#I doubt anyone will understand it but sometimes my tumblr is just me hallucinating with myself please excuse me

[thesirenwithnovoice]

Casais de Fairy Tail em Chaves

Jellal & Elza

Gray & Juvia

Natsu & Lucy (a Lucy no caso é o Chaves)

[rayofsunas]

s/o has a mental/nervous breakdown.

A/n: hello everyone! I hope your day is going alright, and that you’re doing well 🥰 I recently hit 300+ folllwers, like Sunday morning, and omg, that was the best thing to wake up too 🥺❤️ thank you those new and old for following and taking a chance with my account and sometimes trashy works 🙃 I’m gonna make a longer post at some point saying my thanks and discuss what I plan to do to celebrate 300 followers. It would really mean a lot to me if you guys chimed in if you have any ideas, after all, this is a thanks to you and I want you all to be involved! also, if you saw my recent rambles about how a draft was deleted, it’s referring to this post... what I had written got deleted TWICE in the span of FIVE MINUTES. gosh I was so pissed, I almost screamed. mobile tumblr is not it 😔 but here we are. I hope you like this. I tried to write this three times.... 🤡 also, since I am not a doctor or anything, I put a link to possible symptoms/what a “mental breakdown” is, that’s in the warnings, just click the link, it helped with my accuracy. 

Summary: s/o has a mental/nervous breakdown.

Parings: Xiao/Reader, Scaramouche/Reader, Albedo/Reader, Childe/Reader (all fem reader)

Warnings: angst, mental breakdown (panic attacks, stress, anxiety, ptsd, hallucinations, insomnia) fluff, swearing, mentions of death, mentions of injury

Word count: 3.5k (whew after tumblr DELETING this draft twice here we are folks ;-;)

requested by @mintyhuening​ 

​

Xiao

he knew you weren’t okay at all

Xiao knew the moment you locked yourself in your house

at first he thought maybe you were just temporarily feeling this way, but as the weeks passed and you hadn’t come out, he decided maybe not

coming from someone who enjoyed silence and solitude he could understand the distancing part, but it had been weeks, and even he needed socialization, so why hadn’t you come out?

you spoke to him through the door a few times, letting him know you were alright

he didn’t believe that though, sure you were alive, but not alright, he was mainly checking for confirmation to see if you were still alive while he thought of a good way to approach the situation

he didn’t want to invade your privacy, but he also hated the fact that you wouldn’t come out, not even to see him

it was lonely without you, he concluded

even for someone who enjoy solitude 

you were a careful creature, but never this careful and cautious...

were humans always like this?

eventually, he couldn’t stand it, and did find other ways to get into your house

he grew antsy after pacing outside your door for days

he found you huddled in your bed, a heap of pillows and blankets surrounding you

you were shocked to see him when he’d sat down on the foot of the bed, causing it to dip significantly 

“How did you get in?” You snapped once you saw who it was. 

“I have my ways.” He said raspily. With a huff of annoyance, you were back to facing the wall, away from the Adepti. 

“It’s dark in here.” He announced matter a factly, looking around the nearly pitch-black room, windows and doors covered by sheets and hefty duty curtains. “It’s how I like it.”

“It’s not healthy.”

“I don’t care, go away.”

Xiao was starting to grow impatient surprisingly, he truly just wanted to help, why couldn't you see that?

“Being passive is not going to help the situation, please tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing, I’m just tired.”

He worried. If he said the wrong, would you push him away even further? If he said the right thing, would you even care? Did you want help?

Xiao moved closer to you, hand going to touch your leg, although it was underneath the blankets, you felt it and did have to admit the affection was comforting.

“Don’t do this to yourself,” Xiao said. “Your friends miss you, I miss you as well.”

Maybe if you weren’t cooped up here anymore, you would start to come around. The room and house all together were very stuffy, dark, and depressing, he despised it.

“It’s beautiful outside, come with me,” he'd whispered. “At least if you don’t want to be around people, could you allow me to take you to a secluded area?”

“The fresh air will do you good.”

You were thinking about it, you had to of been if you still cared. 

“Fine, mother.” He watched with hope in his eyes as you slowly rose from the bed, and began

The outside world was very very bright at first, enough to induce a headache. But you became used to it the more you were out.

Xiao stayed true to his word like you knew he would unless you wouldn’t have come. You were taken to a very secluded area, there wasn’t even a path or road to it, just green luscious grass, and crystal core everywhere, beautiful blue and orange ones; Anemo and Geo respectively. You weren’t sure where you were, somewhere between Mondstadt and Liyue, you assumed. 

The fresh air did wonders, Xiao had noticed. You seemed to open up. Telling him a little of the problem. You had told him about how life was just stressful right now, you hadn’t taken any commissions in weeks, spoken to any of your friends Mondstadt, hence why they had come to him, accusing him of kidnapping and brainwashing you. He was offended, nonetheless let them know that wasn’t the case. 

The ever so secluded Xiao would take you out more, slowly introducing you to crowds of people, and would still take you on daily walks to that secret place you now called your special spot.

It would take a while, he knew that, and you wouldn’t be comfortable doing everything that others around you did, maybe not for a while. He could respect that, as long as you allowed him to help and encourage you.

Scaramouche

being a harbinger was HARD, Scaramouche knew that, even if he didn’t admit it

admitting it was challenging, could lead to always being doubted or seen as incompetent. therefore, no one mentions how hard it is

he had been off doing his duties when he got news that you had lashed out at a few lower rank fatui on your team, resulting in you being called in to meet with The Tsaritsa... let's just say she went easy on you because you were one of her highest ranking soldiers, if not, she would've severely punished you

you were forced back to your sleeping quarters immediately to calm down, told to stay put until you could stop “lashing out like a child” as she had put it

you weren’t one to argue against The Tsaritsa, everyone knew that was common rule... so you walked back as calmly as you could without snapping at anyone else

when Scaramouche had heard how you acted, he was annoyed

the always so calm and calculated Y/n, lashing out at her fellow members? he couldn’t help but be annoyed, despite it being completely out of character of you

he had finished his duties relatively quick, wondering why you were acting so out of character 

when he got back, he found you in your sleeping quarters, pacing in front of the large windows near the furthest end of your room

you were still wearing your typical combat gear, though your hair disheveled and body language looking extremely anxious, he hoped it was not yours...

“What did you do this time?” Had asked the violet-eyed man, carelessly throwing his hat on your bed, lean arms folding across his chest.

No response. 

“Excuse me, I believe I asked you a question.”

A loud irritable huff.

“Be quiet for once in your life, Scaramouche.” You hissed, anxiously biting at your nails. “Sorry- I’m just trying to calm down, but my heart can’t stop racing.”

Scaramouche wasn’t the most in-touch person with his feelings, and out of all the harbingers, he was one of the more difficult ones to deal with.

Surprisingly, he had shut up, despite finding it difficult to hold his malicious comment back.  

“What’s wrong?” Your lover asked, more softly this time. 

“My mission today was... hard. I know you said it’s important for missions to just be a one and done; no hard feelings. And you know I’ve always been that way. But this one was different.” His eyebrows furrowed, his forehead creasing in annoyance. 

“I can’t help but think about what they did.” 

“Did you get what you went for? I heard you sought after information regarding that Knight, Aether.”

“Yes, but-”

“I’d call that a successful mission,” He stared intensely, casually moving to sit on the comfort of your bed. Of course, he wouldn’t take this seriously. “Any casualties?”

“None of our men, but-”

“I don’t see the problem.”

“There were children, three little children, and those idiots just slaughtered them.”

“Ah... I see.”

Despite stating he understood, he really couldn’t sympathize with what you were saying. Those children were enemies as long as they worked against The Tsaritsa. 

Your voice suddenly cut through the silence, staring directly into his eyes, “What if those were our children?”

“They weren’t.” Your eyes rolled at his comment. 

“But what if!” He rolled his eyes, mocking your previous action. 

“But they weren’t.” He mocked for a second time.  

“You’re not helping, Scaramouche!”

“You’ll never understand, unless you see what I saw,” He knew you were right to some degree, but even then would he feel bad? A mission was a mission after all.

“They were begging me to protect them, and the youngest, she would not let go of my arm and then the next thing I knew, they were dead.” You continued, left hand going to grip your right, he assumed to show him where and how the said girl had gripped you. You were still shaking, this time being closer, he noticed how bad it was. 

“They were pleading, I told them I would try my best, and then-” He had long ago stood, making himself present in front of you. His warm hands had grabbed your shaking ones harshly, ceasing the trembling momentarily. 

“Please, be quiet,” The sixth harbinger snipped. “I don’t like seeing you upset.” Although it sounded harsh, he was trying his best to make it sound how he felt, even if those feelings were minuscule towards this specific topic. 

“Although, I don’t agree with you about this particular concern of yours- I will do whatever you need to help you.”

Albedo

now, he may just be an alchemist, but trust me, Albedo sees the signs before anyone, he has some sort of familiarity with them due to his incessant reading

and it may have taken him longer to see the signs because of how busy he was, but he saw them

he was no fool to the likes of insomnia, in fact he knew it very well, often staying up very late into the night and morning, sometimes for days at a time

he was cooped up in his lab and it wasn’t as if his body wasn’t tired, cause hell he was, there was just s much more to learn and discover, his brain WOULD not stop, 

Albedo hadn’t known how long this had been going on for, but he was seeing signs now

ngl, he didn’t notice that you hadn’t been sleeping properly until one night he decided to accompany you in bed earlier than usual (It was three a.m, yikes), and found that you were awake still

you were lying still on your side of the bed, and if it hadn’t been for the fact that he reached over to kiss your cheek, only to see your eyes open, he would’ve assumed you were alright and asleep

“You’re awake?” The ashy-blonde man asked, sliding into bed next to you. 

“Can’t sleep.” You shrugged nonchalantly, scooting closer to him, seeking his warmth and comfort. 

“You should’ve come to get me, I would’ve come to bed earlier with you.”

“It’s alright, I peeked in to see if you were still alive,” You joked, he chuckled. “You seemed very busy.”

“Yes, but, I thought I told you to remind me when you need attention, I often get sidetracked and enamored with my work.”

“It’s quite alright, Albedo. As long as you’re sleeping.”

He hummed, whispering tired words of adoration in your ear. That carried on for a while, as long as talking about the day's work and whatnot, until you eventually questioned, “Can I play with your hair?” The gesture was sweet, and that did sound amazing right about now since he was on the brink of sleep, but just needed that little push. But weren’t you tired?

“Aren’t you tired?”

You sat up, climbing behind Albedo, gently placing his head in your lap. “I’ll go after you.” A soft smile adorned your beautiful face. “You need sleep, you stay up for Archon knows how long.”

He selfishly allowed his eyes to close and waited for sleep to accompany him while you began untangling his two braids and ponytail. You played with and braided his hair until he’d fallen asleep as you said. You stayed up the rest of the morning though.

Eventually, probably out of boredom, you fell asleep for an hour or two around five a.m. Though, unfortunately, you were back up before six. You busied yourself while Albedo slept, starting with cleaning his lab. Albedo often did not like people touching his books, paperwork, and findings, but after instructing you how to properly take care of his stuff, he welcomed your help with open arms, seeing as though his lab was ALWAYS in shambles from not having enough time to take care of things himself.

Albedo surprisingly woke up around nine, wavy hair surrounding him like a lion, you chuckled to yourself at the sight. “How did you sleep?”

“Alright, considering my sleep schedule is nonexistent a lot of the time.” You nodded, bumping shoulders teasingly. “How about you?” 

“Okay,” You said, immediately changing the subject. “I woke up early, so I cleaned your lab, I hope it’s to your likings, Kreideprinz.” You teased, bowing at the waist.

The alchemist waved you off, with a smile. “We’ll see about your organizational skills after you eat.” 

How had he known?

“You haven’t eaten yet, have you?” Albedo asked, heading in the direction of the kitchen.

“That obvious.” You wondered trailing after him. 

“You always wait for me, darling.”

- 

“You look exhausted.” Albedo’s concerned voice cut in through the smooth Mondstadt breeze. You had been so distracted with the discovery in front of you, you hadn’t realized your boyfriend was staring directly at you. “When was the last time you slept?” He glanced back down at the discovery, still listening, but if you didn’t speak soon he’d be lost in his world again.

“A day or two, but-” Albedo probably got whiplash from how hard he’d snapped his head to face you, but now he was staring at you with features reading nothing but shock, cerulean eyes blown wide.

“I think your bad sleeping schedule is contagious.” You joked, trying to make the situation lighter-hearted. He didn’t laugh. 

Albedo was more serious this time, proving it when he faced you completely. “What’s been going on?” His voice was soft, but he was extremely worried. 

Nervousness built up in his lover's body. “Nothing! I just-” You sighed. Might as well tell him the truth, he’d coerce the answer from you no matter what it took. “It’s been harder to sleep after my injury from that ruin guard. When it hit me, I banged my head against the concrete, and ever since I guess it’s been hard to sleep.” 

“You could've told me sooner. I would have stopped everything and anything for you.” Yes, that was true, that was the problem though. You didn’t want to be coddled like a baby

“I know, I’m not sure why I didn’t... Naturally, I don’t want to worry you.”

He moved closer to you so he could cradle your face in his hands. “You can always tell me anything you know that.”

“I understand that. You’re a busy man so-”

“From this moment on, my work will be dedicated to finding a cure for you.”

You panicked, not wanting to stop his work for the likes of what you were dealing with. “What? Wait no-”

“You can’t stop me, darling. You take precedence over everything.”

Albedo made it his goal to do whatever possible to help you. Whether it be spending days in his lab making concoctions in hopes of creating something that could safely aid you with sleep. Or he’s in the libraries, reading all the books on the wellness and health of humans. He’s already on top of it the minute you expressed your concerns. In the meantime, he’s going to make sure he goes to bed with you much earlier, and won’t go until you do, to ensure you’re resting.

We love sweet caretaker Albedo.

(I understand insomnia can have other causes, not just a mental or nervous breakdown, but it’s kind of implied when reader hurt her head that she’s not well.)

Childe

Childe is simply not going to know your not well, he just won’t, it’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s more so the fact that he has a hard time paying attention to anything other than his missions and duties, he does not want to slow down

you have to show signs or tell him to realize

he decided to take a break though, seeing as he did promise you dinner tonight. he told you it would be his treat, since he did have a bunch of Mora lying around that he simply had no other use for

he figured a nice dinner and trip to one of the nicer cities with more to offer would be nice, he would buy you anything you desired

it was nearing the time for dinner though, and the reservations had already been made, so when he was left waiting, let's just say he was irked...

if you didn’t want to show up, you would’ve told him, so maybe you forgot? he concluded that couldn’t be it

the last time he’d brought it up, two days ago, you had been so excited you couldn’t sit still nor stop talking about it

asking a few people around town if you had been spotted anywhere, some said you had wandered off to Luhua Pool, something about there being a myth about special healing properties within the water

now he was even more confused

one, you NEVER went to Luhua Pool, there was never a need to do so

two, special healing properties? why would you need that? were you hurt in his absence?

you were his family, and he loved his family more than anything, so if something was wrong, he’d do whatever it took to help you

he traveled from Snezhnaya to Luhua Pool in record speed

he did find you eventually, the sun was setting, but thanks to the glowing water he could make your form out easily

you were hunched over, in what looked like to be some simple greenish cloth dress, he couldn’t see what you were doing, and called out your name

no answer

“Hey, what’re you doing here?” The orange-haired teen asked, crouching down beside his lover to see what was wrong.

“Cleaning.” You had said. That’s when his dull blue eyes traveled to what you were doing, watching with a confused stare as you scrubbed at what seemed to be clean hands.

“Hmm, I see...” He couldn’t tell if this was a prank or not, you usually played along with his teasing nature. “Are you ready for dinner?”

“Was that really today?” Your head lifted, leaving your hands to momentarily hanging in the air, water droplets dripping off into the pool.

Okay... so you did forget it seemed, which did shock him seeing as though you were over the moon, less than seventy-two hours ago.

“Uh, yeah, did you really forget? That’s unlike you! I’ve learned women don’t forget anything.” He teased, hand going to his chin. You hummed, turning back to do whatever it was you had been previously.

The harbinger frowned. “Do you still want to go? We can make it if we’re fast.” You sounded like a robot, much like a ruin guard, he concluded. 

“I’m sorry, not today, I’m dirty...”

Childe couldn’t help but chuckle, “Dirty? Sweetheart, you’re cleaner than most people I’ve seen, what’re you on about-” 

“The blood, it’s stained my hands, can’t you see?” Even after holding your hands to show him, he saw nothing resembling blood. 

“Are you playing games with me? Sure, it would’ve been funny any other day, not today though-” 

“You don’t believe me?” You sounded hurt, but whatever was going on, he wouldn’t feed into these... false hallucinations. “The townspeople said the same thing, they called me crazy...” You scrubbed even harder at your hands, letting out a frustrated huff. 

“I don’t see anything, I’m really sorry,” He said gently, reaching into the water to grasp your warm hands in his, “But if you continue to do that...I will see the blood.”

Childe was not sure what was going on, maybe some sort of PTSD? Although, he wasn’t sure where it could’ve come from... you’re not a harbinger or fatui, or anyone that is engaged in battle, etc. so it didn’t make sense. Unless something happened that decided to resurface now. 

He immediately took you home, hand in his to keep you from further scratching your hands. On the journey, you often asked, “Why are you even touching me? There’s a lot of blood.” 

He didn’t want to have to feed into whatever was going on, worried he’d damage you somehow, and he didn’t want to make you sound crazy, so instead he said, “Because I love you.”

When you both arrived home, he’d immediately laid you in bed, saying you appeared tired before going to search for a doctor.

Child will see every and all doctors in Teyvat and will pay whatever amount necessary to figure out what’s wrong, that’s for sure. Doesn’t take orders from the harbingers (not like he was anyways) and opts to stay close to you at all times. 

He decided to keep his teasing to a minimum, though he found that sometimes things slipped out accidentally, he’d do anything in his power to help you.

1.18.21, rayofsunas 

[wanderingjotun]

Words and Spirits Pt. 2

This is the second part of a word vomit essay thing about words, my experiences with spirits/gods, and discernment practices. Find part 1 here for background on my practice and how I personally practice discernment with the voices in my head. Otherwise, read on.

Since I’m certain I can’t be the only person who gets pretty much fully-formed words/conversations from gods and/or other spirits in their brains (and then freaks out about them because this doesn’t happen to normal people, am I right?), some advice I wish I’d gotten as I fumbled along over my decade-plus of listening:

1) The way you experience spirits/gods is valid and okay, even if no one else seems to sense or connect the same way (or you feel ~special snowflake~ because your communication method is constantly the butt of several jokes). Everyone experiences these things differently, and none of those ways are right for anyone except that individual.

2) If you’re seriously concerned, or if spirits/gods/etc. start giving you harmful advice, telling you to hurt yourself, or other bad, intrusive things, banish them and seek out professional, psychological help. There’s a reason hearing voices is not often a good thing, and you want to be completely certain you aren’t listening to harmful hallucinations. Your well-being and safety are ALWAYS more important. It’s not easy to admit you might be sick or need help, but please, please, please talk to a professional if you need it.

3) Pay attention to the subtle nuances--the tone and word choice, the speech patterns, any energetic traces or commonalities between conversations. Sometimes this can give a lot of insight into a spirit’s personality, and help with discernment. For example, I always know I’m making stuff up if Odin calls me by the name Loki uses. He has never once used that name for me, due to our relationships being different, but sometimes when I’m trying to contact him, “he’ll” use that name and I’ll know something is up. Or I can tell when Gladio is here because I’ll feel warm and fuzzy and protected, and like his voice is rumbling in the back of my head, which is a feeling that’s hard to manifest on my own.

4) If you share your experiences with the wider Pagan community, there will basically be one of two common reactions (with a handful of “eh, so what? That’s your thing” from Good People): a) you’re absolutely insane for hearing voices (see point #2 above), or b) omg teach me how to godphone. Both of these can feel isolating and increase anxiety or doubt, particularly if you already struggle with those (*raises hand*). This isn’t an easy thing to balance, especially if you crave community and companionship, but you’ll need to find something that works for you. Sometimes that’s backing off on sharing your experiences. Sometimes that’s finding a way to say “screw the haters” and doing it anyway. Trial and error are, unfortunately, unavoidable here, and you will screw up. It’s okay.

5) Connected to #4: Don’t let it go to your head. There’s this weird tendency, especially here on Tumblr, to simultaneously idolize and disbelieve/mock people who claim they have a clear line to the gods/spirits they work with. IMO, this often leads to one of two main outcomes: a) you get drunk on your own ‘power’ and start bragging about your connections and what you can do, which often leads to the type of person who attempts to convince others that they’re the mouthpiece for a certain entity, or b) you start doubting yourself even more than you might already and self-sabotage your spiritual hearing because it’s easier not to hear anything at all. Neither of these are healthy for you or your spiritual companions, so try to remember that you’re not a gift from the gods, nor are you making things up just for attention (unless, of course, you are intentionally doing so, but that’s a different story). It’s easy to fall into these traps, even without sharing your experiences publicly, just by reading other people’s blogs and asks, where these idolization/mockery of the full-conversation communication occurs, so be cautious.

6) There will be quiet times. Times when you’re not feeling well, or your companions just don’t feel like talking, or when communication is just not happening for some other reason. As frustrating and concerning at this can be, let them come. You don’t need contact with your spirits/gods to move forward and be yourself. The noise will return in time, sometimes in unexpected ways, like when three pop culture spirits randomly jump you and become your new BFFS.

7) Try not to compare yourself with others. It’s hard, but it’s important. Your path is your own, and their practice is theirs. Comparisons are another easy way to fall into the bad habits of point #5, so try to remember that UPG and other shared experiences aren’t shared to make one party feel better/worse about their own experiences. They’re shared to help spread knowledge, to give other windows into how someone might practices, and to celebrate everyone’s individual practices. It’s better for everyone else if you can avoid feeling superior or jealous about someone else’s path.

8) Don’t take things at face value. In my experience, I might hear words that seem to have a clear meaning, but I don’t always hear as clearly as I think I do, and words are incredibly easily manipulated and twisted to suit a spirit’s goal or purpose. Double-check, practice discernment, do divination readings, ask for clarification, ensure your questions are very plainly worded, and pay special attention to words that have more than one meaning. In some ways, it’s easier to screw with people who are word-oriented than people who are energetically-oriented--way easier to lie with language, especially when you don’t necessarily get the emotion/facial expressions that go with.

9) You’re going to fuck it up, and that’s okay. Sometimes discernment is hard, or we get mixed signals, or an entity allows us to gambol down the wrong path just for amusement’s sake. As long as your mistake isn’t actively harming someone (including yourself), willingly disseminating bad information, attempting to force someone else to see things your way, or other similarly not-great things, there’s no real harm. Sure, you’ll probably look back and cringe at that time you thought Loki told you that you were a princess of the Sidhe destined to save the multiverse, but that’s what growing in this spiritual practice is about--making mistakes, learning how to better listen to what’s being communicated (with words, or otherwise) and how to improve your understanding of it in relation to where you are right now. Mistakes are natural, and the gods/spirits understand. Be gentle with yourself when they happen. And maybe turn them into awesome fantasy stories later.

That’s all I’ve got for now, but I’ll create subsequent posts if anything else comes up, and as my brain allows. In the meantime, feel free to ask for clarification, or if you have any questions about any of this shenanigans. My askbox is always open and I will do my best to answer quickly and politely, or point you toward someone with more knowledge.

[communistastrobabe-blog]

x TAROT LOVE SPELL x 

Materials: Candle / incense associated with love or attraction (there’s a difference, so make sure to be specific), cleansed tarot cards, personal item of the subject (if nothing, get a picture, or you could even just stare at their social media profile until you’ve gotten a good “sense” of them). Optional (adds strength): gem stone or crystal, new, cleansed.

Length of time for it to begin working: Approximately 1 week

I did my love spell about a week ago. I don't do spells like this very often, but when I do, I am always very confident. Not to brag, but usually I get very speedy results when I'm working with just vibrations, meditation, and stones (among other things). 

 Last week I felt my intuition guiding me in a new direction. I decided to do a spell with my tarot. I have absolute trust in my deck and felt Confident that they would lead me to my desired outcome and have my best interests at heart. I really do think its important to only work with materials that 'feel' right.

Do I love this person? No. 

 Did he hurt me? Yes. 

 My immediate impulse is to hex when angry. The results have been immediate and devastating. I l learned how to do this from my mom, but her and I have both paid heavy consequences in the past for working with such negative energies. I don't necessarily believe in the threefold rule, but I do believe in Karma. I haven't done one in quite awhile for that reason. I've been trying to channel my energies into more positive courses, which is why I felt myself pushed toward a love spell. 

 The above tarot spread isn't the one I used for the spell. I neglected to take a photo of the one I used, because I really felt like I needed my full concentration for this one. I turned off the lights, lit the candle on my altar, and placed a brand new cleansed stone next to the deck. I placed something of the subject's next to my altar letting the candle light flicker over it. I forget exactly which flavor candle I got, but I know it is meant for love. (My b, i feel like such a sham witch that I've actually forgotten lol) 

 First, I drew a card for myself - the star. 

Then i drew a card for him - the fool. Nice. Cards are giving me the green light to go forth with this. 

I removed the lovers card and placed it slightly over the fools' eyes, reversed. I placed the star on the opposite end of the altar, to represent the distance between me and the subject, and the emotional distance I want to keep from him as he is blinded. 

 Then I pulled 3 minor arcana for him. I'm not 💯 percent sure which cards they were (I'm gonna do some rough guesswork), but I remember the interpretation. The first was the knight of swords, representing his haste to go away and make some decisions he didn't really think through. His stubbornness led him to make some ignorant choices. 

 The middle (his present) represented excess, gluttony, etc. 

 And the final card was the 8 of swords card where he's all tied up and can't move because of the swords. Nice😇  for good measure, I removed the 3 of swords and laid it on the fool's side of the altar. For reference, that is the heart with the three daggers inside, denoting heartbreak.  

The next part is always very hard to explain, but involves summoning vibrations and concentrating very hard on the energy of this particular stone, which I bought specifically for this spell. It involves intense concentration, and sometimes ill even start hallucinating. I remain in darkness until the candle has burned down fully, and make sure I'm not disturbed through the entire process. 

I let the cards, candle wax, stone, and personal possession sit over night exactly the way i left them. 

To be honest, I was feeling real heckin pleased with myself afterward. I could just tell it was working... 

But then a day passed, and then another. 

Nothing was happening... I was shocked, angry, and depressed. I was expecting some form of communication immediately. My other spells always were very speedy, and I didn't even do as much for them as I did preparing for this one. Did I lose my gift?? I was ashamed and embarrassed and I ignored my moms questioning looks, because she knew what I was up to. 

Turns out I really shouldn't have doubted myself. Understand, this person hasn't contacted me in MONTHS. He had no reason to. 1 week after the spell however he's stalking the shit out of me and trying to get in touch. Tried to add me back on social media ( ❌rejected❌ - lol well actually I'm leaving him hanging to prolong his suffering), and then started liking shit on my tattoo shop facebook page that I just posted. To give context, I deleted him off my Facebook awhile ago, he's been to my shop once (my parents own them), and had no tats. How.... strange that he's 4 hours away and all of a sudden liking my shit, and he KNOWS I run the social media page for the shop. He never liked anything before this. Loser. 

Then the next day he tries to add me back on Snapchat. I keep him hanging. I read my own tarot cards the other day to figure out how to proceed with this, and they told me to wait. (Always listen to the cards, never willfully go against them, even if you’re frustrated.) 

 I'm excited to see what else this spell brings. It was slow going, but picking up speed every day. Will keep y'all updated! 😇 Oh and if anyone tries this spell, let me know how it goes. It’s the first one I’ve ever posted on tumblr so feedback would be appreciated.