#I don't think we really have anyone who has a balanced take on genders anymore because we have to have one extreme or the other

[secretariatess]

"Feminism failed me because now I have to work a nine to five job and I'd rather be a stay at home wife."

Or maybe we've fostered toxic work cultures that have created a "grass is greener on the other side" situation, or maybe we push our children so fast and hard into a career path without slowing it down to ensure our kids know of all their options instead of diving headfirst into a path they might not care about and thus leading to resentment of their work, or maybe we're getting lazier and lazier generations who feel like they shouldn't have to put in a standard amount of work and being a stay at home wife sounds like a dodge of responsibility, an easier route . . . .

. . . and on top of that, maybe we've romanticized the 1950s and the "traditional household" that we've decided to ignore that the culture was forced in order to get women back into domestic labor after running America while the men were at war so that men could get their jobs back, and have forgotten the commonality of domestic abuse and how ads would brazenly joke about it while victims felt like they had to keep quiet in order to maintain the image of a happy family as well as the alarming rate at which women were taking "mommy's little helpers" to help them with their lifestyles, and we've disconnected the fact that the 50s was followed by the wildness of the 60s and 70s as well as feminist movement wave which maybe indicates that the 50s was not the happy little decade in which men and women were in their "correct gender roles" and trying to replicate that era could possibly be a big mistake . . . .

Maybe the issue we have with feminism gaining women the right to work wasn't that it got us the right to work, but rather that it played into the idea that men and their traits are the standard of being human, and in order for a woman to be successful she has to display those traits instead of taking traits of women and standing on those as women's strengths and arguing for how work can be better when women and men use their feminine and masculine traits together because we're both human, and masculine traits are not better than feminine ones, and vice versa.

Maybe the problem faced by those who actually want to work stay at home lives are not hindered by feminism, but rather a failing economy caused by a government for a multitude of reasons, and not because the government created feminism to get women working to tax them too.

Maybe the problem here isn't people going against gender roles, but rather a multitude of many other factors, and it's a lot simpler to fight and blame the other gender.

I have many criticisms of feminism, particularly modern feminism. But feminism in general won women many victories over the decades, and there are a lot of things we women can do now that our female ancestors would have died to have. History might not be as sexist as we remember it, but sometimes I think we forget how unkind it was to women. Wishing feminism didn't come about or make the advances it did might be a little ignorant of the problems it saw women face and sought to correct.

Maybe it's not our "biology" to follow traditional gender roles, and we must return to that.

Maybe there's something we keep hopping over that recognizes men and women as individual humans first, with different skills, strengths, ambitions, and goals.

[transgenderpolls]

I also want to say this as a transmasculine nonbinary person that I’ve seen a LOT of trans men be uncomfortable with the term being universalised to include them. Transmasculine started out as a nonbinary label (I think, I could be mixed up) that described enben who were transitioning to a more masculine point instead of a neutral one. Obviously trans men can use transmasculine if they feel like it fits, but still I think it’s best to not just lump us together with the label because there are so many trans men who aren’t comfortable with it (I’ve actually seen a lot of people saying that it straight up makes them dysphoric because they take it as being seen as less of a man)

Same goes for non-transmasculine afab nonbinary people— there’s actually a lot of people calling to just get rid of the terms because they see it as just an indicator of agab. I’ve actually encountered more transneutral afab enben who hate being called transmasculine than I have trans men who hate it. It makes sense, the entire point for transneutral enben is transitioning to some sort of complete middle, or outside of gender alltogether, and aligning them with a specific gender is not only just incorrect but also very uncomfortable and dysphoria inducing for a lot of them. A lot of people also really don’t like the idea of t being ‘transmasculine transition’, which I totally get because I feel the same way when someone says that t is inherently ‘male transition’

(btw this is all stuff I’ve heard from these groups, I’m not just saying what I think goes through their heads or anything)

On a personal note, I also don’t like the universalisation of it because it feels like aligned enben can’t really have a term to describe ourselves— like, being a transmasc or transfem nonbinary person is a very complicated experience, most of us really struggle with this sort of balancing act of androgyny and maleness/femaleness, we’re like an in-beteeen of an in-between and it’s really fucking hard to deal with. It would just be nice if we could have our own label and space to discuss it and help each other with it. But I also get that now a lot of trans men resonate with the term and it would very much be a dick move to just say ‘nope, you can’t use this anymore, fuck you lol’, like, no

idk, I think about this a lot and the topic comes up quite frequently so I have a lot to say on it, but I can’t exactly articulate it, so I hope this made sense sorry

if anyone has sources to show otherwise i'd be happy to see them but i've always been under the impression that "transmasc(uline)" and "transfem(inine)" were umbrella terms first and foremost, with origins in the world of medical transitioning, particularly HRT, that sought specifically to include non-binary people and therefore not imply that everyone going through [medical] masculinization or feminization necessarily identifies as a man or a woman. whether the end goal is conceptualized by the individual as a masc/fem role, it's just a matter of having useful, succinct language to describe shared experience. i really don't see it as denoting agab any more than the term "trans man/woman" does. like if you really are not comfortable denoting your agab at all, it sounds like you're not comfortable talking about being trans period.

as for the binary trans men who hate it i'm gonna be real, i cannot comprehend being mad about someone using an umbrella term simply to address you and others who have significant things in common with you in one breath. i'm a binary trans man and i won't lie, i have had my phase of whining about being "lumped in with non binary people," but like... that's what it was. it was a phase that i'm over because i've grown up and now realize that it doesn't actually dilute my identity to simply have things in common with other people. it would be like a square being mad about being called a rectangle because "you're erasing the fact that i am SPECIFICALLY a square!" literally no, no one is erasing anything. especially not in the context of a poll that's just trying to not draw really arbitrary lines, and which you also literally don't have to answer.

i think it's completely valid to be made dysphoric or uncomfortable by any terminology, but there's a point at which you kind of have to accept that that is a you thing? if a term's literal function is to be inclusive and you feel excluded somehow bc you don't like that you're not being acknowledged as fundamentally different than the others who that term applies to... like i'm sorry, that's kind of ridiculous. you have to accept that it's ridiculous and not anyone else's problem.

also i truly think that if it's coming to contentions such as "just because i'm a man doesn't mean i'm masculine" or ppl otherwise trying to draw hard lines between masc and man/male as definitions... i truly think you are just trying to make this more complicated than it is. like we do need words to describe things, lol.

in any case my thing - at least on this blog - is always gonna be in the context of making polls. firstly i'm working with a character and option limit. secondly, the questions being asked make it sometimes relevant to use some terms that lump groups together, denote agab, etc. the more i think about it, i don't think there's going to be a solution that satisfies everyone, and i also don't think that there's a huge problem with that.

(btw none of this is directed at anon, you articulated yourself fine, i'm just jumping off of your talking points)

edit: irt anon not liking the universalization of "transmasc" - it just occurred to me, would "transmasc nonbinary" not simply work? like it seems to me that you just need to add the word nonbinary and now you're gucci

[xoteajays]

Yesterday was a bad day for me. My Halloween was ruined. Hopefully next year is better for me. I woke up with cramps (so I'll probably start bleeding soon), the weather was colder than I originally thought so I'd say that it was a nightmare being outside. And I kept fucking up all of my makeup, I was so angry about that because I took a long time just working on my hair and makeup. Every little thing that happened. Not a single thing went as planned for me this month, especially when for Halloween day. I hope next year is better than this year though. I'm so upset by everyone and everything yesterday. Every thing was ruined.

The only good thing about yesterday was eating candy, since I was so able to try some new flavors. Mostly lollipops. Not the other candies.

I have a thought! Rocky has his businesses. Club Heaven is one of the main businesses that we know of.. Do you think they would have a lot of theme nights at the club? In general and on holidays? If they would stay open on holidays anyway, like Valentine's Day and Halloween? I'd see certain themes happening for some holidays if they ever did that.

~

Now that Halloween is over. I have to decide which shows and movies I'm going to watch next.. Since there are just so many too watch now.

Anyway.

Yeah. I'm not completely sure if they participated in the rope climbing game.. But, being in the montage, there's a strong possibly they really were a part of that game and just won. But that is why I think though.

But yes! I have no balance, aim, rhythm or anything else you will may need to be physically active. That includes dancing and sports too.

I need at least one, maybe two, character who can balance out any of my other characters who aren't that skilled in spade games.. But I still don't know my characters strength and weaknesses are yet so I could figure that out before trying to developed these characters anymore.

Yeah. There isn't much to the Distance game. Everyone has run.. Only to find out you have to stay in the bus, you find out they'd have to run the vehicles (cars and motorcycles) because you need certain parts - because there are specific mechanics and technologies that still work in Borderlands. So that is thanks to Arisu's friend for figuring that out.

Building legos? Seriously. People still do that? I would not expect that hobby from you. Actually I don't know much about you so I can't even comment about that then.. But I'm surprising people still like legos.

That could be a game. I don't trust it though... Mostly because if I was in a situation where I might potentially drown and my life was in other people's hands. I don't trust it. I'd rather die than take the chance too.

~

Aguni would choose Heiya over your card soldier? That's interesting... I don't know why I think that's interesting though. But, then again, his character does seem to have a soft spot towards Heiya for reasons I'd never understand. Why he's so nice towards her, but not anyone else?

Just about every character's gender is swapped. And most of them is swapped.. Minus only a few who weren't swapped already though. I'm so tired that I'm not making any sense right now. Or I don't think I am.

And Nezuko! Well.. Kind of. That name Nezu is what came to mind for me when I thought of that name. But not exactly Nezumi or Nezumo.

~

Since I was so undecided on my White/Green character, I made a poll for her. But I doubt anyone would vote with how small this fandom is.

~

Like I told you a couple nights ago.. I watched Midnight. And I have to say, I stand by my statement. Any Asian media has the suspense that American media lacks in most shows and movies - especially modern American media. American media people need to take notes over this if they're actually paying attention. But they're never paying attention.

I'll watch to watch the movie again soon. Oh! And like I was telling you though. The one soldier was Tae Won-seok. He's the actor of who was Inbeom in Bloodhounds. And he's a lot younger than I thought he'd be too, I don't even know why I thought he was older than his actual age.

And I liked the ending. The deaf mother and daughter becoming very friends with the marine and his sister. They're like a found family with the four of them. So I'm happy that it was a happy ending for them.

I don't know why.. But something about the way his voice was, for the killer, his angry tone of voice reminded me of Gwi-nam for any reason that I don't know? I don't know. But that's what he sounded like to me though. Maybe he will sound differently next time I watch the movie.

Even if he did leave the mafia behind to become a "clean" person now in any way, he would still be a criminal who would have been the main leader of the mafia. He sold many drugs and weapons, also murdered people and who knows what other crimes he might have committed.

But still... The wrong cop squad tried arresting the mafia because any of the don's former friends wanted to betray him a lot sooner than the other people thought was going to happen. I mean. They were just so impatient to wait that they ruined up their own plan. The irony to that is funny. And also stupid. How can someone be that stupid though?

Regardless of the relationship between the male cop and the Chinese female associate. That's awkward. They might have some feelings for each other in some way. Even to warn her that her and her family was going to be arrested, so he warned her to start a new life before then.

So he blotched that.

I mean. At least that's realistic? Maybe your mind is so screwed up on which is real and not real.. Obviously she's your wife. But after both of them kinda had an affair with their main targets, that may have really messed with their minds? But, it seems like they would have to repair, like repair their relationship in some way to forgive the other person is what I'm getting from it? But I don't know. I haven't seen the show yet so I don't know the whole situation with that. But I still think it's really awkward that you would place your wedding ring one anyone's grave, especially if that grave doesn't even belong to your own dead spouse.

- 💋

my halloween was also pretty meh. i had to work and australia didn’t really celebrate halloween when i was a kid and still doesn’t really. my mum almost hit a kid that was crossing the road without looking to. dumbass parent was nowhere to be seen and her young daughter had to stop a third unattended kid from crossing the street in front of our car.

!! i also had shitty cramps the other day!! but i’m not on my period yet. got a couple days until then. but the cramps have been ramping up. should probably see a doctor about it since my last few periods have had seriously bad cramps - like worse than usual - and i have pcos, but meh. nah.

i could see rocky having theme nights at club heaven! i bet kizzy like dressing up for halloween. she probably drags kaito into couples costumes. i bet koo is impossible to convince to dress up. i can’t think of what rocky would dress up as. maybe jack skellington? the whole pinstripe suit and skull makeup. im not sure.

~

speaking of new things to watch, have you heard of knuckle girl? it’s on amazon prime but it’s probably on other sites by now. it’s an action movie with ayaka miyoshi and goki maeda! ayaka looks so pretty!! from the description, it’s about ayaka’s character joining a ‘no-rules deathmatch’ while looking for her missing sister, and ‘trading in her boxing gloves for brass knuckles’.

interestingly it’s made by a korean director but with a japanese cast. i’ll probably be watching it tonight so i’ll write up a lil thing of my thoughts for my next reply.

~

i still need to figure out what games i want my card soldier to do. i know he’s mainly a spades player, but i still haven’t decided on what canon games he’d be in and what ones i need to make up for him. i have more of an idea for my dormouse but that’s probably because i’ve been focusing on her more.

i like legos! it’s very relaxing. and i’m not just sitting around with a box of legos, i’m like doing the ‘adult’ lego sets. like the botanicals and i got the vespa for my birthday. i’ve got a couple different non-lego building sets from japan and china too, and nanoblocks are fun. it’s just relaxing to sit and do something with my hands and see an immediate result, like doing a physical craft. i tried origami but i’m not great at it.

my dormouse is on the trusting side, but she’s also a lil self-sacrificing. like ‘if nobody else wants to do it, i’ll volunteer and risk a drowning death in a glass case. it’s fine, i can hold my breath for a long time.��� also chishiya’s there and she trusts him to figure out the puzzles. i can force him to play clubs games if i shove him alongside kuina.

i want to rework my king of hearts game too. i still like the idea of the players being drugged - like how mira drugs arisu and usagi in the queen game - but i want to rework it more. there was on a short scene of it in the montage and the wiki doesn’t have much infor on. i might lean more into the labyrinth vibe. minotaur….

~

to be fair, aguni kind of sees too much of himself in the card soldier since they have the same kind of anger towards their abusive fathers, so he distances himself a lil from him. i just choose to think that aguni has a soft spot for girls. in the manga, as a kid he would draw his abusive dad’s attention away from his mother. plus, he does have the misfortune of a lot of his scenes being at the beach where he got stuck dealing with the more violent members and watching his best friend spiral into madness - which he also blames on the beach - so. probably not feeling his kindest and making him come off especially cold.

using ‘鼠子’ for nezuko would translate to ‘rat child’, not the most complimentary and i don’t know if it’s commonly used as name kanji, but it works.

~

midnight is So Good. it’s so good!! wi ha joon does exceptionally in villainous roles, he’s just got an energy about him and in midnight he’s excellent. him and the main actress have great chemistry for the whole cat-and-mouse situation. and the ambience and suspense is done so well. asia is doing horror thriller movies like no one else.

[zoeykallus]

Hey there! This isn't a request or anything, I was just thinking a lot about a request you got not long ago asking which body parts the Bad Batchers would like and I think the requester thought Tech was a boob man or whatever.

Anyway, that's not really important. What I want to talk about is you mentioned that you didn't feel comfortable writing it because you didn't want anyone to feel upset or offended.

I just want to tell you that is not your fault. It is not on you.

Your writing has been taking off and I am so happy for you, I am so happy that more people are finding your talent. But with having more readers, there's a chance that people will want to "police" you and you don't deserve it. It's a reader's responsibility to know what they're reading and to understand that if something were to upset them, it's not okay to take it out on a writer. Headcanons are different from person to person and so are preferences and that shouldn't be a reason to fight in fandom. You have every right to write whatever you want and whoever doesn't like it can just go touch grass.

You're a writer, not a babysitter. You have the right to enjoy what you write and to write according to your own headcanons and interpretations and if someone gets offended or tries to call you out for that, it's not your fault and they're big poopieheads.

Plus you are literally not problematic. SW fandom loooooves to point fingers at problematic people, and you're not one of them. You're a light in this fandom, you gift us with beautiful writing, and we love you.

You are wonderful and don't you forget it!

-🍄

Thank you very much! This was very enlightening, enjoyable and encouraging. I must honestly say that so far I have been lucky not to be criticized too much or often, so far the fandom has been really very welcoming and loving.

I'm always very critical of myself and cautious, if only because English is not my first language and I never really learned it, but taught myself for the most part. Much of what I want to write, I often can not express as I would like to.

You're right, I'm not babysitting anyone, but in today's society everyone is so cautious and oversensitive and puts far too much on the gold scale that when I write it sometimes feels like I have to perform complicated acrobatic acts.

To be honest I still feel new to the "gender game", for example, a bigger trigger for some people, it never cocerned me personally and I still have to really find out what all of it means for some people. There are soooo many new triggers compared to ten years ago.

Most of the time I still write the way I feel, sometimes soft, sometimes hot, sometimes very sad or even desperate or sometimes uplifting, comforting. I've found that I just can't work through my projects on a schedule anymore, not even always in the same order, because sometimes you just don't feel sexy, or happy, or dark enough for what's ahead in that story or request. However, I always try to answer sad asks who need comfort a little faster than others, but even that is sometimes not that easy. So at the moment everything is a bit messed up and I took three days off because I experienced a private low and I couldn't concentrate.

Now I continue to write. I just hope that I am forgiven that my rhythm these days is different and not quite as accurately ordered as it once was.

There are so many people who welcome you with open arms and who openly show their joy. And there are those who just sit and wait to criticize something, and these people I find exhausting. So far, I've rarely experienced this, but I've seen it in the comments of other writers and silently thought to myself, "Why is this a problem? Let people write the way they want".

In the end, everything is fiction anyway and everyone has their own idea of how certain things should be, or how certain characters behave, what personal traits they have. You can never really make everyone happy. If you want to write in a balanced way, I think you really have to get out of the habit of trying to make everyone happy.

The reason I didn't write those HC's was of course because I would write something like that completely out of how I feel about this, there's no other way to do it at all. I am who I am and I can't and don't want to write anything generic just to make everyone happy, because I wouldn't be happy with that (as egoistic as it may be). I also have no desire to deal with the exhausting people who would certainly put each word individually on the gold scale. Part of me thinks though as I said in the reply then, some people might be sad, they wouldn't complain but feel let down in some ways.

Meanwhile I have almost 1.5k followers and somehow I already have the feeling that I have a certain responsibility or, a different relationship to the fandom as before, I'm suddenly in the middle of it and suddenly have a few people who sometimes comfort themselves with what I write. I had people contacting me, telling me how much reading this or that meant to them. It is beyond any explainable feeling.

To read your message was very pleasant, has given me courage and showed me that I probably do something right (sometimes ;) ) Thank you again. You have brightened my day.