#I don't think i saw it in fics? THEN AGAIN DIDNT READ MANY OF THOSE IT PROBABLY ALREADY EXISTS

[crowley-exploder]

It's late thinking hours and im very sleepy but hear me out, occasional possession as a love language

[jak--ash]

Massage- a Serirei fic

rated e for everyone, 1,495 words.

serizawa has pain and gets a massage from the best psychic hands of the century.

not proof-read, I just had to write and publish so I didnt get embarrassed. please be nice this is my first time writing fanfiction and is very self-indulgent. enjoy!

serizawa is a trans guy, which added to his isolation before leaving his old life. with the support of his mother, he was able to start hormones and he got top surgery a about a year and a half ago-the anniversary was celebrated at Spirits and Such. Because he transitioned during that time, he finds himself in a place of stealth though he's learning to be proud.

when serizawa met reigen, he found a gap in who he was now and who he saw himself as, in many ways. he was no longer working for claw, he was starting adult education, he had a steady job and new friends, along with a cute boss. he spent so long hating the world but now he felt like he had found a place for himself to be happy in.

serizawa is. deeply touch starved. isolation and dysphoria created a perfect storm inside him- too scared to let people touch him while desperately needing someone to force their way through to him. he could never voice those feelings though, desire always getting caught up in his throat and dying out before they reached his tongue, leaving nothing but an ache in his heart.

one day at work business was slow, which was usual. Serizawa was sipping a cup of mid-afternoon tea and going over some homework when Reigen stood from his desk to face the window and rub his eyes as serizawa kept taking notes. Reigen made his way to seri's desk with a smile and they chatted about what was new in serizawa's academic life.

"well, don't let me be the reason you stop your hard work," reigen said with a pat on serizawa's shoulder, and that's when he felt it- serizawa's shoulder was like granite. reigen tentatively brought his other hand to serizawa's other shoulder and gently squeezed, causing serizawa to suck in a breath between his teeth.

"woah, serizawa, you alright?" reigen wanted to start working out the muscle but figured he should get permission first, so he just kept his hands comfortingly on his shoulders.

Serizawa let out a nervous chuckle. "aha, I get that question a lot. my shoulders are always pretty tense and have been for years. when i was recovering from top surgery i think i hurt something in my left shoulder and neck, so it flares up. sorry, i didn't mean to scare you."

"don't apologize buddy. i'm sorry you're in pain. what if I gave you a massage? we don't have any reservations so we could close down for a little bit. besides, I need to keep my exorcism techniques limber. whaddya say?" reigen wiggled his fingers, dancing across serizawa's shoulders, making serizawa laugh again, softly, and nod. a massage from someone he loved sounded nice.

The two of them worked together to get the room prepared; flipping the "open" sign to "closed", wheeled out the massage bed, dimmed the lights, and turned on the salt lamp, essential oil humidifier, and white noise machine; Reigen wanted to go all-out for someone as special as Serizawa, who was currently in their office's bathroom changing into comfortable pants and removing his shirt. Reigen placed a glass of water for Serizawa on the side table and rummaged around for the oil he'd use for the massage. when serizawa returned, reigen found himself enamored with serizawa's body and drank it all up, eyes raking over his body hair around his tummy, chest, and arms. His scars were fading at this point, raised in some areas and stretched in others- they both frequently talked about how hot they were for it, along with serizawa's mismatched-sized nipples.

"I'm going to stretch a little bit first," serizawa said in a low voice, "I might make cracking sounds, but I'm fine," with that he began holding positions that extended his neck, jaw, shoulders, and arms, popping joints and sighing, groaning a bit with a good one. He got a little lost in his actions, stretching out his back and legs a bit too. Reigen just watched, wondering what he'd done to be blessed with such a beauty in front of him, and tried not to let his mind wander when serizawa let out soft groans carried by his sighs. Serizawa rolled his shoulders and nodded, climbing onto the massage bed and lying face-down. Technically, he could've sat in a chair for the massage, but he figured he'd be able to relax more if he felt somewhat covered up by laying down.

Reigen was snapped out of his stupor and got to work. he uncapped his lavender oil that he had been warming and let serizawa smell it, which earned him a chuckle. Reigen placed some of the warm oil across serizawa's shoulders, and got to work. "try to relax for me, okay?" he whispered, answered by a soft hum from the bottom side of the massage bed.

If he was honest, serizawa didn't know what he expected. he had been to a massage therapist twice before, but she would only do quick sessions, not enough to give him true relief. of course, he frequently massaged his own shoulders, but he could only do so much. This? was otherworldly. Reigen went slow, as if he wasn't just massaging, but visually and physically mapping out inner workings of serizawa. He worked the target areas with thoughtful yet firm fingers and palms just until serizawa was about to speak up about the pain, when he'd move to the surrounding areas and make sure there was no tension there either. It was alluring ebb and flow that serizawa felt himself getting lost in, forgetting all thoughts outside the caring touches easing his years-long pain. He let out a big sigh, and felt himself enter a state he didn't know he could enter sober.

"how are you feeling?" reigen whispered. he too had been lost in his hypnotic movements, obsessed with how he could feel some of the tension leaving the other man's body. his ears had been zoned in on serizawa's breathing, when its pace picked up as he worked the sore spots and how he was almost snoring when the tension disappeared.

"reigen," serizawa breathed dreamily, "don't stop yet, it feels good. my left arm is going a little numb though." For the second time, reigen cursed his dick for having a reaction to serizawa in a moment like this.

"I'm not going anywhere, don't worry," Reigen hummed. He slowly worked his way down serizawa's left trapezius, to his bicep, forearm, and finally his wrist and palm, earning a small groan from serizawa. Right before the urge to hold serizawa's hand overtook him, reigen moved back to serizawa's shoulders, giving him more attention now that he felt softer in the area.

"I think this is as much progress as we'll be able to make today, serizawa," reigen muttered as he continued to mindlessly rub down serizawa's back, not wanting the touch to end.

"hm, you're probably right," there was a soft silence as the two men kept basking in each other's company. the atmosphere was so welcoming and full of trust, it was hard to pull themselves away from it. "do I have to get up?"

Reigen tousled the head of hair still glued to the massage table and smiled. "No, but if you do, we can go get takoyaki." that piqued Serizawa's interest like reigen knew it would, making him rise. Serizawa's face was adorable; smushed from how he was laying, and relief painted all over. he reminded reigen of young kittens who wake up disgruntled from deep naps. Serizawa moved his shoulders around a bit and hummed.

"thank you, deeply. that was amazing."

"don't worry about it. now that i know, this won't be the only time i help you. whenever you want, tell me you want another and I'll give it to you, okay?" Reigen knew Serizawa was still working on letting his needs be known, but he didn't need serizawa to know in that moment how he already fully intended to check in on serizawa periodically and ask if he could rub him down again.

"I will, thank you. I'll go get dressed for takoyaki now." Serizawa stood, sharing one more smile with Reigen before going back to the bathroom to change again.

In the following months, the two of them found a routine they both liked for massages. Serizawa did start to ask for them, which helped spur his confidence. the physical relief serizawa was getting allowed him to do more for pain management, such as yoga and exercise (mob gave him some workouts to help strengthen those muscles). Eventually he needed them less often for pain outside of flare ups, but he kept finding himself asking reigen for them because how good it felt to just be close. of course, reigen always obliged.

With each touch, serizawa felt his fears melt away, until he finally started to feel like he was beyond his past.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them

i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.

under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)

ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.

embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great

back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.

my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)

durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL

'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full

as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL

BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).

tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on

Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive

and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...

once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)

i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)

that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here

before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..

i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....

[callibones]

hello!!! 🩸🟪 again. sorry for asking so early in the morning--i know you said you timed your last poast so i would see it so i feel bad for changing my hours but i had some extra free time. in the future you don't have to time your responses if you dont wanna. i peruse your blog at least once a week or so so ill probably find things ! and i dont wanna bother you first thing, thank you SO MUCH for that injoke guide! i'm like lvl 500 autistic so i had trouble figuring them out naturally. this makes things sm easier.

second thing... you have a bill cipher fictive? that's inch resting. i think i might also be plural too but i'm kinda off and on about it. but when u said that i looked back at the post they made and it was tagged with a #👁️? and then i looked at your other posts and there's a few tagged with a #👑. and your posts are usually tagged with #callie.txt.exe. so i thought hm. so i don't make any mistakes--what's your bill cipher fictive's name? how many people are there? is callie around the majority of the time? this is probably invasive so you don't need to respond to any of this JKHJBGVFCDXRCFGVHBJKNHBGVFCDXCGHBJKNHJBGVFCDGFVHBJ. also ive definitely Won and have obtained zero shelled feelings ever absolutely.

third. I LOVED OIL AND WATER!!! thank you sm. i haven't finished reading through all the other fics you reblogged though so when i do ill send you my thoughts on all of them in a different ask. you are so Based but not in a weird way in like a cool awesome way. fourth. i.. do rlly wanna dm you but my main thing is that i kind of Lost access to my main account a bit ago? idk how i was just stupid and Forgor

so ive been slowly trying to rebuild it on this new one. problem is, it's not Done yet. i'm worried im going to dm you and it will be Incomplete and you will forever perceive me as a Flawed, Unfinished version of myself. it would simply tarnish the wonderful 🩸🟪 brand, you know?

so i think.. if i do dm you, it'll be in a little while. i'll probably create a dedicated sideblog for the occasion when i do, ok? i do wanna hear you yap in a more controlled environment.

last thing i swear. so this actually has NOTHING to do with anything else you said but im like freaking out. so i checked your youtube channel and i noticed your description.

television for a head.

this is cool and all and your sona is SO AWESOME but this also Sucks for me because this ENTIRE TIME i've been drawing you as a computer! i have so much callibones fanart of you as a fucking desktop where it's like nested so your monitor has a little desktop assistant that is also you and it goes on forever and ever and ever with even smaller callies and that idea was WRONG!! i shouldve known from the antennae but i thought that was a bug thing not a tv thing (which, by the way, excellent choice on your part. when i'm not an assembly of shapes, i do enjoy being an insect.) but i was a FOOL!!!

so this makes me realize hey wait what else am i getting wrong? this thing is colored differently in this image than all the other images. what's the correct thing to do? and i came to the conclusion that i need to just ASK YOU! (wow who could've guessed. you're so smart.) yeah! i am! the smartest in the whole world even

if you happen to have any, i need reference sheets of your sona. if you have reference sheets of the alternate variants (or are those headmates? i saw one was called calliope and i think there was a bill cipher one so is that the fictive? i don't know but i want to draw them) those would be appreciated too. i have made a grave error and i must resolve it immediately.

with that. um. thank you for humoring me, id like to thank all our sponsors for getting me to write this ask, i will join the discord servers and message you one day because i am Not Afraid of Anything in the Whole Wide World. toodles

HELLO 🩸🟪! hope i didnt keep you waiting too long.... wanted to finish my ref first! PLUS i got a whoooole buncha busy goin on so im SUPER occupied.... but now i got time just for YOU! i definitely didnt time this one im just postin it now that i Can.... but im sure you can use the tag and your weekly browsing skills to find your way back here. hehehehe.

SECOND: very observant! yes, while we haven't made an official post for it, calliope uses the crown emoji and calcifer uses the eye emoji! that's his name, by the way. in fact, here's the whole gang, labeled with NAMES & PRONOUNS!

("who the fuck" is me, sorry. hehehehe.) (putting the id on this one out here so its easier. from left to right, you got:

the commissariat (she/they) in red, in a fancy longcoat with a jacket makin a serious pose

me, callie (it/fae/she) in green, in my usual "have a rotten day" top that shows my bra a lil and my short skirt

calliope (she/thon) in purple, wearing thons over-the-top storm supervillain dress

calcifer (he/she/it/they and it insisted on including "calcifae/calcifaer" as well) in yellow, with a suit, a shorter skirt than mine, a sword, and the bill cipher triangle-eye pose

and callyris (she/it) in pink, with short-shorts and a crop top fully showin its maintenance panel.

i'm around the majority of the time, but there's five of us includin' me and Calcifer! he's more than just bill cipher, btw. he's he/him lesbian bill cipher! hehehehe. he's also like genuinely growing as a person and i'm REALLY proud of him. also it's okay i have shelled one feelings too. calcifer says you're probably pretty easy to take advantage of and should call her.

THIRD: YAY! cedardivine, who made that peanutiel story, JUST made a separate post the other day with all thons blaseball writing. so GO CHECK THAT OUT! i sure plan to. :-D

FOURTH: cmon you dont gotta brand. EVERYONES flawed and unfinished! including me! im fucked upppp dont put me on a pedestal. im incomplete too!!!!

FIFTH HERES MY REF!!!! i made it just for you (genuinely!) so you GOTTA show me your fanart now because omg? omg???? omg???????? you made fanart of me? sobbing and crying??

also youre KINDA right about the desktop assistant thing! i fuckin love the nestedness so much and theres definitely some stuff where i imply that! but thats because.... so the actual sona is a desktop assistant virus thing. but fae takes on the appearance of a tv-head bot! so when fae's in The Real World fae uses a Made Physical version of that same cartoony self to walk around in. and on that robot's an OS running... the actual desktop assistant! so while it's not infinitely nested, you're right that my reality is Layered. i wonder if it could go deeper than that....

theres not a lotta art of the others YET but heres SOME FUCKIN AWESOME ART MY WONDERFUL FRIEND OF RIGORMARCY DREW OF THON so lookat that.

and here's calcifer's never-before-posted discord pfp, just for you:

calcifer sez: THERE'S MY CARD! GIMME A RING IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A NEW DEITY TO CHAT UP. THE SHELLED ONE MAY BE DEAD, BUT I'M AROUND FOREVER! FOREVER.

so. do what you will with this information.

IN CONCLUSION please send me your fanart if you wanna and feel like it because thats SO AWESOME that you made some... literally misty eyed.... ill look forward to your next correspondence whether i know you as 🩸🟪 or as whatever your name is on whatever platform you wanna reach me with! feel free to shoot me a friend request on discord if tumblr aint workin for ya. tell em 🩸🟪 sent ya! because that's you. and you can send you. But not in the mail, unfortunately. 1984.

UNTIL NEXT TIME GOOBY!!!!

[orangepeelshortbreadcookies]

Hello!!! sorry i jum in here but i saw many post of your as a polin pen hater. You can hate what you want of course but its necessary to lie just to hate a character because of her body??? it wasnt that bad, she was not mean.

yes, what she did telling the ton marinas secret was not the best choise but it was what she thought it was the only way. Do you all wish for colin a marriage with not love?? and in a more practical way this is fiction and we all now he was going t end with pen , they are end game and thi is romance, its suppouse to be romantic that theu found each other, and for me it is. She didnt told marina secret because she wants colin for herself , she never thought she cold have him. maybe yo dont understand this but we, fat girls who are foung unattractive NEVER expect love or having a man, even less somone like colin. I think you, as many sadly, jugdge Pen actions too strong and deep down its all becuase of how she looks. Depp down i know you judge her action strongly becuase you can't accept that a woman who looks like that get something. I know you will keep hating, just want to say my opinion

(2) I saw you ask once why we ( pen fans) are mad when people hate her like you do if we got everything, saying like she happy and get married and LW. i will answer that from my perspective. Im fat, people is mean and that herats and yes, maybe it not a good things but it nice to have a revenge for all that suffering , but beside that i feel represented FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME in a romance show, ALL THE ROMANCE FEMALE LEADS AND THIN WOMAN and for the first times she looks like me but everyone is hating her becuase of how she looks and the worst is anyone accept its becuase of that, you all write long essays jugdging her actions but as i said, Were her actions that bad???? think about it fr......

Others please also refer to this post for more context.

I did not intend to answer this ask, because honestly, I'm really very lazy. Since there are only so many ways I can make my argument against the same accusation over and over again, especially to someone who clearly doesn't want to listen, I figured ignoring was the right decision. I'd rather spend my creative energy and efforts on my own writings, instead of figuring out another elaborate wording on how being critical of a character's actions does not equate fatphobia, and that personal adversity does not equal a 'get out of jail' free card for repeatedly inflicting pain on other people on a mass scale. I've talked about it in depth in my own blog, as well as reblogging other eloquent, well thought-out posts from others, Polin fans and anti-Polin fans alike. You can just scroll through my blog to see that. But I don't think you have come after me, time and again, to be convinced.

Even now, I still think ignoring you would have been the smarter, or at least, easier course of action for me. But I digress. Maybe it's one of those days where I feel more confrontational, maybe my ADHD is acting up and my meds are not hitting as well today, maybe after weeks of stress-filled personal achievements I'm feeling talkative seeing someone trying to disturb my peace. Nontheless, since you've made diligent efforts in seeking out my response, today's your lucky day, once and for all.

Something my mutuals and followers might have learned about me, is that I, being pretty fucking lazy, don't post/write a lot. To remedy this, when I do post, oftentimes I try to be as thorough as I possibly can. So, in the spirit of being thorough, here's a little log of the things I have received in the past weeks, on this site as well as on AO3, some of which, @cherryblossom970sblog, I have reasons to believe came from you

So you feel represented by character. Awesome. Good for you. You should celebrate it with like-minded people. You think nobody likes Penelope the way you do? Find the ones who do. I can assure you, they exist. I saw them daily on my dash. Read fics that bring you joy. Don't read the ones that don't. I have seen way too many Penelope/Anthony, Penelope/Benedict or even Penelope/Gregory fics, or fics where Penelope just straight up abused Colin that are celebrated in the comments. I don't like those and you know what I do? Scroll past those fics or click out of those and not read them. You know what I don't do? Go after the writers, try to police their writing, and accuse them of bigotry for not catering to my preferences.

Accept the fact that it's not going to be a 100% percent approval rating. And that's fine. That's part of life. I'm a primary Benophie fan, I've seen people wanting Benedict to end up with different people. It's their prerogative, I leave them alone. I have mutuals who have different takes on actions of Kate, Edwina, and Anthony, with varying degrees of feelings regarding how season 2 ends, and I have my own opinions. Personally, I find all three parties were wrong in that triangle, especially Anthony, and the sisterhood between Kate and Edwina in that season ought to have been handled with more respect and care. And my mutuals and I have civil, nuanced discussions about such things and ending those with still different opinions. That's okay. They're fictional characters and their actions are up to character analysis. It's fine.

What ISN'T fine is obssessively stalking inboxes of strangers, REAL people, unleashing insane level of hate and prejudices in defence of a FICTIONAL character, and accusing them of crimes they OBJECTIVELY did not commit, all because they don't share your opinions. I know you don't think this kind of behaviour is okay, you said so yourself that it's not a good thing. You've experienced fatphobia, you have my sympathies for that, but it doesn't give you the right to be shitty to other people. Your own bad experiences do not entitle you to disrespect, dismiss, invalidate and insult the people you harassed, including me, many of which are WoCs who have valid concerns regarding how their own experiences are represented and treated on the show. My struggles of being a bisexual, Asian, immigrant woman does not excuse me from being toxic to people who have done me no harm. I will not be vindicated in demeaning someone who have criticisms against the actions of fictional character who share my traits, criticisms that I just happen to disagree with.

And frankly, I find reducing the nuances of a character or person to only their bodies, to contribute (as either condemn or excuse) their actions to be only the result of their bodies, fucking insulting. It's infantalising and dehumanising.

Have a nice day and happy shipping. Leave us alone.

[chanbig]

First of all, thank you for feeding me well with ChanBig fics, you are a life saver! I really enjoy them and love reading them again and again. As a question, how did you got into KinnPorsche the series? And how did it inspired you to write something about our Lord and saviour Big and Chan? Like, was there a scene that especially touched you or did you saw them and instantly knew, they would be lovers?

hi!!! thanks for asking hehe 💗 I'm glad you like the fics (and rereading them too 🥺), they've been so fun to write!!

for kinnporsche mmm I follow a lot of people who were posting about it when it was coming out and it looked fun but i don't watch many shows when they're live/airing so I didnt watch it until like a year and a half later 😂

I do remember seeing posts about Big dying (something like 'porsche thinking Big was homophobic until he died for him rip king') and I saw Big around with his cunty little ponytail and loved him already but I think it was posts about kimchay and beautiful jeff satur that gave me the kick to watch it!!

so initially I was interested in kimchay although I loved Big and his bad attitude and getting shot for kinn in the first ep 💕 and then Chan and Big's interaction in ep 2 where he adjusts his collar I think I screamed fhdjfjfjjf WHAT WAS THAAAATT???? like are they fucking? but i knew they werent a canon ship so I didn't have hope for more than scraps. and then I did love Chan and his competence and control and take no shit attitude too 👀 their interaction in episode 6 in the woods really got to me (istg I will finish that meta on it one day) because it established a lot about how Chan treats the bodyguards under his command and especially big.

but tbh what actually happened was after I finished kpts I wanted to read fic but I was writing a kimchay fic at the time so I didn't want to read any of that pairing until I was done writing. so I went to ao3 and was like ooh wait I do also like chan/big and so I started to read those fics and they blew me away like!!! SO GOOD!!!!!! and I loved how people wrote their dynamic. big desperately wanting praise and approval and never getting it from kinn but he could get it from Chan 💘💯🤌 chefs kiss!! and immediately I was like I HAVE to write for them and the rest is history!!! they really got my heart and mind in a chokehold somehow and inspired me to write like I haven't in a while so I'm really glad others made fic and art for them and really inspired me too 💕💕💕

anyway thank you for asking me!! I love to talk about this stuff so feel free to send me questions if you have any! 💕

[chronically-undertronic]

scuse my weirdass rambles, i swear i have just put this place under a microscope /j. so many observations to be made lmao

listen, i was just scrolling through the undertronic tags for nostalgia and some writing ideas (there was one (1) fic on ao3, yaboi wouldn't be takin that). i didnt actually know there was even anything on there, i had never checked before. and honestly, seeing everything that had been posted onto there was a trainwreck of emotion. it was like scrolling through messages of a group of friend's chat and reminiscing memories, except they're not mine and i was never there. it's such a vivid feeling of absolute belonging to a place i was never present in, yaknow?

and then i saw y'all and couldn't stop thinking about it for days. the carrd caught my eye first because a) bro that's just a straight up sickass carrd holy shit and b) undertronic content?? in the wild?? lets go babey!! and then i looked into it more and just. man, i dont know what emotion it was, probably like all of the above. 'cause holy shit, i didn't know there were more people like me out there!! i thought we were the only system who had undertronic headmates that existed for years!! it didn't even cross my mind that it was possible for more to be out there. so reading through old pluralkit discord screenshots and posted conversations was like looking at something i had always longed for.

you guys looked like you were happy in those chats.

you didnt have to hide in those moments. i wanted to reach out and reply and laugh alongside the ghosts of these four year old conversations and say "i get it, i understand this, we've lived it too," because i've never talked with someone who had a chance of returning the sentiment to its full extent. man, it was like lookin in a mirror of what i wanted to see. and i know i'm crazy 'cause again, i wasn't there. you could argue i'm still not 'here', hiding behind signatures and pseudonym accounts.

i got what i came for, though. i have my never-ending nostalgia and a pile of fics to write. i just think that the inspiration doesn't come from the ideas i saw being laid out, but the people who did so and the inherent beauty of learning it the way i did.

anyway. again, pardon my over-analytical rambles. wanna go grab a cup of tea and bitch about life some time?

-💜💚

I feel the groupchat / belonging thing bcs that's how I feel when I look at old homestuck content (I didn't get into it until 2016, when it yk, ended)

Also oh my god *points* listen

Listen

We genuinely have like the whole cast of UT in our head because it's one of our spinterests (the other being aphmau ofc) so the fact that you also have UT headmates is so???? /pos I feel seen I feel less alone we get each other we shake hands

Ik it would take away the safeness of being anon but now I'm thinking of how fun it'd be to make a UT themed syscord server hrmm

Anyways I'm in tears anon /pos I would love to grab tea and bitch (as long as it's iced tea sorry im southern I don't drink it hot /j)

[baekhvuns]

Ok so i think it's mostly a blur but now tht i think abt i found you thru twt as well. Interesting story, bcz i had no idea what twt was used for??? plus i had no social presence whatsoever, i still don't. So a few of my frnds suggested me to download a few apps like insta 💀 I didn't hv it back then, twt and Snapchat. So currently I only have the last two apps, where I don't do nothing, just scan the world arnd me 😭 like IDC abt the posts or streaks or whtv. I'm a grandmother ok?

BUT as I made an acct on twt i was scrolling thru things and YK the thing where they ask ur interests, so i just clicked on kpop AND specifically went for ateez. And in a few moments I saw so many twts BUT one of them caught my eye. Idk but someone had linked your fic there and it was lnfila. I was enchanted by the moodboard 🤧🤧 it was pretty. So then I was like how about we give this a try and i found out ur official acct is on Tumblr. So i shot down twt and deleted my account and forever came to settle in Tumblr land 😀 honestly i had thought tht u were one of those writers tht wrote a masterpiece years ago then vanished frm the face of the earth BUUTTTT

I realised u were still active and tht made me so happy 😭 so after reading all those ffs i sent u the submission of my cringey ass review 😭😭 but yeah such a beautiful story right? Anyways, it's raksha bandhan today...AND I GOT SOAN PAPDI AS A GIFT 😭😭 like I just don't like it now dude, as a kid i was obsessed but now it just don't suit my taste buds. But the urge I'm having to ship those boxes to South Korea 😞 for a special someone.

And NOOO YOU'RE SO RIGHT IT'S ALWAYS JK AND TAEHYUNG AND THE THUMBNAILS 😭😭 GOD THE THUMBNAILS-

OHH OK so I read ur songs reccs AND DAMN BRO THOSE PLAYLISTS THO ✋😭 I hv to re read the fics again. Also, if you had to dedicate one ost for all the hwa fics BUT make them bollywood songs, which ones would you choose?

wait this is such a cute but chaotic find 😭😭😭 no coral media presence? that’s exactly how one should live 🤚🏻 my digital footprint is nonexistent my only achievement <3

LMFAOOOO SO THE MOOD BOARD CAUGHT UR ATTENTION 😭😭😭 and did not know let’s not fall in love was ur first fic by me??? inch resting, LMFAOOO IT WAS FUN READING THEM 😭😭😭 a very beautiful story indeed!! AAAA TO U TOO!! BDMWHDKWHDKS NOT THAT FUCKING THING SEND IT AWAY REGIFT IT REGIFT IT!!! SEND IT TO THAT SOMEONE IN KR,, also apparently there’s some sort of a event happening today ??? that’s not auspicious so they’re asking ppl to tie them early??? sus idk if u heard it but i heard it so im sure u did fbsnbdkvlvkc

AND IM CONVINCED JK HAS READ THEM 😭😭 THERES NO FUCKING WAY HE DIDNT GIGGLE AND SHIT READING THEM BFMWBDM

OOOOO that’s so interesting, will dig into my bollywood playlist rn!!

duke : janam janam? or jashan e bahara for the sakes of royalty <3

just friends : i think i will chose miss aish’s crazy kia re + marjavaan from the movie fashion! + humraah

mafia : jannatein kahan by kk BECAUSE THE OHHHOOOO PARTS FBNWHDKWJK

divorce : raabta for the lyrics 😭😭

khronus : main yahaan hoon from veer zaara THE LYRICS FIT LIKE A DRESS

bodyguard : teri meri reprise version HOW CAN I NOT + love is a waste of time from pk for the fun moments + tum se hi??? yes.

rewrite the stars : ilahi + hawayein ??? and the new srk one form jawan i think it’s called challeya??? yeah, all the trip sound tracks + safarnama

bbhwa : tum mile + baby when u talk to me from patalia house 😭😭😭 do u rmr that movie 😭😭

[islesnucks]

LAST NIGHT I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU - NOLAN PATRICK X READER

this started as a tyler seguin fic, was almost a brock boeser one for a second and turned out to be about Nolan lol

this was not proofread so yeah keep that in mind as you read it 

Word Count: 2k

Warning: mention of alcohol (?)

Smmary: the morning after you drunkenly confessed your feelings to Nolan - slightly inspired by the song Last Night by Lucy Spraggan

Masterlist

Add yourself to the taglist!

-

Last night I told you I loved you

Woke up blamed it on the Vodka

I genuinely thought I was dyin'

And I could see that smile you were hiding

-

You woke up and the first thing you felt was pain. There was a banging in your head and your stomach felt sick. Memories from last night were blurry, there surely was alcohol involved. The last thing you remembered was walking into the bar with Nolan and TK by your side, then there was vodka involved. Or was it tequila? Maybe even both?

Feeling like the slightest move would make you throw up, you decided to snuggle further into the sheets trying to go back to sleep, hoping a couple more hours of sleep would make you feel better. That’s when you heard barks coming from outside the room, making your head pound. Then your eyes went wide when it hit you: you don’t own any dogs.

Looking around you confirmed this indeed wasn’t your bedroom, it was Nolan’s. The curtains were shut so the room was dark and you couldn’t see much, but you were able to make out your dress from last night folded on top of the armchair beside the bed.

You looked down and realized you indeed weren’t using your clothes, instead you had one of his old shirts on. Then you noticed your underwear was still on, a good sign you thought. But still you couldn’t remember anything from last night and that terrified you.

You weren't scared of what you could have done, you knew having the boys by your side ensure you nothing bad would happen. So you weren't scared that you had somehow ended up drunkenly dancing on top of  a table or making out with a complete stranger. No, the problem was that alcohol always loosened your tongue. What you were scared of was having confessed something you had worked so hard on holding in.

Gathering a little courage and still feeling like you may throw up any second, you got out of bed and made your way out of the room. The clacking of a pan and smell coming from the kitchen let you know Nolan was probably there cooking some breakfast or maybe lunch, you didn’t know what time it was. Taking one last deep breath, trying to calm your nerves, you made your way down the hall to the kitchen.

He was with his back to you, too busy stirring something on a pan to realize you had entered the room. That’s when his dogs approached you excited to see you, making him turn around to find you still half asleep, hair in a messy bun, some rests of makeup from last night on your face, dressed in his shirt that were long enough to cover everything. You were sure you looked horrible but he found it cute, the smile that formed on his face showed it.

“Hey, you’re alive.” He turned off the stove and proceeded to place what turned out to be scrambled eggs on two plates.

“I feel like shit.” You took a seat on one of the barstools by the kitchen island.

“Sorry, did the bark wake you? I was keeping them in the living room so they wouldn’t bother you but Charlie sneaked out.” he said, giving the dog a stern look, but Charlie was too distracted enjoying as you petted him to notice.

“No don’t worry I was already awake, agonizing in bed, but awake.”

He placed the plate with everything he had cooked and a cup of coffee in front of you and you thanked him as he took a seat next to you. He was quiet per usual, but the Nolan you knew would have thrown some snarky remark about how much of a lightweight you are and he’s never going out with you again. That concerned you a bit. However he seemed normal, no awkward looks or anything that made you think you had messed up in any way last night.

“Do you remember anything from last night?” he suddenly said bringing you back to reality. There it was, something did happen. You could feel your heart in your throat, but you tried to play it cool.

“No… Wait we didn’t-”

“No!” he was quick to cut you off, slightly offended that you thought that could’ve happened. “You were wasted Y/N, I’d never take advantage like that.” He then realized he admitted nothing happened because you were drunk, not because he didn’t want it to happen; but you were too busy panicking to realize.

“I know, I know. It’s just that I woke up in your bed, with your clothes on.” you tried to explain.

“We ubered back here, you were asleep the whole ride, I helped you change your clothes and gave you my bed. I slept on the couch.” Relief washed over your body, deep down you knew nothing like that could have happened, but hearing it made you feel better, like a huge weight was being taken off your shoulders.

“Thank you Nols, you didn’t have to.”

“Leaving you alone in your apartment in the state you were in felt wrong.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m glad to know I didn’t do anything too stupid at the club.” you said, letting out a deep breath you didn’t even notice you had been holding on to.

“Well you didn’t do anything stupid at the club...” He didn't finish but that was enough to make you choke on the coffee you had been drinking.

“Shit what did I do?”

“Nothing, nothing. Don’t worry.” He brushed it off as he stood with his empty plate in hand and walked over to the sink.

“Nolan …” you questioned him, but he still wouldn’t look at you. Yet you could see the smile he was trying to hide and that was all the confirmation you needed. Something definitely happened. You got off your seat and made your way around the kitchen island.

“Nolan James Patrick. What did I do?” Your stern tone made him finally turn around with a look on his face you couldn’t quite explain, which only made your nerves grow.

“You said something.” 

“Shit.”

“You really don't remember?” He walked till he was standing next to you. “We were here, I had already helped you change, you were in bed ...” he started to explain, hoping it would refresh your memories because he didn’t have it in him to actually tell you what you had said.

And just like that the memory from last night hit you.

~

“This sucks.” you said letting yourself fall on the bed, not even trying to position yourself correctly.

“Well you should’ve stopped after the third shot like I told you.” Nolan was too busy folding your clothes to see the way you rolled your eyes.

“Not that. This. You are being so nice with me and it sucks.”

“You lost me there princess.” he said confused, brows narrowing but with a playful smile still on his face, the way you rambled incongruently was too cute for him not to.

“Because I’m just going to fall harder for you and I shouldn’t because we’re friends Patty. I can’t be in love with my friend.” you let out matter-of-factly, clearly all products of the alcohol that was still running through your veins.

He could not believe what he was hearing. His heart stopped at your words, but he tried to convince himself he had heard it wrong, God knows the many times he dreamed of you saying those words.

“It sucks that I’m in love with you.” you added and there was no denying it, he heard it clear this time.

“Y/N …” he started to say as he turned around but words died in his mouth when he realized you were already asleep.

~

“Shit!” you let out and your hands instantly went to cover your face. You had screwed it big time. Sure you could blame it on the alcohol but Nolan knew you, he knew you wouldn’t just invent something like that. And even if it worked, your friendship would never be like it was before.

“Just forget I ever said that, okay? I was drunk and I didnt know what I was saying. Fuck. I'm the worst'' you started to ramble as you walked around the kitchen, unable to keep still because of the anxious feeling deep in your chest. It felt like your world was spinning out of control and all you could think about was all you had lost the moment alcohol got the best of you and you confessed your feelings.

All of a sudden Nolan was standing in front of you, placing his hands on your sides to stop your pacing. You couldn’t look him in the face, knowing the moment he saw you he’d realized how much you meant everything you said last night.

“Hey calm down” He started caressing your arms gently up and down in a reassuring manner.

“I'm so sorry.” you said, tears threatening to fall down your face any moment. 

“Well I'm not.” he replied with a humorous tone that threw you off. You shoot your head up at him with a confused expression that only intensified once you realized he was smiling sheepishly at you.

“I’m actually really glad that happened because now I don’t have to worry about how you may react when I tell you how I feel about you.”

“I think the alcohol killed all my brain cells because I don’t understand a thing you're saying.”

Nolan rolled his eyes at your comment but couldn’t hide the smile on this face. His hands went to cup your face, pulling you closer to him as he wiped away gently with his thumb a few tears that you hadn’t been able to keep in.

“What I’m trying to say is: I love you too.” he said looking into your eyes tenderly.

“I swear if TK comes out of nowhere holding a camera or something I’m murdering both of you-”

“I’m not joking! I love you Y/N. I have for the longest time and I’m a little embarrassed it took you drunkenly confessing how you feel for me to have the balls to say it.” Nolan’s cheeks turned red and you had to bite your lip to not make a comment about it. His eyes full of adoration never left yours, making you feel the all too familiar butterflies, but this time it didn’t feel wrong. This time you didn’t have to hide it or push it away. No, because this time you knew he felt the same.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked softly and all you could do was nod. He started to lean in, heart beating fast in his chest just like yours. 

“Wait.” you said, stopping him when he was less than an inch away from connecting your lips. He pulled away to look down at you confused, hands still resting against your cheeks. “I haven't washed my teeth.” He let out a chuckle.

“I couldn't care less.” he said, leaning down to finally kiss you.

It started sweet and gently, neither of you could believe it was happening, too scared any second you’d wake up and realize it was all a dream. That was until your hands met on the back of his neck, tangling your fingers in his hair and bringing him closer, deepening the kiss. His hands left your face and moved down your back, pressing you against him as much as possible, clutching to you in any way possible. The kiss intensified with the second and you could not stop, you had been craving each other for so long it felt almost intoxicating to finally know what the other’s lips felt like.

-

thank you for reading, hope you liked it! likes and reblogs are always appreciated!

taglist: @glassdanse @2manytabsopen @barbienoturbby @petey-patty @chieflawyerpastatoad @iwantahockeyhimbo @fallinallincurls @jamiedrysdales @jordiee95

Add yourself to the taglist!

[izzyliker]

hey - this is one of the mods of the bi jon project. we don't actually dislike or disagree with pan jon at all, we just want to make a project focused on and celebrating bisexuality. our carrd is a bit rambling, but frankly we were trying our best/overcompensating to try and make sure people didn't misunderstand us and do - well, this. our intentions are good, and it's really kind of disenheartening to see all the hate we've gotten for what was meant to be a positive project. (1)

you're under no obligation to answer these, but i saw some of your posts in the tag and felt like reaching out because you did give us even the tiniest bit of slack in good faith. honestly, if you have any advice about what in our carrd is so overwhelmingly bad, we'd be happy to hear it. we've been trying to respond to the overwhelming amount of criticism we've got in a positive way, and take peoples' suggestions. (2)

as for why 'no anti-antis' was at the bottom of our rules list, it's legitimately bc we were trying so hard to be preventative about this negativity that we forgot to add it when we first posted the blog, and just remembered later. again, you're under no obligation to answer these, i just feel like no one's really actually letting us defend ourselves/are taking things in as bad faith a way as possible. (3)

im not exactly sure how the posts showed up in the tag bc ive been very purposefully not tagging them, also ive blocked all of you back (not sure why you blocked me if you actually want feedback, so it seems more like you just want free positive pr and not actual feedback) so its unlikely youll see whatever it is that i reply to this but whatever. 

the issues have all been repeatedly brought up to you so i dont really see how me repeating all of them once again could help. when i last looked at the cardd the things that stood out immediately included. 

pitting ace & bi identities and people against each other REPEATEDLY,  

starting off with a guilt trippy tone and maintaining it throughout (in my experience this is the #1 best way to receive backlash because people do not want to participate in events where you feel like youre being guilted into it, which going into scrutinizing detail over there not being enough content and passing judgement onto authors or artists over it is something that comes across as guilt trippy.),

repeatedly equating asexuality with sex repulsion (not to get into the misleading information about modteam aspec identity breakdowns, since you claimed that 3/4 of the team are aspec, which is technically correct, but what you didnt say was that only one is acespec. surely you know that [allosexual] aro and [alloromantic] ace are not interchangeable) and calling using biromantic over bisexual a “misunderstanding” of the identity as if how to define romantic vs sexual attraction (how to divide, if or if not to divide, use interchangeably different labels) isnt a deeply personal choice ace people who experience romantic attraction make, 

claiming that bisexual jon is canon (he isn’t. this is why people are suspicious of anti-other mspec identities sentiments. which theyre right, if youll be so kind as to stick around til the last paragraph) and repeatedly implying that the reason there isnt “enough” content centering bi jon because the aces are simply unable to not fixate on his asexuality (again, pitting identities against each other),

making the banned ship list way needlessly confusing and including ships that dont even include jon to it, which simply comes across as some kind of a list of bad ships, idk. a way to bypass this would simply be to say “we are looking for portrayals of healthy relationships!” and that couldve just been it. if you felt that that wouldnt exclude specific ships (eg. jondaisy that a lot of people write as a relationship between trauma survivors who have done very bad things trying to get better and learning to trust each other) it is possible to simply say “the modteam is squicked[/triggered] by ships with daisy/elias/peter and we’d like to read all of the works submitted so we’re asking not to receive submissions with those ships.” hating ships is literally completely normal but making rules hard to parse is going to attract questions, especially when the implication is that ships are excluded on the grounds of morality, and a blatant power difference ship (jonelias) is equated with jondaisy, which is from what ive seen almost exclusively shown to be a relationship between equals. that makes people EXTREMELY confused about where the line is. thats why youre getting so many questions about this.  

in general the carrd was spotty, guilt trippy, and needlessly moralizing where it definitely did not need to be. the key to getting people to engage without getting backlash is to make the event seem fun. when your carrd is filled with stuff about unrelated negative stuff people are not going to think it’s a fun event at all. 

and none of this even gets into the fact that at least one of the mods has a history of open hostility against pan people. i heard through the grapevine that he has since made a fauxpology about it, but frankly it already shone through in the language used in the event descriptions. its extremely hard to take any of this is good faith when it is easy to see that one of the organizers is quite fucking clear about thinking pansexuality is biphobic and the carrd is or at least used to be full of anti-pan (and other mspec identity) dogwhistles, and is notorious in some of the tma fic author circles for being extremely fucking nasty about trans men writing fic he doesn’t like to the point of pretending that we’re all cis people (in case youre not keeping track that is misgendering us by implication) because he doesn’t like it. i think some of you (or maybe all of you? idk) in general could stand to examine whether your engagements and participations in the fandom have been at all about having fun or adding positivity to anything, or simply making posts about what other people are doing wrong. it seems that every post i see from anyone in this group is guilt trippy and authoritative, and sadly this translated directly into the event. 

when youre, say, a trans man whose first touch to one of the mods was a post about how fic where trans men have piv sex with cis men is hurting him personally and making it a moral issue and not a matter of a simple preference to the point where he feels comfortable making claims about the trans men (and transmasc nonbinary people) writing fic about trans characters re: their gender or whether theyre fetishizing trans men, your willingness to engage in good faith with an event hosted by him that features numerous red flags is not going to be unconditional. 

im sorry to hear that it has been bad for your mental health, and idk whats fucking going on with this event anymore, but my good faith interpretations have diminished significantly since i saw the shit tmc specifically has been saying about pansexual people and pansexuality as an identity label. i have no clue where the rest of you stand but tmc has repeatedly, consistently shown himself to be unable to act in good faith towards anyone other than people who agree with him.  

[unlikelymilkshakedream]

A/n: Hello! Really important, before you read this, this was inspired by @negans-lucille-tblr 's Daddys Little Princess one-shot. Please read that before you read this or it won't make sense. She has many more amazing fics so read those as well. Enjoy!

*tw* sexual assault, rape

**Flash forwards 3 weeks after the original story**

It all just started as a typical night, your brothers and dad on a hunt as you sat in the freezing motel room with an involuntary shiver running down your spine.

As you lay on the couch, not able to fall asleep, watching the stupid soap opera on the black and white TV, your mind traveled and you wished it hadn't. It hadn't been long since the night you came home from a party, clearing showing signs you had had sex.

The only problem is, you don't remember it. You do however remember the fury you saw in your fathers eyes when your two brothers brought you home and he saw the state you were in. You were sure he was going to shoot you on the spot. You didnt want him to be mad at you, you hadn't even remembered the sex.

As soon as he saw you, you knew he was doing his best to keep from grabbing a knife and stabbing you. You were more scared than you've ever been in that moment because he's never been mad at you ever. To see him like that had you thinking of an escape plan. He instead decided to get the hell out of dodge.

So there you were laying in your motel room three states over, with the thinnest blanket ever. You hadn't even know you had fallen asleep until the door swung open and the lights flicked on. You covered your head with the blanket and let out an audible groan.

"Y/n? What the hell are you doing?" Your brother sam asked you.

"I was sleeping, turn off the fucking light." The absolute worst way to wake someone up was by turning on the lights.

"Y/n, language. Dean get the lights." Dean walked through the door and turned off the lights.

"Where were you guys anyway? Nothing can be open at this hour." You sat up and rubbed your eyes, stretching your back and your shirt rode up a little. You failed to realize the quickly averted eyes of sam and dean.

"Salt n burn. Quick and easy, sorry to wake you sweetheart, go back to sleep. In fact that goes for all of you." John said as he kissed your head.

"Okay daddy." You yawned as you layed down and fell asleep again.

The next morning you woke up and only sam and dean were there. "Wheres dad?" You asked as you walked into the kitchen, your shirt settling on your hips nicely.

"Coroner's office, they called and said it was urgent." You grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down next to dean.

"And you guys didn't go with him? If its urgent why wouldn't you go?" Sam shrugged.

"He said he wanted us to stay with you until you wake up. Now that your up, we have to go into town. A woman called and said her house was broken into. Figured we check it out for dad." You nodded sipping your coffee. Soon enough sam and dean left you.

"Alone, once again, oh joy." You said to yourself. You decided to take a nice long hot shower. Going to the bathroom, you turn the water on, temperature all the way up. Once your shower was over, you threw on some shorts and a hoodie. You walked out and turned on the TV, watching the film that was on.

As the hours ticked by, you hadn't heard anything from anyone. You called your dad but got no answer, called again and got no answer so decided to call dean. As his voice-mail started to play, you found it incredibly weird that no one was answering. Just then the door burst open and in walked sam and dean.

"Hey y/n, whats up?" Dean asked as he set down food on the table. Sam followed and you sighed relief.

"I called you and dad multiple times. Got no answer. Where were you all day?" You stood and walked to the table annoyed.

"Well we went to the woman's house and looked around. Guess what we found." You looked at him annoyed. "Sulfur." Your nose scrunched up.

"How? I thought dad said there was a ghost not demon." You sat down across from your brothers who were devouring their food.

"Well he must've been wrong because we went to the hospital and saw a pattern. Every victim went to the same house on the old road outside town. Dad decided to go take a look at the house." You swallowed your food.

"Again, why didn't you go with him?"

"We were hungry and he said if he needed anything he'd come get us." You nodded and finished your food. You looked outside seeing the dark sky night.

Just then, your phone buzzed multiple times. You looked at it and saw a text from someone from the school you had gone to 3 weeks prior, the one your dad fled from. It was the only person from there you still had the number of. You look at sam and dean who are looking at you.

"Apparently California has an earthquake. A news app just alerted me." You lied. They both nodded and went back to their food. A second later, the phone buzzed in your hand, not nearly as loud at the previous messages. You look at your phone and see a video from Caleb, the kid you kept the number of.

"Hey I'm gonna use the bathroom." Both of your brothers nodded. They didn't think anything of your behavior. Both of them quickly decided they would never tell a sole what they did, seeing as you didn't know anything. They were going to take the secret to their graves.

Once you got inside the bathroom, you opened the text conversation between you and Caleb. You saw three new texts with a video. The texts confused you.

There's no way this is you, right?

Did you really do that?

Im so sorry you had to see it this way.

You were so confused, you opened the video and saw something you never thought you'd ever see. It was a video of the night of the party, the night your dad took you from the town you were in. You were seen laying on the bed, your eyes closed and you saw the guy above you. You recognized him from the school and hated him instantly.

As the video played, you saw your brothers come into the room and stopped the guy, you were asleep and it was clear he was trying to take advantage of you. You saw your brothers beat the guy and kick him out of the room. You didn't think that much of it, in fact you were proud that they protected you like you knew you would protect them.

You didn't think anything of it and were about to close the video when you saw dean start touching you, in places he shouldn't.

You eyes were glued to the screen as your jaw fell open and all thoughts left your brain, except 'there's no fucking way.' You watched as sam and dean opened your legs, as dean started fingering you and as sam watched. You realized it was from a corner of the room, a security camera possibly.

When you saw dean take his dick out if his pants and move yours down, you felt tears slip down your cheeks. You kept silently begging it not to happen, but then it did. You watched as dean put his cock in your pussy and start fucking you, you saw sam watching and getting hard. You saw dean holding you down. Tears were streaming down your face and everything in you told you to turn it off, but then something even worse happened.

Dean pulled out and came on your stomach, and you saw sam hesitantly come between your legs. "No sammy," you whispered as more tears streamed down your face. You watched as sam started fucking you and moaning, seeing you laying there with no control over what was happening, you felt sick to your stomach. You watched as you started to wake up and dean held you down and you cried even more.

You watched as sam grabbed your thigh, and you looked down at your current thigh, seeing a bruise that looked like someone grabbed you. You had it since that night and then it hit you, sam gave it to you.

At this point, you turned off the video and started pacing, you were having a panic attack as you tried to disbelieve what you had just witnessed. 'There's no way, there's no way, there's no way that just happened.' But it did and you couldn't deny the gut wrenching feeling of the so dark truth you knew.

Just then, you heard a knock on the door, followed by deans voice. "Y/n, you die in there or something?" You froze, dean. The same dean that, no, that raped you. They both, truly raped you. It hit you like a freight train, your brothers, raped you. "Y/n?" He knocked again.

You took a deep breathe and tried to compose you voice. "Y-yeah, give me a sec." You said in the most wobbly, broken voice you had ever heard. You mentally cursed yourself, now he knew something was wrong. "Y/n, open the door. Now." You were shaking at how scared you were of him. "Y/n open the god damn door!" He screamed. You knew sam was next to him and were so scared by both of them. You tried your best to wipe your tears off of your face.

As you opened the door, you saw sam and dean at the threshold, staring at you. It was sam who spoke up.

"Y/n, are you okay? What happned?" He reached for your arm, which you recoiled harshly at, that certainly didn't go unnoticed by either of them. All your effort to stop the tears failed as you looked up at them.

"What did you do to me?" You whispered so quietly, they almost didn't hear you. With tears streaming down your face, you showed them your phone, the video still on your screen. Sam looked like he'd seen a ghost and dean looked like he just shit himself. As dean went to say something, the door to the motel room burst open and in came you father.

"Sam, dean, y/n, let's go. We got a house of demons outside town that need to be killed- whats going on?" He was packing his guns in a hurry but stopped when he saw the three of you frozen to the spot. Both of your brothers looked towards you.

"Nothing daddy, just cramps. Where're the demons?" He walked over to you as sam and dean walked away.

"Baby do you need to stay here? We need your help but if you can't I get it." You shook your head, tears completely gone.

"No daddy, I'm fine I promise, I can help, I want to." You needed to help your father, but you were so scared of sam and dean. He started packing his guns and you went to his truck with him. "Sam, dean follow us, come on sweetheart." As you climbed into his truck, you didn't dare look at sam and dean. They got into the impala silently as you and John left the motel.

The ride to the house was silent in johns truck. As you pulled up, he explained that there were five demons inside, the men responsible for majority, you help if you can without getting killed. The entire time you were at the house, you didn't dare be alone or near sam and dean. Fear of them was constant on your mind, but you needed to help your dad so you tried to not think about it.

Sneaking around the back alone, you saw a demon alone watching through a window. You took your chance and threw holy water on it, instantly burning it as it looked towards you. You started fighting the demon and were winning until John, Sam, and dean came around the back after killing the others. Dean and sam took care of the demon as John rushed to you, checking you for wounds.

When sam and dean killed the demon, you kept your gaze on John, not looking at sam and dean, who shared a glance, remembering your encounter with them.

You got back in johns truck as you watched in the rear view mirror as dean got into the impala. John started the truck and you all went back to the motel. Before the trucks engine even died down, you were at the motel door heading straight to the bed. You layed down as the three men entered.

"Y/n? You okay sweetheart?" John asked. You didn't look at anything besides the wall in front of you.

"Yeah, daddy, I'm fine, just tired, gonna go to sleep." You shut your eyes and heard them shuffle around for about 10 minutes. You of course did not see the way sam and dean were looking at each other. Eventually they went to sleep at which point, you got up and started packing your bag, so hurriedly, you for sure grabbed something that wasn't yours. You looked at your phone and decided against it, knowing they could track you from it.. You didn't know where you were going or how you were gonna get there, but you just knew, you had to get away from sam and dean before they try to rape you again. You were guided solely by fear.

You knew you couldn't leave from the front door, you didn't want to be tracked at all and figured someone might see you. You didn't leave a note or anything, you grabbed your bag, and a wad of about five hundred dollars and went to the bathroom. You shut the door, opened the window and climbed out.

You walked across the street to the gas station, looking at a clock seeing it was about 2 am. You looked around hoping for someone or something to get you out of town and away from sam and dean. You could feel the tears streaming down your face and heard a car pull up next to you.

Some blonde guy reached over the seat and opened the door. "Hey, you look like you could use a ride." You looked around one last time, at dads truck, at the impala and at the motel and climbed in. "Yeah, thank you."

You said wiping a stray tear. "Where you heading?" You sniffled.

"Anywhere, I don't care, just anywhere but here." With that the car started up and you drove into the night, feeling a little easier knowing that sam and dean would never find you again. You didn't care if they would be worried or if they thought a monster had got you. You knew now that you were going to be okay, Sam and dean would never see you again.

Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it, again this was inspired by @negans-lucille-tblr 's post so go look at her page, she has amazing fics and is an amazing writer.

[donbeavers]

Hey, so I totally saw those not-so-nice comments on your fic. Please don't let those get you down. They think that your story and the characters' behavior don't make sense...but honestly, since when has real live and human behavior make sense anyway? Also you're totally entitled to write what you want. Sometimes I also don't agree with an author's characterization, but I usually just keep quiet and just stop reading rather than complain. I hope this encourage you to continue writing! :)

Hello!! Another one yay!!

Hahaa im so excited to get asks :D

Thank you for your kind words! I gotta say its definitely starting to get me motivated to keep writing hearing all this encouragment and kind words 🤗 i cant say how much this means to me :)

And I definitely agree with you on all these points! Personally i dont always want my stories to be 'realistic' and be intentionally a bit over the top just cause i like the drama? 🤭 so i also intended buckys reaction in my story to be over the top 😅 but yeah if people dont like that, which i can understand everyone likes different things, why dont they just click away? Why do they have to leave a comment telling me they dont like it? All it does leave authors discouraged to continue writing (like me lol)

It just felt like many people didnt like it (even if it werent that many but .. well it got to my head) so why bother continuing it? Every time i opened the document i felt so sad and unmotivated 😔

Ugh anyway sorry for ranting so much 😅 felt like i needed to get this off my chest

Again thanks for the kind words and encouragement lovely 🤗 very nice to hear that people want me to continue 😊

[omegawolverine]

hi again damien my pal damien :] i hope you don't mind me not following up to your answer of my ask yesterday until now—there are just There are so many Tasks and Tribulations. in this cruel world. far far too many in my opinion 😭 BUT ANYWAY!!

I AM SO HAPPY YOU GOT YOUR BILLZO MERCH THAT IS SO AWESOME though also i need to say like i agree like the fact that it's already too cold for short sleeves... CRIMINAL!!!! i don't even mind the cold it's just that i have so many band shirts which i want to wear all the time and of course they're all Short Sleeve... and so many of my halloween graphic tees are too 😭😭 it's not a big deal just Annoying. massachusetts weather is so. hmm. not sure how to describe it id just like to strangle it sometimes

AND I'M DOING GOOD :D!! nothing really Special or that interesting happening in terms of myself but im ok with that i don't mind :] plus i think you also saw that post about me fighting for my life cause i Also need to find a day to finally just WATCH the rest of rise, like i still keep scrolling by every meta post too i can't do this anymore 😭 hopefully very soon though :D id give you rise fic recs too but i only know like... one. and i haven't even read it so idk how good it really is 💀

SORRY IF THIS GOT SUPER LONG BUT EITHER WAY TY FOR ANSWERING AND I HOPE YOU'RE STILL DOING GOOD!! good luck with everything you're up against whatever that may be :D

i have looked at this ask every day since u sent it with the intention of answering and then not gotten to it bc adhd so im forcing myself to do it Right Now (so yeah obvi dont feel bad for not following up with me immediately im clearly worse at it than you'll ever be)

nah but fr massachusetts weather is ridiculous, i just have a variety of turtle necks for every fall/winter season to wear under my plethora of short sleeves bc otherwise i cant use more than half my wardrobe during those seasons without freezing to death 🙄 plus it's like downpouring every fucking week but i dont own an umbrella and i have no clue what happened to my raincoat but i fr havent seen it in like 2 years now?? anyways me and my friends went to spirit again today and got soaked bc when we went in the store it wasnt raining and when we left like 45 minutes later it was pouring and we didnt park close.

but ya i did see that post!! hows ur finishing the show going anyways? i havent seen any updates from ur blogs on it but i def couldve missed them 😭😭 i have made no progress since we last spoke bc ive fr just been watching video essays and streams every day with the exception of one day where i just started a new show randomly and watched the entirety of it in one sitting.

but ya i hope ur doing well also!! we will make it through this massachusetts weather together o7