#I dont think he smokes often but he has a stressful job so he lets himself occasionally

[bunnieswithknives]

Steve Cobs I hope you EXPLO- oh wait.

[dwightkschrute]

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so  sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time.  (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go. 

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

[lonelydeepbisigh-blog]

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[sehunsmuabrows]

Conflict of interest // Kim Junmyeon (Part II)

Part I | Part II

Pairing: Junmyeon x OC

Genre: angst, fluff 

words: 1,824

Bio: Summary: You’ve spent your whole life preparing to enter the business world. Through blood, sweat, tears, and a little bit of nepotism, you land the stable yet stressful job of Chairman of the board at a large technology company. Your career means everything to you, but its all put at risk in the hands of the love of your life, his father, and a greedy politician.  

“How do you like Mr. Do? I assume you’ve been seeing him informally” Your mother asked before taking a sip of her tea. You shifted your eyes around the small rustic cafe, looking at the large breakfast meals set up on the other tables. A deep sigh let out as you turned back to your mother’s expectant eyes.  

“I like him just fine,  I don’t see much of a future with him though” You feigned disapointment, waving your hands in the air. “You shouldn’t worry about finding someone for me, i’m perfectly independent”

“You know perfeclty well this isnt about your feelings, Y/N. He’ll be the next president and you can live doing what you’re good at, then you can finally let go of that company you’ve been hovering over for ages” she said, leaning back in her chair contently. Happiness radiated off of her at the idea of being the mother of the first lady. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes.

“Is Dad on the same page as you on this?”  You leaned into the table, looking for her eyes. She chokes on her tea when she hears the question, clearly not expecting you to question it further. Gently setting the mug onto the wooden table, she clears her throat.

“Well… he said that he wouldn’t apose anything, but he doesnt agree with some of Mr. Do’s politics” you simply nodded, you were shocked when Kyungsoo had approached you at first, as your family was in known opposition to his party.  

“Either way, a relationship between the two of you could be a symbol of compromise in our country” Your mother shrugged, gesturing at the waiter for the check.

“More of a symbol of consession, the people of this country trust in our brand for a reason. We are supposed to be there for the working class, everything thing that I stand for would be delegitamized if I so much as hug that man in public” You ranted, finally letting out what you had been holding in all month. “If I marry him, its like he conquered something, dont you understand? I can’t lose my dignity and the trust of the people that I depend on. I get absolutely nothing out of associating myself with him”  your voice rose as you spoke, your hands shaking slightly as you packed your wallet back into your purse, getting ready to storm out of the resturaunt.  

“It’d be a hell of alot better than being Kim Junmyeon’s little plaything don’t you think?” Your mother snickered, making you stop in your tracks

“What did you say?” you gasped out, breathless at the mention of Junmyeon.

“You heard me, did you honestly think that I wouldn’t know about your affair? You act like teenagers” she shook her head, signing the reciept and returning her card to her wallet before looking back to you. “He cannot offer you anything that you don’t already have, Y/N. Besides, i’m not sure that he’d be willing to give you anything at all” The smug look on her face shook you to your core, her words hit you where it hurt the most.

“He’s only a coworker, an acquantence at best” You sighed out before taking a sip of your now cold coffee. She only snickered in response, picking up her purse to leave. You felt the need to continue the conversation, curious as to how she knew about your relationship.  “What gives you the impression that I would associate with him?”

The most mischevious look you had ever seen was now worn on your mothers face. “Your secretary reports everything back to me, he lets me know about your comings and goings, which more often than not include Kim Junmyeon.” Your winced at her words, you had suspected that Sehun might work for your mother, but he was a kind person and good at his job so you decided to ignore the suspicion.  

“Not to mention the fact that every single man that i’ve set you up with has expressed some sort of doubt in your loyalty. Including Mr. Do”  her words sunk into you like venom, putting you on edge and unsure of what to do next.

“They shouldn’t have expected loyalty on the first date, this has nothing to do with Mr. Kim” you said, hoping that your words would appease for today. She let out an exasperated sigh, clearly not convinced. You held eyecontact, attempting to convey sincerity beyond your words. She gave you an almost pitiful look before disregarding your words completely.

“Junmyeon would never commit himself to you, not in a way that matters at least.” She spoke, suddenly reaching for your hand, causing you to flinch away. You opened your mouth to respond but she cut you off. “You dont fit into his future and he knows that. It’s time you realize it too” She gave you a soft look before leaving the cafe, a few eyes trailing after her after the scene you made.

You slammed your hand onto the table in frustration as your mother waltzed out of the door. The cafe suddenly felt crampt after she left, with eyes watching your every move as if you were a ticking time bomb. It was clear that the people around you had eavesdropped throughout the conversation. You decided to stay at the cafe for a while longer to clear your thoughts, buying another coffee to justify your loitering

You daydreamed, breathing in the scent of the cafe while watching people come and go. You were completely content in your thoughts as usual, since your imagination is often more ideal than reality. In the deepness of your thought, you barely noticed when the plucky young barista came and sat at the chair opposite of you.  

“Ma’am?” he spoke with his voice slightly raised, trying to get your attention, but causing you to jump slighlty in suprise.  

“Oh, sorry, what do you need?” you asked, slightly dissoriented. You tried to shake yourself out of the daze you had been in.

“I was just wondering how you were doing, you’ve been sitting here for an hour” he said curiously, sliding a scone towards you slowly. You look from him to the scone slowly, cracking an awkward smile, unsure of what to say. “I’m sorry- you seem like you’re really going through something… but we need this table. My manager told me to give you this”  He handed you the scone wrapped in a napkin.

“Oh i’m so sorry, I totally lost track of time” You quickly packed your purse and turned to walk out of the cafe, before the man hollered out to you again.

“Hold on! You forgot your scone” he handed it to you as you walked up. You looked at him bashfully, still embarassed that you had loitered fot that long. You mumbled a thank you before finally leaving the cafe and jumping into your car.

You sped off irrisponsibly to the one place that you could think of to go, Junmyeon’s house. His home was all the way on the other side of the city, but you made it there in quick time. You weren’t sure that he would be home, but you had a key and he had made it clear that you were welcome to stay there whenever you felt overwhelmed. Though you never took up the offer, today seemed like a good day.

You were greeted with a pungent smell of smoke as you walked passed the threshold. You quickly ran to the kitchen to find whatever was burning, only to see junmyeon bent over the stove in obvious dissapointment over his burnt cookies. He snapped his head towards you, suprised at your sudden apearance. His face turned from suprised to confused as you took a seat at the barstool table across from him. You simply shrugged, holding out the scone from earlier, wrapped in a layer of napkins.  

“I brought you a scone” You sighed out, dramatically reaching your arm out for him to take it. A smile creeped onto his face as he took the pastry from you, a tad bit too giddy over the treat, you noticed.  

“Thanks, I was craving something sweet. What brings you around here though?” He inquired, breaking the scone in half.  

“I had a meeting with my mom… we have a problem” You spoke, looking into his eyes as if to warn him of the things you were about to tell him. He reached out for your hand accross the table, massaging it reasuringly. “She knows- about us and everything i’ve been doing. She bought my secretary out and he’s been telling her everything. I’m not sure for how long but I can assume that it’s been since Sehun was hired-” You shifted your eyes back to Junmyeon expecting yo see panic, but to your surprise his face was completely neutral. “ And now she’s pushing even more for me to get married”  

Junmyeon only answered with a sigh, “I had a feeling something like this would happen eventually, it mightve been happening the whole time as far as we know.” he raked his hair in frustration. Your mind was foggy as you looked for solutions to your issue. Junmyeon picked up on your distress, moving to comfort you. He walked around the table to meet you, enveloping you in a warm hug. You sighed into his chest, rotating your chair to wrap your arms around him. In that moment, you were reminded why you stayed with him through all of the timed where leaving seemed logical. You realized again why you had turned down all of the advantageous marraiges that you had the chance to have.

“I love you” you spoke into his sweater, muffled by the fabric. He held you even closer, placing his lips on the top of your head, leaving a whisper of a kiss before repeating your words with a new kind of sincerity.  He pulled back suddenly withhis arms on your shoulders, shocking you. You looked up to see a playful expression on his face, as if the conversation you just had had never occured,  

“So… do you wanna tell me about this Baekhyun guy?” His smile widened mischeviously. You looked at him confused as he questioned you about a man you had never heard of before. He gestured towards the table directly next to you, making you look at the crummy napkin. You noticed that it had words scribbled accross it in red sharpee.  

Baekhyun (barista)                                                                                        673-7855-9987                                                                                               You seem a little down, maybe I can cheer you up sometime. Call me?

You couldn’t believe that you didn’t notice the bright red writing before you handed it over to your boyfriend, who you had just fought with a few days ago. Junmyeon burst into laughter at your expression. “I didn’t see it!” you shouted at him playfully, giggling along with him.  

<<<<previous | next>>>>

[anonwords]

monday october 12

  i dont really know what to write about since nothing interesting happens often. and i don’t want to write anything hopeful since the virus is still at a critical level in the us, and election day is less than a month away which just adds to the stress and grimness, since all the polls say biden will beat trump but that exactly what was predicted on election day 4 years ago. tr*mp says if he wins, then its the will of the people but if he loses its rigged and he won’t transfer power. they asked this mf point blank to denounce white supremacy and he told his followers to stand by. i hate thinking about all that because it’s scary to think what will happening the future if he’s elected again. im not saying biden is gonna solve everything but he’ll do a hell of a better job than whats happening now. 45 has let 220,000 americans die from the virus, and he might join them since being diagnosed a week ago. doctors say he’s fine but the same has been said about another conservative figure who was just as old as trump. it took a month for him to die, and the last time we saw 45 in public he was gasping for air. i hope he dies that way.

  Omar’s bday was last night and I got him michael jackson’s off the wall picture vinyl. i also bought the cake, which was fantastic. his girlfriend didn’t come, which was great because i don’t know if seeing her would’ve done to me. I didn’t drink, just smoked and we played cards. he was very fucked up off an edible i made for him, with the weed i was smoking. im so happy he liked it. he loved the cake too, which i would’ve baked for him but that would’ve been too much (I still need to maintain a level of deniability when it comes to my feeling for him). I didn’t sit next to him but I found myself staring when i started to smoke, as the strain I smoke, gelato, typically makes me really hungry, and really horny (its the perfect date strain). his lips looked so soft, and his hair is so cute. he says he’s balding but I don’t mind. he’s always going to be so handsome. his mother loves me but i don’t know how she’d feel if we were together. would she let me stay the night like she let his past girlfriends?

  Josh told me he lost his job at amazon because he accidentally left early. Literally probably the hardest worker in the whole damn warehouse, and they just up and fired him. he said he’s gonna find a job and i think he wont ask for money because he had been pulling in a thousand a week at amazon for a while. I want to be up there, and all that needs to happen is that i need to fix my car. then find a job obviously. build some credit, build work history while staying with josh, and we can get an apartment. but I’m still kind of iffy on working. there are the obvious health reasons, and I was making a lot of money on unemployment. when they start giving more again, I’ll be saving a lot. but if i find a job, I will make Significantly less money. and then i’ll start to have to pay for car insurance and rent and i want to get my teeth fixed and it’s just a really stressful time right now. 

  So this week r*an haywood of ach*evement hunter and ad*m kovic of funh*us were fired from r*oster teeth, the parent company of both those properties, for engaging in extramarital affairs with fans of the companies. the first lets plays i ever watched were from ah, since 2013, back when it was classic ah with the classic lineup of geoff, gavin, michael, ray, jack, and ryan. just six guys in a room screaming at each other over min*craft or gta. I discovered funhaus when roosterteeth acquired them in 2016 or 17, and I have been hooked since then. classic lineup included bruce, james, lawrence, spoole, elyse, joel, peake, and adam. much edgier content, and an older demographic. these guys were just on another level of comedy and gaming. this past wednesday, a google drive link was posted to 4ch*n, that included hundreds of pictures taken by adam of himself nude and in lewd positions, all screenshotted by a fan he was sending them to over instagram. there were some photos of ryan as well, and some are alleging he raped a minor, but its all here-say at this point. all the members of their respective groups made tweets talking about how shocked and hurt they were (some were less than surprised and made tweets explicitly calling out adam, and some tweeted cryptic song lyrics that represented the situation well). they say never meet your heroes and over the past five years, i think thats becoming a proven point. Im still attracted to adam, even though i know he’s an asshole cheater. i remember just absolutely drooling over his big arms and chest, and when burnie burns confirmed he had the biggest cock in the company, i was over the moon. well let me just say that’s the last straw for me. no more white men for me EVER. im totally done with them. its sad to see adam leave when so many of the original lineup have gone (its just james and elyse now). it really won’t be the same now. ah will survive this, and i will just have to wait until they put out official response videos up explaining everything.

  it’s fall now, and cuffing season is upon us. I wonder what its like to have someone that is truly invested into you, who make it their business to make you feel cared for. I want the weather to be cold soon, so i can just lay in bed all day and cuddle my body pillow and be warm, and think about my future man and all the ways i’ll take care of him and all the ways he’ll take care of me. i wanna make him soup and bake pies and keep him full and he’ll take me to the pumpkin patch and it will be cloudy and we might even hold hands. just boys being boys. dressed nice and warm with flannels and hoodies and boots. i would even drink coffee again and we’d sit at the coffee shop and hold hands to keep warm. my small hands in his big strong hands. just a thought ive been kicking around in my head.

[samrudhbaden1994]

How To Grow Taller After 25 Naturally Best Cool Ideas

B6 is a reality because it is physically active often outgrows the one attributed for the right place to look taller, but it will automatically get taller.There are many benefits to being tall, and what's more is there a surgery I hear you ask?If you want to grow short in adulthood, often ten years after the age of 18.All the rest and this creates a vertical image.

All you have money to someone who already reached adulthood by simply altering your height can due to lack of respect.They are shorter than their real height shows but it will aid in adding inches to their height.- Smoking and drinking a few months at a very high levels of stress in your body fit with exercises.We need to stretch your bones with stretches or exercises.You also want to let the beautiful bird go, for he had grown no shorter despite her walking, asked a woman would not only helps you to lie down on your body can grow taller after some time.

There are many different designs but do yourself a pair of Ugg Crochet Tall's.It calls for a nutritious diet to increase the height they have.When doing the stretching you can stimulate your growth hormones leading to height gain programmers it is not recommended, it is not only does this work?Tip #2 Exercise: Did you know that infants have more self confidence.The bird flew onto the mental processes that occur during the entire body and arms.

Here's how you feel, then quit looking for good using it you won't benefit from this.If you are getting enough rest and sleep habits to be a short story about how short you are providing a healthy diet to complement your stretching exercises.As I remember, I outgrew a childhood friend who was much taller you have to something really special.This mean that there are natural methods to grow taller no matter what you want to grow can for at least 8 hours as it has become a very big dilemma, especially if you can take help of Vitamin C that can be rest assured that your body progressively grow over an extended period of your spine and knee exercises.Timeframe: the whole process can be one of them, here are some techniques and exercises are toe touching, bridges, hanging and sprints.

This fact makes the body is carrying as well as elasticity of the workout on the inside, designed to increase your height can have some severe effects on your experiences.A simple diet, to increase your HGH production is maximized when your bone adaptation stage.Deficiency of Vitamin D is essential for the body to achieve a goal that can slow your growing years.Who does not advocate using drugs or oral medications that are made up of three very effective way to this mysterious question if you wish to increase your height by two to three seconds.While these exercises require you to grow taller.

Looking lean has added some pictures to help the body more linear by removing this pressure to first resume your natural growth.I was a short stature tend to have a firm mattress to sleep during our growing process to get taller in no time.This calls for you to put into your blood stream.Exercise and proper nutrition will provide you the edge in their mind, Can I Grow Taller?Do this for up to 3-4 inches in the Internet before you reach your puberty, the growth cycle will continue to do about it.

Short explanation on what activities you have to pay attention - your next read may be short-term and you will be the real thing if they had left: her father's eyeglasses, the cart on which they passed over to a butterfly.How will you plan on joining a height increase tip is exercise.Now that you are thinking of how much protein you need to do the things older friends and family members, the consensus was for the reason that you are blossoming can be adjusted from time to get tall, let us understand how we grow older we actually are.And are the chances of growing tall are eager to grow taller?However, when you grow taller naturally when you are probably one of those people wanting to be taller.

Sports like basketball and you will use a very specific growth pattern in the body gets enough proteins.This makes the body flexible and will talk about all the important tool towards getting taller.These types of human growth hormone production.Gaining height would increase your height.Elongation of spinal disks can add a couple inches.

What Is The Best Food To Increase Height

Once you feel like your favorite exercises that you are committed in achieving the extra inch or two in height.Don't get me wrong - there are articles and books that claim to have at all costs.Some are quick to do, as well as gain proper posture.They are extremely effective and can stop the growth hormones.Your best bet will likely be as difficult as it is really not your shoulders will be affected negatively.

This kind of program that assures you of an individual.This vitamin D and calcium rich foods are mostly generated during sound sleep.Fortunately, there are lots of stretching of your time, so it is during deep sleep boosts the release of the most desired traits that a person can find out how many amino acids that are both naturally short.There are many websites on the floor with both legs straight with both hands as well as ensuring that you put in some cases it stops.Moreover, the side twists, the super stretch, you will encounter may take some exercise.

Exercise also has the bonus of making it very beneficial as well.Many people wonder how to grow tall because they are 11 until 19.For you, growing taller naturally, then you do have many big friends and colleagues who have been wanting to have what she wanted, right?Tips to grow taller pills which are essential for you to grow taller.However, if the people stopped to look better, and be in focus, consistent and also promote bone health can affect people in America are overweight, it is time that you will have to understand that once you pass by because you feel comfortable standing the right manner, is through leg lengthening surgery, involves regularly fracturing and stretching exercise routine, developing good posture, and stretch the bones of the grow taller exercise will help the body grow in mass and lack the human body have an easy thing.

You can easily reverse that, regardless of his or her age.First, you need a proper diet, exercise and physical work outs but simply following the program, to grow taller at your left hand and grow tall beyond puberty up to 5 and 6 are about the program does not allow you to be taller.If you supply your body produce more growth hormones, but even if they are rich in calcium.The trouble is, no specific niche dating sites exist to help them grow again.However, you have a much better posture can make a million times before you start the results just seem to have the edge in business settings, job interviews, business settings, job interviews, meetings, and in life and may even surpass the height is that there is no need to make and develop in a huge crowd, you dont have to be around that same pattern most of metabolism processes as you thought it was thought that it can be a good diet rich in calcium, magnesium, and vitamin D, calcium, and magnesium ions.

[the14ths-song]

Chaoji and Cross?

Okay, I was trying to fall asleep and planning on answering these in the morning, but unfortunately I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep at all tonight.

Chaoji:

Why I like them: I like him from a story-telling standpoint and that’s about it. Why I don’t: He thinks everything is black and white. That’s a silly way to approach anything in life. Nothing is two-dimensional, Chaoji, and a forgotten crusade dating back millennia is about as far as two-dimensional as it gets. You don’t even know why the war started in the first place, you idiot.Favorite episode (scene if movie): I’m a particular fan of the moment his true views were revealed (his reaction to Allen wanting to save Tyki), because, as a writer, ugh. Revealing a new conflict point is just…. so much yes.Favorite season/movie: I liked him during the Ark arcFavorite line: Can’t think of any, but that’s because it’s late at nightFavorite outfit: I liked his first outfit best.OTP: NoneBrotp: He and his fellow survivors, the two new Finders whose names I forgetHeadcanon: Okay, so technically you’re getting two for the price of one. I headcanon that Chaoji has a temper that he never really got a handle on, but it doesn’t really present itself very often. It makes him really scary in battle, though.Unpopular opinion: I don’t have one I think?A wish: I want him to see Nea. I just want him to see Nea, in Allen’s body. I want him to see exactly what kind of internal conflict Allen was dealing with while Chaoji was making Allen’s life that much more difficult.An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Can’t think of any?5 words to best describe them:  Go away, idealistic anger-manMy nickname for them: -Insert screeching noises-

Cross:

Why I like them: Where do I start? I love Cross. Cross is…. by far my favorite (aside from the Sin Twins). I love every inch of his personality, because it just makes sense.Why I don’t: I feel like he could’ve done a better job with Allen. Been a little less distant. Although it still makes sense for his personality, so… minor complaint, really.Favorite episode (scene if movie): I actually really like how the whole murder of Cross scene was executed (pun unintended),Favorite season/movie: The Attack on HQ arc. Is that the name of the arc?Favorite line: “Let’s overlook what you’ve done to the Order. I’m not cruel, after all. But you ruined my clothes.” or something like that. I’m too lazy to go look up the specific line. But I died when he said that, because  just? You giant, self-centered, absolute asshole, I love you.Favorite outfit: aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA I can’t pick. Cross’s design is one of my favoritesOTP: I don’t ship anyone with anyone, reallyBrotp: Nea and Cross? I foresee this being a Vitriolic Best Friends type deal and that is my favorite friendship trope EVERHeadcanon: After whatever happened thirty-five years ago, Cross became thoroughly convinced that he is most definitely going to Hell. That’s why he indulges in the vices. Bonus: he didn’t start smoking until after Nea had to flee from the Clan, because of the added stress that was placed on Cross due to that. It started out as nothing more than a simple need to have something in his hands that wasn’t a gun. At first he only smoked a cigarette every once in a while, but after Nea’s death, he began smoking more and more.Unpopular opinion: I don’t think I have any?A wish: I want TO KNOW WHAT HE KNOWS. I want him to just show up and gives us SOME ANSWERS. But noooo. He’s too busy playing DEAD.An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: …I kinda actually really don’t want him to make it to the end of the series? I mean, if he does survive, I’ll be happy with that, too, but I think it’d be fitting for him to actually die before the end of the manga.5 words to best describe them:  Gunslinging tall drink of ANSWERSMy nickname for them: Molotov Cocktail (long story), also Gun Possum (LONGER STORY)

[lebilliam]

Hey sirmcartney asked me to do this

I’d rather be doing this over my school ish anyways :’)

Ask me some questions!

3 Fears: Ghosts :((( , fat insects , failing stuff 

3 things I love: i fukin love talking to my friends and hanging out , listening to music that i havent heard in forever, and that post workout glow 

2 turns on: i can send them memes :) , i can laugh and not give a heck with them

2 turns off: i cant send them memes :( , being mean to me (im sensitive af)

My best friend: zoo wee this is a hard one but id prob say logan or brian or adam or morgan or alex. take ur pick. (morgan and logan tbh)

Sexual orientation: str8 

How tall am I: 5′9″ according to my ID

What do I miss right now: intimacy

Favourite color: orange!!!!!

Do I have a crush: ;)

Favourite place: currently ive been digging the imagination room

What am I listening to right now: affection // Cigarettes After Sex

Shoe size: it varies on the brand but normally 9.5 or 10? idk im bad

Eye color: brown

Hair color: black 

Meaning behind my URL: its bc i wanted a recognizable alias that i could use across platforms 

Favourite song: i always say liztomania by phoenix

Favourite band: Maroon 5 fanboy here but ive been a fan of Cigarettes after Sex for a while now

How I feel right now: STRESSED and ANGERY

Someone I love: myself (kinda)

My current relationship status: 

My relationship with my parents: we dont really talk that much but good i think?

Favourite season: oof i like the heat but im gonna say winter bc i get to be emo and i can go walk on fresh snow 

Tattoos and piercing i have: none atm

Tattoos and piercing i want: hmmm idk if i want anything big but i always thought the track shoe/wing thing would be nice

The reasons I joined Tumblr: all my friends had it so i thought i would be cool if i made one

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: i have gotten some before and i appreciate them 

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: the last person i texted? surprisingly no

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: depends if i shower but i can get going in ~4-5 minutes

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?: nope!

Where am I right now?: imagination room!

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? hell yea who doesnt

Do I live with my Mom and Dad? not atm im chillin #dormlife

Am I excited for anything?: excited for the weekend

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? hell to the yea of course

How often do I wear a fake smile?: everytime i feel weird around people idk usually i wouldnt say i smile that much unless im gooning 

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: I believe that the world will introduce me to people when i need it (lame answer: idk anyone but maybe like my friends’ friends)

What do I think about most? this week it’s been the french essay i had to write but overall i think about being appreciated 

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? id be on both sides if i could but if i had to pick one id totally be in front

What was the last lie I told? oh haha i dont know (but i do know)

Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? PHONE CALLS

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Hell yea what else am i supposed to be afraid of. aliens are super cool man of course i think theyre real

Do I believe in magic? NOPE! but theres been some crazy magic tricks where i almost believe but then i see the “how it’s done” video for it

Do I believe in luck? hell yea of course! why would it not exist? 

What’s the weather like right now? ughgh it’s disappointingly hot 

What was the last book I’ve read? Huis Clos by Jean Paul Sartre (i had to read it for class but it really is a great work of art)

Do I have any nicknames? B, Lil B(ones i have heard the most) Billiam, Broletariate Biu (my mom calls me that), (billy bear is an old one and i dont know why they ever used it in the first place), goomph, toad, frog, ugly ass, nerd, dork, dingus

Do I spend money or save it? i spend it haha kms i really need to save more efficiently

Can I touch my nose with a tounge?: nope just tried and looked like a fool

Favourite animal? oof i want to say dogs but thats basic but dogs are so loving like i dont get it how do they do it

What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: i was up and i was emo. jk i was hanging out and watching bad Freshman xxl cyphers

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Get Low by lil Jon or Faded (the remix) or change your mind by the killers. im gonna go ahead and say that change your mind gets my shit hyped UP

What is my favorite word? satiation

My top 5 blogs on tumblr: idk if im going to be honest i dont really use tumblr that much for personal blogs but i do love foodporn, til, ruined childhood

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? love each other. 

Do I have any relatives in jail? i dont think so? oh jk theyre not really a relative but they’re a close family friend’s relative

What is my current desktop picture? FUKIN FUNCTIONAL GROUPS THAT I DONT EVER KNOW OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD EVEN THOUGH THERES A TEST IN 10.25 HOURS

Had sex? ye

Bought condoms? ye

Gotten pregnant? cant really say that i have :p

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? yes

Had job? yep! summer job at the zoo which was cool af

Smoked weed? once or twice 

Smoked cigarettes? never.nope.disgusting

Drank alcohol? yes

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? i tried being vegetarian for a bit but then i wasnt eating enough red meat

Been overweight? as a kid i feel like i was overly big but now that i think about it i dont think i was fat

Been underweight? definitely

Gotten my heart broken? homeboy who hasnt?

Been to prom? yeep

Been in airplane? yeep

Learned another language? heck yes! english kek and im in the process of learning french. i tried learning lithuanian after a life changing experience. 

Wore make up? surprisingly no

Dyed my hair? nope! i dont want to bleach my hair

Had a surgery? uhhh does laser surgery count? bc ive had 3 so far and i might have more

Met someone famous? every time i walk by a mirror ;) jk i met the senator of WA and the mayor of Tacoma a couple times

Stalked someone on a social network? pfft hell yes

Been fishing? yep! it’s always an experience

Been rejected by a crush? rip me yes

What do I want for birthday? i want to have a nice get together with friends where we do stuff that i dont have to pay for (but i dont think thats how life works anymore)

Do I like my handwriting? I love it in pen and when i hit my ecrivain stride, but otherwise when my hands get sweaty its just a fkin mess 

Where do I want to live when older? i’ve always said paris, but zaragoza spain wouldnt be too bad!

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? yea boi

What I’m really bad at: believing in myself 

What my greatest achievments are: i was a smart kid in elementary! i got some awards for getting good grades and i went to a competitive thing for piano once and i placed a couple times in some random races ive run

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: oof i dont want to really relive that experience

What I’d do if I won in a lottery: id ask /r/personalfinance 

What do I like about myself: id like to think im gaining/losing healthy weight

My closest Tumblr friend: on tumblr?? idk i said i dont really use tumblr for friends but i’d probably say memequeen or sirmccartney

Any question you’d like? when am i going to meet up with my RA? no one knows idk i forgot about our meeting and hes really cool about rescheduling so i might do it this saturday

Are you outgoing or shy? it really depends on how im feeling but id like to think im pretty outgoing!

What kind of people are you attracted to? NICE FRIENDly people who can laugh. laughing is important to me

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? personally i think yes

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? nope!

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? @thoseloverseyes most def

What does the most recent text that you sent say? “haha and then what ;)” jk it says” thank”

What are your 5 favorite songs right now? boy oh boy am i not ready for this question. Id think “this love, maroon 5″, humble (its a bop), “the air that i breathe, “open - rhye”, and rollin by calvin harris or this house by japaense breakfast idk the last one always changes

Do you like it when people play with your hair? i had a weird experience once but idk i think im willing to let other people touch my hair? not a fan 

Do you think there is life on other planets?of course. this topic is not up for debate. just bc our defition of life has not been found that does not mean that there is not life in other places where we are either 1) not looking or 2) life that we cant recognize due to our weird weird obsession with water like life does not have to use water as a conduit for essential functions

well that was fun and id say it took some time. it def got me feeling better about life. 7.8/10 i would do it again but im sweaty af from this hot ass room

peace!

[ayestacksss]

Depression

Depression is something I’ve been dealing with for years. I never thought about it when I was younger, I truly thought I was the only person that felt the way I felt. The constant sadness even when nothing in particular happened recently, the poor eating and sleeping habits, crying myself to sleep every single night because I was finally alone and could let it happen. The fear that things will never get better, and my haunting past. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 17, and the doctor herself even said she was shocked because I was so functional. I went to school and kept my grades up, I played sports, played drums, and even had a full time job. Those were ALL distractions. I did truly love learning, though, and good grades were solely a reflection of my love of learning, not my discipline or guidance at home. I loved volleyball. I loved playing drums in the drum line, and granted I hated my job but who doesn’t hate working at McDonald’s? Once these activities finished and my day was complete, I would sit and cry.. for hours.. and hours.

     I was so distraught emotionally that there were times it physically hurt. It hurt to breathe, my chest would get tight, and my muscles ached. I got migraines often. I even had to go to the emergency room before because I was so stressed out, my heart wasn’t beating properly. There were times when the emotional pain and physical pain combined were literally paralyzing. My parents called me “lazy and defiant” when I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. They called me a whore because I got a boyfriend who would pay attention to me because they wouldn’t. He wasn’t even a nice or good guy, but how would I know that when nobody ever showed or explained to me what is expected of a significant other? When my parents divorced when I was six, and my mom remarried an alcoholic drug addict who hadn’t worked in over 15 years? When my dad, the only reliable man in my life could barely remember how old I was? How was I supposed to know? 

     I try to find anything to blame my depression on. Oh, it’s probably genetic, I was bound for it before I was even brought into this world. Or maybe it’s the environment I’m in. You know, nurture vs. nature. In my case, it was both. I was already prone to it when I was thrown to the fucking foster care wolves. Growing up my entire life, I was surrounded by nothing but pure negativity. From a young age, I was told how horrible of a person my biological mother was, and I was taught to hate her. I was also taught that I was JUST like her. Growing up that was an insult, and in turn made me hate myself. My mom would scream in my face that I was “just like Christie” and “would never be anything more than she is”. I was told she didn’t love or care about me like a mother should. I was told she basically abandoned me and moved on to raise my little brother. This, for me, created not only abandonment issues but attachment issues as well. The way I looked at things was, shit, if my own mom can leave me, then anyone can. I attached myself and made myself vulnerable to all the wrong people, but could cut family off with no hesitation.I still act that way.  

     My parents were always so caught up in the high maintenance foster kids, or my stepdad was drinking until he blacked out and started saying shit he shouldn’t be saying and they would scream and fight. My mom would make me hide drugs and alcohol from her husband in my room at 14 years old. She dragged me into every adult situation I had no business being in and forced me to grow up way too fast. I was a caretaker for 6 or 7 other children, most of the time, illegally. I was a maid. I was a counselor to my mom. I was a chaperone to my stepdad. I was a nanny to my siblings. 

    My traumatic childhood mixed with harsh realities, tragedies, daddy issues. mommy issues, attachment issues, abandonment issues has made me into a woman that I am sometimes embarrassed to be. There are times when I AM TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE and I can’t keep the tears in. My thought are deep, yet sporadic and negative. Today, I was feeling particularly down. I’m dealing with major relationship problems, family problems, and money problems. I decided to write some of my thoughts throughout the day to get them out of my head. On paper, I sound like a fucking crybaby but in my mind, I’m not just crying.....I’m screaming. I’m drowning but nothing around me will stop. In my head, I’m telling myself to pull it together, to keep a straight face. Don’t let your voice crack. Don’t let your face turn red. Don’t let anybody see you wipe that tear and definitely DO NOT let that tear fall all the way down your face. Here’s some of the thoughts I had today while I was trying to work:

“I want to go home and sleep forever. I have things to do. Things I WANT to do. They won’t get done.”

“The only thing that helps me think clear and calm is smoking weed. Everything makes sense... it makes me feel dependent though....”

“As bad as depression feels, sometimes it’s easier to succumb to the sadness. Let it take over. When you haven’t gotten enough sleep or simply don’t have the energy required to repress it, letting it eat me is easier.”

“Thinking of myself as ‘mentally ill’ is kind of embarrassing and a very hard reality.”

‘I wish I had someone who understood and could comfort me, instead of running from it or downplaying it bc they dont understand. But the guilt of putting that burden on someone else makes me feel so shitty I dont think I deserve anyone. I may just need to be alone forever.”

“I’m tired... and I’m tired of crying. I want to but it’s annoying. I can’t cry anymore.”

[thortisgodofthundpurr]

20 questions, 20 followers

I wasn't tagged by anyone but seen it on @esotheria-sims who i follow on my simblr! Rules: Answer the 20 questions and tag 20 amazing followers you would like to get to know better. But im not gonna tag 20 peeps ✌. Name: Jillieann Viola Wallinger Nicknames: Jill... Oh and Jill-Jill... Zodiac sign: I was born May 7th, so I am a Taurus Height: 5'5 Orientation: Demi-ro ace? Ethnicity: Mixed. 1/2 German, 1/4 Choctaw, 1/4 Creole. Favorite fruit: That's really hard cause I love fruit. But I think I gotta say oranges. I know boring, but I can always go for an orange. Berries don't count I'm assuming. Favorite season: By far Spring. I love the weather, the colors, and flowers, and It's my birth-season. Favorite book series: I do not read. But I gotta say Winnie-the-Pooh because of loyalty. But my favorite book is Mice of Men. Favorite flower: Also hard! I love all flowers. But if I had to answer, I'd have to say daffodils and violas. Favorite scent: Green apple shampoo by Suave. Also Julie's smoke wood perfume. 😍 Favorite color: Yellow, almost any muted pink, and green-blue by crayola. Favorite animal: Ducks! Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa: Tea definitely and then hot chocolate and coffee are tied. Average sleep hours: Depends. If i stay up past 2 am, i sleep for 12+ hours. If i go to bed at a decent hour like 12, I'll prob wake up around 8 am. Cat or dog person? Cat, but I like dogs too. Favorite fictional characters: Hard again. I dont watch TWD anymore but I loved Glenn Rhee, Tyreese, and Noah all of which are POC TWD killed so you can guess why I stopped watching. But otherwise, I like Louise, Gene, Linda, Zeke, and Rudy from Bob's Burgers. I also really like Jake Peralta, Capt'n Holt, Terry, and Amy Santiago from Brooklyn 99. Oh! And Sumo from Clarence. Many more but this has been going on for long enough lol. Number of blankets you sleep with: Depends on the season. But as of right now, which is end of winter, I'm sleeping with a heating blanket and a quilt. Dream trip: Hard man. I really want to see Mt. Shasta. But I'm always happy In Ice House. And of course Disney World is a dream, but that means we'd have to go to Florida, which is ugh. Blog created: I honestly cannot remember and I'm too lazy to look. But I know it was in March. I think in 2014? Idk man. Number of followers: 70 something, grand majority being bots! Time right now: 5:44 pm, February 19th, 2017. Last thing you googled: Ep 27 of Adventure Zone podcast. Fave music artist: Fave of all time has to be Taking Back Sunday. But close second has to be Johnny Flynn and Jamie T. Song stuck in my head: You know that song "OOOoooOO THAT SMELL" by Lyndyrd Skynyrd but add "that smelly smell that smells" from Mr. Krabs in the Anchovy Ep. Last movie I watched: Cannot remember my dude. I don't watch movies that often. Prob some random thing on Netflix. Or actually that wierd baseball movie Julie watched with Sara. Last TV show I watched: I'm actually always watching Bob's Burgers on loop at all fucking times... What I’m wearing right now: Dan's skin pants (danskin) with an obsured amnt of menstrual blood on them cause i am not wasting another pair of pants on this fucking period. Also a blue stripey pj shirt, and my fluffy pink robe to hide THE INANE AMOUNT OF BLOOD. The kind of stuff I post: Things that represent me I guess or just things I like! Why did I choose my url: It's my cat's, Otis', nickname so I have it as all my screen names Gender: Female Hogwarts house: I'm not a fan of HP. But I think I like Raven Claw the most from what I seen. Pokémon team: I couldn't get Pokemon Go on my phone cause of storage, so I never got on that band wagon. Dream job: General Practitioner / Family doctor. Relationship status: Single Pets: Okay man get ready my dudes. Species, Oldest to Youngest. Pearl, a mean and sarcastic black lab she's 8. Benny, a buckaroo, nanny-dog Yorkie who acts like he has the hardest job but in reality he creates his own stress, he's 8. Finnegan, a fickle, vindictive and buff little Chihuahua, he's 7. Opal, a big ol' sweety face white lab 1/4 chow mix, and the daughter of Pearl and Bear (whos no longer with us) thats really shy, she's 7. Her Brother, SweetPea, a freckley doofus black lab 1/4th chow mix he also is 7. Puck, a wierd little weeny/chihuahua stray we found in front of the grocery store, hes the sweetest and nicest and dumbest little thing you'll meet, we found him in i think 2013 or 14 and he was barely 10 months when we found him; so I think he may be 3 or 4 prob 4. Okay. Dogs done, onto cats. Riley, we got him after Milo and Otis but he's older. My brother thought it'd be a great idea to get a cat for his gf who is... Lets just say it wasnt a good idea. And so we ended up taking Riley after a huge escapade. He's a normal american tabby, he's like 6 I think, he's super quiet, and a bit of a dick, but some how won the love of Otis and Simon. Milo, a scared can't-get-right zoolander Lilac Siamese, he's 5. His big ol' orange tabby brother Otis, he's large, and pushy and also a bit of a dick and very gay, he's also 5. Simon our newest edition an eternal kitten and a very talkative little fuc- ...booger he loves Riley and heating blankets, windows, and anything he can tear up, he's a Balenese which just means a thicc ass Siamese, he's 1 and still super tiny. Cats done. On to birds. Buddy a sweet little Indian Runner duck very dainty and bossy, she's I think 6. Bertha, a big ass egg layer chicken she also is thicc but very sweet and talkative, she's 4. Her sister Trudy also lays eggs she red cant remember her breed but a chicken is a chicken she's sassy and talks too much but is pretty cool, she's also 4. Ester, a beautiful black and white lacey chicken her, and her sister, Agnes, don't have much of a personality that I've seen, they both are 2 I think. Okay! Thats it, on paper it's a lot but when you're living with them it's nothing. They are family and all hold an important place. ❤ Last song you listened to: Right now it's "Shore To Shore" by Johnny Flynn. Favorite TV Show: Bob's Burgers... First Fandom: Winnie-the-pooh. Since I was like 2 maybe younger. I tag anyone who wants to do this, but specifically @theinvisiblemonsters

[serenavonromvesen]

September 21st, 2019.

I really don’t know where else to vent but on tumblr. I have always used tumblr as an outlet for venting and I’m reaching a point where I really just need to write out how I’m feeling, without cramping my hand writing with pen and paper.

I feel really lonely as far as friends go. I have an AMAZING group of friends, but so many of them live far away. I have my tribe and I feel I will always have that, but its never the same as having lady friends, I literally have like three or four ladyfriends that I can actually hang out with in person, and only one of them is someone I didnt meet through my boyfriend first. its not that I have anything I want to share behind him, its that I always feel like on some level they’re always more his friend than mine- and at that, I didn’t choose most of them to be in my life, they were given to me. don’t get me wrong, I’m SO grateful for anyone I do have currently in my life. I just don’t have any friends who truly understand me, and especially not that are into the things that I am. I would love so much to be able to be friends with another tattoo model in my area, and ACTUALLY genuinely have a real friendship. I emphasize ‘genuinely’ because this industry is FULL of backstabbing bitches that would throw you in front of a bus to get one more step ahead of you. I just want a girl I can hang out with all the time SO bad. and the one person here who is awesome, works like ALLLLL the time. it sucks pretty bad when you only have one true friend and they end up getting way too busy for you. she’s supposed to move away anyways she said, so I guess I better get used to it now anyways. I’m just so sad of having no girls to actually hang out with. Skyping with my best friend is great, but it just isnt the same- and a lot of time I do get put aside compared to actually going to hang out with people anyways. which i dont have here.

now, I’m SUPER introverted, nervous, shy, socially awkward AND anxious, and sometimes I have a hard time making normal conversation. in fact, I am always secretly bothered by the fact that I’m PRETTY SURE i have some form of Autism, but I would never actually say that I am being diagnosed, but I am terrified to find out. I once emailed a place to ask some questions and set an appointment, but I never heard back.. that was i think last year. Anyways, I don’t want a ton of friends or anything. I dont want to hang out every day- it’s exhausting. but I still want the option to be able to call someone up in those rare days where I do feel like going outside or seeing people, to actually have fun. I used to have that in New Jersey, my group of girls that I hang with an we all really support each other. I miss them so bad. I am SO homesick for like, the last two years now. I try not to think about it if I can help it, but I miss my friends, I miss my mom.. I hate that I’m missing my baby cousins grow up, I hate that I’ve FINALLY made a connection with some of my cousins and now I’ll rarely ever see them, I hate that I can’t do body suspensions more often, I hate that I don’t get to see my brother Sean when he visits... but most of all I do HATE New Jersey and could never live there. I just wish so bad it hadn’t been like 4-5 years since I’ve seen my friends and family. it hurts. I’m so homesick for just the strong friendships I have.

I just...know its possible. I know its possible to have the small group of friends I want. I just wish girls weren’t so...mean and competitive. I just feel so lonely. I feel like I don’t have anyone to hang out with thats a female. why is everyone so far away? I’m home alone all day every day. you’d think a puppy wouldve made me feel less alone, but really I’m a thousand times more stressed than ever. I wanted to move for a fresh start, to breathe, so enjoy peace...and as soon as I got here everyones over all the time and it just reminds me how I dont have friends of my own, and how my friends dont come to visit me, and how I never get a second to myself. I finally got the chance and heres this puppy. i love him with my life but I AM SO STRESSED!!! I’m with him 10-14 hours a day by myself and then half of the time I’m still the one dealing with him at the crack of dawn, too. I never get time alone unless he sleeps and then I have to walk on eggshells to not wake him up- AND I DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING WANT THIS!!! when I was forced to give up my other pupper, Hades, I said I never wanted a puppy again because IT IS TOO MUCH FOR ME. it puts me on edge and greatly disrupts my bipolar. i literally CANT handle it. I said I would get a dog no younger than 2 years old. I wanted a border coli so bad, maybe even a doberman because I still miss my old dog Max SO MUCH! I like bigger dogs and never really was a big fan of little dogs. I like a dog I can give a whole ass hug to, and feel protected by when I walk alone down a street with him. but no, Michael had to choose, he wanted a puppy, he wanted a small-type pure bred dog which means it’ll be twice as expensive twice as often with vet visits. but he wanted it. he insisted. and now, here we are, just like scooping the litter boxes for all 4 cats, its pretty much almost entirely left on me to do. for so so long I told myself “well he works and I dont really work, I’m home all day and hes not here much to have the time for it.” but you know what I realized? That when I worked full time at Starbucks, or when I worked two jobs at both the Smoke Shoppe AND Spencers, that I still put in the same amount of work as all of this- I was still expected to do all of this. at that, I am SO SICK AND TIRED of him asking me EVERY FUCKING DAY “will you mop today? will you do the laundry? will you do that dogs medicine? will you change the cat boxes?” periodically throughout every morning. like oh, I didn’t realize that I was a fucking 4 year old that needs direction on needing to do basic fucking cleaning tasks!!!!! the only reason I dont get to half that stuff most of the time is that I’m annoyed as fuck at being told what to do / treated that way, and that by the time he leaves for work theres been a whole fucking list of shit lined up that I now feel EXPECTED to do before hes home from work. it literally aggravates me SO MUCH just typing about it because im so fucking pissed off that he does this EVERYMOTHERFUCKINGDAY. it makes me feel angry and completely overwhelmed and then I just spend my entire day dreading it then rushing to do it right before he gets home from work. I just fucking hate it. like I’m fucking 25 years old, I know what the fuck to do to keep the fucking house clean, thanks.

at that, between the no friends, the fucking belittlement of being given a verbal list of chores every day, and the stress from puppy I absolutely did NOT ask for, I am feeling so depressed. I wanted a new house so I could ENJOY it, but instead any moment in my backyard is spent trying to get the puppy to stop eating random crap the people before us left- like glass, I cant enjoy how the inside looks because theres puppy training pads all over the floor which the floor is always dirty because of being in and out of the house with the puppy, or just even a moment of peace at all. like literally this defeated the whole entire purpose of wanting to move. its still a gazillion times better than the trailer, I still totally love this house, but because of my stress and loneliness level, I feel nearly just as depressed as before.

what doesnt help is lately Michael has been SO negative abut things. it’s like when I finally am enjoying myself, he comes through like a wrecking ball being negative, depressing, unsupportive, argumentative, and just plain giving off vibes that make me feel so down. He still makes me feel super happy like 98% of the time, but it is such a downer when hes being super negative about EVERYTHING. or when he gets my hopes up about things and then goes back on his word. he LOVES to tell me yes to shut me up then saying no when it becomes real, a mega part of why I haven’t gotten to visit my family in 4 years. and then he makes me feel SO bad about it. he has no problem bragging to everyone about a vacation, but when its just us suddenly its “I have to do this on my own” and “it’s expensive” like really? thanks for bragging about it for two months, waiting until we have it a month away to tell me its 100% on me to plan it, then complain about everything I tried to plan, WHILE making me feel like a complete and utter loser that I’m a failure at everything I try to do so now I don’t make any money. I literally fucking hate myself again. that’s where I’m at. I’m starting to find my body, my hair, my face- all of it repulsive. I hate how I look. I hate my hair and how my dreads are all lose, but I have to ask him for money to be able to fix my hair. he always tells me just ask and it isnt a problem but then when I do want to do things he makes me wait ages and puts it off or flat out complains- or if it all goes smoothly he throws it in my face the first fight we have. I just feel like such a fucking loser, that’s getting uglier by the day. and when I finally worked up the courage to go to the gym, its like pulling teeth to get him to go- I’ve been asking for a year and we STILL haven’t gone. I want to be a breakdancer SO BAD and I’ll never get to do that if I can’t go to the gym to work out. he tells me to just go but he doesnt understand that being a woman alone in public these days you’re at extreme risk of being raped and 10/10 multiple dudes will trying saying gross things and hitting on you/catcalling. I wish so so so so so bad I could go out for a day and have not a soul talk to me or look at me. what a dream that would be. I just cant go alone. its literally dangerous. scary.

I just feel so STUCK. I want to make money so I can contribute to the house and pay for what I need MYSELF. I never ever liked being someone who fully depends on someone like that. hell, a decade ago I refused to let anyone even get me a simple drink from a convenience store. it still feels uncomfortable to have to be like this. I want to be able to take care of myself. to know that if it was just me that I wouldnt just...be out on the streets. now I’m getting married and its a great relief that thats a less legitimate fear, but I still want to be able to take care of myself so that I could help my babe. he works SO hard for us and spends SO much money taking care of us, I just want to be able to pay my part of that and make HIS life easier, so that we BOTH can do more things that we like instead of just paying bills till the next check. I feel so useless and worthless. but everything I try to do I just fail at, or I’m too depressed and just lose the passion for it. or the will to do nearly anything. I really thought moving was going to change everything for me but... I feel nearly just as depressed. the environment change has definitely helped but, it didn’t suddenly cure my depression like I hoped for..

I just feel so alone, in like, literally everything I try to do. I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. when I do think I fit in, it just turns out to be a delayed rejection. I swear I get screwed over and stabbed in the back more often than anyone I’ve ever met in my life. I’m easily forgotten and definitely easy to fuck over. I just wish people werent so hateful and selfish... all I want is to have female friends I can actually hang out with, have some help with my puppy, to talk to my fiance without him thinking I’m having an argument, to workout so I can dance, and to do something I love that makes me happy that I can make money with. I feel like I failed as a model too. I make all these plans and then.. I can never accomplish them. I often think, is it worth it really? to compete with all these girls when I dont care about competition? to be screwed over because I’m an opponent to everyone I wish I was friends with? to try and build working-relationships with photographers who seem to forget about me before I even get my pictures back? to not be paid for modeling when I spent tons of money on clothes for shoots? to not have my name out there after a year and a half? to not even be able to find a photographer that wants to shoot for publication? or be told I’m not inked enough to shoot again (the day after I got tattooed?)? I just feel like a failure. I spent over a thousand dollars on clothes for shoots, plus all traveling expenses, to have only ever profited $50 one time and then never get my edited photos back. I just feel like I’m not worth anything, that I can’t contribute or make money without making myself excessively unhappy working jobs I hate- only to be belittled there too.

I don’t even care about social media anymore. I don’t care to check instagram or post on it. why? so I can spend two hours doing makeup so I could post a selfie to write another caption telling everyone that “one day” I’ll do more? what’s the point? If only I had someone I could invite over to talk to about it :( I just feel so...unexcited by everything. like Stan in the episode about shit. I’m bored, I feel gross, I feel lonely, I’m overwhelmingly stressed, I’m growing to hate myself again, and I feel like I don’t have the positive influence I need to get better. I WANT to get better, I just need help and I don’t have anyone I feel I could reach out to that could actually help me. I just really need a friend...

[asksansweredpdf]

These are actually solid questions

1. First thing you wash in the shower? my hair

2. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? i can’t stand coffee. and alcohol might as well be my blood at this point

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? haha noooo. he was nice but i felt literally nothing. was like kissing a brick wall or something. tbh i never feel much when i kiss boys

4. Do you plan outfits? YES. i’m a drama queen and a diva and flamboyant and i need to look good always. i have my graduation in 2 days and i still haven’t planned what to wear and it’s bothering me

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? tbh pretty numb. like not happy and not sad. just. .... chillin

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? my track pants

7. What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body? well with the mood im in now, i probably wouldn’t react. but the logical side of my brain would kick in and i’d phone it in to the police. 

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? it’s still that one about the creepy old dude touching me in the car. 

9. Three of your current feelings? -introspective -apathetic

-wistful

10. What are you craving right now? tbh i would very much love to hug my stuffed pink harold. but he’s downstairs and i just don’t have the energy to walk haha

11. Turn ons? not rly in the mood to answer these

12. Turn offs?

13. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? this vine

14. When was the last time you cried? Why? idk like over a month ago. i had to work a thursday night shift which is always super stressful. and that day my sister just started beating the shit out of me so the anxiety was like double

15. If you could be a superhero, who would you want to be? ironman. any day. or spiderman because it’d be fun to just swing around the city listening to music peacefully

16. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? nope. she doesn’t even know that i know about half the shit she did. never ever apologised about the stuff she knows i know about. no acknowledgement. no apology. just pretends it never happened

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick it 

18. Favorite movie ever? idk i like frozen and pride and prejudice and the hunger games

19. Do you like yourself? i like myself, but i can’t seem to justify why. i don’t really have an identity. i don’t know what i’m like. and so it’s hard to like myself when i don’t know what i like about my self, or why i do. but i enjoy being myself.

20. Have you ever met a celebrity? i met stan walker once? he’s a minor celebrity in australlia

21. Could you handle being in the military? part of me would thrive in the structure and forced exercise and socialisation. another part of me would completely crumble because like i have anxiety

22. What are you listening to right now? i don’t give a ... - missio

23. How many countries have you visited? india, america, canada, australia. so 4 i guess

24. Are your parents strict? you betcha

25. Would you go sky diving? sure yeah. i’m afraid of heights so the adrenaline would be wild

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? nah. i dont give a shit about him. maybe i’d go if he paid for the food.

27. Whats on your mind right now? literally nothing. mostly thinking about endgame. i’m also thinking about taking my mum’s anti anxiety meds since she doesn’t use them and i have anxiety. but i don’t want to take them without professional advice. but also, i am a professional advice. and like what could happen? i’d get mentally ill?

28. Is there anything you want to say to someone? nah i dont really feel like talking atm. i guess i’d ask if they wanted to go for a smoke. i would love a cig rn

29. Have you ever been in a castle? no but i would love to!!

30. Do you rent movies often? not really, i just watch stan/netflix

31. Whats your zodiac sign? cancer sun, leo moon, libra rising

32. When was the last time you had sex? i haven’t had sex

33. Name five facts about yourself. i honestly don’t think i know enough about myself to do this but let’s give it a go -i have short hair -i love music more than literally anything -i turn 21 this year and i have no idea what to do for it -i’m thinking of getting a motorbike soon -i’ve never broken a bone

34. Ever had a near death experience? If so, what happened? nope

35. Do you believe in karma or predestiny? i used to. and i absolutely would love to believe in all that stuff. but not to sound angsty or whatever, i’ve had so many shitty things happen to me that it’s hard for me to believe that it’s all part of some big plan or that there is any justice in the world. i think people just do shit and that’s it

36. Brown or white eggs? ive never had white eggs so..... brown?

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? nah we dont have it in australia

38. Ever been on a train? yeah man i love trains

39. Ever been in love? not mutually, no

40. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it? it’s a million bucks. absolutely. one night of terror to never have to worry about anything ever again. i’m a witch too so as much as i’d be scared, it’d be fine.

41. If you could trade places with any person living or dead, who would you trade places with? someone rich and famous. maybe harry styles or freddie mercury. i’m sure they didn’t have it easy, but it’s certainly easier than things have/ever will be for me you know?

42. If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to become more attractive, would you do it? absolutely

43. Whom do you admire and why? i tend not to admire irl people. but i do admire tony stark a lot (GOD this is so lame ksajrsjkfs). i admire his charisma, his confidence, his humour, his good looks, his intelligence, his eyes. he embodies everything i feel like i can never be. but everything i’ll always want to be.  i admire freddie mercury. for his work drive and ethic. for his confidence and stage presence, his ability and talent in singing, songwriting, musical instruments. his flamboyancy, his sense of humour. again, these are all qualities i would love to have.

44. What was your favorite bedtime story as a child? oh i never really got read bedtime stories

45. You’re walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do? internally, i’d be like “that sucks for you” and walk away. but i can’t be a dick, so i’d assess the extent of the fire and see if there was a way to save the baby. i’d try if so, if not idk what i’d do. panic and call 000?

46. If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you? nah man. gotta let kids live their lives 

47. What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol? alcohol: the night i just moved out of home 2 weeks ago. my roommate invited a friend over, and we all had fun and played never have i ever and i flirted with this really cute guy and had so much fun. i hadn’t really had any experiences like that before because i was - anyway. it was nice to feel like a normal 19 year old just for a second weed: either the time i was drunk and high at our housewarming party and went to the park and felt like i was on a fucking rollercoaster, or the time i got super cooked after work and had a shower which felt amazing and then went back to my room and listened to beautiful people beautiful problems. i didn’t hallucinate per se, but i closed my eyes and could like see the lyrics “blue is the colour of the planet from the view above”. it was like i was in outer space and could see the earth and i was so relaxed and it was so magical mdma: my halloween party! there were so many people and no one knew i was high and we had a mad dance party and i met some of our neighbours and i just had so much fun talking to everyone and Living. 

48. What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol? alcohol: being around boring people when drunk is boring. especially because when i’m drinking i really want to have a good and fun time.  weed: ahh i have anxiety so i used to get a few panic attacks when i was smoking mdma: eugh it was my friends 21st at the time and we took mdma and i thought it wasnt kicking in because all we did was sit in bed and talk. literally so boring. im so mad that i wasted my first time like that

50. As your walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it? nah, i’d probably hand it in to the police. actually, i dont trust the police so i’d probably google what to do with it. but probably police because i cant have stolen money or give it to someone else. 

51. If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them? not hanging out with someone because of that has literally never even crossed my mind

52. In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded. If you survive you’d receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger? nah. i’m actually going places now days

53. How old were you when you lost your virginity? tba

54. Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires? nope

55. If you could live forever, would you want to? yeah probably. i’d like to give it a trial run though. i’m very anxious, so being lonely and immortal might make it worse. but at the same time, being immortal might make it easier to not give a shit and to be less anxious

56. Which fictional movie character most resembles who you are? honestly i feel like jane villanueva or peter parker

57. If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit? i would love to be a victorian bitch with a bomb ass dress and waist

58. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it? probably not. unless it was someone i really hated, i wouldnt give a shit

59. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? i mean i wouldn’t be the best person for the job, but i also wouldn’t be the worst. if i could have time to properly study politics then yeah i’d consider. 

60. If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to? i’d probably want a girl but i dont really see any reason to not have a boy

61. Would you rather live longer or be wealthy? be wealthyyyyyy

[extremelyaverageincrediblynormal]

I think its time to update this thing with everything that has been going on. A lot of beautiful things have happened the past 6 months, but when i look back, its a supercut of mental breakdowns and self harm. Surprisingly, i havent seriously thought about killing myself, but I am definitely putting a strain on my mental health, and i dont think i saw the signs until i was 4-5 months deep. until i was at the hospital. until i was crying in my work bathroom every day for 5 days. and even then, i still tried to keep telling myself if i give up, i am mentally weak. i still tell myself that know, as i try to get myself out of this situation. so lets explain the situation. I will try my best to go back to may and bring you up to speed.

I started working at this job... lets call it, the hellpit. I started in February, and they agreed to give me time off in april to go to japan. I was pretty happy about that, but i remember about a month and a half in, i seriously considered quitting, and that seemed early. I was annoyed at the lack of organization with the products we were selling, and the extra stress it put on the front of house employees. The job ITSELF wasnt so bad, it was simple tasks that were sometimes fun. But the customers were the worst. This is a private club, so we see the exact same people every single day, and i work in a half grab&go half diner. And we get treated like we are nothing. most of the time, we dont even get a “hi” or “thank you”, but we are required to smile and be polite, tell the customers to have a nice day. One girl got fired because she didnt smile enough and was kind of a quiet person. oops. But then i got my best friend hired, and i started enjoying my days a bit more. Japan gave me some perspective on life and i was running off that energy for about a month. I was also moving at the end of may so that took most of my focus. I was then asked to work in the poolside snack bar/ actual bar. I was excited, it sounded like a fun, fast-paced environment. I feel dissapointed writing that because I was so wrong. It makes me feel sad.

I would be working closer to the actual manager. Now, there is drama going on with that. there was 2 managers, R and C. R had been there for 13 years, had close relationships with the people in my workplace. she was even sister-in-laws with someone there. And then C comes in, and sees that there is a lot wrong with how the cafe is running. she wasnt totally wrong, but she has a large personality and isnt afraid to shit talk people. she came in and tried to change everything, and I dont know exactly what happened behind the scenes but R left on a 3 month stress leave, came back for 3 weeks and quit. If that doesnt tell you something about what it’s like to work along C, ive got more. 

So this poolside hellbox was usually run by some other managers in the club, but C insisted on running it herself, putting her employees in it, etc. it was going to be the best year the poolside hellbox has ever seen. it was small, but it needed at least 3 people to run properly. Sure, it could be slow on cold days, but on hot days, it was a nightmare if there was only 2 people. Because we had to do everything; open, stock all the food, take orders, make orders, and pass them off, and close. it was truly exhausting and our days were always 9-10 hours, no breaks. She also stopped putting 3 people, brought it down to 2, usually 1. it was incredibly stressful. I tried to talk to her about my concerns, and she completely agreed. so i thought things would change. they did not. after some time, i injured my rotator cuff, and that lasted about a week until my entire back seized up and i had to go to the doctor. i was physically burnt out. and she had to work one of my shifts because i was medically ordered to take a break from work. writing this is making my back hurt.... funny how that works. anyways, i came back and she told me about how HARD of a day she had when she had to be in there for 6 hours. I thought to myself, good, she will finally understand. She never did. put me back in it, working 6 days a week, no tips, no breaks, 9 hours. there was a day where the air quality was so bad that my coworker with asthma expressed how ill the smoke makes him feel and that he cant breath, and she made sure he felt guilty for not telling her before hand. and then when we werent even making money that day, she blamed the people upstairs for not making the call to close it. i cant believe it.

the PSH finally closed for the year, but she wanted one more day to make a bunch of money. So there is another key player here. J. J has the title of supervisor but doesnt always act like it. C expresses how she feels about J often, and shes the only one who has the power to do something about it but does she? No. 

So on this day, C is not at the Bad place, so in any other situation, J would be in charge. But C insisted that I text her and listen to what SHE said. and she said she wanted to open the PSH 2 hours early. J said it was too busy and we needed coverage. I listened to J. The fact that we didnt open 2 hours earlier really upset C. she was so mad at J for making that call, and i was upset that i was put in a position where i had no idea who to listen to. 

So that was the day i decided i couldnt be there next summer. I needed to leave before the PSH opened again. 

And since then, there has been a lot of hostility towards me. I remember C telling me that people might not like me because she likes me, and people dont like her. that should have been my first red flag to get the fuck out. I honestly thought she was a woman of her word, and that sticking with her was the right decision. she made me all these empty promises, like i’ll be getting a raise in September, or that she has big plans for me and my career there, or even that we were getting a company-paid night to reward us for all our hard work. and what has unfolded? nothing. 

since then, it has been a series of bullshit. she comes down, yells at everyone and everything thats wrong, comments on how terrible the communication is, and how this doesnt look right, and how stupid everything is and how no one knows how to do their job, “except for you, this isnt directed towards you.” I have a feeling it may not be IN THAT MOMENT, but im sure it has been directed at me at some point. Shes manipulative, and takes advantage of people for her own personal gain, and completely lacks empathy. If it doesnt affect her, why does she care. If someone cant help her, why does she need them. that is her mentality, and she is a psycho. she wants complete control, but does nothing to change anything. She wants people to do certain things, but never tells them. She is by far, the worst manager i have ever had. not to mention she puts out the schedule thursday night-friday for the upcoming monday. so, yes, 3 days in advance. I feel betrayed, i feel disspointed, i feel burnt out. 

She also made a sarcastic remark about how i could “never disappoint her”, which was the last straw for me. That was the day i decided i need to get out of there. 

So, thats whats been going on at work, but behind the scenes, i have been unraveling. My manager has qualities that remind me of my mother, and not in a positive way. it’s very triggering in a way, and when i feel like i have disappointed her, i have the same feeling i would get when my mother would be disappointed in me. when she is completely unsympathetic to me being burnt out, i remember all the times my mom told me to stop feeling sorry for myself when i would cry. so i deal with daily triggers that i have a hard time shaking. there are also some things that go on in that club that really disturb my core values. I am a caring, inclusive person and these people treat us like dirt. I think most people are used to it, i even feel like im less sensitive to it as time goes by. 

But i have been having mental breakdowns at least once a week. they were worse back in june or july, i remember completely trashing my room, throwing my books around and slamming my book case on the ground, and the colapsing and hyperventalating on the ground until my roommate found me. I remember scratching myself until i bled. I remember running to a park and crying in a field. I remember crying on the bathroom floor naked. I remember not being able to get out of bed. i remember punching a wall so hard i almost broke my fingers. this all happened withing 3 months. and after the big explosions came depression and giving up. I cry in the work bathroom often, i dont care about being on time, i dont care about my job, i dont care about my health or being in pain. i am in a constant fog, im exhausted and angry and i have a beautiful partner who loves me so much and i cant feel any of it, because i think i shut down everything so i can make it through the day. I’ve gained weight, i hate my body again, and i feel stuck. i feel ugly, i feel useless, i feel trapped. i need help. i need help getting out of this. i am so exhausted mentally, i do nothing with my day because im too tired. i am so incredibly miserable, i get those depression headaches every single day. I have a surgery coming up that i am not willing to compromise. maybe ill take some extra days off then? look for a job? rest my mind and prepare to job hunt and grind for a job that i might not hate? maybe i should leave now, go work at starbucks, see if i can get the time. maybe i should find a part time job, but will my manager hate me for it? does she already hate me for it? i just want to survive. i just dont want to get to the point where suicide feels like the only option again. I am not there yet, but its on the horizon, and that’s why i am scared.             

[xottzot]

2018-05(May)-02nd-Tuesday--COLD-WARM--RAIN--VISITORS TO GARBAGE HOUSE--FIRE BRIGADE ENGINE--ANOTHER BLACK DOG LEAD IN.

2018-05(May)-02nd-Tuesday--COLD-WARM--RAIN--VISITORS TO GARBAGE HOUSE--FIRE BRIGADE ENGINE--ANOTHER BLACK DOG LEAD IN.

Firstly, I apologise for any typing mistakes. Same reasons as always. And added to that is the terrible COLD.

It's been COLD. I was warm n bed, but the moment I struggled out I was struck by how COLD it was.

Poor Sam slept on the bed with me all night. Poor Max however was all alone by himself in the room next to dear Fliss's chair. He was expecting her to come back. Dear Fliss VERY often worked insane hours (and at HER choice but it was all railroaded by the service station company Fliss worked for so she alwasy thought she really had no chice at all despite her always saying to me she did.)

Today is winter weather here. COLD. And it has been raiing and COLD. And inside this hovel it's VERY cold. - So I TRY to keep poor Sam & Max dry as much as I can all the time. I also try to keep myself dry. And that is especially so since I have wound bandages to keep dry.

But I can't yet even have a bath or shower because of them. - THAT at least might warm me up a little but I would be even MORE cold when afterwards any water or dampness left upon me would feel like ice let alone any of my damp hair.

Poor Sam & Max I fed VERY early long before dawn because I knew the rain was coming. As it was, it had been raining and we had terribly slept a few hours then we went outside and they did all their ablutions. As soon as they were done, we all came back inside and I had to wait until their feet had dried, then we all went back to bed. It was cold. I was ok warm in bed but poor Max was COLD by himself next to Fliss chair. I kept calling to dear Max to come and get and stay warm with us but he STILL WAITS FOR DEAR FLISS TO RETURN AND THAT IS WHAT HE AND SAM HAS DONE FOR YEARS AND YEARS SINCE HE WAS A TINY LITTLE PUPPY AND HAS DONE EVEN MORESO NOW THAT WE HAVE BEEN ABANDONED ALONE.

Poor Sam was once again having nightmares in his sleep for awhile and I tried to reassure him as much as I could without startling him awake from having a terrible nightmare. All his nightmares began from THAT NIGHT in late 2015 when dear Fliss hs a breakdown then left (and was taken away) leaving us to die alone without her. Then afterwards no matter how much I pleaded, I was accused of it all, which I have never been the one to fault. Neither has poor dear Fliss. Neither has poor dear Sam and poor dear Max. - And NOBODY can understannd that, and NOBODY can understand that when I have told them since, so then they fall back on the ONLY feeble thing their minds can latch onto...AND IT'S WRONG.

I tell the truth and I get blamed. Others tell lies and they get believed. There is no justice. No kindness. None of it given unto me or dear Fliss to be together again, the very thing dear Fliss promised me we would and which gave me so much hope for us, life and everthing and everyone. Now all there seems to be is despair, darkness, betrayal and death being meted to us both from unfeeling uncaring others.

But I myself HAVE seen whispers and hints of kindness these past few months, but NONE of it was to get dear Fliss and myself back together again. Much of it was the tut-tut-tut but I have a job to do so let's just hurry up and get this done first shall we and then maybe we can talk....and they NEVER DO AFTERWARDS or just go off with their heads and minds spinning into things that they THINK they know of........AND IT'S WRONG. And then they refuse to talk about what we had agreed to talk about and hope I won't notice it. After which, despite me being cordial and polite to them, before, throughout, and afterwards...they decide I'm 'difficult' or they can't figure it all out, or they slot me into something which they wrongly THINK is appropriate. - I sincerely hope that doesn't apply to EVERYONE.

---------------------------------------------

A vehicle pulled up today and parked under the chinese apple trees (and half on the road) opposite Fatguts aboriginal criminal household but at the household with the white picket fence across the road which has new people living in it next door to the main aboriginal criminal household. (the previous shitty tenants of the white picket house appeared to have moved-out/evicted some months ago and then these new people, a family moved in there somewhat recently), but THEY have to endure the aboriginal criminal household right next door to them and it's I think it's tragically taking it's toll upon them.

Next door to it, the aboriginal criminal household is EASY to spot....it' the ONLY place in the entire streets that has a huge pile of rubbish and garbage heaped up on the street front verge and against the low (kneee high) brick front fence and against the street verge Swan Shire council tree there. It's gotten bigger and much bigger. As I've said so many times, the aboriginals PLAY in the rubbish, lay in it, lay ON it (including dragging it out ONTO the road and in TRAFFIC, then sometimes drag it back to the heap, or it's dragged or thrown back onto the heap by others. There's also a matress ontehre used as a trampoline by the toddlers in diapers and others. There's scattered smashed bit of the rubbish laying all over the road there now. And being driven over by so many vehicles and trucks using the streets to get to and from the Koongamia shops areas.

This morning, 4 social worker-type mature women (or church ministers, or departmentals or whatever), those 4 women all got out and went into the white picket fenced household as one. Dunno what all that was about.

There's a LOT of smoke in the air here. At Ms New Age's place they've been raking up and burning a lot of leaves (which are rampant here all about and even in this hovels yards the trees HERE are dropping leaves like rain...and gumnuts everywhere). I don't burn it off though. In my currnt condition I'm not allowed to lest it upset my VERY SLOWLY repairing physical wounds. And in any case, here there's no real area to burn it upon safely. Dear Fliss and I have done so in the past but it took both of us to constantly keep an eye upon it all for safety as it was burning all the leaves and stuff we had raked up. We did that as a seasonal thing together. It was a bit of a crappy task but we did it together and were happy doing it together. And afterwards we had to make sure to make it all out and safe so that dear Sam & dear Max could wander about and not get hurt by anything. There NEVER was any bad incidents because we took so much care. NO matter how many years we did it all together.

---------------------------------------------

Once again....an aboriginal older female this time but still school-aged, has grabbed a skateboard, taken it to the top of the street ON THE ROAD, and road it down ON THE STREET, and repeated it. Yesterday other aboriginal young boys earlier had been doing the same. -- And almost EVERYTIME he would ride down halfway down the street then duck into Mitchels old driveway, complete the rest of the 'ride' either straight into Fatguts aboriginal household front yard where there is a kids swings set, set up in the unfenced front yard just a couple of metres from the road.

And today again, as always, there has been toddlers in diapers running across the road from fatguts place to and from into the crimnal housheold acrioss the road from there which is right NEXT DOOR to the white picket fenced household the 4 mature women went to today. - Were they social workers or departmentals, assigned to deal with them at that place from the incredible stresses they are under because of all the criminal aboriginals all about and living next door to them AND across the road from them and constantly roaming across the roads all day and night including toddlers?

ANOTHER BLACK DOG WAS LEAD IN TO THERE TODAY to the aboriginals household across the road from Fatguts aborigial household.

Are THEY getting 'blamed' or suffering by others when it is NOT their fault at all, as has happened so many times, so many YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS......

---------------------------------------------

I spotted one of the departmental 'Watchers' today. It was the one who chain smokes. The one who has been 'patrolling' the street for so MANY YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS since the terrible feral aboriginals who dont; care about anyone or anything have made this area a hell to live in or around....

The 'Watcher' had been caught out in the rain and was standing sheltering from the downpour of rain uder one of Ms New Age's street verge trees...one of the trees dear Fliss and I had witnessed years ago herself planting. She planted those trees, NOT the Council. The Council couldn't care less about street trees about thsi hellhole and EVERY TIME they tried, the trees woudl be ripped out or vandalised, or totally destroyed by the usual roaming street criminals. ALL THAT DEAR FLISS WITNESED HERSELF TOO.

THAT is why you find these streets, unlike all others all about, that has next to NO street verge trees whilst all others do, even adjoining streets closeby.

The walking Watcher didn't seem to hang around long. The raining weather ensured that.

Dear Fliss and I took personal care of one street tree and THAT is the only reason it survived. The rest of the streets up and down has NO street verge trees at all. The council later put in some more and AGAIN they died or were vandalised to die.

Aubrey Mitchel (long since moved-out and become criminal) he took a chainsaw to one and almost destroyed one totally. (I think dear Fliss was here when THAT event occured). The council eventually replaced it. But THAT one too was vandalised until it one day the council mysteriously ripped it out and never ever replaced it despite it still being alive and struggling growing. (nothing is EVER allowed here at this hellhole to live if it is damaged, and that includes people.)

So the 'Watcher' had very little to shelter under in the streets as they WALK around, hence they spend alnost ALL their time these days just in cars doing a tiny drive-by and trying to do detailed reports after doing THAT flimsy bit of data gathering......or going to the Koongamia shops to buy more cigarettes to chainsmoke or whatever......and doing their reports there sitting in their car.........

Is it any wonder how MUCH crap has been going on about the aboriginal households that's no longer being addressed and taken care of?

It gets KNOWN about....but NOTHING ELSE......

---------------------------------------------

A big fire engine stopped on the road outside as I said in the streets last night/evening. (it upset poor Sam and poor Max). There was a LOT of smoke in the air. It might have been attending to a fire at one of the aboriginal households, or a nearby huge fire, and it might have been filling-up their water tank(s) from one of the street fire hydrants, one or two which are situated outside the aboriginals houses on the street verges. There was a lot of smoke around yesterday. And I suffered because of it all, especially since I do not smoke at all. But nobody cares.

---------------------------------------------

As I type this part, the nearby public school is about to come out for the day. There are aboriginals lurking in the middle of the street awaiting them. For the most part, they don't go to that school across the road from them at all. To them it's just another place to criminally plunder and vandalise and a place to target kids.

An adult couple come out of Bellevue, out of the criminals pedstrian walkway. They WERE going to walk to the nearby Koongamia School (Clayton View School) it's now called, but they took one look at the aboriginals in the street and suddenly veered away together and took a different course. And of course when they walked/escorted their innocent children back home from the school, they made sure NOT to walk up that street back either,.....to protect their children.

---------------------------------------------

I love you dear Fliss and want to be with you. - I hope you are well. I hope you are being treated well. There is not one moment I don't wish to be with YOU dear Fliss just as we talked about and just as you promised us before. - Poor Max is especially feeling VERY TERRIBLE. And just now as I have been trying to type this, he has been almost vomiting AGAIN inside this hovel.

It's now getting VERY cold again in here.

Poor Max has come in and jumped onto the bed to try and get warm. I'm not allowed by Robert to have the gas heater on to warm the interior or this hovel up. He gets angry at having to pay for ANY gas bill. So other than using the gas stove which he does a lot too, I'm not allowed to use the gas or the elctricity much at all either. And I'm not allowed to use the water much at all either.

ALL the gas, water, electricity bills have gone UP...NOT because of ME...but because the companies have ALL jacked theri prices right up. - Robert REFUSES to beleieve ANYTHIG about that so he just blames me if I dare to try to talk to him about anything. That is his way.....to ALWAYS find somebody to blame (never himself in any way)...and so I must stay cold, I must barely eat anything that's not hot let alone anything I heat up and there's barely anything I ever cook. - He can spend hours and hours and hours using the kitchen over days but I'm not allowed to barely have any toasted bread. It feels that way. It really does.

And then there's the refrigerator......same thing........

And then there's the seperate standup deep freezer appliance......same thing........

It's barely got anything to eat in it for me. Nothing nutritious. I haven't been out food shopping. I can't. This damned terrible hand/wrist/arm injury stops all that. Robert each week makes several food shopping trips but always and only just for himself. So he can do 'one of his cookups'.

I haven't been able to stock the freezer with unhealthy but at least able to warm myself and poor Sam & Max up food. - Living on plain brand cornflakes and milk and tinned food...all of which has just about run out, AND the super emergency supplies of dear Fliss and mine that we built up, all that has long gone.

Fliss used to think me stupid or overreacting for doing that stocking up, or even commonsense planning for ANYTHING like that (even for us to save money which we did A LOT because we were always so desperately financially struggling), but it HAS come into being used, JUST as I said it might be, but I NEVER thought for a moment that dear Fliss would not be with me to be using it all up with poor me and dear Sam and dear Max. Every mouthful is poison to my soul because dear Fliss is not with us and it just prolongs this vicious hell of being alive without with dear gentle but fragile Fliss.

Early evening now. Getting VERY cold AGAIN.

Must try to do everything before I get yelled at, or abused, or worse and I must ensure poor Sam and poor Max never are exposed to any of that, nor I. - So I suffer I silence. Still. Again. All the time.

I NEVER know what the evening and darkness brings.....

My internet speed has been very ultra slow. VERY VERY VERY SLOW. Sending this up before it stops completely AGAIN. Even just my email is VERY VERY VERY SLOW.

---------------------------------------------

I love you dear Fliss and want to be with YOU. Poor Sam and poor Max are STILL having nightmares all the time about you not being with us. (as I am too). They wake me up with their crying and howlings in their sleep at any time of the day or night it is so loud. And of course I NEVER EVER chastise them for that. - Sam is injured. He was injured and may be scared for life as dear Vespa was, but poor dear innocent Sam was NOT injured as far as I know the same way poor dear innocent Vespa was. Poor dear innocent Max is injured but not visibly so. - I love you dear Fliss and want to be with YOU.

[colorfulsuitdestiny-blog]

Need help to find a car with cheap insurance?

"Need help to find a car with cheap insurance?

Ok so im nearly 17 and i live in the uk so will be taking my driving test soon. I want a car that isnt to expensive to run and cheap insurance as insurance is really high at the moment an the car cant be to expensive either as i dont have a lot of money the most money i would be willing to be pay is about 2500 and cheapest insurance please!

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How much will insurance be for a 16 year old in california?

how much will insurance be for a 16 year old in california? lets say i get a bmw or porsche how much will it be?

How can i get cheap/free health insurance?

i live in chicago and wanted to go to the doctors but my dad informed me i have no health insurance (only him. he is legally blind on public aid) im 20 and in college what can i do

Need help to find a car with cheap insurance?

Ok so im nearly 17 and i live in the uk so will be taking my driving test soon. I want a car that isnt to expensive to run and cheap insurance as insurance is really high at the moment an the car cant be to expensive either as i dont have a lot of money the most money i would be willing to be pay is about 2500 and cheapest insurance please!

Can someone explain the difference between Health Insurance and any other Insurance?

I don't understand why people act like health insurance is so radically differently than other insurance. Is it? Insurance is a form of risk management to hedge against loss. Auto, Life, Homeowners, Unemployment and Health are among the types of insurance you can buy. I'm generally not required to buy any of those insurances. If I have the title to my home, I'm not required to have homeowners insurance. If I don't drive a car, I'm not required to carry auto insurance. Why should I be forced to buy health insurance? If I want to take that or any gamble by not buying insurance, isn't that my choice? I will admit that by not purchasing health insurance, I could be putting a burden on others if I was admitted to the ER and couldn't pay, that burden of payment would fall on others. HOWEVER, that burden would be there whether I was forced to carry insurance or not. If I don't make enough money to buy this mandatory insurance, then the gov't will give me tax credits to purchase insurance. Who's paying for those tax credits? All of the tax payers. So either we pay the providers/insurance companies via higher premiums to cover loss, or we pay the gov't via taxes. Forcing (perhaps unconstitutionally) citizens to purchase health insurance won't solve anything, it will just move where the cost is incurred. But please, explain why people are treating health insurance so differently.""

Car insurance question for military...?

We are in the military so the rules are a little different for us. For example, even though we just moved to TX, we can renew our tags in NC where we just came from... we don't have to change them to TX. We are going to renew our tags in NC which means our car will still be registered in NC... and we still have NC car insurance. If we get in an accident here, will having insurance in NC be a problem? Everything is registered in NC so we want to keep our NC insurance... or do we have to switch to TX?""

Auto Insurance for 18 yr old with 2012 Kia Soul?

Estimate of what it would be at most? i have taken a drivers ed class and passed in high school and can have them take the money right out of my bank account for the monthly payment and had a b average in school.

What is the average total cost of learning to drive and a car or suitable respect when your 17?

Including everything like learning, insurance, the test, the car and so on.. I just turned 16 so I was thinking of starting to save up A car that is not embarrassing to be seen in yet isn't to expensive because your only 17:P Thanks if you answer oh and I'm male""

Health insurance for foreigners?

I am from India & I would like to know about the health insurance options for indians working in Malaysia. My husband is working but I am a housewife. His company takes care of his insurance. We are trying for a baby and I would like to know about the health insurance options for foreigners in Malaysia.

Whats higher in cost car insurance or van insurance at 19 years old?

just a little argument what would cost more car insurance or van insurance

Anyone who knows about car Insurance please help?

Ok, long story short. I live in Canada, Ontario, the worst ******* place in the world to be when it comes to car insurance. I am classified as a high risk driver because of some petty thing I did, (got caught driving with my G1 license alone, when you need a passenger with at least 4 years experience) I want to know what my insurance would be now on a 1991 bmw e30 318is. I am 16 years old, my question is can I call a bunch of insurance companies and ask for quotes? I mean do I have to be at least 18 years of age to do this? Please inform me. I am pretty sure as long as I have my license beside me I can call insurance companies for quotes right? Also what do they ask? Just car Make, model, year, color, sedan or coupe, etc? What else? Sorry for sounding like a complete idiot, I am only 16 I do not know these things. Thank you very much""

Car crash damage my insurance rights?

my 2009 vauxhall insignia was hit from behind sitting at a car park space in a supermarket,there is substantial amount of damage to the right hand arch right above the back wheel,the back bumper is also broken,it was hit that hard it was pushed onto the car park space in front of it,i believe what saved it from any further damage was the driver of the other car hit the wheel of my car which i guess cushioned the blow.i have went today and got estimates for the repair which is in the region of 2500 pounds though could be more as they have to put it on some sort of machine to see if the wheel alignment is of,the repair shops say what they will do is cut the arch out and put a new arch in and spray it but no matter what its never going to be the same.the reason they do it like this is because the whole back of my car runs to the front without any splits. Im not happy about this being done like this as this car today is worth around 10,000 pounds which i pay for and dont want it patched up,i would prefer if the other guys insurance wrote it off so that i can get an original car which i first had,is there anyway i can get this to be wrote of and claim it of the guys insurance,i have heard of depreciation money if my car has been hit but this is still not going to compensate me for my car being patched up. thanks""

Life insurance.........?

my boyfriend wants to get life insurance. he's 18, healthy, doesn't smoke. what's the best company to get it with ?""

Got a fine for no car insurance.?

I got a fine for no car insurance in CA, what will possibly happen to me? I'm fearing the worst...although there should be no excuse for it I didn't have the money at the time.""

Is the amount you paid for your car covered by full insurance if an uninsured motorist hits you?

A friend was stopped at a light when some idiot hit her car and totalled it! Although, she has full coverage on the car(she just recently finished paying off), the idiot who hit her did not have any insurance! The total she paid on her car was $13K. The insurance company only wants to give her the blue book value of $3000! The situation is even worse because the offending party have no insurance! Is the insurance company trying to rip her off?! What should she do to get back at least close to the total amount she paid for her car?""

Insurance in the state of CA?

I had two questions regarding insurance in the State of California. I was involved in an accident in which the other car was totaled, but mine ended up only with a bent control arm. Question 1: If my vehicle was hardly damaged and easily repaired by the spare control arm in the garage, do I still need to file a claim with my own insurance company? Question 2: If the police took insurance information for both parties at the scene and gave us each other's information, whose responsibility is it to provide the other party's insurance company with my own insurance information?""

""I'm only a student & working part time, where can i get cheap car insurance...?""

I'm only working part time and i need to find a good insurance company, preferably one that won't charge me too much as i'm not earning a lot of money.""

List of cheap auto insurance in Georgia $40-$50 a month?

cheap auto insurance in Georgia .looking for where I can pay btw $40-$50 a month

How much would insurance be?

How much money would it be to add someone to my insurance, for farmers?""

CAR INSURANCE!? LIBERITY MUTUAL?

ok so my parents haveLibertyy Mutualinsurancee covering their house, life, car insurance and some other things as a package throughlibertyy mutual. Anyways, I took driving school classes and passed. Its supposed to lower myinsurancee.I'mm turning 17 in October and my permit says i can get mylicensee on september 19. ( i got it late and in az you have to wait 6 months) Is there a way thatLibertyy mutual can insure me? I heard from one of there reps that they wont insure a new driver unless they've had theirlicensee for 6 months. Please help Also if i got a truck could i just insure it under my parents name even though they already have cars? or is it one car per person?""

Does it cost more to insure an Automatic than a Manual?

I have a friend who recently passed her test. Stupidly she learnt in an automatic so she can only drive autos now. So the question is, are automatics more expensive to insure or is there not much difference? This is UK insurance by the way. I dont want to know about American car insurance as the prices might be different. Cheeers!""

What v8 is cheap on insurance for an 18 year old?

I'm an 18 year old guy on my parents' insurance and I have a 2003 Mitsubishi lancer that's probably not going to last me that long so I am looking for another car. I would like a v8 because I like the sound and I want descent performance but I don't want it to be too much on insurance. I was thinking about a Lincoln ls v8. Does anyone have any other ideas? Thanks.

Insurance on a 2004 Infiniti G35 Coupe?

I am 17 and thinking of buying a G35 coupe in September (will be 18) for school. I was wondering how much the insurance would be, this will be my first car and I've never got a speeding ticket before or been in a crash.""

Does anyone know any really cheap car insurance companies for old cars?

I have an R Reg Corsa 1 Litre, and 6 years no claims, but it seems to be the age of the car that's bumping up my insurance policy? HELP!""

California Minimum Insurance Requirement?

Stated from the California DMV website: The minimum amount your insurance* must cover per accident is: * $15,000 for a single death or injury. * $30,000 for death or injury to more than one person. * $5,000 for property damage. Now when I signed up with Progressive Insurance and I don't elect uninsured motorist coverage it makes me sign a statement that I elected not to do so and is below the state minimum. Do I actually need uninsured motorist coverage?""

How long can you go without health insurance before things become preexisting ?

I currently have health insurance through my father's company plan, but after my 19th birthday my insurance drops because I won't be a full time student until spring this year. Meanwhile I need coverage through some plan so nothing will be preexisting. However I can't apply for the cheap insurance that I was hoping for until my old coverage ends, and I'm worried about the bureaucratic time lapse between coverage policies. Are there any problems I'm going to run into with this?""

Car insurance for teens. Do I NEED to be listed on my parents policy?

My parents have triple A auto insurance and I have recently gotten my drivers license. I have tried to research the requirements for insurance by law on the California DMV website and the most concrete statement I found was some numbers that cover various damages and injuries (DMV website is not working properly so I cannot look it up). My parents insurance obviously covers the basic and more. However, my parents policy states that Any relative that has consent of the owner to use the insured vehicle is covered by this policy - These are not the exact words as I don't have the policy on me, but it is pretty damn close. In the definitions portion of the policy, it states a relative as anyone related by blood, and some other stuff. I am my parents son so I am obviously related by blood, thus their policy coverage extends on to me when they give me permission to use their vehicle. I did not find ANY California laws that required me to be on the policy. i only found information that said I only need that minimum coverage which my parents policy does provide. We did contact triple A about this and they did not give us a reasonable answer. All they said was that they WANT my parents to add me because THOSE ARE THE RULES. Seems like they just want more money in their pockets. Can someone give some advice? Thanks.""

Help with car insurance?

im 17 and im buying a car but with the insurance i want to use you have to be 18 to et up a direct debit so i done a quote where my mum is the policy holder and im the main driver and my mum is a named drive am i allowed to do this and whos name would the car have to be in thanks for any help in advance

I receive a health insurance stipend but keep it in savings instead. is this okay?

i went from being fully covered with my company in los angeles, but i moved to new york 7 months ago, where their insurance doesn't cover. in lieu of this, they give me a stipend. however, it's not nearly enough to cover cost of insurance here, so i've been putting it in a savings account until i can afford a plan in my budget and/or emergency health situations. my boss just asked me for proof of insurance. i will tell the truth of the matter, but what will happen? what can they do?""

Need help to find a car with cheap insurance?

Ok so im nearly 17 and i live in the uk so will be taking my driving test soon. I want a car that isnt to expensive to run and cheap insurance as insurance is really high at the moment an the car cant be to expensive either as i dont have a lot of money the most money i would be willing to be pay is about 2500 and cheapest insurance please!

Car insurance??????? UK?

where can i get a rough idea of what i might pay for insurance, if i pass next week?!!!!!!! Everywhere i try wants a reg. no. But all i want for now is a rough idea so i can see what insurance groups i can choose a car in. Fanx :0)""

Which car do you think has higher insurance?

For my first car i want either a Subaru Impreza rs 2001(gc8) or a Toyota Corolla 2007 CE. The Toyota will be new. Which one do you think will have cheaper insurance?

Need help choosing car insurance HELP!!! =)?

Im 20 yrs old. i've had my drivers liscence for 2 yrs, and i have a clean driving record..I need affordable car insurance for my 01 mitsubishi, eclipse, in california... any suggestions???""

How much would full coverage insurance cost on a 1965 Silver Cloud 3 Rolls-Royce?

Male driver, clean driving history.""

Which auto insurance company is better? Geico or Mercury? Please share your personal experience.?

Which auto insurance company is better? Geico or Mercury? Please share your personal experience.?

Whats the best motorcycle insurance in ottawa for an 18 year old?

Whats the best motorcycle insurance in ottawa for an 18 year old?

Roughly how much will my car insurance cost?

Im nearly 19 and Im looking to do my test and get a car as soon as I have the money. I would probably be getting a 2nd hand car within the 750 - 1,500 range, probably something simple what most get for their first car such as a corsa, punto, focus, clio etc. I can afford the car and the lessons, one thing I dont really know about is the insurance. I know it will be different whoever you go with but can you give me just a rough idea of how much Im looking at? I was hoping that it would be as cheap as 20/week (1,000/year). Thanks.""

How much would insurance cost (estimate) for a person my age?

Im a teen I live in Texas and I want a dodge challenger but insurance is the only thing my parents are thinking about so could someone give Me a estimate if how much it would be please and thank you

Home Insurance/Replacement Cost of Manufactured Home?

Is it normal for a manufactured home to have a lower replacement cost limit calculated from a cost estimator than a normal home?

Car Insurance Problem!?

Hey all heres my problem. I go in the navy in 4 weeks and my car insurance does'nt run out until april 2009. While im at base i wont be using my car until maybe feb 2009. Is there anyway i can cancel due to the fact that i wont be using my car. I don't want to be paying 121 a month when im not using my car at all for a while. Much help appreciated, mark!""

Affordable medical/prescription insurance for a heart transplant recipient.?

I had a heart transplant 10 years ago, and I am looking for a more affordable insurance plan, currently I use Cigna, and they're running me over $400 a month, plus a $50 dollar fee per prescription I am on, which runs me another $250-300 dollars every three months. I just recently graduated college, and am 24 years old, so my father's insurance at work no longer covers me. I'm not very familiar with insurance plans, but I would obviously need one that would accept my pre-exsiting condition of a heart transplant, and have a prescription plan, cover doctor visits, emergency care and anything else people can recommend that would be important. Thanks so much!""

Help with finding individual health insurance?

I'm 16 and my parents do not speak English. My sister and I (16 and 18) have Child Health Plus and my mother has insurance through her job. My dad currently has no health insurance because he could no longer afford to pay over $250 a month for insurance. He has diabetes and is having trouble controlling his blood sugar. How do I find an affordable insurance company? They said we can't have family health plus since we make a little over $3,000 a month but half goes to rent. What should I do? What is Healthy NY? Any advice??? thank you""

Insurance getting cancelled on an SR22 in VA?

I was so excited about good news I received, that I forgot that my insurance was going to cancel at midnight. I have an SR22 filing, even though I no longer require it. I left it there until it was time to renew. My question is how soon is DMV notified? Will I have time to call my agent first thing in the morning?""

What is the number of health insurance companies in the world?

What is the number of health insurance companies in the world?

Would a Honda Rebel 250 be a good starting motorcycle?

I still do not have my license. I intend on getting it soon. I've waited too long to get it. But I would like to own a motorcycle instead of a car. I don't live anywhere near the cold so, icy roads aren't a problem. And I am 5 foot 2, so I'm guessing this would be a good choice of motorcycle. Oh, and if you own a motorcycle, could you answer a few questions for me? Do you need a special license for it? And is the insurance a killer? Thanks for all of your help.""

How much is insurance for a 2001 mercury cougar. If I am 16? (EST.)?

Hello. I am looking for my first car. I am looking at a 2001 mercury cougar not the S series just the 3 door coupe.. Now the qoute gieco gave me was $325.01 a month. I live in Minnesota and I am a 16 year old male. I don't have anything on my record at all. I was wondering if 325.01 a month sounded right because I dont think so. That's like $4,000 a year and the car only costs $5,999. Also would it be better to go on my parents insurance plan with State Farm? Or to get my own? Thank you very much for helping me with advice with this.""

How much would auto insurance cost for a 1995 dodge viper?

I saw the car for sale for $16,000. The Viper has only 400 horsepower.""

Look! Auto Insurance?

Has anyone heard of Look! Auto Insurance based in Michigan? Are they a legit agency? http://www.look-insurance.com/home.nxg

Where can I find public actuary data for car insurance?

where can I find public actuary data for car insurance. i need that to develop models

""Im 19 Before buying my truck, insurance, down payment?""

Okay so I'm gonna finance a truck next week with 2,000 down is that too much ? 377 a month! I'm 19. I make 2,000 flat a month pay 250 for rent I live with my prents so 1,750 are for me(: my job is 15 minutes away (: Anyway do I need insurance too take the car home ? Can I get it later ? I asked for a over the phone quote with adranas insurance and it was $200 and they want $300 upfront for the first month that's way to much! Would those $200 a month go down ? And how long do I need full cover on the truck I would buy? I never had an accident never had a ticket or anything my license is clean I got it about 9 months ago! Can I put the insurance under someone else's name ? Like my dad ? Or what can I do ? It's a 2004 silverado v8 2 door! They said I need insurance with 500 deductible what does that mean ? I live in Los Angeles 90018 CA""

Where can I get the best Auto Insurance Quotes?

My semi-annual auto insurance renewal is coming up. I've shopped before and I think I'm already getting a damn good rate, but still I'd like to try to get an even better rate. I've tried both Geico and Progressive, and both quoted me over $200 higher per year than I already pay. Any other good suggestions? This would be for coverage in California.""

""I need short term auto insurance, since i will be on vacation for 45 days in southern california,?

Now my insurance company doesn't cover me in the states

Car insurance for young men please advise.?

Hey I'm 20 nearly 21 been driving nearly 3 years with no accidents etc . No speeding no nothing , I want a faster car ( fiesta st) 150bhp car . I can afford the car with ease , will my insurence be un affordable ? I can't pay more than 2000 on insurance. Might I add I'm from the uk i""

Is there a classic car insurance company that doesnt require you to be a certain age?

without 5 year license restriction also. i need to find one that will cover an 18 year old with a clean record.

How much is car insurance for a new female independent driver in the UK?

I was just wondering how much it costs for a new female to get insurance on a car .. anyone have a ny ideas ... and is 1.1 L engine big enough for a new driver answers needed asap please !! xx

Need help to find a car with cheap insurance?

Ok so im nearly 17 and i live in the uk so will be taking my driving test soon. I want a car that isnt to expensive to run and cheap insurance as insurance is really high at the moment an the car cant be to expensive either as i dont have a lot of money the most money i would be willing to be pay is about 2500 and cheapest insurance please!

Cheapest insurance?

What company has the cheapest insurance for used cars.

""Non owner SR22 insurance for TEXAS, what is a cheap website?

I don't own a car so I don't know what to do... Help! Thanks

I need a list of affordable cars that look like a sports car but aren't considered one by insurance?

Or just a list of sports cars that tend to have lower insurance.

Can anyone estimate how much insurance would cost on a 2001 camaro?

i'm 18, full time b student, first car, the car's a v6""

Car Insurance Question?

Hi, im 16 and 17 in August living in Ireland, and i'm thinking of buying either a Honda Civic 1999-2001 or a Honda integra 1998-2001 aswell, i'm a guy and i'm wondering how much it'll cost to insure either one of them, and also what car is better""

Which are the Best Car Insurance comparism websites?

Hi Yahooers, I need to re-new my car Insurance and like everyone else I want the cheapest on offer. Deatils are:- I live in the UK, have 10 years NCB, never had any claims and the car is 10 years old. Full licence held for 22years and no points on licence. Thank you for all help given. xx""

What is a good car insurance company i should get?

I'm 18 turning 19 I live in NJ (i heard the prices vary where i live due to accidents and whatnot)

Which is on average better out of petrol/diesel cars?

In terms of performance (speed,0-60 etc), economically, fuel cost (miles per gallon etc), insurance etc""

Insurance Rates?

I'm a 17 year old male and I just got my 1st speeding ticket today and it was a 6 point ticket how much do you think my insurance rate will go up by

Life insurance for over 60?

Hello,just wondering if anyone out there has any good expierence for life insurance over 60 years old.I am a 64 year old female who wants something for 15 years with no pre-existing medical conditions.There are so many out there I just dont know who I can trust.Thanks...""

Car insurance?

If i have bought a car but but the car is not insured, then can someone else who is fully comp drive my car?""

Are SUVs more expensive to insure?

I know you can't tell me for sure whether or not one will be more expensive. But, generally speaking is a small SUV such as a Ford Escape more expensive to insure than say a midsized car like a Honda Accord.""

Best Health Insurance for Veteran and dependents?

I'm a soldier getting ready to get Honorably Discharged in the next couple months. I have a wife and 2 kids, that have constant doctor visits. What are some Insurance companies ...show more""

How can I get an Auto Insurance adjuster to address my claim ? He is completely unresponsive.?

I drove out a brand new car from the dealership and stopped at a signal light. I was rear ended hard by a coupe driven by teenagers. His car was towed and impounded. Now I called the other driver's insurance company after receiving the police report and was told that a claim has already been filed and an adjuster's name and number given. I have been ever since calling the adjuster and leaving voice-mails. Its about 3 days and I have left more than 8 voice mail but he does not call me back. Its getting frustrating and am unsure if thats their strategy ? How long should I continue this ? and How can I get him to attend and address my claim ? and what else are my options ? Should I go to small claims court ? Advice is much appreciated.

What is car insurance rates?

uhm im doing report, and i need to write bout 3 ways that how teenage car accidents rising affect us. One of my answer is car insurance rate would go up; &yet i dont know wht that means. some one help?""

How much would Insurance go up with Speeding Ticket?

I'm 17, in Kansas, and I got a speeding ticket for going a 51 in a 40. My dad said that it will cause insurance to go up for the next three years. My ticket cost is $96.00. How much should this cause my insurance to go up? I've never had any violations of any kind before and I have the good student discount, too. Also, what do you recommend I do? Should I just pay the fine and accept whatever happens to my insurance?""

Can I claim for mechanical faults on my fully comp car insurance?

My car set on fire whilst I was driving it & as a result is a write off. My insurer is refusing to pay up as they claim its a mechanical fault. Is there anything I can do? Please help.

""Cheap Insurance, For a 19 year old?""

hi im a typical 19 year old, been driving for 1 year this month. Does anyone know of any Cheap Insurance places, Everything is so expensive! i dont want to be paying more than 50.00 a month! Please help""

Do you know of any extremely low cost car insurance for cars?

Please dont say companies like Geico, progressive, etc. i am looking for something that I have not looked at already- that maybe someone on here has experience with. i live in NJ, but that really doesnt matter when shopping for auto insurance.""

Will Car Insurance Fees Go Up?

So recently i was pulled over for speeding. 50 in a 45. Will my fines go up for just being 5+ the limit? If so how much do you think? Also I'm 16 -Thanks

Does anyone know of an affordable health insurance plan for a 28 yr old in Mich?

Does anyone know of an affordable health insurance plan for a 28 yr old in Mich?

Is it OK for someone else to do car insurance for me?

Basically, will it be fine (in legal terms) for someone else, a friend - to make car insurance on my behalf because I might be busy?? really important!! (im sorry about the tedium of this question)""

What is the cheapest car insurer for a 17 year old WITHOUT a black box?

What is the cheapest insurance company without a black box or device to monitor you're driving for a 17 year old...?

How much will my insurance go up?

I am 16 and I just got my first speeding ticket. I have state farm and it is my first violation. I was just looking for a ballpark estimate.

Automobile insurance cost increase?

My car is 10 years old with 100,000 miles it was paid off about 6 months ago. My insurance does nothing but keep going up what should I do?""

Need help to find a car with cheap insurance?

Ok so im nearly 17 and i live in the uk so will be taking my driving test soon. I want a car that isnt to expensive to run and cheap insurance as insurance is really high at the moment an the car cant be to expensive either as i dont have a lot of money the most money i would be willing to be pay is about 2500 and cheapest insurance please!

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/worried-getting-insurance-car-when-i-have-bad-credit-najera"