#I don't know why this one was so tricky to figure out but here we are!

[neohoestechnology]

I absolutely love your moodboards and headcanons! Could you do one for Draco? 🥰🫶🏻

Thank you so much!!💗💗

I'm SO sorry it took so long (mainly because I saw the request yesterday 🫠 my university is KILLING me sorry😭). This is LONG so bare with me + my English is rusty af so I apologize for any grammar mistake

☆ Draco Malfoy Headcanons & Moodboard ☆

Okay, so, a quick disclaimer here before we get started -----> now, I really believe that Draco is one the most tricky character to "get right" (speaking of his behavior and thoughts), so I just wanted to say that this is my personal interpretation and could be 100% different from yours so please be kind🥹

Oh boy, it took A LOT for you two to finally get together; a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of sacrifice and arguments between both of you and your friends. Just a lot.

I think we can all agree that our beloved boy couldn't care less about girls before during his first years at Hogwarts. Some things changed as time passed by, a lot, actually. He changed in the first place, becoming old enough to finally understand his family affairs and secrets. He HAD to change. He wanted to gain strength to be able to carry this new burden on his shoulders and to show his worth, but it all developed into a self-destruction, never-ending cycle that made him feel left out and alone. You, on the other hand, always seemed to have all figured out, and always looked so calm and caring. Truth is that you also felt like you were missing something, like you didn't really fit in for some reason.

It's not really clear how or why you two got together, but somehow, it happened.

Your caring nature always irritated him. How naive, he thought, but that time you found him crying on the bathroom floor, all alone and desperate, he thanked God that you came.

From this episode, bit by bit, your relationship started to form.

You two are VERY good at keeping it private, very discreet.

At the end of the day, you just have one another to stay with, and you are more than okay with that. People started to get suspicious, though; your friends started to notice your frequent excuses and distance, wondering WHAT ON EARTH they did to make you feel this way. Little did they know about your secret midnight meetings with a boy whose reputation speaks for himself.

Even though you two never show up together as a couple, you actually never feel lonely during the day. It's all about those secretly exchanged gazes, the typical side eye thing from across the room when someone is talking bs, him softly brushing his hand against yours when you are leaving a class and no one can see.

BUT, when you two are ACTUALLY ALONE... Soft touches, hushed words and pleading eyes.

You like to share silence together, there's nothing left to share after your first bathroom rendezvous.

I feel like he smells like wood, like deep forest or something like that, but his smell is kinda comforting (my scent-describing skills are nonexistent sorry😭)

I mean, you can feel his presence even without seeing him.

He has this thing about his eyes, like the way he looks at you. Everyone who played close attention to his gaze could tell it was love and admiration.

LOVES when you run your hands through his hair (sometimes you could swear to hear him purring).

Likes to make flowers appear between the pages of your potion book while taking classes, only to give you a subtle smile and turn his head to read his instructions immediately after.

Your first time together was during the Christmas break, when there were just the two of you in the entire Slytherin dorm. It was the first time he said "I love you" (it's fucking cheesy but I love it eheh). Everything was so slow and sensual. Lips, hands and kisses everywhere. Slow thrusts with your hands intertwined and his head buried in your neck.

His hands are always so cold that he has to keep them in your sleeves (he loves it though)

Likes watching you sleep (not in a creepy way don't worry lol). He'd brush your hair out of your face and caress your face softly.

Would fidget a lot while talking to you, mostly to distract himself from the fact that he gets weak in the knees every time he looks in your eyes, even after all this time. He'd 100% play with your hands or hair just because.

You'd literally yank his hand from his mouth every time he bit his nails or picked at his skin.

He's the type of person who would do hot things without even realizing. He would undo a few buttons of your shirt just to button them up right away just because he thought they looked weirdly asymmetrical, causing you to blush and stutter. And this mf would just tell you to go on and finish what you were saying (okay, maybe he does this on purpose).

You know that the way he behaves around others is just a facade. He is so broken and hopeless that he HAS to act that way around them, but when he's with you, his safe place, he feels so grateful that he gets to get loose from his worries and reveal the real person he is that it scares him how attracted he is to you, how primal his need for you is.

When your friends found out that you were dating Mr Bully Malfoy, they just couldn't wrap their heads around the reason that spurred you to do so. Let's just say that you are not friends anymore. You tried to explain yourself countless times, but they didn't seem to understand nor were willing to do so, and you thought you were better off without them anyway.

He got the same treatment from his friends ngl. It was better this way, honestly. In the end, you just needed one another to feel complete and fulfilled.

He thought about running away with you almost once a day during his 6th year. He knew what, better say who, was coming. He was sure that the death eaters wouldn't spare anyone, maybe himself included. When he first told you, he was sure you would laugh it off and call him paranoid, but instead, you listened to him carefully and decided to plan your escape with him without even flinching.

It was a gloomy night in the middle of the winter. Rushed footsteps were echoing in a corridor, then in the hall, down the stairs. Restless eyes were wandering around the path, occasionally looking back to check no one was tagging after them. A subtle creaking of a rusty gate opening was heard, and then nothing else.

OKAY SO I got WAY MORE carried away than I should and I know this is longer and more serious and dark than what I usually do but I tried my best. Actually, I'm not 100% satisfied with how it turned out and maybe the person who asked it expected something different and more light-hearted, and I apologize for it. Again, writing this character is difficult af.

I do not possess any of these photos, all credits go to the owners.

Love you, B. 🌱🤍

[zepskies]

Hey Zepskies! I'm a small writer but I'm starting on my ficlet about an oc x ben (soldier boy). I've read so much of your work and just think you are a very talented writer. Do you have any tips on writing ben? it can be vague and I know you're busy so I don't expect a response. :)

Hey there!

First off, welcome and thank you for reading my stories (and for that lovely compliment). 💕

As for your question, writing Soldier Boy (Ben) can be very tricky. It took me a while to fully figure out how to write the character, and I will say, it's a challenge every time I do dive back into this (loveable) asshole.

😂 That said, here are 3 main tips I have for writing his character:

1. Comparable archetypes:

When I started trying to do a character analysis of this guy, I started with who he would've likely looked up to and tried to emulate: Frank Sinatra, Humphrey Bogart, Cary Grant, John Wayne, Indiana Jones, John Winchester, and even Dean Winchester to an extent -- the strong, stoic, man of action archetype.

AKA: The Big Swinging Dick™️ in the Room.

These men are leaders, a "man's man," show no pain, weakness, or vulnerability. (So shove those "soft" emotions down your gullet as much as humanly possible. Real men don't cry, amirite? 🙄)

But the fun thing I find about guys like this is, even though they have a hard shell, being able to pierce the armor somehow and get to the creamy center of their heart can be a very rewarding story indeed.

2. The balance of SB's personality:

Based on what we got in season 3 of The Boys, I find that Soldier Boy's personality is a delicate balance of a few key things:

Arrogant Narcissist: He's a massive ego, selfish with a conflated sense of his own importance. Especially before his capture, he's reached the pinnacle of fame. He's bought into his own hype and the backstory Vought created for him, and he assumes that everyone in his life loves him for it.

As Jensen said of his character in Supes Ain't Always Heroes (check out my review of the book here if you like):

“He’s so fragile and his ego is fragile. Just like Homelander. These bigger-than-life powerful heroes really have a glass jaw… “And everyone walks on eggshells around him [Soldier Boy], and they tell him that they love him, and it’s the same with Homelander. Then when all of a sudden he faces his old team and Crimson Countess says we never loved you, we hated you—that’s a gut punch for him. Because even though on some level he may have known that, he never thought he would hear it. “And he probably propped himself up around trying to believe otherwise, because how can you walk around knowing everyone you’ve ever cared about hates you? It’s too painful.” (191)

Womanizing Misogynist: That entire scene with SB and Grace in Nicaragua tells you all you need to know about how Soldier Boy talks to, treats, and views women. 🙄 Again, he's a narcissist, so he assumes women are going to be into him because he's the world's biggest superhero, because he's handsome, because he's that guy.

The problem is, he is devastatingly handsome and impressive as a superhero. And my headcanon is he can be very charming when he wants to be. Again, using his skills as an actor and channelling that old-world debonair charm to get what he wants. (i.e. Cary Grant, etc.)

Violent and Indifferent to Collateral Damage: This is a key one, because this is part of what makes him different from Homelander. SB is not a psychopath. He doesn't necessarily enjoy hurting people. He just doesn't care about the collateral damage.

He also can't tolerate a perceived slight to his masculinity or status, like when Black Noir tried to rise up in the ranks and come into his own as a movie star. Soldier Boy, in his selfishness, saw that as Noir trying to come for his crown, in a sense, which is why he ultimately showed his mean streak through violence.

When he gets back to the U.S. after escaping Russia, he's on a warpath of vengeance against his team who sold him out, and anyone who gets in his way.

"If they have it coming," he tells Hughie.

3. Soldier Boy is both less and more than what he represents: (AKA: His insecurities)

As we know, Soldier Boy didn't really storm Normandy or fight the Nazis. He falls short of every definition of a hero. However, he's also not just a caricature of toxic masculinity.

Ben has deep-seated insecurities that he buries under all the bravado and the Soldier Boy persona. He was also emotionally abused by his father, who set exacting standards for what it meant to be a man.

It drives Ben to try and prove his worth to his father, though he’s never able to. It fosters the lack of self-worth he feels as he seeks validation through fame and what he believes power to be.

He won’t be one to easily admit he’s wrong, or need help, or express emotions he deems are “soft.” He doesn’t want to look weak or demean himself, let alone be genuinely vulnerable, despite likely wanting that connection with someone.

He uses coping mechanisms like drugs to mask and dull his PTSD, but even in his heyday, I think he drugs and parties hard just to pass the time, and to mask how actually empty he is inside. He has no real love in his life, and no family. It's why he admits to Hughie that he wanted kids. Deep down, he wants a family to fill that void that fame, booze, drugs, and meaningless sex can't fill in his life.

So with all of that flawed, internal mess that is Soldier Boy, the biggest challenge I find as a romance writer is trying to keep all of these aspects of his character, while trying to show the glimmers of the humanity in Ben -- the chink in his armor showing just enough softness to the one person who's brave enough to "try" with him.

That said, I hope all of this helps! 💚

[nonotnolan]

Fiverr Warlock: Holiday Magic

Christmas can be a tricky for us magic users. A lot of clients come to us, hoping for budget miracles or last minute holiday magic, so it's easy to start feeling like people just take you for granted. Plus, warlocks are notoriously difficult to shop for. Most of the things we really want for Christmas, we can just conjure something up ourselves. I was started to get really, really burnt out on the holidays until I figured out a trick to raise my spirits-- as a bonus, it's even easy to do. I just pick a random deserving person and give them some charity magic.

Take a look at Jake, here. He's one of the lowest clerks on the totem pole, but he's also the only tailor I know who sees me as a person and not a commission payout. When he told me last week that he was on his second low sales write-up and about to get fired, I decided to make him one of this season's recipients. I know he's a great guy, but I can't blame a random person off the street rejecting a tailor who can't even wear a properly fitting suit. Improving his appearance will go a long way, I think. The problem is Jake would never accept my direct help for free, so I'll have to be subtle about it.

The first step was getting rid of his facial hair. Some guys look good with scruff, but Jake's body isn't growing hair thick enough for a good beard. I'll start there, and work my way up. As far as Jake knows, I was there to buy some dress shoes. I was actually there to cast a delayed change spell on him that would remove all of that unwanted hair overnight. While I was there, I added some skin moisteners and a long-lasting fatigue remover. Finally, I added a mental shroud so that he wouldn't notice the changes to himself.

When I went back to check on my work, I was pleased to see that Jake already showed a noticeable improvement. He was clearly doing a lot better, even if he didn't know why. Could I have left it there? Sure. But I don't half-ass my charity cases.

He greeted me when I walked in, but today I deflected his attentions. "I'm just browsing today. I meant to ask you, though, have you ever considered OnlyFans?" My words hid the casting of a compulsion spell.

He blushed, and slipped his hands in his pockets. "Oh, I don't think I quite have the body for that... but thank you, sir. Let me know if you need anything."

To his credit, Jake's former body was pretty unremarkable. I say former because I cast another delayed transformation on him. This time I gave him 20% more muscle mass, a deeper voice, and increased his self-confidence. I also took a few more years off, for good measure.

The next day, I was able to find his OnlyFans account under his name. It was tempting to increase his muscle mass further, but doing so would risk breaking the mental shroud I cast over him. Besides, massive muscles and a bronze tan often went hand in hand, and I would hate to ruin his beautifully pale skin.

No, better to leave well enough alone. Otherwise I'd be casting minor spells on him for weeks. Jake was no longer struggling through life due to his disheveled appearance, and that's what mattered. Another Christmas Miracle, crafted by yours truly.

-------------------------------------------------

Want to read more by this author? Dicked (Over) by a Demon by Nolan Sempers, for sale on Amazon.

[pearldog30]

The ghosts dick sizes and more....

Hesh, Logan, Keegan.

I don't even know why I came to this point but here we are.... Enjoy bb gorls🖤😙

Other words 👉 Master list

Warnings| obviously the talk of the boys dicks, and a little nsfw.

Hesh🌴

Hesh is 5.8in (14.732cm) curves a little to the left, he's cut, and very VERY thick especially the tip just know he'll be hitting that perfect spot every time with how thick he is, his tip is the same color as his lips maybe a little lighter while the rest of him is a beautifully, flush dark pink, his balls are pretty average for his size (although they kind of look small from how THICK his cock is) they hanging pretty low, he's unshaved but he'll trim it for you (if that's what you prefer).

Now here's a little spicy part for you guys!

Hesh is a hand thruster... He fucks his hand hard and fast anytime he jacks off, he has violated his hands more than you ever could. he's a quieter groaner/moaner he just naturally is without even trying, he always tries to stay quiet but it slips out of him and he doesn't even realizing it. (All tho somehow the wet sounds are always so loud coming from him)

Keegan☠️

Keegan is 6.2in (15.748cm) doesn't really curve he's also cut, he's about average size thickness maybe a little bigger but not by much, BUT! he's kind of veiny, His balls tho are kinda thick tho you can feel how hard they slap against you almost like his hand, he keeps it clean shaved for the most part, his color I feel like he's a little tan his dick doesn't got much color to it unless he's fuckin you REALLY hard then its a little red

Keegan likes it slow and steady he just likes taking his time and building the pressure (only when he's by himself though) Low key edges himself when he does jack off. This man DOES NOT make any sound whatsoever.... He could honestly jack himself off while sharing a room with others and no one would even know.

Logan😶‍🌫️

Now Logan.... He's also 6.2in (15.748cm) maybe a tad bit longer. He's NOWHERE! near as thick as the others but he is very veiny, (He only has length going for him honestly) he also curves slightly to the left as well, He is as well as his brother cut, now his balls hang lower then his brother (surprisingly) but they're a little smaller. And he's like Keegan he keeps it clean shaved ALL THE TIME, (even shaves his ass) now his color I don't know why but I feel like his tip is BRIGHT pink while the rest of it is more subtle kind of like his lips but a little darker.

Logan is a bit more tricky it depends on his mood, Sometimes he's fast and hard, and other times he likes to take his sweet old time... All tho he likes to move his hips and hand at the same time becoming perfectly in sync. (but he's not as violent to his hand as hesh is with his) he's whimper/whisperer all tho if he's REALLY feeling himself it can get a bit loud but he tones it down pretty quick.

And that's going to be the end for this. this literally just came to mind and I had it written out, so I figured you guys deserved it with a little spicy twist of course. I hope you're having a good day/night wherever you are! Reblogs, comments always appreciate it 🖤

Tag list| @alexkellersleg @macravishedbymactavish @walker33961 (if you would like to be added just message with your name)

[nthspecialll]

We have all seen the edits and drawings of Dutch with "I'm your man" by Mitiski, more specifically with the lyrics "you believe me like a god, I betray you like a man," but it is not just those lyrics that fits Dutch and practically the entirety of the gang.

(Warning I am not a huge Mitiski fan so I will just take the lyrics as they are without any deeper meaning and compare them to red dead to give them a deeper meaning)

While the whole "you believe me like a god" might make it sound like the "me" also sees themselves as a god as well or at least superior to the other party, that is not the case.

"You're an angel, I'm a dog

Or you're a dog and I'm your man."

This part hints at confusion between standing of the two parties. The "I" isn't sure about what their position is with the other party, either the "you" is an angel and themselves a dog, someone lesser, something lesser, or the "I" is a man and the "you" a dog. The "I" never put themselves as something eternal, they never claim to be unworldly or godly, instead they willingly put themselves underneath the "you" and only above them in the same way a man would an animal, a dynamic that while it might hold love also is clear on who is in control.

Dutch and Arthur's dynamic is constantly changing. On one hand, Arthur is a workhorse, the one Dutch sends our for his dirty work, the one Dutch knows he can control and make him do anything, on the other hand we have their family dynamic of Dutch saying that Arthur means more to him than what a son would and acting as if he is the best thing ever.

"You believe me like a god

I'll destroy you like I am."

While the "I" never sees themselves superior, the "you" puts the "I" on a pedestal, making them their god and the "I" takes advantage of that and destroys the "you." This is similar to Dutch and Arthur. Dutch was not a good man ever, while he and the others did do their Robinhood act, they were never good men, they killed, they robbed and they ruined, but Arthur saw Dutch as a god or a father more than a mere mentor and Dutch ruined Arthur for that in the end.

"I'm sorry I'm the one you love

No one will ever love me like you again."

The "I" knows they are bad, they know they are ruining the other and they know that they will never get the loyalty that the "you" gave them again. While this might not seem like Dutch and Arthur, it very much is in the end.

Dutch in the end when Arthur is dying seems angry, frustrated and conflicted, because while he is seeing his son dying, he knows there is something he does not know. While he feels angry that Arthur did what he did, he never did think Arthur was a "betrayer", he thought John was, he thought John was talking to the Pinkertons and had convinced Arthur that Dutch was bad. He felt sad that Arthur was dying because of John and his manipulation and he knows he will never find the loyalty Arthur gave him again from anyone, and he is right, even in 1911, he has yet to find someone like Arthur.

"So when you leave me, I should die

I deserve it, don't I?"

I am of the firm belief that Dutch spent a long while alone after Arthur's death because the newspapers while talking of him, do not mention another gang, only the old one, and in red dead one they speak as if Dutch's gang is fairly new which would also explain why the Agents were suddenly able to locate him, because he became active again.

This could be to lay low, or it could be because he was thinking over what he had done and what had happened, and considering how much Arthur meant to him it wouldnt be strange to say he might have spent some years in self hatred or pity.

"I can feel it gettin' near

Like flashlights comin' down the way

One day you'll figure me out

I'll meet judgment by the hounds."

This is where it gets a bit more tricky because I believe the "you" changes here, where "you" were Arthur before, it can now be seen as John.

In 1911 John is hunting down Javier and Bill, something Dutch no doubt knew and heard about, while he might have hoped to be able to defeat John, he would have known that John would come for him and he would be able to "see him come near" as he kills off the two others. Dutch knows one day John will be his end, one day John will figure him out and he will have to face the consequences of his actions.

"People always gave me love

Others were never to blame after all."

This is quite obvious how it comes to Dutch, they gave Dutch everything, they gave him their lives to lay if he so wish and in the end it was not their fault that the gang split up. No it was not Micah's fault, while Micah did manipulate, he never forced Dutch's hand, even without Micah Dutch would have lost himself down the road, it was in the end Dutch's fault.

"You believe me like a god

I'll betray you like a man."

John loved Dutch, maybe even more than Arthur, after all John is often seen as Dutch's son while Arthur is seen as Hosea's, not just by the fandom but the characters as well. We see characters call John Dutch's golden boy and his pet. It was also Arthur who had to convince John and truly let him see what Dutch was doing, to let him know that the concerns he had were true.

Dutch removed the noose from John's neck when John was twelve, saving him like a miracle, yet Dutch shot at John in the end like he was no one special, just another man to be put in the ground.

[leebrontide]

Ok so I said I would do a post on “reasons you’re not writing” from the POV of a writer/therapist who works with anxious, depressed, and neurodivergent clients. If you dig that, read on.

But firstly, a disclaimer. This list is far from comprehensive. Don’t yell at me if your experience isn’t represented. This is a tumblr post. Have realistic expectations.

Also, sometimes the reason you’re not writing is that your other obligations are just taking all of your energy and focus. Fixing that is well beyond the scope of this.

That said, here’s a bunch of barriers I see people run into all the time.

1) You’re afraid of failing, and subconsciously feel like it’s safer not to try.

This is a tricky one, because it's probably messing up many areas of your life, which in turn means you're going to frequently feel stressed out in general, which speaks to the point above.

This is around about where the general internet will tend to offer you an array of affirmations to use to sooth yourself. And that's fine. If those work for you, then use them! BUT, if the affirmations aren't working, then friend you have a bigger project on your hands.

You need to get comfortable with failing, particularly at creative projects. I know that can feel scary and vulnerable, but you won't take risks if you can't fail, which is going to hem in your creativity so hard that your motivation will starve. This is why people talk about writing a garbage draft. Not because they want to make garbage, but because they need the option of making garbage in order to take risks. That may or may not work for you, but either way, you really might wanna look at how to lower your stakes.

2) You’re not sure what you’re trying to communicate.

You can make things happen in the story, but you feel like you’re wandering around aimlessly. You don't find you're making decisions with conviction. It might be hard to really fall in love with any of your writing decisions.

For this one, I suggest stepping back and figuring out what the core of your enthusiasm for a story consists of. That CAN be a message or philosophy. It can also be a feeling or a vibe or a dynamic. That gives you a structure that you can build your decisions around, that you can be enthusiastic about.

3) You switched hyperfocus. And maybe your new hyperfocus is a lot of fun, but you feel sadness thinking about the WIP you left behind.

This one has a similar need to the one before, with an added layer of nuance, because you're probably already struggling with identifying what does interest you. This can make people feel really hopeless and helpless.

I have three totally different suggestions for this one. The first is to just be patient with yourself. Sometimes it's good for your brain to just indulge, and let your brain mine for dopamine where it can. Like, lean in. Spa day for your brain, as long as it's feeling good.

Secondly, see if you can find creative ways to weave your hyperfocus into your writing. Is there a dynamic in your favorite show that can inspire your writing, even if it's an original work? Do you want to take a moment to think about how transportation works in the history of your world? Can you consider your MCs relationship to old movies?

It doesn't always work, but sometimes instead of trying to switch things over, you can build a bridge, that gives depth and texture to your work.

Finally- consider embracing short fiction! Do some writing inspired directly by the hyperfocus du joir while it's around.

4) You feel like nothing you say will be interesting to anyone else.

We understand this is a self-esteem issue, right? You're gonna have to develop the trust that your experiences are not so utterly unrelatable to everyone else that your perspective has no value.

Friend, you are a human, with human experiences, writing for other humans. Trust me, you can do this.

It can help to think about your actual convictions. What do you know? What have you experienced? What matters to you? Funnily enough, the cure for feeling like nothing in you is worth expressing is to pour more of yourself into your writing.

5) You’re collapsed. It’s hard to feel enthusiasm and energy for things.

You're not gonna like this, but for this one I encourage you to put your keyboard or notebook down and stop trying to write right now. I know that when you're feeling better the writing feels good, and you're trying to feel better because everyone is telling you to feel better.

But it's not working, is it? If it was, you wouldn't be reading this.

For many people, writing requires them to be able to feel investment and excitement, because those feelings help steer them towards what's going to work and be exciting for the reader.

Your best bet is to focus your energy on finding gentle little activities that aren't so hard to focus on. Ideally, ones that get you moving just a little bit. You'll have a better time writing when you're less collapsed.

Shaming yourself and getting hopeless and anxious because you can't do this really difficult task right now will make you more collapsed, not less, which will be the opposite of helpful.

And yes, these are depression symptoms. Consider reaching out for supports and assessment around that if you can.

6) You can’t figure out the next step.

Thank God for the internet, this one is a lot more actionable than it used to be.

The first thing to do here is step back and ask yourself "where am I getting lost?" If you have someone to talk this through with, even better.

Then you hop on to your favorite search engine and type in "Stuck on my outline 2nd act" or "can't get started editing" or whatever. People LOVE giving writing advice. There's plenty around. Read some advice! Try things out!

Now here is the critical point- when and if that advice fails, stop and figure out why it failed. For example, I have a short term memory disorder. Most writing process advice is for people who do not have short term memory impairments. So a lot of the advice just plain didn't work for me.

By figuring out that my subpar memory was in the way of my writing process, I was able to put together processes that work for my specific brain and my specific process. You can read about that in more depth here and here.

Frankenstien yourself a process out of stolen bits of other people's processes, with an understanding of your own personalized needs as the lightning that brings it all to life. If you have even traits of ADHD or autism or other forms of neurodiversity (no diagnosis needed) you might also google "ADHD editing hacks".

Finally, and maybe most importantly, chuck anything that you can't adapt right into the trash. I don't care how great the writer who gave the advice is. That's what works for their life and their brain. You have neither. Writing advice is only as useful as it is adaptable.

7) You think of yourself as someone who doesn’t finish things, possibly with history to back that up.

Oh, I feel this one. This was me so hard. For so long.

Make room for the idea that you can and will change over time. Getting shit done is largely a matter of developing a bunch of skills. You've already developed so many different skills in your life that you might not even recognize some of them as skills. But I promise you that you have.

But you see #6? Go read that one again. If you're not finishing things, it's because there's something missing in your routine and process that you haven't developed skills around yet.

I'm not gonna tell you it's easy, but you can find and isolate the barriers and figure out ways around them.

8) You have too many projects and feel frozen when you try to pick one to work on.

Ask yourself if this is a real problem. It may be! Maybe you dream of making a living off of your writing! That requires a level of consistency.

But it also might just be that you've had it drilling into your head that not finishing things is some kind of personal failing.

Write out all your WIPs and story seeds.

See if some of them can be mushed into one. Some AMAZING stories come from people combining story ideas that seem separate into a single story. That's fun.

See if some of them are not for finishing. What's that post going around? Some stories are for finishing, and some are just for "getting the wiggles out"? That's solid advice.

Maybe some stories are just for daydreaming on the bus. Maybe some stories are actually only 1/3rd of a story, and you want to leave it to grow in the ground before you try to do anything with it. That's incredibly valid and common!

If you actually look at the stories that you have that are for finishing, right now, you may find a much more manageable number. And if you only have like 2 or 3 things you're working on, you can just let them take turns as the passion for each project takes you.

Keep a file somewhere of these undeveloped ideas. I have a scrivner file that has each idea it's own little sub-document so I can add thoughts to them for years as they percolate.

9) You get lost in preparation and don’t make it to the page.

A couple different things can be happening here. One thing that may be happening is that you're just a writer who needs a lot of research and prep time before you write. I'm like that. I will prewrite intensively for a year before I write a single sentence. That sounds ridiculous to a lot of people but it works with how my brain works and then when I do start writing I can easily and happily churn out a consistent 2-4k words per hour. If it works it works! Don't let anyone shame you!

The other option is that you feel like you're going to get something wrong/fail/get in trouble if you get anything "wrong". You feel safer doing research, so that's where you stay.

Only you can figure out which it is. Introspect. Then you know whether to focus on managing anxiety or just keep preppin.

10) You want to write, but when you sit down to write suddenly it’s two hours later and you’ve written like 5 words but curated 3 new playlists, read some fanfiction, and argued with some strangers on the internet.

Brains are rough, aren't they.

There are two schools of thought here. Both work, but not for all the same people.

Option 1 is to clear distractions. Download one of those apps that keeps you off the internet. Put your phone someplace that you need a ladder to reach, so you have to very actively decide to go get it. Noise cancelling headphones. Comfy clothes. Protein rich snacks and a beverage within easy reach. Pee ahead of time. Make a routine out of it to train your brain into associating this with focus.

Option 2 is to figure out the optimal level of distraction. When I write nonfiction I almost always have mindless home renovation shows on at the same time. Because nonficiton writing isn't quite stimulating enough to hold my attention. So my attention wanders and I end up doing something that WILL hold my attention. When I write fiction, I need music OR to be outdoors where I can look at trees or clouds or people on the sidewalk. I can't watch any kind of TV.

Think of your attention like a pie chart. Different writing tasks may take up different percentages of that pie. If you're awesome at focus maybe you can just put 90% of your focus on writing, and the other 10% is just making sure you don't forget to eat or something. But if you can't reliably conjure up more than 70% for one thing, then fill the rest of the pie with things you can easily pick up and put down. I only look up at the home decorating shows when my passive audio scanning suggests it's something I want to look up at.

These are both good approaches. Ignore anyone who demonizes either. That only means they've found the version that works for them.

You have your brain. Build a process for your brain.

I hope this helps. I have a free monthly newsletter if you like hearing my rants. It is...not consistently about writing advice or mental health. One time I wrote about how genetically modified goats are related to French colonized Madagascar in the 1800s as well as the modern US military. One time I broke down modern challenges to medical privacy practice policies. This is all to do with what I write but in an idiosyncratic way.

Cause I gotta write about what I care about.

[sapphim]

aveline anon again :) thank you for responding, it was very illuminating! 🤍🙏 i kinda figured that the most probable answer was gonna be that there isn’t any other line for this conversation. but i also totally forgot kirstjanson was aveline’s writer and that certainly explains a bunch of things 🙃

hey can I be soooooooo meanspirited for a second? modding sera's dialogue made me feel insane. like I had to go through and compare her dialogue to every other companion's in the game so I could re-establish a baseline of what was normal and what was the most bonkers fucking thing I'd ever seen. bc it wore away at me

so like you know how sera gives the inquisitor a bunch of silly nicknames? actually a significant amount of effort had to go into all those alternative lines of dialogue, and switching between nicknames, and keeping track of which one was active. and it's a cute idea, right? but time and effort isn't free, and everything you decide is worth doing in this environment comes at the cost of another idea you have to write off

it was a specific choice, also, to spend the effort to give adaar more approval for flirting than any other inquisitor. sooooo many tricky little things in her dialogue! it was a specific choice to make sure one could always kick her out of the Inquisition at any point, something that is NOT a thing with any other character. it was a choice to add ANOTHER point at which you could kick her out in the SAME conversation in which you break up with her. something again, I cannot stress enough, NO ONE ELSE DID THIS!!! why do this!!!!

he found the time for ~~all of this~~ (god it was SO MUCH) and yet he just straight up could not find the energy to write dialogue in which the inquisitor is baseline nice to her girlfriend? the priorities at work here are utterly fucking mystifying to me. all flash and no substance. what's the point!! of the cute nicknames if I can't say "hey, I don't think you're crazy and stupid, and I love you"

so, yeah, he straight up forgot anora can be the sole ruler of ferelden but he suuure didn't miss a single opportunity to imply she's the one at fault for her husband taking a mistress. that checks out! we all agree this checks out

[accirax]

Revisiting My Original DRDT Death Predictions

If you haven't been following what's going on over at @av-multifangan, Venus and I have been posting one of our fangans, Danganronpa: One Shot. Hooray! But, more relevantly to this post, we also posted the rules to a game that we've been playing for a long time-- a game through which you can score your performance at guessing how a fangan's kill order will go after viewing only its prologue.

Said old game was also invoked when we began watching DRDT, so I thought it would be a fun trip down memory lane to see what my genuine initial predictions for the entire killing game were after viewing just a little over an hour of Despair Time content.

While all of us non-cast-and-crew members obviously don't know the entire kill order at this point, I can rest assured that these predictions, well... ain't it. But, that's part of the point! To prove that even the creators of this predictions game can be terrible at it, and that there's no shame in making a guess and then changing your mind!

... Oh boy.

SPOILERS for DRDT through the end of Chapter 2, and IMPLIED SPOILERS for SDR2 and v3!

Well, no use in dilly-dallying. Here's my predictions sheet:

(god damn why is the quality so bad--)

If you haven't read the rules of our game, I'll quickly summarize them here. You have to predict the killing game using the most standard formula: one Chapter 1 victim and killer, one Chapter 2 victim and killer, double kill in Chapter 3 with one killer, one Chapter 4 victim and killer, one Chapter 5 victim and killer, and four survivors with a "surviving" (until Chapter 6) mastermind. These roles are listed out in rainbow order (Chapter 1 death = red, Chapter 6 = purple), and victims are marked with an X while killers are circled. The survivors are circled in purple, with a cyan star on the suspected mastermind.

At the end of the game, you gain points based on how far off you were, such that a low score is good. It's +2 points for getting the role wrong (victim vs killer/mastermind vs survivor), with an additional +1 point per chapter for how far you are off from the characters' last.

Although the quality is low, hopefully you can figure out what I predicted using those instructions-- or the image ID, if it's still too tricky. And, of course, I'm going to go through all of my choices below, starting with

XANDER in the role of CHAPTER 1 VICTIM

"Accirax," you may ask. "Why are you acting so doomed about your predictions when you literally got 1/4 of the confirmed deaths correct?" Unfortunately, my friend, I was already spoiled about Xander's death before I started watching DRDT. I'm very grateful that I had no idea about the circumstances of Xander's death (AKA, him stabbing Teruko) going in. But, I think I'd seen some thumbnail somewhere of Xander's BDA and knew he was a goner.

Hence, this was a free 0 pointer for me. I'm not that cool.

ARTURO in the role of CHAPTER 1 KILLER

Now, why I thought Arturo of all people would be the one to kill Xander is beyond me. I think my rationale was that, at the time, Arturo was giving me early death vibes, and this was the only spot I could put him in?*

This is one of the predictions that I know is wrong, because the Chapter 1 killer spot has already elapsed. The best I could do now points-wise is if Arturo is the Chapter 3 killer (I'd get +2 points for being two chapters off), which is definitely still feasible! Still, I wonder now if Arturo's vibe is too obvious for being a killer, and if he would ever be willing to put ~Julia Rosales'~ life in jeopardy by attempting to escape. J certainly isn't doing herself any favors with that Felicity reveal, at least.

ROSE in the role of CHAPTER 2 VICTIM

*This is where things get... a little complicated. As I already said, I had been spoiled to the fact that Xander was the Chapter 1 victim. However... I also thought I had been spoiled to the "fact" that Rose was the Chapter 2 victim?

I really don't know how this happened. I have a distinct memory of seeing a Tumblr post containing something that sort of looked like what I imagine an Ultimate Art Forger Lab could look like(?) talking about how the characters needed to investigate to figure out who killed the Ultimate it belonged to. I thought I remembered seeing Rose's face, but this was before I had ever watched any DRDT content. So, it's possible I had the wrong fangan, or accidentally stumbled into someone's AU.

It was pretty funny looking back on my Chapter 2 viewing experience, though. When Teruko got Rose's secret, I was like, "oh, it totally makes sense that DRDTdev would give Teruko Rose's secret as a natural way to hear about Rose's backstory before she dies. Clever." And then we got to the day of the motive reveal, and Rose is there, and David says that Arei of all people is missing, and my jaw dropped. "Spoilers," indeed.

It sucked for me at the time of making this sheet, though, because Rose was, like, the only woman I got survivor vibes from (other than Teruko). But, I thought I couldn't mark her as such! Of course, Rose could be a Chapter 3 victim for all I know, meaning that being "forced" to put her in this spot could actually be good for my predictions. However, scoring 0 points on Rose is fully off the table now, which is a bummer.

DAVID in the role of CHAPTER 2 KILLER

"Why couldn't you have put Arturo as Chapter 2 killer--" I also thought I had been spoiled that David was the Chapter 2 killer. If I didn't make Arturo the first killer, the earliest I could have put him would be Chapter 3 victim, which is hardly early at all. And yes, I thought I'd been spoiled on three out of "four" of the canonical deaths when I originally watched the series. That's just my life (/lh).

At least this one is obvious to figure out why I thought it was the case. I started watching DRDT in May of 2023, about a month and a half after 2-11 dropped. Hence, I knew DRDT was on hiatus, but I was under the impression that it was a hiatus after Chapter 2 had finished. I'd also seen 2-11's thumbnail, recognized it as David, and (along with having spoilers about David's "true personality") concluded that David must be the Chapter 2 killer.

Live footage of me watching 2-11 for the first time:

"Ah, there he goes... Man, we're gonna have to wrap this murder up quick, huh? I guess that's why he's admitting to it... Haha, 'Teruko, we fucked up'... WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S A HIATUS ON AN UNSOLVED MURDER?!"

I decided quickly afterwards that I no longer believed that David would be the Chapter 2 killer.

Finally, we're done with roles that already happened/that I had "spoilers" for! You'd think that would automatically make them better (because most of them, at least, have not been disproven), but there are still plenty of things that contradict what I believe will happen now, at least.

LEVI and HU in the role of CHAPTER 3 VICTIMS

Relatively, though, this one isn't that bad. Don't get me wrong, these two aren't my leading candidates for Chapter 3 victims, but I'm not actively opposed to this happening.

The idea of Levi nearly evading dying at the end of Chapter 2 only to actually become a victim in Chapter 3 is a little puzzling, but still narratively on the table, imo. So much happens in a DRDT Chapter's worth of daily life that Levi could definitely still serve enough of a narrative purpose to justify his continued survival/eventual victimhood in that Chapter. Especially if that purpose had something to do with the fact that he was injured-- for instance, if it's important for an Arturo arc of learning that he actually enjoys taking care of others, or if the killer has to exploit Levi's injuries in order to have the strength necessary to take him out.

Meanwhile, I've long held the opinion that Hu will be a big character in the Chapter 3 Daily Life by virtue of not having done a whole lot in the Chapter 1 or 2 Daily Lives-- she definitely has content, but the majority of the important stuff occurs in the Chapter 2 Trial. Currently, I'm of the opinion that that spike of content wouldn't result in a same-Chapter death, but following in the footsteps of Xander and Arei, it definitely could. Same with Levi if he's a Chapter 3 focus, honestly.

J in the role of CHAPTER 3 KILLER

I really still want to believe that J will be a killer. Why? It's because, in my opinion, Ultimate Effects Artist is a talent that is totally optimized for being a blackened, whether it actually happens or not. You know why the idea of J and Arei swapping places was so popular? Because Ultimate Effects Artist is the kind of talent you give someone if you want to pull a trick like that off!

However, all of that "murder is despicable" talk is really cramping my style. Why would J ever become a blackened after opposing the idea of murder so openly?

(It'd be pretty funny if it was all an act so that people would use that as an argument to her credit down the road.)

It's possible she could have a crisis of faith/breaking point that would change her mind, but I doubt that would occur as quickly as Chapter 3. Or result in her killing two people. Sigh.

AREI in the role of CHAPTER 4 VICTIM and EDEN in the role of CHAPTER 4 KILLER

OKAY HEAR ME OUT BEFORE YOU ACCUSE ME OF CALLING EDEN EVIL--

Chapter 4 is, oftentimes, the sacrifice chapter, right? It's a killer that makes everybody cry, because they'd never normally do something like this, but ultimately decided to kill in order to spare their friends and take the bullet themselves. I'm, like, 99% sure that's what I was imagining for Eden. Whatever the motive may be, Eden would be the small and scrawny sacrifice killer in sort of a reversal of the buff curse...

... taking out the mean bully girl that everybody hated as the victim, if she had to choose someone.

I'M SORRY I'M SORRY STOP HITTING ME WITH ROCKS-- (/j)

But yeah, I definitely remember predicting that part of the surprise of the case was that the small nerdy girl was able to take out the Ultimate athlete mean girl. I don't know how I managed to deduce that Eden and Arei would have an important relationship with one another after the prologue (in which they don't really talk at all, to my memory), yet managed to get it so horribly wrong. Predicting that Eden would kill Arei was just in my DNA, I guess, even if I originally envisioned it for a different chapter.

In the light of Ace being declared the Chapter 2 killer, this one is just embarrassingly wrong. Evidently, Eden would never stoop as low as to kill Arei. The good news for me, I suppose, is that Arei will only net me +2 points, as the role was correct (V=V) while the chapter was 2 off (4->2).

As for Eden being the Chapter 4 killer, that's not one of my top spots for her. If I had to pick, I'd probably guess either Chapter 3 victim (especially if paired with Charles Ch3 Victim, this could really knock the wind out of Teruko's sails if needed), Chapter 5 victim (allows her a long period in the story that isn't a survivor nor a killer), or just a survivor (and/or mastermind). If she were to be a killer, then maybe I'd predict Chapter 4 along the sacrifice angle? Not with Arei, though.

MIN in the role of CHAPTER 5 VICTIM

+6 points (5->1) (V->K) on Min is... not the greatest score. In fact, it's only one fewer than the general max possible character score of 7, reserved for Chapter 1 deaths mistaken as Survivors and vice versa.

I think my original prediction for Min was that she would not necessarily be Teruko's support character emotionally, but that she would be a useful aide when it came to solving the mysteries of the Class Trial. Then in Chapter 5, to force Teruko/the other innocent students to solve the high-stakes Trial on their own, she would have to disappear.

Looking back on it, I really enjoy how Teruko is far and away the best at solving the Class Trials in DRDT-- she would have already earned the title through her connections to, like, literally every character and theme in the story, but making her the principal mystery solver really hammers the idea that she should be the protagonist home. Having Min be on Team Spotless for even one Trial might have diminished that effect, so it makes sense that she became the first blackened. Girl was too powerful to live, smh.

WHIT in the role of CHAPTER 5 KILLER

Personally, I've always gotten the vibe that Whit is one of DRDTdev's Special Little Guys. Perhaps it was the way that he showed up in three character introductions-- Charles', Hu's, and his own-- that made me think he had Favorite Character Privileges. As such, even when (get ready for a truth bomb) I didn't really like Whit after watching the Prologue for the first time, I always thought he had late game energy.

(I don't know how much it really comes across from my blog, but I'm actually fairly critical of new series when I pick them up for the first time, unless I've heard many positive recommendations from friends/online personalities I admire. Other than the spoilers, I hadn't heard too much about DRDT before I started watching it, so, unaware of DRDTdev's writing skills, I was worried that Whit would essentially be a poor man's Kokichi. As someone who really likes Kokichi, that biased me against Whit. Then, of course, I actually watched the series and Whit won me over very quickly. And the rest is history :) )

I’m not really sure why I went killer over victim, other than the possible “I’m making Min the victim and therefore Whit has to be the killer.” Maybe it was that Kokichi-ness that made me think that he'd be the man behind the slaughter? ... Even if Kokichi wasn't actually the blackened in that case? It might've also been an effect of wanting him to be just that much closer to surviving, to fully break the hearts of everyone who was rooting for this Special Little Guy to survive.

Like, uh... me. Um. Well, I do genuinely currently think Whit will survive right now, so... I'm willing to take a +3 if that's true!

TERUKO in the role of MASTERMIND

Yeah, I predicted that Teruko would be the mastermind because I'm a basic bitch (/aff). Uh, I'm not being affectionate towards myself, to be clear. I'm only being affectionate to those who still hold the (fairly, I think) popular opinion that Teruko will be the mastermind of DRDT. She's a popular choice because there's a lot going for her! I still ranked her as third most likely back in my mastermind analysis!

Everyone who plays Venus' and my game is forced into the same default formula (to make comparative scoring easier), and that formula locks in the protagonist as a Chapter 6-er, because of how frequently that is the case. Even so, I feel fairly confident now that Teruko will survive until Chapter 6 anyways. The more times she says "I'm the Ultimate Lucky Student and I can't die" and then doesn't die, the weirder it would be if she suddenly did drop dead in, like, Chapter 4.

As for whether she actually is the mastermind... dude, I have no idea. Back at the time I wrote that post, I named J and Rose as my most likely candidates, but now J has gone on a whole anti-murder bend and I'm growing increasingly worried that Rose is going to be the Chapter 3 killer (probably unfounded, but still). That would leave Teruko as the most likely option, but Teruko's behavior at the end of Chapter 2 felt anti-mastermind coded to me, too, even if she forgot about it...!

We are not reviewing my mastermind theories here and now. Next!

CHARLES in the role of SURVIVOR

If you're a giant fucking nerd (/j), you might have noticed that I said I made my DRDT predictions after viewing "just a little bit over an hour of Despair Time content." However, the Prologue is under an hour. What gives?

Well, I... broke the rules of our game, actually. You're supposed to make your predictions sheet after viewing the Prologue only, but I went straight from watching the Prologue into Chapter 1 on the same day, and I forgot to make my sheet until watching Chapter 1 Episode 1. Sue me.

At any rate, I'm sure you can figure out how watching 1-1 would make me think that Charles would survive. Obviously, I knew that other characters beyond Charles would get focus in later episodes, but that still doesn't change the fact that DRDTdev chose to highlight Charles and Teruko's relationship as the first thing we saw in the first chapter of their story. Even without that extra content, though, he's also very reminiscent of Danganronpa's "Jerk" archetype, which survived in every canon DR game.

All that said... obviously, I don't think he's going to survive anymore.

I've been saying that Charles is a Chapter 3 victim-- at least since that analysis I just linked, even-- and I will probably continue to say it until proven false by the story itself. He is simply arcing too fast, and Whit needs to be confronted with that grief he prefers to ignore, no matter what his eventual placement is. We got one real Trial with Charles to prove what a smarty-pants he is, but now that he's pulled that "out of your element" card, he's off to break down into two or more simpler substances. AKA, decompose.

If he's not a Chapter 3 victim, though, Survivor is at least back on the table.

ACE in the role of SURVIVOR

Here we have it! Proof positive that I (falsely) believed that Ace would be a survivor all on my own, without taking into account anyone else's opinions! My incorrectness is mine and mine alone!!! (/j)

So, yeah. Funny coward man go brrrr and character arc into survival, except then he didn't. I have to imagine that's the basic premise behind why so many people believed that Ace would survive. I don't really have much to say about this choice beyond that.

I don't like that I'm already tanking another +6 points (S->K) (6->2) from Ace, though. Save me Xander-zero-point spoilers, you're my only hope.

VERONIKA in the role of SURVIVOR

Whaaaaaaaat was I cooking here?

I guess I kind of remember. I think I was imagining Veronika along the lines of a poor man's Sonia (like I said, critical) due to her more apologetic attitude towards rambling and presenting others with horror concepts in the Prologue. With my prediction that Whit would die in Chapter 5, I guess I might've also been thinking that Veronika could then fill in that "comic relief" void in his absence? I also had Ace there, though. Moot point; every DRDT character has the capacity to be hilarious.

There are a lot of places I could see Veronika landing in this killing game, but survivor really isn't one of them. I could see Veronika as a Chapter 3 victim or killer for The Vibes, Chapter 5 victim or killer if she takes on more of a main antagonist role, or Mastermind also for The Vibes. But survivor is just... odd. At least from this point in the story, what business does the "fangirling over acevi dying" girl have taking up one of those coveted survivor slots? Surely either someone would think to kill her or she would decide to kill before four more chapters elapse!

That being said, locking in Veronika as a late game character isn't terrible in my eyes. Being "barred" from making Rose a survivor, I remember that Veronika was the girl who I initially got the second most late game energy from. Those Chapter 5 or Mastermind scenarios won't score terribly here if they come to pass.

NICO in the role of SURVIVOR

I want to mention here that, despite my other spoilers, I did not know that Nico was nonbinary going into Despair Time. Therefore, I didn't make Nico a survivor under the premise of "I'll have two girls, two boys, and one enby survive!" I don't really remember why I did make Nico a survivor, though.

My best guess is that I put them there for cast composition purposes. From the Prologue, all of Charles, Ace, and Veronika are pretty over-the-top in their own ways: Charles is overly condescending, Ace is really loud, and Veronika is an exaggerated fangirl. Adding in a quieter character like Nico would have been a nice way balance to the others... or at least, so I thought with only the Prologue to go off of. Now I know that Ace and Nico surviving together was incredibly unlikely to be the case.

Speaking of Ace, now that he's dead (and therefore can't be a survivor), my opinions of whether Nico could survive have definitely gone up. However, I still don't think that Nico surviving is particularly likely.

There's definitely potential for redemptive survivors in DRDT with the "fighting your fate" theme they seem to be setting up. But, I think that's more likely to play out with someone who might have committed murder before the killing game (like Levi) or someone who did terrible things, but never went so far as to physically attempt another student's murder (like David), than someone who actually attacked someone else and nearly succeeded. For media in general, I think it's much easier for audiences to forgive something that happened off-screen and/or to characters that barely exist than something that we saw visible evidence of on a character who many people adore. Nico's attempted murder just seems like a big hurdle to overcome on their path to survival, dude.

That being said, I've written before that for both in-universe and meta reasons, I don't think we'll ever see Nico as a blackened, which already eliminates, like, half of my options moving forward. Logically, that would conclude that if I don't think that Nico will become a victim, then they're likely to survive. I do (currently) think that Nico will probably be a victim sometime in the future, even if I'm not certain in which chapter. For the sake of my score on Nico specifically, I guess I'm rooting for Chapter 5. I already know that they wouldn't be robbing Min of a perfect zero, at least.

And that's my tally so far, a total of 14 points out of a possible... well, I actually don't know what the highest possible score is, both because math is hard and because I don't know what bonus rules, if any, will come into play in DRDT's future. It's 14 points across 4 characters, which comes out to an average of 3.5 points per character.

Comparatively, most of our game sheets have come out somewhere in the high-30 to mid-40 points range (predicting is hard). Across 16 characters, means that it's usually an average of, like, 3 points per character. So, I'm doing worse than usual, but not by a whole lot...!

But, how well I do isn't what matters. The important thing is that I had fun while making it, and got to think about what patterns and possibilities can arise when you look at the basic facts of a character's simplified personality and talent in time with their role in the story!

So if you want to have fun making a predictions sheet like this of your own, you should totally go read Danganronpa: One Shot's Prologue (before Chapter 1 starts airing on Friday) over at @av-multifangan and fill out that game's prediction sheet. That would mean that this shameful shameless attempt at cross-promotion would have succeeded at one of its desired effects! Or, if that's not your cup of tea, you could also fill out a predictions sheet for DRDT moving forward, and just acknowledge that Xander, Min, Arei, and Ace were placed after the fact. Who knows, maybe I'll make a sheet like that too, so we can compare.

Thanks for walking down memory lane with me, and I hope to be back with more DRDT content soon!

[thepringlesofblood]

Ayda Aguefort character sheet!

I went through FHSY transcripts and wrote down every spell she used and figured out what level she was and made a full character sheet for my beautiful wife, Ayda Aguefort.

Actual character sheet and plaintext description below the cut: here's how I figured it out.

Ayda has one (1) 7th level spell slot, and presumably no 8th level spell slots, since she can only cast Teleport once per day. This puts her at either 13th or 14th level, the only difference being that at 14th level, Divination wizards get "Greater Portent", aka an extra Portent roll per long rest. Looking through the transcripts, she never uses more than 2 portent rolls per long rest, so we will assume she is 13th level.

In terms of background, "Sage" makes the most sense. Like, you roll to determine your “specialty” and one of the options is librarian. She’s gotta be a sage. This gives her proficiencies in arcana and history, two languages of choice, and the "Researcher" feat - “When you attempt to learn or recall a piece of lore, if you do not know that information, you often know where and from whom you can obtain it." Extremely in character

Wizards pick 2 proficiencies from Arcana, History, Insight, Investigation, Medicine, and Religion. I picked Investigation & Medicine, since she already gets Arcana and History from "Sage".

Spells are tricky - I included every spell she uses in the series, but wizard spellbooks are weird in that there's kind of no limit to the amount of spells you can know, the limit is just on how many you can prepare. You automatically learn two new spells per level, so I went through and added other spells (in italics) up to the minimum amount of spells she would know, and then made a list of other spells that seem likely for her to know, or that you could switch in if you like. she does fully live in a library so like. who knows what she could know?

Also, there's a spell she uses during the fight aboard the Goldenrod that sounds a lot like Steel Wind Strike, though it isn't 100% confirmed, so I put a question mark next to it. We also don't know what exact spell she was going to use to "flood hell" - I chose Tidal Wave because it seemed most likely, but it could also be a spell of her own invention.

Final product below the cut!

the reason these don't have image IDs is bc I'm putting the IDs after the images bc there's so much text. also sorry the resolution's shit i don't know why that happened it looks fine on my computer. also i don't know how passive wisdom works im sorry its probably just her normal wisdom (11)??

image/page 1:

Character Name: Ayda Aguefort

Class & level: Wizard (Divination) 13

Background: Sage

Player name: bleem

Race: half-phoenix

Alignment: Lawful neutral

Experience points: [blank]

Ability scores Str 18 (+4) Dex 15 (+2) Char 16 (+3) Int 20 (+5) Wis 11 (+0) Con 14 (+2)

AC 14

Proficiency bonus: +5

Inspiration: [blank]

Initiative: +2

Hit point total: 72

Hit dice: 13 d6 Speed 80

Saving throws:

Strength: +4

Dex: +2

Con: +2

Int: +10 (proficient)

Wis: +5 (proficient)

Cha: +3

Skills

Acrobatics: +2

Animal Handling: +0

Arcana: +10 (proficient)

Athletics: +4

Deception: +3

History: +10 (proficient)

Insight: +0

Intimidation: +3

Investigation: +10 (proficient)

Medicine: +5 (proficient)

Nature: +5

Perception: +0

Performance: +3

Persuasion: +3

Religion: +5

Sleight of Hand: +2

Stealth: +2

Survival: +0

Passive Wisdom: [blank]

Languages: Common, Phoenix, + two others of your choice from Sage background (I chose Infernal & Elvish)

Personality Traits: amazing

Ideals: [blank]

Bonds: Fig (paramour), Adaine (best friend), Kristen, Fabian, Riz, Gorgug (transitive best friends), Garthy (parental figure/guardian/adopted child of a previous incarnation of herself), Arthur Aguefort ("father")

Flaws: [blank]

Features & Traits:

Flight (see: Half-Phoenix)

Fly speed = 80

Fire Immunity (see: Half-Phoenix)

Ayda is immune to all fire damage

Portent (Div. lvl 2) - roll 2 d20 at the end of each long rest. You can replace any attack roll, saving throw, or ability check made by you or a creature that you can see with one of these rolls (once per turn)

Expert Divination (Div. lvl 6) - When you cast a divination spell of 2nd level or higher using a spell slot, you regain one expended spell slot. The slot you regain must be of a level lower than the spell you cast and can't be higher than 5th level

Third Eye (Div. lvl 10) - choose one of the following benefits, which lasts until you are incapacitated or you take a short or long rest. You can't use this feature again until you finish a short or long rest.

- Darkvision: You gain darkvision out to a range of 60 feet

- Ethereal Sight: You can see into the Ethereal Plane within 60 feet of you.

- Greater Comprehension: You can read any language

See Invisibility: You can see invisible creatures and objects within 10 feet of you that are within line of sight.

Attacks & Spellcasting

[formatted like] Name, ATK Bonus, Damage/Type

Fireball, +10, 8d6 fire (+1d6 per lvl)

Steel Wind Strike, +10, 6d10 force

Tidal Wave, dex save DC 18, 4d8 bludgeoning & prone if fail

Equipment: so many books

image/page 2:

Spellcasting Class: Wizard (Div.) 13

Spellcasting Ability: INT

Spell Save DC: 18

Spell Attack Bonus: +10

Prepared Spells Limit: 18

(spells in italics are speculative, based on the min # of wizard spells she would have at this level. the rest are canon. feel free to add or subtract as desired!)

Cantrips (lvl 0)

Prestidigitation

Message

Mage Hand

Mending

Control Flames

other potential cantrips: Lightning Lure, Dancing lights, Minor Illusion

Spell Level 1

slots total: 4

Find Familiar

Synod

Protection from Evil and Good

Detect Magic

Shield

Ayda's Comprehend Subtext

Comprehend languages

Identify

Illusory script

Snare

Spell Level 2

slots total: 3

Invisibility

Enlarge/Reduce

Misty Step

Hold Person

Spell Level 3

slots total: 3

Sending (pirate)

Counterspell

Dispel Magic

Clairvoyance

Remove Curse

Fireball

Tongues

Tidal Wave

Spell Level 4

slots total: 3

Greater Invisibility

Banishment

Scry

Arcane Eye

Spell Level 5

slots total: 2

Steel Wind Strike (?)

Legend Lore

Spell Level 6

slots total: 1

True Seeing

Spell Level 7

slots total: 1

Plane Shift

Teleport

Spell Level 8 [blank]

other good potential spells: Unseen servant, Thunder wave, Tasha's hideous laughter, Knock, Locate object, Scorching ray, Shatter, Web, Animate objects, Symbol, Bigby's hand, Storm sphere, Control Wind, Mordekainen's Private Sanctum, Conjure Elemental, Dimension Door

Spell Level 9 [blank]

Flood Hell [level & specifics unknown]

image/page 3:

Character name: Ayda Aguefort

Age: 17 (present), over 300 (total)

Height: 6-7 ft

Weight: [blank]

Eyes: fire

Skin: dark brown

Hair: fire

Character Appearance

“A Resplendent, Beautiful Woman”

Digitigrade ankles

bird feet

golden talons

orange runic tattoos

books in bandoliers like guns

undercut: fire

wings: fire

ear cuff (from Fig)

resembles Arthur Aguefort, her father

Character Backstory

perfect :)

Allies & Organizations

Compass Points Library

The Bad Kids

The Gold Gardens (Garthy)

Fig & The Sig Figs

[a screenshot of Ayda's official junior year character art (standing), taken from her wiki page]

Additional features & traits

“a resplendent beautiful woman who from the knees down has large talons, she also has digitigrade ankles, she has those ankles that kind of kick back like a lot of animal feet do. So from the knees on down become these almost like metallic golden talons. She bears a striking resemblance to Arthur Aguefort the moment you look at her”

“She looks kind of harpy-esque until you realize that she does have arms in addition to wings. So she has these incredibly, and as they spread, deep red wings that as they approach the tips of the feathers sort of change into orange, and by the time they get to yellow, flicker in a little edge of flame on the outside of the wings. She's dressed in sort of like white linen pants with a pirate's sash on them. No guns or anything you can see. Sort of vest, a lot of sort of orange runes tattooed on her arms, you see that she has a short shock of red hair, it seems to be not on the sides or back as much, almost like a plume of red fiery hair that comes off the top of her head. And her eyes have pupils in them but are otherwise clearly roiling balls of flame.”

“You see that she does have two scrolls at the side on her bandolier, and similarly to the guy downstairs, but sort of like she has it on those leather harnesses you would have for guns, but it's two small books strapped under each arm.”

Treasure: [blank]

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

And they want sympathy for Cory's you know, where he ends up at the end of the, of the, of the episode. And that feels tricky to me. That feels a little manipulative. Whether it's manipulative on Topanga's part or the writer's part.  I'm not sure. And that's the part I, and I'm, I'm a little both, I think, I think it's a little of both, because I was definitely surprised by the ending and I was definitely like, I turned on Topanga at the end a little bit. -Rider 

Well, yes. And that's what I'll say. That's for sure where I felt as, as Danielle playing Topanga, I felt betrayed by the writers because she says they write it then, you know, he's like, but you told me to. And she doesn't say no I didn't.  I flat out told you that if you need time with her, that's your choice, basically. Like that's what she thought she was saying. And that's what I took from it. And then she goes, and you listened. No. 

I said, I set the trap and you walk through into it. So I felt betrayed as the character by the writers later in this, the way it was set up to me. A hundred percent. I feel like it's, it's a little, it could have been more explicit. It could have been your ultimatum is walk out of here with me, with me right now, or never see me again.  She could have said that, but she says it in a little bit more of... -Danielle

Well considering where it ends up. Shouldn't she have, I mean, 'cause what you're saying is that you didn't like the writing than that other scene at a later scene. So ultimately, you, you do think that Topanga was being somewhat manipulative or... -Rider

No, I think they threw her under the bus. I think they wanted, they wanted her to be pretty clear with what she was saying up top. But then in order to keep sympathy for Cory, they threw her under the bus later. If they wanted Topanga to set a trap she could have set a trap. -Topanga 

But either way, by the end of this episode, she did set a trap. Right. Because of that line where she said, you listened. -Rider 

At the end of the episode, they want you to believe that she set a trap. I don't think she did to me. I see what you're, it could have been clear one more, one way or the other. If they really wanted a trap and they wanted it to be that Topanga set a trap. She could have said, listen, Corey, I understand you connected with somebody. I know I wanna be with you, and if you are not sure, why don't you go figure that out and when you're done, let's, let's see where we are. She could have set the trap and then been like, sorry, can't believe you had to go do that.  Instead she goes, Ooh, if you need to see this person, I could never be with somebody who wasn't a hundred percent. So if you need the time, take the time. -Danielle 

[momojedi]

Bad Batch: Season 3

My Predictions

The final countdown has started and I'm not ready at ALL! Here are some of my predictions for Season 3 and what I could imagine happening!

1. Tech will be back.

Yes, the trope of dead characters returning is incredibly overused. But as many others I have a good reason to believe that Tech might still be alive. Think about it. It’s pretty likely Hemlock managed to locate Tech’s body considering he left us a huge breadcrumb: his goggles.

Why would Hemlock get rid of a genetically enhanced super soldier, especially considering he likely knows how to properly brainwash someone?

I too like to think that Tech might be the black armoured soldier in the front. It’s the same, if not similar armour as Clone X. Maybe these are part of a special type of clone assassins or troopers? Could they be the prototype for the Dark or Death Trooper?

It’s pretty plain to say that Tech will likely come back, though probably not as the Tech we know.

2. Crosshair & Omega Dynamic

We've seen Omega genuinely bond with all of the Bad Batch - except for Crosshair. Despite her trying her best to get to him every time they had the chance to interact, he denied her any kind of response. Whether that would be because he's just too withdrawn or because he refuses to let anyone see his vulnerable side, we don't know so far.

What we do know however, both based on pure logic alone and the fact that we've heard them both involved in a heated debate in the leaked trailer from the Star Wars Celebration last year, is that they likely will spending a lot of time together on-screen now that they're both captives of the Empire.

Hopefully Omega will be able to lift Cross' spirits, he doesn't seem to be doing very well from what we've seen!

3. Ventress will be an enemy!

Asajj Ventress! We all know and love her, so naturally it's incredibly nice to find out that she'll be returning to the screens for the final season of the Bad Batch! Despite they're naturally being some raised eyebrows considering her fate in the Dark Disciple book, I'm curious to see in what way they'll connect the stories!

However, seeing as Ventress could rather be classified as an anti-hero rather than a full on hero, I believe that she won't be helping the Batch but rather fighting them in order to get to what she wants - as she likes to do.

Perhaps she'll end up cooperating when she realises there might be no other solution, but I strongly doubt she'll be any help to them when it comes to following their personal goals.

4. The Fall of the Clone Rebellion

It's sadly no secret that given the events of Rebels and the three remaining clones Rex, Gregor & Wolffe, it's very likely the rebellions aka rescue of the clones didn't go as initially planned.

I could imagine this being explained a bit clearer in the finale, perhaps even leading up to a great fight against the Empire in the end. We can't forget that the series mainly revolves around a rogue batch of clones, so the thought that it might also go out with a clone-centric subject, especially such a big one, isn't necessarily far-fetched.

5. The End of the Mission

And finally, my most tragic prediction: The end of the Bad Batch.

The writers have been making it very clear that season 3 will likely be the darkest season of the show which unfortunately leads me to think that, as much as I'd want it not to be the case, the finale will lead to the ultimate end of Clone Force 99.

I suspect the series to end with the batch ending up together in some way, as the original five, and landing in a tricky life-or-death situation. Perhaps they'll be stuck in a crashing ship with a one-person escape pod or maybe they'll be facing a threatening figure such as Sidious, leading to the decision to sacrifice themselves in order to protect Omega.

Either way, despite season 3 likely becoming a tragic rollercoaster of emotions, I'm glad we had the chance to experience the epic story of the Bad Batch. It's sad to see them go and although these characters have become like a family not only to me, but to many other fans, let's enjoy our last moments with them and let them go out with a bang!

[imsiriuslyreading]

there's this weird little thing that happens when you're in a fandom community like this, I'm learning. occasionally, people make odd assumptions about you, particularly if you're someone who puts your face on your socials (hello its me I'm the silly sod who did that), and no matter what your actions or your words do, its secured in their mind that that's the truth and that's how it is. which is like, fair, obviously. but its like, unnerving? i don't know how else to explain that.

there's also this phenomenon where people get close really quickly, more quickly than in other spaces I've been in, and I'm not sure why that happens. maybe it's because when we're getting to know someone, it's born out of a love and passion for this shared hobby/obsession we have. and I'll be so real, when you meet through fanfiction, there are certain parts of you that are just on display from the get go by the nature of sharing what you read and write. so its pretty hard to hide some of the dark and scary parts of yourself after that's already been out there on display. perhaps that's how people get so close so quickly. as a result, when fallouts happen or there's disagreements, or you start to realise that hey, actually, this person I thought was *this* way actually isn't and I'm not sure I like who they really are. which is natural, obviously, but like when it happens here, it sort of hits harder, because you still share this space and so many people with that person, so it gets so tricky to navigate.

i'm still trying to figure that out, I think. there have been a few occasions over the last few weeks that have made me want to step away from fandom, to take a break and just go back to reading my favourite stories about my favourite werewolf and his punky lil husband on my own. but then I get a message from a fandom friend or a fandom stranger and its so kind and so lovely that I'm reminded that mostly, it's very positive and good-natured here. and every single day I find new writers to frantically inhale all of their works, or artists to obsess over. i see something and it makes me want to take a photo and send it to someone because it reminded me of their fic or a thought they shared on here or tiktok or whatever. or I'll see the people in my group chat come together and help one of our friends when they need it the very most, only for the favour to be returned in a couple of weeks.

for every disappointment I've found, there have been 10 instances of positivity and beauty and I think that's definitely something worth holding on to.

anyway this ramble is just me reminding myself to touch grass occasionally, to remember that people who have miserable things to say about me don't actually know all that much about me at all, and that this fandom has been the key to figuring out parts of myself I would've stayed utterly ignorant to without it. it's also been a complete safe haven to hide away from all of the scary parts of the world right now.

that being said, october as a marauders fan is a fucking horror show, I am on my knees screaming and begging for happy edits, fics and art because some of you are just far too talented at this whole sad boi thing. help.

[gurt-the-great]

During Rosie's intro post, I mentioned that every Sonic character has been aged up by 10 years! Well I went ahead and designed five of them.

Most of these characters have a connection to Rosie, Shadow and Tails having the strongest bonds to her. This will officially be the 10 years later AU, or just Gurt's Sonic AU since it adds and focuses on my ocs.

The individual refs and more info for everyone will be under the cut

Sonic was a little tricky to figure out in this AU. He's not the type of character to settle down and he wouldn't have a typical job since he's not one for authority figures. Also he's 25 now, he's got to grow up at least a little bit, especially now that the down-time between Eggman's schemes have gotten longer. He needs SOMETHING to occupy the time.

Then I thought "what if he was a professional air-boarder?" Sonic Riders was the COOLEST Sonic racing game and Sonic being an extreme sports Tony Hawk-esque guy made sense to me.

The design was easy to figure out once I decided on his profession. I brought his riders sunglasses back, the SOAP shoes from Adventure 2 and gave him a cool racing jacket with new gloves.

Sonic doesn't have a strong bond with Rosie but he does know her since Tails was friends with her growing up.

Tails was easy to age up, all I did was give him a ponytail, some accessories, new shoes, and some brown fur on his limbs and ears.

Tails is an Engineer in the AU! He already makes gadgets and trinkets, why not make a career out of it? He actually made Rosie's boots!

Tails and Rosie have a very close bond, the two had accelerated courses in school together due to their high intelligence. They visit each other frequently and Tails feels like a part of her family.

Rouge was pretty fun to design for this AU! I took elements from the elite agent outfit in Sonic Forces speed battle, Rouge's outfit in Heroes, and her regular look as well. I gave her bangs too but I like to think she messes with her hair often.

I don't have many notes on Rouge, She's still a G.U.N. Agent but also she's married to Knuckles! This is the only ship I'm canonizing in my AU for now. I might add more ships later on, we'll have to see.

Rouge works with Rosie pretty frequently and tries to get her to come out of her shell. She thinks that Rosie is pretty and could use that well, but Rosie is hopeless when it comes to using charisma. Rouge still likes her though and tries to teach her.

I did not NEED to design Cream but I really wanted to! She ended up being my favorite design here. I didn't really have a major direction to go in for Cream's design since she's still a teen without any job. I took inspiration from different Cream designs I seen online and just merged some concepts I liked. The only big change is making her tall, I thought it'd be cute if I based her on a Flemish Giant rabbit! I wanted an excuse to make her taller than Tails for comedic purposes.

Cream is still the polite sweetie she was as a kid but now she does work with Chao! She volunteers and donates to local Chao gardens and trains Cheese and Chocola for races. Cheese evolved into a hero Chao! Being with Cream throughout the years and going on some adventures helped him evolve. Chocola is neutral fly type Chao! It's one of my favorite Chao evolutions and I wanted Chocola to be more different from Cheese.

Cream and Rosie don't have much of a connection but I'd say they get along well enough. They're both friends with Tails so I'd say they all hang out sometimes.

And finally we reach Shadow! Shadow was easy to design as well. I just gave him a cool jacket. I don't think Shadow would visibly age much since he's the ultimate life form.

He's still a G.U.N. Agent and an incredibly important person to Rosie. Rosie idolized him as a kid and wanted to be like him. Shadow took on a mentorship role to Rosie, seeing great potential in her. He would personally teach Rosie the various ways that chaos control is used and would also teach her chaos spear. He does care about her even if he's tough on her at times.

If you read all that, thank you! I've put a lot of time and thought into this AU and I'm excited to share more! If you have any questions about my AU or ocs, my askbox is open! I hope y'all enjoyed the post!

[voidsentprinces]

Shadowbringers took Emet-Selch from ARR Lahabrea levels of mustache twirling, Saturday Morning Cartoon villain. All monologue and evil laughter while his evil boobs malevolently boobed down the Post-Stormblood's darker breast boobily and changed him into an actual character. And the first Ascian who actually spent time with us in a more meaningful way. Flipping them from one note, evil that must be defeated. To one we came to understand and a group that connected to our character's literal past reincarnation that we do not recall.

Additionally, atmospherically, Shadowbringers brought us to Post-Apocalypse that wasn't 28 Days Later, Mad Max or Rapture-esque. While pulling from all those series. Its a world 100 years after the Apocalypse was averted but still causes the world to live in its shadow.

This expansion seems to be the beloved darling of the community. Even topping Heavensward in most regards. But, also, personally, I feel like Shadowbringers is only good Shadowbringers for the last three levels of it. And rest is just so much set dressing and putting together the A-Team. For lack of a better comparison, 70 - 79 is our Avengers Infinity War. We get the band back together, fight off the big bad and actually almost win. But then we lose and we lose HARD and we spend a handful of quests somewhat wandering aimlessly until we resolve to go after the one who took victory away from us. That lead up, to me, is alright but the story didn't really HIT, outside of my long winded story analysis reasons, until we reach Amaurot.

Even its Post-Patches seemed to struggle to figure out what to do. Having Elidibus bounce hither and thither without the Scions really trying to stop him because, "We don't know what he is up to." which was counterproductively frustrating to me. You are literally not stopping and banishing the villain so the plot can happen. Alisaie literally kept tabs on the Warriors of Darkness because we were focusing on dealing with Nidhogg. Why the hell couldn't they have kept tracked and harassed Elidibus at least? But no, the sky starts to shower stars and then it is go time. And while To the Edge and the Seat of Sacrifice are awesome. My suspense of disbelief that our Scions would just shrug and only off screen keep tags on lesser Ascians and then just be like, "I dunno fellas, this here Elidibus is tricky." strikes me as dense. Like, this is denser than a dead star. They let things happen for the sake of it happening.

Bottomline, there is some wiggle room here. Shadowbringers may be the community's darling. But I wonder if, its just because we remember the super highs of Amaurot to Seat of Sacrifice. And kind of brush things like; the Ran'jit fights, the Supernatural problem of Lucifer's Cousin's Roommate being the big bad in Lunar Primals, Thancred's treatment of Ryne and Speedrunning him some redemption in the Amh Araeng second half.

I'm rambling now, as a whole. Did you enjoy Shadowbringers? If not why? Vote your answer and leave your opinion in the tags if you'd like.

Note: I am aware that the Post-Patch production was stunted by the COVID Pandemic. Still, I'd like your opinion about anything you felt lacking. Even with that dead whale hanging over the entire thing.

[thejockout]

As time passes and I release more files, an increasing number of people DM asking whether I'd be interested in trancing them personally. A few have even requested to do this with me as an altered commission, which they'd pay for on a regular basis as I work with them! To date, I have not said yes to anyone: and I'd like to take a minute here to explain why. If you're one of the people who's asked, offered or suggested this, don't feel bad - I've never given a stance on it. But I'm doing it here now!

Reason #1: As a subject and tist, my "field of expertise" lies in pre-made mp3s. I had my dalliances with sites like Hypnosis4Guys and a few sessions over Skype/Discord back in the day, but they were almost all disastrous. Of maybe... 8/9 separate individuals, 6 violated my set boundaries (by recording me, by jerking off when we'd established it would be a sfw session, by trying to change the topic of trance to get their own suggestions in place) and I frankly have no interest as a subject in repeating this experience. So I stick to MP3s.

But that also means that I have little practical experience of live trance work on either end; I'm sure that I could improvise some BS as well as anyone else can. I'm not so down on myself that I think I'd never figure it out. But I don't have a history with it, and I'm pretty hesitant to pick anyone as my "first subject" who'd have to sit through me fumbling my way through a few sessions before I figured it all out.

Reason #2: Compared to producing 'nosis MP3s, live trance is a whoooole different ballgame intimacy-wise. And it's one I don't feel equipped for because of how seriously I'd want to take it. Needing to provide aftercare, working with safeties, ensuring a sub's comfort and ease... these are all considerations that are uniquely challenging to account for in live trance, and ones I'm very hesitant to do with a stranger as a result. Even something as simple as needing to guarantee my internet doesn't go out, or that I don't get interrupted... I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something went wrong/a subject had an abreaction when they were under for me.

Hypnosis is a tricky business, and it can dredge up unpleasant/unwanted emotions in people pretty easily if you strike the wrong chord (which, in this whole space of TF kink, is possible if not common.) I have had panic attacks a not-insignificant number of times in trance, and I know how scary it can be. I would want somebody more experienced/educated than myself to help me through it if we were trancing together.

Reason #3: To date, I don't consider I've gotten enough training to be engaging with these pseudo-therapeutic topics on a specifically one-to-one basis. I already try to step lightly around certain topics like image and self-worth in my files because I'm not a psych grad and my only "qualifications" in hypnosis or therapy are short-form courses. (I am, however, pursuing further education in hypnosis and doing a course on it right now.)

But this is complicated because the suggestions a lot of subjects in this space want, me included, can really put you in a psychological minefield. Things like habit change, strong TF ideas, ego effects and permanent change ✨... they're closely tied to our sense of identity, self, sexuality, etc, and there IS a risk of some butterfly effect when you go plucking these strings. I'm not criticising other tists for tackling these issues/themes via live sessions. Their choices are their own, and their subjects are choosing their tists just as much as the other way around... but personally, I would feel irresponsible dipping into people's minds in that way.

But then... why are files different?

Ultimately, a file is different because it's premade; I am writing a script, I'm telling you what it contains, and it's up to you to decide if that's right for you. There is no learning on the fly what I'm speaking about (assuming you read a file description), and you've at least broadly decided you like the theme I'm exploring. After pretalks and setup, a live trance is improv; even if you're working repeatedly with a subject on their specific desires, that requires a flexibility/change that demands a lot more "Navigation" of the sub's psyche than files do. It's more involved. As I said earlier, it's more intimate. And it's a lot more responsibility.

I still try to be responsible with my files. I pay attention to safeties, ethics, etc. I am wary of encouraging irresponsible behaviours without appropriate softening, and I generally temper my own desires a little when writing to avoid causing harm inadvertently. But that same caution would make live work very challenging to do well, so I haven't yet.

Sorry for the seriousness of the post, but I figured it was worthy of a full response. Thanks for reading.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.183 Clarity

Desi reminds me so much of Less when she was a little girl. She was so full of energy and ran literally everywhere she went. I don't think she started walking until we got to high school. She always found something to get into, and Desi is the same way. She loves playing with the dogs, and they love it too, especially Rosie who constantly needs to play. Sometimes I think they might get tired of the tiny sim who is always imitating them and trying to speak to them in their language, but they sit there and let her do it, and it's so adorable.

Just as Desi is growing, me and Sophia are too, because this parenting journey does not follow a straight line. Its path is ever winding. Sometimes, it cuts across deep rivers, and I feel like I'm drowning. Most of the time, it stretches across little mountain ranges. I climb one mountain, get to the top, and celebrate my victory, only to look across and see the road scaling up an even bigger mountain. As soon as we learn to handle one situation, a new one crops up and we're back at the beginning. I keep telling Sophia, we're not bad parents; we're just learning. She still has these weird moments of insecurity, and I know it stems from her childhood. Despite how they treated her, Sophia's parents weren't necessarily bad. They never mistreated her and showed love in their own misguided way. When she was pregnant, we talked about how we would raise Desi. My childhood was better than hers, but it still left scars on me. In the end, we decided the best way to raise her is to be the parent we wanted. That's why I spend so much time with her. I want her to know I'm here and she is safe.

I don't think I've ever admitted this before, but I didn't always feel safe when we lived with Dad. My parents' separation and divorce was a very emotionally draining time on its own. Add to that Dad being too tired and depressed to do anything with us when he got home from work, and that made for a very anxious Luca. We didn't get the support we needed from him. That was the real reason I pushed so hard to live with Mama. She always made everything better when we lived with her on the weekends, so we moved back home. But then she drops this bomb on us that sent me back into a whirlwind of uncertainty. She destroyed my sanctuary, and it took nearly the rest of my life to find peace and stability. I want Desiree to know of nothing else.

Sophia's wish for her was similar, but she's so hesitant to execute sometimes because she's so inside her head, wondering if she's doing enough, if it's right, and how Desi perceives her. Analysis paralysis, they call it. I try to encourage her as much as I can, but I know this is something she needs to figure out on her own, so I mostly leave her alone. When I see her figuring things out, I want to celebrate it and say a more supportive and happy version of "I told you so," but if I call attention to it, that will make her self-conscious, so I just smile.

Desi is such an affectionate child. She's constantly reaching her little arms up at Sophia, asking for a hug, and I love that for them. I know it makes Sophia feel good and dispels all the negative self-talk she has going on in her head. At least that's how I keep myself from getting jealous, anyway. Sophia gets the hugs, and I get air kisses. Receiving the love you've given is such a rewarding experience.

Last week, when Sophia pointed out I needed to do a better job of prioritizing our marriage, I felt like I hit a wall. I spend all this time with Desi, feeding her, teaching her, soothing her, and all the things I'm supposed to do as a good father, and it still turns out bad. The answer to that situation is balance, of course, and in the grand scheme of things, that was a small mountain. I'm getting better at it, but I'm still working out the kinks.

What makes it tricky is the fact that Desiree is very social and the only child. Real talk? She needs a sibling. That is the cold, hard facts. But Sophia and I already had that conversation, so as much as I'd like to help her with that, it's not happening. For the moment, we are both her parents and her friends. I try to encourage her to play on her own because it's good for her development and imagination—and great opportunities for the adults to talk—but like I said, she's social. She loves hanging out with us, and I do too, but I'm beginning to see now how it's not necessarily the best thing for her. Not only does she want to be around us, but also she wants to dominate the conversation. She'll interrupt an ongoing conversation but get mad that we're not paying attention to her. Sometimes she yells "I'm talking" as if we're the ones interrupting her.

I tell her we're talking and it isn't nice to interrupt, but I totally get where she's coming from. It's in her nature to socialize, but doesn't have anyone her own age to talk to. That's why I REALLY need to get on this house search so she can be closer to her cousins. I'd love for her and Tami to be friends, but she's about to have her birthday. Enrolling Desi in pre-school would also help, but I don't think I'm ready to be away from my child for that long just yet. For now, I just need to get this family closer.