#I dont reallh know how to talk about it

[ladyculebras]

Cat death cw

I dont have the emotional capacity to type out a post or anything.

My beautiful girl is dead and I loved her so much.

[terryal]

rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs!

tagged by  : @helozoru you.........girl idk 😔😔

a-age: 15

b-birthplace: france somewhere in north-east

c-current time: 15:09

d-drink you last had: water i dont drink anything else lmao

e-easiest person to talk to: people i dont really know bc its so much easier to find things to talk about and i drop heavier subjects into the convo bc i dont fear their reaction idk

f-favorite song: idk i dont have one, maybe eat me alive by judas priest but it changes all the time

g-grossest memory : when i dreamt about my friend eating my ear wax and she said "hmmm so good !!"

h-horror yes or horror no: depends if im alone or not, yes if im with friends bc its funny but when im alone.....its the same as reading v good creepypastas for my naive mind

i-in love: no

j-jealous of people: any russian kid whos better than me at ballet/anyone who swims in club

l-love at the first sight or should I walk by again: walk by again

m-middle name: Nathalie Élodie

n-number of siblings: one

o-one wish: to erase all pollution would be a great start and for another would be for everyone to be nice to each other

p-person you last called: my dad

q-question you are always asked: "so how old are you ?" (followed by "you look older!!")

r-reading anything right now?: the good omens novel

s-song you last sang: casually : girls by girl in red/seriously : never reallh over by katy perry

t-time you woke up: 9am

u-underwear color: hmmm

v-vacation destination: anywere in germany or britain

w-when was the last time you really laughed?: i dont really remember,,

x-x-rays: my teeth and some kind of check up for my body i think when i was younger ?

y-your favorite food: thick break with a little sugary flavor

z-zodiac sign: karkat

tagging : nobody bc im lazy, go ahead if you want to do it 😔😔

[godareuthere]

it isnt something that stays in my mind by any means. it isnt something im thinking about a lot or worrying about. but i think id be lying if i said that i wasn’t still thinking about nick. 

i think part of it is me getting in my own head yknow? cause i do respect him, i think he’s cool. we never have really been that close and since you cleared things up for me i can understand why. but he’s someone you’re so so sooo close with and every time i see what he’s worked on or created i do admire it and i do think he’s reallh cool and talented. i think maybe i just have started letting my mind wander to comparing myself. he’s kinda where i wanna be, doing similar stuff to what i wanna be doing. and you’ve known him for longer and you two have been together and all that. and i don’t have a shadow of a doubt when it comes to you, or him really. but i put myself in his shoes, and i feel like if i was him i’d probably be kinda irritated and put off by me. 

i think it honestly still stresses me out every now and again. that the guy you live with is the guy you dated and broke your heart. and that in its own is okay, people can get together and find out they’re better off friends-that happens a lot and i think it’s real and valid. but when he’s been off with your ex, when he’s not gotten close to me. when you say he doesn’t like talking about any of it with you. it does worry me. cause why else would he not wanna talk about it other than feelings still being there? im not him, so i dont know. maybe its some other reason. maybe the feelings are different. i think im doing okay with it, yknow? you live with him, you hang out with shawn. i trust you, cause you’re with me. you could probably be with either of them in some capacity, but you’re crawling into bed with me at the end of the night. cause you’ve never given a reason to not trust you, not ever. not a reason to doubt or worry or think. i think having moments of stress about how nick might be feeling, or a little hit of jealousy when you’ve hung out with shawn is normal and healthy. i hope it is. but i think overall im doing okay with it.