#I don't think I'd die but I'm more worried for the other wastelanders if I fail

[the-dons-waste]

I- What does that mean!!?

( @pea-bois )

This is so fucked up.

[suprnovascripts]

Insight, 10/29/2287

(CW: Chem use, drug euphoria descriptions)

I'm determined to keep recording what I do, but my fingers hurt from firing my way through Corvega... Stubborn reminders of what happened... What all I did. Dozens of people. I killed dozens of people today.

But how many dozens have those dozens killed? How many more would they have? How many more will I?...

As much confliction as it brings me, I'd rather think about the Raiders than... Nate. One of the biggest reasons we got Codsworth was how much he hated using the lawn mower. He'd tell me the motor shook up his muscles too much like firing a gun for days straight. In all the ways I wish I could be closer to him, this is not one them.

I almost talked to Preston about the Vault. But I... I couldn't. I don't know how he'll react and frankly, I can't really think of a reaction that I'm ready for. Maybe eventually we can talk about it but for now, it doesn't matter where I crawled out of, only that I'm here now. I'm sure he would agree.

It turns out the Raiders at Corvega sent the bastards that ambushed Preston in Concord. I was able to do some digging around in the plant... One of their leaders, if you could call him that, he was obsessed with the old woman. I told Preston that they were the same group, but I didn't mention anything about them being... Targeted.

But with everything the woman... sees... I had to talk to her. Last time we spoke, she mentioned Shaun but... She wouldn't say anymore. Said she couldn't. She's not just blowing hot air, I'm not just desperate for any information... That Raider knew. She knew he'd die like he died. What else can she see?

"Hey, Mama Murphy, how are you doin' tonight?" I called out to her. She was shuffling around in some trash outside one of the old houses. Searching for treasures.

"Oh, hey, kid," she said in breathy but affectionate tone. "I'm doin' great. I couldn't tell ya how much it means to see you and Preston trying to make a difference." My face lit up, unable to suppress a grin. I've always been susceptible to old folk's flattery.

"Well, thanks for saying that, Mama Murphy. We all need to be able to help each other a little more than the day before. The folks at Tenpines were really grateful. It will be important for the Minutemen to have connections all over the Commonwealth."

Mama Murphy watched me speak like one watches a play be performed, like one reads words from a page. "That's great, Eleanor. I haven't seen Preston this excited in... Well, he's a good kid. He can convince the others his optimism is natural. I know a little better. He works hard to keep everyone's spirits high, especially his own." She inched into the house, motioning me to follow, her slippers scraping over the centuries of dirt layered on the floor. "But you're not here to talk about Preston, are you, kid?"

I was somewhat caught off guard, not necessarily because I didn't anticipate her to see right through my small talk, but because I wasn't sure what else to say, despite having so many questions.

She sat down in an old arm chair, running her leathery hands over the red fabric and wiggling herself into place. She contemplated for a second and shook her head. "Pretty nice place," she said, now looking around the room. "Not many comfortable chairs in the wasteland, are there?" My face failed to suppress another helpless smile. I turned my face away slightly, both embarrassed by my permeable tolerance to her jokes, and unsure where the embarrassment comes from. "Don't worry," she noted. "The world might not be like how you remember it but its still okay to smile every once and a while."

My smile melted away, and the breath caught in my lungs. "Y-yeah..." I took a seat on the coffee table adjacent to her. I propped my elbows against my knees, leaned forward, and watched myself twiddle my thumbs.

"You're tied to this place, kid. Your energy," she said.

I felt myself swallow hard. I nodded and looked to her. "Yeah. I used to live here."

"Ah, but the distant past ain't so distant for you." My eyes dropped as they began to burn with tears. "I saw you leave that ice box." I looked back up to her as she motioned towards Vault 111. "And this whole world like some bad dream you can't wake up from, isn't it?"

I struggled not to weep. I felt as though I were being cradled yet crushed, embraced yet eviscerated. Salty tears ran down my face and I could feel them peeling away layers of dirt from my cheeks. "Do you... Do you know where my son is?" I choked.

She shook her head slowly and with remorse. "No, I'm sorry. I really am. But the Sight can help you. It always has answers."

The Sight; its what she calls her... intuition. Visions. Whatever it is. I could feel my face tell on my confliction. "Its the chems, kids," she continued. "They give ol' Mama Murphy the Sight." She raised her hands and waved her fingers, then shrugged. "Been that way for as long as I can remember."

I thought for a moment. "Well... Like what?"

"Jet, maybe. If you brought me some Jet, I can see what it wants to tell you."

"What's... Jet?"

"It's a little inhaler that packs a big kick. They say it makes you move faster, but at my age, it's more of a quick rush," she explained with a soft chuckle.

Lightbulb. "Yeah, uh..." I used charades to confirm the size. "And red?" She nodded. "I got some of that from Corvega. I didn't really... know what to do with it so I just dumped it with the rest of my supplies. I can go get it?"

"Hey, its your supply. But the chems fuel the Sight, so it's not always gonna be Jet I'm askin' for. But that's what's on the menu this time."

"Alright, I'll be back."

I stood and walked towards my "house". Quickly. I wasn't ever the type to tell people how to live their lives but there is a certain slime of shame that I can't shake for enabling her like this. I unlocked a large, blue lunchbox that was tucked under Shaun's crib. But what other option did I have?

Jet in hand, I stood to turn and leave. I walked out into the hallway and Preston turned the corner with a smile on his face. "Oh, there you are! I wanted to..." His eyes dropped to the device in my hand. My hands slowly, as subtly as they could, wrapped around the Jet as if trying to erase the image from his mind. Neither of us spoke for a moment.

"I was just going through some of the stuff I found from --"

"She's not a young woman anymore," he interrupted. "I keep telling her that junk is going to kill her. I know you're trying to help. Just... Be careful." He turned and walked back out the front door, leaving me speechless in the hall.

My gaze didn't leave the ground as I walked the few houses down to return to Mama Murphy. I took my place on the coffee table and held up the Jet. "This what you needed?"

"You did good," she affirmed, gently taking the inhaler and putting it to her lips. "Now let me ride the high to where the Sight wants to take me." She pumped the hit and inhaled sharply. She closed her eyes and her head tilted back some before she exhaled as steady as she could. "Diamond City..." she groaned before taking another deep breath. Then another. She leveled her head and blinked a few times. I could see her head wobbly on her neck as she labored to keep her vision focused. "Diamond City holds answers, but they're locked tight. You ask them what they know, but people's hearts are chained up with fear and suspicion. But..." She coughs and takes a few rattly breaths. "You find it. You find that h-heart..." A slow, controlled breath. She is able to focus on me. I can tell she is reeling but now she's at least tethered. "You find the heart that's gonna lead you to your boy. Oh, its... It's bright." Her eyes grow big and she looks past me, and its almost like I can see her visions glimmering in her cloudy pupils. She went on. "So bright against the dark alleys it walks. That's what you need to do, kid." Her voice heightened in pitch and she grinned, reaching up to caress her fingers against her cheek. "Follow the signs to the bright heart..." She slowly began to lean forward, and as soon as I realized she was leaning too far, I jumped down and caught her as gently as I could. She gained her balance in her seat and patted me lovingly on the chest. "You are looking for a man. He can help you - he will help you. But he ain't gonna be the man you expect."

She leaned back and crossed her hands over her lap. She watched the ceiling and practiced her breathing. Despite it all, she looked euphoric. I stood and waited for her to say anything else.

She sighed. "That... took more out of me than usual... I'm gonna need to rest now, kid."

I thought of what to say. "Do you need anything?" I finally asked.

"No, sweetheart, I feel great. This chair is comfier now at least. I imagine you have some travel plans to make, so don't waste any more time doting over me, you hear?" She smiled up at me.

I've been sitting in Shaun's room for a few hours now. Preston has been sleeping in the living room here, but he hasn't come in from patrol yet. When I peak through the various holes in the wall, I can see the glow of his musket float around in the dark like a sentinel spirit.

Its getting late. I can't get to Diamond City in a day on my own, so the next few days will probably be a lot of trial and error lined with unknown variables of the most extreme kind.

I turned on DC Radio a little while ago, hoping it would help me get to sleep. But... I can't stop thinking of Mama Murphy. How she... Knows...

I hope the reception gets better as I get closer.

[fate-magical-girls]

One day when they're just chatting, the King asks the Queen if she has hobbies aside from her work running their country. It actually actually makes her pause and think. She's been so caught in this web of administrative meetings, political intrigues, and the obligatory occasional royal banquet that she's barely had any time left for herself.

"Riding." She finally says. "There's nothing like feeling the wind whip in your face while you speed by everything. Sometimes I'd just take my Thundering Leopard into the wasteland and let him run. And then it felt like we were the same beast, and we could run all way over the horizon without even getting tired."

The King listens intently, and she continues on.

"Jousting tournaments. I didn't always participate, but I like seeing the knights' armor gleam. I like being caught in the excitement, especially when they're off their horses and going hand to hand; wondering it this is it. This is the fight where one of them actually kills the other. And sometimes they'd ask me for tokens, and then I'd cheer as those men went out to fight, or even die for me. Gave me some perspective."

She realizes that explanation might have been a little intense, but the King isn't cringing yet.

"Dressmaking."

The King smiles. He doesn't laugh, so she feels safe about going on.

"I like the feel of different fabrics, and watching the way they drape off bodies. There's a lot you can show off with a dress. A lot you can hide as well. I'm sure they told you how good my needlework was when they got us engaged."

She falls silent. There are many activities that no longer has time for, activities she took for granted back when she was a powerless but carefree girl.

The King fidgets, then speaks without looking her in the eye. "I don't know anything about clothes, and I haven't jousted much...but uh...I do know how to ride."

"Are you suggesting something?"

"Well...grandpa had a hunting lodge in this forest..." As he speaks, his tone grows more assured.

"I've still got business..."

"No, it won't interrupt anything." He looks her in the eye, clearly excited. "We're supposed to make a tour around the country during harvest time, right? Inspect how the nobles are managing their estates? What if we did a quick detour over there? And...I can get horses...and other people who like riding..."

She has to agree. It's been so long since she's dashed into the wind.

The country-wide tour is a long and complicated affair, and it's all worth it for that one moment of freedom at the hunting lodge. The Queen makes sure the saddle and reins on her horse are well-secured before hopping on. She notices the King not making the same checks, and asks him if he needs any help. He tells her not to worry.

She does one back and forth lap around the lodge. It's exhilarating in a way entirely different from scoring a victory in war or negotiations. It's only when she gets back that she sees the King walking beside his mare behind her.

"It's been a while since we rode together, and the saddle chafed both me and her. And I can't ride bareback, so yeah. Did you like it, though."

She laughs and dismounts.

"Come on. I'll show you how to ride bareback if you show me how to twirl those candlesticks like you did last week."

I think the funniest dynamic for arranged-marriage royalty would be a queen who came here 100% prepared to murder her future husband and rule as a widow queen in her own right, only to discover that the king is autistic as hell and responds to her wish to rule with "oh thank god please do, I don't want to be bothered by these people. I can just tell them to go bother you instead, if you really want that. I've got beetles I wanted to study."