#I drew/wrote this back in... May? Scanner has improved since

[fountainpenguin]

"The dragonfly, he ran away... but he came back with a story to say-"

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New 130 Reasons Why I’m Fairy Trash update today!

Fairly OddParents || One-Shot - “Scarred”

Read on FFN || Read on AO3

Find more Lavender Train story arc HERE

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Poof reflects about his home and family life while riding the bus to Big Daddy's house... He's spending spring break away from home, but grows increasingly worried about how little time he might have left with his godbrother, Timmy...

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

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47. Scarred (1 month after "Sentry")

Wednesday May 6th, 2005

Year of Sky, Spring of the Silent Owls

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Mama Cosma used to babysit me and Timmy all the time when I was still in the instar stage of my development. My parents don't love stepping out of the house if it means leaving me and my godbrother alone at home, but they've stockpiled a massive amount of vacation days and it sort of reached the point where the Amity program forced them to sprinkle a few date nights into their schedule… if at all possible, of course. The godparent shortage was a real thing even back when I was still a newborn. Turnover rate in this career is bad… Granting wishes gets exhausting, especially if you're dealing with ungrateful kids all the time.

I don't think Timmy's ungrateful… He's just been a lot more stressed since his trial in Fairy Court where the truth about the frozen timestream finally came out. Like… I know I kind of had it bad, getting snapped from reality and catapulted into the Hocus Poconos and all, but I can't even imagine what it must have felt like to croak out a confession about an illegal secret wish before the entire Fairy Council. I can't imagine what was going through his mind.

None of us ever will. He's the only one whose memories went unscathed throughout those 50 accidental secret years. Well… He and Kenny Lovell, but Kenny spent years flipping patties up in Burger World before he got stuck on Earth. I remember seeing him around town before I really knew what was going on. Kenny used to suspect the truth, but not even that saved him. Sure, he resisted for a while, covering his ears and saying numbers over and over while tears ran down his face. It's not for no reason people started calling him Crocker Junior.

Even Kenny succumbed to the enthralling memory-tweaking magic of the Secret Wish sooner or later. I hope he's doing okay. I mean, I don't really know him or anything… but I get it. I know how messed up you feel when you're confused and scared and wondering if you're out of place.

We don't talk about the Secret Wish at home. Dad and Mama sometimes check on me in private, especially right after I came back from the Hocus Poconos. For a while, I thought they were just being paranoid. I mean, they seemed a lot more affected by the whole "me getting slashed from reality for a day" than I was. I felt okay.

Then I started having night terrors. I have no idea if Foop gets them even worse than I do or, like, maybe not at all. Or maybe to Anti-Fairies, nightmares are a beautiful thing.

Timmy was a wreck the first month home from the trial - the first month in 50 years that we all started aging normally on Earth again - and he'll still shut down if you bring it up. For a few weeks, he almost got sloppy with his wishes… with his secrets. We almost got found out by other humans as his godfamily. We had our share of close calls. We're just plain lucky that Jorgen lifted the restrictions on Crocker sniffing us out, because even Jorgen had to admit that Crocker was too resistant to forget-a-cin to ever truly forget about us.

Timmy's parents ramped up his therapy visits (with a helpful wand twitch from my parents to ensure they could still make ends meet when it came to paying bills). Timmy threw himself into his soccer practice, video games, endless scrolling through his cell phone, and a lot more travel wishes to far-off times and places. I never saw it as a cry for help, though. Timmy was just my big brother… and only now that I live alone, now that I look after Foop and Sammy and Finley in our dorm, do I see the signs.

Sparky provided a good distraction in the time that he needed it most. He's kind of like a therapy dog, even though he doesn't always stay in one place. And Timmy's on better terms with Chester and A.J. now, but…

… there was about a year, right after it all went down, where he couldn't bear to look at them without spiraling. I didn't really get it at the time, but now that I'm a little older with a little more schooling under my belt, I know the feeling. It's guilt. Guilt over the fact that he didn't want to grow up. Guilt for how he loves his fairy godparents just as much - if not more - than the adults who raised him. Guilt for the mental strain he put on an entire planet, holding them in a state of purgatory instead of allowing anyone around him to grow up. Guilt for Da Rules he broke to keep contact with his godfamily. Guilt for the way that he stood there, open-mouthed in the courtroom, when the Hocus Poconos slurped me out of existence and I was gone.

Guilt crushes you, I think?

Timmy doesn't let us come to his therapy appointments. And even when he's home, he gets closed-off and won't talk to me about it. I know he doesn't want to scare me… He just can't look me in the eye sometimes. I think it really hurts him to remember that he'll never get to see me grow up. No godkid can keep their fairies past age 18… No matter how many times they dance around Da Rules, flatter Jorgen, or even save all of Fairy World. You just don't get that privilege.

And I get that. I'm not saying I don't. I mean, it's way too dangerous for everyone's health and safety, magical creatures and mortals alike. I don't know if my parents are ever going to tell him how Juandissimo legally challenged Fairy Court and won the right to adopt Remy. They always sort of meant to bring it up when he was older, maybe 16 or so if they were still around him then and he stayed as stubbornly clingy as ever… but after we found out how far he'd go with the Secret Wish, I don't think Fairy Court looks very kindly down on him right now. Timmy kind of shot himself in the foot with that one.

I just wish there was something I could do… but my dad thought the same thing once. That's why he granted that Secret Wish in the first place. No way is that happening a second time.

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