#I don't think im thr kind to fully Hate someone

[stemacademics]

21 sept 2024 | number theory day

I studied ring of integers mod n today. I'll do more of the ring and group stuff tomorrow, there's a quiz coming up on Monday.

also my new study desk finally arrived today. and there was a minor (minor by the standards of an average, normal and fully functional member of the common society; Major, HUGE - by mine) screwup there as well [listen to me whine below the cut <3]

so my roommate didn't let me know about this desk business when I was in the study room (and she, in the dorm room), so she conveniently positioned the desks in a way that my bed is now too close to the balcony door (the current arrangement is in her favour - she essentially has no change while my bed has suffered a displacement of ~40cm which is unbearably irksome and even hurtful to my existence) and I feel a tad bit too claustrophobic. the 35-40cm shift in position is kind of unbearably painful to me (I um hate changes, absolutely hate them). she also left me with the dirtier desk so I had to wipe at it with my noodle arms for a longer while than it could've been (the surface was white, so I had no choice but to wipe at it for nearly an hour before realising that some of those dirty marks simply wouldn't go - and acceptance does not easily come to me)

I'm guessing that her not telling me was fully intentional because we're not the best buddies (we interact only out of necessity) and I am the kind to assume the worst of any random person that I meet in real life (in the sense, the worst that they can do to me), including myself. all this is kinda stressing me out, and I've not been able to sleep for the past half-hour or so because of the bed, and I'll never ask her to move her desk so I can move back my bed because I absolutely hate confrontations. so I just put up with her and adjust. and I absolutely hate it. my friend says that I have to speak up and can't be a pushover forever but then, ARGH I simply cannot wait for my own single room next year.

I already have a lot on my plate at the moment and the world only hurls more stuff at me, making it worse

it's fine (it's not, but the first step is to lie to my brain, so ┐(´ー｀)┌) because I already have a lot of stuff to do, and can't afford to waste my energy on all this.

I've got to mail my mentor tomorrow, study some group and ring formalisms, work on my summer report, study Fourier series and coupled oscillations - I'm going to take it slow anyways, because I'm not quite there for the Hustle yet.