another Girls Gone Sensibly Wild road trip. Back to Peachy Canyon to pick up some wine, and also Pismo Beach and Santa Maria for our first visit to a really lovely winery called Foxen.

Oct. 26 was quite possibly my all-time favorite Brian Fallon performance. It was just him alternating between his acoustic guitar and an electric piano, and he was joined by Craig Finn from The Hold Steady, who also did his own acoustic set.

Oct. 27 I got to introduce my new friend Torrey to the Old Sugar Mill in Clarksburg, and we did a fun wine and Halloween candy pairing and some epic day drinking.

Nov. 3 saw me reuniting with my Cal crew and a sprinkling of East Bay friends at Fillmore Karaoke, for an epic night of loud singing as an early celebration of my 40th bday. So much wine. Actually too much, but for a birthday, that’s acceptable!

Nov. 4-6 I was in Indianapolis for work, and though the work part wasn’t particularly memorable, I was super honored and thrilled that my BFF Dawn drove all the way down from Joliet IL with her two boys to have dinner with me on my first night there.

Nov. 9 was an epic Local H show in Sac. Also a welcome break in the midst of a period of forced solitude, after the Camp Fire residual smoke prompted my whole office to work from home for about a week to protect us from the terrible air quality.

Nov. 18 was the day we had the beautiful service honoring the life of a beloved professor who passed.

Nov. 24-29 was my trip to Cabo with my Aunt Sherrie, and was also my official bday celebration.

Dec. 9-12 was my DC trip, which also allowed me to catch up with my friend Max, who lives in Baltimore, and my friend Stacey, who also happened to be there for her own work purposes.

Dec. 15 was my full day of yoga retreating at Green Gulch Ranch in Marin, and then I drove to the East Bay to catch up with Maya at Calicraft, which is one of our favorite craft distilleries in the area.

Dec. 16 was a white elephant celebration in Pleasant Hill that allowed me to unexpectedly meet a new, interesting friend.

08. What was your biggest achievement of the year? So far, meeting all expectations at my new job and closing a major gift earlier than is required. Also not losing my shit during the condo selling process, even though there were a lot of reasons to do so.

09. What was your biggest failure? I wrote VERY little fiction. But I did dip my toe back into writing in general, so I guess there’s that. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I took a tumble at home that left my tailbone a bit tender about a month ago. But otherwise, no, pretty healthy, even after getting rear-ended in my car! 11. What was the best thing you bought? Various travel tickets, both air and rail. A beautiful new necklace that I found at the holiday market in D.C. All the concert tickets that provided soul-fueling live music.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine! I adjusted to a new job and an unfamiliar setting and managed to acquire a few new friends while also maintaining the East Bay friendships that meant the most to me. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Who else but certain immediate family members? 14. Where did most of your money go? Rent. Travel. Wine, and to a lesser extent, craft beer, now that I’ve picked up a taste for stouts and sours. 15. What song will always remind you of 2018?

Anything off of Sleepwalkers by Brian Fallon

Anything off of  Be More Kind by Frank Turner

Chariot by Gavin DeGraw

Tall Green Grass by Cory Branan

16. Compared to this time last year, you are: Thinner and sleeker, weight-wise

More willing to make room for others and open my life and space to them (friend and lover both) Still as sleep-deprived as ever 17. What do you wish you'd done more of? Novel writing, as always. Flirting. And kissing. 18. What do you wish you'd done less of? Angsting over adulting-related things that were either beyond my control or that ended up working out just as they should.

19. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?

I’m driving to Santa Cruz on Xmas Eve and treating myself to an overnight stay so that I can indulge in my happy place and a sunset hike. Also get to celebrate Boxing Day for the first time with my friend Jade and her brood back in Sac.

20. How will you be spending/did you spend New Year’s Eve? Original plan was to hang at my friend Jade’s place with her kids, movies and snacks. But just learned the wee ones are ill, so now I’m not sure what I’m doing. That was how I spent last year (the original plan, that is), with the main difference being that last year I also went to a two-hour yin workshop beforehand, which was how I discovered my current yoga studio, and discovered how much I enjoy yin practice in general. 21. Did you fall in love in 2018?

No. But I made more effort to pursue it, and had more options than I think I’ve ever had in a single year. Which was kind of encouraging even if each one was relatively short-lived.

22. How many one-night stands? I always laugh when I read this question. How about I just wink knowingly and say a lady never tells? 23. What was your favorite TV program? Supernatural. iZombie. To a lesser extent, Riverdale, even though I’m still pretty behind on that one. Sons of Anarchy (which I know is old but I’m playing catchup via Netflix and Hulu) And as a guilty pleasure, Total Divas. And of course, I'm still casually following WWE on the WWE network, though the only thing I’m finding compelling aside from the women’s matches are the Brits featured on the UK specific programming. 24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No, I don't think so. 25. What was the best book you read? I finally got into the Harry Potter series and I’m really enjoying it. I just finished the Order of the Phoenix, and have the next installment requested from the library. 26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Not entirely new, but my appreciation for Cory Branan was reinforced and amplified after seeing him in Santa Barbara. And I’m also on a rediscovery tear with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the Cold War Kids.

27. What did you want and get? Reassurance that this move to Sac was the right next step, after I settled in to my new role relatively easily. 28. What did you want and not get? Romantic love for an extended period. More down time. 29. What was your favorite film(s) of this year? Bohemian Rhapsody, even though I know it had some historical inaccuracies.

A Quiet Place was hard because of the ending, but decent as well.

And the latest Halloween was hella satisfying, especially since I caught it after needing an escape after learning about the passing of the professor I mentioned earlier.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I prepped for my Cabo departure, went exploring at the Cosumnes River Trail, which is also a bird sanctuary, and caught the movie Widows with my work friend Christine. Then she took me to Panera for dinner. Couldnt’ do much more than that since I had a 5 am flight the following morning. I turned 40.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Love, as always. 32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? Activewear as much as possible. But never enough. 33. What kept you sane? My friends. The various trips I took and rock shows I attended. Junk food. Wandering in nature.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Jensen Ackles. Tom Hiddleston. Charlie Hunnan. Idris Elba. My taste doesn't change much. 35. Who did you miss? Dawn. Becca. Kelly and Drew. Stephanie and Scott. Rob. Elspeth. Mike K. Jason. 36. Who was the best new person you met?

Lu

Ellen

Mason

Torrey

Anthony

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018 Never underestimate my own ability to adapt to new situations, and to handle my own shit like a boss. I had a few challenging things thrown at me, namely the condo selling process, and the logistical gymnastics that followed after having to bring my car in for a bumper repair following a recent rear-ending, and though I felt tested by both of those situations, I ultimately succeeded at navigating both of them to a positive end.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

I’m always starting over....

I don’t wanna waste the nights in my life

But I never fit in, or felt home in my skin.

I’m waiting on a big love, baby.

--Brian Fallon, “Her Majesty’s Service”

[metamorons]

What about Ermal having a panic attack at the most inopportune moment (maybe just before a performance) and Fabrizio being so sweet with him and staying with him, helping him through it. He asks why Ermal didn't say anything earlier and he's like I didn't want to bother you and I thought I could take care of it, but Bizio's heart breaks a little at this and the two men have a heart to heart (plus cuddles)? (Hope this is ok x)

Thank you! Here it is:It has been a long tour through Italy and Europe and Ermal has reached the point where he is low in energy and desperately in need for some time off. This point comes way earlier than expected: normally it's the last week of touring he starts feeling like this, but now he still has one full month to go. He starts to panic a little because is this his body's limit? Is 37 too old to have such a full schedule? Who knows what all the stress from Eurovision and Sanremo has done to him. Ermal is aware this doom scenario is only bringing him down, but he can't stop thinking about his age and the impact it has on his body. So Ermal closes a pact with himself: no more alcohol, go to the hotel right after a concert to sleep, a lot of water, no more unhealthy fast food, cardio at least one hour a day, try not to smoke too much etc. This will hopefully bring his energy levels up again. For the first two weeks everything is fine. Ermal enjoys his new found energy. It's been years since he felt like this: happy, free, energetic. He spends his off days writing songs, recording new music, reading books, doing what he's usually too tired for during a tour. In the third week Ermal starts to feel different. Not necessarily bad, just different. He shrugs - probably hid body getting used to the new Ermal - and goes on with his daily fitness routine. Afterwards he feels nauseous, but it's nothing to get concerned about, really.It's Wednesday, week number three, only one and a half until his vacation, but Ermal feels good. So good that he accepts the offer to jump in for an artist at a festival who unfortunately has fallen sick. Fabrizio will be there too. They haven't seen each other for a month and only spoken over the phone.The moment Ermal arrives for the soundcheck Fabrizio notices something about him. Something different. You know kids when they ate too much chocolate during Easter? Ermal is just like that. Hyperactive. He laughs about the silliest things, not genuine at all. He doesn't give Fabrizio the time to speak out his worries because god, he is so happy to see him, it's been so long, how are you, how are the kids, what's on yout playlist for tonight?The soundcheck is done and Ermal goed to his changing room to dress himself for tonight. It's all of a sudden that his heart starts to beat faster and a layer of sweat creeping on his face. He looks in the mirror - the bags under his eyes, the pale face, where do they come from? He has slept well. He has been feeling well, better than ever. A thought overpowers what is left of the positive vibe: a healthy lifestyle won't stop him from aging. Perhaps the process goes slower, but still he will be 38 next year, 39, then 40...Meanwhile, Fabrizio has entered the changing room he shares with Ermal. Normally Ermal spends all his time there before a gig starts, but right now Fabrizio can't find him. He does hear him, though, and hurries to the bathroom only their changing room has access to. There, he finds Ermal, crumbled up on the ground, throwing up. He bends down and waits until his boyfriend is done. Then, while sitting in a pool of undigested potatoes, Fabrizio lifts up Ermals chin and says: "would you mind telling me what's going on or do I have to wait for another three weeks?"Ermal, in tears, vomit in the corners of his mouth, tries to speak, but only more vomit comes out. Fabrizio recognizes the signs of an overworked Ermal: a lot of unexpressed emotions leaving his body in every way but the right. He shushes him, repeatedly goes through his hair, carries him to the sofa so he can at least lie down while spitting out his insides. Meanwhile, the concert nears, but Fabrizio is determined to stay until the last minute before going on stage.Which he does. Since Ermal was a surprise guest, he wasn't announced officialy, so he can stay in the changing room while Fabrizio performs. Every single second he's on stage he thinks of the restless man lying on the sofa, too weak to talk. The minute his last song is done, Fabrizio hurries to their changing room, only to see Ermal peacefully sleeping. He decides not to wake him. Tomorrow is another day and it's not worth a confrontation when Fabrizio exactly knows what's going on: jumping from one city to the other has taken its toll. He recognizes the signs because he too knows how it is to spend all your energy and then look everywhere for a little to boost it for the last few concerts. Overworked, too enthusiast. Fabrizio carries Ermal to the hotel room and lets him sleep for as long as he can, which is 18 hours in a row and 2 more if you count them hugging next to each other in bed. / ah yes existentialism /

[thehikingviking]

Devils Peak, Santa Cruz Island High Point

Devils Peak is the high point of Santa Cruz Island and lies just off the coast of Santa Barbara. To peak geeks, it boasts over 2,000 ft of prominence and over 25 miles of isolation. It is not high, nor necessarily difficult to hike, but the main challenge lies in getting there. Typically, peak baggers must charter a private boat across the Santa Barbara Channel. Making the crossing is heavily dependent on weather and can be quite pricey. To minimize the cost per person, filling the vessel with the maximum allotted passengers is the best pricing strategy aside from knowing someone with a boat. In this case 6 were allowed; Chad, Beer, Josef, Michael, Asaka and myself. A secondary personal challenge was to figure out what to do with Leif, our new born baby. While it would have been definitely possible for me to carry him to the top, the captain recommended for us to leave the baby on dry land (which we found out later proved to be the right call). Luckily, my parents were willing to spend that same weekend in Santa Barbara to visit my mom’s cousin, so we had baby sitters for the day. Asaka was not very happy with leaving the baby, and protested to me for the several months leading up to the trip. I could have left her behind, but I already skipped a previous outing to Devils Peak several years back because there was no room for her on the boat. Finding a compatible hiking group to go with is rather rare, so I felt I had to take her. Besides, I needed to spend some personal time with Asaka, so that I can view her as my wife rather than my baby mama. After the trip, my parents reassured us that Leif did not mind one bit that we were gone for that half day. As the trip grew nearer, I realized that our reservation was on Easter Sunday! This caught me off guard, but everyone else, including the captain, seemed not to mind. My parents were flexible enough, realizing that spending a whole day with their only grandson would be the best way to spend their East Sunday anyways.

We woke up in our hotel, dropped the baby with the parents, then began our short drive to Santa Barbara Harbor. My car notified me of a wind advisory for the local area. This concerned me but the weather outside was fine. We met our group prior to 7am at the dock. Shortly after we met our captain Martín, looking like your stereotypical chill dude. Unshaven and unbothered, he wore a beanie, sweat shirt and sweatpants. He didn’t look like he was dressed to get wet, which was a good sign. He claimed to cross the channel to Santa Cruz Island over 100 times a year, which surprised me. I didn’t realized such a crossing was so popular. At any rate, this gave me confidence that we would have smooth sailing ahead. The boat was smaller than I expected, having taken a giant ferry on my previous trips to the Channel Islands. A made sure to make a “3 hour tour” Gilligan’s Island joke before we set off. Martín was polite enough to laugh, even though he probably hears that same joke on a weekly basis. Josef and Michael, Austrian buddies, sat together on the back, while the couples sat in the middle on opposite sides.

The islands looked close but this was deceptive as the ride took about an hour and a half. I was initially jealous of Josef and Michael for having the most comfortable seats on the boat until they both got completely drenched. I saw several misty spouts in the distance, which could have been from a whale or an orca. There were a couple of times where Asaka and/or Beer went flying. I was sure to hang onto her tight after the first airborne incident, and no one fell out of the boat, although Michael, who was completely drenched, might as well have. It felt like a long time to reach the island cliffs where Martín switched the dinghy into a lower gear. We cruised along until we reached Ladys Harbor, which contained a beautiful rocky beach.

The sea lions curiously watched us while swimming along the rocks.

Martín blew up a kayak which he used to transport us to shore two at a time.

We had to balance very carefully once on the transport vessel. Getting wet was inevitable, but we stayed dry above our knees. Once at shore, we dried out our feet and waited for the others to complete the transfer. Asaka took delight in the various sea shells.

Martín would hang out on the boat while we did our short hike. We expected to be gone only a few hours. After leaving the rocky beach, we entered a thicket. Thankfully there was no poison oak, but there were several sections of our route that required some bushwhacking. We aimed left (East) towards the ridgeline above. I took my place in the rear with Asaka, content to let the others break trail. My only fear was rockfall, but luckily nothing came down that day. Once through the worst of it, we emerged on a steep hillside which we followed to the top of the ridge.

-Alta 2 Benchmark

Once atop the ridge, the route was pretty straightforward as we could see all that lay ahead of us. Sure there would be some minor ups and downs, but nothing that I considered difficult.

-Dudleya succulent

It was a social occasion. I took turns chatting up each individual. I was excited for Asaka to meet Beer, since they had a similar background, coming to America from Asia to marry mountain men.

-Moonset

Though less impressive, the reddish rock reminded me of the volcanic conglomerate found in Pinnacles National Park. Over 15 million years ago, lava flows covered much of the area that now comprises the northern Channel Islands. The the rock formations at Pinnacles started in Lancaster, California, just north of the Transverse Range in the Neenach Volcanic Field, so maybe there’s some kind of distant connection.

-Lupine

-Beavertail Cactus

Rather than stay atop the ridge, we sidehilled down to a patch of shady oaks.

We took our first break in the shade. I sorted through the various Japanese snacks that Asaka’s mom shipped from Japan. The summit was near but we had no reason to rush. Sometimes you need to learn to enjoy the hikes.

After our break we climbed up the grassy hill to our right and followed a parallel ridge towards Devils Peak. The summit structure was now visible from our vantage point.

We climbed a steep, grassy hill underneath some more oaks then emerged on top of the final rocky ridge.

We reached the summit several minutes later. We all did our best to stay in the shade on that warm day. I ate my dry sandwich, wishing I had some more mayo to go along with it. I wondered how they serviced the tower, since I didn’t see a road leading up to the structure.

To the east was El Montañon, the high point of Channel Islands National Park.

To the north were the Santa Ynez Mountains and the Santa Barbara Channel.

To the west were Santa Rosa Island and Alta 2 Benchmark

To the southwest were Sierra Blanca and the endless Pacific Ocean.

To the southeast ran the fault line that divides Santa Cruz Island.

Asaka didn’t want to wait on the summit for too long since she was worried about the baby, so we took a final photo and began our hike back down.

Asaka ran off ahead of the group while I organized some final things.

Much to her nature, Asaka quickly got lost. She wasn’t on the descent route, so I had to run off to find her. She had continued along the ridge past our turnoff point. I hollered down to her and waited for her to climb back up, disappointed and embarrassed as usual. Now that we were back on track, we pretty much followed the exact same way back down to the boat. I was relieved to see Martín's boat was still there.

Much care was taken on the final section. It was steep and I didn’t want to kick down any rocks. We then trashed our way over the last section, just barely missing our ascent route too far to the left. It took us 4.5 hours to do our little hike. This included two very long rests and a gentle pace.

Once at the beach, Martín began to fill his kayak. I jumped in the super cold water to cool off. Perhaps that was a bad idea because I would end up being too cold over the next hour and a half.

Once in the boat, we began our ride back, and that’s where the fun began. Martín informed us that a small craft advisory had been issued for the area. These particular words didn’t mean much to me, but his tone and body language were more effective at conveying our situation. He then said that it was going to get pretty gnarly, which was an easier statement for me to understand.

Things were smooth coming out of the cove, but it wasn’t long until we reached open water and things started to get dicey. Martín recommended for us to sit on the deck as opposed to the seats. The water was very choppy and the swells would take us up high peaks and down to low valleys. A couple times the waves even broke over our boat and soaked everybody. First Josef got got completely soaked, and then Asaka. It was like someone dropped a bucket on each of them. It was scary and funny at the same time. Martín lost his sunglasses and his sweatpants got soaked. After 30 minutes of some crazy maneuvering, the swells began to relent slightly, and things got progressively smoother as we neared shore. I was relieved to pull into the sunny harbor. After Martín docked, I asked him if that was typical. He stated that was the roughest crossing he’s ever experienced. He has owned his current boat for 7 years, which means with a conservative estimate, he's done at least 700 out and backs. I don’t know if we were unlucky to have experienced such wild conditions, or conversely lucky just to have survived. It will be a good story to tell for years to come. We all got our sea legs that day. We met up with my parents and the baby later that afternoon, and I went crabbing with my cousin. We didn't yield any results, but I got to stare out at the island for a couple more hours. Now I need to take a more leisurely tourist trip out to Channel Islands National Park.

[boozedancing]

When Mrs. Satellite Engineer came up with Scotland as a Spring Break destination for us and the teenage daughters, my first thoughts went quickly to Islay. That idyllic island on the west coast is forever in my mind after three days there with the Single Cask Nation (SCN) boys and a few SCN members four years ago. But, alas, this was not to be a whisky trip. This was a family trip to Scotland with, maybe, a little whisky mixed in. Like a cocktail with a wee bit more spirit.

First passes through a proposed itinerary included Islay, but with limited time, it really made no sense with the big loop of driving that our route would take us on the mainland. A new, “better” itinerary sans Islay was constructed by my far better half. And upon presenting it to the daughters, it was met… with glum faces. “What about Islay?!”, they exclaimed. Or maybe whispered. I just know someone said it and was glum saying it. Could well have been me but there were no recording devices to prove it. Apparently I am listened to on rare occasion and my waxing poetic over that last few years about the little island sunk in – and paid off! Islay was back on the trip!

Day 1

After an overnight stay in a Glasgow airport hotel, we walked back to the airport the next morning and boarded a cozy Loganair flight to Islay. I was mentally prepared with low expectations for the flight to be cancelled for the inevitable bad weather that was surely to come, and not atypical of travel in this part of the world. Yet the Gods of the Hebrides looked down upon us with beautiful blue skies and frosty white clouds as we boarded that little 40-seat airplane. The eyes of Daughter #1 widened when she saw Ardbeg, Laphroaig, and Lagavulin a few thousand feet below nestled on the coast. It probably wasn’t the same feeling I had four years ago as my mates and I crossed the channel to Islay via ferry but Daughter #1 was clearly bright-eyed and excited. Seeing her glued to the window in anticipation got me pretty excited too.

A few minutes later we were disembarking the stairwell from the Saab 340B. It was a bit dizzying walking those twenty yards to the tiny terminal. Maybe I was just airsick. Who knows? We were on Islay! And it was a beautiful day!

Islay was a good starter track for my “wrong” side of the road driving practice that I needed. And as we pulled out of the airport “car hire” parking, I was quickly reminded to “STAY TO THE LEFT” by the friendly chorus sitting beside and behind me. Heading south on the A846 towards Port Ellen with fields of peat all around us, I almost pinched myself to wake up from this crazy dream. But that would have required deciding which hand to take off of the wheel safely for the pinching which would have ended in “TWO HANDS ON THE WHEEL!  STAY TO THE LEFT!” I didn’t need that. No pinching. But I really was on Islay again.

The Kildalton Cross

I tried not to play too much tour guide as we got into Port Ellen and passed the malting house. There was plenty to see without me pointing and gabbing. With little time on the island, we had some must-do’s.  First was to head up the eastern coast to the Kildalton High Cross. The quaintness of the island can’t be overstated.��Hugging that coastline and driving through its hilly, uneven terrain with only a house here and there, and sheep everywhere else, the family got a crash course in Islay’s unique and varied beauty. Daughter #1 was amazed how the air didn’t have that salty, seaside smell that we’re accustomed to at home near the Pacific. Villages sit against the sea on one side and woodlands on the other. Islay has its mysteries, indeed.  The various signs with their bilingual street names only played on our heartstrings more.  Gaelic can do that to you, especially if you can’t pronounce it. Passing Ardbeg, Laphroaig, and Lagavulin northwards towards Kildalton warmed my heart. We would stop on the way back but it was good to see those friendly buildings again.  

Scotland’s historic spots are fascinating if only for their lack of… visitors. The Kildalton Cross and church grounds are at end of a paved road on a tiny hill. There’s a parking lot though we were the only ones parked on this Saturday morning. And there’s a chain-link fence around the property but it’s only purpose seemingly is to keep the sheep from wandering in. The scattered sheep droppings on the church property proved that either the sheep were really good at opening the gate or visitors were really bad at closing it. It would seem that the sheep love seeing an ancient Christian cross more than human tourists do. Our first bit of sightseeing took us back 700 years in time, and that was without my LA freeway driving skills helping much.

Ardbeg

The drive back down the hill looked like a scene from Lord of the Rings. You pick which one; I get them confused. Go with the one that has the Shire. Coming back through the tree-shaded “neighborhoods”, we were greeted with hens and roosters alongside the road, and even a group of peafowl showing off their mating ritual with plumes a-pluming. I really only wanted to stop into Ardbeg and hit the Old Kiln Cafe for lunch. But much to our surprise, the distillery was closed, though operational. Apparently, the weeks leading up to Easter are “low season” at many distilleries. Nonetheless, we parked. Teen Daughter #2 and I ventured through the property between the buildings  with those luscious whisky-making smells in the air. Never seeing a soul the entire time, we made our way to the little green space behind the distillery overlooking the sea. This was a view of Ardbeg that I missed on my last visit, and with the place closed, it was a quiet, peaceful moment viewing that iconic warehouse. Wind briskly blew off the sea wreaking havoc with the daughter’s mane of hair and also rippled the rainwater atop the nearby standing barrels. Who knows if there is actually the whisky in them or not? They could well be “dummy” barrels for the dummy tourists who make the trek to this distant land. But it didn’t matter; it was pretty cool to us with no one else around.

Islay Woolen Mill Company

Laphroaig was closed also and we just passed on by Lagavulin. With a 2:00 pm tour of Bruichladdich a few hours away, we were going to check off “distillery visit” soon enough. Chris Hallstrom formerly of Scotch Whisky Auctions had told me that a neat little stop was the Islay Woolen Mill Company. A bit past Bridgend proper which is a few miles past Bowmore tucked away in a picturesque notch along the River Scorn lies a tiny ancient factory producing some of the best woolen goods found in Scotland. It’s more of a house with a shop inside and a mill in the back. Owner Gordon Covell welcomed us and had his factory manager give us a tour of the facility that probably hasn’t changed much since it first opened in 1883. It was a short but fascinating look at an art and craft from 200 years ago with its Victorian Era looms rattling away. Their beautiful work has been proudly used in movies like Braveheart, and the shop was easy pickings for this group looking for scarves. The “Laphroaig” pattern scarf is now happily in my possession. The short walk to the car need a look over the bridge above the Scorn. This really felt Shire-y.

Peatzeria

The troops needed lunch before heading to Port Charlotte so we ventured back to the booming metropolis of Bowmore. Peatzeria (get it?) is a fun little restaurant  with a great logo and tagline (“A Slice Of Islay”) and a better menu. A friendly colorful two-story space with a patio overlooking the sea, Peatzeria’s decor is brightly modern and the menu has many twists on local favorites. We sat upstairs next to two young moms as their toddlers happily chowed down cheese pizza, colored on menus, and walked about in socks. It was our kind of place. And they had Irn-Bru on the menu. It was also our first taste of what must be Scotland’s National Soup: Potato Leak which popped up at almost every place we ate all week.

When we made our way downstair we visited with Chef Paul while takeaway ice cream was being served up. He told us about the restaurant’s origins and that business was booming. Paul’s sister-in-law, Caroline, is a Bowmore girl and it was her idea of starting a modern pizzeria on Islay. Her sister, Sharon, and Paul run the place bringing their backgrounds in hospitality and cooking. Now they have THE pizza place on the island that seems a great spot for sunset dinners, family outings and even kids birthday parties. And, yes, there’s various Islay whiskies on the menu (for the adults).

Happily stuffed we headed back towards Bridgend but now took the A847 westward along Loch Indaal. The endless low tide of Islay was off to the left exposing the bay’s many crags and rocks. The waters barely moved. Somewhat desolate, the road to the other lobe of Islay feels like it is taking you very far from the towns of Bowmore and Port Ellen. Homes dot the landscape but are again vastly outnumbered by sheep and even sailboats. Other cars on the road were a rare sight on this day. Pulling into the village of Bruichladdich, distant Port Ellen across the loch felt hundreds of miles away but in reality it’s no more than 20 minutes, especially with my LA lead foot.

Bruichladdich

A few minutes late, we joined the tour as it left the Bruichladdich visitor shop. A few Germans and a few Brits made up the group as we followed tour guide, Frazier, across the parking lot to the first stop, the grist mill. Frazier gave a detailed history of Bruichladdich leading to describing what the role the Porteus grist mill played in all of this. Next was the the open top mash tun which is a unique feature of Bruichladdich’s. It was interesting seeing it completely empty on a day when the distillery was not mashing. The cogs and mechanism looked positively archaic while the vessel seemed so much bigger without any water and grain in it. Was it a big empty metal swimming pool with a sleeping robot inside ready to crush its next prey, or maybe a birthplace for a Marvel superhero or a Transformer waiting to transform. Too much?  I’m a bit nauseous myself.

The Oregon pine wash backs were next, fermenting away their carb-heavy soup. Frazier let us put our noses in each as they were all in different states in the process. And, of course, there was a tasting of the warm, oatmeal-y “beer” that was the result of the fermentation, siphoned out of one of the wash backs. Off to the Still Room where we all felt a tad bit smaller in the that forest of copper works that stretched high to the ceiling. The stills felt bigger to me on this visit and I think that sense was heightened with the daughters looking dwarfed against them. The girls are grown up but seemed less so in this room. The noiselessness gave the stills a peaceful elegant beauty as they waited for their next run in a few days. A walk in the chilly air for a quick visit to one of the warehouses was next. Casks of Octomore plus sherry and ex-bourbon barrels surrounded us while our noses filled with that dank oaky aging spirit smell. I couldn’t breath it in enough. I could see the eyes of the girls and the Mrs. Satellite Engineer widen as we walked by the endless rows of barrels. I could only imagine what they were thinking.

Our guide led us back to the visitors center where many dollars were spent on valinches and other “necessities”.  It was a group effort as I poured one of the “bottle your own”, a 12 year old Port Charlotte finished in a Hermitage Blanc cask, and the girls did the rest of the work of labeling. Future distillery guides in the making. Their first distillery tour was in the books and, I dare say, they are better human beings for it. Good parenting is what we’re all about.

Port Charlotte

Heading farther down the road, a few minutes later we found ourselves in Port Charlotte. Having spent three days there before, it felt like a long lost friend’s kind inviting embrace. Not much had changed in four years which made me very happy. There are still no traffic lights. Progress is overrated.  

We pulled up to the Lochindaal Hotel on the main drag in downtown Port Charlotte. On my prior visit, my mates and I befriended Sarah MacLellan who was tending bar in the pub there. Her parents own the hotel so it was an easy choice for our one night on Islay. Sarah’s mom, Katie, and I e-mailed and she was excited about our visit. We stayed behind the pub in two beautiful joined rooms aptly named the Peat House. Sarah’s father, Iain, and her sister, Helena, welcomed us as if we were coming into their home which we kind of were, at least their second home since they live in the village of Bruichladdich. After a quick unpacking and a few hours of sunlight left, I had one place for us to see.

Portnahaven

Farther south down the road from Port Charlotte is the village of Portnahaven. It literally feels like the end of world as it points off to Northern Ireland. But before getting there we (thankfully) found a herd of Highland cows alongside the road. This was very high on the list of things to see because they are big, shaggy, and cute by all of my family’s accounts. After a brief visit and chat with the coos, we made our way to Portnahaven parking along the bay. This small craggy bay is lined with white cottages overlooking the seals who call it their home too. Several were laying on the rocks in the sun and could care less of our visit.  Not exactly the welcoming committee but at least they were quiet. We parked a short walk from the An Tigh Seinnse pub, the local watering hole not much bigger than a postage stamp. Before entering we met a couple from Glasgow on holiday. They were driving around Islay in a rented RV with their dog Mac. Mac was the friendliest of canines and the first of many who we would meet on our trip.  Dog-loving folks that we are, we became fast friends with Mac, and his owners too. After a last few ear rubs (for Mac), we found our way into the pub where we were warmly greeted by the owner and a few locals. The Ileach are the friendliest of folk who will engage you at the drop of a hat or a tip of a dram. With no hats to drop, we went for the latter and had a wonderful time visiting with the local pub-goers. It would have been very easy to spend the rest of the day in this warm little pub.

With the sun close to being behind the hill and shadows growing toward the loch, we headed back towards Port Charlotte. We made a stop in the village of Nerabus to see its ruins of a chapel and carved grave slabs all dating to the 14th and 15th centuries most likely. The ruins are in the middle of a field requiring a small walk through a cemetery looking towards the water. Again, this ancient spot didn’t seem like a well-visited one except by four-legged wooly locals. But it was a good look back into the Hebrides history.

Port Charlotte

After a bit of rest back at the hotel, it was dinner time. The lovely Port Charlotte Hotel was a stone’s throw from our hotel and seemed a place for a nice dinner. But it was booked up(!) on this Saturday night due to live music starting later in the evening. I remembered another place a short walk up the loch side of the road and luckily it was open. Yan’s Kitchen is a modern bistro looking out to the bay serving up locally sourced seafood, meats, and vegetables. Locally sourced which sounds like a buzzword term to every millennial in Snapchat distance of Portland is the real deal in Scotland as we grew to learn. Listings of where all the menu ingredients came from were commonplace from the fish to the whisky. Yan’s only had Islay whisky to accompany their dishes. Fresh and local weren’t buzzwords here. Our delish dinner included scallops, beef, a large board of local meats, smoked salmon and cheeses, plus pasta. Go big or go home!

The girls were ready to turn in upon our return to the Lochindaal. It was a long couple of days after the long flight from Los Angeles two days earlier. The streets were eerily quiet which made the moonlit sky and its stars top billing for the slightly chilly walk back. The parents said goodnight to the girls then headed back three or four steps into the pub where a lively crowd enjoyed the evening. It was nightcap time.

The pub at the Lochindaal Hotel is actually two pubs, not so-Siamese twins connected at the bar, each with its own entrance. One side is more traditional with a pool table while the other is more of a restaurant where meals for hotel guests and locals are served. The restaurant has a seaside theme that reminded us of home. The bartenders weave between the two sides of the bar easily. Pub side. Restaurant side.  Both are small, friendly and cozy. Our kind of pub. We sat on the busier restaurant side at the bar chatting with locals while a group celebrated a birthday at a table. The whisky list was printed out and taped to the wall. It was a long list that was heavy on the Islays with distillery and independent bottlings. It did not disappoint. My kind of place.  

Four years before when Lee Zaro and I popped in after dinner with the boys, we met Sarah working behind bar on a quiet weeknight, and decided we never wanted to leave. We met probably same group of locals enjoying the pub on this visit. One was the art director of Bruichladdich at the time. A regular at the pub, he was happy to talk whisky, bottle and tin design, and play pool. I don’t recall if he was a born and bred Ileach but he definitely had the sensibilities of the island. Of course, on an island this small, stories of meeting Islay’s distilleries “elite” folk just about anywhere are commonplace. But I’d venture to guess that they are like most anyone else lucky enough to live here. Happy and nice.

Islay Day 1 was over.

Day 2

The day didn’t start off so sunny though it was sunny out. I woke early and ventured out to walk the Port Charlotte streets this Sunday morning. Quiet with only the occasional car passing through, the walk down to the pier reminded me of the my prior visit when my compatriot, Mr. Zaro, and I donned swim trunks and jumped off the slippery concrete pier into the loch because… well, just because. There would be none of that today.

Walking through those serene streets and the whitewash uniformed buildings was a peaceful way to get a little exercise before breakfast. But that all ended when I got back to the hotel and found a flat tire on the rental. An Islay pothole (easily the best in the world) surely got us the day before. Back in the pub, Owner Iain was drinking coffee, watching the news. He offered up tea for me as well as to call the car hire about the tire. Everyone knows everyone on an island this small.

Iain and I with his crewmate George kibbitzed about this and that: whisky, Brexit, Islay life, America, sports, kids, whatever. Just shootin’ the poop in a pub on a Sunday morn on Islay. The rest of the gang made it to the pub for breakfast of eggs, cereal, meats and toast. All prepared beautifully by George.

With the tire fixed, it was time to see what else we could see before heading to the airport with our remaining few hours on the island. We decided to head “behind us” to see if Kilchoman was open. By all accounts it was but after traversing the worst road we’d driven there so far, alas, it was closed. We drove up onto the property and it was good it see again and the ongoing expansion. It was a very different view of Islay from the hill that Kilchoman sat on looking northwest.

Caol Ila

We now decided to leisurely just drive the island on the backside of it and head towards Port Askaig on the Jura side of Islay to the east. The girls quickly fell asleep missing the even more desolate and sparse surroundings out here. Nearing Port Askaig we saw the sign for Caol Ila(!), a distillery I hadn’t been to but makers of whisky that I adore. A bit of an odd jaunt up a hill and then snaking down towards the Sound of Islay, we were both taken by the beautiful location of the distillery along the water. A small waterfall was flowing at the back end of the parking lot coming from the hill that we drove down from.  My, was this picturesque. And OPEN!

We parked, left the girls sleeping, and ventured around the property. A few folks came out of visitors center so that’s where we headed, with no time for a tour. So we shopped. We’re good at that. A distillery cat welcomed us from its perch atop a picnic bench on the patio, and the young woman behind the counter inside was nice and helpful, probably a bit surprised to see visitors on a Sunday morning. A few tastes and a few purchases later, we headed off to the airport. Caol Ila was in the books!

Islay Airport

Iain told me to leave plenty of time to get through Security. I thought he was kidding. He wasn’t. The security measures at Islay’s airport were inversely proportionate to its size. The tiny room past luggage drop-off required a thorough prepping of carry-ons before their trip through the x-ray machine. Then there was a proper pat-down after you walked through the metal detector followed by a more than cursory search of those carry-ons post x-ray. It was rather amazing but made sense since who knows where travelers were actually coming from on their way off the island. Travelers beware.

A relaxing wait in the airport’s waiting area allowed for some contemplation of the quick but memorable visit to the island. We boarded onto Loganair’s Spirit of Edinburgh walking across the tarmac as we did the day before. Our quick trip to Islay was over. Heavy sigh. We came, we explored, we lived. The whole family (less the son in college who already had his spring break) connected with the island in that short time, I think. Connecting with it seemed so easy since it wants to connect with you. The people, the villages, the island life, the solitude, the sea, the peat, the coos, and the whisky. They are all tied together and easily let you become part of them. I only hope it will be less than four years before we can connect again.

Our man @AaronMKrouse takes the family to @isleofislay for #SpringBreak! #Travel #Whisky When Mrs. Satellite Engineer came up with Scotland as a Spring Break destination for us and the teenage daughters, my first thoughts went quickly to…

[orbemnews]

A look at the process of growing crawfish, what to expect this season SHREVEPORT, La. — Crawfish season is underway, and prices are falling as time gets further into the season. It usually starts mid-January until early July. But what trends can we expect this year?  Also have you thought of the process farms go through before selling crawfish to you? Meet the only local crawfish farm in Shreveport In our own backyard, in Caddo Parish, you will find Caddo Crawfish. The only farm in the area. Owner Smokey James said growing crawfish is more of a science than anything. Smokey James, owner of Caddo Crawfish tells us about his farm. “We own around 200 acres of it. Some years we do good, some years we do bad,” said James. According to James, the crawfish grow well in his ponds. So for years he’s been able to sell them when the season is good. “We mimic the Atchafalaya Basin. They reproduce on their own since it’s such a good area for crawfish,” said James. So how does it work? Before the hottest part of summer, James drains all of the water out of his farm area, leaving the crawfish in search of cooler temperatures. “They go into the ground. They burrow up for the high, for the heat of summer of August,” said James. “That’s why they call them mud bugs,” That’s also when James plants their food. At Caddo Crawfish and most crawfish farms, the farmers rely on the rainwater to refill the farm when the weather gets cooler around September. Sometimes, crawfish farms have to pump water if there isn’t enough rainwater. “Female crawfish will have 2-to-300 baby crawfish underneath her tail and she’ll bring those out of her burrow in late September, October whenever she comes up to start feeding for next year cycle,” said James. His season to catch starts later than farms in southern Louisiana, because the ground temperature isn’t as warm. Owner of Caddo Crawfish give KTBS a tour of his crawfish farm. “We don’t start catching crawfish until close to Easter,” said James. “We’ll go sometimes into the 4th of July catching great crawfish,” said James. What makes his farm unique? “This is a purging tank, which I believe to be the only one in North Louisiana,” James said. “A truly purged crawfish has to sit 24 hours in aeration in bubbling water to purge them completely.” That allows customers to just peel and enjoy. What price trend can we expect this year and why? One of the owners at Shaver’s Seafood said to expect a price drop soon. “It’s going really good, the size is good,” said Rodney Shaver. “The prices are coming down, you know, the more crawfish that we get, the more they’ll drop. After Easter we’ll always get a price drop. It is always up to the market, seem to be a lot of crawfish this year. So, we’re hoping the price will hold where they were last year.” However, the pandemic will play a factor in the price, partially due to the loss of catering large events. Crawfish from Shane’s Seafood. “It keeps the price up a little bit, because they’re not selling as many,” said Shaver. In the end, retailers have to cover their costs. “2021 is probably going to be identical to 2020,” said James.  Source link Orbem News #agriculture #caddo #caddocrawfishsmokeyjames #commerce #crawfish #crawfishseason #crawfishseason2021 #economics #Expect #farm #Food #full-longform #growing #howcrawfishgrow #howdoescrawfishseasonwork #louisianacrawfish #October #price #process #rainwater #rodneyshaver #rodneyshavers #season #shaver #Shreveport #smokeyjames #zoology

[bts-is-my-life-as-always]

Bts gif reaction of when you die in his arms.

Credits to gif owners. Request: Im such a sucker for angst and you write them so good😭 can i have a bts reaction please where you die in his arms and sorta write how it led up to that moment. Thank you so much Warning: this scenario contains a lot of sensitive topics such as cancer, and I took a lot of time researching about all these topics please don’t think I’m trying to disrespecting anyone, thanks. Rapmon: (Before I started namjoon’s I would like to explain what lung cancer is, lung cancer is the uncontrollable growth of an abnormal cells that start in one or both your lungs, they do not develop into healthy lung tissue, it rapidly divides and forms tumours.) Ever since you were young, you suffered from lung cancer, so when you started dating namjoon, that’s the first thing you told him, you had tried all types of treatments from drugs to chemotherapy and radio therapy however nothing seemed to work. Every breath that you took was even more painful, soon your cancer started to develop even more, not wanting namjoon to worry you didn’t tell him that your cancer had now developed to stage 4, because you were so ill you spent most of your time in the hospital, so when namjoon wanted to take you to the park right outside your hospital, it made you smile. “Is my princess ready for our little date” Namjoon always smiled no matter how tired he was, you smiled and nodded. Being wheeled In the wheelchair to the park was not how you wanted to picture dating namjoon, you wanted to be able to freely go to a cafe, go to the amusement park without worrying, but you didn’t want to make namjoon feel bad so you kept smiling. Since the morning of that day, your breathing was heavier, much worse, and you knew you had to be ready for something, it had been years of just so much pain. “Baby, your breathing so heavily are you sure your fine” “Yeah, I’m fine, I’m really happy, that your here” “Aww how sweet” He pinched your nose and told you to wait there for him, he had to use the bathroom, that’s when the unbearable pain started, you knew very well, that this time you wouldn’t be able to survive, that this time, was the last time. It had been almost a full 2 minuets of the pain, you were by now clenching onto your chest for dear life, you didn’t want to leave namjoon without saying goodbye, you didn’t want him to feel guilty for your death, you didn’t want to burden him even after your death. “Y/N” He screamed your name, almost half scared, you tried to look up, you tried but failed and fell onto the ground. “Namjoon... I love you.. I really do...” “No don’t do it, don’t say anything, let’s take you back to the hospital, you’ll be okay, you’ll be be....” “No... I don’t want to... not anymore... I can’t do it anymore... I’m sorry.... I’m really sorry... promise me something.” He shook his head and teared up. “No I can’t let you go, not yet, not now, why, why, let’s go, let’s go back to the hospital, let’s go, you’ll be fine, you can get better, the doct...” “No.... promise me you won’t blame yourself.... promise me... that you’ll find happiness in someone else.... I don’t want to see you.... alone.... because of me” “No I don’t get it, let’s go,” “I won’t get better... it won’t get better.... please..... promise me” He slowly nodded his head, tears streaming down so fast that it was now dripping on you, you closed your eyes, you felt at peace, at peace, it was nearly impossible because of your cancer. It took namjoon years, years to get used to your death, he walked past your old hospital room, he smelt the light scent of roses and the thought of you likeing roses, and how many roses he got you for your birthday and Christmas and even Easter. He walked out, wanting to keep your promise. “You’ll always be in my heart, and I don’t want to break your promise”

Jin: (So this one was inspired by the her highlight reel) Jin always knew how clumsy you could be, how everything you did ended up with you having at least one scratch, he seriously loved you and your clumsy ness. He was on tour for so long, that going on an ice cream date with him seemed like a dream. You dressed up, in your skirt that he loved, and you waited on a bench near the park, you saw jin walking towards you with a Bouquet of flower in his hands, it looked so beautiful, without thinking, you sprang up and waved towards him while shouting his name. He turned and smiled and waved back, you ran across to give him a hug, but before you knew it, you were hit by a car, you fell to the ground and the colourful flower fell too and jin came running towards you. “Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, please say something, please tell me something.” He held you in his arms, you were looking so fragile and your skirt and blouse was all bloody. “Ji...Jin I’m cold......I’m so sorry.........I’m so...” You stopped mid sentence, Jin sat there, blank not saying anything, but screaming and crying, his words were incoherent. The ambulance soon arrived, and took you to the hospital where you were shortly pronounced dead. Jin sat there for hours, grabbing any doctor that got in his view. “Please save my Y/N, please, please tell me she’s okay” “I’m sorry mr kim, we cant do anything” He sat there, until he had to go, his members and manager came to get him. Years later, he still couldn’t get the image of your smile out of his mind, and he always got the same flowers for the day and placed them on the side walk, and left it there. “If I could turn back time, I would protect you with everything I have”

Suga: Suga knew how much he meant to you, he knew that you would die for him, and he would do the same, you meant the world to him, and you were always there, so he decided to go public with you, the last thing he expected was for his fans to absolutely hate you, he couldn’t Understand why they would hate someone that made him so happy. “Hey baby, my manager just called, said something about needing to practice more, do you want to come or do you want to just wait here?” “Mmm, I’m really tired so I’ll wait here, hurry back I’ll miss you” He smiled at you, pecked you on your lips and left, not even an hour later he left, someone was banging on the front door, thinking it was suga, you ran to it, and looked through the peep hole, it wasn’t, it definitely was not suga, and it wasn’t one person, it was multiple of them, you ran for your phone and dialled suga. “Baby? What’s the matter? Why are you still up?” “Oppa there’s someone at the door, their screaming and banging and I’m scared” “Baby, are you safe? Tell me your safe can you hide in the bathroom and lock it?” “I’m gonna call the police, I’m scared” “Just hide and don’t come out, I’ll be there” You ended the call and called the police, the police saying they’ll be there in no time, but that no time was more than 10 minuets enough time for them to break down the door, you hid in the toilets trying to not make a single sound, Just then everything went quiet thinking they left, you opened the door and walked out. Until you felt a sharp pain in your chest, it was a knife, they pulled it out and ran away, you fell to the ground, in pain, suga ran in not long after, holding onto you for dear life. You were coughing up blood trying to keep it out of your throat so you could breath, “Suga oppa... I’m tired... I’m cold..... oppa.....I’m sorry” You closed your eyes for the last time and suga cried, he cried all his tears and he screamed, the police came in and brought an ambulance, they wheeled you into the hospital, but you were pronounced dead on the spot, suga felt dazed he didn’t know what to do. A year had passed, he had just gotten out of the court after a long trial trying to get justice for your death. “I’ll always remember you, I’ll always be here for you, even if your no longer here”

J-hope: Hobi was a bright sunshine and he lit up anything he came in contact with, his laugh was contagious and so was his smile, you loved him with all your heart. It was only 10pm when the fire started to blaze, he loved you, but his fans didn’t, they found where you and hope lived, and they set fire to it all. Jhope was at the front door when he saw a fire blazing from his home, he instantly went in without thinking twice and got you out. You constantly coughed, finding it hard to breath, “Oppa....... my lungs...... they hurt....they hurt so much” “No no no don’t say anything, I’ll get you safe, you’ll be fine” “I...I...” You stopped, the uneven heartbeat no longer existent, jhopes heart seem to stop as well, it felt like, he had stopped. The ambulance arrived and tried to resuscitate you but it failed, and you were pronounced dead on the spot. Jhope was not active with bts for a while, before he had to have a comeback, but each time, he wouldn’t smile. Years passed and the people who burnt you and the memories away from him, turned themselves in, because of how Jhope was hurt, still even after years. “Does you coming out, make her comeback because then I would’ve looked for you even till my death, now tell me why you would do such a thing to my only world.”

Jimin: Jimin was like a small Hamster, he was always cute and wanted your affection and your love and all your attention. You were never ill, so when you were sick for a week to the point where you hardly called him, he was worried, he visited your house and rang the doorbell atleast 10 times before the door finally opened. You walked out of the door, and fell into jimin arms, “OMG y/n your temperature is so high, what’s going on?!” “I’m just ill, I’ll b...” You fainted, he picked you up and ran back to his car, he opened the door and put you in, he couldn’t see you breathing, so he stood you up and tried to wake you up. “Hey y/n, please wake up, please say something, anything please” You didn’t respond, he didn’t care, he laid you down and drove as fast as he could to the hospital. He ran in with you on his back “Please, someone help my girlfriend” “What’s the matter sir?” “I,.. my... SHES.... not breathing... she was ill and now she’s here” He was chocking up words, in between his little sobs. He was made to wait for at least 30 minuets without anyone tending to him, his members came to comfort him and tell him you’ll be fine. That was until the doctors came back, “I’m sorry mr Park, Miss Y/L/N was pronounced dead 10 minuets ago” Jimin dropped to the ground, he started to throw a fit, screaming at the doctors for not trying hard enough, he burst into where your body laid, and tried to get you to wake up, he wished and begged for it to just be a dream, for him to wake up to you rubbing his back and let him cry into your neck. That didn’t happen, days, months and years passed and he still couldn’t get over you, the image of you kept playing in his head, wherever he saw a couple on the streets he turned away crying. “I can’t bear to stay here, without you, without your shield without your protection, why didn’t you take me too”

Taehyung: Tae was always dorky, everything he did would make you burst into tears laughing, he loved seeing you healthy and took you to monthly checkups with the doctors Just so he could be sure, every time you went, you were fine. So when you got back and was out of breath and was extremely pale, he got worried, worried wouldn’t be the word. “Y/n are you okay? You look really pale, come here let me feel your head” He placed his fragile hands onto your head and it was hot, you had a temperature. “Come on I think you have a cold, let’s get you to bed” “Hmmh” You got up to get to bed, but fell into v, if you thought v wasn’t strong, think again, he managed to hold you up still, and he tried to shake you. “Hey, y/n wake up, let’s get you back to the hospital” “I can’t... breath.......” Your heart felt like it was being ripped out , you dug your nails into tae’s shoulders, you tried everything to breath, but it stopped. “Y/n” he asked cautiously. He panicked and called the ambulance not knowing what else to do. “Y/n please say something to me, please” He pleaded your lifeless body, and it seemed so painful for even strangers to watch. It took hours of struggling, until you were finally put to rest and pronounced dead. “You were meant to check her, I kept bringing her here because she kept complaining about her chest pains, you brushed it off and you killed her” It took him years to stop crying whenever he went through your phone, he saw all the selfies you guys shared, and it broke him. “Your smile lightened my world, your laugh was like music in my ears, now what do I do without the light, I’m scared in the dark all alone, with no music, why?”

Jungkook: Jungkook was funnily enough the only source of happiness, his laughs made you so happy his smile, his eye smile it mesmerised you. You lived to see him, to make him smile, to help him through life. Until the fans found out, nearly 2 million women hated you, threatening you, to leave him, to kill yourself and saying how you don’t deserve jungkook. To make jungkook feel less burdened you kept smiling, you told him “I’m fine”. He constantly asked you how your days were, and the more days passed the more you said “I’m fine/ it was fine” Everything felt so heavy, so long and painful, your childhood wasn’t the best, and fighting with jungkook made it all the more worse, you fought about something dumb, he left the house, and didn’t contact you for days. Each day that passed, it made your ill mind manifest itself and you ruled that he didn’t love you, that he never meant anything he said, and how you’re just a burden to everyone. Jungkook was worried, worried sick and wanted to check up on you but he didn’t know how, so he checked your Twitter, maybe you’ll be out with your friends drinking coffee, what he didn’t expect was a message that read ‘I don’t want to continue this anymore, I can’t do it, I want to breath again’ He was scared, scared and angry, he ran as fast as he could to your house, where he found you lying on the front door. “Baby, I’m sorry, please I’m sooo sorry, look at me” “Why? Why? It’s all over now, I can breath again” You started bubbling from the mouth and you fell into his arms, he lifted you and ran to the hospital. He sat on the bench alone, his hyungs got there to support him, “Mr Jeon, please would you come through” “Is she okay? She’s okay right?” “I’m afraid not, she has overdosed and unfortunately passed away, I’m sorry” His heart sunk, he ran out, to your home, anything that could indicate why and what caused this. When he arrived, your home was a mess, the state that he left it when he was angry and fighting with you, he started crying, he couldn’t control his feelings anymore, DING. his phone dinged to suggest that he should look at it. It was from your Twitter, a long note. “Hello, This is Y/N and if your reading this now, it means that I succeeded, I’m sorry to those who loved me, I’m sorry to those who supported me, I’m sorry, but I can’t anymore, when someone tells another to die enough times, that persons heart starts to turn black, I guess that’s what happened to me, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, and i love you jungkook oppa” He fell to the floor, now balling his eyes out. Many months later, he had a comeback with his group, he really did not want to, you weren’t there to listen to his singing and call him beautiful, you weren’t there to say how amazing he was, his fans went crazy, the fans that once told you to die, said “I’m sorry for what happened” and moved on. Jungkook wanted to kill everyone that killed you, he felt nothing, he felt sick having to laugh and smile to him everything was all fake. “Your all fake, your the exact ones that told my only hope and light to die, your the exact ones that told my girlfriend who’ll never come back to go and die, she is gone and now your sorry” “Why would you leave me, I’m cold, your side of the bed is still there, I don’t want anyone but you, I’m so sorry...”

Oh lord, writing this took me forever, especially because I cried while trying to reread them, Anyways hope you enjoyed anon who requested this, or maybe not enjoyed but this is what you wanted. Keep requesting and byeeeeee.

[aion-rsa]

How Black Mirror Embraced Its Horror Potential with Playtest

https://ift.tt/31rDHKg

Monster specialist Grant Walker of award-winning VFX studio Framestore was excited when he received an offer to work on an episode of sci-fi anthology Black Mirror’s third season. But the nature of the job, for an episode called “Playtest”, proved to be an unexpected one.

“I thought: ‘they want to make monsters for Black Mirror? I don’t get it,’” Walker says.

Through two seasons and six episodes on Channel 4, the monsters of Black Mirror were largely metaphorical and unseen, signals and dispatches from mobile devices in a dubiously fictional world. Then the show was picked up by Netflix, which quickly commissioned a six-episode third season. Among those six episodes was “Playtest,” an hour starring Wyatt Russell (Lodge 49), Wunmi Mosaku (Lovecraft Country), and Hannah John-Kamen (Ant-Man and the Wasp). When that episode premiered on Oct. 21, 2016 it looked quite different from any other Black Mirror installment before it.  

In “Playtest,” the monsters of Black Mirror became literal with a grotesque human-spider hybrid and a shrieking flayed-faced zombie terrorizing Russell’s character Cooper Redfield as he playests the latest virtual reality videogame from a legendary game studio SaitoGemu. Though it all may be happening in Cooper’s head, the monsters created by Framestore are no less real to the viewer. That makes “Playtest” something truly unique in the Black Mirror canon. This is the one installment of the show’s 22’s entries that is undeniably, unapologetically horror. And four years to the day after its premiere, it still stands tall in the Black Mirror canon among the creative individuals who crafted it.

“I wasn’t expecting to do it. Then it just kind of just snuck in there, and it ended up being the highlight of my year,” Walker says of his BAFTA-nominated work on the episode.

“Playtest” director Dan Trachtenberg came to the project directly after the release of his film debut, thriller 10 Cloverfield Lane. Like Walker, he was pleasantly surprised that Black Mirror was set to expand its genre influences. 

“I remember that was the big draw for Charlie (Brooker). He was really excited about making essentially Evil Dead 2. And I was excited to continue to do that kind of work and I felt like I was sharpening a tool that I hadn’t yet fully sharpened,” Trachtenberg says. 

Trachtenberg and creator Charlie Brooker bonded over a shared love of both horror and videogames and quickly got to work fine-tuning Brooker’s concept into a lean horror machine. 

“What evolved the most was probably Wyatt Russell’s character,” Trachtenberg says. “Initially, the character was much more of an ugly American. There’s still that quality to him, but there’s a lovability and a naivete to Wyatt’s performance that informs the gravity of some of the things that he’s dealing with. In initial drafts, it was more like one of the horror movie terms of the unlikable person who is put through a gauntlet to learn to have values.”

The first third of “Playtest” serves to set up the improbable circumstances that would lead a young American man to a creepy manor in the British countryside to playtest a VR horror videogame from a Japanese gaming giant. It all starts with Cooper out on a sprawling world tour, traveling to India, Dubai, Spain, and more before arriving in London at the tail end of his journey. When it’s time to finally return home, Cooper discovers that his bank account has been hacked and he’s unable to buy a return plane ticket. Thankfully SaitoGemu is in London working on its latest horror game and it’s willing to pay for some willing playtesters. That’s how Cooper makes his way to the opulent and spooky Harlech House where lead designer Shou (Ken Yamamura) and the team are hard at work creating the next great VR horror adventure.

If this seems like a lot of exposition before Cooper engages with the horrors of the haunted mansion, there’s a method to Black Mirror’s madness. Much of what Cooper experiences prior to entering Harlech House informs the horrors that he sees. One prominent example includes Cooper watching a movie on his flight about a monstrous spider and then encountering a terrifying spider of his own later on. There’s also a poster for Red Sonja, which foreshadows the moment that a specter of Cooper’s sex buddy Sonja (Hannah John-Kamen) enters the simulation and has her face torn off, revealing the crimson skull beneath. 

“When (Cooper) kills that evil Sonja and slams her head onto the knife and through his shoulder that is (the position that) they woke up that morning. It’s kind of like in dreams, the way things are affecting you while you’re sleeping and then they show up later inside what you’re imagining,” Trachtenberg says.

The rest of “Playtest’s” dream sequences are positively bursting with similar dream imagery and Easter eggs that fans have done an excellent job of documenting over the years. Trachtenberg is fond of some of the subtler ones.  

“There’s a typical, classic creepy girl in the painting in a creepy house, and the girl in the painting is the girl that he’s sitting next to in the airplane in the beginning. Everything you see in act one populates in act two and three,” the director says.

Once the horrors of “Playtest” get going, however, there is nothing subtle about them. And that’s where Framestore’s work comes in. Walker and his team were charged not only with creating a small, realistic spider that sets off the hallucination, but also a monstrous version with the human visage of his childhood bully Josh Peters.

“I played around with quite a lot of different iterations of where to put the face, and how to change the anatomy of the spider and the body,” Walker says. “The mandible things, they were coming out of his mouth at one point, and then they returned into part of his mouth opened up in the way that it does. I don’t know if people notice it or not, but those legs are hands with long nails. They’re like fingers. It’s got a belly button underneath it and other weird stuff that you might not ever get to see.”

The undead version of Sonja was a combination of practical and visual effects, with Walker’s team serving to make the terrifying red skull “gooier” for the most part. 

“That was a tricky one. It was one of those ones when you spend a lot of time actually just massaging the integration so it feels tangible as opposed to kind of making this standalone thing and investing time in an amazing asset. She wasn’t quite so shiny, so we built our own CG version, and some shots were CG and layered on the top.”

The effects for Spider-Peters and Red Sonja had to be particularly on point as they are a product of Cooper’s brain and not merely SaitoGemu’s VR technology. As attentive viewers of Black Mirror know, “Playtest” actually “ends” roughly 20 minutes in when Cooper receives a phone call from his mom in the secure playtest area. The signal from his phone, which was supposed to be off and secured in a suitcase, fries the “mushroom’s” connection to Cooper’s brain and kills him almost instantly. Everything that follows is the product of his dying brain and not the work of SaitoGemu’s machine. This information, of course, isn’t revealed until episode’s end and as such Brooker maintains that it’s one of the most misunderstood endings in Black Mirror history. 

“If there’s misunderstandings of it, I’m probably to blame, which may be why Charlie is cleaning it up,” Trachtenberg jokes. “But frankly, every reaction video that I’ve watched I feel like people usually do get it. There’s even a clip where someone put what actually happened, where they cut out the entire second that they just show that scene as if that’s all that happened, which is fun to watch.”

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TV

Black Mirror: Ranking Every Episode

By Alec Bojalad

The best episodes of Black Mirror are never about how technology will torment humanity. They’re about how humanity will use new technology to continue to torment ourselves. And nowhere is that more apparent than in “Playtest.” The episode sets up a scenario in which a VR experience will go haywire, but then in reality it is Cooper’s brain that betrays him, not the machine. It’s Cooper’s conscience that takes him on this terrifying freak show of monsters and murderers and then dies before the game even begins. It’s the proverbial “flashes before your eyes” moment in which that flash is a literal horror movie.

“I do find it interesting how devastating that notion is for so many – that it could all happen in a split second,” Trachtenberg says. “We definitely went back and forth so much on the ending. And I certainly don’t love too many twists as well, I just felt the initial twist was the expected one and I wanted there to be something more. I really wanted to drive home that it’s his fault in the end and tie in the fear of inheriting what his father had.”

Though the monsters of “Playtest” offer up the biggest scares, it’s approach to horror is deeper, more existential. Cooper’s real biggest fear is forgetting who he is, just like his father did before his end. And the mechanism that ultimately kills him isn’t any malevolent entity within the game or SaitoGemu, it’s simply his inability to connect with his mother during a difficult time in their lives. 

Cooper is quite the keen observer of his surroundings in Harlech House, despite being dead.  During one moment in particular, Cooper opens up a cupboard door to find a bottle of (non-alcoholic) wine and before he closes the cabinet he says aloud to his handler Katie (Mosaku) “He’s going to be right behind this door when I close it, isn’t he?” referring to the shade of Josh Peters. And of course, Cooper is right – just a little delayed, as the spider version of Peters that launches itself across the kitchen shortly after he closes the cabinet.

Characters in horror movies being self-aware about the “rules” of horror is nothing new in our highly metatextual pop culture landscape. But identifying the “cupboard” rule is still quite impressive. According to Trachtenberg, acknowledging the legacy and tactics of horror is an important part of any horror enterprise.

“There’s a scene in I Know What You Did Last Summer with these two characters talking in a car. The frame they’re on is the extreme side, and the entire other two-thirds of the frame of negative space is the window; and you just know that someone or something is going to jump inside that part of the frame. It’s about riding the wave of tension then releasing it. (With the cupboard scare) the audience has the sensation of, ‘Uh-oh, it’s going to happen here?’ Then Cooper calls it out and the audience thinks, “Oh there. That’s what it is.’ Now that they’re not expecting it, we can actually still surprise.”

“Playtest” could have been a lot more meta than just as a mere horror critique. At one point, Brooker planned to have a “Nightmare Mode” version of the episode available on Netflix’s streams, in which viewers could revisit it and get a new horror experience. If that sounds like the choose-your-own adventure nature of the eventual special Black Mirror: Bandersnatch, it’s because it is … right down to the focus on videogames. 

Trachtenberg says Netflix wasn’t ready to take on the technological burden of such a concept in 2016. 

“Charlie is a huge gamer, as am I. We talked a lot about, ‘wouldn’t it be awesome if we could pull off alternate endings or an alternate beat, or could there be connections to other episodes that you only see if you clicked on this button or whatever. I think he really tried with Netflix at that moment and there just was no technology for it.”

Being on the bleeding edge was something of a trend for “Playtest.” Many Black Mirror episodes are known for their uncanny predictive abilities (right down to the truly insane real life rumor of a British Prime Minister allegedly sexually defiling a pig). “Playtest,” meanwhile, preceded a run of truly excellent horror games (including one literally called “P.T.” for “Playtest”) and a modest increase in the popularity of VR technology. But four years on from the episode, Trachtenberg doesn’t feel as though culture is fully embracing the tech’s potential.

“VR was around when we were shooting. And it’s gotten much better since but I think we all felt like AR was definitely going to take over. I still feel that eventually. You just have to try it to know how amazing it is. But still … I would have thought that would have taken over sooner.”

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Perhaps that’s the real legacy of “Playtest.” It’s the one episode of Black Mirror that wasn’t cynical enough about our reliance on technology…despite killing its lead character with a phone 20 minutes in. 

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