#I don't know conversion to fahrenheit and I'm too hot to check

[sprokat]

Hi hello, it is 20°C outside and 23 INSIDE???? THE UNDERFLOOR HEATING IS ON???

Like... Ma'am???

I've went to hide the comms room to cool down cos it's the only place with air con

[nerdybluephoenix]

Ever heard of the Disaster known as the 1904 Olympics? If not you should check it out wikipedia has a good page on it

I'm not sure if this is a prompt, but I'm gonna treat it like one.

Trigger Warnings: blood, injuries, posion

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"Welcome, galactic travelers, to Planet Crossing! The long awaited event where you - whether bidpedal, quadrapedal, or don't pedal at all - travel across a random planet's equator!

To say this is the most anticipate event is an understatement. For years, galactic kind have put aside..."

The fancy looking alien behind the screen continued on. Below the soft lighting of several TVs, many variations of eyes stared. Even the bar's employee, cleaning a glass with a rag like a movie-perfect bartender, watched intently.

"So... like a Space Marathon?"

The old-fashioned, 2025 television models blared on as if to ignore the tiny human. The rest of the bar ignored him as well, save for one burly individual who looked down to see who the hell he was talking to.

Despite the vocalization, the human sat by no one.

"Were you talking to me?" said the larger alien.

"To myself, really. But you'd do as well."

As if on invitation, the human scooted three seats towards the other.

"So how does it work, the... planet crossing? How do you get water? Food? Do you HAVE to travel by foot? What about the oceans?"

"Bring your own nutrition, mostly. There's... well, there's just too many species to track their dietary restrictions. And yes, most walk or the equivalent."

"And the oceans?"

"Swim?"

"Across an ocean? That's horrible!" The human took a moment to stare off into space. "Wait... right... most planets don't have oceans as big as Earth's, do they?"

"I know nothing of Earth." They watched the tvs in silence a few moments.

"The... bring their own nutriention, part... What if they run out? Or die of thirst?" The human shook their head and continued before the other could answer. "It just seems so lax. So underprepared. Do participants face sweltering heat? Or bitter snow? Lethal weather conditions?"

"What? No. Is this a problem on Earth?"

"Weather and lack of preparedness ruining games? Sure. Though one of the worst prepared ones was in... 1904 I think."

Though the human couldn't seen it, a table of two behind him looked away from the screen towards the vocal individual. Their own curiosity now piqued, but they said nothing as the conversation continued.

"And what happened?"

"Someone ate rat posion."

"Why?"

"Someone gave him rat posion."

"Why???"

"I don't know. He was given alcolhol too. But he got in first place."

"Why??????"

"Well, lots of others dropped out. From the heat and dust clouds. I'm talking sweltering heat. Over a hundred in fahrenheit. Eventually there was barely any competition."

"Fahrenheit?"

"Uhhh... over 37 or so celcius?"

"Not helpful."

"Hot, dude. Hot. Burning." He waved his hand in dismissal. "It wasn't the only problem though. The dust clouds too. Humans can't breath in dust clouds."

"I don't think anyone can."

"And that was the problem, wasn't it? All that, and there was barely any water for miles. Not to mention the track itself. Awful. Large hills, dusty roads, cars and pedestrians. I mean, at some point you might as well call it an obstacle course. A deadly one. Some people coughed up blood in this ordeal. One ripped their stomach lining."

As the human went on, the less awareness he held for his own volume. By now, the rest of the bar turned to listen.

"Is that normal for humans?"

"Coughing up blood? God no." They watched the screen again as past planets of previous events swiped across the screen. "These do seem pretty tame, now that I look at it. I mean, they're much larger than Earth, but the surface looks lovely."

"Thankfully. Your planet sounds awful in comparison."

"Well... maybe if you're not used to it."

"You two!" Shouted a third voice. All eyes in the bar turned towards the bartender. He brought a claw to what could barely pass as lips. "Shhh!"

The human gave an apologetic, closed mouth smile. In sync every eye in the bar returned to the televisions.

"After so many exciting events, it's time to introduce this game's host planet. Significantly smaller than our previous travels, but certainly not easier. This year, the human species will have the honor of giving our participants quite the challenge!"

On screen, the Earth spun.

"Huh. See, we must not be so bad!" He polished off his beer and slapped down currency. "I hope we're a better prepared host this time around. Could be interesting."

He left the bar. Behind him sat the aliens in stunned silence.