#I dont know how to tell him that it spoke to me carnally

[bloobyposting]

"I just love you so goddamn much. You deserve a story and one day I will give it to you."

[cuntlordsblog]

i only liked the first episode of he dracula series and heres why

this was the vibe i instantly caught. like, i was stoned but ok.

dracula is lonely

johns a masochist

JOHN and mina are a couple in an open relationship and are deeply in love. they always come back to each other, and dine together and away on the deliousness of carnal desire. they were bisexuals.

in minas letter to JOHN she describes as much, wishing him luck on his journey and describing her thoughts on the nermous beautiful woman he may encounter on these journies. going on she also names the handsome men she could sample while he's away, noting the new cute bartender they had been eyeing the other day; how they imagine he'd taste.

Sitting in a carriage, JOHN was here on an unusual work task, he was to travel to a count dracuals castle in a farout snowy mountainous region of the latin country transylvania. as an Englishman and lawyer this trip is a strange one, but nevertheless it paid well and JOHN needed to earn money to pay for their grand wedding mina had planned, it was just 2 months away.

the atmosphere was as cold as the air outside, snow piling in banks along the trodden path. there was a family of 3 headed to the next village over, the gruff stage coach driver, and myself all stuffed into the clamy warmth of the stage coach. frost nipped at our ears from the cracks in the window; everyones combined body heat and hot breath in the confined space. they would steal hurried looks at him, but would look away when he tried to make eye contact.

the counts castle was a 2 hour ride from the nearest town, but not 45 minutes into the ride the coach ground to a halt.

"what's going on???"

"you get out here." the driver grunts as he jumps down, he quickly grabs your luggage and ushers you out of the cab.

"put we're still a ways off! we're nowhere near the castle, I dont even see it!" JOHM EXLAIMs as he HURRIES to keep up with the driver.

"we don't go any further. he will send a driver." he says, his voice hard leaving no room for argument.

sputtering you pick up your luggage from the snow where he placed it. a hand to your head youre in shock! a exasperated laugh puffs from your chest. "how will he know where to find me??"

"he knows where you are." the driver answers cryptically as he good back into the drivers seat. giving you one last forlorn look he sets off at a gallop. you see the eyes of the other passengers stare out the window as the coach quickly disappears around a bend.

it's not long after that you hear branches cracking and the thump of hooves and a jet black coach with 2 black stallions and a driver dressed is all black, his face obscured by a hat and scarve.

"good day!" JOHN. hollers waving his hand and picking up once more the handles on his case.

the coach comes to a skidding stop in front of him, stunned peter stands and stares with his mouth agape, a hand to his hat. the driver regarded him silently, not offering any instruction or aid.

"are you going to help me with my luggae???" no reply "no????well, ok." JOHN hauls himself into the sleek carriage, dragging his luggage with both arms, his suitcase logged betwix his arms. throwing himself into a seat he pants exhausted from the long days travel and burst of exertion he sits back and rests. the cabin lurches as the horses start running. you close your eyes with a sigh.

the coach comes to a sudden halt and your eyes fly open, you fell asleep!

the door to the cab flies open and the driver grabs your luggage and places it outside the carriage. replacing his hat, petter steps out of the carriage and notices hes still a ways off from the doors. the driver hops back onto the drivers seat.

"not going to help me i take it?"

no response

"didn't think so." JOHN fills his arms and begins the treck towards the large castle doors.

finally arriving in front of the door it was evening, petter drops his luggage and takes a momment to catch his breath and right his crooked attire. petter raises his hand to knock on the immense doors but before hand could come into contact with wood the doors had swung open to reveal an empty dimly lit hallway.

nervous, petter looks about slowly, not willing to make a move when suddenly a swarm of bats comes streaming from the doorway surrounding petter, flying in close, their wings carressing his entire body with their wings as they flew by. it felt as if the swarm had hands, he felt molested and revolted. his skin crawling, he cowered hoping the bats would soon leave. peeking over his raised arms he notices a man now standing in the the dim doorway. the bats have all but left, lowering his arms and resuming the posture of a good British gentle man.

the man before him was bizarrely pale, his skin and hair a stark white. he seemed quite old, his handsome features lined with deep wrinkles. he wears a crimson robe and leans on an ornate gold cane.

what an impressive man. petter thinks as he clears his throat and straightens out his jacket, embarrassed to have shown the man who he assumes is his client such an embarrassing scene.

"Greetings! I am, count, Dra-Que-la." he says gesturing wide, he spoke English like he has a mouth full of marbles. "I am pleased that you would journey so far to personally deliver the papers for my new estate in your beautiful country, england!" the count smiles but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "please, come in." the count gestures to deeper into the dim castle.

petters the mention of his work flipped petters switch into work mode, his nerves washing away on the waves of a confident man who is good at his job. with a renewed vigor and purpose petter quickly hefts his luggage and follows the count into the castle. the sooner the man signed the purchase papers the sooner petter could go back to his beautfil mina. he would have to write a response to her letter before leave, responding in equal mirth (thirst), telling her of the handsome count, he was older than petter usually goes for, much older, but petter still found the old count oddly alluring and wabted to share this thought with his lover. brag. wink.

a soft chuckle startles JOHN out of his day dreams, he looks up from his feet (the light is so faint he had to focus on his feet as to not stumble on the stone) a warm glow came from the fireplave at the end of the high ceilinged room. a long table was placed in the center or the room covered with a feast. dropping gis luggage at the sight of a hot meal petter rushes forward and takes in the beautiful sight.

he turns back to the count "may i??????" pointing at the food. the count SMILES and nods.

td;lr

JOHN eats at one side of the table and the count the other. the count smiles placedly as he eats.

later petter thanks him for the meal which had been cleared away, he moves to the case opens it, and places the documents on the rable. he moves a candle closer so everyrging is easy to see, pulling out an ink pot and a quill he smiles, "alright then shall we proceed?" gesturing at the paper work.

the count evades JOHNS yes/no question by begining a monologue about why he's buying this property in England. he recalls the early years of his life when everything tasted so exciting and new, but now, he lives in a dank castle in the cold isolated mountains of the mother country. frankly, hes bored! but as hes spent his life in an isolated castle in a forgeine country, he fears he will have a hard time fitting in... which is why..." he continues as he gets up achingly from his seat and slowly makes his way to john seated at the far end of the table, papers out and pen in hand eyes wide and mouth agape. "...you will be staying with for a month and we shall travel back to england together."

exasperated and surprised john had heard nothing of the sort, he was only supposed to be here a few days! just long enough to get the counts signatures and finalize the purchase of the estate. he tries to refuse but the count grabs his hands and holds them cupped gently as he fluidly sits in the chair next to john. stunned in silence john sits and gapes at the count. his hands cold and dry, covered in deep wrinkles, his long nails evident. the count locks eye contact with John, gazing deep into his eyes "please john, i want to learn how to be a good British gentle man, like yourself." john begins to sputter and tries to jolt his hands away but the count doesnt loosen his grip. " besides," he continuesleabing forward and pulling john in towards him "your employer has already agreed to these terms" he ends witha wink and a smile, releasing Johns hand and sitting back folding his own hands on his chest. "now, tell me about England."

defeated and exhausted john relents, and dazedly answers the counts numerous questions about england, and British social ettiquet. between the counts qiestions John had a few of his own like why didn't his employer explain this to HIM, etc.

the count had brought out some wine at one point and began pouring glasses for John, and in Johns distress over this unexpexted situatiom he has found himself in, partook. and drank, amd drank, until his lips were loose and his comments nigh unfiltered, the good buisness ettique veneer washed away along with the wine.

a bit tipsy now, while answering another one of the counts more unusual questions blah blah blah john reaches to grab his wine glass while rolling his eyes and flapping and knocks it over. the glass shatters on the smooth stone floor.

"oh crumb" he explaims and leans over to pick up the larger shards.

"no dont both--" the count begins, starting to get out of his chair.

"ouch!" John yelps, he cut his finger picking up a piece of broken glass. holding his finger to his face to inspect the wound he pouts and squeezes his wounded finger tip, letting a crimson stream of blood well up and slide down his finger. john sticks his injured bloodied finger in his mouth and realizes the count has disappeared into thin air. surprised john pops his finger out of his mouth and looks around the room. "count?" he spots the count in a dark cornwd, his back facing john leaning heavily on a dresser.

concerned john jumps up and begins to make his way over to the count "count dracula? is something wrong?" no response. john can see the deep, even, slow rise and fall of the counts breathing. leaned against the dresser the was perfectly still but for he rise and fall of his chest. john reaches the count in a few hurrieded strides of his long mantis legs and places a hand on the counts shlulder, and attempts to turn him to get a look at his face "are you alrivht?"

and all of a sudden like the crack of a whip the count was upon him, hand gripping theback of his neck and the hand john had reached out to grab him with unbelievable strength pressing his body to john and pinninf him against the cold stone wall. before john even realizes whats going on the counts lips were upon him, his tounge pushing past Johns lips and devouring his mouth, tasting it.

not all together NOT not into this john gives into the counts attack and kisses back. he had found the old count rather compelling... who is he to refuse a kiss this delicious?? John surrenders to the count, turning to jelly in his grip and sliding his free arm around the counts back.

the count seemed surpised and momentarily taken aback before swiping his tongue along his bottom lip the count deepens their kiss, suxking Johns tongue into his mouth and a moment later sinking his teeth in. needle sharp pain eruptes from Johns tongue sending bolts of electricity through his body settinf gis nerves on fire.

the count didn't let up his bite, lips wrapped around johns Tongue the count began to suck, and suck hard.

Dracula drinks deeply from John, drunk om the pleasure of exotic nlood. and John, lightheaded from the onslaught of sensations and loss of blood simply hangs off of the count. his eyes flutter and close, passing out.

john feels himself slump, and can distantly feel the count detaching himself before he lets himself fall unconious.

waking up john finds himself in a bed, slowly pushing himself up his head swims. confused he looks around the room, heavy drapes cover the windows and numerous candles are lit. the bed he sits in is large and canopyed, the whole room shouted decadence.

"ahem" says the man standing in the doorway. he's handsome and peppered, tall and lean, and looks oddly familiar....

"I'm sorry about last night," the man began, his voice too sounding particularly familiar..."I have a hard time controlling myself..."; all the while john is mesmerized, who is he...I don't know anyone this hot... . he continues, walking towards john, stopping a breath away and grabbing his chin, lifting Johns face towards his own "blood.".

the count dives in and steals his mouth, kissing him deeply. john is surprised momentarily but melts into the counts kiss. chuckling the count pulls away. "your balls of steal never cease to amaze me" the count laughs, turning away and walking a few faces away.

"you're the count dracula, arent you?" John finally starts "but you look so young!".

the count doesnt seem to expect that line of questioning after all that had happened the night before and a laugh escapes his lips. whirling on john he smiles, "thats really what you want to know?"

confused john cocks his head and gives the count an utterly confused doe eyed questioning stare.

at a loss for words the count face palms and turns away briefly, before turning back around and taking a seat on the bed. he reaches over and holds johns hands in his own. he looks soulfully into johns eyes and answers "i drank your blood johnny."

"and my blood made you younger???!" john exclaims, totally missing the point "thats amazing!".

"huh" taken aback the count gives john a rueful smile. "you're taking this quite... calmly.".

"well this is quite amazing! simply from drinking my blood you've become radically younger! i wonder what would happen if you drank more...?" John finishes, squeezing counts hands.

surprised and frankly into it the count smiles and leans towards john, breathing heavily on his lips, hovering just above them before diving for the juncture of his neck which hits shoulder, nice in juicy.

in pure ecstasy john moans and holds on tight to the count, pressing up into his bite.

this time the count only takes but a few mouth fulls before swiping his tongue over the wound, knitting the town flesh together. out of breath and a little light headed john collapses against the pillows as the count wipes his bloodied mouth and licks his hand clean, standing up once more and looming over the bed. panting john blearily looka up at the count to see a blisteringly handsome young man, filled out, dark hair, stunner.

"woah" john breathes, a hand to his previously bleeding neck, fingers running over the fresh scar.

i wanted them to be best boyfriends and teach each other stuff and then go home to mina in england and everyone would get married to each other and also dined together nah mean. anyway i watched episode 3 and that kinda soured it for me

[loki-fanfic-whore]

Falling From Olympus ch.5

Warnings- none

@drakesfiance @kybaeza @sunshine-and-riverwater

Chapter 5 lustful sins

After a few weeks, Thor had enough evidence and had the maid put in the dungeon. Loki had just left your room, excusing himself and explaining what he intended to do. He asked you to stay and try to sleep without him for the night. He had been sleeping with you every night. You enjoyed the warmth and protection he offered, but after tossing and turning you couldn't sleep and stood up to leave.

The maid stood cowering under Loki's glare.

"Didn't I tell you to know your place? Doesnt that mean not to try to hurt my bride to be?" He was trying hard to mask the disdain in his voice.

"I ought to have you killed for treason and plotting against royalty." He snarled, the maids head snapping up as tears streaked down her face. He held up his hand to slap her as his veins burned with fury. A small soft hand gripped into his palm.

"My prince. No need to hurt her. I am sure it was a mistake. Right Reena?" Your soft beautiful voice caused Loki to close his eyes and calm.

"I thought I asked you to stay in your room princess." Loki spoke curtly even to you, but you didnt back down.

"How could I possibly stay in that stuffy room while I knew you'd be here...Reena made a mistake...everyone makes them." You countered. Loki sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Fine. Reena you are no longer to serve at court. Find employment elsewhere, and thank Odin and the Princess you didnt receive more punishment." Loki snarled down at her.

"I-I...my prince...I'm with child." She spoke softly her voice catching in her throat. Your eyes snapped from her to Loki who was equally pale.

"Loki-...tell me you didnt..." your voice trembled. You thought for sure he liked you. The flirting, the clinging, the need to protect you...surely you hadn't misread everything. Maybe he just thought of you like a sister...your age was that of a 19 year old and he was about 26 or 27...perhaps that was too far apart in age to court. You felt your heart shattering as you bit your lip to keep it from trembling. Your eyes, however, deceived you the most because tears threatened to pour over.

"Princess, there is no way- I swear I was careful- Princess!" You didn't let him finish before you were running. You picked your dress up from around your legs and ran as fast as you could. You went to the gardens and ran as far as you could until you hit the edge of the lake. You fell to your knees and whimpered out a prayer to your mother and father. You begged for the heart ache to stop. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you struggled to maintain composure, loud wailing sobs escaping from you.

Loki snarled at the maid.

" we both know you are not carrying my child. I never finished and planted my seed in you." The maid laughed and glared back.

" the damage is done. My prince." She snarled back. Loki wrentched her off the ground by her throat. He tightened his grip on her throat and brought her face inches from his to whisper viciously.

"Let me be clear. I will strangle that child with its birth cord if it is mine. I would never chose you to carry my Bastard." The look on Reenas face was one of contrite and utter horror. Loki dropped her to her knees and dashed out of the dungeon to find you.

Your sobs had quieted but you lay in a fetal position in an over grown patch of grass. Flowers had grown and hung over you acting like a small shield. Your heart hurt and you began to feel numb. How could he even think of another let alone be intimate with another?! You chastised yourself for being too pure and unable to satisfy him.

"Princess, please...let me explain." Loki spoke softly as he sat next to you, being very careful not to touch anything.

" you dont have to explain. I know how a child is made. Just because it is not expected for me to birth ever, does not mean I do not know how a man and woman meddle to create life." Your voice cracked softly and you sniffed midsentence.

"Princess I do not like her...I-I laid with her the first night you were here...because-"

"Loki! Princess! Is everything alright? I heard crying." Thors voice boomed as he approached. You sat up and gently wiped your tears away.

"I'm fine thor...Loki and Reena are expecting a babe." Your voice cracked again as you stood and once again ran away, leaving Loki and thor beside the lake. The spot where you had laid now barren and withered.

Thor groaned and glared at his brother.

"Really brother...how could you be so cruel? She is just a child."

"Exactly! She is a child! I am a grown man! I do not want to trick or force her into that Thor! I rutted in the damn maid the first night she was here because I needed to be free of my carnal lust of her. I-I was trying not to let her know how I felt so quickly." Loki sighed.

"Well trust me brother. She has doubts you even liked her now. You have to fix this." Thor clapped a hand onto his shoulder. Loki snarled and glared at his brother.

"I was about to fix it when you came bumbling out. I was going to explain I knew I loved her from the first day I met her, but I didnt want to force her into that yet. She doesnt deserve to be forced to do anything. She is still so new to this realm and to relationships in general." Loki groaned.

You ran to your room and closed the door sinking down to the floor you let the sobs come, not holding back. It had been some time before you calmed and quieted down and you could hear Loki and Thor talking still outside. You crawled to the balcony and sat with your back to them. The moonlight illuminating your room.

"I was about to fix it when you came bumbling out. I was going to explain I knew I loved her from the first day I met her, but I didnt want to force her into that yet. She doesnt deserve to be forced to do anything. She is still so new to this realm and to relationships in general." You clamped a hand over your mouth to stifle a gasp. Loki loved you! He really loved you. Not fake or teasing love, not like a brother and sister, but like a husband and wife.

[nottheoccult]

oblivion access: except it’s poetry

Social self-obsessive species, everything is peachy

Having cyber interactions, get erections from the TV Vocal bout opinions bout elections up in DC With a total lack of knowledge, rope around your neck was easy Chemical complaint, deformity machine Skin eraser, loss creator, poison that you breathe Traitor, parasite, xenophilic golden boy Seen him with a soy product, wrote the Village Voice about it Tell me conclusions to stories I don't have time for Situations with the information missing, misinformed We've seen the same rain through separate systems, different storms We're stacking bodies up in boxes in a distant war I eat my vegetables, I like the broccoli What is more fictitious, the gods or you and I? You needs a court's admission, you think the cops comply? I don't acknowledge systems, I never found it wise I wasn't born to just support the shit that's palpable I don't see Earth as disproportionally valuable If there's a god, I'm sure his name is unpronounceable If there's a hell, I'm sure we'll all be held accountable I drew a portrait of Abraxis on a napkin Sex has never given me an ounce of satisfaction Life throws a lot of questions but I never ask them Facts are human arrogance, we barely know a fraction I don't know anything (This is the way the world ends)

From the inside of my corpse, 30 seconds is like a century Imprisoned in necrotic flesh Cognizant beyond my death Paralyzed and frozen in this carnal penitentiary Lucidly projecting hellish spectres Ghoulish architecture, enveloped In a darkness far beyond my mind can measure Suffocating violent pressure It just goes on forever, are these electro- Magnetic hallucinations? Is this everybody's afterlife or something I've created? Abandoned and dismissed in a flaccid Impotence with the cold illumination that I no longer exist In a grave within a grave It was the first time I prayed, no one There to tell me that I shouldn't be afraid Falling endlessly deeper, yet immobile and still In this infinite aethyr washing over My filth, neither angels or reapers or ghosts were fulfilled Just a cavity to soak up my guilt In my depravity, the flowers Up above me wilting down so they can laugh at me To think we spend our lives Convinced we understand agony, a familiar Voice: "He's finally at peace" Shrieking through the silence to remind me I'm deceased I tried to answer but the dead can't Speak, the biggest prison in the world's underground six feet

I got soaked through the rainiest days They made me this way Should have left the street but it paid me to stay The path that I walked on was paving my pain So I strayed and laid bricks for the opposite lane If you ain't rich you don't play about that gwop I view the city like a section of a swamp A lot of shit grows but nothing that you want A lot of shit gross and that's just being blunt Bitches acting foul and bitches wanna stunt But nothing ever change until you willing to confront Crooked cop, crooked cop, yeah, I see him too Erry' person has autonomy, we ain't got a clue I know it sound hazy when I twist that J That Richtown way, these dummies catch a 6 round fade And yeah I know them hunnies got them big round things But really don't give a fuck about that blasé blasé I play the resurrector like the Tribe cassette Cuz your third eye is just a fucking hole in your head I play the resurrector like the Tribe cassette Cuz your third eye is just a fucking hole in your head Gallon after gallon, brain's wet Seeing dead shit, morning never happened I'm still somewhere in my head space Walked for blocks, never figured out my destination 40 Glock pops, talk a cop into resignation I'm a mental patient, safety's not a strong suit Wrongdoer, safety off, one chambered, I'm dog puke Tell them shoot or just get off me, sociopathy probably Shit that bothers y'all probably never bothers me Told you not to follow me, newspaper's a shit show "Idiot with a slit throat stuffs coke in his pisshole Kills family with missiles" "Politician fucks bitches with issues" Everything I read is just a sick joke It never really registered as funny Rather figure out the time they fill the registers with money It never really registered as funny Rather figure out the time they fill the registers with money

I'm blowing on a backwood stuffed with psychiatrics Coughing with a hack like a playa out of practice 20 in my nose whatever get it done the fastest Eyes closed praying for apocalypse disasters No gods no masters no befores no afters Ugly mane will make you disappear just like a rapture Dodging destiny still the coffin like a bed to me The voices spoke incessantly My pride is what they fed to me Tried to read the messages but words was wrote illegibly Hennessy suppressing all my memories Mirror showed me glimpses of the enemies possessing me Toxic thought telepathy Living legacy Rocking weapons like accessories, dying for supremacy Really we're as significant as centipedes Crawl around the earth with no identities You're not special, don't pretend to be Your tendencies are so predictable it's difficult to remedy I could read a billion books still not know what pill I took I could have a million guns still walk with Achilles foot

HE USED TO LAUGH THE LOUDEST/NOW IT NEVER SHOWS HE TRIED TO BE THE TALLEST/BUT HE NEVER GROWS HE WATCHED HIS BROTHER DIE AND NEVER TOLD LOOKED AROUND AND KNEW HE HAD TO GO HE KNEW HIS FATHER HAD A BETTER DREAM BUT YOU CAN’T LEARN FROM WHAT YOU NEVER SEEN HE TRIED TO MINGLE WITH THESE JEALOUS THIEVES WATCH A HUMAN INTERACT WITH A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN INTERACT WITH A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN GET ABUSED BY A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN GETTING USED BY A MACHINE NOW HE’S USELESS AND HE’S STUPID AND OBSCENE HE NEVER LEAVES HE NEVER LEAVES HE COMES AND HE GOES BUT HE NEVER LEAVES HE NEVER BREATHES HE NEVER BREATHES HE INHALES AND HE EXHALES BUT HE NEVER BREATHES

I fell apart and took my mind with me. i have been barely sustaining My pain just marinating. i fell apart and took my mind with me. just a Ghost cloaked in lies with a broken spine. i fell apart and took my mind With me. just an unrecognizable creature caught under an avalanche I fell apart and took my mind with me. my presence unnerving. im a Shadow always lurking. surrounded by death. even the towel rack Reminds me of the handles pallbearers grip tightly on the way out of Church. what they use to lift you up into the back of that hearse. i see A woman tighten grip on her purse. can’t be offended. she doesnt Know my intentions. she imagines the worse. around here. the Conditions severe. around here. you tightrope between detachment And fear. between the shattered fragments of existence that collapse And appear. never changes. just exacerbates depression deeper year And year. pain weaving in. pain weaving out. heartworms. sharpturns Sparsewords. scarsburns. i spent a long time dying. dont wake me up Yet. public executions. you’ll never see me upset. forcefed myself with Blow but now i settle for sedatives. no longer in the street. i belong in The crevices. positively negative. popular ive never been. hard to be a Person when you lack the mental requistes. emotionally deficit Consumed with all the wretchedness. not optimist or pessimist. my Politics are in exodus. spouting countless fountains out while drowning In the brine. my lifes the foulest algorithm science can't define. they Trap you in these systems that are phallic in design. because they fuck You in the mind. boy. they fuck you all the time. i fell apart and took My mind with me. being strung up at the ligaments with cultural Derivatives. i fell apart and took my mind with me. pronounced dead By a nemesis. a doubt without a benefit. i fell apart and took my mind with Me. just a cluster of atoms thrust deep in a chasm. i feel apart and now Your mind is with me. smoke in your eyes. the worlds a joke in disguise

Funny how the hours stretch and melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Everything is very temporary except decisions Just a navigation of this future I envisioned Humoring these people that too stupid to be living An arbitrary figment A movement that I never was Obvious when people seem different than the rest of us Or think less of us Only hoes I care about Pumping in the pipe fumes Car running, windows up Hoping I'll die soon Night time Eyes dilate bigger than bike tubes That's the reason that I stay up past the sunset "I liked your record! Where's the new one? Is it done yet?" Problems that I run from impossible to sublet You don’t want them either There's a fever in the subtext Boiled all the mercury I questioned what it's worth to me Hard liquor fire breath Slurred dialect In the mist like Bix Beiderbecke With overdose side effects Probably take a Prilosec and try to get some rest Cut the Midas fingers off and never sign a check "What about your future?" I-D-G-A-F World so cold I can see they breath Feeling like distance is a bitch to express Pissing upstream when your dick is erect Or when you're picking up steam and get a fist in the chest

I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place

Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory

Back when I was 15 it seemed Ugly was untouchable What, they gonna throw me in the juvy for a month or two? Try me, I still ain't doin' nothing that you want me to Cuttin' and disrupting every classroom discussion Cussin' out my mom, puffin' blunts, gettin' dusted Overwhelmed with distrust in everything that I wasn't Things I know now (I guess I felt 'em back then): Power and control reflect fear among men The shit that they condemn you can see amongst them So I never ever ever want to be amongst them See a landscape littered with the blisters of potential People letting ghosts govern most of they mental The opposite adults your folks hope you'd resemble Doomed from the get like a goat in the temple Hard to not dwell among fear Knowing that the court treat crime so severe But I'm blowin' smoke out the window being so cavalier Sh-shakin' up the bottle when I open the beer Only obligation is to prosper in my operations Money motivations stay gaudy ostentatious Ain't even a challenge cuz the rap game basic I ain't heard talent since ["Incarcerated Scarfaces" Sample] Face it, it's fact not assumption Rap sound like shit like "ship" with the fronts in Hate getting lumped in, giant next to munchkins Catch me on the other side wildin' in the dungeon

You got sativa, ignite it World stiff as arthritis Dreaming about a crisis, all I fucking hear is sirens Climates turn to ice and your life turn to lifeless Sitting on my throne, I'm alone in the silence First hit the wax then you exhale the vapor Economies collapse and your stack just some paper Running round a maze while they laugh in your faces Rather burn down the city get me fucking 50 acres Slugs are just snails without shells The perception: evolution fucked them over and failed But they survive without protection in this jungle they dwell With giants throwing salt on all their people Can't consider them frail Spit vinegar in sour times Live under the power lines I'm just a bag of tumors full of alkaline All you do is carve them out and sew up any abscess Go about your business, keep your distance from the dragnets Backseat driving, passenger traveling Bumming a ride in my own brain Pointless meandering, using the vanity mirror to break up the cocaine Loitering, lost in a memory somewhere between a first kiss and a dope vein Nursing myself as an infant and in the same instant I'm shackled and cuffed and restrained How does this fucking pertain to anything other than coping with pain? All of the time I spent hoping to change Just an obsession with stoking the flames Haunted, something hovers over me I feels its breath The skeletal projection of accumulated stress

That could be our teenager, that could be our kid doing that. How could that possibly happen?

I got bad news Nothing really changes We just wander aimless Friends turn into strangers Chalk up my exchanges and discard the conversations As just carcasses for vultures in decomposition stages Endless entertainment for these culture commentators Stylish innovators that just vanish minutes later Say "his style is very painterly" But painting's not an art Art is tricking you with statements that the painter's painting art Without an explanation, it's just pretty little marks The market sold imagination just to keep you in the dark Like you bitches need a cosign to rock a fashion Like you can't see a bigger picture without a caption Until some critic go and write it out A long winded trite amount of words That you can slide around some websites and fight about Meaning's what your life's without Surf until you're wiping out Conservation activist You're living with your lights out

What's it all mean? What's he saying when he says it? What's the underlying topic? What's the motive in his message? But what if he was bored and there was no between the lines It was a way to pass the time, he liked the way it rhymed What if he was bored and there was no between the lines It was a way to pass the time, he liked the way it rhymed

What's it all mean? What's he saying when he says it? What's the underlying topic? What's the motive in his message?

You know what the rattling pieces are in this, don't you? Some little pieces of buffalo chicken

[survivorindia]

Whatever Forever- jaiden (Episode 3)

Anyway!!!!!!!! I just got elimed and whew I'm just feeling so many emotions. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown the immunity to save lexi, maybe I should've kept ace over Ashley,maybe I never really had a chance in this game in the first place. Overall? I just feel bad for promising lexi that I'd help keep her in the game and then immediately flopping, and for Kendall, leaving my one tru ally by herself, I hope the swap goes in her favour and that both of them can vote out the rest of the returnee heroes, some revenge is always nice TBH. Ashley, gav and Alex, I really did trust two of you and I was gonna stay loyal so it sucks that y'all flipped so easily, of course the fact that Ashley had an idol probably wasn't the best thing, but we could've figured something out. I hope the three of you get elimed soon or at least prejury bc you know the great dan whatever his last name is said flippers never win and well it's no fun seeing snakes get far either TBH ! And I know y'all won't be reading this til later but good luck newbies I hope y'all truly slay this game bc really some of these returnees I would really rather see get elimed except maybe Kendall and Jordan pines. This has been a fun game for the most part, the challenges were great, the hosts were greater (even David Robb) and I met some good people in my short stay here! Do I have some regrets? Yeah but I wouldn't have wanted to play this game any other way. Keep an eye out for me in the returnee season :~) single digits I'm still coming for ya!

So not much has happened this round. We won, yet again. And my #1 ally out of everyone in this game, my good friend Monte, was sadly voted out. But best believe I'm gonna win this game for him!

What in the heckie is Nicole doing?

What the FUCK? These people need to CHILL out. It's our fault - we made the mistake, the hosts don't have to babysit us every step of the way. Now we gotta own it and win this tiebreaker - honestly, Danny g'luck (I WAS FORCED TO MAKE THIS S/O) to these people, because they are getting on my nerves with their complaining rn. 

We keep winning. I love that. But Jordan Pines might wanna blindside me... so to that I say:

Am I exaggerating? A little bit. I think. I don't know. I'm being weird and emotional so idk what the fuck I'm actually thinking... I hope I get voted out next at this point yay

Okay, everyone listening? Two common misconceptions about pegging: If a man likes pegging, he must be gay. If you peg a straight man, he will become gay. Cue Laughter and Eye Roll - Both of these are so ridiculous as to be laughable on so many levels. Gender preference has nothing to do with the sex toys you like to play with...or the area of your body you like your partner to play with. For those of you who have fears around this - please excuse the laughter...though I do find the concept quite humorous. Think of it this way...If a straight man enjoys getting pegged by a woman there is no reason whatsoever to think that all of a sudden he will crave sex with men. Just like if a straight woman enjoys receiving oral sex from a man there is no reason whatsoever to think that she will suddenly want to be a lesbian. See how silly that sounds? (Now if the man is bisexual, just ignore all this and go to the next blog post because he prefers both genders so these points are moot.) A man who wants his ass fucked is gay, you say? Bullshit. (I seem to be in a sassy mood tonight.) Remember, the male ass is the source of an amazing amount of pleasure via the prostate gland. Whether a man experiences that pleasure from his lady's finger(s), his own finger(s), a toy (there are so many), his lady’s strap-on, a butt plug, his partner's finger(s) or his partner's cock makes no difference. All of the above are simply various examples of the pursuit of pleasurable sensations from an ass. Many really nice toys are specifically made for anal pleasure! That should give you a bit of pause. Maybe the people buying these items know something....just like the 150 - 200 million gay men in the world. But wait - I'm probably confusing you... Unexplored Ecstasy - The point here is that anal exploration is about pleasure, not an indicator of gender preference. What I find a shame is that so many straight men will not indulge in that pleasure because of these misconceptions along with the bullshit social stigma attached to it. Maybe it's just me (standing here ready with my strap-on), but that sounds like a lot of pleasure being abstained from...and oh my the word abstinence  in any form is not a popular one amongst the pleasure seekers that have found their way to Pegging Paradise! I am certain there are men out there who secretly would love to have their ass teased with...well, a variety of things. These men hesitate to ask for it because they fear their partner's reaction to their request or the reaction of others if they found out. All of this is fed by the original misconceptions as well as a puerile dose of idiotic homophobia. Get over it, people! I know...easier for me to say here in Southern California when some of you might be in conservative strait-laced sex-negative hell somewhere. But hey - we need to start somewhere, right? Are you going to let other people's narrow-minded attitudes affect your pursuit of pleasure in the privacy of your own bedroom (hotel room, board room, etc)? I think not. No Fear - So Ladies, I urge you to get over your own fears that if you fuck your man in the ass with a strap-on dildo the gay fairy will instantly appear and sprinkle him with magic gay dust and you will lose him forever to his own gender. Okay? If you can't let go of that fear, you have no business strapping on a dildo. I mean really...are you going to follow him around after you fuck him and be suspicious of all of his encounters with males? Let it go, ladies. And when you get your man where you want him and you have your way with him...don't kiss and tell. Especially if you live in one of those strait-laced sex-negative hell places I spoke of previously. Instead, treasure the vulnerability your man has shared with you and let him know that come hell or high water or nosy girlfriends, he can trust you to keep that part of your sex life confidential. Pleasure Seeking - Gentlemen, the other part of the formula here is you. If you are clear about which gender you prefer, that's your stable base. Do your best to let go of any homophobic comments you have heard, read or even, heaven forbid, said. Your anus is a part of your body that, when properly stimulated, offers a whole new world of pleasure. Orgasms with anal stimulation are most times much more intense and produce much more cum (that's always fun). Given just that, why wouldn't you want to at least check it out? If you love it, all that means is that you love getting fucked with a strap-on by the woman who makes you hot. There is no "Insta-gay" phenomenon that happens if your lady pegs you. As one man put it: I like breasts with my strap-on, thank you! Pegger/Peggee - Wouldn't it be awesome if people who were into pegging walked around in T-Shirts that said, simply, "Pegger" or "Peggee"? I mean - relatively few people who are not kink-oriented know the sexual meaning of the word so lovingly created by Dan Savage. So the masses of people leading lives of quiet desperation (read: sex-negative) wouldn't have a clue what it meant. And if asked, one could always say with a smile, "Look it up on Wikipedia". Just make sure it's a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile as you say the words and they just might look it up. Presto, you have just spread the word about a luscious, sexy, pleasure-filled act that couples can add to their carnal repertoire. You may have changed their lives forever...in a rather explosive way.

AHAHAHAHAHA @GAVIN

THOSE BOYS WANT TRIBAL TN BECAUSE WE LOST IMMUNITY AND IM SO FUCKING NERVOUS I DONT WANT TO DIE I HAVE SO MANY PLANS IF JORDAN SACRIFICE ME FOR NICOLE OKOKOKOK 

So... mission successful. Let's quickly debrief: 1. Ashley trusts me a lot more after I told her details that Alex told me in private. Making Ashley feel like she was on shaky ground further resulted in her letting me know that she has an idol. Whether or not it is true is besides the point... the true crux of the matter is that I have Ashley left in the game with three people she can't trust and me... so that means I ought to be her #1. 2. Alex and I are as tight as ever. Even despite giving Ashley information, I was able to quickly fix that bond. I genuinely like and trust Alex, but I can't let the cloud my judgement. He's very close to Kendall, which scares me, but I have looked to leverage that in our post-tribal call. In my conversations with Alex, I want to make him feel like he is calling the shots while still looking to provide input. Thus far, I think I have done that. With Ashley allegedly having the idol (information that was supposed to be "kept secret" but was totally not "kept secret" xD), I have talked to Alex extensively about the next vote and I've made a deal with him to take out Karen rather than Kendall... while also *hopefully* keeping Ashley's idol in play. My goal here is to come out of this with both Ashley and Alex working independently, but all in all, nonetheless in my best interests. In short, the way this tribe seems to be shaking out is that there is this façade of autonomy and power that Karen and Kendall have. They have this illusion that they call the shots, while it really is Alex and I that hold the cards in this dynamic. Kendall, to get Alex completely on my side... I need to spare you to gain his trust, BUT MARK MY WORDS I'M GOING FOR YOU! *Nothing against you, just your social game is very very strong but annoyingly obvious too ;3* Oh. And Ace got voted out too... I guess.

I never really made an opening confessional, so here I go I guess? I am really... really excited to be back. It's so easy for so many people to say "Oh yeah I've played a ton, people want me back." We see it with a ton of people, and that's not a bad thing. People want to see them back for a big reason. But I never had that. Coming off of Malaysia I was hated and people did not really respect me for who I was and thought that I was some awful person and player. It definitely hit me hard a bit, but at the time I was like, okay that's fine, there's other seasons. Tumblr does a lot. And so I applied. I applied for Sri Lanka with Marie and didn't make it. I applied for Rebels vs Rogues and didn't make it. I applied for Bora Bora and didn't make it. I believe I applied for Generations and wasn't casted, or I didn't believe I was going to have time due to time conflicts. I wasn't contacted for Maldives. I missed the application for Tenochtitlan. I applied for Sicily and didn't make it. I believe I applied for Bangladesh and didn't make it. I wasn't contacted for Arabia (though there may have been apps and I missed it). I wasn't contacted for Myanmar. And I was super excited to finally get this chance to play in Lazio but I missed the acceptance of my application. And going back to all the times I had tried to play or just was kind of ignored it was rough. I kind of thought I was done. And now I'm here playing in India. After over a year on and off of trying to play this game again. And to be honest, I'm hella pumped. Because I've missed out on so many chances to play. I think it says something when even parts of my Malaysia cast aren't even excited to see me on the season. This is kind of my opportunity to prove people wrong. My personality showed even at this Tribal where I literally told Gavin his answer to the Tribal Question was awful and completely wrecked Ace after he wished us a heartfelt goodbye. I want people to know that I am playing as hard as I can. I'm not here to change who I am to impress people. I'm here to show who I am so that I can prove to people that I'm not some worthless player who doesn't deserve to be back; I definitely feel like some people think that is the truth. I'm going to prove people wrong. Count on it.

I know I said I wanted to be a villain but goddamn, this is pretty fucked up. Oh right context because mind reading technology hasn't been invented quite yet. To make a long story short, Karen made an alliance chat with our victim (Ashley) and now it has a name and now it is terrible. Alex brings up voting Karen and that raisin I call a heart was all like "YAAASS QUEEN!" And my brain was tempted by the #bigmove but getting rid of Karen... is truthfully not to my benefit. Sure Karen is manipulative but she seems to trust me. She confides in me with information and she includes me in all her fucked up little schemes. In a sense, I'm the Trish to her Tony. If Trish and Tony were two gay and emotionally stunted children of course. Plus she has the connections to the other side that could get us far into the game and I am confident enough in our friendship that she will stay by my side. Of course, I will remain wary of her but for now I think our relationship is mutually beneficial. Karen needs me for back up in her schemes. I need Karen to get where I want to get. She gives me information. Information I can collect in to a giant web of evidence, so when the day comes when I turn on her, I'll have the evidence via receipts to back me up. Karen never deletes anything, I am planning on using that to my advantage.

So I was reallllyyyyyy close to using my idol tonight, and I totally would have wasted it if I had. Gavin advised me that I would be okay, and so did Alex and Kendall but like something didn't feel right. I had heard that Ace heard my name from Karen and I was like well shit. She had literally just today come to me and told me that we were all good and that she didn't hold the last game we played together against me. Like there are no hard feelings. but due to everything that was happening I kind of doubted that. But tbh I love Gavin and Alex and really hope we can work together for the next few rounds. Or even longer, who knows. I still am unsure about Karen and Kendall, as I don't really know them that well. But hopefully everything works out.

Oh I also definitely told Gavin I have an idol.... idiot move? We shall see. 

I am so glad we won immunity. It for sure would have been me or Lexi next if we had gone to tribal. It looks like Johnny and Whitney aren't too upset that I didn't vote with them but I can't take my chances. I had been searching for the idol for a while with no luck so I asked Lexi to help me find it. She found it within a few hours lol. We didn't find the idol but we found the idol grid. It's relieving to know it couldn't have been found right away. This gives me and her time to find it. Hopefully we'll get it before anyone else and we'll be set for the rest of the time on this tribe. I doubt anyone else on our tribe has found the idol page or would suspect that we found it. I'm thinking long term so the game plan would be using the idol on lexi and getting rid of Liam. If we happen to go to a tribal council after that we could try to get Whitney or Johnny to flip to our side. Even if they don't want to we can always force a tie so Lexi and I still have a strong chance of succeeding. We just have to find that idol!

This has been a crazy round. I'm glad the immunity challenge was changed to something that required more skill. The tribe worked very well as a team. There's an obvious divide between us so I'm glad we were able to get some time to bond and unite. As for the results, it was upsetting that the returnee heroes made such a big deal out of not getting theirs in on time. The rules clearly stated it was first to 10 pm. I'm sure we would've accepted defeat if we didn't send it faster than them. It was bad sportsmanship on their part. The tiebreaker was so stressful. I stepped up and I was so afraid of letting the team down. I knew if we went to tribal my only ally left, Lexi, would be voted off. There was a lot of pressure on me and I was honestly so anxious. I felt so victorious beating Kendall by 7 minutes. I hope my tribemates remember this next time we go to tribal and don't vote me out. I feel like I've done a lot for our tribe so I think I'm safe for now. I'm really hoping the tribe swap comes within the next two rounds. We can only win so many immunities and Lexi and I are on the bottom so we really need it asap.