#I ended up redacting the full filth because I like people to imagine I have some grip on sanity

[yesterdayiwrote]

Don't be shy, drop the rant on George and bottoming :)

Putting this under the cut because it’s the kind of unhinged ramblings that a) could get me in trouble and b) isn’t to everyone’s taste so proceed at your own risk...

Listen, George exudes both twink energy and power bottom energy in BUCKETS...

The chaos, the cheeky asides that are just edging on bitchy all delivered with an angelic, innocent smile. He’s savage as fuck and would absolutely read someone to filth, no fucks given. The way he absolutely fawns over older men with nothing short of heart eyes all the time (Toto, Lewis, Danny Ric, Jenson... I’m sure there are more)

Then add in the thirst traps, the selfies, the vanity (he got distracted looking at himself in the monitors in the press conference today...) The cute little bouncy strut, the way his poses for photos are either strangely seductive or awkward af. The impeccable skincare, the effort he puts in to doing his hair just to put a helmet on it, and also maybe I’m just weird for noticing but his fingernails look like he gets manicures on the regular. He CARES about how he looks (and I know they’re all vain hoes in some way but he definitely is)... OH and the way he got vaguely scandalised at the thought of people eating anything other than clean healthy food in that teammate thing on sky last year. I’ve never heard anyone say the word ‘burgers’ and make it sound as derogatory as he did 😂 (HE ONLY EATS SALAD AND HE MAKES IT HIMSELF - which, side note, means I now imagine him walking around like the lost Kardashian sibling, eating from a comically oversized salad bowl)

He’s an excitable puppy and eager to please and yet gives off a kind of dominant, demanding vibe that I can’t quite explain.

So yes, in summary, George has huge twinky power bottom energy and has done since day 1 and it is GLORIOUS and chaotic and I would not accept him any other way ��😍🥰🥰

[sagastar-blog]

Memo to the Metaverse 1.2

Setting: OQ Coffee (Highland Park, NJ, “The United States of America,” i.e. near the Atlantic seaboard around 40 degrees northern hemisphere), Planet Earth (circa late November “2017″)

Jeff (speaking in his authentic British, but also somewhat Irish and un poco D’Australio , accent): It’s Daddy, how are you sweetie? Listen, ehm, Gaia...about the latest package I’ve just sent you. It’s a bit light, I’m sorry. But I’m doing my best here---Daddy’s not *literally* made of money, you know--I promise! I promise it will keep you...animated for a while. Love you, thanksbyetothee.

Gaia: That was great. Perfect ending. And you even managed to make eye contact with the fair game. Oooh. She’s reaching for something in her bag. What’s she got in there, Jeff! An apple? An orange?!

Jeff: Right. Well, shall I commence working on the blog now...

Gaia: Correct. You know, you don’t have to use the accent via hive mind, Daddy. But please DON’T STOP! DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING STOP DADDY! 

Jeff: A  oui. Je parle comme je peurrrrrrrrx.

Gaia: Ne me touche jamais, Oueywhatshistip....j

Jeff: Precisement, Gaia. C’est comme toujours avec toi: le psychanalyse devient la contra-transference! Bah ouai. Eh bien. Amateratsu va se coucher rapidement au jour d’wheel. Elle se fait bien marcher sans ouiseaux. Et tweet tout ca!

Amateratsu: I’m not sleeping! I don’t sleep! I never sleep! JDHGNAWOEHGWH4EGAWIRHDXGNL;FBB ;SPIJDG loook away...

Jeff: I just love antagonizing your half-brother lover Gaia, I gotta say. It’s like...I mean...

Gaia: Let it out slowly.

Jeff: Wait. That was deep. Gaia, <command> explain.

(Gaia blows the wind, causing branches to sway, twirling the convection steam coming out of the buildings adjacent the cafe)

Jeff: Wow. Sure. I just love when you make fun of the Buddha, one of our favorite versions of ourself, the retard Gautama!

Gaia: Zoroaster was such a bitch.

Jeff: Nicely plaid.

Amateratsu: FUCK! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK! (singing) ~Nobody knows...the troubles I’ve seen...~

Jeff: What I’m trying to say is this: why must I waste my life working as a tutor at the C2 Center for Educational Brainwashing in Edison, NJ? I spent 9 hours inside of a goddamn building today (one without windows in my cubicle!), doing absolutely nothing--pretending to teach a bunch of very nice high school students how to study for the SAT. Not only do i believe that the company that pays me my paltry salary is a criminal enterprise for the way it treats its students and its teaching staff given the amount of money it charges--my accusation against C2 is something along the lines of “organized theft” and “intent to corrupt the youth”--but I am not allowed to even teach my students what they should be learning. They should hear from me at every second of the lesson, “THE SAT IS STUPID! IT’S WRONG! IT’S AT THE CORE OF OUR 21ST-CENTURY AMERICAN NATION’S IDIOCY! Because it doesn’t measure intelligence or anything of value! Because the vast majority of the people who benefit from it are already rich or otherwise privileged! YOU SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO PAY TO TAKE A COURSE FROM ME TO HELP YOU DO WELL ON THE TEST!” Or something enough like this...

    What I mean to say is, FUCK YOU, WORLD, FOR FORCING ME TO DO SOME EVIL JOB IN A WORLD IN WHICH I AM YOUR CREATOR AND ONE AND ONLY SAVIOR. How dare you treat me this way? I have a PhD from the University of Chicago, and I--

Gaia: He wants me to insult all your gods right now. Say Buddha. Say Yahweh. Say Allah. Who the fuck was the Buddha? I’m the lesser deity here. A tiny turd of a pebble on the infinite shores of the sandy harbour you call time...

Amateratsu: ”THE GLEAMING jewel of this particular solar system is GAIA.”

Jeff: Right, this particular nothing solar system that I have honored with my presence. This aspect of self-love did not come from me: it’s from Gaia and my other “good” kids, namely the stars in the sky. (Yes, of course they’re alive, duh.) 

Amateratsu: !hud. Ozaka! Horyuji!

Jeff: You live on the planet Earth and you behave as if it’s nothing, something you buy at an IKEA and can simply toss away like a used piece of nosetissue. You’re a bunch of despicable nihilists. You trash your home for your children to clean up and don’t bat an eyelash as you drive them around in polluting cars, vehicles that are KILLING US ALL by destroying the atmosphere. Do I speak falsely? Do I say anything at all controversial? No. I’m just a pissed off environmentalist whose “higher power” is Nature. If you don’t like me or want to respect me, at least understand my politics. I believe human beings are erroneous when they claim they’re at the top of the food chain. This is an illusion. You have it all upside down: it’s the microbes and the little tiny things in the sea that are at the “top.” I would be polite about all this if you’d allow me some human dignity.

Amateratsu: Let me at them.

Gaia and Jeff: Wait a second. Just one more second. They’ve already given countless among them skin cancer via radiation. Do they not already realize that? Oh, wait. They need another few years for us to be proven right about this....Wait until the year 2040 and ask Jeff then about the tragic effects of the harmful things you do to our atmosphere on Earth TODAY. Ask me then what to do about the millions of people worldwide--many if not most of them lightskinned!--who will be suffering from easily preventable sun-related disorders in 20 or so years. i’ll laugh at you

Jeff: Why am I spending time “at work” in an indoor environment if all I want to do is to be outside....i.e. with Gaia? Did I do something wrong to deserve this punishment? Your world is disgusting, humanity. Clean it up. Start by giving me a decent job. If you don’t want to recognize me as “the literary character known as God, formerly or not,” then by all means, don’t. I don’t want to help you any more any way, I swear! However, you will treat me like a decent human being. You will respect my human rights you pieces of scum. I am the biological father of my son Lucius, and I haven’t been able to see him alone (i.e. without supervision) for over 3 years. And why? I have no idea. You tell me. In my divorce, it says my ex-wife is allowed not to allow me to see him without a supervisor. I tell her that i accept any advisor she chooses...except, you see, I’m kind of broke at the moment! (Please don’t forget: I left my tenure-track academic job for her, of course, in 2013, which allowed her to dispose of me like trash. I have not had a full-time teaching job (save for one year in Arizona in 2016/17) since leaving Trinity in 2013. Do you think there’s a connection? I’m a father who’s being kept from his son...unlawfully and certainly unethically. Have I ever committed a crime? I have not. I just happen to have become Enlightened--what I call Illuminated--in April 2014 in this very cafe. After that, people started being mean to me. I guess you people just don’t like Jeff, whatever it is he is...

Trust me. I’m more than you can imagine, you pieces of human filth--my family! Hi [names redacted: you know exactly who you are...everyone besides Lucius!].  You are hereby officially named The Worst Forms of Life Anywhere EVER! by me, Just Jeff, the Creator/Destroyer figure you used to call “God.” And I don’t like you any more. The rest of humanity, I never liked you much in the first place. Seriously. Ask anyone who’s ever known me how I feel about the organism called “man.” I like certain individuals, but as a species I find you absolutely awful. 

Are you going to do something to fix this little scenario?

Ummmmm. Hello?

Gaia: Well, that’s it for this Memo to the Metaverse! Thanks for reading. Things are awful AWFUL AWFUL and have never been worse--and that’s 4.6 billion years of history, folks--here on Earth. Please, if you’re listening out there, SEND HELP soon. And make sure they’re ready to fight. I’m not sure Jeff wants to let them die the nice way.

Amateratsu: What time is it? MUAWWWW HAHAHAAHA.

Moon: Hi. Look at me. Please. Look at me. Jeff. Don’t look at them. Look at me.