#I dunno man I was drawing messmer then half an hour later this existed instead

[cephalofrog]

my review of every piece of underwear armour I could find in the elden ring DLC

1. soiled loincloth

I like the ropes. I think any great piece of underwear has a mild implication of kink. however with this one being soiled it goes a bit too far into things I'm not into. great for people who are into that kind of thing but it's not really my jam. I like the aesthetics of this one though, the cloth waves in the wind in a rather nice way and it kinda covers up the bottom part which creates an impression of it exposing more than it does. 5/10

2. gravebird anklets

this one is great! the shape is really nice. it's modest but bold, and it has the cloth out front to wave in the wind. I love the ankle bracelets too, they're very fashionable. really no issues here, and it does just enough to stand out. 8.5/10

3. leather leg wraps

I love the skirt, but it's maybe a bit too long to truly count as underwear so it loses points for that. I also don't like how the shoes kinda look like they're tied onto your legs. but the patterning on the skirt is so cute that I have to give it a good amount of credit, it reminds me of a kilt. 6/10

4. igon's loincloth

I'm sorry igon, I love and respect you, but your trunks are just too damn big. they create the impression of being really thick which sounds practical for colder climates, but I think if you care that much about being warm, you should probably wear something that isn't underwear. they also have a loincloth over the trunks, which I guess looks pretty cool but then why have the trunks there? the rope on the feet is good but in my opinion there are much better options in terms of the footwear included. can't see any situation where this one would be better than any other choice. 4/10

5. freyja's greaves

now this is what I'm talking about! these are excellent. leather is a great material, it's unique but also slightly horny. they have a belt included so you can let it all hang loose or absolutely crush whatever you have down there. they have subtle accentuation of the ass. they have fancy sandals included, all business in the front but with exposed calves and toes. these are the underwear that all the other underwear should strive to be. 10/10

6. messmer's greaves

the actual underwear here are lackluster. they're a bit too big and a bit too high up to really stand out. I do like how high the bit at the top of the thighs gets but aside from that they're a bit too big and boring for me. the greaves themselves are lovely though. they lose some points for covering up a lot but they do have toes out and honestly it's worth it for the lovely engraving on them. a solid choice overall but you could do much better on the actual underwear front. 6.5/10

7. horned warrior greaves

the underwear are pretty big but I like the style with the cloth hanging down. the real star of the show here is the greaves themselves, which replace toe exposure with engraved toes. this is bold and interesting but feels a bit like it's going the long way around for something that could be much simpler. I do like the style overall though, and as the best underwear protection-wise on this list, these are a solid choice for people who reject trousers but still want to have some defense. 7/10