#I don't play ffxiv if that's what you're asking

[erusgabu]

Got fixated on another gacha rhythm game

[luck-and-larceny]

FFXIV Write: Reticent

She flipped a card over. King of Hearts.

“Ah. So there's a man who has been occupying your thoughts lately.”

It was important to deliver her readings more in statements than questions. Confidence was the key to convince people to pay you. That was rule number one in these kinds of games.

The woman on the other side of the cards didn't react. She didn't agree. She didn't disagree. She simply stared at the revealed card.

Ok.

Malika gave the woman space to think about it before adding, “It's important that I mention here that this does not necessarily mean you've been thinking about him romantically. The hearts represent depth of feeling and affection, but not necessarily a desire to be romantic. It could be a father figure, a mentor, or even a co-worker you've been worrying about.”

Again, no rising intonation. 

And, again, no response.

Malika tilted her head slightly to get a better look at the midlander woman’s face as she peered down, unblinkingly and wordlessly at the card. Nothing. Blank.

“Let's turn over the next card then,” she said and bit back the urge to nervously clear her throat. No nervousness here! Only sport!

She turned the card over to the 9 of hearts.

“Ah,” she said, “More hearts. Now why do you think that'd be, hmm?”

The first rule of the game was: Don't ask questions, make statements.

The second rule was: Fuck it, break the rules when you need to. In this case, she hoped asking for a response would make her sound like a patient teacher allowing her student to draw her own conclusion.

“Dunno,” the midlander answered and shrugged. And that was it. Nothing. 

Malika was quickly losing her patience. The way this woman stared at the cards you'd think she was watching paint dry on a wall!

“This card represents satisfaction, contentment and joy,” Malika said… emotions she, herself, was quickly forgetting how to feel. “Paired with our handsome King there it looks like things are going pretty good for you!”

Why even come get scammed by a shady asshole peddling fortunes with a regular ass card deck– not even a cheap divination deck!-- if your life is going so well? Tell me why you're here! You owe it to me! 

“Oh.” The midlander answered. Flatly. No emotion.

Was she alive? Had someone created an automaton to come get their fortune read? Was this a trick? Evander was pretty good at designing machines… She looked around for evidence of him. Nothing. There was a lot of that here today.

“Oh.” Malika repeated it and then turned another card over. Ace of Diamonds. “More good fortune. Literally. You'll receive a letter soon saying you're to receive money you did not expect. Tied to the hearts here, it suggests the letter will either include good news about the man or maybe be sent by him. Is there a man you're hoping to receive good news from?”

More nothing. Absolutely nothing. Time to pack up and call this a bust. She hadn't expected to get anything too significant for reading playing cards, but she'd at least hoped for fun. Or gossip she could use at a later date on another scam. Anything at all! Reading someone else's good luck in the cards and not even getting a conversation from it left a terrible taste in her mouth that only getting sloppy drunk could fix. 

She started to pack up. Silently. It's what the “customer” deserved.

The customer reached out a hand and gently held Malika’s wrist. 

Weird.

“Please turn the next one over!”

Malika raised her eyebrows. Finally, something interesting. Finally feeling like she was back in control, she exerted her power by not packing up but also not turning the next card over. And not speaking either. She could feel the switch of fortune in the air, could sense the tables turn. Exhilarating.

The woman across from her blushed and released her wrist. Then, blessedly, began to speak. “I didn't want to give too much away,” she explained, “because I'd been warned these sorts of set ups could sometimes be scams.”

“Hurtful,” Malika responded. “You wound me.”

“I'm sorry! I just… I thought to protect myself I shouldn't give anything away. I should see what you say and then, you know, see if it was right. Then I couldn't be scammed, you know?”

Malika nodded. “I know. These streets can be dangerous. People can be so unscrupulous. It's a good practice to watch out for that. You did the right thing.” She smiled warmly and tried to keep a predatory grin from overwriting the warmth. “But card reading requires two people working together to create the– we'll call it a narrative. I don't have oracular visions.”

Well, not usually anyway.

“I just have the ability to read vague messages in the cards. You've got to lend your personal experience to them to make the message more specific. It's like we're dancing together when we do this. If you don't move with me, it's clumsy and unsatisfying.”

“Ohhhhh, that makes sense.”

Did it? Good! Malika rather liked the dancing analogy…even if her first thought for comparison was less polite.

“The King of Hearts is my uncle, I think. I adore him! He’s a professional “treasure hunter” and he's opening a new museum in La Noscea that is going to be full of all kinds of ancient items and artifacts and other stuff like that. He sends me letters all the time telling me all the things he's found that he'll put in the museum and other stuff he's just planning to sell and he says he's been making so much money off it all. I asked if I could become a partner, so maybe that's what the letter will be about! Next time we do a reading maybe you'll pull a card for me that shows me as Queen of Diamonds!”

Malika had to keep her head down staring at the cards. She couldn't lift it or her wolfish grin and the bad intentions in her eyes would be far too visible to Red Riding Hood. 

“Maybe!” she agreed.

She turned the final card over. 2 of Spades. Its meaning: Bad luck. A need to be extra cautious. A cheat or bad actor in your life.

Malika lifted her head and her smile was nothing but sweetness. “2 of Spades! It means you've been needlessly cautious. You've been hiding so much away when you need to learn to be more open and honest. You've shut the door on your thoughts and feelings when you really need to throw that door wide open and impulsively do anything your heart desires when you desire it. Transparency is the key to your success!”

“Ohhh, that makes sense!”

“Doesn't it though! Now tell me everything about your uncle and yourself.”

[nihilnovisubsole]

i think i followed you Back In The Day, seven years and seven blogs ago, for something related to mass effect (zaeed? maybe? who could say) and it's wild to come back to this site years later and find you thriving, surviving, growing-- playing ffxiv! love that game. curious how you'll feel about some side characters in shadowbringers, but i won't spoil which ones.

i do have real questions, though; writing tools. not pens or software, but personal structure tools and/or guidance. what does a beat sheet look like, for you? do you have a favored way of outlining or note-taking on your own thoughts when putting a story together?

and... i'm really curious how you hold a big story together in your head while you work on it in pieces, especially for something like dangerous crowns. there's this larger story i've been chasing around for a while, and I can't quite wrap my head around how to write the political/espionage plot for it without feeling like i've actually written a children's pantomime. the best i've got so far is "research real life events and use those as my outline" but after a point it becomes hard to keep track of all the variables of who knows what about whom, who is planning x when y, etc, etc. the characters don't need to know all that-- and may never know some things-- but i feel like /I/ need to understand what's happening on the macro level so i can move the world around them appropriately.

short version: how do YOU wrap your head around writing complex plots?

hey, anon! i started endwalker this week after a long... uh... glamour detour, so don't worry about spoiling things. i spoil myself for a lot of stories on purpose anyway. let's just say i've been attached to one too many characters who got killed.

anyway. writing. i've always handled plots the same way: clear documentation. if i don't note it down, i'm not going to remember it. i've used the same table outline since around 2014. it varies in detail for different projects, but the core format stays. i know it's kicking around in my blog archive somewhere, but it's worth reposting once in a while because people like to ask about it. here's what it looks like, featuring plot points cribbed from an endeavour episode:

i used this format for an outline at work a while back, and the team found it easy to follow, which was a big day for my ego. keeping track of plot structure is even more chaotic at work because we have multiple writers who all need to stay on the same page. we have very meticulous notes on what the player should know at which point, when we're introducing new information, and what we know, but shouldn't tell. we're also not above leaving notes like "this character has to convey X," "this character has to learn Y here," or "this is a clue that they're planning Z." it can be super on-the-nose. all that matters is that it makes sense to you. because you're right - if you get too lost, you can write yourself into logic holes of tremendous proportions. ask me how i know!

[as a sidenote, researching real-life events as a starting point has really grown on me in the past few years. my lead on coh3 had me do it. he said we were dealing with real people's history, so we couldn't be cheap or play fastball - we had to be accurate to pay it respect. even if you're not writing historical fiction, it just gives you insight into how people behave.]

i would argue that the plot of dangerous crowns is actually not that complicated, maybe to its detriment. there's kind of a genre struggle going on. at voltage, we were taught romance fans came for the relationship beats and valued them above all else. in fact, leadership told us players got irritated - which meant less sales - when the plot was too complex and took time away from the making out. political thriller fans, by contrast, expect relentless twists, high stakes, and harsh consequences, and sometimes see the relationships as superfluous.

but whatever. the point is, when you look at dangerous crowns' structure, it's a pearl necklace: a chain of anchoring events. the "pearl" scenes are where Big Plot happens. they're the reason you want to write the story, and probably the ones you have the most vivid daydreams about. the scenes in between are the string. not flashy, but important because they connect the pearls. they build tension and add logic, cohesion, and context. take the opera and hector's failed assassination. those are pearl scenes. that's a burst of drama i really wanted the story to build up to. i also had other flashbulb visions. livia by the fountain questioning herself, marcus' macbeth moment, the temple riot, things like that. so the question was, how could i believably travel between these pearl scenes? how could i make these big showcase moments connect smoothly?

if you're having trouble holding the story together in your head, i would ask, "what are your pearls?" what are the anchor points? outline those. it might not look like a necklace yet, but you'll sort of see it taking shape. and then, once you can see where your heart's-desire milestones are, you'll have a clearer idea of what can't fire until you set it up first. two other neat things can happen here. you could find the rhythm of your pacing, or realize you have a lot more plot meat than you thought you did. even if you don't, you have some road. and if you can't think of the string, sometimes you just have to start writing the pearls and see what comes to you.

good luck!!

[paintedscales]

FFXIV Write 2024 :: Day Twenty-Three

Prompt: On Cloud Nine Characters: Nomin tal Kheeriin, Estinien Varlineau Word Count: 1,320 Notes: Digimon AU

Master List

Holding Nomin's hand, Estinien led her down the trail as night shrouded over them. In his other hand, he had a hand torch shining the way forward. It was late, and he deliberately waited until a lot of their other friends and Digimon wound down for the evening so that he could take Nomin and slip away unimpeded.

Their shoes crunched against gravel and grass, trees stretched high over top of them. The outing honestly reminded Nomin of dumb decisions made by equally dumb teens in horror movies. It would not have been a lie to have said she was feeling just a little on edge.

“C'mon…where are we going?” Nomin asked, despite her slight sense of unease, she had a playful smile on her face. She was a lot better, her hair longer and her body back to being as capable as it used to be -- perhaps more capable since her hospitalization. After all, this was her second summer without too many issues cropping up.

“I told you it's a surprise,” Estinien replied, not flexing on his stance since they departed the vacation cabin the group ended up renting for the couple of weeks they were there.

Rolling her eyes, Nomin shook her head and continued following along. She had not explored too much outside the cabin -- not far from it at any rate. But she supposed she was going to trust Estinien.

Walking up a small incline after getting a decent distance away from the cabin, Nomin saw moonlight glinting off the lake. It was a pretty sight with the looming mountains in the distance and the clear night sky making a beautiful, starry backdrop.

But…

“Don't tell me we're jumping into the lake. I don't even have swimmers on!” Nomin said, half joking.

“What, not a fan of skinny dipping?” Estinien asked.

Nomin balked and looked at Estinien with a sense of disbelief.

“Your answer is in the first syllable of my name,” Nomin replied. Her grip loosened on Estinien’s, though she did not fully let go just yet.

“Clever…”

Nomin huffed. He…was not actually serious, was he?

“Don't look so put off; I was only joking,” Estinien said, leading the rest of the way toward a nearby campfire pit that looked to have been used for larger outings. He then let go of Nomin’s hand and made his way to the pit.

There was a bag nearby that Estinien took time to dig around in before he pulled out a box of matches. Setting his hand torch down, Estinien got two lit and laid them down in the premade campfire logs and tinder. He let them catch, leaning down to blow gently on the catching embers to coax it to catch on the rest of the feed.

Nomin, meanwhile, took this time to find a seat close by. She glanced back out toward the lake, taking in the view. It was genuinely such a nice night.

“It's going to take a moment for the fire to build,” Estinien said as he straightened back up, picked up the bag, and then walked over. He sat down next to Nomin on the stone bench, hoisting the bag up with him.

“That's fine… It's nice feeling the nighttime air like this,” Nomin replied, looking back at Estinien. Her eyes flicked to the bag and then back up at him. “So…had this all planned out then?”

“You could say that.”

“You sure know how to make me feel special.”

Estinien let out a brief chuckle. “Have you forgotten why we all went out of our way to put this vacation together in the first place?”

Nomin brought a finger to her chin in thought.

“To spend the summer together before we all go away for college?”

Estinien poked Nomin in the side of her stomach, making her yelp in surprise and swat his hand away while laughing.

“You're probably playing dumb, but I haven't forgotten your birthday,” Estinien said, a slight furrow to his brow as he kept a generally straight face. “July twenty-eighth. That's tomorrow.”

Nomin's smile gave way to mild astonishment. She then watched as Estinien reached back for the bag and started rummaging around in it. He pulled out something thin and small wrapped in a matte metallic paper. Holding it out for Nomin, Estinien looked at her intently.

“Happy birthday.”

Reaching for it, Nomin took it up and then looked down at the wrapping. It was not the neatest. One corner was folded in over itself, another had visible creases around it as if getting the paper wrapped properly had been an obstacle.

But it was special…

Flipping it around gingerly, Nomin ran her fingers along the paper until she found where the taped down flap was to start picking away at it. She carefully unwrapped the paper to reveal a little wooden box underneath. Her heart skipped a beat for a moment. The box was reminiscent of one of the specialty wooden boxes that the one shop they passed put their jewelry in.

“Estinien…” Nomin started, shaking her head. “There’s…there’s no way I could accept this.”

“No take backs.” Estinien retorted.

Nomin felt her cheeks flush as she pouted and then opened the box. What she was expecting, however, was not what was in the box. Instead, it was rougher -- more handmade than it was something that one would find at a display window at the mall. Nomin’s lips parted as her fingers feathered over the pendant inside.

Its metallic surface glinted in the growing firelight. It was a small circular pendant with an engraving of a running horse on it. Inlaid around the horse was what looked like bloodstone jasper that looked as if it were running across a field at a distance. It was attached to a small chain.

“Did…you make this?” Nomin asked.

“Nah… I mean…” Estinien took a moment to compose his words. “My…dad made it. I asked him to. For you.”

The blush on Nomin’s face felt hotter.

“How’d you know I like horses?”

“Remember when you came over that one time and you got to meet my little brother, Hamignant?” Estinien started. “The two of you were talking about favorite animals, and you said… I heard you say you liked horses.”

“Th-That must have been a year ago or longer…!” Nomin felt incredibly flustered now. With a sigh, she handed the box to Estinien and then slowly turned her back to him. Grabbing her hair, Nomin moved it aside, revealing the back of her neck to him, inviting him to put it on.

Nomin heard Estinien take the necklace from the box and then felt his presence around her when he neared. She felt her heart beat in her chest as she saw Estinien’s hands come around her to get the necklace fitted onto her. He clasped it on, and once it was secured, she ran her finger back over it before turning back around and looking at Estinien.

Estinien’s eyes flicked down to the pendant before going back to Nomin herself.

“... It suits you.”

“Does it…?”

Silence lingered between the two of them for a moment. Then Nomin leaned over, pressing a chaste kiss to Estinien’s cheek.

“Thank you. This was…really thoughtful of you,” Nomin quietly said. “A-And tell your dad I really like it; that I say ‘thank you’ to him, too.”

Estinien only met Nomin’s gaze with a look of surprise from her action. For a moment, he could feel that elation of being on cloud nine. While it was true that they had gotten rather close in the time that he had lived nearby, he was surprised that it seemed like Nomin was expressing something…more?

No… It was just a friendly kiss, surely.

Clearing his throat, Estinien looked toward the fire, now crackling and popping every now and then as the logs burned.

“You’re welcome. I hope that tomorrow’s everything you want it to be.”

[never-wednesday]

So i did some Stupid Fuckshit this past month in final fantasy ffxiv: I wrote a character who i wanted to be a reaper through MSQ for story reasons.

This means that in order to accomplish what I want i need to be reach level 70 in a combat class, which was Paladin so I could start in Ul'dah and get fast queues.

I allowed myself some concessions: having access to the first three dungeons would grant us access to the leveling roulette, and Sylph Management will grant us a job, which makes the prospect of grinding much much more tolerable. So i allowed myself to progress the story just enough to move from Gladiator to Paladin.

It took me a total of 28 days (Oct 8th to Nov 4th), and 2 days, 6 hours, 12 minutes of playtime. Just under a month isn't bad, especially considering i spent almost a full week out of town and unable to play at all.

In that time I primarily used daily leveling roulettes, and despite unlocking PvP far earlier only used PvP for the last 5 days. Hunting logs, minimal levequests, every sidequest I could find, and pretty much any FATE I stumbled into was how I spent my time. Also, lots of Palace of the Dead. It was interesting! I'm glad I did it, and I'm glad I don't hate Reaper (I didn't have the good sense to give it a proper test on my main first) but I can solidly say I do NOT recommend this! What the fuck!

If you do want to do this though, here's my advice:

- just start doing your daily frontlines as soon as possible the exp is no joke. It's also the only other roulette you have access to besides the basic leveling roulette, and you will want that scaled exp

- pursue challenge log entries!!! I didn't realize how good these were until the LAST DAY they got me from about 1/4 of the way to level 70 to level 70 so so fast. The chocobo companion and FATE challenge entries pair very well together, so pick up some gyshal greens! It'll also make soloing those fates much faster (ask me how i know)

-rotate between activities, PotD runs, FATEs and hunting log entries are well and good, but if you don't want to feel like you're going to start fist fighting every goddamn enemy personally you also gotta spend time doing other things that are fun. That's part of why I did so many sidequests! They have lots of love and charm in them, and it's a nice break from harsh grinding. I also really spent some time learning gpose which was super fun!!

-dont divide your time between multiple classes if you can at all help it. Honestly, I'd really recommend staying away from conjurer/white mage because it's much harder to do solo potd runs with (I did lots of potd content solo out of convenience). If you are going to pick up a new class, pick up something like RDM, GNB or any other class that starts at a high level and fully commit to it till you hit your goal

-uhhh, be yourself, have fun, and test your goal class BEFORE you do this

[yuri-is-online]

Hi! I know it's a bit weird of me to put another thing in your periphery so soon after my last check-in. But I'm currently caught up in Princess Peach: Showtime! brainrot and I thought you'd like to hear it!

So in one of your earlier posts you came up with the idea of Yuu having a modern Alice in Wonderland-esque overblot with Grim as their phantom. But, having spent the better part of a week trying to hundred percent this game (why am I like this?) gave me another worm. And it goes something like this:

What if Grim isn't the only one gaining something from those blot crystals?

Because in the game, Peach changes "form" so to speak, after taking in a bunch of Sparkle. So who's to say Yuu isn't unknowingly absorbing runoff blot from those crystals? Then who's to say that Yuu doesn't have similar "forms" to the Overblot boys? Snapshots immortalized in ink and imbeded in a human who is slowly but surely losing it. And, going along with your idea of a Yuu overblot, what would it be like for the boys to have to effectively face themselves should that happen? Now it's not just Grim they have to face but a reflection of them at their lowest and the one victim who has been dragged to it every single time. The pain, the fear, the regret! Ah! I didn't know I could think of something so angsty! (And that's not even talking about Peach's last form and the Yuu equivalent!)

Anyway, make of that what you will. I just wanted to get that out there. Hope you're doing well and staying healthy! Looking forward to the next thing you make!

Sincerely,

The anon who loves Riddle & Azul

I really do love the way you format your asks dear friend, it is rather like receiving a letter. It is splendid to hear from you again so soon.

I had a brain rot myself a bit a while ago thinking about how it would be interesting for Yuu and Grim to channel the overblot forms similar to Eden's Promise: Eternity in FFXIV:

In my mind I was thinking how I would design a boss fight where Grim has three forms and Yuu has three forms, and then they merge to channel the Thorn Fairy since she's too powerful for just the one of them... but meh that's neither here nor there. The idea of Yuu with forms that reflect the various phantoms and physical attacks that reflect the overblot boys is so delicious, but realistically I think the concept you are describing where the boys are being forced to face themselves is the point of the various chapters we are going through in Book 7 right now. Grim and Yuu twisted into an overblotted abomination... you could argue that facing them would be the equivalent of what is happening with the ob boys right now in his book. It would be easy for him to blame the other dorm leaders and act like if they didn't overblot then he wouldn't be forced to hurt his first friend... but then that would be a disservice to you. He very much had his part to play, the largest one perhaps. In you now is a twisted reflection of everything he hated about himself: his power and his inability to save those he loved with it. You don't need any form other than your own to taunt him with that.

I do think you are onto something about the crystals not just affecting Grim. If we think about the relationship between Grim and Yuu, I think it makes the most sense to say that what Yuu gains from the blot crystals is their premonitions of overblot? Memories sealed in crystal are a fairly common trope... so if the memories of the respective phantom is trapped inside of that crystal then Yuu's visions could be the crystals calling out to them. I am less solid on the "why" but when I think about it this way, something about Grim and Yuu's connection allows Yuu to "hear" the crystals forming, which is why we don't get visions of every bad thing that happens (Rollo and Fellow for example) because there is no "Flower of Evil" about to bloom. Perhaps the Great 7's crystals "belong" to Grim/the Chimera in some way so that's why they are calling to Yuu? I need to think a bit more, but oh I am so glad you sent this ask. It gave me so much to think about...

[anticidic]

Not so much about about the writers ask but seeing you mention Soukoku and FFXIV got me thinking - why Jobs do you think they main, and if you really want to go down this rabbit hole with me, what role do you think they would play in the FFXIV storyline ( I can’t stop comparing G’raha tias admiration for the Wol to Dazai when Chuuya uses corruption)

I'm picking up what you're putting down!! We're going ALL the way down this rabbit hole!!

I've thought about this a lot both in terms of FFXIV jobs and D&D, and I feel like if we wanna go by lore wise, I could see Dazai being a dark knight. (shoutout to that questline tbh) but Dazai's also just a Silly Guy™ and I can just as easily see him being a ninja and Chuuya points and laughs when he screws a mudra up and gets the bunny hat of shame. He's also the type that if he swapped to healer for faster queues so he and Chuuya could take turns leveling, Dazai would pick sage and he'd do funny dashing around to the tank and probably rescue-grief Chuuya in alliance raids. Don't trust him on healer BUT he's also just as likely to shirk Chuuya while on tank and Chuuya ends up getting aggro. I think it's better he stays a dps.

Chuuya's actually a chill team player, but Dazai will start shit and he'll give in to intrusive thoughts and try to get Dazai killed in return. Dazai would try out black mage to see if it was really as obnoxious to play as people say and if the leylines curse is a thing, so Chuuya makes sure it's a thing by baiting mechanics on Dazai so Dazai has to move out of his leylines. (Then there's just a audible sigh every time it happens)

I could see Chuuya playing gunbreaker, astrologian, and samurai. He'd like the first two for the high apm because it gives his hands something to constantly do in terms of rotation and he'd get bored quickly of slow, static rotations like summoner. He also likes juggling several things at once like buffing players and playing the 'how low can you go' with his teammates but never actually lets them die (once in a while he'll turn the other way if Dazai has a DoT ticking down and pretend not to see Dazai die). But also likes being the protector/first line of defense while also beating the crap out of enemies.

I actually really like the Dazai -> G'raha Tia parallel there!! I AM SO TORN. But Chuuya gives big Estinien vibes, even right down to the rivalry between him and Nidhogg. Because I can see Nidhogg being a parallel to Chuuya with corruption, and the loss of control. But also how he starts off as really standoffish and just doing his job as the Azure Dragoon, but then gradually warms up to the WoL and the rest of the team, even if he doesn't want to admit it.

Since you already mentioned G'raha, I won't cheat and say him again, but I can see Dazai being Thancred, both old and current versions! In fact, Dark Era Dazai fits old Thancred pretty well—doing his own thing, sneaking around, he acts suspicious and gets himself into trouble. And even Shadowbringers+ Thancred fits current Dazai, imo. How Thancred wants to protect Minfillia/her reflections as Ryne and isn't selfishly motivated anymore like he was when he was younger speaks to me.

[thedragonagebigbang]

Bang Creator Interview: Bang Creator Interview: Tumblr: @contreparry  |  AO3: ContreParry

The Collaboration period has begun! In these quiet months before works are due, we want to foster a sense of excitement, camaraderie, and celebration among our participants. To that end, all participants were given the option of a formal interview by our mod, Dema, or an informal “ask-game” survey. We hope you enjoy getting to know our phenomenal creators as much as we have!

You Won't Believe What She Was Hiding In Her Office!

Contre Parry and Dema talk gardening, hype-squads, horse girls, and “Sysiphean fun.” 

Dema: To hop right in: Writing. How Is It Going

Contre Parry: ... I think to say "it's going" would be horribly revealing, wouldn't it?

Dema: Haha it's okay to be honest!

Contre Parry: But it's going! Some days I make progress, and other days it's like slamming my face into a brick wall. But when you hit the sweet spot of "I know where I'm going," it's all worth the brick wall days.

Dema: Is there anything that helps you reset?

Contre Parry: Gardening! I go and pull weeds. I think the act of 'doing something useful' makes me feel a little better about not making progress on my writing. Like "Hey, you didn't write that scene, but you cleared out the veggie patch! Don't feel bad!" And that resets the brain and makes me look back at what I was stuck on.

Dema: I feel like there is a great metaphor in there.

Contre Parry: There's got to be, but it's going to require lots of edits to get it to come through!

Dema: Eyyyyyy!

I, too, like to garden. I think it helps to have a hobby that uses a completely different part of my brain. And of course, to touch grass.

Contre Parry: Oh yes! Grass touching is essential. It's also a great reminder of "sometimes it's just not going to work, and that's okay!" ... I tried to grow some lettuce. It did not work.

Dema: Ah yes. I will never attempt lettuces again because I cannot bring myself to kill the little white butterflies.

Contre Parry: "But they need to eat too!"

Dema: Exactly, lol. When you do sit down to write after a wall day, is there anything that helps you get back in the zone?

Contre Parry: I'll get my computer (or phone, depending on location), sit down with a drink, and tell myself that it doesn't matter if it's bad, it just matters that it's DONE. And I repeat that last line as many times as needed.

Dema:  Wow this interview is well-timed for me, lol!

Contre Parry: I'm glad if it helps you out! Sometimes it also helps to find a person who REALLY wants to see what you're writing. So then you can bounce ideas off them and workshop what you got stuck on.

Dema: Do you work with a beta? or do you mean more of a hype person, who isn't editing?

Contre Parry: More like a hype person. In my case, I'll send segments to one of my friends or my brother. Example: I was working on a fic for FFXIV, and I sent a snippet of dialogue to a friend who has never played FFXIV and has no idea who these characters are. And her response ("Kill Him") was actually super helpful, because for me it meant "Oh I wrote this character right." So that interaction got me fired up to finish that scene, because I knew I was onto something!

Dema: Oh that is interesting! And so nice to have supportive friends who will read it even if they aren't fans of the source media!

Contre Parry: It really is! What was super helpful is that this particular friend is very skilled at writing characters having messy, awful fights. So comments like that? Truly special.

Dema:  It sounds like, in general, writing is a pretty social experience for you?

Contre Parry: It is! As much as I like to work on my writing and drop it with a "here it is," behind the scenes I'm bouncing ideas off of lots of people. Sometimes the act of just talking to someone else helps me work through all the problems!

Dema:  For a Bang fic that seems especially helpful, since it's long and in a set timeframe. Has this fic-writing process felt any different than your usual process? Do you do more planning, for example? Less?

Contre Parry: This project was different for me because I came into it without a firm plan in place. I knew what I wanted to write, but I didn't figure out my angle. For most of my stories I have a plan. So if I wander off of my plan, I at least know where and why I did that. This one, though, I went in wanting to write about a one-off line in Dragon Age: Inquisition. And that was it!

Dema: Oooo I wish I could ask which line but that will be a spoiler, I fear. Do a lot of your stories begin that way? Jumping off from a particular line or piece of lore?

Contre Parry:  Most of the time I start with a character, and all of their associated backstory. And if something jumps out at me, makes me go "Why are you like this?" then I start exploring that. "But why?" is sort of my starting point, and then I try to answer that question with varying success.

Dema: Are those usually canon characters? Or do you write more OCs?

Contre Parry: Usually canon, though I love writing OCs. I particularly love writing OCs who are side characters. There's a lot of flexibility and room to grow in those areas!

Dema:  Will it be a spoiler if I ask about your favorite original side- character?

Contre Parry: Not at all! I have one from a story and a few short drabbles I wrote on my tumblr, and she's not in my Big Bang fic so it will be safe to discuss! She's the Inquisitor's niece. I created her thinking "well, my Inquisitor Trevelyan's got a big family with very strained relations, what if she had a niece she never met? What would she be like? How would they meet? Why would they meet?" And that's how I created Henrietta, who is a thirteen year old horse girl.

Dema:  You are really tugging on my heartstrings LOL, I was not prepared to feel so many things in this interview.

Contre Parry: haha, good things, I hope!

Dema: As a former 13yo horse girl, very yes, haha.

Contre Parry: Henrietta's fun because she's a bit of a chatterbox, and is very free with her thoughts and feelings as opposed to her aunt, my Inquisitor. The contrast is fun.

Dema: So when you say room to grow, do you mean for the protagonists? Like these side characters are providing additional character development? Or do you ride off into the sunset with Henrietta for a while?

Contre Parry: Protagonists, worldbuilding, the side characters themselves- it's all a chance to make the world a richer place. Like, Henrietta sees the events of the story from a different perspective and hears stuff that others won't, but she also interprets them as a thirteen year old would. It's like opening another window into the world of the story! So we ride into the sunset with Henrietta, and we see a different Thedas than what we might as a player, you know?

Dema:  Do you tend to write from an omniscient POV? Or are your readers mostly seeing through that window via dialogue? 

Contre Parry: More like a limited omniscient. We're with one character and seeing and feeling things from their perspective. Sometimes I'll switch between characters, but mostly you're stuck with one person. I want to experiment with other POVs more, but that might have to wait until I finish my WIP mountain.

Dema: Ah, yes. The WIP mountain is ever growing. Do you have a side project you are working on while you work on your DABB fic? Or do you try to stick to one thing at a time? (haha do any of us do this???)

Contre Parry: I'm editing that FFXIV fic at the moment, and I usually like having a side project to hop to whenever I feel truly stuck. Like gardening, the jump to something completely different is a hard reset. But once I finish those edits, I'll just have to pick something else off of the WIP pile to work on! Maybe I'll try to be efficient and slowly grind that mountain down to dust! (... she says, knowing this will not happen.)

Dema: It's Sisyphean. If Sisyphus was having fun.

Contre Parry: Sisyphus, I know you got a fanfic in your heart. I know it!

Dema: Now, you may already be aware of the click-bait titles. In our last minutes, can you come up with one for your fic? 

Contre Parry: You Won't Believe What She Was Hiding In Her Office!

Dema: Amazing. You were so ready with that one haha!

Contre Parry: Now all we need is some sort of stockphoto of someone looking surprised. Just so surprised! Hands in the air and everything.

Dema: I should really make a collection of them. If I had all the time in the world I'd do DA sketches. [Dear artists: feel free to use this as a prompt ;)]

Contre Parry: Oh, to be able to break space and time...

Dema:  if only! Then perhaps I would someday see the summit of wip mountain. But alas! Thank you for taking the time to chat with me, Contre Parry! It has been a delight 

Contre Parry:  Thanks for the interview! It was lots of fun! And I think it helped me as well! Clickbait title and all.

[gatheredfates]

What's this? Two updates in a weekend? Yes, and I regret nothing. I'm going to try and do bigger updates where I can, but I also don't like waiting to promote resources where I feel like they can be useful and utilised. Because of that, here is update round two. 🍹

I forgot to mention this last post, but I'm trying to get a headcount going with Dawntrail's release! I probably did it a bit too early, to be fair, but I'm insane like that. If you're looking for people to follow, I highly recommend replying to that thread because I'll reblog any that come my way.

With that said, however, as of today (07/07), the following resources have been added to Sea's Community Compendium for XIV Creatives.

FREE COMPANY / COMMUNITY FOCUSED / EVENT SPACES

Final Fantasy XIV Roleplay (Tumblr Community) — A Tumblr community focusing on XIV roleplay! Share your LFRP posts, partake in the polls, prompts and whatever else FFXIV-Related RP stuff you can think of.

LORE

Dawntrail Pronunciation Guide — Ignorance begets strife, understanding begets fellowship. A guide on how to pronounce the various locals, concepts, societies and other content in Tural. Will contain spoilers for the expansion. Created by @pimpylala on Twitter. Constantly being updated as they play through the expansion.

SEAFLOOR

We're a Tumblr Community now! For people unfamiliar with the concept of Communities, I encourage you to check out the tumblr post by staff made about them here. However, copy/pasting what I have written in the Compendium, the Community functions as so:

SEAFLOOR (A FFXIV Community) is a Tumblr community whose duel-purpose focuses on my projects — the Compendium, question drives and screenshot events — whilst also reblogging member created works, resources (including events, commissions and looking for content/roleplay/free company posts), affirmations and other xiv-related content. If you are interested in supporting my projects without the social aspect of a Discord, I highly encourage you to join the Community. Everything hosted on the Discord will be cross-posted there; you will not miss out on anything. As Communities are still in beta, members need to be manually invited. If you would like to join, please like the tumblr post here. Once Communities are out of beta, I will remove this section to better reflect its true public status.

I'm hoping the Community will function as a member-curated dash, resource hub and visual diary for my projects and member created works. There are no hard feelings if you want to leave the Discord and only join the Community. Please do what makes you comfortable!

Want to submit? You can either fill out the google form here or send me an ask with the relevant information!

Is my space suitable for the Compendium? Most of the time, yes! Below the read more is some more information/stipulations. Again, all the below information is accessible on the document! 🦈

Below are the following things I do not accept on the Compendium:

Personal/Single-Character LFC ads.

Content intended for or can be used for bullying, harassment and OOC gossip. E.g. ‘Secrets’ blogs, receipts, callout posts, etc. This does not include in-character tabloid blogs used to generate RP.

Communities that do not have an RP/writing element (large-scale exempt).

Anything I find personally distasteful or goes against the spirit of this project.

Common-sense rule applies.

FAQ.

I want to put my community on the compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?

Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!

I want to put my community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —

Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.

I want to put my community on the compendium but I worry its too niche?

Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it.

What resources/communities can I add if I'm not the owner of them?

Mutual consent is extremely important to me, so anything that isn't a large-scale community OR a publicly accessible resource must be endorsed by the owner/admin/moderators in order to be added to the compendium. I operate under the assumption that a resource posted to a public space (tumblr, googledocs, youtube, etc) is open to all. A large-scale community is one with a significant member count or openly advertises itself as being accessible to everyone for whatever purpose it serves. If in doubt, please get in touch with me. I'm happy to contact your community owners for you!

How active does a community need to be?

If you find a community has not been active in about two/three months, send me a message and I'll take a look at it. Communities have ebbs and flows, especially event spaces that may take hiatuses depending on member interest/life events. I'm not strict in my implementation provided a space isn't dead. If a link or anything is broken, absolutely contact me about that.

I have [insert a question not stated here]?

No drama! Send me an ask or use the #Compendium channel in my Discord!

[northwest-cryptid]

Idk if I fully understand ffxiv being native-phobic? I just played through stormblood & what I got from that was colonialism bad, to put it in super simple terms. Like idk the entire point of it was liberate an oppressed peoples and give them back their homes? And maybe I missed it but I didn't see the Ala mhigans as being native coded or inspired?

You didn't see the Ala Mhigans being "Native Coded" because they aren't and yet Ala Mhigan clothes use Native patterns. You didn't see FFXIV being "Native-Phobic" because it's generally not, it likes to hide it's racism away in little pockets.

It's hard to see it when you're not used to seeing it. This isn't your fault, it's that you're looking in the wrong places.

This is the "Ala Mhigan Gown" it's being largely attributed to being "Ala Mhigan" it is not. It is Native.

These patterns are Native, and while I cannot claim exactly and exclusively which tribes use them I can say for certain that I'm Deer Clan Lakota and these patterns are ALL OVER my traditional Native clothing. To attribute our clothing to Ala Mhigo is wrong.

This pattern is being reproduced and sold as Ala Mhigan, as "Kimonos" and lastly, as cosplay.

And these patterns can be found across plenty of First Nation/Indigenous clothing and beadwork.

Like, here if you're curious:

Let's also quickly talk about the New World set,

This is just ugh. Believe it or not I like the pants, and the actual torso and shoes aren't bad either. IF (and this isn't the case) this set were to exclude the headdress and were to actually pay proper respect to Native design and culture I'd love it. I actually used to use this set in game minus the headdress obviously, but wouldn't you know it I'm literally Native. This feels like those party city costumes people make, and the parts it gets right are almost more upsetting because it's not being properly attributed to the right people despite knowing very well the devs clearly referenced actual Natives. Those straps on the pants for example are a very real thing, the clothing my father passed down to me has those, tipped with metal because it makes enough noise to scare off rattlesnakes since those were a threat for kids on the res. The colors and bead patterns also do follow a lot of various Native designs, though I find it harder to pin down these exact patterns.

You're looking at the plot, but that's not entirely where the problem lies; also sorry sorry but I can't overlook this. None of the story or plot justifies Zenos calling me a Savage. I do not care if he's the antagonist, that's a fucking slur. It's been used against me and my people for decades. It's been used against me when I was in middle and high school. So yes, even in recent times this is acknowledged as a slur by racist individuals seeking to cause us harm.

If you've never gotten into a physical fight that you didn't instigate only to have someone ask you "what are you gonna do savage? You gonna scalp me?" And then do the worst imitation of a Native war cry; you likely have no idea how annoying it is to see/hear even a villain in a video game call you a fucking savage, have this be hand-waved as kinda being whatever by the general public who don't deal with this kind of racism, and then furthermore when you go into FFXIV community spaces you see this blonde ass white boy being plastered up everywhere like "oh I wanna fuck him so bad" why do you want to fuck a racist?! He's not even hot. Any potential sex appeal he had left his body the second he uttered the word "savage" and you know the worst part? He's not real. Which means he didn't say that shit, someone at Square WROTE that into the game and really thought "hey is it okay to use a slur like this? Yeah it'll be fine no one is gonna know or care."

Can you IMAGINE if they had a villain drop the N word mid fight? You'd never hear the end of it I assure you.

I think the biggest issue is that people don't even know what Native is, they don't know tribes, they don't know patterns, they don't know our actual history.

You say you don't know how it's "Native-phobic" when it's racism and mockery of Natives is very apparent to Natives, but I can't fault you for it because you literally don't know what to look for.

I want to make it super clear I'm not mad at you, I'm upset that this game can get away with this shit because no one is actually educated on Native matters, culture, etc.

I hope this helps clear that up a little.

[lunar-arrows]

is it really that time again where I try desperately to find a rp partner and either miss someone good by a single message or not find anyone at all? sure is.

I just wanna find something that can occupy my mind and we can chat about plot and dumb little things while we write, so slap this post with a like or wander into my messages to tell me what you like from this list

I'm 25+ so I'd very much like for partners to be at least over 21, and I tend to write in and around discord message limit or a bit shorter depending on the mood

fe3h: I really enjoy writing Felix as he's very my type of character that I tend to gravitate towards. Though I am willing to write for Dimitri, Yuri, Ingrid (as a side character mostly), and a whole host of others as needed.

dimilix, sylvix, glenn/holst

trigun: simple as that I'd like to write as Vash, but I could write as Wolfwood, Meryl, Milly as side characters if we do pairs other than vashwood

vashwood (top priority)

plantcest

jujutsu kaisen: idk man just a lot of satosugu, would honestly be willing to play either of them, they give me so many feelings god help me. and maybe even itafushi because Megumi, once again, is a type of character I would adore writing as. also either one in inuokko.

there are also a lot of other fandoms I love but haven't gotten the chance to rp in that I'd be very willing to try at least once, if you see anything on my page you'd like to try then go on ahead and ask me about it (mxtx novels, nier, ffxiv, ffvii, league of legends music-verse with heartsteel or kda?, possibly some genshin ships?, haikyuu?)

my roleplays tend to be very angst based, very plot heavy so if you're down for that then come at me with your most character hurting ideas you can think of. I don't have many triggers at all, but I'll happily avoid yours if you just let me know!

anyways, thanks for reading, I hope to shoot a message your way or get some in my inbox at some point!

[foxoftheninetails]

You sly dog, you got me monologuing!

Why not?

So I've gotten back into FFXIV pretty hard since I tried it last year. A few friends really pushed me, and I'm enjoying it. Good story, good music. The combat still feels a little bit wonky, but I'm an old school FF player and this is my first MMORPG.

The best times are when my friends aren't busy and they can run dungeons with me, or we explore areas they've seen 100 times and as I explore this new place they tell me about it's history and memories they have of it.

The game is mindblowingly gorgeous. Every time I revisit Gridania and sneak back to my favorite perch at The Hawthorne Hut, I am entranced by the leaves flowing in the wind, the rain falling on a roof, or the ridiculous amount of stars shining in the night sky.

(I know, anyone who's played already knows this, sue me; I am sprout.)

A couple of weeks ago we ran the Alexander raids together, and it was an absolute joy to watch experts play and simultaneously nurture their adopted sprout. Yesterday we visited Ivalice, and I was able to fall in love with the FFT soundtrack all over again and see old friends.

The community has been extremely kind. When my friends are busy, or trying to find some peace for themselves (or hitting the new expansion hard!) and I am left to my own devices, I have come across almost universal support. New job class and running a dungeon for the first time? They'll give you tips, let you run at your own pace, and when you screw up? They pick you up, dust you off, and encourage you to try again.

An unintentional side effect of immersing myself in another FF universe is RP. And no, not ERP. Although that exists, I have not had an opportunity to explore it. (I'm 100x more shy in a video game than on Tumblr, go figure)

We go to a quiet bar, torment ourselves with exotic food that we don't get to eat and drinks that sound terrifying or delectable. Sometimes both. And we talk. We talk to each other, as our characters. Intricate backstories that span a whole game and four expansions, almost 1000 primary quests. These folks have spent years perfecting their characters story.

Now, I had no concept of how in depth this was when I walked into that bar. A simple question about where you're from can spawn conversations that run for hours, with everyone having an opinion on the country you're from. Just don't be Garlean. My first night, I was asked what I do for a living. I said adventurer, because that's a fairly typical answer. I was immediately swept under their wing, to be given tips on how to clear Copperbell more efficiently, what weapon I should be carrying, where to find the cheapest gear that will protect you and look good.

My god, the clothes in this game. Hundreds of articles for each portion of the body. There's a whole website dedicated to picking out the perfect outfit for your gunslinger or white mage.

The best trick? Have loving friends who send you the really sick Converse/Vans, despite your protests. When you push them for why? Because I wanted them. (For reference, decent boots run 30k gil on the market board, the Converse/Vans run 750k because the materials are hard to come by. Needless to say, I have run the last 28 levels wearing orange sneakers, and I look fucking good doing it.

So back to the RP, the original point of this post. Last week, I was sitting in the bar talking about places I wanted to visit (in character, I have already been there for the quests). Mor Dhona was mentioned, as it's the site of on of the most pivotal moments in the story: The Calamity.

When it was recommended to me, my character pulled out a worn leather journal and wrote it down. An innocuous but important detail, to make the immersion feel deeper. The journal was passed around, returned to me, and eventually put away. Not even a physical thing, it spurned a long conversation about the adventurer's life, and the trials they undergo.

Then, my brain said something to me a couple of days ago. What if the journal was real? Tangible, physical, something detailing my characters adventures as that happen, stuffed with "drawings" (my character can draw, I cannot. At all. I have an ink jet printer and an app that converts jpegs into very convincing sketches) and souvenirs from his adventure's?

Sounds a bit silly, but it would be an easy way for me to track the details of conversations, and giving me a little arts and crafts project, as a treat.

So I did it. I bought a (frankly overpriced) leather journal with a compass rose sewn onto the cover with black thread. Beautiful sturdy leather and crisp cream pages.

Then I set about bringing it half way to destroyed. A leather journal carried in the field, through the rain and rivers, into combat, through the snow and up mountains does not stay immaculate for long. My character has had the journal for about 4 months, so I needed to beat it up and give myself a head start. Scuff the leather, soften the edges, curl the whole thing so it never sits flat. Drip a little bit of sealing wax on the cover, put small punctures into the back and knicks out of the corners.

The pages? Some got the tea treatment, to try to age them. No dice, this damn modern paper is resistant to stains. Water stains are forthcoming, but I am an impatient being and already started writing in it. Then a revelation came to me.

I am an absolutely massive fan of FFVIII. Obsessed with it. I know the names of every song in the OST and where each song is used, I have the Lionheart necklace and ring, I have beaten Omega on multiple occasions for fun. Anyone who knows me know I am an FFVIII nerd, and I ain't sorry.

So when I was designing my character last year, the face has scar options. Well, what better choice than Squall's scar? I'll have some of that I said.

Well, my character is from a small, relatively peaceful fishing village. Where the hell did he get that ridiculous scar?! The first job he took, of course! But alas, he was carrying his journal with him when he was injured, and it seems it soaked up quite a bit of blood. Some recommended beet juice. I tried raspberry tea, cherry juice, pomegranate concentrate. Nothing. Oddly, the tea dyed the test page blue.

What time of the year is it? Halloween of course! So we buy some fake blood and I'll be damned if it doesn't look like the real thing. It stains the pages, and the rough parts of the leather.

Now, just 4 or 5 days later, it has a leaf from Gridania from the day my character arrived there, drawings of the aetheryte station, some of the people he's met along the way and some of the more impressive geographic features (the ones that coincidentally took my breath away), and even a Triple Triad card. There are plans to visit the Sea of Clouds and meet the Vanu Vanu, so we'll be tucking a feather into the pages. So many other things await.

This has become a (probably for you, dear reader, painfully) long post about my current autistic obsession. I am particularly proud of this journal. While I was inspired by another persons comment, the execution was all mine. So, having gotten to the bottom of this essay, either by scrolling or reading, I have but one question: Do you wanna see the journal?

edit: it will literally only take one person saying yes.

[luck-and-larceny]

FFXIV Write: Telling

Audr Shade's home is a small, nondescript house in a relatively undeveloped ward of the Lavender Beds. It sits tucked away in an appropriately shady, uninhabited corner of that undeveloped ward. This says to me one of two things:

This guy is a recluse who is just begging to be robbed and Nymeia is fully on my side today.

There is no Audr Shade. This is an elaborate set-up by my asshole ex-boyfriend and the Adders and Nymeia has decided I should get fucked today.

If I abandon the plan to rob this very introverted and probably very imaginary music genius now, I will avoid being arrested. That might be nice.

But I'll also never know what might have happened if I went inside and what secrets could be hidden within. That is not nice. I do not like that.

It occurs to me that I have more options than just stupidly going into this house. I don't have to roll the dice without knowing who I'm playing against. I don't have time to go searching through public records or to interview people about this lucky landowner's history and tragic backstory, but I know people who do have that time. I settle into a cozy spot hidden away at a nearby, half developed house, behind abandoned construction supplies, and watch Audr Shade's place while I call my fixer.

“Floors and Decors,” he answers. 

“You changed the name again? Sibert, you're not going to be taken seriously as a committed business if you can't even commit to a name for that business.”

He sighs. He hasn't made it through even one sentence from me before becoming exhausted. I feel so powerful!

“Go on then,” he says in a world-weary voice. “Give me more business advice I can rightfully ignore. I've got the time.”

“Oh, good! It's time that I need, actually. See, I'm working on– you know what? No. I need to say more. I take back my criticism. I don't think you're changing the name of the store enough actually. You should switch it up at least once a week. Keep em guessing. What's that guy in that ramshackle place down by the dock saying he's got this week? Chairs for Lairs? Sheds and Beds?”

He cuts me off to grumble, “Stop! What is it that you need?”

“Couches for Grouches then,” I reply, “I'm working on a job and I don't know if it's a setup. I don't actually know if the guy I'm robbing even exists. I've been sent to Ward 31 of the Lavender Beds–”

“I didn't know there was a 31st Ward,” he interrupts. “I thought it was still being constructed.”

“Me too,” I say, “But there is a house here all the way at the very end of this ward. It's super basic. Nondescript. Nothing notable in the yard. I don't even see a place to tie up a chocobo.”

He scoffs. “Well, that's telling. Are you calling to ask me if this obvious trap is actually a trap or to try to convince you it's not?”

Well, fuck. When things look like they are too good to be true, they usually are. But sometimes they're that good because Fortune has smiled on you. I admit I have some difficulty these days discerning between divine intervention and my own intervening delusions. I really ought to examine that more. I won't, of course, but I ought to.

“Could you just look into this guy for me anyway, boss man? His name is Audr Shade and–”

“Audr Shade? The musician?” He's curious now.

And I'm annoyed. Why did he know that immediately? I'm the one whose hobby is music and I didn't know him! Unbelievable. I bet Sibert couldn't tell the difference between a flute and a fart.

“Yeah. Him. So he's real?”

“Well, I've never met the guy face to face, but I know him, yes.”

“Right. Of course. Because you definitely pal around in the same circles. The antiques and home goods community sometimes invites the art crowd to brunch?”

“Well, no. I mean, sort of? I mean– Lia, he's worked with me before. Not as a contractor, but as a client. Not recently, but not so long ago either. Actually, I had you retrieve a golden spoon once for him. Do you remember that?”

Do I remember that? Sibert had “forgotten” to warn me that the woman who had this antique spoon also had a trained Gigatoad. I shudder at the memory and suddenly feel like I'm covered in toad slobber all over again.

“Yeah, I remember. Wait, so this guy is a part of our world?”

“Enough that he's reached out a few times anyway. Describe the house to me again?”

“Like I said before, I can't. It's the most boring house I've ever seen, but, like not even in a notable way. Like… it's just a white house with black shutters. You know what? Shutters are stupid. Like they don't DO anything. They're just a decorative thing that pretends like they have a function, but they're nailed to the sides of windows! They couldn't even actually shutter anything if they wanted to. Everyone's just got these silly pieces of nothing fixed on their houses because they see every other house has them–”

“Yes. Great. People do things because other people do them and because it looks good. Very insightful. Back on task, Lia. I said it was telling that his house is nondescript. I thought that might be because it's a trap. But maybe it's not. Maybe it's nondescript so it'll be ignored. Maybe he does live there."

A light turns on in the home. Moments later it turns off again and a guy… a very boring looking guy– the Highlander equivalent of a nondescript white house with pointless shutters– steps outside. And looks right in my direction. 

[battersweet]

My oldest sister, i don't think she doesn't really cares about my interest or me in general. Look, i love her, she's the only one who knows my queer identity as an ace herself. She's my sister, she and my other sister took care of me when my father was at another country for five years and my mother was in pospartum depression, she's an great person even though she sometimes gets too offensive, but the only way i can spend time is that i have to talk about things she likes, like games and etc. Ffxiv for example, okay, i like that game, but i'm not a big fan, i only play when i feel like it. But my sister is a huge fan of Final Fantasy series, and i force myself to pretend i don't get bored when we play this shit for days, because there's no way i can spend time with her in any way. But when it comes to me when i talk about my interests etc she either makes fun of it or doesn't listens to me. İ feel like she doesn't wants me at all.

Also i hate when my dear mother compares me to her even though there's an whopping ten year old age gap. She's gonna be 24 and i'm gonna be 14 soon, she goes to univeristy. "Well she always had 100 on exams why can't you? Why can't you be more like your sister?" Like can you stfu pls.

İn the summer break one day we suddenly had an argument about my grades and school. İ wasn't the one who bringed it up, but it blew up suddenly. İ didn't rebel against her. She told me how my parents are working their ass for me and i don't do shit, being an emotionally spoiled brat, how i'm breaking their trust, how i'm going to attend to a shitty school have a shitty job and die alone. İ couldn't say anything, trust me i wanted to, but i just couldn't. İ was so embarrased and dissapointed by myself i couldn't even look at her which she got more furious when i didn't looked at her or answer her, she tought i was acting like that because i wasn't taking her seriously. Than she tried to comfort me by saying like. "you're a great kid though, i'm saying this for your own good." She confuse me so much. İ feel like an absolute shit when i don't study or have time to. Even though my middle sister is homophobic (she is but doesn't minds queer people, just doesn't supports it) and forces me to be more "girly", i like to be with her more than my older sibling. She doesn't mocks me about what i like, gives me gifts about my interests even though she doesn't really like it or understand, listens to me yap about for hours.

Whenever we are in an argument with them and when i stand up for myself they're always slapping me with "İ wish you stood up for yourself like that for your bullies as well so we wouldn't have to deal with you." You're not sigma. Also they get mad at me when i don't forgive them about something, even though they teached me that whenever i made a mistake. İf you did it you did it, apologizing doesn't change anything. Than they're asking why i'm so silent and 'asocial' and don't protect myself. GOLLY FUCKİNG GEE İ WONDER WHY?! That's why i don't tell them anything when something happens at school because İ'm going to be one to blame because i didn't protect myself. İ hate fighting. İ hate getting into arguments i hate getting bullied i HATE getting picked on but i'm always to blame whenever it happens.

But i'm not saying they're bad, i love them so much <3

[theoneandonlyduskstrike]

Ramblings Reuploaded #2

My Trans story so far (2024)

Hoi there, and happy trans day of visibility. I can't possibly be more vissible then this right? I had to share my story with someone a few months back when i came out to them, and ever since then i had the idea of making it my next post in this inconsistent and confusing series.

I say series because this is part two. Here's part 1 on...sonic cd. yup.

So the format is simple. I take something i already typed and try to make it more legible for a blog type racket. No reason not to get right into it. Beware of typos, and transphobes begone!

I'm a kid in a barber shop. My grandpa is talking up a storm to some random clerk. I'm extremely bored. There are some toys though. Poly pocket. I never seen these before. These are so cool. I wish i had one of these but they don't make boy versions right?

Some time in 2022, I was at work dealing with closing cleaning type things which let my mind wander. I started thinking about a fairly innocuous interaction I had in FFXIV no earlier then 2021. The race I wanted to play was gender locked so I was playing as a female character. Two players starting joking around with me and the whole time they used fem pronouns for me. I didn't think too much about it back then but on that day in late 2022 it made me question why I was so ok with that use of language towards me

That was the day my egg cracked.

I spent the rest of 2022 trying desperately to figure out what my relationship to gender was. Just what the heck was I and did that even mean anything? Maybe I was gender fluid. It was hard to feel fem at work. Or oh! Maybe i'm just a drag queen in the making. But why did I not want that to be true and did that mean anything? Well clearly i wasn't actually trans right? Nevermind that gender fluid was trans. I thought maybe that I only felt that way because I was playing a character. So I made up my mind. In 2023, at the start of a new year I would begin to experiment.

It's around the era of the nintendo wii and something is bothering me feircly. I spent days on my gamecube on my tiny crt and realized I was picking princess peach a lot on my precious 'cube. I confide in my friend that I really must have a crush on her. When pressed I can't say why. I'm so glad he doesn't embarss me for my stupid feelings. It was a little weird I didn't like her as much in that one game though. Not my fault she just looked better in a dress.

I stopped cutting my hair and started trimming my beard and prized mustache so I was always smooth and baby faced. Anyone who asked I simply told them that it was a new year and a new me. Except for my friends who were the first to know.

My imposter syndrome was HIGH. And it remaind so for a long time. so afraid was I that I was actually, secretly, a fake trans. I had no evidence for this except piss poor self confidence. I only talked myself out of it much later with the idea that "Being trans and just really thinking you're trans is functionally the same so it doesn't mater if i'm 'fake' "

Unfortunately, my friend group wasn't doing a lot of online gaming at the time. I got a little desperate to see if my new pronouns fit. To my shame I basically asked one of them to contrive reasons to put pronouns into a sentence so they had reasons to use my new ones. They did not oblige.

Another pokemon game for my precious nintendo 3ds. I pick the girl because clearly they'll have better fashion options. I had just learned my lesson from Pokemon Y. No other reason. A few other simular things. I pick up megaman zx for the first time and choose the girl because, obviously, only female megaman.

I got a break when I was invited to a short lived DND group. I started hanging out with a separate friend group I was already beginning to know before gender stuff started. With ample chances to try my gender out I realized that something felt right.

So I went deeper. I remember wandering around a good will trying not to draw ire or eyes as I went and both tried on a dress and managed to bring it home. The few times I wore it felt great. Would feel much better if it actually fit.

It's my childhood again and i'm sat in front of the ps1 with my little brother. Namco museum only had one true co-op game. Toy Pop. I pick the girl so he won't have to.

In days to come I kept experimenting. I started to realize all the small signs. You already know many of them. I've peppered them througout my story. Unbeknownst to me I had already started to experiment with gender. Awhile ago I, once again trying not to get attention, bought some thigh highs from a party store. I really enjoyed wearing those. Everyone except for me knew I was trans before me, including me.

When I was dead certain on my path I set up an appointment with planned parenthood. I told my grandparents I was simply heading to Dave and busters which was technically not untrue. I began my medical transition but I was also urged to come out to people. I couldn't live in the closet forever. So I did so with my very obviously gay manager… And it went nothing like I expected. It went well, but not how I thought. I ended up coming out to the whole work force as well.

The right wing had tricked me into thinking any "regular" person would react with shock and confusion on a reveal of my new gender identity. All the media I consumed had colaborated this.

I'm just entering furry twitter when I see quite a few posts of male characters in dresses, usuasly of the maid variety. How cute, i think. I'm allowed to do this one because it's a shared joke. So i draw the one dress.

And then a few more.

"I wish I could look as good as my characters do right now"

Eventually I managed to come out to my grandparents. They were confused but attempting to be accepting. Things have mostly been rocky in the sense that they haven't made any effort to treat me the way I ask, but they don't deny me. The parents who raised me are forbidden to know their daughter.

I even came out to my astranged mother. (seperate from my step mother mention a second ago). When I was in highschool she moved back in town and we started to rekindled our relationship. Being the first to know I was ace, it was a shock when she became a born again christian. I thought she'd never accept me and I was almost right. Behind closed doors she tells my younger sister to not refer to me by my pronouns, or so i'm told.

After I was out for awhile something weird happened and I stopped.. Policing my own behavior. How I held myself. The words I used. I was my own women. I didn't need to fit into a box. The more I went on the more free I felt!

I started holding my hands in gay little ways. I crossed my legs. I walked however the hell I wanted. I used 'hon' whenever i felt like it. I wore this cute little collar I owned out to my weekly dnd meetings. Who cares. I'm me now. This cat can't be boxed.

The longer I've been on this journey the more I felt right. And here we are now. A two year or more journey still ongoing

It's 2023 and i'm attempting to put on eyeliner for the first time. It goes horribly. I laugh, inform my friends of my mistake, and we play games through the night. I wear my favorite of the two dresses. I ask them if it's ok to do so. They laugh. What and absurd thing to ask. Why would a woman not be allowed to wear a dress?

I would like to thank a huge number of people for their help in my journey but my brain is mush so i'll try to get as many as I can

@tuttifruttifox my ex who's been supportive of my journey and put up with my experimentation @biddyfox girl you are my sister and I couldn't have done this without you. Thank you so much for everything. @bigbadkingboomboo for casually replying to my nervous bullshit with "ma'am this is mcdonalds" which was simultaneously very funny and very affirming.

@cynical-cy for being you. Honestly just being a out trans woman who's art I happened to enjoy did wonders I think. Sorry to tag you. I know we're not really friends.

@patricia-taxxon that one fucking video you made on just being a furry and doing your own thing litterally changed me. You made me stop hidding who and what i am.

Honorable mentions to my friend xio. he doesn't do tumblr, but He's been my best friend through everything and his support is invaluable to me. I love you buddy.

if you think you should be on this list too, let me know and i'll add you cause honestly it takes a village to raise a catgirl.

[ffxiv-krhistia]

Things we'd like to see more of on FFXIV (or less depending on the thing)

People playing the things we were talked into doing because "it's the right thing to do" - and NOT because it's the right thing to do, but because failing and wiping is a form of learning.

So IN THAT, we've noticed nobody queues for anything SHB and above, everyone's PF unsyncing. Like literally unrestricted unsyncing MSQ content.

I could understand the 5.3 trial, and I VALIDLY get fears of wiping- but damnit - if an Autistic/ADHD/DID/CPTSD person like myself can re-clear without carrying LATER ON - getting carried on ECHO/Level Sync NORMAL content -- you can make effort, it's OK!

I'm not saying this in a TOXIC "EVERYONE HAS TO DO THE HARD SHIT" - i'm not saying go do extremes, i'm not saying become week 1 clear.

What i'm saying is: Only reason I unsycned a bunch of ARR/HW content for shits and giggles with my partner was? I'd already done it, they'd done it on an alt.. and when we'd done it on Dynamis, we'd gotten toxic responses if we didn't remember mechanics..

Thing is: I'm not even asking you to STUDY mechs, i'm asking you to ENJOY the actual mechanics as part of the story - MSQ content the mechanics aren't just "DUNGEON MECHS" this is a story based MMORPG, and while i'm sure WoW is - Carrying people in dungeons isn't toxic.

IF YOU unsync basic content, you won't learn later on. This is why a whole generation of us in FFXIV don't know how to do Bahamut synced, because nobody wants to sync it with us.

You do you, i'm not shaming you for being scared of the content. I get it. I just cleared Heroes Gauntlet for likely the 2nd or 3rd time since playing SHB, and I am learning sage - I am extremely on edge when I have to wipe 5 + times.

But I would NEVER have wanted to unsync that, because I would miss key information about the storyline, (the first time that is) due to how the dungeon is set up.

Sure that one's HARD and i get POST content is harder than main. I Beleive in you. You got this. And if anyone on Dynamis bites you for not knowing Porta Decumana mechs...

Remind them: Not all of us had to queue for Porta after 6.1, and not all of us do our roulettes. I've gone THROUGH Dawntrail, but I have to admit "clearing" is different than being CARRIED by half your FC lol.

And there in itself: You CAN BE CARRIED by wonderful caring people in this game.

I'm in an FC with a bunch of savage raiders, nerds and twitch streamers - some of them somewhat famous and some of them like myself are bottom barrel lol.

We've all watched our FC leaders try and clear savage raids with Llamatodd...

If I can clear Heroes Gauntlet by wiping 10+ times with a caring party that came from Duty Finder...

Then I urge you to take up the strength, even if you do it unsync ONCE and then do it again later synced.. Learn the story, learn the mechs because of the story - don't just "STUDY" Them for some tier list..

The mechs sometimes really do have to do with the story.

And again, just like any thing: I'm saying this from a teaching, and caring perspective. I am not intending to be abelist in any format, if you NEED to unsync for any reason, i'm sure you have a valid one - but please if you're able to: do it synced.

You're an amazing WoL. I would hate to see you miss out <3

~ Khit'li L'ocar Crystal/Goblin Resident Lvl 100 Floor Samurai Lvl 92 Sage, Lvl 84 Vpr. Sasshat Crafter who WILL SCREECH if you zoom to the marketboard like their partner and buy crap before we can craft it for you. (Sadly i'm too low to be in Kiba Corp lol)

Edit: I'm now level 100 Sage. Several Crafters are level 100. Getting married in game to @cidolfus-garlond sept 27 2024 4pm PDT (After party starts at 6pm, i think i posted it on this blog or something i'll mention it gain before the time if y'all see this XD subathon and prizes on my twitch :D)